💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖 And if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here: amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/
I've never done ok in therapy. I've always been the "rock" for every one else. I haven't been ok since. I"came home" and right now this is kinda just me screaming at the walls ua-cam.com/video/VbaFJiWftwk/v-deo.html
You should check out the nearest songs just released today cause this is your sign part 2 released toady, i recommend the song this is your sign that hits really hard.
Thank you guys so much for watching! Would love to have you guys join the other artists (ex. Billy Bob Thornton, John Corabi, Teddy Andreadis) who have stopped by and talked mental health with me. Would you be down to a chat next month (mental health awareness month)? I think it would be very insightful. Love you guys already and I am only a few songs in!
Citizen Soldier is a band about depression, suicide, and other mental health struggles. The lead singer Jake attempted suicide in 2013 and created this band to show that you can make it through all the struggles. The band has helped me a lot all their songs have related to me to a T its insane how they make you feel.
Jake Segura actually wrote the lyrics to let it burn while in the hospital after his suicide attempt and in the song he is referring to "kid" as himself the song is a reminder to him and everyone else to never give up!
I broke down just hearing that, but in a good way. I am still here because my flicker has always been more like an all-consuming inferno, which ended up burning me indiscriminately. Music is dear to me as it was undoubtedly the crutch I had left to lean on while saving myself. I am beyond overjoyed to finally learn there is a whole band dedicated to my exact purpose and being. Their music and commercial success has inspired and motived me beyond words, and WILL end up being a leading narrative in my own story. Though my story and songs I will reach the ears and minds of those whom need what I so desperately begged for. Bless the futures we all still have.
I was in a dark place when I started listening to citizen soldier the first song that got me into them is the weight of the world. Their music I can really relate to. Their music is more of a therapy then going to a therapist for me.
@@blackphoenixgirl2236 I kinda agree with you there I've been in therapy before and then I found music not only citizen soldier but also other artists and different types of music I'm not really going to go into but I used to just hit walls and stuff till I didn't feel the pain of life any more but now I can say that I'm actually here to stay for good and I'm happy about my choice
I immediately started crying when the first sentence was sung. I really hate to see people struggling but at the same time it's kind of a relief maybe? to see that I'm not the only one.
We all struggle in our own way. No one is alone in that. Amanda's vision with helping people with mental health issues is much needed. Take care and don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone, that's always the hardest part no matter what your struggle is.
@@ak2nda695 I agree. and yes! I'm really grateful for what she's doing. thank you so much. I've been feeling better recently. hope you're having a great day :)
I personally know Jake, Citizen Soldier's lead singer, and he's an absolute gem of a human. He's been through a lot of bad things, and now he makes music to help inspire other people to never give up. He also helped me on my musical path as well. Amazing man, all around.
Hi David, I'm a veteran with PTSD amongst other things. Please thank Jake from me, his songs have really hit home with me. I would not be here today without people like him... Give him my regards please and good luck with your musical future bro!
i would love to meet this person that your talking about but i know it will never happen. im walking down a very very narrow road in hopes of falling off but im still here so far.
By the songs he did I can see that his songs are heart touching honestly some of his songs have me tear up and I don’t cry very easy lol he does a great job on his music
I've watched this video multiple times so came back to comment again: I love how you nodded yes at the lyric "Would anything change?" ... but then you shook your head no at "Would you all be just fine?" We need more people like you in the world who genuinely understand this feeling. Your reaction is amazing. If only the basic population could understand what people with mental illness go through and then the people who are left to deal with the aftermath of a suicide.
Every single Citizen soldier song feels like they've taken an in depth look at my soul. This song, the moment it starts I'm already fighting off tears but the lyric "I've never felt worthy of love" always causes the dam to break. Again this band is SO amazing and so important, I hope you'll continue to check out more of their work. It's hard what to choose, honestly all their songs are worth checking out.
If you haven't already I highly suggest the song that started it all, Let it burn, wrote down in a hospital after the main vocalist tried to commit suicide but survived. I greatly appreciate them and you, I've never had someone dissect a song like this so well so I'm really grateful, Thank you.
Hey Amanda I want to thank you. Finding your UA-cam channel has really opened my eyes to why I wasn't killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and why I didn't kill myself that night I first heard Save Me by Jellyroll. Two nights ago I got a phone call from a battle buddies wife and she was frantic. Her husband was locked in his cellar and was planning to commit suicide. She asked if I could help. I told her to tell him to answer my call on his cell phone when I call. I hung up with her and called him. He answered and I told him I needed to tell him something. I told him about me almost committing suicide. We talked for 4 hours when he finally went up the stairs and asked the police to take him to a mental hospital so he could check in. I'm traveling to Washington state Monday to visit him in person.
I hope your friend gets the help he needs. He and his family are blessed to have you in his life. I'm sure it's not the only reason you are alive, it's humbling to think that you being there for your friend is part of your path in life. You didn't end your life so you could save his. You might not have known it and maybe it only a small part, but I guarantee it is the most meaningful thing to his family. Please share this channel with your friend(s) and let him (them) know your sacrifice for our country is greatly appreciated. It is sad to me that people think if you didn't die in battle that you didn't make a sacrifice. Anyone who sees the horrors of war do sacrifice their mental health. Thank you for helping your friend you're awesome.
wow , what an amazing song,, first time hearing it. really loved what you said about suicide not ending the pain but just transferring to others. the main reason i have not turned out the light.
this song came on my pandora 13 minutes after I was informed about my friends suicide. I stop talking to him after he and I had a falling out. it kills me cause he tried to reach out to me and I was so mad at him. now I feel so much regret for not helping him. this song is the only connection I have to him now. thank you for reacting to it.❤
God the first half of the song was my mantra for over ten years before i was hospitalized. almost three year survivor now. the last part is my mantra now. doing my best every day. thank you so much for this.
Ty so much again for your words of caring an sympathy. I was having a bad day and watched this reaction. I love this song and band in general. You are amazing and even over the internet, on UA-cam, your words are power. Be blessed. 4+ years clean an sober an still going strong.
Thank you Amanda Your voice is carrying the sound of everyone needing to be heard. This is the first time I've ever commented on a video. Please keep going. You give a voice to those who have none.
Love Citizen Soldier's music, they keep me going. They help me to fight my demons day in and day out. Depression is so exhausting and to keep on fighting and just survive does get too much. All you can do is try to not give up, not easy.
Citizen Soldier is awesome... I feel like they are singing about my life.. I can relate to their songs. I have suffered through for 71 years and still struggling. There are two more songs you should listen to "This is Your Sign" and "Still Breathing".
A really "For sure nobody has heard this song" that is all about mental health is "Last Chance" by Anybody Killa. Great song and the video is pretty heavy. Maybe worth a watch if you're looking for something out of left field. Love the channel, keep it up. 👌
Citizen Soldier’s music saved my life. Literally. While I never did turn my thoughts of suicide into behaviours; my mental state was exceedingly close to taking that turn. That’s when I came across their music; their song “This Is Your Sign” found me; I listened to it and I’ve been addicted to them ever since. They’ve saved my life and empowered me to continue living. I’m so glad their music has impacted you in such a positive way. I’m happy you are still here with us.
Wow...I literally have no words...your reaction...was how I felt when I first heard this song...CS is literally my favorite band...theyve helped me, and they continue to help...every day....I know a good amount of their songs...by heart...that's how much I love their music..
i cannot put to words the effect this song has had on me. being able to sing those words at the end has brought me to tears multiple times. and sometimes thats all we want.
The first time I ever heard this song and this band I was ready to take a plunge off a parking garage, and a random stranger came up next to me, and played this song and just sat with me for hours while I broke down, that was the first time I ever felt that much compassion from another human, and too this day he still checks on me, it's amazing how much 1, just one interaction could make an impact on your life
I love how you broke this down. From someone who battles PTSD from combat, I get it. I face my demons every damn day and I know I am not alone here. However, we have GOT to start embracing an attitude of conquerors not victims. I understand we may never completely remove this from our lives. But we have to shed this cloud of victimhood. If we stay in that frame of mind, we never allow the good or light to shine through. Too many seek the attention and not the help. We all have good and bad days, but it’s time to grab depression in a chokehold and deny it power! Keep up the good work! Sometimes people need to hear that voice which understands and can articulate what they are feeling but they can’t seem to put it into words. You are that voice and you do it so well.
I’m a combat veteran with severe ptsd, depression and anxiety. I was 19 when I deployed to ramadi Iraq. I’ve seen an done some shit that haunts me today. My flashbacks an nightmares feel like I’m back over there. I’ve been back for 17 years. I had 2 brothers commit suicide this yr in the same month. They prepared us for combat but not to come home. Reach out if you suffer from any of these. See ya in Valhalla brothers.
