Husband Treats Me Differently Based on How I Look
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- Опубліковано 8 жов 2024
- Husband Treats Me Differently Based on How I Look
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She did say her husband did leave a 20yr marriage claiming no physical connection. Shes the upgraded model. So she does have historicical behavior to fall back on in her reasoning. Her concerns may be legit and he may not be honest if she asks.
Wow, 🤯
More like he married a prudish wife that wouldn’t put out. Despite what some women think having sex once every few months isn’t a healthy relationship.
A husband or wife shouldn’t have to beg their partner for sex. They shouldn’t be desperate just to hold hands or get a peck on the cheek. If you don’t want physical touch then you shouldn’t get married.
The caller never said anything about looks. She said “he was in a marriage with no physical contact” Your post is a bit of a bad faith take on the situation…
This! I’m sure there is an undercurrent of fear that if the physical attraction diminishes, he may throw her out like he did with the last wife
Idk why some of these dudes make a lifelong commitment to a woman and plan for children if they're incapable of being interested in someone after motherhood and natural aging. Just do the Leo diCaprio thing and have a revolving door of young girlfriends if that's all you want in life.
She knew he was married and she slept with him anyway and this is what she gets lol
John, I admire how patient you are with everyone. But this lady knows exactly what’s going on. Her intuition knows exactly what’s up with her husband. If you had asked her when they met and how long husband had been divorced before they got together, I have a feeling this call would have gone in a completely different direction. She knows her man and she knows her relationship, she just doesn’t want to face it.
Yeah but therapists don't work on intuition. If they think it'll connect to their patient to help them realize something, maybe... but that's not their job.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she married a dirtbag and doesn’t want to face that reality
Agreed.
He literally told her he left a 20yr marriage bc he wasnt attracted to her anymore ...like dude does this
Like John is not taking that into account..
She’s the younger woman he left his wife for and now she’s surprised once she’s older and has kids, he’s not as into it. SHOCK!
False. She said that his previous relationship had no spark of physical contact. Nothing about physical looks. For all you know his ex was absolutely gorgeous but they just had no sex life and it destroyed the marriage. Don’t come to conclusions.
@@wbae1340this whole call was about how she feels about her appearance. She didn’t say physical “contact” she said they didn’t have a physical “connection”.
If he had no physical connection, that means he didn't find her attractive. No sexually healthy guy is attracted to his wife but doesn't want to do it @wbae1340
@@garfieldGG did you not read your original comment? You said he left his wife for a younger women, when in reality he left because they had no sex life and it destroyed the marriage.
She probably feels rejected because with no glamour on, in sweats, bare faced he's not interested in who she really is. He may regret the whole affair. I'm hoping that's what she's really scared about, because nobody could be that shallow
As soon as she said he was married for 20 years, I realised she was doomed.
Yep
And the crazy part is I'm sure he's no prize either but expects his women to be eye candy at all times
Hes' for sure a douche bag. Any man that leaves a long term marriage and claims "no spark" is a douche.
She was probably the younger woman he left his first wife for, now she feels insecure that the same thing is happening to her.
-newly married but knew him for years
-he was previously married for 20 years. Assuming he got married young, he’d still be well over 40, while she just had a kid
-he was obsessed with how attracted he was to her
Bingo
Its always in the subtext isn't it?
Well that's an interesting perspective . She knows how she got him, and now she's reminded of that with the changes in her body. It reminds me of the saying that you lose 'em the way you got 'em
But sadly not losing much!!!!
Lots of men become cheaters when their wife is pregnant.. which is UNCONSCIONABLE. Devils in disguise.. looking out for the next hot babe that pays attention to them.
I think when we put effort into our appearance, (whatever that may be) it makes us feel good, and therefore, we radiate that confidence that is attractive.
Good point. Simple changes can sometimes go a long way
that is with anything you do. effort gives results
Married couples can see through a confidence facade.. her husband wants to sleep with someone else. Period.
Idk how she looks at herself knowing she’s the woman that broke a 20 year marriage.
She knows she was “chosen” based on her looks, which is why she’s insecure now that she’s feeling less desirable to him..
Ultimately, that’s the major problem with superficial connections, eventually that fades and often they don’t even know if they actually like each other.
He told her that her value is her beauty, that he upgraded from his wife to get the “hot girl”, so she’s not completely wrong for being concerned that her husband might not be as into her anymore. Idk.
Hmm... I think John is off base on this. He said something during one of his shows that I thought was absolutely spot on: Some people are just terrible marriage partners. Bingo. There are people who are shallow, superficial, self-centered, uncompromising, me-me-me and they always seems to draw in people who are either weak or suffer from trauma wounds. This guy had one marriage that ended - after 20 years invested - due to "no physical connection." Translation: He grew bored, or found his aging wife unattractive. New wife who is the caller probably lost some of her physical appeal through having a child, getting comfortable in the marriage, whatever. Now he's no longer attracted. "Shallow Hal." Very funny movie, very true example.
I'm not so sure about your "no physical connection" take.
Generally, men initiate sex way more often than women do, and women are usually the ones who withhold sex.
So barring any additional info, it's safer to assume the ex wife was the bored one and not the husband.
