This one hit harder than I thought. Talking about Speech Patterns in Autistic People.
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- Опубліковано 14 гру 2022
- I think fast and talk slow sometimes. Unless it's my special interest, then I talk so fast you can't keep up. My speech patterns as an Autistic woman are not consistent. They are heavily dependent on how overstimulated I am, how sure I am on the topic which I'm talking about and being worried about saying the wrong thing. This is fast paced world and sometimes as an Autistic person, it is easy to get left behind.
I made a part two for this video where I go into other speech patterns: • Different Speech Patte...
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#autism
#neurodivergent
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Disclaimer: This is not a medical channel and any information is not intended to be used for diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional. This is a vlog of my personal late diagnosis journey.
Someone once told me that autistic people aren't "slow," they're just buffering because they're thinking in Ultra-HD
I think a lot more things about each thing then most.
I'm a HSP amd on the scale as well.
This appears to be something my 13 year old daughter does. We are still learning about her condition, but thank you so much for sharing your experience.
That , but if you also have ADHD inattentive, your mind also spins off in multiple directions, detracting from the core subject and person. You end up missing more than half of what the other said, knowing less instead of more and having to ask the other to repeat himself.
@@paulmichaelfreedman8334 and then begins the scramble to take notes, while trying to keep up with the information and the feeling that you certainly missed a great deal of the details.
VERY TRUE
Hands up; How many late diagnosed autistics get autisme as a new special interest?✋
Right? So funny but makes so much sense. 😂
Of course.binge watching videos and reading daily for the last 7-8 months.
🙌🙌🙌
Yessss
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as a black autistic woman i appreciate you saying what many people won't admit. Also I wanted to cry when I heard they were out of your cocoa, that might have broken me down, bless your heart. love you sister
❤️
Virtual hugs. (If that's okay.)
@@Sadyst0 yes thank you
Thank you for allowing me to see much more clearly just what it means to be neurodivergent. I now understand how challenging it is, and I will follow your videos with ongoing interest.
🖤 IT HURTS SO BAD WHEN THE GAS STATION IS OUT OF MY LIFESAVER GUMMIES IN PINK + PURPLE BAG. STG! DISAPPOINTMENT CONCERNING MY FAVE THINGS IS CRUSHING FOR ME ITS RUINED WHOLE WEEKS! OTOH, WHEN I GO TO MY FAMILY DOLLAR IN DETROIT, AND SEE A CORNER AISLE SET ASIDE FOR ME (INCONSPICUOUSLY TO EVERY OTHER EYE) STOCKED CHOCK FULL OF ALL MY FAVES SNACKS ONLY, LITERALLY MADE MY LIFE (BEARABLE)!! MOTOR CITY CASINO ONLY STOCKS WHAT I EAT IN MY CORNER OF THE STORE TOO 🥹
After consuming so much of the fast paced modern media that i've stressed and burned myself out, it was really calming and whole to watch someone talk unedited, open and honest as they are, without constant cutouts, catch phrases and flashy distracting effects. I hope you make more content just like this and it catches on for others as well. We all really need to slow down and give everyone space and time to express their thoughts. I don't think the pace of things in modern times is healthy for anyone.
I've been so happy this video was so well received! When I posted it I had 200 subscribers. It's been over a year and yes, I keep making unmasked videos. 😊
I agree - I turn off videos that are nonstop blah blah blah as if there is no period between sentences. I can’t stand people talking fast - it sounds anxious and it’s usually high pitched besides. Last thing I want to listen to let alone watch.
This video is real and the pauses are meaningful. People shouldn’t have to sound like automatons on fast forward. Certainly doesn’t attract interest….. to have a fire hose of words - and anxious energy- being pushed at someone.
@@KactusKM I agree with part of what you're saying but if you listen to what she says in the video.. this is why I myself talk fast to people, in person, and I can't edit it out (you can see my comment above for more detail, as I just typed a bunch of stuff out explaining this)... I'm not one of those overly sensitive people but I would be careful with how your using the word "anxiety" because that truly is both an internal and external struggle.. I'm not letting it get to me now as I'm in a pretty good place mentally in this moment but I am already very insecure about how fast I talk, as people often have a hard time understanding me, but it's because I feel so under pressure all the time. I am CONSTANTLY in fight or flight mode and it's very exhausting. Basically, if someone is "pushing anxious energy" "AT SOMEONE," they're probably most likely trying to get the conversation over with so they can stop bothering them, as they probably constantly feel super annoying and like a waste of time... I see what you mean in terms of making videos and trying to make everything perfectly cut, clean and straight to the point, when in reality we can't edit these things out. I'm pretty sure that's all you were actually trying to say, but it made me think of how I act out in public, and I just wanted to point out that some people are like this, in real life, due to very deep insecurities...
I think I’ve done the same - but out from the constant fast pace. I’m working on slowing down my listening, and adding back in some music or pauses, but it’s taking me some time to get comfortable with it and find my own pace.
One thing I have found interesting is that in my main podcast app, Overcast, you can not only speed up the pace of a piece, but automatically cut out the spaces between words. I’ve moved away from using that setting recently, because it’s easier to understand the meaning of people’s speech if their own pace and pauses are left intact - even when sped up. So, another vote for natural, unedited pacing here!
Wow you put it into words pretty well.
This explains why I have always felt more comfortable communicating in writing.
This only works if people actually bother reading... most I've known won't bother
I am the same way. I should probably get tested.
I’m always awkward in social situations but can express myself so much better in text
Yes! I’m same.
@@elainemarie1473for me just writing it helps me understand and process what I need. It’s always been a plus if/when someone reads it in that I can convey it better and they understand. BUT that’s only those that can be bothered, as you say. So nowadays I use this as a gage to who I give my time too ❤
Saaame. I am so eloquent and sound intelligent in writing. As soon as I try to verbalise it, my words come out wrong and confusing and I make zero sense. This video gives me much comfort realising I'm not alone.
I *HAAAAAAATE* when I have to pause. People interpret even a two-second gap as an invitation to finish my sentence (usually incorrectly). This derails my train of thought in a way that I can't regain it. Thank you so much for sharing this, even though it was distressing for you. Now we both know we're not the only one who experiences pause panic.
Pause Panic. I like it. Yes, when my brain stops panic can set in because I'll either lose my thought completely or someone else will swoop in.
My mother always does that!and it always breaks my train of thought
It’s like me leaving a two second stopping distance in traffic and some jerk jumps in and I have to slam my brakes on. Not every gap is an invitation to jump in
My co-parent interrupts me while I'm still talking, I don't even have to pause. I've recently started finishing what I'm saying very loudly over him when he does this. So far it hasn't changed his behavior but for me it helps me get that thought out instead of losing it (once I hear myself say it out loud it goes into a different kind of memory that I'm more able to hang on to) and it's also effing funny to see him struggle like he makes me. Feels good. I'm just waiting for him to call me rude for it... mwahahaha *sharpens knives*
I’ve learned to say “umm” or hum or whatever to fill in the gaps so people know I’m still talking. Or I keep the end of the last word I have in my mouth, sorta trailing it until I can start the next words. I’m not sure if that’s masking or not. It doesn’t make my speech patterns “normal,” but it does do the job fairly well. Not socially expected, but it is socially accepted.
Sometimes I forget about it and pause normally, and get interrupted :/ (happened recently and I’m still annoyed about it ‘cause it totally threw me from what I was going to say. The person I was talking to didn’t realize I was giving context for a question, so I didn’t get to ask it. Hmph.)
"I think fast and talk slow sometimes." Same here, other times its the opposite.
Yep, sometimes it's the opposite for me too. Depends on how regulated I am 😂
needing conversations to move slow... needing the space to talk.... That triggered a very painful realization in my own life and current friend group. Thank you for making this video
💙💙
My best friend has pretty severe ADHD and it took me a while to understand that I shouldn't interrupt her when she's talking because it causes a severe disruption in her train of thought to the point where she will completely lose everything that she was thinking about. Now I patiently wait for her to finish when she has long pauses and remind her where she left off when she forgets. It's a learning curve for all of us, but it's really helpful when someone communicates to you what they need. This has been a blessing though as it's taught me patience and active listening.
EDIT: I am grateful for all the kind comments ❤️ and it's inspiring to see so many people come to some sort of realization through my comment. However for the record I do feel I should say that I wasn't always like this. There was a time where I wasn't very nice to my friend because I couldn't understand why they always showed up to class late, or didn't hand in assignments or respond to texts.
But then one day they sat me down and explained executive dysfunction to me properly and explained how interrupting upsets them and why. I did my own research too and suddenly everything made more sense.
Communication is the cornerstone of any interaction, so I want to encourage anyone struggling with this to talk to your loved ones and explain to them. How they choose to handle that is their own business.
Much love xx
You're a great friend. I'm not saying I've friends who don't do that. But that's a loving act of friendship.
Your comment almost made me cry. I think I need to tell my new boyfriend this.
By the way, ADHD people like me tend to interrupt and then hate being interrupted because we lose our train of thought so hard that we will absolutely lose our thought just like you said lol.
I’ve been trying hard for years not to interrupt. I’ve noticed that I interrupt my sister more than I do with anyone else. Can anybody explain to me why I do that? I’ve apologized many times to her for interrupting.
