I finally read a Colleen Hoover book
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- Опубліковано 15 лип 2024
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speaking as an aro ace person, please let coho never find out that we exist so we're spared from her bullshit 🙏 you just KNOW she'd write a book about one of us getting "fixed" by the right partner and we already deal with so much
As a fellow aroace, yes I agree.
No stop, that's exactly what she would do.
How are my fellow aroaces doing this evening?
Support for y'all aroace friends!
@@BoReadsWonderful, I'm currently enjoying some pasta and then planning to do some applications for summer research. How's your evening?
"The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?"
but it makes me want to leave the planet
I love that Kronk is basically my cohost on this channel now.
LOLOLOLOLOL!!! ❤
" _Yes_ , that poison!"
Tate: Miles is so mysterious and sexy. I wonder what he's thinking 😍
Miles: That door sounded so sad 🥺
I’m 💀💀
Lololololol 😂😂
🚪😢💧
no if you boil his character down to just that trait it actually kind of makes him endearing 😭 obviously he's absolutely NOT, but characters that make up emotions for inanimate objects for connection and out of genuine empathy are so cute to me 😭
Edward vs Bella in Twlight
"My God, the Bible is better written than this" SHOTS FIRED lmao
And the bible has way more incest than this book in its genesis alone
i GASPED 😂
Does that mean... the bar is in hell 🤭
@@nicole.escapes.reality5608 The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell. Yet here's Colleen's books, limbo dancing with the devil.
I mean you translate a book into a different language, there will be awkward bits.
Even do, I think the Bible in English sounds really pretty.
I don’t want to yuck on people’s yum but any time I see people enjoy or recommend coho books it’s an immediate red flag for me. I cannot trust your judgement at all.
Not with CoHo books, but there have been a few times where someone said they loved a book that I really didn’t and I was like ‘well I like you and I like listening to you but now I immediately know to take recs with a grain of salt because our spectrums of YMMV DEFINITELY don’t match up’ 😂
I’m old and crotchety enough that I feel some yums would improve with more yucking.
ESPECIALLY because all of the male characters in coho books are abusers. Sorry but if people see that as romance then I am WORRIED.
@@Gorf1929 yes 😵 I don't understand how you can read that crap and not see it!!
I feel that way too. I'm both judging *and* giving a side eye.
Because also, speaking as someone in the BDSM community, I find these books harmful when it comes to the "spice." Some people (deeply uneducated and/or just impressionable) may end up thinking "oh, this must be what BDSM is like/is supposed to be like/I'm boring if I don't like this in reality" as what they did with 50 Shades.
I'd like to wish upon a star that blatant sexual assault colored as romantic and sexy (and the "wow, he just started choking me out of nowhere! I never thought I'd like it!"), the overall lack of check-ins and consent during "spice," etc, were erased entirely from books like these. I've noticed they've become frequent, and it pains me.
Doesn't pain me more than the writing in general, which I'd say even the fucking *Twilight books* are better written than Coho's, but I digress.
Bland Girl and Lava Boy
NATE AKAJSKWLSIAJAJAJAHAHAHA
Reverse gender bent Wattpad edition
This is written like a Dr. Seuss book. I like Rachel in a house, I like Rachel with a mouse, I like Rachel here and there, I like Rachel EVERYWHERE!
Why does ANYONE worry themselves sick about their writing skill/prowess when stuff like this is getting published...?
Standing ovation! hahahahahah
If you add pictures I might buy that
DR SEUSS LMFAO
Coho is modern day dr seuss / derogatory
As someone who constantly doubts their writing skills you're so right op. Kinda needed to hear that ngl
"he touches her gently like he knows he's made of lava" he _knows_ ? so he _is_ made of Lava? Colleen c'mon
picturing him as a lava monster the entire time makes the book funnier, at least
@@isabelamoschkovich3208 lmao you're not wrong
Dumb Girl and Lava Boy.
All of Colleen Hoover's books answer the question "Are the straights ok?" with a resounding NO. Thanks for a great review :)
And also the question no one had of: Is incest sexy? also with a no
@@chaplinfan6369they do not, don’t be over dramatic
Doing too much now. It’s like asking for queer people to get insulted at the worst time mmm, all because what? She’s honest about how things are under heteronormativity. Would you prefer a shiny idealized lie? That’s not the point she was getting at
@@Nothereforit174 man y’all straight ppl getting mad at the real shit
@@Nothereforit174 its not that deep, you straghts are not being persecuted lmao
There's flowery prose, and then there's floury prose
Bravo hahaha
100000/10 comment
Holy cow I actually laughed out loud, that’s hilarious 😂
Also, Mythical, I’m stealing that!! “Floury prose” indeed!! *picture me as the old lady dithering to herself as she walks away*
I sincerely hope one day someone will tell CoHo no. No, sexual assault is not sexy. No, abuse is not sexy. No, misogyny is not sexy. Someone should also tell her that her pacing is terrible. The “relationships” she writes are so rushed. Profound and sincere relationships don’t work like that.
