It’s often said that people on the autism spectrum are honest… Sometimes that honesty is a result of being blunt or direct/to the point in communication. 🗣️ It can also come from valuing truthfulness. 💖 Other times, that “honesty” is the result of having trouble understanding certain concepts in order to be ABLE to lie. To tell a lie, a person would need to: ▪️ Understand social cause + effect ▪️Know which information someone does/does not already have ▪️Understand someone else’s perspective of a situation There’s so much that goes into it! With that in mind, when my client “lied” it showed that he was beginning to learn about these concepts. And that’s the part we celebrated! 😁
I know 😂 lying was so hard as a kid. My lies are still terrible and withholding information or that ‘knowing’ something is still hard. Congrats to him on figuring it out so early 😊
I’m still puzzled why lying is of any benefit. I’m 50 but I still don’t enjoy dealing with trying to know that the other knows, etc. if they don’t know something, they should tell, as simple as that. (Both in personal and professional space.) Assumption is the root of all evil. Of course I don’t live in a society where white lies are as much a norm as in the US, but still.
@@andrejszasz2816I don’t think it’s celebrating lying as much as explaining how autistic people sometimes feel the need to share everything about an experience, not realizing it’s socially acceptable to say much less. To me, not getting all the info out that I have feels like lying or not sharing the whole truth. It’s a confusing subject. Sharing info, but how much?
Does this also go the other way around? I'm autistic and I struggle immensely with comprehending that other people could tell me information that they are aware is false. I do not question the validity of what people tell me, because I can't understand why would they lie, even if the reasons are really obvious.
I think it’s funny how he didn’t seem to even notice this was a milestone at first and I purely just trying to have fun, and managed to reach that milestone while doing it. Edit: I wanna make it clear I understand that’s how children work. My thought process was she worded it like they had been working on this, and it wasn’t something he did out of the blue. I was thinking he was already aware this was something that would be good if he could learn to do, not that he wasn’t aware of this. I apologize for my confusion, idk if it is my autism, something else entirely, or I’m just stupid.
i lie compulsively and then immediately go "oh, no wait, thats not true". i think its becuase i try to answer too fast bc ive learned that people usually want quick answers.
oh that's so true! I think for me it's a combination of that and feeling pressure to pick the answer people want to hear - I'm trying to get better at pausing to think but it's difficult!
I realized I do the exact same thing. Like if someone from work says “Did you verify this?” Instantly I will respond without even seeing the file and then correct myself “YES….Wait let me see” but man I be lying constantly with those quick answers😭
Sounds like a trauma response: lying before people can get mad and thus feel safe. Are you okay with being like this or is this something you might want to stop doing? No judgement, just curiosity 😊
My autistic ass used to lie all the time as a kid because I believed it was a way to speed-run uncomfortable situations like being put on the spot for an answer. After all the lies started crumbling under scrutiny, I decided honesty is a lot less energy and bother. Now I see it as almost like a brain sin, unless it's for a joke with quick payoff or part of a game like DnD or in aid of protecting someone who could be seriously harmed if I don't
Oh man, I wish I could lie during dnd. I played a charisma based character in my last campaign (sorcerer), and the only time the party let me lead a social interaction, I had to lie in like the first sentence. I inadvertently made my character and the entire party look like serial killers wandering the woods looking for victims. xD (I did end up leaning into when I realized, and it’s one of my favorite dnd memories now)
Yep, I learned to lie as a kid as a survival mechanism. I also didn't know what "the truth" actually meant. Because based on how my parents reacted "the truth" was whatever they wanted to hear and everything else was lying. Thankfully I came across a good description of what lying actually was in a book when I was young enough to not be lying about things that could get me in actual trouble, but old enough to understand that I needed to continue to lie to my parents for my own well-being. That was a "fun" realization.
One of my childhood friends was OBSESSED with star wars, i had NEVER SEEN IT but i lied and just pretended to know what he was talking about because i didnt want him to not like me. Idk if he ever knew i didn't know a thing about star wars
i used to do this as a young audhd kid because i couldn’t remember enough about my day to be able to summarize it on the spot, so my dad would ask me what i did at school and i’d make something up, like “i painted a picture of a bird” or “we learned how to add numbers” when in reality i couldn’t remember what we did. that then turned into compulsive lying to get attention because i constantly felt pushed aside and ignored.
(Audhd) I grew up trying to lie and not being even remotely decent at it. I had always been really socially and culturally isolated by my parents, so I didn't really understand or know about any of the media/jokes/references people were making. I always wanted to be accepted and allowed in the conversation, so I always tried to pretend I knew the thing we were talking about (not flexing just saying yes when someone asks "did you watch that new ___ last night?!" and maybe repeating something I had heard about it.) Since I grew up in a tiny town, my classmates knew my family, and they knew I was lying. I got called out for it all the time until I got old enough to just seek out the people who were excited to explain their interests to me 😅
My ASD kiddo didn't learn how to lie until he played the Among Us video game. During the game, you constantly have to meet with other players and explained why you weren't the person who killed another player If you come up with a reasonable excuse, you didn't get kicked out of the game
I’m good at this game because I’ll just lie for no reason and look suspicious as hell and it throws everyone off so much they don’t know what to think. I sound suspicious when I tell the truth too
Adults severely underestimate the educational value of videogames. Let your kids play, that's the best way for humans to learn. I've learned so much from games like minecraft and minecraft videos that I otherwise would've never known because I wasn't taught, like what an ecosystem is, the difference between a column and row (no clue why I wasn't taught that but oh well), how times of day work, how animals help distribute seeds, what chlorophyll is. And plenty of other more advanced knowledge (those are just the most obvious cases that come to mind). Online games also help with communication and social skills a whole lot, even in body language. And don't forget the development of motor control and how all the buttons, keys, and sticks help develop coordination in the hands. Games, movies and UA-cam videos aren't necessarily a bad thing if you child spends all their free time on them. Just because it isn't a book or a sport many adults see it as a waste when it's really the opposite. So yeah, that❤
My mom didn't want my brother to be the perfect disabled kid so she let him be mischievous and voice his wants/needs. When the hospital asked if he wanted to be resuscitated and he answered they looked at my mom and she told them, whatever he says. He even went to vote with his para, and volunteered at a vet, swept at the mall and volunteered at the police station. My mom wanted him to be able to have his independence even though he still needs help with moving/ being fed.
Brava to y'all's mama! ❤ I could see how some might view that as an interference or obstacle to making caring for him more straightforward, but that's some applaudable raw and real allowance of autonomy and actually getting to have some fantastic experiences of living his own life for himself! That's what I call being a good parent!
I've always said lying is a survival skill. While other parents may feel having a child who can lie convincingly is a failure, I have always accepted it as a necessary skill. I didn't know it's an ability that develops at age 3yrs or so.
Yes, I lied a lot as a child to avoid dealing with my abusive Dad. For example, he'd love looking at my maths or science homework and saying what mistakes I'd made. Not to help, but to say how stupid I was for making the mistakes. So, I always lied about maths and science homework. Not the other subjects, he wasn't as good so he didn't care, so saying I had history or anything else was safe.
I will state again my belief that lying is a survival skill. This has nothing to do with morality or ethics, only survival. It can be diagnostic, in that detecting a lie and especially a reliance on lying in specific circumstances or with a specific individual or group of individuals can point to a bigger issue concerning trust. Lying as a 'skill' has to do with being convincing. Have you created a lie that reasonably passes for truth? Are you skilled enough at acting to convince others of a lie being truth? This is not a safe world. There are those who intent harm or exploitation. Some come at you with lies and the episode is basically a joust pitting lie against lie. Or even parents ignore basic boundaries, which require lying to defend or protect privacy or personal rights. A lie can redirect or protect. It's defense, necessary for emotional or physical survival. When a child (and not just children) has to lie to feel safe, the problem isn't the lying, it's the lack of trust that causes lying. The problem isn't the lie or the reliance on lying, but what is creating the mistrust; first, investigate why the liar feels a lie or habitual lying is necessary. You first examine the situation; if the environment and the relationships are healthy, THEN you look at the liar's behavior and motives. The thing is, a person who is unable to lie is vulnerable; they have lost a tool for protecting themselves. They are left open to exploitation or worse. Honesty may be the best policy, but lying is a necessary skill. And if you catch someone lying to you, the first thing you should do is work out why the liar felt it necessary. Have you made untenable demands on them? Have you accidentally exploited them? Or is the LIAR the exploiter? Or finally, is there something in the relationship that is undermining mutual trust? There's no point in getting angry about being lied to. You are better served by working out why lying seemed necessary. Telling someone to stop lying and then having to constantly watch for the possible next lie is foolish (and can be the liar's next passive-aggressive game). But lying, in itself, is a defensive skill, and if someone lies to you then it's time to find out where and why trust has diminished. As for children lying, as a parent, I want my children safe so I want my children to be GOOD at lying. And if my child lies to me, if what is lied about is of enough concern, we will work through it. Minor lies I ignore; children have a right to privacy and autonomy so long as they are relatively safe exercising it. Let them protect that privacy and autonomy with small lies if they feel a need to.