I should explain this to my gf because I still don't think she completely gets it even after 2 years of dating. Might actually screenshot this exact comment and send it lol. She never really allows me to pause or think much, or else she thinks there's something wrong. But then her rushing me causes me to say the wrong thing and start an argument, then she wonders why I say stupid things. I've noticed neurotypicals often assume silence means something bad happened/is happening, especially extroverts. It's weird.
I can relate to this being ADHD. It's gotten better when I went onto a lower dosage of concerta. On the higher one I would over focus and once disrupted would loose track immediately. Tell your friend to experiment with dosage levels of her meds.
ADHD is a part of being on the Autism spectrum. If you have ADHD, u have autism
I’m audhd and 100% I’d rather hear pauses or slow talking than to have to weed out all the unimportant extra info that a lot neurotypicals use to fill in silences. Another thing to note, I think, is that other autistics will likely understand and be on a similar wavelength. If we are your audience then you don’t have to mask as much! You are wonderful. Thank you for sharing this authentically.
Appreciate this so much. 😊
Me too!
Omg yes!!!!
Is not being able to make sure contact with people while i talk to them a sign? It's like I can't think, speak, and look at them all at the same time. It's literally impossible...
@nicolehenningfeld5919 Do you mean eye contact? And if so then yes, that is one of the most common traits we autistics share. Like any other trait, that alone isn't enough for a diagnosis, but it is almost universal to us
I really dislike this trend for no pauses in UA-cam. It grates me beyond belief. Thank you
Same. There are so many channels out there I find interesting but I can't watch them because they talk way too fast. My brain cannot keep up 😅
@@heatherbrasher2590 Yeah I;m exactly the same, I would slow down a lot of videos but then their voice sounds weird and I can't understand what they're saying
@@heatherbrasher2590I have to set the playback speed to 0.75 sometimes
Yes me too, I don't get it, makes it just unwatchable for me and often think surely they don't speak like this in real life, I need time to get what people are saying so can't keep up.
I like to speed up video to 2x speed but cutting out the tiniest of pauses is annoying as hell
I’m 62, diagnosed at age 53 with Aspergers/high functioning autism. I tend to talk slowly with lots of pauses, unless talking about a special interest. I found it a great relief to be diagnosed as it explained my life.
Hello! Thank you for sharing your experience. If you don’t mind me asking, what type of clinician diagnosed you? Wondering about what type of doctor to talk to about this.
@@mkedee824 hi. I suspected myself to be aspergers/autistic after seeing a tv programme about a woman who had it & was just like me. I had had several diagnoses over the years,but this just rang true. I did lots of online tests that seemed to confirm what I thought, so I went to a GP I thought would be sympathetic to referring me & he did. I was referred to a centre near here that specialises in diagnosing autism. One clinician was a psychiatrist and the other a psychiatric nurse, both specialising in autism. I hope this helps & you find a sympathetic doctor.
@@mkedee824well I replied and my reply didn’t register so it might now be duplicated.
I went to a GP (UK general practitioner) who referred me to a specialist centre for diagnosing autism. The clinicians were a psychiatrist and a psychiatric nurse, both specialists in autism. I hope you get the help you need.
I'm 62. Dx at 50. It was a relief. I quickly found a specialist, got disability, health insurance and food stamps. My poor parents were SOOO relieved as well. Dad is now 92 and he says he used to worry day and night about what would happen to me without his help. This girl didn't ask to like or subscribe or hit the notification bell, or watch until the end and leave a comment... I did all of it halfway through.
@@mkedee824
I went to a psychologist after seeing a documentary on autism."That's it! That's what's wrong with me! That's why I keep getting fired and can't keep friends or a BF!" He had a checklist, cards with people's expressions on them - I got every one wrong. By the end of the hour he was filling out a form for SSD in the US. I got it in 3 months.
Being bullied for being "too slow" as a kid has traumatized me to a very deep level that I wasn't even aware of.
I was bullied for being too fast, and could not write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts leading to terrible handwriting, sorry for your experience, 50 years later and I can reflect and not be triggered by my past.
😢❤
I know that feeling, my whole school life in a nutshell...
The kids knew I was different and I also got bullied. I now run from my problems because that is how I dealt with it. Having the whole soccer team call me "Crackbaby" for no reason than being assholes for my whole 10th grade season. I should have just quit but some weird pride kept me on. This happened all through school and on the public leagues too.. Go figure I am an angry dude often and have major trust issues.
@@One_Call_System dude I feel you there too! It's like, I'd take all the beatings from popular kids, bullies, anybody in school, always afraid to fight... But I felt like the fact that I refused to move schools, refused to let them win, let them drive me away, showed persistence. Looking back, I wish I'd learned to stand up for myself but even THAT may have led to thinks being worse haha
I used to be interrupted a lot as a child, because of my long pauses. This angered me every time and made me feel like what I was saying meant nothing to others. Because of this, I learned to talk fast, but it actually took several years to realize how this fast talking exhausts me. It consumes SO much of my mental strength. I prefer to talk at my natural pace, but I need to feel comfortable around someone in order to do so.
I used to use the word "umm" to fill the silent gaps so I wouldn't be interrupted during pauses so my family started yelling at me that "umm" is not a word and I stopped talking. I literally can't speak to my family without feeling beaten down.
I can relate to that. I still feel constantly pressured to answer quickly so the focus is more on the speed of my answer rather than the quality. I often end up blurting out standard go to phrases that are so deeply ingrained in my brain as a go to scrilt that it comes across as if I don't actually have any own thoughts or opinions or I say something that I don't really mean or even think of as stupid and then afterwards when the question has actually managed to fully arrive in my brain and actually be processed I go "aw man what the heck did I say to that and why" and then there are so many thought around the topic in my head that I cannot stop analysing every thought I'm having about it. But usually people don't wanna talk about it anymore. I often get the "does it even matter? Just let it go" or of course therapist then tend to think that you get stuck on this because you want everything to be perfect and justify yourself. I don't. My answer doesn't have to be a perfect one but it would be lovely if it was at least one that actually represents my thoughts on the topic wouldn't it?
@@quentinmcsloth240 I can really relate to your experiences. I'm 54 now, and now and really struggling to get Out of the habit of responding in ways that helped me survive in the world. I want to be more authentic. Im in a place where I don't have to just adapt and survive anymore cuz my children are all raised. Now I'm working on getting to know my TRUE self. And not just being "o.k." with how I am, but appreciating I encouraging how I am. I've always been introverted and self reflective, even as a small child. Survival and adaptation has allowed me to get thru(barely)but It's so ingrained!! It's a fight to stay authentic. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel validated and less alone.❤
@@quentinmcsloth240I can relate.
I feel this
This is literally the best explanation on why I always had the feeling of "not having enough time" my whole life. Thank you!
I love your unedited talk. The “flaws” are the best part. Please continue with your natural flow of words. They speak directly to the heart like no polished version can. Remain unvarnished, exactly like you are. You are so brave. Cheers.
Yeah, let's include us, "from the slower lane of the road" , as we are, into the prevailing cohort of "normal"...
Your speech pattern sounds very natural and soothing to me. I have autism as well as auditory processing disorder, and people who talk more slowly give me more time to process what they are saying. I think it's very brave of you to not edit out the pauses, and I really appreciate it!
When I speak most of the time, I speak with a low voice tone and with the same tone, it's just hard to change the tone, some time I stuttering when I speaks and repeating the same first word twicet at the beginning of the sentence, the hardest thing to be autistic male that people will think you are shy and gay the dumb term of manhood
Maybe that is why I can’t follow some of the really fast talking people on UA-cam. I also find her speech soothing.
How can I know if I have audible processing disorder? It often takes me 3 times as long as someone else to process what I hear. Maybe I have audible processing disorder.
@@temi4116 That’s basically how auditory processing disorders are. Another thing that is common is saying “what” after someone tells us something and then our brain catches up and we start answering the question while they are still repeating what they said. If you repeat part of what someone says to you before answering that particular auditory processing disorder is called echolalia. I have that. It is kind of a coping mechanism in that it gives your brain more time to process information and then come up with a response.
Yeah, i felt the same way listening to the speech patterns in her voice. It was comforting listening to someone speak the way that I wish I could in this Society. I'm only 19 but I'm already so tired of masking all the time. It's really debilitating and I wish I could just stop masking.
“I never learned how to say no to things” resonates so strong in me, thank you, I didn’t fully relate to everything but I did to this. Thank you
It's such a sad thing too... for me personally, it's because people have always excluded me from things, hated me behind my back for no reason (I am always kind, no matter who it is) or pretended like I didn't exist. You get drowned in solitude others created for you and desperately try to escape out of it. You NEED to be likable. You NEED to make everyone feel good. You NEED to be nice to everyone. As I'm slowly realizing this over the years, I'm getting sick of it. I wish we were able to somehow just block out the neurotypicals haha
@@diediedice ditto, my brothers have secluded me ever since our lives began to change, i became my family’s (name for bag made for punching(is it punching baglmao?)) so I think i too come from that place, specifically tho, I had this experience with the first friends i had at age 10 that they were fighting amongst themselves and I not wanting to take a side and aggravate the situation took no side and tried to make peace, they saw me as a victim after that, they stopped talking to me entirely and a year later I almost died at my school being choked and thrown around by them near the cafeteria during a halloween event. It’s sad to say but people can tell when someone’s different and for some reason they don’t like it… I feel like I might’ve over shared but I wanna show my appreciation for you sharing a piece of your experience
I never learned how to say no either. It is hard! Just today i should have said No and ended up running over my personal boundaries. I later addressed the issue and said that it would not happen again and stated my boundaries. Better later than never. I am a 43 yr old undiagnosed woman. Thank you for sharing and your honesty
Yes yes yes!! I'm just starting to and I'm 54. But the good thing is, I'm starting to. :D
@@Jef785 From what I have been learning, there is an overlap between autism and CPTSD. You can have both and that is awful. So sorry you were treated this way by those who should have been protecting you. Trauma can be generational and pervasive in families. And if you think about some neurodivergent folks mimicking others to fit in-that may have been happening with one or two of your siblings also. We are so complex singly, then as groups even more so. I hope you have peace and acceptance now.