The thing, the dark romance girlies do find those things hot. The problem with CoHo is that she's not marketed as a dark romance author so she's not reaching the right audience? I don't think the dark romance girlies would ever claim CoHo in their camp tho... Even if the tropes are somewhat right the writting is not 😂
I feel like her relationships being this level of messy isn't a bad thing, however you need to have some level of understanding, and grace when writing these kinds of broken relationships. She has neither so it ends up falling flat on it's face.
@@hinaichigo5701 SA, abuse is NOT dark romance, that's just gross.
@@Acro_YT oh I agree with your statement. But there's a shit ton of fans of authors like HD Carlton's who would strongly disagree. You and I might not enjoy this kind of books but other readers do.. the point is, it needs to be marketed correctly to reach that specific audience with proper Trigger warnings to keep folks like us away. The problem with Dark Romance these days is that this topics are not treated seriously... Some authors consider SA as the new meet cute instead of the actual crime it is and gloss over any and all trauma just to propel what they think is romance but I digress... My point is, even if we don't want to, even if it shouldn't be, the truth is, this things are the core elements of most dark romance these days. Sorry for the long answer! I just wanted to rant about how disgusting this sub-genre has become recently.
The circumcision thing is so gross. It's one thing if you've been convinced it's healthier and you think it's a necessary evil, but thinking of your kid's future sex life is fucking gross. If circumcision is for sexual reasons, leave the decision up to the guy when he's older.
When I gave birth to my son, someone came with the consent form for circumcision. She was taken aback when I said I didn't want him to be circumcised. Two more people tried to get me to agree, and it took my husband stating, "Is this mandatory? Is this medically necessary?" Both were "no ". I really got upset that they wouldn't accept what I said.
That was 1994. Yep, I'm old.
@@nancyjay790not at all old, and good on you for standing up for you and your son!
"Thank you for this book," she says from the backset, holding Ugly Love. "It's dreadful."
Atria Books laughs. "You're responsible for the dreadful part, Colleen. The only thing it got from me was the balls to actually publish it."
She laughs. She laughs hard. She laughs harder. She laughs hardest. "Oh, my God, I know," she says. "Atria Books' balls are so big."
We both laugh at Atria Books' big balls.
She sighs.
You win the internet for the day
Amazing 👏
Parents joking about their baby's genitalia should. Not. Be. A. Thing.
The cloud: step sibling romances are yucky and contradict the important truth that step siblings are siblings
The silver lining: only having to tell one set of parents about your teenage pregnancy
On the other hand if you're both on good terms with your other parent, you may have to tell _three_ sets of parents. A real Wed-Fri or Thurs situation
Idk I've never met my mums step siblings and she doesn't consider them family at all. She didn't get on with her stepmum or her mums second husband and moved out at 14.
Step siblings are real sibling to people who consider their step siblings, siblings.
@@vainpiers you don't need to have a good/close relationship with someone for them to be your sibling. I have a half sister and two step siblings I'm not in contact with, but they're still my siblings
@emackenzie I think whi people consider their siblings us wholly dependent on the people and scenario honestly. I have half siblings I knew all my life and those are my siblings. I have step siblings who I've met like a couple times? They're not my siblings they're just the kids of the guy my mom married.
@@Ashbrash1998 I'm all for chosen family but we're talking about literal siblings here. A sibling (full, half, step, adopted, or foster) you have no personal relationship with is still your sibling because it isn't about you it's about the parent you share
Colleen writes like she has never known hardship in her life (“it’s the saddest door I’ve ever had to close” YOUR MOTHER JUST DIED MILES.) and it GRINDS my GEARS. Plus, as a former patient care technician, it is ABSURD that Tate barely has any moments of being a nurse in the book. Nursing school keeps you busy as hell!!! She would constantly be studying or in class, she wouldn’t have time to just moon over Miles for days on end. GOD.
Also the fact that she has the step siblings get together is so disgusting, especially since it perpetuates the idea that step/adopted siblings aren’t actually siblings.
