The Sneaky Side Of Covert Narcissism
Вставка
- Опубліковано 11 тра 2024
- Here are some of the covert narcissist's favorite tactics.
#narcissism #narcissist #narcissisticmindgames #covertnarcissist #controller #sneaky #gaslighter #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness
Appearing like an angel, while acting like a devil - the big con artist.
That's my ex-friend. And I declined to renew the job contract due to someone like that.
@@yukio_saito You definitely made a good choice to decline that contract, Yukio 🙏
And some covert narcissists actually have the first name Angel too😅
God sees it all. 🙏🏾
Yes they can really put on a show
Actually there’s no honest side to a narcissist… it’s just a slippery slope
Fakers and Takers.
Great TL/DR of Dr. Carter's messsge here@
I know my husband was a covert narcissist which he was sneaking and conniving all the time. It broke my heart to think he didn't want what i wanted but I made it clear when I divorced him and didn't go back on my word.
Exactly.
They never let you in. The door is locked, but yet you are invaded, with the intent to destroy. I say NO
The great pretenders!!!
"The Pretender"Jackson Browne.😢😕🤔🦨
My narcissistic ex agreed to all these plans for our future before we got married....then we got married and those were no longer the plans.
Future faking
Been there, done that! 🤥
Artificiality is a disease of the soul
It's all about them or not at all.
24/7
There should be a course on narcissism around 9th grade that lasts a week.
@@DeaconBeanDon't forget sometimes parents are the problem though, that's where schools can potentially help have a positive impact...Also it never hurts to reinforce this important educational info👍🏻.
We need a healthy interpersonal relationships course that explains all of this stuff & reinforces it for 2 weeks every year starting at 4th or 5th grade in my opinion...It's an extremely important life lesson to prepare children for adult life so their transition from being a kid to adult is smoother & a bit more gentle.
Spot on@@malwads1836
Agreed 🎯
@@DeaconBean parents can't always help unless the children see it for themselves
Yes, exactly. Sneaky/going behind your back to get your supporters to look at you in a different light. Been in that situation recently. (Actually, I'm there again☹️)
Abusers fear scrutiny of their actions by other parties than the abused.
Oh yeah, his first Target was my only daughter, and he was texting her while I was being admitted to the ER, no less!
To everyone else, they are the most supportive and wonderful person. To you, they are brutal, manipulative, revenge full, and conniving. Everyone thought that both my parents were the most amazing... little did they know how literally cruel they were. 😢
Everyone eventually gets a glimpse of what's behind their 🎭 if they stick around long enough,it's just that there's a lot of toxic types that keep hanging around🤷🏻♀️.There's plenty of other narcissistic manipulative types that are trying to use them in some way...as well as codependent enablers out there that'll keep hanging around despite the 🚩s that eventually pop up.Their unhealthy narcy behavior is a lot like 💩...They can hold it in for a while but EVENTUALLY it's going to come out & create a stink.
As my younger sister says about our narc that we share… people think the sun shines out their ass- if only they knew.
I forgive mine 😮
Same, just when I think something goes smoothly, BAM...oh yes, I'm sorry, I forgot it's not real. Most draining situation. Constantly remind myself that I don't exist to them.
Facts!!!
100% agree
And it seems that good people give them the benefit of the doubt
...Until we become more educated that is😁👍🏻.
Until they get used by the narc and get to know they are dealing with a user and abuser.
I did for years. Not anymore.
Yes, but not 100%
Charming and good natured is their “mask” while actually they are filled with envy, mean-spiritedness, and disdain. Under all that they are insecure, and have no way of coping with their insecurity other than to sabotage your success and self-esteem. The worst are sadistic, and delight in engaging in covert cruelty.
They will steal your life savings, your house, your purse, $10 dollars or a penny....they steal everything. Even my coin collection.. ridiculous....
SHE DID ALL OF THAT. I HAVE REPORTED HER TO THE AUTHORITIES AND ALL THAT SHE PLAYED HER TRICKS ON CONCERNING HER LIES TO ME.
There are their words and their actions. The two are completely disconnected in the CN.
Just who passed this through knows what narcissist is !! And it is painful 😥
"They have a heart problem" as Franklin Graham says. Their heart is ugly and evil and only God can fix it.
In the meantime, it is sooo painful.
God seems to reward these people. They get far in life. I've been working with a master narcissist for 10 years now
That's because this world belongs to Lucifer ! Jesus said this ! The kingdom is within ! Just keep praying and believing God will fix this collosal mess soon ! Thank you God !
LOL, they're deceptive from all sides! There isn't a true angle in sight.
Completely on point!!!!!
