I love how the "suicide hotline"-version of my country is portrayed underneath the video, with a telephone number, but everytime I've tried calling them they never answer. Makes you feel like the entire country is so suicidal that the line is constantly in use. More than likely they're just not a big enough team though. Bless them.
I got blacklisted because i was having manic episode and whoever was at the call just fed up and banned me for life. All the other hotlines basically there to say with robotic voice to “hang in there, try calling us later”
Born too early to collect a universal basic income, born too late to expect security in the job market, born just in time to experience manmade horrors beyond my comprehension.
Personal experience: Had a suicide attempt and my family advised me to go to the hospital because of it…worst. Decision. Ever. I was stuck in a room with basic amenities (bed, bolted tv, sink and bathroom), I was also placed next to another mentally unstable person whom screamed the “n” word for 5 hours straight. I couldn’t leave the room for 48 hours, as there were guards posted outside my door. If it sounds like I was in prison, you wouldn’t be far off. Oh yea, then I got a bill for $10,000 like a month later, I had to go through hell to get them to exempt me from it. If I wasn’t suicidal before I damn sure was after that lol.
I went to 5 different hospitals as a teen and a young adult and had decent experiences so there is definitely a mix of good and bad. Comments like these are what prevents people from getting help. They kill people. Because you know what? You're alive. At least you lived. Plenty of people who read stories like this and got too scared are not.
@@saltiestsirenWell done, just silence and invalidate another persons experience. That's what I call nuance 🤪 Only the best wishes to the OP for your path of healing 🌱
@@saltiestsiren so you’re saying I shouldn’t have contributed my life experience because someone may be deterred from pursuing help in this way? Meh perhaps
Its kinda makes sense, you price a generation out of buying a house, you price them out of having a family, dating is a nightmare, the economy is in the crapper, people call you evil for existing and telling you that youre the problem. At a certain point you become apathetic toward everything and just let it go
Exactly. The mental and emotional well being of the collective are frankly irrelevant to society and the systems in which they operate. As long as you’re mostly able to contribute to the machine and generate profits for the top percent of the population, your individuality, problems, needs and desires do not matter. Even when it’s been statistically proven in many ways that what you said is indeed correct, it is much easier for most individuals who have attained and experienced these normal milestones in life to shift blame to other types of individuals who may not have had as favorable circumstances and opportunities as deficient. Also, I personally believe the whole “You’re the problem” statement is a bit of an oversimplification and dismissal of the actual concerning factors that have created these issues for the majority of younger generations attempting to experience more of normal adulthood but are struggling. I’m not stating we have hand outs, but a lot of accountability must be taken by our government, older generations and many systemic institutions that have all had a contributing role into creating these present day issues. How likely that is at least in my humble opinion, will probably remain in speculation. However, that is the only way we can start to work toward a viable solution to most of these issues we face today.
"You wont be able to find this organically" If the youtube algorithm is simultaneously suppressing this and suggesting it to me, should I be concerned?
Taking your own life is the ultimate act of agency. It makes sense that people who feel powerless in life would fantasize about it, even if they have no plans to do it.
True, it is sort of the quintessential act of control. But at the same time, it’s a loss, since that act of control is no longer theirs. When you die, there is no longer a ‘you’, so in some ways, they will have spent their entire existence with no control, because they never gave themselves a chance to find control.
We never had the chance to choose to be, so it's not a bad thing to fantasize about choosing not to. In a way it's empowering. Makes you consider what makes it worth it to get up in the morning and continue. Me, it is organising people and events. Making things so smoothly run that you don't know I had to spend hours planning it. I hate hearing about my job from people, if you know about it then I have failed. I don't know if I dislike interacting with people... I am too chatty online tho.
My BFF was near death's door in 2014 due to a suicide attempt. She was found from a family member. In 2019, she developed the most severe form of alcoholism. She has MDD, BPD, and CPTSD. She's passively suicidal 24/7 and has ran to alcohol because she gave up attempting her life in 2017. So, she's tried to numb everything since. She's constantly in emotional turmoil esp since the medicalSystem in USA has rapidly declined in the past few years. She's fought her way through all year with so many physical symptoms that no one can figure out since Feb 2024. She's back at being directly suicidal again, on the brink of relapsing on alcohol- I KNOW these patterns as an outside witness. But ERs, many Drs offices, and most psych wards have drastically traumatized her so much worse severely that it caused her new psychiatric symptoms last year that she's never had her entire 41 years of existence. She used to reach out for help and even voluntarily went to a psych hospital in the past until around 2018 as 2017 was extremely traumatic for her.
@@inoshishi8 Yes, the psych wards in America treat their patients worse than criminals. Mental healthcare in this country is a joke. I'm sorry she's going through all this, and I hope she can recover outside of the system.
Time Marks 7:07 Topic Begin 12:03 Active Suicidality 14:15 Passive Suicidality 22:25 Reddit Post 24:59 How people develop passive suicidality 27:23 Hope (Agency and Road Map) 33:25 Story reflecting agency 41:40 Anhedonia (related to Agency) 57:49 Turning negatives into positives 1:03:21 Scan for positives 1:10:44 Road Map, fullfilment, having few/lot of goals 1:29:42 QA Fear of Commitment 1:41:25 QA Rewarding yourself 1:44:31 QA Multiple goals 1:46:23 Proudness and lack of time and second reddit post 1:56:16 Start today 2:05:50 Summarise 2:16:06 QA Dopamine switch 2:19:00 DrK wants to travel (dont know if time is correct) 2:25:14 Ending
Trying to stay positive each day is very taxing. I feel like everything around us, the fabric of our entire society, is built on greed and corruption. There are individuals like Dr. K who actually care about helping people, but broadly speaking every industry revolves around making as much profit as possible while providing as little as possible to consumers to put more money into shareholder pockets. The rich continue getting richer while working class people struggle to afford basic healthcare. I would love to go to therapy but i don't have hundreds of extra dollars per month to spend.
I know how you feel brother, ive been having similar feelings and thoughts, it's definitely harder to live a "normal" life now and enjoy the things that older generations were able to. I've lost hope many times in my own life in finding what career I should pursue, and dealing with severe health problems at only 21. The best thing I can say to you is find God, Jesus Christ is God, he is real and he loves you. I know this might sound cliche but the truth of the bible is undeniable. Just say a quick prayer to God like "God im not sure if your real but I pray you reveal yourself to me". If you genuinely mean that he will show himself in unexpected ways. I'm praying for you, God bless !
all i can think about is how all this stuff is made up. the economy, money, “ownership” is all fake. there are people buying up properties not to live in, but just to turn a profit. grocery prices skyrocketing because the owners at the top decided to do it without any care about the 99%’s livelihood. it’s such bs and i feel like the US is even worse about this. wanna pack up and move countries one day maybe that’ll change things
Howdy. I know this comment is weeks old now but I wanted to add something that didn’t end in “find Jesus”. Hope is extremely fickle when it’s not constant in your life. Hope comes from those around you bettering each other’s lives but it also comes from your beliefs. I truly believe that humanity has great capacity to overcome our challenges and so I have to grab my hope from that. If you believe the world is and will only be a dark place then it will be impossible to have hope when there’s no one else there to show you otherwise.
Or not even a complete absense of desire to live, but a functional absense. I want to do something... but no clue what. Guess Ill keep on living till i find out or die, cause im too scared to make an active attempt at dying.
This is totally the video for you. I'm at the functional deficit like you. At work, I give 110% and have no problem with motivation. My lack of motivation starts when I get home. Wasn't like this until about 5 years ago.
@kiranearitachi get home after a hard day of work You been planning on being productive after work but the moment you get home you open up a game and stare at the main menu for 3 hours before saying fuck it Going to bed And repeat Idk why I said you It me
@koraegi I had the same problem, trying to manage work and studying at a university at the same time. I was coming home from work and was laying in bed doomscrolling for a few hours, instead of studying. Ended up ditching the whole university thing and feel better for it (although not immediately). And suddenly I have a little time to work on my personal goals.
“slow suicide” sounds like something that applies to me. i’m probably never going to actually do the deed, but everything i do in my life actively harms me or my future in some way and i always feel like it’s just a matter of time before i set myself back in ways that i can’t come back from.
@@tirushone6446 It’s a film where the plot revolves around a guy who finds a TV remote that can fast forward time in real life. It’s very fitting because in the film, the main character uses it to skip forward the trials and tribulations of life, oblivious to the fact that skipping time is the very reason why he exists in the ‘downward trend’ Dr K mentions.
Hi Dr. K. When I was suicidal in 2021, I listened to your educational stream on suicide many times whenever I was feeling horrible at work. It was comforting to me to hear a person talk about suicide in a rational and reasonable way. It made me feel so much less alone to listen to a lecture on suicide that didn’t emphasize how scary or wrong or sad suicide was. It made me feel like I wasn’t fucked up. My life got better since, and now it’s harder again, but this channel is always here for me to make me feel less alone. The content you make, especially the long form interviews and lectures, have helped me unimaginably. It continues to help me. Thank you.
Can't link or mention sources in fear it'll trip UA-cam's spam filter and delete my replies/ghost comments. Can't be specific, must keep things vague - it's the UA-cam way.
Thank you, for this video. I'm 70 we recently had our 2nd tragic suicide in my apt. building this last year. One man jumped from his 11th story apt. window. The other man stepped in front of a train. Both of them were known to be suicide risks. But their risk of suicide wasn't considered serious enough to intervene.
I’ve never understood why people have the audacity to shame suicidal people into living. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a reason to not do it that didn’t involve the feelings of other people. Imagine being told your only purpose in life is to make other people happy and you are illogical for not wanting to be alive. Ah yes because the world we live in is so humane. Forcing your loved one into a hospital against their will also isn’t a solution. If someone is gonna do it, they’re gonna do it, and nobody has the right to stop them.
@@UnlimitedEmeralds i have friends who have wanted to, and still do. I can't talk them out of it, but it's their choice and if that's what they want, then I'm here for them until the end. They're still here. They may not actually want to when it comes down to it, but they definitely want to be heard. It's depressing to think about, but by allowing them the choice and supporting their decision is somehow more beneficial than telling them straight up "no, other people's feelings are more important than yours". Given the context, people overlook it because it's someone taking their own life. But it's not your choice to keep someone from taking their own life. All you can do is support them and hope that whatever choice they make, it brings them happiness. Sometimes that's all they really need.
This time dr K actually said whats wrong with me. Its this feeling of sadness, which even therapy can not deal with. I was telling myself long time ago to focus on positivity, and actually it helped me for some time. But as we live we change. We tend to forget some important lessons. It was a great reminder. Thank you dr K.
yeah I'm exactly the same way and I knew this about myself just doctors won't listen used to survive on ketamine infusions but insurance doesn't cover and parents stopped paying for them now I started to self harm and actively try and put myself under risk of death (like running on the edge of the subway by the moving train) in hopes it will end quicker
not to mention I recently found out I had untreated Lyme's disease for many years and that explains my chronic fatigue which made all of this way worse
@@blue-dark Thanks. I'm currently going through Herxheimer's reaction because treating Lyme's. I sometimes feel better for a few hours, and sometimes I can barely move. Emotionally I have severe mood swings from depression to hope and back but I'm at home and safe and not harming myself right now. I'm really scared the antibiotics won't be enough to kill the Lyme's because I know I can't deal with this stuff for any longer. Appreciate your comment.
So true. I relate to your comment a lot, I had a big mindset shift about 2 years ago and I thought it was a one and done life lesson, but no😅 Here I am 2 years later, having to relearn lessons that my past self has already learned the hard way😂 But it is a good reminder that we never stop growing, so our coping skills and self improvement should keep growing too❤
A poem I wrote on this topic: I don't think anyone wants to die. But sometimes, you don't want to keep living. You don't want to keep giving, when you have nothing left to give. I don't think anyone wants to die. Sometimes you just want the pain to quit.. You want the voices to be quiet.. soft whispers turn to a riot and you ask yourself is this it?? Have you ever felt the quiet hit... Like I wish someone would take my skin away, pulverize this boney cage that forces me to stay, Like it can be so hard to say, I don't want to live this way.. I just want to fade away.. I don't think, anyone wants to die.. But I don't think, everyone wants to try.. If you ever tried to explain to someone how trying can feel like dying because you're fighting to live but you're so far away from winning... Every day is a new beginning.. But if I must watch myself fail on repeat, never missing a beat where I don't feel alone, unwanted, unseen. I don't think you know where I've been. I'm somewhere between hoping and giving up. Never able to make the voices stop. I'm far beyond the good things you've seen. Because when I fool you, and you believe that I can cope... then maybe you'll stay here, to give me hope... But behind this mask I'm dying to escape, I'm trying to wait, because I don't think anyone wants to die... But sometimes... I just don't want to keep living.
I was passively suicidal from about ages 15-20. Once at college, I obtained "a plan" and it was my crutch for a long time. I had a kind instructor who recognized I wasn't doing well and took the time to walk me to the therapists office on campus after class. I got therapy & on antidepressants for a few years. Just turned 39 yesterday and my life is pretty great. I don't have much money and I could be healthier... but I've got a husband who loves me, a cat, a fulfilling job, a house (messy asf, but it's home and it's *mine*). I resonated with a lot of your solutions. 💯
Honestly, having a fullfilling job, a loving husband and a messy home is the most wonderful gift a woman can be gifted with in this world. And a cat. Where there is a clean home, there is no loving husband there.