@@samanthagibson5791 every time I hear an abusive parent story I am floored by all the ways in which they act like an insecure hyper competitive kindergartner, and that’s an insult to kindergartners. I hope things are better for you now ❤
@@chris...9497 Your sense of morality is so far removed from mine that a child that you raise will be entirely socially incompatible with a child that I raise. My children will know that your children are bad people. It suddenly seems obvious to me why people go to war. Data is sacred. A person who intentionally spreads inaccurate data is intentionally disrupting the functionality of interaction. A person who lies is a negative influence on the progression of personal relationships, collective productivity, and society at large... You are what's wrong with the world. Since you admit that you are an enemy of humanity rather than part of it, then my children shouldn't feel bad about ostracizing you or otherwise removing you from society... after all, you're an evil animal waiting to harm them so I need to train them to preemptively harm you. And since my kids are about to villainize yours for accurate reasons, your kids will rightfully assess mine to be a threat that they must steal themselves against... which in turn transforms them into the subhuman saboteurs that you are describing all humanity as being. You are raising the kids that will obligate other kids to behave in repulsive and pathetic ways. If it hurts when you bang your head on the wall, then stop! If that's how you view human interaction, why would anyone tolerate your existence?
That actually tracks for me. I wasn’t capable of lying until I was 9 years old, largely due to not understanding the point of it. It wasn’t until a classmate said “River never lies” like it was something noteworthy to revere that I realized it wasn’t normal. Until then I thought everyone was just telling the truth and saying what was on their mind all the time like I was. I had never even considered lying because I didn’t know that was an option. So to have someone point it out like it was a unique part of my character floored me. I wondered if it is bad that I didn’t lie since everyone else seemed to think I was an anomaly, so I decided to start lying from time to time to see what would happen. Small believable lies that I told like they were the truth. Like just saying “my day was good” even if parts of it weren’t when my parents asked me how school went instead of spending 20 minutes going over every detail because in my mind, I had no choice. Questions felt like hostage situations because without the ability to lie, even just lying out of omission, my options were either a) not answer and have someone angry at me (always scary, adults always got angry) or b) repeat the full detailed truth. But when I did develop the ability to lie, oh my god, it was such a game changer. I could save my energy when talking! I could keep secrets that I wasn’t comfortable sharing! I could stop being called “rude” or “brat” by adults for not being polite (politeness requires a lot of lying to a certain extent)! I could stop having as many meltdowns by politely excusing myself when it got to be too much! And most of all, I learned I could use lying to protect myself!! Society and Christianity especially like to preach that all lying is bad, but you have no idea how much being compelled to tell the truth all the time whether you want to or not really messes with your head and can put you in danger. I had an overwhelming sense of constant unease before I learned to lie, which I now attribute to the drastic way people reacted to me everyday (either laughing at me or getting VERY angry), I just wasn’t aware of it due to how used to the feeling I was. My childhood started to make a lot more sense when I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. Learning to work with my body’s strange neurology instead of against it drastically improved my life in many ways.
It's great that you used it for a good purpose rather than one that affects people negatively, so commendations for that! Also just wondering did you ever also learn that telling them the truth but being more brief rather than explaining every detail was an option? Or doing that but also communicating when you were needed a break and would prefer not to go into detail at that moment or talk about later? Something like "my day wasn't that great, [insert negative event here] happened" and then if they have follow up questions maybe respond with something like "Yes but I'm a bit tired right now/I just came back so not in the mood to talk about it now but we can talk about it later maybe when I feel a bit more rested/relaxed" or maybe something like "No but I'm just don't really want to talk about it honestly, it was draining and I just want to relax a bit. If I'm in the mood I might explain some other time" ? These sort of responses are obviously for situations where the information would not be useful to the people you're taking to for helping them to avoid certain topics or figure out how to react to your mood that day, or knowing if you're having trouble at school/work/some other area of your life where they could help or offer helpful advice, and also for situations where the people you're taking to aren't the type widely known by many people to get irrationally upset by communicating when you need a break from normal draining events - sorry for the essay, was just curious as this could be something that helps these situations other than lying :)
Wonderful story, I found it very interesting. And yes, I hate how society demonizes all lies when lies are in fact an important part of day to day life! We especially need to teach our kids that it’s not just a black & white issue because of all the nuance it can have, especially when it comes to protecting yourself or others.
HONESTLY I hate Christianity so much for pounding into my soul that lying is bad. When in reality, lying is constantly keeping me safe. Christianity does a fantastic job at endangering and traumatizing children
Yeah, lying is necessary as part of the social contract. It reminds me of the movie Liar Liar with Jim Carey. While the point of it was for him to learn being truthful is better he still had a lot of trouble because it’s not appropriate to always tell the truth
I’m an autistic adult who only started seeing an occupational therapist late in my teen years. I remember the first time I used a new social skill on someone. I was eating out with my family, and my mom and I agreed to split our meals with each other. The food arrives, and she had already forgotten our arrangement. So I mustered up my best conversational tone and asked her which half of my burger she wanted. It was basically the most tact I had ever shown in a social situation ever, and she was very impressed.
Ah it's sometimes so hard that people really only like listening to the tone and not what we are saying. I feel so often like I am constantly manipulating my tone...
@@aymcleonidas195yup, looking back I can see how often I was told not to be sarcastic/rude/talking back when I was speaking genuinely, and I’ve been noticing more often when others aren’t receiving what I’m saying the way it was meant (not often exactly, but more than I used to notice it). I’m late diagnosed at couple years ago at 33 but it’s still about 50/50 whether I understand/impart the “correct” tone I ended up telling th e people I work closely with about my Autism specifically saying that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I’ll still be “tone deaf” at times because my Autism limits my ability with it (and that if they have an issue/question about how I said something to just talk to me about it so we can clear it up). I end up starting a lot of texts with “face value” so the person knows I only mean what the words mean-even those who know I’m Autistic need the reminder, especially when it’s something like “what time are you picking me up? I thought you said you’d be here 10 mins ago” bc it’s not passive aggressive, it’s me trying to find out if I misunderstood the time/day or they forgot to tell me they’re running late
Same. I have a “secrets” song if someone tells me something that I’m not supposed to share with other friends because I’ve messed up in the past due to this. It’s just the word secrets sung or hummed to the Batman tune to kind of mentally encrypt it.
Oh, real. Like, you don't have to worry about me spilling your beans, I either just don't have a reason or malevolence to do it on purpose or straight up don't remember what you wanted me not to tell. 😂
I am still not a very good liar, but when it comes to keeping secrets for others I'm honest without divulging that information. People know I'm a confidential person to talk to, so no one bat's an eye then I say "that's not my story to tell/information to divulge" and that's that.
I remember the pride I had when my kids learned to lie. It was so different from how I was raised but I knew it was a developmental phase they had been delayed in. It’s scary sending an honest kid into the world. Thank you for sharing ❤
Jokes are a great way to develop this skill! My son has loved joke books for kids since he was really small. It's an innocent way of "tricking" people.
oh my gosh that's so lovely !! i loved your recreation of his "tricked you!" line ^.^ when i was a kid, i was Very Against lying to my parents because it Broke A Rule. parents and teachers told me i had to tell the truth, and if asked "why?" would usually provide a reasonable response, explaining that they need to know what's happened so a problem can be fixed, so no one gets hurt, etc. though, if there was a good reason for me to lie (to protect someone else's secret, for example), it didn't bother me. my Autism Moral Drive can definitely override my Autism Rules Drive, especially as i've grown up !
I'm not an expert not diagnosed, but from I heard, many autistic have trouble controlling their tone of voice. sonit could be obvious that it's a lie/they're nervous. and I'm sure some people feel bad for lying too. and what this girl is talking about is what she knows vs what the kid knows, and how the kid learned how to manage that information in his own way, in this case lying. from what I gathered he didn't lie or trick her before, so he accomplished something big in their terms. sorry if this sounded mean lol, and I'm also sorry if it's creepy I replied so early I just saw the video
@@sofiah.5820 it's not creepy don't worry! I am happy that you answer quickly because if not I would had to wait for a week or maybe even more. Thank you for explaining me what she said. Now I understood thanks. Am I creepy for answering this quickly? I don't think so, and if I am not creepy you are not! Bye bye!!!!! Have a nice day/night
@@sofiah.5820I’m autistic and had strict parents, and I couldn’t lie. Still can’t. Depending on where you are on the spectrum, it can be harder to pick up on that skill so easily
It may be difficult for autistic people, but that doesn't mean autistic people can't. Another strong trait of autism is high pattern recognition, and if the pattern represents that lying will help you, it's definitely possible to refine that skill early, especially for survival
Personally as someone who has a high likelihood of being autistic but never formerly diagnosed, it really irks me to lie. Obviously everyone's different, but Personally lying just sits on my mind until i forget, like if someone asks if I've ate and i say "no, I haven't eaten yet" and then right after i remember I've had breakfast, my mind doesn't let go of the fact i just lied and i feel an urge to tell them because not telling them bothers me and makes me severely uncomfortable, so later i see them I'd probably say something like "oh and by the way, I actually *did* eat breakfast that morning! I had a muffin i just completely forgot my bad." or something along those lines. Not to say I'm completely incapable of lying, i have on multiple occasions whether it be purposeful or not, just personally lying really bothers me and i linger on the thought until i can correct it. I do this with other things i think of as well and not just lying of course, but lying is probably the one that bothers me the most. I'll say it once more though, not everyone who's autistic or some form of neurodivergent feels the same way as me about this, and it's best to to generalize an entire group of people over one person. ❤ I've been this way ever since I was little, and because of it i try to be as honest and clear as possible, even if sometimes i accidentally overshare my own experiences. I am capable of lying, I just really, really don't like to. (Nor if I'm sure I'm good at it or not but I've gotten away with lying before as well so I'll say I'm half-decent with it, it depends on the situation and what the lie is. Like of it's a surprise birthday party? Okay lips sealed even if it makes me kinda anxious/excited. But if it's something more personal to myself i struggle more and overshare or undershare a lot in an attempt to not say anything about it instead of just lying.) That's just my personal experience.
