Have some normal conversations with similarly neurodiverse people. You might find the relief of not worrying about how your words are interpreted through these filters helps with the anxiety. For me, it is wonderful just being able to let the words I say mean what I said.
@@pamlindquist2861 I find similarly neurodiverse people irritating, i'm a high functioning autistic, the weird place where excellent grades and social awkwardness perfectly meet. I suffer from impatience when people take too long to talk, my brain is always racing, it makes it genuinely hard, especially when people make simple problems bigger for dramatics. I do worry that people think I respond too quickly and impulsively but I genuinely think about what they have said after listening, y'know? I agree with what you have said regarding meaning what you say. I had two questions for you: 1: do you have the problem when you say something and mean literally what you have said that people try to use words with different meanings, example "we are not friends, we are friendly" and they say "see, we are friends" or "what do you mean you don't like me to be friends" secondly: how do you find navigating normal functioning people, for me it always worries me that they are too polite to say that i am no good. It is also hard to identify genuinely neurodiverse people in this day. thank you tik tok for glorifying mental illness.
@@mealsome1571 If you feel as if the conversation is done, just say so. I appreciate honesty and would never take such a comment personally. Often I will tell someone they can keep talking but I cannot listen anymore. It is a literal comment, but neurotypical people think it is a dismissal of them rather than a statement of my capability to continue the conversation. As to your questions, #1 - ABSOLUTELY. Or they will ask a question and I answer it and then they laugh and I feel so stupid. If they wanted to know something else they should have asked that. #2 - In regards to navigating neurotypical people, I manage okay one to one. Although at social functions, I'm often too overwhelmed to focus on getting through multiple people's filters, so I just work those as a volunteer. That way I can limit the interactions. (Although I disagree with your usage of the term normal, since we are also normal. There are just more of them, so I prefer average.) Don't worry about them thinking you are no good. I really doubt they put much thought about your qualities as a human at all. You are enough as you are, and if they have a problem with that. It is their problem.
@pamlindquist2861 I have both of them too. I like it when my surroundings are, predetermined and unaltered. I'm working on stepping, outside of my routines and letting other people into my safe space. I have made huge progress so far. I have had severe anxiety and meltdowns in public but nowdays when there's help, I've grown qso much. I haven't had a single meltdown attack over a year now. I usually shaked and cried, but now I feel more in control and happier.🙂
I have 4 kids and a we had 2 foster boys with us for a number of years as well. So, things can get quite chaotic at home. When I heard a crash, a fall, or something similar my first reaction used to be to come in and say "What happened!" I noticed though, that doing this put people on edge and got me focusing on what went wrong. So, I started instead saying "Is everyone ok?" as my first reaction. I found that this put my mind into the right frame to be calm and to help resolve things much better.
As a young adult, who wants to have children someday, I think about my childhood a lot, and how adults spoke to me. Doing little things like this makes a huge difference in a child's life, even long after you stop directly raising them. Thank you.
I like when people speak without a filter. It comes across as honest and relatable. Sometimes when people are quiet, I get the sense they are being judgmental or are too interested in their own inner dialogue to be in the moment with you. Of course there are times when you have to be professional or courteous. But in general it’s a good quality so don’t look down on yourself for it :D
I have ADHD and I’ve definitely been told that I say things so bluntly that I end up coming off as mean. But I never mean to be offensive, I just tend to say whatever is in my head. It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on.
I love that there's a few pure psychology videos sprinkled in, keep it up! Both someone in my direct family and a few colleagues are the sorts of people who have to but heads about anything, prior to my CBT I would be baited and it just escalates going in circles. I won't say I don't get triggered still, but now I use my favourite quote of anyone, Bruce Lee's be like water and just let the wave crash and do nothing; literally this morning could feel a 'debate' beginning to rise with a colleague and said that I'll not be responding any further, after a couple minutes they realised their rant was having no rebuttal and it stopped.
I appreciate the insight into the purpose of communication in the Neurotypical community. It's not my reality but one which I have to interact with and understanding it can help reduce harmful misunderstandings and assumptions.
totally wrecked a conversation & realized that it was because i knew they were listening, & & ihad things to talk about finally , & its rare i have something in my life that dosent revolve around my illness
yes sometimes when we have a listening ear we can enjoy that too much. But I am happy you had someone to share things with. I hope you get more opportunities
I have the opposite problem. I seem to lend my ear too much, and I never know when someone is rambling or actually trying to make a point. I especially struggle with getting out/away from those interactions, because I don't want to be rude. It's built up a bit of resentment tbh, because I feel like I'm always listening and never get listened to.
