Thank you for this. I was starting to think that it didn’t really apply to me because I was picturing this big pedestal. Then I realized this is why I feel so down and drained when I’m on social media for too long, especially with ‘mom groups’ perfect moms, with perfect homes, perfect kids. It’s their highlight reel, I need to stop using it as a measuring stick.
Thank you so much for addressing this, Kelly-Ann! I am happy to report that this is something I no longer really struggle with, but I did for a long time. I had toxic admiration for certain friends because of their talents, for family members because I saw traits I admired in them that I felt I lacked, and most CERTAINLY in the other authors in the indie publishing community who I felt were living the life I've always wanted. I never put a name to what it was I felt, but I do know that once I began my own spiritual journey a lot of that comparison and toxic admiration bullshit fell away and I learned that yes, I need to work through the shadow parts of myself but that I'm also capable of being admired for some of my own talents and traits and things in my life. And I learned that I should focus more on how these things make me feel and whether or not they serve my higher good, instead of worrying about how they affect others. Great topic, love. I truly appreciate it!
Great topic, Kelly Ann! Much more discussion needed on this, especially in the spiritual community. We seem to fall prey to worshiping at our gurus feet over and over. Or even just our spiritual colleagues without even realizing it. Keep up all your wonderful, sparkling work in the world. Your ought is very bright and much needed.
I used to do this I think. I would be like 'oh, this is who I am' when I absorbed something and thought it really was something inside me, who I was and what I wanted to be. I've since realized that I am a bit of a chameleon when it comes to certain things. And a sponge. Because I absorb things that I like and tend to imitate them. But since I have recognized and acknowledged the chameleon habits, I'm being a lot more mindful of what I do after I absorb something I like. Now I'm more like "I really like this! Now I'm going to sit with it. And think about it. And see if and how it can be incorporated into my life in a healthy and productive way. Thanks for posting! I'm off to watch the next video. ;)
I think this applies very heavily to witchcraft as well. With all the spell resources and content out there its easy to forget that you are the witch who made it happen, not the witch who wrote that blog step by step blog post teaching you about the spell.
Just last month a couple of friends and myself got to the point of "I'm ready, need to follow my dreams and make our own mark in the spiritual map in this town". Suddenly our friend/spiritual counselor who we all admire, who has given us tools and provided the path for us to get certifications, get more prepared and pushing us to go out there got REALLY upset and decided to cut herself off our lives since we have "betrayed her". It seemed like she wanted us to ask for permission and stay under her wing (even though she seemed to be pushing us to take flight)... like she didn't expected us to *actually* do something on our own... She liked the hierarchy. She liked it when she was the "master" and we were her clan, but couldn't handle us making a bigger clan at her level with no one being superior. Rather than caving in to her drama, manipulation, crying and accusing... I just said no. I let go. Even though I love her I need to follow my dream and let her deal with the shadowy stuff that this has brought up inside her. I let her know how much I admire her work and thank her for starting me up on this road... but cannot stop right now. Self love meant me recognizing I'm ready to shine on my own side by side the other people I admire, even though it meant loosing my friend and counselor. I wish I could share my successes and excitement with her but her choice was not to be here now and if the only way to get her back into my life is to accept somehow I offended her by honoring myself then no. No thanks. Not now. No.
Thanks for this. I learned it the hard way. A few years back I dumped heaps of my perceived self-worth into the relationship I had with a minor celebrity. When things went awry, I was totally devastated -- way beyond the actual realistic consequences of this relationship falling apart, because I had attached a good chunk of my "goodness" to being acquainted with this person. I totally lost perspective and it took a ton of time to heal. Fortunately, I think I learned the lesson
I think there was some of this going on between my sister and i. Just another reason i am grateful she was insightful enough to see our relationship wasnt healthy even if i couldnt see it at the time.
