Therapist Reacts to TURNING RED
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- Опубліковано 26 тра 2022
- How can you pave your own path and honor the traditions of your family? How can you heal damaged relationships in your family?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are joined by filmmaker (and Cinema Therapy associate producer/editor) Sophie Telléz to take a look at the mother-daughter relationships in Pixar's Turning Red. They talk about the struggles of growing up and finding your path, the importance of friendship and relationships, the power of stories for modeling behaviors and helping us heal, and accepting all parts of ourselves (even the parts we think are "messy"). And of course the amazing animation, boy band music, and ability of Pixar to make us cry.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Sophie Telléz
Edited by: Trevor Horton, tzhediting.com
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
Spanish Transcription by: Juan Willems
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You know what one of my favorite things about Turning Red was? It showed that loving your parents *AND* conflicting with them aren't mutually exclusive! Mei's respect and love for her parents doesn't feel like something's that's forced, but something that was earned over the years by her parents always being there for her when she needed them -- so it's that much harder for Mei when her mom starts to go into overdrive over the "curse."
Yes!
Yes! Finally someone that can disagree with their parents without the parent dying or it completely severing their connection.
Exactly!!! So many time they make it seem like having a good relationship with your mom means there is no fighting or you're a goody two shoes (which we can be) but we definitely have our share of conflicts and fights and it can get messu 😂😅
This movie is so smart and realist.
And still we have to read people saying "today's animations are just dumb" referring to Turning Red.
They had to earn her love and respect? The people that birthed, fed, housed, clothed you isn’t enough
I love how they didn't make Mei the typical rebel girl. Instead she absolutly loves her mom and wants to make her proud wich is more relatable and shows how dificult is for us girls to do anything that they don't expect from us.
I wanted Mirabel to have a friend group like Mei's
I was really happy about that too, like too often these stories of generational rebellion are like "she's a rebellious teen who doesn't play by the rules" when more often it's "she's a doting product of generational trauma doing her best to fit in at home and socially outside of home."
I really enjoyed that too. So often in movies they make the daughter immediately rebellious and angry that her mom doesn't get her. It was nice to see someone that loves their mom, but is still growing away from them and trying to figure out how to be themselves, but not be completely at odds with her mother. lol Of course, my own mom was disgruntled that I didn't do the rebellious phase. She was prepared for it and when I became a teenager I just couldn't be bothered with the whole 'rebel' thing...too much work. I'd rather sit around and read 🤣 She kept trying to fix me up with boys and make me go to parties! lol I guess I 'rebelled' in the wrong way 🤨
They made her entirely normal, and thus deeply relateable. She's just doing the normal teen thing (growing and changing from child to adult) and that can be hard for a lot of parents. But it's hard for the teen too.
@@smm855 still rebelled in my book lol
i am 24 years old, and my mom watched this movie and called me the next day to apologize for how she was when I was growing up. This movie really changed my life.
Awesome
wish i could relate
I'm happy for you!
I wish my mom did the same
NOT YOU MAKING ME CRY IN UNDER 3 SECONDS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I love that for you!!!!
I’m an FX Artist at Pixar and while I was working on the film, in my head I was like “I can’t WAIT to see the CinemaTherapy episode on this”. Great episode as always! Can’t wait to hear y’all’s thoughts on Lightyear 😄
Wow your life looks so cool ! You're lucky 😊 Your (including your colleagues) film was sooooo good btw, Turning Red was the best, very visually pleasing !
I love this movie so much! Thank you from Germany! 💕
Thanks for all that you do. As an Asian person with generations of family trauma, this film helped me close a chapter of my life
Cool
Girl. Congradulations. This film is so good
I've watched quite a few "reacts to" videos about "Turning Red" and something no one has talked about is when the Mom talks about how the gift protected the family in China, but when they left China, it became "an inconvenience". That really hit me - I'm not Chinese, but my mother's family came to Australia as refugees, and they put huge pressure on themselves to fit in, to not stick out. Looking at the history of Chinese emigration to North America, there would have been huge pressure not to be seen as strong or powerful, but instead to be seen as non-threatening, as restrained and quiet. Sophie touched on it when she was talking about being raised to be the "perfect Hispanic girl". So many immigrant families, especially non-white, feel enormous pressure to conform to models that are seen as "safe", and part of that is not reacting to discrimination and not being emotional.
As a puertorrican who lived in the states, I noticed this too. Even though we are not that "foreign" (in their eyes) compared to Asian, European or something similar immigration wise, I have noticed how our "gift" (our culture) was inconvenient in the States.
I've seen it more with my sister, who has kids that have grown in the states. They've become so divorced from their culture that they barely know where their family comes from. Their "gift", their heritage is inconvenient for them in a land where being different is oftentimes dangerous. I can understand why my sister would not teach them their culture, as she's been in situations where race has been an issue, but it's sad that it's become something to hide in order to fit in and be respected. What I took from the movie was that your heritage/culture isn't something to hide but instead you can accept as a part of you and grow with and from it.
My family has a similar story. My great-great grandparents were Jews and not only fled Nazi Germany but converted to Catholicism and hid their Jewish ancestry from their children for a long, long time. Because of their choices, most of that side of the family doesn't know that they're Jewish or bringing more Jews into the world, some are actively antisemitic or married people who were. I'm really the only one who has tried to reclaim my Jewishness (I've started learning about holidays and practicing them quietly out of fear of disapproval), much like how Mei is the only one who has reclaimed her heritage through keeping her panda form.
My parents immigrated to the US. That line, is very true. It doesn't speak about just about puberty, but the inconveniences of balancing two cultures. What you love from your heritage becomes an inconvenience in a different society who may not understand. For example, FOOD, SCHOOL LUNCH, speak to any Asian kid who grew up in the 90s and they will have a story of how the whole table, class or entire lunchroom turned at them gave a look of disgust because of the food you brought, because it was seasoned, because it had a head, or was a recognizable body part of an animal, because it had different types of food that they had never seen. Participating in your own heritage and culture in a community that is ignorant or racist but the majority becomes the inconvenience, you cannot participate fully in either. Food, music, games, fashion, social roles, social expectations, the balancing game is so hard, for the first gen kids, because the next inconvenience is....You're not 100% the culture your parents are, and not 100% the culture you grew up in, and both sides will say you are them, or neither. So who are you? I can say I am Chinese American, my family will both say "you are not Chinese enough" then "You are Chinese, not American" Then society will say "You're not American, you're Chinese." And then also say "You're in America, BE American, stop being Chinese."
So for Mei to accept the Panda, it also means she accepts her heritage, is proud of it, and makes it more visible to the community showing that yes its different, but can integrate into society and be accepted.
I am a white man, born and raised in Toronto Canada. Speaking for myself, I enjoy learning about cultures from all over the world. I grew up celebrating that with Caravan around the end of June each year. I want to know about your traditions and culture, if there is anything I do that makes you uncomfortable, I want to know to stop it.
Having said all that, If someone is being racist to you, it is out of ignorance. It is also their problem. As a very wise man once said, "Anyone that takes offense when offense is not intended is a fool." Then he went on to say, "Anyone that takes offense when offense IS intended is also a fool.". Words to live by.
Yep! As soon as I heard that line from Mei's mom, I immediately thought of assimilation.
The part of the movie that hits me hardest is when Mei’s mom says “you’re so hard on yourself and if I taught you that, I’m sorry” because I want to hear that so badly but I know I never will
I never heard that from my mom because I didn't realize how much I hated myself until after she passed away. However I know she felt that way and she would truly be sorrowful when she realized that how she treated her self caused me to do the same thing. I know she never wanted me to feel that way.
It's tragic if your parent will never be healthy enough to acknowledge this to you. BUT you have heard it, from Mei's mom, you know what it should look like, you know what kind of care you deserve. That is your power.
So many of us are now having to navigate the world with an awareness of the trauma we carry, and it's heavy. But I take comfort in the fact that my child will do better, be better, because of my hard work on myself. I will likely be in therapy for the rest of my life but my child will know that parents apologize when they were wrong, parents take a break to cool off when they're really upset over something you did. My child will know this and someday, if they become a parent their child will too.
You deserve that apology from your parents but the truth is very few people get one. Life is full of situations where we have to make our own closure.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of you. 💚
In my case, it’s what separates it as fantasy so I don’t lose my grip on reality.
I hears something similar from my mom, but somehow it doesn't really do much for me, I don't feel anything, cuz like... damage is done, I don't really care anymore, and millions of other factors. I was not happy with the fact I didn't get any satisfaction from her apology... maybe I just didn't truly believed her...
same!!!!
I've seen so many men characterize this as a "girl's film" and being all about menstruation and claiming that they can't connect to it because nothing in there applies to them. And that utterly FLOORS me. Yeah, they mention menstruation, but puberty hits just as hard no matter WHAT hormones are rampaging through you. Suddenly, your system is flooded with all kinds of chemicals playing merry hell with your emotional regulation and your brain is neither fully formed nor experienced enough to deal with it all.
We ALL have pandas - girl, boy, neither, or both - and we all have to learn how to live with them.
Teach more folks to empathize and see the value in stories of people who don't look like them or aren't shaped like them and we'll have a much healthier society.
+++
Say it louder for the people in the back!
You can't teach someone to be entertained. That's called mind control.
@@MK_ULTRA420 the point made is not about entertainment tho? That's a ridiculous reach. It's about men and boys refusing to relate to anything that looks remotely 'girly'.
@@datpotat3945 No, keep your lectures out of my entertainment.
My mom is Korean and she always wanted me to be a "good daughter". Good, in her mind, meant obedient above all else. She had a lot of toxic traditional ideals about morality and womanhood carried over from her upbringing, things I see repeated in other east Asian cultures (most notably extreme reverence of parents... despite if they actually deserve it or not). I knew from a really young age that she was full of abusive shit (not just cultural but personal as well), and my coping mechanism was anger. I pushed her so far away from me so I wouldn't fall under the trap she had the rest of my family in. I've never yelled and screamed and fought against someone like I did with my mom. I don't think I regret it. It's a huge part of why I was able to escape and heal. But through my own therapy I've been realizing something: that even though I don't want any love or redemption from MY mom, I still have to grieve the loss of not having love from a mom at all. So when I saw this movie I was just bawling at the end. I haven't cried so hard at a movie since I watched the Little Prince (which has a very similar mother/daughter plotline). Seeing the redemption and forgiveness and understanding in the family was both cathartic and extremely alienating and crushing to me, knowing that I will never, ever know how that feels. I loved this movie.
