They're exactly like alcoholics or other addicts. They deal with things in the same way. I remember going to AlAnon about my dad. But a lot of things came up about my mom, who doesn't drink but shops a ton and lives in front of the tv. Narcissists have a lot of addictive behaviors as well. Controlling things is the point.
Exactly! I shouldn’t have to “explain til I’m blue in the face” why i said- no. No means no. I’ve spent more than half my life thinking i had to “explain” something to the narcissist i deal with so that he wouldn’t get mad or have his feelings hurt and then punish me in some passive aggressive way. It feels so good to just tell people “no” and not have to feel guilty for it. If i say “no,” i have my reasons and they’re good reasons. And i shouldn’t let myself be guilted into saying “yes” when for whatever reasons i would rather say no.
I was expecting this would be about dealing with anger caused by narcissist. The one I'm dealing with is driving me up the wall. It's like his primary goal is to create conflicts. It leaves me angry, resentful, sarcastic etc, in short, it brings out the worst in me, who is a kind, sweet and gentle person. Absolutely incredible.
Yup. For me- it’s not taking the bait- well… first, it’s recognizing the bait for what it really is AND THEN not taking it because i see it for what it really is- a sad little person’s attempt to make themselves feel better at the expense of someone else. No need to argue that. Instead, there’s every reasons to feel sorry for them- but then, not really. Easier to just move on.
I do similar things in my EFT sessions with my therapist. Set the goal of what emotions I want to feel, what state I want to get to, like relief, or at least neutral, or knowing I am safe, etc.
Wish I could "like" more than once. These videos are so helpful in changing mine and others every day lives! I responded out of dignity rather than vengeance yesterday and extinguished a situation that I would have previously inflamed. I'm so grateful. Thank you Dr. Les Carter!
Based on what you said, is this just managing your anger? Because what you said could not be said to a narcissist. Oh no. I thought this video would be about what to do with the anger you feel towards the narcissist. They can leave your life in distruction and you are also left with a lot of anger. The anger over not having the right to say what you want to say about the things they did to you... You receive no justice. But you have to let go or the anger will eat you alive...and it will if you let it. You can't defend yourself or tell your side of the story. But coping and letting go of that anger is another hurdle you have to deal with. Letting go of the person, letting go of the memories, letting go of the cruelty they showed towards you...it's devastating if not handled correctly... I just take one day at a time. I'm on a tightrope and I step carfully so as not to fall down..... Healing is painful...
Marie, I understood that Dr Carter was talking about how to manage one's anger towards the narcissist and enablers, flying monkeys, and other gaslighters whether with them or alone We have to manage our anger in every hurtful instance, and also let it go, as you say. Peace be with you and may you go on to live a happy life of recovery. May we all.
I'm reminded of the phrase, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." It is good to be satisfied when you have everything that you need. Some people have more than they need, yet they are always wanting more and more, and because they cannot get everything they want, they become angry. Those who do not have a sense of inner peace or sufficiency will look outwards to compensate for that which is deficient within. The empty can rattles the most. As Epicurus put it, "The things you really need are few and easy to come by; but the things you can imagine you need are infinite, and you will never be satisfied." Focus on the simple things in life that you need and make sure you get them, but anything beyond this is vanity. For some people, you could hand them the world on a silver platter and it would not be enough. Let your needs be few and let that be enough.
Love this video. Thank you Dr Carter. Managing anger well & cleanly is such a great skill to have in your pocket. It takes awareness and practice. If we don't have parental modeling of what productive anger is as children, we carry along our pre-adolescence tools of handling anger which includes eye rolling, lashing out, name calling, ridiculing, devaluing, impatience, dismissing- all issues of controlling, manipulative people. You can also go in the opposite direction and bury our anger, oppress it. That is a very sad, frustrating and uncomfortable way to live. That's not healthy either. Being able to say what you feel in a kind and caring manner, listen to the other person with an open heart and mutually agree on solutions that can benefit both parties is a beautiful way to handle conflict resolution. It is my heart's desire to be skilled in this area. ♥️
- love the leadership pointers. We can do's: Freedom, Open-mindedness, self preservation, faith walk as in you are capable. Fear not. So glad the dr. Is in!