Thank you so much for this video. These videos you have been posting so far this month are so very relevant to me and my life and to many people's lives overall. Often-times, I find your videos more helpful in a half-hour than hours and hours I have spent in therapy. You are the best, Kelly-Ann!
I really have such great admiration for you. I have to go see a neurophychologist to help me with something that happened to me a month ago. I want to thank you do much I really can't even explain what I have been through. I may have saved my life more than once. Much love Kelly you give me hope and healing. Blessed be
Kelly-Ann I really appreciate what you do! This is exactly the video series I need this month and I bless you! It’s so nice to hear words of affirmation from a kindred spirit so thank you.
This used to be something I was guilty of...and maybe even still occasionally find myself doing. I would not do something because someone else or someone I admired had already done it and in my mind there was no way that my work would even come close to being as good as theirs so why even bother. I am so glad that I have moved away from that thought process. What I tend to do now though is give someone else all the credit without acknowledging what I contributed. I don't do it as much as I used to but I do catch myself doing it every now and then. I watched this while I was cooking so I'm going to rewatch and take notes when I have a chance to sit down because as usual there were lots of shiny bits and aha moments! Thank you ❤️
Long long time ago I created a series on shadow work with the topics of major arcana. I though needed to go through your course 29Shadows to publish my course and to be actually able to ask for money for my hard work. That started my career of a professional witchcraft teacher and nowadays shadow work is still an important part of at least one lesson in each of my courses, eventhough my topics in general are focused elsewhere. I’m always thinking of you and still thankful for the kick your shadow journey gave me on the start. Not admiring blindly, but not forgetting, how very meaningful your work was for my work ♥️
I loved the idea that idealizing someone gives you access to power you thought you didn't have yourself. Almost like using them as an archetypical power source by ignoring they have other dimensions and layers than the one you are focusing on! I feel that another important aspect is the need for validation from someone you admire. For example if you feel like you need their permission to follow your own dreams. Not goodie good! Thanks for the video. :)
That is an interesting take. Certain cases of co-dependency definitely have a lot of toxic admiration in them, but you can of course be co-dependent with someone that you actually don't admire much at all. Co-dependency is rooted in wanting to help/fix/save someone who is struggling or destructive. You may not even like that struggling/destructive person and yet you will strive to give them more than is actually healthy. I just did a video on co-dependency for Self-Love September which further explains my take on co-dependency. :)
Kelly-Ann Maddox you're exactly right about the basic nature of codependency, that's why I said it's just another form of codependency i.e. that is - a form of codependency that has an exaggerated estimation of the person they are co-dependent with which is really a reflection of their own low self-esteem. Ultimately all codependency is an unconscious fear of lack, some kind of fear-based programming. I will check out your episode on codependency that you made. Thank you. I myself have a deep appreciation of the tarot on a mythological and psychological level that can provide a self-knowledge leading to transformation and healing. Your videos provide guidance on such a journey.
ive had a few experiences on here that i have gotten close to a few who absolutely enjoyed the power stance looking back on it and when i couldnt give her what she wanted she dropped me. as i get older it becomes easier to disengage from assholes lol. it is still ahrd tho when its a very long friendship or family member to break those ties. it should be a mutual admiration society where you admire each otehr but dont hold them to unrealistic standards.
Thank you for this. I was starting to think that it didn’t really apply to me because I was picturing this big pedestal. Then I realized this is why I feel so down and drained when I’m on social media for too long, especially with ‘mom groups’ perfect moms, with perfect homes, perfect kids. It’s their highlight reel, I need to stop using it as a measuring stick.
Loving the entire series so far but this video, in particular, is pure magic! A GREAT reminder to just do ourselves and stop comparing.
