Malignant Narcissism: What It Is & 3 Ways to Cope

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  • Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
  • Malignant Narcissism: What It is & 3 Ways to Cope
    www.drcraigmalk...
    Malignant narcissism has been a popular subject recently, with the term being tossed about almost as much as the word narcissism itself, especially in the political arena www.change.org.... But few people understand what it really means, its relationship to official mental health diagnoses (ie, the DSM's narcissistic personality disorder), the true signs of danger, or what steps they can take when they suspect a partner or friend displays such perniciously narcissistic traits.
    To clear up some of the massive confusion, in this video, I bust some widespread myths, provide a simple definition of malignant narcissism, and describe three important steps you can take when you see it.
    To learn more about recovery and more easily spot even subtle narcissism at the start of a relationship, read my internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism. tinyurl.com/j4t...
    AMAZON: www.amazon.com...
    ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.co...
    BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandn...
    INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound...
    BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamill...
    HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercoll...
    www.drcraigmalk...
    *note: Otto Kernberg elaborated on Malignant Narcissism but it's Eric Fromm who coined the term*

КОМЕНТАРІ • 163

  • @TigerPaint92
    @TigerPaint92 5 років тому +28

    Im pretty sure i have a block in my psyche from a malignant narcissist. It is baffling how they go through life damaging others and not giving a flying hoot about the hurt they cause. Its amazing, in the least impressive way. Im amazed some of these people are not in jail.

    • @rachelsimbhu4383
      @rachelsimbhu4383 3 роки тому +1

      I am in shock those f-- ppl are not getting murdered by shitheads like themselves !!

    • @explorer0213
      @explorer0213 2 роки тому +1

      Some have been some still in jail.

  • @Atleastihavemydog
    @Atleastihavemydog 4 роки тому +8

    I dated one for 4 years, then spent the following 4 years rebuilding myself from the damage it caused.

  • @gabe3368
    @gabe3368 6 років тому +23

    Thanks for posting. I got out of a 26 year marriage to a malignant narcissist. I hadn't heard of gas-lighting and word salad until my daughter said, "mom that's called gas-lighting", Then I was blown away there it was all of the things I had experienced, but I was still confused, my ex went beyond. He had written up fake wills for me and there were several times when I felt unsafe. That was when I realized that I was dealing with someone who also had psychopathic tendencies. If he thought he could get away with it, I'm sure that he would have attempted murder.

  • @christophermartinez8389
    @christophermartinez8389 5 років тому +14

    Thank you for the information.
    I was fired from my job by an individual that fit this description perfectly. I seen him in public several month later and confronted by calling him a coward, he stood there frozen solid as if his whole universe had been torn apart. These people are sad, and for the remainder of my life I will always stand up to these people and let them know what I think. Never again will I try being civil with such cowardly individuals.
    Thank you for getting this information out to the world Craig Malkin!!

  • @odette8905
    @odette8905 5 років тому +6

    This is SPOT ON. The Triple E, malignant narcissism, Dark Tetrad - all fits with my experience. Even after leaving the ex a few years ago, detaching is like pulling teeth! Endless scapegoating, lies, manipulations of others, sadistic intent to harm. It's vile. Your video is excellent.

  • @MzShonuff123
    @MzShonuff123 3 роки тому +4

    I worked for a malignant narcissist for 7 years. She was a Forensic Psychologist.

  • @timhoward5508
    @timhoward5508 7 років тому +112

    I was abused by a narcissistic mother and then I was dumb enough to marry the same type of person in my ex-wife. As I grew old enough to realize I wasn't being treated well, I started to fight back verbally. I had had enough and I wasn't taking the abuse and insanity any longer. The same thing happened with my ex. She lied, cheated , manipulated, gas lighted and then could look you in the eyes and deny she was anything other than perfect. Again, I started to defend myself, only for the psychopath to claim I was the one abusing her?!? Accountability is considered abuse to the narcissist, no matter how you deliver the message. Please make a video discussing the way narcissists flip the script in order to isolate, shame and punish.

    • @anniemac7545
      @anniemac7545 7 років тому +10

      Tim I have the same experience, Narcissistic Mother (I think she's Malignant) I then married a man with Obsessive Compulsive Personality (abusive type of PD) then on to marry a Covert narcissistic man. Yes, they absolutely 'project' because they cant cope with the shame /self criticism therefore they send it on to us. I always think of two 5 year old kids - one says something like 'you're a stinky bum" and the other is infuriated by insults and yells back "NO..YOURE the stinky bum" that is how I think of projection.

    • @graceandfaith869
      @graceandfaith869 6 років тому +4

      Tim Howard
      Dear Tim ❤️
      You are not alone
      God bless you

    • @Traceyi1000
      @Traceyi1000 5 років тому +5

      You are not alone in this.