Including seeing the croach, why the hell would a bvloody nurse, who probably sees a lot of croaches in her work, gast at a croach.
If she said, oh finally i can se a croach thats erotic, fine, but that really should factor in, nurses do see a loot of bodies usually. Its worse, she makes no sense as nurse.
I have heard from a male nurse that he didnt want to change diapers because, he does with all people and does all the time and . Nurses see a loot. i think its pretty impossible to be a nurse and not react profetional with peoples naked body.
They aren’t always. There, someone with them said it. Sometimes life happens and you end up separated and don’t feel like siblings enough to even claim each other. Now we can’t write about it because that’s not ideal? Fck that. I’m tired of this new world of literature where y’all how things should be vs how they are
@@Nothereforit174 bruh. Yeah sometimes shit happens, but that is NOT what I’m talking about. Miles and Rachel were living together. They had 1 conversation before finding out they’re going to be step siblings. Colleen Hoover isn’t writing about step siblings who don’t know each other, she’s writing about step siblings who live together, go to school together, and spend most of their time together with their parents. Nobody was saying that estranged step siblings don’t exist.
To be fair (I don't want to be), they weren't step siblings when they started hooking up. Miles saw her and had a thing for her (a grossly obsessive thing) before he even knew his dad was dating anyone, let alone his crush's mom. They had no familial relationship to speak of, not even legally, at the start. That said, once they moved in, it definitely muddied the waters because even if *they* didn't feel that familial connection, their parents saw it that way and everyone else would see them that way. It absolutely would have been more clear-cut had they met when the parents first started dating. Or if they'd grown up together as stepsiblings. This honestly could have been circumvented if his dad had bothered to tell his son he had a girlfriend and introduced them long before he decided they'd move in together.
@@DesertKitsune I do agree with you for the most part, but remember that Miles and Rachel had met like, twice before she moved in. They didn’t have a strong foundation in the first place, which makes the fact that he falls in *deep* love with her WHILE they’re living together really gross.
I'm low-key obsessed with Tate being like "wow, Miles bought a homeless guy a blanket! He's such a good person!"
It just really highlights ignorance on Tate's part because anyone who is remotely educated on the subject of homelessness should know that it's 100 times better to just give the money you spent on the blanket to the homeless guy directly. An unhoused person knows their priorities better than anyone else. It's nice you gave him a blanket, but if he's struggling with addiction, the blankets not gonna do anything to reduce the risk of him dying due to withdrawal.
The ignorance of that goes hand-in-hand with Tate using Sam the elevator man as an emotional springboard throughout the book. Like I'm sure you would end up on friendly terms with the guy if you lived in that apartment building, but the guy is at work, Tate. You haven't met your mate for lunch for a catch up; you're unloading your emotional issues onto a guy doing his job. Like he can't leave the elevator to get away, and if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to set any boundaries because she might complain to your boss.
I can't say for certain that this wasn't meant to be a character flaw of Tate's where she's meant to be a bit classist and ignorant and uncaring towards those poorer than her, but it does just feel more like Colleen Hoover's own biases are bleeding through her beige prose.
It's the same when her book 'reminders of him' where Kenna praises ledger for hiring poc. It's all just performative to make themselves look better.
@@Lovefortea448It's such bare minimum allyship that a love interest gets praised for not being super uber racist. Jury's still out on whether he participates in implicit racism but just because he hires POC and doesn't say slurs doesn't make him automatically the Number 1 Ally or a good person.
Besides, from a writing perspective, what's the point of a character like the elevator man if the story is told from her point of view?!
@@purrgundyI guess he allows CoHo to info dump, when Tate monologues at him.
I'm confused by the existence of this character. Are people really hired to press elevator buttons anymore? The whole thing just seems like a spectacle for the reader
Never read CoHo, but I do enjoy the genre of dragging CoHo. Thank you.
you are not alone
Same. It’s entertaining, with the bonus of not actually having to read her writing
Ah. So I've found my people.
I just read Verity and that was more than enough.
The prose is very “The poison for Kuzco” 😭
"That's normally how parentage works" 💀
I think Colleen Hover skipped her fanfiction/wattpad era so now we have these atrocious books.
she actually wrote the maybe someday books oN WATTPAD so this proves she never grew out of it
Between this, the drunk driver romance, the murder romance, and the arson romance, I have to say Colleen Hoover is an excellent writer of psychological horror... wait, she writes __romance?__
Did you have the rebecca ripoff in that too :P?
I wouldn't be super surprised if she was intending to write horror but people just decided it was romance and her publisher is going with it. Not one of her books is actually romantic.