Thank you so much for addressing this, Kelly-Ann! I am happy to report that this is something I no longer really struggle with, but I did for a long time. I had toxic admiration for certain friends because of their talents, for family members because I saw traits I admired in them that I felt I lacked, and most CERTAINLY in the other authors in the indie publishing community who I felt were living the life I've always wanted. I never put a name to what it was I felt, but I do know that once I began my own spiritual journey a lot of that comparison and toxic admiration bullshit fell away and I learned that yes, I need to work through the shadow parts of myself but that I'm also capable of being admired for some of my own talents and traits and things in my life. And I learned that I should focus more on how these things make me feel and whether or not they serve my higher good, instead of worrying about how they affect others. Great topic, love. I truly appreciate it!
The last line....was fabulous. Thank you Kelly-Ann
Great topic, Kelly Ann! Much more discussion needed on this, especially in the spiritual community. We seem to fall prey to worshiping at our gurus feet over and over. Or even just our spiritual colleagues without even realizing it. Keep up all your wonderful, sparkling work in the world. Your ought is very bright and much needed.
Yes, quite a few peeps in the comments have mentioned the spiritual community aspect and it's definitely valid! It's a big area for toxic admiration!
I used to do this I think. I would be like 'oh, this is who I am' when I absorbed something and thought it really was something inside me, who I was and what I wanted to be.
I've since realized that I am a bit of a chameleon when it comes to certain things. And a sponge. Because I absorb things that I like and tend to imitate them. But since I have recognized and acknowledged the chameleon habits, I'm being a lot more mindful of what I do after I absorb something I like. Now I'm more like "I really like this! Now I'm going to sit with it. And think about it. And see if and how it can be incorporated into my life in a healthy and productive way.
Thanks for posting! I'm off to watch the next video. ;)
This is such a powerful and necessary topic to discuss. Thank you.
Great subject here. I can relate , I think alot of people can. Thanks for bringing all this to the surface.
This spoke to my heart of hearts. Thank you.
I think this applies very heavily to witchcraft as well. With all the spell resources and content out there its easy to forget that you are the witch who made it happen, not the witch who wrote that blog step by step blog post teaching you about the spell.
Yesssss!
Just last month a couple of friends and myself got to the point of "I'm ready, need to follow my dreams and make our own mark in the spiritual map in this town". Suddenly our friend/spiritual counselor who we all admire, who has given us tools and provided the path for us to get certifications, get more prepared and pushing us to go out there got REALLY upset and decided to cut herself off our lives since we have "betrayed her".
It seemed like she wanted us to ask for permission and stay under her wing (even though she seemed to be pushing us to take flight)... like she didn't expected us to *actually* do something on our own... She liked the hierarchy. She liked it when she was the "master" and we were her clan, but couldn't handle us making a bigger clan at her level with no one being superior.
Rather than caving in to her drama, manipulation, crying and accusing... I just said no. I let go. Even though I love her I need to follow my dream and let her deal with the shadowy stuff that this has brought up inside her. I let her know how much I admire her work and thank her for starting me up on this road... but cannot stop right now.
Self love meant me recognizing I'm ready to shine on my own side by side the other people I admire, even though it meant loosing my friend and counselor. I wish I could share my successes and excitement with her but her choice was not to be here now and if the only way to get her back into my life is to accept somehow I offended her by honoring myself then no. No thanks. Not now. No.
Thanks for this. I learned it the hard way. A few years back I dumped heaps of my perceived self-worth into the relationship I had with a minor celebrity. When things went awry, I was totally devastated -- way beyond the actual realistic consequences of this relationship falling apart, because I had attached a good chunk of my "goodness" to being acquainted with this person. I totally lost perspective and it took a ton of time to heal. Fortunately, I think I learned the lesson
Thank you this really helps, give in, and give out apprications.
I think there was some of this going on between my sister and i. Just another reason i am grateful she was insightful enough to see our relationship wasnt healthy even if i couldnt see it at the time.
I'm glad she sensed that something needed to change. Bless you both!
Thank you Kelly-Ann. You have me thinking about who I have admired and if my admiration has been healthy or helpful to me.