I’ve watched several different reactions to this song. This is the first time that I have actually cried! Thank you. For both your reaction and your positive affirmations. With this one video you won a new subscriber. There are so many others I’d love to see you react to. Irreplaceable, Bedroom Ceiling, This Is Your Sign, Just Be Happy, and several others
Finally more Citizen Soldier on the channel!! Of all the people that I would hope to see more reactions to Citizen Soldier for, yours are the ones I look forward too!! And this song specifically is one that I was hoping to see eventually!! This song means so so so much to me. To be fair, almost all of Citizen Soldiers songs hold a very special place within me, but this song specifically is one that has been the knot that holds fast and doesn't let me go, even when I myself would rather let it all slip away. Amazing reaction!! Loved all of your input and I hope you have yourself an awesome day!!
Very strong message from yourself at the end of Your video: You are your own knight who has to fight for yourself. Never heard words so true and clear. In the end that has been what helped me winning the fight over my depression some years ago. Noone can fight for You. You need to do it yourself. It´s hard but it pays off and it´s getting better over time. Thank You for what You´re doing here on youtube. Please continue. Greetings from Germany.
Your reaction to this song is what's keeping me going rn. I have severe social anxiety and chronic depression. It's so hard to reach out for help, but I know I desperately need it. I almost cried when you mouthed "let me in".
Yup. I still have the same username, but i’ll change it once my headache stops from being ill. Anyway. This song kinda reminds me of when i was in a relationship with a girl who really struggled with suicidal thoughts at times. I still sometimes dream of how sometimes late at night i had to force her down until she got too tired and fell asleep, just so she couldn’t do anything to hurt herself. Or i had to find her in the woods because she ran away saying she would end her live. It happened a lot, but i’m glad i was always able to help, even if she hated me for it. And i’m glad i even had the courage if she threatened me. I had a dream about it again last night, and i’m not sure why. It’s not something i think about really, but i never talked about it either. I’m just happy that she’s better now and that she found her own way in life, even if we had to go our separate ways because of it.
I can tell you first hand as a suaside survivor how bad it hits the ones who love you, especually the ones you didnt know loved you, 2 years ago inside my house whitch is wired with security cams everywhere, i took my life, and was found shortly after doing so in time that EMS managed to make my heart beat again, i was found by my mother, father, sister, and brother who came to check in on me as i hadnt texted any of them in a week at the time, now they didnt get my heart going until after i got into the ambulance so my family thought i was gone for good. They told me i ended up flat lining 3 times total, but im still here, first thing i did when i got cleared from the hospital a few weeks later, went into court ordered phyco theropy as a ulturnative to being charged with attempted suaside and yes its a real charge anyways first thing i did was reviewd the security cam footage of that day i died. Because i know how lonly and empty i felt when i took my life and seeing how devistated and scared my family was to find me dead on the floor, it was an hd security cam so i could see the detail and the devistation in there eyes and horror on there faces, because moments before hitting the floor dead i felt i was alone, no one cared and i wasnt loved and was hated by all, but as i watched the horrer show of the cam footage i broke down hard because i could see how loved i was and how people i thought hated me had actually loved me all along, i am fotunate enough to see what suaside did to my family after i died temporarily
Thank you citizen soldier every song you create really hits home for me and I can relate in so many ways I thank Citizen Soldier for everything they do for people like myself
@Mental Amanda thank you so much for doing this song. I hold this song very close to me personally because I struggle with depression and anxiety every single day. And this song is 1000% how i feel on the inside on those bad days. The things you said in the video about how others react around us people who have these problems is so true. For the past 15 years I have felt alone and not wanted and stuck in that rut with no way out. When I voice how I am feeling I notice more than often people are afraid to even answer or try to be there for you. It's even harder when it's family that does that to you. I have been able to pick out who the real people are in my life from the way they react. Out of those real people just recently in the past month I have found someone who means the world to me and I would do anything in my power for this person. She is now the love of my life and when I am having a bad day it's like she makes it her mission to be there for me and show me that love that I need to pull through. Depression and anxiety are no laughing matter yes those feelings are in our head but don't be those people who just sit there and say "it's all in your head" because that makes things worse for us and makes us feel even more like people don't care. Approach it differently and just show that you care by having a conversation and showing that person there are people out there that are by your side and willing to be there for you in your times of need. Once again thank you for doing a reaction to this song and keep up the great videos.
Honestly I've been going through a lot and this song really makes me cry because it it's so personal to me I just have a lot of stuff going on in my life and I feel those thoughts often your words really helps me thank you with this song combined is just incredible i can't thank you enough
The transfer of pain from me to others is the main reason I haven't at least tried to end it all. I feel I'm a burden on people. I would think it's just in my head if not for the fact that I've been told I'm a burden on them. So I suffer in silence. I've done things in my past that I loath myself for. And it's alienated me from the people I've hurt. I can't change the past but I try to be a help to others I see struggling. Thank you for reacting to this song. I'm not ashamed to say I cried like a baby when I first heard it. It's the very words I scream to myself everyday. If it's not too much to ask, could you react to Blue October's "Hate Me"?
The people that said that to you have their own demons and pain. When a hurt person doesn't know how to process or manage the hurt, they try to project it and transfer it to other people. You aren't a burden. You're worthy of love and patience. There are plenty of people who will understand and will see your value, myself included.
@@MentalAmanda I try not to be negative towards people like that. They're fighting their own battles just as I'm fighting mine. My depression and anxiety will be a life long battle and I've finally come to terms with that. Although I do have good days too.
I once thought of eating a bullet and stop anyone from doing it. The thing that stopped me was one simple thing...I said something about it and others stepped in. I was in the military and what happened was kept in-house. I saw others who were having struggled worse than me and changed how I handled problems. I tapped into my inner strength and have been running with it ever since 👍
That pretty much has described my entire life. I've pushed EVERYONE away and I feel alone now. It's rough because I don't feel like anyone really understands me....hell I don't even know if I understand myself. Package delivered to the wrong address...wow that makes SO much sense to me. When you said that I was thinking to myself that you are saying the right words but I just can't hear them. I don't know how to let down my guard and let the words come through.
I remember watching this music video after I failed my attempt at suicide, and I've never felt so miserable, hopless, and outcasted in my life, and then I started thinking how can I prove people wrong because my girlfriend at the time was cheering me on, I was so blinded by my sorrow that I didn't realize what I had, thank you for reacting to this
So love this band, they sing about what most of us can't say out loud, a light in the dark if you will. They get me everytime. Great reaction to another awesome song by them ❣
The ideas stated in the song are things I've thought about for months now and they just are very difficult to fight at this point, but I'm still going.
And you can keep going. You are strong, and we’re all glad you’re here. I’ve been there too a lot of times. Even quite recently. That you’re talking about it is a very important first step to fixing what’s wrong. I hope you start feeling better soon mate. We support you
I lost my parents in 2005 and 2007 and had a miscarriage in 2020. The loss and grief can seem insurmountable. I cycled through addiction, self-harm and suicidal ideation for SO long. But I finally got to a point of realizing that if I end it, there's nobody left to share their love with the world. So I find ways to keep their love and memory alive. I'm so sorry for all of your losses and I will tell you first hand that you never "get over" them, but you do get to a point where the grief shifts and you can start living again and not just surviving.
Ever since I discovered them through my journey through depression this band has easily became my favorites every song and every album surprises me with how deep and how much they relate to you.
This song showed up on my feed in a really dark time for me, like no warning, it was about a year old at that point, and didn't relate to anything else I watched on here, so literally no reason for the algorithm to suggest it to me, and I can't say for certain that this song was what changed it for me, but the fact that someone felt the exact same thing I was feeling in that moment? It helped. More than I can say. I am revisiting some of this music cause it really is just so beautiful and the message is so powerful, but I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that their are people out there who feel this pain, and I'm not all alone. So thx Mental Amanda, you managed to word a lot of what I feel when I listen to this song. And to a yone out there asking these questions, yeah someone cares. Even if you don't realize it, you've had an impact on everyone you've ever met and at least one of them loves you unconditionally for it.
So great to see people sharing and reacting to this song... I was very close to giving up but in that moment this song came on and saved me from the biggest regret they probably don't know this but citizen soldier saved my life
This one does hit home. I have been able to distance myself from the words now that use to start the darkness. I used to always hate the night after being divorced 3 times and staying alone because of the wrong people who were in it. I have family and kids and grandkids who love me which I think helps but I had to move away from my two daughters and the grandkids to help my mom and dad. My son lives with me which has helped but still missing the kidos and daughters. Recently my dad passed from Dementia/Altheimer's, but I can't go back to the kids yet because of my mom who is still with us. I get the feeling because my brother who has always with our parents will need help after that. Uggggg So I am trying hard to teach him to survive without mom but that's a hard one. I just have way too much on my plate for most to deal with, but I keep going. Still it nice to hear you talk which calms me and give me a great feeling. Thank you.