    • @OldToughDW
      @OldToughDW 5 років тому +4

      Beware of getting married again. I made the same mistake as you did twice. The first time she was an aggressive narcissist and the second time a covert narcissist. All the learning and work I did to avoid a narcissistic woman just made it a lesser degree and a different style of bewhavior. Western European and North American woman as a rule have accepted and embraced narcissism as a lifestyle and it's a matter of degree, not if. Think of it in terms of statistical standard deviations on a bell curve. the crazy doesn't start until the pressure is great enough or they normally operate 3 or 4 standard deviations off the mean (average). But society has pushed a Narcissists behavior model on women for over 50 years.

    • @trishg8852
      @trishg8852 5 років тому +1

      @@OldToughDW I know what you mean...I think we need to be very, very cautious. 💮💮💮

  • @jdmarr2259
    @jdmarr2259 3 роки тому +4

    My father, (he's deceased = old age), was, (fit your criteria), a malignant narcissist.
    Thank you, Dr. Malkin, for this informative video.

  • @ipeamarelo4092
    @ipeamarelo4092 7 років тому +52

    My f ex-husband and my f ex-in-laws. Honestly, before I met those people, I wouldn't believe there are such mean and evil people like that. They are sick!!! If you see the first warning signs, run!!!!!!!!!!!

    • @fairydust5491
      @fairydust5491 5 років тому +4

      Ipe Amarelo : Please share the warning signs you saw/ experienced. Thanks.

    • @yellowdayz1800
      @yellowdayz1800 5 років тому +7

      @@fairydust5491 , when something horrible has happened, or talk about how horrible sex trafficking is....and if you see a strong lack of emotions being displayed, that is a good sign. Normal people react about the same way to bad things....narcissist truly lack emotions. They are self centered as well.

    • @christar9527
      @christar9527 4 роки тому +5

      Demons!

    • @pearlsdaughter2281
      @pearlsdaughter2281 3 місяці тому

      ​@@christar9527💯

  • @LinYouToo
    @LinYouToo 7 років тому +17

    It's hard to imagine that one of my former closest friends is exactly as you described. It's been about nine months since I went no contact. As I healed and worked on my own issues over the past 5-6 years I woke up to the dysfunctional relationships I had, ours being one of them. When I tried to talk to her about it, and share my own growth, and what I'd like in our friendship, she responded with anger, lies, manipulation, aggression, gaslighting, and drama. Lots of drama. She did everything you talked about. She even told me how she enjoyed manipulating her own children, and how she would be plotting her next move on one of them. I felt things were getting dangerous for me. She happened to be my hair stylist, and when she'd cut my hair she'd leave me in the basement with no one else home. She'd dry my hair and accidentally get the blow dryer too close to my head and it would burn from the heat. She had me taste-test a sweet fruit punch she served at a summer picnic and assured me it didn't have any artificial sweeteners in it (which I can't have) and yet served it to others in the family who don't consume sugar. The more I tried to pull away, the more aggressive she got. Then the really scary things started happening. I had an appointment a couple days after the picnic, and I let her know I couldn't make it. I never heard from her again. And I have been no contact since, and blocked her. I think she may have been trying to make me sick. Or trying to deliberately hurt me. God only knows what else she had in mind. I'm still in a bit of shock from what I experienced with her. It's so hard to comprehend that some people can be so far on the continuum in malignant narcissism/Psychopath scale. I truly feel like she was going to stop at nothing. Although she is the worst example of what I've experienced, I've also experienced others with triple-E characteristics you talk about. It's a lot to process, and your videos help so much.

    • @joec1212
      @joec1212 5 років тому

      I hope you reported that nut job to someone if you were accurate in your description of her.

  • @janejewson4805
    @janejewson4805 6 років тому +9

    Brilliant description. I've had decades of malignant narcissistic abuse, verbal emotional and physical from now ex alcoholic husband. I studied him closely for 30 plus years and knew there was something very disordered in him that lay behind the alcohol addiction. I was very strong inside when I was with him and felt I had come out remarkably intact, that was until I realised he had never loved me and I'd been abused. It's taken me 8 years to recover, but I isolated myself, partly due to having no support and being left with no money at all. The trauma has been immense, but I have done an incredible amount of work on myself, and last year faced the fear of his threats on my life and completely exorcised it. faced the fear full on. Now I can call myself a true survivor and have found my voice and have been speaking out. To finally hear the three E's and the signs of psychopathy spelt out today has been additionally empowering. Thank you.
    I have one question that I hope you are able to answer.
    My ex has never been held to account for his "twisted lies" or the assaults, to which he admitted to in a court of law (in the secrecy of the family court- UK). I determined after that to never be in his company again and told our children. Unfortunately our daughter who believes he's changed now adores him and wants us both to be at her marriage and for him to lead her up the aisle. I don't want her to have to chose between us so she suggested I write to ask him to meet me with witnesses present so I could confront him with what he's like and show me some remorse. But he wouldn't. So I then told him that I was speaking out (imagine his response...I'm evil, he wants me arrested etc). Writing on the internet has made me feel better, I've said I will go to the wedding now but I am worried that I won't be able to cope. Any suggestions?