I learned long ago to let my anger inform me and to explain without projecting. I own my feelings. And it can be difficult. Having someone to talk to helps. A neutral person or the person who has angered me. Not easy. I was taught that beneath anger is fear. I appreciate you taking it further. Last word. I love make ups even years later. I have faith and misunderstandings happen.
I like the way you insert thoughtfulness into understanding anger and angry responses. Understanding WHY you are angry requires this pause for thought and really speaks to whether the anger is in it's rightful place...
That's the one thing that's helped me "control", listen and understand what's being said to you in a more objective way...and when I don't understand I admit it to that person that I'm not fully comprehending what they are saying and then let them help you understand better. It's not always a success, but it has helped me stay more level in heated convo
Hi Dr Carter You’re looking healthy even if you’re ‘old’ 😊 Guess that means I’m ‘old’ too! I wasn’t able to comment in the live chat from Australia for some reason.
Gus barks when he hears the garbage truck outside. I try to explain they are our friends, but it's a work in progress. Other than that, we're good! Dr. C
@@sjwillis1137 Me, too. Gus looks a lot like my late husband's incredibly, LOYAL 'Therapy Dog'. ♡ (I got my "pick," of 2. ♡) A 'street dog' Rescue* & an "Au Natural"!! ♡
I only just found anger. Never could go there because I was programmed to not show anger. Repressed since birth, 2, 3, 5, 6... years. EMDR therapy the past two sessions has helped me to recall it, focus on the feeling associated with the trauma and bring it up front to clear. It’s amazing how effective it is. Thank you Dr Carter for discussing this topic of anger.
To deal with my repressed emotions/programming to not feel anger since early childhood, I used music for therapy- Eminem, till I collapse song & Shinedown songs helped till it passed- Team Healthy is the best- Big hugs🥰
This was a wonderful lesson, Dr. C. I can certainly relate-what to do with all my anger, indeed? I can feel that anger dimension inside me and what to let go of it, transform it....And so good to see sweet ol' Gus there-so adorable. :) Johnny
I just was able to utilize texting to talk with a counselor. It really helps and I'm so grateful for those folks who offer help to people when they are suffering. Bless you all.
It’s rather difficult if not impossible for me to get past my anger toward my EXTREMELY narcissistic ex wife when she has poisoned the mind of our only kid against me. The kid hasn’t spoken to me in over five years, and each day which goes by is another reminder of what my ex wife has taken from me. Out of the billions of people on the earth, I maintain anger and hatred for only one. I don’t think that’s too bad.
I get what you're saying. Parental Alienation is one of the most insidious tactics a person can use. I have no sympathy for a narcissistic parent who teaches a child to disdain the other parent. Dr. C
Sorry you’re having to deal with this. It makes total sense to be angry. Hoping you can find balance so that the anger you feel is a healthy anger. Also hoping you will one day soon be reunited with your child so that the child can see at least one parent behave in a way that doesn’t try to turn him/her against the other parent
TED. My heart goes out to you. In the same boat but with my little innocent granddaughter. Unsure what my daughters problem is. I said no I wouldn't help with something and Bam!!. I initiated space first but still said I could help with little one. 2 months have passed and I am the enemy. Surely the entitlement doesn't prompt such an extreme response does it? Praying you see your little one.
Anger can be "a mask" of an enormous fear and lack of self-confidence. The control of anger and ruling over this strong emotion is a big life challenge, but at the same time overcoming this harmful emotion helps us in our personal growth. The more we are in peace with ourselves and people around us, the more we are successful in elimination of anger. Anger, also, can be trap leading us to "wrong road". Moving away from anger toward good psychological state and positive emotions takes a long way. But, making the efforts in "struggle" with anger is worthy of life that we deserve. Dr. Carter, I can't wait for your video!