_Verity has entered the chat_
@@s.y.k.a1912verity was such a missed opportunity. Could've actually been good but no, we had to focus on the bad smut scenes and cheating
@@s.y.k.a1912somehow while trying to write “horror” it ended up being more of a “romance” than her other booms
I disagree with repetition (always) being boring, because every time you said "more copies than the bible" it was HILARIOUS
"Brain equals liquid, Heart equals butter" as a fanfic writer that has seen some published authors/people who dont read ff mock our works/ourselves relentlessly we deserve an apology if this book is a best seller.
I read A LOT of fanfiction, and all of them are more compelling than this. Also just a dick move to look down upon ff writers.
@@floreya67 Same! Also the fact they are free and created put of love? I fail to see why that is worthy of being mocked. We are just writers just like them.
I frequently see people joking that the target audience of these books is people who never had a Wattpad fanfiction phase. I definitely had a Wattpad fanfiction phase back in middle school, and I've definitely read some bad fanfiction in my time, and her prose reminds me of that.
and it was said by a nurse too like what
I'm a fanfic writer, and I feel so much better about my writing after this video lol
5:28 this is literally the “he’s like if a man and a woman had a baby” meme but unironic 😭😭
I’m so tired of all the most popular woman writers being raging misogynists who just write women getting traumatized & doing emotional labor for men who are bad people. Depressing it’s so popular
As a former twilight fan who got into a toxic relationship for 7 years and grew up: clearly some people haven’t actually experienced the reality of having a broken person as a partner, hence why it’s romanticized. I’m not saying people who’ve had trauma or whatever can’t become good partners, but they need actual introspection and therapy from a licensed professional, and not use some random new partner to “fix them” instead of doing the work themselves.
I genuinely enjoy some random trashy, sexy romance novels at times, they definitely have their place. But glorifying the type of relationship that permeates all of her novels? Eh - been there. Not for me.
I’ve actually spoken to some people who read books with toxic relationship dynamics to process their trauma from abuse. That’s actually one of the major attractions of dark romance (which is distinct from CoHo books). I think the distinction on both the author and reader side is that the best, most compassionate authors have self-awareness and have care for their readers and they and readers advocate for transparency about the sensitive content therein BECAUSE the genre partially caters to that subset of readers. CoHo, meanwhile, clearly has no care for her readers, given how cavalierly she writes about sensitive topics, and she’s also anti-content warning.
Exactly.
@@cakt1991 that’s such a good point!
wow, same. I largely blame twilight. I feel like i have to deconstruct the shit I learned from that book. I assumed it was how relationships worked... I read them as they came out in middle school. Horrible timing for my development.
My first relationship was built around having my boundaries constantly pushed.
As a person with mental illness I never put myself in relationships in the past because I knew I wasn't ready. Now, after 1,5 year of therapy I feel free to date
"I've read door smut better than this" really is all the review we need, isn't it? It just kinda says it all lmao
New fun drinking game: take a shot every time Rachel says this book sells more copies than the Bible 😂
Also I was curious and the answer is 294 times. CoHo uses the word Rachel 294 times in a 336 page book 💀
i was also curious about that, thank you for sharing.
I'm more shocked this book has 336 pages
THANK YOU FOR DOING THE WORK. I was trying to figure it out myself. If I had the ebook I would have but I used to have the paperback 💀 I donated it
and shes the male leads ex!!!!!!!! normal book. normal ass book.
I read this comment after the first instance and wondered how often it would come up.
I was not disappointed. I would be very drunk if I played your game.
I don't understand why booktok and booktube people keep recommending the worst books possible as if they're life-changing. What is going on?! *spirals in confusion*
Rachel mentioned it as people who never had a whattpad (or if you’re old like me fanfiction/fictionpress) phase.
The whole part with book!Rachel and the "saddest steps" and "saddest door" makes the book feel like a school assignment where Colleen needed to write at least a thousand words to get a passing grade.
So I looked at a PDF of the book (surprisingly easy to obtain btw) and control F’d it, and there are indeed 294 uses of the name Rachel in the book. This is even more concerning when you realize that Tate, the main character’s name, only comes up 191 times 💀.
Feel like you’re a bad artist? Look at ai art.
Feel like you’re a bad singer? Watch those America got talent reject tapes.
Feel like you’re a bad cook? Watch kitchen nightmares.
Feel like you’re a bad writer? Read. Colleen. Hoover.