    • @lifewillbebetter2027
      @lifewillbebetter2027 6 років тому +3

      Same here. I'm so sorry you have also lived like this. My son married 6 months ago. It was extremely stressful, but all survived. All the best to you.

  • @WorldReserveCurrency
    @WorldReserveCurrency 2 роки тому +2

    Man man man, this is so hard. I'm just learning about all this. I grew up with a mother with mental health disorders. She has NPD. She's 74 now, with dementia, and completely uncapable of making sound decisions. She's physically in bad shape too. But I have a younger brother that is a Malignant NPD and has been financially abusing her for over 10 years. Now he's stealing her In Home Supportive Services money while completely neglecting her and getting in my way when I'm getting her medically treated. He just pulled her out of skilled nursing twice so that he can still collect the IHSS money. Devastating damage has been done to my mom's physical condition. The thing is despite numerous APS reports and a final APS report from the hospital they ended up dropping it because the police refuses to investigate. I walked away years ago from my family to preserve my own sanity and energy. I only came back once I knew there was a medical term for what i grew up with and decided to do whatever I could to stop my brother, but it looks like the state wants to do nothing. By the time I gain conservatorship (If I get it) it maybe too late. Malignant NPD are dangerous people. My brother is delusional about being the only one to help my mother, avoidant about his financial/medical/physical abuse, obsessive compulsive when he thinks of what others think of him, claims to be an empath..... he thinks everyone else is a supporting cast. Phew... I don't know if regular folks know what it's like growing up or even knowing someone like this. There are no words to describe how illogical their actions are. We can only try to explain with words but few understand.

  • @user-ey4rc5tu4t
    @user-ey4rc5tu4t 5 років тому +4

    As a child of Narc parents, I am unwilling to depend on others. My mom, of course, has everything, and I have nothing.

  • @lostcity-thunderbeings8034
    @lostcity-thunderbeings8034 6 років тому +16

    HOW TO BREAK THE ISOLATION
    I feel there is a need among many adults in western countries, especially; to get help with how to break the isolation and the singlehood?
    Dr. Crag, I have a question: why there's so many singles, loneliness, and lonely people after the age of thirty; especially in western countries?! And how can this lonely people break the thick ice of isolation? How can they trust again? How can someone heal themselves, in solitude?
    It would be good videos about healing, on each wound, e.g.:
    How to heal from the public humiliation,
    From verbal insult, very loud shouting, name calling,
    From verbal threats, etc.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 4 роки тому +1

      A big part of why isolation is a problem in the west is because we tend to have a cultural drive to establish independence and we have an obsession with individualism (being unique and being successful on our own). There are a few reasons for this but two of the biggest reasons are A:, confucianism and its effect on eastern philosophies and B: is oddly enough _rice._ rice is hard to grow by yourself, it requires alot of work, more than 1 or 2 people can do on their own, but you get a higher return on your investment calorie wise and you get more food per acre than almost any other food on earth, and both of these things lead to eastern countries becoming larger and having higher population densities than other regions which results in larger families and people becoming more interconnected and this cultural attitude continues today.

  • @patriciamurphy9691
    @patriciamurphy9691 7 років тому +9

    If you were chronically abused as a child, as I was, and partnered up with another abuser, as I did, it's already hard to trust your own intuition and instinct when you begin to see the narcissistic abusive behaviour. I left my husband three times, after attempting to educate and encourage him in change each time, and went back three times on his promise that he had it sorted, and my need to be fair and give him chances. Don't bother - I left for good on the fourth go, with support from Women's Refuge, and our children and I are glad I did. My belief is to trust your own feeling/intuition. My experience and stories I hear, have caused me to believe that narcisssitic abusers don't change without professional help, so unless they want to go to psychological counseling, and actually make it to more than one session, give up and leave/stay away. They lie about their intent to change just to keep you close for their supply. And even if they do go to counseling, they can charm their way through several sessions before giving up going, before they actually have to admit they've got a problem that needs work/effort.
    Thank you Dr Craig for another clear and helpful video.

    • @odette8905
      @odette8905 5 років тому

      Patricia you are describing my experience too. They do not change. Not the malignant narcs with triple E and the Dark Tetrad. Run and don't look back. Hope you and your children are faring well.