I would not label anger, across the board, as harmful or ever suggest it be eliminated. Anger is there for a reason and is incredibly valuable. Knowing how to channel our energy and use it to our benefit is always the aim. Anger is a part of that tool belt that, when used skillfully, keeps us in good shape.
My anger comes from fear, loss and frustration. When it comes to a certain point in a relationship with certain types of individuals you need to draw that line in the sand, full stop. They have pushed and pushed until you have no where left to go. They probably will try to bully you and you may lose them, stand firm with dignity. Do not waffle. No hedging. You have already done all of the compromising talks and it meant they got even more and have left you with nothing but who you are, even though you are probably just a shell. You probably already are a fair-minded person and have been talked out self-preservation. My fears have kept me entrapped.
I feel like I haven't received justice and it seems the longer I dont get the justice the more my anger effects me negatively. I dont want it to define me and I don't know how to deal with it as good as I used to.
@@jewls808 I was just advised to do this by someone else yesterday! Must be a sign lol I was looking for kickboxing but it's so expensive around me so I'm gonna look into the martial arts
Could you please do a video regarding how to best deal with someone who simply shuts down when they are angry or when someone tries to talk with them about serious or troubling things?
@@DrLesCarter Thank you so much for even considering it. My bf wants to do better with that and to stop shutting down but isn't sure where to start. I want to help him, of course, but I'm not sure how best to.
I don't understand what's happened to me. I'm related to narcissists by DNA - and the family that adopted me were too but not as bad as the first family. I used to just get their narcissistic letters and have almost no reaction at all. Since the letter I got two days ago, with a death in our family being more about HER than the dead person again, I've lost interest in even communicating with her. She did this crap when someone in our life died in the World Trade Center! That should tell you two things: 1. How much she think about herself, that she can even make someone's murder be about her and 2) How damm long she's been Doing this and is exactly the same now as she was then. They've been this way their whole lives. My reaction to it came to a boiling head because of the incident in 2001 and being utterly stunned and confused at how they could turn even that into being about them.
I use "Thinking Reports" as soon as I get angry which slow down the decision making process. It solves more problems than it creates for certain. Start with 1. and write down all the points of the anger triggers / situation as well as possible solutions for each one. You end up at 15 at first then one day you get to #1.... I have been using these reports for over a decade and I find I am more calm than I was when I first started using them. Of course I make better decisions these days as well.
I found out the other day that Elon Musk is in the habit of blocking a lot of people online. Sometimes anger is a good thing and can be profitable when managed well enough for himself [or herself] by finding the right time and place to express it and then by donating to charity.
I trust myelf well enough - but how do I deal with someone who I've tried to speak my truth and my sensitivities to, they say they understand and then they proceed to continue to rub up against the boundary I've set for my relationship with them. I repeat my boundary, they again acknowledge my needs - and again, proceed to ignore them in the next encounter. I've already had to go NC with two members of my family, but would like to try to retain a relationship with others. All of us are surviving narcissism in our parents - all of us have absorbed bad ways to manage emotional conflicts. Most of the conflicts have us sounding like we're 6, but in truth we're 10X that age. I'm very tired of constantly havng to repeat myself - and try to tust that this person is actually listening or considering my needs ...I'd love to avoid going NC with this person if I could, but I'm tripped into my anger by repeated boundary incursions. Not good - - I've already had a heart attack.
I have been recently been thinking a lot about this. I have been wondering what is the alternative to feeling anger even if the anger is justified. I don’t like the anger because it doesn’t feel right to me. It feels like I am just adopting the narcissistic habits to suit my own agenda and at some point I have to ask myself what does that say about me? When I recognize the desire to be angry, take notice and decide I don’t want anger. Then I feel sad for me and humanity, my kids and anyone going through this. The only thing next I tend to feel is a desire to work toward changing my situation. Am I missing something?
