“shopping as a mechanism for self-soothing...” Well, there it is. I’ve struggled with using shopping and eating to avoid facing my demons. It’s a quick and temporary fix, but no amount of clothing or makeup makes be feel happier or whole in the long run. You’re right “the constant search” is a way of trying to escape my life. I’m working on sitting with my Self and being present in my life. As always, I’m thankful that you shared and sending you love and light.🙏🏽
Hi friend! A little off topic here (but inspired by half of the vid), I think you as an artist might enjoy talking about lovely non-tangible things. Like favorite poets, artists, music, books to read, experiences, etc. Like things to appeciate that dont usually involve money, just time to appreciate them.
I agree! I would love to hear Hannah's thoughts on 'beautiful things' that don't cost money, in addition to the makeup and fashion content. I think it would also help in terms of a mindset shift too.
Your honesty, openness, and ability to self reflect is truly incredible. You are an inspiration and a truly amazing human. Sending you love and compassion in your time of need.
After watching this video I'm going to comment what I've been resisting commenting for the last few videos. Obviously I don't really know what's going on in your work or personal life, but I think it might be helpful to think about how your work is affecting you right now. I'm also in a field where you choose what you work on and for how many hours (academia, finishing up a PhD), and it ends up frequently leading to overworking and huge amounts of guilt around working. Because all of the expectations come from yourself, it becomes so easy to feel like you need to be working all the time that it starts to invade all aspects of your life. When you talked last month about how you weren't able to exercise for more than half an hour without developing consuming guilt about not working kinda set off HUGE alarm bells for me. And in this video too it just seems like you're so overwhelmed and it makes me sad for you :(. This kind of thing happens to me when my work gets way too entwined with the rest of my life. One thing that has been absolutely huge for me is to set aside times where I don't allow myself to work (for me that's evenings and weekends because I like working in the morning but everyone is different!). Even if I feel like something is 'urgent', including crazy emails from my advisor with the subject line 'URGENT', I take a deep breath and go do something else. When it's my designated work hours, I come back to whatever I thought was going to be a career-ending mistake if I didn't work on it RIGHT NOW, and it's inevitably not a big deal and something I can reasonably get done within work hours. The other side effect of this is that I'm way more productive during my work hours when I've let my brain rest from it for awhile. I get done in 40 hours what I used to get done in 50-60. There of course have to be exceptions because of deadlines and so on, but doing this separation has been insanely good for my mental health (and physical health too, I tend to drink a lot more when I'm freaking out about work). All of this of course comes with the massive disclaimer that I'm not self-employed and I receive a salary so my situation is very different from yours! Anyway, sorry for the long comment that was mostly me just talking about my own issues, but I thought it might be helpful if you're experiencing something similar to me -- sorry if I'm totally off base!! ALSO, I just noticed your description box and I actually love your left eyebrow today haha
yep, this is definitely going on! totally overwhelmed! Unfortunately I think with this one I just have to wait it out, and in the meantime I don't want to completely walk away from things like my YT channel, which is why I'm in the bind that I keep trying to explain. The exercise/focus thing is actually a time issue, though. That comes from truly not having enough hours in the day for my various kinds of work.
@@HannahLouisePoston Yeah, I figured you had already thought about this since you're a very introspective and self-aware person! Much love from a California expat 😊❤
Let this sink in: “constantly refreshing my life so I didn’t have to sit with myself.” It’s so well said. It’s putting your own life off until it can be “perfect” which we all know won’t happen.
So I have some thoughts about moderation and a metaphor that has helped me that you can feel free to take or leave. The act of moderating is really hard and I think especially hard if you're aggressively trying to moderate. I felt this way with food: the harder I tried to "eat in moderation" the less able I was to do so. I ended up going through periods of undereating and overeating to the extreme like a pendulum swinging from one disparate side to the other. I kept trying to control myself and moderate but it always failed. It wasn't until I allowed the pendulum to swing and let go of my attempt to control myself that I have finally found myself able to moderate my eating habits quite easily. The pendulum eventually stopped swinging so dramatically. When you are swinging on a pendulum from one extreme to another (like your pre-no-buy year spending to the no-buy spending) trying to stop the swinging immediately is so difficult. But perhaps if you just let that happen the pendulum will slow and eventually sway in a nice moderate area and it won't be so difficult. Essentially, going to an extreme naturally swings you back to the opposite extreme . So if you kind of understand that and just allow your spending pendulum to slow down and swing at a smaller magnitude each time, rather than cling to a strict or harsh rule, you'll eventually find yourself in the middle naturally. Like I said this helped me with food, and hopefully it can help someone else. (PS hope things get better for you soon, love you Hannah)
I'd like to chime in to say that I'm happy to see you being kind to yourself, in addition to continuing to display vulnerability. We need more of that. We need more acceptance of people as they are, good days and bad, and less policing of other people as if they're in our own precinct of perfectionism. I'm just here to hang out with a real woman, and you continue to be just that. I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you're going through. I just want you to know that you are heard and your vulnerability is appreciated. :) Also, I love overhead shot videos! I'm not sure if this falls under the category of videos that are creatively fulfilling without being emotionally/physically taxing, but I really enjoy the videos where you just hang out and play with your makeup. Like swatching different categories of lipstick, ranking, organizing, decluttering, etc. If you just wanted to hang out and rearrange your single shadows while talking about specific ways you use them or whatnot, I'm here for that kind of content.
Hey, people who need the explanation: I'm happy that you enjoy Hannah's content so much that you feel upset when she slows down. There are a bunch of playlists on her channel where you can find the meaty, deep content that you yearn for. Have a great day!
I relate to this so so so much. I have my emotional triggers that lead me to believe I'm only a new rug/set of curtains/sweater/lip gloss away from my life making sense or from my life taking off in the direction I want it to go. I've learned that when that mood sets in, I need to go in abstainer mode and not buy anything because it's not going to fix whatever I think it will. In reading more about habit creation and the way our subconscious works I'm starting to realize that the people who are most successful in implementing new habits or moderating things have clear rules in place. Effortless moderation appears to be a glamorous ideal that doesn't seem to exist for many people (or possibly, anyone). Be kind to yourself. Your candor and vulnerability on these topics is much appreciated and incredibly helpful to so many. Thank you for sharing with us ❤
The thing is with buying things that are of higher quality is that they cost more. If you keep your monthly budget small and buy things that fall into fast fashion or things that have little value to you than that's not very good either. In a year of less stuff, I encourage you to include negative self-talk in that stuff. Whatever happens, this project will never be a fail, you put so much of yourself out there it's very much like a piece of performance art and much like any piece of art, it opens itself to all kinds of opinions and criticism. (haters gonna hate, potatoes going to potate)----teacher said that the other day it's silly but I liked it.
Dude, we all wax and wane. We all have months or years where we are on fire externally. And we all have months or years where we need to let things marinate. And then add the factors of career, creative projects, friends, family, partners who all may need more in a given period, which leaves less time. Amen to no more apologies. Amen to working towards a flow state and doing what feels right. Clearly this is resonating hard with me, but I just feel like saying to my internet friend Hannah, you do you and we support it.
Courtney Stirrat beautifully stated! We are not the ones that need the explanation, however it is lovely that we hear Hannah with our hearts and desire to reach out to Hannah and be supportive. Thank you for you comment!
I love your ability to self-reflect and evaluate your behavior. While shopping isn't the best way to deal with stress- please be kind to yourself as you navigate this time.
Dear Hannah, what you do in front of the camera is very impressive and admirable: you can be proud of yourself. Letting the world see your vulnerability is so courageous .... Be gentle with yoursel, really. You deserve it. You are doing great (oui, oui, oui !). I kiss you and I hug you
I recognize this so much. My no buy ended in December, and I have spent so much money over the last two months. Even though I am happy with everything I bought and they really add value to my life, I'm pretty disappointed in myself that I've gone back to my old shopping behaviors, like shopping when I feel bad about myself or stressed. I don't really know what the best thing to do right now, for me, would be. I'm thinking of doing a short no buy, and a strict set of rules for when that no buy ends. I basically went from a very strict, year long no buy to almost no rules at all, which was a very bad idea. This video made me realize that while I trained my abstaining abilities during my no buy year and those are now very strong, my moderating abilities are still very weak and I need to train those as well.
Always so grateful for your content and the way that you put into words exactly how I feel and the way I’m feeling it. You’re doing so wonderfully, please hear that.
I love how you work your mind/emotions around your spending/shopping behaviours. You have made a serious effort to see yourself from all angles... Berating yourself with love and understanding. Discipline with care and boundaries. Im very interested to see how the rest of the year unfolds.
The abstaining behavior I am experimenting with this year is making different rules for different categories. I did a general inventory of my things at the beginning of the year (not detailed enough to be counting each item). Some categories I am deciding to keep as a strict no buy, because I have plenty of items in the category already. For example: Jeans, undergarments, moisturizers, nail polish, shoes, perfume, etc. Some categories I am allowing myself to buy replacements if they run out/wear out e.g. everyday makeup, hiking/outdoor gear, snow gear, sweaters (if I find secondhand items made of natural fibers to replace my synthetic sweaters.) etc. I also have a wishlist that I can purchase from if I find an ethical/sustainable version of it. I wrote in some flexibility and exceptions to some of my rules, but I have to be very intentional about what I am buying, and I need to think about it for at least 24 hours in advance.
I have found your channel recently in the last month or two and I just wanted to say I really love the way you talk and explain things. Its always so clear and well explained, and honest. Its very refreshing. I'm not sure how else to explain it, but I'm so happy to have found this channel.
I really resonate with this check in. I have realized in the past few years that January and February every year I suddenly feel like it's the season of my discontent and I dislike almost everything about my "stuff" including my home. I can't say enough how much I respect your openness and willingness to be vulnerable, even in the face of risking mean comments. Also, it seems like this project is really yielding some high-value growth and self-reflection. Moderation muscles can only grow when challenged
What you’re calling “shallow” videos are, to me, just as equally valuable as this kind of deep-dive all-of-my-feelings kind content. Watching you play with color and texture and shape is instructive, inspiring, and just so much fun. In fact, I’ve been going back to many of your older overhead shot videos for encouragement of late so I’m super pumped for this peek at the updated syllabus for the Hannah Louise Poston School of Doing the Most With What You Already Have. Totally here for it. Also totally here for you treating yourself like a friend ✨ easier said than done- but then again so is completely rewiring your brain and behavior after a lifetime of living a certain way. If you told us that your no-buy year was all it took to make permanent change, I think we’d all be left scratching our heads as to why we keep failing when we try it ourselves. I don’t delight in seeing you struggle but can’t say how much it means that you still show up here to keep doing this work.