  • @CraigMalkin
    @CraigMalkin  7 років тому +35

    errata ;-) **note: Otto Kernberg elaborated on Malignant Narcissism but it's Eric Fromm who coined the term**

    • @FilmworksIncGold
      @FilmworksIncGold 7 років тому +5

      Dr. Craig Malkin
      great talk.
      need support
      being isolated
      unreal gsslughting.
      no empathy on this person's part
      abuse is unreal..!!!!!!
      no idea where to get supoort.
      HEALTH IS IN RAPID DECLINE.
      MAKES THINGS VERY DIFFICULT.
      IT BEGAN WHEN OUR PARENTS DIED !
      OLDEST SISTER WENT ROGUE AND FULL SPEED AHEAD.
      Older brother came to belp.
      He has since passed.
      She is demomic.
      SOS!!!

    • @TheDavey700
      @TheDavey700 7 років тому +5

      Dr. Craig Malkin can a narcissit have any self awareness whatsoever?

    • @lostcity-thunderbeings8034
      @lostcity-thunderbeings8034 6 років тому +3

      Filmworks,Inc. Gold - You made my heart feel touched. When you seek help, tell what it is you need help with, please! F. ex.: Is it to run away from this evil person? Is it emotional/moral support, only? Is it information or advice on how to break the isolation? Or, it may be enough with communication with someone sane (i.ex. to validate yourself that what you experience is actual event), to get over the gaslighting?

    • @joec1212
      @joec1212 5 років тому

      Dr. Craig first let me say I apologize for a comment I made on a previous video. I couldve had a little more tact in the way I addressed my viewpoint. I have enjoyed the last videos I have watched of yours and am thankful for the stuff you're putting out. That being said, what would you say outside of therapy (books, podcasts, videos) would be the best way for a covert or malignant narcissist to be able to get better. Thanks for any help in this matter. Also do you know of a therapist that does work with this disorder via Skype or a similar platform that isnt too terribly expensive?

  • @carnivora70
    @carnivora70 6 років тому +20

    Thankyou so much, your video helped me to see clearly what someone has been doing to me for 30 years. I have been losing so much sleep over this. Thankyou.

  • @dennissneed2162
    @dennissneed2162 7 місяців тому

    My father fits the bill 100% i feel it did permant damage to me and I am now in my 60's. I figured it out when I realized I saw the exact same traits in Trump. I wish I had stopped trying to have a relationship with him early on, but I finally saw the light about three years ago.

  • @cindy-louhinds6511
    @cindy-louhinds6511 5 років тому +15

    I'm co-parenting with ex who has full blown NPD. 8 yrs free but not really. Protection orders, court. The minute I saw through him in our marriage I became the enemy&it was game on for him after that. Sad thing is that they'll never get better because they don't for one second believe there is anything wrong with them. They do give themselves away though-everything they project onto you is a mirror image of what they think of themselves. Very dark lonely souls

    • @ImpulsoCreativo9322
      @ImpulsoCreativo9322 Рік тому

      how is it going?? How did you get protection orders?? I want full custody.

  • @SK_TorON
    @SK_TorON 7 років тому +12

    Thank you, Dr. Malkin, for the very useful information. I have read many books on narcissism (having been abused by a narcissist compelled my search for that information), and I can honestly say that your book is the best and clearest explanation of the narcissistic personality type that I have seen anywhere. Apart from providing a solid theoretical background, your book and videos also offer many practical pieces of advice that I personally have put to good use. Thank you very much for helping so many people!

  • @barb7124
    @barb7124 7 років тому +7

    I have symptoms of borderline/narcissism but I also have signs of being WITH Narcissists. I'm so confused.

    • @JamaleLaVon
      @JamaleLaVon 6 років тому +5

      Barb DeSouza narcs can be with other narcs. The fact you are questioning yourself means your not high on the scale atleast

  • @ImpulsoCreativo9322
    @ImpulsoCreativo9322 Рік тому +2

    YOu really explain things in such a wonderful way!

  • @cync2476
    @cync2476 7 років тому +10

    THANK YOU Dr. Malkin!!!

  • @sundevilpoolsinc
    @sundevilpoolsinc 7 років тому +6

    Thank you for the confirmation of my take on my sibling

  • @lastevns
    @lastevns 7 років тому +8

    I wish narcissism were more two-dimensional. My NM could go from violent, criminal behavior to seemingly showing empathy at times. It's that "seeming" empathy that still gets to me and I'm six years into NC with her and the rest of the family (with ROs against most). I guess if I had a request for a future blog post, it would be centered on how to deal with the uneasiness of going NC when you have those moments of recalling that the Narcissist in your life could show empathy, concern and kindness. My NM is even a good liberal... so it becomes all the more confusing. She looks so good on paper -- like a person I'd really want to know (if I didn't already know her). As an echoist, I can too easily forget the horrors she caused.

  • @graceandfaith869
    @graceandfaith869 5 років тому +3

    I got your book from we need to talk with kris
    And your book was bang on
    Thank you from Ireland

  • @happycat0411
    @happycat0411 2 роки тому +1

    Can you answer this question Dr. Craig Malkin? Since psychologists already know that malignant narcissism is the result of an individual being exposed to severe emotional / mental trauma, does this same individual need to be a narcissist first or is a malignant narcissism just another but more severe level of narcissistic behavior on the spectrum of narcissism?

