From the North West/ West Scotland. Describing a woman putting on airs and graces. 'Look at her, fur coat and no knickers'. And my favorite Churchill one was when he started to walk out of the Gentleman's toilets in the House of Commons without washing his hands. 'Winston, at Eton we are taught to wash our hands after a piss.' 'Well at Harrow we are taught not to piss on our hands.'
Alanna saying ‘wanker’ earned a thumbs up by itself lol - much like our variety of real ales or cheeses, our insults have matured and diversified into a source of national pride almost. A well delivered British insult is a thing to savour. Excellent appreciation Alanna 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I often feel though that the deepest British insults are often the ones the recipient doesn't really realise are quite so deadly...and they're as often as not delivered quietly deadpan and straight-faced...
Oh yes Mark Roberts! On social(ish) media I've sometimes used excariating British put-downs - when justified - and they haven't been completely understood as such. Cue baffled head scratching. But, quite rightly, I've also been on the receiving end of others' comments and have been equally nonplussed. Just as it should be. Vive la différence.
The best one I ever heard was Churchill answering Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." to which Churchill replied: ""Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it." Insults don't come much better than that.
I'd heard about some 'sledging' between Auzzie and English cricket players (could be wrong about the countries) PlayerA to PlayerB: Looks like you're putting on a bit of weight there. PlayerB to PlayerA: Yeh, everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Another good one was Ian Botham coming out to bat: Hey Botham how's your wife and my kids? Botham replied the wife's fine but the kids are retarded.
@@lordhelpus3955 IIRC, it was even worse than the Lady Astor insult. "Winston you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk", to which he replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly." Wow! I wish I could come up with quips like that - but I suppose it's easier when you're drunk!
Churchill was a gold mine for insults. Another one was: Churchill was in the lavatory (washroom/bathroom) in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak with you." After a pause, Churchill replied "Tell his Lordship: I'm sealed on the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."
I've always had a soft spot for 'You couldn't organise a shag in a brothel' and it's close cousin 'You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery' such poetry. Keep up to the good work. 😁
I haven't laughed so much in ages as when Alana was reeling off the insults one after another. I'm a Canadian who's lived in the UK for 30+ years and I have to admit I use most of these regularly!
@@ShinySilvery - I hadn't got that far in at that point... 😉 It just highlights another difference between the UK and US - Americans tend to take everything far too personally - then return next day and shoot you up for speaking... 🤣
I love that you nailed the fact that we can use exactly the same insult and phrase both in an 'endearing' way with friends/people we know well and actually as a proper insult...we get extremely creative throwing insults when we are driving and there's absolutely nothing endearing about how we mean it 😂
This one is rather coarse, apologies..As a kid in the 70s I came home from school after getting in to a fight with another child. I told my Dad who knew the kid and he said " Don't worry about that little prick, the best bit of him dribbled down his mother legs." Without doubt the best insult I have ever heard.
Honestly as a Brit I always assumed half of these were in common use throughout the Anglosphere... this has enlightened me to the unique diversity of insults we have available
I heard that in Ireland 40 years ago "choose a window, you're leaving".. along with "Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you're going to lose your teeth"
I love calling people a “donut” or a “silly sausage” here in Canada. I get the strangest looks. Hearing this made me particularly homesick. Great videos as usual!
Mainly a London thing but you can refer to an attractive woman as a 'sausage' as in tasty, fanciable etc. Not a silly sausage though, that would be silly.
My dad used to say “if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie” which was effective and also similar to the chocolate teapot there are “as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle” I enjoy your obvious delight at these phrases more than the phrases themselves. Keep the observations coming, yours, Billy no mates 😆
This was hilarious. One of my personal favs; " as much use as a barb wire toilet roll". Everyone has that nano second of wincing as they process the comment.
I like using 'pranny', 'twonk', 'moose' and 'don't get out of your pram' (which means calm down. It comes from children getting out of their pram to throw a hissy fit).
