That's what we tell our kid; but we were raised to stuff our negative emotions until they are unmanageable. IT's been one of the best things to be mindful about. Our kid is known for her very good even temperament for her age. :) She gets mad and we try to remember to let her explore that in the right ways in a safe environment.
My best friend pointed out as we were watching this that each of you sits like his profession: Jonathan sits back with his hands folded like a listening therapist, and Alan sits with one leg crossed and leaning into the side of his chair, like a director looking through or around a camera. Thought you guys would get a laugh out of that.
"You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I DO need to show you respect... *but I'm a person, and I deserve your respect too.* " I CRIED. My mother doesn't understand this.
@@nithyasreesathyanarayanan5611 same. Our brothers aren’t too bad, unless they’re around our parents. But to their defense, even the girls are like that too. We just don’t show emotion around our parents.
Honestly, from what I've seen, that seems to be a stereotypical portrayal of Scots. They're usually shown as people who don't even try to hide their emotions and aren't afraid to have a gentle side to go with their rough, brawling image. It's why I tend to admire them, actually.
the way merida says "i want you back, mummy" just never fails to shatter my heart... this one moment of vulnerability in calling her mummy instead of mum or mother
_"Her mom is doing what a lot of parents do which is they want the best for their kids, and they ignore what the kids are actually saying they need. [...] Be a parent but as you're guiding them to adulthood, let them be them."_ Sir, you've just succinctly summarized every major fight I ever had with my mom. XD
As another almost 27 yr old, you kind of have to help your parents get there too. You have to stay calm and you have to vocalize what's wrong and how it makes you feel. I've spent years working with my parents on explaining why certain things they say to me are hurtful and it's taken time, practice, and patience but we're all getting better. Like they said, most people want to do the right thing and do right by others
I think the big thing with moms is they think we should want what they think we need. If I ever say "no thanks" to a recommendation/suggestion from my mom, she'll find a way to do it for me, even if it's not what I'd prefer.
Notice the queen’s hair before and after she was a bear. Before it was so rigid and literally tied up/uptight, but after her transformation she allowed herself AND her hair to really unwind and adopt some of her daughter’s excitement and desire for freedom in life It’s beautiful (figuratively and literally - she looks so good with her hair down)
A similar thing I noticed: in the first tapestry the queen made, with the family, Merida's hair is neatly braided like the queen's own hair, but in the tapestry with Merida and the bear, Merida's hair is loose and full. It's a small thing, but I think it reflects that her image of her daughter has shifted from the idealized version to embrace her as she truly is.
Looking back on my childhood, I can say that this right here is a big part of why I’m so close with my parents. It absolutely works like what Jonathan said.
@@mww22410 ngl my parents were pretty hard on strong, they didn't respect me as a person. but when i got to 17 i acted in such a way that they had no choice to (lots of extra curriculars etc that made me stay in school late to the point that they couldn't keep track of my schedule and had to start trusting me to lead my own life). but im very close to them now at the age of 23 because they went through a divorce and i ended up becoming the adult/therapist for the family.
In my case my parents keep treating me as a child btw i'm 23 but at the same time demands me a lot of responsabilities and actitudes that I never had in all my life because they'll make everything "easy" for me. they overproteccted me and that's it's also so wrong. I never had limits and I can't solve a lot of things for myself because they never teach me how to do it when I was a kid, it's extremely awfull and they don't change. I have a lot of mental issues and i'm in treatment in the present, but keep them in my life is bad because they don't let me progress. I have an older sister and they never was like this with her.
@@telescopia_ I've had a very similar problem too. I never realized it was a problem when I was younger but now that I am an adult I can better see that the overprotective nature and spoiling me/making life easy for me is keeping me from learning a lot of things I need to and should have already learned. I've been expected to inherently know without the experience; to follow the path laid out for me because it's the safest and best for me. I'm trying to make my own choices but it's often met with a lot of strife first. It's terrible when you have to grow a shell to protect yourself from the one/s that spent your whole life protecting you. I'm wishing you the best!
"You try to tell someone what they're doing is wrong then they'll tell you why it's right, cause you're arguing the result and they're arguing the intention''
This was also my favourite takeaway from this episode. I feel like understanding this disconnect could lead to solving or avoiding arguments altogether!
Maybe the concept was interesting but the movie was so flawed. Maybe it’s removing Brenda Chapman, maybe her vision already was not anything else than one character dynamic and everything else in the film was poorly thought out. And Merida isn’t very appealing character in any case.
Something I liked about the film was that Merida doesn't get everything she wants, but she gets what she needs. She's able to rescue her mom and put off the wedding, but on the journey there she has to embrace some of the things her mother was trying to teach her, such as speaking diplomatically. When they're in the wild, her mother gets to see Merida's skills at work in a valuable way, opening her heart too. Neither ends up enforcing their will; they meet in the middle and acknowledge each other's value and needs.
Her mother also learned what her children saw through her time with Meridia as a bear. She's refusing to eat fish, and Merida is using the same lines she used with the triplets. It's also the only time she has gotten to interact with her daughter. For a long time she had teach Merida to be a queen, and had to interact as queen mentoring a princess. Now she's a mother spending time with her daughter. Funny how she had to turn into an animal for that to happen.
Very succinctly put. The biggest reason I adore Brave is that neither Merida nor her mother are completely in the right or completely in the wrong. They have to compromise and learn to see things from the other’s perspective in order to reach a mutual understanding.
"you were never there for me" - She was always there for you just not in the ways you wanted This line defines difficulties in relationships so much that it actually hurts
@@Undomaranel yess! That's very much the right way to show that you actually care, listen and want to be there in the difficult times rather than just dismissing the issue which creates even more misunderstandings and distance
@@Undomaranel that's a good response.. If your child doesn't throw a fit and smash things first that'll lead you to throw a fit as well (unless you keep your cool)
@Karima Cubero it depends. It's the same way how people use "tough love". People often confuse their needs with their wants. Ex. People think they NEED a friend who will back them up no matter what. What they really need is a friend who isn't afraid to tell them that they are wrong.
@@Victor_Graves some people are born with talents others don't have, that's a fact of life. That doesn't disqualify that he still had to go to school and learn all he knows now to bolster his his skills and talents to be an even better therapist. It's like how med students usually have no aversion to blood, that's a natural talent some have at just having a strong stomach or being naturally very even keel so they work well in emergencies. It doesn't invalidate that they still worked hard to get where they are, but their talents help make them better at what they do.
Something I realized after watching this film hundreds of times, in the scene where Eleanor is talking to her husband and Merida is talking to her horse... What they've insinuated by them having a perfect back and forth is that Fergus, the king, is saying almost the exact words Merida is, to Eleanor. They are having a conversation, with Fergus substituting as Merida. He knows his daughter so fully and completely that he could speak for her almost word for word. The scene where Merida says "I want my freedom" and Eleanor says "but are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?" it shows that Fergus actually understands Merida perfectly, because he used that same word: freedom.
While Merida who, at this point, knows nothing of her mother other than the veneer she puts on is talking to... a horse. Lol Meridas version of the conversation seems to be far more one sided than the one her MOTHER expects to have.
I'm glad you took something super insightful from that scene, because what I took from that conversation, was that Fergus has the equivalent IQ of a horse.
I love how when Johnathan was talking about anger I noticed how his popcorn bag was ripped open instead of just opened and thought about how frustrating that bag must have been.
This commentary is missing a key piece, which is the scene at the river where Queen Elinor has to rely on Merida's wilderness knowledge and fishing skill and she realizes that her daughter isn't lazy or inattentive, just skilled in a different way.
Right! I also wish they included Merida’s speech to the clans with her mom in the back helping her. It was such an important part as Merida admits and sees where she was wrong while also being supported and understood by her mother. A lot of healing happened in that moment.
@@Crystal5672cats The other thing i like about her speech, is rather than insult the chiefs she praises them for their shared history and comradeship so that the feuding chefs were more focussed on being friends then rivals, which killed a lot of the tension for the whole affair.
This goes for about 90% of kids, which makes the other 10% exceedingly painful. Because as a fairly well-loved teacher who manages to connect with most students, those other 10% put you in a permanently oscillating state between "how do I get them under control so the others can enjoy school" and "am I being fair enough to them".
@@DrZaius3141 A lot of the time those kids are just acting out because they have it tough and don't know any other way to deal with it..it sucks but you have to do what you have to for the good of the rest of the class.
@DrZaius3141 Most of that 10 percent aren't trainable UNLESS you take em out of a bad environment or put em by force in groups. Depends on how you want to be seen, although if you are a teacher, I hope you'd want your school to not be shut down for the latter like my grade 9 school was.
I LOVE how Merida never seems scared of her mom, there’s one scene after the tapestry gets sliced when Eleanor yanks off her bow and Merida looks somewhat shocked but not scared, and that’s something I wish I could have with my parents
A parent who is able to humble themselves, admit they are wrong, and apologize to their children are the best parents. Edited for grammar reasons :D Thanks everyone!
But the thing is, parents think and feel that they're superior than their child cause they're the one feeding and sheltering and basically the one who plays god. (mostly in asian countries) Our thoughts are not heard, once we TRY to respond in the softest and least intimidating way possible, parents will be like "so you're talking back now huh? " and then recieve punishment later. Why can't parents just listen? We (the children) hear them, but can't we just explain ourselves?
My dad did this and I learned to do it too because I’d feel really grateful and admire that he did that and I would apologize to him if I ever did something wrong and in general I know pride isn’t more important than doing the right thing and I always try to admit my mistakes and change for the better
I’m not Scottish, but Black and Irish, but my wild curly (slightly tighter curls than Merida) hair defies gravity, and things on shelves when let loose.
When my son was a wee little baby I was asked what I wanted my son to be. My first response was "himself". They didn't understand me so I clarified "kind, healthy and happy". He's 10 now and he's asked me what I think he should be when he grows up and I always say the same thing " yourself. I want you to be you. I want you to be kind, healthy and happy ".
I can relate. When we announce my eldest would be named David Reuben. His father's family said, "Oh, he's going to be a doctor." (Cue eyeroll). When they allowed me in the conversation enough, I would say, "Or whatever he wants to be." I knew most of them were joking but his grandmother was insistent. I said to her several times, "Can't we just let him grow up and decide what he wants before we start making plans for him?" His father said it a lot but always with a laugh. Turns out he is severely autistic. His father came up crying from the basement one day and said he'd been watching Dougie Houser and was crying because he had thought David would be a doctor. I tried to reply compassionate but I was thinking, "Really? You really had that all planned out for him? If he decides he wants that, he will have to work much harder to achieve it than most but I will support him. However, why can't we just let him be a kid and then support him in the things he finds interesting. Why do you feel compelled to choose an occupation for him?"
I applaud you for having this perspective. I had a conversation with my dad a few weeks ago, and I had said something along the lines of “I’m sorry that I’m not great at a lot of things, or never was accomplished as you” and he replied something like “You are independent, you are a good person; what more could a parent want?” And hearing that made me so happy. I’m almost 30 and never finished college, and instead have been working in childcare for nearly a decade. My gramma, my father’s mother, might have reservations about that, but it means so much that my parents don’t.
For some reason my mother wanted either 1) a child exactly like her or 2) a sport star. I am the exact OPPOSITE of her in every way, and my youngest brother was a football star. Guess which child got more encouragement and positive reinforcement...
As a curly-haired person, I appreciate the animation of the hair. It's almost like it's an entirely separate character, which is what it feels like to have curly hair. No matter how much time you spend trying to "tame" it, it will do whatever it wants to do. It's a bit of a representation of Merida herself. Not to be tamed. Love it.
I think they actually talked about that after the movie was released. They actively had to draw every curl in their 3D programs to correctly animate the way they all moved.
The line about parents projecting their self worth onto their kids’ success reminds me of my favorite line from a video by Tulok the Barbarian about Zuko from Avatar. “You are their child, not their trophy.”
My mum always criticises how she looks, and would always do it to me. Ive had to say to my mum (only as I got older, I just got upset when I was a teenager) "You may talk to yourself like that, or think about yourself like that, and I'm sad that you do, but I don't talk to myself like that, I like how I look and I don't like when you say that stuff to me" and I had to get really strong on that, because I was told "you need to not be so sensitive and take criticism" (on my entire body and style )
This is true. But remember that parents have been thru what children haven't. They want their kids to have a better life than what they've had and of course to not make the same mistakes. It is parental love.
When my uncle is getting angry he prefers to go for a walk. Then he comes back home and he and my aunt talk more calmly about their previous discussion and forgive each other. They have been married for decades.
Fun archery fact: When you hit an arrow with another arrow, we actually call that a Robin Hood. 😂 (At least it is in Norway.) And depending on how expensive your arrows are, it'll be met by either a cheer or a groan. 😆
@@HeidiAga I… unfortunately can’t remember where I got that information. You ever just remember random things with no context as to where you got them? Yeah, that’s me. Sorry.
In Germany we too call it a Robin Hood. I know an archery shop with build in range, that gives you new arrows if you shoot one on their range and let them keep it as a trophy.
It is insane how it reminds me to the "You don’t exist" line from 1984... damn. My father is a horrible narcissist, but at least my mother is great. But it always breaks my heart when I encounter bad parenting that hurts children. :(
That reminded me of how my sisters and I would leave each other notes to apologize whenever we fought. With little baggies of gummy bears or cereal to munch on.
Something important that a lot of people don’t realise is that “explained” does not mean “excused.” If someone treats you poorly because, “They had a difficult past,” or, “They’re just worried,” that doesn’t mean that they’re treatment of you is automatically excused. It gives reasoning and depth to why they acted that way, yes, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay.
This is a difficult one in my opinion. On the whole I agree that the explanation is basically the acknowledgement of where x or y comes from and that it will be addressed and isn't okay. But it's also not going to change overnight if it's a behavior that has been going on for a while. There is also the layer that some people were so trashed in their past that they can't see it as anything but an excuse and need some serious therapy to start understanding it as an explanation. If I have someone in my life in that position, I can understand that it's not their fault, but I will always take measures when I notice bad behavior to protect myself too. If all they can see is excuse in every direction, I know they aren't ready for change. It's really important for people to understand explanation doesn't mean it's okay, yet also doesn't mean that it needs to change overnight, often because mistakes are more complex then one mess up. That and the human brain can't just change behavior with one instance of it showing to be a problem. A person willing to work with the other understanding it as an explanation also understands that it is likely future mistakes will be made and that it's a learning process. The trick is that it actually improves overtime. Often the next instance isn't as bad as the first and the next after that is less problematic until the problem is actually solved. It's when it's on repeat or gets worse each time that the person with the issues sees it as an excuse. I hope this all made sense lol. I just take issue with people saying explanation means it has to be fixed now, which is often what most people take it as. Excuse and explanation aren't black and white in most cases. Also the transgression in itself can indicate if the explanation matters at all. Some things are just crossed lines.
mm agreed. i believe that, simply put, “ur trauma does not excuse u hurting other ppl” n it’s not only helped me personally when others do hurt me n they try to justify it by using their trauma, but also how i interact w others: is my own trauma affecting my actions w others n hurting them
As someone with toxic parents who both went through hardships, I can agree that their pain and trauma does not justify their actions. I understand that you need help, but I can't give it to you. 😔
I was 12 when Brave came out and it was such an important movie for me, seeing a horse riding bow shooting Merida and the fact that she didn't have a romantic interest I just adored it, still do.
ngl I just love Brave because I adore Scottish accents (and also the horse-riding bow-shooting girl power) but the fact that she never gets a love interest is also something I've come to adore as I've gotten older (originally I just didn't care if she had one or not, I was the same age as you I think)
10:28 My partner and I have a safe word because sometimes it's just easier to say "pineapple" in the middle of a dispute and both of us understands that we need to revisit this topic later. For example the other day we were heading out to get some groceries after a long day at work and I wanted to talk about some repairs the car needed, my partner is not very good at dealing with financial issues when they're tired so she said "pineapple" and I dropped the subject.. later when we got home she asked me what it was I wanted to say. In this way we avoid conflicts from the little things like irritability and fatigue, and when we have larger issues it helps us to break it down into chunks that are more manageable and less intense.