First time to your channel, but I am a big Citizen Soldier fan. This song always brings many tears, but your analysis and positive words mean so much. I can't thank you enough. You have a new subscriber. This song was the first Citizen Soldier song that I played for my wife and we both bawled the whole way through. I think it was the first time that she got a level of understanding of what I go through...especially the line "I've never felt worthy of love". Again, thank you for you wonderful video.
Feel every word of that song and so glad thats not where i am anymore,,to anyone out there listening to this and feeling that ,open up reach out you are so worth the fight so worth tomorrow. Trust me I pulled the trigger and im so grateful im alive now.
I relate to this song in so many ways my depression constantly puts this thought in my head,. I suffer from severe depression and some days are harder than other days. But i don't ever want to give up i still have so much more to accomplish. Im getting my masters right now and i just passed my special education teacher certification. THis band is awsome and has allot of great song. THis is my first video and i like the message.
This is very intelligent description and overview. I don't suffer any mental illness (although my doctor disagrees and so do lots of other people) and I never been shot at with an actual weapon. ( i was physically hurt but never shot at) but I can relate to the position that is described in this video and your very good overview of it. maybe I feel this way because this is what I would say but I like the way this music video and you put it. however as far as people bringing you down because they were hurt themselves. While that does happen quite often and I caught myself doing that. Some people have it well and they are still assholes because that is the way they are. and while I want to be loved by my family and my friends and those who mean well and even those who had difficult time and are just lashing out. There are people that i don't care how they feel about me. i just want them to fear me.
As someone who does suffer depression and has a few failed suicide attempts I just want people to know there is no cure. Many of us are able to treat it and quite the voices that tell us we don't deserve anything but those voices will always be there. But we need help. The constant mental assault we weaken the strongest defences. Thank you for posting this video. And showing others who may have someone going thru this the fight is never over. But each day we live is another victory. God bless
Citizen Soldier's songs are some of the most moving and emotional songs i've ever listened to. Especially when going through thoughts and feelings such as these. "weight of the world" and "i am not okay" are another two incredible songs by them.
This band has helped me immensely through horrible things. I heard this song a few months after I attempted and it sends chills down my spine every time I hear it and after I heard it for the first time, I felt like I had power over my life again
If youre stuck in the dark feeling alone,all you need is a light to see how many people are there with you. Been in and out of therapy since I was 16. I'm almost 30 now. Went through every type of abuse you can imagine, Physical, emotional, sexua abusel by my biological father. Lost family, friends and been abandoned by almost every single person I met, but I'm still fighting, I've found my place,I have two cats and am getting married to a wonderful kind caring beautiful woman who I would have never met if I had gone through with my plan at 18. Hold on,there are people that love and care about you and want you to survive even if you can't see them.
I stumbled onto this song by total accident, and just the first few lines had me reliving some long repressed memories of asking myself these same questions when I was younger. I sobbed through the whole song, and then I just kept pressing replay.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. Also had suicidal thoughts very rarely and hurt myself a couple times. I know I have people that love and care for me and that I matter but its still hard. This is my absolute favorite band now. Every song is amazing and most are relatable to me and a lot of other people.
I've been crippled for a short while, it's truly showed me a darker side of people, and a more vulnerable side of myself. I checked myself into a facility via taxi when I was alone.. but I was alone for almost a month, half of that was in a cemetery in Tulsa Oklahoma. I remember hearing voices and talking to people who weren't there. I learned I have schizophrenia which is EXTREMELY terrifying. I thought I was there in the cemetery for a couple days, I was apprehended by law enforcement.. thank God because it turned out I've been there for weeks. I was severely emaciated and on the verge of freezing to death. I was thankfully rescued and don't get me wrong at the time it was tremendously terrifying. But today I'm sooo thankful! Psychosis is unbelievably powerful and if you even suspect that you might be close, please go to someone you love. I never knew I was a missing person.. and I never knew that some people.. even considered me deceased. It was so cold. Anyways I'm sorry it's so long, but I felt like leaving this.. just in case❤️
I love Would Anyone Care. Honestly I had depression not too long ago because I was sexually assaulted, I won't reveal who did it. I just wanted to say that I'm getting help and I'm doing much better. My mom said I started acting like my old self again and I'm grateful for my counselors that help me through that tough time in my life.
Thank you for talking about everything and letting us know we aren’t alone❤️ Citizen Soldier have amazing songs, my favorite one to listen to when I’m in a bad place would have to be If I Surrender. It’s such an amazing song
Ive known about this song for a while. Ive never been able to explain to people how my thoughts work. But citizen soldier knows how to put it into words.
You know a person is Worth a Thousand Words When you Stand on the Field or just Sitting at home waiting to help Someone in all I've listened to this Band for a while now and Each Song Gets Better than the last. I've Seen and been through hardships and Times where I was Put to the Test I've been a Survivor all my life bc of the Scars I Carry on the inside that Haunt Me bc of the Damage that had Been Done to Me long ago
I wish I could have given this message to my brother last year. My whole family has struggled horribly with depression and suicide, and he finally couldn't hold on. God, I miss him
Amanda i love you the way you help everyone you help me throw hard times awesome reachions omg this song hits home this is how i feel a lot ive tride to end my life 3 times and im so happy thay got me back couse off my kids and i never tride it again just feel like giving up everything
I would highly recommend Citizen Soldier to anyone struggling with mental health, and even people who aren't. Their songs speak to a wide range of experiences, and listening to them has been cathartic (and insightful, when it comes to other's struggles that I do not personally relate to). I've been trying to remind myself that everyone is fighting a war in their lives, even if I can't see it, and it's helped me stay patient when interacting with other people.
I remember at one point while i was in the air force, i was a trigger pull away from leaving behind everything i'd known, everyone i met and hopefully being in a better place. Had my finger on the trigger while i was out on post away from everyone. That memory still haunts me all these years later but i remember the first time i ever heard this song, it made me think about that time and how much life would have changed if i had pulled that trigger. Not for myself, but my family and friends and even those i was on post with. I broke down so much while i was driving i had to pull over for about 20 minutes just so i could deal with that moment. I still listen to this song just about everyday as a reminder that i made the right decision that day not pulling the trigger. It's such a beautiful song and the story behind when and why it was written is just a testament to just how powerful it really is
When I was a teenager I attended to take my own life, my younger brother who is now an addict saved me at the time. I went on to grow up and have children with a terrible human being who treated me like trash. She make me loose my kids which broke me once again. My best friend saved me and drove over 300 just to come check on me. I'll always be damaged by it but thankfully I have a good woman now and my still best friend who cares. We need people like that. We all do.
The thing that broke me was after my 2nd attempt waking up to my husband holding my hand tears running down his face and his broken "why wasn't I enough" I realized then how much my life meant to those around me even if I still don't feel worth much on days I think back to how broken he looked and my resolve to never let him have that look on his face again is enough to pull me through
I've been in that position as well this song actually made me think about it and not go through with it. Having said that I stand with you in caring about people who don't see themselves worthy of anything
I cried like a baby when I first heard this song. Then I found you in this clip. I haven't heard your words in a while. I have, but I know it wasnt real. That's what hurts the most. Hearing your words feel nice. I'm in the middle of packing our house. rooms are empty. I've wiped n cleaned walls. I walk in a empty shell of a house. every room memories play like a movie. it tears my heart that mych more as I pack our life away. sit in a empty house where our love blossomed .. still walk in to the daily pain I live in. fake smile when I go out. lie to others. " im fine " I practice to say to them. Carry on into another day of silently moving through empty rooms. this song, this song is so powerful. as a strong native man, the creator guides you. puts moments in our paths. thank you for listening.. bubba I am strong but only pretend to be.
You never have to pretend here, Bubba. Change is hard. Loss is hard. And I will never try to downplay it. We've got your back as you navigate through these intense struggles and emotions 💖
Even though there are stuggles every once in a while, I've never had depression and am happy with life. So while I can't relate to this song on a personal level, it's still so powerful and it hits the heartstrings. Stay strong, everyone. You got this
I was in the dark place that this song talks about for a long time. I'd say decades of ceaseless struggle against myself. I started to turn things around about 9 years ago. Therapy was one big step, and changing my diet and exercise to take better care of myself. I was really bad at therapy to start with, and I took some antidepressants (it took a while to find one that seemed to help). One of the most important lessons I took from this part of the journey was to stop trusting the voice that was telling me I wasn't worthy, that no one cared, and that all was worthless. That voice did not have my best interests at heart, would say anything to undermine me and my efforts, and slowly, day by day, I learned to recognize it. And one day, I managed to push it to arms length. It's not easy. The voice is still there. But I'm not in its clutches anymore and the burden is not unbearable. I have the safety net of people who love me now. I managed to climb out of the pit far enough that others heard me calling for help. And with their help, I'm alive. I've spent so long in darkness that I feel I have a lot of catching up to do. If you are in that darkness still, even though it seems like there's no way out, just take that one handhold up. Take that one small step in the right direction. You might surprise yourself for where you end up. There are those, like Amanda, who will reach down to help your journey out of the pit. You just need to give them the opportunity to try. You are worthy, and the voice telling you otherwise is not to be trusted.