@@Worthless-one actually its pretty close, im the one that listens most of the time because no one would want to hear what im going through so i listen but when i have something new i cant seem to just say it , i get hyper & then info bomb, i dont know how to stop when i really want to share & be heard , but on the other hand im the ear everyone calls & im good at it when im not hyped or excited. i hear you , i know that frustration & i hope things get better for all of us,
@@GeorgiaDow thank you, im always trying , i have a therapist that listens more often than not & that helps imensly & most of my freinds online understand my hmmm pattern i think , i probably should talk to them more but my idk self doubt edges in & tells me im not making sense or they don want tmi , im working at it, heh a couple of years ago id have filled this space rambling, your points are very helpful & thank you so much for being here & reaching out ,it helps so much
Dr. Dow I want to say thank you for this video in particular I am a 20 year PTSD depression survivor. I’m currently writing a book about my experiences so I can help others this video and the tips you gave got me out of the writing rut that I was in you are an incredible doctor. Please keep up with your videos, they’ve been helping me along with my regular psychiatric visits. God bless you.
It is difficult to not become impulsive when discussing, talking, or doing things that excite you. For myself, it is usually just talking about Lore, Mythology, and other Paranormal/Supernatural stuff; though I have gotten into the three second pause practice to give myself and those listening to me some breathing room. Especially when I know my listener is a deep thinking or need to take time in their response. - If by chance we both speak at the same time, I usually just differ to them to speak first out of politeness; especially when they have been patience and willing to listen to me for the extended time I was on the spotlight. Granted it does not always work since there are some other compulsive speakers that will do whatever they can to speak over everyone; if I am in a position of influence or 'power' in my own group. I politely tell them to hold their thought a moment and allow the other person to speak their mind first. - It would come off as rude I suspect, but as someone that DMs a TTRPG group, I try my hardest to have everyone contribute if/when they wish to and not just let them be overshadowed by 'the face' or 'the voice' of the group. Conversation is a multiple way in and out highway.
Just finished watching “Maid” on Netflix and I’d love to get your take on the different topics touched on by the series. Big one is domestic violence (emphasis on emotional abuse with physical as well) though it also goes into abstract poverty, generational abuse, addiction, and various mental health issues.
I have traumatic brain damage from a skiing accident when I was 14. I also have daily panic attacks....and I talk when I'm nervous. I talk to myself...I'm planning out possible conversations I expect to have with others. I have a gift for description and write short fiction....my lack of a filter usually comes into play when I'm describing something and I use very high impact language and wording....when I describe food, someone usually has to tell me to stop making them hungry. I just don't think I find the same things offensive that most other people do and I know I'm not offended by much at all and knowing where to draw the line is a huge issue for me.
I have a friend who has a very hard time controlling his impulses, especially when we talk on the phone. He dominates the conversation, and it's now reached the point where I'm avoiding his calls altogether.
As a person I have adopted the stance of "Reputation is what others know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself." And often I had found myself at odds with people who thought I was speaking "impulsively" when I made it clear that the situation itself is trampling on my moral views and ideas, and I would not agree to it, nor will I be quiet about it, if I see something that is breaking my own feeling about myself (honor). So how does one present it as controlled response, rather than "impulse" reaction, if they see something that is clearly breaking their moral views? (example: I was asked to present a report with numbers, that was not "Incorrect", but made it so it would seem our team worked equally to the other teams on a macro level, when in reality, on micro engagements we owned 80% of the overall work. But this was making the other teams looking bad, and showing that we may need more people in the team. Best I managed was to give the raw data to the asking manager and tell her to present it how she wants to but to keep my name out of it, and told my colleagues the truth about the report and the numbers.)
Been where you are. So often. I have reacted well, and I have reacted poorly. When I have reacted well, it has been when I have been so calm about stating my position that it rattled others. Then, when needed, a clever turn of phrase that points out the weaknesses in their position. Then, if needed, the things you would say on impulse...except now it is deliberate. When I have reacted poorly, I jumped to the third option with passion...because my patience for such things had already been used up.
There are those who have something to say and those who have to say something. Immediacy with responses and a high word count aren't automatically signs of intelligence and often showcase a person lacking a certain degree of empathy and listening skills. I've become less socially awkward over the years but there was an instance in high school wherein I nervously went on and on about miscellaneous topics because I felt as though I *needed* some kind of conversation to get going, but that meant not letting the other person talk as much or delve that much into who they are as a person despite the meetup having supposed to be a way of getting to know each other. If you don't know what to talk about then let the other person lead and then simply respond without interrupting.