Ai art is far better than mine lol if you enter the right prompt. It's just that it's not genuine, not the way my art is, as shitty as it is.
@@minteraysolo8509 Imo what makes art good is the soul and the message it conveys, even if it isn't a technical marvel.
@@amara560 that's pretty much what I meant
The fact that you didn’t DNF this? Dedicationnnn 👏🏼
I bet it was written so redundantly because CoHo had to hit a certain wordcount and knew this story was too flimsy to reach that count without lots of repetition.
You might be onto something... does anyone know if CoHo's career is due to NaNoWriMo?
“Adults don’t call their brother’s buttholes”
Today I learned CoHo doesn’t have siblings and has never met anyone with siblings.
"the saddest door ive ever had to close".......... im actually so impressed you finished this, i'm at a loss for words. as was colleen, i suppose 😭😭
brain=liquid, heart=butter 💗💗💗 ive really always said that
I wonder if CoHo uses something like Grammarly when she writes, cuz those apps tend to be very “long sentences bad.”
I didn't know that! Interesting
I haven't actually read it, but I just learned that Slammed is set in my hometown. She gets NOTHING right and doesn't even mention our iconic water tower. If you want a good laugh, look up the Ypsilanti water tower. You won't regret it :D
If she doesn’t use the water tower as a euphemism during a smut scene, I don’t want to read it 😂
Why does it look so wierd? Like I know why, but WHY lol
Oh my god😂😂😂😂😂 thank you for sharing your culture lol
@@Ashbrash1998 No idea. Locals call it the Brick Dick :D :D :D
Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing this
I have an older cousin who knows that I love to read and genuinely meant well. She sent me up a bunch of Colleen Hoover books that she'd read. I still haven't gotten up the nerve to read them. The little tidbits I've gotten from twitter have been enough. Like the scene in one of her books when the main love interest eats a piece of the main girl's hair to feel closer to her. It makes me gag every single time I think about it. It was supposed to be romantic, but it sounded like something the serial killer in a psychological thriller would do.
i mean romance or horror, really depend on the context :O
oh college humor had an episod ecomparin that even cultural differences can be fine ther but anywhere else just creepy.
If someone finds that romantic, should definitely go to therapy immediately.
This reminds of this comic video by Etra-chan saw it (really cute and interesting if never heard of the channel), where the main guy was only in love with his gf because of how gorgeous and addicting her hair was. He didn’t eat it, but he collected her strands from random places to be used as “accepted prop” for a horror film (she didn’t know until finishing the film). Thankfully, she cut it like she wanted to and dumped him, and got a girl who had a massive crush on him to follow a hair procedure to be literally exact to hers 😂
I need to know which book that is😭😂 Haven't heard about the hair eating before.
@@ascending18 I looked on twitter to see if I could find out what book it was from. Apparently it was from her book called Layla.
I still can't believe they drove from San Francisco to San Diego (iirc) for Thanksgiving dinner and then turned around and drove right back home
AND TWO OF THEM WORK FOR AIRLINES
BAHAHAHAHA so true
Driving is a lot better for the environment for such a relatively short distance though.
This isn't even the worst subject matter of a CoHo book; imo that's probably the one where a guy meets an actual lolz so random manic pixie dream girl at a hotel, rushes into a relationship with her, and then after she gets attack and almost killed by his toxic ex (who does die), he gets all "Wah, she's not the same anymore" because his girlfriend suffered massive trauma. BUT IT GETS WORSE
See, she has amnesia from the event, so he takes her to the hotel where they met, hoping to jog her memory, only to find that the hotel has been abandoned. He still ends up staying there with her, and then he learns after events where his girlfriend, who has barely been eating since her trauma, starts shoveling down food and then doesn't remember it, that the hotel is haunted by a ghost who possessed her in order to eat the food.
And then he starts putting his girlfriend to bed as early as possible, so the ghost can possess her unconscious body and he can spend time with her, WITHOUT CONSENT FROM OR EVEN INFORMING HIS GIRLFRIEND OF THIS. He literally uses his traumatized girlfriend's body as a tool to cheat on her with a ghost. And before you ask, yes, there is a moment where the girlfriend regains consciousness and the boyfriend proceeds to gaslight her. He also attempts to drug her with sleeping pills after she's drunk alcohol, and while the ghost stops it, the ghost (and by extension the book) does not condemn him for trying to drug his girlfriend.