I’m a Lyft/Uber driver and I have to stop myself from getting annoyed at passengers that tell me where to turn when I clearly have a gps in front of me.. so this was a helpful way to look at a different perspective
That’s really fascinating! I was actually reading a book with a neurodivergent character in it, and she was described as acting like ‘everyone shared a brain, so naturally everyone must know what she knew’. I didn’t realize how relevant that representation was until I saw this short!
I'm autistic and I'm good at lying.. if its for a cause. I'm terrible at keeping secrets or faking enthusiasm, but if my parents ask me who ate all the chocolate eggs..
My mom said she was reading about autism, and saw the bit about people with autism being bad at lying and thought "oh, that can't possibly be me" (Ever since I got diagnosed we all take it as a given that she's autistic too). Then she saw the next line which was basically "this doesn't apply to lies of the 'no, my brother did it' nature".
Yeah, usually I'm fairly good at keeping secrets and I'm gonna be honest most of the time but i also value my privacy so i don't tell a lot of people a lot of things
I'm not autistic and I'm terrible at lying. I don't really control my tone, expressions or gestures and people can very quickly tell if I'm lying. Very inconvenient when I'm trying and failing to hide my disdain. I have to go through more jobs until I can find one where I don't dislike my coworkers or boss, otherwise, well... It becomes pretty obvious pretty fast. 😅
As a people leader I have really enjoyed learning about autism with you. It's incredible to learn these things and has really helped me connect with my team, not just my autisic associates (I currently have two) but my entire team. So much of your teachings can be applied outside of autism as well! Approaching situations differently can be hard for people and learning new strategies is so enlightening. Thanks for all you do!
I love framing it as “not understanding which information people may or may not already know” and that being the reason “they might not know why you missed the turn” 😅 ime, it’s mostly allistic that don’t understand that not everyone knows the same things
"You can't learn to tell the truth intil you learn to lie" has a lot more to it than some people might think. If you don't know what a lie us, then you aren't making the choice to tell the truth. Its only when you can make the moral decision that it has any weight. Now that he knows what his choices are, he needs to understand the things he can lie about (like the harmless trick he played with her) and what things are important to give accurate information on. THESE ARE GOOD AND IMPORTANT STEPS! And I'm so happy he's made this progress.
That's not the reason lying is hard for me. I can't lie if I have a strong opinion, in the same way I can't eat food with certain textures. Nor can I lie if I think lying at that moment is morally wrong. My father struggles with lying about factual things, because he needs things to be correct.
I’m late diagnosed autistic and I don’t really lie (unless absolutely necessary) and even though I knew about lies and that people could and would lie, I didnt really _understand_ that not everyone was telling me the truth all the time. I only learned post-autism diagnosis how often people will lie
I'm not diagnosed, nor do I really think I am autistic but this feels like a place to rant. I lie a lot, typically self-destructive or defensive. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, just tired." (I didn't sleep at all and am literally shaking) "Have you been taking your meds?" "Not perfectly, but I'm trying" (I haven't touched them in 2 weeks, not that i'm not trying, but I could definitely use some help) "Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" "No." (... I haven't DONE anything but...) "Do you need help with your homework" "No, it's easy enough" (It should be easy, I understand most of it. But I can't seem to bring myself to write down an answer. I'm going to fail this class) "Can you go to school tomorrow?" "I think so" (I already know I'm going to be 'too nauseous') And the worst part is that they believe me. (At least they think that I can handle it by myself cuz no one's pointed out that I'm lying.) I'm a good liar and I only use it against myself. Why am I like this. I'm only hurting myself and those trying to help me. I know I am. (why doesn't that change anything) I'm self aware enough to see whats happening. It's like watching a car crash, there's nothing I can do. I've tried. Every time I try to explain I get choked up or interupted. It feels like burning. But burning must feel like more than guilt and regret.
You're describing the avoidance part of depression. I hope some motivation hits you and you begin to feel like taking care of yourself. It's not easy but it's necessary and you deserve care. Well wishes
WAIT WHAT HOLD ON IS THAT WHY I ASSUME EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT I DO (like basic knowledge stuff not interpersonal stuff) Holy autism batman!!!!!!
When my 5 year old started lying about a year ago, I was utterly baffled. I didn't start intentionally lying until I was in my 30s (because I didn't realize it was actually a life skill). She's REALLY into "tricking me" right now and I'm SO PROUD!
I didn't used to lie that much as a child but I was constantly accused of lying 😢 It was because I wouldn't give eye contact and I.was stimming and that's the behaviour of liars 😢
Same here, people thinking you are lying when you are actually super honest is the worst! As a 29 years old I still struggle with lying unless I believe what I say is part of the truth. I can to some extent lie by omission but if I'm asked directly I can't say something other than the truth. Even polite lies like "you like my hair?", "you like my gift?" I'll think really hard to find something about it that I can compliment because I can't say yes if I don't...
I gave up and just started priding myself on my honesty. My incapability for lying actually saved my butt when some kid's parent tried to accuse me of lying about something her kid did
I actually had an interesting case where I had a lying problem while I was younger (and even into early teens before I got diagnosed) because one of the social rules I picked up from observation was that it was ok to lie in some situations and so I lied when it was convenient for me and it took a lot to grow out of that but it's still a useful tool to have hahah. just kinda interesting how different anyone's experience can be.
I lie about stories to make them easier to explain. Or when I don't know my emotion that I'm feeling, I lie about how I feel. I always just lie to make less confusion 😭
It took me until into my early 20s to fully understand that everyone is working with different info and experiences. It still trips me out when I think about it. Even when it comes to school everyone recieves a different education and gets taught different things. It makes society very confusing if you ask me.
I learned quickly that my “truth” wasn’t good (enough). So I started lying about a lot and always felt awful. It was also acting like someone I’m not and the lies weren’t huge, but I hated it. I still struggle with telling the truth about why I do/did or didn’t do certain things. As I often think people won’t accept me or the truth
As someone with social anxiety, I've only started lying through words when I was 20. It was a big day for me, cause honesty is something I was heavily enforced when I was small. I feel more in control of what I will and won't share now😊
Even tho I’m not diagnosed, I was very close (like, borderline) when I was tested. And seeing stuff like this, I get why. When I was a kid, apparently the adults would always ask me about the situation if my brother/cousins were in trouble, because while they would lie, I would just say whatever happened. And honestly, I probably still would. I don’t even lie on the internet (that much) because it just isn’t fun. And I grew up on this thing, I know what people find fun on here!
As someone with parents that are on the spectrum but I'm not diagnosed, i realized this applies to me. I have a hard time communicating with my nurotypical bf because he thinks common knowledge is stuff everyone knows. But how will I know something unless I was told or taught
Common knowledge is information picked up incidentally. You aren't told directly or instructed; that's very intentional and formal. You absorb it from the social environment, in a casual or incidental fashion. It's like clues lying around that you have to broaden your awareness to catch. Those on the spectrum tend to be more laser-focused in their awareness, to the exclusion of certain kinds of information. The absorption into certain things can totally distract from general background information, interfering with adding to the ongoing expansion of your personal collection of common knowledge. Those not on the spectrum suffer this, too. There's an interesting awareness experiment that works all too well. A group of people are directed to watch a scene (live or filmed) and directed to watch for some subtle detail in the activity. The group watches and reports on what they saw. And the vast majority somehow totally miss the person who walks through the scene in a gorilla suit. They are so focused on one thing that they miss a glaring detail not on their 'To Notice' list. Spectrum has nothing to do with it; it's a common tendency. You just focus really, really well. You can train yourself to soften your focusing powers. It can be quick or take quite some time, but you can do it. And it will allow in a lot more useful information for you to benefit from.
Reminds me of my autistic brother's first prank on me when he was around 12 and I was around 15. He gave me a bag of popcorn to eat. I graciously accepted and interpreted his ear-to-ear grin as excitement at sharing something with me. The popcorn proceeded to burn my mouth, and I spat it out. My brother cackled as he told me it was Wasabi-flavored popcorn. After getting over the initial sense of betrayal, I laughed too. Later I felt proud of him, because the ability to discern that he knew something I didn't (and find humor in tricking me!) was not something he had ever shown before then, so it truly was a developmental milestone for him.
We on the spectrum can certainly lie. We're just usually really, REALLY bad at it. :-D (My wife sees through my and our 18yo son's attempts like they're glass.)
Yep, and if we aren't bad at it it's because we had to learn to do it well as a survival mechanism. My parents think they are really good at catching me lying, but they only catch me when I meant to get caught. Only two people have ever seen through it and that is my best friends parents, and only once (not counting the time I lied because his little sister was in the room and I didn't want her to hear it because she was too young). Well I guess three people, my partner could totally see through it if I ever lied to her (I only white lie about stuff like birthday presents). She can just look at my face and know how I'm feeling.
@@waffles3629Eh idk about that, I'm a pretty damn good liar and was never in any rough situations growing up. I guess the more you talk to people, the better you get at deception in general. Very useful skill to have imo especially for getting a job. Even if you already know how to do a job or could very quickly learn it, if you don't lie about your experience, you will always be at the bottom of the pile, and either someone actually experienced will get it instead of you, or someone else will lie, and they'll get the job, not you. It'd be great if you didn't have to lie, but the average time that a recruiter looks at your resume is around 5 or 10 seconds. I'm not joking. If you don't make yourself stand out you'll never get it.