@@aisnow5788 I work at a community college in student services - it's a remote job which is nice. It's a hard job to summarize, but I mostly answer the phone/emails and help people get enrolled in college (I also help with financial aid, registration, program info, etc). It's never boring, I feel like I'm actually helping people, it's not too stressful, my coworkers/supervisor are great and the pay is decent.
What about us old people who had to take care of older people? Like, my parents generation wanted to live to 100. Mine made it to 89 & 85. They were miserable and I am completely burned out at 60. Burnout is real. My labor was exploited and I was thrown away.
I had that experience recently, or rather, I observed how awful it is to have a loved one's health slowly decline, until they eventually pass away. Everyone in the family does everything they can, and it can lead to so many arguments and pain for everyone. I'm 21, and this happened to my grandfather. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and I wasn't even a primary caretaker. Even just imagining that happen to my parents scares me. I think what you did is very worthy of praise 🙂
I am just starting this with my mom. She's 77 and has chronic sharp and burning pain in her left leg and bad short term memory loss. She's fast losing the ability to organize herself and already depends on others to help her get groceries or go to doctors appointments. It's only been like this for about two years and already I am frustrated, disappointed and exhausted. Sometimes I drop out of contact for weeks or even months when I just can't handle it, which pushes the burden onto my older brother who lived across the country and onto some of her friends. They're all frustrated with me and exhausted themselves. On top of it all, the medical system is more of a burden than a help these days. My greatest fear is that what happened to you will happen to me. I'll give up the next ten to fifteen years of my life being a caregiver and just end up totally depleted. Anyway, I'm sorry for what you went through and hope you can have at least twenty good, meaningful years of joyful living ahead of you now.
I remember talking to someone about why people around the world aren’t having kids as much as they used to, and I think it boils down to this topic exactly, beyond the financial situation, people of this generation have no hope, our parents felt completely invincible at our age, today people the same age have absolutely no hope for a better tomorrow.
Hey dr, K. I am one of those people who rarely comments on any sort of UA-cam video but i do want to say that i appreciate your videos and mention that i am grateful for the content that you are putting out for the people. It feels like someone is truly putting effort into improving humanity! Thank you and I hope to see a lot more from you soo!
Most people who are called "resilient" tends to be ostracized that they are not good at living their lives to the fullest. The truth is they are just contented on what little they have. I think this is one of the lessons that I have learned this video.
I almost left last year. The only reason I didn't was because when I glanced at the speedometer, I didn't feel I was going fast enough to guarantee a quick exit. I sure as hell didn't want to live with the consequences of failing it. Now it just feels like I'm just moving forward seeing if it becomes worth not doing it. So far things are good, but it's going to take a lot to make it worth going through the pain I went through last year. I relate a lot to this video. Thanks for putting out what you do. At the very least, I like knowing what's going on with me
Why do you feel you have to "make it worth it"? Reality as is right now is as is regardless of narative. No need to turn in into worth/not worth, good/bad etc. Is carrying the burden of debt worth it? Wanted to share. Anyway, glad things seem alright for now! :)
@@EARTOEARTOEARTOEARThat is just how it is. If something hurt so terribly that you wanted to "leave" but chose not to out of sense of hope things will get better, then you want confirmation some day that your choice was right, that the pain was just a temporary hurdle to something better. I have this now. My life is comfortable, my SO is the best person in the world and I am lucky to know them. This life right now is so beautiful to me that I can look at the place I was and say "that was ok, because this is worth it all."
I think socializing in general is just kind of dead. He mentioned no one going to class during his studies, it's worse in some places. At my college we'd go to class in person but never speak a word to each other. We'd see each other for 4 years and never know each other because no on talks ever
It takes effort from both parties. It’s not dead, it just takes practice.. Try opening a conversation with something simple like a compliment, something about the class etc etc. Some of my best friendships from uni/graduate school started out like this. Best of luck
@@MrBololiciousI actively try to start conversations. I’m 44 years old. Just through my own experience, I’ve definitely noticed it’s so much less socially acceptable to talk to a stranger now than it ever has been before. So many interactions are now seen as “unsanctioned” unless you’re in the same social circle or online club. Not talking to each other is the new politeness, because everyone understands how important the data is that comes thru their phones.
@@XanniTheBlue I agree to a certain extent that it’s become less socially acceptable to talk to a a stranger - but hey, there’s people out there who prefer face to face communication! Don’t let it stop you from trying .. humans need these in-person connections.
I quit my job earlier this year because my burnout and depression was spiraling so bad out of control. Ever since then I’ve been talking to doctors and taking meds and applied to literally hundreds of jobs, just to get rejected hundreds of times. Now I have people in my friends and family calling me lazy. I’m ready to give up and leave this place fr, but I don’t have the balls. Instead I’ll just waste away my days applying to jobs that will never get to back to me and playing video games. I used to be so happy.
We have so many barriers working against us, especially economically and regarding general wellness in the face of the expectations placed on us. I'm sorry your family and friends don't seem to prioritize your happiness over your productiveness. I truly believe that we deserve happiness over any type of contribution to society. I always think to myself that if people can be absolute wastes of space and still be happy, I deserve to have that too, as a baseline. If people can be absolute trash humans and still "make it" far, I deserve to at least be at least mediocre and relatively happy. I'm glad you're here.
I would suggest joining local clubs or activities that interest you to get your spark back. You can do little tasks like reading books on the stuff that you loved as a kid/student. You will be like, “oh yeah! That’s why I loved ___, and I still do!” Life sometimes really grinds the hope, love, and joy out of you. Especially when you are stuck at work doing projects that are meaningless or way more hassle than necessary. Having a job is of course important, but so is revamping and shifting to actually like the life you’re living. I was so upset by people calling me lazy, but after not being at a job that completely drained me, I have way more time and mental energy for the things I actually love and care about.
Don’t judge yourself based on your past because time changes things nothing will stay the same. You now won’t be you 5 years from now don’t stop trying because change will come. It may take a while so don’t expect it to be right in front of you just keep pushing for it and learn to be happy where you’re at life itself is an amazing experience and the good wouldn’t be good without the bad. It sucks/it’s hard I know but the struggle can be worth it.
I think the older generation passed down too many expectations on the younger generation and that you are a loser if you dont surpass those expectations.. The Boomers were brought up in an era of plenty and they assumed that it will always be there for the younger generations. Now the younger generations live in a constant state of anxiety about unmet needs.
My parents may have had expectations, never explicitly passed them on, never showed anything more than what would be really helpful. Still turned out bad. The thing is, what you have said fits on to my friend, but not me. This is why what you wrote needs the word "some", because not all people fit your bill. What went wrong with every last generation is that we don't get taught how to educate your children. Almost everyone gets them, barely anyone knows how to raise them. Not many people make music or draw when they are older, yet we draw and make music in school. This is what is fucked up. We are being kept stupid. I am no genius for seeing that any school system is fucked up. Start educating yourself about education and management to make the next generation better.
Blaming the older generation is shifting blame; you just don't want to take accountability or responsibility for your own actions. Its sucks but every generation leaves baggage for the next. Whining about it or ignoring it will not make the problems go away, otherwise they'll bite us way harder in the ass later and be a more expensive issue to fix, assuming it can be.
Older generations worked their as__s off to give their kids more than what they had. It seems as though some generations have forgotten that and seem ungrateful and now ultimately entitled.
I study psychology, it’s insane to me just how competent you are. Your knowledge about motivation and everything surrounding it (which is basically your channel, motivating people.) is awe inspring. You talk very eloquently, very few uhh’s and uhm’s, and are very clearly getting your point across. A lot of cool metaphors and analogies (which I always tend to remember much easier) and mindblowing eye-openers, e.g.: “The goal of therapy is removing negative affect, but with the absence of positive affect, you’re shooting for neutral at best” Wow, just wow man. I think you’ve convinced me to want to be a motivational coach.
I'm not a gamer, so I don't know how this man came into my radar, but he is the least bullshitty professional doctor that I've ever had the pleasure to encounter. He calls things as they are, not with some fucking lofty, unattainable ideals that no one except maybe the most gifted of us are capable of attaining. Of concern to me is the huge number of videos that he puts out. Some YT producers seem to post content as a means of increasing revenue. I don't see that being the case with Dr. K. I hope that he's not on a fast road to burnout for himself. In the meantime, I look forward to more of Dr. K. Cheers to all.
He's talked about having subclinical adhd and having a passion for helping people because he doesn't see anyone else doing it. So, you're seeing the effects of passion, combined with some adhd hyperfocus on their passion (so I don't think he's particularly at risk of burning out on that front). It's also combined with the ADHD/enthusiastic tendency to not finish up the projects necessarily well. Which results in some sloppy ways of phrasing and vetting things sometimes. (So because the quality of work suffers that also lightens his load a little). He gets excited has an idea, finds some research, but doesn't necessarily give those ideas time to be reviewed, so his terms can undermine some of his goals. personally, I think it's still a net benefit, because he's getting a lot of guys in particular to think critically about their mental health, which is is the most important part, and his work is overall great with just some small grievances here and there, that he addresses later on as needed. I just think the channel would do better if he gave his content time to be reviewed by a PR person who has a strong familiarity/interest in mental health. And that would help him table some videos until the thoughts have had more time to gestate in his mind. His content would slow down a little the quality would improve a little and he wouldn't get so many negative comments, which would help him not burn out.
I like that he speaks, largely unscripted, from his heart. As a 66 year old guy with life-long mental health issues, to me, his heartfelt style of presentation is very refreshing to hear.
@@D87943You know, I have a lot of respect for Christians but holy shit are they out of touch. Can't count how many times I've been told that every problem, every negative emotion, every inconvenience you have will disappear if you believe in Christ. Spoiler alert, it won't.
I'm inclined to think that passive suicidality for AuDHD and many neurodivergent folks isn't a calculation based on the future. My executive dysfunction is so bad that the future never comes into play most of the time Now and then has always been suffering so can't even begin to compute that the future might be better; even if by all rational calculation it will actually improve. I can't hope because executive dysfunction is an inability to act on our agency, even if it is right there.
@@CptMerdaille this has been my experience. I’ve had this sort of depression described in the stream most of my life, and the reason has always been obvious to me, “no amount of action on my part will get me closer to my goals” while other NTs just seem to coast. Talking to people about my depression was always confusing because they have had validating experiences in their life that provides them with a sense of agency. Even if they loose the agency they know they experienced it one day in their life. Also being neurodivergent, you tend to ruminate a lot so have more awareness of the hill to climb. Despite this, there are absolutely things that can be done if you’re neurodivergent, and yes, it will be incredibly harder than most people realise, so don’t let their lack of understanding deter you.
Maybe that explains me. I just can't see things getting better because of where i am now and what led to it. No amount of hopeful talk, "it gets better", or " past doesn't always dictate the future/future is unexpected" is convincing anymore because as far as I know, it could always get worse or never change my efforts. It's like it would be better for me not to hope or think things will get better instead of having the hope and being disappointed in the future. It's like the hope and optimism I had all ran out and I can't trust it anymore. And someone is probably going to bring up "mindset" or "self-fulfilling prophecy" but it already feels like no matter my mindset or effort, I'll never have the life I want and all the disappointments in my life were just hinting to that. For example, past romantic failures aren't "lessons until i meet the one" but a sign that I'll never have that because no one can connect with me on a level i need/there's something fundamentally wrong with me that makes romantic connections impossible.
I'm at the point where I don't expect things to get better, but I know that there will be things happening in the future that I'm too curious about to miss. billions of years of mysteries before me that I'll never know and billions more beyond my future. I only get the smallest peek at this universe and I want to see as much of it as I can.
It's strange because on the other side it can be fleeting moments of impulsivity. Like "It is so hard i have to do it" and you approach it but thankfully your brain gets distracted.
It seems meaningless due to human greed. Everything in our society is based on money...and that was a terrible idea, because often the best people don't have enough and the worst people have more than they could ever need.
Because life objectively doesnt mean anything. The reason why anything has any meaning at all is because we (humans) have the capability to assess whats happening and assign meaning to it. A wolf isnt thinking about what it means to kill a parent bunny or somthing it is driven by the primal instinct of “if i dont eat ill die so i should eat something that cant eat me” its humanity that adds all the extra shit. Not that thats going to answer your question but its food for thought i guess. Thats kind of what he was trying to say with the removing negative vs adding positive ways of therapy like you have the ability to assign whatever meaning you want to the things that happen to you so he is saying to train your brain to see things in a balanced or “bittersweet” way. Its seeing things as “man that was overall pretty shit but there was some juice in there” vs “man that was fucking awful lets never do that again”
The most famous psychologist in my country that I also happened to have some lecture with killed himself. He was the most “put together/under control/calm in the storm” guy I have ever seen. All the girls had a crush since he was not only young medical psychology professor (48yo) but he also took great care of his body etc. and worked on many noble projects in medicine. He really had great aura and seemed like nothing could really phase him. It was truly a shock to hear. (His name was Radek Ptáček)
This is the first time ive ever heard my experiences talked about and was unable to put it into words until now. This really hit home, thank you Dr. K the world needs you
I'm in my 50s. I've struggled with long bouts (lasting often several years at a time) of chronic depression. I've been at the bottom of that dark well of "no point, they'd be better off, no one cares", walking myself mentally through the steps and who would find me, even at several points giving away possessions to get things ready. I can't say I'm glad I haven't followed through. I have multiple autoimmune diseases now that make life harder than ever. But menopause has leveled out my hormones, existing is mostly tolerable, and I chose to believe in a deity. So now I just pray every day that God will take me when he's ready and until then I'm to try to do the best I can with what little I have. I don't know, it brings me a little comfort to think that. But yes, the thought of not being here anymore is with me daily. I'm tired in spirit and I look forward to going Home. I'm not sure why people generally think that's a bad thing. To me this whole thing called existence has been pretty shite since day one and I'm just tired of it.