Now, you can probably imagine that the girlfriend wants to leave this place, 'cause it's not helping her traumatic memory loss, and her boyfriend has been acting distant and keeps trying to get her to fall asleep. Well, she gets rightfully pissed when she learns that he BOUGHT THE HOTEL with the intent for them to live there (so he can keep using her body to cheat on her with the ghost). And so the boyfriend decides to defuse the situation by proposing to her, pretending that THAT was the reason he's been acting weird, and oh, the hotel was a gift for HER.
I also want to mention that the book opens in media res, with the boyfriend talking to a friend, while his girlfriend is tied to the bed in another room, screaming for help. But guys, it's okay! We can excuse all the abusive, horrible, and controlling shit the boyfriend's done, 'cause it turns out that the ghost is actually the spirit of his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's body is hosting the spirit of the toxic ex who tried to kill her!
Let's take a moment to acknowledge that this does NOT excuse any of the things the boyfriend did, 'cause as far as he knew, he was treating THE WOMAN HE CLAIMS TO LOVE this way, but the ex-in-girlfriend's body does really have amnesia, which makes all the abuse she suffered at the boyfriend's hand even LESS justified. Oh, and you know how they choose to solve this whole mess? The boyfriend tries to kill the ex-in-girlfriend's body, by drowning her in a pool, so the ex's spirit will leave and the girlfriend's can re-enter. He does this to an amnesiac woman who, to her knowledge, is stuck in an abusive relatioship with a mad man who's keeping her trapped against her will and is now going to kill her.
So yeah, that's the worst CoHo book imo
My face is literally the 😮 emoji
Wow! What's the name of that one?
Misery but make it romance, I guess? 😂
@@amara560 Fuck, don't remember
@@amara560 it's called Layla
@@kiryn5977 thank you!
"im not trying to be mean here" I AM. LET ME BE MEAN
As someone who took a Gen Ed in college called "The bible as literature" in which we read the bible and analyzed how well written it was or was not, it was bad but I can confirm better than a Colleen Hoover vehicle
A good chunk of it is a legal code so I would hope it would be bad lit. Song of Solomon is pretty decent, though.
brain = liquid heart = butter would be a fun cross-stitch to stick in your kitchen ngl
Live, laugh, liquid 🍷
Oh Rachel, you haven't even touched the surface of bad romance books by Colleen😭I fear the day you look at November 9, Reminders of Him, Layla, Verity, Slammed etc
I commend you for even reading Ugly Love.
Make sure you're well rested soldier.
Ugly love is the worst book I've read of hers tbh
@@aaliyahtata1442I personally think that November 9 is worse bc he literally burns her house down and she just,, forgives and falls in love with him ignoring that he caused the burns that took her career away. And he's a massive incel
Also the previous version straight up had SA in it.
I think it should be warned that Verity deals with child death too since is a triggering subject to Rachel
@sleepysadpoet I'm pretty sure she didn't forgive him... I... I think she was the one who apologised to him.
The terrible realization that the inner monologue sounds like Mojo Jojo.
The circumcision thing reminded me when i told an ex friend i didnt agree with circumcision her response was i would be DENYING MY SONS FUTURE PARTNER THE PLEASURE RIDGE (i neither kid nor exaggerate) so thank you CoHo i have not nor will I ever recover
That is so wild. If he and his partner later decide they desperately need "the pleasure ridge" (???) in the future, he can just chop it off then. But you can't put it back on. So it makes a lot more sense to just leave it.
The pleasure ridge? She’s never seen an intact penis in her life, has she?
Omg around the 12:30 mark I could have swore you said, “our tongues touched and our gills intertwined” and I just nodded my head and thought, “that tracks for this author, things just don’t need to make sense in these books”
hahahaha
So, CoHo was clearly never spoken with a teenager, because they sure as shit don't talk like that.
Teenagers will angrily say something profound and follow up the inevitable silence by quoting the worst take you’ve ever heard that they saw 5 minutes ago on TikTok
Sad thing is she raised 3 boys 💀
i don't think she's ever moved passed the age of 11 so she doesn't know from experience either
@@sleepysadpoet
One of which raped someone
I’ve seen several rant reviews of this book, but there’s something special hearing a rant about it from someone named Rachel lmao
“I didn’t want to be involved in this and neither did the door. We deserved better.” It took me out 😂
"Leave me out of this!" Lol
"her eyes are sad, my thoughts are sadder" did Colleen Hoover find my old Xanga account from 2004...?
BAAHAHAHAHHA
fun fact: while watching Rachel review a book with a major character named Rachel, I was writing a bad poem about a podcast character named Rachel. Hm
Racheption [LOUD CHORD]
The full body frozen horror I felt when I thought CoHo was going to start trying to tackle the subject of self harm, before the sentence finished with ‘accidentally.’
