12 Things a Narcissistic Mother-In-Law May Do To You
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
- 12 Things a Narcissistic Mother-In-Law May Do To You #narcissist #narcabuse #empath
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#12--Sadly, I’ll say unless your partner can show you that he will take your side over the mother, don’t get married. It will continue to infiltrate your relationship forever and it’s detrimental.
My husband is still in the middle. I don’t think he will ever side with me… He will defend his mother and I’m the bad guy.. ugh 😩 as I type this we are not talking due to his mother.
@@80sbabyforlife same here
I agree. My husband and his narcissistic mother got more abusive towards me over the decades. She was so hateful and envious of me that she said horrible things to me every time we were together. I got the last laugh though when, after she totally told me off (we had been forced to live with her 😩), she had a huge narcissistic meltdown due to perceived narcissistic injury and made herself so sick that she wound up in a bad nursing home and died there years later. She hated that nursing home! 😂🤣
I totally agree . My ex mother in law was and IS awful beyond belief . A 80 odd year old woman with the behaviour and actions of a 8 year old . Controlling and manipulative. In the end it destroyed my 22 year 💔 relationship. My wife was a child around her own mother . Ruined our future, and it pleased her .
Going thru that now
In my story my mother in law is a passive aggressive Narcissist, which is very hard because if I try to confront her or communicate to resolve the situation she denies any intent. Always.
Same! Except her reaction is STRONG resentment towards any perceived criticism.. that invariably reduce her to tears and my husband apologizing because she’s ALWAYS the victim. Has never said “I’m sorry” not once. She invalidates it by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”.... after 15 years I’m done playing her games. I’ve completely ghosted her and remained silent, baiting her into revealing her true nature. She will text both of us bizarre texts, call my husband endlessly and demand calls back; which to his credit he has distanced himself from her and she is having a full blown tantrum. Lol
@@justjulia8007 We had to ghost her too. We rarely visit because she is his mother and regardless of everything he still loves her and I can understand. But it’s pretty mind boggling how the love of my life came out of such a cruel person he is so kind and selfless Im just baffled... Something that has helped me is reminding myself and really internalizing that she doesn’t have the ability to empathize with others, she literally expects others to think and feel as she does and seldom gives thought to how others feel. No matter how much we explain to her how she makes us feel, she will. Not.understand. So I think of my grandmother when she had dementia, she used to say to many horrible things but we didn’t take it personally because we knew she wasn’t all right. I think of my mother in law as someone with serious issues and just like my grandmother, I won’t take it personal anymore. The ghosting part helps a ton too. It’s sad really, because I think we could have had a beautiful relationship, Oh well.
@@sleepymountain thanks so much for your kind response.. we have very similar stories! My husband is exactly the same. And I also feel bummed because not only is his mother a mess, but my SIL is awful too.. and I had such high hopes about having a sister and a bonus mom. Not to be, sadly. But at least now I know fully what I’m dealing with. Best wishes to you and yours ♥️
@@justjulia8007 same!! I was always excited for the family to grow! Not to shrink. Thankfully my husband only has a brother and he is just as kind hearted as my husband. He actually received a lot of emotional abuse from her and has had to deal with the repercussions of a narcissistic mother now in his adulthood. My husband was the favorite one but it affected him too in different ways. Im just glad it ends with her. I will do everything in my power to be a loving mother in law if Im ever blessed to be one. But it is so empowering to identify this behavior and learn it’s best to not let it have access to your heart. Best wishes to you and yours too!💕
Wow same situation!!! Mine is passive aggressive as well! So it’s hard
My MIL bursts into tears during conversations, when she feels things are not going her way. It's so exhausting knowing that it is so manipulative and I am so helpless.
Limit contact with her as much as possible
My mil hangs up on the phone , when she gets bored w/ the conversation. She doesn’t even say goodbye first. When the conversation is uncomfortable, she says that she needs to do something else. It’s always on her terms. At first I thought it was because there was something wrong with her phone or my phone.
@@clareespina4018 😂
I actually can write a whole book of her narcissistic abuse. I remember we were all gathered together @ the apartment & I was newly wed to her son. She made a passive aggressive remark that I couldn’t even cook. Btw, she’s good @ cooking. Her friend told her, “Fe, she will learn along the way.” I learned a bit, but not really. My husband just told me the other day, why don’t you cook? I have been letting my husband cook main dishes, because he’s good @ it.
My MIL does the same thing. She cries and says she doesn’t know this how things work in those 21st century and acts all naive. But really the shit that she does like taking over my husband’s and my housewarming and not asking us. She literally just cried and created a scene. I saw right through those crocodile tears…
My boundaries are a threat to my narcissistic mother-in-law. We did not speak for 11 months and when we did start speaking again (after she begged my husband for advice on “how to talk to me again”) she broke every single boundary almost immediately and intentionally. She makes herself out to be a victim regardless of the horrible things she has said and done and when I speak up and point out the behavior- I am considered the “crazy” one because she’s such a “saint”. 🤮
Your story is far too familiar to my own... know you are not alone! All I can do is keep trying to uphold those boundaries and accomplish my goals.
Me too. I don't know how to go about setting boundaries. She has called me twice today.
Omg this is the same situation I was in.😒
This is just like my mil. I’m so glad I’m not the only one but I’m sorry you have to go through it too.