That's a great way to improve your communication skills and avoid arguments!! My mom and I actually used the word "peaches" when there was something that I just didn't want to share. Growing up we were always (and still are) so close and told each other everything, so once I started avoiding some questions she started worrying that I had troubles when in reality I just wanted some privacy and she wasn't used to me expressing it that way. So we sat down and agreed that if either of us would ever say peaches, the topic isn't something I CAN'T talk to her about, just something I want to keep to myself. I guesd fruits work great for this 😂😂
I've tried setting up this almost exact system with family, but they just follow me around demanding the answers they want to hear while I say "not now, I need space, it's late etc" until I snap, snd then I'm evil for snapping. I've tried deflecting for over an hour once and they don't give a fuck
I cried when Jonathan told about how he wanted to be seen as a person. No matter how many arguments I have with my parent, I’ll never get that respect that I need. It’s truly tiring when you have a narcissistic parent.
It's just a one-way street with them. For some reason because of my parents, if I notice a relationship is one-sided I walk away, friends, bf, gf, idc I will walk away
When Merida's mother said "you're acting like a child," I feel like a good response from Merida to help her mom understand would have been "because I am."
The thing is, Merida doesn't consider herself as a child, she feels mature enough to decide her own destiny, she thinks she's an adult (and at the time she actually was, she's about to get married) so answering that way would have been illogical
@@kingofhearts804 Yes, but the concept of "child" and "adult" has changed through the ages. By the standards of the era in which this movie is set, Merida is very much not a child. By our standards-- by modern standards-- of course she is.
A piece of advice that I heard was: "Give me 20 minutes to be angry". It seems like walking out of the conversation but it's just asking the other person for time to process through emotions and come back when your mind is clear rather than spend those 20 minutes saying and doing things that you'll regret
Not long after I turned 21, I told my dad that the worst punishment he used to give my brother and I was to tell us to go to our room and think of "an appropriate punishment". It was agonizing because we knew if we were too lenient he’d be extra hard on us for trying to weasel out of punishment, but we might come up with more harsh or more creative punishments than he would and give him ideas. When I told my dad how we used to agonize over that he looked blank for a sec, then said, “Annie, I only told y’all that because I was so angry that I needed 20 minutes to calm down. I didn’t want to be anything like my dad [he was super abusive], and I was afraid of my temper getting the better of me, so I told y’all that just to get you out of my sight for a bit. Then I could approach things calmly and rationally. I never knew that y’all took me so seriously when I’d say to think of an appropriate punishment." It’s really stuck with me. I have one kid and I’ve never been that mad at him yet, but he’s getting close to being a teenager so I’m sure the day is coming when I’ll be so mad that I’ll have to tell him "we both need to be alone for 20-30 minutes and then revisit this with a clear head."
You really see a growth in Merida from "none of this is my fault" to "this is exactly all my doing." I also found it sad how detached mom felt from the family that even in the tapistry she's the only one further away from everyone. You can see it in their family interactions where she has to be the authoritarian and the bad guy while dad has a great relationship with the kids because he gets to be fun.
no one' s perfect... but i just wish my dad knew this phrase when we were kids... he was busy with work and living in the same roof but him, along with our mom who's also busy, felt distant to me and my bro... in my 27 yrs on my life, the only advice he gave to us were related to exercise or that we should exercise to avoid stress and how we felt, or related on how he was successful in his course... i know he's a kind person, but not the most empathic father...
I just realized that in the scene where the queen tossed Merida’s bow in the fire, the bowstring only snaps once Merida walks away. This represents that the tension that’s been building between them has finally snapped, and neither of them can take it back now. How crazy is that
The other significance: Elinor's immediate regret of tossing the bow in the fire, is because that was the bow Fergus gave Merida when she was little. Its been a treasured item and Elinor destroyed that out of a flash of anger.
That scene where the mum throws her bow in the fire but regrets it reminds me of the scene in how to train your dragon where Stoic slams the door on Hiccup but similarly regrets it almost immediately. It would be cool to see a how to train your dragon video analysing the father son relationship between Stoic and Hiccup, where the son thinks he's a disappointment because he's not like his father and the father needs to learn to except that his son is different and that that's not a bad thing and to just be proud
What always breaks me about this movie is when Merida is hugging Elinor Bear, the audio of little Merida and Elinor singing the Scottish lullaby is playing in the background. It's such a beautiful moment in the movie and makes me want to go locate and hug my mom
As the kid who lost the "you are going to business school" fight with my parents. This is impactful. I wanted to go to art school but was told that I would not get a stable job. I fought tooth and nail. I regreted it for so long and even stopped painting and drawing for four years. Then my parents told me that it hurt them to watch me go throught this. They never thought that their fight to keep me from an unstable career would lead me to give up my passion. That is not what they wanted. I told them I gave up because I thought they gave up on me. Then they bought me art supplies for Christmas and encouraged me to draw or paint as often as I can. I understand. They just wanted what was best for me. They hoped that my business career would help start my own art career some day.
I can understand why people like your parents think that way. But here is what I have seen many times in my life so far : People with "stable" jobs throwing all that away and moving to the country side, becoming Farmers, Fishers or just the town's oddball. They all say the same thing. "Yes, I make less money than before, but I feel so much better now." If a Person ever tells you what to do again, show them a documentary about landscape! Each one has at least one interview with a "runaway".
Honestly, the best thing you can do for your kids is to elaborate on why you want x to happen, and as what eventually happened with you, compromise as you work out how to approach the solution. Glad things worked out for you.
See, my parents just encouraged me to seek certification for a dependable better-than-entry-level job, something that I could do while I was in college for the thing I loved OR as a safety net for if my chosen career failed. It isn't nearly as devastating to be told "ok, just spend one summer to earn certification to be a pharmacy technician, that way you have something to support you until you find success, or fall back on if it doesn't work out" than if they had said "no, your chosen career will fail, you need to spend 4+ years to get this degree that you don't want for a career you don't want".
This was the wrong episode to listen to in the car on the way to work... Because I forgot how i get emotional at the family dynamics in , so I pull into the parking space put on my mask while just bawling...
I was just talking with my boyfriend about how neither of us understand how parents forget what it was like being a teenager. It's traumatic, at the least, and we both hate how parents invalidate their kids' feelings when they are perfectly reasonable to have.
Ikr ? When I was a teenager I noticed my mother started to stop taking me seriously sometimes and I wished to be a child again. She would just roll her eyes with a condescendant smile. Where I am from we call adolescence the "ingrateful age" or the "dumb age" so that doesn't help :/
Im so sorry the name is even referred to it that way, I get that parents can have it hard not knowing what to do with all the changes and mood swings depending on their teen and it may be harder to connect to them Because it’s easy to feel misunderstood by our parents but adolescence is more than just that, it’s a critical development getting just a bit closer to adulthood day by day, and it takes going through mistakes after mistake after discoveries to start to figure themselves out, again not letting them do whatever they want but also teaching them that the parameters you set are part of them developing self love if the goal is for the parent to just shape the teen however they expect them to it’s not going to work because they will sense the little to no autonomy they have which is a vital human need
Forget what it's like to be a teenager? My parents forgot their whole childhood teenage years and all. Kinda crazy how my parents are first to say "I wAs A kId OnCe ToO sO i KnOw-" but then continues to do the same things their parents did to them to me. (Can't wait till I'm 18)
@@blahface240 I am twenty and I can tell you, unless you found a way to be financially stable (in that case bravo) sadly being 18 is not going to change anything.
@@arona6692 yes I know. But I say that because my parents will see me as an adult once I turn 18 and that's when they finally will stop controlling me, disrespecting me, and saying that they own me just because I'm a child. At least at 18- even though ik I probs won't move out until years (if I'm lucky maybe months 😳) later, they will finally start seeing me as a person with opinions and so on.
This had me crying after you talked about the instant regret and being stupid when we're angry... I went to my 7 year old and hugged her and told her I was sorry for sometimes getting angry and yelling at her sometimes. Her first remark was that "you didn't yell at me today, Dad." I told her I know not today, but too much, and I would try to be better. Then we hugged and both cried for a minute. Thank you for this channel.
"you didn't tell at me today dad" would have me bawling in that moment I heard "you usually do so I'm used to it even tho it hurts, but you haven't yet and this apology is confusing" and that hitting me while explaining the need for apologizing would be overwhelming. You're a great parent and this is a beautiful and triggering comment. Thank you.
The problem with "You break my things I break yours" is that kids and teenagers don't have the self-control and/or knowledge you as an adult have. You can't fight fire with fire. The adult should be the wise one that says "We need to calm down and be rational".
Yeah I think that’s what they meant about “anger makes most people act dumb.” Parents get angry with their kids. But the mom fell to Merida’s level of immaturity, in her anger, rather than defusing or de-escalating the situation. It wasn’t right, and she realized that right away it was the wrong thing to do.
What you said her us 100% true, but I think you misconstrued what they were saying. They never said that was ok, in fact they immediately when into how in anger we often do things we later regret. And while it is true what we should expect kore of adults than children or teenagers, it is also true that we are all fallible human beings. We all make mistakes. And claiming that a parent is never allowed to boil over is utterly ridiculous.
@@sassyviking6003 right. Adults have emotions too, and everyone is going to screw up at times. Expecting them not too or trying to assign who is more right in a situation is pointless. There's not a score board. That doesn't excuse what happens. The tapestry and the bow were just physical representations of how much they were hurting each other. The damage was real. It had laying ramifications. Even once it was repaired it wasn't the same as it originally was. Everyone screws up, it's the adult's job to model how to go about addressing their screw ups in a healthy manner.
I feel like I agree and disagree. Many studies show that wisdom is evenly spread throughout pretty much all ages including teenagers. The problem with many parents is the belief that they think they know more than their child about everything. I get what u mean but I think it’s a little iffy.
Definitely. But if it does happen, parents should have curtesy to apologise. It teaches their kids accountability and then let’s them know their parents care to admit they’re wrong.
as my mum says "my job as a parent isn't to prevent stuff from happening to you or you'll never make anything happen, my job is to be there when something does happen" and she says all the time that she's learning as I'm learning, she admits that she may not know what to do but listens to figure out what needs to happen.
You really have a good mom then. In my society it's kind of like a stigma to talk about things like this, parents admitting their problems to kids is sort of like a weakness. Here, it makes more sense if the dad or the mom is lashing out at the kids and the kids are just mindless zombies who obey. Of course, Gen Z did break this stereotype, but the adults keep trying to bring it back.
@@steelhert4363 yeah it freaking sucks, it is a stigma around here to, my mum's constantly getting ragged on by schools and other parents but we have a really good relationship where I can just talk to her about anything and she won't get mad. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm boasting or something, I'm just sick of it being such a stigma, it's just really unhealthy and cruel!
I love the fact that Brave has no true villain. As you both mentioned, Merida and Eleanor are both the antagonists to each other, but neither is wrong or bad. Nor is the witch - she did exactly what was asked of her, and gave the information to reverse the spell if desired. Even the old bear (Morduur, I think his name was) at this point is just a bear, protecting his territory and hunting for dinner. For a story about mending relationships, I think it's so important that there is no evil character. Just a beautifully illustrated story about how important it is to listen to those we care about.
7:18 The fact that Merida was so focused and had the bowstring drawn SO TAUT that the arrow's fletchings left a tiny scratch on her cheek, and it drove not just through the first arrow but also into the wood of the target's support?! WOW. Now that's intensity.
the nicest thing about this movie in my opinion is that, at all moments, they’re both wrong and wright simultaneously. there’s no villain-hero, they’re just people. they both have a reason to be angry, and both have something to apologize for.
"Saying I'm getting angry, I need to calm down" is something I wish more people understood and accepted. So many people I know get SO much more angry if you try to disengage and take a minute to calm down instead of continuing with the screaming argument.
literally my mom after she screams at me expecting me to take it all, i ask for a minute to clear my thoughts but no, i just break down in front of her instead 😬
My Mom literally told me that screaming and cursing is a healthy reaction when you're angry. I literally can't think of a good response if you're being verbally abusive!!!!!!!
My MIL taught all her children to walk away when they’re angry to calm down. Of course there are people that don’t like it when my one of my SILs walks away from them; she almost fell down a flight of stairs when her grandmother grabbed her braid and a woman ripped the sleeve of one of her dresses because they were mad that she was walking away from them.
I think it's so beautiful that they keep pointing out that even as they struggle with each other, and to understand each other, Merida is never afraid of her mother. That's such a gorgeous detail.
Though, in the fire scene, you DO see Merida's face go straight to fear ... she knew she crossed a line, and she showed actual fear for a split second.
Yeah, so many times in that movie I had flashes of what my own parents would have done to me if I’d said half of what Merida did. And now I have a kid who behaves a LOT like Merida, and as frustrating as It is, i am so so proud of the fact that she isn’t afraid of me when I tell her off
Fun fact: The most impressive technical achievements of this film actually weren’t the hair and clothes simulations but the the first time of an animation studio using volumetric lightning and cloud simulations in a feature film
Fun fact: I'm german and the first time I saw this movie was on vacation in english with my grandmother who doesn't speak one word English. In the end she cried too and understood what this movie was basically about. Talking about well done filmmaking here.
People say that "communication is key" When it comes to relationships, but if they don't listen and understand (comprehension) then it's pointless. Communication and comprehension are the keys to healthy relationships.
SO FUCKING ACCURATE, communication matters but it means BASICALLY NOTHING if there is no comprehension component. I learned this lesson the hard way in my first and so far only romantic adult relationship, which did NOT last long (which sucked at the time, I wanted to keep trying but the other party was like “this is too much for me”, but honestly huge friggin relief for me in the long haul). We both highly valued communication and expressed that but we went in circles a lot regarding certain issues and I kept getting blamed for not meeting their expectations. Even though I felt I was, and I was starting to get resentful of that accusation as well as the fact I felt I was repeating stuff but not seeing it make an impact. Communication matters, but frankly comprehension matters more.
Comminication involves the person relaying the information and the recipient, its not only the person relaying the info. No need to say communication and comprehension. Effective communication involves comprehension. This would be a better way of putting it rather than stating them as seperate things.
😅I have a learning comprehension disorder however trying and actually wanting to comprehend as well as asking many questions and working just a bit more to say a sentence. So yes you’re absolutely right🌸
@@marcisparcy5145 Definitely, communication is making an effort to comprehend, as well as making an effort to be clear, concise and accurate. And like you mentioned, there is an active listening component, where the recipient of the information may paraphrase it and repeat it back to the person retaining the essence of what was said. This is also related to steel-manning, which is the opposite of straw-manning (which might involve misconstruing the other person).
8:51 i feel like when she says “you’re acting like a child” it shows how high her expectations are for merida. she is a child. and when a child acts childish you can’t counter by being just as childish. that’s what makes that scene so frustrating to watch for me at lease
@@peiskosi1193 Not for that epoch. So the mother saying that she's acting childish makes sense for the her and the time they live in, to state that she's acting immature.
@@peiskosi1193 back then she wasn’t considered a child just like how 18 in america people consider that not to be a child either. She’s an adolescence still finding herself and growing
Yo I feel that so much, I recently watched the Mitchell's vs the Machines which has a similar parent vs child, parent not understanding the child dynamic and I hate hate hate how movies try to portray like both sides are in the wrong when one of the sides is literally a child and the parent will do things that are actually incredibly toxic. Obviously there is the point of view that the "time period was different", etc but imagine being a teenager and your parent is trying to force you to get married even though you're not ready for it. Her mother also holds her to impossible standards of being perfect, criticizes every little thing she does that deviates from it, and is basically constantly reminding her she is a disappointment. What human wouldn't lash out or go crazy in that scenario?
15:23 The Army taught me that. There’s a huge difference between demanding respect and commanding respect, and the same is true for every relationship with that sort of dynamic.
That is why I get so frustrated with my siblings and the way they treat my niblings. The kids get frustrated because they are over tired, frustrated about something that seems small to adults, etc and they overlook it or get mad about it. I remind them that kids don't have adult feelings and that when they seem to be over dramatic (worst thing ever conversation), it might actually feel like that because they don't have the emotional maturity to handle it and it is that bad at that moment. My brother doesn't understand why the boys "behave" so much better for us, I find solutions and not problems and talk to them like people with real feelings.