I am sorry you are suffering 🥺😥You wrote, "menopause has leveled out my hormones, existing is mostly tolerable" yet, as you may already know, depression and anxiety are among the most common symptoms reported by postmenopausal women. Have you considered hormone replacement therapy (HRT) if it's available in your country? Studies show that many women on HRT report feeling more energy and less severe symptoms caused by reduced levels of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Also, having someone close to you who can validate your feelings and experiences and hold space for you, whether it's a licensed counselor, a therapist, a coach, a family member, a friend, belonging to a community and/or volunteering increases oxytocin and can improve your mood. Please don't suffer alone. You aren't alone
@@v9b23j I appreciate your reply. I was on HRT for many years starting in my mid 20s do to extremely low levels. It really helped. Then by my late 30s I had doctors refuse to renew the prescriptions and telling me they weren't allowed to prescribe it anymore because it increased breast cancer later on. As of last year I asked a new doctor if I could go back on because it had helped in the past. But he said no due to my blood pressure and heart condition. At this point my body and organs are starting to fall apart (Autoimmune). As for therapy... I've tried many times over the years and it never helped at all. Waste of time and money. Dr. K is the only therapist who has ever said things that were actionable and made sense. The others have always been they listen for 30 minutes, scribble notes and say time's up, see you next week. Useless.
@@kenziedayne4234 Thank you for letting us know and I'm sorry it's gone ... 😥Sometimes if I give it a few days and post it again, it displays publicly You can also check your comment history.
I noticed something interesting when listening to this: I decided to start listening to this while doing some household chores, and I was resonating with everything that was being said and thinking about how it applies to my own life-it felt empowering. At a certain point, I took a break from chores, and starting playing videogames, while still listening, and almost immediately I was putting a negative spin on what I was listening and got into my pattern of negative self talk (I’m mediocre, I’m beyond help, etc.) and I eventually started feeling anxious and less empowered. Not exactly sure what this means, but I thought it was an interesting insight.
@@BTDoubleU i think i can crack this one. my dream is to make video game videos, but whenever im working on them i feel like a worthless geek and will sometimes have to reach out to my wife for inspiration/motivation or I'll start hating myself for my "stupid goals" not realizing that working on my goals in the first place puts me in a better percentile
It could be related to the effect of technology on suppressing emotion. Maybe while you were doing chores, your emotional part of your brain was engaged and able to process these thoughts and feelings and generate that sense of hope for the future, especially cause u were doing something positive so you probably felt agency as well like "fk yeah I can do shit, look at me now" But the when we use technology like video games it suppresses our emotions and your logical side took over and was predicting negative things, which dr said our brain is so good at, but you weren't quite able to process the feelings of that due to the video games. Just my interpretation.
Or another way to look at it - when you did chores you felt productive and in control, which gave you a more positive outlook on life in general. And when you were playing video games you were "giving in to impulsivity" and just mindlessly consuming, which can lead to feelings of shame and hopelessness. I don't know you, but maybe investigate if you feel this way often when you are "relaxing"? If it's more associated with negative emotions rather than seeing it as a well deserved time for recovery?
I don’t mind chores that much.. it’s not really exciting or entertaining but it kinda keeps you busy and feeling like you control the situation.. When I was in military training most people disliked cleaning and greasing their boots. I kinda liked it, took my time to do it nicely, I was happy to have nice boots that fit me well and it’s one of the aspects I could control. I could slow dow, process stuff and be with myself. I still kinda feel that way doing chores at home. If and when I come around to doing them.
@@Glitterermepink Do games really supress emotions? Games require a lot of mental engagement. You can’t think about anything else whilst playing (might depend on the game). Chores don’t require much mental engagement, which means your mind can wander off.
Im crying. Its been months that I just dont feel any motivation in my life,i just wanted to become a rock. Not even my psychologist’s words gave me any help. This video just explained everything that is happening to my brain. Finally i have some light in how to turn these things around. Dr. K and team, i can’t thank you enough😢😢 And the fact that this is a FREE, not even a membership content? 😭 you guys are truly doing a hugee service to the world!
Pausing half way through to say that the algorithm did suggest this video despite the title, and to say it's helping me understand what's in my head. Thank you.
Thanks for critically taking feedback in, and making a video about a topic that (although should not be addressed carelessly either) is often stigmatized, reduced and avoided, even in the medical and psychological field 💚
I can feel this in my chest. I've said those same exact words, "I don't want to die, but if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I'd be fine with that". "I don't want to kill myself, but...I don't want to live like this".
I always liked the song "Feel" by Robby Williams. There is a line: "I don't wanna die, but I'm not keen on living either" I think about that line from time to time...
I felt like I was screwed when I wasn’t living, felt more screwed when I tried. Is living life insane then? Why shouldn’t I just die. Then I’m reminded of my fears again, my hopes and dreams, the feelings that I never let go. Maybe life is just difficulty. Maybe we’re not meant to win. Maybe the rules have changed not to suit me. Maybe they never did. Maybe uncertainty and chance make us all uncomfortable with reality, and maybe the truth is that so many of us can be fake. We hate what we don’t want to be and we become what we hate. All to escape poisoned dreams. Poisoned love. I don’t love myself anymore. I can’t love anything. I can’t even hate. I just wait endlessly in dreams. In moments I taped. Mental breakdowns and anxiety and the fact I can’t relate. Other people, happy face. Just how’d they get that way. It’s not for me. It’s not today. If it won’t ever come my way. I’ll lose myself in other dreams. No other dream. They just won’t let me. I won’t let me. Why won’t they let me wake.
Mediocre is normal. Social anxiety can be helped. You don't need to be the life of the party. You just have to be a decent,kind human. Sounds to me like you are. You love and care about someone - your mother. That's awesome.
Then there's me. Born a 'gifted child' or 'smart kid' as others called it. They praised me, told me that I'm going to be successful, get a well paying job, ... I also was born in poor family, I love my parents though. I promised myself that I'll be successful, make them happy, ... You probably know where this were going when I am here and typing like this, I'm probably at my lowest. I hate being emo but it looks like I'm being one right now
I don't know if I would say I was suicidal exactly... but For about 2 years I had very frequent thoughts, at least 50% of each week but probably more, that went something like, "Well, if things become too much for me to handle I can just end it all, and then I'll finally have peace." I haven't been out of that place for very long, maybe close to a year. I can still feel it creep up on me sometimes, but I've managed to change my thought process to, "Even if things get really bad, I can get through it. I know as long as I do my best and keep on going, things will get better and I will be okay." I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I have some small amount of hope, I'm vaguely content and things are slowly getting better. I'm making this comment before I got far in the video, so I hope it isn't too far off topic.
Thank you man, it means a lot. Keep your head up as well, I know it's rough. But keep going, take your time and don't beat yourself up. There will be people that try to rush you, don't let them. Do it at your own pace, just stay on track. Good luck, I know you can do it.
Eh. Kinda felt that way most of my life. At one point things were going better then I got back into that spiral because doing better made me wanna do stuff I couldn’t do because they would prevent me from upkeeping that situation. Same stuff happens to some extent when (which isn’t often) I manage to get good sleep. As soon as I stop feeling like shit I tend to stay up later than I should (then I’m screwed for at least a weak)
I’m 22 ab to be 23 and feel the same way and idk how to put this into words but every night before bed writing out what I want to accomplish the next day and marking them off as I do them has helped IMMENSELY. We don’t rise to our expectations we fall to the levels of our habits. So start slow. I still put things like brush teeth, shower, eat, workout etc even though I know I’m going to do it regardless and sometimes I don’t feel like showering before bed but I see it on my notes and I kinda just do it. But creating the habits and actively thinking ab each next day has helped a lot. Ik this is a month old so I hope ur doin good g
Rejection is a very good way to describe it. Not just with work. But basically everything. And whenever we're going through something difficult: We are set aside. The only people who talk to us are the ones who don't like us. And they are always prioritized instead. Because they have "good vibes."
Very much this. I had a work friend that talked to me about her problems basically everyday. I listened and tried to do my best. When I got sad and reached out to her, she ghosted me. We never spoke again.
We finally have creators that are able to speak to us directly, clearly and intelligently and with lived experience. That UA-cam can’t find a way to at least promote or ideally support channels like HG is a shame. Congrats as always Doc 👏❤🙏
man life just feels impossible to exist, im just trying to get fucked up enough to not think about it anymore or just exit it as the best case, im scared of substances, i have an addictive personality, ive seen addiction upclose, ive seen overdoses, its bad enough that those things seem tamer compared to my existence, idk what im gonna do, where im gonna end up, i just hope this ends one way or the other, its too exhausting to live like this, im loaning energy to continue from my future and sinking into deeper debts of misery and death
@@muditjain4024 out of all of dr k's commentary section vents ive read so far, yours was the one that connected to me and the way im feeling exactly right now so deeply its almost supernatural :( stay safe my internet friend, you are not alone and i feel exactly this: going from high to high, trying to get fucked up just to escape but at the same time scared shitless bc i have a highly addictive person genetics (alcoholic father) and, well, experienced addiction before so yeah 100% im a potential addict for any drug out there
I know how you feel brother, ive been having similar feelings and thoughts, it's definitely harder to live a "normal" life now and enjoy the things that older generations were able to. I've lost hope many times in my own life in finding what career I should pursue, and dealing with severe health problems at only 21. The best thing I can say to you is find God, Jesus Christ is God, he is real and he loves you. I know this might sound cliche but the truth of the bible is undeniable. Just say a quick prayer to God like "God im not sure if your real but I pray you reveal yourself to me". If you genuinely mean that he will show himself in unexpected ways. I'm praying for you, God bless !
I made an attempt a week and a half ago. I had fundamentally failed myself and my family. But they forgave me and now we're working to get my life back on track. My friends are some of the nicest people i know despite being restricted to online interaction. These people are the reason im still here. Otherwise I would have not been typing this. Because i have such a deep hatred of myself and the stupidity i indulged in when i was younger. I always appreciate the work you do Gg.
I definitely found that I've been in a years-long suicide attempt since I was about 23 (I'm 30 now). I realised I had no intention of living, but was too scared to actually follow through with it, so I just cut myself off from the world in the hopes that I'd die from lack of human contact. It was my intention that I'd get worse until I stopped being so scared of killing myself and actually did it. I embraced self-destructive tendencies and rejected any potential positive developments because otherwise I might develop hope and continue living, and I had no interest in doing that I willingly let my mental health deteriorate until I came face-to-face with the approaching event horizon and realised that maybe I DON'T stop being scared, maybe I just do it anyway. It was in the mad scramble to backtrack on the extreme downward momentum I'd put myself on that I realised just how long ago I'd really made the decision to end my life People think of suicide as happening in response to an event, but that's not the prime mover, it's just the catalyst. Suicide happens because one day you looked at your life and said "I'm not happy, and I don't think I ever will be", after which anything that introduces enough of an acute negative could be the spark in the powder keg, and the more time passes the lower the bar becomes Embrace taking shortcuts, I really can't recommend this enough. It's easy to think that progress made while taking shortcuts doesn't count, and you should be able to do it without cheat codes or you might as well not do it at all, but don't, because having got the result literally does count for something, even if you circumvented the need to deal with a problem to get there, because if you can look at the space in your life that negativity used to occupy, you can give yourself a hit of "Here's how nice it is for that to have been done" and that will improve your motivation to see the task completed again in the near future If you've got a bunch of clothes all over your floor, throw them in the laundry basket and just put it out of the room, then look at all the floorspace you can't normally see and think how nice it is. Now you have a direct reward mechanism before you've even done the task, and the task is already halfway completed. You don't have to do the rest of it today, you can just leave the laundry basket in the hallway. When you see it in the morning, you'll remember how nice it felt to get that task partly sorted, so maybe you'll pick it up and take it to the washing machine. Even if you don't end up doing it, you've gone from not doing it and feeling shit, to not doing it and feeling less shit, you're going to have more effort in you These tiny incremental changes can work absolute wonders. I'm not going to say that it's a cure-all, I'm not even going to say I'm not still suicidal, but I am going to say that every single positive step I've made lately has been because I stopped saying "I should do that" and started saying "This would make it easier to do that later", because the former never delivered me any progress, only self-loathing for inaction, and the latter was me making progress, but without the strain of committing to actually doing the thing, and when it became a part of my "background noise" to make tiny bits of progress, they just started counting for more per unit of effort expended
One of, if not the most important videos you've made Dr. K! Focus on peace, slow down, enjoy simple things. Treat your body and your room like a temple. Read Buddhist and Stoic texts. The answers to modern day problems are all found in the wisdom of the past.
don't forget that ancient greek philosophers definition of happiness is purely intellectual one, and it was achievable only if you were privileged enough to be a philosopher, aka if you had slaves
This is important to me. My beloved brother quit life in 2018. I miss him. I really do relate , I think about it every day. I do the Suicide Prevention Walks , going next Saturday. It's helpful. ❤️☘️
I fit the passive category. At 49, I’m disabled by military duty, no compensation, barely able to scrape together rent and no hope for the future. There are sources for help but barely out of reach due to system failures. There really is no point 🤷🏼♂️
❤️ You seem like a chill dude, thank you for your service - i am from Norway, but i still see your sacrifice for something you once or do believe in, and thank you for veing a person willing to make that sacrifice.
