I have ADHD, kids sometimes were mean in school even though they didn't even know that I had it- I can't imagine how many people will bully her when they do and use it as an excuse to bully her. Her behaviour isn't going to help her make friends, and her Mother is enabling a horrible future for her. Not only that, but now Emma is essentially ostracized from her family and will be looked poorly upon for a long time. Her Dad needs to take her away from her Mom, she is clearly narcissistic and seems to be jealous that her Brother's relationship is better than hers.
Yeah,her mother doing no favours by enabling her behaviour. If Regina and her husband got divorced i hope the husband got custody and make emma get some kind of therapy to straighten her up.
I have ADHD, my 14-year-son too. I'll never justify this kind of behavior. ADHD is not a pass to be a jerk or behave poorly. Yes, some behaviors come directly from it, but not all. When my son was a kid and behave like a little a**hole, he was told that was wrong, why it was wrong and that if he continues, he'll be punished. That's not a free ride !! English is not my native language, sorry 😅
It's more than likely going to be the other way around. If there's one thing that kids hate, it's a peer who thinks that it's their way or the highway. This is basically the kind of kid that gets blacklisted from coming to any social events.
Oh yeah ,this week or the week before on TT some girl came on with a dancing vid and it was gaining likes ,cue the person she bullied in school finding and calling her out ,no matter how much she doubles down it won't change that now there is nowhere to hide as a bully .
It's more than just being a bully because bullies like to put themselves in a good light in front of others in order to curry favourtism; Regina has mental health issues going on.
Jeeze, Regina is using Emma as both a weapon to use against OP and a shield to defend herself from blowback. And speaking as someone with ADHD, there's no way my parents would've ever let me use it as an excuse to be a brat.
Adding in the fact that she is supposedly the golden child of his side of the family and Regina basically is going to get a free pass to always do what she wants, or use emotional guilt trips as to why she and her precious daughter are being excluded. 🙄
@@SnowyWolborg That is what I was happily surprised about though. The entire immediate *and* extended families supported OP (minus the 5%, most of whom seemed to feel bad for Emma and not Regina.) This is one of the few posts I’ve seen where the golden child was actually called out by those that usually supported/encouraged they’re bad behavior. I’m actually really impressed with the family (both sides) because they didn’t let SIL pull off her shenanigans! Like you said, I thought she’d get a free pass like we see so many golden children get. Thankfully, I was wrong for once! Even *OP* was surprised at the lack of pushback there was from the email telling everyone that SIL & niece were uninvited and banned from the wedding. It looks like OP has and is marrying into family that respect and care about her. Three cheers for families that respect boundaries! Hip hip HOORAY! 🎉
I have ADHD, too, and this is insane! There is NO WAY that she can blame her behavior on her having ADHD! She's just a brat and following in her bullying mother's footsteps!
Sadly many do. Probably without realizing it too. "My special child with special needs has to have special treatment". Many parents, usually the mothers, completely lose themselves in the new role of "Mother of Special Needs Kid", always played to a captive audience. It becomes their new life mission, because THEY can get attention, or play the victim, and in the long run, the child him/herself is actually made more disabled. In more seriously disabled cases, if the child passes away, the mother or primary caregiver who's been getting all this special attention ends up finding some other cause to garner sympathy. It's almost as though the adult is more disabled than the child, or has some form of mental illness themselves. Very sad.
@@Kayenne54 that’s something my mom doesn’t agree with. My mom still treated me the same way as my siblings, though I needed more help sometimes. If my mom caught me acting like this( I used to mimic people a lot as a child) she’d give me a good spanking.
My eldest son has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), his twin sister has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), and my 15 year old has IHDD (Inattentive Hyperactive Deficit Disorder). Plus, all three are high functioning Aspbergers. None of them have EVER had a behavior problem, were rude, nor disrespectful. Your niece is behaving the way she is, because of her mother.
@@ettinakitten5047All three she listed are under the diagnosis of ADHD now. ADD is an outdated diagnosis that got combined under ADHD & Aspergers is also outdated it’s just under the diagnosis of autism now. The term is discouraged since it’s named after a N*zi eugenicist 🤢
@@jakemarie828 well to be fair emma doing that by encouragement from her mom. Imagine if emma have better parental figure than regina, emma will not turn out to be like this.
@@hi_stranger9156 I feel like that'll only happen if her dad divorces her bitchbag mother and takes sole custody of her. But until then I see a lot of trips to detention and or the principal's office in this kid's future. That and picking fights with other kids.
@@jakemarie828 Emma is a child who probably doesn’t know the gravity of what she’s saying, just that her mom, who’s most likely her role model, encourages her to do it. She’s 10. She’s being a brat, but at this age and with the way her mom acts, it’s her moms fault.
I loved Jay's added note, "thanks for putting a smile on my wife's face, I've got it from here 😊" has to be one of the greatest lines I've read in one of these posts.
I was doing fine until Jay's update. Then someone started cutting onions in my house. They both sound like keepers, wishing them a lifetime of happiness.
Speaking as someone who has ADHD, OP can absolutely still tell her what to do. Regina's behaviour toward her daughter is only going to hurt Emma in the long-run if nothing is done.
Ditto. We need *more* structure (with appropriate outlets) in order to learn to manage ADHD, not be allowed to run wild with whatever whim passes through our brains.
@@redessa01 exactly! We thrive when we've got the right amount of structure! When the pandemic started, I struggled so much during the initial lockdown measures in my province because we were working from home. It was great for some, but with ADHD, a messy space, and two cats (one of whom was ***VERY*** vocal about wanting to be outside), it just wasn't conducive. I wound up going back to the office a few weeks before everyone else as a direct result, which definitely helped some.
Yeah,Regina doing no favours by enabling Emma instead of straighten her up. If Regina and her husband got divorced i hope the husband got custody of Emma and get her into therapy or something.
I have ADHD, too, and didn't find out until my *20s.* Spent my whole life trying, and often failing, to be a good kid. Still *tried* and learned how to mostly function. People who use their disabilities as an excuse to be assholes piss me off.
@@brigidtheirish define being a good kid, for me it was not difficult, being a sociable one was just a no for me, few friends, but all worthy. Studying, I figured out I just needed to study every subject in parallel, did you knew our brains work with parallelism? You can control with what you are distracted, so, if you need to study just have a few different topics at once instead of what a normal person does of studying one at a time. The biggest problem for people with ADHD is that we don't have much data, I remember how I read tests and started wherever while having in my mind the whole test, going from one question to another in a non linear manner, it was easy and I ended quickly, but when I had a linear test (in base of the answer on question 1 you do the 2nd one) I was screwed, lucky for me, almost every test is non linear.
I hope this is the wake-up call for the husband to get a divorce and to get full custody of their daughter. She is abusing her child and is being a detriment to the development of that child as well. She's incapable of being a mother, and honestly she sounds like a narcissist and that child is going to need so much therapy now and if she's continued to be in that child's life that child will need more extensive therapy down the line.
He needs to see the video, at least. If his wife was encouraging his 10 year old daughter to say sexually inappropriate comments, then he needs to remove her from their home.
OP doesn't think she'll remember this and will get over this- I'm telling you, Emma absolutely will not (the skit sure, the uninvited bit, no). This is going to be a core memory for her and she is going to look back with shame and anger at herself. I'm sorta annoyed at OP for texting her thay she wouldn't be coming (TBH she should have only said that to her Mom, that was a little weird) and not realising that her niece is going through narcissistic abuse. She should have spoken to Regina's husband more and told him to step up, especially Jay. The common dominator is that no adult is really doing anything for Emma or giving her the support and help she needs right now. As someone with ADHD I see so often how Neurotypical people don't understand ADHD pass "being hyper and annoying", we have very good memories and can hold on to these traumatic events with self-loathing. Yes Emma is ideally old enough to know she's being rude, but her Mom is a nut and has taught her by completely different "standards" and is abusing her and manipulating her.