You're right, due to being physically and mentally abused by my own parents everyday ever since i was 5 i became a silent person. I'm scared to interact especially to extroverts, i can't open my mouth in front of my parents due to the trauma and fear that i got, i can't show any emotions in front of them, my room is my only safe place. I've been crying everyday with bruises and blood all over my feet and hands. The only thing that makes me try hard to survive is my brother who's a special child, i've been thinking about what will happen to him if my parents grow old without no one to rely on. But sad to say, my brother's attitude changed towards me he became disgusted and didn't interract with me much. Now i'm just waiting for my time to die, i've been skipping meals non stop and having tons of sickness every month. :)
My dad took his own life January 23 2022, a month or so later, i too attempted. Luckily, i survived. This song hits so close to home it's insane. Truly wish i could have been there more for my dad but now it's too late, and i can't help but blame myself.
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand your subsequent attempt. I spiraled after losing my mom. We always blame ourselves or have major regrets regardless of how they passed. Your dad knew under his symptoms that you loved him, please know that. I'm happy you are still here. Please never stop searching for ways to share his love with the world 💖
I remember many years ago now when I was in that place, thinking many of those thoughts. Ironically, the only thing that stopped me was my anger. I was devastated, but I was also so angry. And while I didn't think that anyone would care if I were gone, I decided that that would be taking it too easy on those I was so angry at. So I stayed alive so that they wouldn't get off easy. That is the only moment that, thinking back, I have been glad to be such an angry person. So much pain... but at least in that moment, it somehow saved my life.
@george castle we see you, and would miss you. Together we will hold you up, and before you know it, or even realize it, you will be helping to hold up someone else.
Not sure how you normally pick suggestions. But I do have a song I think you would like, and a it is a song that helped me get me through my depression when I had it. Though I am out of my depression now, the song can still make me cry, both because of the thoughts I had at the time, and thinking about how much better I have it now. So if you ever get the chance I would love for you to hear or react to the song called Fall From Grace by the band Times of Grace. And also Thank you very much for your videos.
The vast majority are from my Patreons or those on my Friday live stream, but sometimes I have extra time and grab one from comments! Glad you're still here. Keep fighting!
Hey girlie, new here just discovering your channel. I’ve dived into the rabbit hole of Citizen Soldier and the many times the songs saved my life by just being heard is outstanding. Current favorite is their newest song: Still Breathing. It’s amazing and gives me the same vibes as this song, specifically the ending.
I've had those questions from this song repeatedly in my head for most of my life & can say that I know I've got 1 person that cares for me and she lives in the UK. Growing up, my dad frequently told me that I was useless and worthless and he passed away about 10 years ago, but the issues with him were never resolved.
I feel that padna. Hell i lost count of the number of times i was called " daddy's little retard" cause i didn't know something he did. Like what a crescent wrench was at 6 years old for example. So i getcha dude. But personally, I hear that crap in my head every minute of every day, but I use at as fuel for the fire in me. A way to push harder and harder to prove him and everyone else wrong. Keep that head up man. N.S.D. never stay down
Very often i can hear voices in my head saying these things to me for hours, sometimes yelling at me to just end it already before my life gets darker, i dont know if its just me or some other issue but they dont leave me alone, most of my actions are made because of what they tell me, they make me scared of everything, as hopeless as they make me feel ill keep trying to fight them off, Im trying to understand my worth even though they try to drown it out, I hope i can get them out of my head one day.
I call my voices my Shadow. It's not just you and you aren't crazy. The voice never really "goes away" but you can learn to shift them, work with them, tame them 💖
I try to end my life back in 2019 because I was bullied and the teachers could see what was wrong but didnt help. So I did it again few times after that year. 😭 I was so close of doing it today but its ok. I have stop posting videos on my channels because of my mental health and uni but people don't understand why I stop. I lost people because of it all. I don't really have any support on my channels. 🥺
You have almost 1000 subs (I just subscribed too.) You're doing great! Your mental health comes first. Numbers on here will fluctuate (I have it too.) It's not you!
Your words remind me of two songs by Citizen Soldier. It calls "My Little Secret" and "Hand Me Down". I think you will love it when you feel always awake.
I'm different too. I used to hate myself for it. Now I am SO grateful because to be normal is to be average. Nobody wanted Cs in school. We shouldn't strive for it in life either. The only words that matter are the ones that you tell yourself. Your inner voice can be changed regardless of what people have told you or what tapes are stuck in your head!
@@MentalAmandaIm so sorry that you have to go through this and i heat you i really do I idk if you remember me telling you about my friend that ended her life a bit back but it has been so hard not to do it myself. I Just don't know how to think because the negativity is bad and so toxic that I cant escape the thoughts especially when i have been left broken mentally and physically and emotionally. Just driving along wondering how long would take if i jist let go of the wheel or drive off a bridge or just eat a bullet. Im trying do hard to make changes in my life and life style but just getting deeper and deeper in the abyss. Idk if i can take much more. We talked About losing my father AMD brother as well and the visions and heart wrenching Wont leave my mind.
@@MorganS89 Lifestyle is a great foundation, but the focus has to be on rewriting the tapes in your head that trigger these thoughts. Trauma therapy majorly helped me with a couple of my situations. Perhaps EMDR. You could access both online.
💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖
And if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here:
amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/
Next song by citizen soldier called stronger than my strom
Could you react to fake plastic trees by Radiohead please.
Yes, being the answer to would anyone care, is the reason i'm still alive.
I've never done ok in therapy. I've always been the "rock" for every one else. I haven't been ok since. I"came home" and right now this is kinda just me screaming at the walls ua-cam.com/video/VbaFJiWftwk/v-deo.html
You should check out the nearest songs just released today cause this is your sign part 2 released toady, i recommend the song this is your sign that hits really hard.
Thank you for such a great reaction!
Thank you guys so much for watching! Would love to have you guys join the other artists (ex. Billy Bob Thornton, John Corabi, Teddy Andreadis) who have stopped by and talked mental health with me. Would you be down to a chat next month (mental health awareness month)? I think it would be very insightful. Love you guys already and I am only a few songs in!
Love ya guys. Please keep what you guys do going.
And ty for the wonderful song that a lot of us including me can relate to 🧡
@@MentalAmanda there new álbum comes out next wensday
Do you know Mha if so I think this would be awesome for Deku/Izuku Midoriya
Citizen Soldier is a band about depression, suicide, and other mental health struggles. The lead singer Jake attempted suicide in 2013 and created this band to show that you can make it through all the struggles. The band has helped me a lot all their songs have related to me to a T its insane how they make you feel.
Jake Segura actually wrote the lyrics to let it burn while in the hospital after his suicide attempt and in the song he is referring to "kid" as himself the song is a reminder to him and everyone else to never give up!
I broke down just hearing that, but in a good way. I am still here because my flicker has always been more like an all-consuming inferno, which ended up burning me indiscriminately. Music is dear to me as it was undoubtedly the crutch I had left to lean on while saving myself. I am beyond overjoyed to finally learn there is a whole band dedicated to my exact purpose and being. Their music and commercial success has inspired and motived me beyond words, and WILL end up being a leading narrative in my own story. Though my story and songs I will reach the ears and minds of those whom need what I so desperately begged for. Bless the futures we all still have.
I was in a dark place when I started listening to citizen soldier the first song that got me into them is the weight of the world. Their music I can really relate to. Their music is more of a therapy then going to a therapist for me.
@@blackphoenixgirl2236 I kinda agree with you there I've been in therapy before and then I found music not only citizen soldier but also other artists and different types of music I'm not really going to go into but I used to just hit walls and stuff till I didn't feel the pain of life any more but now I can say that I'm actually here to stay for good and I'm happy about my choice
I didn't know that
I immediately started crying when the first sentence was sung. I really hate to see people struggling but at the same time it's kind of a relief maybe? to see that I'm not the only one.
We all struggle in our own way. No one is alone in that. Amanda's vision with helping people with mental health issues is much needed.
Take care and don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone, that's always the hardest part no matter what your struggle is.