Exactly the same how I felt about this movie, for the same reasons. Thank you for writing this, I struggled to understand my own feelings about Ming and Mei's relationship up until now. tbh, I initially felt like Ming's apology wasn't for real because I struggled so much to imagine that a mother who has been quite demanding for years would ever change her opinion. Definitely alienating. When I was a kid, I handled many conflicts using anger, too. At some point when living in abusive families, you need something to give you strength, not only for defending yourself in that moment, but to save your heart and mind from all this gaslighting and manipulation over the course of years. So, I have deep respect for you and everyone else who made it out of the toxic/abusive families just passing down the trauma from generation to generation. It's hard.
And yes, one has to grieve the loss of never having had a loving mother. I'm still going through this and can relate. Though the process sparks hope that maybe one day, you can show this unconditional love to yourself.
-- I wrote that with my partner's account --
I feel this. My own mom craves attention to the point of absurdity (even blames her older siblings for not being close to her even though there's a massive age gap). She had a great dad and an alright mom in an upper middleclass home, no abuse. So I can't fathom how she's turned narcissist to the point of having SIX kids and isolating them with homeschooling to try to force us into giving her the permanent attention she always wanted but can't get because she drives everyone else away. Spoiler, her kids grew up despite her tactics (I don't know what she expected? We'd turn 18 someday). No apologies for any of the isolation or emotional abuse she threw at us to try to keep us subservient.
To make it worse my parents are anti-science and anti-medicine, so I've had to catch up on very basic things like vaccines.
The way my parents talked about deaths and suffering during the height of covid (before the vaccines) disgusted me so much I went from low contact to zero. I don't miss my parents. I used to admire my dad, but as an adult I see him for what he is; an enabler and a doormat. He didn't stand up for me, but I'll stand up for myself now.
I’m so sorry this happened to you all. That was not supposed to happen and it’s not your fault. They are wrong.
"Good, in her mind, meant obedient above all else." and "But through my own therapy I've been realizing something: that even though I don't want any love or redemption from MY mom, I still have to grieve the loss of not having love from a mom at all." never knew I could relate so much to a statement. Therapy does wonders even when you think you're in a better place.
I've cried a lot of times during disney/pixar movies (e.g. coco or raya) but turning red really made a record (though raya is a close one).
And I'm honestly surprised how so many people get that their parents are toxic from a young age, my sister did too. I was just a blinded kid thinking my mother would be the best mother there is.
There some complaints that the dad doesn't really add anything noteworthy to the story, but Meilin's talk with her dad about her mom's panda feels like one of the most important scenes in the film.
These people are crazy. The dad is like my favorite character of the movie. He doesn’t speak much, but he made every words count. He told her exactly what she needed to hear. And really? He’s just precious.
In a lore sense, he is the reason for this movie. While it is true that repressing the panda was a thing and would be a thing in general without Ming’s history, Ming really loved him as well enough to panda (which as a side effect made the need to repress the panda more necessary).
And even better, he is not the McGuffin. He is quiet because he loves his wife and is expressing that in a background way. Also, the story was about Mei and Ming, and his quiet constant love factors nicely into this story about self-acceptance metaphors.
Jin is the best and anyone who says otherwise can fight me. I can't tell you how many times I rewatched the scene where he makes an excited little squeak when Mei suggests Ming stay home and spend some time with him, it's just so freaking cute and wholesome.
I think Jhin is such an important character because he validated Mei and informed her about her mother’s panda at Mei’s lowest point. I think that discussion gave her the strength she needed to keep her panda and go to the concert because she had the reassurance that her parents would still love her. She didn’t feel the need to suppress herself anymore.
Added to what all your other repliers said, that introductory cooking scene was perfect Dad Ambition! (and amazing animation).
Coco, Encanto and Turning Red really said:
“The real enemy was the generation trauma we made along the way.”
True, though Coco did have Ernesto de la Cruz
@@NachoConsumer encanto had the soldiers that killed abuelo. Turning red had wartime that caused great great great grandma to ask to be a panda.
@@NachoConsumer coco had a father that "left his family", and forced a young mother to fend for herself and her daughter. i'm not gonna assume i know much history, but from what i can assume, imelda would've gone through so much as a young, single mother in those times. her trauma surrounding music spread to the rest of the family, not to mention poor coco who was about 4 years old when hector left. she was forced to forget her dad. and as an old, demented woman, she became that little girl again: all she wanted was her papá to come home.
@@Fivreld I'm not arguing against there being generational trauma, there was. The family hatred music because of it. I'm just saying that unlike the other movies listed, COCO also had a traditional Disney villain, which was used as a steppingstone to move towards the true villain of the future films being the trauma.
Everything Everywhere All at Once delves into this too, just in a more chaotic way lmao strongly recommend it for anyone tryna cry their eyes out from generational trauma in movies
How can anyone say Jin doesn’t add anything to the story when this beautiful and meaningful conversation between him and Mei exists? He’s the only one in the family who truly sees his daughter before anyone else. He’s the only one who sees how happy she is with the Panda. And he’s the only one who allows her to actually say what she feels in this scene while giving to her one of the most beautiful speeches I’ve ever seen in a Pixar film. This film is not anti-men as some idiots will say. Especially when the father is at many points the best character without having to say much.
Not every character needs to be loud or outspoken to have an impact on the story. Jin is a character with quality over quantity. When the film does allow him to speak, it’s the wisest and most profound thing out of any other character.
because they didn't watch the movie.
I honestly thought he was going to be a useless character until the moment he has his one on one with Mei. Which kept happening. I'd see something happen on screen that seemed frivolous or silly. And then it'd come completely full circle in some wonderful, unexpected way.
Its a huge strength of the movie. These relationship dynamics and plot elements can be very subtle the way they've set them up. But there was never a moment where something was resolved in a way that was disappointing.
Hell. I even forgave the fact I find it hard to believe a mom would EVER apologize to their kid for behaving that way.
But, I could see how someone who is used to very clear 'this character argues with the mom to show he cares for his daughter' type scenes might overlook the more subtle 'quiet but proud' non-enabler route they went with.
Personally, love this movie. An ungodly amount.
😅I saw it like four times in a row because I forced everyone I know to watch it with me.
@@miss.lakill I think because the dad's part is so subdued and soft, compared to the rest of the movie, it gets a little bit drowned out. But there's a lot to unpack in the quiet moment he gets with Mei Mei, and a lot of wisdom transfered. It's just that the loud moments are plenty in this movie, so it feels like he's underrepresented.
But, just like you say, he shines when he finally gets the chance to say his piece.
And we learn to appreciate his relationship with the mom more, too, because we know she literally FOUGHT to be with him, and because he admires her and is in awe of her. It's so much layers in there, but it requires you to be allowed to process all of it.
@@miss.lakill I think part of the thing with Jin that I love and that really works with him is how he balances out Ming. She is very much a leader of the relationship, she directs and he follows, he's a listener, and that's exactly what Mei needed. She needed someone to, as her mother said, "see" her. To just listen instead of hearing what they want. To listen instead of talking over her. And that's what her father was there to do, and did as needed. He watched and only stepped in when he thought it was needed.
It's important for people to figure stuff out on their own too. I think that's something I really appreciate about him.
He was definitely one of my favorite characters in the movie, from the first few times you see him. He does show he listens even back when Mei is giving presentations of why she wants to go to the concert. He was reading the pamphlet, he was actually taking in everything Mei was desperately trying to show and express, even when Ming wasn't listening and was making judgements before Mei had a chance to show it all.
He's a good balance between letting things figure themselves out, and stepping in to say what he thinks and give advice when needed, when Mei felt the most lost and conflicted. He didn't tell her how to live or what to think or how to feel, he just said that her being herself made him laugh, but he let her choose who she wanted to be, and what path to take.
As someone who has had screaming fights with my mom and my dad separately for varying reasons, he was the kind of person I was always hoping my parents would be. I just wanted to be heard. Even if they said no, I wanted to know they actually listened, that they understood how I felt. I wanted to know why I was in trouble, why this was bad, I wanted to understand them, at ALL. I just wanted to feel like I wasn't being told how to live, but being allowed to make my own choices in my life. To suffer my own consequences, to hurt but be able to recognize that it was my own decision and grow from it.
Vented a little there. Point is, I really fell in love with his character from the beginning because he is exactly the kind of parent I would want to be, if I ever became one. He's exactly who I wish I had in my life, and who I often would find in the place of friends and others I could care about. (Hell, my cat played the role of Jin for a while in some of my darkest times. Just feeling like he did listen to me, even if he didn't understand. I was...desperate.)
He's just a really good character, and one I so rarely see portrayed in media.
Sadly, the negative qualities of prejudice, narrowmindedness, & chauvinism appear to B core components of the very thing that motivates the haters to dump on this movie -- that thing being toxic masculinity....
"What, girl-positive movie? Girl-positivity is *feminist*! Feminism *bad*!! Movie BAD!!! Must tell everyone MOVIE BAD!!!"
I like that Alan cries on camera. Today at college I was so stressed and openly expressing it a little actually helped my teacher connect with me. We briefly talked after class about everything going on with my load of classes and my part time job as well. For some reason letting my tears free helps me think clearer, like a clean spring flowing down my face I guess.
Crying can really help!
Thanks for sharing. I’m glad your teacher was a safe space.
I just wanted to say that's beautifully put, "like a clean spring flowing down your face".
Crying really can help you process pent up emotions. It's so soothing and liberating to just CRY and get things out of you.
I'm glad it helped you connect more, and that you're embracing it.
Crying actually physically helps your organism to cool down and releases oxytocin which makes us calm down. Crying is amazing!
I've actually read that crying (from both positive and negative emotions) is how your body purges the excess "emotion chemicals" for lack of a better term. When you have too much sadness, stress, etc., your body has to let it out. That's why you feel so good after crying! Our bodies are amazing.
I feel like Mei’s dad is so underrated. He was so quietly supportive of Mei and Ming, while also knowing it was their decision to make whether or not they wanted to keep their pandas. And yeah, Ming chose to get rid of it because she saw it as destructive, but he was never scared of that part of her because he saw it as just that. A part of her.
That moment where he talks about her almost destroying the temple, but he still thinks that part of her is incredible is really sweet and shows how much he loves Mei and her mom, no matter what.