OMG what you speak about at 39:00 ish is exactly where I’m at at the moment. I was chronically ill and housebound for 7 years, so now I’m back out in the world I’m realising that the sporadic clothes buying I was doing during that whole time wasn’t really enough to keep me from wearing worn out broken clothes. So now I need new underwear, house clothes, and leaving the house clothes, all at the same time. Even things like pjs and grooming products need replacing. Which isn’t really normal. And then I’m phased because it’s a lot. But in order to feel confident going out into the world again, and feeling like a person again it’s necessary. So I’m trying to phase it, by adding in new bits, but just a few, and then adding as I go, before those things become tired. Also prioritising which areas to tackle first. But it’s a lot, and watching videos like this really help me to work out how to handle it all
Towards the end of the video where you discussed the plans for moving forward, I had a thought -- is there value in having a separate budget for luxury items? One thing I've learned from watching your videos is how much joy a beautiful thing can bring when it's incorporated in every day life (i.e., wearing a beautiful robe to get ready in daily). But something I can't quite knock is that some luxury items read as impractical when they're in the same category as something as utilitarian as cleanser (even when the cleanser is beautiful and high-quality). To me, a sinking fund for items that are truly luxury that doesn't compete with a beauty budget may mitigate that. Just a thought! I've been so inspired by your projects and ability to articulate your feelings, and I'm happy to be a part of this little corner of UA-cam where we can be vulnerable and complex about our relationship with beautiful things.
I would LOVE to see more Hannah palettes from your singles. Those have been some of my favorite videos to watch, your creative process is inspiring to me, I dont have a lot of singles but I find your color combinations to be so unique and as a painter it's very fun to see :)
Holy schnikes, "Trying to buy your way out of your life..." well, that was a punch to the throat. I finally SEE it. That one tiny, somewhat innocuous, phrase. Damn, girl. I've apparently got some much deeper work to do...wow. Thank you
I think you’re doing great! I love your idea of being kind to yourself by thinking of how you’d talk to a friend. I need to try that myself. I hope the comments are kind and that you don’t feel too pressured in the upcoming months to be deep and have hard-hitting content. I love everything you put out and can’t wait to see the fun stuff! I love watching people build palettes and talk about color and texture, etc. Thanks for all you do for your channel, I hope that it continues to serve you even more that it does us. ❤️
Much much love to you, Hannah. You are incredible. Thank you for prioritizing fluidity of thought and character and for not compromising transparency on your channel ❤.
Being in kind of a yucky mental state myself right now, I don’t have the motivation to write out a long and thoughtful comment expressing all my love and admiration for you, though I wish I did. But I do want to take the time to quickly (but no less sincerely) say that it hurts my heart to see you hurting Hannah, but I’m so proud of you for honoring your commitment to transparency on your channel. These aren’t easy things to talk about, but there is so much value in sharing it. Thank you for letting us learn with you. I really hope things get better for you and I’m glad you’re being gentle with yourself. Also you look beautiful in those earrings. As always, sending love and light your way.
Hi, Hannah. I'd like to make a point in order to help you bring some peace of mind regarding your channel: brand. As a business owner, you know number one rule of branding is consistency, so... people are not trying to put you down for "shallow" content, they're just complaining because they don't find what they subscribed for. What would happen if you tried to sell baby clothing to the same people you sell tango costumes? Some of them would be interested, lots of them would be annoyed. That's what happened to Tati when she released her vitamins (although I think she stepped out of her brand totally on purpose). You've stated you see yourself as a beauty channel, but I believe you are a self-improvement channel whit a beauty thematic. Does that condemn you to make only "deep" videos? No, but it would require a different strategy (maybe new segments in the channel) to introduce new content; many UA-camrs manage variety very well. That way your audience would be much larger. xo
a while back i made a comment on the brand thing and i stated that what makes Hannah's channel appealing is that she has so far chosen to present herself as a human being, not a brand. humans are dynamic and evolve; brands are flat, abstract ideas that only mimic human qualities. so, for me, i think Hannah is right to remain human because humans have what brands want but can never truly achieve: relatability.
she said in another video that she is actively trying to not 'brand' her channel into a self-improvement one because she is not a self-improvement guru, rather she is just going through projects that she would've done even if she wasn't on youtube and she is just recording them for us to see, which i think is a wonderful and raw thing to do. but it also allows for people to judge out of a preconceived way of how HER life (and thus her channel) 'needs' to unfold according to them, which to me seems unfair since we only see a small part of her life on youtube. if you want to watch a branded channel or self-improvement channels you can look towards the myriads of other no-buy channels who are putting out content like that. we can stay here watching hannah for being hannah and enjoying it :)
This is exactly why, after my low/no buy year, I will do a biweekly budget. I already have one for all my bills, so I can make one for my discretionary spending. I would blow through the whole year's allotment in the first quarter if I tried Hannah's method.
Hey Hannah! It sounds like the last couple of months have been incredibly hard. I'm happy to hear that you are doing what you need to do, like scaling back on creating UA-cam videos. Lately, I've been having a tough time too in different parts of my life. It is so brave & vulnerable to me that you are willing to share your shopping experience with us, the triumphs & the mistakes. I think the course corrections you've made w/ your shopping behaviors make sense for you & your budget. I am excited to hear what you bought, what you think of it, & if you would buy it again. Thanks for sharing so much with us. I truly appreciate your videos. Take care of you!
GURL. I am so just.. continually inspired my you and your commitment to yourself. It is NOT EASY to talk about the things you’re talking about, especially to an audience. Thank you for sharing, and inspiring me to share.
Hannah - I LOVE your creative videos and I definitely keep an eye out for them, because they inspire me to do my own monochromatic blush draping with eyeshadow. Also, I get it. When work or personal stuff is intense, i cannot even cope with going onto facebook and my teeny review page on IG becomes about shopping my stash and empties. And that both are such a quieter realm than youtube. Be kind to yourself. I think most of us are here for the journey, and even those times when it feels too much to be viewed are part of the journey that interests us. And since I cannot buy new eyeshadow until at least June (not that I really want to, because I love my singles and sminch palette collection), watching eyeshadow looks or overhead create your own palettes makes my soul happy. PS: BRAVO! to Joe! The earrings are spot on!!!
The part about stalking to yourself in the way a mean commenter would, nearly made me cry. It is exactly what I am prone to doing and my current goal is to slowly mold that into the voice of a loving subscriber who is rooting for me. It's a process which has it's ups and downs but on average I am getting more loving and less mean to myself. Through watching your channel from the start (every video, some multiple times) I see you are evolving as well. Even though you sometimes still want to punish and be mean to yourself, you are steadily extending your kindness to also include yourself. And I can say it is beautiful to see.
You are amazing! Thank you for being on this platform and growing in front of us all. Your ability to be so human in your channel always reminds me that my human qualities are ok too. Also, I love your creative content the most, so I’m excited to see all that comes with doing more of those videos. Thank you for sharing this!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I have to tell you your videos have really helped me to recognize my mental darkness and work towards making better choices and finding other more positive ways to distract myself and process my issues. Listening to you today I think I'm also an all or nothing type person. I will probably do better to shop once a season versus monthly as well. Thanks
Thank you for this video. This past week has been hard for me and today I woke up just like "I wanna go to ulta so bad and get a new palette" but it was because I wanted to self soothe. So instead I went and got out some of my favorite palettes and just played while watching this video. Which was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you
Thanks for your constant willingness to be so transparent, it's truly a gift to the internet! Interesting about Gretchen Ruben, I've read get book on how people are motivated differently (also a really fascinating read about personality aspects... Definitely recommend it!) but I'm intrigued by what she has to say about this other dimension of personality. Along with your idea of seasonal spending, I'm interested to know what your thoughts are on capsule collections? The principal is similar to The goals you're operating on now, even if the structure isn't the means by which you're doing it. Still curious to know how you think it compares your current process. Also, I'm REALLY excited for that "what did I buy in February" video now 😂
I think this is uncharted territory for you and you need to be kind to yourself and kind of just feel your way through this. The reality is that sometimes you just have to go through things like this no matter what the outcome might be. No matter how you handle the rest of the year this isn't a failure. Its a study, an experiment. No matter what happens you'll have learned something. I also think this happened because of the chickens coming home to roost lol.
I also have variable income from side hustles, and I use it to allow flexibility in my spending. I have a monthly budget, but if I worked really hard and brought extra money in I reward myself by spending a portion of it. Sometimes that means buying myself something extra that I've been wanting, or saving that money towards taking a trip or having an experience... what is the point of working extra hard and making more money if you don't let it change how you live?
I feel exactly the same as you, Hannah. Last year I did an almost 9-month no-buy successfully, and I started 2020 with a budget adjusted to each category. I felt very confident that I was going to make it, but I spent (and exceeded) the entire year's money in February on several categories. I feel like I got off on the wrong foot this year without even noticing it, because it's amazing how I can feel that I have less control over myself after I've managed to finish the no-buy. I attribute it to the stress levels I'm having this quarter at work, because I've found myself browsing websites when I was at my worst. I hope we do better, we still have many months to make up for it. Thank you for being so open about these issues. You really help us out a lot :) XOXO from Spain!
I totally hear you on dealing with internal existential questions, I'm going through a lot of that and it's a lot of work! It's not always clear to me how to express it to others, it's such a private experience. Just wanted to share I'm in it too! I always love hearing from you and love videos like this. For what it's worth, I follow a lot of people who are also talking online about their spending and basically everyone overspend what they intended to do in February. So it could be there's something in the air! I had plans to go on a no buy this spring-end of summer but for now have decided against it particularly because I'm such a rebel (from Gretchen Rubin's the four tendencies personality model). I hate giving myself strict rules and feel like I have to break them, just because a rule is there, haha! Moderation is the way for me, I also like to spend in big chunks then naturally find I have dry spells for a couple months following. I'm not interested right now in challenging myself to abstain. Going with the flow has been working for me. Also your hair looks AMMMAAAZZINGGGGGG I love the texture and the rock concert volume so much!