Love that you work with littles! I’m AuDHD & work in the public school system in occupational therapy with students I can totally relate to. So love it & I bring insight to the work just by being myself! So happy you’ve found success in your passions!!! 🌻💖🌎☮️💓💕
Interesting. I’m can’t lie for a different, yet still autism-related reason: it’s completely obvious that it’s a lie! I can’t think of a fake reality well enough on the spot, and get obviously more nervous. (This excludes jokes where the “lie” is intentionally obvious, to make people laugh) Luckily I have a simple solution: never lying. I’d rather be trustworthy anyways. 🤷♀️
It is possible for autistic people to be compulsive liars, though. My autistic friend in the 30s lies constantly. About really stupid things. I thought it might be because he is autistic. I am also autistic. I eventually worked out that he was telling lies just to make himself seem more knowledgeable, and more experienced, than everyone else. He kept lying about doing a TAFE course. It took me a while to work out he was lying. He also lied about having seen a musical called Waitress a couple of years ago. But I had told him about the musical six months ago, and he didn’t know what it was. This is too simplistic. Some autistic people can be compulsive liars, and they should be called out about that. They aren’t always lying because they are autistic. Sometimes they are just liars.
Isn't compulsive lying.... compulsive? As in, something you feel compelled to do often, automatically, without thought, or reason, or whether it benefits anyone or the answer even matters? Lying about things to make yourself seem knowledgeable or more impressive just sounds like regular lying. It's not compulsive lying when you're choosing to do it, even if you do it often.
Compulsive lying is an impulse, an urge, it comes from a habit and it’s usually for no reason. I used to be a compulsive liar (and still kinda am but I’m much better compared to when I was a little kid) and I would lie and have no reason or motive behind the lying, i would just feel a sensation to. Your friend is just a regular liar, not a compulsive one
This sounds like Theory of Mind. For some reason, when I was doing sales admin, I would routinely have issues with Salespeople and theory of mind. They really struggled with the notion that without things like "What's the client's budget?" and "When do they need it?" I would have difficulty quoting up a solution. These were grown adults with kids and mortgages, BTW.
I constantly need to remind myself that others don't know the things I so and the other way around it's probably one of the biggest reasons for conflicts and fights in my life
One of my students does this all the time, he “tricks” me in very similar ways, I always laugh and tell him he did, cuz I know he’s trying his best and it makes him so happy
As someone on the spectrum who had to learn the hard way about the disconnect between my knowledge and others', I love hidden identity/social deduction games. Because it puts into a safe framework that feeling I experience all the time, when you don't know who knows what and who knows who knows what. 😅
My kid giggled so hard one day after I got him ready for bed. I went to the bathroom and during that time he had his dad help him put all his clothes back on. When I popped back in to say good night, he just giggled his head off. It was awesome.
I have autism and ADHD, and since I was the age of 4 I've been a liar due to overprotective and abusive parents, and due to lying a lot that's why nobody believed I was autistic or had ADHD
I'm autistic and I still struggle with that not everyone knows what I know Like I sometimes just start sentences in the middle like Me"... I didn't like that it tasted bad" Mom"What tasted bad" Me"The food" Mom"What food" Me"The hamburger" Mom"What hamburger" Me"From that one place we ate from" And so on and so fourth
I’m autistic and I’m good at lying but I think that comes kinda as a coping mechanism to ease situations. I hate to say it but I lie very well and I think that part comes from being able to regulate the emotions I express very well so it’s not a ‘tell’. Those are thought out lies, though, lying on the spot is very hard for me because I’m having to process the situation and person at the same time as trying to work over in my brain what the best answer is but that’s entirely dependent on specific circumstances
I am autistic but over the years I developed chronic lying as a safety mechanism. I had to mask all my life, both autistic traits and feelings so “no I’m fine” was a daily lie. From that it went downhill bc I noticed that everyone around me was lying, both small and big lies. From “that shirt looks beautiful” over “we’re best friends” to “I just got a pet chicken”. Everybody around me lied and most of them were bad at it. So I started lying too bc I thought that was just another social skill I didn’t understand and practiced how to lie in a way that wouldn’t be caught. In my 19 years of life I told hundreds of lies, small and big, most without even thinking about it. Three of them have been discovered as lies. Now that I realised that my lying is a cycle that I need to escape to be able to start unmasking and finding myself I am trying not to lie. I limit both small and big lies, the only lie I’ll always keep telling is the “I’m fine”.
one of the reasons i couldn’t get a diagnosis initially is my compulsive lying. A therapist broke it down and its not compulsive lying; i’m giving the EXACT answer i think they want. If my fiancé asks what I want for dinner, I’m scrambling in my brain to pick what he wants even if I dont want it. Then, I lie. I dont want Burger King. Or when a doctor asks me if something hurts, it doesn’t, but i’ve been made to feel like it SHOULD hurt? I lie, yes it hurts. Doesn’t matter if it hurts or not, if i think its supposed to, i say it does.
you remind me of my partner! i try to remind him not to tell the lie about dinner so that both of us can have our wants equally and share! its not all about me and i care about his opinion. this obviously doesnt work with strangers but letting him know he has a safe space at home and with our friends and family makes him seem so much less stressed when speaking to people 🖤
🤯😶 my family was present to celebrate my first lie at seventeen. I answered the home phone and it was a "friend" of my Ma's that she was avoiding. I told this lady that my mother was out running errands while she was actually standing in the same room as me with my sister. I still clearly remember their facial expressions nd the hand gestures my sister was making to encourage me 🤓🥸🤥😎 After I hung up the phone, they clapped and hugged me because they were so worried that I'd never learn to lie. For me, I think it was the first part, valuing honesty- I found lying to be, simply put, difficult. GREAT VID!!❤
My ASD, mostly non-verbal son, when caught climbing to the top shelf of a pantry for cookies, and asked “What are you doing?” He pauses, stares briefly in a direction, and starts shaking his butt, and says, “I’m dancing!” It was never a convincing lie, but it was a lie, and I was over the moon that he’d found his own way to say, “Look! There’s Elvis!”
I learned about the concept of deception and how to lie when I was around...6-7. ...and I have James T. Kirk to thank for it. STIII: The Search for Spock. Klingon Lieutenant: "I thought you said you would kill me." Kirk: "I lied." This one exchange in the movie caused me to ask my father what Kirk meant by the that. My dad most likely also had undiagnosed Autism so his explanation was long, detailed, and could've been a thesis statement. ...aka, exactly what I needed to process and internalize the information. Thank you, Star Trek!
I am often too honest in some situations where I’d rather conceal some information or tell a lie that won’t hurt but would make the conversation more pleasant or make me seem better or improve something else. Also speaking of understanding how much information the other person knows, I tend to explain basic things to people just to make sure we’re on the same page and they often perceive that as rude (because they think I find them to be stupid, but I don’t)
I am a teacher of the deaf, and I get excited when my kids talk back to me, or get in trouble for being late to something because they were talking to their friends! Iykyk
It’s often said that people on the autism spectrum are honest…
Sometimes that honesty is a result of being blunt or direct/to the point in communication. 🗣️ It can also come from valuing truthfulness. 💖
Other times, that “honesty” is the result of having trouble understanding certain concepts in order to be ABLE to lie.
To tell a lie, a person would need to:
▪️ Understand social cause + effect
▪️Know which information someone does/does not already have
▪️Understand someone else’s perspective of a situation
There’s so much that goes into it! With that in mind, when my client “lied” it showed that he was beginning to learn about these concepts. And that’s the part we celebrated! 😁
I know 😂 lying was so hard as a kid. My lies are still terrible and withholding information or that ‘knowing’ something is still hard. Congrats to him on figuring it out so early 😊
I’m still puzzled why lying is of any benefit. I’m 50 but I still don’t enjoy dealing with trying to know that the other knows, etc. if they don’t know something, they should tell, as simple as that.
(Both in personal and professional space.)
Assumption is the root of all evil.
Of course I don’t live in a society where white lies are as much a norm as in the US, but still.
@@andrejszasz2816I don’t think it’s celebrating lying as much as explaining how autistic people sometimes feel the need to share everything about an experience, not realizing it’s socially acceptable to say much less. To me, not getting all the info out that I have feels like lying or not sharing the whole truth. It’s a confusing subject. Sharing info, but how much?
That’s a refreshing perspective @@Jenishabadoo , thanks
Does this also go the other way around? I'm autistic and I struggle immensely with comprehending that other people could tell me information that they are aware is false. I do not question the validity of what people tell me, because I can't understand why would they lie, even if the reasons are really obvious.
I think it’s funny how he didn’t seem to even notice this was a milestone at first and I purely just trying to have fun, and managed to reach that milestone while doing it.
Edit: I wanna make it clear I understand that’s how children work. My thought process was she worded it like they had been working on this, and it wasn’t something he did out of the blue. I was thinking he was already aware this was something that would be good if he could learn to do, not that he wasn’t aware of this. I apologize for my confusion, idk if it is my autism, something else entirely, or I’m just stupid.
Right, I think he just saw it as a funny prank ❤.
That's how we do it! Lol
That’s kinda how we are designed to learn things… especially as kids.
Well he is 8 years old!!
Almost like he’s an elementary school kid
i lie compulsively and then immediately go "oh, no wait, thats not true". i think its becuase i try to answer too fast bc ive learned that people usually want quick answers.
That's very interesting. Would you mind giving an example of things you might say and correct?
oh that's so true! I think for me it's a combination of that and feeling pressure to pick the answer people want to hear - I'm trying to get better at pausing to think but it's difficult!
One of my students does this exact same thing. But I don't think he is as self-aware as you are.
I realized I do the exact same thing. Like if someone from work says “Did you verify this?” Instantly I will respond without even seeing the file and then correct myself “YES….Wait let me see” but man I be lying constantly with those quick answers😭
Sounds like a trauma response: lying before people can get mad and thus feel safe.