Yes! He is so supportive, it's great
he is my favorite character
My favorite moment from him is when, while the grandma and aunties are chastising Ming after Mei ran away, he's the only one comforting her.
@@animeotaku307 That part is so sweet!
Yes! Dad is the emotional MVP in this movie imo - he doesn't mind being the quiet support in the family of bold gals (and that cooking, omg!). And it's so good to see an Asian father modeling this too!
Fun little color theory detail: all the family members except Mei (aka those that reject the panda) wear green, which is the opposite of red on a color wheel. Mei on the other hand wears pink, which is just sort of a softened shade of red anyway. In a way, it represents how they deal with their "pandas".
And i also like how Mei and Ming both do have a little of each other colour (Mei's green clip and Ming's red necklace), it shows they're still connected even with opposite colours
I noticed that too!
@@chalenagibbs2439 Pria wears orange, Abby wears purple, both are made with red. Miriam wears green, which compliments red.
Its actually just cosmo and wanda
White can be innocence, so white and red is innocence and passion in Mei's pink clothing. She loses some of that innocence and purity through the movie, particularly disrespecting her mother and choosing to defend her friendships.
I was SO GRATEFUL for this movie to represent teenage girls in a good light. We are very often put down for our hobbies and passion as teenage girls, a result of societal misogyny that is even internalized sometimes...I loved seeing "myself" as a teenager around friends, with good relationships, with dorky hobbies that are depicted as IMPORTANT AND WORTHY! It healed a part of me! :)
YES YES SO TRUE
I got so mad about all the dudes who were calling it cringe in a bad way. Of COURSE it's cringe, they're teenagers! Just let people have fun without judging harshly for no reason.
It really hit me when Mei’s mom was talking about her friends and specifically said that she was fine with her Asian friends but didn’t trust her white friend Miriam. It echoed how my mom had an “approved” list of friends based on how she valued them.
What was probably most ironic is realistically Miriam is the most well adjusted, while Priya and Abby have personalities or interests that a lot of parents would likely have problems with
Literally no one ever brings that up. It kinda points Ming as a little bit of a racist. Or maybe I’m just thinking way into it
I feel like it's less that Ming is racist and more that Miriam is a bit of a rebel and not a traditional girl.
Once again Pixar sets unrealistic standards for children, introducing parents who actually apologize to their kids ✊😔
Precisely, it's sadly a dream that many of us never experience, because they may honestly think that they haven't done anything wrong, but it's nice to see on screen.
Or maby they are trying to teach us to be better perents ourself?
Pixar is encouraging us (parents) to stop the cycle. Turning Red is my 3 year olds favorite movie. I intend to prove to her the it isn't unrealistic
They're just working to offset all the bad will towards parents that's emanating from Marvel.
here before this blows up even more
I was in a mental hospital when I started "turning red" I didn't feel comfortable talking to the staff and I didn't even know how to explain what was happening to me. Luckily, another girl that knew about periods ended up talking about her current dilemma and, vicariously, I learned. Afterwards I taught another girl who was freaking out because she thought it was a dead baby. Imagine going through that as a child. It's best to teach your kids about their body!
Agreed! My mom refused to discuss menstruation with me even though she's a nurse. She thinks sex ed is inappropriate for children. Were it not for the one day my school taught about it, I would've freaked out once I got my period just because of ignorance
@@seantaggart7382 it’s definitely not a dead baby
@@avamarie660 yeah its dead cells
But hey i apologize at my failed joke attempt
My mom told me and my sister about it before we even had one. I just learned a little bit more about in highschool from a Health class pamphlet. 😐
@@seantaggart7382 no, there is no baby. A person's uterus sheds it's lining when no child is conceived. It is not a baby. Menstrual period = no embryo.
A dead embryo or fetus would be a miscarriage.
Alan saying "im never gonna get that from my mom" talking about the portal scene, resonnated through my core. and he is right, seeing it there, in a movie, is beautiful. it repairs a thing or two.
Same it hurts.
my favourite part of the dad is how fondly he remembers mings panda because it’s not about how dangerous she is it’s about how hard she fought for him showing how much she loves him and that’s all he truly remembers about that time
"The farther you go, the prouder I'll be." is such a powerful line of dialogue. That's what made me tear up.
Me too! That’s such a beautiful sentence🥺😭
It almost sounds like she is condoning rebellion. The further you go the other way, do what you want despite my warnings and the consequences of your actions, the prouder I'll be.
So sorry for hitching onto your comment to make my point. I wanted to make it faster so I can get my sleep.
@@DeanneM1726 I think she meant “further” as in “the more you grow.” In the sense of growing as a person, a woman, and later in life, her career or family. Of course Ming doesn’t want her daughter to grow away from her but eventually Mei has to. She can’t grow underneath her mother.
Both my mom and I cried at that part bc we realized the bump in our own relationship. She and my dad have pressured me to be perfect, especially in front of them, and she finally recognized that. It was an amazing moment.
TBH this movie was very proggressive in many ways. You can consider it feminist because the story revolves in woman and womanhood experience, but also give a very good spotlight to positive masculinty in Jin. He was the reason why Ming stepped out of her mother even if was harmful, he opened the eyes to Mei for being open about herself. He was a supporting character, but wasnt invisible. He is complementary in Ming's life. Other thing it showed is that girls can also harm and bully boys. I know it wasnt done on purpose by Mei, but her overpowering and making Ty cry, and making her accountable for that was very good example. Instead of showing it as girl boss or girl power, it was framed as an impulse of violence, and considered as such. I can't say is a perfect movie, but it's a very good and memorable one!
Jin is quiet, but shown as strong and clever. Remember, when Ming asks him to draw a circle? He's already doing it, he's not waiting for an order, he just does what's right, and he won't brag about it later.
@@LittleOph Jin best husbando
The only thing they could've handled better was how the girls turned around and magically accepted the bully boy once they saw him at the same concert.
@@LittleOph and he got excited to just be able to hang out with his wife!
You have no idea how happy I was to see a dad who had his daughters back. My dad is an A+ dad and always has my back. And we both get mad when the dad is not a good dad. And it is rare in movies to see this kind of dad.
"I'm changing, mom. I'm finally figuring out who I am, but.. I'm scared it'll take me away from you." This line hit me extra hard because I'm closeted, and I'm horrified of how family members like my dad will react, but I cant keep living like this. I'm always tired, my room looks like a dump,everytime I screw up, I have a full blown panic attack, and everytime i look at myself in the mirror, I dont see me. I see my distorted and blurry reflection. I'm sick of my brain wanting me to die, but I'm not brave enough to figure myself out. This is why I cant wait to graduate highschool next year and hopefully go to college, but at the same time, adulthood terrifies me.
Hey, I don't know you, but I hope it got better for you, and if it didn't yet, I hope it will get better for you soon. I know the fear of rejection, and while I wish I could say "come out, be proud" I know it's not always this easy, so.. in the meantime, I hope you hold on!
You're a wonderful person, and you will manage, adulthood is a scary time, and.. honestly, it's messy af, but, it goes on, day after day, one step at a time, I hope you have a good day, and that you get to smile today
I'm sorry you feel that way... It's hard...
I'm in a similar place where I'm incredibly close to my mom. I was with her all the time as a kid, and to this day we talked about life or the past and it's wonderful.
But I'm trans, I know that. I can't tell her cause I'm her daughter... In my extended family I was also the youngest for a long time and most of them see me as a little kid even though I'm 20 and in college. My nickname is literally translated to "Little Sister".
But I can't bring myself to come out, it's harder when you don't know how they'll react but even to the people who I know are kind and would still love me I know it will change our dynamic and that's terrifying.
I hope you're feeling better, just know you aren't alone in this...
Adulthood will free you. Coming from a former queer kid, you will get through this and become the beautiful gay butterfly you deserve to be. Stay strong my friend
I’m ace, and still closeted as well. I wonder if I’ll ever tell my parents, or if I’ll simply try to live the life I want without having them be a part of that decision. It’s something I’m not sure of myself, so while I can’t help you, I hope you know that you’re not alone. What I do know is that as scary as adulthood is, every overwhelming part about it passes eventually, and it gets a tiny bit easier to deal with the next time around. When I was in high school and just about to enter college, I didn’t know if I’d make the right choice, or if I’d ever be good enough to make my family proud. The things I wanted for myself seemed so far away it seemed near impossible. Several years later, I think I can say on the good days that I’ve become someone *I* can be proud of, and that somehow I’ve managed to end up exactly where I wished I could be. I still have a very long road ahead of me, but I know that I’ll come out of it alive (until I’m not, obviously, but mortality is a whole other can of worms). Try to listen to yourself, and take it one day at a time. One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come. I may not know you, but I believe in you. Good luck.
Real talk about human sexuality. It doesn't fit into just one box. When you are a raging sack of hormones that are playing constant absolute hell on your psychology, pretty much from the age of 15 to 25 you want to experience with any consenting appropriately aged person who's willing to throw down with you. Simply because you're currently same-sex-attracted doesn't mean that you won't eventually be attracted to someone opposite sex.
My aunt is hot like supermodel hot and she's only 10 years older than me she was literally a model for several years between 18 and 25. She flew both ways and for someone that pretty it makes sense. That she would have interested parties of all varieties. She didn't settle into her preferred sexuality until she was 28. And only finally got married in her forties. Don't pigeonholed yourself with the label of "I am homosexual", "I am heterosexual"; just be a human who likes other humans. Until you decide what you want for your life. Labels are super unhelpful
When Mei says to her mom, “I’m scared it will take me away from you.” I completely lost it. That fear of damaging the dynamic you have with a parent because you’re growing up and making your own decisions is relatable.
I absolutely agree. growing pains are physical and psychological, too.
I love that Mei's mom's side of the family all wear green, the opposite of red, to visually further themselves even more from the panda. This also contrasts them from Mei.
On the other hand, Miriam also wears green, but to compliment her bf instead of contrasting.
@@deciradoxytp1771 very true!
If you notice, they wear a MAJORITY of Green with a little bit of red, but Mei is the opposite: Almost all reds and pinks, with a little green hairclip. It's showing their opposing personalities in terms of the Red Panda.
As they said down below, Miriam also wears green but has a touch of red on her. I think this is a big color symbolism for why Ming doesn't like Miriam; Miriam represents the calming effect of Mei's friends more than the rest, and to Ming in a subtle way that is frightening. If Mei's friends can have that same calm pillar in her life, then what does Mei need her mom for any more?