Wow Hannah! I'm like you. I love shopping. Whether it is buying or just looking, I find that I love to view things like clothing and make up as if I am viewing things in a museum. I love to see the colors, the textures, and going into the stores themselves. It is therapy to me. Even when I had no money to spend, I still went shopping. If I saw something I loved, I would not buy it then but wait on it. Let my mind think on it and if I really loved the item, I would go back and buy it. And many times I would leave it only to find it in the markdown sale racks a few months later. I don't necessarily think I was not dealing with myself or my life or that it was deep seated although I was living in a dream world for a little while. Shopping for me is as I said, therapy and exercise. I have bought more than I should have when I have the money. I am like you and have a guilt trip after the buy but MAN, I love what I bought! Life changes affects a person. I now live in a small town in North Carolina and you know what that is like. I do not get an opportunity to wear my beautiful things. I'm glad you are going to do that. I do not do Instagram because I spend too much time on facebook and UA-cam as it is. You almost make me want to sign up just to see your outfits. I am long winded today like you. So I will be watching to see your new things. I want to see what you broke your budget for!
Oh Hannah I found this a hard watch, as I could really see the inner turmoil you seemed to be feeling. Honestly you are doing amazingly well. Shopping is without a doubt an emotional thing in the same way food and other things are for some people. You know yourself, and you will without a doubt figure it out. All my love and well wishes Amanda xxx - a long time follower from the UK.
Hannah, I will always appreciate the way you are able to put your introspection into words, and to do it so clearly and beautifully. I don't usually comment but this video in particular hit me pretty hard (in a good way!). For as long as I can remember I always had a strong sense of self, and being at peace and content with my life. And then between my sophomore and junior years of college my sister and father passed away quite suddenly. It's taken me years (this was over a decade ago) to fully rebuild that sense of self. And the feelings that you were describing during this phase of your life perfectly put into words how it felt to lose touch with that part of myself, and the difficult and sometimes slow process of regaining that contentment with life. About a week ago I had a moment of total peace, and I realized that I have fully and truly regained that part of myself. So I guess this is just me saying, thank you for sharing your version of this journey, and hearing it helped me shed some tears of appreciation for being able to be where I am today.
I think you will do well over all and I am glad to see that you are treating yourself as you would a friend who was in your situation. None of us is perfect and you at least are very self aware of what you are doing and why and how things happened. Good luck for continuing to follow your path. I have a question, when you run out of every day essentials etc, does that come out of your yearly budget to replace them? I am just curious how your budget works.
This is the video i needed to see today. I put myself on a low buy/no buy year, and I have spent my budget as well. I don't even know why it happened. Time to focus on the amazing things I own and enjoy them. I love your content. Thanks for posting. :)
Is anyone else really intrigued to watch just-pre-covid videos on YT?? This is a perfect one to illustrate the sense of existential anxiety I was also feeling at that time. Very strange...
Sample sales can be amazing. I have two dresses I bought at a sample sale ten years ago, that I have never regretted buying even though they were expensive at the time. They have never gone out of style and they are made in such a way that my weight has fluctuated, and I can still wear them. I have other clothes that I thought were investments at the time which ended up being expensive and I never got to wear them enough to justify the $$ spent. May your new purchases be the former rather than the latter!
Totally with you on the birthdays that end in five...35, 45, and 55 were much harder than 40, 50 and 60. Next month I will be 61 and I’m working on changing my mindset to just feeling “great for my current age”....preparing to be a feisty senior.
The past few weeks (actually since like... the start of february) has been absolutely buckwild and you are truly not alone in feeling that energy. It's both depressive and overwhelming like you need to GO GO GO when really we all need/needed to be taking a step back and taking a deep breath. I could get into the astrology of it but I know some people don't buy into it 🤓however, I'd say the majority of us really are collectively feeling it. Give yourself a break, emotionally at the very least.
I know people who like to post negative comments are generally “louder” than the many people who think you are wonderful and doing a great job. So in that vein, I hope you have a lovely day, and I really appreciate any content you put out :)
The soul craving segment was quite fun. You could do something like that with clothing you already own or take fashion trends from the runway and recreate them your way. A clothing transformation video would be interesting.
I do a seasonal spend, then go months with no buying, then back to spending the next season. I live in Portland, OR so I would say my seasonal swing is every 4-6 months based on the weather mostly (this isn’t counting skincare, just the other stuff on your list Hannah). Totally unrelated, going to a sample sale is what my dreams are made of.
I don’t think shopping to self soothe is a bad thing in and of itself. Obviously it is if you spend beyond your means, break your own rules or buy things you don’t need. But it’s ok to have ways of coping with bad feelings that aren’t all meditative or completely perfect. We are all human and we all need to let go sometimes and do things that bring us pleasure. If the act of shopping is enjoyable and can boost your mood when you’re feeling down, what’s wrong with that? Sometimes when you blow off steam and relax it gives your body and mind the space and time to then return to the problem in a less panicked state and deal with things head on. We can’t be ready to deal with everything all the time. And “bad” habits aren’t always bad unless they start having a negative impact on your life. Buying something within your budget, having a few drinks once every so often, or switching off in whatever way you do can help to blow off steam. I agree it would be bad if you always shop rather than addressing the feelings, but if you occasionally shop and then, when you feel a bit more relaxed, come back and address what’s going on - that’s ok!
With all due respect, it doesn’t seem like you’re in the right place mentally to do this project right now. You’re unable to self moderate, and failing at this project for two months in a row is taking a toll on your mental health and anxiety. I feel as though last year’s project was a much better tool to help with moderation since there were clear budget cutoffs, and that continuing with that would have been more effective. A year is a very arbitrary amount of time for the duration of projects, because while it may be convenient and catchy, it doesn’t take into account that some goals and practices take longer or shorter amounts of time to achieve or succeed at. Maybe you should establish milestones rather than working off of the calendar. If this project is only making you more anxious or depressed and less moderate with your spending, then it’s causing more harm than good and there’s no shame in finding alternatives that better suit your needs. You speak of the need to prioritize yourself and your mental health, and sometimes in order to do that we have to take steps backwards or admit when we’re in over our heads. Your subscribers understand and want to see you succeed, and this project just may not be one you’re able to succeed at yet. If you want to accept that you’re an abstainer, that’s valid, but if you truly are interested in exercising moderation I don’t believe this is the best project to do that in.
Sorry if I wasn't clear in this video, but it's not the budgeting project that's making me anxious, it's other things in my life that are taking a toll. As a result, I'm seeing my mental health affect the way I interact with the budgeting project. I'm surprised about how this year's project is going, but I'm still really appreciative of how it's helping me to keep track of my impulses and see myself. If I felt like it was bad for me, I'd stop. But I'm actually really, really glad that I have this yearly budget in place, because if I didn't, I would probably have spent way more money in Jan and Feb and made less wise purchases.
Shannon H I respectfully disagree. She is not perfect, nobody is, shopping can be an addiction and I don’t think you have to be 100% “ready” to do a project like this, I’ve had anxiety for years, that shit is not going away anytime soon and I can’t wait for that to go away one day to start a no buy year, I’ve personally been trying for years to deal with my compulsive spending, it’s all about baby steps. I don’t see this is a failure, this is a learning opportunity. I struggle with these shopping sprees quite often, I’d like to see what she does or how she reacts to it, we all can learn something from it. Also, I think this is the perfect example of honesty with her subscribers, she decided to share this with everyone, other subscribers hide a ton of stuff from us.
After watching through and thinking about what I wanted to say, I arrived at....Yes live IN all your beautiful life of Hannah. Even if a moment arises when you want something you can determine if it's valuable to buy it or you can say "I don't care!" as you often used to say. Because its also ok to want something & not get it. There is still value in it's appreciation.
I'm a proponent of a quarterly or seasonal spending. I don't want to nickel and dime myself by eating away at a yearly budget bit by bit. I have a set amount that I allow myself to spend every 3 months. I do have a monthly budget for replacements of things but when I'm examining say my wardrobe, I spend time looking at where the holes are and then at the end of my 3-month period I have a budge to buy good quality items to fill those holes. Life is a series of experiments. And by definition that means there's a chance for failure. That's OKAY. In fact that is the point. Failure is how we learn and grow. I know it's scary, especially as women (Happy International Women's Day btw) to wrestle with the idea of failing and being okay with failure. I know I struggle with it even though I realize at this point in my life that is part of the experiment. But I will persist until I succeed. And YOU will persist until you succeed. Stay strong in yourself and don't beat yourself up over bumps in the road. The world beats us up enough, be kind to yourself. ❤️
You're so brave, it takes courage to go through the third yearly project in public ❤️ it's also brave to not choose the easy way and simply go on a no-buy because you're not willing to give up on exercising your moderation muscles! And I love that your focussing on giving your own life and your things enough credit. I've actually started giving more credit to my own things thanks to your channel, so thank you Hannah!! 😘
Hello Hannah! Thank you again for sharing all of this, I know how difficult it is. I’m about to turn 40 and I wish I would have had the self awareness to start this journey at your age!! I think the struggle to find balance between present and future will always be in play here, and you are doing a great job figuring it out. The abstaining vs moderating part is very interesting! As soon as you mentioned it, I immediately identified as an abstainer, definitely going to dig more into this. You are beautiful inside and out, Hannah, you have helped me in more ways than you could ever know! My thoughts go out to you and I hope you come out of this darkness soon. 🥰
I have a rule for myself that I don't buy anything major (like more than a cup of coffee) when I'm super depressed or even just down. I'm bipolar, so I have those times a lot, and I just don't shop during those moments. I know that if I shop, it's gonna be a self-soothing kind that doesn't make me feel good afterwards instead of something more constructive. But I'm also a tiny fragile bean so I think that coffee, for example, is very very reasonable.
I'm one of those that go dark around my birthday. 37, no babies, no ring, renting, and a job not a career. As soon as May hits my mind goes another year and no proposal, no pregnancy, no career, and no home of my own. I'm a bear for that whole month and probably the whole month after. I hope you make what content what you need to make. I'm an abstainer as soon as I allow myself to do something I gorge, but as long as I don't have it I can live without it.
As always, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. I frequently check in with that How My No-Buy Changed My Life video because I can relate so much to shopping as a way of escaping the reality of myself and my life ❤️ I've got a 35th birthday coming up in a few months and I'm feeling that same, "wait, that's a real adult's age and I don't have my stuff together ahhhhh!" So you're a star, and I really appreciate that you will still show up even when it's uncomfortable to talk about. It really does help ❤️
I love the idea of indulging in one's own life-- that phrasing really resonates with me. Recently I've been keeping a list of feelings that I love/small things I'm grateful for, and it has helped me see even just like, having a cup of coffee in the morning as an indulgent pleasure. I'm going to join you and try to get the most out of my clothes this month!