Are you okay with being like this or is this something you might want to stop doing? No judgement, just curiosity 😊
My autistic ass used to lie all the time as a kid because I believed it was a way to speed-run uncomfortable situations like being put on the spot for an answer. After all the lies started crumbling under scrutiny, I decided honesty is a lot less energy and bother. Now I see it as almost like a brain sin, unless it's for a joke with quick payoff or part of a game like DnD or in aid of protecting someone who could be seriously harmed if I don't
Oh man, I wish I could lie during dnd. I played a charisma based character in my last campaign (sorcerer), and the only time the party let me lead a social interaction, I had to lie in like the first sentence. I inadvertently made my character and the entire party look like serial killers wandering the woods looking for victims. xD
(I did end up leaning into when I realized, and it’s one of my favorite dnd memories now)
Yep, I learned to lie as a kid as a survival mechanism. I also didn't know what "the truth" actually meant. Because based on how my parents reacted "the truth" was whatever they wanted to hear and everything else was lying. Thankfully I came across a good description of what lying actually was in a book when I was young enough to not be lying about things that could get me in actual trouble, but old enough to understand that I needed to continue to lie to my parents for my own well-being. That was a "fun" realization.
One of my childhood friends was OBSESSED with star wars, i had NEVER SEEN IT but i lied and just pretended to know what he was talking about because i didnt want him to not like me. Idk if he ever knew i didn't know a thing about star wars
i used to do this as a young audhd kid because i couldn’t remember enough about my day to be able to summarize it on the spot, so my dad would ask me what i did at school and i’d make something up, like “i painted a picture of a bird” or “we learned how to add numbers” when in reality i couldn’t remember what we did. that then turned into compulsive lying to get attention because i constantly felt pushed aside and ignored.
(Audhd) I grew up trying to lie and not being even remotely decent at it. I had always been really socially and culturally isolated by my parents, so I didn't really understand or know about any of the media/jokes/references people were making. I always wanted to be accepted and allowed in the conversation, so I always tried to pretend I knew the thing we were talking about (not flexing just saying yes when someone asks "did you watch that new ___ last night?!" and maybe repeating something I had heard about it.) Since I grew up in a tiny town, my classmates knew my family, and they knew I was lying. I got called out for it all the time until I got old enough to just seek out the people who were excited to explain their interests to me 😅
My ASD kiddo didn't learn how to lie until he played the Among Us video game. During the game, you constantly have to meet with other players and explained why you weren't the person who killed another player If you come up with a reasonable excuse, you didn't get kicked out of the game
My son and I play Among Us together!
I’m good at this game because I’ll just lie for no reason and look suspicious as hell and it throws everyone off so much they don’t know what to think. I sound suspicious when I tell the truth too
I’m on the spectrum and easily lie to my parents but not convincing entil I was in 7 th grade
If you ever want to teach your kid to make up good alibis on the spot then i can't recommend among us more /srs
Adults severely underestimate the educational value of videogames.
Let your kids play, that's the best way for humans to learn. I've learned so much from games like minecraft and minecraft videos that I otherwise would've never known because I wasn't taught, like what an ecosystem is, the difference between a column and row (no clue why I wasn't taught that but oh well), how times of day work, how animals help distribute seeds, what chlorophyll is. And plenty of other more advanced knowledge (those are just the most obvious cases that come to mind).
Online games also help with communication and social skills a whole lot, even in body language. And don't forget the development of motor control and how all the buttons, keys, and sticks help develop coordination in the hands.
Games, movies and UA-cam videos aren't necessarily a bad thing if you child spends all their free time on them. Just because it isn't a book or a sport many adults see it as a waste when it's really the opposite. So yeah, that❤
My mom didn't want my brother to be the perfect disabled kid so she let him be mischievous and voice his wants/needs. When the hospital asked if he wanted to be resuscitated and he answered they looked at my mom and she told them, whatever he says. He even went to vote with his para, and volunteered at a vet, swept at the mall and volunteered at the police station. My mom wanted him to be able to have his independence even though he still needs help with moving/ being fed.
Brava to y'all's mama! ❤ I could see how some might view that as an interference or obstacle to making caring for him more straightforward, but that's some applaudable raw and real allowance of autonomy and actually getting to have some fantastic experiences of living his own life for himself! That's what I call being a good parent!
I've always said lying is a survival skill. While other parents may feel having a child who can lie convincingly is a failure, I have always accepted it as a necessary skill. I didn't know it's an ability that develops at age 3yrs or so.
Lying and manipulation
"Can I have a cookie?"
"No, you've just had one"
"Aw 🥺 .... I love you!"
*Cuddles caregiver*
"Nawww 🥰"
"Can I have a cookie?"
Yes, I lied a lot as a child to avoid dealing with my abusive Dad. For example, he'd love looking at my maths or science homework and saying what mistakes I'd made. Not to help, but to say how stupid I was for making the mistakes. So, I always lied about maths and science homework. Not the other subjects, he wasn't as good so he didn't care, so saying I had history or anything else was safe.
I will state again my belief that lying is a survival skill. This has nothing to do with morality or ethics, only survival. It can be diagnostic, in that detecting a lie and especially a reliance on lying in specific circumstances or with a specific individual or group of individuals can point to a bigger issue concerning trust.
Lying as a 'skill' has to do with being convincing. Have you created a lie that reasonably passes for truth? Are you skilled enough at acting to convince others of a lie being truth?
This is not a safe world. There are those who intent harm or exploitation. Some come at you with lies and the episode is basically a joust pitting lie against lie. Or even parents ignore basic boundaries, which require lying to defend or protect privacy or personal rights. A lie can redirect or protect. It's defense, necessary for emotional or physical survival.
When a child (and not just children) has to lie to feel safe, the problem isn't the lying, it's the lack of trust that causes lying. The problem isn't the lie or the reliance on lying, but what is creating the mistrust; first, investigate why the liar feels a lie or habitual lying is necessary. You first examine the situation; if the environment and the relationships are healthy, THEN you look at the liar's behavior and motives.
The thing is, a person who is unable to lie is vulnerable; they have lost a tool for protecting themselves. They are left open to exploitation or worse. Honesty may be the best policy, but lying is a necessary skill. And if you catch someone lying to you, the first thing you should do is work out why the liar felt it necessary. Have you made untenable demands on them? Have you accidentally exploited them? Or is the LIAR the exploiter? Or finally, is there something in the relationship that is undermining mutual trust?
There's no point in getting angry about being lied to. You are better served by working out why lying seemed necessary. Telling someone to stop lying and then having to constantly watch for the possible next lie is foolish (and can be the liar's next passive-aggressive game). But lying, in itself, is a defensive skill, and if someone lies to you then it's time to find out where and why trust has diminished.
As for children lying, as a parent, I want my children safe so I want my children to be GOOD at lying. And if my child lies to me, if what is lied about is of enough concern, we will work through it. Minor lies I ignore; children have a right to privacy and autonomy so long as they are relatively safe exercising it. Let them protect that privacy and autonomy with small lies if they feel a need to.
@@samanthagibson5791 every time I hear an abusive parent story I am floored by all the ways in which they act like an insecure hyper competitive kindergartner, and that’s an insult to kindergartners. I hope things are better for you now ❤
@@chris...9497 Your sense of morality is so far removed from mine that a child that you raise will be entirely socially incompatible with a child that I raise. My children will know that your children are bad people.
It suddenly seems obvious to me why people go to war.
Data is sacred. A person who intentionally spreads inaccurate data is intentionally disrupting the functionality of interaction. A person who lies is a negative influence on the progression of personal relationships, collective productivity, and society at large... You are what's wrong with the world.
Since you admit that you are an enemy of humanity rather than part of it, then my children shouldn't feel bad about ostracizing you or otherwise removing you from society... after all, you're an evil animal waiting to harm them so I need to train them to preemptively harm you. And since my kids are about to villainize yours for accurate reasons, your kids will rightfully assess mine to be a threat that they must steal themselves against... which in turn transforms them into the subhuman saboteurs that you are describing all humanity as being.
You are raising the kids that will obligate other kids to behave in repulsive and pathetic ways. If it hurts when you bang your head on the wall, then stop!
If that's how you view human interaction, why would anyone tolerate your existence?
That actually tracks for me. I wasn’t capable of lying until I was 9 years old, largely due to not understanding the point of it. It wasn’t until a classmate said “River never lies” like it was something noteworthy to revere that I realized it wasn’t normal. Until then I thought everyone was just telling the truth and saying what was on their mind all the time like I was. I had never even considered lying because I didn’t know that was an option. So to have someone point it out like it was a unique part of my character floored me.
I wondered if it is bad that I didn’t lie since everyone else seemed to think I was an anomaly, so I decided to start lying from time to time to see what would happen. Small believable lies that I told like they were the truth. Like just saying “my day was good” even if parts of it weren’t when my parents asked me how school went instead of spending 20 minutes going over every detail because in my mind, I had no choice. Questions felt like hostage situations because without the ability to lie, even just lying out of omission, my options were either a) not answer and have someone angry at me (always scary, adults always got angry) or b) repeat the full detailed truth.
But when I did develop the ability to lie, oh my god, it was such a game changer. I could save my energy when talking! I could keep secrets that I wasn’t comfortable sharing! I could stop being called “rude” or “brat” by adults for not being polite (politeness requires a lot of lying to a certain extent)! I could stop having as many meltdowns by politely excusing myself when it got to be too much! And most of all, I learned I could use lying to protect myself!!
Society and Christianity especially like to preach that all lying is bad, but you have no idea how much being compelled to tell the truth all the time whether you want to or not really messes with your head and can put you in danger. I had an overwhelming sense of constant unease before I learned to lie, which I now attribute to the drastic way people reacted to me everyday (either laughing at me or getting VERY angry), I just wasn’t aware of it due to how used to the feeling I was.