Wow I love these metaphors 🙂
It's also interesting to note that both colors also have great importance in Chinese culture as both red and green are seen as lucky colors that have multiple meanings.
I can't imagine anyone telling Alan to not cry. It's one of my favourite things about him. And as a mixed race person, I identify with the experiences of Sophie. Telling my white mom about the racism I've faced due to being part Native American has been heartbreaking. To a large extent I wanted to shield her from it because I didn't want her to feel bad for me.
Allan is baby, and must be protected
Also as mixed race, I had to have a moment telling my yt mom about the woc experiences I’ve had that never once crossed her mind
yes Alan crying is a healthy masculinity trait why they gotta bully him like that-
I can’t even imagine what it must be like to feel like you have to protect your parent from the damaging effects of the constant racism that YOU are experiencing 😔… the world is extremely terrible sometimes.
@@stellabelikiewicz1523 Thank you. I've had to learn balance with what I tell her and what doesn't need to be disclosed. It's tough to navigate at times so finding stories that represent me is wonderful.
Every time Alan says, “Damn you, Pixar,” someone at Pixar gets their wings!
and hopefully a raise.
I'm always happy, when he drops that running gag in the midst of this kind of group session cry. 😊
19:45 When Ming's answer to who she hurt is "my mom". There's something so powerful to that first time you see your parent refer to their mom or their dad, instead of grandma or grandpa. It makes them so incredibly human and makes this scene so beautiful. Ming's grief in this moment is what got to me most in this movie. The child inside us is too often the child we don't take care of very well.
Can't relate. For me it was "I thought I wouldn't turn out like my mom and I was wrong and u think ur not gonna turn out like me but ur wrong ur worse than me." She also has the enjoyable habit of telling people what they feel, say, or think etc hence that.
As a Chinese Canadian, my parents would NEVER apologize. The only time my dad actually DID apologize was because my Caucasian husband had called him out, and I suspect that had more to do with saving face in front of my husband than actually apologizing.
Damn. Go Angel-chan’s husband.
My dad never has apologised for all the trauma and pain he gives me, it’s been there since I was like 10 years old, I’m never gonna get closure, I know that already, it’s interesting to see others who have similar experience, even though I’m white and FARRR from being married
Good thing u had white husband . Lot minority want to look good in front white ppl. If ur husband was Asian he probably wouldn’t have done that
my parents will never apologize, and even if they did, i wouldn't forgive them
@@CelibateCetologist i agree with you, also, interesting username. what's it supposed to mean
One subtle moment occurs when Mei bluntly tells Miriam that Ming doesn't like her, and Miriam seems hurt by this. She never thought that Ming would actively dislike her, while not minding Abby and Priya. Fortunately, Ming seems to have come around in the end.
Note that Miriam wears the same green color as Ming throughout the movie. Ming doesn't like Miriam because Miriam is the other "most important" girl/woman in her daughter's life.
Honestly, when I watched the movie, the friendship bits were the ones who got me all teary eyed. They way they stood by her, even after she betrayed them when her mother accused them of influencing Mei to do all those things, was really something special.
@@gingergoddess8953 Oh my god! I took the green to mean suppressing the panda, but couldn't figure out why Miriam had green like the rest of the women in Mei Mei's family! Especially cause Mir was fine with the panda!
What's extra subtle is that Ming never said she didn't like Miriam, just that she though she was odd.
Part of a lot of these problems is that when you have a demanding parent, you magnify everything the parent says out of a fearful need to get out ahead of whatever they might do.
Miriam is also cannonically Trans, so Ming probably isn't fully comfortable with that.
Fun Fact: In Chinese (as well as Korean and Japanese) culture, 4 is a cursed number (kind of how people see the number 13) since the Chinese pronunciation for 4 (四/Sì) is really similar to the pronunciation of death (死/Sǐ). Which is why the characters will reference this. Also, the grandma wasn't wrong since if you think about it, at least ONE person must have died in that concert.
And a neat detail I like in the movie: The school is named after Lester B. Pearson. He was the 14th PM of Canada, but the reason he's especially important is under his term, Canada introduced the world's first discrimination-free points-based system for immigration, which boosted lots of Asian immigration. He also promoted biculturalism of French and English having equal status. Not to mention, it was under HIM that the Canadian flag is the maple leaf flag that it is today!
That "cursed number" bit made it especially amusing when the "like button" reminder popped up and brought the number to 44,444. They had to know what they were doing with that.
@@TyphinHoofbunhaha yeah i squinted at that and was like, "ah, it's one digit extra. safe (lol)"
26:33 as someone who grew up in a Central American family, let me tell you, *the* most unrealistic part of Encanto to me was that Mirabel was able to call out her grandmother without her, or one of the other adults, threatening to slap her teeth down her throat and forcing HER to apologize X'D
to be fair tho you saw how absolutely done julieta and pepa were with their mom at this point even the husbands got into the mix
I really loved how loyal Miriam, Abby and Priya were after learning Mei's secret. They stuck by her the entire time, and reassure her that they still love her, no matter what. They even invite Tyler to join their group, no judgement required. They really are the best fictional Besties!
One of the best parts of the movie is how naturally they let the characters interact. No tropes necessary. No long sad montages showing how betrayed the friends feel after Mei throws them under the bus. No 'the bully secretly likes the main character" nonsense. Just 13yos being 13yos.
@GingerGoddess89: That’s what I adored about this movie. It was a 13-year-old girl, dealing with coming of age without what “coming-of-age” typically means in movies. It’s so wholesome!
top teir comment and a top teir pfp ✨👌 what a great musical
I love how they're ready to fight like anyone who mess with their girl 😂.
The movie showed realistic reaction of 13 year old kids to meeting a giant fluffy red panda, which was "oh my god, that's so cute"
One part that I really love about this movie is when the grandma says to Ming: "you don't have to apologise, I'm your mother". It feels so powerful when you think that most of the time it's the other way round, as in: "I'm your mother, I don't need to apologise, you need to apologise to me". It's a shame really, that some parents (and adults in general) see apologising or admitting faults as such a negative thing, or as a childish thing. It shows such a good growth in the grandma.
(The amount of times I have heard "that's what kids do" or "you can't make them apologise, that's what we do with kids", and the only thing I can think is that, of course we make kids apologise, they're kids, they don't always understand they're still learning, but you as an adult should already know. I personally think it's more embarrassing for adults when kids show that they're are more mature than them, then if they -the adult- just apologised in the first place)
Yeah, the teacher is only wise if they are prepared to learn from the student.
I think everyone does mistakes even when you’re trying be best parent in the world still you make mistakes and most important thing to do is to apologize or just say yea I was not right. Because if you don’t the children will realize with time that you make mistakes and know about it you will lost major respect from them
That was the absolut worst part for me! Of course you have to apologize to your mother when you disbehave! Just because she loves you and forgives you does not mean she doesn't wanna hear that from you! Many mothers gets to put up with a lot of s@#th from their kids, and it's often very unfair! Of course the kids should be sorry and ask for forgivness! You mother isn't a trashcan you can throw waste at or a toilette to collect all the turds coming out of your mouth...
But yes, the mother should lead with good example and also admit when she is wrong and ask for forgivness then she has hurt the daugther.
Yeah exactly! My dad has been such a bully and emotional abuser to me from when I was ten years old an onwards, I used to think he was strong and my hero, but as I grew, he only harmed me more :(
I think the Panda gets more massive the more you bottle up your emotions and reject yourself. Like, from the Grandma to Mei, it looks like a standard size compared to the first woman of the family, and we know that she was Using her emotions to Call the Panda and protect her family. When they all called their Pandas by breaking the amulets containing them, it was for the exact same purpose. Which goes to show that Ming's Panda is gigantic because the only time she stood up to her mother, was for her love, it was a Huge emotion involved, with a lot of bottling up behind it, and after that she thought "never again", so more bottling up, keeping that Panda a real giant.
On the other side of the spectrum, Mei is doing her own things, she starts lying and rebelling, she expresses herself, and she released her Panda on purpose a lot of times, so it's just a standard size in the family.
My mom's friend told her that this movie had the subliminal message telling kids that they have an inner monster that they can let out whenever they want to. Some people are just too stubborn to acknowledge how their children are their own persons who have their own minds and personalities.
My mom was emotionally unavailable. But I understand. She grew up in a really abusive home, her dad coming home drunk with a machete threatening to kill someone. Beatings. She was the scapegoat in their family so she got it worse.
Her being emotionally distant was her giving her best for us, making sure we had what she had needed. Safety. Food on the table and no one screaming threats at you. That was her way of showering us with her love.
And now I see her blossom while interacting with my daughter, her only grandchild. She is so soft, so present. And I feel so blessed to witness her opening up to express and receive love as she deserves it. Because she does, even if for a long time she couldn't see it.
This made me tear up. Beautiful anecdote.
@@mallorycarpinski1160 I am in the process of reclaiming my Mom as a flawed human trying her best with the tools she had instead of the subpar parental units I felt she insisted on being (my teenage perception) just to spite me.
I was an arrogant child. Still am. I believed she was dumb because she didn't read books like me.
I remember once mocking her because when she was really mad, she would hit us with a flimsy chancla, the rubber soled ones that costed less than a dollar. I was making a joke about the fact that even hitting os with such an unthreatening object, she broke down in tears before we did.
How dumb, don't you think?
Only recently it occurred to me that discipline in her childhood meant violence and abuse. It was the only parenting tool she had. She didn't know how else to discipline, and she must have felt horrible every time she did it.
She was trying her best, I mocked her for it.
I'm just glad she has lived this long and is still healthy, so I can rediscover the facets of who she is. Not just as my mom.
@@omegabae1293 I really appreciate that you see her as a person who has gone through life and difficulties that have shaped her the same as you and everyone else and that you have compassion for her. 👏
Maybe that was her way to respond to the trauma. My father was abusive towards me my mom and my sister and i remember that I just kept shoving my emotions inside and wont let anyone else see that i was hurting deeply inside. This is a defensive mechanism, she did her best for you even though her best sometimes might seem that is never good enough from the outside.