I feel terrible for Emma. Her mom is raising her in a way that will ensure she has no friends. People with adhd like myself often have an awful time trying to make friends. Emma's Mom is making that so much harder for her. But OP is NTA in any way. OP doesn't deserve to be insulted at her own wedding. That's terrible.
... I really hope Emma's dad gets full custody, I don't see how Regina's leniency is going to prepare Emma for the future. (At the same time, MAN how I wish I could've been a fly on the wall watching Regina go completely ape crap.)
I said it before and I'll say it again: Psychlogical disorders are reason for problematic behaviour but not an excuse for them. Once you have a diagnosis, it is your responsibility to be aware of its impact on your actions, reflect on yourself and try to prevent it from having a negative impact on yourself and others. If you cannot do that, you need to learn it. It's okay if you fail sometimes, as long as you continue to try. That's that.
This is what Regina should be teaching her daughter instead of allowing the diagnosis to determine her behavior. NO ONE else will excuse that bad behavior. Soon enough, Regina will rue the day she made the decision to tolerate the bad behavior as if there was nothing that could be done about it. In the olden days, parents knew how to deal with it - and it was NOT with medication!
That reminded me of a reddit AITA post where OP had his daughter diagnosed with autism and he and his wife didn't tell her till later during her middle school years when she found out. You can guess what the verdict was.
It’s even worse because “bullying” is not an ADHD trait. Yes, people with ADHD often miss social cues, but that’s very different to being deliberately cruel. As for climbing on the furniture, it’s the responsibility of the parents to provide a non-destructive outlet for their daughter’s hyperactivity and sensory dysregulation.
Emma is going to be in for such a rude awakening if she thinks that "I have ADHD, you can't tell me what to do!" line will get her off the hook when she gets to adulthood.
Wonder if there'll be a kid who pulls the same excuse at her school next year... and they'll meet on the playground. That'll be an epic smackdown. Kids like this don't seem to get it through their heads unless one of their peers literally smacks the crap out of 'em. I'd love to know what the hell is in mom's head (if anything at all) that she'd let this happen. Was her goal in life to be a troublesome little turd? She should've aspired for more.
Yep She’s just going to get bullied back and mocked for it no doubt. I hope her father straighten her out because that kid is going to be eaten alive if she keeps using her ADHD as an excuse.
My husband and I both have ADHD. The thing about this disorder - sometimes you don’t even know when you’re boundary stomping or missing cues. Especially as a child - not only CAN other people tell you what to do, sometimes they SHOULD or even HAVE TO. That’s how you learn what is appropriate and how to start controlling your tendencies.
Wanting to insult the bride or groom at the wedding for no real reason is bad enough but trying to use their child to do it is just awful. Literally trying to use their child as a way to hurt people, yikes
Story 1: ADD, ADHD can and are meant to be managed, it's not an excuse for being a bully or a brat. Regina is enabling a bully and an entitled brat. Why have an insult comedy act at a wedding? NTA, songs, poems, and sweet speeches are normal for weddings. Hire security for the wedding and uninvite her? Don't let Regina spin the story to others. Yes, the family may not pick your side but let them decide with the right information. A very happy update.
You ask why have an insult act? This may be the reason - apparently OP is a big woman. Regina is a toxic bully - she sees OP as a ready target, and OP says she doesn't like confrontation, and she's bee "walked on" before. Vicious bullies like Regina LOVE people like that - it's so much fun being mean! I wouldn't have wanted to be a 6th grade girl in Regina's class.
I would say to my sister this is a wedding not a stand-up comedy club. It is very appropriate to have somebody sing at a wedding. It is not appropriate for a comedy routine. I would look her straight now and say if you're old enough to make that statement you're old enough to know you're doing something wrong. And when your sister gets in your face just remind her what you're doing is enabling her behavior and when she gets older you're going to pay for it.
@@immapotato1 I wouldn't go that far with it yet, they do have a troubled daughter after all. Hubby sounds like a decent enough guy to put effort to try fixing things so some form of counseling sounds like the most likely next step.
Regina is ridiculously entitled and she’s raising an entitled child who uses her ADHD as an excuse to be boorish and inappropriate. I’m really sorry for Emma. She’s going to have a tough life.
Omg her using Emma's adhd as an excuse is disgusting. I raised 2 boys with adhd and the one thing i never let them do is use that as an excuse for anything.
That ending was beautiful. For the first time, and ENTIRE family knew right from wrong. I grew up in this type of family. So it just blows my mind when I read stories of families who would rather everyone pretend nothing happened than actually deal with the ONE person that causes problems.
I would've lost my temper with Regina and Emma and told Regina that if her kid pulls any kind of stunt at the wedding, Emma is going to get a switch across the backside, and Regina is going to get cracked upside the head.
I am a teacher and have many students with ADHD and I have ADHD and none of us act that way. Only knew one student that acts like that and she suffered from several mental illnesses.
I not only love both OP and Jay, but also both of their families (minus Regina and Emma) and friends that listened and understood what they were saying (minus the 5% that didn't till the wedding I'm guessing) and how they respected OP and Jay's wishes and boundaries and went along with their plans.
This is what I love about your channel! Other channels might have the first bit, but you have not only the updates, but curated info and some light-hearted, warm, witty, and wise comments to wrap it all up. Thank you for being you!
1st story- NTA. Regina is mad she was not allowed to bully you. She wants to use her daughter as her attack dog to bully OP. If Regina says it's not fair, tell her "as an adult you should know life isn't fair".
What I would have done if the event happened (me being one of OP's friends/relatives) is to say in a high voice so that the sister hears stuff like "this is why some people shouldn't be mothers" or "incompetent mothers should spend more time teaching her kids instead of wasting time doing their nails".
I just don't get it at all.. How is it that others, NOT EVEN PAYING, think they get to tell you what you can and cannot have at your wedding? A no thank you is that, no thank you... I would be like look, I'm stressed enough, we agreed to a song but no, I don't want comedy even by a professional at our wedding.. Please don't make things more stressful than they already is...
Edit: This ended up being a novel. Seriously. I guess I’m more involved and passionate about children’s individuality & using neurodivergence as an excuse than I thought lol. Apparently I took Regina & Emma’s behavior personally. 🤣 I have 2 teenage daughters (one who’s neurodivergent) and am incredibly close to my little brother (21 years younger than me, also neurodivergent.) My opinions on Emma and her behavior are based on my personal experiences with preteen/teenage girls and children/preteens with ADD and/or ADHD: I do feel bad for Emma and know she has a rough road ahead of her, but even a 10-year-old knows that bullying hurts people. She was told she was being hurtful, and I don’t doubt for a second that she knows calling someone an elephant (fat/large) is mean. Obviously, a 10-year-old is a child and therefore has less mental capacity than an adult, but that does *not* mean she’s ignorant to what she’s doing. It’s not all one or the other. Children are sponges *and* have minds of their own (especially older ones.) They can be easily swayed *and* be responsible for their own actions. She is not the victim nor do I feel bad for her _in this specific situation,_ but I’m not heartless. I do pity her because her mother is making sure she’ll be a victim of life, her entire life. I hope she can break free of her mother’s mindset before than (because she _can_ see the effect her actions have on people, even as a child). And- I shouldn’t have to say this- ADHD is _not_ an excuse for poor/hurtful behavior. It can occasionally _explain_ questionable behavior and/or actions, but it is never a valid excuse. My incredibly sweet, amazingly intelligent brother has *severe* ADHD. He has outbursts of violence/anger sometimes. These instances are approached with understanding and empathy, but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences. My little brother struggles sometimes (don’t we all?) and will deal with specific challenges throughout his life that are directly correlated to his diagnoses; it doesn’t feel good to have to discipline him when he feels guilty after losing control, but letting him run around consequence free will hurt him, not help him. Regina is doing Emma NO favors. Side note: I rarely have to discipline my brother because, well, I’m his sister & don’t live with him, but there have been times where he’s been violent with himself (never punished for that, of course) or others, and I had to step up. It doesn’t feel good. I wish I could just let everything go, but that’s not fair to him or the people he hurts. My daughter is also neurodivergent, but being neurodivergent is not the same for everyone at all. She doesn’t face the same struggles my brother does, and addressing her challenges are thankfully more cut and dried. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle, but just like my brother, she can’t use neurodivergence as an excuse either. I expect more from them than falling back on “but I’m _____.” to use as an excuse. Diagnoses don’t define them.