Hey man, if you're struggling to find something to hope for, I'd like to suggest something: There are apprenticeship programs that actively recruit former military personnel; they aren't easy, but you'll make a paycheck and learn some in-demand skills with high likelyhood of landing a job afterwards. They're not difficult to find if you're able to use a browser (and you're currently using the internet to watch this, so I assume you have access to a browser), and I've currently applied to several. While I may not get them, it's done wonders for my mental health and made me feel like I'm actively doing *something.* If you don't mind having reasonable accomodations for your disability, another good option is retail w/ skillbuilding courses through retail employers.
Who would have guessed that being treated like a disposable asset would drive a human being to not wanting to be here anymore? Dang. So sorry, sir. You deserved better. Hope you can find yourself and are able to regain the notion of your worth as a human
This video is exactly what I needed right now. I feel like I'm waking up out of a years-long trance, where I had no agency and nothing to hope for and I just wanted time to pass. I'm trying so fucking hard to get myself out of this hole, and it feels impossible. Everything seems pointless in the exact way you described with cost vs reward, and it also feels like every time I finally have a plan to fix things, life throws me a curve ball that makes all of my work irrelevant.
I relate a lot to your comment. Seeing how so many of us are struggling with similar issues at least we can conclude that we're not alone and this issues are in a lot of ways societal rather than personal.
im an hour and 55 minutes in and i can say that this has been the most influential stream i have seen so far of anyone... literally life changing stuff right here! i thank you, i appreciate you, you'll never understand how much you've helped people through this channel.
UA-cam did recommend this to me on the front page, but prompted me with a warning I had to click through before watching the video (not subscribed either).
Hey doc. Don't know if you'll ever read this but I have to say thank you for being your self. Thank you for being brutally honest and real with your crowd. I came across you the other day with your video explaining borderline personality disorder popped up on my feed and it's the first video I found explaining it in a way that actually resonates with me. I appreciate it. Then naturally, I started watching many other videos you've posted. I thank you for the safe space you created with a great community. If you weren't such a busy guy, I'd ask to have a one on one with ya. Been looking for a therapist that can handle me but haven't been so lucky. Also, your username really stuck out to me, with all your gaming analogies as well. Great stuff man. Keep being real and maybe the rest of the world will catch on and hop on this bandwagon. Seriously, appreciate you!
I remember back in 2020 when COVID was at it's peak a lot of people were posting things like "It all ends finally" or "take me sweet death". It was obviously made in a meme format but you know, it wasnt a joke.
The research covered here was exactly what I needed to hear about. Just this morning I was arguing with my therapist about how heavy and tired I feel under the weight of all my unfinished goals and how nothing brings me pleasure anymore. I see now I've been streched too thin and was wearing myself out psychologicaly. Guess I'll try to take small steps focusing toward one goal at a time. Also, by the later point the second screen joke was funny because multitasking is something I have already stopped doing. I finished the video in my backyard laying on the grass and staring at the branches untill it got dark. feel much better because of it. I'll see in a week how well this videos advice helps me, but I'm hopeful about it.
We love you Dr. K. I watch every single video whether the title applies to me or not because theres ALWAYS something that helps me thibk differently about myself and the people i love. You've truly found your calling.
I hope you do a part two stream with the rest of the material you had prepared because this part was excellent.🙏 Thank you so much for these amazing streams!
I can see it now, how many lives this guy has changed and saved in the future. Everytime i had the thoughts before 2020, i always hoped for a channel to help understand the brain, and then this show popped up eventually. Such a blessing
@StygioGI because women have no idea how lonely men are? And most of them would just laugh at the men? There's a reason why more than 1/4th of males 18+ has never approached a woman outside of dating apps...you know how many men could benefit just from being able to feel some kinda comradery instead of constant toxic bs that trolls and women like the spew. When's the last time a random woman said something nice to you? When was the last time you were berated by a woman by just existing? If you can't find those answers, then you have literally no idea what I'm talking about and probably won't, and that's a good thing.
@@gomiggang In my experience I've had the best luck expressing my emotions w mostly women, can some women be horrible In those situations, of course. But you NEED to stop consuming so much media that just negatively portrays either sex, It's horrible for you and In result leads men to not wanna approach, and yes I've experienced this but quickly saw how it affected my interactions n thoughts on the other sex
@@gomiggang We're biologically different , women may not understand male loneliness but I will never understand women loneliness either and I've seen the effect on my sister, It's not an issue that stems from women and I acknowledge you didn't say that, just want to get the point across
having a life does not seem appealing to me. But then again, masturbating, weed, tobacco and alcohol have me wanting to quit on life. i work every day only to be bored and addicted. I have no life, but i cannot imagine me enjoying having a life. ADHD on top of addiction. I fucked myself and I dont think I will do better. I have no power and am very afraid to seek help.
This stream on "slowicide" (as I call it) and the last on "I'm Screwed - Now What?" are helpful as someone struggling with depression and hopelessness about my own future. Learning that taking small action steps towards my goal (one goal at a time, not trying to do them all at the same time and becoming overwhelmed), aka Behavioral Activation, is one of the ways to start lifting depression along with disarming the "why bother, I'm just going fail again" thoughts that prevent me taking action. There's also layers of trauma/ childhood trauma which adds hopelessness. It's difficult to overcome but not impossible.
passive ideation, yes I've known I've had that for a long time. no purpose, no desires, no goals, no real community, no family, going through the motions, and the idea of drifting off to nothing sounds way better. its not like anything you feel will matter because you wouldn't exist anymore. I've embraced some of the philosophies of Dostoevsky and Nietzsche, understanding life is suffering, and happiness is an emotion that comes and goes. its pulling feelings from the suffering like happiness and joy has helped with depression kind of. In my nihilism I've pulled sarcastic joy in seeing all the messed up things happening in society. But regardless if im motivated, or in good spirits, or whatever else optimistic people think. i dont think will shake my resolve that society will not recover. unless a seismic shift in governance, global pollution, and greed it will be a decent into colapse.
Does it help at all to realize that life and death are two sides of the same coin, that death is an inevitable part of life and acts to recycle materials and nutrients to new life? In other words that the demise of mankind and earth are both certain and just part of the lifecyle of the cosmos. So does it really matter when? I hope these questions help relieve some of the weight of worrying about the world. That doesn't mean nothing matters. It still does, but less absolutely.
well the whole idea is once you are gone its nothing, its the same consciousness you had before you were born. being recycled back into new life again dead doesn't matter. When i talk collapse its Fukushima still leaking radiation in the ocean to this day, its the pursuit of progress and to the point where no clean drinking water will be available because flammable fracking liquid will be in it then nestle will sell you bottles at a way marked up price. its a singularity of ideals clashing and meeting with technology to inflate and irreparably harm egos at the same time to where dating almost ruined because of illusion of choice, well more then it is anyway. they are already in the process of making being homeless illegal. if regulations don't happen soon people will be evicted because they cant afford housing and then homelessness being illegal ship them to for profit prisons. make them work for free, get back times when America was great or something foolish like that. i don't doubt soon a wave of frustrated testosterone riddled mommy issues are gonna start trying things just for the hell of it. i am not looking forward to the future but id be lying if I said I'm not morbidly curious to see how things unfold. ive seen things and accepted my decisions and realities of this world. I can also say if i were to die tomorrow i wouldn't care and i doubt many people would more then a passing oh thats sad. dude was odd.
Stop dwelling on society as a whole. Stop taking in all the awful things going on. There’s very little you can do to change any of it. Focus on yourself and your family, your friends, pets, work, school etc. as those are things you can positively affect in your day to day life. Empathy and sensitivity can be a burden. Try not to let the suffering of others cause you to suffer. The world is not on your shoulders, although it may feel like it.
@@squanchysquanch1840 Ugh, I needed to hear this, but at the same time, I feel guilty when I'm not focusing on it. Like I'm part of the problem if I don't keep myself informed on every terrible thing going on in the world. But realistically, I know there's nothing much I can do to help those situations. There is so much evil that I feel helpless. Like I'm turning my back on everyone in need. Although at the same time I feel I've heard enough to have the awareness that I need to potentially help if it's ever within my sphere. So what good does it do to continue to ruin my days focusing on the stuff.... idk
@@veganmagick7251 you shouldn’t feel guilty. You aren’t causing these things to happen. It’s good to observe and be aware of what’s going on, to an extent. But if it’s affecting your mental health then I’d definitely advise checking out for a bit. Some people are more capable of dealing with these things. You are probably quite young I assume? Things will settle down as you age. Everything seems more potent (maybe that’s not the right word, powerful, impactful?) when you are young. Maybe I’ve just gotten more jaded as I’ve gotten older lol but you should probably get yourself sorted out before you worry about helping others. Like I said, put your energy into things you can positively affect in your life. If everyone adopts this same mindset, the world will eventually be a better place.
Thank you so much for this Dr. K! I've always struggled to understand myself since a young age, and been living in a "passive suicide" state since 15. It's been getting worse every year and has been haunting me for a long time. To the point where I most likely won't be around to learn more from Dr. K next year. I cried so many times during the stream when you mentioned how to move on and fix it, because I felt like I've couldn't apply it my life because I'm too far gone. What I really wanted to say was thank you so much for what you do! This information would have helped me so much during my younger years and I'm hoping it now will help someone out there who is struggling with this issue. Hopefully they find some guidance early and manages to overcome this struggle. Thank you so so much for the important work you do, and thanks to everyone in the community for sharing their struggles. Take care and be safe everyone ❤❤
I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. Hopefully something from this video will be like a seed that takes root in you and grows into hope and acceptance. Like a surrender to what is without being a surrender of life itself. It's the mind made identity that doesn't want to go on. The body itself does want to go on. This is proven by the fact that your heart beats, your lungs breathe, your gut digests food, and your immune system repairs wounds and fights off infections.
You feel hopeless internally because your brain has confused itself in the ways Dr K talks about - from the outside and objectively, there is hope. please keep trying, and please reach out for help.
This makes a lot of sense. I have had a lot of tough times but I’ve never felt truly depressed. I have a room that looks like a hoard but is ADHD mess and so much gross laundry. Yesterday I did one single solitary load of laundry after not doing laundry for months due to low energy (I’d been buying new clothes instead) and I was so freaking proud of myself. Even when I looked at the pile of stuff in my room, I kept thinking about how awesome it was that I’d done one load. I feel super motivated to keep going. This is super helpful because there are people with passive suicidality in my life and I think this will help me help them. The focusing on just a few goals, helping them look at things as bittersweet, and making sure they acknowledge their successes more. I always praise hard work because I got praised for being smart and that messed me up but maybe that also puts some sort of pressure on them to always work hard and complete goals. I will make sure I also acknowledge their progress when they are having an off day. :)
@@richystyles for a while the video was unplayable but he said ahead of time that Google and UA-cam algorithms hide anything with mention of suicide by default
@@PsychoKuno Ahh that's unfortunate. Considering this is such a relevant and important topic I don't get what UA-cam hopes to achieve by hiding it :( I'm assuming now that the video is playable again that it contains the entire livestream or do you know if some parts were censored/removed?
Most days I wake up sad I did not die in my sleep … yes I have had therapy and take medication … it’s just something about this uncaring hyper capitalist world we live in that seems to be a living nightmare that I do not want to stick around for!
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, but I understand completely. This sick dystopian society is truly a nightmare. And the fact that so many people seem to be walking around oblivious makes it even harder.
I feel the same a lot of the time. The world nowadays is a cold and cruel place. But we have the power to change it even if only a little bit. Maybe you could do something to fix it, at your level. Be kind to the people around you, adopt an animal from the shelter, buy a homeless person a coffee, talk to them, help a friend or family member in need... These small things matter and contribute to make the world a better place. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Do one kind thing a day, even if it's just a small thing like smiling at the cashier or holding the door for your neighbor. It is something you can do and it will make you feel better... and you will begin to notice the kind things other people do for you...
Dr. K, everyone else, the community and the people, being brave enough, hard working and compassionate to show and share their experience with the world, I am truly grateful to you all. I could drew motivitaion and understandig to finally start changing my broken life. Thank you for being. Much love to you all, from Hungary.
I’ve listened to Dr.K a lot. I’m a younger guy in my 20s, and I’ve had some crummy luck with romantic relationships. I haven’t had a serious one since high school. I’be had some bad days but things have somewhat started to get better. Having goals has definitely helped me, I’ve been doing martial arts for a few years and have made some good progress. I’m doing martial arts I’ve gotten to meet a lot of cool people and compete outside of the US. I’ve failed many many times in my life, but never giving up is what has helped me. The people I’ve met in my dojo have pushed me as well to be better. Martial arts helped me find a passion in my life that was truly my interest and not something I did because I saw someone in my family so it. I’m working on other things in my life slowly but surely.