@@omegabae1293 This is relatable. I'm beginning the process of understanding my dad as a human. He was strict growing up and eventually took us to church which only seemed to make him more strict. He's not big on talking about feelings and I'm a very sensitive/emotional person. I also left church a few years ago so it feels like there's this huge rift between us. When I look back on everything I try to understand he was doing his best, admittedly it's still hard for me to accept. I can also be arrogant. I have two young nieces and he's so much more loving with them than he was with me/my siblings. Sometimes it hurts to see others getting what you didn't but needed. I harbor A LOT of resentment toward him but I'm also experiencing a slow shift in perspective. He's had certain experiences, some of which i'll never know, that marked him for life and in some ways have affected his children. It's a very emotional, challenging shift but it's also comforting to read about other's stories and know i'm not alone. Take good care
I remember when my teenage daughter showed me this film, when it first came out and she couldn't understand why I was crying so hard towards the end when Mei Mei's (not sure I spelled it right) mom told her that she'll always be proud of her. I cried cause this movie made me wonder if I was failing as a mom. If I told my daughter that I'm proud. If I've ever made her feel like she couldn't come to me or if I wasn't listening to her. I've watched it countless times cause it's a great film but I will say it has definitely changed up some of my parenting choices. Same with Encanto.
I love films can have impacts on that.
I think the fact that you were willing to reflect on yourself, and change, makes you a great parent.
That is the medicine in stories like these. To help us grow.
Your reflection is good, keep it up! All parents make mistakes and hurt their kids, but if you try hard enough to make it right, your child won't be holding many (if any) grudges on you. My mom used to be very explosive, yelling and even sometimes cursing at me (and don't get me started on belt). But in recent years I saw her learning rapidly about psychology and reflecting on a lot on her actions. It was amazing, and even though we don't have perfect relationship, I forgave a lot of things she did or said that I used to be very angry at, just cuz she made amends and I've allowed her. Holy shit, do I love psycology, my dramatic speech style comes in handy 😂
The line "I'm never gonna be perfect for anyone" was something I repeated to myself a lot until my grandma had a talk with me and the one thing she said that actually made me start crying was "being perfect must be pretty hard to live up to"
Damn, Sophie bringing up the whole "Growing up mixed is different from being raised mono-cultural" got me good. It's such a nuanced experience that only other mixed people really seem to understand -- now mixing that into "Turning Red"'s whole puberty metaphor just totally brings it to a whoooooole new level... Great episode~
I'm so glad it resonated with someone!
Yes, I felt so seen when Sophie said that! I'm in a similar situation as her, but for me it's my dad who's white and my mother who is Hispanic. It's a weird dynamic because there weren't a lot of other mixed kids around me growing up, so you kind of feel isolated from each culture and not fully "enough" for either. It always makes me happy to see other mixed people like her who understand the feeling!
As someone who is Chinese American, I can say that there is a bit of a generational gap. Growing up, my siblings and I were expected to be respectful of our parents. No lying, no talking back, just listen and do what they told us to do. There was always the pressure of being the perfect child for them because they'd often talk about how this friend's kid could do this amazing thing but we could not. "Why can't you be like them?" they would say, "I would be proud to tell my friends about you if you were." I'll be honest, growing up like that really makes it feel like I'd never be good enough for my parents because they would always have someone else to compare me to. Any accomplishments I have had weren't talked about as much as failures because there was someone else they knew that had accomplished that. And I would honestly like it if they would say they were proud of me, even if it was just one time.
But there is also comparison between my brothers and me. Seeing as they are boys, my parents don't pressure them as much to be perfect. Boys are already valued more in the family anyways. It's fine if they talk back, but to a minimum. Girls are typically expected to be polite, proper, and obedient. Stay in their place and not step out of line.
holyyyy i relate to ALL of what you just described so hard
I am so sorry that both of you experienced that. It isn't fair and not right. It makes me very sad to see children held to unreasonable standards and to know that they are less valued simply because they weren't born a male. You both deserved better.
Hope you got therapy for that and learned to love yourself and respect yourself no matter what.
I never had this level of strictness firsthand, but I dated a girl with an Asian (i think korean) mom who was constantly on her to be perfect. The stereotypical below a 95 is failing, etc. but didn't do the same to her brother. I felt like it led to a lot of the self doubt she had in herself. She struggled to be perfect for her mom, which kind of stung looking outside in knowing that you can't really fix it. I still wish I could have helped in some way and hope her mom gets a reality check.
It also led to her being jealous of other women friends in my life, because she felt like I would find someone better. Sidenote: she's the only person I dated so far for unrelated reasons. I could never really get mad at her, cause I felt like I knew where it was coming from and I didn't consider it her fault, but I also wasn't changing who I was. Now I wasn't a great SO either, I could have done a lot better. We eventually broke up, but I never hated them. Still don't.
I can remember her and a friend of mine who had a Columbian mother who was petty strict about a lot of things. She would prevent him from going out for stupid reasons like not taking out the trash or something else. It always felt like an excuse to prevent him from leaving. Especially as he got older, he said she got like that cause he was leaving to college and she was being lonely, still not an excuse in my book. I had a personal dislike to her, because of trying to get him to do stuff and then being denied cause of her and the stories he told.
Moral of what I'm saying is that parents in the above examples are not how you should act. I don't know what the correct way to parent is, but causing anxiety and self doubt in your child or being a fort knox mom is not how I think you should act. I still care about my past friends and exes and wish them the best in life.
I was sorta like that for a while too. I'm really glad that I have a sister and we usually back each other up. It's really unfair and I wish you had somebody in the family back you up too. It had taken me a while to learn that I love my parents but they are not perfect (parents can totally abusive) and it's ok to set boundaries for myself. I hope that you will learn to put yourself first and one day, you will be ok.
Showed both Encanto and Turning Red to my parents. Either way, they haven't changed a bit. I know I can't really change my parents with a movie or two, but still. I guess I tried.
Edit: A lot of people are asking if I've talked to my parents about it. I've tried but they said it was just teenage angst.
My condolences, some people are unfortunately set in their ways, and unable to see anything else but their own black and white thinking. Just keep being the amazing person that you are, regardless of parental expectations.
Maybe they learned something from it and maybe tried to change but still didn't know how to or maybe they try to change a little bit, little by little. I'm a pessimist but I try to be optimistic about this. Wish you all the best
sorry mate, it's a shame that they didn't learn from these films.
though it gives me hope when i imagine how kids and younger audiences can learn, and therefore not go the same route. my little sister loved these films, and she had all kinds of discussions with me after watching them. ( :
Break the cycle and show love the way you needed it, but for others.
Did you also talked to them about how you are treated and what do you want to change? Using movies as example of how you feel is good but if you don’t talk about it I don’t think things are not going to change.
Being able to say I cry just as much as Alan Seawright makes me proud that I cry in theaters.
Thanks guys.
Him saying "I'm never going to get that from my mom" resonated with me so suddenly and so profoundly
He is definitely not alone in that. 👊
I love how they talked about not only growing up, but how Mei started to have interest about boys. As a woman I grew up with the idea of romantic love, but most of what I felt growing wasn't romantic, but hormonal, and I used to think that I was weird, like "this isn't normal". I'm glad they showed this!
Absolutely. Crushes and feelings and sexuality are things that aren’t talked about in our family. I feel that if my and my siblings were male, we’d be more open about it. So, as an adult living with parents, I still have never been in a relationship or come out of the closet. It’s not talked about.
Yeah, people are complaining that its "too sexual" (how?) but also... teens experience sexuality. And it's just as cringy and awkward as the film depicts. I never dealt with it personally (asexual) but it's an important thing to acknowledge
As someone AFAB who was...very hormonal in that regard, and to be fair, so was my mother, it was also very isolating to feel...idk, like my puberty went wrong. I was under 10 when my libido started, and 10 when it hit full force and stopped being just weirdly itchy in weird places and exploring your body for the first time because you never paid attention to certain parts until now, and just became hormones and bottling emotions lol. (My mom and I both think we might have like a whole line of women (and I) in our family who have like PCOS and/or at least slightly above average testosterone levels which contributes to the high libido. I did indeed have higher testosterone than average when I had that stuff tested before I started HRT.)
(If it's not kinda hinted at obviously enough, I'm a trans man. And when I say my libido was high, like, my libido on testosterone feels like about the same in quantity, it just presents different.)
I don't have a lot of like sexuality repression and shit in my childhood, but that is one thing that's always affected me. I always felt like my puberty and libido made me dark and gross for the insane shit I'd come up with as a kid, and that's hard to unravel, even as an adult. There's still a large part of me that feels like I was wrong during puberty and shit, and not just for the dysphoria.
It's really sad that we encourage that sort of shit in AFAB kids so predominately. :( I didn't even realize I had these like built in emotions regarding that shit until years of therapy later, lol. It just, it sucks.
As someone who didn’t get that through puberty, it actually gave me pretty good idea of what my friends went through. It was fascinating to say the least xD.
She had such a great dad. Dad cares for her and is an empathetic listener. Her dad reminded me of my dad. He’s the best. He encourages her and basically says that there is nothing wrong with what she’s done.
I thought also, they nailed the cringiness of being 13 and awkwardness of it and feeling like you are this big awkward panda. Nailed it
I wish my dad was like that. I used to think he was, but then as I got older I learned he was just the softer version of my mom - he was the good cop to her bad cop but they both were still cops enforcing their rule rather than supporting me as an individual
@@littlepixieme1 I wish mine was like that too, but I always knew he wouldn't be. Not when I spent my childhood getting into literal legal fights with him over custody time. It's only now that I'm older and in my 20s though that I find myself really longing for that good father figure I never had.
At least my mom is amazing though, I'm sorry you had to deal with two unsupportive parents.
My mum and dad are the exact flip of Mei’s hehe
Definitely
They nailed the awkwardness so hard that I was watching the movie from down the hall cause it was so accurate lmao
I really love how this movie celebrates being a teenage girl and stuff that teenage girls love. It just felt so refreshing in comparison to the way our society ususally treats them. I haven't experienced a lot of the things Mei and her friends experience but it still feels so relatable and comforting!
this movie made me sob hysterically. i think it was the scene with mei and her mom's inner child that really broke me, but honestly that entire section of that movie had me crying like a baby. my mom carries a lot of generational trauma on her shoulders that, like ming, she doesn't like to/doesn't talk about often. and i feel for her, but i resent her sometimes because she passed that trauma on to me. turning red will always be special to me, i've never felt more connected to a movie than i have with this one, mainly because i see so much of my younger self in mei and vice versa. now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to watch this movie again and bawl my eyes out for a second time.
You both should watch ‘Wolf Children’! It’s a gorgeous film about parenthood, growing up and finding your place in the world!