This is possibly the truth but John is answering based off the information he’s been given because he doesn’t have a way to hear the other side.
So he’s telling her not to jump to conclusions but to communicate.
Same thing , I gathered.
All of what you stated is most likely true plus he went for a young woman (she sounds young)that will believe his bull and easier to manipulate than his ex that knows all his tricks!
I bet she used to be the side chick, and she’s afraid she’s gonna lose him how she got him.
yeahhhhh the husband is off a 20yr something marriage? they have a 1.5yo? i don't even think they're the same age
They're not, I'm sure he's much older. And now she's acting surprised that he behaves this way. 🙄
@@CrystalM1917 Yeah, I've seen it happen so many times where younger women get with an older man who's constantly complaining about his "nagging ex wife", and then are shocked to marry him and find out that they've become that wife, and that he tires of them quickly as soon as they mature and have real responsibilities to share. The dude is the common denominator, all his exes can't be crazy. My sister's friend got with a guy twice her age. After having a kid with him she realized that he was a crappy, immature person and left. Now he's onto baby mamma number 3, who is even younger. To any young women reading this, stop getting with these men!
@@VV-er3zgbingo
@@rachelmaddowswife8713Exactly. This is a dust-free zone. I'm teaching my daughter what I wasn't taught. She'll be valued and adored by a man.
If the guy changes his love purely based on your looks day to day, that's a shallow and terrible sign. He's focused on the surface, not on your essence. Not good for a stable, longterm union.
Unless you've drastically changed physically (which I doubt), he isn't deeply connected to you. Connection isn't just about one's looks, it's way more than that. Something is fundamentally missing.
I disagree. Women have their beauty. Men don’t look at a woman and are attracted to her because of her job or degree or personality lol.
I married my wife because she’s good looking, didn’t sleep around, has a good family and father figure and didn’t have any kids. I would never date, let alone marry a women that’s a single mother. Did it once and learned my very expensive lesson. You do nothing but invite craziness and chaos into your life and risk to lose everything.
Men do not care about a woman’s degree or achievements or what kind of job they have or how much money they make. Women are beauty objects to men, and that’s that. And for women, the men that they look for/want are typically successful and have a large social networks and most of the time make a lot of money. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. In my opinion women should look for men like that because the relationship will have a better chance of lasting longer than going out with some guy in banging some random guy that can drink a lot of beer and sells drugs.
I don’t understand why that’s a hard thing for people to understand or accept, it’s not a bad thing. If I have a daughter, I’m going to tell her to preserve her beauty take care of herself and marry a man that has a lot of money is successful and has a large social network And if I have a son, I would tell him to not even worry about getting married or dating until he’s gotten to that point in his life, which would probably be in his early to mid 30s and then look for a woman that’s in her early to mid 20s Because those women are typically the best looking(physically)and most fertile to start a family with and there’s nothing wrong with that but society has shoved it down our throats for so long saying that is bad when in reality it’s perfectly OK and for the best of the relationship and the family.
@lsgsrob2102 wow, you are very shallow without admitting that you're shallow. Yes, looks are important to a point, but when you get older you need to have more than just good looks because if something happened to you and you were disfigured physically in some way, I wonder if your wife would still be with you. And if she wasn't and you had to go back out into the dating scene, that probably wouldn't go very well for you. Because like attracts like if you only want to go off looks you're not going to get too far.
Yet he’s in a super dad bod with a beer belly..
just sayin…
@@lsgsrob2102Are you a Red pill person?.
@@Coco-KittytheestorytellerSo true.
My very wise older sister told told me how I feel about myself is going to effect my sex life with my husband. She was 100% right. When I take care of myself exercise, eat right, hygiene is really good, I feel sexier and that attracts my husband. My husband doesn’t care if I’m in sweats and no makeup it’s my confidence that’s attracts him. I can go from all dolled up bombshell to frumpy no makeup and he still wants me because I feel good about myself. Now that’s not always the case for me. It takes work to keep that mindset going.
He wants you because he wants you because he wants you. Women tend to push men away or project their insecurities onto them when they don’t feel good about themselves.
If he is like most men, he’s not that picky. But he can feel how receptive you are…and that is probably what is changing.
But your sister is wise. What take sex work for a lot of women is that self-acceptance and to stop being at war with their bodies.
@@kellygreenii Completely agree. Couldn't have said it any better.
Right on!!!!
Wow 😮 Great insight
That's what you're getting when you're out there breaking up a 20 years old marriage. Side pieces will never get sympathy, babe. You get what you deserve.
True
When I was pregnant, my husband told me every day that I was beautiful. Guess what? I didn't believe him because I didnt feel good about ME. I hope you can feel better about yourself soon. ❤
Most husbands tell wives that just to keep them from being down on themselves. Being pregnant, completely changes women’s bodies and not for the best.
He was lying.
@@miketheyunggod2534 @Gotoworkkk I don't think you realise how sad this makes you look
@miketheyunggod2534 he could have been lol but at least he tried to make me feel good about myself
@@Gotoworkkk that's true! And that's what he did
Idk if he didn’t stay with his first wife because she wasn’t attractive then I doubt he’ll stay with you when you’re no longer attractive. I think that’s just how he rolls
Yup… past behavior and/mindset is usually a good predictor of present/future mindset.