Yes this 🙌 it took me 15yrs to finally starting defending myself, and actually, once I did my husband finally started seeing how toxic and asinine his mother has always been. It's been 3 yrs and she just came to live with us because she burned all her bridges with everyone else around her and of course played the whoa is me, I'm the victim, role so I had a lapse of judgment and agreed to it. 2 weeks later she abruptly moved her stuff out and left because I finally once again had had enough of her passive aggressive, never takes responsibility... well, actually I sort of take that back. She'll say things or situations are her fault (very rarely) but she'll do it in an extremely passive aggressive manner, while sobbing, saying she's dying from some random new disease she came up with....Shes so much fun, yall!
After 40 years of marriage, and experiencing everything you've talked about, my MIL finally has her son all to herself when he visits. Hope she's happy. I will happily spend mother's day and every other holiday by myself if it means never having to face this woman again.
One of the best forms of wellness being of staying away from those toxic MILs ❤️❤️You speak truth 🙌
@@clarebrad6002 I did too...22 years married...cut out MIL and her family a month ago. Confronted her for first time four months ago about depraved comments she made in front of my son about him to my daughter (son is 13 and daughter 18). Husband took her side and now I am the scapegoat so I went No Contact. This was the third strike with his family on something major and they are now out.
Same
I thought it's only common in India and some of the Asian country. . But it seems like universal problem
You were always an intruder anyway. I feel so embarrassed now that I tried to change myself and tried so hard to be part of a family that never ever wanted me.
This also applies to a sister-in-law who plays the family matriarch role.
Yes
Yep!!
💯🎯
Yes.
Yes. She is very protective of and enmeshed with her mother. They live right next door to keep us under control. They control my husband and She told me I stole him from her last time I spoke with her 5 years ago. I have to move but my husband can’t because she’s invited herself here and now he can’t say no to her. Very depressed
1. Love bombing. Give everything on a platter after interrogating you abut what u like and give u them. Like gifts. They can care less about the gifts. No empathy, recycled gifts. They try to impress you and lure you in. Dresses, compliments so u have no denying about her.
2. They will spy on your conversations with your partner/ spouse etc. to sabotage the relationship. She feeds off drama and information. She sees her son/daughter as an extension of herself and will take any device to check. She gets JEALOUS and needs control of her child. Period. She will make sure she spies so she can control you. She will make them spill the beans about u and ask what did u take about. Very sneaky and covert and wants info. The son will be pressured and will talk.
3. They will try to isolate you from your friends and family. They can act like they are best Queen type of a women who can be with her all times. She will try her best to make a good impression on others only so she can brainwash you.
4. They will covertly and overtly sabotage your self esteem. Hyper critical and break your strengths to your weaknesses. And especially in front of people and make it look like u can’t do anything right and need her for everything. Making smirk comments like she needs to be there for everything. That you ain’t worthy and can’t do anything right. Either scapegoat you or golden child you.
5. She will try to financially abuse you. She does that to her children and she will want to you use you as well. You have to watch out for that. Don’t tell them how much you make. She will try to take your money.
6. Scapegoating. Make you feel you can do nothing right. A child who can’t because you went against her. She will make u feel like you have no self esteem. And can’t do anything.
7. They want to show you off to everyone around them. To their friends and family. Showing off is her favourite things especially in the beginning of the relationship. Because they want to be the central of attention.
8 after showing off they will smear you to the same friends and family. That you are crap because you are in discard phase especially if you call her out and confront you. She doesn’t want you in the family. She will make everyone who will look at you as if you are crazy.
9. Giving you the silent treatment especially if you draw boundaries. They hate boundaries. They want no boundaries and cross them all. She will hate it and start the discard process. They want u to know you did something wrong.
10. She will project all their negatives on you. Whatever are her negative qualities she will say they are yours. Like arrogance, lazy etc. whatever she is, she will project on you and u might even believe it. That’s not you. That’s her. Remember.
11. They will constantly hyper criticise you. Especially if you are an empath and kind. Even if you are perfect they will find something. Don’t even try to be prefect cause the stuff they find is so stupid and small and try to break you down.
12. She will sabotage your relationship for sure. If she sees that you are making your partner a better person and she can’t control her child and are taking her child away she will ruin your relationship. She will do it by brainwash her child and guilt trip them slowly and fully. They have an enmeshed relationship and can’t stand losing control. She will rage and berate them and put your relationship through hell because of her strong jealousy. Especially if it’s a son and mother. If that son sides with his mother they will abuse you as well so might as well leave. The son will not want to leave that toxic environment. Period.
This is awsome, thank you 😊🙏 send me prayers bc she asked to move in today to my husband. She is a nightmare! Ughh I hope videos like this will help me to adjust to this change.
Facts!!!! Been through hell with these.
Thank you, very well said ! I have been through 26yrs of absolute fear and controlled by my narcissistic malignant mother inlaw . My husband and I Got to breaking point many times in our marriage and needed to understand what this abusive dynamic is . we finally learnt about narcissism and also how to deal with it or how not to anymore ! No contact has been our strength… even thou my mother inlaw with the support of her flying monkeys and enabler husband still trying to hurt us and smear both of us at every opportunity we do not care . Enjoying life more then ever
I divorced him and his sick mother- Free at last. Excellent synopsis.
9 and a half. The MIL will manipulate and threaten those friends and family who you maintain contact with in order to gain information and secrets. Your secrets are her power.