I think I just want people to like me more so I think I should contribute more to the conversation but it just ends up having the opposite effect. Thank you for this enlightening video Georgia. 😊
This is eerie because my friend group, after weeks of escalation and warnings, finally had to yeet someone out of our shared discord servers since they quite literally followed the problems in this video to a tee, and the stresses of their real life exacerbated their lack of control or chill. I and several others tried to encourage him to get some therapy, rather than the very shady-sounding "day program" he goes to, which honestly sounds like a hellhole everytime he describes it. Unfortunately this didn't happen, and after some extremely uncomfortable things being said, and generally him ignoring every request to tone it down and/or warning about consequences, we had to bite the bullet. I still care about him and hope he gets the help he needs, and I just hope isolating him like this doesn't make it worse. But equally, I can't imagine letting him continue unabated would do much good either :c.
im an introvert but im also an omnivert. ill either think too much without taking action, or take action without thinking, there's no in-between. i don't know how people talk naturally while also thinking about what they say. i just cant do that. im also blind to what could possibly be wrong about something until its shown to me directly. because of this i just avoid talking to people so i dont say something hurtful or embarrassing :(
Adhd + Aspergers + oppositional defiance disorder + Borderline Personality Disorder = oversharing, grandiose me. I am practicing at not oversharing. One good thing about social media with this is that I am forced to slow down a little bit to type and/or post something before putting it out there compared to talking. I think I'm getting better in person now, too. Hopefully that self-assessment is accurate.😅 My grandiose stuff is fairly easy to deal with, I'm mostly just thick-headed about stuff - I can easily accept being wrong or needed help, I just need I spelled out for me a bit more than most people.
speaking from personal experience, but waiting for a silent space CAN lead to you not speaking at all. but I guess that would be the point of journaling in this equation - to analyse the situation and build yourself up for next time, no?
i tend to overshare if i spend too much time in isolation, it's like a pressure valve for thoughts that only turn when other people are around. i don't know why it took so long to figure out that being more social makes you better at being social. better late than never right?
It's not in the video and I really dunno if it is related to impulse control but sometimes people dump a lot of things and the conversation turns into a big monologue. It also tends to happen when someone is talking about a bad memory or past event. For example, when I was back in uni, the mom of one of my friends came to visit us for the first time and my friend introduced her to us. We went to a cafe all together, and we're casually talking at first, getting to know each other. Then, she starts to talk about her own life and somehow it turned into a 3 hour long story of her telling her literal life story, which was pretty traumatic (such as it all starting with a forced marriage at age 14 with another older relative and some other heart wrenching stuff I don't wanna write about here) and no one else talking. Just a story time baby. Can't lie, I thought it was a little weird to hear all that in the first meeting. It just makes people uncomfortable. Like, I don't really know you other than our mutual connection which is her daughter. Later, my friend said in private that sometimes her mom gets too carried away in memories and just dumps shit like that, even if it is to strangers. So I guessed it happens a lot with her. That made me think tho, I realized the people I know who had pretty traumatic lives either never talk about it or tend to dump it to anyone they meet the first second like she did. You just know everything about their life and past but mostly bad stuff as if you've read their some sort of biography. And this lady was one of the latter, she just couln't stop talking about stuff like that. I always thought I guess some people feel better by getting it off their shoulders and sharing the pain, but I also can't help but feel bad about it because someone she carelessly tells her story to might use such details against her and this goes to everyone who do that. Because this isn't just finally letting things out to people you know and trust once in a while to feel better, this is just dumping everything on someone you meet for the first time. Sometimes she even does that to strangers at the park etc. It's also not very nice to get literally second hand trauma in a first meeting. Not just some bad stuff, but the very heavy stuff. I left feeling really bad for her and heavy in my own body. Is this also a thing? Is it called something? Because I see these two patterns happen all the time. The never tell thing is usually harder to spot because you need to spend more time only to realize you're not getting much out of a person then you realize. Dump everything immediately is much easier to spot. Are these named anything, or related to anything? Great vid as always, btw. Have a nice day!
I have a bad habit of not answering people in a confrontation. Because I know about saying things I’ll regret saying later, but my mind goes through almost a Rolodex of responses and what the other person is going to say or do, and I sometimes get stuck in that loop.
Thank you so much Georgia 🙏 I'm not sure if it is a coincidence but came right after I comment at Godbtand issues really helpful for me 🙂 what I use most from martial arts I've learned are the breathing techniques .. I'm not champion as u r 😉 but a fellow practitioner n helps me alot to remember to breath .. n plus ur tips I'll start to pay more attention afterwards on what ppl say n be more mindful than speak at all .. thank you again 🙏
i think that most of this advice is very good, however; one thing i have noticed about my "lack of impulse control" is that if someone is lying, they can almost never keep up and end up saying something that drops the façade. its hard to lie when you have to think on your feet.