I really feel bad for Regina's husband too. He's pretty much stuck with a crazy women that's poisoning their daughter with her behavior. Unfortunately its hard to for men to get full custody if he leaves her so I doubt he can do much to change the bad influence the mom is having on the daughter if he cant get it. It'll likely be directed at him too if he leaves (which she already bad mouths him behind his bac). Still hope he tries his best in that inevitable divorce. I'd advise him to start gathering all that evidence of her toxic behavior now.
Yikes!!!!! Regina is horrible on so many levels!!! 1. She’s hurting her daughter’s future by enabling and even encouraging Emma’s poor behaviour. 2. She’s trying to hurt her future S-I-L via Emma. And even if hurt is not really her intention, Regina HAS to know that OP wouldn’t care for those sorts of “jokes” at OP’s own wedding. 3. Regardless of OP’s opinion of how Regina feels about Katie, Regina’s behaviour still shows a competitive attitude towards the cousins.
I have ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and may be on the Spectrum. My mother and father would never allow me to behave that way as a child. And I’m glad. I’m a better adult because of it.
Kids with ADHD need lots of care and help so they can grow up into the kind of people others want to know and have in their lives. A mother like Regina is practically sabotaging her child by encouraging her to act like a toddler, same as parents who do nothing when a kid has a tantrum or something.
Doing nothing is actually a fairly good way to handle many tantrums. This is more like giving in to the tantrum. People with ADHD often fail to notice social cues. That’s very different from deliberate cruelty:
My sister pulled something like this at my father's funeral. She had her meltdown on me in front of both sides of the extended family who she had cultivated since our childhood. My family are all those quiet people who's actions speak louder than words. The next family event had a very different atmosphere lol
I hate parents who try to use ADHD as an excuse for poor behavior and obvious poor parenting. As someone with ADHD my mom never would have allowed me to act that way and certainly wouldn't excuse it away. Good on OP and her husband for uninviting his toxic sister.
The mom lied about ADHD her husband was mad his wife lied about their daughter having ADHD to let her daughter do what whatever she want so she think that fake excuse can make her not parenting her daughter to try make look her less bad mom that she is while trying make her future Sister in law miserable lucky their family actually trying her and her daughter stop their toxic so there might be hope for the daughter because of her father look like he didn't know what his wife and daughter were doing plus with the lied about ADHD look like he wasn't having it his wife did back down went home with him sorry this was long.
I think that's these reddit stories have such a large audience. You read them and think either 'I feel that, been there' so it's validating and maybe even gives some advice to take away or 'thank God I've never had to deal with that kind of circus" and feel better about your own burdens now that they don't seem near as heavy.
I hope Emma's father fights for custody and removes her from this terrible influence of a mother that's gonna destroy Emmas life. though that seems unlikely. i'm happy that the wedding turned out beautiful. ❤
I’m glad everything turned out well for OP, but lord, I wanted to shake her! Mostly because she reminded me of my younger self: a doormat to everyone. Eventually, I learned that people can only treat you like a doormat *if you lay down for them,* and got up off the floor and started standing up for myself. I hope OP takes this experience as her wake up call and starts standing up for herself more, too! I do feel sorry for Emma, though. Hope her mother has her own wake-up call and starts raising her more responsibly.
I'm 61. I had my childhood in an era when all the parents in the neighborhood rallied together to keep an eye on all the kids. And, by God we Listened to what they said. Every parent had the right to our respect and good behavior. Because if MY parents ever heard that we had back talked another parent, they would've KILLED us!
This story is why I listen to your Stories. Such a great support network and In Laws who actually see the Truth. A fiendish bully is neutralized . I am so happy that monsters husband is on to her. What a Guy- he sure deserves better :)
NTA for saving the wedding guests from a 10 minute comedy routine, by a 10 year old child, after a wedding. We just want to eat, drink dance, and take pictures, not force laughter over stomach growls.
1. Actually, OP is doing the girl a favor by preventing the skit and saving her humiliation and embarrassment when no one finds her funny or endearing. After all the shenagigans, OP did the right thing disinviting the two. They need psychological help.
I feel so bad for Emma. I saw a lot people in the comments saying "she's 10, she should know right from wrong" but what I think a lot of people are missing is empathy, right/wrong, mean/nice are all learned/taught behaviors. If your main parental figure is enabling, encouraging even this mean/bad behaviors then does she really "know" right from wrong? Hopefully her dad can see just how far this has gotten and put some distance between the two of them and be more present in her life.
That little girl is going to have a hell of a hard life because her mom is letting her use her flaws as an excuse and acting like a victim when she obviously is not
Man I cant imagine being such an entitled immature brat that you would still show up to a wedding that 95% of your family agree that you shouldn't come to. She only embarresed herself in front of everyone and completely proved why OP didnt invit her to the family. To think she wants to bully OP that badly shows she needs help and they have to go no contact after that.
Good for you, Mr. & Mrs. Jay! I loved the way you stated in your mass email that if people don't agree with your choice, "that's fine". Yes, and it's also brilliant. It says "you get to disagree with us, and we get to not care". You two are my heroes. Blessings for a long and happy marriage.
Gee...I wonder why Regina's husband and Emma's dad doesn't pay any attention to either of them...😑 everyone should follow his lead and just ignore them
A ten year old knows the difference between right and wrong. Trying to use the disability card to excuse bad behavior, in advance, is a major red flag. One solution. Arm a bride's maid or groom with a super soaker, and make sure the mother/daughter team know it's for them. (Be careful to keep it a secret before the event.)
Emma: I have adhd, you can’t tell me what to do. Well Emma if another child ever smacks you in the face, don’t have a go at that child or get your mother to have a go at that child because they can just say, I have x and you can’t tell me what to do.
listen, the last update not being dramatic for op and her husband is great, the REAL dramatic update will be in a few months in regards to Regina's marriage because her husband looks ready to grab their kid and runaway.
If I were you, OP, Please lawyer up and tell your SIL that you'll take her to court. It's the last resort and I suggest it be done. Tell Regina that she'll go to court for compensation for attempted to ruin the wedding. And attempted bullying and Harassment. Drag Emma into the mix and I'll tell you, Regina will realize she's in a serious mess now. Hopefully her hubby will divorce her asap.