Hello?! I don’t understand why she’s confused.
Exactly , john is totally missing that point
@@cgggg5988 Do you think Deloney is missing the point on purpose? It sounds like he was coming out of left field. But it is interesting that both spouses could be avoidants (sounded like wife really did not want to have a conversation with husband).
Based
This is so true about us projecting our insecurities. For example, I’m an average hight bbw and my man is very fit, tall and so fine lol. I recently admitted to him when we first started dating I was surprised he was interested in me because we have different lifestyle’s ( he eats healthy, workouts regularly and always on the go) I love to eat, relax and take little walks as a workout lol. literally total opposite. He was shocked and said that doesn’t matter I’m beautiful. It was at that moment I realized I’m making up a story in my mind. To some men it may matter but to him it doesn’t. This is what I have heard him say in various conversations 1.he prioritize how he feels about the connection between him and a woman. 2. He also prioritize a woman who is loving, caring and respectful above all. 3. He prioritize beauty inside and out. 🥰
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@laurenkirby5390 Ma'am, you have no idea how much this encourages me 🥹 thank you 🙏🏿 ❤️
He's ready to upgrade to a new younger model again. He will continue to upgrade every few years.
Yeah...that's not going to go on forever.
Phase 1: Person enters a sexual relationship, Which is based on attractiveness.
Phase 2: Person becomes less attractive.
Phase 3: Partner becomes less attracted.
Phase 4: Suprised Pikachu face
What's phase 5?
😂
@@Ducklingy57 Phase 5 is calling John Delony
Phase 5: get a new woman
😂😂😂😂😂 Hilarious breakdown!
Beauty evolves, you can't be always the most beautiful person around. You are a team, you are going to grow old together. There must be more we grow to love about each other.
My husband has told me I’m beautiful everyday of our 49 year marriage
He's lying completely
Both have problems
@@darrengeorgetown6758really??? How shallow…😡
That's precious 💞
@@darrengeorgetown6758 you're an ahole 👌
Men are bombarded with unrealistic pictures of women all the time, though, but I definitely know this is an issue too.
😢 it's sad. Many men don't even appreciate a bare faced no make up woman
Her husband may just be trying to be conscientious of how she feels about her skin and not put pressure on her to take photographs. He may not have the tools to talk about it and bring it up. So yes, a conversation is needed.
my wife told me not to take photos of her few times. So I stoped.
Life is complicated but people need to take accountability as well.
@@valdius85yes communication is key
Physical attraction is a catalyst in marriage… but it’s not meant to be the bedrock that a marriage is built on.
That is the most nature/ societal fact between men and women I have read in a short sentence!
Yes! Women give up their name... change of identity. Sacrifice their bodies in childbirth. Will never be quite the same. And when divorce occurs, men complain about financial losses.
More money can be made. The sacrifices women make are life long. Yes. They could reclaim their last name. But then their children would have a different name? That would be weird.
Young lady, you birthed a new human!!! YOU are impacting the future through how you train your children. Embrace your own worth.
While others may fail to see and honor you... don't fail to know your own worth! ❤🎉😊
I think John might not be completely right on this one
He is not going to go there just not to be disrespectful to his wife and women. But women know looks matter as well as character to go with it. Looks will not keep the love in the relationship long term and we all age but the character and personality will. It's better to be with someone who values good character and personality
She broke up a marriage and got pregnant and now she’s no longer attractive and now he’s regretting his decisions lol
You could be right!!
@@angelasepi657 i am 👍
she broke up a marriage? Lol. You mean he left his wife? I love the lack of accountability from men. You all do nothing wrong. She seduced you.
If he loved his wife he wouldn't leave her.
@@SarahConnor562 except her entire complaint is about her husband (in the title) and she felt it was important to mention the past marriage. Also, getting pregnant from marriage is pretty normal.
It sounds like she was the other woman and now that he’s with her, the excitement is gone. Pay attention to what she’s saying “for years he used to take pictures of me when we were out” 20 yr marriage but somehow they were together for years. Her insecurities are what’s bringing her to these conclusions.
This man’s first marriage was 20 years and now he’s on his second? That puts him at his 40’s or 50’s. Could just be that his equipment isn’t functional with medication anymore
"Equipment" 😅 ma'ammmm 😂😂
As far as melasma or skin concerns go, there are many ways to remedy it. CeraVe Vitamin C serum fades them. Five years ago I began using LED Masks on my face, neck, chest & hands.
What a difference it makes!
Everyone else noticed before I did.
Now, I don't have a BF, I don't date at all. Single & celibate by choice has been working for me since 2012.
These practices are just to take care of my skin, just to do it. Every person ought to take care of themselves,
Celibacy and no dating honestly adds tremendously to youthful looks. No husband or boyfriend stress is a win.
What are LED masks? Do you mean lights? I have melasma and just live with it, cover up in the sun as I assumed not much could be done. Winter you can't see it much, summer it darkens. But you have me curious to check this out.