And i tend to dominate conversations because there so exciting that i just cut people say things out of the blue i just have so much to say that i switch up topics that people were still talking about. But. I need to stop being impulsive.
There’s times where I’m having a conversation and it goes well until I hijack it and I can’t stop talking. I can tell that the other person is losing interest or wants out but I can’t seem to stop talking but I’m screaming “stop” in the back of my mind.
This video is great! Can you also do one that's the opposite, where you have too much impulse control to the point where you're too restrained and can't get a word out?
I got foot in mouth. I even say things without a started conversation from somebody. As soon as I get comfortable with people my mouth says things that gets me in trouble.
Calmness in stressful situations is kind of my thing. BUT if someone I care about is being dissed or victimized...or if they just picked the wrong day to expect me to put up with their nonsense...then I am somewhat less than calm. Also remember silence is most often interpreted as assent. Consent. Agreement. "It MUST be TRUE! He didn't argue!" Ugly and evil things have happened because of silence. Racism is a big one. Too often turning the other cheek just gives them a new place to hit.
Some times i say so abruptly thay people think im brash but ihave really bad adhd and its gotten worse since i was a child i dunno but some people like my bluntness and think im funny but i tell them its a accident lol ite crazy up here.
I was hoping there would be something that helps but there wasn't anything that would help me with my memory problem cause if a thought doesn't leave my mouth shortly after its completion its immediately deleted and I cannot recall it which leads me to shut down communication as my metal faculties are overrun with apathy
What about people publicly humiliated you, are you supposed to say nothing to protect yourself? That s how I got bully in high school, adulthood and my psychologist and probably the rest of my life? Are you supposed to allow that to happen?
I used to be like this as a kid, always afraid that people would think I was boring if I didn't have a joke for everything. Sometimes I went too far. Sometimes I wouldn't want to joke anymore because I hurt someone, and people would ask what's wrong. I stopped saying everything that came in my head and learned you can save it for later, for the RIGHT audience and come off witty and original. I am more dead pan now and subtle with my jokes and that drives my brother crazy because people will ask why he is laughing, and he has to explain something I said that went over people's heads. I don't care if people get my jokes anymore, I amuse myself internally and have found my peace that way. My jokes are not mean spirited because I don't want to get in the habit of being rude to people.
Damn. Being honest and straightforward is a lack of impulse controls and not some acute social skill to use in a society full of pathological liars and neurotic low-functional sociopaths who loses rheir shit like there's no tomorrow when they _cannot_ anticipate when you are actually been half-lying. Best gaslight ever. 😂
This is just the personal opinion of an old grump who enjoys Georgia Dow videos but concerning conversation, being needlessly unkind is unnecessary but so to is playing the role of a soundboard for someone who just wants to hear their own voice. Continuing a conversation with someone who cannot show enough respect to listen or consider your input and cuts you off in an attempt to pave over your opinion with their own serves no purpose.
Nope. This is about...for example...say...a person is unconscious in a hospital, and someone tells the spouse, "I'm sure he''ll be up and around and back to work in no time!" And then the person with no filter blurts out: "But not if he winds up being a drooling vegetable." Funny in a comedy movie...but hugely inappropriate, in bad taste, and unnecessarily hurtful in real life.
I have autism, ADHD and they're both compounded with relentless anxiety. These things all make it harder to have a normal conversation.
you aren't the only one brother. don't even worry about it.
Have some normal conversations with similarly neurodiverse people. You might find the relief of not worrying about how your words are interpreted through these filters helps with the anxiety. For me, it is wonderful just being able to let the words I say mean what I said.
@@pamlindquist2861 I find similarly neurodiverse people irritating, i'm a high functioning autistic, the weird place where excellent grades and social awkwardness perfectly meet. I suffer from impatience when people take too long to talk, my brain is always racing, it makes it genuinely hard, especially when people make simple problems bigger for dramatics. I do worry that people think I respond too quickly and impulsively but I genuinely think about what they have said after listening, y'know?
I agree with what you have said regarding meaning what you say.
I had two questions for you: 1: do you have the problem when you say something and mean literally what you have said that people try to use words with different meanings, example "we are not friends, we are friendly" and they say "see, we are friends" or "what do you mean you don't like me to be friends"
secondly: how do you find navigating normal functioning people, for me it always worries me that they are too polite to say that i am no good.
It is also hard to identify genuinely neurodiverse people in this day. thank you tik tok for glorifying mental illness.