It's like your describing my mother in law. She says the most hurtful things and she always makes sure my husband is not around when she does. I could write a book and every time I share my experiences with others I feel like I'm reliving the moments the woman is bad. But ladies this can only help us to be good mothers in law.
Yes indeed. Be kind,be understanding,be helpful in a non intrusive way.In my experience the mother & son are a narc team...
Girl...WRITE THAT BOOK!!!
Sure try not be like them
Record her
This is so true for my situation too! Thank you for sharing. I love your attitude.
I experienced nearly every one of these. Not only broke up the marriage but alienated my children. This personality type should be public knowledge-thank you.
After being around her 3 times, my narc mil told me a family secret regarding my husband (we were just dating at the time) and every poor decision he had ever made. How she didn’t think he could afford the house he was building, his perceived emotional problems, all kinds of bad things. Then told me not to tell him. None of it was true at all. She was just jealous of his success. Well I told him immediately, we don’t have any secrets in our relationship. When confronted by my husband, she yelled at me “I told you that in confidence” and I told her “I don’t want to be in your confidence, then, now, or ever”. Now shes telling my husband she will forgive him if he leaves me. My husband and I adore each other and nothing is going to break us up, certainly not her. The audacity of these narcissistic people is unbelievable. We’ve gone gray rock and intend to stay that way.
Omg...isn't it crazy how they will even throw their own child under the bus to YOU in the beginning...then say don't tell lol!!!
@@megank3358 yes! I can’t imagine doing that. These narcissists are seriously twisted individuals.
My boyfriend's mother does this to me 🤦 she had a good old bitch to me bad mouthing him and telling me all this horrible stuff about him the other day yet while crying and saying 'she cares' idk woman I don't think you do if you're constantly insulting your son to his face and behind his back to his girlfriend 🥴
She's lucky I grew up with a narc mother myself and I'm lucky that my boyfriend is aware of all the problems with his mother because he's the scapegoat kid 🤪
I agree with you completely. I'm just gonna say it. I hate my MIL. She isn't a full narc, she has strong narc tendencies though. Luckily I know how to play the game better than anyone, my mom is also a narc and so were a couple of my exes. Thank goodness my partner now isn't and he knows how his mom is and how to deal with her, which is mostly ignoring her.
Good husband!!
Wow, you are so lucky to have a partner who aknowledges that his mother is a narc.
I'm dealing with the same situation...Sending good vibes! Ignoring seems to work best for us too.
1. (1:44) Love bombing, to lure you in and put a false veneer on their toxic agenda
2. (4:32) Spying and gathering info to sabotage you and your relationship
3. (7:58) Trying to isolate you, making their agenda and surroundings the center of your life
4. (9:16) Sabotaging your self-esteem with hyper-criticism and hurting your most valuable aspects in your life
5. (10:23) Taking advantage of you financially
6. (12:41) Scapegoating, to degrade you and make you feel like you can do nothing right
7. (13:35) Showing you off to friends and family, using your qualities for narcissistic supply
8. (14:36) Discarding and smearing you, especially if you're "onto" them, knowing their abusiveness
9. (15:58) The silent treatment, especially when you set boundaries, to make you feel like you did something wrong
10. (17:13) Projecting their negative traits onto you, seemingly believable at first glance
11. (18:35) Hyper-criticisms, futile arguing with them
12. (20:00) Deliberately sabotaging the relationship, brainwashing your partner against you, creating loyalty conflicts
This is exactly what happened to me and I’m getting a divorce.
@@foodog777 I'm sorry to hear that. You've landed in a snake's pit obviously, but I hope you can find peace and acceptable conditions taking on the future.
Great list
My mother in law basically treated my first son like he was hers, even telling my husband to "pass him to someone else, you can hold him when you get home". My daughter, who looks like me, was never ever said to be pretty or cute, but it was 'jokingly' questioned that it wasn't my husband's kid. The mother in law has always disrespected my wishes the few times she's babysat (rare she gets to, it's only when I give birth) so I stopped letting her. I don;t trust her alone with my kids because of how she has chipped away at me all these years. I'd feel like an empty shell in her presence. It's like she has no morals and values at all. She has programmed my husband to be very dependant on his parents. Ontario has had a great stay at home order, which she finds excuses to why she isn't included in it and I am "doing harm to my kids and self" by not partaking in her company. This stay at home order feels like an adult snowday that has lasted two months of not seeing her for all her supply invites and to lure my kids away. Their whole family enables and makes excuses for her cruel actions and I am the bad one who is unforgiving of her constant barrage. I am expected to be a well of chances and forgiveness, only to keep being disrespected and conned out of my kids by being tricked and lied to to get them there. The inlaws live next door and they are dangling the family farm over my husband. It reminds me of where Satan is tempting Jesus with all the kingdoms.... "All this can be yours, in exchange for all your time, all your energy, your kids, and your marriage"
Thank you for sharing. And just like how you stated about the satan temptation..I felt the same way about my in-laws ..it’s so wicked
@@stayawayfromnarcs1409 I am new to finding you! My mother in law being a narcissist has kinda taken over my life.... from the dread of anticipating seeing her, the actual visit, ruminating over her lies, passive aggressive barbs and her need to be in control of my family and what should I do? then researching videos and reading about it in ALL my spare time. It's like her being in my life is costing me all of my mental and spiritual energy. What came of your inlaw relationshit ? Thanks for making these videos! Hope things are better for you. Narcissists are such evil people
@@lum3336 Thank you for the taking the time to reach out to me! I have felt not cared about my husband for a long time and I know that he doesn't and won't put me before his family. I wish there was a way to talk to you more privately. Thanks for reaching out to me :^)
@@jaclynmarie5747 yes I understand. I tried to leave you my personal info ( Instagram, whatssap etc) here on the comments but UA-cam keeps deleting my comment I don’t know why! Anyway, let me know if there is a way that we can contact through any of the platforms I mentioned. I hope I can help with anything 🙏🏻✨
The only person you should focus on is your husband
My MIL has been completely cut from our lives. She is that bad. Her kids want nothing to do with her.