Hello Dear Hannah: Interestingly, everything you are going through has nothing to do with stuff. Stuff is just the tempting, alluring, yet superficial window dressing that allows distancing from, detachment from, what is really going on in that moment of 'blissful' acquisition. The relief is temporary at best, no matter how lovely the item is, no matter the great price, no matter the perfect fit. That window dressing can make a beautiful tableau as a cover, but it will always just be a cover. Keep working on it; you'll get there. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know; running from our issues only compounds them. Sending you all the strength for moving BEHAVIORALLY into acting upon these momentous insights you already possess.
Hi Hannah! Gretchen Rubins book on the four tendencies is not so much about abstaining or moderation but it distinguishes how people tend to respond to expectations: outer expectations (a deadline, a “request” from a sweetheart) and inner expectations (write a novel in your free time, keep a New Year’s resolution): Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense - essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike meet outer expectations, but they struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves. Once you know what tendency you (and your family, friends and co-workers) are it could help to motivate yourself and understand the behavior of others better.
I am recovering not from shopping addiction but from clinical depression. But your thoughts about this fantasy future self are very helpful and resonate a lot. So thank you! 🙏🏻
I had a similar realization around my "why" of overspending when I started budgeting (I'm not as talented in the abstaining arena, so no no-buy for me). I didn't understand how much of a coping mechanism it was for me until after I had spent my budget early in the month and couldn't spend anymore until the next month. The more I managed to get my spending under control, the more my emotions completely fell apart. 2019 was a rough year emotionally as I struggled to gain control in other areas of life. I feel like I've come out of the fog somewhat the past couple of months, but I also had a pretty crazy spending spree in February. I don't feel like it was emotional this time, but more due to the fact that my busy season at work came to an abrupt end resulting in extra time. I'm sure that as a self employed person you are never, ever bored, but do you feel like after year end there is a lull that results in you trying to fill time to maintain the same feeling of busyness or productiveness that you were used to maintaining during a busier season?
Hi Hannah, I wish I could give you a hug and just sit and have a chat with you. I'm realising for me it's not spending money that I use as a coping mechanism but watching videos, spending time on social media and then also just being in my imagination. I use these to live a 'fantasy self' where you say you have previously bought for your fantasy self. And I'm realising I waste a lot of time on these things as a way to get out of the present rather than taking steps to improve my present. Some of these things in my present are things I can control and take steps to improve, but others are less simple. Anyway, just sending lots of love and support your way! xx
I truly appreciated your honesty and candor. I also struggle with shopping as a mechanism to avoid living in my present life. And I have a good life, but being our best selves is always work, and sometimes my perfectionist fears about failing at that work, paralyze me into sticking my head into whatever distraction happens along. You are not alone...we are all rooting for you (and for ourselves) in this endeavor called life. I am selfishly glad that you shard your journey, because it helps me reflect on my own. But it is NOT the most important thing...YT is wonderful, but it should serve us as people, not the other way round. We want you healthy and happy. That is more important than all of our opinions on what you should or shouldn’t be doing. As for me, I am going to embrace what I already own for the rest of the month. I am a SAHM so I often won’t get dressed with makeup if I am “just” at home. I am going to go ahead and enjoy what I have. Just a suggestion...I love watching palette “bingos”...seeing how creative someone can be with unexpected color combinations. I think you would be good at this. 🥰 Much love and light to you and your lil fam.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us! A thing that you said a while ago about letting a thing be the only negative consequence of itself has resonated with me so much! Since I heard you talk about that I catch myself more often doing negative self talk and beating myself up over something I did. This video's topic reminded me of that concept again. It's truly a journey, but thank you lots for setting me on it by talking about yours! Love from Germany 🌻
I so admire your courage to share these video essays with the internet. I cannot explain what a positive impact your channel has made on my life. I too am weathering a storm in my life, and while in many ways our walks of life could not be more different, the ways in which they are similar remind me that I am not alone. My birthday has also recently past, I'm in my late twenties and I'm in a period of change as monumental as graduating high school and foraging ahead on my own for the first time. In the darkest moments it feels as though I have floated through the last decade and accomplished nothing because I am in the midst of a huge career change. When I was 18 I had imagined that by now I'd have my doctorate in zoology and would be soon embarking on my first research project as the lead. In reality, I am currently a stay-at-home mom with an associates degree in Russian hoping to soon start my bachelor's degree in chemistry. Needless to say, I haven't ended up where I wished I would and I have frequently turned to shopping to distract myself. Your videos remind me to be gentle with myself, and to look inward even when it seems too dark. I hope that this existential crisis you're experiencing passes soon, and I look forward to whatever videos you can post.
thank you so much for sharing this, Ashleigh. I think about this often. The difference between the woman we thought we would be and the woman we are turning out to be can be such a source of pain, and I think that the beauty industry capitalizes on that pain because the nature of the products is that they promise transformation. This is why I speak so much about dedicating myself to passionately loving the life I do have. I think that love for the women we have turned out to be is the superpower we need.
@@HannahLouisePoston I wholeheartedly agree that we need to accept and cherish where we are in life. I know rationally that the choices I made and opportunities I took advantage of have shaped me to be the proud woman I am today. Sometimes that horrid voice of doubt creeps back into my mind to steal my joy because from one narrow point of view I am a failure. I think you're especially great at reminding yourself and through your channel us, that "mean commenter" voice in our heads doesn't portray reality in a favorable light. On and side note, I love the wallpaper you've chosen for the background, even if we can't see the birds. However, my daughter misses Sadie, she just waits for your slides to come on so she can yell "ca-T" (she just discovered how to make the "t" sound at the end of words, so of course she over pronounces it) 😂
I am someone who really hasn't got control of her spending, definitely spend more when in any form of distress and am absolutely an abstainer rather than moderator... and have yet to really come to terms with that as being a moderator just seems so much more grown up and I think I *should* be able to moderate. And whilst I carry on thinking like that I suspect I will never get my spending under control! There are a handful of things in my life I can be moderate around - alcohol being one. But in general a little of what I fancy doesn't quench my desire for that thing so much as fuel the flames of desire for more. I am having to switch my focus from what do I *want* to what do I *need*, which is a higher bar, and seems to be helping a bit. I need to go back and re-read Rubin's book and look what strategies she has. Part of me suspects I am avoiding this because I don't want the *fun* of shopping taken away from me. Which is daft as the guilt of overspending isn't much fun. I need to do work on my house and I want to overpay my mortgage, and I would feel so proud of myself if I managed that rather than just acquired more things.
I TOTALLY get the thing about resisting doing the work because you don't want the fun of shopping taken away. That's why I ignored my problem for so long before my no-buy year. But when I finally made the switch, I wished I had done it sooner. You can do it!
Yes, it's one of those things isn't it, I wouldn't be shopping if I wasn't getting some kind of payoff from it! Definitely need to quit watching quite so many you tube videos about make up I could buy and start doing some more serious reflection about longer term goals and what I really want, when not in the heat of the moment, to spend on. Have to admit mostly what I am spending my money on at the moment seems to be experiences, but perhaps 4 holidays plus weekends away for this year is a bit greedy!!! 😳
Talking about money in the internet is so stressful that I haven’t even filmed my checkin for February 😖 I see you and I get it ! I’m 31 and I’m about to turn 32 it’s hitting me, then not being where I want to be at this age, not making money on UA-cam basically and having to work on other projects I love that are taking my UA-cam time... I’m having a hard year already and trying my best to feel my Best But I’m also having a tough year. I don’t think I make sense but I’m thinking I’m not being kind to myself, I’ve been my hater for the past month and I don’t like it. Babies ? No babies yet? Babies with money issues ? ... I guess what I’m trying to say is : I’m hugging you right now ! I’m happy you are here on UA-cam and it helps me because I can see that we are not alone ! I’m not alone ! - write what you are grateful for everyday ! It helps a lot !
A couple of thoughts from watching this video: 1) Imagine how boring your content would have been if the year of less stuff had turned out to be a repeat of the budget year dressed in slightly different clothing. Now we have all this juicy conflict to sink our teeth into and the possibility of a future redemption arc (accompanied by your usual insicive revelations along the way). 2) I know it must suck turning 35, but as a writer these are practically your teenage years. No one expects you to churn out anything halfway decent until at least your 40s or 50s, so just focus on frolicking around and living through the experiences that can be plumbed at a later date to form the basis of your work. 3) It occurred to me that I don't think you've actually shown us your darkest moments on camera, as we usually get to see the carefully considered results after you've had time to reflect and contextualize what has happened within the broader narrative of your project/life. I understand the reasons why, but it might also be helpful to show some of the rawness too at some point (as this is something we all go through and suffer with). No pressure, though, this was just an idle thought! I look forward to seeing all the beautiful things you've bought with your budget in February ❤️❤️❤️
“shopping as a mechanism for self-soothing...” Well, there it is. I’ve struggled with using shopping and eating to avoid facing my demons. It’s a quick and temporary fix, but no amount of clothing or makeup makes be feel happier or whole in the long run. You’re right “the constant search” is a way of trying to escape my life. I’m working on sitting with my Self and being present in my life. As always, I’m thankful that you shared and sending you love and light.🙏🏽
Hi friend! A little off topic here (but inspired by half of the vid), I think you as an artist might enjoy talking about lovely non-tangible things. Like favorite poets, artists, music, books to read, experiences, etc. Like things to appeciate that dont usually involve money, just time to appreciate them.
I agree! I would love to hear Hannah's thoughts on 'beautiful things' that don't cost money, in addition to the makeup and fashion content. I think it would also help in terms of a mindset shift too.
Your honesty, openness, and ability to self reflect is truly incredible. You are an inspiration and a truly amazing human. Sending you love and compassion in your time of need.