  • @mariateresaBarbosa
    @mariateresaBarbosa 7 років тому +7

    Hello. I´m learning about it because I suppose I was married with a covert narc , secong mariage after becoming widow from 32 years of a normal marriage. I went away thinking he could change. On the contrary he hates me and turned friends and family against me. Now I went away from them also, because I feel acused of beeing the devil . I love the narc and my family but they acuse me covertly. I tryed to reconciliate with my ex husband ( nerc??) because we never talked about us.He says : I will never live with you again !!! Ok . After 4 years of divorce I'm tired of trying to sell a joint house in the greatest difficulty and in litigation with the bank. He disappeared financially... I think I must go on alone ( I have my children, grandchildren , real friends and an after retirement work ,ok) but hard! I didn´t expect this.

  • @authenticconfidence
    @authenticconfidence 7 років тому +6

    Thank you for your work Dr. Malkin. Would like to see more videos...

  • @lostcity-thunderbeings8034
    @lostcity-thunderbeings8034 6 років тому +7

    Another important question:
    How can one know when someone is having lack of empathy and remorse, or having block of empathy and remorse?

    • @tdr_paraadvisor3996
      @tdr_paraadvisor3996 4 роки тому +6

      When they can harm you with no remorse....or when your crying trying to Express how something hurt you...and they have an empty almost evil look or smirk and show no sympathy....some will even tease you or make fun of you whilst your "broken" 😠😟😩😨

  • @starshine1322
    @starshine1322 7 років тому +8

    Thank you, Craig. Your vids are very helpful ...

  • @johnpaton8047
    @johnpaton8047 5 років тому +3

    I've had two instances of being abused at work. How do I handle it/stop it?

  • @nietzschesmuse
    @nietzschesmuse 5 років тому +2

    Thank you for your content and making those videos. Can you please be very kind to do a video on "personal boundaries" how to protect oneself from emotional abusers please?

  • @christineplaton3048
    @christineplaton3048 3 роки тому +3

    Please tell us how to speak to the now adult children about what they/we all lived through. How to heal us as a family.

    • @GEB895
      @GEB895 3 роки тому +2

      I have the same problem. And i fear my eldest son has developed narcissistic qualities as a result. We have been estranged on and off for the past 8 years, and every time we try to connect it goes pear shaped when I broach the subject of these issues in the past. He calls it psycho drama. I don't see a way through without talking through it to come to some understanding.

  • @arielm1374
    @arielm1374 5 років тому +4

    This is my sister 100%

  • @ladantaproject2206
    @ladantaproject2206 7 років тому +6

    Good Stuff, Craig - as always - thank you :)

  • @sharharazarhtnorton3443
    @sharharazarhtnorton3443 7 років тому +11

    I am dating one and I do love him but his not good for me. I have tried breaking up and its not working. What should I do?

    • @KimberleeT1961
      @KimberleeT1961 6 років тому +2

      Did you get out yet?

    • @paulaflowing6124
      @paulaflowing6124 5 років тому +3

      Get OUT of IT! You already understand it is not good for you... and it WILL get much much worse if you don’t.

    • @estelleschmitt7876
      @estelleschmitt7876 5 років тому +3

      Don't try to break up. Just leave.

    • @SugaryPhoenixxx
      @SugaryPhoenixxx 4 роки тому +4

      Unfortunately the abuse will get to a point that you cannot take it anymore & you will leave. Whether it be 6 months from now, or 16 years from now. Please just don't waste your precious life & spirit on some malignant narcissist. You have more to offer the world, & to people who can appreciate you & your good will.

  • @CoachDonnaLang
    @CoachDonnaLang 7 років тому +4

    Very helpful - as always. Thank you!

  • @narcissismcentral8228
    @narcissismcentral8228 7 років тому +6

    I want to work in narcissism! I wish I could study at your place and learn from you! 😊

    • @Traceyi1000
      @Traceyi1000 7 років тому +3

      I too find it very interesting and intriguing.
      I have lots of experience first hand on this topic.
      My own book is in the works.
      My story from age 5.

    • @thewizardshu6695
      @thewizardshu6695 4 роки тому +1

      It’s truly fascinating. In the last decade there has been more awareness regarding NPD. I found out about it for the very first time roughly 5 years ago, and it’s incredible that so many people had that “aha” moment when they first learn about it. So many people have either been raised, romantically involved, worked with or acquainted with someone who was a Narcissist and were subsequently hurt and baffled by the behaviors that are so endemic to people with NPD. I always knew that the two Narcissists I’ve known in my life were absolutely not normal or stable but I couldn’t put my finger on it. When I started learning about it and I could see all those symptoms manifested in those two people, just that awareness and knowledge alone was so powerful and liberating.

