Kickstarter Nonstarters: We Don't Know What This Is
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2025
- What we know:
It is a video game
Actual robots are involved
Steve Jobs predicted
Donald Trump is the bad guy
It costs $850,000 to make an app that will fund this?
Hi, are you the waiter?
Please stop, I don't understand you
Even in death, Steve Jobs takes the credit for other people's work.
This pitch sounds like it was written by a Markov chain algorithm pointed at 1999-era Second Life.
This is the KS equivalent of a guy asking you for $30 so he can get a bus ticket to Yonkers
Finally making good use of Busco Quadnary!
"We'll 3D scan you, 3D print you, and make an animatronic robot of you. One day, you will wake up and find they have replaced you, living your life in your place and leaving you somewhere you cannot comprehend."
FefnirMasamune isn't this a Ray Bradbury story?
Lead Shoes Yup, it is.
FefnirMasamune If you can find a 3D printed AI that actually *wanted* to be me, they can have my life.
*_Blind Mown_*
So fallout Synths..
Oh my god their laughter when "Created with a non-registered version" comes up warms the cockles of my heart :)
i fuckin' read "warms the cocks of my heart"
@@danielasilva69457 That was the last kickstarter girl.
Trump must really hate Apple if he cooked a hole in the sky just to launch Steve Jobs into it.
trump is secretly bill gates???
@@voidofspaceandtime4684 Nah, they had to have been secret butt buddies within Jobs' final years.
@@bombabombom3603 thank you for reminding me this video exists.
I'm sorry it was Drumpf not Trump duh
I thought more of my tabs started playing something, when that music started.
Man, I swear, it kicks off sounding like three songs overlayered on top of each other.
I like how the beginning of this started with a song with the lyrics, "She's on her hands and knees waiting for a miracle," to "Tryin' to get my party on," to "I want to touch you."
Safe to say, not sure what tone this Kickstarter was aiming for.
I can't find words to describe this trainwreck, so here are a series of question marks.
?????????????
One word: "CATASTROPHY!"
That pitch video was one of three things:
A) some kind of cult indoctrination thing
B) a _The Ring_-style curse, and now my 3D-printed avatar will show up to kill me in 7 days.
C) a visual representation of a stroke.
let me know how good the avatar is
this is the kind of shit you do to attract venture capitalists who don't know what you are talking about rather than people from your supposed business's supposed demographic (who would more than likely know that you are talking out of your ass).
edit: also, you are scamming the venture capitalists by taking their money and retiring to a country that doesn't extradite for white color crime / at all.
D) All of the above
Good thing we saw that last video then. Maybe mind-altering vore-wolfman and 3d-printed doppleganger will kill each other.
The Four Seven ...but not empty of meaning.
The first 850k is going towards Stella Artois for the Dev team
"Rebellious millenials join Anonymous to become pirates."
... Do... do I even need to say anything else?!
kiraina25 I'd join if I got to be a pirate
This is the most beautiful of all messes.
midlife crisis: the game
ΔΘΛΞΠΣΦΨΩ Why are we talking about I Am Bread?
What I got out of it was that they thought "What do millennials love.. well they love apple products and idolise Steve Jobs.. they also love to hate on Trump. Lets add some scifi elements mixed with Global warming stuff and I think we have a money maker on our hands!"
I love how the apocalpye goes from destroying the ozone layer with a laser and attempting to induce earthquakes with another laser to Those Goshdarned Millennials
nono the earthquake was to seal the hole.... you know.... SCIENCE
Gotta shake those clouds until they melt into one big cloud again. Climate change fixed!
I think the Millenials (and by extension, Anonymous) are the heroic resistance, actually, since they're apparently the company's target audience.
this guy predicted the metaverse
"Build a firewall and google's gonna pay for it" needs more love.
The Ark from _SOMA_ is turning out a lot more shitty than was promised.
when it showed the scene with multiple probably sane people working on whatever the fuck this is, i like to imagine they actually have a pretty normal product but when they decided who was gonna make the kickstarter they picked the worst fucking guy for it.
"So basically our product is a humble experiment on using custom 3D figures as Amiibos in a simple 3D fighting arena. Michaelangelo-Jack van Hindenburg, you will do the kickstarter."