After watching this video I'm going to comment what I've been resisting commenting for the last few videos. Obviously I don't really know what's going on in your work or personal life, but I think it might be helpful to think about how your work is affecting you right now. I'm also in a field where you choose what you work on and for how many hours (academia, finishing up a PhD), and it ends up frequently leading to overworking and huge amounts of guilt around working. Because all of the expectations come from yourself, it becomes so easy to feel like you need to be working all the time that it starts to invade all aspects of your life. When you talked last month about how you weren't able to exercise for more than half an hour without developing consuming guilt about not working kinda set off HUGE alarm bells for me. And in this video too it just seems like you're so overwhelmed and it makes me sad for you :(. This kind of thing happens to me when my work gets way too entwined with the rest of my life. One thing that has been absolutely huge for me is to set aside times where I don't allow myself to work (for me that's evenings and weekends because I like working in the morning but everyone is different!). Even if I feel like something is 'urgent', including crazy emails from my advisor with the subject line 'URGENT', I take a deep breath and go do something else. When it's my designated work hours, I come back to whatever I thought was going to be a career-ending mistake if I didn't work on it RIGHT NOW, and it's inevitably not a big deal and something I can reasonably get done within work hours. The other side effect of this is that I'm way more productive during my work hours when I've let my brain rest from it for awhile. I get done in 40 hours what I used to get done in 50-60. There of course have to be exceptions because of deadlines and so on, but doing this separation has been insanely good for my mental health (and physical health too, I tend to drink a lot more when I'm freaking out about work). All of this of course comes with the massive disclaimer that I'm not self-employed and I receive a salary so my situation is very different from yours! Anyway, sorry for the long comment that was mostly me just talking about my own issues, but I thought it might be helpful if you're experiencing something similar to me -- sorry if I'm totally off base!!
ALSO, I just noticed your description box and I actually love your left eyebrow today haha
yep, this is definitely going on! totally overwhelmed! Unfortunately I think with this one I just have to wait it out, and in the meantime I don't want to completely walk away from things like my YT channel, which is why I'm in the bind that I keep trying to explain. The exercise/focus thing is actually a time issue, though. That comes from truly not having enough hours in the day for my various kinds of work.
Such a wise comment! Your way of handling work is the best way to avoid burnout!
@@HannahLouisePoston Yeah, I figured you had already thought about this since you're a very introspective and self-aware person! Much love from a California expat 😊❤
Let this sink in: “constantly refreshing my life so I didn’t have to sit with myself.” It’s so well said. It’s putting your own life off until it can be “perfect” which we all know won’t happen.
So I have some thoughts about moderation and a metaphor that has helped me that you can feel free to take or leave. The act of moderating is really hard and I think especially hard if you're aggressively trying to moderate. I felt this way with food: the harder I tried to "eat in moderation" the less able I was to do so. I ended up going through periods of undereating and overeating to the extreme like a pendulum swinging from one disparate side to the other. I kept trying to control myself and moderate but it always failed. It wasn't until I allowed the pendulum to swing and let go of my attempt to control myself that I have finally found myself able to moderate my eating habits quite easily. The pendulum eventually stopped swinging so dramatically. When you are swinging on a pendulum from one extreme to another (like your pre-no-buy year spending to the no-buy spending) trying to stop the swinging immediately is so difficult. But perhaps if you just let that happen the pendulum will slow and eventually sway in a nice moderate area and it won't be so difficult. Essentially, going to an extreme naturally swings you back to the opposite extreme . So if you kind of understand that and just allow your spending pendulum to slow down and swing at a smaller magnitude each time, rather than cling to a strict or harsh rule, you'll eventually find yourself in the middle naturally. Like I said this helped me with food, and hopefully it can help someone else. (PS hope things get better for you soon, love you Hannah)
I'd like to chime in to say that I'm happy to see you being kind to yourself, in addition to continuing to display vulnerability. We need more of that. We need more acceptance of people as they are, good days and bad, and less policing of other people as if they're in our own precinct of perfectionism. I'm just here to hang out with a real woman, and you continue to be just that. I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you're going through. I just want you to know that you are heard and your vulnerability is appreciated. :)
Also, I love overhead shot videos! I'm not sure if this falls under the category of videos that are creatively fulfilling without being emotionally/physically taxing, but I really enjoy the videos where you just hang out and play with your makeup. Like swatching different categories of lipstick, ranking, organizing, decluttering, etc. If you just wanted to hang out and rearrange your single shadows while talking about specific ways you use them or whatnot, I'm here for that kind of content.
Hey, people who need the explanation: I'm happy that you enjoy Hannah's content so much that you feel upset when she slows down. There are a bunch of playlists on her channel where you can find the meaty, deep content that you yearn for. Have a great day!
Or, you can take the 1000$ remaining and divided it by the ten months until the end of the year, so you have 100$ a month.
I could! You're right, that is another option, technically :)
That's what I would do!
I relate to this so so so much. I have my emotional triggers that lead me to believe I'm only a new rug/set of curtains/sweater/lip gloss away from my life making sense or from my life taking off in the direction I want it to go. I've learned that when that mood sets in, I need to go in abstainer mode and not buy anything because it's not going to fix whatever I think it will. In reading more about habit creation and the way our subconscious works I'm starting to realize that the people who are most successful in implementing new habits or moderating things have clear rules in place. Effortless moderation appears to be a glamorous ideal that doesn't seem to exist for many people (or possibly, anyone). Be kind to yourself. Your candor and vulnerability on these topics is much appreciated and incredibly helpful to so many. Thank you for sharing with us ❤
"I've learned that when that mood sets in, I need to go into abstainer mode" SO SMART, so good!
@@HannahLouisePoston me too 🤦
The thing is with buying things that are of higher quality is that they cost more. If you keep your monthly budget small and buy things that fall into fast fashion or things that have little value to you than that's not very good either. In a year of less stuff, I encourage you to include negative self-talk in that stuff. Whatever happens, this project will never be a fail, you put so much of yourself out there it's very much like a piece of performance art and much like any piece of art, it opens itself to all kinds of opinions and criticism. (haters gonna hate, potatoes going to potate)----teacher said that the other day it's silly but I liked it.
Love this. I'm just going to think of haters as potatoes. Potatoes gonna hate :)
I love this about it being like preformance art.
Dude, we all wax and wane. We all have months or years where we are on fire externally. And we all have months or years where we need to let things marinate. And then add the factors of career, creative projects, friends, family, partners who all may need more in a given period, which leaves less time. Amen to no more apologies. Amen to working towards a flow state and doing what feels right. Clearly this is resonating hard with me, but I just feel like saying to my internet friend Hannah, you do you and we support it.
Courtney Stirrat beautifully stated! We are not the ones that need the explanation, however it is lovely that we hear Hannah with our hearts and desire to reach out to Hannah and be supportive. Thank you for you comment!
Courtney Stirrat amen!!
F L O W S T A T E :) thank you, Courtney!
I love your ability to self-reflect and evaluate your behavior. While shopping isn't the best way to deal with stress- please be kind to yourself as you navigate this time.
Dear Hannah, what you do in front of the camera is very impressive and admirable: you can be proud of yourself. Letting the world see your vulnerability is so courageous .... Be gentle with yoursel, really. You deserve it. You are doing great (oui, oui, oui !). I kiss you and I hug you
I recognize this so much. My no buy ended in December, and I have spent so much money over the last two months. Even though I am happy with everything I bought and they really add value to my life, I'm pretty disappointed in myself that I've gone back to my old shopping behaviors, like shopping when I feel bad about myself or stressed.
I don't really know what the best thing to do right now, for me, would be. I'm thinking of doing a short no buy, and a strict set of rules for when that no buy ends. I basically went from a very strict, year long no buy to almost no rules at all, which was a very bad idea. This video made me realize that while I trained my abstaining abilities during my no buy year and those are now very strong, my moderating abilities are still very weak and I need to train those as well.
Always so grateful for your content and the way that you put into words exactly how I feel and the way I’m feeling it. You’re doing so wonderfully, please hear that.
I love how you work your mind/emotions around your spending/shopping behaviours. You have made a serious effort to see yourself from all angles... Berating yourself with love and understanding. Discipline with care and boundaries. Im very interested to see how the rest of the year unfolds.
The abstaining behavior I am experimenting with this year is making different rules for different categories. I did a general inventory of my things at the beginning of the year (not detailed enough to be counting each item). Some categories I am deciding to keep as a strict no buy, because I have plenty of items in the category already. For example: Jeans, undergarments, moisturizers, nail polish, shoes, perfume, etc. Some categories I am allowing myself to buy replacements if they run out/wear out e.g. everyday makeup, hiking/outdoor gear, snow gear, sweaters (if I find secondhand items made of natural fibers to replace my synthetic sweaters.) etc. I also have a wishlist that I can purchase from if I find an ethical/sustainable version of it. I wrote in some flexibility and exceptions to some of my rules, but I have to be very intentional about what I am buying, and I need to think about it for at least 24 hours in advance.
I have found your channel recently in the last month or two and I just wanted to say I really love the way you talk and explain things. Its always so clear and well explained, and honest. Its very refreshing. I'm not sure how else to explain it, but I'm so happy to have found this channel.
I really resonate with this check in. I have realized in the past few years that January and February every year I suddenly feel like it's the season of my discontent and I dislike almost everything about my "stuff" including my home. I can't say enough how much I respect your openness and willingness to be vulnerable, even in the face of risking mean comments. Also, it seems like this project is really yielding some high-value growth and self-reflection. Moderation muscles can only grow when challenged
What you’re calling “shallow” videos are, to me, just as equally valuable as this kind of deep-dive all-of-my-feelings kind content. Watching you play with color and texture and shape is instructive, inspiring, and just so much fun. In fact, I’ve been going back to many of your older overhead shot videos for encouragement of late so I’m super pumped for this peek at the updated syllabus for the Hannah Louise Poston School of Doing the Most With What You Already Have. Totally here for it. Also totally here for you treating yourself like a friend ✨ easier said than done- but then again so is completely rewiring your brain and behavior after a lifetime of living a certain way. If you told us that your no-buy year was all it took to make permanent change, I think we’d all be left scratching our heads as to why we keep failing when we try it ourselves. I don’t delight in seeing you struggle but can’t say how much it means that you still show up here to keep doing this work.
thank you so much, Sarah!