  • @marisac66
    @marisac66 6 років тому +4

    My mother.

  • @AjAj-uv2pb
    @AjAj-uv2pb 5 років тому

    Thank you so much Dr Malkin I’m dealing with one of them ! Just broke up 3 weeks ago with my BF Your videos help me a lot and I think I’m in the right way to get help from the psychiatric cause of my fear as I notice that he is really sick I discard him and no contact but I know he will come back to finish his job!
    As you said it’s to hard to find out that he is sadistic narc but I feel with my intuition!
    I just want to say thanks a lot for your time to informing us 🌺

  • @eleonoradf3395
    @eleonoradf3395 7 років тому +17

    I'm writing all the things that my parents did to me. I Think my father is the narc and my Mother the codependent. It's difficult to talk about these things in Italy maibe because of the religion. So... I'm writing and I listen to all these videos on youtube But I'm in doubt with myself. It's like I need that someone tells me "yes you're right. .. these are abuse". Is it normal???
    Ps thank u so much for your informations

    • @eurokay4755
      @eurokay4755 5 років тому

      Eli Nori - I'm realizing, finally, that my older brother is a malignant narcissist and that my mother has always enabled/excused this. He bullied me (the middle child and only girl) mercilessly, both physically and psychologically, when we were growing up. I don't remember him ever really being punished for it. Instead, Mom would separate us and tell me what II could have done to avoid it. Now, I'm 55, he's 58, and Mom is 84. Literally this week, when I tried to show her how his inappropriate emails and statements to me and other family members were offensive and damaging to family relationships, she actually said, "Well, at least he's being honest about his feelings" and "People just have to accept that that is how he is." She keeps trying to arrange large family reunions with her, me, and my 2 brothers, all our kids and her beloved brother, my uncle, his wife, and their adult kids & grandkids. What she won't acknowledge is that my narc brother has been so cruel online to my cousins that they've told me they have no intention of spending any time, much less vacation time, anywhere near him. My mother is a sweet, kind, caring, generous woman, but she is deeply enmeshed in a co-dependent relationship with my brother. I have only just learned how to set boundaries for my own interactions with them. It's hard and it's sad that my conversations with Mom have to be very superficial and impersonal, but I've learned she discusses anything personal I tell her with the narc, even though I've asked her specifically not to do so. He uses the information to try either to manipulate me or hurt me, depending on his needs at the time. My favorite advice from my therapist is that one can love someone and still have protective boundaries. It's just a very different kind of relationship than I thought I had with Mom. I wish you good fortune and health as you go through this with your family.

    • @irmalair1
      @irmalair1 3 роки тому

      It's normal my dear, narcissists love to always make us feel like we're never right and in a way always need their approval. Don't worry about it and you're already so lucky to have been able to identify that, 💕💕💕

    • @eleonoradf3395
      @eleonoradf3395 3 роки тому

      @@eurokay4755 yes.. boundaries is the solution.. I hope the best for us all..

    • @eleonoradf3395
      @eleonoradf3395 3 роки тому +1

      @@irmalair1 I tried to tell the truth. But my mother didn't believe me and my father, after I broke 2 years of no contact, gaslighted me without ask forgiveness. I tried everything: rebellion, self-distuction, no contact, dialogue. The only answers for me are boundaries, forgiveness and mercy. I pray Jesus every day and I found peace. Thanks for your answer! 💗

    • @irmalair1
      @irmalair1 3 роки тому

      @@eleonoradf3395 Glad you found your peace! I hope to find mine soon, I'll try following your steps 💕💕

  • @khamalwhite8333
    @khamalwhite8333 6 років тому +3

    I bought your book it’s amazing

    • @CraigMalkin
      @CraigMalkin  6 років тому +1

      Khamal White so glad you love it!

  • @christar9527
    @christar9527 4 роки тому +1

    This is scary. You described my mother. I thought that my father was the worst narcissist and he was a horrible, sadistic, narcissistic rageaholic. But my mother was the psychopath and NPD one. Shocking behavior on her part. She was pretty much like Hitler.

  • @melliecrann-gaoth4789
    @melliecrann-gaoth4789 Рік тому +1

    My mother, she lived until her mid ‘90s

  • @springjackson2354
    @springjackson2354 7 років тому +5

    Hi Dr. Malkin. Can you please make a video on hoovering? Do all narcissists hoover after the end of a meaningful relationship? What factors influence whether they hoover or not? What is the best way for victims to protect against hoovering narcissist? Thank you.

    • @Traceyi1000
      @Traceyi1000 7 років тому +4

      From my experience they all Hoover .
      Protect against this by going no contact in its truest form.