@@mealsome1571 If you feel as if the conversation is done, just say so. I appreciate honesty and would never take such a comment personally. Often I will tell someone they can keep talking but I cannot listen anymore. It is a literal comment, but neurotypical people think it is a dismissal of them rather than a statement of my capability to continue the conversation.
As to your questions, #1 - ABSOLUTELY. Or they will ask a question and I answer it and then they laugh and I feel so stupid. If they wanted to know something else they should have asked that.
#2 - In regards to navigating neurotypical people, I manage okay one to one. Although at social functions, I'm often too overwhelmed to focus on getting through multiple people's filters, so I just work those as a volunteer. That way I can limit the interactions. (Although I disagree with your usage of the term normal, since we are also normal. There are just more of them, so I prefer average.)
Don't worry about them thinking you are no good. I really doubt they put much thought about your qualities as a human at all. You are enough as you are, and if they have a problem with that. It is their problem.
@pamlindquist2861 I have both of them too. I like it when my surroundings are, predetermined and unaltered. I'm working on stepping, outside of my routines and letting other people into my safe space. I have made huge progress so far. I have had severe anxiety and meltdowns in public but nowdays when there's help, I've grown qso much. I haven't had a single meltdown attack over a year now. I usually shaked and cried, but now I feel more in control and happier.🙂
I have 4 kids and a we had 2 foster boys with us for a number of years as well. So, things can get quite chaotic at home. When I heard a crash, a fall, or something similar my first reaction used to be to come in and say "What happened!" I noticed though, that doing this put people on edge and got me focusing on what went wrong. So, I started instead saying "Is everyone ok?" as my first reaction. I found that this put my mind into the right frame to be calm and to help resolve things much better.
As a young adult, who wants to have children someday, I think about my childhood a lot, and how adults spoke to me. Doing little things like this makes a huge difference in a child's life, even long after you stop directly raising them. Thank you.
I like when people speak without a filter. It comes across as honest and relatable. Sometimes when people are quiet, I get the sense they are being judgmental or are too interested in their own inner dialogue to be in the moment with you. Of course there are times when you have to be professional or courteous. But in general it’s a good quality so don’t look down on yourself for it :D
No, people feel entitled to speak any nonsense without taking accountability.
I have ADHD and I’ve definitely been told that I say things so bluntly that I end up coming off as mean. But I never mean to be offensive, I just tend to say whatever is in my head. It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on.
I love that there's a few pure psychology videos sprinkled in, keep it up! Both someone in my direct family and a few colleagues are the sorts of people who have to but heads about anything, prior to my CBT I would be baited and it just escalates going in circles. I won't say I don't get triggered still, but now I use my favourite quote of anyone, Bruce Lee's be like water and just let the wave crash and do nothing; literally this morning could feel a 'debate' beginning to rise with a colleague and said that I'll not be responding any further, after a couple minutes they realised their rant was having no rebuttal and it stopped.
happy you enjoy it
I appreciate the insight into the purpose of communication in the Neurotypical community. It's not my reality but one which I have to interact with and understanding it can help reduce harmful misunderstandings and assumptions.
Thanks for these tips, Georgia. I seem to have chronic "Putting my foot in my mouth" Syndrome, at the best of times. 😂🙊
you can do this, implement the tools and let me know how it works out
totally wrecked a conversation & realized that it was because i knew they were listening, & & ihad things to talk about finally , & its rare i have something in my life that dosent revolve around my illness
yes sometimes when we have a listening ear we can enjoy that too much. But I am happy you had someone to share things with. I hope you get more opportunities
I have the opposite problem. I seem to lend my ear too much, and I never know when someone is rambling or actually trying to make a point. I especially struggle with getting out/away from those interactions, because I don't want to be rude. It's built up a bit of resentment tbh, because I feel like I'm always listening and never get listened to.
@@Worthless-one actually its pretty close, im the one that listens most of the time because no one would want to hear what im going through so i listen but when i have something new i cant seem to just say it , i get hyper & then info bomb, i dont know how to stop when i really want to share & be heard , but on the other hand im the ear everyone calls & im good at it when im not hyped or excited. i hear you , i know that frustration & i hope things get better for all of us,
@@GeorgiaDow thank you, im always trying , i have a therapist that listens more often than not & that helps imensly & most of my freinds online understand my hmmm pattern i think , i probably should talk to them more but my idk self doubt edges in & tells me im not making sense or they don want tmi , im working at it, heh a couple of years ago id have filled this space rambling, your points are very helpful & thank you so much for being here & reaching out ,it helps so much
Dr. Dow I want to say thank you for this video in particular I am a 20 year PTSD depression survivor. I’m currently writing a book about my experiences so I can help others this video and the tips you gave got me out of the writing rut that I was in you are an incredible doctor. Please keep up with your videos, they’ve been helping me along with my regular psychiatric visits. God bless you.