Fingers crossed that Emma can see her mother as the toxic person who has been working to make her a carbon copy that can happen I have no idea how the extended family can help though 😢
my brother and I have ADHD and my brother was so hyperactive I was misdiagnosed as just ADD for a long time because I looked so calm standing next to him. You know what our parents did? Found things we COULD climb on and redirected. Let us run to a stop sign they could see and back while they talked to the other adults. Shut our aunt and grandmother up when they tried to shame us for pacing, but backed them up when we hung off the handrails of the stairs. Let us watch TV upside-down at home and tell us that wasn't appropriate guest behavior when we were elsewhere. They MANAGED it. I was taught how to redirect and self regulate. Which makes me a functional adult that doesn't need other people to accommodate me everywhere I go.
Reggina is a bully ... Reggina is teaching her daughter to be one with her condition as her shield (honestly, what this reminds me off? *see the loud part of the LGBT and feminist groups* ). In other words, Reggina deserves a beatdown in front of her daughter and said to the daughter: "see? this is what happen to bullies like your mother ... would you be a bully too?" and square off a good headbutt into Reggina. Actions has consequences and Reggina needs to learn it THE HARD WAY. Putting my personal though, i hope Regina's husband divorce her a*s and take his daughter custody.
If the kid is gonna yell at me in my own house after i told them to stop jumping on my sht. You can bet damn well that child is about to hear an adult tell her what she can and cannot do. And the individual responsible for it would be cut off until they get their sht under control. End of story.
Sadly, this happens a lot with parents of ND kids. They think we're all babies and need to constantly be babied forever to the point where they think us knowing right from wrong is a challenge or something we are incapable of. The child in this story is being enabled to be spoiled and a bully and is being taught that using her neurodivergency as an excuse is okay and people shouldn't expect her to have manners or be nice. I hope the daughter won't turn out like her mother and when she is older, realize what her mom is doing.
Mary better be getting some awesome-ass Christmas/birthday presents from OP and Jay from now on. Her interference changed the course of events in very significant ways.
I've always wanted to see a wedding story where the bride and groom politely expose the wedding drama so the troublemaker can't farm sympathy. It's understandable to think family conflicts should be kept private, but there's no good reason to let a liar set the narrative. OP did the right thing.
Regina's husband should already know what to do. Divorce, simple as that and demand full custody of Emma so he can set her straight. With the family's help I'm sure Emma will get the idea really fuckin quick that her attitude her mom instilled into her is getting her nowhere.
Pre update here, but if I saw a video where a relative was coaching their kid to do a "comedy routine" that was just a bunch of veiled digs, that relative and their kid would no longer be invited to the wedding. Immediately. Don't care how many people would be upset to hear that someone got uninvited, don't care how many burly security guards I'd have to hire to keep them out. That is just not acceptable. Post update edit: phew, a good ending. I'm glad OP and her husband could have the wedding they wanted and deserved!
My daughter has severe ADHD and there's NO WAY IN HELL, she would have jumped on furniture, and when told to '!stop!' She talk back by saying "I have ADHD, you can't tell what to do!" O'MY LORD! I would have put something on her ajax wouldn't be able to take off!!
I'm so frustrated with the "You can't tell me what to do, I have ADHD!" I've seen lesser levels of this around me ("oh he's just rowdy because of his ADHD, you can't really expect him to calm down, it's hard for him not to KICK HIS BROTHER" and I'm not having it. My brother has it and yet somehow he was kept to the same rules as my other brother.
NTA, didn't need more than a minute. Regina didn't ask for OP's permission, she gave orders. She can go be a Karen at someone else's wedding. Full story: I'm so glad OP finally grew a pair! Also glad the family & friends had her back, and the wedding went without a hitch. Next and final step is to block Regina and her hellspawn everywhere. I hope Regina's husband divorces her.
Regina is a bully and coward. Her family wouldn’t let her openly make fun of OP anymore so she used her young daughter to do it for her. Disgusting. I also feel bad for the daughter. With her mother teaching her to be such a terrible person, her life is going to be a difficult and lonely one.
Imagine being this miserable inside that you have to try and take over someone else’s wedding and ruin it for them. How pathetic do you have to be to do something like this? This is definitely a case of misery loving company. She’s miserable and wants everyone around her that way too. Her mother and father should have stepped up and put that girl in her place. I don’t care how old she is-she needs a good tough phone call and to be yelled at by her parents! Shame on that adult woman acting like a toddler having a meltdown 😣
I'm HATE when parents use ADHD as an excuse for being lazy AF when it comes to raising their kids. I'm ADHD still have ADHD as an Adult. NOT ONCE did my mom use it as an excuse to get away with bad behavior.
I hope OP holds onto all the evidence of what the SIL and her daughter did. It will be great evidence for the divorce that must be coming as well as taking that little girl away from the woman turning her into a monster.
Regina sounds like a narcissist and manipulator who just wants all the attention and make herself look better. And I have a feeling the daughter got reamed out my her father and grounded. I can’t imagine this marriage surviving by the end of the year.
Regina needs to be removed from the equation. She's clearly failing her child and the father needs to be even more hands-on with her to get this behavior straightened out... even if that means persuing sole custody. Regina is setting Emma up for a life of troubles and suffering. She's not fit to be a parent.
![[FULL STORY] My mother in law is obsessed with my wedding dress.](/img/n.gif)
"You can't tell me what to do, I have ADHD!"
Yep, this kid is going to be in for a wild ride when uncaring peers and bullies find her.
I have ADHD, kids sometimes were mean in school even though they didn't even know that I had it- I can't imagine how many people will bully her when they do and use it as an excuse to bully her. Her behaviour isn't going to help her make friends, and her Mother is enabling a horrible future for her. Not only that, but now Emma is essentially ostracized from her family and will be looked poorly upon for a long time. Her Dad needs to take her away from her Mom, she is clearly narcissistic and seems to be jealous that her Brother's relationship is better than hers.
Yeah,her mother doing no favours by enabling her behaviour. If Regina and her husband got divorced i hope the husband got custody and make emma get some kind of therapy to straighten her up.
"That's too bad, now get out of my house."
She's gonna get creamed in high school
I have ADHD, my 14-year-son too. I'll never justify this kind of behavior. ADHD is not a pass to be a jerk or behave poorly. Yes, some behaviors come directly from it, but not all. When my son was a kid and behave like a little a**hole, he was told that was wrong, why it was wrong and that if he continues, he'll be punished. That's not a free ride !!
English is not my native language, sorry 😅
Regina is teaching her daughter to be a bully. That child is going to have a really hard life
It's more than likely going to be the other way around. If there's one thing that kids hate, it's a peer who thinks that it's their way or the highway. This is basically the kind of kid that gets blacklisted from coming to any social events.
Oh yeah ,this week or the week before on TT some girl came on with a dancing vid and it was gaining likes ,cue the person she bullied in school finding and calling her out ,no matter how much she doubles down it won't change that now there is nowhere to hide as a bully .
@@SnowyWolborg Well, that and she's going to get beaten up in school. (I don't blame the other kids if they do. Hell, I almost wanna beat her up!)
It's more than just being a bully because bullies like to put themselves in a good light in front of others in order to curry favourtism; Regina has mental health issues going on.
She will probably get her face punched eventually.
Jeeze, Regina is using Emma as both a weapon to use against OP and a shield to defend herself from blowback.
And speaking as someone with ADHD, there's no way my parents would've ever let me use it as an excuse to be a brat.
Adding in the fact that she is supposedly the golden child of his side of the family and Regina basically is going to get a free pass to always do what she wants, or use emotional guilt trips as to why she and her precious daughter are being excluded. 🙄
@@SnowyWolborg That is what I was happily surprised about though. The entire immediate *and* extended families supported OP (minus the 5%, most of whom seemed to feel bad for Emma and not Regina.) This is one of the few posts I’ve seen where the golden child was actually called out by those that usually supported/encouraged they’re bad behavior.