Thank you for holding space for all of us that feel like we can't.
My heart is just overwhelmed with the fact that for the first time in my life I feel so much like I belong, there’s a tiny part that still not believing I’ll be fully accepted, but more of me that is like THESE ARE MY PEOPLE TOOOO! (Thought it was just ADHD community) it’s not though! To know and see other women that are living their best life and gaining success and all the things and it’s because they are BEING AUTHENTICALLY REAL and sharing themselves with the world!!!!! I FEEL LIKE IM FINDING MY WAY IN THIS CRAZY WORLD FINALLY! Thank you so much for not editing seriously 😊
I so understand this. 😊❤️
Same here! I'm 46 and all my life I've felt like I've never fit in, couldn't do small talk, always struggled with chit chat, general conversation, found myself interrupting people when I have a response, fighting the urge to interrupt, struggling with the amount of eye contact, body language, sarcasm, I just don't "get" people and trying to fit the "norm'.... I finally understand why I never could!
We end up with so much trauma by the time we get diagnosed! This brings up so many memories of being silenced, misunderstood, and even openly mocked. People who wouldn't dream of making fun of someone with a physical difference still see us as a socially acceptable target for abuse. Sadly, this is worst amongst people who consider themselves defenders of "marginalized people." Thank you for talking about this and leaving the pauses in!
I saw a tiktok yesterday where this guy was using a metaphor about an art piece to talk about learning to embrace and learn about differences. I jumped to the comments because I wanted to know what art piece he was talking about because I completely missed it was a metaphor. Another autistic person said that and people were attacking the autistic person for taking it literally. It was SO hypocritcal and sad since the whole point of the metaphor was to show compassion and understanding.
Yes, so true ime.
@@i.am.mindblind You're right, the point of analogies and metaphors is usually to help people understand the subject better, especially when the initial thought is too abstract or too vague or too technical and people tend to miss the mark.
I feel for all those people who are getting attacked for just not understanding and seeking some clarification.
It saddens me when some people lash out at others to make themselves feel somehow superior, I guess it stems from their own insecurity around feeling too stupid to comprehend a thought and so they are trying to distance themselves from those who are just open and honest about it in order to appear smarter than they feel on the inside.
I certainly prefer people just being honest. It's much easier to improve when there's more clarity around feedback. I don't see a point to shame others for not understanding something, it's often the easiest problem to solve - you can describe things in different ways, use examples and so on, to make sure you're on the same page and proceed from there. It's much more difficult to get on the same page with someone who just pretends to understand you and then only relies on their misinterpretations and assumptions afterwards. I have no problem repeating myself and use different ways to descibe my points in order to myke myself clear to somebody else, but I do have a problem with people who nod and don't ask any questions and make up all kinds of mean judgements behind my back. How am I supposed to fix that? There's usually no point to explain yourself to those who are not really interested in undertsanding you, better to pull back and look for people who care about honesty and clarity.
I also prefer to admit when I don't understand something myself, even if others could critisise or mock me for that, because then I know who I should avoid in the future, when it comes to real life situations and in the case of online interactions with strangers, I can at least feel like I did everything I could to understand something and if I end up without any constructive feedback, I can just let the subject go - no need to rumiante over it anymore. ;)
Don't beat yourself up for taking things too literally or for taking too long to get to the point, dear. We all have so many ways to express ourselves and this variety allows us to find people we can resonate with in very specific ways. People who talk too much and repeat themselves may be just perfect for those who have difficulties understanding something and need more detailed explanations. People who are very quick and to the point may be a better match for those, who don't have the time or interest to get deeper into the subject. I think both approaches are valid and valuable, the're just for different audiences. :)
Blessings to all those wonderful people who remained kind and open-hearted despite the abuse they had to endure in their past!
The world is full of downright judgemental people !
@@i.am.mindblind yeah metaphors.. I always think its literally what they are saying, then, yup it's a metaphors, and I feel so much confusion, why didn't I get it, and why everyone gets the framework that this is a metaphor and this is literal fact. I don't get the sign or whatever it is... its not fun, to be made fun of.
A woman with autism on TikTok also showed her unmasked self talking and the comments said it was so calming to listen to her that way. I think people need to slow down. It’s not healthy for anyone to move too fast. I’m not diagnosed but I recognize myself in a lot of symptoms. I used to be looked at as a the weird quiet girl but on the other hand people found it so relaxing to be in my presence. I believe we’re here to balance out the yin and Yang in this world ☯️ Thank you so much for being so open. I hope you continue to be true to yourself 💕
@Daathiellol same I’m adhd and Asperger’s
Who? Got link?
At about 13:20:
“ Going on autopilot, I just did what I thought was expected of me. I didn’t how to say no”
That’s what I have lived for 63 years, while masking myself. STILL have not unmasked, it’s hard to feel safe.
Yep, I am so slow process information I can't speak on the phone anymore.
I get too nervous and say exactly the wrong things in a stuck up way like a narcissist would do accept opposite reason for me.
I explain too much and see things so different then most everyone else.
I can't really answer questions and have a hard time accept conpliments and being assertive.
I am with you here. I cannot say “no”. Always on autopilot for others.
Same here. Every relationship ends up with my being despised and abused because apparently most of what I do is annoying to nonautistic people.
@@christinemarcino9884 I've made myself so repulsive no one ever asks me anything anymore. problem solved, although I'm on the fence if this is a good or a bad thing.
Tell me no
Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for NOT editing this video. I feel your pain and I understand. I only discovered I am an aspie about a year and a half ago. I am learning to be ok with this and I made some enormous progress through meeting people who share our mind. Keep doing this channel. It is valuable and I can see the value you capture for yourself as well. You deserve to be heard and you are helping people thank you
Well mama, many of us are not looking for someone flashy and funny. Some of us are looking for someone REAL; which you are.
Thank you for sharing 😊
It was actually so refreshing to hear those pauses included in your video. As someone who has dealt with being talked over, interrupted, and unheard simply for not talking fast enough, this video helped me realize how valuable my time is and we shouldn’t cut ourselves short because of someone else’s illusion of a timely manner. Our words hold value, we just have to find the people who value us enough to listen. Thank you and wishing everyone here the best❤️
Listening is important. Knowing when to begin speaking and when to stop speaking is important. I suspect that most (at least a simple majority) of neurotypicals simply cannot stop the verbal splatter. When I am speaking with one, I look for signals that mark the beginning of a window wherein I should speak. The signal never comes, usually. They will never stop talking until they are ready to walk away like a visiting clown from the circus. At times, I have simply begun speaking when I believe it is the appropriate time to do so. I may have to look at a fixed point and speak louder, ignoring the spew until I finish my thought. Then the neurotypical may be baffled or indignant. My mom was one of the worst, or she could be, at times. Sometimes I would say something like, "Mom, you need to observe the give and take in conversation and be ready to stop, paraphrase what you heard, augment a point, pause, analyze, ask questions, make inferences, draw conclusions, and connect the things spoken about with other likely things". She would say, "That's not how people converse". Neurotypicals seem to be forever in a street melee, fists figuratively whirling in windmill fashion, colliding with each other in their vocal storms. Sometimes, I think I might be on the spectrum, though I have never been diagnosed. I do certainly believe that most people could stand to allow the chaos to settle, look around, enter into social contexts mindfully, observe, then choose their words carefully, knowing when to shut up.
i read something interesting that made me think...
it takes two to interrupt...
OMG THIS. especially being a woman of color.
No kidding, my mind will race with ideas and nothing comes out. When its really important and someone is upset with me and i have to explain my innocence it makes me look guilty. It’s horrible. I can never defend myself properly and have resorted to anger while with my ex and trying to shed all that. And we are smart af but sometimes i feel completely stupid and like the biggest failure.
@agentbz agreed, however I would say it's most people, especially nowadays, who have something wrong with them, they just like the sound of thier own voices & the movement of thier jaws flapping, while speaking nothing intelligent whatsoever, & if you watch interviews with true intellectuals and brilliant scientists, they ALL stop and pause frequently, most people can't have a conversation with anyone of any real intellect, they basically can't listen & just want to let them jaws get to flapping .it's Normal to pause while talking, people who don't just want attention focused on them no matter what jibberish they spew
100% the grocery store. One of my worst triggers, and when they don't have something I need in my routine, I can barely hold in the panic. I'm late diagnosed and only just learning how much of me is tied to my autism and adhd. THANK YOU!!!!! ❤
Thank you for being vulnerable. For years I have masked. Not knowing what was wrong, just knowing something was not average. Thank you
SENSORY OVERLOAD TIP: Order your groceries online for pickup and let them put the items right in the trunk. You can do that for just dry goods like cereal, rice, and toiletries, then go inside just to get meat and produce if you want to chose those things personally. Then you won't have to walk every isle. It really helps me with sensory overload.