The scene where she can't figure out whether to call a doctor or a vet is just pure, unadulterated "I'm a new parent and I have no idea what I'm doing," and it's beautiful.
I’ve been asking for that
PLEASE DO
This would be wonderful
@@HappleProductions bruh, that made me cry a lot
I was raised in a very accepting, loving family. This film made me cry just out of gratitude that my mother never embarrassed me and never pushed me to be anything other than myself.
That is such a rare gift. You are right to be grateful
"Is that on Amazon?" TIKTOK
I didnt cry at this movie but same, I'm so thankful for parents and how they raised and loved and supported me. The older I get the more blessed I realize that I am
@@silver9wolf6 x2
The more I learn about strict parents, the more I appreciate my parents giving me freedom and supporting my choices while still being there when I need them
I like the comparison of their size to their emotion. Mei's mother most likely had a massive red panda due to her repressed emotions, stifling and overbearing pressure from *her* mother, plus the new feeling that maybe she's letting down her own daughter. Everyone else had just big transformations because they didn't feel as stifled with their emotions as Mei's mom. Mei felt comfortable with her life and had several outlets to channel into when her family life got a bit too much and the rest of her family seemed pretty comfortable in their own skin, especially her grandmother, who seemed mostly the way she was because of the "family honor" and "self respect" life-style type things.
I lost my mum when i waw little, so my dad had to deal with me when i "turned red". This man was in the RAF for 40 years, he fought in the falklands, flew over iraq at the height of the war, even privately escorted prime ministers, ALL withour breaking a sweat. I got my first period and i have never seen such a look of SHEER panic spread across a mans face THAT quickly XD
EDIT: Cute story tho, he got his female friend to write an instruction guide for what to do. So when IT happened, he frantically ran to his room, pulled out this box from under his bed, BUSTED it open like it was ennwrgency first aide, skimmed the instructions quickly, and was like "OK you're gonna need one of these, and a bunch for later, these ones if they're too big, these ones for night time, take 2 of these for cramps, and, err...heres some chocolate". I walked away carrying A PILE of sanitary pads like a large load of folded laundry XD
That’s a great dad right there. 😭❤️
"The farther you go, the prouder I'll be" really hit me in the gut. My mom died when I was 12, and ever since then, I've been haunted wondering what she would want me to do and what she would think of me. That quote is one of the first I've heard that sounds like something she *could* have said, just knowing her character. Very good writing.
As a mom, I can tell you what I want for my daughter: to be a good person, to be independent and to do what makes her happy. So if you manage to do something that fulfills you in life, she'd be very happy and proud of you. A big hug!
Same, I lost my mom 3 years ago at 20, it was a time in my life where I was figuring out what I wanted to do in life, and a time to find myself, and not having her around even now at 23, I still wonder if I'm making her proud
@@ancairinadumitru3306 This is actually so sweet.
I understand, @@lilyc1808, and I can't fully be sure, but I like to think you are making her so proud and much more every single day.
The scene where she's like," I'm finding out who I am." I wish I got that sooner as a kid. I was fit into a mold, and now barely realizing who I am and what I wanna be. I love this movie
I have a similar experience. I wasn’t allowed to be myself so much that at 26 all I know are little things like my color, food, & I’m learning about my style
I’m 30 and just realizing I don’t know who I am.
@@alistacramen9799 I understand. I started with finding little things about me. I liked pink & eventually figured out that it was favorite color. Then that pastel pink was my favorite, not because my mother told me it was but because I liked it. Then I learned that that was okay & that that doesn’t mean that I can’t be my own person.
I hope this helped
Indeed
Dont be a mold
Make your own mold
As a ND kid. Me too, me too…I have extreme personality issues and it’s because of marking and trying to fit in with others’ because I’ve never got a chance to find myself like Mei does.
My favourite thing about this film is how the lack of communication was shown and how Mei still tried to express her likes, but not being too direct about it.
For example, when she mentions 4town for the first time, she just says that her friend likes it to check her mother's reaction without the situation ending up being a talk about her. When she finally talks about 4town, she created a fancy presentation, which shows how anxious and defensive she became about her interest.
Personally, it's the most relatable moment for me as in high school (UK), I wanted to do art GCSE as my third option instead of geography. My overprotective mother quickly jumped to conclusions when I became direct about it and later, I felt like I had to make an essay about why doing art GCSE won't destroy my future and the benefits of doing art. I wrote over 20 reasons and I was ready to spend my free time researching the benefits of art. The only thing that stopped me was my mother who noticed that I really care about art and I really dislike geography. Then there were situations with video games, manga and anime. One day, I tried to include my mother and I played what I thought could potentially fit her tastes, but I only got a negative confused reaction. This ended up being a negative conclusion as I felt like the door to discuss things got closed.
Often adults judge what kids like or do while forgetting that they also used to like things that their parents found to be weird. This gets worse when you are a shy person and you already feel judged by peers and other family members who still see a pre-puberty child. Having an open discussion without feeling like somebody made their own conclusion before the conversation is important.
In the end, the last scenes show a positive development, which also occurred in my family. Mei is less withdrawn and anxious about her interests, while her mother is more open-minded and accepts her decisions. There are still some hiccups like her saying "You are not going like that"" when Mei had panda ears, but it didn't feel like a solid no and Mei hasn't felt cornered like previously.
I cried so much in this movie because of how relatable it was, my mom would always say 'I never MADE you do anything!', refusing to understand that her emotional manipulation counted as a form of control
I was brought up in a society where we don't talk about our bodies or puberty change. I have a friend who still had a problem talking about this with her kids, and she refuses to even watch Turning Red.
I watched it with my kids the weekend it came out. I am the mom that says, "ok so, anatomically speaking..." and I do not lie to my kids. If they are mature enough to ask, I will tell them.
thank you for being that mom. it was really hard growing up alone as a woman
@@sparkles7111 this also helps your children protect themselves from perverts. There is actual evidence that children who are informed about their bodies are less likely to be victimized.
I've seen so many accounts of ppl who watched this movie and felt extremely jealous of Mei, for her mother being so attentive to her bodily needs when she thought mei were having her period
Some ppl were left in the dark until the bleeding started, and got punished later for that
It's crazy
All kids deserve parents, not all parents deserve their kids
@@alyshaharper8730 youre right. i am a victim of men who took at advantage of me because i didnt know any better, and it makes me so sad
In my case, since I've always been a curious kid, I really, bluntly asked "mom, why do you have diapers?" when I was, like, 8-10 years old, and when I entered middle school, she actually gave a a little "briefing" (and no, I don't think it was sugar-coated)
The scene with Mei slapping herself in her room for "daring to hurt her mom" is the most relatable thing I've ever seen. She puts her mom above her own feelings so much she'll physically beat herself up over even having thoughts.
I love the way Jono validated the way that Alan isn't afraid to show emotion on the show. I've always really admired and adored him for it.
I've been talking about what Mei did in this movie a lot lately. Sometimes our parents need the "gentle parenting" they weren't given to move forward with us. She nurtured the kid inside her mother and in turn the grandmother. Don't simply give up on someone because they hurt you. I think its worth it to see if even a part of them is willing to do better.
One beautiful thing about Mei's mom is she is giving Mei the 'freedom and support' that she herself wasn't allowed to have.
Yes. She is not perfect but she broke a couple of family cycles by already separating herself from many aspects of the more problematic relationship she bad with her mother.
@@InspiringYoungLady AND in so doing, she gave her own mother and sisters the prompt they needed to re-evaluate their own inter-familial relationships. Honestly Ming growing was what the whole family needed, even if the burden should never have been on her and Mei-Lee to begin with.
@@Jane-oz7pp *Meilin
I’ve never seen a mom-daughter relationship depicted so well on screen then on Turning Red. It’s very hard to hit the nuances of the relationship (especially when bringing in intergenerational women in a family) when men are in charge of a film.
I think Lilo and Stitch also does a good job of this, even if they are sisters. Nani is still Lilo's caretaker and struggling to make ends meet, and while they drive each other up the walls they are still so, so close.
When I watched Turning Red with my partner, he saw the period analogy like everyone else, but I can also see it as an analogy for being neurodivergent and trying to accept it and work with it, vs. being forced to present as neurotypical.
Oh my God thank you! I've been wanting to share these thoughts for far too long, when I watched the trailer at first I thought it was going to be a movie about social anxiety, and that Mei would turn into the panda when she got too overwhelmed, now I can't unsee it as that. And the scenes where the talks to herself ad draws to take emotions out were literally the most relatable to me, because as an autistic person, that's how I cope.
Bruh what
That's what I thought too!
Absolutely, this movie really hit hard for me as an autistic and ADHD person whose neurodivergence tends to show up in a very loud way. I was always labeled as the bad kid among my quieter (although also neurodivergent) siblings, and I believed it for so long because I wasn't able to quash down those parts of me. It took me years to understand and accept myself as I was, and while my mom will say all the right words and act like she accepts me, her actions show that she still wants me to act like a neurotypical person. I see myself in Mei, and her friend group loving her with or without her panda mirrors my own experiences in marching band with people who wouldn't treat my neurodivergent behaviors as selfish outbursts.
You can take it however you want
One of the elements I love about this movie is how the quiet, emotive Dad is in the background a lot but VERY supportive and ends up saying of the most impactful things to Mei-Mei(-Lin) that helps her make a decision based on what she really wants and it not backlashing to being selfish or wrong necessarily just because its not what previous generations, or not what her mother, did. Her dad simple but genuine words and care reminds me of something father-figures in my life would have said or did. Pointing out that the Panda’s “dangerous” and needs “control” are her mothers and previous relatives’ words, not her own. Pointing out that her being her true self in the videos, he liked and made him laugh. That average people may not have a panda-self but people do have to learn to deal with their emotions, thats a common ground for her and her family to others, and reminding her she’ll still be loved panda or not panda! Sometimes when we’re overwhelmed by having or feeling as if having to make important decisions immediately, we tend to minimize what we want, who we are to fit in or to fall in line with expectations.
I love the Dad in this movie, he reminds me of my dad growing up, soft spoken and generally understanding, calm and stoic.
I love his quiet strength
He reminds me of my Gramps. I miss him.
