Meanwhile... Florida Man Calls Cops For Help Testing His Meth | Cursed Painting For Sale On eBay
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- Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
- Meanwhile... There's a cursed painting available for only $50 on eBay, and a man in Florida did one of the most Florida things imaginable: called the police because his meth wasn't working. #Colbert #Comedy #Meanwhile
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
No joke, people can have their drugs tested for free in Switzerland. The idea is that nobody dies from impure drugs. When they come, they can also talk to a social worker and stuff if they need help. It's completely anonymous though. I find it wonderful.
Same here in the UK
Yeah, but that makes sense.
that what happens when you don't live in a country that actively punishes it's citizens for being poor or suffering from mental health (or being a woman or being a person of color for that matter). Our country here is a basically a profligate psychopath.
Is fentanyl as big and dangerous in Europe as it is in North America? It's getting mixed into everything here, and Canadas response was to make naloxone easy to have on hand. I prefer the Swiss route tbh someone needs to administer naloxone and it doesn't help if you're alone or your buddy took the same shit you did.
Are drugs illegal in Switzerland?
You can have illicit substances tested anonymously in Canada. It is a way of mitigating fentanyl overdoses, and should be adopted in America, given that the opioid crisis starts and ends with an American drug company!
I agree..
That would be one avenue to preventing deaths and if a counselor was available anonymously then maybe some would take advantage right then. Who knows? For sure what we are doing is not working!
That's a great idea followed by a great point! ... Unfortunately, we have republicans. No good ideas allowed.
@@McCrapweasel Yeah... There's that. 😣 (Love your tag, btw. Hahahaha)
Mexicans bringing it over the border isn't an american company having a picnic.
@@dragomilosevic4823 Purdue Pharma isn't a bunch of Mexicans.
So, essentially, this was the first time he'd ever gotten real meth. Prior to that he was smoking crystallized Hidden Valley Ranch.
He should've gone for hallucinogens, I hear wonderful things about Lucy in the Sky with Dressing....
@@khill8645 same with Dressing on My Tomatoes. I hear that's the most intense of the hallucinogens
I'd have gone with snorting that Thousand Island seasoning. That's sure to wake you up.
Exactly. 😂
@@khill8645 What a great comment😉👍!
In the Netherlands there are test locations where you can get your drugs tested to make sure it’s the real deal and not contaminated. You can do this anonymously and for free. This is tolerated by the police and the government, because if you are doing drugs, they rather want you to do it as safely as possible.
As far as I can recall, this was also introduced at certain music festivals in Australia?
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 that as well as warrantless searches and infinite police powers :)
@@surealivro6242 Stupid response to drug checking.
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 music festivals in the UK for sure. I saw a video a while back. Harm reduction.
Guess he was high and forgot where he was...
Omg! Those cops running around when that guy is hiding in plain sight was hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣💀
The effects of defunding the police LOL
@@wildNout317 I'd say it's more the fact that they deny people who score too well on the tests. Don't want smart people who will question the system.
I could NOT stop laughing at the "Guess which state- never mind, it's Florida" bit. Hilarious.
It has been a long time since we saw this bit XD
Those introduction monologues are a credit to the writers, and Colbert’s skill at speaking them is Award worthy.
It boggles the mind that he pulled it off!
I absolutely agree, can’t pass up the opportunity to compliment the entire bunch on their skillful
broadening the scope of their
satire, social commentary.
We needed that!
RockOn!
It boggles my mind how they come up with the descriptions. Classic stuff.
I came for this.
Wouldnt be complete without another “Florida man…” headline 🤣
The cherry on top of that story is that in one report, the Sheriff's Department also announced that they would be available to test anyone else's meth upon request.
Returning to the USA after 7 years overseas. Heading for Mom in Florida. Pray for me. 😂👍
Another archetype: the Flow Rider Main.
I asked if I could use the drug sniffing dog to help.me find the pre rol OF MEDICAL MJ l I lost in my car... the deputy just smiled at my 60 yo self's request ...