My favorite part of this is that view of their "meeting" was basically them saying, "Yeah but we gotta be ourselves... creatively... but you know you have to get motivated"
They are absolutely not certain of what they are doing or why, and they're having a meeting to discuss more or less, how this is better than their actual jobs... while a guy sits at the coffee table looking like he wants to kill himself, regardless.
I don't know about anyone else but my confidence has been inspired.
Now there's an idea:
Making a 3D/fully interactive version of "Where's Waldo?".
I'd be down for that.
Guess all we can do is play "Hidden Folks" until a megalomaniac starts a kickstarter for the same thing, but with more buzzwords and in 3D.
elinfini VR where's Waldo would actually be alot of fun. Getting to experience and be a part of the chaotic scenes from a first person perspective... it'd be like a trip to India without ever needing to leave my living room.
There’s a Garry’s Mod gamemode called Guess Who that’s kind of like that
We may not be able to spell, but we sure as hell can grant you immortality -XMedia Games
Even watching this years later, this still feels like a parody of different kickstarter ideas all jumbled up together.
Gimmeh ah drink, Bartender.
Miracle he doesn't serve drinks here, but he can whip you up a 3d-printed android clone of yourself!
... he doesn't get a lot of business...
This makes the guys who did "Town With No Name" look like slick professionals, really.
Miracle **menacing glare**
Miracle I could go to the XMG eSport Arena... or I could go to the XMG eSport Arena...
"Let's take a break. I'm done playing kickstarter with you."
"Hey Sarah, what do those Millenials like?"
"Let's see... eSports, Apple products, 3D printing, video games..."
"OK, OK, cool, how about what they DON'T like?"
"Uh... Donald Trump, really shitty marketing campa-..."
"NICE, OK, here's my idea!"
Man, HBO really cut Westworld's budget for season 2.
Eh. Doesn't look like anything to me.
Lol, the guy's even dressed like Robert Ford at the beginning
I guess it is going to network TV.
Can't wait for them to cover all the nipples up!
Well, they had to increase John Oliver's "make fun of Drumpf" budget.
Wow, coming back to this three years later and I still have no idea what's going on or what to make of this. This is one of the most confusing kickstarters I've ever seen.
Same, I've seen this about 5 times over the years, and still have zero idea of what they are trying to kickstart. Well done all involved you have no marketing skills whatsoever.
@@user-os7ec4dm8x i mean judging by the goofy jargon, it's like they majored in marketing but learned absolutely nothing
mainly that you need something tangible or remotely possible to fucking market
I feel like this is what happens when you try to develop a game in your apartment while there’s a gas leak
How do you do fellow kids?: The Kickstarter
This is like what I'd imagine a marketing robot would produce, a whole lot of buzzwords and shitty marketing with no actual product. We live in a dystopian nightmare.
You're not far off, considering the creators seem to have gone off to do AI stuff now
I love the Kickstarter Nonstarters that just make me wail "What the FUCK?!" out loud.
These guys should collab with that Real steel kickstarter
I think the world would not survive...
Two wrongs won't make a right.
The only way this would work financially is if the animatronics and the arena were all the size of GI Joes and a playset, and even then they would have to establish several scanning locations to scan people, all for an avatar without built-in customization (since its just, well, you). On top of that, bipedal 'bots are clumsy at best, so your 'avatar' would be rendered immobile as soon as someone knocks it down, and seeing as how there is combat, I'm guessing that would happen a lot.
So basically the Real Steel mofo with a cardboard box of Bionicles makes way more sense that this. Impressive.
Capochetta it looks like they're not articulated
So this is what we get when George Wood creates a Kickstarter, just as Steve Jobs predicted.
Lets be honest, "We Don't Know What This Is" is probably the most common kickstarter theme.
Coming back to this and watching 3:50 again, I love when I'm done with my work and I just sit there at my computer, hands behind my head, waiting for the "director" to yell "cut!"
This presentation gives me confidence that they know how to make robots.
I've never seen such an egregious case of buzzwording. They didn't even try to make something resembling sentences.
Like, the "XMG VR/AR smart board game" thing. What is a smart board game? What is a smart board? Or did they mean a board game that is smart? What makes a board game smart? Why are we talking about board games? I thought this was an MMO-like thing in real life. But if it's in real life, where does the VR part come in? Is it even a video game if it's based on real-world props? Aren't you just controlling a highly-advanced RC toy? It's utter insanity.