@@ak2nda695 I agree. and yes! I'm really grateful for what she's doing. thank you so much. I've been feeling better recently.
hope you're having a great day :)
I feel you on that
I personally know Jake, Citizen Soldier's lead singer, and he's an absolute gem of a human. He's been through a lot of bad things, and now he makes music to help inspire other people to never give up. He also helped me on my musical path as well. Amazing man, all around.
Hi David, I'm a veteran with PTSD amongst other things. Please thank Jake from me, his songs have really hit home with me. I would not be here today without people like him... Give him my regards please and good luck with your musical future bro!
@@tonybooy9807 will do!
i would love to meet this person that your talking about but i know it will never happen. im walking down a very very narrow road in hopes of falling off but im still here so far.
@@mikefrazier3412 go to any of Citizen Soldier's shows! They interact with their fans very often, and Jake is very friendly and open
By the songs he did I can see that his songs are heart touching honestly some of his songs have me tear up and I don’t cry very easy lol he does a great job on his music
I've watched this video multiple times so came back to comment again:
I love how you nodded yes at the lyric "Would anything change?" ...
but then you shook your head no at "Would you all be just fine?"
We need more people like you in the world who genuinely understand this feeling. Your reaction is amazing. If only the basic population could understand what people with mental illness go through and then the people who are left to deal with the aftermath of a suicide.
That song hit me really hard. It’s like someone saw my soul and thoughts and put it into a song.
Same tbh
I tried k!lling myself in the shower last year.. ik that probably sounds a little strange but still
I'm so glad I'm still here
That is ALL their songs
For me I hate myself, hits super hard.
Every single Citizen soldier song feels like they've taken an in depth look at my soul. This song, the moment it starts I'm already fighting off tears but the lyric "I've never felt worthy of love" always causes the dam to break. Again this band is SO amazing and so important, I hope you'll continue to check out more of their work. It's hard what to choose, honestly all their songs are worth checking out.
If you haven't already I highly suggest the song that started it all, Let it burn, wrote down in a hospital after the main vocalist tried to commit suicide but survived. I greatly appreciate them and you, I've never had someone dissect a song like this so well so I'm really grateful, Thank you.
Tears, tears and more damn tears 😭 this was a knife in the heart twisting, awesome stuff 🖤🖤🖤
Hey Amanda I want to thank you. Finding your UA-cam channel has really opened my eyes to why I wasn't killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and why I didn't kill myself that night I first heard Save Me by Jellyroll.
Two nights ago I got a phone call from a battle buddies wife and she was frantic. Her husband was locked in his cellar and was planning to commit suicide. She asked if I could help. I told her to tell him to answer my call on his cell phone when I call. I hung up with her and called him. He answered and I told him I needed to tell him something. I told him about me almost committing suicide. We talked for 4 hours when he finally went up the stairs and asked the police to take him to a mental hospital so he could check in. I'm traveling to Washington state Monday to visit him in person.
Dude, I've got no words, as I've got no realistic comparison in my life. Sounds kinda empty, but stay strong, and your buddy too
@@damiankynoch7724 I will and your words show the compassion vets dearly need
@@chrismadden132 yo man. That's rough. But thankfully you were there for your battle buddy. You had his back when he needed it. Massive respect man.
I hope your friend gets the help he needs. He and his family are blessed to have you in his life. I'm sure it's not the only reason you are alive, it's humbling to think that you being there for your friend is part of your path in life. You didn't end your life so you could save his. You might not have known it and maybe it only a small part, but I guarantee it is the most meaningful thing to his family.
Please share this channel with your friend(s) and let him (them) know your sacrifice for our country is greatly appreciated. It is sad to me that people think if you didn't die in battle that you didn't make a sacrifice. Anyone who sees the horrors of war do sacrifice their mental health.
Thank you for helping your friend you're awesome.
@@ak2nda695 I owe him my life literally. In Iraq he took a bullet for me. Talking him down was the least I could do.
wow , what an amazing song,, first time hearing it. really loved what you said about suicide not ending the pain but just transferring to others. the main reason i have not turned out the light.
this song came on my pandora 13 minutes after I was informed about my friends suicide. I stop talking to him after he and I had a falling out. it kills me cause he tried to reach out to me and I was so mad at him. now I feel so much regret for not helping him. this song is the only connection I have to him now. thank you for reacting to it.❤
He knew below his Shadow that you still cared. His struggles just outweighed his coping mechanisms. It's not your fault. 💖
God the first half of the song was my mantra for over ten years before i was hospitalized. almost three year survivor now. the last part is my mantra now. doing my best every day. thank you so much for this.
I am happy your light still shines!
Ty so much again for your words of caring an sympathy. I was having a bad day and watched this reaction. I love this song and band in general. You are amazing and even over the internet, on UA-cam, your words are power. Be blessed. 4+ years clean an sober an still going strong.
Proud of you!
Thank you Amanda
Your voice is carrying the sound of everyone needing to be heard. This is the first time I've ever commented on a video. Please keep going. You give a voice to those who have none.
Love Citizen Soldier's music, they keep me going. They help me to fight my demons day in and day out. Depression is so exhausting and to keep on fighting and just survive does get too much. All you can do is try to not give up, not easy.
Citizen Soldier is awesome... I feel like they are singing about my life.. I can relate to their songs. I have suffered through for 71 years and still struggling. There are two more songs you should listen to "This is Your Sign" and "Still Breathing".
Both are great songs
The reaction was amazing in itself, but then you had an instrumental of "One More Light" playing at the end. I'm in absolute tears.
The plot in you - letters for a dead friend, is...really deeper and the feeling on the song is just...uff
A really "For sure nobody has heard this song" that is all about mental health is "Last Chance" by Anybody Killa. Great song and the video is pretty heavy. Maybe worth a watch if you're looking for something out of left field. Love the channel, keep it up. 👌
Citizen Soldier’s music saved my life. Literally.
While I never did turn my thoughts of suicide into behaviours; my mental state was exceedingly close to taking that turn.
That’s when I came across their music; their song “This Is Your Sign” found me; I listened to it and I’ve been addicted to them ever since. They’ve saved my life and empowered me to continue living.
I’m so glad their music has impacted you in such a positive way. I’m happy you are still here with us.
Wow...I literally have no words...your reaction...was how I felt when I first heard this song...CS is literally my favorite band...theyve helped me, and they continue to help...every day....I know a good amount of their songs...by heart...that's how much I love their music..
i cannot put to words the effect this song has had on me. being able to sing those words at the end has brought me to tears multiple times. and sometimes thats all we want.
The first time I ever heard this song and this band I was ready to take a plunge off a parking garage, and a random stranger came up next to me, and played this song and just sat with me for hours while I broke down, that was the first time I ever felt that much compassion from another human, and too this day he still checks on me, it's amazing how much 1, just one interaction could make an impact on your life
You got a Chester too! This makes me so happy!
I love how you broke this down. From someone who battles PTSD from combat, I get it. I face my demons every damn day and I know I am not alone here. However, we have GOT to start embracing an attitude of conquerors not victims. I understand we may never completely remove this from our lives. But we have to shed this cloud of victimhood. If we stay in that frame of mind, we never allow the good or light to shine through. Too many seek the attention and not the help. We all have good and bad days, but it’s time to grab depression in a chokehold and deny it power! Keep up the good work! Sometimes people need to hear that voice which understands and can articulate what they are feeling but they can’t seem to put it into words. You are that voice and you do it so well.
I agree wholeheartedly. I refuse to say that I am a 'victim' of sexual assault or abuse. I'm a survivor!
I’m a combat veteran with severe ptsd, depression and anxiety. I was 19 when I deployed to ramadi Iraq. I’ve seen an done some shit that haunts me today. My flashbacks an nightmares feel like I’m back over there. I’ve been back for 17 years. I had 2 brothers commit suicide this yr in the same month. They prepared us for combat but not to come home. Reach out if you suffer from any of these. See ya in Valhalla brothers.
I hope you can find strength and your brothers are at peace. Thank you all for your sacrifices in protecting me.
I’ve watched several different reactions to this song. This is the first time that I have actually cried! Thank you. For both your reaction and your positive affirmations. With this one video you won a new subscriber. There are so many others I’d love to see you react to. Irreplaceable, Bedroom Ceiling, This Is Your Sign, Just Be Happy, and several others
same man its hard for me to show emotion but i have alot empathy so when someone cry it goes easier
Thanks for saving my life amanda im still fighting every day and thanks to all the people on this group for helping me
Finally more Citizen Soldier on the channel!! Of all the people that I would hope to see more reactions to Citizen Soldier for, yours are the ones I look forward too!! And this song specifically is one that I was hoping to see eventually!!
This song means so so so much to me. To be fair, almost all of Citizen Soldiers songs hold a very special place within me, but this song specifically is one that has been the knot that holds fast and doesn't let me go, even when I myself would rather let it all slip away.
Amazing reaction!! Loved all of your input and I hope you have yourself an awesome day!!