My childhood started to make a lot more sense when I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. Learning to work with my body’s strange neurology instead of against it drastically improved my life in many ways.
River is a cool name
It's great that you used it for a good purpose rather than one that affects people negatively, so commendations for that! Also just wondering did you ever also learn that telling them the truth but being more brief rather than explaining every detail was an option? Or doing that but also communicating when you were needed a break and would prefer not to go into detail at that moment or talk about later? Something like "my day wasn't that great, [insert negative event here] happened" and then if they have follow up questions maybe respond with something like "Yes but I'm a bit tired right now/I just came back so not in the mood to talk about it now but we can talk about it later maybe when I feel a bit more rested/relaxed" or maybe something like "No but I'm just don't really want to talk about it honestly, it was draining and I just want to relax a bit. If I'm in the mood I might explain some other time" ? These sort of responses are obviously for situations where the information would not be useful to the people you're taking to for helping them to avoid certain topics or figure out how to react to your mood that day, or knowing if you're having trouble at school/work/some other area of your life where they could help or offer helpful advice, and also for situations where the people you're taking to aren't the type widely known by many people to get irrationally upset by communicating when you need a break from normal draining events - sorry for the essay, was just curious as this could be something that helps these situations other than lying :)
Wonderful story, I found it very interesting.
And yes, I hate how society demonizes all lies when lies are in fact an important part of day to day life! We especially need to teach our kids that it’s not just a black & white issue because of all the nuance it can have, especially when it comes to protecting yourself or others.
HONESTLY I hate Christianity so much for pounding into my soul that lying is bad. When in reality, lying is constantly keeping me safe.
Christianity does a fantastic job at endangering and traumatizing children
Yeah, lying is necessary as part of the social contract. It reminds me of the movie Liar Liar with Jim Carey. While the point of it was for him to learn being truthful is better he still had a lot of trouble because it’s not appropriate to always tell the truth
I’m an autistic adult who only started seeing an occupational therapist late in my teen years.
I remember the first time I used a new social skill on someone. I was eating out with my family, and my mom and I agreed to split our meals with each other. The food arrives, and she had already forgotten our arrangement. So I mustered up my best conversational tone and asked her which half of my burger she wanted.
It was basically the most tact I had ever shown in a social situation ever, and she was very impressed.
No but that's actually big! 👏😊
Ah it's sometimes so hard that people really only like listening to the tone and not what we are saying. I feel so often like I am constantly manipulating my tone...
Very clever!
@@aymcleonidas195yup, looking back I can see how often I was told not to be sarcastic/rude/talking back when I was speaking genuinely, and I’ve been noticing more often when others aren’t receiving what I’m saying the way it was meant (not often exactly, but more than I used to notice it). I’m late diagnosed at couple years ago at 33 but it’s still about 50/50 whether I understand/impart the “correct” tone
I ended up telling th e people I work closely with about my Autism specifically saying that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I’ll still be “tone deaf” at times because my Autism limits my ability with it (and that if they have an issue/question about how I said something to just talk to me about it so we can clear it up).
I end up starting a lot of texts with “face value” so the person knows I only mean what the words mean-even those who know I’m Autistic need the reminder, especially when it’s something like “what time are you picking me up? I thought you said you’d be here 10 mins ago” bc it’s not passive aggressive, it’s me trying to find out if I misunderstood the time/day or they forgot to tell me they’re running late
I have train myself on how to lie and when to use them.
When it comes to keeping secrets for others I either respect their secrets or forget about it.
Same.
I have a “secrets” song if someone tells me something that I’m not supposed to share with other friends because I’ve messed up in the past due to this. It’s just the word secrets sung or hummed to the Batman tune to kind of mentally encrypt it.
@@EldritchBumblebee if it works it works! Im glad you found something that helps you
Oh, real. Like, you don't have to worry about me spilling your beans, I either just don't have a reason or malevolence to do it on purpose or straight up don't remember what you wanted me not to tell. 😂
If someone asks if they can tell me a secret, I generally just say no. I don’t want the responsibility of remembering what I need to keep to myself.
I am still not a very good liar, but when it comes to keeping secrets for others I'm honest without divulging that information. People know I'm a confidential person to talk to, so no one bat's an eye then I say "that's not my story to tell/information to divulge" and that's that.
I remember the pride I had when my kids learned to lie. It was so different from how I was raised but I knew it was a developmental phase they had been delayed in. It’s scary sending an honest kid into the world. Thank you for sharing ❤
Hey this explains why i always think that if i know something, or come to a conclusion, others must have too.
Jokes are a great way to develop this skill! My son has loved joke books for kids since he was really small. It's an innocent way of "tricking" people.
oh my gosh that's so lovely !! i loved your recreation of his "tricked you!" line ^.^
when i was a kid, i was Very Against lying to my parents because it Broke A Rule. parents and teachers told me i had to tell the truth, and if asked "why?" would usually provide a reasonable response, explaining that they need to know what's happened so a problem can be fixed, so no one gets hurt, etc. though, if there was a good reason for me to lie (to protect someone else's secret, for example), it didn't bother me. my Autism Moral Drive can definitely override my Autism Rules Drive, especially as i've grown up !
As an autistic person with strict parents I can lie on the spot.
Are some autistic people unable to lie?
I'm not an expert not diagnosed, but from I heard, many autistic have trouble controlling their tone of voice. sonit could be obvious that it's a lie/they're nervous. and I'm sure some people feel bad for lying too.
and what this girl is talking about is what she knows vs what the kid knows, and how the kid learned how to manage that information in his own way, in this case lying. from what I gathered he didn't lie or trick her before, so he accomplished something big in their terms.
sorry if this sounded mean lol, and I'm also sorry if it's creepy I replied so early I just saw the video
@@sofiah.5820 it's not creepy don't worry!
I am happy that you answer quickly because if not I would had to wait for a week or maybe even more.
Thank you for explaining me what she said.
Now I understood thanks.
Am I creepy for answering this quickly?
I don't think so, and if I am not creepy you are not!
Bye bye!!!!!
Have a nice day/night
@@sofiah.5820I’m autistic and had strict parents, and I couldn’t lie. Still can’t. Depending on where you are on the spectrum, it can be harder to pick up on that skill so easily
It may be difficult for autistic people, but that doesn't mean autistic people can't. Another strong trait of autism is high pattern recognition, and if the pattern represents that lying will help you, it's definitely possible to refine that skill early, especially for survival
Personally as someone who has a high likelihood of being autistic but never formerly diagnosed, it really irks me to lie.
Obviously everyone's different, but Personally lying just sits on my mind until i forget, like if someone asks if I've ate and i say "no, I haven't eaten yet" and then right after i remember I've had breakfast, my mind doesn't let go of the fact i just lied and i feel an urge to tell them because not telling them bothers me and makes me severely uncomfortable, so later i see them I'd probably say something like "oh and by the way, I actually *did* eat breakfast that morning! I had a muffin i just completely forgot my bad." or something along those lines.
Not to say I'm completely incapable of lying, i have on multiple occasions whether it be purposeful or not, just personally lying really bothers me and i linger on the thought until i can correct it.
I do this with other things i think of as well and not just lying of course, but lying is probably the one that bothers me the most.
I'll say it once more though, not everyone who's autistic or some form of neurodivergent feels the same way as me about this, and it's best to to generalize an entire group of people over one person. ❤
I've been this way ever since I was little, and because of it i try to be as honest and clear as possible, even if sometimes i accidentally overshare my own experiences. I am capable of lying, I just really, really don't like to. (Nor if I'm sure I'm good at it or not but I've gotten away with lying before as well so I'll say I'm half-decent with it, it depends on the situation and what the lie is. Like of it's a surprise birthday party? Okay lips sealed even if it makes me kinda anxious/excited. But if it's something more personal to myself i struggle more and overshare or undershare a lot in an attempt to not say anything about it instead of just lying.)
That's just my personal experience.
I’m a Lyft/Uber driver and I have to stop myself from getting annoyed at passengers that tell me where to turn when I clearly have a gps in front of me.. so this was a helpful way to look at a different perspective
That’s really fascinating! I was actually reading a book with a neurodivergent character in it, and she was described as acting like ‘everyone shared a brain, so naturally everyone must know what she knew’. I didn’t realize how relevant that representation was until I saw this short!
You can’t mention a book and not tell us the title pls
@@starksandrecreation Legends: Darkstalker was the book!
My 15 yr old still has trouble lying and gets super upset when others lie. It’s one of the many characteristics I love about him.
I'm autistic and I'm good at lying.. if its for a cause. I'm terrible at keeping secrets or faking enthusiasm, but if my parents ask me who ate all the chocolate eggs..
Man I have the same problem at my house. For a totally inexplicable reason the chocolate eggs keep disappearing 🫣
Shhhh they don’t need to know😂
My mom said she was reading about autism, and saw the bit about people with autism being bad at lying and thought "oh, that can't possibly be me" (Ever since I got diagnosed we all take it as a given that she's autistic too). Then she saw the next line which was basically "this doesn't apply to lies of the 'no, my brother did it' nature".
Yeah, usually I'm fairly good at keeping secrets and I'm gonna be honest most of the time but i also value my privacy so i don't tell a lot of people a lot of things
I'm not autistic and I'm terrible at lying. I don't really control my tone, expressions or gestures and people can very quickly tell if I'm lying. Very inconvenient when I'm trying and failing to hide my disdain. I have to go through more jobs until I can find one where I don't dislike my coworkers or boss, otherwise, well... It becomes pretty obvious pretty fast. 😅
As a people leader I have really enjoyed learning about autism with you. It's incredible to learn these things and has really helped me connect with my team, not just my autisic associates (I currently have two) but my entire team. So much of your teachings can be applied outside of autism as well! Approaching situations differently can be hard for people and learning new strategies is so enlightening.