Yeah. I talked about that with my mother explaining that Children leave their parents is because they feel likes “slaves” when they are born. I felt like that before. Like when I had a big project that was due in the morning, My mother was upset that I wanted to take off of work due to lack of sleep, so I kept myself on the schedule, but I fell asleep during my shift. I called my mother and talked to her, and thank god for therapy because she understood and said “I forget the things I can do, you cannot, and that’s fine.” Now, my mother allows me to make decisions, weather she likes it or not, but she trusts me enough to let me grow 😊
Exactly! I think that's the reason why I get along really well with my younger siblings and cousins - because I don't belittle their problems. Of course it would seem big to them because at that point of their lives, that's already the worst problem they've encountered. By listening to them and understanding why it's hard for them, I earned their respect - my younger siblings would even listen more to me than our parents, which can be difficult sometimes because then my parents would just ask me to be the one lecture or talk to them when there's a problem..
@@ashesfalldown492 when I had a talk with my dad a while ago, talking about how difficult it was for me when I went to school in my home country (I have ADHD and possibly on the autism spectrum, and the education system is terrible even for “normal” kids and basically 7 years of hell for my emotional and mental health), he argued that I had it easy and he was the one who was really affected because he had to pick me up late and embarrassed when the teachers talked about my grades, and I was the cause for all of it so I have no right to “complain”. It really hurt and it probably opened my eyes to all the emotional neglect. And it’s even worse considering that my parents had yelled at me almost every day back then, which was really traumatizing. But my dad just doesn’t seem to understand the emotional burden accumulated on a little kid over all those years, and even called me narcissistic and inconsiderate when I tried to explain how hard it was for me.
"we connect so easily when they are small. They grow older, and they want to establish their independence and there is a natural pushing away that often happens" THAT IS PURE GOLD, RIGHT THERE
I’ve used that, “You’re never there for me!” Line with my mother. Even thought she’s always been there to pick me up when I’m down, it was financially. She was never there emotionally. I like how Alan mentioned Meridas mother wasn’t there the way Merida NEEDED. I think lots of parents feel such a pressure to put a heavy focus on financially providing for their kids, they forget to be there for them emotionally as well.
your kids are not an extension of yourself. let them find their way trough life, that’s the only way they can become someone of their own and, sooner or later, they will. don’t hold them back, and most importantly don’t do it out of fear. all easier said than done, but that’s kind of what parenting is all about
Those be facts. I know that most parents want the best for their kid(s). And I can see them wanting the little rascals to know and experience a lot things at a young age, but some times even That is a lot of pressure on the kids. To be lived through by your parent(s), and never left to just Be themselves and do their own thing from time to time. Some times there isn’t much freedom when the reins are too tight on the kids, and it shows.
“You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I do need to show you respect, but I’m a person and I deserve your respect too.” These words BROKE me. I wish my mom would understand this. When I was a teenager I would write letters to my mom too. I felt like it was the only way to express my feelings more coherently without her interrupting me or shutting me out, and I could apologize for my behavior at the same time, and my mom NEVER acknowledged the letters. Never came to me to talk about it. Nothing. She would stew for weeks until she’s had enough of waiting for my teenage self to go to her and apologize to her, and she would explode at me about how I needed to learn to grow up and consider her feelings and how my behavior effected her emotionally/mentally. As an adult I have tried to open discussions about how those teenage feelings still effect me today, and how it effects the tone of our adult relationship, and my mom constantly shuts down the conversation with, “You have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could! You’re an adult now, it’s time to grow up and get over it.” It just sucks when you want to work on your relationship and the person on the other end of that relationship just doesn’t want to hear it.
I had this same experience! And if I ever mentioned the letters, she would explode in anger and chide me about not being mature enough to talk to her face and that I deeply hurt her by approaching her that way. Thankfully she's changed completely the past 2 years, but it had taken far, far too many losses to really count as a win. But today, we get to speak. Hopefully you share this experience and can someday reconnect with your mother
People can be stubborn. It's so easy in a relationship where it's super stressed to focus on what you feel. It's so hard to admit when bad things happen it's like "yeah you feel bad so do I and I'm not complaining" but that's not how it works. I wish the world was that simple lol. You cant fix a relationship without admitting theres a problem. Sometimes family's dont have the skillset to understand how to communicate. It takes two to tango. It's hard but I hope I've helped
I hope you have found therapy for this. This kind of relationship where the parent is always right, gets to say whatever they want to say, and you just have to take it - is damaging and has long term impact. I was ostracized from my family for 2 years because I tried to bring up that things weren't perfect growing up the way they always made things out to be. Literally I tried to tell the truth and I was shunned. I swallowed everything down for the next several years until I finally decided to cut them out of my life completely. That was nearly 2 years ago. It has allowed more and more memories to come to the surface, even after 10 years of my own focused healing. And allowed me to see bigger picture just how miserable my existence was and no, I wasn't making anything up or exaggerating. My parents went through their own kinds of trauma in their childhoods, and I feel compassion for them; as I do my grandparents who went through their trauma and so on. But I don't have to be in their lives, twisting myself into knots so I can be acceptable to them while they continue to go on without examining any of their past behavior. I wish you the same strength. 💗
When people say, "you have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could," means they know they did crap, and don't want to take responsibility because it embarrasses them and they'd rather just shout it down than stare it in the face. In all honesty I'd stop trying because she's never gonna get it. In her mind whatever shit she was "dealing with"(I knew everything that was happening even though my parents thought I didn't, kids always know) doesn't excuse it and doesn't absolve her of any responsibility. It speaks to how little she respects you that she can't admit she was wrong directly.
"When you treat kids like people instead of like kids, what ends up happening is the respect you're demanding, they give to you freely." 15:12 My mom needs to hear this.
Can we have a series on fatherhood? I feel like dads in movies are often shown as the comedic relief in all the ways they're awfully represented. It'd be really cool to have that broken down and show examples of really good dads (like Po's dad in Kung Fu Panda).
I'm gonna segue for a bit about this one. If you've already seen the Pixar short film about that Filipino dad who has a child with special flying abilities, "Float" that would be also related to your suggestion about dads (or male characters) having to be noticed about their struggles too.
Maybe they should try the Mitchell's vs. the Machines. I know it's reasonably new, but the father-daughter relationship in it was so relatable to me at least.
When i left a note for my mom to read she woke me up in the middle of the night, when she found it, to scream at me 🙄 I wrote at the bottom of the note "please don't yell at me"
@@shelbybeard7161 i heard once that there are 2 types of mothers. The bearing mother and the nurturing mother. Mine was certainly much better at having children than actually having much to do with them. I've gotten over it as much as anyone could 🤷🏻
You can also see the mother releases control (in her hair) during the entire movie up till she is a bear her hair is in a braid, but at the end she allows it free and down
they do that in titanic too. In the beginning of the movie Roses hair is tied up tightly and progressively throughout as she spends time with Jack it gets looser and looser until the sinking when it’s completely down. Little things you notice in movies
Yes! I loved that detail. We also understand where she's coming from. She was groomed to fulfill her duties in the same way as Merida, it's a cycle. It made her a lot easier to sympathize with. We're all the products of our upbringing and environment, but it's also on us to make a conscious decision to be and do better than our predecessors.
But also, it's still somewhat tied - she didn't turn into a copy of Merida herself - she's still Elinor, with the more restrained and reserved personality... Just less strictly so.
It would be so nice to have a Zuko analysis, and his relationship with his uncle Iroh as opposed to his real dad, and his whole journey to become the king I was so addicted to that show
Brave always felt a bit close to home, my mum's a Scottish woman and I fought with her all the time. I've figured out that part of it is her wanting to protect me but we were just too similar and that caused a lot of tension. Ugh this film always makes me cry.
It’s quite sad that people say that brave is one of the worst pixar films they made when it’s a really great movie. Sure they could have made a potentially good world building movie (when i first saw the first brave trailer i thought it was some badas red riding hood film) but it’s a simple film and it’s decent enough
@@emiendo3128 I've not heard that! That's such a shame. I really liked the message in it and I LOVED that they hired Scottish actors and not people doing Scottish impressions. I've always found most people's impressions mildly insulting as yknow, half my family are Scottish and don't go around screaming "och aye the noo". My mum actually stopped saying och aye because she was relentlessly bullied about it here in England.
@@emiendo3128 I feel like most people say that it was disappointing because of how messy the plot got (I believe eliquorice and schaffrillas productions did some great vidoes on this). One plot is about how Merida doesn't want to get married and about "girl power"; But that plot got totally forgotten like halfway through the movie for an, I guess, "random" plot of her mother turning into a bear.
@@3geeseintrenchcoat One criticism, which I think is valid, is that "and not people doing Scottish impressions" applies to the voices but not to the full male characters. They are drawn and act in ways that take stereotypes into uncomfortable levels of mockery. It bothers some people I know to a much larger degree but I do think, if you are going to make a film tied to deep cultural roots, tread carefully when you try to make things "funny" or comedic. There are murky lines between making fun *with* a culture and making fun *of* a culture. Those decisions from the top were, imho, poor ones and detract from the rest of the film which I really do love. Obviously that's a subjective line and impressions will differ.
Watched this movie with my mom, and all she says is Merida is being irrational, selfish, and ungrateful, and that mother knows best. Guess why i have depression since i was 13.
Same here, my mom knew damn well that I was sensitive. I didn't even know that I was sensitive till my dad pointed it out and only he was the one who was willing to respect the boundaries that I made when it came to teasing me. After he was the one who actually showed that he cared. While my mom constantly crosses it just because she could.
When I was younger I used to have bad fights with my mom and after she left my room I just threw pillows at the wall. When I look back to it now, it's fascinating that I had just as much control over myself to not destroy anything. Also it helped me releasing my anger. What a smart/dumb angry teenager
I destroyed something once, and felt so bad that I never did it again. Though I may not allow myself to become angry at all and don't set any boundaries to avoid any conflict... Which is something I still need to work on.
@@axoNNNessj I ripped a page out of a book once when I was 7 or 8 maybe. My mom saw it later and took all my books away until I "learned how to control my anger and respect my things." I never did it again, but I did start taking a baseball bat to trees when she wasn't around to stop me. As an adult, I feel bad about hurting the trees. :(
Wow.. I once destroyed my iPhone, many times destroyed remotes and always bit my knuckles when I was angry. So I'm having huge respect for you for just throwing pillows at the wall.. I believe that most of the anger I feel inside still comes from when I was a teenager because for me it's still hard handle how my mom talks to me.
meanwhile when i get in a situation like that i think of a way to be petty and spite the person i'm mad at 😂 i basically end up hatching a plan and then doing something behind their backs.. like if they walk away from their laptop and leave it alone putting the screen upside down by changing the windows settings so they come back and just end up going wtf is wrong with my screen
"Her hair breaks the laws of physics in a way only Scottish hair can" Fun fact, the gravity for her hair is actually less than the rest of her, the simulation they had when gravity was normal just unraveled
I always hated when my mom said to me "Don't talk to me like that, I am your mother". It felt like I was beneath her. So even though I respected and understood her more and more with time, because I knew she was right in many ways, I grew distrustful of her. I managed to comunicate better with her, but that doesn't mean all of that was solved. Things are good enough for now.
This is why I have a problem with the "parents are superior" mentality. It's so entitled, and so incredibly damaging to children. Parents, do better. Your children shouldn't have to kiss your ass just because you made them, you AS THE ADULT need to give them the respect as people that they deserve FIRST. If you can't manage that, don't take it out on them, and certainly don't try and have more kids. Period.
This is how I am grateful for my older cousins (Chinese family, extended family may as well be siblings) we had a fight while I was staying over with him and his family, and I distinctively remember screaming and he held a hand up with a stern silence and said "Do not speak to me like that, I am a person." and all I remember after that was crying while I compared him to my father.
GOD THIS!! It's immensely difficult to trust someone who demands respect because they created you, because the implied message is "I made you to feed my ego". How can you trust this person will respect you as a person and not as a toy when they feel entitled to your respect because they birthed you. In the end, it just creates a hierachy where you're always at the bottom, and the only way to climb up is to get out and have your own child (my dad literally has said "you want to be disrespectful, you get your own child").
I know this is one of the extremes but I remember last year while on the way to the mall I had a fight with my mom. It was about a law that passed in one of our country's states. The law was that if a kid disrespected their parents they'd be thrown in jail for three days, I, thought it was stupid and controlling. She thought it was a good law (She claimed it was "Islamic" and good discipline). I remember telling her stuff like statistics and studies about parenting that would most likely make the kids turn out worse than make them better people. I told her that parents apologizing is a good thing. She said that parents were always right and that me using logic was me acting like an atheist (She is very religious muslim and I am a deist). I remember feeling so mad, because she refused to acknowledge that this type of law was bad and instead chose to call it "Islamic". I felt like I was just there to be in her retirement plan and not as a person.
I am so surprised you did not show “i will not let you kill my mom” part. That helps bring the message full circle. A daughter protecting her mother just like her mother did for her.
I think my favorite scene is the ending scene where Merida and her Mom are riding off on horses. It's such a stark contrast to how the movie starts, with Merida doing this all alone, her mother not interested in any of her interests, where at the end her mom is taking an active interest in her daughter's interests and trying to understand them
Alan, thank you. I really appreciate that despite our gender difference you can relate to "Brave" in the same, or similar, ways that I do. It's very reassuring because I tend to worry that beautiful films, such as "Brave" are overlooked as being "chick flicks" or girly movies. It is refreshing to hear that an adult man could also relate to a movie that is centered on two heroines and also a mother-daughter relationship because it translates to a parent-child relationship for you.
My dad had to watch it twice before he said "ooooooh, it's about the girl and her mom" our loud at the end. Guess it's not a real "movie" if it's about women.
When I first saw this movie, I immediately noticed how Merida wound up utilizing the lessons and skills taught to her by her mother in the process of “mending the bond” which involved the art of sewing which she had previously scoffed at. It was an added layer of “I need you, Mom”
I think that’s true, in the same way her mum had to be brave, agile and potentially violent to protect them both from Mordu (very Merida traits that she would have told Merida that ‘a princess doesn’t...’ do)
What I love is how it shows the balance that is needed. Merida resisted her mother's lessons, and Elinor resisted Merida learning lessons from her father. But in the end Merida needed everything she had learned. She needed the wilderness survival and fighting skills from her father as well as the sewing, diplomacy, and public speaking skill from her mother. It keeps with the theme that both Elinor and Merida discover the value in what they had previously rejected.
I feel like you missed the message a bit? Or I see it completely differently. Merida showed her mom she can be her own person and that she actually listened to her lessons and learned from them, but implemented them in her own way. All that only happened after her mother learned to trust her to be her own person and to make mistakes. It’s a totally different vibe than “I need you.” it’s more like “Thank you for teaching me how to not need you anymore.” Parents job is well done when children don’t need them anymore 😊.
I love how _human_ all of Pixar's characters are. Fully fleshed out characters with all of the good and bad that comes with that. Even the characters of _Inside Out_ are more than just the archetypes they represent. All so good, and there's things we can learn from all of them.
I don't see why people disliked this film (unless they were just shown a side of themselves that they didn't like). Even before I had a kid, I loved how they told a story that wasn't about a romance so well, and made it feel so genuine.
@@azuregriffin1116 how was it a waste of potential? I personally think it’s a good movie that does a great job in getting the message across but I’ve heard people disliking it so I’d like to hear why.
@@kriichan6100 I feel that there were better ways to do it then making her into a bear. It felt trope-ish. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, but I think there might have been room for improvement.
@@azuregriffin1116 that’s fair enough. Yeah the bear trope could’ve been thrown out for something more unique or realistic, like they’re all travelling together but they get split off and have to learn to listen to each other in order to survive or something like that, that could’ve made it better. But for what it is I think it’s pretty great, definitely room for improvement in terms of tropes tho.
Around 9:35 i love the detail that when Elinor throws the bow in the fire, and Merida covers her mouth with her hands in that "what have you done?" moment. Then when Elinor has her "what have I done?" moment she covers her mouth in the exact same way.
oh my, this video reaction made me realize two very big things: 1. I need to watch again Brave because it's really amazing. 2. How incredibly disrespectful of my daughter I have been lately, not wanting (or taking the time) to listen to her and acknowledge her feelings when she's hurt or angry. It's my turn to cry, Alan. Thank you both.