Very strong message from yourself at the end of Your video: You are your own knight who has to fight for yourself. Never heard words so true and clear. In the end that has been what helped me winning the fight over my depression some years ago. Noone can fight for You. You need to do it yourself. It´s hard but it pays off and it´s getting better over time. Thank You for what You´re doing here on youtube. Please continue. Greetings from Germany.
This song has so many of my own feelings in it. And I love that you are reacting to it ❤️
Your reaction to this song is what's keeping me going rn. I have severe social anxiety and chronic depression. It's so hard to reach out for help, but I know I desperately need it. I almost cried when you mouthed "let me in".
Aww. 🥺 Keep going, dude. 😌
Even the smallest step is still a step. You just reached out. Now we see you, and you are not alone.
I see you. Reaching out for help can be hard, but it takes SO much pressure off once we do it!
Citizen Soldier is my number one favorite band. Love all their songs. Love what they stand for and more. Much love.
Yup. I still have the same username, but i’ll change it once my headache stops from being ill. Anyway. This song kinda reminds me of when i was in a relationship with a girl who really struggled with suicidal thoughts at times. I still sometimes dream of how sometimes late at night i had to force her down until she got too tired and fell asleep, just so she couldn’t do anything to hurt herself. Or i had to find her in the woods because she ran away saying she would end her live. It happened a lot, but i’m glad i was always able to help, even if she hated me for it. And i’m glad i even had the courage if she threatened me. I had a dream about it again last night, and i’m not sure why. It’s not something i think about really, but i never talked about it either. I’m just happy that she’s better now and that she found her own way in life, even if we had to go our separate ways because of it.
I can tell you first hand as a suaside survivor how bad it hits the ones who love you, especually the ones you didnt know loved you, 2 years ago inside my house whitch is wired with security cams everywhere, i took my life, and was found shortly after doing so in time that EMS managed to make my heart beat again, i was found by my mother, father, sister, and brother who came to check in on me as i hadnt texted any of them in a week at the time, now they didnt get my heart going until after i got into the ambulance so my family thought i was gone for good. They told me i ended up flat lining 3 times total, but im still here, first thing i did when i got cleared from the hospital a few weeks later, went into court ordered phyco theropy as a ulturnative to being charged with attempted suaside and yes its a real charge anyways first thing i did was reviewd the security cam footage of that day i died. Because i know how lonly and empty i felt when i took my life and seeing how devistated and scared my family was to find me dead on the floor, it was an hd security cam so i could see the detail and the devistation in there eyes and horror on there faces, because moments before hitting the floor dead i felt i was alone, no one cared and i wasnt loved and was hated by all, but as i watched the horrer show of the cam footage i broke down hard because i could see how loved i was and how people i thought hated me had actually loved me all along, i am fotunate enough to see what suaside did to my family after i died temporarily
I am so grateful that you are still here with us and I hope you keep healing 💖
Thank you citizen soldier every song you create really hits home for me and I can relate in so many ways I thank Citizen Soldier for everything they do for people like myself
@Mental Amanda thank you so much for doing this song. I hold this song very close to me personally because I struggle with depression and anxiety every single day. And this song is 1000% how i feel on the inside on those bad days. The things you said in the video about how others react around us people who have these problems is so true. For the past 15 years I have felt alone and not wanted and stuck in that rut with no way out. When I voice how I am feeling I notice more than often people are afraid to even answer or try to be there for you. It's even harder when it's family that does that to you. I have been able to pick out who the real people are in my life from the way they react. Out of those real people just recently in the past month I have found someone who means the world to me and I would do anything in my power for this person. She is now the love of my life and when I am having a bad day it's like she makes it her mission to be there for me and show me that love that I need to pull through. Depression and anxiety are no laughing matter yes those feelings are in our head but don't be those people who just sit there and say "it's all in your head" because that makes things worse for us and makes us feel even more like people don't care. Approach it differently and just show that you care by having a conversation and showing that person there are people out there that are by your side and willing to be there for you in your times of need. Once again thank you for doing a reaction to this song and keep up the great videos.
I had a guru once tell me that something being in your head is the worst place that it can be because you can't just walk away from it.
Honestly I've been going through a lot and this song really makes me cry because it it's so personal to me I just have a lot of stuff going on in my life and I feel those thoughts often your words really helps me thank you with this song combined is just incredible i can't thank you enough
The transfer of pain from me to others is the main reason I haven't at least tried to end it all. I feel I'm a burden on people. I would think it's just in my head if not for the fact that I've been told I'm a burden on them. So I suffer in silence. I've done things in my past that I loath myself for. And it's alienated me from the people I've hurt. I can't change the past but I try to be a help to others I see struggling. Thank you for reacting to this song. I'm not ashamed to say I cried like a baby when I first heard it. It's the very words I scream to myself everyday. If it's not too much to ask, could you react to Blue October's "Hate Me"?
The people that said that to you have their own demons and pain. When a hurt person doesn't know how to process or manage the hurt, they try to project it and transfer it to other people. You aren't a burden. You're worthy of love and patience. There are plenty of people who will understand and will see your value, myself included.
@@MentalAmanda I try not to be negative towards people like that. They're fighting their own battles just as I'm fighting mine. My depression and anxiety will be a life long battle and I've finally come to terms with that. Although I do have good days too.
I once thought of eating a bullet and stop anyone from doing it. The thing that stopped me was one simple thing...I said something about it and others stepped in. I was in the military and what happened was kept in-house. I saw others who were having struggled worse than me and changed how I handled problems. I tapped into my inner strength and have been running with it ever since 👍
10:28 - My same reaction, even now still. After hearing this for so many times..
That pretty much has described my entire life. I've pushed EVERYONE away and I feel alone now. It's rough because I don't feel like anyone really understands me....hell I don't even know if I understand myself. Package delivered to the wrong address...wow that makes SO much sense to me. When you said that I was thinking to myself that you are saying the right words but I just can't hear them. I don't know how to let down my guard and let the words come through.
I remember watching this music video after I failed my attempt at suicide, and I've never felt so miserable, hopless, and outcasted in my life, and then I started thinking how can I prove people wrong because my girlfriend at the time was cheering me on, I was so blinded by my sorrow that I didn't realize what I had, thank you for reacting to this
I hope you know that she was toxic human sludge and that you are worthy of love. Glad you're still here!
So love this band, they sing about what most of us can't say out loud, a light in the dark if you will. They get me everytime. Great reaction to another awesome song by them ❣
The ideas stated in the song are things I've thought about for months now and they just are very difficult to fight at this point, but I'm still going.
And you can keep going. You are strong, and we’re all glad you’re here. I’ve been there too a lot of times. Even quite recently. That you’re talking about it is a very important first step to fixing what’s wrong. I hope you start feeling better soon mate. We support you
@@justsomeawesomeperson6396 thanks! Name ironically helps this message lmao
The fact that these are lyrics in a song shows that there are MANY people that feel just like you. Many have faced this and overcome it. You got this!
This song was so helpful and emotional as a suicide survivor myself 😢❤
Thank you so much, Citizen Soldier!
Me too survived five suicide attempts and three years of self harm dont do that anymore keep shining your light and thank you amanda for being there
We all are here for you, Jamie.@@jamiegoddard562
I don't feel like anything is worth it anymore. I lost my daughter in 2020 at the age of 3 my mom last year and my dad a month ago. I got no one left.
I lost my parents in 2005 and 2007 and had a miscarriage in 2020. The loss and grief can seem insurmountable. I cycled through addiction, self-harm and suicidal ideation for SO long. But I finally got to a point of realizing that if I end it, there's nobody left to share their love with the world. So I find ways to keep their love and memory alive. I'm so sorry for all of your losses and I will tell you first hand that you never "get over" them, but you do get to a point where the grief shifts and you can start living again and not just surviving.
This band has pulled me through many a dark time in the last 2 years.
Ever since I discovered them through my journey through depression this band has easily became my favorites every song and every album surprises me with how deep and how much they relate to you.
Well again you have made a grown man cry 😂 but there's nothing wrong with with that thank you so much girl for what you do ❤️
Damn these onion slicing ninjas sneaking in here.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 bro I work at in n out why this so relatable Fr haha 😆 😆 😆 😂@@johnbubba1143
Citizen Soldier is my favorite band because they're songs help me through my darkest days. 😭
This song showed up on my feed in a really dark time for me, like no warning, it was about a year old at that point, and didn't relate to anything else I watched on here, so literally no reason for the algorithm to suggest it to me, and I can't say for certain that this song was what changed it for me, but the fact that someone felt the exact same thing I was feeling in that moment? It helped. More than I can say. I am revisiting some of this music cause it really is just so beautiful and the message is so powerful, but I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that their are people out there who feel this pain, and I'm not all alone. So thx Mental Amanda, you managed to word a lot of what I feel when I listen to this song. And to a yone out there asking these questions, yeah someone cares. Even if you don't realize it, you've had an impact on everyone you've ever met and at least one of them loves you unconditionally for it.