Best thing to do 👍👍👍
I stay away much as possible
I like that old expression: 'Living well is the best revenge.'
Excellent! Ruining your relationship with your own children & scapegoating her grandchildren is another.
I went no contact with my MIL after 40 years of her intimidation, insults and manipulations. When she decided to try to turn my kids and grandkids against me that was the final straw. I wrote her a respectful to-the-point letter. Then completely blocked her. NEVER responded to her excuses and lies, which made her the poor elderly victim. She tried a fake apology. I DID NOT respond. It's been a year and I think she finally has given up. I have zero feelings for her and do not care one bit about what she says about me to anyone. I'm over it and I'm good!
I am so happy for you. However, they never give up. Not until their last breath.
I’m so sorry that it took you this long to finally put your foot down
You’re talking about my MIL! It gives me chills!! Huge, BUT HUGE chills...
oh my god.. listening to this was like living my painful story again! everything was so on point! thank god i left the relationship early as my husband was unable to protect me from her. I had an intense feeling that i was going to die if i stayed.
My MIL is a Narcissist and so is my x wife and her adult son. It makes sense that her daughter and grandson became narcs. I think they call it 'identifying with the abuser'. I could literally fill a book with all the shit they did. My walking out was the single most healthiest thing I've ever done, thank God.
Exactly. Walking out was one of my best days and I love myself for that
@@AthiraEaRaD Kudos for getting away. It is the best, I'm alive again. I wish you all the best
@@spindriftbeach6082 thanks. :) I am feeling alive again. I was holding my breath and walking on eggshells there. Currently in a much better position now. Amen to that
@@AthiraEaRaD Amen 😀
My mother in law has caused a huge problem in my life. She even went so far as to kidnap my wife when she was at my work with me. Hugely embarrassing and I am just at a loss with how to handle her. I've resorted to just ignoring her and trying to make sure her abuse doesn't control me. I lose sleep over it... my heart to all of you who have to deal with this. So much gaslighting as well. It's terrible... :.(
I am so sorry to hear this :( narc MILs do all they can to split partners apart. Please try to set firm boundaries with her and not be in contact with her as much as possible as it will cause turmoil to yourself with all the gaslighting. Please seek out counseling and possibly ask your wife to attend as well if it’s all too much and you are losing sleep
I received so much validation from this video. Each point I felt so deeply. I’m so grateful my husband recognizes this pathology in his own mother. She was shocked to hear my husband say “there are no sides, she’s my wife.” I know in many cases it can go the other way. I am going completely no contact and he supports it. Thank you for this content
Much love ❤️❤️❤️thank u!
It would mean so much if my husband could say that but he doesn't...I know believe he and his mother are both covert passive aggressive narcs.
Good for you that your husband stood up to you by checking his mother. I really don't understand why some mother's respond negatively to their son's wife like they'll never see the son again. Get a life mother in laws your children are adults who should be in control of their own adult life with their own families 🤨🙄💯‼
In my experience, my mother-in-law would give me things such as a chair they recovered with the instructions to never give it away, if you tire of it give it back. This happened to me a number of times with my mother-in-law. The gifts ended up being a burden when she would tell me where to put them in the house and how to use them. My mother did the same thing to me, as though they never really gave a gift as though the item was on loan rather than a gift. Also, my mother-in-law insisted that all holidays and birthdays were spent at her house. I was never able to have a holiday alone with my own children and husband. This mother-in-law had to have her son's attention entirely on all special occasions.
Oh wow, same. Mine gave me a 15 year old patio set. I fixed it up and added umbrella. After 3 years she came and took it back. Then told people I destroyed it. Smh. She gives also gifts she didn’t want for herself. She even sneaks in my house while we’re gone- using garage door code.
@@amair9674 change your code and your locks and a new boundary, those who do these kinds of things are not allowed to come over.
Tell her if she wants to store her surplus stuff at your house; it will cost her.
These MILs are brutal, mine forcefully gave me a whole bunch of junk she was just trying to get rid of and i just ended throwing the majority of it away because it was mostly spoiled makeup and perfumes. I ended up keeping some fake jewelry she never wore. What she did take back, was the engagement ring she gave my husband to give to me as, you know the old tradition. So, I thought it was sweet of her at first but after 20 years of me wearing it, she asked for it back. I almost got my feelings hurt but then i rrmembered how she didnt really mean it when she welcomed me to her family as her new daughter and i didn't hesitate to take it off. I gave it to my husband to return it. He got me a new one, much more beautiful and meaningful one for our anniversary.