My true self compells me to learn all I can about the lying, sneaky, and conniving narcissists in my life and go no contact to protect myself from their ruthless psychological abuse.
Exhausting
God ...do I AGREE!! Im exhausted
You think you’re talking to an adult but it’s a child where yes means no and it’s all about getting away with bad behaviour and laughing about it. You feel like their mother trying to teach them to not tell lies, eat with a fork, have a bath at least once yearly. That becomes fuel for nasty gossiping behind your back about being a b*tch. That garbage isn’t sexy and you’re never going to have an adult relationship.
Make sure to lock the door when you close it. Both locks.
Thank you for your straight forward explanation. In particular wrt gaslighting.
“They’ll question your motives, ‘kindly’, when you make a mistake.”
Presumably the mistake is as judged by the narcissist’s interpretation of your actions (not one that you actually did make.)
And you may not learn about it for years. But the effects are there.
Very sneaky.
He says yes to your question, and does the upper side. So will you come on time for dinner yes he said and you can wait He will call you when you sit on the table after an hour
He always has an excuse, and it's not his fault.
But he waits till you have the dinner ready.
He laughed in his fist.
When someone else hurts your feelings he becomes friends with them, so you stand alone. Behind your back he talks about you
You are a flirt with every man, you drink a lot of wine, you are not so nice, and when they come you feel that there is something wrong, they are not so nice to you.
My nex was really bad about disparaging my character.
Right,
When someone else has hurt your feelings (or clearly has it out for you), but then they decide to go be their friend. That's so hurtful.
Hopefully, you can get away from this person.
🙏
I wish I would have known many years ago.😢
Your absolutely right
You just described my ex-husband. Too many years wasted on him!
Such a Waste of Valuable Time.
@@Kim-wt2gl😢😢😢 the whole church facade were liers and manipulators who play games with a innocent person who was lied to from the neighbors who knew who he was, almost killed me and I lost my job, house, my adult KIDS, and he lied all over, yet the sister went to attack me at my daughter's wedding...yet he can lie and manipulate me since I was 18 and abused me till the end...said I had demons and lol, he was talking about cheating on me from the beginning, after 24 hours he was yelling at me....for not a thing..
Yup 25 years wasted. Getting divorced in sept
False selves. Fraudulent phonies.
Precisely. What a day its been. Happy Mother’s Day to all the loving moms out there ❤💕🌹🌻🌸💐🕊 Thank you Dr. C. ❤️
Heja Bunny ❤ Thank you for your good wishes❣ And also for all your kind and thoughtful comments... I so hope you have some freedom and peace... although this day might be filled with painful thoughts or memories I wish you a very happy Mother's Day as well 💞 🫂🕊💛🕊💛🕊
@@roxymovie3938 Hey Roxy, it’s great to hear from you! My responses to you do not always show up. Sad about that. It was a very good day overall, as a mom! Haha. Love you ❤️💕🤗🌺🕊💐🌹🌸🫂
@@tbunnyshy1 Very glad to hear from you that you had a good Mother's Day 😊 I had to work all day and we had a candle burning all day long for the mother of my client, who died recently. But it was also a good day, very peaceful 🕊
Sadly I haven't received answers from you but I am very lucky to get one today ☺ Thank you 🥰 Love you, too 💞🫂
Happy Belated Mother's Day 🌺
@@roxymovie3938 ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this description. This is exactly what I’ve been dealing with for 30 years. Finally left.
Yes very much so ...
The woman I was with years ago decided to not renew a lease agreement for our apt not once but twice without telling me until she had another place picked out ...
The first time I dismissed it because it was a upgrade and it was not a big deal the next time however it was disrespectful because it was our 2nd year and things need to be discussed even if you are already in agreement and just need finalizing the details ...
Unbelievable the selfish side of life ...
My ex did the same thing to me, he claimed the new place was a surprise for me, but, I found out, in front of him, that he had no intention of having me move with him, when the landlord was like "oh, he told us you were staying in your old place and only he was going to move in..." 😔
@@megn1670
Sorry for your experience
Keep in mind not everyone is as cold and detached
Good luck to you
we call it "2 facesed" !!!!
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
Needed to hear this!
Brilliantly described dr Carter 😊 appearances are deceptive. That’s the covert narcisists behaviours.
It's so heartbreaking. My husband abandoned me on Jan 4th as if he never even knew me or was married to me. I had no idea this is a real thing. I'm not even sure where to go from here.
Divorcing one as we speak. Happened this Jan 1st. He discarded and physically abused and committed adulterous activities. I bear witness even before married that he might have been a CN. I was discarded at least twice before but forgave him. However...he is reaping all the wrong deeds he sowed against me and other women, friends, wife and children he abandoned long time ago. He has ALOT atone for and I saw it firsthand. This is an epidemic and these people have to atone otherwise they have to face judgment.