Yeah it’s not overused in comedy at all.....
Looking at the footage of the guy fleeing the cops makes me think that if he had only brought a box in his inventory, he would have definitely passed the level.
What the video didn't show is that the cops still didn't see him then, they heard his snoring.
😂
❗
Should've waited for his sneak skill to reach the 70s - at least.
He could have run the opposite direction right as the cops started to walk away. But adrenaline makes you do weird things
I live in Florida and was born and raised here. I love Stephen's jokes. Our news stories are wild. We like our crazy extra spicy down here.
It must be a real hoot to hear them!
I've been in Florida almost 40 years (coming here in my 20s), and the fact these stories always get dumber proves Darwin was wrong.
I’ve always said your tourism slogan should be “come for the beaches, stay for the naked crazy”
@@laurendoe168 To be fair, "survival of the fittest" doesn't necessarily mean intelligence or strength or whatever, it's referring to how well you fit in to your environment. In Florida, crazy gives you evolutionary benefits.
@@theMosen I hate to admit.... you're right. Stupid attracts stupid.
I have family living in Florida and every time someone there does something stupid, on camera, they say - only in Florida. The fact that Trump lives there should give you your first clue.
That probably why stupid people like aoc love it so much and vacation there maskless.
I love the expression that the world looks at the US the same way the US looks at Florida.
Where does Florida look?
Scared now.
@@altrag Florida does not even need a mirror to look at itself. It's the benefit of the out of body experience.
Accurate!
its true
Not anymore.... Russia
As a Floridian im proud of the "Give me back my drugs Alligator!" Statement. Represents everything i see daily
and the alligator replied, "the pythons took them". it was a crushing blow for the dealer!
May God watch over you buddy. You live in a really weird version of a minefield.
Good old Floriduh .
Florida man is my hero! He sure gets around.🤣
I just moved to Florida. Can you recommend a good place to get a pet alligator? Still trying to become the Florida man
"So anything could be a diamond."
Yes, that's chemistry for you. Diamonds are made in labs all the time, power tool attachments are often coated in diamonds because of the hardness. I bought a coarse whetstone for sharpening hardened steel last week, it was covered in diamonds and cost me $15.
Jewelry stores are a rip-off. Artificial inflation is their game.
The diamond on my engagement ring is lab made and I am proud of it.
The difference is the quality of the diamond in industrial vs jewelry grade. However, yes, diamonds are totally a rip off. The companies that mine diamonds have vaults of them and release only a small fraction, artificially inflating the price. Lab diamonds are meh, but there are plenty of other interesting stones to use instead of diamonds.
The ridiculously inflated "value" of a $3000 diamond only exists in your mind. The rest is/was a brilliant ad campaign by DeBeers.
@@Cypresssina Experts can tell the difference between lab diamonds and natural diamonds because of the imperfections. You actually want to see inclusions, impurities, and even sometimes fractures in natural gems, that's really what makes them "jewelry-grade." The lab-produced stuff is pure and homogeneous, ie, technically better. Dan is right, it's a racket and DeBeers is at the head of it, they essentially have a monopoly of the diamond market.
Natural gems also are responsible for child slavery in many parts of the world, it might be a good idea to boycott "jewelry-grade" gems for that reason alone. If I were into such things I would be going with _exclusively_ lab-created gems. They're cheaper AND more ethical.
Opals are the best gems anyway, and the best opals are mined naturally in Australia by grown adults working for living wages, not children in Africa, and since there is no good way to create a synthetic opal (there is, but they don't look good) natural opals are where it's at. Diamonds are meh. Look up Black Opal Direct on UA-cam, that's a very relaxing channel.
@@johnsmithe4656 I used to be in the jewelry business and did pretty much say quite a bit of that. I'm not a big fan of opals, but they are scientifically interesting. My favorite stone is Alexandrite.
For ethical diamonds, Canada has great options.
This just in: John Oliver has purchased the dead-eye baby painting to watch his Mouse potato.