Some Canadian insults -- 'one brick short of a load' 'crazy as a bag of hammers' 'as sticky as sh....' 'what a hoser' (for some reason many of our insults have to do with hockey)
Now, THIS is my level!! 👍 Can't believe you missed out cock-womble, jizz-weazle, gobshite, twat and wank-puffin... 😂 The BBC comedy "Bluestone 42" has some particularly creative swearing in it too... Not sure if it's still on iPlayer but well worth a watch. Also, find myself uttering "wind your neck in", "have a word with yourself" and "what a ball-ache" quite a lot. Especially at work! For the "as much use as...", "a screen door on a submarine", "condom machine in the Vatican" and "an ashtray on a motorcycle" always make me chuckle. I love the endless variety of insults we manufacture in the UK! Makes me proud of my country... 😂 🇬🇧
"makes me very happy" What would Alana's taking part in a wet t-shirt competition (for charity, naturally) do for you, then ? Golly gosh...................................;-)
I once heard a lady with Special Needs use the classic "lick my arse", when she gave someone the finger. Everyone knew exactly what she meant, especially the "dickhead" who had insulted her 🤣
"Daft as a brush" has also long been popular in the North, but "thick as two short planks" and "daft as a box of frogs" are equally useful. I like "three tokens short of a pop-up toaster".
Oh, thank you, I have never heard that one before, that is one to remember when management are running around like headless chicken when something has gone wrong at work.
Forgot about "he's as thick as mince"! Also, the other day, someone pointed out the damage to the paintwork on my car and I said it had "more chips than a fat bloke's dinner plate". I was quite proud of that one... 😂
In the UK all these insults are just part of daily routine, no one thinks twice about them, but listening to you describing them is hilarious and makes me appreciate how good we are at the art of insults, using such diverse vocabulary.
I don't know how true this is for Canadians, but a lot of people are a bit shocked at how much the British swear; specifically how casually we are happy to drop C bombs at each other, with a suffix as an adjective, to describe inanimate objects or just as an expletive when you stub your toe etc. etc. We really are extremely foul mouthed. I think it's wonderful, personally!
It really does vary a lot though. I know people who swear very rarely or only mildly, and people who really don't like it when other people swear around them.
I'm Canadian and I rarely hear swearing in public here where I am. People are generally considerate of others' sensitivities. By contrast, I went to New York and was shocked at how much public swearing went on. Never heard anything like that in other parts of the US or Canada.
Not forgetting a whole load of hand gestures, place your small finger and ring finger downwards hold them there with the thumb point the resultant shape forward and wave was used with great effect at the Battle of Agincourt.
Many years ago, I worked with a young lady from Ukraine, who had married a Brit, and whose personal favourite English word was "Numpty" - it sounded really weird, but kinda interesting, in her accent!
The ones I like: They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. They were out of the room/behind the door/at the back of the queue when brains were being handed out. Couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map.
Blackadder: “He’s about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house”. As a southerner living in Liverpool my favourite here is “he’s such a biff”, similar to “prat”. PS: gotta love some Malcolm Tucker. Plus British Alanna breaks my brain, but in a good way.
Bif is a shortened version of the Irish "Biffo" which means "Big ignorant fucker from Offaly" which former Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowan was often called (he was from Offaly)
"Bif" long antedates Brian Cowan; it refers to the condition spina bifida. I never heard it used to insult an actual disabled person; it was used to an able-bodied person as a general insult with the sense of "prat" or "idiot". Similar was "spaz", from "spastic". Do people still say these, they're so un-PC?
I like the word dinlo! Means same as idiot but sounds better! Div is good too! Also prick, got into trouble when i called a customer one once though! Oops! 😂
Either start listing the entire swear alphabet, or call them some noun beginning with the letter "m" (like when you said "muppet". or "mug", "melon", "mutt", etc) you could also use slightly more complex words they might not know, for example, instead of "daft" (2:35) you could use "discombobulated". (3:47 hell naw, look it up nowadays and you'll get flooded with brainrott beyond comprehensiveness)
In the days pre-decimalisation (yes, I do remember that far back…), “tuppence short of a shilling” was a popular insult. Quite frankly, “wanker” does it for me…indeed, I used it only this morning to a gentleman on the phone who told me he was from Microsoft and that I had a virus on my PC…”piss off, you scamming wanker!” Great video, Alanna, keep ‘em coming!
There are so many ways of calling someone's intelligence into question - 'He's about as bright as a two watt bulb' is one that always made me smile, though this may be fast becoming old fashioned due to the phasing out of traditional lightbulbs !
As much use as Anne Franks drum kit. I know it's wrong, but it always gets the most awkward of laughs. How delightful to hear you swear too. Loved it lol.