Mothers and Fathers are no different than Sons and Daughters ☺️. I’m telling you your daughter will cry and her walls will fall once you say these words with your heart “I’m sorry” and hug her with love. My mother and I had the similar falling out.
@@hirahiro2331 It also depends on how hurt the daughter is. Some things are not easy to forgive or forgivable period. My mother killed that relationship. No amount of her trying to “fix” it will help. She is like an aunt or distant friend at best. It’s different for different people.
Somehow I had never noticed this before, but when Merida's mom says "is compassionate" the lady literally chops the head off the live chicken in the background 2:24
Well, meat has to come from somewhere-her lesson was on compassion also applies to being humane in how you take life for nourishment. It wasn't ironic, it was relevant to that situation.
@@Kinenhi Choping a live chicken's head clean off is not compassionate and it's something unknown to the main characters so it's by definition irony, although I don't see where anyone mentioned it being ironic to begin with 👀
i’ve only seen brave once but I’m glad it exists because people stopped telling me I look like Victoria from Twilight and started telling me I look like “that girl from brave” 😂
You started that story about the letter to your mom and I froze in my tracks. Suddenly, I was back in third grade, arguing with my mom because she wanted to cut my hair and I wanted to grow it long, just like the "cool" girls in class. I begged her not to but she just grabbed me and hacked off my hair and sent me , sobbing, to my room. If I had told her that I was angry, I would have been beaten. In my room , I wrote a note...essentially to myself, saying how much I hated her, and what a terrible mother she was, then I hid it. About a week later she found it and lectured me about how much I had hurt her. She said it was like a nail in the wall, you can try to cover it up but that hurt would be with her forever. I was devastated, sobbing again and apologizing, which she refused to accept. Many years later I brought this up, she just said she didn't remember that and she never did such a thing. I'm glad your letter was resolved so nicely, wish mine had.
ah it reminds me of how i my dad locked me in my room using pipes and ropes on my door, how my mom would disregard my privacy when we argue and she would put her fingers between my door and say it hurts to guilt trip me to open her the door. they don't remember it anymore but i still remember it. im 23 now and it still hurts.
I had written a letter similar, not to anyone but to myself. I was trying to use it as a way to release all my frustrations in a sort of productive way. My parents found it and were pissed, and even after I explained how I wasn’t going to give the letter to anyone they yelled at me for it. This caused me to start bottling up my emotions until the point that I burst. I’ve gotten better with handling my feelings but I still start to tear up when looking back on the events.
@@autumnrose9655 the same thing happened to me. They got mad at me and yelled at me and asked me who taught me those things. They found out i sef harmed a week later and yelled at me again and again asked who taught me to do that.
What I love is, this whole time Merida calls Elenor mum, but when Elenor turned into a bear, Merida went into a desperate child phase to the point Merida called her mummy instead of mum
Also, notice that Eleanor is wearing her hair down after she transforms back into a human. Both right after, and when she and Merida are creating that bear tapestry together. Good physical representation of how she's changed.
It's difficult with African parents especially when they hit you with that "honor your father and mother..." Bible verse. I tried having a conversation with my mom about how her passive aggressive comments about my body and eating hurt me and made me feel bad about myself. It didn't work out...she thought I was too sensitive and so I just gave up
I'm Chinese and though not the Bible, we have a similar thing. Confucianist beliefs always work on a hierarchy where parents are higher than the child. It's really frustrating
Me: *Doesn't cry when I watch it by myself* Me now: *Cries after Jonathan and Alan's explanation* This hit me hard because when I was younger, my sister was in therapy and after a particular session she came out and talked to my mom about it. My mother immediately got defensive and said some hurtful things to my sister. My sister then took me to get food and we sat in a parking lot while we ate and we had a conversation that I will never forget. She asked: "Do you feel that in some ways, I have been more of a mother to you then our own mom has." And I thought for a moment before nodding and she sort of just sat in silence for a moment. She then continued by saying: "I know mom doesn't listen even when she asks if you're ok. And I know she puts us all down the moment we tell her how hurt we are. As the oldest sister, a lot of what she says is directed at me. But I want you to know that I know what she says to you and I will never make you feel like what you've experienced is insignificant no matter how different it is to what I've experienced." I sat there and cried because that was the first time somebody in my family had told me that how I was feeling mattered.
Guys... have you considered an Avatar the Last Airbender episode or two? So many things to discuss with pride, shame, anxiety, fear, love, and Iroh is honestly the wholesomeness the world needs.
You guys should have converted the fight part where the mom fights the evil bear to defend her daughter. That part always broke me cause my mom always called herself a mama bear, cause her mother was brave too. Even if they lose everything in the process.
This movie gets me at the ending, every time. I saw this in the theatre with a small group of friends, and one of them, someone I've known since I was 2, we took to help distract him, because he had JUST gotten back from traveling across country to bury his Mother. That line when she says, "I just want you back Mommy", broke him and us. He said later that that movie actually helped him, because he could sit there in the theatre and just cry, and not feel self-conscious because people could think it was just for the movie. Afterwards, we were asking ourselves, "What the hell were we thingking? Taking someone who just lost their Mother to see a Disney film. We KNOW what they do to parents in those movies!!
Well, I just tortured myself watching this today: Mother's Day AND the anniversary of my mom's death (she was only 56). But it was good to get the cry out.
@@tkrause1116 In that case, YOU are most certainly 'Brave', too 😊. Today must have been so tough for you, so you should be proud of yourself for coming here for some healthy, cathartic fodder. We should all cry more often, so kudos to Cinema Therapy for making such perceptive, poignant responses that we can all have a good blub over 😭. Sending you much love 💜💜💜💜💜
One of my favorites parts of seeing the tapestry is noticing how the mom herself divides the family up. Outwardly she expresses Merida as the bad guy, but you can tell by how far apart she puts herself in the tapestry that she doesn't like the person she feels she has to be and she understands that a lot of the time she ends up being the bad guy in her family. All of her children and her husband are woven together in the image of a single unit, showing how close the dad is to their kids, but she is largely distant from them and it shows how all of her actions make her feel in her family. Of course I might just be looking too far into the easiest design for Merida to have physically cut her mom out of the tapestry, but I always liked the layer that interpretation adds to the character.
I think if the symbolism wasn't supposed to be there they would have depicted all the other characters at the same distance so I totally agree with you!
i think you have a point. they could have animated the tapestry as having everyone be equally close (it still would have made sense bc the conflict between merida and her mom does affect the whole family), but i do still think they chose that intentionally.
I actually get what you're saying and agree. However in the same breath her husband while a nice husband and supportive ,sometimes acts like a child himself which creates an imbalance in parenting styles and is ripe for her overcompensation.
My parents never knew the words, lets talk about this later. I needed to learn those words so I could learn to walk away. I often won't stop fighting with ppl because I have this irrational fear it will never be resolved because of how my parents treated me. So unforuntately, to get out of these shitty arguments you might have to be the bigger person and say "we will talk about this later" because your parents are prob letting a similar irrational feeling stop them from letting things go, and you might experience the same thing too.
That was me. I tried to go to room once because I'd told my mother I didn't feel loved and she got furious at me for it but she psychically blocked the door in the way she used to when I tried to go to the bathroom at night, and I had to legitimately crawl over her legs/shove them aside to get there, and then she chased me in so I had to shove her out (get yelled at it because of her PTSD, which I understand, but she was also sparking up mine so...) and lock the door to calm down. Then she proceeded to tell her boyfriend to call me and to not stop until I picked up, but then he wouldn't let me just FREAKING LEAVE AND GO TO BED. I've had my boundaries pushed before, but never to that point.
I never fought with my kids that way. But I did get angry about their rooms being completely UNSANITARY messy (actual food on the floor under the bed bad) and would finally stomp into them and say "ok I'll clean it up". They both came to the same fix. "Just keep me company WHILE I do it mom." We talked or rather they did I listened and prompted. I was surprised they turned it into bonding time. Kids can be wise if you let them be.
Bad parents. Every person should have a right to sit and be with their emotions and find healthier ways to express them. Emotions are dumb, they don't have logic all the time telling them how to be, we have to find ways to learn to understand them and let them be what they are in healthy ways.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see men actually allowing their feelings to come out and to not be ashamed of them loek you two always allow eachother to feel however and never judge
"Your feelings are valid. Your valid feelings do not excuse mean and destructive behavior towards others."
Best comment.
Well no shit, but people still fail to realize this.
This
Cool....I do it to myself instead of others 👌
That's what we tell our kid; but we were raised to stuff our negative emotions until they are unmanageable. IT's been one of the best things to be mindful about. Our kid is known for her very good even temperament for her age. :) She gets mad and we try to remember to let her explore that in the right ways in a safe environment.
My best friend pointed out as we were watching this that each of you sits like his profession: Jonathan sits back with his hands folded like a listening therapist, and Alan sits with one leg crossed and leaning into the side of his chair, like a director looking through or around a camera. Thought you guys would get a laugh out of that.
Upvote to infinity so they can see this comment haha
@@Leapingriver did you just say upvote on youtube
@@Leapingriver did you just say upvote on youtube
@@urmum2051 I did not realize that was wrong to say lmao? Guess I've been spending too much time on reddit before watching this vid
@@Leapingriver lol. Don’t worry, I feel you
"You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I DO need to show you respect... *but I'm a person, and I deserve your respect too.* " I CRIED. My mother doesn't understand this.
I wish a lot more parents understood that kids are people, not property. I hope things get better for you
@@emilieshamy Thank you :)
Exactly same
As the daughter of a narcissist, I feel this so hard.
She very well might be a narcissist or something lol I said the same thing for decades and learned why it never got through to her
We adore the dad in this. He’s so masculine and manly, yet he’s not afraid to show his love and be gentle with his family
YES the men in my family are so emotionally constipated and closed off. I like it when people are open with their expression of love!
@@nithyasreesathyanarayanan5611 same. Our brothers aren’t too bad, unless they’re around our parents. But to their defense, even the girls are like that too. We just don’t show emotion around our parents.
Honestly, from what I've seen, that seems to be a stereotypical portrayal of Scots. They're usually shown as people who don't even try to hide their emotions and aren't afraid to have a gentle side to go with their rough, brawling image. It's why I tend to admire them, actually.
@@Krendall2 we couldn’t agree more. It makes them even more masculine and human to show that they have emotions, but are also tough.
@@Krendall2 I believe that's how they are. Might be a cultural thing
the way merida says "i want you back, mummy" just never fails to shatter my heart...
this one moment of vulnerability in calling her mummy instead of mum or mother
😭 So powerful
I actually never realized she even said that until now wth?!
My mum uses what I call her to gauge my mood. I only call her mummy when I'm broken. It connects something harsh.
That was the moment I started bawling. I want my mummy back too 💔
👎👎👎👎😡
_"Her mom is doing what a lot of parents do which is they want the best for their kids, and they ignore what the kids are actually saying they need. [...] Be a parent but as you're guiding them to adulthood, let them be them."_
Sir, you've just succinctly summarized every major fight I ever had with my mom. XD
LITERALLY SAME holy shit 😭
I'm 26 going 27 and I still have that issue with my parents. Something something overBEARing pun
Just keep in mind one day you might be on the other side of the argument. Empathy is work.
As another almost 27 yr old, you kind of have to help your parents get there too. You have to stay calm and you have to vocalize what's wrong and how it makes you feel. I've spent years working with my parents on explaining why certain things they say to me are hurtful and it's taken time, practice, and patience but we're all getting better.
Like they said, most people want to do the right thing and do right by others
I think the big thing with moms is they think we should want what they think we need. If I ever say "no thanks" to a recommendation/suggestion from my mom, she'll find a way to do it for me, even if it's not what I'd prefer.
Only Johnathan could say:
“he’s gonna lose his wife and his sons... to beardom”
with a completely sincere straight face 🤣🤣
I rehear it in a scottish accent in my mind, and it develops a double-meaning.
@@MystfireStudio 🤣
I didn't even hear that last part LOL
I heard it as he was losing them to Merida and I started bawling again
For real though 🥰🐻🧸🧸🧸
Notice the queen’s hair before and after she was a bear. Before it was so rigid and literally tied up/uptight, but after her transformation she allowed herself AND her hair to really unwind and adopt some of her daughter’s excitement and desire for freedom in life
It’s beautiful (figuratively and literally - she looks so good with her hair down)
A similar thing I noticed: in the first tapestry the queen made, with the family, Merida's hair is neatly braided like the queen's own hair, but in the tapestry with Merida and the bear, Merida's hair is loose and full. It's a small thing, but I think it reflects that her image of her daughter has shifted from the idealized version to embrace her as she truly is.
It's more accepted to learn from adults, but sometimes it's a two way street. We can learn a lot from people younger than us as well 🥰🥰
That's not good, she's not supposed to adopt her rebellious daughters excitement and desire freedom, she's supposed to be a prim and proper queen.
TBH almost every woman looks great with her hair down
@@travisboutilier2220character development
“When you treat kids like people instead of like kids, what ends up happening is the respect that you’re demanding - they give to you freely.”
Looking back on my childhood, I can say that this right here is a big part of why I’m so close with my parents. It absolutely works like what Jonathan said.
@@mww22410 same here
@@mww22410 ngl my parents were pretty hard on strong, they didn't respect me as a person. but when i got to 17 i acted in such a way that they had no choice to (lots of extra curriculars etc that made me stay in school late to the point that they couldn't keep track of my schedule and had to start trusting me to lead my own life).
but im very close to them now at the age of 23 because they went through a divorce and i ended up becoming the adult/therapist for the family.
In my case my parents keep treating me as a child btw i'm 23 but at the same time demands me a lot of responsabilities and actitudes that I never had in all my life because they'll make everything "easy" for me. they overproteccted me and that's it's also so wrong. I never had limits and I can't solve a lot of things for myself because they never teach me how to do it when I was a kid, it's extremely awfull and they don't change. I have a lot of mental issues and i'm in treatment in the present, but keep them in my life is bad because they don't let me progress. I have an older sister and they never was like this with her.
@@telescopia_ I've had a very similar problem too. I never realized it was a problem when I was younger but now that I am an adult I can better see that the overprotective nature and spoiling me/making life easy for me is keeping me from learning a lot of things I need to and should have already learned. I've been expected to inherently know without the experience; to follow the path laid out for me because it's the safest and best for me. I'm trying to make my own choices but it's often met with a lot of strife first. It's terrible when you have to grow a shell to protect yourself from the one/s that spent your whole life protecting you. I'm wishing you the best!
"You try to tell someone what they're doing is wrong then they'll tell you why it's right, cause you're arguing the result and they're arguing the intention''
This was also my favourite takeaway from this episode. I feel like understanding this disconnect could lead to solving or avoiding arguments altogether!
Yes if nothing else was said this entire episode ... this one thing would have made it worthwhile.
🤯🤯🤯🤯
The quote is at 22:24 for reference. I also liked the summary leading up to that sentence, starting at 20:50
powerful.
Pixar is great at opposing characters both having something to learn.
Huh, I never thought about that, but yeah, they are, good point.
I mean, isn't that what they've always done?
@@nivyan Yeah, that's the whole point of OP's comment...?
@@JolieGirl2002 Maybe? I was indirectly asking if any of their movies doesn't have this trope. If my assumption is right, then yeah.
Maybe the concept was interesting but the movie was so flawed. Maybe it’s removing Brenda Chapman, maybe her vision already was not anything else than one character dynamic and everything else in the film was poorly thought out. And Merida isn’t very appealing character in any case.
Something I liked about the film was that Merida doesn't get everything she wants, but she gets what she needs. She's able to rescue her mom and put off the wedding, but on the journey there she has to embrace some of the things her mother was trying to teach her, such as speaking diplomatically. When they're in the wild, her mother gets to see Merida's skills at work in a valuable way, opening her heart too. Neither ends up enforcing their will; they meet in the middle and acknowledge each other's value and needs.
Yay!
Her mother also learned what her children saw through her time with Meridia as a bear. She's refusing to eat fish, and Merida is using the same lines she used with the triplets.