Mine already is facing it.
Sneaky. They call you for help or interrupt you constantly for attention. Ask what you are doing to so called ask you a dumb question. All the while say. Oh can you get me this. The whole time was to get something else. But need to make up constant frivolous things to get you in front of them to ask for something else.
Fascinating
My daughter, who you have convinced me is a covert narcissist, actually bragged to me when she was a child that she was "sneaky." I was horrified and said that maybe she meant that she was clever. She said No, she meant sneaky.
One and five are his faves, but he has done ALL of these and about 50 more.
It's a sick toxic soul. I already know.
I never understood why, I had to ask permission, and when I got it, he'd still be angry under the surface and punish me in sneaky ways. Like, saying you can get something and then destroying it when you aren't looking. It's insane.
A mirage they have their own tale tale
What's worse, they'll choose not to inform you of their plans and priorities, even when they seized control of your finances via subterfuge and perjury in a fraudulent court action they contrived ...
Wow. Thx.
They are liars... we have a tennis team dinner tonight... it is Mother's day so unlikely.
What do they mean when they say "Till death do we part".
Good question. My 82 year old mother thought my 85 year old dad could be dropped off for knee replacement surgery by my brother, because it was too early in the morning. They have been married for 60 years and how dare dad inconvenience her at 6 am in the morning. There is nothing health wise to prevent her from (not physically, anyway, shape or form).
Once you figure them out, you can never trust them again. In a marriage, It's like living with your enemy !
These are spot on. They will bring up something that happened a while back and they will use it against you. These people are sickening. I wish I had never met one.
This is greatly clarifying. They never change and they are so intentional and without a shred of self-awareness. I met mine at our son's adult birthday. I didn't know who he was. He had to tell me. When some evil has left the building I delete them. Then he walked over to compliment our kid to patronise him and lie to him again without a blush. He wants to meet up -- your video is why I won't. Love your work! It makes me feel aware and safe.
I love the end... "Why?"
Isn't that the question.
"That's what their false self compells them to be."
"The appearance of being connected with you" hit home. I knew nothing about narcissism untill my recent ex wife and her mother constantly acused others of narcissism. I ignored so many red flags in that marriage ugggg
Do they generally lack the ability to have nuanced and multifaceted conversations? I met a covert narcissistic person recently and the mirrioring to pretty in-depth conversations was memes and one-line answers, but what made the alarm bells go off was them mirroring my experience of coming out of chronic traumatisation. Like, what? After all that constant complaining and self-victimising stories?
Do they ever mean "Till death do we part"?
Yours.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thereby, not lieing. THANKS
@@SurvivingNarcissism My narc spouse said he would never get divorced. Then he cheated. He told me that he was "waiting on the couch to retire and die" and that he "knew that he was going to leave me" because "he and I werent getting along." Looking back, he did NOTHING to reconcile the 17-year "marriage" that we never even had. I, the idiot, asked him to come home, and he never tried anything to make our "marriage" work.
@@fredhoyt6900* lying
Why did my 82 year old dad acted like cops told him to keep talking to me ??? Haha
Evil entities! When you leave and start healing from narc abuse, you see everything about them is fake, and you wonder what you ever saw in them! Tho, at the same time realising the trickery held you for that period!🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
💯💯💯💯
Exactly! All the above. They Want to keep you guessing..
Don’t play!
Yes absolutely true. I've experienced all five of these narcissistic tactics thanks for your educational experience and resources. God-bless.
They break the promises all the time
Our former DIL was a totally OVERT narcissist. She never made it a secret that she loathed our son and us, and would o out of her way to make her point - both in private and public. The more she could embarrass and humiliate us, the better she liked it. We're SO relieved they're no longer together!
100%100
That’s exactly how my ex was and I was blind deaf and dumb, making excuses for him! Thank you from Australia 🇦🇺
They are completely toxic positive, it’s sickening how much they seem like they are for real, when they are not! Run the other direction as fast as you can!
I live with this and I don’t know if they know that this is them to a T, but when you point things out to them , they deny and say you’re crazy.
my Mother used to inject herself into all of my friends and business and dis me to them. Thanks to good friends, maybe half a dozen of them told me that she put me down, constantly !!! I had to pre advise people of her sick vendetta and keep her out of my life.
Their MAGGETTs from the
Your presentations are a precious blessing as source of wisdom. Listening to you reminded me of this poem that shows how narcissistic behaviours of gaslighting, love-bombing, silent treatment and hoovering were already described a couple of centuries back:
The Spider and the Fly (1829)
"Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly, "'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I have many curious things to shew when you are there." "Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."