    • @notmesomeoneelse1341
      @notmesomeoneelse1341 5 років тому +1

      Narcissists hoover in general, not just after a relationship. If you have a "friend" who is a narcissist and been a victim of theirs, and there is no contact between the two of you for sometime...they will often come back with "I just wanted to see how you were" or "Haven't seen you in a while".

  • @tengdayz2
    @tengdayz2 4 роки тому

    Thank you for sharing your expertise Dr Malkin ❤

  • @anneboland4575
    @anneboland4575 Рік тому +2

    Dr. Malkin, do you have information about how to handle things when the Narcissist is one’s child?

    • @bandieboo8102
      @bandieboo8102 Рік тому

      Yes please...any help greatly appreciated..

  • @jasonbuffington5304
    @jasonbuffington5304 Рік тому

    There is a healthy level of narcissism. And if you've crossed over into being malignant,there is a way back to that healthy level . But no one comes to me for the answers. The truth is often ignored until it's too late. Only the strong and self aware survive . Will you find the courage to get the life you desire and deserve? Or will you settle for the crumbs that fall from the table of those who are ? God Bless Much Love

  • @i.m.wisernow2751
    @i.m.wisernow2751 6 років тому +9

    Is The Silent Treatment characteristic of a malignant narcissist?

    • @CraigMalkin
      @CraigMalkin  6 років тому +4

      It's not unique to malignant narcissism no. As a matter of fact it's one of the most common destructive patterns in marriage according to researcher John Gottman, who calls it "stonewalling." It's one of his "4 horseman of the apocalypse" in a relationship.

  • @klhlime
    @klhlime 4 роки тому

    Yes I dealt with one.. in a relationship. 2 years of emotional abuse and over a 1 year of physical abuse. I am almost positive he was a psychopath or malignant narcissist. He would always use the excuse" you drove me to hit you" or "I cant control it".. he couldnt take any responsibility for his own actions and had zero remorse or guilt for what hes done.

  • @dragon2195
    @dragon2195 5 років тому +1

    You need professional support if the narcissistic person is getting to you. My husband is a malignant narcissist and i just don't engage in his life. I don't let him contact me on my cell and when he's home i keep my distance because he's toxic. I don't go anywhere with him because I'm always aware his disorder is there. I have relationships with normal people . I go out with all the people i know but him. I told him he's toxic and i don't do toxic. So sad there's people who will never be totally human.

  • @sourrgirll
    @sourrgirll 4 роки тому +1

    Tripe E's!!!! That so helps! ThAnk you!!!!!

  • @graceandfaith869
    @graceandfaith869 6 років тому +1

    I enjoy your book
    I fond about it from a nice lady called we need to talk with kris
    Thank you very much very good book 💕💕💕💕

  • @adrianluica6960
    @adrianluica6960 5 років тому +1

    Thank you for this video. Very helpful. How we must behave with such persons? We understand the problem but how we can help? What's the antidote? Thank you.

    • @CraigMalkin
      @CraigMalkin  5 років тому +2

      Adrian Luica you’re welcome! No one can change anyone of course, but we can learn to interact in ways that benefit ourselves more and ( as a plus) encourage new responses . I share tons about this all throughout my channel and it’s the focus of #RethinkingNarcissism
      It’s important to recognize that safety-emotional and physical-comes first. Abusers have to change their abusive behaviors-and that’s entirely and only in their hands

    • @adrianluica6960
      @adrianluica6960 5 років тому

      @@CraigMalkin thank you for your answer. I have a friend and one member of his family seems to fit very well in this clinical pathology. I understand that they have to change, but how if there is no hand to pull up? Is true and I understand that we cannot violate them mind and download a new and good program for them but can a wooded soldier lift himself and run again in war without help?

  • @UlitheUnruly
    @UlitheUnruly 4 роки тому

    what to do effectively to shield/protect from a 'mother' who has in the past written notes to teenage daughter like ' u are a horrible person and sister, if I were your sister I'd wait for u to sleep,pour gasoline over your head and set fire to it"... and today, 20 yrs later, is making numerous false police reports to have DCF take two toddler children away from her own daughter, to be made custodian, making up the malicious and unfounded story that the daughter's half brother sexually molested them and abused them with her knowledge and consent- resulting in the little kids being interviewed by DCF, traumatizing THEM, putting the daughter into a situation where the abusive exhusband uses this to try and get custody of the (grand)children, the half brother in the situation of possibly having such a charge on his record, destroying HIS life. Disengaging, walking away is not an option. How can this malignant narcissist be kept redirected,focused on their OWN hide, what options are there to cause 'excitement' in THEIR life to be too busy saving their own necks to plot destroying her daughter, grandchildren,other members of the family?

  • @rorayauthor4433
    @rorayauthor4433 7 років тому +3

    My hubby described to a T!!