OMG what you speak about at 39:00 ish is exactly where I’m at at the moment. I was chronically ill and housebound for 7 years, so now I’m back out in the world I’m realising that the sporadic clothes buying I was doing during that whole time wasn’t really enough to keep me from wearing worn out broken clothes. So now I need new underwear, house clothes, and leaving the house clothes, all at the same time. Even things like pjs and grooming products need replacing. Which isn’t really normal. And then I’m phased because it’s a lot. But in order to feel confident going out into the world again, and feeling like a person again it’s necessary. So I’m trying to phase it, by adding in new bits, but just a few, and then adding as I go, before those things become tired. Also prioritising which areas to tackle first. But it’s a lot, and watching videos like this really help me to work out how to handle it all
Towards the end of the video where you discussed the plans for moving forward, I had a thought -- is there value in having a separate budget for luxury items? One thing I've learned from watching your videos is how much joy a beautiful thing can bring when it's incorporated in every day life (i.e., wearing a beautiful robe to get ready in daily). But something I can't quite knock is that some luxury items read as impractical when they're in the same category as something as utilitarian as cleanser (even when the cleanser is beautiful and high-quality). To me, a sinking fund for items that are truly luxury that doesn't compete with a beauty budget may mitigate that. Just a thought! I've been so inspired by your projects and ability to articulate your feelings, and I'm happy to be a part of this little corner of UA-cam where we can be vulnerable and complex about our relationship with beautiful things.
I would LOVE to see more Hannah palettes from your singles. Those have been some of my favorite videos to watch, your creative process is inspiring to me, I dont have a lot of singles but I find your color combinations to be so unique and as a painter it's very fun to see :)
thank you!
Holy schnikes, "Trying to buy your way out of your life..." well, that was a punch to the throat. I finally SEE it. That one tiny, somewhat innocuous, phrase. Damn, girl. I've apparently got some much deeper work to do...wow. Thank you
I'm so glad, it's funny how sometimes you just need to hear it said a certain way. That has been true for me, too
Kelly Sanabria I know right??! Hannah is truly a modern philosopher of our times. ☺️🖤
I think you’re doing great! I love your idea of being kind to yourself by thinking of how you’d talk to a friend. I need to try that myself. I hope the comments are kind and that you don’t feel too pressured in the upcoming months to be deep and have hard-hitting content. I love everything you put out and can’t wait to see the fun stuff! I love watching people build palettes and talk about color and texture, etc. Thanks for all you do for your channel, I hope that it continues to serve you even more that it does us. ❤️
Here for it as always. Zero judgment. Appreciate it all. Attempted mantra: I’m grateful for the opportunity to be stressed by all these things!
Much much love to you, Hannah. You are incredible. Thank you for prioritizing fluidity of thought and character and for not compromising transparency on your channel ❤.
thank you so much Margarita! xo!
Being in kind of a yucky mental state myself right now, I don’t have the motivation to write out a long and thoughtful comment expressing all my love and admiration for you, though I wish I did. But I do want to take the time to quickly (but no less sincerely) say that it hurts my heart to see you hurting Hannah, but I’m so proud of you for honoring your commitment to transparency on your channel. These aren’t easy things to talk about, but there is so much value in sharing it. Thank you for letting us learn with you. I really hope things get better for you and I’m glad you’re being gentle with yourself. Also you look beautiful in those earrings. As always, sending love and light your way.
Hi, Hannah. I'd like to make a point in order to help you bring some peace of mind regarding your channel: brand. As a business owner, you know number one rule of branding is consistency, so... people are not trying to put you down for "shallow" content, they're just complaining because they don't find what they subscribed for. What would happen if you tried to sell baby clothing to the same people you sell tango costumes? Some of them would be interested, lots of them would be annoyed. That's what happened to Tati when she released her vitamins (although I think she stepped out of her brand totally on purpose).
You've stated you see yourself as a beauty channel, but I believe you are a self-improvement channel whit a beauty thematic. Does that condemn you to make only "deep" videos? No, but it would require a different strategy (maybe new segments in the channel) to introduce new content; many UA-camrs manage variety very well. That way your audience would be much larger. xo
a while back i made a comment on the brand thing and i stated that what makes Hannah's channel appealing is that she has so far chosen to present herself as a human being, not a brand. humans are dynamic and evolve; brands are flat, abstract ideas that only mimic human qualities. so, for me, i think Hannah is right to remain human because humans have what brands want but can never truly achieve: relatability.
she said in another video that she is actively trying to not 'brand' her channel into a self-improvement one because she is not a self-improvement guru, rather she is just going through projects that she would've done even if she wasn't on youtube and she is just recording them for us to see, which i think is a wonderful and raw thing to do. but it also allows for people to judge out of a preconceived way of how HER life (and thus her channel) 'needs' to unfold according to them, which to me seems unfair since we only see a small part of her life on youtube. if you want to watch a branded channel or self-improvement channels you can look towards the myriads of other no-buy channels who are putting out content like that. we can stay here watching hannah for being hannah and enjoying it :)
This is exactly why, after my low/no buy year, I will do a biweekly budget. I already have one for all my bills, so I can make one for my discretionary spending. I would blow through the whole year's allotment in the first quarter if I tried Hannah's method.
Hey Hannah! It sounds like the last couple of months have been incredibly hard. I'm happy to hear that you are doing what you need to do, like scaling back on creating UA-cam videos. Lately, I've been having a tough time too in different parts of my life. It is so brave & vulnerable to me that you are willing to share your shopping experience with us, the triumphs & the mistakes. I think the course corrections you've made w/ your shopping behaviors make sense for you & your budget. I am excited to hear what you bought, what you think of it, & if you would buy it again.
Thanks for sharing so much with us. I truly appreciate your videos. Take care of you!
Thank you to Future, Present, and Past Hannah. I appreciate this video greatly.
GURL. I am so just.. continually inspired my you and your commitment to yourself. It is NOT EASY to talk about the things you’re talking about, especially to an audience. Thank you for sharing, and inspiring me to share.
Hannah - I LOVE your creative videos and I definitely keep an eye out for them, because they inspire me to do my own monochromatic blush draping with eyeshadow. Also, I get it. When work or personal stuff is intense, i cannot even cope with going onto facebook and my teeny review page on IG becomes about shopping my stash and empties. And that both are such a quieter realm than youtube. Be kind to yourself. I think most of us are here for the journey, and even those times when it feels too much to be viewed are part of the journey that interests us. And since I cannot buy new eyeshadow until at least June (not that I really want to, because I love my singles and sminch palette collection), watching eyeshadow looks or overhead create your own palettes makes my soul happy. PS: BRAVO! to Joe! The earrings are spot on!!!
The part about stalking to yourself in the way a mean commenter would, nearly made me cry. It is exactly what I am prone to doing and my current goal is to slowly mold that into the voice of a loving subscriber who is rooting for me. It's a process which has it's ups and downs but on average I am getting more loving and less mean to myself. Through watching your channel from the start (every video, some multiple times) I see you are evolving as well. Even though you sometimes still want to punish and be mean to yourself, you are steadily extending your kindness to also include yourself. And I can say it is beautiful to see.
You are amazing! Thank you for being on this platform and growing in front of us all. Your ability to be so human in your channel always reminds me that my human qualities are ok too. Also, I love your creative content the most, so I’m excited to see all that comes with doing more of those videos. Thank you for sharing this!!! ❤️❤️❤️
stay strong, hannah! you got this! we are all routing for you!!
I have to tell you your videos have really helped me to recognize my mental darkness and work towards making better choices and finding other more positive ways to distract myself and process my issues. Listening to you today I think I'm also an all or nothing type person. I will probably do better to shop once a season versus monthly as well. Thanks
Thank you for this video. This past week has been hard for me and today I woke up just like "I wanna go to ulta so bad and get a new palette" but it was because I wanted to self soothe. So instead I went and got out some of my favorite palettes and just played while watching this video. Which was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you
Thanks for your constant willingness to be so transparent, it's truly a gift to the internet!
Interesting about Gretchen Ruben, I've read get book on how people are motivated differently (also a really fascinating read about personality aspects... Definitely recommend it!) but I'm intrigued by what she has to say about this other dimension of personality.
Along with your idea of seasonal spending, I'm interested to know what your thoughts are on capsule collections? The principal is similar to The goals you're operating on now, even if the structure isn't the means by which you're doing it. Still curious to know how you think it compares your current process.
Also, I'm REALLY excited for that "what did I buy in February" video now 😂
Im proud of you for being kind to yourself. It’s what you deserve. 💗
I think this is uncharted territory for you and you need to be kind to yourself and kind of just feel your way through this. The reality is that sometimes you just have to go through things like this no matter what the outcome might be. No matter how you handle the rest of the year this isn't a failure. Its a study, an experiment. No matter what happens you'll have learned something. I also think this happened because of the chickens coming home to roost lol.
I also have variable income from side hustles, and I use it to allow flexibility in my spending. I have a monthly budget, but if I worked really hard and brought extra money in I reward myself by spending a portion of it. Sometimes that means buying myself something extra that I've been wanting, or saving that money towards taking a trip or having an experience... what is the point of working extra hard and making more money if you don't let it change how you live?
Be yourself. It's the best "example" you can ever give to us ❤️
I feel exactly the same as you, Hannah. Last year I did an almost 9-month no-buy successfully, and I started 2020 with a budget adjusted to each category. I felt very confident that I was going to make it, but I spent (and exceeded) the entire year's money in February on several categories. I feel like I got off on the wrong foot this year without even noticing it, because it's amazing how I can feel that I have less control over myself after I've managed to finish the no-buy. I attribute it to the stress levels I'm having this quarter at work, because I've found myself browsing websites when I was at my worst.
I hope we do better, we still have many months to make up for it.
Thank you for being so open about these issues. You really help us out a lot :)
XOXO from Spain!
This video was so comprehensively beautiful with so much relatable content ❤️ i love you so much
Loving any of your content and you’re always the first video that pops up on my feed bc I kinda come to UA-cam for your videos...
OMG, I loved those earrings when you had rented them. SO happy for you! Happy belated birthday doll
I totally hear you on dealing with internal existential questions, I'm going through a lot of that and it's a lot of work! It's not always clear to me how to express it to others, it's such a private experience. Just wanted to share I'm in it too!
I always love hearing from you and love videos like this. For what it's worth, I follow a lot of people who are also talking online about their spending and basically everyone overspend what they intended to do in February. So it could be there's something in the air! I had plans to go on a no buy this spring-end of summer but for now have decided against it particularly because I'm such a rebel (from Gretchen Rubin's the four tendencies personality model). I hate giving myself strict rules and feel like I have to break them, just because a rule is there, haha! Moderation is the way for me, I also like to spend in big chunks then naturally find I have dry spells for a couple months following. I'm not interested right now in challenging myself to abstain. Going with the flow has been working for me.
Also your hair looks AMMMAAAZZINGGGGGG I love the texture and the rock concert volume so much!
50 minute video for a lazy Sunday morning? Yes!