I struggle with online ordering of anything and end up calling the company directly, or, I'll go into a store and every time ask for the staff member to help me, because that stops me from getting as overwhelmed and stifled as I would without help, and the staff also usually know where the stock is stored, plus what's out the back, which also helps in hot having to walk every isle or having to go to multiple stores to find something that happened to be out the back!
One of the best things I did recently was get an accordian collapsible-style storage box with dividers that I can put my groceries in in the car which means they don't slide around everywhere and you don't end up finding random items that slid under the seat on the way home days or weeks later, which has happened to me many times, and has resulted in food and money wastage!
Although I have experienced a wealth of discrimination from a number of stores run by people who lack the ability to express oxytocin in their brains, there are also a number of stores with staff who have helped me, some on a regular basis, that have absolutely saved my sanity and even my life.. I dont know where I'd be without the help of good staff members!! There are good people out there.... not all people are good people, but they do exist..
Oh, no--shopping. 😧 One of my least favorite "regular" things to do in the whole world! I didn't realize it until I read your comment, but I guess I've been using an overload coping mechanism for decades. I only visit two particular supermarkets in a fairly large town (Albuquerque), because I have their aisle and grocery locations memorized. Walmart Supercenters are too damn big, so I tend to avoid them. I always buy the same groceries and same brands, because I can grab them quickly and rush to self-checkout (in order to avoid conversation, lol). Then I'm out the door and on my way. No browsing, no reading labels, no price comparisons. 😧
Edit: Sometimes the stores rearrange their aisle layouts, and that throws me for a loop. 😧
I also feel safe using the same emoji over and over again. 😧
I never realized why I always left the grocery store feeling like I wanted to cry. I had 4 small children and finally I just refused to go in a store. My husband had to do the shopping and as soon as they started offering online shopping in my area for free, I jumped on it. Now my children are teenagers and I order all my groceries for pickup or my husband stops on his way home from work if we need a single item or specialty item. I rarely go in stores now and I have about a 20 - 40 minute time limit if I do.
I only shop early in the morning or the last hour before a grocery store closes. That way I am not so overwhelmed by too many people moving in different directions. And if they blare loud music, I wear my Loops sound muting earplugs and sunglasses so the bright lights are dimmed.
Let’s all embrace our pauses!! The people who matter will be there waiting with you!! ❤
Well said
Some truths are more romantic than half of the RomComs out there. Being patient when someone else needs it is a rare trait, that only autists and wise people seem to notice :D
@@DaleGribble-fh9jq "mild case" can be misunderstood, but I know what you mean 😕.
Life goes on for everyone and einstein was just one of the few people who found a good way to deal with his problems without much help from others 😉
Hugs to you, girl. I watched and wanted to see your pauses-as I pause and reflect before I speak at times myself. There’s a lot more of us on your side than you think! ❤
Absolutely ❤️
The grocery store is so relatable. I switch back and forth between being overwhelmed and needing the over/stimulation.
Just seen this...beautiful humble and honest little video .Absolutely brilliant ! I'm sending you a big hug 💐x
When you broke down and started talking about how the world sometimes doesn’t have enough time for you bc you’re “too slow”… i felt that. “It takes me a while sometimes to think of what the next word needs to be” ❤ and when you were saying how you never learned to say no, and were working on autopilot bc that’s what was expected of you.. i felt seen. Thank you so much for making this video! Thank you for being your authentic self ❤️ much love.
This is why I prefer communicating via text. No one can interrupt, take things the wrong way and if they are rude instead of being flabbergasted about it I can respond appropriately. People assume that if you speak slowly you are not very intelligent or from the south…which I found humorous the first time someone questioned where I was from because of my cadence…Oregon.
"Ummm..." "Just a moment..." "Hold on..." are all good options for when you're thinking but need to let someone know that you're thinking. If people are still too impatient to wait, THEY NEVER CARED WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY ANYWAY.
I am really pretty angry and disturbed. I have wasted years, confused by my own protagonists, who often stuck up for me, but still thought I was too weird and wanted me to STOP; stop being? People like my parents, my brothers and my sisters. I was considered MENTAL for most of my life. I have never fit anywhere and I sometimes don't feel like I am a real person but something else.
@@marilynanguiano2472 Hugs I’m sorry you had no support. In the family I made with my husband we celebrate our idiosyncrasies and we try really, really hard to always be respectful…something I have not been subject to by my mother and majority of my siblings. Celebrate your difference and narrow down those people who don’t treat you well. You are fine just the way you are.
I feel this every time I'm driving anywhere (going about 5 over the speed limit) and everybody is zooming by and getting angry if I'm in front of them. Why is the world in such a hurry, all the time?
"Doing what I think people expect of me" really hits home. Not learning how to identify if I actually want to do the thing and if I do figure out I don't want to do the thing, knowing I'm allowed to just say 'no' and people can get over it, are both somewhat new concepts to me.
Hell yea, way too familiar.
Diagnosed at 42 and (+10 years or so) I still am not sure if I really want to do the thing I do, or if I am just "going through the motions".
Hello, I am trying to understand this better, to educate myself for how I am with my own children. These types of videos have helped me a lot in growing as a parent with them. I don't understand how the situation you explained is different from other people who do not have autism? As it is something I believe anyone can relate to. I want to truly understand to make myself better for them.
Wait, I just got further into the video and it is enlightening. I always feel terrible as a parent and person when I don't support/understand my children how they need me to. I wish the world and people were different. Kind and understanding but people don't change until it personally affects them.
@@ROCKDEES1 Thank you for trying!
(plze) Remember that ALL parents sometimes fail to understand their children, misunderstandings are a human thing.
Do not get discouraged, and do not take it too hard :)
We (humans) all grow up with the rules of the household, and of course the culture around us. That is a normal thing to learn to conform to (to fit in, be accepted), and also (puberty) to question them, try to tear them apart, figure out why they are there. (And sometimes: yes, those "rules" are stupid and no longer valid, or there for a very good reason).
but they can be taken to extremes:
The last years (decade) ABA was very popular (but is now considered child-abuse) to "treat" autism by (fe) making children stay in a noisy room they really could not tolerate (sensory overkill situation).
The moment the child gave up trying to escape (because they would not let him/her leave) and just shut down completely...the "therapist" concluded that the treatment was successful: the autistic person was finally behaving like a normal, well-adjusted child... no more screaming, no more fighting to get away, no more weird sounds, behaviors etc. but sitting quietly.
Did they help the child to deal with the noise? Did they give the child noise-cancelling headphones or sunglasses to see if it could tolerate the noise and confusion any better?
No, they just taught the child that their needs were unimportant and he/she should "behave" in a certain accepted way, not caring what was really needed to move forward...
Succes: the child was no longer disturbing the other kids, and acceptable to society, but it also learned to ignore it own very real needs (and that others will also do the same/ the autistcs needs do not matter, their needs are unimportant, important is to fit in and "behave".)
This is a rather extreme example, true though.
But we all have learned to "endure" instead of figuring out what was wrong, and maybe change it, maybe just get away from the stimulus that is just too much to handle...
(No wonder we are always exhausted and have no idea why! Other people have no issues with normal situations, right?)
Birthdays etc. are terrible: too many people, lots of confusion, noise, people intruding on your personal space etc.etc..
Just giving yourself permission to leave if it gets too much (or just skip it) can be enough to make a difficult situation more bearable.
(Sorry if I am depressing/ autism is a difficult concept, and the annoying thing is that no 2 autistic people are the same. So what is great for one, is horrible to someone else.)
I wish you all the inspiration (and luck) in the world to help your kids to grow into good people, that can make good choices for themselves and those around them.
(and if later they need to be carrying a safety-blanket to work with them ..perfect! Whatever works.)
But do not beat yourself up for the little mistakes, they have a parent that loves them and tries! That is the most important thing.
In my experience saying no to people increases the likelihood of them becoming hostile and aggressive but also on the flip side they also do it to you so that has always confused me. I figured I’d just say no to piss them off, it’s somewhat entertaining.
yes, this is me, im 26 and only recently realised what i want and what i dont want, and i still struggle with it, and saying no is really hard
Hi honey, I am the same as you,I haven’t been diagnosed but I do feel like things are moving along to fast. I panic when there is a lot of people around me, they don’t seem to understand how I feel, I get lost easily, but I have slowly learning how to be patient with myself. I am 71 years old and have so much pain from arthritis,I try to be patient with myself.you are so brave to make a podcast,I am very proud of you sweetheart keep up the good work. Remember you are precious and loved 🥰 ❤
@yvonnebernadettehardy9752 What a lovely comment. You are very kind, and I hope you are doing okay these days.
You have definitely earned it. At 68 I'm going to get there it may take a little longer . Folks can be rude to us gray haired ladies and sometimes ignore us completely. Getting old isn't for wussys but it's better than the alternative. 😊
Stimming at the shelf because they didn't have the item you were expecting was so relatable for me. I cried but it was cathartic. Thank you.
❤️❤️❤️
77yo female. Learned I was autistic last year. It explains so much. Sometimes when someone is talking fast to me and interrupting me or wanting me to hurry up and say what I'm going to say, I just stop talking for a minute or so. I may just let them talk and opt not to contribute.