@@mm5467 Good for you that you returned it, this person was probably hoping for a fight and you didn't give it to her.
Run, run,run!!!!! Unless your fiancé/husband does not see what you are dealing with as it is UNREAL what these demons will do in their jealous, diabolical quest to destroy you! This may sound overly dramatic, but TRUE! Now if your partner realizes it all, you have a chance.....otherwise GETTING OUT!!!! Your sanity is at risk. I am dead serious
Thankfully I was able to get out 🙏 healing and joy never felt better
How would you deal with the situation if there is a child involved? I mean, you can decide to cut ties with them, but if your partner still wants to take the child to her parents, is it a idea to not let them babysit the child if you don’t trust them for example? In that sense the child can still grow up with meeting it’s grandparents, but not be under such great influence in the sense that he will not be alone with them where there will not be a parent around. To me personally that seems a humane solution, as much as they were inhumane enough to do exorcism on their own children.
Very true,your100 percent right, she is always looking for ways to break you up and cause problems. She wants too much attention from her kids, so she trys to sabotage their relationships,she needs to be kept out of the relationship altogether,its not her life its yours,never invite her out with you and your partner. Visit her once in a blue moon if you must, but keep her out of your relationship as much as you can. She tries to upset and annoy you,she also tries to turn you and your partner against each other and fight.
There is an emeshment with a mother son relationship. The mother uses the son as her emotional partner. There is no room for anyone else.
100%!!! My MIL, once told me; "You owe it to me to call me 'mom'! Your mother lives out of town and I replace her!" AND "People need MY approval to become friends with you!" Right....
Luckily (unluckily?) I have been well-versed in narc abuse when I met the NMIL, her smearing, silent treatment etc just made me laugh. I'm strong in myself. I don't care what she thinks. I'm lovely and if she can't see that too bad.
I used to set booby traps for when she snooped through my bathroom. I told my husband if he hears a bang while she is in there its cause she is snooping. 🤣
Love that 😂
Lmao😂
Almost everything you said was true for my MIL. The only difference was my husbands side of the family knew her and she had no pull on having them hate me. They were Team Me, before I even had issues with her.
They don't just feed off drama, but any elevated emotion. Anger, happiness, sadness....you have to learn to be indifferent. Expect to be made into a villain, she'll make up preposterous lies about you to extended family, friends, neighbors, anyone. People you've never met will think you're trash, you'll notice when you first meet them they'll be weird, because they've heard all about what a loser, gold digger, drug addict etc you are. She'll turn your children/ step children against you.
I disagree on the showing you off, my MIL treated me like the help, like some random hoe, would Introduce everyone to each other and just skip over me like I'm not there. It won't matter how hard you try... she'll try to pretend to be friends, when it suits her, make insinuations that will make you wonder if your man is plotting with her against you. ( probably he isn't) if you tell him, he'll ask why would she say that, it's not making sense, so he'll then think you're making it up... never ever confide in her EVER. I was lucky and had my guy see what's happening, because his ex girlfriends went through it and though he didn't believe them, when I started saying things, he finally saw the pattern.
This is my mother in law right now... miserable narcissistic 😂😂😂
I am laughing about the gift part. I didn't know how all narcissists are the same! Mine gave me a lot of rubbish that I don't need and I don't want. Such as, a towel from her fitness centre or expired eye cream lol
It’s amazingly weird how similar they are in a lot of their cheap gift tactics lol
My MIL gives us drug rep pens from her work (that she gets for free) as Christmas presents and thinks she is gifting us Tiffany jewelry - so flipping weird. I wish she wouldn’t give us anything! And when I say “us” I mean me and her other DIL
🤣 What the what
Ours gave our young son a used electric toothbrush for an adult as a regift. Then got mad that we weren't thankful. 😂
I had mouldy old washing pegs given once and a bouquet of dead flowers. 😮
Exactly really true ... She was not happy that I would not comply with her requests,then she started a smear campaign. .. but the problem was with her son too, who was not able to ask his mom to respect my boundaries. The guy is married to his mom and unable to make his own decisions.
My exs mum insisted I dye my hair lighter n then dyed her hair my colour, gift giving yes weird gifts before I even met her I was almost murdered by her son her only child because of her sick jealousy linked to incestuous activities I confronted her about
You're so right.. she's absolutely like that... Wanting to control everything .... My husband is under her total control
BINGO! Everything you said ticked the boxes for me
OMG you just described my MIL i can't believe this 😞😞😞 I'm so naive. Thanks!!! Really
It’s okay not to have known. I know I did not not notice at all until I saw the signs others pointed out. It’s important not to be hard on yourself and I’m really glad the video helped you. It’s important to take care of yourself.
Please don't blame yourself we don't want to see or believe bad things about those closet to us...
Thank you very much for this! My (mother) who is a mother-in-law skips all the niceties and goes directly to disapproval. My mother met my partner two times in 10 years and criticizes him just like everyone else! Hollow shell!
I have experience of a narcissistic father-in-law with a mother in law (his wife) and two daughters (my wifes sisters) who were his flying monkeys. The biggest problem is that his third daughter (my wife) was too dim to understand what was really going on. I was all alone.
I have crazy parents. It’s a choice for them to ignore bad behavior when it’s right in they’re face. We all have to grow up one day.