This is what happens when middle aged men try to become tech savvy...
Tech savvy would imply he has any idea what he's doing.
He _tried_ to become tech savvy. He did not succeed.
Another case of middle-aged people not knowing what the hell they're doing.
Which is odd, because they seem to have young team members.
Steve Yob's predicted this comment.
Well to be fair slowbeef is raising two kids and diabetus is southern.
Guide to a under 30 kickstarter:
1. Play games.
2. Suffer under the delusion that you can stream for a living if you only had $5000.00 worth of new equipment.
3. Have no money of your own.
4. Go to Kickstarter and wait for the cash to start rolling in.
Sounds like the US government
I have returned..... they literally want to challenge skylanders and disney. They wish to do this with robot toys and apps. They think this will translate to an egame like event. So like real life yugioh tournaments or some shit. They have "research" vids and college project art vids.
So in summation these are people who are biting off more than they can chew. They are heavily inexperianced. The company however has not yet gone under. I do not know how though. As far as i can tell they are still crowd funding on different sites. Also jeff wilson aka the bartender compared his game to the new red dead game by rockstar. ...
Guys its comedy gold
They're shooting for the stars with a bottle rocket.
Coming back to these is kind of amazing because now we have whatever the meta verse is and it’s a much more nuanced scam lol
I I I I JUST BOUGHT MORE LAND IN THE METAVERSE
looking back, quite a few of these kickstarters beef and beetus covered were warnings for what were to come
@@ArthosArt It's pretty wild! I was rewatching these and that Pass 2 Pros one with the lady and the awkward guy where she dunks a basketball was basically NFTs before that was a thing. They had digital "signatures" from athletes and everything.
This looks like a disjointed mishmash of dissimilar ideas put together by completely different people.
hey! it's slayercoon!
These are the kinds of people who respond to "So what are you selling?" with
"A long time ago I had a vision of the future, a vision where things get done by using advanced state-of-the-art technology which-"
i've watched this twice and i literally can't figure out what product they're trying to sell me
Dilara Kurşun I've done it a bunch and still nothing
ON HER HANDS AND KNEES BABY
PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE
It just clicked.
This is a much more convoluted, much more expensive attempt at making Second Life.
And then we got VRChat.
>sees title
All right, come on, I'm sure all you have to do is pay attention... I'll figure this out...
"We've developed the most advanced video game."
all right, nice buzzwords, bruh, but still... It makes sense so far.
"We scan you, 3D Model you, 3D Print you, and make a functioning android!"
Uh-huh...
[cut to what looks like an unfinished dahir insaat montage]
oh fuck i have no clue what this is
>sees comment
All right, come on, I'm sure all you have to do is pay attention... I'll figure this out...
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates."
-Mark Twain
I'd like to have my own 3D printed robot clone of slowbeef, ifyknowhatimsayin.
MisterSparkly If you wanna fuck slowbeef, there's always real dolls or whatever the fuck they're called xD
Like a sexy bobblehead?
They missed a buzzword! I see no mention of drones anywhere in this
Hamous Nothing was quantum either.
... I'll have a coffee please. I'm not dressed for... 3D clones and time travelling.
Every time the beginning phrase "we just made the most advance X"
I feel my eyes roll back as I subconsciously wish for death.
I want to make the world's least advanced Kickstarter. In it I will yell about wanting money for nothing, spell everything badly, and have no real perceivable goals. Risks will be that I'm too charming and don't spend enough money on pie.
I hope I can count on your support.
Kanyime Profile picture is regular meal.
Solarflair Hmm. So what you're saying is that you are a regular Kickstarter, but more upfront.
I'd back it.
Honesty really IS the best policy.
I remember when Steve Jobs announced at his final Apple WWDC keynote, "We just built the most advanced one of a kind multi-platform entertainment system that is modular adaptive scalable captivating & addictively engaging." It was just before he went into the wormhole.
I feel like if you changed the narration, this could be a Tim and Eric sketch.
This was a fucking masterpiece.
Bad CGI, de-sync'd and loud music overpowering voices, Movie Maker transitions, Comic Sans text, and the greatest finale with un-registered software watermarks and badly cut video clips.
10/10.