I’m actually really impressed with the family (both sides) because they didn’t let SIL pull off her shenanigans! Like you said, I thought she’d get a free pass like we see so many golden children get. Thankfully, I was wrong for once! Even *OP* was surprised at the lack of pushback there was from the email telling everyone that SIL & niece were uninvited and banned from the wedding.
It looks like OP has and is marrying into family that respect and care about her.
Three cheers for families that respect boundaries! Hip hip HOORAY! 🎉
I have ADHD, too, and this is insane! There is NO WAY that she can blame her behavior on her having ADHD! She's just a brat and following in her bullying mother's footsteps!
Sadly many do. Probably without realizing it too. "My special child with special needs has to have special treatment". Many parents, usually the mothers, completely lose themselves in the new role of "Mother of Special Needs Kid", always played to a captive audience. It becomes their new life mission, because THEY can get attention, or play the victim, and in the long run, the child him/herself is actually made more disabled. In more seriously disabled cases, if the child passes away, the mother or primary caregiver who's been getting all this special attention ends up finding some other cause to garner sympathy. It's almost as though the adult is more disabled than the child, or has some form of mental illness themselves. Very sad.
@@Kayenne54 that’s something my mom doesn’t agree with. My mom still treated me the same way as my siblings, though I needed more help sometimes. If my mom caught me acting like this( I used to mimic people a lot as a child) she’d give me a good spanking.
My eldest son has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), his twin sister has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), and my 15 year old has IHDD (Inattentive Hyperactive Deficit Disorder). Plus, all three are high functioning Aspbergers. None of them have EVER had a behavior problem, were rude, nor disrespectful. Your niece is behaving the way she is, because of her mother.
Sounds like you were an awesome parent!
I've never heard of IHDD. How is it different from ADHD?
@@ettinakitten5047All three she listed are under the diagnosis of ADHD now. ADD is an outdated diagnosis that got combined under ADHD & Aspergers is also outdated it’s just under the diagnosis of autism now. The term is discouraged since it’s named after a N*zi eugenicist 🤢
I feel sorry for Emma to have mother like Regina. She deserved a better mother figured, hope Emma can grew up to better person unlike her mom.
And I feel sorry for Regina's husband.
@@jakemarie828 well to be fair emma doing that by encouragement from her mom. Imagine if emma have better parental figure than regina, emma will not turn out to be like this.
@@hi_stranger9156 I feel like that'll only happen if her dad divorces her bitchbag mother and takes sole custody of her. But until then I see a lot of trips to detention and or the principal's office in this kid's future. That and picking fights with other kids.
This
@@jakemarie828 Emma is a child who probably doesn’t know the gravity of what she’s saying, just that her mom, who’s most likely her role model, encourages her to do it. She’s 10. She’s being a brat, but at this age and with the way her mom acts, it’s her moms fault.
I loved Jay's added note, "thanks for putting a smile on my wife's face, I've got it from here 😊" has to be one of the greatest lines I've read in one of these posts.
I was doing fine until Jay's update. Then someone started cutting onions in my house. They both sound like keepers, wishing them a lifetime of happiness.
@@beejensen9508 Same here! Damn that onion chopping phantom!
Speaking as someone who has ADHD, OP can absolutely still tell her what to do. Regina's behaviour toward her daughter is only going to hurt Emma in the long-run if nothing is done.
Ditto. We need *more* structure (with appropriate outlets) in order to learn to manage ADHD, not be allowed to run wild with whatever whim passes through our brains.
@@redessa01 exactly! We thrive when we've got the right amount of structure! When the pandemic started, I struggled so much during the initial lockdown measures in my province because we were working from home. It was great for some, but with ADHD, a messy space, and two cats (one of whom was ***VERY*** vocal about wanting to be outside), it just wasn't conducive. I wound up going back to the office a few weeks before everyone else as a direct result, which definitely helped some.
Yeah,Regina doing no favours by enabling Emma instead of straighten her up. If Regina and her husband got divorced i hope the husband got custody of Emma and get her into therapy or something.
I have ADHD, too, and didn't find out until my *20s.* Spent my whole life trying, and often failing, to be a good kid. Still *tried* and learned how to mostly function. People who use their disabilities as an excuse to be assholes piss me off.
@@brigidtheirish define being a good kid, for me it was not difficult, being a sociable one was just a no for me, few friends, but all worthy. Studying, I figured out I just needed to study every subject in parallel, did you knew our brains work with parallelism? You can control with what you are distracted, so, if you need to study just have a few different topics at once instead of what a normal person does of studying one at a time. The biggest problem for people with ADHD is that we don't have much data, I remember how I read tests and started wherever while having in my mind the whole test, going from one question to another in a non linear manner, it was easy and I ended quickly, but when I had a linear test (in base of the answer on question 1 you do the 2nd one) I was screwed, lucky for me, almost every test is non linear.
I hope this is the wake-up call for the husband to get a divorce and to get full custody of their daughter. She is abusing her child and is being a detriment to the development of that child as well. She's incapable of being a mother, and honestly she sounds like a narcissist and that child is going to need so much therapy now and if she's continued to be in that child's life that child will need more extensive therapy down the line.
He needs to see the video, at least. If his wife was encouraging his 10 year old daughter to say sexually inappropriate comments, then he needs to remove her from their home.
OP doesn't think she'll remember this and will get over this- I'm telling you, Emma absolutely will not (the skit sure, the uninvited bit, no). This is going to be a core memory for her and she is going to look back with shame and anger at herself. I'm sorta annoyed at OP for texting her thay she wouldn't be coming (TBH she should have only said that to her Mom, that was a little weird) and not realising that her niece is going through narcissistic abuse. She should have spoken to Regina's husband more and told him to step up, especially Jay. The common dominator is that no adult is really doing anything for Emma or giving her the support and help she needs right now. As someone with ADHD I see so often how Neurotypical people don't understand ADHD pass "being hyper and annoying", we have very good memories and can hold on to these traumatic events with self-loathing. Yes Emma is ideally old enough to know she's being rude, but her Mom is a nut and has taught her by completely different "standards" and is abusing her and manipulating her.
I feel terrible for Emma. Her mom is raising her in a way that will ensure she has no friends. People with adhd like myself often have an awful time trying to make friends. Emma's Mom is making that so much harder for her. But OP is NTA in any way. OP doesn't deserve to be insulted at her own wedding. That's terrible.
... I really hope Emma's dad gets full custody, I don't see how Regina's leniency is going to prepare Emma for the future. (At the same time, MAN how I wish I could've been a fly on the wall watching Regina go completely ape crap.)
Don't know how she'd have gone AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave), but I'd have love to hear her lose her ability to be respected
I hope so too, plus get her into therapy and get some medication to help with her ADHD.
Same here. Either that, or social services places Emma in a behavioral rehab camp.
@@danacarter9147 hopefully one that isn't like what Paris Hilton and others went through.
@@audreym3908 Exactly.
Poor Emma. Life is going to smack her in the face because of her mother’s horriffic parenting
I said it before and I'll say it again: Psychlogical disorders are reason for problematic behaviour but not an excuse for them. Once you have a diagnosis, it is your responsibility to be aware of its impact on your actions, reflect on yourself and try to prevent it from having a negative impact on yourself and others. If you cannot do that, you need to learn it. It's okay if you fail sometimes, as long as you continue to try. That's that.