ETA: I always reflexively try to think of little tweaks or shifts to rough stories, reading or listening to reviews, and then the step-sibling parts come up and my brain slams into a brick wall of disengagement.
So.... He sees his first love with a new baby, and that she's happy, and suddenly he's cured? This is not how trauma is resolved, is it? I mean in the real world.
Bye bye, Ms Hoover.
You know is bad when Rachel prefers the Bible over it
Many years ago, I went on a CoHo reading binge. So I kind of remember this one? I'm not a huge fan, but whatever.
I'm not mad at her. Get your money, Colleen. But I just wish she didn't take up SO MUCH ROOM in the industry.
The editing in this video is *chefs kiss*! Thanks for making me laugh this Friday morning.
Always glad you’re here 🥹
I’ve heard a lot of booktokers cover Colleen’s unhinged plots but I hadnt heard anyone dissect the writing or craft elements- I love watching you develop your craft as a reviewer!
Every single time you said “more copies than the Bible” I *cackled* 💀💀💀💀
*clicked immediately* If there’s anything the conversation around this book (and tbh all of Colleen Hoover’s books) needs, it’s your spot on and honest analysis.
I’m newer to this channel, but I always finish a video impressed with your ability to advocate, critique, and navigate difficult topics carefully and thoughtfully.
…One could (but shouldn’t) say that “I love you [Reads With] Rachel ”…”all I think about is Rachel. Rachel Rachel Rachel” 😂❤️
That is IT I am petitioning the court to change my name!!!!
Thanks for being here 🥹
It’s only a matter of time before she runs out of semi-obscure “born in x year” names and ruins all of us 😅
Amending the petition to remove *all* names from Colleen’s books…I think “no backstory character A” and “problematic character B” would be more fitting to her style of writing anyway 📖
The feeling of dread when a new friend says they love reading and you ask them what kind of books… 😢😅
Colleen claims to write about adult characters but never not once has any of her characters acted above the age of 16
If Edward Cullen was an author, this is how he would write.
Lukewarm take: CoHo is the "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" tag as a whole ass author.
Nownow
Plenty of Dead Dove: do not eat is MUCH better written than this🤣
@@restlessreks9916 naturally you're 9000% correct on that! 🤣
Na because she doesn’t tell what crazy shit is in her books lol dd authors give us tags at least and are typically better written
@@komakeira1045 I mean, you're 9000% correct.
Ok as an ACTUAL PARAMEDIC with some wilderness survival training who once actually gave myself stitches bc I was in the middle of nowhere - this entire bit at 17:45 just sounds like a recipe for infection????? (Also, most medics are not trained to do stitches, this happened when I was 20 and as an adult I am very aware this is not best practice, so do NOT do this at home.)
When I gave myself stitches, I cleaned the wound out with clean water and then iodine, I specifically used unscented tooth floss, I boiled the floss and the needle first, AND I laid out a sterile burn sheet around the wound. Sure, adrenaline kicked in by the second stitch but it still hurt like a you-know-what.
Damn, that’s actually really crazy. My low pain tolerance would just let me fucking die lol
@@GunnerTheTherian MOOD. My pain tolerance is pretty high and my hands were still shaking during that first stitch. It was only three stitches and I used an ice pack to numb the skin at least a little bit but OOF.
A decade later and it’s a fun story but still DEFINITELY a “do NOT do this” one.
@@samanthaw3845 it’s really amazing that you did that, especially in the wilderness!? Like damn you are strong
I find hilarious that throughout all the celebrities you chose, seeing my boy _Corbin as Chad_ gave me a tiny pinch of pain, seeing his face in this _absolute mess._ Even just for a few seconds, it hurt. That’s how much I’m at the same level of *_hate_* for this and other CH books - especially Maybe Not! The only book I took notes on while listening to the reactor, and I’m ready to *terminate* the main guy… Give it a shot if you want! You need a century’s rest after what you went through
The only saving grace of maybe not is that it's short.
Oh, I want to say you might enjoy hate-reading Verity, but there is some very weird/distressing stuff about pregnancy and child abuse in that one. Overall, the plot is absolutely unhinged. I'd encourage a little investigating to see if the themes I mentioned are within your tolerable zone, because if they are the rest of the plot is like a disaster you can't pull your gaze away from.