  • @maryk.2531
    @maryk.2531 7 років тому +5

    I don't know if the person I live with is "malignant" in narcissism, or another form, or if I am wrong. I am isolated in the fact I have no family, one extremely busy friend, and his family lives in another place. He claims to love me, and we have been together decades, am I a narcissist now? I was verbally and physically abused( that stopped after counseling) but I am not happy, but have become dependent on this person. I now fight back when being put down with words, which I hate, but feel I have to. Do you have any thing I can read to help me to come to a good happy state, or is it too late?

    • @SheTechs
      @SheTechs 7 років тому +3

      you don't sound narcissistic to me... you sound exactly like me... a co-dependent, attachment trauma... watch Lisa Romano videos, she helps huge with healing us narc victims!! I hope you find peace and true inner happiness!!

    • @maryk.2531
      @maryk.2531 7 років тому

      thank you for replying She Techs. I will look on here for her videos. How do I change my "name" on here?

    • @SheTechs
      @SheTechs 7 років тому

      I'm not sure, this i/d is older than when google took over YT and stayed. I have 3 i/d's now bc of gmail accts lol. [Michelle]

    • @maryk.2531
      @maryk.2531 7 років тому

      okay. thx

    • @SheTechs
      @SheTechs 7 років тому +2

      I just found Melanie Tonia Evans... she has TONS of videos, extremely validating !! I wish you the best of luck in your situation and much love!

  • @lynnschaeferle-zh4go
    @lynnschaeferle-zh4go Рік тому

    Murder was something I hoped for but my malignant knew that the kids would be mad at him. So he kept me around solely for a tool he could control while he controlled the assets. I was incapable of suicide so after years of being a dishrag something snapped. I couldn’t kill him, or myself but I did sue him for half the assets. It may have been easier to kill him, but the look on his face in Court was very satisfying 😊

  • @oliverabrajanovska9610
    @oliverabrajanovska9610 7 років тому +3

    Dear Dr. Malkin, is your book available in German? I’m writing you from Switzerland and I would like to contact you via mail as I have the feeling that two persons in my family could have very strong traits of Narcissism.
    Where could I find your mail address?

    • @CraigMalkin
      @CraigMalkin  7 років тому

      Olivera Brajanovska yes! www.dumont-buchverlag.de/buch/malkin-der-narzissten-test-9783832198152/

    • @CraigMalkin
      @CraigMalkin  7 років тому

      You can contact me and even schedule consultations here www.drcraigmalkin.com/contact

  • @WolfdogBURN
    @WolfdogBURN Рік тому

    How do you remove a illess like this from stalking you when police doesn't work?

  • @endthefed1448
    @endthefed1448 6 років тому +2

    How do I contact you Dr. Craig?

  • @larryd6143
    @larryd6143 5 років тому +4

    There is a malignant narcissist in my life. He is the President of my country. I feel powerless to do anything until the next election. My vote in the previous election was not enough to keep him from attaining power. Please help!

  • @dragon2195
    @dragon2195 6 років тому +2

    Just don't engage with people who are mentally ill.

  • @isabelleparise5607
    @isabelleparise5607 5 років тому

    A relative of mine has the Gilles de la tourette and I was wondering if this can be related to malignant narcissism ?

  • @ashlenemarshall1356
    @ashlenemarshall1356 5 років тому

    Dr Craig I would love to hear your opinion on the you tube advice videos there are. The advice they give is obviously based on personal experience and I wonder what your thoughts were on taking their advice? For example Little Shaman Healing has dozens! These sites all have books and do paid video appointments for help, there's so many people out there who need support and help!

  • @mac-ju5ot
    @mac-ju5ot 2 роки тому +1

    Ive dealt with a women they n business that we t on and on about how I had no self esteem but she devalued me. This we t on for Twp years I. The office I WS in .

  • @happyme3556
    @happyme3556 5 років тому

    Thank you.

  • @laurataft
    @laurataft 6 років тому

    Another good one

  • @thomasspringer5187
    @thomasspringer5187 4 роки тому

    Isiah 29: 8-21

  • @fishbaitor
    @fishbaitor 4 роки тому +1

    A perfect description of Donald Trump.

  • @bjorn6096
    @bjorn6096 2 роки тому

    Please forgive me for saying this, Dr Craig Malkin, but you don't have enough books on your bookshelf to conform to the image of a highly respected psychologist... Please put more books on your bookshelf or get outta here... 😉
    Forgive me again, please, I had to do it... 😉

  • @anti-ethniccleansing465
    @anti-ethniccleansing465 4 роки тому

    How the hell is it not a diagnosis?? I’m already not feeling this presenter at all.

  • @peterfernandezrizzo1905
    @peterfernandezrizzo1905 4 роки тому

    This is Trump.

    • @jlmadd
      @jlmadd 2 роки тому

      It’s your employer

  • @boniw698
    @boniw698 4 роки тому

    tRump. To a tee.