Wow Hannah! I'm like you. I love shopping. Whether it is buying or just looking, I find that I love to view things like clothing and make up as if I am viewing things in a museum. I love to see the colors, the textures, and going into the stores themselves. It is therapy to me. Even when I had no money to spend, I still went shopping. If I saw something I loved, I would not buy it then but wait on it. Let my mind think on it and if I really loved the item, I would go back and buy it. And many times I would leave it only to find it in the markdown sale racks a few months later. I don't necessarily think I was not dealing with myself or my life or that it was deep seated although I was living in a dream world for a little while. Shopping for me is as I said, therapy and exercise. I have bought more than I should have when I have the money. I am like you and have a guilt trip after the buy but MAN, I love what I bought! Life changes affects a person. I now live in a small town in North Carolina and you know what that is like. I do not get an opportunity to wear my beautiful things. I'm glad you are going to do that. I do not do Instagram because I spend too much time on facebook and UA-cam as it is. You almost make me want to sign up just to see your outfits. I am long winded today like you. So I will be watching to see your new things. I want to see what you broke your budget for!
Oh Hannah I found this a hard watch, as I could really see the inner turmoil you seemed to be feeling. Honestly you are doing amazingly well. Shopping is without a doubt an emotional thing in the same way food and other things are for some people. You know yourself, and you will without a doubt figure it out. All my love and well wishes Amanda xxx - a long time follower from the UK.
thank you so much for this supportive comment, Amanda! xoxo
Hannah, I will always appreciate the way you are able to put your introspection into words, and to do it so clearly and beautifully. I don't usually comment but this video in particular hit me pretty hard (in a good way!). For as long as I can remember I always had a strong sense of self, and being at peace and content with my life. And then between my sophomore and junior years of college my sister and father passed away quite suddenly. It's taken me years (this was over a decade ago) to fully rebuild that sense of self. And the feelings that you were describing during this phase of your life perfectly put into words how it felt to lose touch with that part of myself, and the difficult and sometimes slow process of regaining that contentment with life. About a week ago I had a moment of total peace, and I realized that I have fully and truly regained that part of myself. So I guess this is just me saying, thank you for sharing your version of this journey, and hearing it helped me shed some tears of appreciation for being able to be where I am today.
I think you will do well over all and I am glad to see that you are treating yourself as you would a friend who was in your situation. None of us is perfect and you at least are very self aware of what you are doing and why and how things happened. Good luck for continuing to follow your path. I have a question, when you run out of every day essentials etc, does that come out of your yearly budget to replace them? I am just curious how your budget works.
This is the video i needed to see today. I put myself on a low buy/no buy year, and I have spent my budget as well. I don't even know why it happened. Time to focus on the amazing things I own and enjoy them. I love your content. Thanks for posting. :)
Is anyone else really intrigued to watch just-pre-covid videos on YT?? This is a perfect one to illustrate the sense of existential anxiety I was also feeling at that time. Very strange...
Sample sales can be amazing. I have two dresses I bought at a sample sale ten years ago, that I have never regretted buying even though they were expensive at the time. They have never gone out of style and they are made in such a way that my weight has fluctuated, and I can still wear them. I have other clothes that I thought were investments at the time which ended up being expensive and I never got to wear them enough to justify the $$ spent. May your new purchases be the former rather than the latter!
Totally with you on the birthdays that end in five...35, 45, and 55 were much harder than 40, 50 and 60. Next month I will be 61 and I’m working on changing my mindset to just feeling “great for my current age”....preparing to be a feisty senior.
The past few weeks (actually since like... the start of february) has been absolutely buckwild and you are truly not alone in feeling that energy. It's both depressive and overwhelming like you need to GO GO GO when really we all need/needed to be taking a step back and taking a deep breath. I could get into the astrology of it but I know some people don't buy into it 🤓however, I'd say the majority of us really are collectively feeling it. Give yourself a break, emotionally at the very least.
Congrats on your birthday earrings! That was so sweet of Joe!!
I know people who like to post negative comments are generally “louder” than the many people who think you are wonderful and doing a great job. So in that vein, I hope you have a lovely day, and I really appreciate any content you put out :)
thank you, Julia xoxo
The soul craving segment was quite fun. You could do something like that with clothing you already own or take fashion trends from the runway and recreate them your way. A clothing transformation video would be interesting.
I do a seasonal spend, then go months with no buying, then back to spending the next season. I live in Portland, OR so I would say my seasonal swing is every 4-6 months based on the weather mostly (this isn’t counting skincare, just the other stuff on your list Hannah).
Totally unrelated, going to a sample sale is what my dreams are made of.
I don’t think shopping to self soothe is a bad thing in and of itself. Obviously it is if you spend beyond your means, break your own rules or buy things you don’t need. But it’s ok to have ways of coping with bad feelings that aren’t all meditative or completely perfect. We are all human and we all need to let go sometimes and do things that bring us pleasure. If the act of shopping is enjoyable and can boost your mood when you’re feeling down, what’s wrong with that? Sometimes when you blow off steam and relax it gives your body and mind the space and time to then return to the problem in a less panicked state and deal with things head on. We can’t be ready to deal with everything all the time. And “bad” habits aren’t always bad unless they start having a negative impact on your life. Buying something within your budget, having a few drinks once every so often, or switching off in whatever way you do can help to blow off steam. I agree it would be bad if you always shop rather than addressing the feelings, but if you occasionally shop and then, when you feel a bit more relaxed, come back and address what’s going on - that’s ok!
With all due respect, it doesn’t seem like you’re in the right place mentally to do this project right now. You’re unable to self moderate, and failing at this project for two months in a row is taking a toll on your mental health and anxiety. I feel as though last year’s project was a much better tool to help with moderation since there were clear budget cutoffs, and that continuing with that would have been more effective. A year is a very arbitrary amount of time for the duration of projects, because while it may be convenient and catchy, it doesn’t take into account that some goals and practices take longer or shorter amounts of time to achieve or succeed at. Maybe you should establish milestones rather than working off of the calendar. If this project is only making you more anxious or depressed and less moderate with your spending, then it’s causing more harm than good and there’s no shame in finding alternatives that better suit your needs. You speak of the need to prioritize yourself and your mental health, and sometimes in order to do that we have to take steps backwards or admit when we’re in over our heads. Your subscribers understand and want to see you succeed, and this project just may not be one you’re able to succeed at yet. If you want to accept that you’re an abstainer, that’s valid, but if you truly are interested in exercising moderation I don’t believe this is the best project to do that in.
Sorry if I wasn't clear in this video, but it's not the budgeting project that's making me anxious, it's other things in my life that are taking a toll. As a result, I'm seeing my mental health affect the way I interact with the budgeting project. I'm surprised about how this year's project is going, but I'm still really appreciative of how it's helping me to keep track of my impulses and see myself. If I felt like it was bad for me, I'd stop. But I'm actually really, really glad that I have this yearly budget in place, because if I didn't, I would probably have spent way more money in Jan and Feb and made less wise purchases.
Shannon H I respectfully disagree. She is not perfect, nobody is, shopping can be an addiction and I don’t think you have to be 100% “ready” to do a project like this, I’ve had anxiety for years, that shit is not going away anytime soon and I can’t wait for that to go away one day to start a no buy year, I’ve personally been trying for years to deal with my compulsive spending, it’s all about baby steps. I don’t see this is a failure, this is a learning opportunity. I struggle with these shopping sprees quite often, I’d like to see what she does or how she reacts to it, we all can learn something from it. Also, I think this is the perfect example of honesty with her subscribers, she decided to share this with everyone, other subscribers hide a ton of stuff from us.
After watching through and thinking about what I wanted to say, I arrived at....Yes live IN all your beautiful life of Hannah. Even if a moment arises when you want something you can determine if it's valuable to buy it or you can say "I don't care!" as you often used to say. Because its also ok to want something & not get it. There is still value in it's appreciation.
I'm a proponent of a quarterly or seasonal spending. I don't want to nickel and dime myself by eating away at a yearly budget bit by bit. I have a set amount that I allow myself to spend every 3 months. I do have a monthly budget for replacements of things but when I'm examining say my wardrobe, I spend time looking at where the holes are and then at the end of my 3-month period I have a budge to buy good quality items to fill those holes.
Life is a series of experiments. And by definition that means there's a chance for failure. That's OKAY. In fact that is the point. Failure is how we learn and grow. I know it's scary, especially as women (Happy International Women's Day btw) to wrestle with the idea of failing and being okay with failure. I know I struggle with it even though I realize at this point in my life that is part of the experiment. But I will persist until I succeed. And YOU will persist until you succeed. Stay strong in yourself and don't beat yourself up over bumps in the road. The world beats us up enough, be kind to yourself. ❤️
Joe is a total hero! Obviously was paying attention! They are gorgeous
Sending you all of the love ❤️❤️
You're so brave, it takes courage to go through the third yearly project in public ❤️ it's also brave to not choose the easy way and simply go on a no-buy because you're not willing to give up on exercising your moderation muscles! And I love that your focussing on giving your own life and your things enough credit. I've actually started giving more credit to my own things thanks to your channel, so thank you Hannah!! 😘
Real life, it hits us all. Thank you for sharing!
I'm convinced that Feb sucks for everyone in the northern hemisphere.
I'm all for more overhead videos! Do whatever you feel the most comfortable with 😊
Hello Hannah! Thank you again for sharing all of this, I know how difficult it is. I’m about to turn 40 and I wish I would have had the self awareness to start this journey at your age!! I think the struggle to find balance between present and future will always be in play here, and you are doing a great job figuring it out. The abstaining vs moderating part is very interesting! As soon as you mentioned it, I immediately identified as an abstainer, definitely going to dig more into this. You are beautiful inside and out, Hannah, you have helped me in more ways than you could ever know! My thoughts go out to you and I hope you come out of this darkness soon. 🥰
thank you, Ginger!!! xoxo!
I have a rule for myself that I don't buy anything major (like more than a cup of coffee) when I'm super depressed or even just down. I'm bipolar, so I have those times a lot, and I just don't shop during those moments. I know that if I shop, it's gonna be a self-soothing kind that doesn't make me feel good afterwards instead of something more constructive. But I'm also a tiny fragile bean so I think that coffee, for example, is very very reasonable.