As large as the guy was wearing a BRIGHT WHITE shirt and they still missed him and now eye tests have been scheduled for everyone!
Chief: "Good Morning ... Step right over here for your eye check .... Thank you"
Cops: "How many days are we going to do this? It's been 3-months now."
Chief: "Only when HALF the police 👮 doesn't run pass ... A poorly hidden suspect.
Next."
See, what you're missing is the shirt added +10 stealth to his stats.
So does it say more about him that he just ducked behind a car, or about the cops, since they couldn't find him? Maybe it's really a testament to his opinion of the cops' competence.
He had enough time to slide under the car, even.
Isn't that the same police force that basically kept up with o. J. Simpson's car but didn't even pull him over until he just happened to stop at the house way back when? Los Angeles still teaches them wrong on the news anyway. (Most boring police chase I saw goes to simpson. Most funny goes to this guy.)
@@capturedflame los angeles for you
Some European countries have adopted more pragmatic drug policies, which acknowledge that illicit drugs will be used despite legal attempts to limit their availability. If you are staying in Amsterdam for more than a week, for instance, you can get your drugs tested anonymously at a state-sanctioned lab conducting drug testing services. Why? Because it saves lives. Perhaps something for Florida as well.
You assume the Florida authorities want to save lives.
@@evelynsaungikar3553 you assume any American authorities want to save lives
We've heard about American healthcare. Profit trumps saving lives.
@@bluecanine3374 Me: laughing as I pay $160 for a single inhaler that lasts a month for eosinophillic asthma which is a pretty severe form of asthma.
I totally agree with you though. As a first world country and “world superpower” it’s pretty embarrassing we are compassionate and civilized enough to take care of our neighbors.
Do you really want to save Florida man lives? Kinda goes against Darwin to do that doesn't it? They've already shown with covid they want Darwin to choose if they're worthy of life or not
The police should have told the meth user that he was ripped off and asked for the name of his dealer so they could go pursue a refund for him.
That could have been a two-for-one arrest special.
Stephen is part of my relief from the world
Steven provides relief for thousands each time he opens his mouth.
@@matbritton6816 like a prostitute, but of entertainment.
Mine roo
@@Zaluskowsky Scooby Doo
Like how he won’t mind if gas prices go to $15 a gallon?
Whoever writes the intro to the Meanwhile segment is a twisted genius!
There are two Late Night show bits I really enjoy…
The subtle inflections in Stephen’s “Guess which state this happened in… never mind it’s Florida”
And Seth Meyers’ parody of Tucker Carlson’s rants
Whoever makes these intros for “Meanwhile” needs a raise. Idc what they’re getting paid now. It’s not enough.
I'm always impressed how Steven can read those so well. I wonder if he practices beforehand? Something tells me he just wings it.
Definitely the most radical pushing of a metaphor I've ever heard, and they do it 5 times a week!
They're the best! I love this segment
Joe rogans deserves a pay rise not this big pharma race baiting shill.
Stephen and his team will never be out of work because the wackiness never ends nor do the laughs! A lot of these comments also add to the smiles. Thanks for making the day a whole lot brighter everyone! :-)
No smarter than the bank robber who used his own check to write "this is a holdup."
Lmfao what!?!?
That is timeless ! & hysterical!
So funny! Wonderful story😆😆😆!!
That's not as bad as that one that used his work car as his get away car - the one with a great big chicken on top to promote the fast food chain it belonged to. I wonder how they managed to track his car down lol
Meth user to drug tester: “Please test my drugs.” Tester: “Sorry. Is Potato.” lol
Florida Man: And that's why you don't test your own product on yourself. Or why you don't start a meth lab to begin with!🤣😂
Yo that Key & Peele sketch where a guy calls the cops and says "Somebody stole my pot" just became real
For one thing, we should be like the civilized countries and offer free test kits so people don't die from garbage drugs, but in the meantime, you can order them online
Garbage drugs like the vaks?