It's also the only time she has gotten to interact with her daughter. For a long time she had teach Merida to be a queen, and had to interact as queen mentoring a princess. Now she's a mother spending time with her daughter. Funny how she had to turn into an animal for that to happen.
Very succinctly put. The biggest reason I adore Brave is that neither Merida nor her mother are completely in the right or completely in the wrong. They have to compromise and learn to see things from the other’s perspective in order to reach a mutual understanding.
This story isn’t perfect but I love the characters and the message behind it and the love and passion put into it
She can't put off the wedding, she has to get married as soon as possible.
Fun fact: Pixar actually created a new software just so they could properly animate all of the 3,000+ strands of Merida's hair
Yeah!
hair problems require modern solutions
And another fun fact: her hair is springs attached to springs (I learnt this from khan academy)
pixar really has great animation work like take a look at soul, wtf they're animation whenever they play instruments looks so amazingly accurate
They did the same with Violets hair
"you were never there for me"
- She was always there for you just not in the ways you wanted
This line defines difficulties in relationships so much that it actually hurts
And I'll be borrowing that phrase in case my brother (or anyone actually) spits those exact words
@@Undomaranel yess! That's very much the right way to show that you actually care, listen and want to be there in the difficult times rather than just dismissing the issue which creates even more misunderstandings and distance
@@Undomaranel that's a good response..
If your child doesn't throw a fit and smash things first that'll lead you to throw a fit as well (unless you keep your cool)
I always found this movie underrated! I’m also of Scottish descent so that drew me in too :)
@Karima Cubero it depends. It's the same way how people use "tough love". People often confuse their needs with their wants. Ex. People think they NEED a friend who will back them up no matter what. What they really need is a friend who isn't afraid to tell them that they are wrong.
Jonathan really was born to be a therapist. He's gifted
Thank you for saying so. This made my day.
@@Victor_Graves Nevertheless, He's gifted
@@Victor_Graves kool
@@CinemaTherapyShow ❤❤❤
@@Victor_Graves some people are born with talents others don't have, that's a fact of life. That doesn't disqualify that he still had to go to school and learn all he knows now to bolster his his skills and talents to be an even better therapist. It's like how med students usually have no aversion to blood, that's a natural talent some have at just having a strong stomach or being naturally very even keel so they work well in emergencies. It doesn't invalidate that they still worked hard to get where they are, but their talents help make them better at what they do.
Something I realized after watching this film hundreds of times, in the scene where Eleanor is talking to her husband and Merida is talking to her horse... What they've insinuated by them having a perfect back and forth is that Fergus, the king, is saying almost the exact words Merida is, to Eleanor. They are having a conversation, with Fergus substituting as Merida. He knows his daughter so fully and completely that he could speak for her almost word for word. The scene where Merida says "I want my freedom" and Eleanor says "but are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?" it shows that Fergus actually understands Merida perfectly, because he used that same word: freedom.
While Merida who, at this point, knows nothing of her mother other than the veneer she puts on is talking to... a horse. Lol Meridas version of the conversation seems to be far more one sided than the one her MOTHER expects to have.
I'm glad you took something super insightful from that scene, because what I took from that conversation, was that Fergus has the equivalent IQ of a horse.
@@dreamibluyou killed me 💀💀💀 that was so hilarious
I love how when Johnathan was talking about anger I noticed how his popcorn bag was ripped open instead of just opened and thought about how frustrating that bag must have been.
Jonathan here. Good eye, that totally happened! Popcorn got everywhere, I lost 1/3 of the bag, we had to pause to cleanup.
@@CinemaTherapyShow LOL!
@@CinemaTherapyShow anger and then instant regratz 😂
@@CinemaTherapyShow no couch is safe from your sweet, cheesy rage
This commentary is missing a key piece, which is the scene at the river where Queen Elinor has to rely on Merida's wilderness knowledge and fishing skill and she realizes that her daughter isn't lazy or inattentive, just skilled in a different way.
Right! I also wish they included Merida’s speech to the clans with her mom in the back helping her. It was such an important part as Merida admits and sees where she was wrong while also being supported and understood by her mother. A lot of healing happened in that moment.
@@Crystal5672cats The other thing i like about her speech, is rather than insult the chiefs she praises them for their shared history and comradeship so that the feuding chefs were more focussed on being friends then rivals, which killed a lot of the tension for the whole affair.
@Lydia "Oh. I forgot. A princess should not have weapons, in your opinion. [Bear-linor nods, pauses, then glares at Merida]" (12/10/2021)
Yes! That scene and the one where Merida gives a speech with the help of her mom! 👏
What does she think she did all those times she rode away with a bow and arrow? Just sit around all day and _clean_ it?? Lol.
"when you treat kids like people, what ends up happening is that the respect that you're demanding, they give to you freely" well said, sir. well said
This goes for about 90% of kids, which makes the other 10% exceedingly painful. Because as a fairly well-loved teacher who manages to connect with most students, those other 10% put you in a permanently oscillating state between "how do I get them under control so the others can enjoy school" and "am I being fair enough to them".
@@DrZaius3141 A lot of the time those kids are just acting out because they have it tough and don't know any other way to deal with it..it sucks but you have to do what you have to for the good of the rest of the class.
@DrZaius3141 Most of that 10 percent aren't trainable UNLESS you take em out of a bad environment or put em by force in groups. Depends on how you want to be seen, although if you are a teacher, I hope you'd want your school to not be shut down for the latter like my grade 9 school was.
@@DrZaius3141 those 10% are the kids not getting respect at home. if the parents treat their kid better, they behave better
I don't agree with that, you're kids should listen and obey you no matter how you treat them until they come of age.
I LOVE how Merida never seems scared of her mom, there’s one scene after the tapestry gets sliced when Eleanor yanks off her bow and Merida looks somewhat shocked but not scared, and that’s something I wish I could have with my parents
I was also shocked when my parents did
i would have been scared shitless lol
That's why the title is called "Brave" because she was never scared throughout the whole movie.
I would have been scared with every argument lmao
MOOD! If my mom came at me like that, I would FREAK!
A parent who is able to humble themselves, admit they are wrong, and apologize to their children are the best parents.
Edited for grammar reasons :D Thanks everyone!
and at the same time, the children will learn how to do it too!
But the thing is, parents think and feel that they're superior than their child cause they're the one feeding and sheltering and basically the one who plays god. (mostly in asian countries)
Our thoughts are not heard, once we TRY to respond in the softest and least intimidating way possible, parents will be like "so you're talking back now huh? " and then recieve punishment later.
Why can't parents just listen? We (the children) hear them, but can't we just explain ourselves?
Can't recall a time when I received such an apology. I was always the one apologizing, even when I wasn't wrong.
Wait they exist?
My dad did this and I learned to do it too because I’d feel really grateful and admire that he did that and I would apologize to him if I ever did something wrong and in general I know pride isn’t more important than doing the right thing and I always try to admit my mistakes and change for the better
As someone who has Merida's *EXACT* hair, and is of Scottish descent, can confirm: our curly hair defies all logic, sense, and gravity.
and hair ties lol
No amount of leave in conditioner or scrunchies can contain it
I can imagine how bad it could be when you have a bad hair day XD
I’m not Scottish, but Black and Irish, but my wild curly (slightly tighter curls than Merida) hair defies gravity, and things on shelves when let loose.
*every person with a grade 3 or 4 hair type* 🧍🏽♀️
When my son was a wee little baby I was asked what I wanted my son to be. My first response was "himself". They didn't understand me so I clarified "kind, healthy and happy". He's 10 now and he's asked me what I think he should be when he grows up and I always say the same thing " yourself. I want you to be you. I want you to be kind, healthy and happy ".
Kind, healthy and happy? Or kind of healthy and happy?
I can relate. When we announce my eldest would be named David Reuben. His father's family said, "Oh, he's going to be a doctor." (Cue eyeroll). When they allowed me in the conversation enough, I would say, "Or whatever he wants to be." I knew most of them were joking but his grandmother was insistent. I said to her several times, "Can't we just let him grow up and decide what he wants before we start making plans for him?" His father said it a lot but always with a laugh. Turns out he is severely autistic. His father came up crying from the basement one day and said he'd been watching Dougie Houser and was crying because he had thought David would be a doctor. I tried to reply compassionate but I was thinking, "Really? You really had that all planned out for him? If he decides he wants that, he will have to work much harder to achieve it than most but I will support him. However, why can't we just let him be a kid and then support him in the things he finds interesting. Why do you feel compelled to choose an occupation for him?"
I applaud you for having this perspective.
I had a conversation with my dad a few weeks ago, and I had said something along the lines of “I’m sorry that I’m not great at a lot of things, or never was accomplished as you” and he replied something like “You are independent, you are a good person; what more could a parent want?” And hearing that made me so happy. I’m almost 30 and never finished college, and instead have been working in childcare for nearly a decade. My gramma, my father’s mother, might have reservations about that, but it means so much that my parents don’t.
For some reason my mother wanted either 1) a child exactly like her or 2) a sport star. I am the exact OPPOSITE of her in every way, and my youngest brother was a football star. Guess which child got more encouragement and positive reinforcement...
@@celianunn2070 And how many siblings do you have? Perhaps you're not alone. Did you every talk about your jealousy?
As a curly-haired person, I appreciate the animation of the hair. It's almost like it's an entirely separate character, which is what it feels like to have curly hair. No matter how much time you spend trying to "tame" it, it will do whatever it wants to do. It's a bit of a representation of Merida herself. Not to be tamed. Love it.
Whenever I saw a comb that bragged of being indestructible I would just laugh. My curls have snapped many such braggards.
I think they actually talked about that after the movie was released. They actively had to draw every curl in their 3D programs to correctly animate the way they all moved.
Yes!!! My hair is completely untameable lol. No matter what I do, it's ALWAYS frizzy.
The line about parents projecting their self worth onto their kids’ success reminds me of my favorite line from a video by Tulok the Barbarian about Zuko from Avatar. “You are their child, not their trophy.”
My mum always criticises how she looks, and would always do it to me. Ive had to say to my mum (only as I got older, I just got upset when I was a teenager)
"You may talk to yourself like that, or think about yourself like that, and I'm sad that you do, but I don't talk to myself like that, I like how I look and I don't like when you say that stuff to me" and I had to get really strong on that, because I was told "you need to not be so sensitive and take criticism" (on my entire body and style )
This is true. But remember that parents have been thru what children haven't. They want their kids to have a better life than what they've had and of course to not make the same mistakes. It is parental love.
@@preciousthing101
It reminded me of my mother😑
Well, look at that. An atla analysis I havent's watched yet. I'm googling it right now xd
When my uncle is getting angry he prefers to go for a walk. Then he comes back home and he and my aunt talk more calmly about their previous discussion and forgive each other. They have been married for decades.
aww thats sweet :D
That's a good communication right there. Wish to get a relationship like that
He sounds like a level headed man I respect him
Aye it's nice to hear mention of another "go for a walk" guy
When I get angry I always start crying
Fun archery fact: When you hit an arrow with another arrow, we actually call that a Robin Hood. 😂 (At least it is in Norway.)
And depending on how expensive your arrows are, it'll be met by either a cheer or a groan. 😆
And if I’m right, three arrows is a Maid Marian
I think
@@penny-peanut Oh my gosh, really? 🤩 Where in the world is that?
@@HeidiAga I… unfortunately can’t remember where I got that information.
You ever just remember random things with no context as to where you got them? Yeah, that’s me. Sorry.
In Germany we too call it a Robin Hood. I know an archery shop with build in range, that gives you new arrows if you shoot one on their range and let them keep it as a trophy.
We call it the same in germany. Some archery teams even hang them up.
You have a good mom. I told my mom I was a person with thoughts and opinions and she said "No you're not." Full-stop.
my parents are like that too. Im their only daughter and eldest child too. i can go days without speaking to them even tho we live in the same house
It is insane how it reminds me to the "You don’t exist" line from 1984... damn. My father is a horrible narcissist, but at least my mother is great. But it always breaks my heart when I encounter bad parenting that hurts children. :(
@@Szokynyovics breeding should be dependent on emotional maturity tests
I am so sorry. I can't believe she would say that. I really don't understand some people. You are definitely a person. She's wrong.
@@Szokynyovics Me too, especially when I spot it in public. My heart breaks for those poor children.
Little Jonh's letter was so wise, no wonder he became a therapist
I also thought about it when I heard it. He was truely born for this job! 😁
It is. I was like I might have to try that or something similar
That reminded me of how my sisters and I would leave each other notes to apologize whenever we fought. With little baggies of gummy bears or cereal to munch on.
My mom needed a letter like that when I was younger. Sadly, I don't think it'll work now; she's too used to controlling me.
@@hauntedshadowslegacy2826 I guess, you'll never know until you try...
Something important that a lot of people don’t realise is that “explained” does not mean “excused.” If someone treats you poorly because, “They had a difficult past,” or, “They’re just worried,” that doesn’t mean that they’re treatment of you is automatically excused. It gives reasoning and depth to why they acted that way, yes, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay.
This is a difficult one in my opinion. On the whole I agree that the explanation is basically the acknowledgement of where x or y comes from and that it will be addressed and isn't okay. But it's also not going to change overnight if it's a behavior that has been going on for a while.
There is also the layer that some people were so trashed in their past that they can't see it as anything but an excuse and need some serious therapy to start understanding it as an explanation.
If I have someone in my life in that position, I can understand that it's not their fault, but I will always take measures when I notice bad behavior to protect myself too. If all they can see is excuse in every direction, I know they aren't ready for change. It's really important for people to understand explanation doesn't mean it's okay, yet also doesn't mean that it needs to change overnight, often because mistakes are more complex then one mess up. That and the human brain can't just change behavior with one instance of it showing to be a problem. A person willing to work with the other understanding it as an explanation also understands that it is likely future mistakes will be made and that it's a learning process.
The trick is that it actually improves overtime. Often the next instance isn't as bad as the first and the next after that is less problematic until the problem is actually solved.
It's when it's on repeat or gets worse each time that the person with the issues sees it as an excuse.
I hope this all made sense lol. I just take issue with people saying explanation means it has to be fixed now, which is often what most people take it as. Excuse and explanation aren't black and white in most cases. Also the transgression in itself can indicate if the explanation matters at all. Some things are just crossed lines.
@Cenestpasmapersonnalité ☝🏽 💯
mm agreed. i believe that, simply put, “ur trauma does not excuse u hurting other ppl” n it’s not only helped me personally when others do hurt me n they try to justify it by using their trauma, but also how i interact w others: is my own trauma affecting my actions w others n hurting them
Yes yes yes yes yes
As someone with toxic parents who both went through hardships, I can agree that their pain and trauma does not justify their actions. I understand that you need help, but I can't give it to you. 😔
I was 12 when Brave came out and it was such an important movie for me, seeing a horse riding bow shooting Merida and the fact that she didn't have a romantic interest I just adored it, still do.
I was 17 and saw it with my dad and I was legit crying and my dad fell asleep 🤣
Same here! Especially as someone who cares more about career than love life. I guess you could say it felt like being less alone :)
ngl I just love Brave because I adore Scottish accents (and also the horse-riding bow-shooting girl power) but the fact that she never gets a love interest is also something I've come to adore as I've gotten older (originally I just didn't care if she had one or not, I was the same age as you I think)
They made a children's book where she does pick one of the boys 😭
@@klcpesan *_THE BLASPHEMY_*
10:28 My partner and I have a safe word because sometimes it's just easier to say "pineapple" in the middle of a dispute and both of us understands that we need to revisit this topic later. For example the other day we were heading out to get some groceries after a long day at work and I wanted to talk about some repairs the car needed, my partner is not very good at dealing with financial issues when they're tired so she said "pineapple" and I dropped the subject.. later when we got home she asked me what it was I wanted to say. In this way we avoid conflicts from the little things like irritability and fatigue, and when we have larger issues it helps us to break it down into chunks that are more manageable and less intense.