I'm with Saletta on this, Diane. You're having to get used to a new normal. Anger has a valid function and it becomes your task to live into the clean side of anger (as opposed to seeing it as all bad). Dr. C
The sharing here has helped me to break through... " Live in- to...( moving forward) the Clean side of anger..." I feel where you are coming from, speaking of justified anger. Now it's just time to lay it down and not let it remain a part of me. I don't want to stay trapped in a moment like that. I want to be free. Maybe the children can learn how to get free from our example? This is my prayer.
@@DrLesCarter I was mowing grass & it just hit me like a brick wall- you are teaching us how to live not in survival mode but in a healthy adult mode since many of us was never showed what that looks like- I raised my kids the best I could in a good way but once I found out what has been done to me during this whole marriage my civility, dignity & respect just slid off my cracker like my cheese did(the green mile movie)🙄Its coming back & I just want to sincerely thank you! I'm not that angry person & I'm trying to learn how to live without being a doormat-
Hey sir, Your room acoustics just went south. Lots of reflection echoes. Did you change your mic or pickup pattern? Still love Guss...he is like most of our pets. They ask no questions and pass no criticisms. 😁
None of this speaks to me as the "victim scapegoat" though Doc. It sounds more like you are describing the abusive bigot Narcissist who has been abusing me in Al-Anon. She is a bully, and my rage is there to protect me. I only wished I'd listened sooner to my Gut, but I am learning. I have been appropriate and controlled in discussing my rage towards this woman for her abuse towards me. She ends up looking like the loud-mouthed POS that she is, and I must maintain my composure. Abusers are tough to deal with, and I am considering putting forth a motion in our next group conscience to ask that she leave the meeting. All one can really do is bounce these fools out of our lives like the dry drunks that they are. I am praying for all involved and to heal, learn, and grow as much as possible from this experience. I am learning to love myself and be assertive through this and gonna keep watching your vids tonight. Bless you, and everyone struggling with these matters, Nichol W.
Moving from anger toward acceptance. Not acceptance of their poor treatment, but acceptance that they won't change so my response has to change.
This is the key
They're exactly like alcoholics or other addicts. They deal with things in the same way. I remember going to AlAnon about my dad. But a lot of things came up about my mom, who doesn't drink but shops a ton and lives in front of the tv. Narcissists have a lot of addictive behaviors as well. Controlling things is the point.
"A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still" whoever came up with that is a genius.
Exactly! I shouldn’t have to “explain til I’m blue in the face” why i said- no. No means no. I’ve spent more than half my life thinking i had to “explain” something to the narcissist i deal with so that he wouldn’t get mad or have his feelings hurt and then punish me in some passive aggressive way. It feels so good to just tell people “no” and not have to feel guilty for it. If i say “no,” i have my reasons and they’re good reasons. And i shouldn’t let myself be guilted into saying “yes” when for whatever reasons i would rather say no.
Beautifully said!
I was expecting this would be about dealing with anger caused by narcissist. The one I'm dealing with is driving me up the wall. It's like his primary goal is to create conflicts. It leaves me angry, resentful, sarcastic etc, in short, it brings out the worst in me, who is a kind, sweet and gentle person. Absolutely incredible.
“Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”
― Sun Tzu
Not arguing has changed my life in such a positive way. It works. Thank you.
Yup. For me- it’s not taking the bait- well… first, it’s recognizing the bait for what it really is AND THEN not taking it because i see it for what it really is- a sad little person’s attempt to make themselves feel better at the expense of someone else. No need to argue that. Instead, there’s every reasons to feel sorry for them- but then, not really. Easier to just move on.
I do similar things in my EFT sessions with my therapist. Set the goal of what emotions I want to feel, what state I want to get to, like relief, or at least neutral, or knowing I am safe, etc.
Towards who you were & still are- Once you know the truth there is no going back- team healthy has been the best blessing🤗
Calmness, clearer thinking, an awesome life!
Yes! thank you Dr Carter and UA-cam
yes! DALE CARNEGIE says, NO ONE won an argument. SMART GUY!!