"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high; Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly. "There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin, And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!" "Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said, They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"
Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, "Dear friend what can I do, To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you? I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice; I'm sure you're very welcome-will you please to take a slice?" "Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind sir, that cannot be, I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"
"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise, How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes! I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf, If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself." "I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you're pleased to say, And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."
The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den, For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again: So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly, And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly. Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing, "Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing; Your robes are green and purple-there's a crest upon your head; Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"
Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly, Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by; With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew, Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue- Thinking only of her crested head-poor foolish thing! At last, Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast. He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den, Within his little parlour-but she ne'er came out again!
And now dear little children, who may this story read, To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed: Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye, And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.
Mary Howitt
1799 - 1888
Wow! Thank you! This is my experience - two decades later - married with children.
I don’t know what to do, since I feel stuck. Your post is very helpful. Gotta keep your head up !
Same here. He wants "things to go back as they were..." He calls the shots, but when his decisions go south, he blatantly blames me, NEVER once has he agreed to sit down and discuss how we can work things out-not once, because 'he wasn't wrong.' His mother is exactly the same, a bully, and both children took after them. It's like living in the enemy's camp. I got food poisoning yesterday, and not once, did he come in to check on me, as I write this. He gets a paper cut, everyone must know. Zero empathy. A real empty soul. I never knew how bad he was, until he entered his 60s... A nightmare.
Had a colleague like this for seven years. Finally got fired 🎉
Most abusers go on and abuse.
These are the ones that will point 👉 the finger at you like you are the crazy one.
# even close friends and family
I have secretly wondered what this term actually meant. Thx for the definition and clarity. 😂
It’s demons that take over their mind
Thank you now I see it clearly ❤
Expert liars seems to be their only goal...and their happiness seems to come only from feeling they are getting by with lies behind your back. The Bible describes them as having reprobate minds....evil minds.
When I was young I could read my father in laws fakeness. I didn’t know anything about narcissism but he made me feel uneasy. His wife catered to his every need while he spent the majority of his life at the bar. Such a procrastinator and his wife called him the laziest man in the world. They thought they loved each other! Lol
Literally accepting that I have basically been with a covert narcissist and didn’t know it. Now that I’ve been discarded for I don’t even know the umpteenth time , I’m committed to detaching and it’s helping me to realize that yes infact it actually has been abusive and I shouldnt go back.
This is 110% my ex spouse and I’ve been no contact for 2.5 years and doing a lot of therapy. It gets better.
Your so right oh my god how did you know that some one not excepting his soulmate to go the social media that's why he is ignoring he is so mad..
SO VERY TRUE!! 💯🤝💨👍
You just described my ex husband to a T. Excellent helpful video. Thank you.
Unfortunately, I have to do this, with someone I work for. I’m not typically considered a narcissist. But, I have to feign belief and cooperation with my boss, despite the fact that his boss knows, no one on his team respects him. They’re just too inefficient to lead anyone.
So true. All of it.
Enter my boyfriend’s Mother ! He is too! Like mother like son probably passed down too
All of the above so Spot on!
Amen Counselor. Any help defining them so we know what to describe them to the Cops without unnecessary screaming curse words at them.
Straight to the point 🎉
Ain't it just the truth! It's also Tiresome. Nobody needs this
All so, so, accurate 😢
This is the name of the game with them and me!!
Dealt with this in my neighborhood.
Great video, Dr Carter. Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Wow Doc you hit the mail on the head
TY Dr. C 🎉🎉🎉
“ I don”t like ‘ol “ sneaky snake” a wiggling and a 🐍 hissin’ …”
Just went on a wild, 90 day ride with a covert narc boss who discarded, erm, fired me on Friday. He began checking all the boxes after about about 3 weeks of what I was already concerned could be boss version of love bombing. Boom! I was right, but was forced to ride it out to the bitter end. I experienced the gamut of it in that quick 90 day span from suspicion to that gut wrenching first glimpse, to people telling me I’m being paranoid, to my suffering confusion and loss of confidence, being marginalized from the team, gaslighted, and finally, discarded. Crazy!! I’m relieved, but he really screwed me financially. A real 🍆
Big red flag from one of these points: They ask you to divulge all of your wants/desires, then when you ask for theirs in return (which is being polite and normal), they say, "oh no, it's all for you, that's what I'm here for." It feels like they're paying lots of attention to you, but really, they're just mining you for information. If they don't reciprocate emotionally, don't hang around! You'll be waiting forever for something that doesn't come.
True
Appearances its all about appearance 😮😢😅
These comments are awesome.