What's the name of the book?
"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
It is difficult to not become impulsive when discussing, talking, or doing things that excite you. For myself, it is usually just talking about Lore, Mythology, and other Paranormal/Supernatural stuff; though I have gotten into the three second pause practice to give myself and those listening to me some breathing room. Especially when I know my listener is a deep thinking or need to take time in their response.
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If by chance we both speak at the same time, I usually just differ to them to speak first out of politeness; especially when they have been patience and willing to listen to me for the extended time I was on the spotlight. Granted it does not always work since there are some other compulsive speakers that will do whatever they can to speak over everyone; if I am in a position of influence or 'power' in my own group. I politely tell them to hold their thought a moment and allow the other person to speak their mind first.
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It would come off as rude I suspect, but as someone that DMs a TTRPG group, I try my hardest to have everyone contribute if/when they wish to and not just let them be overshadowed by 'the face' or 'the voice' of the group. Conversation is a multiple way in and out highway.
You should do a video on the opposite behavior, too much filter; how much intention can you put into something before being called psychopathic?
Just finished watching “Maid” on Netflix and I’d love to get your take on the different topics touched on by the series. Big one is domestic violence (emphasis on emotional abuse with physical as well) though it also goes into abstract poverty, generational abuse, addiction, and various mental health issues.
I have traumatic brain damage from a skiing accident when I was 14. I also have daily panic attacks....and I talk when I'm nervous. I talk to myself...I'm planning out possible conversations I expect to have with others.
I have a gift for description and write short fiction....my lack of a filter usually comes into play when I'm describing something and I use very high impact language and wording....when I describe food, someone usually has to tell me to stop making them hungry.
I just don't think I find the same things offensive that most other people do and I know I'm not offended by much at all and knowing where to draw the line is a huge issue for me.
As someone who's reserved, I enjoy learning how people deal with a problem that's foreign to me.
I have a friend who has a very hard time controlling his impulses, especially when we talk on the phone. He dominates the conversation, and it's now reached the point where I'm avoiding his calls altogether.
As a person I have adopted the stance of "Reputation is what others know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself." And often I had found myself at odds with people who thought I was speaking "impulsively" when I made it clear that the situation itself is trampling on my moral views and ideas, and I would not agree to it, nor will I be quiet about it, if I see something that is breaking my own feeling about myself (honor). So how does one present it as controlled response, rather than "impulse" reaction, if they see something that is clearly breaking their moral views? (example: I was asked to present a report with numbers, that was not "Incorrect", but made it so it would seem our team worked equally to the other teams on a macro level, when in reality, on micro engagements we owned 80% of the overall work. But this was making the other teams looking bad, and showing that we may need more people in the team. Best I managed was to give the raw data to the asking manager and tell her to present it how she wants to but to keep my name out of it, and told my colleagues the truth about the report and the numbers.)
Been where you are. So often. I have reacted well, and I have reacted poorly. When I have reacted well, it has been when I have been so calm about stating my position that it rattled others. Then, when needed, a clever turn of phrase that points out the weaknesses in their position. Then, if needed, the things you would say on impulse...except now it is deliberate. When I have reacted poorly, I jumped to the third option with passion...because my patience for such things had already been used up.
Thanks for sharing. Blessings on your day!
I struggle with this so bad. And then I overthink it later and feel like no one likes me.
There are those who have something to say and those who have to say something. Immediacy with responses and a high word count aren't automatically signs of intelligence and often showcase a person lacking a certain degree of empathy and listening skills. I've become less socially awkward over the years but there was an instance in high school wherein I nervously went on and on about miscellaneous topics because I felt as though I *needed* some kind of conversation to get going, but that meant not letting the other person talk as much or delve that much into who they are as a person despite the meetup having supposed to be a way of getting to know each other. If you don't know what to talk about then let the other person lead and then simply respond without interrupting.
I think I just want people to like me more so I think I should contribute more to the conversation but it just ends up having the opposite effect. Thank you for this enlightening video Georgia. 😊
Thanks for sharing! < 3
@@GeorgiaDow 🤗
"not everything you think inside your head should be shared..."