Today I"m having to make a difficult decision that has multiple moving parts and heartache. I'm lucky to have a friend who invited me to talk to her about my issues. So I called her and told her everything. It helped me make a difficult decision.
You are brave to do this video. Thank you for not deleting anything. I identify with the overwhelm and frustration. And the hair.
Hi Melissa, it's just so amazing to hear people of all ages finally getting diagnosed and validated for a life of struggle, always on the outside and never quite fitting in. I'm so glad you've got a friend to talk through and process decisions with! That's lovely. ❤️❤️❤️ Thanks for watching and commenting!
Can I ask how and why you got diagnosed? I’ll be 60 in two weeks. I’ve been diagnosed with Fragile-X. The psychiatrist I saw when I was 12 said I was emotionally immature, and love deprived. Later I was diagnosed with OCD and general anxiety. That’s good enough for me. It’s not like I can glean any benefits at my age.
@@flxmkr I've been learning alexander technique for soon two years and I believe it's something that's helpful for anyone's enjoyment of life. I don't quite buy all the mental health discussion of treatments and diagnoses and such, but in alexander technique the teachers themselves show a great skill of being at ease, which anyone can improve at through practice. I find that work very meaningful.
As a 20 year old who was told by so many professionals how hard or even out of the ordinary it would be to get diagnosed as an adult, I want you to know how brave and resilient you are. Especially on the not giving up side because this diagnosis is definitely a journey in adulthood.
@@flxmkr I'm 74, diagnosed at 67. I was worried about memory issues and had increasing neuropathy so I was referred to a neurologist who referred me for an assessment for memory issues. That lead to being referred to a professional who mostly assesses children and who diagnosed autism which I suspected. Mental health care long ago was totally useless and worse. Like you say, there's not a whole lot of reason at our age to go to the the trouble and expense of getting a diagnosis other than to just know ourselves. If you wait until you are 65 and on Medicare, it will pay for some or all of your assessment, especially with a supplemental policy.
The world IS too fast. Your speed is comforting to me and I retained so much more of what you said. (I'm not diagnosed autistic either, likely ADHD though) You're an amazing person; wishing you all the blessings and love possible!
Yes!❤
I feel it’s to slow in many aspects.
They used to talk about the book "Future Shock." Now it's just normal and expected.
I adjust the tempo in the settings if a video is too fast or too slow ;)
I agree, the pace is perfect ❤
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us❤️ it really resonated with me.
One thing that really clicked for me on my autism diagnoses journey was I realized I have never misunderstood or got irritated listening to other autistic people talk or explain things. I was never left confused or angry or took things the wrong way - the same way neurotypical people have with me and other autistic people. I was like holy shit. If anything talking to other autistic ppl has only made MORE sense and like no stress. We just get each other. I feel safe. Big lightbulb moment on top of everything else.
Listen, I took Speech, Thespian and Psychology classes to learn how to human, read etiquette books and I don't need to be called out like this.
(This is a great video, thank you for posting and being so vulnerable)
Honestly, leaving in the pauses was very comforting to me because I talk in the exact way you do with similar pauses, strong breathing, etc. It’s exactly because I think so much all at once that these pauses happen and I don’t often see people with the same speech pattern/pause pattern
SAME. I've also gotten a lot more comfortable taking my time and not using as many vocal pauses as I did growing up. It's nice knowing other people communicate this way.
If anybody goes to a doctor you are going to get some kind of label to be bound to that doctor no matter how well you are. It's all a scam and a joke to gain clientele. This woman is obviously fine. Just like I was when they told me I was totally crazy and not making any sense.
I actually never realized that I talk like this until I started recording videos occasionally. I had no idea that my speaking paused so frequently and for so long. Because it feels like all the thoughts I’m thinking aren’t moving that slow.
I didn't even know it's a typical speech pattern for autistic people 😅
I find that when I get nervous and frustrated, I begin to speak louder and faster-like I need to hurry before I screw up. It usually makes me screw up.
And breathing heavy? Exacerbated by long-haul COVID. It sucks that they hear me gasping when I speak. But I’m also high IQ, and I had an easy time getting A’s. The reason I think we’re “people pleasers” is because we want acceptance; we don’t want others to ask, “What is wrong with you?” How many of us have done things we didn’t want to do, simply for acceptance?
My 18 yr old daughter was just hospitalized for mental health issues. She recently told me she thinks she’s autistic. I came upon your video. I have spent hours and days trying to help her just be happy in her own skin because honestly, that’s what we all need and deserve. This was one of the best and rawest videos I’ve seen in a while. You do you. Be you- unapologetically. Thank you for this. ❤ Namaste
I'm so glad I could help. Many doctors are still are not educated on how autism can present in females. Knowing your neurotype can go a long way to happiness I feel. Before my diagnosis I never understood why do many things were so difficult for me, like making friends. Now I know my Autism traits caused so much distress. But not knowing it was Autism the words became too sensitive, too clingy, too much, too shy, sometimes too hyper (overstimulated.) too stubborn, etc. Thank you for advocating for your daughter. ❤️
I live in your (our) world. My daughter is 21 with the same issues. We knew she had autism when she was very young, so she has embraced it. She has mental health issues because of the negative pressures of life and her difficulty processing recovery. We discovered this together on our own. I've been helping her as much as I can for the last decade-plus as a single dad.
In my experience, most mental health professionals know little about autism in connection with mental health. I would suspect this is true among most mental health professionals.
I didn't know anything about autism until my daughter was diagnosed, now all my children and I are very knowledgeable amateurs.
Without her, my children and I wouldn't have grown in the special way we have.
@@mikelippp You sound like a great dad. Your daughter is very fortunate to have someone like you in her corner.
This comment made be a bit emotional haha. My parents had no interest in learning or educating themself on my ADHD diagnoses and it has caused a lot of trauma to me.
I’m now suspicious I might also have ASD.
Also just as a note ASD and ADHD are genetic so it’s very likely someone along the family line has the same thing so just make sure to check!
I got emotional reading your coment. It's really special that she has a validating mom! may you have a good and peacefull process learning about yourselves
Thank you so much for not editing out the pauses. Like you, I'm free flowing when I'm speaking about by special interests, but struggle to think and then speak fast enough at other times. This video has been so helpful. Please keep at it. You're a blessing. ❤xx
I'm 66. I figured out myself after a big meltdown that I am autistic with at least a side order of ADHD. All those years...finally explained. That's a lot of years!
I have days when I feel so much compassion for my little inner child me who never knew why she never fit in and felt so wrong, bullied and scolded. Sometimes I feel that pain you are crying here very sharply. In fact behind all my joy is a sense of melancholy, deep sad and anger too for the years I have struggled and felt so on the outside of life.
I too have a high IQ, but you are right, the world doesn't stop, pause or allow us to fully speak and express ourselves. So many times, halfway through a thought I want to express I am interrupted, thrown off course and don't get to finish what I wanted so badly to share. It happened so often that people misinterpret me and think I am quiet and have nothing to say.
I write. Quora has been a way to say what I need to, and sometimes nice people actually read and respond to me. I use my real name there. I loved seeing you speak in your video. I love that you included the hair and the paper...those things bug me too. I would have been upset about the cocoa too.
"This world is too fast." Hit me hard. Crying right along with you because I feel this every day. Sending ❤❤❤ thank you for telling us your experience.
I'm crying too, honestly this whole video was heartbreaking in a relatable way. I feel like I don't have the same 24 hours as everyone else. It's overwhelming just to SURVIVE. 😢
For God's sake the world IS too fast!!!
It feels like everyone is a Ferrari and I'm a Ford Taurus
I agree with you. The world is running at a pace that I can't keep up with. Too much is expected of me and I'm falling short. I'm left behind, and no one is staying with me it seems.
I wish things would slow down. Down to a point where you get to appreciate the clear air when you meet it. The sound of bird song in the trees. The feeling of air passing through your lungs. It's so hard to feel these little things nowadays, and it's making it hard to breathe. Or maybe rather, feel them as nice and not stressful.
Some youtubers speak so fast I can't even follow what they're saying!
Girl, I feel you. I talk too fast or blurt out things I didn't intend to say. Misunderstand topics of conversation. Feel so self-conscious that my speech is too measured and slow. It's rough out there.
My speech is either too inhibited or not inhibited at all. Both cause problems. But I've learned there's different times and people for each. When I'm chilling with my weird friends it's ok to ramble. When I'm talking to my boss, just say thé minimum neccesary.
Well done Mrs! I’m really pleased that I’ve found your platform. Keep going gal! X
I love the fact that you’re so real and raw. You’re so awesome and brave for doing these videos. I’m so inspired by you!
Thank you for being your true authentic self. I talk like this too, I find it really hard to tell stories because my brain starts forgetting the crucial words for things and then I get talked over. I have so much trouble remembering names for things and people. Talking is so hard. I find when I'm exhausted, talking is nearly impossible. Big hugs to you.
I get this all of the time, my brain will offer me a complete sentence, that is inciteful and relevant to the conversation and withhold a vital word and leave my floundering. I compare it to Lucey pulling the football away from Charlie Brown.
Filed under things that make me believe that I would be diagnosed if I sought one out. I can sound entirely uneducated and stupid on things when I speak because words will fail me and my brain is moving faster with thoughts than my mouth can express, so the words come out jumbled or missing entirely. Remembering the correct names of things (and people) drives me crazy. My Google searches are often trying to find the word that is basically tongue tied in my brain.