"Take a long walk off a short pier." Then a few decades ago, a couple of writers were working on a space based sitcom, and they felt given the situation, the characters would likely swear. The slight hitch was that it was to be broadcast before the "watershed", when there are strict limits on swearing and "adult" content. Their workaround was to devise their own: smeg (not to be confused with an Italian domestic appliances manufacturer) - which also gave rise to the show's general purpose insult: Smeg head.
@@AdventuresAndNaps if you can figure out a way to ship me a kebab and a portion of fish and chips, I’d really appreciate it :) I’m a former English man, now living in America… long John Silvers isn’t cutting it !!
some great insults, and the comments are even better, only one variation of a classic to add "couldn't find his own arse with a Sherpa" but ive noticed more and more these getting replaced by "couldn't find a g-spot with.... i.e "he is so incompetent he couldn't find a g-spot with runway lights"
Love “40 watt”, and the Harry Enfield throwback, “Tim nice but dim”. In a conversation when you’re trying to get someone in charge it’s always fun to start with, “I’d like to speak to the organ grinder please, not the monkey” 😬.
I am a programmer and git is source control technology that allowes no rollback to previous version of file(s) and div is element of markup of a website. Now, I'll go tell my colleagues that this things are also British insults
My Dad would sometimes describe a person as being ‘ like a fart in a trance’ and he once said that the broadcaster Simon Mayo did not have two brains to rub together. My favourite is f**kwit. I have also heard that adding the word ‘ virgin ‘ at the end of your insult makes a comeback even more difficult.
My granddad from Liverpool used to always say 'you look like a pig's foot with a welly on' and 'you looking at me or are you chewing a brick?'. Anyone have any more '60s Scousisms?
In Scotland there's a convention of typing phonetically to convey the accent giving us such gems as Bawbag which has the added benefit of defeating most profanity filters.
In Liverpool calling somebody a soft c*** will cause heavy beef. Unless it’s your mate. If not get ready to fight 👊😂 it really hits hard in a scouse accent
I like and use many / most of the presented insults after many years as a serving Submariner . One to add to Elana’s list. “ He’d be out of his depth in a car park puddle .”
Hello, how are you? I found your name and I follow the Canadian news by chance and I wanted to talk to you because I like the culture and life there very much and maybe we can be friends and I wait for your reply with all due respect
Thank you Alanna, very entertaining hearing 'pub talk/banter' being delivered in a N American accent. I have fond memories of a group of about a dozen Canadian ex-soldiers who virtually lived in my local pub in portsmouth for a week when they were over for the D-Day 50 commemorations in 1994.
A long time ago when I worked at Safeways I tricked one of the manager’s to ask on the store announcement system if there is a ‘Wayne Kerr’ in the store and could they please come to the front by the checkouts. I couldn’t believe it when he did it. Strangely I didn’t last long there after that.
it must be something about Gateways/Safeways, pranks in store when I worked there after school were:- sending someone to the store manager for a long weight. (manager had a sense of humour told him to wait there and left him standing outside the office for 10 mins), a new employee on the deli counter was told to sharpen the cheese wires, they even sent one lad out to sweep the skip!
Throwing the toys out of the pram as in 'thrown his toys out of the pram' or 'tossed his teddy out' is said more about someone as opposed to them direct. 'Chucked a wobbly' covers it too.
I’m Swedish living in the uk for most of my life and I absolutely love British insults and they’re so satisfying
Thanks so much for watching!
From the North West/ West Scotland. Describing a woman putting on airs and graces. 'Look at her, fur coat and no knickers'.
And my favorite Churchill one was when he started to walk out of the Gentleman's toilets in the House of Commons without washing his hands.
'Winston, at Eton we are taught to wash our hands after a piss.'
'Well at Harrow we are taught not to piss on our hands.'
Alanna saying ‘wanker’ earned a thumbs up by itself lol - much like our variety of real ales or cheeses, our insults have matured and diversified into a source of national pride almost. A well delivered British insult is a thing to savour. Excellent appreciation Alanna 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
There are some choice expressions in the "Angry British Drivers" video. Makes one proud to be British.
I often feel though that the deepest British insults are often the ones the recipient doesn't really realise are quite so deadly...and they're as often as not delivered quietly deadpan and straight-faced...
Bit she pronounced it, "wenker"?
Oh yes Mark Roberts! On social(ish) media I've sometimes used excariating British put-downs - when justified - and they haven't been completely understood as such. Cue baffled head scratching. But, quite rightly, I've also been on the receiving end of others' comments and have been equally nonplussed. Just as it should be. Vive la différence.