Hi Gus!!!
Wish I could "like" more than once. These videos are so helpful in changing mine and others every day lives! I responded out of dignity rather than vengeance yesterday and extinguished a situation that I would have previously inflamed. I'm so grateful. Thank you Dr. Les Carter!
Based on what you said, is this just managing your anger? Because what you said could not be said to a narcissist. Oh no. I thought this video would be about what to do with the anger you feel towards the narcissist. They can leave your life in distruction and you are also left with a lot of anger. The anger over not having the right to say what you want to say about the things they did to you... You receive no justice.
But you have to let go or the anger will eat you alive...and it will if you let it. You can't defend yourself or tell your side of the story. But coping and letting go of that anger is another hurdle you have to deal with. Letting go of the person, letting go of the memories, letting go of the cruelty they showed towards you...it's devastating if not handled correctly...
I just take one day at a time. I'm on a tightrope and I step carfully so as not to fall down.....
Healing is painful...
You're Absolutely RIGHT!! WELL SAID!!
Marie, I understood that Dr Carter was talking about how to manage one's anger towards the narcissist and enablers, flying monkeys, and other gaslighters whether with them or alone We have to manage our anger in every hurtful instance, and also let it go, as you say. Peace be with you and may you go on to live a happy life of recovery. May we all.
Marie:
I have the same problem with this cruel person. I get where you are coming from.
I'm reminded of the phrase, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." It is good to be satisfied when you have everything that you need. Some people have more than they need, yet they are always wanting more and more, and because they cannot get everything they want, they become angry. Those who do not have a sense of inner peace or sufficiency will look outwards to compensate for that which is deficient within. The empty can rattles the most. As Epicurus put it, "The things you really need are few and easy to come by; but the things you can imagine you need are infinite, and you will never be satisfied." Focus on the simple things in life that you need and make sure you get them, but anything beyond this is vanity. For some people, you could hand them the world on a silver platter and it would not be enough. Let your needs be few and let that be enough.
A fellow stoic. Bless you.
Adorably old. You still got it, Dr. C 😁
My anger comes from frustration, of not being able to make sense of a situation or interaction with a person.
Love this video. Thank you Dr Carter. Managing anger well & cleanly is such a great skill to have in your pocket. It takes awareness and practice. If we don't have parental modeling of what productive anger is as children, we carry along our pre-adolescence tools of handling anger which includes eye rolling, lashing out, name calling, ridiculing, devaluing, impatience, dismissing- all issues of controlling, manipulative people. You can also go in the opposite direction and bury our anger, oppress it. That is a very sad, frustrating and uncomfortable way to live. That's not healthy either. Being able to say what you feel in a kind and caring manner, listen to the other person with an open heart and mutually agree on solutions that can benefit both parties is a beautiful way to handle conflict resolution. It is my heart's desire to be skilled in this area. ♥️
Awareness and practice. Good way to frame it, Cheryl. I too hope you can become skilled in that area. Dr. C
Thanks "Clean Anger " is the take away of this great talk for me. Thanks again.
Hey, there's Gus! He is so sweet! Thanks Dr. C!
You bet! Dr. C
Aw Dr C you have a mature youthfulness about you - not old! Thanks for the Gus footage too! :) ... and uggh can't stand being controlled.
I like that term, mature youthfulness! I'll hold onto to that! Thanks, Louisa. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter My pleasure Dr C! Lol. Yourself (and Gus) do a lot for people, very soothing. Many thanks.
- love the leadership pointers. We can do's: Freedom, Open-mindedness, self preservation, faith walk as in you are capable. Fear not. So glad the dr. Is in!
I learned long ago to let my anger inform me and to explain without projecting. I own my feelings. And it can be difficult. Having someone to talk to helps. A neutral person or the person who has angered me. Not easy. I was taught that beneath anger is fear. I appreciate you taking it further.
Last word. I love make ups even years later. I have faith and misunderstandings happen.
Doc,
I trust me,just not others.