Thanks for this. my sister is a diagnosed borderline (also behaves like a narcissist) and is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with. I have largely withdrawn contact to stay out of her life as much as possible but my heart goes out to her daughter in law who I know she is abusing. Hurts my heart. I hope she doesn’t destroy their marriage as my nephew is lovely (and scarred by his toxic mother) and has found himself a lovely and devoted wife. I’m always worried she will drive her daughter in law away. Thanks. This is very accurate. VERY accurate. Blessings to all of us trying to heal and escape toxic relationships. It’s not easy. 🥰
Literally crying right now. She's ticking ALL the boxes. Like exactly how you explained it from the gifts to the abuse everything!
My husband gave his mommy a key to our house. She is a snoop & I don't trust her. So when we go out, I lock the screen door which she doesn't have. As a matter of fact I don't want anyone in my home when we aren't home. Except the fire department.
Mines always give used things from the good will, for Xmas and birthdays
I have never had compliments from mother in law from hell, I had all the contrary. She hated me to the point that she felt I stole her son/husband.
I’m sorry you went through this :(
Mine too. Been married almost 10 years, I cant think of one complement. The first time I saw her, she didn't even speak to me. She tried to set my husband up with a girl she worked with. She did all she could to sabotage our relationship.
I tried to use kindness with my Narc MIL but after 10 years I've decided to begin the process of boundaries and distance. She used her daughter as a spy and I made the mistake of trusting her. Thankfully my husband fully supports me. My grandparents were toxic and my mother is somewhat Narcissistic. But ultimately she supported me to pursue my passions and make an independent life with my husband. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, it helps to process the toxic whirlwind of events some individuals face. You can heal and set boundaries. Love heals all ❤
WOW! Thank you for your videos. Im not even married to him or engaged but we talk about getting married. Thankfully his mom lives states away but long story short I got to meet her and at first I thought she would be an amazing mother in law, a wonderful sweet, loving kind, woman. Fast forward 2 months and she came and stayed with him for 5 weeks because he had surgery. I found out in less than 3 weeks she is the most unhealthy toxic person I have ever met. She is 11 of 12 signs and I know the 12th could come if we let it. Ive dealt with Narcs in the past so I was on to her pretty fast. She left and came back for 4 days but with a vengence. Its amazing how much damage a person can try to do in such a short time. I'm thankful my bf heard me out and is finally seeing how she has been with him his whole life. He feels betrayed because she is sabatoging our relationship and lying to him. I can gaurantee she had alot to do with his last marriage ending. She's nuts.
Thank you. I’m thankful you were able to see before she was able to go any further and that your bf started understanding as well.
Everything is correct! As far as the money part she would definitely use her money and make you feel that you can't do nothing without her. I pray my husband and I can make it through but I see the torn in his eyes and sometimes o resent him because it's like why would you bring your family under the same root with this toxic individual.
My MIL insisted on helping her grandson, my nephew, with paying for his braces. When he landed a good job with benefits he told her he could pay for them himself from then on. She made sure she told anyone who would listen OVER AND OVER that he was a jerk for telling her that. Needless to say she has alienated him and his mom. (I've been no contact myself)
My mil just hates me and is jealous, I dont think she is a narcissist, however my fil is the narcissist. The fil is the dangerous one.
Same here
I literally just called out my mother in law, called her a narc called out her behavior. I had had enough of the triangulation, silent treatment and super creepy behavior passive aggressive ways. I shouldn't have said what I said but oh boy at least she's outta our lives now!
Wow this is spot on and exactly what I am dealing with now. Thank you for sharing!
Great job. Great video. This also fits mothers as well as mother in laws.
Watching this video for my sister in law. My brother recently got married and my poor sister in law who is a nice person raised by normal parents does not understand why my mom is being so toxic to her. I use to be the scape goat in my family but ever since my attempt to off myself my mom changed towards me to some extent but now she has identified a new scape goat. Her DIL. I really don’t want her to go theough what I went through so I am sending her these videos for her to understand and better protect her mental health. She has never heard of maternal narcissism
You’re a fantastic SIL. Keep a strong alliance 💪💪💪
So true I hope everyone starts speaking up for their selves the more people know the better thank you
Thank you!
I'm about to be 34 years old and am just learning that i have been abused for my whole entire life and i thought i was just a very kind hearted piece of shit. thank you so much for your videos!
Lmao! Same girl im 35 and my whole life has changed 😂
Believe me you nailed it. I went through every bit of what you talked about.
My MIL is a narc. She would undervalue the fact that I am a stay at home mom. She never helped me after having my kids and she lived across the street from us. She was at her daughters house every day when she was pregnant and after she had the baby. I was on bed rest and she never helped. She uses my kids to get to me as well. .they are sick individuals.
The financial game my MIL played was to always ask what my husband made and to this day, she sends him money each month, but I was never given gifts or any money, except maybe on a special holiday. Needless to say, my marriage did not last. My husband could not break it off with his parents and never stood up for me.
Mine treated me like a idiot, undermining my grace. If I was going to the mall she would remind me how her and her sisters remind their kids look but no purchases. She didn’t want me to have freedom with my own money.
Are you a psychologist? I ask because this video is truthful of my narcissistic mother-in-law on every point.