It's actually pronounced "oi! wankaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
The best one I ever heard was Churchill answering Lady Astor:
"Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." to which Churchill replied: ""Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
Insults don't come much better than that.
Lady Astor again. Winston you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam you are ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober.
I'd heard about some 'sledging' between Auzzie and English cricket players (could be wrong about the countries)
PlayerA to PlayerB: Looks like you're putting on a bit of weight there.
PlayerB to PlayerA: Yeh, everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Another good one was Ian Botham coming out to bat: Hey Botham how's your wife and my kids? Botham replied the wife's fine but the kids are retarded.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Australia Vs Zimbabwe
@@lordhelpus3955 IIRC, it was even worse than the Lady Astor insult.
"Winston you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk", to which he replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."
Wow! I wish I could come up with quips like that - but I suppose it's easier when you're drunk!
Hilarious. "Who rattled your cage" is a fav of mine
One of my favourites. About as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
🤣🤣
Ya beat me to it!
That sounds like it was taken from Blackadder?
@@steviebudden3397 No it pre-dates Blackadder. That's from the late 70's.
Cried with laughter at this one although I have heard it myself!
"He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the sole"
Basically unbeatable if someone is ever so slightly incompetent
😂
Lol
"Couldn't shoot himself in the foot if he had a shotgun taped to his ankle."
LMFAO never heard that one before @Steven Beech 😂😂😂 #savage
Or he couldn't organise a Piss Up in a Brewery
Referring to someone who doesn't understand (being a bit dim) 'the lights are on but there's nobody home'.
Churchill was a gold mine for insults. Another one was:
Churchill was in the lavatory (washroom/bathroom) in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak with you." After a pause, Churchill replied "Tell his Lordship: I'm sealed on the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."
I've always had a soft spot for 'You couldn't organise a shag in a brothel' and it's close cousin 'You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery' such poetry. Keep up to the good work. 😁
Couldn't organise an organisation in an organisation class for training organisations to organise
A few years ago Twitter said that out of all it's accounts, those based in Glasgow swore the most. I was so proud I cried.
Sounds about right lol
@@AdventuresAndNaps about white?
I've never been so proud to be Glaswegian lol
''Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery'' ....one of the most useful phrases ever made!
Couldn't organise a bible meeting in the Vatican.
I haven't laughed so much in ages as when Alana was reeling off the insults one after another. I'm a Canadian who's lived in the UK for 30+ years and I have to admit I use most of these regularly!
If somebody is nervous about something it could be said that 'He's as nervous as a nun at a penguin shoot'!
One of my personal favourites…
‘He couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.’
couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel
@@loquayrocks
The cruder version I learned is “couldn’t arrange a hard on in a whore house!” 😹
Banter - not an insult...
@@BassandoForte
Which is allowed in this context, as clarified here 6:08 by Alannah herself…
@@ShinySilvery - I hadn't got that far in at that point... 😉
It just highlights another difference between the UK and US - Americans tend to take everything far too personally - then return next day and shoot you up for speaking... 🤣
I love that you nailed the fact that we can use exactly the same insult and phrase both in an 'endearing' way with friends/people we know well and actually as a proper insult...we get extremely creative throwing insults when we are driving and there's absolutely nothing endearing about how we mean it 😂
This one is rather coarse, apologies..As a kid in the 70s I came home from school after getting in to a fight with another child. I told my Dad who knew the kid and he said " Don't worry about that little prick, the best bit of him dribbled down his mother legs." Without doubt the best insult I have ever heard.
The village is missing its idiot is my favourite.
Alanna has definitely lived in a pub since arriving in Britain,her knowledge is too advanced!💗👍🇬🇧
'as thick as two short planks' is another one
Honestly as a Brit I always assumed half of these were in common use throughout the Anglosphere... this has enlightened me to the unique diversity of insults we have available
He couldn't punch his way out of a paper bag. He couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding.
Now you're showing your age. I haven't heard that one in decades.
the wheel's still turning but the hamster has left the cage.is a way to describe someone who is stupid.
By far the best insulting name I heard when in the military was an individual who’d been nicknamed “Thrombo” because he was a slow moving clot
We used to call somebody Harpic because the were clean around the bend. 😁 From an old TV advert.
One of my favourites is: “he/she’s several sandwiches short of a picnic”
A few others not sure whether they are english or australian, "not the sharpest tool in the shed", "the lift doesnt go to the top floor"
The Australian version of this one is "A snag (=sausage) shy of a barbie".