This is why I find it so much easier to write letters/texts to people over speaking out loud. I sound like a complete fool when I open my mouth because I forget the most basic of words and peoples names. One time I forgot what a picnic table was called. I called it “the table with benches at the park”. 😩
Nailed it!
Thank ypu for being yourself and not editing- it gives the rest of us permission to do the same. ❤
I have auditory processing disorder and I appreciate that you talk slowly in this video so I can absorb what you're saying. I find that too often people speak too fast in life and I am always missing words.
💜💜 I love finding people who listen at my speed. Now to be fair, when I'm overstimulated I can talk too fast (well or shut down completely you never know which way it'll go!)
@@i.am.mindblind LOL yep
@@i.am.mindblind ❤🙏❤
I resemble this remark, too! I am constantly rewinding DVDs and old-time radio programs for the same reason. One thing I like to do as an audio-video nerd is see how something is done, from a video technique to how the punchline to a joke is done, for my own benefit. One of my coping mechanisms here is to simply watch/listen to a program, just to ENJOY it; then later on, I can disect it. Another technique is to watch a program with somebody else who will not enjoy you pausing, rewinding, and viewing a segment -- sometimes many times. It's worked for me, at least to a point.
All the best to you!
I enjoy people that naturally talk fast, but when normal talkers edit their natural rhythm I have a brain train wreck and close the window.
Thank ypu for making this wonderful video and leaving in all the pauses and tears. I love this. I love you!! Thanks for being you and helping me be me! You're telling my story.
You're so brave! Thank you for this so authentic video! ❤
Diagnosed at age 66. It explained so much about my life. I never fit in and just thought I was weird. Luckily there is so much more information available now. Back in the 50's and 60's it was really only boys who were diagnosed.
I want to hug you (virtually).
@@ursulanicsuibhne4972 A wise friend told me, 'It's like finding one of your own 'tribe' and feeling like home'! Rest easy in those arms, comfort and peace! Ahhhhh....
that's still true here. im 50+ and cant get diagnosed. I couldn't afford it anyway. It's true that autism is still diagnosed on a Cis white male model
I've always felt "apart" from society, and as a teenager, was unable to process what people were saying fast enough to reply; it took all of my attention just to listen completely and understand. Autism runs in my family, but my parents have always told me that I seem well adjusted so I must not have it, and I had excellent grades. My best friend is on the spectrum and we sort of have an understanding, allowing one another a lot of leeway. I'm not sure if I'll ever know...
Same for me dear, at 68 no less. ADHD and high-functioning autism. Explains a lot of things for me about being different. They didn’t have good testing back when we were kids.
I'm an autistic + ADHD teenager and I really just want to share how important this video is for me... this is the first time I'm seeing an adult presumably living independently who speaks out about their autism, and it's SO refreshing hearing you explain things exactly like my own experiences. The story about the cocoa at the grocery store honestly made me emotional, since I do the same thing all the time where my brain just shuts off if an unexpected inconvenience happens. I've had meltdowns in the middle of school where I've had to just pretend I was trying to focus on work because I don't feel safe to admit to my friends that I can't process things as fast as they can... it feels so overwhelming and sometimes I just want to stop speaking to people forever because it feels like my brain is broken and I'll never be able to interact. I'm still not able to unmask at this point in my life, but it means a lot to see someone who is 💚
I really appreciate your comment. Autistic people can lead very fulfilling lives. There will be difficulties and hurdles. I get sad just like anyone but overall I really am happy. I'm glad to be a mentor. ❤️
You are a BEAUTIFUL woman and thank you for sharing your knowledge.
❤
Just working on it is sometimes the best thing you can do! Also you are young so hopefully in your lifetime they will know a lot more about how the brain works! I don't know if you have a therapist but they are helpful and you can be open with them! Stay strong you can do this!
@@meredithcutler6625 Thank you :) I'm really hoping the same, even just in the past 10 years I've seen the general attitude around autism shifting positively and it feels a lot safer to exist overall. I'm currently still looking for a therapist that works for me, but I've heard many success stories surrounding learning to unmask/cope so that's got me hopeful as well!
@@satohime I've watched awareness and outreach progress massively over the past 16 years ago. There are likely programs where you live, either through the city or local hospitals, or both, that would enable you to meet others your age who are also on the spectrum. You've probably already mined the online groups and resources available. I hope you find a therapist who's a good fit!
Thank you for being you and being so authentic & raw for the video. Its much more informative your way 😊🙌
Thank you for saying what you did and posting it on UA-cam. You have made a difference to one more person (a year later and on the other side of the world). You spoke straight to my heart and now I'm in tears knowing I'm also like you. Thanks again you wonderful sweet amazing woman!
I appreciate the way you speak because the pauses give me the extra time I need to process what you’re saying. I wish more people would speak the way you do. When speaking to people in the real world, people perceive any kind of pause as a cue that my speaking turn is over, so I end up constantly being interrupted. That is probably something a lot of us experience as well 😢
I agree. Thankfully I've found a partner that has a similar communication, style to me... After spending most of my life feeling "too slow" for everyone.
I hope you find more understanding and considerate people in your life too ❤
@jessiekaldwin I couldn't think of the reason her pauses don't bother me until I read your comment. The pause gives me time to process. One of the things I like most about watching on UA-cam is I can rewind and rewatch as many times to process.
I was in Toastmasters for years. I tried and tried and tried to re-introduce the use of the Effective Pause. Most people NEED The Pause, but they're too heedless to stay in the saddle and work with it.
I'm MORE than OK with a pause during speech. In my eyes, it elevates you WAY above most people, if you can thoughtfully pause during speech.
Yes, that!
Agreed, the slower tempo is much easier to process for me too.
Definitely can relate to the hair. By the end of an 8-hour workday, my body is about driven mad by clothes. You read that right: a lot of my social isolation is simply because I've reached my clothes-wearing limit and need to be naked for a while. Even people who think that they are "autism aware" can't usually accept that.
I kind of get it
Haaaaate wearing clothing. It drives me crazy. Certain things like leather and fur actually cause positive stimulation but most anything else is just irritating.
@@LycantisI love fake fur things
I don't think I'm autistic but I love being naked 😂 and when I have a new partner they have to quickly learn I'm not trying to engage in sex I am just a nakey girl 😂❤
@@charghhhmaine1423 🤣
You take as much time as you need.
We are here for you.
Thanks for making such a important content
God Bless You!
You are good enough and you are so brave for speaking your vulnerability and your pain so openly. Thank you for sharing! 🙏❤
i have masked myself into relationships and sexual things by "just doing what i thought was expected of me" it took me until I was 24 and had moved halfway through the country to understand that i get to personally choose what is okay,.... which sounds strange because duh, but in social situations, just like you explained my brain went into autopilot... i had to learn to exist for myself and not many people understand what that really means. thank you for sharing! you are so brave and wonderful!
Gay woman here, and I have masked myself into a three year relationship with a guy, despite not being straight.... Almost masked myself all te way to the fucking altar. He is now my ex, and was very shocked to hear I was neurodiverse.
This is so relatable. I've been like this my whole life and when I confided in people they always told me that maybe I was just a people pleaser or had anxiety. Now I'm starting to wonder if I might have been masking the whole time
Wait you got sex, what the fwick
I did this too for years and years. I’m 44 now and just starting to wonder if I’m autistic. My brain goes 1000 mph all the time and I’m very happy as a person but I’ve spent so much of my life as a heroin/crack/opiate/alcohol addict. This year in feb I got sober and my personality has come out all over the place. Came off my bipolar medication and felt exactly the same. Until I was threatened with lies and had my children taken away from me then I had a manic episode. Got back on sodium valproate and came back to the ‘me’ I was before when NOT on meds. So I keep taking them as a shield to emotionally high stimulus things. Now I’m thinking there’s more than bipolar going on.
Exact same story, I'm 24. Except, I never moved, I had a child of my own.
I am not diagnosed with autism, but I also take longer to process information, especially verbal information. It also takes me time to think of the next word and to speak fluently. Thank you for sharing this video with the world and advocating for allowing more diverse ways of being!
Same! And if I'm interrupted that's it, I'm done, I can't finish what I'm saying.
Same🙏🏻
Same here too 🙏
My ex husband would wave his hand like he was trying to hurry me up and say “JUST SPIT IT OUT” I would just shut down and cry. He didn’t care
I also take longer to process verbal information. It is still a mystery how I learnt English (it is my first foreign language). I prefer to communicate in writing though, or, if necessary, if I have to speak, I will most often look somewhere else, not in that person's eyes.
I watched at your pace, the pace that I process. Thanks for being yourself, standing for your own voice! You are very brave and smart!
You are so brave and beautiful! Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for showing up as the most authentic YOU that you could bring to the world on this day. Thank you for wanting to make a difference and not letting fear of the risks and the vulnerability stand in your way. I relate more than I know how to express. BIG LOVE!
I’m 75 yr old white male. ADHD untreated. I get it. Your very brave and I applaud your efforts. Subbed and hope for more
I’m sorry.. I can’t imagine how much you went through. I’m 64yo and will be officially diagnosed for autism soon
You’re*
I’m 71 and just diagnosed with Autism. I can really relate to this video and am so grateful to view it un-edited. I get so many half expressed thoughts hijacked by my husband who feels the need to jump in and complete the sentence for me. I try to remember that some of the people I converse with are getting age related short term memory decline and this has an effect on their ability to hold a thought while I re group! Also they are sometimes desperate to express their response before they forget what they wanted to say. It can get exhausting, but at least now I am aware of the reasons and understand it a little better.