So great to see people sharing and reacting to this song... I was very close to giving up but in that moment this song came on and saved me from the biggest regret they probably don't know this but citizen soldier saved my life
This one does hit home. I have been able to distance myself from the words now that use to start the darkness. I used to always hate the night after being divorced 3 times and staying alone because of the wrong people who were in it. I have family and kids and grandkids who love me which I think helps but I had to move away from my two daughters and the grandkids to help my mom and dad. My son lives with me which has helped but still missing the kidos and daughters. Recently my dad passed from Dementia/Altheimer's, but I can't go back to the kids yet because of my mom who is still with us. I get the feeling because my brother who has always with our parents will need help after that. Uggggg So I am trying hard to teach him to survive without mom but that's a hard one. I just have way too much on my plate for most to deal with, but I keep going. Still it nice to hear you talk which calms me and give me a great feeling. Thank you.
First time to your channel, but I am a big Citizen Soldier fan. This song always brings many tears, but your analysis and positive words mean so much. I can't thank you enough. You have a new subscriber. This song was the first Citizen Soldier song that I played for my wife and we both bawled the whole way through. I think it was the first time that she got a level of understanding of what I go through...especially the line "I've never felt worthy of love". Again, thank you for you wonderful video.
Feel every word of that song and so glad thats not where i am anymore,,to anyone out there listening to this and feeling that ,open up reach out you are so worth the fight so worth tomorrow. Trust me I pulled the trigger and im so grateful im alive now.
I relate to this song in so many ways my depression constantly puts this thought in my head,. I suffer from severe depression and some days are harder than other days. But i don't ever want to give up i still have so much more to accomplish. Im getting my masters right now and i just passed my special education teacher certification. THis band is awsome and has allot of great song. THis is my first video and i like the message.
This band really has kept me from suicide. They say for the most part say how I feel. Really love them
This is very intelligent description and overview. I don't suffer any mental illness (although my doctor disagrees and so do lots of other people) and I never been shot at with an actual weapon. ( i was physically hurt but never shot at) but I can relate to the position that is described in this video and your very good overview of it. maybe I feel this way because this is what I would say but I like the way this music video and you put it. however as far as people bringing you down because they were hurt themselves. While that does happen quite often and I caught myself doing that. Some people have it well and they are still assholes because that is the way they are. and while I want to be loved by my family and my friends and those who mean well and even those who had difficult time and are just lashing out. There are people that i don't care how they feel about me. i just want them to fear me.
As someone who does suffer depression and has a few failed suicide attempts I just want people to know there is no cure. Many of us are able to treat it and quite the voices that tell us we don't deserve anything but those voices will always be there. But we need help. The constant mental assault we weaken the strongest defences. Thank you for posting this video. And showing others who may have someone going thru this the fight is never over. But each day we live is another victory. God bless
This song is so very amazing it helps me through my worst days. And thank you so very much I needed to hear this.
Citizen Soldier's songs are some of the most moving and emotional songs i've ever listened to. Especially when going through thoughts and feelings such as these. "weight of the world" and "i am not okay" are another two incredible songs by them.
This band has helped me immensely through horrible things. I heard this song a few months after I attempted and it sends chills down my spine every time I hear it and after I heard it for the first time, I felt like I had power over my life again
If youre stuck in the dark feeling alone,all you need is a light to see how many people are there with you.
Been in and out of therapy since I was 16. I'm almost 30 now. Went through every type of abuse you can imagine, Physical, emotional, sexua abusel by my biological father.
Lost family, friends and been abandoned by almost every single person I met, but I'm still fighting, I've found my place,I have two cats and am getting married to a wonderful kind caring beautiful woman who I would have never met if I had gone through with my plan at 18.
Hold on,there are people that love and care about you and want you to survive even if you can't see them.
I stumbled onto this song by total accident, and just the first few lines had me reliving some long repressed memories of asking myself these same questions when I was younger. I sobbed through the whole song, and then I just kept pressing replay.
He wrote his first song in a mental hospital and is now a licensed therapist. My favorite songs are I'm Not Ok, and Reason to Live. Must listens!
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. Also had suicidal thoughts very rarely and hurt myself a couple times. I know I have people that love and care for me and that I matter but its still hard. This is my absolute favorite band now. Every song is amazing and most are relatable to me and a lot of other people.
Proud of you for continuing to fight. Just know that you aren't alone!
Felt this song a few times especially throughout the last few years.
I've been crippled for a short while, it's truly showed me a darker side of people, and a more vulnerable side of myself. I checked myself into a facility via taxi when I was alone.. but I was alone for almost a month, half of that was in a cemetery in Tulsa Oklahoma. I remember hearing voices and talking to people who weren't there. I learned I have schizophrenia which is EXTREMELY terrifying. I thought I was there in the cemetery for a couple days, I was apprehended by law enforcement.. thank God because it turned out I've been there for weeks. I was severely emaciated and on the verge of freezing to death. I was thankfully rescued and don't get me wrong at the time it was tremendously terrifying. But today I'm sooo thankful! Psychosis is unbelievably powerful and if you even suspect that you might be close, please go to someone you love. I never knew I was a missing person.. and I never knew that some people.. even considered me deceased. It was so cold. Anyways I'm sorry it's so long, but I felt like leaving this.. just in case❤️
This is a crazy story with a wonderful ending! I am so glad that you made and got the help you deserve!
I love Would Anyone Care. Honestly I had depression not too long ago because I was sexually assaulted, I won't reveal who did it. I just wanted to say that I'm getting help and I'm doing much better. My mom said I started acting like my old self again and I'm grateful for my counselors that help me through that tough time in my life.
Thank you for talking about everything and letting us know we aren’t alone❤️ Citizen Soldier have amazing songs, my favorite one to listen to when I’m in a bad place would have to be If I Surrender. It’s such an amazing song
Ive known about this song for a while. Ive never been able to explain to people how my thoughts work. But citizen soldier knows how to put it into words.
You know a person is Worth a Thousand Words When you Stand on the Field or just Sitting at home waiting to help Someone in all I've listened to this Band for a while now and Each Song Gets Better than the last. I've Seen and been through hardships and Times where I was Put to the Test I've been a Survivor all my life bc of the Scars I Carry on the inside that Haunt Me bc of the Damage that had Been Done to Me long ago
this song really is a great reminder that we are not alone when it comes to depression
I wish I could have given this message to my brother last year. My whole family has struggled horribly with depression and suicide, and he finally couldn't hold on. God, I miss him
I'm so sorry that he lost his battle. Would you like to tell us more about him?
Amanda i love you the way you help everyone you help me throw hard times awesome reachions omg this song hits home this is how i feel a lot ive tride to end my life 3 times and im so happy thay got me back couse off my kids and i never tride it again just feel like giving up everything
I'm SO happy that you are still here with us and that you are finding some level of healing 💖
@@MentalAmanda im so happy to still be here also and your videos help me
Thank you for the good videos you bring all the time, I wish I had lots of friends like you
I would highly recommend Citizen Soldier to anyone struggling with mental health, and even people who aren't. Their songs speak to a wide range of experiences, and listening to them has been cathartic (and insightful, when it comes to other's struggles that I do not personally relate to). I've been trying to remind myself that everyone is fighting a war in their lives, even if I can't see it, and it's helped me stay patient when interacting with other people.
Oh wow this is so my reality sometimes when a certain situation or encounter arises. So many tears right now this song hit me to my soul.
I remember at one point while i was in the air force, i was a trigger pull away from leaving behind everything i'd known, everyone i met and hopefully being in a better place. Had my finger on the trigger while i was out on post away from everyone. That memory still haunts me all these years later but i remember the first time i ever heard this song, it made me think about that time and how much life would have changed if i had pulled that trigger. Not for myself, but my family and friends and even those i was on post with. I broke down so much while i was driving i had to pull over for about 20 minutes just so i could deal with that moment. I still listen to this song just about everyday as a reminder that i made the right decision that day not pulling the trigger. It's such a beautiful song and the story behind when and why it was written is just a testament to just how powerful it really is
Glad you are still here. Thank you for all the sacrifice you made for us
Look up "If I surrender" or "Hand me Down" by Citizen Solider, its amazing, and is my feelings at the moment
When I was a teenager I attended to take my own life, my younger brother who is now an addict saved me at the time. I went on to grow up and have children with a terrible human being who treated me like trash. She make me loose my kids which broke me once again. My best friend saved me and drove over 300 just to come check on me. I'll always be damaged by it but thankfully I have a good woman now and my still best friend who cares. We need people like that. We all do.