@@radamspse I've seen "not the sharpest tool in the shed" followed with "and all the tools are lump hammers"
I'm English born and bred and often use two planks short of a building block
I like when you were born the dr slapped your mother
" if brains were chocolate you wouldn't fill a Smartie"
One of my favourites is …… your like a lighthouse in the desert, you may be bright but your no fucking use to anyone. 😁👍
My favourite I've heard to describe a gnarly looking bloke is "He looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".
😂 Classic!
A Scottish one - "pick your windae, your leaving".
I heard that in Ireland 40 years ago "choose a window, you're leaving".. along with "Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you're going to lose your teeth"
I was at a party in the 1990's and heard the host say to a gatecrasher ''You're leaving. Door or window?''
Unlike you Jocks, you're going nowhere. lol
@@imperialdebauchery5988 from your name I assume you sip a lot of tea.
@Charles Taylor YESSS! Forgot about that one - must remember!
"ya got more chance of nailing a bubble to the wall, pal" - theres another one for you!
One of my favourites that fits into the standard format is, "As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike".
😂
When you put them all in a list like this I can't deny that we do have a lot of great insults.
"Have a word with yourself" is another great condescending one
my ex used to say "go and have a little chat with yourself"... always shut me down
I’ve never heard that before. Writing it in my notebook right now
As are 'quiet now', 'stop showing off in front of your friends' or 'pipe down'
@@chapettewhat5158 It's more like telling someone to go and reassess their attitude and stop being a jerk.
I love calling people a “donut” or a “silly sausage” here in Canada. I get the strangest looks. Hearing this made me particularly homesick. Great videos as usual!
Ahh silly sausage is a good one! Forgot that
Mainly a London thing but you can refer to an attractive woman as a 'sausage' as in tasty, fanciable etc. Not a silly sausage though, that would be silly.
My dad used to say “if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie” which was effective and also similar to the chocolate teapot there are “as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle” I enjoy your obvious delight at these phrases more than the phrases themselves. Keep the observations coming, yours, Billy no mates 😆
In a similar vein : if brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your hat off.
@@Rockdoc2174 😂
@@Rockdoc2174There's also "If brains were taxable you'd get a rebate"
This was hilarious.
One of my personal favs; " as much use as a barb wire toilet roll". Everyone has that nano second of wincing as they process the comment.
I like using 'pranny', 'twonk', 'moose' and 'don't get out of your pram' (which means calm down. It comes from children getting out of their pram to throw a hissy fit).
The happiest I have ever been having someone throw insults at me for 9 minutes. You really are mastering life in the UK.
😂
Some Canadian insults -- 'one brick short of a load' 'crazy as a bag of hammers' 'as sticky as sh....' 'what a hoser' (for some reason many of our insults have to do with hockey)
also, you can use these to create complete sentences to tell people off: "go on then, sod off, leave me here like billy no mates.."
Now, THIS is my level!! 👍
Can't believe you missed out cock-womble, jizz-weazle, gobshite, twat and wank-puffin... 😂
The BBC comedy "Bluestone 42" has some particularly creative swearing in it too... Not sure if it's still on iPlayer but well worth a watch.
Also, find myself uttering "wind your neck in", "have a word with yourself" and "what a ball-ache" quite a lot. Especially at work!
For the "as much use as...", "a screen door on a submarine", "condom machine in the Vatican" and "an ashtray on a motorcycle" always make me chuckle.
I love the endless variety of insults we manufacture in the UK! Makes me proud of my country... 😂 🇬🇧
I've always liked the Darwinian term 'wank stain' when describing someone's usefulness to mankind.
Hearing Alanna swear and insult with a Canadian accent makes me very happy. If she insulted me I would die laughing. Great video!
"makes me very happy"
What would Alana's taking part in a wet t-shirt competition (for charity, naturally) do for you, then ?
Golly gosh...................................;-)
@@marvinc9994 Don't be rude, dude.
@@rthompsn2007 Well said.
@@rthompsn2007 Don't be rude, dude......... agreed , using language like golly gosh in front of a lady , disgusting. :)
"Slower than a week in jail" is a personal favourite 😂
“Are you taking the piss” was misquoted by a Spanish exchange student we had working with us in the office. She said “Are you taking my piss” 🤢🤣
and said in her accent would have been so much better.