We have come to a point where stupidity is compensated and real and fulfilling things are punished. Doing everything "right" gets you nowhere in a world were a meme becomes instantly successful. Is not envy, but you simply give up because there is no point. Not even with a roadmap. I love this analogy: Go to a burger restaurant and ask for a cheeseburger, you are told that it will cost $4. So you pay and eat it. The person behind you asks for the same thing but gets it for free... because it has internet fame. You go back to the cashier to demand a refund since the last person didn't pay for an arbitrary reason. The cashier tells you to suck it up because that's life and gives you no money back. I will no longer have a motivation to go and eat in that restaurant because I have to pay and others don't. The problem is that every restaurant is like that. So what motivation do I have to eat a burger? That's how life is nowadays. People are seeing how the World works and obviously they don't want to be part of it. Is not that is has to be nice but it shouldn't be bad either. Why am I working 40+hours a week to barely survive while some people exist and they have a better time? I see no motivation to do anything. College, is a joke. You go there so you can end up working for some guy that doesn't do anything, yet has a mansion, food on the table and the biggest issue of his day is choosing what car to drive for the day. Dating is in the same boat. Specially for men. You can do everything right and will still have no one to choose from because you are not a top earner. Everything that made humans motivated to build something is utterly fkd because of greed. Society needs to find a way to motivate me and others to live. Because there is none. No cumbaya bs, there is none. Convince me that life is worth it.
good take, but unfortunately for your world-view, robo waifus are on the horizon, everything will work out when you have a supportive AI in your ear 24/7 😊
I'm just so fed up with trying, man. Daily, I bounce between so depressed I get physically nausious at work, and angry until my head hurts. Waking up 'excited' about anything is rare. I have 1 or 2 small moments a week where I can smile. Is that normal? Is that healthy? I can rephrase and re-focus all I want, my CBT therapists sure tried their best, but that does NOT change anything! my mind, my body, my whole entire existence itself was made aware of the reality of my situation. What can you do when the moment you rememeber you exist, most of your very limited "ambition pool" is dried up for the day?? And now I'm suppose to suffer MORE? For no reward. I sometimes feel proud of my weight loss, but i have work to do. Doesn’t matter what comes after that thought, the truth is there. Ignorance would be bliss, perhaps. But I woke up, and I cannot go back to sleep... but, JUST because I haven't found the nerve to "game over" myself, I try so damn hard anyway despite the insurmountable amount of work that simply can't be ignored, as suggested. Simply lifting weights is impossible to enjoy. I walk to burn calories, not "listen to nature in silence," I need music to get through work because monotonous warehouse work is [by design] unfulfilling. Yet I have to pay bills and debt off don't I? And I have it easier than many! Ni student loans and loving parents... god my poor parents. They fucking deserved SO MUCH BETTER. They deserved a son who wasn't such an immature, mentally unwell fucking manchild. They deserved a son who didn't need so much assistance about basic things. Fuck I miss weed. I wanna drink again. And yet my panic disorder won't let me even become addicted to anything but food, WHICH MY FAT ASS CAN'T HAVE CAUSE I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AND TONE UP!!! UGH. I want to eat a box of donuts and smile again 😭 it's all i have!! And that's pathetic!! PA-MOTHERFUCKING-THETIC!! God, then I keep hearing how I need to "try harder," because clearly I'm not because I guess being fucking mad that life sucks and then you die, but then the same people tell me "if I can do it, so can you!" Well, I'm sorry but no... clearly not, remember? Fucking people... no, they're just trying to help. I've seen suicidality and panic attacks from the outside perspective years before I ever had them, and by god I'd trade all this "experience" for a sack of boiled peanuts in a heartbeat. 😢 God, I'm so fucked. If anyone relates, then you listen to me goddamn it: DON'T GIVE UP. You'll end up like me, and you'll be fully aware of how you're sabotaging your friendships, love life, job and finances... with no ability to stop it. No, I'm sorry but I think I won't elaborate anymore. I've realized, SOMETHING I've learned has crippled me for this long, and if I share it here in my fit of exaustion, god forbid... someone else might read it and have their own brain broken in half :( sure, I already started with a deficit, but.when I became aware of the truth, the walls slowly started closing in. And I want you to heal. You're better then me, okay? You, reading this, right now. You are! So PLZ, JUST IGNORE this comment and follow Dr. K's advice... stop reading and PLEASE go get help. Take a walk, call someone or snuggle your pets! The sooner you do anything to fight the thoughrs, the sooner you won't have to become... this.
I don't know how much this can help. The only thing that helped me through it, was finding something I want to do and trying to make that my living. Look, it's super hard to lose weight, I'm proud of you, it takes discipline, energy and tons of effort to do so. Find something you can enjoy and put those same attributes towards it. I don't know what that is for you, it could just be something small. You like food right? Maybe try finding healthier but still tasty alternatives. Turn that in to a recipe to give others as well. I don't know, I don't know your hobbies or wants, but whatever it is, start small and build towards it. Just like you did with your weight loss.
First off: I appreciate the kind words and advice. You're kind for even bothering, and I hope you're well. ❤️ I really do. I however, unfortunately don't know how to implent whatever finally got me to "diet," since I lost 30lb from uh... kinda starvation? I ate 900 calories a day for 2-ish months. Now I try to skip days eating and eat light others to maintain, till my metabolism fixes itself. It's been working cause if I don't or I gain too much back from a cheat meal, I get a panic attack. Which is good, haha about time my stupid body got with the program 😄 now if only my brain/heart could find me a purpose that didn't feel empty and temporary. I am trying to learn music, but I would never wanna do it for a living, least not traditionally. Labels OR independent, both seem like a nightmare of red tape and handling my personal finances [no 401k/pay stubs] UA-cam kinda failed cause of my mental health and inability to stick to a schedule as erratic as that. Now I'm just... kinda stuck. Like usual but with this sense of Dread that usually comes before or after, now all at once. Oh, I've tried the healthier alternatives. I really have. I'm a "junk" foodie, so calorically dense and healthy never seems to work. Cause I know it's not as much and that makes my cravings kick in. It's just something I have to deal with... not much to do, at this point. I'd rather be skinny than fat. It doesn't seem to ever get "better, " sadly. But again, your words mean a lot and I thought a lot about them before responding. I hope you continue on your path toward a better future. Send me a postcard, friend.
Thank you dr K, great advice at this one. I really needed that. I've never heard anything similar to this before. I've heard about being positive, being kind to yourself etc. but it never clicked like this. This actually makes sense.
Thank you so much Dr.K, been trying by myself to do this mental work so I can feel content again. Your videos expound so profoundly with ideas ive only fiddled with. I’m so appreciative for this translation/communication of how to feel better
For me, i feel passively suicidal when i think about how much effort im going to have to out in to life. For the past 15 years or so (im 22 now so most of my life) ive been getting away with doing the absolute bare minimum. And when i say bare minimum i mean only getting out of bed to eat or to go to school (which i barely passed in high school because im good under exam conditions, amd i failed college/ sixth form 3 times because that was the first time my grade wasnt calculated from only exams) ive been a NEET for 2 years now and when im asked why i say its because nobody will hire me and finding a job is difficult, but the truth is that im too scared to even look for a job because i fear rejection. So im basically on a path to finding out how long i can live by playing video games and eating way more than i need to all day without leaving my room until ive truly screwed myself over and end up homeless. The closer i get to that day the more anxious i get. The problem is that i like living like this. I like having absolutely no responsibilities and not having to abide by any schedule amd just being able to do what i want when i want, but i want to change, i look at people who have their shit together and get really jealous and sad at myself, i physically feel like shit every day (which i then end up using as an excuse for why i dont do anything) because i dont exercise or even maintain good personal hygiene. I want to change. But i like my life right now, and i hate my life right now
I can relate.. Eating is a chore to me but other than that drinking most days having no schedule, prn and games are sufficient. Kinda neutral, it’s a bit bland after a while but it’s comfy. Have had a lot of thoughts for a while. Don’t have much left for a social circle so now my excuse is not wanting to cause distress to my family. They ve put in alot of effort and it’s not their fault I feel the way I do. Might very well be just an excuse I came up with as I genuinely don’t want to die. But living.. it’s a chore and I don’t get much out of it. And for peak irony, anytime things get better for me they seem to crash soon after. Partly because of bad luck but mostly because of me.. I need to improve but I just don’t feel like stepping up, everything is so overwhelming even just starting with being awake and following etiquette when interacting with people. Sometimes I feel like I want to get back into a relationship, I liked mine while it lasted, but I just don’t feel like putting up with the hassle, the most enjoyable things are the little things, not the rest of life or solving conflicts. Weird thing is I can do stuff to help people, just not to help myself. If I get better I hope one day I’ll be able to help people in the same situations i just struggle to sincerely believe anything will be worthwile.
I'm in the same spot as you are. I've also done the bare minimum until finishing high school. Now here I am, 21 and a college dropout and a neet. I have zero hope for the future. I haven't been in a single relationship, never worked a job, and just stay inside playing videogames and using other vices. Even though I've never attempted, I have written notes, just in case one day I decide to do it. I did get lucky and recently found a good vice, that being emo music. It lets me have a reason to go out (like going to concerts or emo nights), as well as having a vice that isn't bad for me, which has been VERY helpful for keeping the thoughts away, but I still don't have any hope in the future. I feel like I'm behind everyone in every way and I don't ever see myself being able to catch up. Even though I want to and know I need to get out of this, I can't find any sort of motivation to, since I just always think to myself "what's the point?" Not to mention literally every single thing about actually being an adult sounds awful to me, and I prefer not having responsibilities, even if it means not having a life worth living.
I relate to everyone in this comment thread, I'm 24 and have been a NEET for over a year, but a shut-in for 15. No friends, no connections, no hope for the future. Just milking what little enjoyment I can get without trying too hard. Maybe I'll get my shit together when my parents are dead
Yall need to get your shit together. There are aspects of life you cant control but many things depend entirely on you. Work hard, get a job, start working out and youll immediately feel much better.
A phrase that floats in my mind a lot is "we cannot afford aspirations". Because we can't, and at this rate we never will. The past 3 generations have been born into a world we have virtually no control over, and yet we're forced to sit and watch as the consequences of past generations drown us. The older folks in charge get to be evil and then die, and we can't do anything about it because the world as we know it is simply too far gone. Nobody wants to agree with anyone anymore so nothing ever gets done, we stew in all of our ancestry's bad choices and hope that our miniscule efforts will help, but they never do. There's no reason to be excited about life when my past, present and future is only pain.
Thank you for this. It’s so important that we TALK about this. Trying to hide it away because it makes other people uncomfortable is not helping - it only makes it worse. We need to drag this darkness into the light and transform it ❤
Doing things for yourself doesn’t feel rewarding when you’re used to taking care of others your entire life. I think this is the hardest part, because doing things for myself inherently doesn’t feel “worth it” even after I’ve done it. I only get that buzz serving others, cuz I had to take care of my parents growing up.
The other day, I told my brother that I think the song "Comfortably Numb" best describes me, and he just gave me a sad look. It took me a second to realize why he reacted the way he did. I had just internalized that mindset so much that I had normalized it. On a lighter note, it's always nice running into another pink floyd fan.
@@slimekingmc8057 that’s me. I heard them at the perfect time to have a major impact on me. I was on all the non needle drugs and my last couple brain cells fired back up and eventually got me out of there
45:35 reason to get up 53:06 events around you determine your happiness 1:11:15 trying to fix everything 1:39:23 once you understand how your 🧠 works 1:53:10 investing in everything but yourself 2:00:30 success is achieved through experience at iteration
God Bless you DR.K, extremely well done sir, helping people is one of the truest forms of service and purpose.Hopefully many are able to use this information to help improve their lives, Again God Bless
14:27 literally how I’ve felt for years I’ve been saved many times by healthcare professionals, but I can only imagine my chronic pain getting worse and having more and more days were I can’t afford to eat
I love how the "suicide hotline"-version of my country is portrayed underneath the video, with a telephone number, but everytime I've tried calling them they never answer. Makes you feel like the entire country is so suicidal that the line is constantly in use. More than likely they're just not a big enough team though. Bless them.
I got through to mine but my experience was the woman on the line just parroting what I was saying. Like wth?
Fr uks was bad i just wanted to hear someone they cut the call after 10mins rushing me off eh@@TrebleCat
Just talk to a therapist ai. Its often the same or even better. Nobody on those phones can help you anyway @@TrebleCat
I got blacklisted because i was having manic episode and whoever was at the call just fed up and banned me for life. All the other hotlines basically there to say with robotic voice to “hang in there, try calling us later”
@@Geagra lol my comment got removed whttt heckk
Born too early to collect a universal basic income, born too late to expect security in the job market, born just in time to experience manmade horrors beyond my comprehension.
EVERY generation has had manmade horrors
real
Name checks out
every generation has each own struggles and horrors
@@Vanity0666 If you're in the West, you have less exposure to manmade horrors than basically any generation throughout human history...
Personal experience: Had a suicide attempt and my family advised me to go to the hospital because of it…worst. Decision. Ever. I was stuck in a room with basic amenities (bed, bolted tv, sink and bathroom), I was also placed next to another mentally unstable person whom screamed the “n” word for 5 hours straight. I couldn’t leave the room for 48 hours, as there were guards posted outside my door. If it sounds like I was in prison, you wouldn’t be far off. Oh yea, then I got a bill for $10,000 like a month later, I had to go through hell to get them to exempt me from it. If I wasn’t suicidal before I damn sure was after that lol.