Can you recommend a good led red light therapy mask you like best?❤❤❤id appreciate your advice
I hate melasma!! I got rid of mine using a glycolic acid product. Sunscreen is needed to keep it up.
Check out UA-camr Emily Noel for how to cover melasma with makeup. You need to use a color corrector.
@@dudeorduuude5211Try Musely products online, it's an Rx but very effective and I've tried everything. I've been using it since July and slowly all my spots are fading. You send them photos online and they link you with a dermatologist and then tell you what to use. You can cancel if you don't like the product.
Marriages based on all external factors usually do not last eg she’s young and hot , he’s handsome and rich
No shame on physicality, but There has to be a bond beyond that
I treat my wife differently based on how she looks, especially when she's not wearing clothes.
😆
Lol love this
As you should!!! You sound like a great husband! 😂 I’m sure your wife feels the same about you too 😊
Cuz boobies.
Geeeezs 😂😂😂😂
Wrong type of man to marry and bring children in the world with. Those type of men you leave to their own accord. He doesn't see her. She is not there to him. The illusion/fantasy is how he functions and gets by. That's dangerous. For her and children. For if he will do it to the wife. He will most certainly do it to the children in which impacts/effects them in a negative way. One's self esteem is extremely important and that comes from oneself and those around you. Especially, from those you love and care for the most.
I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and went through this with my partner and was verbally abusive to me if I didn’t have make up on or hair done. The last two years he has shown he loves me no matter what weight I gained or how I look but the self esteem from the past still affects how I feel today.
It must be really difficult to forgive him for that, and forgive yourself for allowing your opinion of yourself be shaped by someone else. You deserve love, from yourself, from your partner.
Yeah it felt odd to me with my first relationship how she never dressed up for me or put on makeup when coming to see me but anytime she’s going out with friends she puts in all the effort in the world to look sexy for people she supposedly has no interest in. Which really hurt my self esteem and had sewn seeds of her possible infidelity in my head. It’s wrong to treat someone differently based on the effort they put in to their appearance but it does hurt when they do put in effort but just not for you. Not saying you did any of that just how it goes.
@@elijahparks2417 Just like you, I think her story is a bit....biased, maybe made up?
@@elijahparks2417I went through the same thing. She started going out with co workers and dressing nice but when I wanted to take her out she would act like it was a burden. My self esteem none existent and threw myself into my work taking all the overtime I could to avoid thinking about it. Then 1 day when I was leaving for work at 3 am she was just getting in from clubbing with her friends and I knew it was over.
I'd have a hard time forgiving a person who was an asshole for no good reason.
You never are able to get to your pre-pregnant body. Even if you get back to your pre pregnancy weight, everything is redistributed! I got pregnant with my first and to keep my job, I was in the military , I had to meet a certain weight based on age and biological sex. Guess what? I lost my butt, gained boobs and a c section pouch because I was going to die! Went thru 18 hours labor with first before c section before anyone says I took the easy way out! Guess what ? stuff I couldn’t wear, I could and stuff I previously worn, I could not! It was wild. And #2 changed me again! And I had to weigh even less because I shrunk! Damn gravity! Even when I met the lower weight, I still did not have a waist any longer! Instead of the hourglass that I was previously, now I was an apple ! It sucks! Men, if you have any sense, you should still love your spouse as she changes and not hold on to what was!
Yes ma'am 🗣🙏🏿❤️
Hmmm....You may have diastasis recti where your abdominal muscles spread, you need to do exercises to close them back up. And your butt shouldn't change either, maybe become less round if you're not exercising but that can be fixed as well. Most women I know get a bigger booty after babies
@@CrystalM1917it’s not worth it to work to this level with the body. It’s ok to embrace change.
@manifest2203 normal healthy exercise is not worth it? None of the exercises are extreme. Are you serious lmao?
11:30 "Men are visual" is not an excuse if he treats her differently indeed, of course we have to consider what dr said about that it could be just her insecurities, but if he treats her differently indeed, if her perception is right, it's not a "man's thing"!
I've had a boyfriend once in the past who treated me differently based on how I looked, it was pretty noticeable and it was a way of manipulating me into dress more like the way he liked (about style and stuff).
Thank God I could have different experiences that showed me that it's not how it should work. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 9 years now, we live together, and he NEVER EVER treats me bad or with indifference whenever I look sloppy.
The truth is, HUMANS are visual.
Saying "men are visual" creates an unfair double standard.
@@XXLadyyeah women treat ugly men very poorly just as men treat ugly women if not sometimes worse. Divisive language only creates more problems.
Why not? We make ourselves look certain ways in order to attempt to signal certain things to the people around us.
@@XXLadyExactly.
@@XXLadywell there is a double standard. There always has been.
I dont know why people are attacking this lady. She obviously doesn't know how to approach this with her husband, theres nothing wrong with that.
Edit: Everybody is dragging her, but not her dusty husband? SMH these xy's are all 🗑
Because of all the background information. I don't feel sorry for her either.
Sounds like her husband is way older than her too
Every indicator says she was most likely the other woman for a man who broke his vow to his last wife and seems highly preoccupied with physical appearance. She should be worried
Because it sounds like she was the side piece that broke up that marriage. Sorry for not having empathy for the homewrecker.