Welcome to North East :)
I once heard a lady with Special Needs use the classic "lick my arse", when she gave someone the finger. Everyone knew exactly what she meant, especially the "dickhead" who had insulted her 🤣
When you bleeped out your favourites...”I laughed my bollocks off”....well said Alanna.😆👍😆
"Daft as a brush" has also long been popular in the North, but "thick as two short planks" and "daft as a box of frogs" are equally useful. I like "three tokens short of a pop-up toaster".
I Welsh there is something similar, which translates as “daft as a wheelbarrow”!
😂
A rather crude one, but "thick as pigshit" always comes easily to my lips...
Daft as a brush with two hairs on.
A few cans short of a six pack.
Useful as a chocolate fireguard comes to mind.
A personal favourite for someone who gets overly emotional or couldn’t handle a situation: ‘Went to bits quicker than a leper in a wind tunnel’
I absolutely love that one, I've never heard it before,
That's brilliant. I'm gonna use it
lovely
Oh, thank you, I have never heard that one before, that is one to remember when management are running around like headless chicken when something has gone wrong at work.
I used to try an sneak a similar
A condescending insult similar to “threw his toys out of the pram” is
he “spit his dummy out”
That's a good one!
In Australia we would say, "He's having a dummy spit"
or 'Threw the toys out of the pram'
Forgot about "he's as thick as mince"!
Also, the other day, someone pointed out the damage to the paintwork on my car and I said it had "more chips than a fat bloke's dinner plate". I was quite proud of that one... 😂
In the UK all these insults are just part of daily routine, no one thinks twice about them, but listening to you describing them is hilarious and makes me appreciate how good we are at the art of insults, using such diverse vocabulary.
I don't know how true this is for Canadians, but a lot of people are a bit shocked at how much the British swear; specifically how casually we are happy to drop C bombs at each other, with a suffix as an adjective, to describe inanimate objects or just as an expletive when you stub your toe etc. etc.
We really are extremely foul mouthed. I think it's wonderful, personally!
Research says people that swear a lot have a big vocabulary, not sure if that's true but if it is my vocabulary must be mahoosive.
It really does vary a lot though. I know people who swear very rarely or only mildly, and people who really don't like it when other people swear around them.
you could call someone a Berk which is cockney rhyming slang "Berkshire Hunt"
In Australia, the "C" word is used as a term of affection!
I'm Canadian and I rarely hear swearing in public here where I am. People are generally considerate of others' sensitivities. By contrast, I went to New York and was shocked at how much public swearing went on. Never heard anything like that in other parts of the US or Canada.
I'm Australian and can confirm that we also swear heaps!!
Not forgetting a whole load of hand gestures, place your small finger and ring finger downwards hold them there with the thumb point the resultant shape forward and wave was used with great effect at the Battle of Agincourt.
On a similar theme ‘as much use as a chocolate fireguard’ is one of my most used.
Or ashtray on a motorbike.
Stay safe,
😎❤✌
I can only imagine what life would be like without the word ‘moron’.
Many years ago, I worked with a young lady from Ukraine, who had married a Brit, and whose personal favourite English word was "Numpty" - it sounded really weird, but kinda interesting, in her accent!
I love numpty! A lot of fun to say, too
The ones I like:
They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.
They were out of the room/behind the door/at the back of the queue when brains were being handed out.
Couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map.
Blackadder: “He’s about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house”. As a southerner living in Liverpool my favourite here is “he’s such a biff”, similar to “prat”. PS: gotta love some Malcolm Tucker. Plus British Alanna breaks my brain, but in a good way.
Bif is a shortened version of the Irish "Biffo" which means "Big ignorant fucker from Offaly" which former Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowan was often called (he was from Offaly)
About as useful as a handbrake on a boat
Are you saying Alanna's twisting your melon, man?
@@hughtube5154 yup, should probably just chill m' bean
"Bif" long antedates Brian Cowan; it refers to the condition spina bifida. I never heard it used to insult an actual disabled person; it was used to an able-bodied person as a general insult with the sense of "prat" or "idiot". Similar was "spaz", from "spastic". Do people still say these, they're so un-PC?
I like the word dinlo! Means same as idiot but sounds better! Div is good too! Also prick, got into trouble when i called a customer one once though! Oops! 😂
Omg.....
I was wetting myself laughing at this one.
Thank you for making my week!
As a billy no mates myself I will pass this onto my work colleagues!