I went to 5 different hospitals as a teen and a young adult and had decent experiences so there is definitely a mix of good and bad. Comments like these are what prevents people from getting help. They kill people. Because you know what? You're alive. At least you lived. Plenty of people who read stories like this and got too scared are not.
I got for psychosis, also got worse. This places are horrible, I'm sorry that You got to be in this situation.
@@saltiestsirenWell done, just silence and invalidate another persons experience. That's what I call nuance 🤪
Only the best wishes to the OP for your path of healing 🌱
@@saltiestsiren so you’re saying I shouldn’t have contributed my life experience because someone may be deterred from pursuing help in this way? Meh perhaps
America
Its kinda makes sense, you price a generation out of buying a house, you price them out of having a family, dating is a nightmare, the economy is in the crapper, people call you evil for existing and telling you that youre the problem.
At a certain point you become apathetic toward everything and just let it go
Exactly.
The mental and emotional well being of the collective are frankly irrelevant to society and the systems in which they operate.
As long as you’re mostly able to contribute to the machine and generate profits for the top percent of the population, your individuality, problems, needs and desires do not matter.
Even when it’s been statistically proven in many ways that what you said is indeed correct, it is much easier for most individuals who have attained and experienced these normal milestones in life to shift blame to other types of individuals who may not have had as favorable circumstances and opportunities as deficient.
Also, I personally believe the whole “You’re the problem” statement is a bit of an oversimplification and dismissal of the actual concerning factors that have created these issues for the majority of younger generations attempting to experience more of normal adulthood but are struggling.
I’m not stating we have hand outs, but a lot of accountability must be taken by our government, older generations and many systemic institutions that have all had a contributing role into creating these present day issues.
How likely that is at least in my humble opinion, will probably remain in speculation.
However, that is the only way we can start to work toward a viable solution to most of these issues we face today.
Did you even watch the video? The whole point is that we depend on outside circumstances for our purpose, motivation and pleasure too much.
don't forget that the world is currently burning !!
By design
@@Polyfron Did you even read the final sentence in the OP? He’s basically saying the same thing, just in a more negative light.
"You wont be able to find this organically" If the youtube algorithm is simultaneously suppressing this and suggesting it to me, should I be concerned?
lol same 😳
Me fr❗️
no, you shouldn’t.
sameee
I woke up and saw this on the "front page" of my UA-cam app. Pleased but also concerned for sure lol.
Taking your own life is the ultimate act of agency. It makes sense that people who feel powerless in life would fantasize about it, even if they have no plans to do it.
True, it is sort of the quintessential act of control. But at the same time, it’s a loss, since that act of control is no longer theirs. When you die, there is no longer a ‘you’, so in some ways, they will have spent their entire existence with no control, because they never gave themselves a chance to find control.
Accurate...
We never had the chance to choose to be, so it's not a bad thing to fantasize about choosing not to.
In a way it's empowering. Makes you consider what makes it worth it to get up in the morning and continue. Me, it is organising people and events. Making things so smoothly run that you don't know I had to spend hours planning it. I hate hearing about my job from people, if you know about it then I have failed. I don't know if I dislike interacting with people... I am too chatty online tho.
My BFF was near death's door in 2014 due to a suicide attempt. She was found from a family member. In 2019, she developed the most severe form of alcoholism. She has MDD, BPD, and CPTSD. She's passively suicidal 24/7 and has ran to alcohol because she gave up attempting her life in 2017. So, she's tried to numb everything since. She's constantly in emotional turmoil esp since the medicalSystem in USA has rapidly declined in the past few years. She's fought her way through all year with so many physical symptoms that no one can figure out since Feb 2024. She's back at being directly suicidal again, on the brink of relapsing on alcohol- I KNOW these patterns as an outside witness. But ERs, many Drs offices, and most psych wards have drastically traumatized her so much worse severely that it caused her new psychiatric symptoms last year that she's never had her entire 41 years of existence. She used to reach out for help and even voluntarily went to a psych hospital in the past until around 2018 as 2017 was extremely traumatic for her.
@@inoshishi8 Yes, the psych wards in America treat their patients worse than criminals. Mental healthcare in this country is a joke. I'm sorry she's going through all this, and I hope she can recover outside of the system.
Time Marks
7:07 Topic Begin
12:03 Active Suicidality
14:15 Passive Suicidality
22:25 Reddit Post
24:59 How people develop passive suicidality
27:23 Hope (Agency and Road Map)
33:25 Story reflecting agency
41:40 Anhedonia (related to Agency)
57:49 Turning negatives into positives
1:03:21 Scan for positives
1:10:44 Road Map, fullfilment, having few/lot of goals
1:29:42 QA Fear of Commitment
1:41:25 QA Rewarding yourself
1:44:31 QA Multiple goals
1:46:23 Proudness and lack of time and second reddit post
1:56:16 Start today
2:05:50 Summarise
2:16:06 QA Dopamine switch
2:19:00 DrK wants to travel (dont know if time is correct)
2:25:14 Ending
@@Szombra1 Thank you!
Thanks so much!
You are the goat and i hope u know that
Thanks 🙏 you're a top G. I was looking for the summary so i could write it down on actual paper lol and this makes it easy lol thanks again 🙏
You're doing God's work. All the best to you
Trying to stay positive each day is very taxing. I feel like everything around us, the fabric of our entire society, is built on greed and corruption. There are individuals like Dr. K who actually care about helping people, but broadly speaking every industry revolves around making as much profit as possible while providing as little as possible to consumers to put more money into shareholder pockets. The rich continue getting richer while working class people struggle to afford basic healthcare. I would love to go to therapy but i don't have hundreds of extra dollars per month to spend.
I know how you feel brother, ive been having similar feelings and thoughts, it's definitely harder to live a "normal" life now and enjoy the things that older generations were able to. I've lost hope many times in my own life in finding what career I should pursue, and dealing with severe health problems at only 21. The best thing I can say to you is find God, Jesus Christ is God, he is real and he loves you. I know this might sound cliche but the truth of the bible is undeniable. Just say a quick prayer to God like "God im not sure if your real but I pray you reveal yourself to me". If you genuinely mean that he will show himself in unexpected ways. I'm praying for you, God bless !
all i can think about is how all this stuff is made up. the economy, money, “ownership” is all fake. there are people buying up properties not to live in, but just to turn a profit. grocery prices skyrocketing because the owners at the top decided to do it without any care about the 99%’s livelihood. it’s such bs and i feel like the US is even worse about this. wanna pack up and move countries one day maybe that’ll change things
@@nathanielcah7039 so that’s where your hope came from
Howdy. I know this comment is weeks old now but I wanted to add something that didn’t end in “find Jesus”. Hope is extremely fickle when it’s not constant in your life. Hope comes from those around you bettering each other’s lives but it also comes from your beliefs. I truly believe that humanity has great capacity to overcome our challenges and so I have to grab my hope from that. If you believe the world is and will only be a dark place then it will be impossible to have hope when there’s no one else there to show you otherwise.
Or not even a complete absense of desire to live, but a functional absense. I want to do something... but no clue what. Guess Ill keep on living till i find out or die, cause im too scared to make an active attempt at dying.
This is totally the video for you. I'm at the functional deficit like you. At work, I give 110% and have no problem with motivation. My lack of motivation starts when I get home. Wasn't like this until about 5 years ago.
@DCornwell-d2t this has been me for the last year get home want to play a game but don't want to at the same time
@kiranearitachi get home after a hard day of work
You been planning on being productive after work but the moment you get home you open up a game and stare at the main menu for 3 hours before saying fuck it
Going to bed
And repeat
Idk why I said you
It me
@@koraegi me as well
@koraegi I had the same problem, trying to manage work and studying at a university at the same time. I was coming home from work and was laying in bed doomscrolling for a few hours, instead of studying.
Ended up ditching the whole university thing and feel better for it (although not immediately). And suddenly I have a little time to work on my personal goals.
“slow suicide” sounds like something that applies to me. i’m probably never going to actually do the deed, but everything i do in my life actively harms me or my future in some way and i always feel like it’s just a matter of time before i set myself back in ways that i can’t come back from.
release pride and choose a simple and quiet life if the proud life sounds too difficult.
Eh at least is not as bad has invasive ideation suicidal thought 🤷♀️
Get a dog
@@rongike For me it has nothing to do with pride, but lack of opportunity or resources.
@@SemekiIzuio It is incredibly insensitive to compare one type of pain to another. All pain is bad.
"I don't think I have passive suicidality"
5 minutes in:
oh okay so I definitely do
The comment about the meteor made me realize I have that. Because I thought this 1:1 verbatim.
Relatable tbh
@@subject8776 same
yeah, same
@@subject8776 and it's shakin'
"hitting the skip forward buttom on life until something happens."
is so me
Is that an Adam Sandler's Click reference?
@@matheussanthiago9685 sorry to dissapoint you but I don't know who that is 🤣
@@tirushone6446 It’s a film where the plot revolves around a guy who finds a TV remote that can fast forward time in real life. It’s very fitting because in the film, the main character uses it to skip forward the trials and tribulations of life, oblivious to the fact that skipping time is the very reason why he exists in the ‘downward trend’ Dr K mentions.
@@DxCwashere its not a reference to the movie ... the movie is a reference to life
Real life sims 😂
Hi Dr. K. When I was suicidal in 2021, I listened to your educational stream on suicide many times whenever I was feeling horrible at work. It was comforting to me to hear a person talk about suicide in a rational and reasonable way. It made me feel so much less alone to listen to a lecture on suicide that didn’t emphasize how scary or wrong or sad suicide was. It made me feel like I wasn’t fucked up. My life got better since, and now it’s harder again, but this channel is always here for me to make me feel less alone. The content you make, especially the long form interviews and lectures, have helped me unimaginably. It continues to help me. Thank you.
1:44:34
Im glad you stayed
Thanks for the positive feedback.
My eyes watered a bit. You are alone and im alone too.
Lets goo
@@acht467 In it together brother
L youtube for restricting talking about real problems in our society.
@@Wit-tq8pj can't have productive conversations on the Internet these days without something getting in the way
@@dains6623 Yeah, and the internet is polarized in some parts. Its like as if they force you to agree.
Can't link or mention sources in fear it'll trip UA-cam's spam filter and delete my replies/ghost comments. Can't be specific, must keep things vague - it's the UA-cam way.
And "naughty" words. Can't curse or else, demonetized!
what did u expect. people making these things dont want u to emprove
Thank you, for this video.
I'm 70 we recently had our 2nd tragic suicide in my apt. building this last year. One man jumped from his 11th story apt. window. The other man stepped in front of a train. Both of them were known to be suicide risks. But their risk of suicide wasn't considered serious enough to intervene.
I hope you are feeling well sir
@@sorubro2193 madam*
I’ve never understood why people have the audacity to shame suicidal people into living. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a reason to not do it that didn’t involve the feelings of other people. Imagine being told your only purpose in life is to make other people happy and you are illogical for not wanting to be alive. Ah yes because the world we live in is so humane. Forcing your loved one into a hospital against their will also isn’t a solution. If someone is gonna do it, they’re gonna do it, and nobody has the right to stop them.
@@UnlimitedEmeralds i have friends who have wanted to, and still do. I can't talk them out of it, but it's their choice and if that's what they want, then I'm here for them until the end. They're still here. They may not actually want to when it comes down to it, but they definitely want to be heard. It's depressing to think about, but by allowing them the choice and supporting their decision is somehow more beneficial than telling them straight up "no, other people's feelings are more important than yours".
Given the context, people overlook it because it's someone taking their own life. But it's not your choice to keep someone from taking their own life. All you can do is support them and hope that whatever choice they make, it brings them happiness. Sometimes that's all they really need.
@@UnlimitedEmeraldsat least physical force won't help
This time dr K actually said whats wrong with me. Its this feeling of sadness, which even therapy can not deal with. I was telling myself long time ago to focus on positivity, and actually it helped me for some time. But as we live we change. We tend to forget some important lessons. It was a great reminder. Thank you dr K.
yeah I'm exactly the same way and I knew this about myself just doctors won't listen used to survive on ketamine infusions but insurance doesn't cover and parents stopped paying for them now I started to self harm and actively try and put myself under risk of death (like running on the edge of the subway by the moving train) in hopes it will end quicker
not to mention I recently found out I had untreated Lyme's disease for many years and that explains my chronic fatigue which made all of this way worse
@@Sibyltec i hope it gets better for you man
@@blue-dark Thanks. I'm currently going through Herxheimer's reaction because treating Lyme's. I sometimes feel better for a few hours, and sometimes I can barely move. Emotionally I have severe mood swings from depression to hope and back but I'm at home and safe and not harming myself right now. I'm really scared the antibiotics won't be enough to kill the Lyme's because I know I can't deal with this stuff for any longer. Appreciate your comment.
So true. I relate to your comment a lot, I had a big mindset shift about 2 years ago and I thought it was a one and done life lesson, but no😅
Here I am 2 years later, having to relearn lessons that my past self has already learned the hard way😂 But it is a good reminder that we never stop growing, so our coping skills and self improvement should keep growing too❤
Wow, "if i sleep and don't wake up, it's not a big deal" this hit really hard, i had this thought several times in the past few month
That's me every single night
Me , me, me. But I'm not sleeping at the moment...so not going to die 😢
Announcements begin at 2:08
Topic begins at 7:07
thank you 🙏
Thanks!