Thanks for all you do!
I love framing it as “not understanding which information people may or may not already know” and that being the reason “they might not know why you missed the turn” 😅 ime, it’s mostly allistic that don’t understand that not everyone knows the same things
"You can't learn to tell the truth intil you learn to lie" has a lot more to it than some people might think. If you don't know what a lie us, then you aren't making the choice to tell the truth. Its only when you can make the moral decision that it has any weight. Now that he knows what his choices are, he needs to understand the things he can lie about (like the harmless trick he played with her) and what things are important to give accurate information on. THESE ARE GOOD AND IMPORTANT STEPS! And I'm so happy he's made this progress.
This is why job interviews are so hard. "Just BS it" well how do I know they won't know I'm lying?
That's not the reason lying is hard for me. I can't lie if I have a strong opinion, in the same way I can't eat food with certain textures. Nor can I lie if I think lying at that moment is morally wrong.
My father struggles with lying about factual things, because he needs things to be correct.
I’m late diagnosed autistic and I don’t really lie (unless absolutely necessary) and even though I knew about lies and that people could and would lie, I didnt really _understand_ that not everyone was telling me the truth all the time. I only learned post-autism diagnosis how often people will lie
i mostly struggle with being involved in conversations as a whole, i just space out, hear half of what they said and say okay😭
I found an infographic about 'how to tell when someone is lying' and that was how I learned how to lie.
that shit is pseudoscience but itll definitely fool most people especially allistics
I'm not diagnosed, nor do I really think I am autistic but this feels like a place to rant.
I lie a lot, typically self-destructive or defensive.
"Are you okay?" "Yeah, just tired." (I didn't sleep at all and am literally shaking)
"Have you been taking your meds?" "Not perfectly, but I'm trying" (I haven't touched them in 2 weeks, not that i'm not trying, but I could definitely use some help)
"Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" "No." (... I haven't DONE anything but...)
"Do you need help with your homework" "No, it's easy enough" (It should be easy, I understand most of it. But I can't seem to bring myself to write down an answer. I'm going to fail this class)
"Can you go to school tomorrow?" "I think so" (I already know I'm going to be 'too nauseous')
And the worst part is that they believe me. (At least they think that I can handle it by myself cuz no one's pointed out that I'm lying.) I'm a good liar and I only use it against myself. Why am I like this. I'm only hurting myself and those trying to help me. I know I am. (why doesn't that change anything) I'm self aware enough to see whats happening. It's like watching a car crash, there's nothing I can do. I've tried. Every time I try to explain I get choked up or interupted. It feels like burning. But burning must feel like more than guilt and regret.
You're describing the avoidance part of depression. I hope some motivation hits you and you begin to feel like taking care of yourself. It's not easy but it's necessary and you deserve care. Well wishes
I'm autistic but I'm similar. It sounds like depression and you probably need therapy.
If i remembered things wrong i thought i was lying and felt awful 😭 i was accused of lying constantly when i wasnt
WAIT WHAT HOLD ON
IS THAT WHY I ASSUME EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT I DO (like basic knowledge stuff not interpersonal stuff)
Holy autism batman!!!!!!
Not very related to your comment, but it makes me happy to see that somebody else uses the “holy _____ Batman” quote. :D
What my brother lacks in lying skills he more than makes up for in audacity and persistence.
I have never thought about just how big of a developmental milestone lying and secrets are! But they are so important to functioning in daily society
Things like this make me so happy.
My Autistic son loves to play the "tricked you" game 😊
I’m autistic and awful at lying, not because I can’t lie convincingly, but because the guilt always gets to me and I end up coming clean.
When my 5 year old started lying about a year ago, I was utterly baffled. I didn't start intentionally lying until I was in my 30s (because I didn't realize it was actually a life skill). She's REALLY into "tricking me" right now and I'm SO PROUD!
This is always something I’ve struggled with in life and feel so stupid just interacting with people
I didn't used to lie that much as a child but I was constantly accused of lying 😢
It was because I wouldn't give eye contact and I.was stimming and that's the behaviour of liars 😢
Same here, people thinking you are lying when you are actually super honest is the worst! As a 29 years old I still struggle with lying unless I believe what I say is part of the truth. I can to some extent lie by omission but if I'm asked directly I can't say something other than the truth.
Even polite lies like "you like my hair?", "you like my gift?" I'll think really hard to find something about it that I can compliment because I can't say yes if I don't...
you calling an 8 year old a “client” made me snort 😂
As an occupational therapist in training hearing about your work is really cool
I gave up and just started priding myself on my honesty. My incapability for lying actually saved my butt when some kid's parent tried to accuse me of lying about something her kid did
and thats on period!
i can always count on people trusting me as an adult bc of how rigid i am about rules and and how i have this thing about trying to not be biased
I actually had an interesting case where I had a lying problem while I was younger (and even into early teens before I got diagnosed) because one of the social rules I picked up from observation was that it was ok to lie in some situations and so I lied when it was convenient for me and it took a lot to grow out of that but it's still a useful tool to have hahah. just kinda interesting how different anyone's experience can be.
I can't lie, not because I'm not able to, but because it's easy for people to tell that I'm lying
Damn. I really struggle with this. It makes it hard to give instructions, teach people, and lie
I lie about stories to make them easier to explain. Or when I don't know my emotion that I'm feeling, I lie about how I feel. I always just lie to make less confusion 😭
It took me until into my early 20s to fully understand that everyone is working with different info and experiences. It still trips me out when I think about it. Even when it comes to school everyone recieves a different education and gets taught different things. It makes society very confusing if you ask me.
I have such trouble with this when I'm running TTRPGs for my friends - just now learning this is an autism thing ♾️
Thank you for doing that. If you keep encouraging that, you may save him from so many things, even his own life.
What do you mean?
I learned quickly that my “truth” wasn’t good (enough). So I started lying about a lot and always felt awful. It was also acting like someone I’m not and the lies weren’t huge, but I hated it.
I still struggle with telling the truth about why I do/did or didn’t do certain things. As I often think people won’t accept me or the truth
Learning more about Theory of mind and how much I understand that or how much I don't, really helped me with this concept.
Never knew the difference of lies was so great.. Thanks for informing me though, now I can sort of understand how others can “read my mind”
As someone with social anxiety, I've only started lying through words when I was 20. It was a big day for me, cause honesty is something I was heavily enforced when I was small. I feel more in control of what I will and won't share now😊
Even tho I’m not diagnosed, I was very close (like, borderline) when I was tested. And seeing stuff like this, I get why.
When I was a kid, apparently the adults would always ask me about the situation if my brother/cousins were in trouble, because while they would lie, I would just say whatever happened. And honestly, I probably still would. I don’t even lie on the internet (that much) because it just isn’t fun. And I grew up on this thing, I know what people find fun on here!
I'm autistic and still have a problem with lying and telling the truth at wrong times
Found you from love on the spectrum i am so glad that you do this for other people ,well on the spectrum :)
Yay!!! I never understood how important milestones were until i had my daughter. Milestones no matter what age are always something to celebrate!
As someone with parents that are on the spectrum but I'm not diagnosed, i realized this applies to me. I have a hard time communicating with my nurotypical bf because he thinks common knowledge is stuff everyone knows. But how will I know something unless I was told or taught
Common knowledge is information picked up incidentally. You aren't told directly or instructed; that's very intentional and formal. You absorb it from the social environment, in a casual or incidental fashion. It's like clues lying around that you have to broaden your awareness to catch.
Those on the spectrum tend to be more laser-focused in their awareness, to the exclusion of certain kinds of information. The absorption into certain things can totally distract from general background information, interfering with adding to the ongoing expansion of your personal collection of common knowledge.
Those not on the spectrum suffer this, too. There's an interesting awareness experiment that works all too well. A group of people are directed to watch a scene (live or filmed) and directed to watch for some subtle detail in the activity. The group watches and reports on what they saw. And the vast majority somehow totally miss the person who walks through the scene in a gorilla suit. They are so focused on one thing that they miss a glaring detail not on their 'To Notice' list. Spectrum has nothing to do with it; it's a common tendency.
You just focus really, really well. You can train yourself to soften your focusing powers. It can be quick or take quite some time, but you can do it. And it will allow in a lot more useful information for you to benefit from.
I like that you start with a thing then explain why the thing is important.
Woohoo!! Your years of effort in school and work should be so strongly appreciated. Thanks for your hard work! Congrats to the little liar! 😎
Reminds me of my autistic brother's first prank on me when he was around 12 and I was around 15. He gave me a bag of popcorn to eat. I graciously accepted and interpreted his ear-to-ear grin as excitement at sharing something with me. The popcorn proceeded to burn my mouth, and I spat it out. My brother cackled as he told me it was Wasabi-flavored popcorn. After getting over the initial sense of betrayal, I laughed too. Later I felt proud of him, because the ability to discern that he knew something I didn't (and find humor in tricking me!) was not something he had ever shown before then, so it truly was a developmental milestone for him.
I am both brutally honest and a good liar
Same lol
chaotic neutral!
I love this, because eight years old happens to be when I got my autism diagnoses, and I’m so glad I have autism.
We on the spectrum can certainly lie. We're just usually really, REALLY bad at it. :-D (My wife sees through my and our 18yo son's attempts like they're glass.)