That's a great way to improve your communication skills and avoid arguments!! My mom and I actually used the word "peaches" when there was something that I just didn't want to share. Growing up we were always (and still are) so close and told each other everything, so once I started avoiding some questions she started worrying that I had troubles when in reality I just wanted some privacy and she wasn't used to me expressing it that way. So we sat down and agreed that if either of us would ever say peaches, the topic isn't something I CAN'T talk to her about, just something I want to keep to myself. I guesd fruits work great for this 😂😂
I've tried setting up this almost exact system with family, but they just follow me around demanding the answers they want to hear while I say "not now, I need space, it's late etc" until I snap, snd then I'm evil for snapping. I've tried deflecting for over an hour once and they don't give a fuck
But this requires self-awareness and reflection, which not everyone (eg my father...) has. Even if I tried, I could never avoid his tantrums...
I love this idea.
I cried when Jonathan told about how he wanted to be seen as a person. No matter how many arguments I have with my parent, I’ll never get that respect that I need. It’s truly tiring when you have a narcissistic parent.
it is absolutely tiring putting so much effort for them but just not having the effort returned
Very that
It's just a one-way street with them. For some reason because of my parents, if I notice a relationship is one-sided I walk away, friends, bf, gf, idc I will walk away
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who cried at this, God I wish I could say that to my parents.
@@sourlofi I agree it feels like you're carrying an invisible weight, and it suffocating
When Merida's mother said "you're acting like a child," I feel like a good response from Merida to help her mom understand would have been "because I am."
I had the same thought.
OnG i would've said, "UH WELL IDK, mAaaaaYBe, BeCaUsE I aM??????"
The thing is, Merida doesn't consider herself as a child, she feels mature enough to decide her own destiny, she thinks she's an adult (and at the time she actually was, she's about to get married) so answering that way would have been illogical
@@denissa449 she was 17 ,wasn’t she? If so then she was a child
@@kingofhearts804 Yes, but the concept of "child" and "adult" has changed through the ages. By the standards of the era in which this movie is set, Merida is very much not a child. By our standards-- by modern standards-- of course she is.
A piece of advice that I heard was: "Give me 20 minutes to be angry". It seems like walking out of the conversation but it's just asking the other person for time to process through emotions and come back when your mind is clear rather than spend those 20 minutes saying and doing things that you'll regret
Not long after I turned 21, I told my dad that the worst punishment he used to give my brother and I was to tell us to go to our room and think of "an appropriate punishment". It was agonizing because we knew if we were too lenient he’d be extra hard on us for trying to weasel out of punishment, but we might come up with more harsh or more creative punishments than he would and give him ideas.
When I told my dad how we used to agonize over that he looked blank for a sec, then said, “Annie, I only told y’all that because I was so angry that I needed 20 minutes to calm down. I didn’t want to be anything like my dad [he was super abusive], and I was afraid of my temper getting the better of me, so I told y’all that just to get you out of my sight for a bit. Then I could approach things calmly and rationally. I never knew that y’all took me so seriously when I’d say to think of an appropriate punishment."
It’s really stuck with me. I have one kid and I’ve never been that mad at him yet, but he’s getting close to being a teenager so I’m sure the day is coming when I’ll be so mad that I’ll have to tell him "we both need to be alone for 20-30 minutes and then revisit this with a clear head."
@@Annie_Annie__ This is a good example of how what a parent says to a child, can stick with that child for far longer than the adult intends.
Ooo I like this
@@kiwin7119 For me it was a formative memory that shaped who I am; for you it was Tuesday
It's actually really smart. I've been trying to practice that more with my family
You really see a growth in Merida from "none of this is my fault" to "this is exactly all my doing."
I also found it sad how detached mom felt from the family that even in the tapistry she's the only one further away from everyone. You can see it in their family interactions where she has to be the authoritarian and the bad guy while dad has a great relationship with the kids because he gets to be fun.
“But their pain is valid as yours is, their fears are valid as yours are”
+
Yup.
no one' s perfect... but i just wish my dad knew this phrase when we were kids... he was busy with work and living in the same roof but him, along with our mom who's also busy, felt distant to me and my bro... in my 27 yrs on my life, the only advice he gave to us were related to exercise or that we should exercise to avoid stress and how we felt, or related on how he was successful in his course... i know he's a kind person, but not the most empathic father...
I just realized that in the scene where the queen tossed Merida’s bow in the fire, the bowstring only snaps once Merida walks away. This represents that the tension that’s been building between them has finally snapped, and neither of them can take it back now. How crazy is that
The other significance: Elinor's immediate regret of tossing the bow in the fire, is because that was the bow Fergus gave Merida when she was little. Its been a treasured item and Elinor destroyed that out of a flash of anger.
Oh, to me it just reminded me to when my mother threw my sketch books and pencils away
@@abigailsanchez9673 Ouch, I'm so sorry! As somewhat of an artist myself, this really hit me.
“Mom, I’m so sorry,” my daughter said after Brave ended. “Now I understand.” 😢🥰😭
That scene where the mum throws her bow in the fire but regrets it reminds me of the scene in how to train your dragon where Stoic slams the door on Hiccup but similarly regrets it almost immediately. It would be cool to see a how to train your dragon video analysing the father son relationship between Stoic and Hiccup, where the son thinks he's a disappointment because he's not like his father and the father needs to learn to except that his son is different and that that's not a bad thing and to just be proud
Good news: we've got an episode on Hiccup and Stoick coming very soon!
@@CinemaTherapyShow and it's GREAT👍
*Thank you for suggesting this because now it's happened*
@@starcycle4308 has it? I couldn't find the video on their channel.
@@zk6410 Yep! ua-cam.com/video/SzzVbWKMmZ0/v-deo.html (just the link to the specific video) and I must say, it is amazing
What always breaks me about this movie is when Merida is hugging Elinor Bear, the audio of little Merida and Elinor singing the Scottish lullaby is playing in the background. It's such a beautiful moment in the movie and makes me want to go locate and hug my mom
As the kid who lost the "you are going to business school" fight with my parents. This is impactful. I wanted to go to art school but was told that I would not get a stable job. I fought tooth and nail. I regreted it for so long and even stopped painting and drawing for four years. Then my parents told me that it hurt them to watch me go throught this. They never thought that their fight to keep me from an unstable career would lead me to give up my passion. That is not what they wanted. I told them I gave up because I thought they gave up on me. Then they bought me art supplies for Christmas and encouraged me to draw or paint as often as I can. I understand. They just wanted what was best for me. They hoped that my business career would help start my own art career some day.
I can understand why people like your parents think that way. But here is what I have seen many times in my life so far :
People with "stable" jobs throwing all that away and moving to the country side, becoming Farmers, Fishers or just the town's oddball. They all say the same thing. "Yes, I make less money than before, but I feel so much better now."
If a Person ever tells you what to do again, show them a documentary about landscape! Each one has at least one interview with a "runaway".
Honestly, the best thing you can do for your kids is to elaborate on why you want x to happen, and as what eventually happened with you, compromise as you work out how to approach the solution. Glad things worked out for you.
See, my parents just encouraged me to seek certification for a dependable better-than-entry-level job, something that I could do while I was in college for the thing I loved OR as a safety net for if my chosen career failed.
It isn't nearly as devastating to be told "ok, just spend one summer to earn certification to be a pharmacy technician, that way you have something to support you until you find success, or fall back on if it doesn't work out" than if they had said "no, your chosen career will fail, you need to spend 4+ years to get this degree that you don't want for a career you don't want".
@@spooniesarah Exactly.
I hope they are proved right eventually and you start your art career.
This was the wrong episode to listen to in the car on the way to work... Because I forgot how i get emotional at the family dynamics in , so I pull into the parking space put on my mask while just bawling...
Same!
That was me with the onward episode. I still havent watched it through because i keep crying.
Awww.
@@tyleralyssa2875 I had to Watch Onward before I watched their vid. Finally watched the film with both my parents.
Every video by cinema therapy makes me cry buckets 😭
I was just talking with my boyfriend about how neither of us understand how parents forget what it was like being a teenager. It's traumatic, at the least, and we both hate how parents invalidate their kids' feelings when they are perfectly reasonable to have.
Ikr ? When I was a teenager I noticed my mother started to stop taking me seriously sometimes and I wished to be a child again. She would just roll her eyes with a condescendant smile.
Where I am from we call adolescence the "ingrateful age" or the "dumb age" so that doesn't help :/
Im so sorry the name is even referred to it that way, I get that parents can have it hard not knowing what to do with all the changes and mood swings depending on their teen and it may be harder to connect to them
Because it’s easy to feel misunderstood by our parents but adolescence is more than just that, it’s a critical development getting just a bit closer to adulthood day by day, and it takes going through mistakes after mistake after discoveries to start to figure themselves out, again not letting them do whatever they want but also teaching them that the parameters you set are part of them developing self love if the goal is for the parent to just shape the teen however they expect them to it’s not going to work because they will sense the little to no autonomy they have which is a vital human need
Forget what it's like to be a teenager? My parents forgot their whole childhood teenage years and all. Kinda crazy how my parents are first to say "I wAs A kId OnCe ToO sO i KnOw-" but then continues to do the same things their parents did to them to me. (Can't wait till I'm 18)
@@blahface240 I am twenty and I can tell you, unless you found a way to be financially stable (in that case bravo) sadly being 18 is not going to change anything.
@@arona6692 yes I know. But I say that because my parents will see me as an adult once I turn 18 and that's when they finally will stop controlling me, disrespecting me, and saying that they own me just because I'm a child. At least at 18- even though ik I probs won't move out until years (if I'm lucky maybe months 😳) later, they will finally start seeing me as a person with opinions and so on.
This had me crying after you talked about the instant regret and being stupid when we're angry... I went to my 7 year old and hugged her and told her I was sorry for sometimes getting angry and yelling at her sometimes. Her first remark was that "you didn't yell at me today, Dad." I told her I know not today, but too much, and I would try to be better. Then we hugged and both cried for a minute. Thank you for this channel.
This is great. I hope you succeed in your efforts to yell less. Best wishes to you and your family.
"you didn't tell at me today dad" would have me bawling in that moment
I heard "you usually do so I'm used to it even tho it hurts, but you haven't yet and this apology is confusing" and that hitting me while explaining the need for apologizing would be overwhelming. You're a great parent and this is a beautiful and triggering comment. Thank you.
@@MyNameBeeKayy that's not what she meant, but I get how that could be upsetting.
@@OlTrev apologies for presuming. Still a great parent tho
The problem with "You break my things I break yours" is that kids and teenagers don't have the self-control and/or knowledge you as an adult have. You can't fight fire with fire. The adult should be the wise one that says "We need to calm down and be rational".
Yeah I think that’s what they meant about “anger makes most people act dumb.” Parents get angry with their kids. But the mom fell to Merida’s level of immaturity, in her anger, rather than defusing or de-escalating the situation. It wasn’t right, and she realized that right away it was the wrong thing to do.
What you said her us 100% true, but I think you misconstrued what they were saying. They never said that was ok, in fact they immediately when into how in anger we often do things we later regret.
And while it is true what we should expect kore of adults than children or teenagers, it is also true that we are all fallible human beings. We all make mistakes. And claiming that a parent is never allowed to boil over is utterly ridiculous.
@@sassyviking6003 right. Adults have emotions too, and everyone is going to screw up at times. Expecting them not too or trying to assign who is more right in a situation is pointless. There's not a score board.
That doesn't excuse what happens. The tapestry and the bow were just physical representations of how much they were hurting each other. The damage was real. It had laying ramifications. Even once it was repaired it wasn't the same as it originally was.
Everyone screws up, it's the adult's job to model how to go about addressing their screw ups in a healthy manner.
I feel like I agree and disagree. Many studies show that wisdom is evenly spread throughout pretty much all ages including teenagers. The problem with many parents is the belief that they think they know more than their child about everything. I get what u mean but I think it’s a little iffy.
Definitely. But if it does happen, parents should have curtesy to apologise. It teaches their kids accountability and then let’s them know their parents care to admit they’re wrong.
as my mum says "my job as a parent isn't to prevent stuff from happening to you or you'll never make anything happen, my job is to be there when something does happen" and she says all the time that she's learning as I'm learning, she admits that she may not know what to do but listens to figure out what needs to happen.
you have an amazing mom. cherish her :)
wow good for you, now that's a respectable parent
You really have a good mom then. In my society it's kind of like a stigma to talk about things like this, parents admitting their problems to kids is sort of like a weakness. Here, it makes more sense if the dad or the mom is lashing out at the kids and the kids are just mindless zombies who obey. Of course, Gen Z did break this stereotype, but the adults keep trying to bring it back.
@@steelhert4363 yeah it freaking sucks, it is a stigma around here to, my mum's constantly getting ragged on by schools and other parents but we have a really good relationship where I can just talk to her about anything and she won't get mad. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm boasting or something, I'm just sick of it being such a stigma, it's just really unhealthy and cruel!
@@lollyyolo7587 No, of course it doesn't sound like you're boasting. You're proud of your mom and you have every right to be.
I love the fact that Brave has no true villain. As you both mentioned, Merida and Eleanor are both the antagonists to each other, but neither is wrong or bad. Nor is the witch - she did exactly what was asked of her, and gave the information to reverse the spell if desired. Even the old bear (Morduur, I think his name was) at this point is just a bear, protecting his territory and hunting for dinner. For a story about mending relationships, I think it's so important that there is no evil character. Just a beautifully illustrated story about how important it is to listen to those we care about.
Mor'Du is the Prince Bear's name.
I say Eleanor is wrong. she is so much into detail yet she fails to obser ve what her dauther says and does.
7:18 The fact that Merida was so focused and had the bowstring drawn SO TAUT that the arrow's fletchings left a tiny scratch on her cheek, and it drove not just through the first arrow but also into the wood of the target's support?! WOW. Now that's intensity.
the nicest thing about this movie in my opinion is that, at all moments, they’re both wrong and wright simultaneously. there’s no villain-hero, they’re just people. they both have a reason to be angry, and both have something to apologize for.
"Saying I'm getting angry, I need to calm down" is something I wish more people understood and accepted. So many people I know get SO much more angry if you try to disengage and take a minute to calm down instead of continuing with the screaming argument.
Yeah people get real upset if I try to explain I need to calm down or I'll expload. Then they don't let me cool off so I end up exploading
literally my mom after she screams at me expecting me to take it all, i ask for a minute to clear my thoughts but no, i just break down in front of her instead 😬
My Mom literally told me that screaming and cursing is a healthy reaction when you're angry. I literally can't think of a good response if you're being verbally abusive!!!!!!!
My MIL taught all her children to walk away when they’re angry to calm down.
Of course there are people that don’t like it when my one of my SILs walks away from them; she almost fell down a flight of stairs when her grandmother grabbed her braid and a woman ripped the sleeve of one of her dresses because they were mad that she was walking away from them.
My ex would get pissed if I even hinted that I needed space to calm down.......it got ugly 😔
I think it's so beautiful that they keep pointing out that even as they struggle with each other, and to understand each other, Merida is never afraid of her mother. That's such a gorgeous detail.
Yeah, right. I wish I could too
@@elenavash.5749 I feel that man. I feel that.
Yeah...even though they don't understand each other the mother never intimidates her or anything. I wish we all had that...
Though, in the fire scene, you DO see Merida's face go straight to fear ... she knew she crossed a line, and she showed actual fear for a split second.
Yeah, so many times in that movie I had flashes of what my own parents would have done to me if I’d said half of what Merida did. And now I have a kid who behaves a LOT like Merida, and as frustrating as It is, i am so so proud of the fact that she isn’t afraid of me when I tell her off
Fun fact: The most impressive technical achievements of this film actually weren’t the hair and clothes simulations but the the first time of an animation studio using volumetric lightning and cloud simulations in a feature film
Fun fact: I'm german and the first time I saw this movie was on vacation in english with my grandmother who doesn't speak one word English. In the end she cried too and understood what this movie was basically about. Talking about well done filmmaking here.
People say that "communication is key" When it comes to relationships, but if they don't listen and understand (comprehension) then it's pointless. Communication and comprehension are the keys to healthy relationships.
SO FUCKING ACCURATE, communication matters but it means BASICALLY NOTHING if there is no comprehension component. I learned this lesson the hard way in my first and so far only romantic adult relationship, which did NOT last long (which sucked at the time, I wanted to keep trying but the other party was like “this is too much for me”, but honestly huge friggin relief for me in the long haul). We both highly valued communication and expressed that but we went in circles a lot regarding certain issues and I kept getting blamed for not meeting their expectations. Even though I felt I was, and I was starting to get resentful of that accusation as well as the fact I felt I was repeating stuff but not seeing it make an impact.