I like to use a phrase I heard in Blackadder 2 in my childhood "the mouth opens, the eyes move, but Mr Brain has long since departed"
You're a like a fart in a colander that can't get out
Have you noticed how polite Canadians sound even when they are trying to sound insulting.
Either start listing the entire swear alphabet, or call them some noun beginning with the letter "m" (like when you said "muppet". or "mug", "melon", "mutt", etc)
you could also use slightly more complex words they might not know, for example, instead of "daft" (2:35) you could use "discombobulated".
(3:47 hell naw, look it up nowadays and you'll get flooded with brainrott beyond comprehensiveness)
You can tell it is summer in the UK, Alanna wearing a jumper 🤣 great video as always. ♥️ How you can smile while swearing 🤣 brilliant.
In the days pre-decimalisation (yes, I do remember that far back…), “tuppence short of a shilling” was a popular insult. Quite frankly, “wanker” does it for me…indeed, I used it only this morning to a gentleman on the phone who told me he was from Microsoft and that I had a virus on my PC…”piss off, you scamming wanker!” Great video, Alanna, keep ‘em coming!
“ I’ve seen more fat on a chip “ 👍😂😂😂
I've seen more fat on a bone dice.
"I've seen more fat on a butchers pencil". Used to common around here.
There are so many ways of calling someone's intelligence into question - 'He's about as bright as a two watt bulb' is one that always made me smile, though this may be fast becoming old fashioned due to the phasing out of traditional lightbulbs !
I like the lights are on but no one is home
There's an older version of that among ex-service men and women "Dim as a NAAFI candle."
Alanna saying WANKER, 🤣😁😂🤣 My sides . Gurl that's awesome 👏
As much use as Anne Franks drum kit.
I know it's wrong, but it always gets the most awkward of laughs.
How delightful to hear you swear too.
Loved it lol.
I had to think about that one for ages!
"Joy hoover" - someone who is depressing/sucks the joy out of the room.
They say fun vacuum in America.
See also: "energy vampire"
"If tha brains were dynamite tha woudn't have enough to blow tha bloody cap off" - one of my favourites from Yorkshire.😁
"Take a long walk off a short pier."
Then a few decades ago, a couple of writers were working on a space based sitcom, and they felt given the situation, the characters would likely swear. The slight hitch was that it was to be broadcast before the "watershed", when there are strict limits on swearing and "adult" content. Their workaround was to devise their own: smeg (not to be confused with an Italian domestic appliances manufacturer) - which also gave rise to the show's general purpose insult: Smeg head.
I always felt uncomfortable whenever they said that - 'cos it actually sounds like 'smegma' which is something disgusting!
@@SteveParkes-Sparko It was supposed to
@@nigel7277 in that case, they didn't really make it up, did they?
Red Wharf absolute Classic
Ha, I was heading to the comments section to say you missed bell end. Good catch there :)
😁
@@AdventuresAndNaps if you can figure out a way to ship me a kebab and a portion of fish and chips, I’d really appreciate it :)
I’m a former English man, now living in America… long John Silvers isn’t cutting it !!
Such a lovely young lady saying "w****r i am shocked. F*****g loved it lol.
My favourite Glagow put down - " Awa an boil yer heid! "
(Go away and boil your head!)
some great insults, and the comments are even better, only one variation of a classic to add "couldn't find his own arse with a Sherpa" but ive noticed more and more these getting replaced by "couldn't find a g-spot with.... i.e "he is so incompetent he couldn't find a g-spot with runway lights"
Love “40 watt”, and the Harry Enfield throwback, “Tim nice but dim”. In a conversation when you’re trying to get someone in charge it’s always fun to start with, “I’d like to speak to the organ grinder please, not the monkey” 😬.
Another excellent phrase 'As randy as a dog in an artificial leg factory'
I like the phrases, "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" or "Couldn't organise a prayer in a mosque" for people who are incompetent.
"you can combine a few if you are feeling creative" or driving, driving is the mother of creative insults here
My personal favourites are “They have a face like a smacked arse” and “you piss in the wind”
You look like you dropped a pound and found a penny 🤨
Also "Face like a bag of spanners"
I have also heard: ‘ a face like a welders bench’ and ‘ a face like a burglars dog’.
My only Australian contribution to this highly entertaining discussion: “A face like a dropped pie”
Face like a half chewed Lion bar
I go to ‘you numpty muppet’ a lot in the car for drivers. Muppetry is also good…
As an Italian listener I find you nice and brilliant, it’s a pleasure listening you.