On my other channel is a video, Your Ultimate Superpower When Dealing With A Narcissist. I think it will resonate with you. Dr. C
I like the way you insert thoughtfulness into understanding anger and angry responses. Understanding WHY you are angry requires this pause for thought and really speaks to whether the anger is in it's rightful place...
The Narcissist checked out by about your second point.
But, that doesn't matter. As always, great advice!
Great job. Thanks Dr. C!
They didn't even get to the good part! Oh well. Dr. C
That's the one thing that's helped me "control", listen and understand what's being said to you in a more objective way...and when I don't understand I admit it to that person that I'm not fully comprehending what they are saying and then let them help you understand better. It's not always a success, but it has helped me stay more level in heated convo
Hi Dr Carter
You’re looking healthy even if you’re ‘old’ 😊 Guess that means I’m ‘old’ too!
I wasn’t able to comment in the live chat from Australia for some reason.
Thank you very much
Gus has a good handle on his anger.
Gus barks when he hears the garbage truck outside. I try to explain they are our friends, but it's a work in progress. Other than that, we're good! Dr. C
I love Gus .
@@sjwillis1137 Me, too.
Gus looks a lot like my late husband's incredibly, LOYAL 'Therapy Dog'. ♡
(I got my "pick," of 2. ♡)
A 'street dog' Rescue* & an "Au Natural"!! ♡
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I find your shared wisdom helpful in how I see things. Solid validation while staying honest. Thank you!
Thanks Dr. C
That all sounds great but a Narcissist can’t hear reasoning like that.
Correct, which is why you should not take your cues from that person. Set your own pace, especially in the midst of conflict. Dr. C
Dr. C and Gus are a great team :)
Gus is oblivious of any anger, the zen master : )
Thank you Dr C : )
Gus, the Zen Dog. Dr. C
ROFL ~ Love it! ♡♡♡
I only just found anger. Never could go there because I was programmed to not show anger. Repressed since birth, 2, 3, 5, 6... years. EMDR therapy the past two sessions has helped me to recall it, focus on the feeling associated with the trauma and bring it up front to clear. It’s amazing how effective it is. Thank you Dr Carter for discussing this topic of anger.
It scares them when they have never seen our anger- it actually scared me- One day at a time🥰
To deal with my repressed emotions/programming to not feel anger since early childhood, I used music for therapy- Eminem, till I collapse song & Shinedown songs helped till it passed- Team Healthy is the best- Big hugs🥰
This was a wonderful lesson, Dr. C. I can certainly relate-what to do with all my anger, indeed? I can feel that anger dimension inside me and what to let go of it, transform it....And so good to see sweet ol' Gus there-so adorable. :) Johnny
Fear is not discipline or focus rebuke anger is rage destruction.this for sharing
I just was able to utilize texting to talk with a counselor. It really helps and I'm so grateful for those folks who offer help to people when they are suffering. Bless you all.
Dr. C and community… I think 🤔 it’s okay to be angry, it’s just how you channel it, vs. it challenging you! Thanks! 🤔❤️🌎🇺🇸✊😳😜
Thank you Dr. Carter! Diminishing my anger in progress…!
It’s rather difficult if not impossible for me to get past my anger toward my EXTREMELY narcissistic ex wife when she has poisoned the mind of our only kid against me. The kid hasn’t spoken to me in over five years, and each day which goes by is another reminder of what my ex wife has taken from me. Out of the billions of people on the earth, I maintain anger and hatred for only one. I don’t think that’s too bad.
I don't blame you one bit.
I get what you're saying. Parental Alienation is one of the most insidious tactics a person can use. I have no sympathy for a narcissistic parent who teaches a child to disdain the other parent. Dr. C
Sorry you’re having to deal with this. It makes total sense to be angry. Hoping you can find balance so that the anger you feel is a healthy anger. Also hoping you will one day soon be reunited with your child so that the child can see at least one parent behave in a way that doesn’t try to turn him/her against the other parent
TED. My heart goes out to you. In the same boat but with my little innocent granddaughter. Unsure what my daughters problem is. I said no I wouldn't help with something and Bam!!.