This pitch is literally nothing but buzzwords and lies. It's fucking astonishing.
Plot twist: it was based on Yiffing In Hell all along.
Based on a graphic novel my ass...more like some drunk scribbles on a post-it note and a cocktail napkin...
Then Steve Jobs' legacy lives on.
*SHE'S PRAYING FOR A **_MIRACLE_*
Here's probably what went down: After 30 years of staying with their parents, they were kicked out of their home. Hungry for easy cash instead of having to work, they take a free marketing course and take down notes viciously. They then steal a bottle of whisky and get completely shit-faced for 'inspiration' and write down every ham-fisted idea they come up with using a hotel pen on a scrap of trash.
They go to the library with their still-active card and manipulate a bunch of young schmucks into making them CG scenes, when they then proceed to not pay them for. After sneaking back into their parent's place while they're out, they post this kickstarter using their notes (which are almost completely illegible, so they improvise) and hope that people will fall for it.
After a few weeks of going nowhere they get the laziest and easiest job they possibly can (nailed the interview despite having no skills) but eventually get fired after they continually ask for raises for trivial reasons, as well as the increase in things mysteriously going missing.
Now they just try to steal Credit Cards to moderate success.
If this was made today it would be talking about the Metaverse and Web 3.0.
Say what you will about Dahir Insaat, at least I know what they're TRYING to do...
An Evening with Ebola You know you're incompetent when you make war crimes more coherent.
CJ47 when a quad copter is more practical
@@meowistforlife don't ever underestimate the quadcopter
The worm steals... her essence?
Well god damn this is just an elaborate advertisement for Yoni beer, isn't it?
What the fuck is this? This is the first time I can't even understand the concept of whatever the fuck I just saw.
second life except your avatar is a 3d scan of your body
So it's basically real life except your avatar gets to have more fun than you do.
Wait, this _can't_ be the first time... Surely they had another Kickstarter that was so baffling that even our duo couldn't understand what they were riffing on.
...Right?
... does the furry book kickstarter from last week count?
Actually, that's a good example... For something called "Yiffing in Hell", I thought it'd be a little more forward about the fact that it was furry, but they kind of danced around the topic for so long that I wasn't entirely sure what it was anymore.
But at least with that one, they said it was a book and I knew it was a book! This one says it's a video game and _not for a second_ do I believe that there is anything video game related going on in this Kickstarter.
So basically its a thing where they scan people and print them and make them into animatronics, and the animatronics role play everything you saw at the end (relating to steve jobs lore). Making this the most unnecessarily complicated version of a game ever
I've been on my hands and knees praying for a miracle, and here you are. Thank you.
@@DevDreCW you are welcome
- rebellious millennial
It was a scam, what they are talking about isn't even conceivable. That machine he was green screened in front of was a cat scan machine used in hospitals, they really thought they could be vague enough and just steal everyone's money and then run, it wouldn't be the first time that would happen on kickstarter, the coolest cooler is a perfect example, the inventor didn't give a shit and just liquidated his small inventory to amazon without every giving the original backers a cooler or their money back.
"We are professionals"
I highly doubt that.
I wonder if the people who created this went on to try and make their own Metaverse/crypto game during like 2022-2023. The vibe is the same, the amount of tech literacy is just as non-existent, it's just as big a waste of money.
It looks like that 3D stadium was made with SketchUp.
When you lose control of the project and the customer decides to start making the project himself.
Whatever this thing is/was, I love it way more than I think I should.
"Steve Jobs predicted this would happen"
Nobody predicted this nonsense.
So... Are you controlling the avatar in someone else's actual arena??? Are you playing around with it in your house and it transfers it to a virtual arena??? That one at the end could only move on a stand, is that going to be the norm??? What is this???
I've been going through and leaving comments on these as to whether they made their funding goals or not, I couldn't find anything for this one because literally nobody knows what is going on here or the name of the product. there's like a bunch of boomers or gen xers talking about how they like working at this company and then a huge google sketchup thing that they're flying a camera through, i dunno man. oh, also there's the jumpsneeze at the end.
If you look up X Media Games you will find a reddit post that shares the link to the Kickstarter. They have no social media presence, and I'm guessing a totally different entity with the same name that just reposts IGN on twitter. They raised 0 dollars.