This is what Regina should be teaching her daughter instead of allowing the diagnosis to determine her behavior. NO ONE else will excuse that bad behavior. Soon enough, Regina will rue the day she made the decision to tolerate the bad behavior as if there was nothing that could be done about it. In the olden days, parents knew how to deal with it - and it was NOT with medication!
That reminded me of a reddit AITA post where OP had his daughter diagnosed with autism and he and his wife didn't tell her till later during her middle school years when she found out. You can guess what the verdict was.
It’s even worse because “bullying” is not an ADHD trait. Yes, people with ADHD often miss social cues, but that’s very different to being deliberately cruel. As for climbing on the furniture, it’s the responsibility of the parents to provide a non-destructive outlet for their daughter’s hyperactivity and sensory dysregulation.
Emma is going to be in for such a rude awakening if she thinks that "I have ADHD, you can't tell me what to do!" line will get her off the hook when she gets to adulthood.
Wonder if there'll be a kid who pulls the same excuse at her school next year... and they'll meet on the playground.
That'll be an epic smackdown. Kids like this don't seem to get it through their heads unless one of their peers literally smacks the crap out of 'em.
I'd love to know what the hell is in mom's head (if anything at all) that she'd let this happen. Was her goal in life to be a troublesome little turd? She should've aspired for more.
Yep
She’s just going to get bullied back and mocked for it no doubt.
I hope her father straighten her out because that kid is going to be eaten alive if she keeps using her ADHD as an excuse.
Poor Emma, that mother is doing her no favours by teaching that behaviour
The dad should step up before they unleash that kid upon the world.
My husband and I both have ADHD. The thing about this disorder - sometimes you don’t even know when you’re boundary stomping or missing cues. Especially as a child - not only CAN other people tell you what to do, sometimes they SHOULD or even HAVE TO. That’s how you learn what is appropriate and how to start controlling your tendencies.
The update made me smile. Jay really loves OP. That's so wonderful. I wish them all the happiness in the world.
I wish Regina would step on a Lego.
Why would you wish for that? That's cruel and unusual punishment for a poor Lego.
"I wish Regina would step on a Lego" < Such a wholesome curse!
Wanting to insult the bride or groom at the wedding for no real reason is bad enough but trying to use their child to do it is just awful. Literally trying to use their child as a way to hurt people, yikes
Story 1: ADD, ADHD can and are meant to be managed, it's not an excuse for being a bully or a brat. Regina is enabling a bully and an entitled brat. Why have an insult comedy act at a wedding? NTA, songs, poems, and sweet speeches are normal for weddings. Hire security for the wedding and uninvite her? Don't let Regina spin the story to others. Yes, the family may not pick your side but let them decide with the right information. A very happy update.
You ask why have an insult act? This may be the reason - apparently OP is a big woman. Regina is a toxic bully - she sees OP as a ready target, and OP says she doesn't like confrontation, and she's bee "walked on" before. Vicious bullies like Regina LOVE people like that - it's so much fun being mean! I wouldn't have wanted to be a 6th grade girl in Regina's class.
I would say to my sister this is a wedding not a stand-up comedy club. It is very appropriate to have somebody sing at a wedding. It is not appropriate for a comedy routine. I would look her straight now and say if you're old enough to make that statement you're old enough to know you're doing something wrong. And when your sister gets in your face just remind her what you're doing is enabling her behavior and when she gets older you're going to pay for it.
her marriage is likely over considering how enraged her husband sounded at the event
@@immapotato1 I wouldn't go that far with it yet, they do have a troubled daughter after all. Hubby sounds like a decent enough guy to put effort to try fixing things so some form of counseling sounds like the most likely next step.
Regina is ridiculously entitled and she’s raising an entitled child who uses her ADHD as an excuse to be boorish and inappropriate. I’m really sorry for Emma. She’s going to have a tough life.
Omg her using Emma's adhd as an excuse is disgusting. I raised 2 boys with adhd and the one thing i never let them do is use that as an excuse for anything.
That ending was beautiful. For the first time, and ENTIRE family knew right from wrong.
I grew up in this type of family. So it just blows my mind when I read stories of families who would rather everyone pretend nothing happened than actually deal with the ONE person that causes problems.
It probably helped that they had a video clip on how she had planned to humiliate Op and her husband
*"THIS IS MY WEDDING. I DECIDE WHAT OCCURS.*
"yOu CaN't Do ThAt. My daughter has a medical condition."
*"She has ADHD, not cancer!!!"*
"ADHD!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Wow, aside from the two bad apples, OP is getting into a great family! Stiff, shiny spines!
I would've lost my temper with Regina and Emma and told Regina that if her kid pulls any kind of stunt at the wedding, Emma is going to get a switch across the backside, and Regina is going to get cracked upside the head.
I am a teacher and have many students with ADHD and I have ADHD and none of us act that way. Only knew one student that acts like that and she suffered from several mental illnesses.
No Op this was just perfect for you! It doesn't need to be a dramatic ending you got your happy beginning and Op's husband is absolutely awesome. 😁
Wow that was awesome that everyone just ignored Regina and didn't give her what she so obviously wanted.
I not only love both OP and Jay, but also both of their families (minus Regina and Emma) and friends that listened and understood what they were saying (minus the 5% that didn't till the wedding I'm guessing) and how they respected OP and Jay's wishes and boundaries and went along with their plans.
This is what I love about your channel! Other channels might have the first bit, but you have not only the updates, but curated info and some light-hearted, warm, witty, and wise comments to wrap it all up. Thank you for being you!
😊 Then you Spike!!!
1st story- NTA. Regina is mad she was not allowed to bully you. She wants to use her daughter as her attack dog to bully OP. If Regina says it's not fair, tell her "as an adult you should know life isn't fair".
As an adult with ADHD mom and daughter need a reality check
The mom lied about ADHD her husband told everyone the truth that their daughter ADHD he was mad about the lied too.
Sorry I didn't put were the husband said about their daughter that was not true in the paragraph in 19:28
I absolutely adore this couple. What a dream they both are. I’m happy things turned out as well as it could. I wish them a beautiful marriage
What I would have done if the event happened (me being one of OP's friends/relatives) is to say in a high voice so that the sister hears stuff like "this is why some people shouldn't be mothers" or "incompetent mothers should spend more time teaching her kids instead of wasting time doing their nails".
I just don't get it at all.. How is it that others, NOT EVEN PAYING, think they get to tell you what you can and cannot have at your wedding? A no thank you is that, no thank you... I would be like look, I'm stressed enough, we agreed to a song but no, I don't want comedy even by a professional at our wedding.. Please don't make things more stressful than they already is...
I feel bad for Emma. I hope she grows up to be a nicer person than her mom.
Also, sister Mary is the MVP of the story.
Jay is an absolute gem. The way he and his family supported OP made my heart flutter. Wishing them the absolute best marriage
Edit: This ended up being a novel. Seriously. I guess I’m more involved and passionate about children’s individuality & using neurodivergence as an excuse than I thought lol. Apparently I took Regina & Emma’s behavior personally. 🤣
I have 2 teenage daughters (one who’s neurodivergent) and am incredibly close to my little brother (21 years younger than me, also neurodivergent.) My opinions on Emma and her behavior are based on my personal experiences with preteen/teenage girls and children/preteens with ADD and/or ADHD:
I do feel bad for Emma and know she has a rough road ahead of her, but even a 10-year-old knows that bullying hurts people. She was told she was being hurtful, and I don’t doubt for a second that she knows calling someone an elephant (fat/large) is mean.
Obviously, a 10-year-old is a child and therefore has less mental capacity than an adult, but that does *not* mean she’s ignorant to what she’s doing. It’s not all one or the other. Children are sponges *and* have minds of their own (especially older ones.) They can be easily swayed *and* be responsible for their own actions.