That LAPD capture was so ridiculous we could actually use that footage in Germany, to transplant a sense of humor to an entire nation.
Ja hallo, ze germans here. We do not want to give our cops dumb ideas about arresting citizens with special forces units so thank you but no.
We make people spend 3 years training for the job before we let you be a cop. Not the mere weeks that produce this slapstick scene. Why? Have you ever tried to be helpful to a german? Or tell a german he can't drive like that?? It takes those 3 years, trust me
@@YeeSoest 😂🤣😂🤣😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Suspect:
"Ahhh ya got me Officers! Ok, your turn to hide... 1...2....3....."
Officer Bill:
"No peeking! Go, go go go!"
I watch all the late night shows on UA-cam. I enjoy them all. They make me laugh and start my day with a smile. But my vote goes to your writers. Brilliant!
Love how he is able to say all the introduction words with a semi straight face, they are so hilarious!! And, who would think of, let alone spend 5 months squashing ranch seasoning? Yes, I know it was a machine, but it had to be set up and monitored. What a waste!
I say that governments all over the world should seize ALL super yachts and then charge ALL the owners with criminal obscenity. The yachts could then be used in refugee crises. Win-win.
PERFECT!!
@@theresamcguire5501 Ah, Theresa, you made my day. :-)
Yes!!
I am half expecting John Oliver to buy the cursed painting
Meanwhile is the best segment.
Yes , i like it
They need to include some _Where's Waldo_ books as part of police training.
And that meanwhile intro … soooo well written and performed !! Love it !
It made me hungry.
The tooth softening finish...
If someone's going to do drugs, they're going to do them, like a needle exchange program at least you can make it safer by checking that it's not contaminated.
And hello it works like this as well. Forbidden they want it. Not they might just show us some big results. But we never learn. War on every thing never works.
I'm laughing so hard this morning that I'm crying (or it is a part of me that is dying because of human stupidity)
Sometimes its both..lol😂😂😂
Of course the story were not talking about is the fact that that meth user will not get any help whatsoever and we'll just go right back to doing meth as soon as he gets out of jail. #justicesystem
That cop video needs some Benny Hill music, and HOW!
Don't worry while the cartoon method of evading the police didn't fully work out for that guy, I'm sure he can just unscrew one of the loose bars in his cell and sneak out of prison.
The judge probably let him out on bond w an ankle monitor lol.
"Florida Man Calls Cops For Help Testing His Meth." Rick Desantis did what?
They even make diamonds from the deceased these days. My sister (who lives in another state) wanted to make one out of Dad for keepsake, but mother and I thought it was creepy and said no.
I mean, not any more creepy than burying people in the ground with other people lol. Much more elegant.
I would be ok with that. Cemeteries are filling up and its not that different from being cremated.
@@rumblefish9 Dad was cremated, but not made into diamonds.
You can also be tattooed using your deceased loved ones ashes.
I'm torn between viking style burning boat, or being cremated and buried in a biodegradable urn with an acorn, so a tree will use my nutrients to start it's life.
But that'll be my request for what's done with what's left of my body after medical science is done with me, because I'll donate my body and organs. I won't need them any more.
This guy lived right down the road from me. I'm so proud that my little cracked out town made it on The Late Show. 🧡
To be fair…I did about $30 of “meth” once and after 3 days of the strongest and most realistic hallucinations of my life I wound up at a hospital and the results came back NEGATIVE for meth. You never know! :P
PCP is a hell of a drug
- Rick James
That's why hard / chemical drugs are such a problem in certain places where they test regularly...it passes the system much faster than pot.
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 Agreed…but it definitely wasn’t THAT, either. Man, I’d really like to know wtf it REALLY was because WOW, it was a doozy! In the proper setting and knowing what’s coming it would be AMAZING, lol. :D
@@JBond-zf4dj Exactly! Meanwhile, I can hallucinate shadow-people demons or w/e while I’m climbing rooftops overnight for 3 days and go back to work with no worries yet HEAVEN FORBID I’ve smoked a joint on my time off sometime in the past month. RIDICULOUS. >___>
So, what was it? Just curious, not interested.