@@pinkpugginz Yeah, guessing 15 - 20 years older. A bit of a father-daughter dynamic going on (instead of equal partners/equal age cohort).
I wonder what the age difference is? She sounds young, he was married for 20 years to someone else. At least that what I thought she said.
yeahhh and they divorced (after 20yrs?) in part due to lack of attractiveness, which he was really excited about having with her. it's giving he got a hot young second wife and then turns out no one is hot 24/7
what kills this, is that he told her, that he didn't have a physical connection with his wife of 20 years. (ahem. That sounds like a line from a married man that has an affair partner) They always want to pretend they aren't touching the wife while dating the mistress. "Like, yeah, babe, I am married and all, but I never actually do anything to her, heh,heh,heh."
I am happy for his ex Wife. He sounds horrid. I hope she is happier without this guy in her life. I have no sympathy for the new wife.
My ex used to spit on me and tell me he's more interested in hooker's. Glad I got out of that misery!
Oh my gosh i’m so sorry! 😢
Me too. That's disgusting.... Shame on him. 😢
What ?
WOW 😮
Karma is coming for your ex.
I’ve been watching John Delony videos for a year now and I can honestly say with each one I never know what he will say. This show should be much more known.
Maybe he’s a narcissist. Once you have a kid, they think you will never leave. Let the discard begin!
Completely normal, Momma. ❤ it’ll get better and your skin and hair concerns will correct itself. And if by chance it doesn’t, you’re beautiful as you are.
The way you look is probably directly correlated to how you feel. On days you don't look awesome you're probably exerting less effort into self care which is probably a physical manifestation of poor emotional regulation, feeling overwhelmed, being stressed, and all those things are valid! It's important to look behind this aspect as it's possible your husband it's shallow and what he's really responding to is your method by which you're engaging with him. I always say, my girlfriend could go roll in a pig pen and I'd still want to kiss her. Just place more value in his love for you and look at how you're acting towards him. Assuming you aren't a Mormon or some other religion that really cares about cleanliness or appearance this concern is probably immaterial to the issue at hand which is your treatment of him. Also it's good to address these things. He may be unaware but expecting consistent good treatment when you're not exerting the same level of effort into your relationship with him is an unrealistic expectation. Many people fall into this trap men and women both, love for your child while in the eyes of good parent is valuable, wonderful, remarkable, and important. Does not compensate for the love which may not bring shown at this point in time.
Her self-esteem is definitively her main problem.
What does her husband look like? She beats herself up on how she feels. Wake up! It’s HIM not you! If he loves you it won’t matter.
My husband doesn't seem to notice me even when I put on makeup and wear sexy clothes... And I'm not a slouch in the looks department! It does bother me sometimes..
I feel you. Same here girl 😢
Me too
☹
Same. And when compliments come from other men I just want to 😢
Sounds like he's emotionally abusive. My husband is same he never says I look beautiful even if I wear new clothes hair done and everyone else says I'm looking good. He won't I honestly don't think he stands it when people admire me or compliment me and also by not saying nice things to me I believe is emotionally abusive and he trying to erode my self esteem. It doesn't work anymore. I get dressed up for me now not for him
John I love you so much!
“Here are the stories I’m telling myself….” So many stories in my head! Thank you for this verbiage!!😊
He got it from Brene Brown, and she got it from studying humans. She says one thing that really successful marriages have in common is that they use some form of the expression, “The story I’m telling myself . . . “ ❤️ Best story ever on this told by her in A Call to Courage. ❤️
Watching your channel is not just entertainment, it's a real educational journey. Thank you for that!🎆🫑‼️
She sounds like the woman who caused her husbands divorce. She was the younger woman and now she is afraid he will leave her too. He skipped the "real" question of when she met her husband but it seems we all picked up on it.
ONLY taking pics of their son is a red flag, but EQUALLY taking pics of JUST the baby is common in the EARLY stages of their development.
I like how they say men are visual, but are women blind? No we arent
Men fall in love with their eyes, ❤but we fall in love ❤️ with our ears! 🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻
I appreciate John advising to make her husband verbally, officially confirm his opinions on the matter. What I wonder is: if the husband tries to play the 'nice' route to avoid confrontation, but she senses something is off, are you going to say that is projection too? Like where/how do we weigh inferential intelligence vs. projection?
I also think we're circling around an obvious truth that men don't really like women after their bodies change from childbirth, and for some reason are *often* surprised. She noted that part of why he wanted to be with her was the physical connection, and she's very concretely noted things that would reduce the quality of her appearance: Hyperpigmentation on her skin, weaker/ thinner hair, and a tired body taking care of a 1.5 yr. - Like those are objective reasons to infer she's no longer his sexual interest.
Tash. Precisely. Dr John has gone a bit ,,Psychobabble ,, here. She has noticed something is different with hubby . That should be enough. Don't undermine her instincts, Dr John.
shes jumping to conclusions and sounds like she is putting her insecurities on her husband. she hasnt even tried to talk to him about it. The first step shouldve been to talk to her partner first and not a guy on a podcast. Contrary to popular belief men cannot read minds and he may not even know this is upsetting her. Communication is key in a relationship and it sounds like she isnt communicating her feelings to him.