I feel so attacked!! lol
This is eerie because my friend group, after weeks of escalation and warnings, finally had to yeet someone out of our shared discord servers since they quite literally followed the problems in this video to a tee, and the stresses of their real life exacerbated their lack of control or chill. I and several others tried to encourage him to get some therapy, rather than the very shady-sounding "day program" he goes to, which honestly sounds like a hellhole everytime he describes it. Unfortunately this didn't happen, and after some extremely uncomfortable things being said, and generally him ignoring every request to tone it down and/or warning about consequences, we had to bite the bullet.
I still care about him and hope he gets the help he needs, and I just hope isolating him like this doesn't make it worse. But equally, I can't imagine letting him continue unabated would do much good either :c.
Thanks for this lesson on impulse control.
you're welcome Damian = )
@@GeorgiaDow keep these videos coming
im an introvert but im also an omnivert. ill either think too much without taking action, or take action without thinking, there's no in-between. i don't know how people talk naturally while also thinking about what they say. i just cant do that. im also blind to what could possibly be wrong about something until its shown to me directly. because of this i just avoid talking to people so i dont say something hurtful or embarrassing :(
Adhd + Aspergers + oppositional defiance disorder + Borderline Personality Disorder = oversharing, grandiose me.
I am practicing at not oversharing. One good thing about social media with this is that I am forced to slow down a little bit to type and/or post something before putting it out there compared to talking. I think I'm getting better in person now, too. Hopefully that self-assessment is accurate.😅
My grandiose stuff is fairly easy to deal with, I'm mostly just thick-headed about stuff - I can easily accept being wrong or needed help, I just need I spelled out for me a bit more than most people.
I an a brutally honest & open person. I have a hard time holding back some info about my life, yet i'm able to keep secrets.
Hail queen Georgia Dow❤
haha thanks
speaking from personal experience, but waiting for a silent space CAN lead to you not speaking at all. but I guess that would be the point of journaling in this equation - to analyse the situation and build yourself up for next time, no?
Georgia!.. I could give you a BIIIIG HUG right now.. Every time i listen to you, you somehow make me feel happy inside
aww best compliment thank you
Just want you to know that you are awesome, i Love your character breakdowns
thanks so much appreciate you being a pat of my community
i tend to overshare if i spend too much time in isolation, it's like a pressure valve for thoughts that only turn when other people are around. i don't know why it took so long to figure out that being more social makes you better at being social. better late than never right?
It's not in the video and I really dunno if it is related to impulse control but sometimes people dump a lot of things and the conversation turns into a big monologue. It also tends to happen when someone is talking about a bad memory or past event.
For example, when I was back in uni, the mom of one of my friends came to visit us for the first time and my friend introduced her to us. We went to a cafe all together, and we're casually talking at first, getting to know each other. Then, she starts to talk about her own life and somehow it turned into a 3 hour long story of her telling her literal life story, which was pretty traumatic (such as it all starting with a forced marriage at age 14 with another older relative and some other heart wrenching stuff I don't wanna write about here) and no one else talking. Just a story time baby.
Can't lie, I thought it was a little weird to hear all that in the first meeting. It just makes people uncomfortable. Like, I don't really know you other than our mutual connection which is her daughter. Later, my friend said in private that sometimes her mom gets too carried away in memories and just dumps shit like that, even if it is to strangers. So I guessed it happens a lot with her. That made me think tho, I realized the people I know who had pretty traumatic lives either never talk about it or tend to dump it to anyone they meet the first second like she did. You just know everything about their life and past but mostly bad stuff as if you've read their some sort of biography. And this lady was one of the latter, she just couln't stop talking about stuff like that. I always thought I guess some people feel better by getting it off their shoulders and sharing the pain, but I also can't help but feel bad about it because someone she carelessly tells her story to might use such details against her and this goes to everyone who do that. Because this isn't just finally letting things out to people you know and trust once in a while to feel better, this is just dumping everything on someone you meet for the first time. Sometimes she even does that to strangers at the park etc. It's also not very nice to get literally second hand trauma in a first meeting. Not just some bad stuff, but the very heavy stuff. I left feeling really bad for her and heavy in my own body.
Is this also a thing? Is it called something? Because I see these two patterns happen all the time. The never tell thing is usually harder to spot because you need to spend more time only to realize you're not getting much out of a person then you realize. Dump everything immediately is much easier to spot. Are these named anything, or related to anything?
Great vid as always, btw. Have a nice day!
I like these types of videos. Thank you for info.
Thank you for the video Georgia! :)
I have a bad habit of not answering people in a confrontation. Because I know about saying things I’ll regret saying later, but my mind goes through almost a Rolodex of responses and what the other person is going to say or do, and I sometimes get stuck in that loop.