You know a joke is going to be good when it starts with the phrase "A Florida Man..."
somebody owes their meth dealer an apology 🤣
Can we change this segment to:
Potato-while!
I just cannot get enough starch based humor! I’m a Steve & Potato kinda guy, it’s no biggie!
Folks, I spent a lot of my potato right over there, potatoing my potatoes and then I boil em, mash em, blame my writer’s room.
Colbert is more than a common tater.
@@-oiiio-3993 Tuber'd he only does one show per day, if he would russet up another set I'd watch with my eyes peeled. Still, it yam what it yam.
That's an interesting fork on the topic.
We have a company here that produces potato-starch based products including forks and sporks. I can send you one as it'll easily fit in an envelope.
No personal addresses allowed. That would be a violation of the UA-cam EULA and ToS.
If you can't end it with "is potato", it doesn't count.
is potato.
When a story starts with “ Florida man…” you know hilarity’s soon to follow.
That man just GTA'd himself out of a 5 star warning
That painting should be donated to the Museum of Bad Art. It's a real museum.
Whoever writes the preamble to Meanwhile is a language Master❣️
Arresting the user vs following the user to the drug dealers. Failure of operational procedures and these people are paid... Certainly not professional's
OK, when he said "I'm slapped awake by a possum..." I burst out laughing and had to listen to his Meanwhile intro four times just to hear all the crazy combo of words. LMAO!!!!!
"Oh, this painting is so terrible, it's cursed and it ruined my life... But I'm willing to hold onto it just a little longer and sell it to you, even though I just claimed to believe it's the reason for everything in my life going to shit, thereby implying that I'd rather ruin someone else's life just to turn a profit rather than, like, burn the damn thing or something."
Thanks, scam artist, for further proving the non-existence of curses and the like.
6:27 If his meth wasn't real, would he be allowed to walk free?
How on gods green earth do they write another one of these amazing tangent intros every fucking day, it’s absolutely brilliant
As a native Ny'ker who grew up in Yorktown Hts. And went to the same H.S, Middle School, and Elementary School as A.O.C. went to 23 years earler. LSSC is New Years Eve on Broadwy with better crowds, music, and guests. And much more consistently funny.
What in the living hell is wrong with those cops?
Dude could've been blowing a train horn and they probably would've just kept running.
*Real Horror & Comedy* is best made in *FLORIDA* 🌞
Anything can be a diamond? Oops... is potato.
2:20 This is the narration I hear in my head when I am looking for my sell phone.
The florida man with the Meth could have potentially saved his own life by calling the cops.
It could have been something completely different getting passed on as meth that was more dangerous inhaled.
Don't they... inject meth?
Did know one meth user, but I stress: I am not personally an expert. Thank God. 😕
edit: wait, did I miss something? Did Florida Man say he was inhaling it?
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 200% don't know either was just assuming it was smoked like crack
Florida Man....don't you ever go a-changin!
It sounds like that meth wasn’t very good, the dude wasn’t even paranoid around cops! Lol
Love to see you making your show Mr. Colbert. You bring light to all kinds of things relevant, always have Thankyou 👌
“Hobo Handroll” is going on my list of Bands ISO Founding Members.
"Hey, look, this place has a live band tonight!"
"Oh, really, what's it called?"
"...it says, 'Hobo Handroll.' That's... that's a band, right? It's gotta be."
"Either that or we stumbled into a really weird part of town."
The answer is both.
Just imagine the reaction of the cop who got the call for the meth test…
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🔥🔥🔥🔥
FYI, Tsukiji market has been moved to Toyosu few years before 2020...
The cops senses were thrown off because somebody in the neighborhood had a box of doughnuts 🍩🤣😂
That dude was about 2 seconds away from evading a 2 star want level
His fish market comparisons were awesome !
"You gotta feel sorry for these cops."
Nah, I'm laughing. Screw 'em.