She is not the victim nor do I feel bad for her _in this specific situation,_ but I’m not heartless. I do pity her because her mother is making sure she’ll be a victim of life, her entire life. I hope she can break free of her mother’s mindset before than (because she _can_ see the effect her actions have on people, even as a child).
And- I shouldn’t have to say this- ADHD is _not_ an excuse for poor/hurtful behavior. It can occasionally _explain_ questionable behavior and/or actions, but it is never a valid excuse. My incredibly sweet, amazingly intelligent brother has *severe* ADHD. He has outbursts of violence/anger sometimes. These instances are approached with understanding and empathy, but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences.
My little brother struggles sometimes (don’t we all?) and will deal with specific challenges throughout his life that are directly correlated to his diagnoses; it doesn’t feel good to have to discipline him when he feels guilty after losing control, but letting him run around consequence free will hurt him, not help him. Regina is doing Emma NO favors.
Side note: I rarely have to discipline my brother because, well, I’m his sister & don’t live with him, but there have been times where he’s been violent with himself (never punished for that, of course) or others, and I had to step up. It doesn’t feel good. I wish I could just let everything go, but that’s not fair to him or the people he hurts.
My daughter is also neurodivergent, but being neurodivergent is not the same for everyone at all. She doesn’t face the same struggles my brother does, and addressing her challenges are thankfully more cut and dried. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle, but just like my brother, she can’t use neurodivergence as an excuse either.
I expect more from them than falling back on “but I’m _____.” to use as an excuse. Diagnoses don’t define them.
It so nice hearing off a family not supporting a toxic person and shutting it down.
It sucks when people use ADHD, Autism, Asperger's, etc as an excuse to not discipline their kids.
"Oh, by the way, Regina, security at the wedding will be female MMA fighters."
I really feel bad for Regina's husband too. He's pretty much stuck with a crazy women that's poisoning their daughter with her behavior. Unfortunately its hard to for men to get full custody if he leaves her so I doubt he can do much to change the bad influence the mom is having on the daughter if he cant get it. It'll likely be directed at him too if he leaves (which she already bad mouths him behind his bac).
Still hope he tries his best in that inevitable divorce. I'd advise him to start gathering all that evidence of her toxic behavior now.
I'm so glad everyone at the wedding backed OP and Jay!
Yikes!!!!!
Regina is horrible on so many levels!!!
1. She’s hurting her daughter’s future by enabling and even encouraging Emma’s poor behaviour.
2. She’s trying to hurt her future S-I-L via Emma. And even if hurt is not really her intention, Regina HAS to know that OP wouldn’t care for those sorts of “jokes” at OP’s own wedding.
3. Regardless of OP’s opinion of how Regina feels about Katie, Regina’s behaviour still shows a competitive attitude towards the cousins.
what a complete toddler. it's like regina has no social self control
Idk why but the way you said "little preview of the act 😂" had me laughing for a good minute. The voices you do for these videos are always 10/10
I have ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and may be on the Spectrum. My mother and father would never allow me to behave that way as a child. And I’m glad. I’m a better adult because of it.
Kids with ADHD need lots of care and help so they can grow up into the kind of people others want to know and have in their lives. A mother like Regina is practically sabotaging her child by encouraging her to act like a toddler, same as parents who do nothing when a kid has a tantrum or something.
Agree people who have ADHD need more patience and discipline not less sure it’s unfair but necessary
Doing nothing is actually a fairly good way to handle many tantrums. This is more like giving in to the tantrum. People with ADHD often fail to notice social cues. That’s very different from deliberate cruelty:
"I have ADHD. You can't tell me what to do!"
Me: Shut up and go to school.
My sister pulled something like this at my father's funeral. She had her meltdown on me in front of both sides of the extended family who she had cultivated since our childhood. My family are all those quiet people who's actions speak louder than words. The next family event had a very different atmosphere lol
What did your family do? Did they scolded her?
@@vanesalodico7798 Not a word. And they haven't spoken to her since. That was 5 years ago.
I hate parents who try to use ADHD as an excuse for poor behavior and obvious poor parenting. As someone with ADHD my mom never would have allowed me to act that way and certainly wouldn't excuse it away. Good on OP and her husband for uninviting his toxic sister.
The mom lied about ADHD her husband was mad his wife lied about their daughter having ADHD
to let her daughter do what whatever she want so she think that fake excuse can make her not parenting her daughter to try make look her less bad mom that she is while trying make her future Sister in law miserable lucky their family actually trying her and her daughter stop their toxic so there might be hope for the daughter because of her father look like he didn't know what his wife and daughter were doing plus with the lied about ADHD look like he wasn't having it his wife did back down went home with him sorry this was long.
Sorry I didn't put were the husband about him being mad about his wife saying things that not true is in paragraph 19:28
I am very lucky, reading these stories makes me realize how sane my family actually is.
I think that's these reddit stories have such a large audience. You read them and think either 'I feel that, been there' so it's validating and maybe even gives some advice to take away or 'thank God I've never had to deal with that kind of circus" and feel better about your own burdens now that they don't seem near as heavy.
…and realize how insane my family was. It’s nice to read about the good ones.
I hope Emma's father fights for custody and removes her from this terrible influence of a mother that's gonna destroy Emmas life. though that seems unlikely. i'm happy that the wedding turned out beautiful. ❤
Emma is definitely a perfect example of what happens when a bad parent twists and ruins a child
I’m glad everything turned out well for OP, but lord, I wanted to shake her! Mostly because she reminded me of my younger self: a doormat to everyone. Eventually, I learned that people can only treat you like a doormat *if you lay down for them,* and got up off the floor and started standing up for myself. I hope OP takes this experience as her wake up call and starts standing up for herself more, too!
I do feel sorry for Emma, though. Hope her mother has her own wake-up call and starts raising her more responsibly.
I'm 61. I had my childhood in an era when all the parents in the neighborhood rallied together to keep an eye on all the kids. And, by God we Listened to what they said. Every parent had the right to our respect and good behavior. Because if MY parents ever heard that we had back talked another parent, they would've KILLED us!
This story is why I listen to your Stories. Such a great support network and In Laws who actually see the Truth. A fiendish bully is neutralized . I am so happy that monsters husband is on to her. What a Guy- he sure deserves better :)
Great story - so glad everyone pulled together to prevent the wedding day drama, always fun to see a team in action,
NTA for saving the wedding guests from a 10 minute comedy routine, by a 10 year old child, after a wedding. We just want to eat, drink dance, and take pictures, not force laughter over stomach growls.
OP and her husband seem like really great people. I’m happy they found each other.
1. Actually, OP is doing the girl a favor by preventing the skit and saving her humiliation and embarrassment when no one finds her funny or endearing. After all the shenagigans, OP did the right thing disinviting the two. They need psychological help.
I feel so bad for Emma. I saw a lot people in the comments saying "she's 10, she should know right from wrong" but what I think a lot of people are missing is empathy, right/wrong, mean/nice are all learned/taught behaviors. If your main parental figure is enabling, encouraging even this mean/bad behaviors then does she really "know" right from wrong? Hopefully her dad can see just how far this has gotten and put some distance between the two of them and be more present in her life.
That little girl is going to have a hell of a hard life because her mom is letting her use her flaws as an excuse and acting like a victim when she obviously is not
Man I cant imagine being such an entitled immature brat that you would still show up to a wedding that 95% of your family agree that you shouldn't come to.
She only embarresed herself in front of everyone and completely proved why OP didnt invit her to the family. To think she wants to bully OP that badly shows she needs help and they have to go no contact after that.