Summary at 2:07:15
King
god bless you
A poem I wrote on this topic:
I don't think anyone wants to die.
But sometimes, you don't want to keep living.
You don't want to keep giving, when you have nothing left to give.
I don't think anyone wants to die.
Sometimes you just want the pain to quit..
You want the voices to be quiet.. soft whispers turn to a riot and you ask yourself is this it??
Have you ever felt the quiet hit...
Like I wish someone would take my skin away, pulverize this boney cage that forces me to stay,
Like it can be so hard to say, I don't want to live this way..
I just want to fade away..
I don't think, anyone wants to die..
But I don't think, everyone wants to try..
If you ever tried to explain to someone how trying can feel like dying because you're fighting to live but you're so far away from winning...
Every day is a new beginning..
But if I must watch myself fail on repeat, never missing a beat where I don't feel alone, unwanted, unseen. I don't think you know where I've been.
I'm somewhere between hoping and giving up. Never able to make the voices stop. I'm far beyond the good things you've seen. Because when I fool you, and you believe that I can cope... then maybe you'll stay here, to give me hope... But behind this mask I'm dying to escape, I'm trying to wait, because I don't think anyone wants to die...
But sometimes... I just don't want to keep living.
neat!
Wow
i'd say the obvious answer is to quit giving. especially to the wrong people. 100% agree with you!
@@Dnd-Versatility beautiful
beautiful, can I share this?
I was passively suicidal from about ages 15-20. Once at college, I obtained "a plan" and it was my crutch for a long time. I had a kind instructor who recognized I wasn't doing well and took the time to walk me to the therapists office on campus after class. I got therapy & on antidepressants for a few years. Just turned 39 yesterday and my life is pretty great. I don't have much money and I could be healthier... but I've got a husband who loves me, a cat, a fulfilling job, a house (messy asf, but it's home and it's *mine*). I resonated with a lot of your solutions. 💯
What is your job? I want a fulfilling job.
Honestly, having a fullfilling job, a loving husband and a messy home is the most wonderful gift a woman can be gifted with in this world. And a cat.
Where there is a clean home, there is no loving husband there.
Yeah as long as you're a woman life always works out
@@Koroarlmao.. yh i don't think a guy would be walked to such help tbf
@@aisnow5788 I work at a community college in student services - it's a remote job which is nice. It's a hard job to summarize, but I mostly answer the phone/emails and help people get enrolled in college (I also help with financial aid, registration, program info, etc). It's never boring, I feel like I'm actually helping people, it's not too stressful, my coworkers/supervisor are great and the pay is decent.
What about us old people who had to take care of older people? Like, my parents generation wanted to live to 100. Mine made it to 89 & 85. They were miserable and I am completely burned out at 60. Burnout is real. My labor was exploited and I was thrown away.
Did they truly exploit you?
@@randomstuff2665 Gaslighting 101, Play stupid games, WIN stupid prizes!!! Here's Yer Sign!!!
I had that experience recently, or rather, I observed how awful it is to have a loved one's health slowly decline, until they eventually pass away. Everyone in the family does everything they can, and it can lead to so many arguments and pain for everyone.
I'm 21, and this happened to my grandfather. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and I wasn't even a primary caretaker. Even just imagining that happen to my parents scares me. I think what you did is very worthy of praise 🙂
I am just starting this with my mom. She's 77 and has chronic sharp and burning pain in her left leg and bad short term memory loss. She's fast losing the ability to organize herself and already depends on others to help her get groceries or go to doctors appointments.
It's only been like this for about two years and already I am frustrated, disappointed and exhausted. Sometimes I drop out of contact for weeks or even months when I just can't handle it, which pushes the burden onto my older brother who lived across the country and onto some of her friends. They're all frustrated with me and exhausted themselves.
On top of it all, the medical system is more of a burden than a help these days.
My greatest fear is that what happened to you will happen to me. I'll give up the next ten to fifteen years of my life being a caregiver and just end up totally depleted.
Anyway, I'm sorry for what you went through and hope you can have at least twenty good, meaningful years of joyful living ahead of you now.
Amazing thing to take care of the people you love. I hope that you can now take care of yourself with the love that you deserve
This was INCREDIBLE. Seriously, thank you.
I remember talking to someone about why people around the world aren’t having kids as much as they used to, and I think it boils down to this topic exactly, beyond the financial situation, people of this generation have no hope, our parents felt completely invincible at our age, today people the same age have absolutely no hope for a better tomorrow.
Hey dr, K. I am one of those people who rarely comments on any sort of UA-cam video but i do want to say that i appreciate your videos and mention that i am grateful for the content that you are putting out for the people. It feels like someone is truly putting effort into improving humanity! Thank you and I hope to see a lot more from you soo!
that wasn’t as deep as i was expecting it to be for someone who rarely comments.
Most people who are called "resilient" tends to be ostracized that they are not good at living their lives to the fullest. The truth is they are just contented on what little they have. I think this is one of the lessons that I have learned this video.
I almost left last year. The only reason I didn't was because when I glanced at the speedometer, I didn't feel I was going fast enough to guarantee a quick exit. I sure as hell didn't want to live with the consequences of failing it. Now it just feels like I'm just moving forward seeing if it becomes worth not doing it. So far things are good, but it's going to take a lot to make it worth going through the pain I went through last year. I relate a lot to this video. Thanks for putting out what you do. At the very least, I like knowing what's going on with me
Glad you’re still here! Life is not easy, but I commend you for continuing on, and just want you to know the world is better for it 🤞🏿
Why do you feel you have to "make it worth it"? Reality as is right now is as is regardless of narative. No need to turn in into worth/not worth, good/bad etc.
Is carrying the burden of debt worth it?
Wanted to share. Anyway, glad things seem alright for now! :)
@@EARTOEARTOEARTOEARThat is just how it is. If something hurt so terribly that you wanted to "leave" but chose not to out of sense of hope things will get better, then you want confirmation some day that your choice was right, that the pain was just a temporary hurdle to something better. I have this now. My life is comfortable, my SO is the best person in the world and I am lucky to know them. This life right now is so beautiful to me that I can look at the place I was and say "that was ok, because this is worth it all."
"Now it just feels like I'm just moving forward seeing if it becomes worth not doing it." Damn, spot on.
@@EARTOEARTOEARTOEARWhat you mean debt? can you expand on that
I think socializing in general is just kind of dead. He mentioned no one going to class during his studies, it's worse in some places. At my college we'd go to class in person but never speak a word to each other. We'd see each other for 4 years and never know each other because no on talks ever
It takes effort from both parties. It’s not dead, it just takes practice.. Try opening a conversation with something simple like a compliment, something about the class etc etc. Some of my best friendships from uni/graduate school started out like this. Best of luck
@@MrBololiciousI actively try to start conversations. I’m 44 years old. Just through my own experience, I’ve definitely noticed it’s so much less socially acceptable to talk to a stranger now than it ever has been before. So many interactions are now seen as “unsanctioned” unless you’re in the same social circle or online club.
Not talking to each other is the new politeness, because everyone understands how important the data is that comes thru their phones.
@@XanniTheBlue I agree to a certain extent that it’s become less socially acceptable to talk to a a stranger - but hey, there’s people out there who prefer face to face communication! Don’t let it stop you from trying .. humans need these in-person connections.
@@XanniTheBlue technology was a step forward in some aspects for our lives, and 10 steps backwards in others ..
@@XanniTheBluemove to the south lol you’re weird if you don’t talk to strangers here
I quit my job earlier this year because my burnout and depression was spiraling so bad out of control. Ever since then I’ve been talking to doctors and taking meds and applied to literally hundreds of jobs, just to get rejected hundreds of times. Now I have people in my friends and family calling me lazy. I’m ready to give up and leave this place fr, but I don’t have the balls. Instead I’ll just waste away my days applying to jobs that will never get to back to me and playing video games. I used to be so happy.
We have so many barriers working against us, especially economically and regarding general wellness in the face of the expectations placed on us.
I'm sorry your family and friends don't seem to prioritize your happiness over your productiveness.
I truly believe that we deserve happiness over any type of contribution to society. I always think to myself that if people can be absolute wastes of space and still be happy, I deserve to have that too, as a baseline. If people can be absolute trash humans and still "make it" far, I deserve to at least be at least mediocre and relatively happy.
I'm glad you're here.
Relatable
I would suggest joining local clubs or activities that interest you to get your spark back. You can do little tasks like reading books on the stuff that you loved as a kid/student. You will be like, “oh yeah! That’s why I loved ___, and I still do!”
Life sometimes really grinds the hope, love, and joy out of you. Especially when you are stuck at work doing projects that are meaningless or way more hassle than necessary.
Having a job is of course important, but so is revamping and shifting to actually like the life you’re living.
I was so upset by people calling me lazy, but after not being at a job that completely drained me, I have way more time and mental energy for the things I actually love and care about.
Don’t judge yourself based on your past because time changes things nothing will stay the same. You now won’t be you 5 years from now don’t stop trying because change will come. It may take a while so don’t expect it to be right in front of you just keep pushing for it and learn to be happy where you’re at life itself is an amazing experience and the good wouldn’t be good without the bad. It sucks/it’s hard I know but the struggle can be worth it.
I feel the exact same way, have for quite a few years totally understand
I think the older generation passed down too many expectations on the younger generation and that you are a loser if you dont surpass those expectations.. The Boomers were brought up in an era of plenty and they assumed that it will always be there for the younger generations. Now the younger generations live in a constant state of anxiety about unmet needs.
No my own generation has shit on me repeatably and never hesitates to remind me how much of a failure I am.
My parents may have had expectations, never explicitly passed them on, never showed anything more than what would be really helpful. Still turned out bad.
The thing is, what you have said fits on to my friend, but not me.
This is why what you wrote needs the word "some", because not all people fit your bill.
What went wrong with every last generation is that we don't get taught how to educate your children. Almost everyone gets them, barely anyone knows how to raise them.
Not many people make music or draw when they are older, yet we draw and make music in school.
This is what is fucked up.
We are being kept stupid. I am no genius for seeing that any school system is fucked up.
Start educating yourself about education and management to make the next generation better.
Blaming the older generation is shifting blame; you just don't want to take accountability or responsibility for your own actions. Its sucks but every generation leaves baggage for the next. Whining about it or ignoring it will not make the problems go away, otherwise they'll bite us way harder in the ass later and be a more expensive issue to fix, assuming it can be.
Older generations worked their as__s off to give their kids more than what they had. It seems as though some generations have forgotten that and seem ungrateful and now ultimately entitled.
@@DCornwell-d2t If it was hard for them, it’s harder for us.
I study psychology, it’s insane to me just how competent you are. Your knowledge about motivation and everything surrounding it (which is basically your channel, motivating people.) is awe inspring. You talk very eloquently, very few uhh’s and uhm’s, and are very clearly getting your point across. A lot of cool metaphors and analogies (which I always tend to remember much easier) and mindblowing eye-openers, e.g.: “The goal of therapy is removing negative affect, but with the absence of positive affect, you’re shooting for neutral at best”
Wow, just wow man. I think you’ve convinced me to want to be a motivational coach.
I'm not a gamer, so I don't know how this man came into my radar, but he is the least bullshitty professional doctor that I've ever had the pleasure to encounter.
He calls things as they are, not with some fucking lofty, unattainable ideals that no one except maybe the most gifted of us are capable of attaining.
Of concern to me is the huge number of videos that he puts out.
Some YT producers seem to post content as a means of increasing revenue.
I don't see that being the case with Dr. K.
I hope that he's not on a fast road to burnout for himself.
In the meantime, I look forward to more of Dr. K.
Cheers to all.
He's talked about having subclinical adhd and having a passion for helping people because he doesn't see anyone else doing it. So, you're seeing the effects of passion, combined with some adhd hyperfocus on their passion (so I don't think he's particularly at risk of burning out on that front). It's also combined with the ADHD/enthusiastic tendency to not finish up the projects necessarily well. Which results in some sloppy ways of phrasing and vetting things sometimes. (So because the quality of work suffers that also lightens his load a little).
He gets excited has an idea, finds some research, but doesn't necessarily give those ideas time to be reviewed, so his terms can undermine some of his goals. personally, I think it's still a net benefit, because he's getting a lot of guys in particular to think critically about their mental health, which is is the most important part, and his work is overall great with just some small grievances here and there, that he addresses later on as needed.
I just think the channel would do better if he gave his content time to be reviewed by a PR person who has a strong familiarity/interest in mental health. And that would help him table some videos until the thoughts have had more time to gestate in his mind. His content would slow down a little the quality would improve a little and he wouldn't get so many negative comments, which would help him not burn out.
@steggopotamus I appreciate your thoughtful response to me.
Thank you, and cheers to you.
I like that he speaks, largely unscripted, from his heart.
As a 66 year old guy with life-long mental health issues, to me, his heartfelt style of presentation is very refreshing to hear.
Dr. K. I think you might just save me man. Appreciate you. Words can't give this enough weight. Thank you.
Theres only ONE person who can ACTUALLY save you, & thats Jesus Christ 😊 🙌❤️ All u gotta do is seek Him...
I hope you will be in a better place soon. Don't ever give up
@@mistypfitzer111
You are out of pocket with this. So
Stop.