Thank you so much Georgia 🙏 I'm not sure if it is a coincidence but came right after I comment at Godbtand issues really helpful for me 🙂 what I use most from martial arts I've learned are the breathing techniques .. I'm not champion as u r 😉 but a fellow practitioner n helps me alot to remember to breath .. n plus ur tips I'll start to pay more attention afterwards on what ppl say n be more mindful than speak at all .. thank you again 🙏
i think that most of this advice is very good, however; one thing i have noticed about my "lack of impulse control" is that if someone is lying, they can almost never keep up and end up saying something that drops the façade. its hard to lie when you have to think on your feet.
And i tend to dominate conversations because there so exciting that i just cut people say things out of the blue i just have so much to say that i switch up topics that people were still talking about. But. I need to stop being impulsive.
There’s times where I’m having a conversation and it goes well until I hijack it and I can’t stop talking. I can tell that the other person is losing interest or wants out but I can’t seem to stop talking but I’m screaming “stop” in the back of my mind.
This video is great! Can you also do one that's the opposite, where you have too much impulse control to the point where you're too restrained and can't get a word out?
good idea
Avtually I have a friend where they tell their most intimate secret to a complete stranger they have never met.
I got foot in mouth. I even say things without a started conversation from somebody. As soon as I get comfortable with people my mouth says things that gets me in trouble.
Calmness in stressful situations is kind of my thing. BUT if someone I care about is being dissed or victimized...or if they just picked the wrong day to expect me to put up with their nonsense...then I am somewhat less than calm. Also remember silence is most often interpreted as assent. Consent. Agreement. "It MUST be TRUE! He didn't argue!" Ugly and evil things have happened because of silence. Racism is a big one. Too often turning the other cheek just gives them a new place to hit.
Yeah, i’m autistic and this happen often when i become a faucet
"I wish I would've said this to someone who understood me and didn't talk shit behind my back."
Thanks... My favorite kind of vid you do... Lol.... If only you posted this 2 days a go.
= ) happy you liked it
I've given in ans embraced my complete lack off filter. Haha. Look out world!
Some times i say so abruptly thay people think im brash but ihave really bad adhd and its gotten worse since i was a child i dunno but some people like my bluntness and think im funny but i tell them its a accident lol ite crazy up here.
You call it unfiltered. I call it UNLIMITED POWEEEEERR
I was hoping there would be something that helps but there wasn't anything that would help me with my memory problem cause if a thought doesn't leave my mouth shortly after its completion its immediately deleted and I cannot recall it which leads me to shut down communication as my metal faculties are overrun with apathy
I would love to see you do a character analysis from the characters of the show Helluvaboss
What about people publicly humiliated you, are you supposed to say nothing to protect yourself? That s how I got bully in high school, adulthood and my psychologist and probably the rest of my life? Are you supposed to allow that to happen?
I'm all filter
I need to ask, why is Rebecca having no filter endeering, but Godbrand having no filter is offensive?
their both endearing atleast to me
I used to be like this as a kid, always afraid that people would think I was boring if I didn't have a joke for everything. Sometimes I went too far. Sometimes I wouldn't want to joke anymore because I hurt someone, and people would ask what's wrong.
I stopped saying everything that came in my head and learned you can save it for later, for the RIGHT audience and come off witty and original. I am more dead pan now and subtle with my jokes and that drives my brother crazy because people will ask why he is laughing, and he has to explain something I said that went over people's heads.
I don't care if people get my jokes anymore, I amuse myself internally and have found my peace that way.
My jokes are not mean spirited because I don't want to get in the habit of being rude to people.
👑🥰
Damn. Being honest and straightforward is a lack of impulse controls and not some acute social skill to use in a society full of pathological liars and neurotic low-functional sociopaths who loses rheir shit like there's no tomorrow when they _cannot_ anticipate when you are actually been half-lying.
Best gaslight ever. 😂
This is just the personal opinion of an old grump who enjoys Georgia Dow videos but concerning conversation, being needlessly unkind is unnecessary but so to is playing the role of a soundboard for someone who just wants to hear their own voice. Continuing a conversation with someone who cannot show enough respect to listen or consider your input and cuts you off in an attempt to pave over your opinion with their own serves no purpose.
Oh Georgia, you've conditioned me so much that I spent the first 2 minutes trying to figure out who you're cosplaying as 🤦
Hahah that is great : ) thanks made my day
Is this not just focusing on how to better lie?
Nope. This is about...for example...say...a person is unconscious in a hospital, and someone tells the spouse, "I'm sure he''ll be up and around and back to work in no time!" And then the person with no filter blurts out: "But not if he winds up being a drooling vegetable." Funny in a comedy movie...but hugely inappropriate, in bad taste, and unnecessarily hurtful in real life.