Hello, I am currently in grad school in Clinical Mental Health and I have also had an encounter with a narcissist mother-in-law myself
Thank you for this video, it makes so much sense. xx
mine was so welcoming in the beginning, I soon felt I was competing against his mom in my relationship, about six months in the relationship, I get a call from her, and she asked me how I would feel to wake up one morning and have her son resent me for not having a family.
(because I cannot no longer have children, which him and I discussed in very beginning of our relationship. )
we are a year and a half in, we only spend time with his family, never mine. He tells her about any and all arguments, that normally her son starts, but he makes me the devil, after this last argument, he has me slient treatment and now is spending all his time with his mom and dad, even sleep overs! Now they tell him this isn't a healthy relationship, and he needs to move on from me.
I never had a chance from day 1.
truly sad a grown man lives like this.
This also applies to non-in-law Mothers.. just putting it out there.
Yes! Thank u!
Thank you all for all the love and support! I will be back with new content and videos soon! My goal for 2022 was to put more time and dedication into this channel, and due to my current living situation, I have not been able to upload videos as much, but hopefully will be moving soon and creating my dedicated place to put time and effort into making a lot more videos! I hope and pray you all attain whatever you need in your healing and are staying away from the narcs in your life or at least setting really firm boundaries! Thank you all for the love, light, and compassion each and every one brings to this channel! With love, Be safe❤️See you soon!
My NMIL tried to convince me to divorce my husband and brought up every mistake he’s ever made in his life. She offered to pay for all legal fees and for me and our 4yo to move in with her on the other side of the country.
I told my husband the next morning because it felt so wrong since we are happily married and high school sweethearts. His mouth dropped and he told me that she made the same exact offer to him a few days earlier!
This was all while she was staying in our house as a guest.
We both think she wants us to break up so she could be in total control of our son. The “my house, my rules” trap where they lure you in by making it seem like free rent is an offer of charity.
15 months no contact!
She hasn’t met 2 of our 3 kids.
Omg, your telling my story, right there.. god bless you
God bless you 🙏🏽❤️thank you for listening
Thankyou and yes i am currently trying to remove myself from the MIL emeshment toxicity. Youre right all it does is drag you down.
Yup they spy. She messages her son EVERYDAY asking about our relationship. Then she’ll use the information to try manipulate me and him.
You've nailed it, mine is so bully and have no empathy. She pretend to love me so that she can manipulate me. She will interfear with my friends n want to become their friends so that she can spy on me. She's always cooking and don't give me a chance to cook for my hubby. She's treating me like like a girlfriend in my house. She is controlling my husband n demands as if he's her husband. She is the one who decides what we must cook. She competes with me, when I buy clothes she will make sure that she buys the same clothes. Now I'm hiding my clothes and wear them the following year. Her family took her side I've stay away from them. My husband he's not protecting me he's taking his mothers side. I'm glad I've confronted her n put my foot down. I've told her as she lives I'm going nowhere, and she must stop talking to me like a child, I've reminded her that this is my house, she must stop bullying me. Eish I'm so sorry to say this I don't like her at all.
No need to be sorry at all.. they are evil
I went/am going through this with my S/O MIL but my s/o has stood up to her and he put me first. Thank you for all this info. She would rarely call me by my name. It was "she/her/that girl"
There is a book called "Married to Mom" and I feel this is my "partner" and his Mom. She always pushes us spending so much time with her, and I feel like the third wheel. She does give so many gifts, but she is mean and disrespectful to both of us all the time. He had a porn addiction and now I see why. She controls him and he gets mad at me every time I bring it up, and he accuses me of things she does all the time. He says that I am like this with any girl in the vicinity, but in reality he has been so disrespectful and lied to me over and over again. Last time his Mom was here she talked (jokingly I guess but either way it is completely inappropriate) about making out with him!! Her son, right in front of me. She said it twice and her son and husband were standing right there and said nothing about it. She talks to him about the home that I have no ownership in, and he and I have been together for 13 years and he won't get married or share anything with me- because he is already married, to his MOM> Sorry I am so angry now lol.
My gosh, everything you said it is as if you were talking about my MIL. She called me a retard because my husband and I decided that he work and I stay at home to care for our children and I didn't do the job she wanted me to. Just because she was a nurse, she tried to push me into doing it but if I don't feel it, I'm not doing it. She told me a lot of horrible things about the man she lived with for 17 years. The man passed away last year and she celebrated it. She told me that she knew he would die eventually and he would leave everything to her, and that she stayed with him for "us", my husband me and our children so that we could be well off. My husband told her that he wanted none of it! Sarcastically, he told her that that was her money and possessions and she deserves them. She blamed his attitude and decision about it on me. She told him that I was controlling him and that he had no thoughts of his own. I'm happy I do not have to see her or communicate with her, but I feel for my husband because he feels that he has to. She makes him feel guilty all the time but I tell him that her feelings are not his fault, she is her own worst enemy.
Thank you for sharing. Cruel and wicked narc mother-in-laws always causing havoc and evil especially trying to separate marriages
Even though mine has been gone for 2 decades all this describes mine. I felt so guilty for not liking her. She laid the guilt on thick when things didnt work to her plans. While she loved her son and her grandchild I was an incompetent dummy that couldn't do anything. So not true.