Yep, and if we aren't bad at it it's because we had to learn to do it well as a survival mechanism. My parents think they are really good at catching me lying, but they only catch me when I meant to get caught. Only two people have ever seen through it and that is my best friends parents, and only once (not counting the time I lied because his little sister was in the room and I didn't want her to hear it because she was too young). Well I guess three people, my partner could totally see through it if I ever lied to her (I only white lie about stuff like birthday presents). She can just look at my face and know how I'm feeling.
@@waffles3629Eh idk about that, I'm a pretty damn good liar and was never in any rough situations growing up. I guess the more you talk to people, the better you get at deception in general. Very useful skill to have imo especially for getting a job. Even if you already know how to do a job or could very quickly learn it, if you don't lie about your experience, you will always be at the bottom of the pile, and either someone actually experienced will get it instead of you, or someone else will lie, and they'll get the job, not you.
It'd be great if you didn't have to lie, but the average time that a recruiter looks at your resume is around 5 or 10 seconds. I'm not joking. If you don't make yourself stand out you'll never get it.
Love that you work with littles! I’m AuDHD & work in the public school system in occupational therapy with students I can totally relate to. So love it & I bring insight to the work just by being myself! So happy you’ve found success in your passions!!! 🌻💖🌎☮️💓💕
Interesting. I’m can’t lie for a different, yet still autism-related reason: it’s completely obvious that it’s a lie! I can’t think of a fake reality well enough on the spot, and get obviously more nervous. (This excludes jokes where the “lie” is intentionally obvious, to make people laugh)
Luckily I have a simple solution: never lying. I’d rather be trustworthy anyways. 🤷♀️
Same
It is possible for autistic people to be compulsive liars, though.
My autistic friend in the 30s lies constantly. About really stupid things.
I thought it might be because he is autistic. I am also autistic.
I eventually worked out that he was telling lies just to make himself seem more knowledgeable, and more experienced, than everyone else.
He kept lying about doing a TAFE course.
It took me a while to work out he was lying.
He also lied about having seen a musical called Waitress a couple of years ago. But I had told him about the musical six months ago, and he didn’t know what it was.
This is too simplistic. Some autistic people can be compulsive liars, and they should be called out about that.
They aren’t always lying because they are autistic. Sometimes they are just liars.
Isn't compulsive lying.... compulsive? As in, something you feel compelled to do often, automatically, without thought, or reason, or whether it benefits anyone or the answer even matters?
Lying about things to make yourself seem knowledgeable or more impressive just sounds like regular lying. It's not compulsive lying when you're choosing to do it, even if you do it often.
Wow its almost like she never said all autistic people struggle with lying.
Compulsive lying is an impulse, an urge, it comes from a habit and it’s usually for no reason. I used to be a compulsive liar (and still kinda am but I’m much better compared to when I was a little kid) and I would lie and have no reason or motive behind the lying, i would just feel a sensation to. Your friend is just a regular liar, not a compulsive one
This sounds like Theory of Mind. For some reason, when I was doing sales admin, I would routinely have issues with Salespeople and theory of mind. They really struggled with the notion that without things like "What's the client's budget?" and "When do they need it?" I would have difficulty quoting up a solution. These were grown adults with kids and mortgages, BTW.
I don't understand
he was able to "lie" about needing to finish his food, its small but something lol
tricks and lies are not the same? was he lying? was he playing? its hard for me to understand also. @@nope19568
I would call it a joke but I guess a joke is typically an exaggeration or a lie for fun purposes
I wish there were people with your level of understanding who could be my psychologist/therapist.
As I'm an adult who's undiagnosed.
Oh but tricks and lies are not the same. And you should def teach him that.
I thought you were confused? A question would be more appropriate, instead of uninformed advice. Food for thought, yum yum yum
I constantly need to remind myself that others don't know the things I so and the other way around it's probably one of the biggest reasons for conflicts and fights in my life
this is why i subconsciously consider so many people "dumb" for not knowing what i think is common knowledge
Autistic person here!! I started lying when I was 11 and My ABA therapist was so happy
That's the cutest thing I've heard all day
I wish people like you were around when I was growing up the pain of being an asd adult sucks
I found the turn thing funny because I have no idea where to turn in my own home town
I try and tell my husband "the kids don't understand 'unspoken' or 'subliminal' or 'hints'.. be direct".
I don’t have autism but I have ADHD and those spectrum’s are similar in some ways but still different and this is reliable
One of my students does this all the time, he “tricks” me in very similar ways, I always laugh and tell him he did, cuz I know he’s trying his best and it makes him so happy
As someone on the spectrum who had to learn the hard way about the disconnect between my knowledge and others', I love hidden identity/social deduction games. Because it puts into a safe framework that feeling I experience all the time, when you don't know who knows what and who knows who knows what. 😅
I mean for me, it's because it feels wrong and awkward, and my brain puts up this barrier, so I feel like I have to tell the truth.
My kid giggled so hard one day after I got him ready for bed. I went to the bathroom and during that time he had his dad help him put all his clothes back on. When I popped back in to say good night, he just giggled his head off. It was awesome.
I have autism and ADHD, and since I was the age of 4 I've been a liar due to overprotective and abusive parents, and due to lying a lot that's why nobody believed I was autistic or had ADHD
I'm autistic and I still struggle with that not everyone knows what I know
Like I sometimes just start sentences in the middle like
Me"... I didn't like that it tasted bad"
Mom"What tasted bad"
Me"The food"
Mom"What food"
Me"The hamburger"
Mom"What hamburger"
Me"From that one place we ate from"
And so on and so fourth
Now THIS is the type of pranking I can get behind
Aww that’s cute and also something I didn’t know autistic people may struggle with. Thanks for such an amazing explanation. 🥰
I’m autistic and I’m good at lying but I think that comes kinda as a coping mechanism to ease situations. I hate to say it but I lie very well and I think that part comes from being able to regulate the emotions I express very well so it’s not a ‘tell’. Those are thought out lies, though, lying on the spot is very hard for me because I’m having to process the situation and person at the same time as trying to work over in my brain what the best answer is but that’s entirely dependent on specific circumstances
that's a good way to put it - you know something others don't know
It's nice to know others learned this in a positive manner... I learned to lie because my honesty was constantly punished.
I am autistic but over the years I developed chronic lying as a safety mechanism. I had to mask all my life, both autistic traits and feelings so “no I’m fine” was a daily lie. From that it went downhill bc I noticed that everyone around me was lying, both small and big lies. From “that shirt looks beautiful” over “we’re best friends” to “I just got a pet chicken”. Everybody around me lied and most of them were bad at it. So I started lying too bc I thought that was just another social skill I didn’t understand and practiced how to lie in a way that wouldn’t be caught. In my 19 years of life I told hundreds of lies, small and big, most without even thinking about it. Three of them have been discovered as lies. Now that I realised that my lying is a cycle that I need to escape to be able to start unmasking and finding myself I am trying not to lie. I limit both small and big lies, the only lie I’ll always keep telling is the “I’m fine”.
one of the reasons i couldn’t get a diagnosis initially is my compulsive lying. A therapist broke it down and its not compulsive lying; i’m giving the EXACT answer i think they want. If my fiancé asks what I want for dinner, I’m scrambling in my brain to pick what he wants even if I dont want it. Then, I lie. I dont want Burger King. Or when a doctor asks me if something hurts, it doesn’t, but i’ve been made to feel like it SHOULD hurt? I lie, yes it hurts. Doesn’t matter if it hurts or not, if i think its supposed to, i say it does.
you remind me of my partner! i try to remind him not to tell the lie about dinner so that both of us can have our wants equally and share! its not all about me and i care about his opinion. this obviously doesnt work with strangers but letting him know he has a safe space at home and with our friends and family makes him seem so much less stressed when speaking to people 🖤
🤯😶 my family was present to celebrate my first lie at seventeen. I answered the home phone and it was a "friend" of my Ma's that she was avoiding. I told this lady that my mother was out running errands while she was actually standing in the same room as me with my sister. I still clearly remember their facial expressions nd the hand gestures my sister was making to encourage me 🤓🥸🤥😎
After I hung up the phone, they clapped and hugged me because they were so worried that I'd never learn to lie. For me, I think it was the first part, valuing honesty- I found lying to be, simply put, difficult.
GREAT VID!!❤
Theory of mind is a great milestone! Congrats kiddo!!!
Awww man. I’m unexpectedly emotional about this. Thanks for sharing ❤
My ASD, mostly non-verbal son, when caught climbing to the top shelf of a pantry for cookies, and asked “What are you doing?”
He pauses, stares briefly in a direction, and starts shaking his butt, and says, “I’m dancing!”
It was never a convincing lie, but it was a lie, and I was over the moon that he’d found his own way to say, “Look! There’s Elvis!”
I learned about the concept of deception and how to lie when I was around...6-7.
...and I have James T. Kirk to thank for it. STIII: The Search for Spock.
Klingon Lieutenant: "I thought you said you would kill me."
Kirk: "I lied."
This one exchange in the movie caused me to ask my father what Kirk meant by the that. My dad most likely also had undiagnosed Autism so his explanation was long, detailed, and could've been a thesis statement.
...aka, exactly what I needed to process and internalize the information.
Thank you, Star Trek!
My parents were always proud to tell people that I was a very honest kid. Now it all adds up.
Why did this validate some of my feelings
I am often too honest in some situations where I’d rather conceal some information or tell a lie that won’t hurt but would make the conversation more pleasant or make me seem better or improve something else. Also speaking of understanding how much information the other person knows, I tend to explain basic things to people just to make sure we’re on the same page and they often perceive that as rude (because they think I find them to be stupid, but I don’t)
this comment is too relatable, last part especially lol debilitating honesty is the scourge of my life
I am a teacher of the deaf, and I get excited when my kids talk back to me, or get in trouble for being late to something because they were talking to their friends! Iykyk