Same. He reminds me of my dad too.
you're lucky mate
I really connected to this movie: My parents kept me in the dark a lot due to conservative/religious reasons(didn't help that I'm bisexual and wanted to be an actor), but my mother is also is a Grade A narcissist. I had a LOT of pressure to be perfect to their standards all the time that honestly I let them hold over me well into my late 20s/early 30s. Turning Red really hit home for me because just like Alan, I'm never going to get that apology from my mom and as of 2020, she is no longer a part of my life so that I can heal. While it hurts that it finally had to come to that result, it has been a rebuilding process for my life to start recognizing narcissistic behaviors, and see examples of what good parenting is supposed to look like so that I can be prepared to have healthy relationships for myself.
Plus, I got in HUGE trouble at 12(also 2002 for me), for hiding my own drawings of (female)erotica under my own bed 🙈 So yeh, this movie felt made for me. 😅
Sometimes we are disabled by our environments. I’m glad you broke away and are healing.
I relate HARD ❤️ thanks for sharing
@@Peppermon22 so true
I've been there and I hope you are better now, because you deserve it. 💖💖💖
This is so relatable, in the sense of being bi and having to keep up to what they expect. for me it was more like, implied, and they try their best, but i think they kind of unknowingly have these expectations. i went out for a walk with my mom one day and this movie actually helped me to come out to her with the idea of not having to hide and being able to be yourself.
It's such a small part, but whoever voiced young Ming did amazing. Can feel how sad and distraught she was.
I think one thing that's overlooked when people talk about this movie is how powerful support from friends can be. Mei just has to imagine her friends saying they love her and she calms down. That's a really good thing to take away.
I am truly loving the trend of having no 'villains' in the story. Turning Red and Encanto both involve challenges, flaws and the effects of toxic behaviours without demonizing any characters. It shows humans as the imperfect but hopeful beings we are.
I can never talk about feelings without breaking down into tears, it’s really frustrating lol. So, for Mother’s Day I wrote my mom a letter explaining my insecurities, my academic challenges, and apologizing for how much stress I’ve caused her. Of course I gave her the letter and hauled ass out of the house because I didn’t want to see her reaction, but when I got home she told me the letter made her cry.
We talked after that, and it was nice. Of course I still cried, but she gave me all the time I need to pull myself together and say what I needed to.
That's really sweet♡ Good job!♡
I'm much the same, I have a very hard time expressing myself even with people I love and trust fully. Telling my mom I needed mental help was one of the hardest things I've done, and like you I had to write her a note, and like your mom she came to me to talk about it and cried when she found out how much I was struggling without her knowing, but she went out and helped me get a therapist and my lifelong depression and suicidal thoughts haven't returned since.
Mom's who do their best for their emotionally closed off children ftw ✊
The first time my mom watched this, when I talked to her about it she insisted it was about Bipolar. I can totally see where she was coming from *_(her and my sister are Bipolar, I'm the only one who doesn't have it in our family)_* and I realized how much sense it made.
the editing in this video is IMMACULATE so funny and Sophie is literally hilarious and needs to be on the show more
22:17 hits me so hard. I've been closeted 🏳️⚧️ for decades, especially out of fear of upsetting my mother, and watching this movie made me WEEP at this point. I'm finally transitioning as an adult and haven't told them yet, and the "I'm afraid it'll take me away from you" is SO REAL. I know a number of my queer friends also related very deeply to this movie because of this feeling. Pixar did a great job.
you should get a therapy and become normal being like the rest of both human and animal world.
also trans here, so the panda is more trans than puberty to me
Very best of luck to you! If I may, my sibling came out as NB last year, and my parents resisted for a few months, but now everyone calls them by their chosen name, without attitude or sarcasm. Your mom may need some time to adjust. My mom said she had to mourn the mental image of the child she had had, before she could accept the person they'd become.
Hi, I'm Trans too! 🏳️⚧️
I was terrified of coming out to my mom because she seemed to have very cut and dry opinions on gender and I had a nightmare about my family ditching me because I'm ace. I am fully out to my family, but they still deadname me and call me she/her pronouns, but I'm still holding on to hope that they'll recognize me as a man one day!
I can relate in the sense that I’m Asexual, and also have made the decision to get permanently sterilized for my own health and well being. Having grown up in a very traditional family, it’s tough to break that layer of tradition and most of my family heavily disagrees with my disinterest in having a family or being sexually active with anyone, but it’s a choice that I have to make for my own life, regardless of what they say because it’s for my own good. I wish best of luck to anyone else going through anything similar, it’s a hard battle, but those are the only ones worth fighting. And you’ll be glad you did it in the end.
Alan really helps me feel not so alone because I cry at EVERYTHING in movies. Doesn't matter if it's sad or happy or brave or just whatever, I cry profusely and my friends always look at me as the "tough guy" lol. I cried when captain america caught Thor's hammer, I cried when Vegeta sacrificed himself to save trunks, I even cried during a James bond documentary. Really stupid stuff sometimes... Can't help it haha
It's healthy to cry. You're not alone. I cry often myself.. my mom made fun of me constantly for it. But therapy taught me how powerful it is to cry. How necessary it is and how to accept and be proud of it.
Me too! I went to see an am-dram performance of Phantom of the Opera and fully teared up when the actress playing Christine hit the last high note of Think of Me. You're not alone!
That’s an endearing trait in my opinion. Maybe a bit odd at times, but everyone has their odd habits.
@@smuj404 Oh, that specific number is POWERFUL. I don’t blame you.
I get like that when I'm watching something alone. When watching with family I have to really hold it in because I know I'd never stop being teased for it.
Turning Red from a transit perspective: Toronto has an extensive streetcar system with a network of nine routes and 685 stops. It is the busiest streetcar/light-rail system in North America! Trams began operating in Toronto in 1861. The trams that run through Chinatown run on Spadina Ave. Service on Spadina began back in 1878 but were replaced with buses in 1966. Trams wouldn't return to Spadina Ave until 1997! The tram at 0:41 is a CLRV or Canadian Light Rail Vehicle. These were built between 1977 and 1981 and were in service from 1979 until 2019. They were replaced by the Flexity Outlook.
I love this comment
“She had to be dead for decades to apologize😂😂 that’s what coco got right” %100 true!!! Preach girl!!!
I think my favorite thing about Turning Red was that Mei and Ming do have a close relationship. It isn't JUST that Mei doesn't want to get in trouble or anything like that, but that Mei wants her mother's approval *because she likes her* and wants that close relationship to stay. It's painful and scary to risk the relationship they have, not knowing if anything better will come of it later. That's a huge dynamic in the movie that helps make it all feel real.
This hits home as a parent. My kids are all five and under still, but every day I am trying to do better than my parents. I had a home filled with anger and so I struggle with that the most, whenever my daughter gets so angry that she can't handle it, I just feel guilty that she must get that from me and it's hard to help her deal with it in a healthy way when I have such a hard time with it. It's completely a work in progress, and I recognize that, but it doesn't stop me feeling like a failure most of the time. Parenting can really be lonely, you are always trying to figure out what you're doing and there's loads of conflicting information everywhere. So I relate to her mom so much, she wants to do what's best, but she doesn't always know how to do that.
I think it’s inevitable that we will hurt our kids in one way or another. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. We just try our best with the tools we’ve been given.
Personally, the in my opinion, the sheer fact that you are working on it can help you succeed. I also grew up in rather, tense, households, and have promised to myself I will always work on self control. It really helps to just put the effort because with time it becomes second nature. I truly wish both you, and your kids luck.
I can only come at this from the kids perspective but the things I've always wanted most was to feel like I was being listened to and apologize when you are wrong or hurtful. Show them you are human too and you mess up but you keep trying and say sorry and mean it!!!
My mom grew up in an angry household. She was raised by the great grandfather and great grandmother and my great grandfather was an angry guy. He was very demanding and strict whereas my great grandmother was very meek and subservient but also very loving. So now my mom is a big complainer. She doesn't know how to deal with her anger and she complains about anything she doesn't like. And it's so contradictory. She'll be upset about one thing and complain and then be upset about the complete opposite thing and complain. Even though she complains a lot, she's not like her grandfather. He would get angry and be verbal abusive. No apologizes. He was the man of the house and could do what he wanted. My Dad is not that way and my mom doesn't always deal with her anger in the greatest ways but she's done her best to not pass that bad anger management down the line plus she learned to be very loving from her great grandmother but not meekness and subservience. I don't think anyone would say that my mother is meek. Now I can see what she learned, the good and the bad, and improve on my own behavior.
I think you can do the same. You won't be perfect at it but you can learn from your own past, try to do better and not only teach but show your children through your own struggle how they can be even better than you. Parenting doesn't have to be lonely. There's a lot of resources you can find these days. Support groups, parenting forums, therapy as well. A lot of people think therapy is only an option when you have a serious problem. Therapy can be an option when you see yourself heading towards a serious problem and you need help putting on the brakes or you need an outside perceptive on your situation. Maybe there's a reason you feel like a failure when dealing with anger issues that you need to work on. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Adults need support so they can support their families. Everyone needs support in different ways.
I think its important that you validate your childrens feelings and teach them you as a parent make a mistakes at time
Returning to the spirit of the still hurting child, is a representation of overcoming trauma. As someone who was in foster care and has C-PTSD. This movie touched me, because that inner child is still hurt, but I'm proud of where I am on my road to Recovery
21:59 one of the people from Domee Shi's team even caed Ming in her panda form "Ming-zilla".🤣
Both Encanto and Turning Red are such pivotal movies for this age and it's amazing to see them get the recognition they deserve. Personally even though I love the overall vibe of Encanto probably more than this one, Turning Red just hits me in such a personal way that I never would've imagined. I'm so grateful for this movie and I'm so excited to see you guys react to this
There's been an absolute renaissance in compassionate/healing narratives in animation over the past few years! Inside Out gave a color-coded and easily-understood schema for people of ALL ages to suddenly be able to identify their emotions in the moment, and view sadness as a healthy and NECESSARY emotion. Pete Docter (the director/writer) also gave us Soul a few years later, which is a *genius* follow-up.
This metaphor can be read so many ways, and it made me think of the expectation I felt as an early 2000s teen gay person to suppress and deny and lock away my queerness. The scene where all the aunties and grandma give up their Panda made me think about all the prior generations of gay people who had to just completely deny and conceal themselves. And then Meilin chooses to be true to herself because finally she's in the first of many generations where she can be herself. She chooses to accept this wonderful and different part of her... And her friends and family do too. I cried a lot. This is a fantastic film and I'm really glad you decided to discuss it here.
Agreed. I'm 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 and while I'm an adult now, I definitely read this as a queer story, even if it wasn't intended that way.
oh wooowwwwww that's a great point yo now I see it
I mean queerness also doesn't rampage around and destroy things though...