Great video! Well done 👏
OMG! She used to buy me expensive beautiful gifts before we got married. Now she gives me clearance candles from Christmas for my February birthday. She leaves the red tag on. Best part her son is a narc and I’m not allowed to burn them. I used to wonder what I did wrong and would keep trying to make her happy. It wasn’t about being I satisfied with the candle, it was about why doesn’t she love me anymore. Everyone at Christmas would get thousands of dollars in gifts and I would get red tagged clearance gifts.
I am trying to leave my verbally, mentally/emotionally, now physically threatening son. I’m terrified of her and her flying monkeys.
Everything you said is so true and your videos are great and they fit my mother in law to a T and she's threatened to hit me and threatened to kill me and she's trying to destroy my marriage to my husband and she's smeared me on Facebook and we had to go no contact and she moved to the same town were we live to torcher us and she's showed up at church and caused a scene and I told my husband that I never want see her again and mark my word I'm not giving in to her and I'm completely done with her,since she never had daughters I thought that we could've been close,but I'm seriously done with her for good
Mine is quite simply the nastiest person I have ever met in my life, but her daughter acts like she is the centre of the universe and can do no wrong, and the old woman got a huge kick out of seeing us in conflict. So I went no contact with her just over a year ago. In terms of the gifts etc., That is a form of bribery - they think they can buy your affections by providing you with material things, and they feel that because they have bought you stuff it gives them carte blanche to treat you like garbage. Nasty people!
Truly nasty and evil people thank you so much for sharing David - I’m glad you were able to see the signs and go no contact
Thanksgiving is around the corner and I sobbed because I actually want to look foreword to it but it’s just going to be time spent with a narc and her man children…. I can’t. My plan is if she wants to say or do anything sly >>>at all
Youre so spot on
Thank you ♥️
OMG 😳 you describe my ex mother in law to tee she cause our relationship to end;
This was an awesome video, unfortunately this described my mother in law, as well as so many other ladies and guys that have to deal with this! Ugh! 😵
Word for word my mil!
the worst part about sabotaging, my husband actually believes her over me, so I get nowhere with it anyways. “I’m the problem”
This sounds so familiar to my situation. It’s gotten to the point where I stopped talking to my MIL and my husband unfortunately
I have suffered very badly with a narcissistic MIL and son....god went thru a hell...I came out of it
I was arguing with my wife once in our room I look out the window and saw my mother in law just standing listening smh lol
MIL wanted all her kids to visit her constantly. She used her injuries from an accident to try to do this. Right up until her dying day, she still accused myself and the son she ignored all of his childhood for not showing up enough for her. We both refused to be under her witchcraft and she hated it! We no longer have to deal with this and we are so relieved!! Great video!
Thank you so much! 💜
Thank you!
Oh god, I wish I didn’t tell my MIL I went to college. Just because I’m not sure if she knew. She cornered me asking what I’m striving for. I was like… what?? All I could say was I went to college and love my job. I really think it was info gathering.
Her favorite thing now is telling her other kids to: buy a house, old houses are no good, has to be new. And the kitchen has to be totally updated. Why? I think she plans to live with one of them. Sure as hell won’t be with us. She has also financially abused them their whole lives and destroyed their credit, including my husband prior to me.
Thank you for this video and amazing insight into what a Narcissistic Mother In Law is. It has been extremely helpful to me and I am currently recovering from this. Blessings to you and keep up the wonderful work. ❤️
Thank you so much. I am so glad you are recovering from this. All my love ❤️
Wow some of the things your telling are so true my friend is going through this with her MIL
I appreciate this video so much
Thank you 🙏 I am glad it may have help ❤️
This is spot on
They never change keep fixed bounderies at all times,they play the victim, when they are the enemy. As soon as you give them a chance they are back in the door like a fast car. You both need to tell her you too busy to go see her, she needs to get the message, block her on the phone. They only feel stable and normal, when dragging others down,thats how pathetic, ignoring them and not reacting,gets them back and puts them in their placd, threaten them by saying your done if they dont behave, and leave anyway, but you must keep them in line constantly they are like bad, children, who need telling off. Give them an inch and they take a mile keep that in mind.
Jesus loves you guys
It's worse than if he was seeing another woman there is no winning if its his mother you look to be the bad guy or jealous
His mother was too greedy to give gifts, she was too busy trying to get something from me her son or my mom
My narc in law bought me an iPhone after I clearly told her that I didn’t want it as I was making a point to build boundaries but also no longer accept money or expensive gifts from her. She went and bought the phone anyway. I returned the phone and even tho she got her money hack she lashed out at me. Pointed her finger in my face and told me that everything isn’t about me 😅 then proceeded to cry and say that I don’t know what she’s been through. Crazy.
Anything you can to help spread the word is extremely helpful. I have a terrible mother who has hated me all my life; she manipulated my husband and they got together. It can actually be quite dangerous. :) TU Ever heard of the Lifetime movie, "The Roommate?" That's my mom. She wanted to be me so she copied everything I did; took my life, and ended up trying to rid the planet of me. That's how bad they can get as a narcissistic psychopath.
THIS VIDEO IS DEAD ON; ALL OF IT; I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THIS. AWESOME.!!!
Thank you 🙏🏽 I hope all the best for you.
I experienced all of the explained things with narcissistic MIL... I have set boundaries since many years but she comes and intrudes boundary..... And recently she cried in front of me and her son.... Playing very manipulative way..... She is playing victim in front of her son... Son is in her control..... He is not understanding who is truly loving his mother or his wife... He is blind😢