Communication matters, but frankly comprehension matters more.
Comminication involves the person relaying the information and the recipient, its not only the person relaying the info. No need to say communication and comprehension. Effective communication involves comprehension. This would be a better way of putting it rather than stating them as seperate things.
@@michaelpapageorgious5053 yup. My thought. Like, I get what the OP is saying but the "comprehension" in communication is usually implicit.
😅I have a learning comprehension disorder however trying and actually wanting to comprehend as well as asking many questions and working just a bit more to say a sentence. So yes you’re absolutely right🌸
@@marcisparcy5145 Definitely, communication is making an effort to comprehend, as well as making an effort to be clear, concise and accurate. And like you mentioned, there is an active listening component, where the recipient of the information may paraphrase it and repeat it back to the person retaining the essence of what was said. This is also related to steel-manning, which is the opposite of straw-manning (which might involve misconstruing the other person).
8:51 i feel like when she says “you’re acting like a child” it shows how high her expectations are for merida. she is a child. and when a child acts childish you can’t counter by being just as childish. that’s what makes that scene so frustrating to watch for me at lease
Good point. But we should take under consideration that, at that time, Merida might have been considered on the verge of adulthood.
@@AlaynaMoebius shes still a child; near an adult or not, she is still a child
@@peiskosi1193 Not for that epoch. So the mother saying that she's acting childish makes sense for the her and the time they live in, to state that she's acting immature.
@@peiskosi1193 back then she wasn’t considered a child just like how 18 in america people consider that not to be a child either. She’s an adolescence still finding herself and growing
Yo I feel that so much, I recently watched the Mitchell's vs the Machines which has a similar parent vs child, parent not understanding the child dynamic and I hate hate hate how movies try to portray like both sides are in the wrong when one of the sides is literally a child and the parent will do things that are actually incredibly toxic. Obviously there is the point of view that the "time period was different", etc but imagine being a teenager and your parent is trying to force you to get married even though you're not ready for it. Her mother also holds her to impossible standards of being perfect, criticizes every little thing she does that deviates from it, and is basically constantly reminding her she is a disappointment. What human wouldn't lash out or go crazy in that scenario?
15:23 The Army taught me that. There’s a huge difference between demanding respect and commanding respect, and the same is true for every relationship with that sort of dynamic.
Yes! Treat kids like people! Just because they are children doesn’t mean that they don’t have real problems!
That is why I get so frustrated with my siblings and the way they treat my niblings. The kids get frustrated because they are over tired, frustrated about something that seems small to adults, etc and they overlook it or get mad about it. I remind them that kids don't have adult feelings and that when they seem to be over dramatic (worst thing ever conversation), it might actually feel like that because they don't have the emotional maturity to handle it and it is that bad at that moment. My brother doesn't understand why the boys "behave" so much better for us, I find solutions and not problems and talk to them like people with real feelings.
Yeah. I talked about that with my mother explaining that Children leave their parents is because they feel likes “slaves” when they are born. I felt like that before. Like when I had a big project that was due in the morning, My mother was upset that I wanted to take off of work due to lack of sleep, so I kept myself on the schedule, but I fell asleep during my shift. I called my mother and talked to her, and thank god for therapy because she understood and said “I forget the things I can do, you cannot, and that’s fine.” Now, my mother allows me to make decisions, weather she likes it or not, but she trusts me enough to let me grow 😊
Exactly! I think that's the reason why I get along really well with my younger siblings and cousins - because I don't belittle their problems. Of course it would seem big to them because at that point of their lives, that's already the worst problem they've encountered. By listening to them and understanding why it's hard for them, I earned their respect - my younger siblings would even listen more to me than our parents, which can be difficult sometimes because then my parents would just ask me to be the one lecture or talk to them when there's a problem..
@@Chi_Me this worries me because it sounds like your parents are leaning on you a little too much. I could be wrong though
@@ashesfalldown492 when I had a talk with my dad a while ago, talking about how difficult it was for me when I went to school in my home country (I have ADHD and possibly on the autism spectrum, and the education system is terrible even for “normal” kids and basically 7 years of hell for my emotional and mental health), he argued that I had it easy and he was the one who was really affected because he had to pick me up late and embarrassed when the teachers talked about my grades, and I was the cause for all of it so I have no right to “complain”. It really hurt and it probably opened my eyes to all the emotional neglect. And it’s even worse considering that my parents had yelled at me almost every day back then, which was really traumatizing. But my dad just doesn’t seem to understand the emotional burden accumulated on a little kid over all those years, and even called me narcissistic and inconsiderate when I tried to explain how hard it was for me.
I love how Johnathan refers to his wife’s personality with every movie. shows how deeply in love with her he is and how well he understands her.
"we connect so easily when they are small. They grow older, and they want to establish their independence and there is a natural pushing away that often happens" THAT IS PURE GOLD, RIGHT THERE
Yeah, I felt like my dad liked me until I got old enough to push back 😕
I’ve used that, “You’re never there for me!” Line with my mother. Even thought she’s always been there to pick me up when I’m down, it was financially. She was never there emotionally. I like how Alan mentioned Meridas mother wasn’t there the way Merida NEEDED. I think lots of parents feel such a pressure to put a heavy focus on financially providing for their kids, they forget to be there for them emotionally as well.
your kids are not an extension of yourself. let them find their way trough life, that’s the only way they can become someone of their own and, sooner or later, they will. don’t hold them back, and most importantly don’t do it out of fear. all easier said than done, but that’s kind of what parenting is all about
Those be facts.
I know that most parents want the best for their kid(s). And I can see them wanting the little rascals to know and experience a lot things at a young age, but some times even That is a lot of pressure on the kids. To be lived through by your parent(s), and never left to just Be themselves and do their own thing from time to time. Some times there isn’t much freedom when the reins are too tight on the kids, and it shows.
Thank you
I think the best way to describe Merida and Elenor is “you both are listening, but you just don’t like what you’re hearing!”
“You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I do need to show you respect, but I’m a person and I deserve your respect too.” These words BROKE me. I wish my mom would understand this.
When I was a teenager I would write letters to my mom too. I felt like it was the only way to express my feelings more coherently without her interrupting me or shutting me out, and I could apologize for my behavior at the same time, and my mom NEVER acknowledged the letters. Never came to me to talk about it. Nothing. She would stew for weeks until she’s had enough of waiting for my teenage self to go to her and apologize to her, and she would explode at me about how I needed to learn to grow up and consider her feelings and how my behavior effected her emotionally/mentally.
As an adult I have tried to open discussions about how those teenage feelings still effect me today, and how it effects the tone of our adult relationship, and my mom constantly shuts down the conversation with, “You have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could! You’re an adult now, it’s time to grow up and get over it.”
It just sucks when you want to work on your relationship and the person on the other end of that relationship just doesn’t want to hear it.
I had this same experience! And if I ever mentioned the letters, she would explode in anger and chide me about not being mature enough to talk to her face and that I deeply hurt her by approaching her that way.
Thankfully she's changed completely the past 2 years, but it had taken far, far too many losses to really count as a win. But today, we get to speak. Hopefully you share this experience and can someday reconnect with your mother
People can be stubborn. It's so easy in a relationship where it's super stressed to focus on what you feel. It's so hard to admit when bad things happen it's like "yeah you feel bad so do I and I'm not complaining" but that's not how it works. I wish the world was that simple lol. You cant fix a relationship without admitting theres a problem. Sometimes family's dont have the skillset to understand how to communicate. It takes two to tango. It's hard but I hope I've helped
She sounds just too self-centred to be a parent
I hope you have found therapy for this. This kind of relationship where the parent is always right, gets to say whatever they want to say, and you just have to take it - is damaging and has long term impact.
I was ostracized from my family for 2 years because I tried to bring up that things weren't perfect growing up the way they always made things out to be. Literally I tried to tell the truth and I was shunned. I swallowed everything down for the next several years until I finally decided to cut them out of my life completely. That was nearly 2 years ago. It has allowed more and more memories to come to the surface, even after 10 years of my own focused healing. And allowed me to see bigger picture just how miserable my existence was and no, I wasn't making anything up or exaggerating. My parents went through their own kinds of trauma in their childhoods, and I feel compassion for them; as I do my grandparents who went through their trauma and so on. But I don't have to be in their lives, twisting myself into knots so I can be acceptable to them while they continue to go on without examining any of their past behavior. I wish you the same strength. 💗
When people say, "you have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could," means they know they did crap, and don't want to take responsibility because it embarrasses them and they'd rather just shout it down than stare it in the face. In all honesty I'd stop trying because she's never gonna get it. In her mind whatever shit she was "dealing with"(I knew everything that was happening even though my parents thought I didn't, kids always know) doesn't excuse it and doesn't absolve her of any responsibility. It speaks to how little she respects you that she can't admit she was wrong directly.
"When you treat kids like people instead of like kids, what ends up happening is the respect you're demanding, they give to you freely." 15:12
My mom needs to hear this.
For sureeee, my parents expect full respect just because they raised me
Can we have a series on fatherhood? I feel like dads in movies are often shown as the comedic relief in all the ways they're awfully represented. It'd be really cool to have that broken down and show examples of really good dads (like Po's dad in Kung Fu Panda).
Thank you! We elso need Prince movies. I'm really sick of the Princess movies. Let's have a series of movies for boys!
I'm gonna segue for a bit about this one. If you've already seen the Pixar short film about that Filipino dad who has a child with special flying abilities, "Float" that would be also related to your suggestion about dads (or male characters) having to be noticed about their struggles too.
@@kingblanketfort ikr! why can't we have prince movies :D
Maybe they should try the Mitchell's vs. the Machines. I know it's reasonably new, but the father-daughter relationship in it was so relatable to me at least.
I feel like there are so many films on fatherhood.....
Me: *has seen Brave at least 5 times*
Also me: *still cries during that last scene*
same
oh yeah same I'm bawling rn
I'm glad I'm not the only one 😭❤️
When i left a note for my mom to read she woke me up in the middle of the night, when she found it, to scream at me 🙄
I wrote at the bottom of the note "please don't yell at me"
thats kinda rude.....
[ur mom]
@@ellstoca that is one way to put it.
The worst part is the note i wrote was asking her if she loved her boyfriend more than she loved me.
Some people werent meant to be parents
....I'm sorry your mom was a jerk
@@shelbybeard7161 i heard once that there are 2 types of mothers. The bearing mother and the nurturing mother. Mine was certainly much better at having children than actually having much to do with them. I've gotten over it as much as anyone could 🤷🏻
I wrote a letter to my mom asking her to be kinder to me n more loving n she read it and didn't care
Listen without defense, speak without offense. Most memorable poster in my psych class.
Love that!
You can also see the mother releases control (in her hair) during the entire movie up till she is a bear her hair is in a braid, but at the end she allows it free and down
I was going to comment the same!
Literally "letting her hair down"
they do that in titanic too. In the beginning of the movie Roses hair is tied up tightly and progressively throughout as she spends time with Jack it gets looser and looser until the sinking when it’s completely down. Little things you notice in movies
Yes! I loved that detail. We also understand where she's coming from. She was groomed to fulfill her duties in the same way as Merida, it's a cycle. It made her a lot easier to sympathize with. We're all the products of our upbringing and environment, but it's also on us to make a conscious decision to be and do better than our predecessors.
But also, it's still somewhat tied - she didn't turn into a copy of Merida herself - she's still Elinor, with the more restrained and reserved personality... Just less strictly so.
"My favourite Pixar movie is 20 of them" is literally me 😂😂
My two favorite movies are Pixar and Ghibli 😄
When you think Pixar can't top something, they end up shooting an arrow like Merida right through their last production.
It would be so nice to have a Zuko analysis, and his relationship with his uncle Iroh as opposed to his real dad, and his whole journey to become the king
I was so addicted to that show
An excellent suggestion, friend! I would hang on every word of that!
Yeeeeees ! Iroh is the father figure and guide ever !
20:54 reminded me of the quote "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Brave always felt a bit close to home, my mum's a Scottish woman and I fought with her all the time. I've figured out that part of it is her wanting to protect me but we were just too similar and that caused a lot of tension. Ugh this film always makes me cry.
It’s quite sad that people say that brave is one of the worst pixar films they made when it’s a really great movie. Sure they could have made a potentially good world building movie (when i first saw the first brave trailer i thought it was some badas red riding hood film) but it’s a simple film and it’s decent enough
@@emiendo3128 I've not heard that! That's such a shame. I really liked the message in it and I LOVED that they hired Scottish actors and not people doing Scottish impressions. I've always found most people's impressions mildly insulting as yknow, half my family are Scottish and don't go around screaming "och aye the noo". My mum actually stopped saying och aye because she was relentlessly bullied about it here in England.
I had the same thing happen! My mom is from North East Scotland and I grew up in America!! Haha so interesting!!
@@emiendo3128 I feel like most people say that it was disappointing because of how messy the plot got (I believe eliquorice and schaffrillas productions did some great vidoes on this). One plot is about how Merida doesn't want to get married and about "girl power"; But that plot got totally forgotten like halfway through the movie for an, I guess, "random" plot of her mother turning into a bear.
@@3geeseintrenchcoat One criticism, which I think is valid, is that "and not people doing Scottish impressions" applies to the voices but not to the full male characters. They are drawn and act in ways that take stereotypes into uncomfortable levels of mockery. It bothers some people I know to a much larger degree but I do think, if you are going to make a film tied to deep cultural roots, tread carefully when you try to make things "funny" or comedic. There are murky lines between making fun *with* a culture and making fun *of* a culture. Those decisions from the top were, imho, poor ones and detract from the rest of the film which I really do love. Obviously that's a subjective line and impressions will differ.
Watched this movie with my mom, and all she says is Merida is being irrational, selfish, and ungrateful, and that mother knows best. Guess why i have depression since i was 13.
I'm guessing she was a fan of Gothrel from tangled
Same here, my mom knew damn well that I was sensitive. I didn't even know that I was sensitive till my dad pointed it out and only he was the one who was willing to respect the boundaries that I made when it came to teasing me. After he was the one who actually showed that he cared. While my mom constantly crosses it just because she could.
Ur mom and mine would be great pals it seems.
Saaaaaaame
My mom and I loved the movie.
When I was younger I used to have bad fights with my mom and after she left my room I just threw pillows at the wall. When I look back to it now, it's fascinating that I had just as much control over myself to not destroy anything. Also it helped me releasing my anger. What a smart/dumb angry teenager
same except I’m still a teenager lol. I’m somehow really good at containing anger and releasing it though drawing
I destroyed something once, and felt so bad that I never did it again. Though I may not allow myself to become angry at all and don't set any boundaries to avoid any conflict... Which is something I still need to work on.
@@axoNNNessj I ripped a page out of a book once when I was 7 or 8 maybe. My mom saw it later and took all my books away until I "learned how to control my anger and respect my things." I never did it again, but I did start taking a baseball bat to trees when she wasn't around to stop me. As an adult, I feel bad about hurting the trees. :(
Wow.. I once destroyed my iPhone, many times destroyed remotes and always bit my knuckles when I was angry. So I'm having huge respect for you for just throwing pillows at the wall.. I believe that most of the anger I feel inside still comes from when I was a teenager because for me it's still hard handle how my mom talks to me.
meanwhile when i get in a situation like that i think of a way to be petty and spite the person i'm mad at 😂 i basically end up hatching a plan and then doing something behind their backs.. like if they walk away from their laptop and leave it alone putting the screen upside down by changing the windows settings so they come back and just end up going wtf is wrong with my screen
"Her hair breaks the laws of physics in a way only Scottish hair can"
Fun fact, the gravity for her hair is actually less than the rest of her, the simulation they had when gravity was normal just unraveled
I always hated when my mom said to me "Don't talk to me like that, I am your mother". It felt like I was beneath her. So even though I respected and understood her more and more with time, because I knew she was right in many ways, I grew distrustful of her. I managed to comunicate better with her, but that doesn't mean all of that was solved. Things are good enough for now.