@@Mral236d So. You don't put any store by women,s intuition, our gut feelings, our antennae.? We are told to listen to our gut feelings when sensing danger. This is absolutely no different. You can't tell women to listen to their instincts in one situation, but to ignore them in another !
@@lottielane2486 ….she hasn’t even tried talking to him about it you completely missed the point. Some women like you and the one on this call expect men to just read minds when unfortunately we cannot. She’s putting their business on the internet for the world to hear and hasn’t even attempted to communicate how she’s feels to the person she vowed to spend the rest of her life with. It’s no wonder so many relationships fail when people can’t even communicate with each other. And it goes both ways not just with women. It takes 2 for a relationship. God gave you a mouth. use it to communicate how you feel instead of assuming everyone knows.
@@Mral236d Totally agree she needs to talk to him. That is a given. But you said ,,she's jumping to conclusions, and putting her insecurities on her husband,,. That's why I replied as I did !
She is right to be self conscious. He’s probably found someone else younger, prettier. Seems to be his M.O.
No one can love/like you until you learn to love/like yourself.
I disagree
I'm single, but this felt like such a real life marriage example to keep in my head for the future marriage I have. This show is so great. Much thanks.
So true also about feeling sexy in our skin regardless. I noticed men will smile at me and say hi when I leave my house feeling attractive.
Trust your instincts and have a convo. But, look good for you, not for someone else.
To the caller. There's nothing more beautiful than a brand new mom! I hope you're able to work through your self talk and discuss with your husband on how you plan to change your mindset for the better!
A year and a half isn't new mom
👀
I think attraction leaves a lot of marriages
😢
And a lot of people would just never voice that out loud but instead keep that thought locked up
Even so we should be trying to give the best version of ourselves to each other and that includes physically.
To everyone assuming that she was a side chick… that is an assumption.
They probably are different ages but so what???
He could have gotten married at 20, divorced at 40 and the woman on the phone could be anywhere from 22-42. That is my guess. We can’t assume things that were not spoken about on the phone.
Also John said at 16:10 he could be a massive jerk… we don’t know enough to assume.
So he hasnt said anything directly yet shes making all these assumptions about him and what hes thinking? Is it possible that SHE puts herself in this negative mindset and he sees that and just assumes she wants her peace and leaves her to be? Or she just brings this dark cloud over the whole relationship and gets mad at him when hes showing the result of living with that dark cloud.
How were you hanging out with a married man for years? Why was a married man taking pictures of you while hanging out? Something is off...
> When he walks in you quickly cover up with a towel.
Yeah, been there. When I remark on how pretty she looks or whistle at her or something she tells me "I don't feel pretty right now don't do that."
And basically it trained me to stop commenting, stop looking...
Because I can't read her mind -- I don't know when she feels pretty and when she doesn't, so I'm not gonna do something she doesn't like half the time that makes me feel vulnerable and bad for trying to show affection.
I'm okay with not looking, but I don't think she gets that I can't turn it on/off at will, if I'm not looking I'm not looking both when you don't want me to look and when you do.
@@Ne0nx3r03 try approaching it with this honesty. For women it’s very on/off so for us it’s kinda unbelievable that you truly could find anyone gorgeous 24/7. Try also asking her how can you help her feel beautiful-maybe it’s helping her around, or a night out, or something of the sort you can do together
You say you can't read her mind, but she can't read your mind either. You need to tell her how you feel and hopefully this will open an honest conversation. Like Delony says choose guilt over resentment.
Wow! That towel thing is the same for me. I’ve never thought to ask her about it.
I of course can’t speak for your wife, but women typically feel most connected to beauty when we feel freshly showered & mega bonus points if we also just worked out or cleaned the house and have those endorphins goin for us (we may not feel the most visually beautiful, but we feel most connected to beauty in a deep way) and therefore feel more ready for physical closeness. We dream of our men wanting us when we feel beautiful, not just when we know they think we look “date-ready” beautiful. Intimacy fresh out of the shower with wet hair and a husband who wants us that way is the actual dream. Have fun.
A towel on the head just means she had sopping wet, dripping hair lol
I'm not even married and I use a towel haha. It's simply to dry wet hair.
It is very hard to have intimate time with kids around.
How are you so wise, John?
If I could like that a million times, I would.
When I came back after three months overseas my then husband would hardly look at me, let alone try to have sex with me. I was flabbergasted. I confronted him and he said that he thought I would not want him all over me, after three months in India. I DID. Communication is the key!
He cheated
@@uhhggg9335 😆no, just British!
My ex husband told me that he wasn't into fat people when I asked why he was behaving differently towards me in my first pregnancy. I should have seen that red flag.