The huffing is something I do when I’m uncomfortable. Glad to see I’m not alone.
Thank you thank you thank you. It was as looking at myself talking and explaining and see all those emotions flash by (that irritating paper, that irritating hair, the frustration and going mad about not having my black chocolate, frustration and super stressed about not able to fullfil other ppl’s needs and then feeling worthless. I had absolutely no problem with listening through your complete clip. It was good and real and sincere and i love you for beeing you ❤
Thank you for being so open about your struggles ❤ those struggles i find very relatable.
I work with females on the spectrum, and I just want to acknowledge the tremendous courage you display to put yourself out there in such an authentic way. I loved your video.
you mean women right? a lot of women don't appreciate being called "female"
My mom is 66 and I think she's been misdiagnosed as bipolar. She can't handle loud noises or even the vacuum cleaner. She's been having these ticks for a couple years now. Umph. Umph. Many other strange humming noises. I just don't know what it means. She gets hyper focused on one thing. Anything else.. she can't focus for more than 2 minutes. Watches same movie on repeat for 2 or 3 days
@@Val-rd4lbdrs diagnose everyone as bipolar bc they don't care to ask about symptoms and do the checklists. I was also diagnosed as bipolar.
@@erinbosch5915 well now moms acting more strange. What is with this humming tic? It drives me nuts. Her shrink is garbage. I think it's Definitely neurological. She is so mean. Mostly to me and I'm just trying to help. I'm going to stay back at my dad's for most of each week. There's no point of being here if she won't let me help her. She won't tell the doctors the truth. She literally said she thought aliens were moving fire around in the woods. Too much conspiracy theory shows? I don't know what to do. I can't call her doctors because I don't think they can listen because of the HIPPA laws. I think if I get home health care inside the house and see how she lives collectables, pottery, and antiques EVERYWHERE. For more than 10 years she's been saying she's going to sell things on eBay... Nope . She just buys more. So I guess it's hoarding. You can't even find a place to set a cup of coffee down anywhere. I've cleaned off all the end tables and counters before but 3 days later it's like I never did it. I had to disassemble and hide her kitchen tables cuz it was just a catch all. She needs help. From a professional. If she would let me fix this place up I could make it beautiful for her. It's depressing
Why do people say females? Unless your talkin about a non human species. Why?
I’m almost 60. Turns out I was actually diagnosed when I was 43 but my long-term psychologist never told me. Last year she admitted she made a mistake by not doing so. Not only is ASD my newest special interest but I finally feel comfortable in my skin because I now understand myself. It all makes sense, my entire life, and it feels like the world’s biggest sigh of relief. Gentle hugs, everyone! 💗
Wow that would be a blow that your psychologist didn't tell you. Seems unethical actually. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thank you. It’s her policy to not state diagnoses if she feels it won’t benefit her patients. She doesn’t want to add to their issues. I was (finally, after a lifetime of health problems) diagnosed with a genetic condition that explained all the physical stuff and when I brought it up in session she got very quiet as ASD is frequently comorbid with it. She had felt I was high-functioning and doing okay without knowing but after the rest of the pieces fell into place she told me she made a huge mistake. She’s apologized profusely. I’m still with her because I’m otherwise happy there (and change of any kind freaks me out). And I now have an explanation for being so different from everyone I know, all my quirks and behaviors, etc. My whole life makes perfect sense. Gentle hugs. Great video. 💗
@@victoriawinthropadams those excuses given by the person you had been seeing, seem more like a cop out for her unethical behaviour.
Maybe they didn't want to lose a client that was helping them pay their bills.
At the very least, withholding a diagnosis could be malpractice because it's not up to them to keep a diagnosis a secret if it's going to prevent you understanding what is going on, and diminish a positive outcome.
That could be grounds for a lawsuit.
That's negligence and possibly illegal that she didn't tell you. You have a right to know.
The most stupid thing i ever heard. What an worthless psychologist. My "Special interests" because of my ADHD is Pharmacology of all meds i have taken, and WHAT ADHD is,, How the brainwaves differ AND HOW and Which brain changes one has compared to Normal brains, because it has helped me alot with actually realizer that my bra is actually STRUCTURALLY broken in a sense and i am not to blame because i just CAN'T just start to behave "normal" just by trying hard. But because of my ADHD "Super focus" i can do most everything that i am intuitively good at or just learned even better than "Normal people" because i can't be sloppy/of scamp with what i am doing when i genuinely try.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your beautiful authenticity! 🙏👏🙌🏻
This is the first of your videos I watched- highly appreciated- love the authenticity
My 17 yr old daughter was just diagnosed with autism yesterday. I watched your video all the way through, and I cried all the way through. You're just fine the way you are. Much love to you.
What are some names of some clinics in Texas for testing adults? My daughter is 20.
❤
Best wishes for your daughter. My grandson is autistic and was non-verbal for the first 6 years of his life. We would spend endless hours watching children's singing videos. Then one day he began sing-songing words. There were changes in my house to accommodate him. Every moment spent with him is a true blessing,
💕
I am not diagnosed autistic, but I was educated as a child to only speak up if I had something to say. I was deeply moved by your video. I learned a lot, especially from the pauses and the very meaningful interruptions such as the paper, the hair and the tears drowned in your tea. It tells so much more about you and your daily struggle than would a thousands of words. A loved one in my entourage deals with autism and I shall try to let them more space for their thoughts.
I just cried when I saw this bc I've been hiding for so long. I have ADHD too and I can talk really fast at times. I actually wish I could slow down, but I wanted to ask. I've seen alot of comments from females who are undiagnosed like I am, and how they find you relaxing to watch and listen to. I'm working on this idea that we're recognizing each others body language, and ladies I really think I'm onto something. 3/4 of communication is non verbal, I'm of the mind that the reason Neurodyvergents have body language that's almost impossible to read, and why we can feel like we're speaking a different language is bc we're Neurodyvergent and have are basically only speaking with 1/3 of learned behaviors we don't identify with. I watch Neurodyvergent like yourself and I get so happy! I have this bubbly, happy recognition almost. Maybe we're just bad at body language bc it's neurotypical body language, we're Neurodyvergent no wonder we feel like we're speaking a different language. Anyone else understand the happiness? I just want to wave hi like I make myself not do. I've always done the hand flapping and pauses, but bunching at the same time, so when I was older they thought it was drugs. My obsession went to this too! Watch The Behavior Panel if you want to learn how to tell when people are lying, or specifically when neurotypicals are lying. It might help you, too. Watch the video they did of Elon Musk. He has Aspergers and it's how I figured out I have this too. They're so respectful, too. Gave me the courage to finally start the process of getting diagnosed. Thank you for being so brave. You're video helped me realize it's OK n not just me. Thank you
@@KrystalDawn85 what about voice calls tho
I tried to go back to do a maths course last year and before hand explained I struggled with selective mutism. I also asked how many people were in the class because I get uncomfortable with busy spaces. She told me there wasn't many people going to be there like 4/5 others were supposed to be there. When I got there I was one of the last people in and there was about ten people all seated close together, the only seat was in between two people and I was basically right between their shoulders. I stayed the hole time because I didn't want the attention on me but was struggling to speak and she quite loudly infront of everyone told me to speak up as if selective mutism isn't something I have control over. I never went back there lol.
@@KrystalDawn85 I really feel you have a point when it comes to the bodylanguage, I thought about that for quite some time 🫠
@randall-flagg
Sounds familiar..
Fantastic video. Your vulnerability makes such a huge impact because you are showing us in real time the experience of your neurodivergence. As a therapist who treats people on the spectrum, this helps me a lot to understand their world. I cannot thank you enough. Posting this video took courage. I want you to know it does not go unnoticed.
Thank you so so much for sharing!! Your video just popped up, and I watched all the way through and didnt skip. I have many autistic friends and am neurodivergent myself and it was so helpful and lovely to hear your experiences. Thank you again!
This is wonderful. I am a late, self-diagnosed autistic woman. Age 69. I find it hard listening to videos that edit out silence. They just go too fast for me and don't feel natural. Also harder to follow and understand. Thank you so much for showing us your authentic self. It is beautiful to watch. ❤
Yeah I find it annoying, also their pitch is too high and loud when they cut out any pauses or 'ums' because those periods are where your voice slowly gets lower or louder. But they cut straight to the louder parts so it's like they're belting out words constantly.
Hope that makes sense, but it makes me feel audibly assaulted and makes me irritated. All the 'Hey guys! What is UP? So. We wanted. To. Show you. HOW. To make. CAKES.'
Like damn shut up. lmao
the rapid editing style a lot of popular youtuber use is utterly exhausting to me. I need the extra time an unedited video has to process what's going on
I'm sorry you went so long without a proper diagnosis but you claim self diagnosing. What with all the videos and pod cast and other media's is it a good idea to assume you have a disorder from comparing symptoms to a person diagnosed by a medical Dr specializing in the field of autism? A self diagnosis seems to be an excuse for you and a slap in the face to those that are medically diagnosed.
Don't get me wrong, not coming down on you but it's seems that more and more adults are all of a sudden saying they have ADHD or other form of autism. Why are over half of kids being diagnosed. I'm 66, is it in the environment or parenting problems? Too much TV? Less playing outside? The food we eat? Please someone explain why autism is on the rise.