We say all you’ve said up north but a few more such as oooo handbags (meaning someone’s gone in a mood)
There’s some rhyming slang phrases that are quite useful, “He’s a bit of a James Hunt” springs to mind. 😉
Actually, that is also the supposed origin of the insult "berk" short for Berkshire hunt! So a "wise" man in a pub once told me.
@@ExpendableRedshirt that’s probably right. I can remember my father saying someone was ‘a bit of berk’ many years before James Hunt became famous.
"Smells like a Richard the third"
Going for a pony (pony and trap, cr*p)
I am a programmer and git is source control technology that allowes no rollback to previous version of file(s) and div is element of markup of a website. Now, I'll go tell my colleagues that this things are also British insults
Linus Torvalds, has said "I'm an egotistical bastard, and I name all my projects after myself" referring to Linux and git.
My Dad would sometimes describe a person as being ‘ like a fart in a trance’ and he once said that the broadcaster Simon Mayo did not have two brains to rub together. My favourite is f**kwit. I have also heard that adding the word ‘ virgin ‘ at the end of your insult makes a comeback even more difficult.
A few of my favourites from the army. Nosher (Similar to wanker), chopper, mince (Stupid), reprobate.
One from childhood in the S. Wales valleys: "He's got the skin of his arse on his forehead" (meaning "He's in a grumpy mood")
My granddad from Liverpool used to always say 'you look like a pig's foot with a welly on' and 'you looking at me or are you chewing a brick?'. Anyone have any more '60s Scousisms?
In Scotland there's a convention of typing phonetically to convey the accent giving us such gems as Bawbag which has the added benefit of defeating most profanity filters.
It's like that is it fannybaws?
I don't know what you are saying but it sounds mighty saucy...
@@Isleofskye Is that said to the dictionary man?
@@eadweard. Plagiarism at its finest, Sir :)
You are spot-on, my friend. by Hugh Laurie's character...
@@eadweard. awa' and take yer face for a shite...
😉
In Liverpool calling somebody a soft c*** will cause heavy beef. Unless it’s your mate. If not get ready to fight 👊😂 it really hits hard in a scouse accent
“Who’s running it?”
Mark.
“Mark!? He couldn’t run a bath”. There’s variations of that sort of one too lol
... a pissup in a brewery
... a nursery in a brothel
... a shovel in a shithouse
Yep. There are many
"Couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat" is a personal favourite.
As is cockwomble.
I like and use many / most of the presented insults after many years as a serving Submariner . One to add to Elana’s list. “ He’d be out of his depth in a car park puddle .”
Hahahahaha... that was amazing 😂😂😂 This is why we can't start swear jars in the UK, people get too creative with their insults! 😂
Hello, how are you? I found your name and I follow the Canadian news by chance and I wanted to talk to you because I like the culture and life there very much and maybe we can be friends and I wait for your reply with all due respect
Thank you Alanna, very entertaining hearing 'pub talk/banter' being delivered in a N American accent. I have fond memories of a group of about a dozen Canadian ex-soldiers who virtually lived in my local pub in portsmouth for a week when they were over for the D-Day 50 commemorations in 1994.
A long time ago when I worked at Safeways I tricked one of the manager’s to ask on the store announcement system if there is a ‘Wayne Kerr’ in the store and could they please come to the front by the checkouts. I couldn’t believe it when he did it. Strangely I didn’t last long there after that.
it must be something about Gateways/Safeways, pranks in store when I worked there after school were:- sending someone to the store manager for a long weight. (manager had a sense of humour told him to wait there and left him standing outside the office for 10 mins), a new employee on the deli counter was told to sharpen the cheese wires, they even sent one lad out to sweep the skip!
Almost as bad as looking for Mike Hunt.
Sending apprentices for a long stand, or rainbow paint. Storemen or warehouse workers loved these.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box, he's a shirt missing in the laundry basket, or perhaps my favourite, the lights are on but no-one's home.
Throwing the toys out of the pram as in 'thrown his toys out of the pram' or 'tossed his teddy out' is said more about someone as opposed to them direct. 'Chucked a wobbly' covers it too.
"He's spat the dummy" is a good tantrum one.
Alternatively, "threw his rattle out the pram".
Ironically - I've used this so much since January 6th... 🤣
Threw a wobbly
@@BassandoForteThat is being too kind. He has definitely lost the plot.