Instead, I felt like a failure for having gained more weight than the "minimum" required. And I was terrified the next time I got pregnant. I ended up with a very disordered eating pattern and gaining only the bare minimum weight. Otherwise, he wouldn't bother to even look at me. 😢
He would comment on other things about how I look, and if I tried to explain that that was hurtful to me, he would tell me I was being sensitive, the he was only being honest, and he asked me if I wanted him to lie to me. 😢
That is horrible and no husband material…
@jrr2045 I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️ I pray you experience true, unconditional love
I’m SO sorry. Thank GOD he’s an ex. We women simply MUST raise our standards of who we will date, marry, and bear children with. There are so many men who should never marry.
Dr. John’s example about his not so attractive guy friends is not a very good example bc when it comes to attraction, a good number of women are multifaceted when it comes to what they find attractive in a man. Dr. John’s even said in other conversations that women are more cerebral when it comes to attraction. 🤷🏻♀️
Nah... Most women in big cities are all about 6 ft six figures 6 you know what. 😊😮
@@MrCarpediem6 it's rather weird how ppl only adopted that line of thinking a few yrs ago when ppl started pushing the "high value man" concept. Also weird how you can go out in public & find plenty of men in relationships that aren't 6ft, aren't making 6 figures & have dad bods.
John our friend- men call all the time and say they aren't attracted to the wives whose bodies have changed due to childbirth. The gall of it all
I think you are minimizing a very real experience she is having and telling her it stems from her instead of him. I think that is unfair of you.
It's odd, I hate when my wife uses makeup, or fusses with her hair! She is just so beautiful to me, and I feel it demeans her to artificially "enhances" what I've made clear, is really attractive.
probably she doesn’t do it for you but for herself
@@victoriaporsiempre actually, she rarely does it at all. I don't prohibit it, but I am pretty effusive about how I feel about her looks.
Who do You think You are???😂😂😂😂😂 She's doing what she wants with HER apprareance. She doesn't have to comply to what You think is attractive.
@@fpm3121 woah! Just who the fack do you think YOU are? Where do I stipulate she does what I say? If making sure she knows I think she is gorgeous and that I believe she looks better without a lot of fussing is wrong, please send me to the appropriate jail!
@@siegfriedbraun5447yikes
The very first thing is she needs to do is to talk with her husband and stop making things up in her mind. More then likely he senses your mood and is actively adjusting to it. Or even worse both of you are misreading each other.
She is probably at least 15 -20 yrs younger than him .. he should of delved more on that. He left the first wife .. and he. Is seeing her as used goods also..
I hadn't realized pregnancy causes that type of permanent changes to your body, your hair and skin tone/spots on skin 😳
Yup! Always has, always will.
Whenever you feel this hurt then be honest and bring this up with him directly and authentic. Maybe he thinks differently about it. Maybe he agrees. Dont you wanna know the real truth?
At one point in life all beauty and physical attractiveness will be gone completely because of age. What then holds people still together? Surely not the looks....
Your relationship is very superficial if you think this about him and your looks. More importantly she should be worried that something deeper is wrong with their connection and the attention they are placing on their relationship. The physical stuff will follow
So much of sexiness does indeed come from within. A sweet, compliant 5 or 6 can be totally hot while a 10 can just be ugly
No truer statement has ever been uttered!
Girl you married a man who dumped a 20 year marriage for “no physical attraction” but you thought he would just stick it out with you? You think he wasn’t attracted to her at first? Grieve the mistake you made and marry a grown person with some depth next time. Unfortunately this is a shallow guy.
Woman are intuitive, maybe there is something else is going on
She sounds like the other woman here…
Maybe what she thinks is really the reality …Her husband doesn’t love her
To the caller, Melasma is treatable with a treatment called Cosmelan..it's expensive, but so worth it 👌
It’s hard to feel erotic when you are raising babies. It’s the most unsexy time in your life and you are still expected to appease your man with your looks at the risk of your own sanity and physiological health. But when a man lets himself go…nobody speaks up.
Depends on the man…and it depends what you mean.
Like the caller, many women project their insecurities and inner demon onto their husbands. It’s easier to accuse him of making you feel unattractive, than to admit yourself: I feel ugly.
The reality is that the vast majority of men are far more forgiving of a woman’s appearance than that woman is of her own appearance.
The problem with a woman “letting herself go” has far more to do with low self-worth (that give up attitude) and depression than with fatigue.
…the former is not attractive on anyone. The latter cause people to lose interest in s3x….and getting told no all the time eventually causes a man to stop asking.
@@kellygreenii I never felt insecure until I found out he wasn’t attracted to me while I was pregnant/gained weight and was using porn instead. Felt like I was competing with an unrealistic version of who he wanted me to be to him. He brought that into our relationship and made me feel bad for not wanting sex when I felt betrayed and unattractive to him. Also struggling through very serious health issues with the 6 pregnancies I had a rare genetic condition. Despite my feelings, I did the work and got back down to my pre-pregnancy/high school weight 3 times. After the last two, I almost died from COVID and have been struggling more but have still maintained a good physique.
Also I understand what you mean by projecting, but I am pretty self aware and try to understand him before I start feeling insecure for no reason. I don’t like to assume anything because I feel like that’s the root of most problems people have!
@@kyleegarcia5569 Did you ask him that directly and he admitted to it?
@@kellygreenii yes.