Loved this video , some really good points made. A few aha moments 💖
Thank you so much for this video. These videos you have been posting so far this month are so very relevant to me and my life and to many people's lives overall. Often-times, I find your videos more helpful in a half-hour than hours and hours I have spent in therapy. You are the best, Kelly-Ann!
This comment melted my heart. Thank you! Glad the resources have helped! x
I really have such great admiration for you. I have to go see a neurophychologist to help me with something that happened to me a month ago. I want to thank you do much I really can't even explain what I have been through. I may have saved my life more than once. Much love Kelly you give me hope and healing. Blessed be
Kelly-Ann I really appreciate what you do! This is exactly the video series I need this month and I bless you! It’s so nice to hear words of affirmation from a kindred spirit so thank you.
This used to be something I was guilty of...and maybe even still occasionally find myself doing. I would not do something because someone else or someone I admired had already done it and in my mind there was no way that my work would even come close to being as good as theirs so why even bother. I am so glad that I have moved away from that thought process. What I tend to do now though is give someone else all the credit without acknowledging what I contributed. I don't do it as much as I used to but I do catch myself doing it every now and then.
I watched this while I was cooking so I'm going to rewatch and take notes when I have a chance to sit down because as usual there were lots of shiny bits and aha moments! Thank you ❤️
Oh man, this is so on-point sis. I really appreciate you talking about this. Appreciate your consistent realness.
Such a great topic! Thanks Kelly-Ann 💕
Long long time ago I created a series on shadow work with the topics of major arcana. I though needed to go through your course 29Shadows to publish my course and to be actually able to ask for money for my hard work. That started my career of a professional witchcraft teacher and nowadays shadow work is still an important part of at least one lesson in each of my courses, eventhough my topics in general are focused elsewhere. I’m always thinking of you and still thankful for the kick your shadow journey gave me on the start. Not admiring blindly, but not forgetting, how very meaningful your work was for my work ♥️
I loved the idea that idealizing someone gives you access to power you thought you didn't have yourself. Almost like using them as an archetypical power source by ignoring they have other dimensions and layers than the one you are focusing on! I feel that another important aspect is the need for validation from someone you admire. For example if you feel like you need their permission to follow your own dreams. Not goodie good! Thanks for the video. :)
You are so right. It goes for our spiritual practice too.
True!
So much good content here. THANK YOU Kelly-Ann!!!
I love your channel thank you for the content💞💋🐱💘
Toxic admiration, excellent video. Blessings to you and all that you love. Twinkle Tart.
Im such a trickletart😊
Toxic admiration is just another form of codependency.
That is an interesting take. Certain cases of co-dependency definitely have a lot of toxic admiration in them, but you can of course be co-dependent with someone that you actually don't admire much at all. Co-dependency is rooted in wanting to help/fix/save someone who is struggling or destructive. You may not even like that struggling/destructive person and yet you will strive to give them more than is actually healthy.
I just did a video on co-dependency for Self-Love September which further explains my take on co-dependency. :)
Kelly-Ann Maddox you're exactly right about the basic nature of codependency, that's why I said it's just another form of codependency i.e. that is - a form of codependency that has an exaggerated estimation of the person they are co-dependent with which is really a reflection of their own low self-esteem. Ultimately all codependency is an unconscious fear of lack, some kind of fear-based programming. I will check out your episode on codependency that you made. Thank you. I myself have a deep appreciation of the tarot on a mythological and psychological level that can provide a self-knowledge leading to transformation and healing. Your videos provide guidance on such a journey.
This is so true 😉 👍
ive had a few experiences on here that i have gotten close to a few who absolutely enjoyed the power stance looking back on it and when i couldnt give her what she wanted she dropped me. as i get older it becomes easier to disengage from assholes lol. it is still ahrd tho when its a very long friendship or family member to break those ties. it should be a mutual admiration society where you admire each otehr but dont hold them to unrealistic standards.
👏👏👏👏