We are all "damaged" or "broken" in some way. But last I checked, broken crayons still color just the same.
The thing that broke me was after my 2nd attempt waking up to my husband holding my hand tears running down his face and his broken "why wasn't I enough" I realized then how much my life meant to those around me even if I still don't feel worth much on days I think back to how broken he looked and my resolve to never let him have that look on his face again is enough to pull me through
This really hits home. Quite often I ask this question. Asking it as I'm typing this. The feeling gets better after a while
I've been in that position as well this song actually made me think about it and not go through with it. Having said that I stand with you in caring about people who don't see themselves worthy of anything
I cried like a baby when I first heard this song. Then I found you in this clip. I haven't heard your words in a while. I have, but I know it wasnt real. That's what hurts the most.
Hearing your words feel nice.
I'm in the middle of packing our house. rooms are empty. I've wiped n cleaned walls. I walk in a empty shell of a house. every room memories play like a movie. it tears my heart that mych more as I pack our life away. sit in a empty house where our love blossomed .. still walk in to the daily pain I live in. fake smile when I go out. lie to others. " im fine " I practice to say to them.
Carry on into another day of silently moving through empty rooms.
this song, this song is so powerful. as a strong native man, the creator guides you. puts moments in our paths.
thank you for listening..
bubba
I am strong but only pretend to be.
You never have to pretend here, Bubba. Change is hard. Loss is hard. And I will never try to downplay it. We've got your back as you navigate through these intense struggles and emotions 💖
Even though there are stuggles every once in a while, I've never had depression and am happy with life. So while I can't relate to this song on a personal level, it's still so powerful and it hits the heartstrings. Stay strong, everyone. You got this
I was in the dark place that this song talks about for a long time. I'd say decades of ceaseless struggle against myself. I started to turn things around about 9 years ago. Therapy was one big step, and changing my diet and exercise to take better care of myself. I was really bad at therapy to start with, and I took some antidepressants (it took a while to find one that seemed to help).
One of the most important lessons I took from this part of the journey was to stop trusting the voice that was telling me I wasn't worthy, that no one cared, and that all was worthless. That voice did not have my best interests at heart, would say anything to undermine me and my efforts, and slowly, day by day, I learned to recognize it. And one day, I managed to push it to arms length. It's not easy. The voice is still there. But I'm not in its clutches anymore and the burden is not unbearable. I have the safety net of people who love me now. I managed to climb out of the pit far enough that others heard me calling for help. And with their help, I'm alive. I've spent so long in darkness that I feel I have a lot of catching up to do.
If you are in that darkness still, even though it seems like there's no way out, just take that one handhold up. Take that one small step in the right direction. You might surprise yourself for where you end up. There are those, like Amanda, who will reach down to help your journey out of the pit. You just need to give them the opportunity to try. You are worthy, and the voice telling you otherwise is not to be trusted.
You're right, due to being physically and mentally abused by my own parents everyday ever since i was 5 i became a silent person. I'm scared to interact especially to extroverts, i can't open my mouth in front of my parents due to the trauma and fear that i got, i can't show any emotions in front of them, my room is my only safe place. I've been crying everyday with bruises and blood all over my feet and hands. The only thing that makes me try hard to survive is my brother who's a special child, i've been thinking about what will happen to him if my parents grow old without no one to rely on. But sad to say, my brother's attitude changed towards me he became disgusted and didn't interract with me much. Now i'm just waiting for my time to die, i've been skipping meals non stop and having tons of sickness every month. :)
I'm just hoping to get an incurable cancer so i can finally rest in peace.
Are you still in this situation? I will personally help you and your brother get out.
My dad took his own life January 23 2022, a month or so later, i too attempted. Luckily, i survived. This song hits so close to home it's insane. Truly wish i could have been there more for my dad but now it's too late, and i can't help but blame myself.
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand your subsequent attempt. I spiraled after losing my mom. We always blame ourselves or have major regrets regardless of how they passed. Your dad knew under his symptoms that you loved him, please know that. I'm happy you are still here. Please never stop searching for ways to share his love with the world 💖
I remember many years ago now when I was in that place, thinking many of those thoughts. Ironically, the only thing that stopped me was my anger. I was devastated, but I was also so angry. And while I didn't think that anyone would care if I were gone, I decided that that would be taking it too easy on those I was so angry at. So I stayed alive so that they wouldn't get off easy. That is the only moment that, thinking back, I have been glad to be such an angry person. So much pain... but at least in that moment, it somehow saved my life.
@george castle we see you, and would miss you. Together we will hold you up, and before you know it, or even realize it, you will be helping to hold up someone else.
Not sure how you normally pick suggestions. But I do have a song I think you would like, and a it is a song that helped me get me through my depression when I had it. Though I am out of my depression now, the song can still make me cry, both because of the thoughts I had at the time, and thinking about how much better I have it now. So if you ever get the chance I would love for you to hear or react to the song called Fall From Grace by the band Times of Grace. And also Thank you very much for your videos.
The vast majority are from my Patreons or those on my Friday live stream, but sometimes I have extra time and grab one from comments! Glad you're still here. Keep fighting!
@@MentalAmanda I very much hope you do listen to this song then!
This is the second time you've talked me off the ledge. For that I thank you.
Citizen Soldier is one of the best band that I had never listened
Thank you so much! Love from France
Hey girlie, new here just discovering your channel. I’ve dived into the rabbit hole of Citizen Soldier and the many times the songs saved my life by just being heard is outstanding. Current favorite is their newest song: Still Breathing. It’s amazing and gives me the same vibes as this song, specifically the ending.
I've had those questions from this song repeatedly in my head for most of my life & can say that I know I've got 1 person that cares for me and she lives in the UK. Growing up, my dad frequently told me that I was useless and worthless and he passed away about 10 years ago, but the issues with him were never resolved.
I feel that padna.
Hell i lost count of the number of times i was called " daddy's little retard" cause i didn't know something he did. Like what a crescent wrench was at 6 years old for example.
So i getcha dude. But personally, I hear that crap in my head every minute of every day, but I use at as fuel for the fire in me. A way to push harder and harder to prove him and everyone else wrong.
Keep that head up man. N.S.D. never stay down
@@johnbubba1143 Get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8.
@@paulyoung5878 and keep pushing til there's absoultly nothing left in the tank. THAT'S when you can quit.
You have another here in Arizona who cares.
Know also that those tapes in you head CAN be overwritten. I had some seriously deep ones and have made IMMENSE progress with them!
Very often i can hear voices in my head saying these things to me for hours, sometimes yelling at me to just end it already before my life gets darker, i dont know if its just me or some other issue but they dont leave me alone, most of my actions are made because of what they tell me, they make me scared of everything, as hopeless as they make me feel ill keep trying to fight them off, Im trying to understand my worth even though they try to drown it out, I hope i can get them out of my head one day.
I call my voices my Shadow. It's not just you and you aren't crazy. The voice never really "goes away" but you can learn to shift them, work with them, tame them 💖
I try to end my life back in 2019 because I was bullied and the teachers could see what was wrong but didnt help. So I did it again few times after that year. 😭
I was so close of doing it today but its ok. I have stop posting videos on my channels because of my mental health and uni but people don't understand why I stop. I lost people because of it all. I don't really have any support on my channels. 🥺
You have almost 1000 subs (I just subscribed too.) You're doing great! Your mental health comes first. Numbers on here will fluctuate (I have it too.) It's not you!
what i hear every day in my head. i cant sleep and because im different i get such negative words every day its all i feel
Your words remind me of two songs by Citizen Soldier. It calls "My Little Secret" and "Hand Me Down". I think you will love it when you feel always awake.
I'm different too. I used to hate myself for it. Now I am SO grateful because to be normal is to be average. Nobody wanted Cs in school. We shouldn't strive for it in life either. The only words that matter are the ones that you tell yourself. Your inner voice can be changed regardless of what people have told you or what tapes are stuck in your head!
@@MentalAmandaIm so sorry that you have to go through this and i heat you i really do I idk if you remember me telling you about my friend that ended her life a bit back but it has been so hard not to do it myself. I Just don't know how to think because the negativity is bad and so toxic that I cant escape the thoughts especially when i have been left broken mentally and physically and emotionally. Just driving along wondering how long would take if i jist let go of the wheel or drive off a bridge or just eat a bullet. Im trying do hard to make changes in my life and life style but just getting deeper and deeper in the abyss. Idk if i can take much more. We talked About losing my father AMD brother as well and the visions and heart wrenching Wont leave my mind.
@@MorganS89 Lifestyle is a great foundation, but the focus has to be on rewriting the tapes in your head that trigger these thoughts. Trauma therapy majorly helped me with a couple of my situations. Perhaps EMDR. You could access both online.