@@DevDreCW yeah there's no way they got any funding. Hopefully they had a good time lol
@@ethanking4954Imagine if they did somehow got funded. I'm kinda scared and morbidly curious to know what they would have done with it. Assuming they wouldn't just sneak off into the night with suitcases stuffed with cash, of course.
what
Is this just second life with Amiibos?
so their plan is to leave earth in a spaceship with a wormhole, resurrect Steve Jobs and have him be their supreme space ruler, while having an amusement park with 3D printed animatronic versions of real people? Oh and robots?
Makes sense. Though Dahir Insaat says it needs more quadcopters.
we finally found a game that won't come out before Star Citizen
I think its like, tiny robots. Like they 3d print a miniature of you. The arena is really small. And you have your miniature robot play esports in the little esports arena. Forever.
"...And make an animatronic robot of you." I'm just gonna go for the easy joke here and REVEAL YOURSELF SNATCHER!
This almost feels like some sort of Metaverse scam, way ahead of the time.
Okay, new rule; middle aged people are no longer allowed to attend Marketing classes, or watch Black Mirror. It's for ALL of us.
I'm amazed no one is talking about the absolute best part of the vid, the avs4you watermark.
That.. whole.. backstory comic thing was rendered totally fucking pointless with that great cliffhanger "And alicia teleported into an alternate reality"
I'm so mad. It was terrible, but I was so invested in the cryo-steve jobs VS drumpft war.
This is what happens when the marketing team tries to make a game without anyone to tell them no.
They're still developing this, by the way. They have some stellar storyboard videos on their site. And by stellar, i mean COMPLETELY NONSENSICAL.
100,000 alphas. $850,000 price tag. So everyone pays $8.50 and they are going to scan each person, and build an arena, and give them the app for the price of a sandwich? Yeah they didn't think this shit through.
Notice how the bartender only had a 3D model and a small figurine that was printed, and not the full on Android that they claimed they would be making for _every. Single. Player._
I really hate these people that talk about extensive records and years of experience without actually showing any of it. Anybody can just say that.
Apologies if someone already mentioned this, and for breaking the rule against posting comments on old internet videos, but on the fifth or something rewatch of this I decided it was finally time to do some research to try and decipher what the heck this is, and I found this video:
ua-cam.com/video/iB4q1S4SK_Q/v-deo.html
Some parts are obviously the same as in the pitch video, but there's a lot of other stuff as well... and most of it is not at all helpful to explaining this confusing thing. All I learned was that a VR headset also appears to be involved, and one woman mentioned "your friends will see your characters moving on the screen and your robots moving in real life".... so either the robot is somehow the way you control your on screen character, or you are controlling an on screen character and a robot simultaneously I guess? I have no idea why anyone would want to do either of those.
How can someone be so oblivious to how little sense they make?
the background at the start of the video made me think this was a sequel to Ripper.
So Westworld meets Burning Man meets ComiCon, but somehow even less sonnected to reality.
This makes the stream of consciousness furry demon comic book guy look reasonable. At least he was making an art project.
After trying to understand this shit, I feel like my brain is on drugs... yes, my brain is a fucking egg frying in a pan.
And here I was backing video games, tabletop RPGs and books. I had no idea I could have been supporting the most advanced game ever!
What the fuck. I've never been so utterly baffled by a Kickstarter pitch video before. It's amazing.
We need 800K so we can register Unregistered Hypercam 2
the inital concept for ready player one was kinda wierd
I thought Bubble Helmet was the dumbest thing on kickstarter they touched. Then I see this thing what is this I don't even understand.
Well, at least the Bubble Helmet actually had a working(?) prototype.
I think I understood Busco Quadnary more than I understood this. I'm not really sure what exactly was going on with this. Like it's just a bunch of random ideas thrown together.
Sort of reminds me of that Gamer movie, where people control other real people (slaves?) in an MMO environment, was pretty shitty and uncomfortable (half way through it devolved into an art piece or something and just made no sense).
Like, what is even the point, of any of it?
Unregistered Hypercam 2
smkfet More like hyperscam.
Ohhh I get it, this is an artistic representation of an acid trip
It's so dense.
There's so much going on in every frame.
And it's giving me even more of a headache than any of the prequels.
DAMN, that Expos reference from Betus made me laugh pretty hard.