@@kellygreenii oh aren’t you a delight 🙄
I’d say always be wary of a man who keeps calling you beautiful when you date bec he’s telling you right there what his priority is in a woman and that type of guy always wants to upgrade .. sure you want someone to compliment you but not just on looks of a guy does it too much be certain he’s looking at a lot of women bec lols are important to him . There’s a difference when a man says oh I have a lovely wife she’s my best friends and so intelligent and beautiful .. to oh my wife’s beautiful .. see the difference . One man sees the whole of his wife one man just sees eye candy on his arm to boast about with mates and feed his who till it’s time to upgrade .. oh and mostly you will find it’s the unattractive men that demand such unrealistic wives prob porn has a lot to do with it for them
Ladies, focus on yourself. Don't worry about the man you're with. He is supposed to take care of you and him. Your job is to be in your feminine energy, unbothered and be the light in his life.
This woman needs a makeover and a routine.
Every problem has a solution.
And you'll never change men's minds about beauty.
I love this advice! 👍🏻
Hes doing to her what he did and said to his wife he left. See the pattern.
Wow… just wow
Right? The nerve of this caller..
I think this conversation went in 2 completely directions. She’s worried about her husband’s objective behavior change that she feels is related to her appearance.
John is giving the new mom reassurance (unwarranted) that everything is fine and it doesn’t matter that her husband, who has shown that appearance IS importance, isn’t thinking the way she’s worried about at all despite showing behaviors that are consistent with it.
John always talks about behavior being a language.. his behavior is talking. New mom should have, at least, talked to her husband a little about it before calling in.
Also melasma and bad hair and more frumpy body after a baby (all natural) are drastic appearance changes if you’re in a relationship with a younger more attractive woman who you (probably) left a 20 year relationship for.
I’m afraid John has just fed this lady a bunch of information that may not reflect reality and now she’s going to be blindsided when he’s turned his eyes to a younger more attractive lady or decided to leave the relationship due to “I don’t feel the spark anymore”…
The point is, it needs to be discussed. He needs more info. That's where he started. Then all he could do was try to reassure her to get her to the point of having the conversation.
To me, a person is only as attractive as the depth of my love for them. The deeper my love, the greater my physical attraction to them.
I think a lot of the other commenters are making good points about this woman's husband having been previously married. It really does sound like she was the younger woman he upgraded to, and she did admit she looks worse now. Perhaps he is just a really superficial guy, or he just places very high value on physical attractiveness. However, I do agree that she should talk to her husband about this before letting her worries take greater hold of her confidence.
I would focus on putting more emphasis on how I feel for myself than put that on my partner. The more you look to someone else to be validated you lose love for yourself. Feeling empowered, sexy and desirable is an inside job, whether or not her husband is doing this her or not. Yes, we want our partners to be attracted to us but how can that be if we don’t feel that for ourselves?
Well, that sounds nice and everything. If your spouse comes to you and tells you that they aren’t attracted to you, a.k.a. had a baby, gaining weight and not putting any effort into trying to look good.
People should try to be open to how other people see us as well as ourselves.
Amazing advice
Of course, your husband treats you differently depending on how you look!
A person, themselves, FEELS differently about themselves depending on how they look TO THEMSELVES. The answer is for a person to take care of themselves.
Mind
Body
Spirit
This is why it's important for each person to take care of themselves.
kinda sad that's the expectation of a relationship that you have
@@VV-er3zg It's not any expectation I have. I stopped dating at all in 2012. Single & celibate since I left it all behind. The only expectations are those of people I know who hope for me to meet "someone special". Nope, not for me. Happy just as life is right now.
Her husband is SHALLOW & SHELFISH
Melasma is hard cause you can’t do anything about it… I have it mildly but just gave up caring
I am similar. Winter you can't see it too much. Summer, I try to wear hats and sunscreen. Haha, luckily my husband has vitiligo, so we don't judge eachother. I laugh that where he lacks pigment, just got put onto me.
CALLER- Put a sun hat on when you go outside. The mustache comes from the sun. I get one too if I expose my face to the sun for a decent amount of time.
This is yet another reason it’s gonna take a miracle to get a baby out of me.
Everyone does. That's why I only go for blind dates, what do I need what to love me for my incredible good looks.
Every man treats his wife differently based on how she looks. Wives also treat their husbands differently based on how they look. In fact, everyone treats everyone differently based on how they look. You look better, you get treated better. Welcome to real life.
It saddens me that this is the truth
Not necessarily , there are other factors like social status and net worth. Lots of successful people out there who aren't attractive. But it certainly doesn't hurt anything.
Honestly this felt like you were gaslighting this woman to go against her instincts and that what she was feeling was wrong. She needs to listen to her gut and decide what she wants to do going forward.
Why are people upset that partners want each other to look and feel good
of course you want your partner to look and feel good, but that's not an excuse to mistreat them based on their appearance?
A relationship is based on so much more than appearance. He's a very shallow person to treat her differently when she isn't looking her best. Should she do the same to him?
You know why. At home your partner sees you when you don't have makeup on, or knows when you are constipated, or sees your dirty underwear, hears you fart, with your hair messy, etc. It is a sacred thing, seeing eachother undone. And vulnerable. You love eachother when the mask is off.