I'm one of those that go dark around my birthday. 37, no babies, no ring, renting, and a job not a career. As soon as May hits my mind goes another year and no proposal, no pregnancy, no career, and no home of my own. I'm a bear for that whole month and probably the whole month after. I hope you make what content what you need to make. I'm an abstainer as soon as I allow myself to do something I gorge, but as long as I don't have it I can live without it.
sending love to you both
As always, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. I frequently check in with that How My No-Buy Changed My Life video because I can relate so much to shopping as a way of escaping the reality of myself and my life ❤️ I've got a 35th birthday coming up in a few months and I'm feeling that same, "wait, that's a real adult's age and I don't have my stuff together ahhhhh!" So you're a star, and I really appreciate that you will still show up even when it's uncomfortable to talk about. It really does help ❤️
I love the idea of indulging in one's own life-- that phrasing really resonates with me. Recently I've been keeping a list of feelings that I love/small things I'm grateful for, and it has helped me see even just like, having a cup of coffee in the morning as an indulgent pleasure. I'm going to join you and try to get the most out of my clothes this month!
Hello Dear Hannah: Interestingly, everything you are going through has nothing to do with stuff. Stuff is just the tempting, alluring, yet superficial window dressing that allows distancing from, detachment from, what is really going on in that moment of 'blissful' acquisition. The relief is temporary at best, no matter how lovely the item is, no matter the great price, no matter the perfect fit. That window dressing can make a beautiful tableau as a cover, but it will always just be a cover. Keep working on it; you'll get there. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know; running from our issues only compounds them. Sending you all the strength for moving BEHAVIORALLY into acting upon these momentous insights you already possess.
Wow! So eloquently put.
Hi Hannah! Gretchen Rubins book on the four tendencies is not so much about abstaining or moderation but it distinguishes how people tend to respond to expectations: outer expectations (a deadline, a “request” from a sweetheart) and inner expectations (write a novel in your free time, keep a New Year’s resolution):
Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense - essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike meet outer expectations, but they struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves.
Once you know what tendency you (and your family, friends and co-workers) are it could help to motivate yourself and understand the behavior of others better.
I love your color and technique videos!
I am recovering not from shopping addiction but from clinical depression. But your thoughts about this fantasy future self are very helpful and resonate a lot. So thank you! 🙏🏻
Just sending some positive vibes. Thanks for being so open with us.
I had a similar realization around my "why" of overspending when I started budgeting (I'm not as talented in the abstaining arena, so no no-buy for me). I didn't understand how much of a coping mechanism it was for me until after I had spent my budget early in the month and couldn't spend anymore until the next month. The more I managed to get my spending under control, the more my emotions completely fell apart. 2019 was a rough year emotionally as I struggled to gain control in other areas of life. I feel like I've come out of the fog somewhat the past couple of months, but I also had a pretty crazy spending spree in February. I don't feel like it was emotional this time, but more due to the fact that my busy season at work came to an abrupt end resulting in extra time. I'm sure that as a self employed person you are never, ever bored, but do you feel like after year end there is a lull that results in you trying to fill time to maintain the same feeling of busyness or productiveness that you were used to maintaining during a busier season?
Hi Hannah, I wish I could give you a hug and just sit and have a chat with you. I'm realising for me it's not spending money that I use as a coping mechanism but watching videos, spending time on social media and then also just being in my imagination. I use these to live a 'fantasy self' where you say you have previously bought for your fantasy self. And I'm realising I waste a lot of time on these things as a way to get out of the present rather than taking steps to improve my present. Some of these things in my present are things I can control and take steps to improve, but others are less simple. Anyway, just sending lots of love and support your way! xx
thank you so much, Miriam! xoxo!
I truly appreciated your honesty and candor. I also struggle with shopping as a mechanism to avoid living in my present life. And I have a good life, but being our best selves is always work, and sometimes my perfectionist fears about failing at that work, paralyze me into sticking my head into whatever distraction happens along. You are not alone...we are all rooting for you (and for ourselves) in this endeavor called life. I am selfishly glad that you shard your journey, because it helps me reflect on my own. But it is NOT the most important thing...YT is wonderful, but it should serve us as people, not the other way round. We want you healthy and happy. That is more important than all of our opinions on what you should or shouldn’t be doing. As for me, I am going to embrace what I already own for the rest of the month. I am a SAHM so I often won’t get dressed with makeup if I am “just” at home. I am going to go ahead and enjoy what I have. Just a suggestion...I love watching palette “bingos”...seeing how creative someone can be with unexpected color combinations. I think you would be good at this. 🥰 Much love and light to you and your lil fam.
I still applaud your honesty.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!
A thing that you said a while ago about letting a thing be the only negative consequence of itself has resonated with me so much! Since I heard you talk about that I catch myself more often doing negative self talk and beating myself up over something I did. This video's topic reminded me of that concept again. It's truly a journey, but thank you lots for setting me on it by talking about yours! Love from Germany 🌻
Hannah please remember to be kind to yourself.. everyone makes ooops you got this hug
I so admire your courage to share these video essays with the internet. I cannot explain what a positive impact your channel has made on my life. I too am weathering a storm in my life, and while in many ways our walks of life could not be more different, the ways in which they are similar remind me that I am not alone. My birthday has also recently past, I'm in my late twenties and I'm in a period of change as monumental as graduating high school and foraging ahead on my own for the first time. In the darkest moments it feels as though I have floated through the last decade and accomplished nothing because I am in the midst of a huge career change. When I was 18 I had imagined that by now I'd have my doctorate in zoology and would be soon embarking on my first research project as the lead. In reality, I am currently a stay-at-home mom with an associates degree in Russian hoping to soon start my bachelor's degree in chemistry. Needless to say, I haven't ended up where I wished I would and I have frequently turned to shopping to distract myself. Your videos remind me to be gentle with myself, and to look inward even when it seems too dark. I hope that this existential crisis you're experiencing passes soon, and I look forward to whatever videos you can post.
thank you so much for sharing this, Ashleigh. I think about this often. The difference between the woman we thought we would be and the woman we are turning out to be can be such a source of pain, and I think that the beauty industry capitalizes on that pain because the nature of the products is that they promise transformation. This is why I speak so much about dedicating myself to passionately loving the life I do have. I think that love for the women we have turned out to be is the superpower we need.
@@HannahLouisePoston I wholeheartedly agree that we need to accept and cherish where we are in life. I know rationally that the choices I made and opportunities I took advantage of have shaped me to be the proud woman I am today. Sometimes that horrid voice of doubt creeps back into my mind to steal my joy because from one narrow point of view I am a failure. I think you're especially great at reminding yourself and through your channel us, that "mean commenter" voice in our heads doesn't portray reality in a favorable light.
On and side note, I love the wallpaper you've chosen for the background, even if we can't see the birds. However, my daughter misses Sadie, she just waits for your slides to come on so she can yell "ca-T" (she just discovered how to make the "t" sound at the end of words, so of course she over pronounces it) 😂
I am someone who really hasn't got control of her spending, definitely spend more when in any form of distress and am absolutely an abstainer rather than moderator... and have yet to really come to terms with that as being a moderator just seems so much more grown up and I think I *should* be able to moderate. And whilst I carry on thinking like that I suspect I will never get my spending under control!
There are a handful of things in my life I can be moderate around - alcohol being one. But in general a little of what I fancy doesn't quench my desire for that thing so much as fuel the flames of desire for more.
I am having to switch my focus from what do I *want* to what do I *need*, which is a higher bar, and seems to be helping a bit.
I need to go back and re-read Rubin's book and look what strategies she has. Part of me suspects I am avoiding this because I don't want the *fun* of shopping taken away from me. Which is daft as the guilt of overspending isn't much fun. I need to do work on my house and I want to overpay my mortgage, and I would feel so proud of myself if I managed that rather than just acquired more things.
I TOTALLY get the thing about resisting doing the work because you don't want the fun of shopping taken away. That's why I ignored my problem for so long before my no-buy year. But when I finally made the switch, I wished I had done it sooner. You can do it!
Yes, it's one of those things isn't it, I wouldn't be shopping if I wasn't getting some kind of payoff from it! Definitely need to quit watching quite so many you tube videos about make up I could buy and start doing some more serious reflection about longer term goals and what I really want, when not in the heat of the moment, to spend on.
Have to admit mostly what I am spending my money on at the moment seems to be experiences, but perhaps 4 holidays plus weekends away for this year is a bit greedy!!! 😳
Thank you for sharing this
Holding you up in the light, Hannah. I have faith in you!
I LOVE your overhead shot videos and your general perspective on makeup artistry! Watching you play with your singles is like actual ASMR for me haha
I love a good OOTD! Im very much looking forward to seeing you in clothes you love over on IG! ❤❤
Talking about money in the internet is so stressful that I haven’t even filmed my checkin for February 😖 I see you and I get it ! I’m 31 and I’m about to turn 32 it’s hitting me, then not being where I want to be at this age, not making money on UA-cam basically and having to work on other projects I love that are taking my UA-cam time... I’m having a hard year already and trying my best to feel my Best But I’m also having a tough year. I don’t think I make sense but I’m thinking I’m not being kind to myself, I’ve been my hater for the past month and I don’t like it. Babies ? No babies yet? Babies with money issues ? ... I guess what I’m trying to say is : I’m hugging you right now ! I’m happy you are here on UA-cam and it helps me because I can see that we are not alone ! I’m not alone ! - write what you are grateful for everyday ! It helps a lot !
A couple of thoughts from watching this video:
1) Imagine how boring your content would have been if the year of less stuff had turned out to be a repeat of the budget year dressed in slightly different clothing. Now we have all this juicy conflict to sink our teeth into and the possibility of a future redemption arc (accompanied by your usual insicive revelations along the way).
2) I know it must suck turning 35, but as a writer these are practically your teenage years. No one expects you to churn out anything halfway decent until at least your 40s or 50s, so just focus on frolicking around and living through the experiences that can be plumbed at a later date to form the basis of your work.
3) It occurred to me that I don't think you've actually shown us your darkest moments on camera, as we usually get to see the carefully considered results after you've had time to reflect and contextualize what has happened within the broader narrative of your project/life. I understand the reasons why, but it might also be helpful to show some of the rawness too at some point (as this is something we all go through and suffer with). No pressure, though, this was just an idle thought!
I look forward to seeing all the beautiful things you've bought with your budget in February ❤️❤️❤️
I worship your point #2 here. I remind myself on a near-daily basis that Robert Frost didn't publish until he was 40. Thank you for the support :)
i'm sorry you're feeling low, hannah. please do make the content you want to make. also, your more creative content is my favorite!
Those earrings!!! I remember them so well, they are stunning! 😍 now I go on and watch the rest of the video ahah