I initiated space first but still said I could help with little one. 2 months have passed and I am the enemy. Surely the entitlement doesn't prompt such an extreme response does it? Praying you see your little one.
Let your anger against her go. It’s hurting you more than her. Let yourself heal.
This discussion could not have arrived at a better time. Thank you, Dr. Les. 🌞
Anger can be "a mask" of an enormous fear and lack of self-confidence. The control of anger and ruling over this strong emotion is a big life challenge, but at the same time overcoming this harmful emotion helps us in our personal growth. The more we are in peace with ourselves and people around us, the more we are successful in elimination of anger. Anger, also, can be trap leading us to "wrong road". Moving away from anger toward good psychological state and positive emotions takes a long way. But, making the efforts in "struggle" with anger is worthy of life that we deserve.
Dr. Carter, I can't wait for your video!
I would not label anger, across the board, as harmful or ever suggest it be eliminated. Anger is there for a reason and is incredibly valuable. Knowing how to channel our energy and use it to our benefit is always the aim. Anger is a part of that tool belt that, when used skillfully, keeps us in good shape.
I like you.
@Anonymous Anomaly agreed. All emotions serve a purpose. They are the energy which moves us through experiences.
@@anonymousanomaly9538 🤟
My anger comes from fear, loss and frustration. When it comes to a certain point in a relationship with certain types of individuals you need to draw that line in the sand, full stop. They have pushed and pushed until you have no where left to go. They probably will try to bully you and you may lose them, stand firm with dignity. Do not waffle. No hedging. You have already done all of the compromising talks and it meant they got even more and have left you with nothing but who you are, even though you are probably just a shell. You probably already are a fair-minded person and have been talked out self-preservation. My fears have kept me entrapped.
Nan W. I can relate exactly
Thanks!
I feel like I haven't received justice and it seems the longer I dont get the justice the more my anger effects me negatively. I dont want it to define me and I don't know how to deal with it as good as I used to.
I feel you so much on all of this 🥺❤
Same here...I’ve found martial arts and boxing helps with the mind, redirecting the energy into something strong that you are creating as you move.
@@jewls808 I was just advised to do this by someone else yesterday! Must be a sign lol I was looking for kickboxing but it's so expensive around me so I'm gonna look into the martial arts
Great advice! I just doesn't ever work with a stubborn narcissist.
Could you please do a video regarding how to best deal with someone who simply shuts down when they are angry or when someone tries to talk with them about serious or troubling things?
Good suggestion. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter
Thank you so much for even considering it.
My bf wants to do better with that and to stop shutting down but isn't sure where to start. I want to help him, of course, but I'm not sure how best to.
Can’t wait!
I try .
Away from anger to self love ❓
I don't understand what's happened to me.
I'm related to narcissists by DNA - and the family that adopted me were too but not as bad as the first family.
I used to just get their narcissistic letters and have almost no reaction at all.
Since the letter I got two days ago, with a death in our family being more about HER than the dead person again, I've lost interest in even communicating with her.
She did this crap when someone in our life died in the World Trade Center!
That should tell you two things: 1. How much she think about herself, that she can even make someone's murder be about her and 2) How damm long she's been Doing this and is exactly the same now as she was then.
They've been this way their whole lives. My reaction to it came to a boiling head because of the incident in 2001 and being utterly stunned and confused at how they could turn even that into being about them.
Donald J. Trumb did.
I use "Thinking Reports" as soon as I get angry which slow down the decision making process. It solves more problems than it creates for certain. Start with 1. and write down all the points of the anger triggers / situation as well as possible solutions for each one. You end up at 15 at first then one day you get to #1.... I have been using these reports for over a decade and I find I am more calm than I was when I first started using them. Of course I make better decisions these days as well.