This is why I have a problem with the "parents are superior" mentality. It's so entitled, and so incredibly damaging to children. Parents, do better. Your children shouldn't have to kiss your ass just because you made them, you AS THE ADULT need to give them the respect as people that they deserve FIRST. If you can't manage that, don't take it out on them, and certainly don't try and have more kids. Period.
This is how I am grateful for my older cousins (Chinese family, extended family may as well be siblings) we had a fight while I was staying over with him and his family, and I distinctively remember screaming and he held a hand up with a stern silence and said "Do not speak to me like that, I am a person." and all I remember after that was crying while I compared him to my father.
GOD THIS!! It's immensely difficult to trust someone who demands respect because they created you, because the implied message is "I made you to feed my ego". How can you trust this person will respect you as a person and not as a toy when they feel entitled to your respect because they birthed you. In the end, it just creates a hierachy where you're always at the bottom, and the only way to climb up is to get out and have your own child (my dad literally has said "you want to be disrespectful, you get your own child").
I know this is one of the extremes but I remember last year while on the way to the mall I had a fight with my mom. It was about a law that passed in one of our country's states. The law was that if a kid disrespected their parents they'd be thrown in jail for three days, I, thought it was stupid and controlling. She thought it was a good law (She claimed it was "Islamic" and good discipline). I remember telling her stuff like statistics and studies about parenting that would most likely make the kids turn out worse than make them better people. I told her that parents apologizing is a good thing. She said that parents were always right and that me using logic was me acting like an atheist (She is very religious muslim and I am a deist). I remember feeling so mad, because she refused to acknowledge that this type of law was bad and instead chose to call it "Islamic". I felt like I was just there to be in her retirement plan and not as a person.
Yes, an assumption of superiority on one side of a relationship really undercuts the trust and respect from the side being treated as subhuman.
I am so surprised you did not show “i will not let you kill my mom” part. That helps bring the message full circle. A daughter protecting her mother just like her mother did for her.
I think my favorite scene is the ending scene where Merida and her Mom are riding off on horses. It's such a stark contrast to how the movie starts, with Merida doing this all alone, her mother not interested in any of her interests, where at the end her mom is taking an active interest in her daughter's interests and trying to understand them
Alan, thank you. I really appreciate that despite our gender difference you can relate to "Brave" in the same, or similar, ways that I do. It's very reassuring because I tend to worry that beautiful films, such as "Brave" are overlooked as being "chick flicks" or girly movies. It is refreshing to hear that an adult man could also relate to a movie that is centered on two heroines and also a mother-daughter relationship because it translates to a parent-child relationship for you.
anyone who says brave is a "chic flick" should not be allowed to watch film. wow. ive never heard of that
My dad had to watch it twice before he said "ooooooh, it's about the girl and her mom" our loud at the end. Guess it's not a real "movie" if it's about women.
I’m a forty year old man and I gladly admit to loving Brave, and almost all of Disney, and Pixar’s films and characters.
When I first saw this movie, I immediately noticed how Merida wound up utilizing the lessons and skills taught to her by her mother in the process of “mending the bond” which involved the art of sewing which she had previously scoffed at. It was an added layer of “I need you, Mom”
I think that’s true, in the same way her mum had to be brave, agile and potentially violent to protect them both from Mordu (very Merida traits that she would have told Merida that ‘a princess doesn’t...’ do)
It was too noticable, the movie is rather clumsy making its point.
What I love is how it shows the balance that is needed. Merida resisted her mother's lessons, and Elinor resisted Merida learning lessons from her father. But in the end Merida needed everything she had learned. She needed the wilderness survival and fighting skills from her father as well as the sewing, diplomacy, and public speaking skill from her mother. It keeps with the theme that both Elinor and Merida discover the value in what they had previously rejected.
@@sarasamaletdin4574 we get it, you dont like the film. Let people enjoy things sheesh
I feel like you missed the message a bit? Or I see it completely differently.
Merida showed her mom she can be her own person and that she actually listened to her lessons and learned from them, but implemented them in her own way. All that only happened after her mother learned to trust her to be her own person and to make mistakes. It’s a totally different vibe than “I need you.” it’s more like “Thank you for teaching me how to not need you anymore.”
Parents job is well done when children don’t need them anymore 😊.
I love how _human_ all of Pixar's characters are. Fully fleshed out characters with all of the good and bad that comes with that. Even the characters of _Inside Out_ are more than just the archetypes they represent.
All so good, and there's things we can learn from all of them.
I don't see why people disliked this film (unless they were just shown a side of themselves that they didn't like). Even before I had a kid, I loved how they told a story that wasn't about a romance so well, and made it feel so genuine.
It's the fact it was a waste of potential that kinda ruins the pacing etc.
@@azuregriffin1116 how was it a waste of potential? I personally think it’s a good movie that does a great job in getting the message across but I’ve heard people disliking it so I’d like to hear why.
@@kriichan6100 I feel that there were better ways to do it then making her into a bear. It felt trope-ish. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, but I think there might have been room for improvement.
@@azuregriffin1116 that’s fair enough. Yeah the bear trope could’ve been thrown out for something more unique or realistic, like they’re all travelling together but they get split off and have to learn to listen to each other in order to survive or something like that, that could’ve made it better. But for what it is I think it’s pretty great, definitely room for improvement in terms of tropes tho.
This is my favorite movie
Around 9:35 i love the detail that when Elinor throws the bow in the fire, and Merida covers her mouth with her hands in that "what have you done?" moment. Then when Elinor has her "what have I done?" moment she covers her mouth in the exact same way.
oh my, this video reaction made me realize two very big things:
1. I need to watch again Brave because it's really amazing.
2. How incredibly disrespectful of my daughter I have been lately, not wanting (or taking the time) to listen to her and acknowledge her feelings when she's hurt or angry.
It's my turn to cry, Alan.
Thank you both.
Mothers and Fathers are no different than Sons and Daughters ☺️. I’m telling you your daughter will cry and her walls will fall once you say these words with your heart “I’m sorry” and hug her with love. My mother and I had the similar falling out.
@@hirahiro2331
It also depends on how hurt the daughter is. Some things are not easy to forgive or forgivable period. My mother killed that relationship. No amount of her trying to “fix” it will help. She is like an aunt or distant friend at best. It’s different for different people.
@@serpentinewolf7085 You're very true
@@serpentinewolf7085 I hope I have time to fix it, she's 9
@@tinyseedsofASMR
Good luck. Most nine year olds are quite forgiving so you fortunately might have caught it soon enough.
Somehow I had never noticed this before, but when Merida's mom says "is compassionate" the lady literally chops the head off the live chicken in the background
2:24
Lol
Lol and you know it's intentional because it's PIxar
Well, meat has to come from somewhere-her lesson was on compassion also applies to being humane in how you take life for nourishment. It wasn't ironic, it was relevant to that situation.
@@Kinenhi Choping a live chicken's head clean off is not compassionate and it's something unknown to the main characters so it's by definition irony, although I don't see where anyone mentioned it being ironic to begin with 👀
@@shoca3427
Actually that's the most human way to kill a chicken it's the least painless form of death
i’ve only seen brave once but I’m glad it exists because people stopped telling me I look like Victoria from Twilight and started telling me I look like “that girl from brave” 😂
That must have been a relief 😂😂
Well aside from the curly hair, there isn't much of a resemblance. But as a fan of curly hair, I have to say that your hair looks awesome!
@@dragongirl7978 YOU HAVE NO IDEA 😂 my first name was also victoria so it was a whole thing lol
@@farrex0 Red curls was all anybody needed 😂 thank you!
Ah, you do look a lot like Victoria.
I didn’t even watch the whole thing, but when Merida says “I want you back, mummy,” I weep.
You started that story about the letter to your mom and I froze in my tracks. Suddenly, I was back in third grade, arguing with my mom because she wanted to cut my hair and I wanted to grow it long, just like the "cool" girls in class. I begged her not to but she just grabbed me and hacked off my hair and sent me , sobbing, to my room. If I had told her that I was angry, I would have been beaten. In my room , I wrote a note...essentially to myself, saying how much I hated her, and what a terrible mother she was, then I hid it. About a week later she found it and lectured me about how much I had hurt her. She said it was like a nail in the wall, you can try to cover it up but that hurt would be with her forever. I was devastated, sobbing again and apologizing, which she refused to accept. Many years later I brought this up, she just said she didn't remember that and she never did such a thing. I'm glad your letter was resolved so nicely, wish mine had.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers...
ah it reminds me of how i my dad locked me in my room using pipes and ropes on my door, how my mom would disregard my privacy when we argue and she would put her fingers between my door and say it hurts to guilt trip me to open her the door. they don't remember it anymore but i still remember it. im 23 now and it still hurts.
I had written a letter similar, not to anyone but to myself. I was trying to use it as a way to release all my frustrations in a sort of productive way.
My parents found it and were pissed, and even after I explained how I wasn’t going to give the letter to anyone they yelled at me for it.
This caused me to start bottling up my emotions until the point that I burst. I’ve gotten better with handling my feelings but I still start to tear up when looking back on the events.
😭😭😭
@@autumnrose9655 the same thing happened to me. They got mad at me and yelled at me and asked me who taught me those things. They found out i sef harmed a week later and yelled at me again and again asked who taught me to do that.
What I love is, this whole time Merida calls Elenor mum, but when Elenor turned into a bear, Merida went into a desperate child phase to the point Merida called her mummy instead of mum
Also, notice that Eleanor is wearing her hair down after she transforms back into a human. Both right after, and when she and Merida are creating that bear tapestry together. Good physical representation of how she's changed.
I agree! It's a great way to show how she's loosened up her standards, both for herself and her daughter!
I'm loving the new Disney movies because- they're not just telling "love" stories, they are telling about relationships.
Well i do not, they should just be telling love stories.
@@travisboutilier2220that’s lame
@@El1society No it isn't, it's beautiful and romantic.
It's difficult with African parents especially when they hit you with that "honor your father and mother..." Bible verse.
I tried having a conversation with my mom about how her passive aggressive comments about my body and eating hurt me and made me feel bad about myself. It didn't work out...she thought I was too sensitive and so I just gave up
If it helps, a few verses down from that one it says "father provoke not your children to wrath" 🤷🏿♀️
That implies that they’re currently acting as honorable parents
@@crablegs1 that verse is always ignored 😂
I'm Chinese and though not the Bible, we have a similar thing. Confucianist beliefs always work on a hierarchy where parents are higher than the child. It's really frustrating
@@michellewu6689 oh wow! I didnt know that, i guess there is now another universal rule 😂
Me: *Doesn't cry when I watch it by myself*
Me now: *Cries after Jonathan and Alan's explanation*
This hit me hard because when I was younger, my sister was in therapy and after a particular session she came out and talked to my mom about it. My mother immediately got defensive and said some hurtful things to my sister. My sister then took me to get food and we sat in a parking lot while we ate and we had a conversation that I will never forget. She asked: "Do you feel that in some ways, I have been more of a mother to you then our own mom has." And I thought for a moment before nodding and she sort of just sat in silence for a moment.
She then continued by saying: "I know mom doesn't listen even when she asks if you're ok. And I know she puts us all down the moment we tell her how hurt we are. As the oldest sister, a lot of what she says is directed at me. But I want you to know that I know what she says to you and I will never make you feel like what you've experienced is insignificant no matter how different it is to what I've experienced."
I sat there and cried because that was the first time somebody in my family had told me that how I was feeling mattered.
You have a wonderful sister
you are so good with words
@@joanne1497 oh, thank you😂
Guys... have you considered an Avatar the Last Airbender episode or two? So many things to discuss with pride, shame, anxiety, fear, love, and Iroh is honestly the wholesomeness the world needs.
Everyone should have an Uncle Iroh in their lives.
i would highly suggest zuko alone or the beach as possible episodes
It's already been said before..... they're CinemaTherapy. They focus solely on movies. Not tv shows.
if they could just binge the whole series and comment throughout, that would make all my dreams come true
@@Orion_TheyThem That doesn't mean they can't do a special series of commentary on tv shows. If that's something they're interested in.
You guys should have converted the fight part where the mom fights the evil bear to defend her daughter. That part always broke me cause my mom always called herself a mama bear, cause her mother was brave too. Even if they lose everything in the process.
This movie gets me at the ending, every time. I saw this in the theatre with a small group of friends, and one of them, someone I've known since I was 2, we took to help distract him, because he had JUST gotten back from traveling across country to bury his Mother. That line when she says, "I just want you back Mommy", broke him and us. He said later that that movie actually helped him, because he could sit there in the theatre and just cry, and not feel self-conscious because people could think it was just for the movie. Afterwards, we were asking ourselves, "What the hell were we thingking? Taking someone who just lost their Mother to see a Disney film. We KNOW what they do to parents in those movies!!
At least it wasn't Up.
Well, I just tortured myself watching this today: Mother's Day AND the anniversary of my mom's death (she was only 56). But it was good to get the cry out.
@@sapphireclawe my dad watched that when it came out. Shortly after my mom died.....
@@tkrause1116 In that case, YOU are most certainly 'Brave', too 😊. Today must have been so tough for you, so you should be proud of yourself for coming here for some healthy, cathartic fodder. We should all cry more often, so kudos to Cinema Therapy for making such perceptive, poignant responses that we can all have a good blub over 😭. Sending you much love 💜💜💜💜💜
@@ajmerriman6055 thank you! And I agree. More #cryingwithalan !!!
One of my favorites parts of seeing the tapestry is noticing how the mom herself divides the family up. Outwardly she expresses Merida as the bad guy, but you can tell by how far apart she puts herself in the tapestry that she doesn't like the person she feels she has to be and she understands that a lot of the time she ends up being the bad guy in her family. All of her children and her husband are woven together in the image of a single unit, showing how close the dad is to their kids, but she is largely distant from them and it shows how all of her actions make her feel in her family.
Of course I might just be looking too far into the easiest design for Merida to have physically cut her mom out of the tapestry, but I always liked the layer that interpretation adds to the character.
I think if the symbolism wasn't supposed to be there they would have depicted all the other characters at the same distance so I totally agree with you!
i think you have a point. they could have animated the tapestry as having everyone be equally close (it still would have made sense bc the conflict between merida and her mom does affect the whole family), but i do still think they chose that intentionally.
I actually get what you're saying and agree. However in the same breath her husband while a nice husband and supportive ,sometimes acts like a child himself which creates an imbalance in parenting styles and is ripe for her overcompensation.
“Im getting angry i need to leave and calm down” my parents do not let me leave when we’re “fighting” they make me stay. They don’t let me walk away.
My parents never knew the words, lets talk about this later. I needed to learn those words so I could learn to walk away. I often won't stop fighting with ppl because I have this irrational fear it will never be resolved because of how my parents treated me.
So unforuntately, to get out of these shitty arguments you might have to be the bigger person and say "we will talk about this later" because your parents are prob letting a similar irrational feeling stop them from letting things go, and you might experience the same thing too.
That was me. I tried to go to room once because I'd told my mother I didn't feel loved and she got furious at me for it but she psychically blocked the door in the way she used to when I tried to go to the bathroom at night, and I had to legitimately crawl over her legs/shove them aside to get there, and then she chased me in so I had to shove her out (get yelled at it because of her PTSD, which I understand, but she was also sparking up mine so...) and lock the door to calm down.
Then she proceeded to tell her boyfriend to call me and to not stop until I picked up, but then he wouldn't let me just FREAKING LEAVE AND GO TO BED.
I've had my boundaries pushed before, but never to that point.
I never fought with my kids that way. But I did get angry about their rooms being completely UNSANITARY messy (actual food on the floor under the bed bad) and would finally stomp into them and say "ok I'll clean it up". They both came to the same fix. "Just keep me company WHILE I do it mom." We talked or rather they did I listened and prompted. I was surprised they turned it into bonding time. Kids can be wise if you let them be.
@@starcycle4308 Really sorry to hear about your mom treating you that way. I hope you have an easier time now. God bless you.
Bad parents. Every person should have a right to sit and be with their emotions and find healthier ways to express them.
Emotions are dumb, they don't have logic all the time telling them how to be, we have to find ways to learn to understand them and let them be what they are in healthy ways.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see men actually allowing their feelings to come out and to not be ashamed of them loek you two always allow eachother to feel however and never judge