Good for you, Mr. & Mrs. Jay! I loved the way you stated in your mass email that if people don't agree with your choice, "that's fine". Yes, and it's also brilliant. It says "you get to disagree with us, and we get to not care". You two are my heroes. Blessings for a long and happy marriage.
Awww....I really hope OP and her Jay have a wonderful, joy filled and rewarding life together. May all good things be theirs.
Gee...I wonder why Regina's husband and Emma's dad doesn't pay any attention to either of them...😑 everyone should follow his lead and just ignore them
I think he should get a divorce and fill custody of Emma so he could put her in therapy.
A ten year old knows the difference between right and wrong. Trying to use the disability card to excuse bad behavior, in advance, is a major red flag.
One solution. Arm a bride's maid or groom with a super soaker, and make sure the mother/daughter team know it's for them. (Be careful to keep it a secret before the event.)
Every time I hear about a bully name Regina I automatically think Mean Girls
Emma: I have adhd, you can’t tell me what to do.
Well Emma if another child ever smacks you in the face, don’t have a go at that child or get your mother to have a go at that child because they can just say, I have x and you can’t tell me what to do.
listen, the last update not being dramatic for op and her husband is great, the REAL dramatic update will be in a few months in regards to Regina's marriage because her husband looks ready to grab their kid and runaway.
If I were you, OP, Please lawyer up and tell your SIL that you'll take her to court. It's the last resort and I suggest it be done. Tell Regina that she'll go to court for compensation for attempted to ruin the wedding. And attempted bullying and Harassment. Drag Emma into the mix and I'll tell you, Regina will realize she's in a serious mess now. Hopefully her hubby will divorce her asap.
Fingers crossed that Emma can see her mother as the toxic person who has been working to make her a carbon copy that can happen I have no idea how the extended family can help though 😢
my brother and I have ADHD and my brother was so hyperactive I was misdiagnosed as just ADD for a long time because I looked so calm standing next to him.
You know what our parents did? Found things we COULD climb on and redirected. Let us run to a stop sign they could see and back while they talked to the other adults. Shut our aunt and grandmother up when they tried to shame us for pacing, but backed them up when we hung off the handrails of the stairs. Let us watch TV upside-down at home and tell us that wasn't appropriate guest behavior when we were elsewhere. They MANAGED it. I was taught how to redirect and self regulate. Which makes me a functional adult that doesn't need other people to accommodate me everywhere I go.
Reggina is a bully ... Reggina is teaching her daughter to be one with her condition as her shield (honestly, what this reminds me off? *see the loud part of the LGBT and feminist groups* ). In other words, Reggina deserves a beatdown in front of her daughter and said to the daughter: "see? this is what happen to bullies like your mother ... would you be a bully too?" and square off a good headbutt into Reggina. Actions has consequences and Reggina needs to learn it THE HARD WAY.
Putting my personal though, i hope Regina's husband divorce her a*s and take his daughter custody.
If the kid is gonna yell at me in my own house after i told them to stop jumping on my sht. You can bet damn well that child is about to hear an adult tell her what she can and cannot do. And the individual responsible for it would be cut off until they get their sht under control. End of story.
Sadly, this happens a lot with parents of ND kids. They think we're all babies and need to constantly be babied forever to the point where they think us knowing right from wrong is a challenge or something we are incapable of. The child in this story is being enabled to be spoiled and a bully and is being taught that using her neurodivergency as an excuse is okay and people shouldn't expect her to have manners or be nice. I hope the daughter won't turn out like her mother and when she is older, realize what her mom is doing.
Mary better be getting some awesome-ass Christmas/birthday presents from OP and Jay from now on. Her interference changed the course of events in very significant ways.
I've always wanted to see a wedding story where the bride and groom politely expose the wedding drama so the troublemaker can't farm sympathy. It's understandable to think family conflicts should be kept private, but there's no good reason to let a liar set the narrative. OP did the right thing.
Omg these 2 are adorable! I’m glad the wedding went well 😊
I'm teaching my kiddo NOT to use his ADHD as an excuse for when he's naughty.
Regina's husband should already know what to do. Divorce, simple as that and demand full custody of Emma so he can set her straight. With the family's help I'm sure Emma will get the idea really fuckin quick that her attitude her mom instilled into her is getting her nowhere.
Emma is gonna be slapped by the real world when she enters it because no one is gonna take I’m adhd as an excuse
Pre update here, but if I saw a video where a relative was coaching their kid to do a "comedy routine" that was just a bunch of veiled digs, that relative and their kid would no longer be invited to the wedding. Immediately. Don't care how many people would be upset to hear that someone got uninvited, don't care how many burly security guards I'd have to hire to keep them out. That is just not acceptable.
Post update edit: phew, a good ending. I'm glad OP and her husband could have the wedding they wanted and deserved!
So happy for that couple, thanks for the video💐
My daughter has severe ADHD and there's NO WAY IN HELL, she would have jumped on furniture, and when told to '!stop!' She talk back by saying "I have ADHD, you can't tell what to do!"
O'MY LORD! I would have put something on her ajax wouldn't be able to take off!!
I'm so frustrated with the "You can't tell me what to do, I have ADHD!" I've seen lesser levels of this around me ("oh he's just rowdy because of his ADHD, you can't really expect him to calm down, it's hard for him not to KICK HIS BROTHER" and I'm not having it. My brother has it and yet somehow he was kept to the same rules as my other brother.
"Ruining her life."?
That's such an overdramatic statement lol
*reads title* da sister in law gonna get nuked my derp
NTA, didn't need more than a minute. Regina didn't ask for OP's permission, she gave orders. She can go be a Karen at someone else's wedding.
Full story: I'm so glad OP finally grew a pair! Also glad the family & friends had her back, and the wedding went without a hitch. Next and final step is to block Regina and her hellspawn everywhere. I hope Regina's husband divorces her.
It’s your decision, end of story! If she stands up at the reception and grabs the microphone, get her out of there!
Regina is a bully and coward. Her family wouldn’t let her openly make fun of OP anymore so she used her young daughter to do it for her. Disgusting. I also feel bad for the daughter. With her mother teaching her to be such a terrible person, her life is going to be a difficult and lonely one.
The people who say "you're no better"
What did they expect OP to do? Get bullied and accept it???
Imagine being this miserable inside that you have to try and take over someone else’s wedding and ruin it for them. How pathetic do you have to be to do something like this? This is definitely a case of misery loving company. She’s miserable and wants everyone around her that way too. Her mother and father should have stepped up and put that girl in her place. I don’t care how old she is-she needs a good tough phone call and to be yelled at by her parents! Shame on that adult woman acting like a toddler having a meltdown 😣
I'm HATE when parents use ADHD as an excuse for being lazy AF when it comes to raising their kids. I'm ADHD still have ADHD as an Adult. NOT ONCE did my mom use it as an excuse to get away with bad behavior.
I hope OP holds onto all the evidence of what the SIL and her daughter did. It will be great evidence for the divorce that must be coming as well as taking that little girl away from the woman turning her into a monster.
Any "bullying" that kid faces, is because her mother allows her to act like a see you next tuesday.
Regina sounds like a narcissist and manipulator who just wants all the attention and make herself look better.
And I have a feeling the daughter got reamed out my her father and grounded. I can’t imagine this marriage surviving by the end of the year.
Regina needs to be removed from the equation. She's clearly failing her child and the father needs to be even more hands-on with her to get this behavior straightened out... even if that means persuing sole custody. Regina is setting Emma up for a life of troubles and suffering. She's not fit to be a parent.