Don't say childhood vaccines or flu or covid vaccines, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I believe in science not fades.
@@montamiddleton9318 That relies on believing autism is medical. I personally don't consider it a medical condition but a neuro-culture, and I knew my neuro-culture before I had a word for it and way before drs confirmed it.
I also have been right with every physical and mental condition I've understood I have, but I suppose that's another matter.
Self diagnosis is a tricky thing but we have to acknowledge that some conditions are pathologised nature, or pathologised identity/culture, and self identifying isn't subpar.
@@montamiddleton9318 Also we don't have half of people being diagnose with autism and ADHD but over half the population experience mental illness at some point in their life and this statistic has been the case for a very long time.
WOW, I cannot tell you how validating this video is. In recent years, I have started to piece together that I may be autistic. I’m undiagnosed, but it feels accurate.
The MOST FRUSTRATING thing for me is that I feel like I’m not a good communicator. I don’t always talk very fluidly, sometimes have trouble regulating my tone of voice, and forget what I was trying to say mid-sentence. Because of this, it can be hard to relate to others. It’s especially hard at work when I struggle to speak my mind during meetings. People think I’m just shy, but that’s not really what it is.
I am learning more about myself and how to help others know me!
I get lost in the middle of thoughts.
We're in the same boat!!
Me too,and I have trouble typing out my real thoughts.i always see others doing it just fine,I didn't know what was my problem,now I know.
I am literally melting down right now, almost sobbing to the point I can't type this because I asked a couple of questions at work during a team meeting and I don't know what my tone of voice was like but I feel like I had resting bitch voice and my coworkers probably think I'm a stupid a-hole asking stupid questions with a piss poor attitude. I should have just kept quiet.
@@MDiL22 Noooo, I admire you so much for speaking up. Often I just sit through meetings quietly, and afterwards I feel like people think I’m dumb and uninterested. It stinks feeling like you can’t talk. :( I bet your coworkers aren’t reading into it as much as you think?
Thank You!!! This video has been so helpful for me. I live with what you are talking about every day.👩🏻🌾
I feel so much better after hearing your story your struggle thanks for taking the risk to reach out. I appreciate all your hard work. 🌹🌹🌹
I really appreciate this video and i admire the vulnerability you show here! I am not diagnosed with anything, but I relate a lot with how you talk and act. I think it's incredibly valuable for people to see this, and I imagine it was very hard for you to share. Thank you!
7yrs post autism diagnosis I’m still learning to unmask, thank you so much for getting vulnerable with us! I can identify with everything you said! I’ve lived for 29yrs thinking I was a f*ck up, and now I know so much of it is just me coping with a world that’s far too fast, bright, loud and emotionally hostile for people with autism 😢
Did you find being diagnosed was worth it? I wonder if it is since there’s not really a “cure” and there’s so many videos for tips and tricks about it out there.
@@thelastnashie8811 For me it was. Then again I live in germany and it was free for me. But that feeling of being called "stupid", "weird", "obsessed" etc. was worse.
It makes no sense since Ive known for a long time that Im autistic (or Aspergers to be precise, according to the old DSM), but it is validating to know its not you being "dumb".
Its something I cant change and have a lot of problems with, but at least Im now sure Im not a "pretender". My friends accepted my "coming out" before my diagnosis, but I still felt VERY weird calling myself "autistic".
In retrospective Id even pay the 2k, and I really dont have a lot of money.
@sodaaccount I don't have the money , unfortunately. I have many physical chronic health problems, too, so I've been on disability for 30 + years. I really want to be tested. But, in Australia we have to pay privately.
You've described my experience of being autistic perfectly! I could never have found the words to articulate how I've felt all my life.
Thanks fit this comment!
I appreciate you talking openly about autism issues without trying to appear neurotypical at your own cost. You're very brave!
This was like watching a video and hearing myself speak, at the pace that makes sense to me and with the pauses I often need mid-sentence to communicate with others.
Thank you so much for your content and vulnerability as you work through life with your new diagnosis. ❤
You are doing great. It is nice to see and hear a genuine person trying to better themselves.
I am autistic and I often have moments where people think I have stopped talking, but I'm not done or I'm trying to express myself, and I can't get all my words out. But if I'm talking about Doctor Who or a book I love, I can speak so fast and fluently, and I find that I'm almost yelling. I get so excited. So this is a good video, thank you. I started this channel that I have about books because of how excited I get when I talk about books but I often have to edit my pauses out because it makes the video very long.
I get so frustrated when people think I've finished my point or stopped talking! In reality, I'm trying to decide which of the 37 ways I could say something is the way I want to say it.
@AspieMoto yes!!! So glad others get it!
@@AspieMotowow my son is neurodivergent but this makes me think of myself! Add another language to this…the chaos that is my mind. I have trouble with executive planning so it can be really hard leading a family
One of the big problems of our current world is that a lot of people tend to associate "being smart" with "being fast", and the two aren't necessarily holding hands all the time. Because of that, a lot of people that have many talents and knowledge get overlooked and have opportunities denied to them (even moreso when it comes to ND folks). Hugs from Brazil 🤗
I’ve had people rudely walk away from a conversation with me because I took too long of a pause between thoughts. You’re given no time to think before judgment is passed that you’re stupid.
Yes! That or not being pushy and quickly decisive.
Thank you so much. Your channel is such a support for me and learning how I can better support my son. He is amazing. The more I learn about him the more I appreciate him. I love food network ❤
Thank you for having the incredible strength and courage to allow yourself to be so open, vulnerable and honest with us in your video.
I really love the real you. ❤
You’ve helped me and educated me. I greatly appreciate you and I thank you. 🙏❤
authenticity is worth more than people think in this flashy shallow world. You be you queen
the fact you were 100% candid, real, vulnerable, compassionate, inspiring, safe... I'm subscribing and liking to your channel. ❤
Same here.
Great video! Very genuine! You are very tuned in!
This is a great video. Thank you for making it and sharing it. Seeing fellow neurodivergents strive to communicate honestly is so helpful.
Thank you for this. Trying to advocate for my autistic son at school has been nearly impossible. They equate masking with progress, so I'm not able to argue that he still needs his IEP. Just because he is better at masking doesn't mean he _grew out of autism_. It just means he's exhausted all of the time. He comes home and crashes and can't do anything else, even talk to friends. "He doesnt need the IEP anymore because he's matured so much! Isn't that great?" They legit don't understand why I'm not happy about it.
I understand. I had the same issue. I homeschooled my kids but with my Burnout we ended up doing an online school. Even then my ASD kids needed an IEP because of executive functioning. The admins said they have A&Bs they don't need an IEP. I'm said, yeah, they are smart. But behind each of those As is hours and hours of anxiety, stress and tears. Their IEP includes explicit instruction from teachers on assignments. No true/false questions (we over think those sooooo much!) A reduction of assignments and a few other things. Keep advocating! Push on the fact that there is executive functioning disorder as part of Autism. My kids are Autistic /ADHD and either can get accomodations but strangely we had to put or the other on the paperwork. They wouldn't allow both. Weird...
Only 3 minutes into the video and I really really appreciate that you said that this is unedited audio, that the pausing is how you speak. I've not been diagnosed with autism, but I think I am autistic. I speak like this an awful lot, with the pausing and stuttering and the processing information. I really really appreciate this video. Thank you so much.
Same. I sound just like this. I also noticed on my livestream I look away from the camera a lot when I’m talking.
Yeah, I definitely tend to look away from people when talking, away from the camera, and things like that. I always felt really bad because you're "supposed" to make eye contact when talking to people but oh my god it's so uncomfortable. @@13fyrefli
You touched my heart. I love that you were real and raw and didn't take out the pauses. I am just starting to accept myself as
autistic and you just showed me that. You are right people can be too impatient for us not let us finish our thoughts. So thank you. Thank you for being you. I watched it all the way through. 😊
Good luck to you. What you’re saying makes sense and resonates. I feel the same way about the pace and expectations of this world.
You are helping me as a teacher-I am teaching students with autism and you are helping me learn how I can encourage them and help them realize that they aren't stupid (as they often think they are)-they are just different, and they'll have unique contributions because of it! Thanks for the help!
Thanks for taking the time to further your experience 😊. I have adhd, or at least I was being medicated for it. But growing up in a large class I always felt “dumb”. I was sent to a quiet remedial class a few times but always did too well and was sent back into the class where I would once again fall behind. I remember very clearly a book reading sticker chart. If you read so many books you get a prize and I really wanted a toy in there 😆. But I only ever got 2-3 stickers because I’d rather trace over all the cool dinosaurs in my books. I never really got the help I think I needed growing up and I feel it followed me into adulthood. I appreciate people like yourself who take the time to understand children like us. I wasn’t lazy! I’m not lazy and being talked to as I was by adults really hurt.
Sometimes, if a smart friend tells me they feel stupid, I like to tell them “It’s okay, dear. I assure you, you’re almost as stupid as everyone else.”
I love the pauses! It helps me not to feel so alone. It’s real and authentic! I’d take that over canned ppl pleasing any day! Be you. I think you’ll find ppl will love the real you. ❤
I really appreciate you saying so. 🙂
Your video has made me feel so seen and heard with what I'm going through, especially seeing you unmasked and being your natural, wonderful self! Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing yourself authentically. You've helped me explore my own symptomatology and feel a little less alone in this big crazy world ❤