Yep, she took like the worst possible take away from rebecca and made a book about it?! Probably worth it. Muhahaha i only saw another rachels summary video on it, so, but from the analysis, should be fun, muhahaha
I love watching CoHo rant reviews. I love Rachel's videos. This is like Christmas.
Your reaction to the character Rachel is my same reaction to the character Layla in book “Layla” 😭
Thank you for acknowledging ace and aro people! We are happy and whole as we are, thanks, Hoover.
The more I hear about Coho’s books, the more I suspect she’s writing them as satire and her fans don’t even know it. There’s no way this was meant to be taken seriously as romance, I refuse to accept it 😂
No, RL is stranger than fiction. Plus if she did i think she would do more effort in to make it funnier. That isnt intentional satire.
Or she might just write straight up horror if she had the awareness?!
Sounds like it’s written on fictionpress.
Haha withCindy also used “Sound of Silence” in one of her reviews. I guess that is the theme song for bad writing.
When I was little I remember being read a book about... idk a family of skeletons maybe? And it was like In the dark, dark wood, there was a dark, dark house. In the dark, dark house there was a dark, dark room.
The writing for this pile sounds like that. In the sad, sad house there was a sad, sad boy. The sad, sad boy closed the sad, sad door.
tbh the prose in this book reminds me so so much of the fifty shades series (which i only know about thanks to both Folding Ideas and Mark Reads) - the reiterations, the weird stream of consciousness....
and the quality's about equal overall too 😬😑
dominic noble has a good series on it too and really through on the red flags and kink myths and , he is fun doing so.
Folding Ideas' breakdown of Fifty Shades is so interesting. And it makes sense CoHo's writing sometimes feels similiar to El James' as they're apparently friends. CoHo had a shout out to James in one of her books, about how she's a great writer...
Tbh Paired is an unironically great sponsor for a review of a book with an unhealthy relationship
The Klingon pain sticks of literature.
Coho romantic interests are so awful even the bare minimum gets praise
Halfway…I made it halfway through the video, to “brain equals liquid, heart equals butter” before I had to stop and comment for myself on the prose, because I figured Rachel and the other comments had it covered. I was wrong. BRAIN EQUALS LIQUID, HEART EQUALS BUTTER, COLLEEN?! What in the high holy hell and tarnation is that monstrosity of a turn of phrase? Good golly Miss Molly, this woman can’t write to save her life.
Admittedly, the whole "adults don't call their brothers butthole" line baffled me. Like, my siblings and I call each other stuff like that all the time lmao
Usually jokingly, but if someone is being one, they're gonna get called one lol
I expect after this book to either be screaming into a pillow or sitting there smoking a joint and saying in a monotone voice “ what is life ?” “ what is existence?”😊
i out-loud said "oh no" when i saw the title of this one. sorry for what your eyes had to go through 😔
Her characters don't exist outside their relationships. I'd be so bored. Nothing happens.
I read Layla. It was literally an adult retelling of a fear street book called The Perfect Date. CH is just making fear street for adults.
The flashback in this book is the most flashback flashbacking I have ever flashback
This prose was excruciating just to listen to. Thank you so much for your service holy cow
13:10 This book uses the name Rachel almost as much as Rick & Morty uses the titular characters' names.
that photo of you and carlos is so cute🫶🏽
The pros of having a rare name. I don't have to suffer like this
Immaculate hilarity. 16/10, would watch again.
ETA: The sound that emerged from me when you said "ball's in your court" I-
*tiffany pollard meme* _THE BIBLE????_
Bad writing aside i really wish the stepsibling thing was less emphasized cause saying a person must have a sibling relationship with a stranger just bc of their parents relationship always feels weird and authoritarian to me but CH seems tied to the strict roles in nuclear families so its not surprising
Oh no Rachel, why did you do this to yourself 😂
Curiosity killed the cat and the cat is me
@@ReadswithRachelSatisfaction brought you back?
🤣
I haven’t even watched yet, I just came to the comments to give my condolences for what you’ve put yourself through 😭😭😭
Oh god I’m so sorry, but the cackle I let out when reminded that the step-sister was named Rachel 😂😂
You really took one for the team here. I’ve been scarred by Verity which could have been intriguing but completely forgot it’s thriller premise a lot. The additional epilogue version was also a dumb money grab. I’d be interested in more Colleen Hoover takedowns, but not at the expense of your mental health. ❤
Im truly mesmerized by this eyeshadow look 🤩🤩🤩
This book really encapsulates the "ALRIGHT I GET IT" meme.
Grab your popcorn. Our queen is finally here to destroy a CoHo book 🎉🎉🎉