I found out the other day that Elon Musk is in the habit of blocking a lot of people online. Sometimes anger is a good thing and can be profitable when managed well enough for himself [or herself] by finding the right time and place to express it and then by donating to charity.
I trust myelf well enough - but how do I deal with someone who I've tried to speak my truth and my sensitivities to, they say they understand and then they proceed to continue to rub up against the boundary I've set for my relationship with them. I repeat my boundary, they again acknowledge my needs - and again, proceed to ignore them in the next encounter. I've already had to go NC with two members of my family, but would like to try to retain a relationship with others. All of us are surviving narcissism in our parents - all of us have absorbed bad ways to manage emotional conflicts. Most of the conflicts have us sounding like we're 6, but in truth we're 10X that age. I'm very tired of constantly havng to repeat myself - and try to tust that this person is actually listening or considering my needs ...I'd love to avoid going NC with this person if I could, but I'm tripped into my anger by repeated boundary incursions. Not good - - I've already had a heart attack.
I have been recently been thinking a lot about this. I have been wondering what is the alternative to feeling anger even if the anger is justified. I don’t like the anger because it doesn’t feel right to me. It feels like I am just adopting the narcissistic habits to suit my own agenda and at some point I have to ask myself what does that say about me? When I recognize the desire to be angry, take notice and decide I don’t want anger. Then I feel sad for me and humanity, my kids and anyone going through this. The only thing next I tend to feel is a desire to work toward changing my situation. Am I missing something?
No, you are going through healthy reactions- you are at the right place-Team Healthy! Big hugs!
I'm with Saletta on this, Diane. You're having to get used to a new normal. Anger has a valid function and it becomes your task to live into the clean side of anger (as opposed to seeing it as all bad). Dr. C
The sharing here has helped me to break through...
" Live in- to...( moving forward) the Clean side of anger..."
I feel where you are coming from, speaking of justified anger. Now it's just time to lay it down and not let it remain a part of me. I don't want to stay trapped in a moment like that. I want to be free. Maybe the children can learn how to get free from our example? This is my prayer.
@@DrLesCarter I was mowing grass & it just hit me like a brick wall- you are teaching us how to live not in survival mode but in a healthy adult mode since many of us was never showed what that looks like- I raised my kids the best I could in a good way but once I found out what has been done to me during this whole marriage my civility, dignity & respect just slid off my cracker like my cheese did(the green mile movie)🙄Its coming back & I just want to sincerely thank you! I'm not that angry person & I'm trying to learn how to live without being a doormat-
@@beestill4126 very true! Mine are adults & it has not been pretty-
Would you do a post about how to get past the anger that is inevitable once you realize you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse?
Hey sir,
Your room acoustics just went south. Lots of reflection echoes. Did you change your mic or pickup pattern? Still love Guss...he is like most of our pets. They ask no questions and pass no criticisms. 😁
I listen to each video before I upload, and have not noticed that. Not sure what that means. Dr. C
I just listened to it again and you sound fine. Must have been a equipment problem on my part.
Keep on keeping on my friend...
4:01 against their will
None of this speaks to me as the "victim scapegoat" though Doc. It sounds more like you are describing the abusive bigot Narcissist who has been abusing me in Al-Anon.
She is a bully, and my rage is there to protect me. I only wished I'd listened sooner to my Gut, but I am learning. I have been appropriate and controlled in discussing my rage towards this woman for her abuse towards me.
She ends up looking like the loud-mouthed POS that she is, and I must maintain my composure. Abusers are tough to deal with, and I am considering putting forth a motion in our next group conscience to ask that she leave the meeting.
All one can really do is bounce these fools out of our lives like the dry drunks that they are. I am praying for all involved and to heal, learn, and grow as much as possible from this experience. I am learning to love myself and be assertive through this and gonna keep watching your vids tonight. Bless you, and everyone struggling with these matters, Nichol W.
How about me cuddling up with Gus . Bless ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Gus would be fine with that. Dr. C
👍👍😂
You are a sussy imposter
Thank you 🙏