3:45 - Bleep you Stephen, YOUR doctor just got demoted to Uneducated Quack. I personally cannot wait for the auto-docs.
As someone who used to use as a teen to early 20s. I'm 30 now. It was "safer" back then. I quit everything after an x pill that was laced with heroin. Shortly after there was a string of overdoses and deaths. People are gonna do what they are gonna do. I say don't do drugs but if you are there should be a way to test it. That won't land you in jail. (For personal use)
5:35 that fire cracker @ the end tho. I don't know why it made me laugh so much 😄
This is your nightly reminder to always watch Meanwhile with your subtitles on.
ok now I definitely need to go see what I missed - thanks, man 🙂
5:14 diamonds are whatever lmfaoooooo chuckle-worthy
My rankings and grades for each late night talk show host:
5. Jimmy Fallon (D-)
4. James Corden (D+)
3. Seth Myers (C+)
2. Jimmy Kimmel (B+)
1. Stephen Colbert (A+)
Jimmy Fallon should not be on there, at all.
Ferguson, Colbert, Meyers, anyone else..
John Stewart A+
I love how the "But sometimes....." perfectly aligns with the description of Florida.
Let's be honest.. That dude would have proposed to Ranch Dressing even without the diamond excuse.
I wonder if that company that makes diamonds out of your loved one's remains still exist?
Florida is the appendage of all jokes
The AI is just a computer version of Malcolm gladwell's book, Tipping Point.
Did I just see an electric car commercial. Singing 'Total Eclipse of The Heart' to the Oil Industry?
😆😆😆.
Did he buy that creepy painting? Was it given to him? Did he not have a bin or matches? So many unanswered questions!
Apparently he's a self-confessed 'weird things fan' and bought the painting from a lady at a flea market; the seller even warned him of the painting's alleged powers. He also doesn't want to destroy it because that might, quote, "unleash the evil."
@@danielgehring7437 Thanks for answering. Sounds like he brought/bought it upon himself. Glad it’s not me.
@@SpaceForceCommander I just wanna know, did he happen to buy that painting around the same time Trumpster Fire took office? Because my life hasn't been going so hot either since then.
@@danielgehring7437 Not sure about 2017 when Trump became president but the pandemic during the last 2 years was unpleasant for everyone.
Wasn’t there a recurring character on “In Living Color” who would always talk to the cops and actually admit to doing things (like smoking crack) in casual conversation, and always get himself arrested?
2:13 for those of us getting to the topic. And, Reddit has a version of this with the Keystone Kops music and sped up. It's amazing!
That intro-well done, Stephen! It reminds me of some of your more classic moments from The Daily Show and Colbert Report😘👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻!
I am convinced that whoever writes these intros is on some some kind of "mood enhancer"
I believe some places in America will test drugs for fentanyl for free, no questions asked. It's certainly a policy Colbert should support.
Who comes up with these opening intros for _Meanwhile_ ?! Give that person a raise!! 🤣🤣🤣
So... I take it those LA officers weren't big fans of the "Where's Waldo" books.
Laughing my f****** ass off funniest police chase I've ever seen you couldn't have made this s*** up something right out of a cartoon where did he go George which way did he go
Dammit, he ROSE TO THE CHALLENGE! Even more betterer than what the other one was!
These Meanwwwhile intros just get better and more betterer!
Popular Opinion: Every single one of ya'll agrees that Dr.Colbert made our day better:
That's not how you write the word "y'all"
@@TheMfmccarthy He's been doing this for a couple of years now. Don't know what he gets out of it. Ignorant troll.
Being Fire, Police or EMS in Florida must be insane
The announcer doesn't realize people standing on the ground don't have the same field of view as from a helicopter 🤣
In the uncut clip he does address that.
It's always a good idea to search an area throughly
Dying! “Florida dweller” here, and at my local pub trivia, they have a round called “Florida or not Florida” and the objective of the round is, you have to guess whether a crime was committed in Florida or not, based on mugshots and a brief description of the crime. 😹