@@qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm3093 according to my parents it does lol 😂😭
@@kaned5543 Really? How so?
The last part in the bamboo forest where she meets her Mom as a little girl is absolutely bloody fantastic! One of the best things I've ever seen. Apparently, this part of the movie hit Chinese and Asian immigrants like a truck....it just hit home so hard.
7:21 TELL ME that NO ONE DOESN'T get an "Aww!" expression on their faces at this moment.
I really like how Pixar wasn't afraid to discuss topics like change and growth, including puberty and periods. That was different, but good. It also reminded me of Brave, with Merida and Elinor's relationship becoming strained as she grows older, but this time they showed the generational effects, how Mei's mother also had issues with her mom. It was perfect
Brave really was the precursor to this wave of movies, wasn’t it?
For real
When inside out ended with that one "oh, we don't get to talk about puberty in this movie" joke
I thought to myself "there's no way Pixar's going to tackle that subject, like ever"
I'm so glad to be proven wrong
@@matheussanthiago9685 I think pixar literally went
Its a surprise tool that will help us later!
Alan, honey, you are a BEAUTIFUL role model. You share your vulnerability and your pain about your estrangement with your mother to such a wide audience--and that takes SO MUCH courage and strength. You aren't afraid to show sensitivity, tenderness, and emotional weakness, and that's what makes you amazing. You are an incredible male role model for kids and for other men. I feel swamped by violent, angry toxic masculinity, and you make me feel ridiculously safe, lol. If I could find a guy like you, I'd go back to dating men!
Also, Sophie, you are a DELIGHT! Would love to hang out with you sometime, your soul is magnificent! And if you guys weren't already super busy, I'd die for Two Cringey Dads!
"I'd go back to dating men" 💀
Sophie is such a treasure. I'm binging your channel and this kind of material and analysis is enjoyable to me in such a specific level I just get happy when I see a new video, but Sophie adds an extra flavor to the commentary and the vibe. Thank you guys! Keep it up!
We totally agree! Thanks for watching. :)
When Ming explains that transforming into a red panda was a gift in China but an inconvenience when they moved to Canada, it implies they faced discrimination. The US and Canada like to view ourselves as perfect countries, and yet we don't want to talk about our past and the things we've done to other ethnic groups, like the internment of Japanese-Americans in the western states and Japanese-Canadians in British Columbia during WWII after the attack on Pearl Harbor. By acknowledging our past, we learn from it, we admit our mistakes, and grow as societies. That's what this is about. Acceptance and growth.
I lost my father to leukemia when I was only eight, so I've only had a mother figure for most of my life, but my Cuban mother has encouraged me to be proud of not just being an American and the opportunities being here has given me, but also what my heritage has given me. And as an autistic person, that I should never have to hide in a shell. We may be different, but we are not less. If people don't like me for expressing myself, then so be.
Grew up in a Christian household, only child, have always had anxiety, and I always had to be perfect because the rest of my extended family was so messed up that there was no room for me also to be a mess even though I feel like I've been falling apart for the past 20 years.
Edit: Not that anyone's commented on it yet but it wasn't my parents that were the problem really, it was that I was so anxious seeing everyone around me being a mess and I knew I was my parents only kid and I didn't want to fail them so I held myself to the standard I thought they wanted which was WAY TOO HIGH. They just never really... noticed, I was pretty good at hiding it I guess I don't know but I love my parents.
Can relate, though I did have some pressure from my dad too. Covid cancelling my exams + not getting into Uni really crushed everything for me. I'm slowly putting things back together and you'll definitely get there too. Good Luck
Right there with you, oldest of 4, had expectations, especially in a new country, to be the first to go to university, which I failed and have kinda wallowed in my own sorrow for like 8 years since.
You gotta seperate what expectations people have for you and what you want out of life at your pace. Now the only problem is I work too much to go to school, and now I'm head of the household so I feel stuck, but I'm hanging in there, you do too. Be proud of how far you've come,
Totally relate to the "I'm perceiving chaos around me, someone must be the eye of the storm." feeling. My sister had health problems and my brother relational ones (loads of break-ups), so I thought I "had" to give my parents a break and not have any problems in my life.
Well, if that didn't backfire! (closeted myself for far too long, didn't have a personality to speak of between 11 and 20 y.o. and entered a formation I totally didn't care for only so my parents would see that I'm not jobless after school, only to fail that formation miserably.)
Totally get this. We put pressure on ourselves as a hope that we can prevent pressure on other people which is a sweet idea, but not healthy if there is too much pressure.
Damn, the part about feeling like you had to be perfect because everyone else in your family was messed up. Can definitely relate, friend. 😮💨🤜🤛
What hit me most is exactly what Jono pointed out. Sometimes we need these movies as a replacement for what we won't actually get. My mother and I haven't spoken in years. She went through her own childhood trauma from her mother and she brought it to me. I had to walk away becuase of the toxicity of the relationship and I worked and still work so hard to heal to make sure I don't pass that down to my girls.
If I ever have kids, I want to be a father like Jin. He always did his best to be supportive of her and That moment he had with Mei right before the ritual still gets me in tears. I want to have that with my kids and let them know that I see them
My mom never really explained periods to me so the first time I got mine I 100% thought I was dying, and I talked to my mom and I was like “we gotta go to the hospital right now! I don’t wanna die!” And she was like “oh you got your period!” I was shook. I’ve dreaded that time of the month since the very first day it happened.
TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT PERIODS/“PUBERT”Y. Even if it’s a boy, tell him what a period is so he’s not freaking out when he has a girlfriend/wife and she gets her period. Don’t sugarcoat it for any of your kids, but especially not your daughter.
I'm 26 and finally showed both Encanto and Turning Red to my mom. We may still have a long way to go, but I really think the movie opened her eyes not just about our relationship but hers with her mom and that's already means more to me than I can say.
awwww. I think it's amazing that you're on this journey, even if you have a long way to go. Have you two watched Coco together as well?
@@sumgirl720 oh yes, that one also made her tear up! Since we're Caribbean, Coco and Encanto were really special to us on a cultural level as well since Latinos and Caribbeans have quite some cultural overlap. I absolutely can't wait to show all three movies to my father later this year when I visit him! Especially Coco!
@@sumgirl720 also I know this is late but I just wanna say thank you 🤗
I sobbed when I saw this movie. I've tried so hard to be the "perfect daughter" for my parents but I've never fully lived up to their expectations. I've never screamed at my parents (also a death wish in my household - Mom is Chinese and Dad is from an Eastern European family) but things like my career or interests have become heated discussions with either me fully shutting down like Mei Mei or just submitting to my parents. I'll never get any apology from my parents and I'll never hear them say they're proud of me. But I'll always accept the cut fruit they silently offer me because that's the closest I'll ever get to an "I love you."
Is the cut fruit thing more common in Asian families than I thought? My parents are South Asian immigrants, and both my mom and especially my grandmother do this to me. Don't get me wrong, they can be loving in some ways. But I feel like sometimes Asians have an incredibly hard time apologizing verbally, so they just give you stuff instead after a fight and hope that's enough to get back in your good books (in the case of my mom, it's often food). I understand the logic behind it, but it's a bit sad that this was likely a learned behavior that was passed down through generations. It must be disheartening to grow up knowing that you'll never get any sort of apology, and that all disagreements were always just swept underneath the rug and ignored. I sure know it was depressing for me, growing up. I never felt like giving me stuff was a healthy substitute to an actual conversation about it.
24:50 I lovedthis description of "color blindness." It is very mt family my family and Ive never heard someone else articulate it.
My mom and I got into an argument and she was in the wrong. She will never apologize. Knowing this I know I can do better for my daughter. This movie hit so hard for me knowing that I can be the change my daughter deserves that I should have gotten.
I loooove the part where after she keeps her panda her ancestor is just so happy and proud. Its like the ancestor had heen waiting for someone in the family to connect back to that part of thier roots and embrace it. I love the idea that our ancestors love us just the way we are and just want us to embrace the natural gifts we have that are passed down through the family.
Indeed
People say our ancestors hate us
But honestly if they saw us as furries or Weebs or such they'd be smiling saying be happy with what you like
My ancestors gave me hypothyroid and insomnia. But my skin tans *perfectly* and I easily look 10 years younger than I am if I shave. Just have to ward off all that cancer.
As someone who has always been extremely sensative, even though Im a girl, I've always been taught that crying was a sign of weakness. I've been called over sensative and a cry baby ever since I was really little. I've always tried not to cry, but I can't control my tears no matter how much I've tried. So I learned to hide away from others before I cry and now it's hard for me to show any negative emotion around others, especially the people I care about the most because I don't want to be a burden. So I can personally really relate to Alan when it comes to the subject, and I wanted to say so that others won't feel alone in this struggle.
I feel you. I’m a girl as well, my dad always taught me to never cry in front of people. That I need to hide my sadness until I get home and then I can cry. To this day I struggle to cry in front of people (unless it’s from watching a movie because in my mind those tears aren’t my personal sadness). My family always told me I was over sensitive growing up, but I’ve come a long way thanks to films and friends knowing that being sensitive isn’t inherently a bad thing. It also means I’m very empathetic and deeply care about others.
I'm a girl. I was labeled as the 'cry baby' and the 'sensitive one' mainly by my dad and his side of the family, especially by my aunts.
@@kaykay8855 I’m sorry you also had to go through this, and was forced to associate being sensitive as a negative thing. From personal experience I know now that being sensitive is a strength, you care deeply about things. It makes for being a good friend and overall person. 🙏🏼
@@tlahmed thank you. Not to say my dad was emotionally unattached but he grew up in a household where everyone had to grow up, ar least emotionally, fast if that makes sense.
@@kaykay8855 I totally understand. While my father’s parents weren’t half as strict as he was with me and my sister, he did immigrate to the US while his country was in the middle of a civil war. He definitely has undiagnosed ptsd, among other things, but doesn’t believe in therapy or even how trauma affects you. It’s hard when you empathize with the circumstances of our parents, while also being upset that they treated us a certain way.
I got hooked on this because of the pure, beautiful, raw expression of masculine emotions. We don't see it in our culture enough, and it is inspiring.
".. but that was about their intolerance or them not knowing what to do with your emotion, not about the emotion itself."
"What people telling me to stop has more to do with them than with me."
Thank you so much for saying this, it really helps. I love your contents.