@@MISNM0How’s it a problem?
@@D87943You know, I have a lot of respect for Christians but holy shit are they out of touch. Can't count how many times I've been told that every problem, every negative emotion, every inconvenience you have will disappear if you believe in Christ. Spoiler alert, it won't.
I'm inclined to think that passive suicidality for AuDHD and many neurodivergent folks isn't a calculation based on the future.
My executive dysfunction is so bad that the future never comes into play most of the time Now and then has always been suffering so can't even begin to compute that the future might be better; even if by all rational calculation it will actually improve. I can't hope because executive dysfunction is an inability to act on our agency, even if it is right there.
@@CptMerdaille this has been my experience.
I’ve had this sort of depression described in the stream most of my life, and the reason has always been obvious to me, “no amount of action on my part will get me closer to my goals” while other NTs just seem to coast. Talking to people about my depression was always confusing because they have had validating experiences in their life that provides them with a sense of agency. Even if they loose the agency they know they experienced it one day in their life.
Also being neurodivergent, you tend to ruminate a lot so have more awareness of the hill to climb.
Despite this, there are absolutely things that can be done if you’re neurodivergent, and yes, it will be incredibly harder than most people realise, so don’t let their lack of understanding deter you.
Maybe that explains me. I just can't see things getting better because of where i am now and what led to it. No amount of hopeful talk, "it gets better", or " past doesn't always dictate the future/future is unexpected" is convincing anymore because as far as I know, it could always get worse or never change my efforts. It's like it would be better for me not to hope or think things will get better instead of having the hope and being disappointed in the future. It's like the hope and optimism I had all ran out and I can't trust it anymore.
And someone is probably going to bring up "mindset" or "self-fulfilling prophecy" but it already feels like no matter my mindset or effort, I'll never have the life I want and all the disappointments in my life were just hinting to that. For example, past romantic failures aren't "lessons until i meet the one" but a sign that I'll never have that because no one can connect with me on a level i need/there's something fundamentally wrong with me that makes romantic connections impossible.
I'm at the point where I don't expect things to get better, but I know that there will be things happening in the future that I'm too curious about to miss. billions of years of mysteries before me that I'll never know and billions more beyond my future. I only get the smallest peek at this universe and I want to see as much of it as I can.
Yeah… Same here. It sucks.
It's strange because on the other side it can be fleeting moments of impulsivity. Like "It is so hard i have to do it" and you approach it but thankfully your brain gets distracted.
If life is so meaningful why does it feel so meaningless? Like I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever be ok. Just going to try to maintain. For what?
The "feelings" are the lie perpetuated by the subconscious.
It seems meaningless due to human greed. Everything in our society is based on money...and that was a terrible idea, because often the best people don't have enough and the worst people have more than they could ever need.
Because life objectively doesnt mean anything. The reason why anything has any meaning at all is because we (humans) have the capability to assess whats happening and assign meaning to it. A wolf isnt thinking about what it means to kill a parent bunny or somthing it is driven by the primal instinct of “if i dont eat ill die so i should eat something that cant eat me” its humanity that adds all the extra shit. Not that thats going to answer your question but its food for thought i guess. Thats kind of what he was trying to say with the removing negative vs adding positive ways of therapy like you have the ability to assign whatever meaning you want to the things that happen to you so he is saying to train your brain to see things in a balanced or “bittersweet” way. Its seeing things as “man that was overall pretty shit but there was some juice in there” vs “man that was fucking awful lets never do that again”
Because our society is backwards in many ways.
because of your worldview
10:30 I found it organically btw, showed up on my recommended, and I'm glad it did, thanks Dr. K
@rizwanzaman1793 showed up in my feed, never watched his videos before. Says something loud
Same
The most famous psychologist in my country that I also happened to have some lecture with killed himself. He was the most “put together/under control/calm in the storm” guy I have ever seen. All the girls had a crush since he was not only young medical psychology professor (48yo) but he also took great care of his body etc. and worked on many noble projects in medicine. He really had great aura and seemed like nothing could really phase him. It was truly a shock to hear. (His name was Radek Ptáček)
Interesting
Was he single?
Was he attractive?
@@Remedy462No. He was married with kids.
As usual the people with everything going for them throw it away.
UA-cam needs to push content like this to the top
Unfortunately they're suppressing it because advertisers don't like talking about low tier godding yourself
I had this recommended, so I want to believe they are
As a subscriber in the EU I can search for suicide. It gives a warning page but it performs the search.
@@edilee5909
Yeah, I also got this recommended. I'm subscribed, though, so maybe it's different.
@@SussyBaka-nx4gewhat you mean?
This is the first time ive ever heard my experiences talked about and was unable to put it into words until now. This really hit home, thank you Dr. K the world needs you
I'm in my 50s. I've struggled with long bouts (lasting often several years at a time) of chronic depression. I've been at the bottom of that dark well of "no point, they'd be better off, no one cares", walking myself mentally through the steps and who would find me, even at several points giving away possessions to get things ready. I can't say I'm glad I haven't followed through. I have multiple autoimmune diseases now that make life harder than ever. But menopause has leveled out my hormones, existing is mostly tolerable, and I chose to believe in a deity. So now I just pray every day that God will take me when he's ready and until then I'm to try to do the best I can with what little I have. I don't know, it brings me a little comfort to think that. But yes, the thought of not being here anymore is with me daily. I'm tired in spirit and I look forward to going Home. I'm not sure why people generally think that's a bad thing. To me this whole thing called existence has been pretty shite since day one and I'm just tired of it.
I am sorry you are suffering 🥺😥You wrote, "menopause has leveled out my hormones, existing is mostly tolerable" yet, as you may already know, depression and anxiety are among the most common symptoms reported by postmenopausal women. Have you considered hormone replacement therapy (HRT) if it's available in your country? Studies show that many women on HRT report feeling more energy and less severe symptoms caused by reduced levels of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Also, having someone close to you who can validate your feelings and experiences and hold space for you, whether it's a licensed counselor, a therapist, a coach, a family member, a friend, belonging to a community and/or volunteering increases oxytocin and can improve your mood. Please don't suffer alone. You aren't alone
@@v9b23j I appreciate your reply. I was on HRT for many years starting in my mid 20s do to extremely low levels. It really helped. Then by my late 30s I had doctors refuse to renew the prescriptions and telling me they weren't allowed to prescribe it anymore because it increased breast cancer later on. As of last year I asked a new doctor if I could go back on because it had helped in the past. But he said no due to my blood pressure and heart condition. At this point my body and organs are starting to fall apart (Autoimmune). As for therapy... I've tried many times over the years and it never helped at all. Waste of time and money. Dr. K is the only therapist who has ever said things that were actionable and made sense. The others have always been they listen for 30 minutes, scribble notes and say time's up, see you next week. Useless.
@@v9b23j My reply to this is gone. 😔
@@kenziedayne4234UA-cam censorship of comments is so disheartening to us folk who look for a small semblance of community online.
@@kenziedayne4234 Thank you for letting us know and I'm sorry it's gone ... 😥Sometimes if I give it a few days and post it again, it displays publicly You can also check your comment history.
I noticed something interesting when listening to this:
I decided to start listening to this while doing some household chores, and I was resonating with everything that was being said and thinking about how it applies to my own life-it felt empowering.
At a certain point, I took a break from chores, and starting playing videogames, while still listening, and almost immediately I was putting a negative spin on what I was listening and got into my pattern of negative self talk (I’m mediocre, I’m beyond help, etc.) and I eventually started feeling anxious and less empowered.
Not exactly sure what this means, but I thought it was an interesting insight.
@@BTDoubleU i think i can crack this one. my dream is to make video game videos, but whenever im working on them i feel like a worthless geek and will sometimes have to reach out to my wife for inspiration/motivation or I'll start hating myself for my "stupid goals" not realizing that working on my goals in the first place puts me in a better percentile
It could be related to the effect of technology on suppressing emotion. Maybe while you were doing chores, your emotional part of your brain was engaged and able to process these thoughts and feelings and generate that sense of hope for the future, especially cause u were doing something positive so you probably felt agency as well like "fk yeah I can do shit, look at me now"
But the when we use technology like video games it suppresses our emotions and your logical side took over and was predicting negative things, which dr said our brain is so good at, but you weren't quite able to process the feelings of that due to the video games. Just my interpretation.
Or another way to look at it - when you did chores you felt productive and in control, which gave you a more positive outlook on life in general.
And when you were playing video games you were "giving in to impulsivity" and just mindlessly consuming, which can lead to feelings of shame and hopelessness.
I don't know you, but maybe investigate if you feel this way often when you are "relaxing"? If it's more associated with negative emotions rather than seeing it as a well deserved time for recovery?
I don’t mind chores that much.. it’s not really exciting or entertaining but it kinda keeps you busy and feeling like you control the situation..
When I was in military training most people disliked cleaning and greasing their boots.
I kinda liked it, took my time to do it nicely, I was happy to have nice boots that fit me well and it’s one of the aspects I could control. I could slow dow, process stuff and be with myself.
I still kinda feel that way doing chores at home. If and when I come around to doing them.
@@Glitterermepink
Do games really supress emotions?
Games require a lot of mental engagement. You can’t think about anything else whilst playing (might depend on the game).
Chores don’t require much mental engagement, which means your mind can wander off.
Im crying. Its been months that I just dont feel any motivation in my life,i just wanted to become a rock. Not even my psychologist’s words gave me any help. This video just explained everything that is happening to my brain. Finally i have some light in how to turn these things around. Dr. K and team, i can’t thank you enough😢😢 And the fact that this is a FREE, not even a membership content? 😭 you guys are truly doing a hugee service to the world!
Pausing half way through to say that the algorithm did suggest this video despite the title, and to say it's helping me understand what's in my head. Thank you.
Same here, then again I’ve watched Dr. K vids in the past.
Same, I was subscribed, but this just happened to appear in my reccomended when I needed it most.
Thanks for critically taking feedback in, and making a video about a topic that (although should not be addressed carelessly either) is often stigmatized, reduced and avoided, even in the medical and psychological field 💚
I can feel this in my chest. I've said those same exact words, "I don't want to die, but if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I'd be fine with that".
"I don't want to kill myself, but...I don't want to live like this".
RIIIIIGGGHT 💯👌🫂❤️ ME TOO.
I always liked the song "Feel" by Robby Williams. There is a line:
"I don't wanna die, but I'm not keen on living either"
I think about that line from time to time...
@@HexanitrobenzeneOr from "Ol' Man River" - "I gets weary and sick of trying, I'm tired of living, but scared of dying."
I felt like I was screwed when I wasn’t living, felt more screwed when I tried. Is living life insane then? Why shouldn’t I just die. Then I’m reminded of my fears again, my hopes and dreams, the feelings that I never let go. Maybe life is just difficulty. Maybe we’re not meant to win. Maybe the rules have changed not to suit me. Maybe they never did. Maybe uncertainty and chance make us all uncomfortable with reality, and maybe the truth is that so many of us can be fake. We hate what we don’t want to be and we become what we hate. All to escape poisoned dreams. Poisoned love. I don’t love myself anymore. I can’t love anything. I can’t even hate. I just wait endlessly in dreams. In moments I taped. Mental breakdowns and anxiety and the fact I can’t relate. Other people, happy face. Just how’d they get that way. It’s not for me. It’s not today. If it won’t ever come my way. I’ll lose myself in other dreams. No other dream. They just won’t let me. I won’t let me. Why won’t they let me wake.
Honestly a fucking disappointment when I wake up.
Born mediocre and socially anxious. Honestly I am just on this planet for my mother. I would have uninstalled myself if I didn't care about her.
Mediocre is normal. Social anxiety can be helped. You don't need to be the life of the party. You just have to be a decent,kind human. Sounds to me like you are. You love and care about someone - your mother. That's awesome.
At least u have a reason to live.
Same... I am only living for her but every once in a while, I tempt fate, doing things I know will kill me before I turn 30...
Bro you gotta go for the 100% completion run.
Then there's me. Born a 'gifted child' or 'smart kid' as others called it.
They praised me, told me that I'm going to be successful, get a well paying job, ...
I also was born in poor family, I love my parents though. I promised myself that I'll be successful, make them happy, ...
You probably know where this were going when I am here and typing like this, I'm probably at my lowest.
I hate being emo but it looks like I'm being one right now
I don't know if I would say I was suicidal exactly... but For about 2 years I had very frequent thoughts, at least 50% of each week but probably more, that went something like, "Well, if things become too much for me to handle I can just end it all, and then I'll finally have peace." I haven't been out of that place for very long, maybe close to a year. I can still feel it creep up on me sometimes, but I've managed to change my thought process to, "Even if things get really bad, I can get through it. I know as long as I do my best and keep on going, things will get better and I will be okay." I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I have some small amount of hope, I'm vaguely content and things are slowly getting better. I'm making this comment before I got far in the video, so I hope it isn't too far off topic.
My situation is very similar. We're still digging our way out, but I want you to know that I believe in you
Thank you man, it means a lot. Keep your head up as well, I know it's rough. But keep going, take your time and don't beat yourself up. There will be people that try to rush you, don't let them. Do it at your own pace, just stay on track. Good luck, I know you can do it.
Eh. Kinda felt that way most of my life.
At one point things were going better then I got back into that spiral because doing better made me wanna do stuff I couldn’t do because they would prevent me from upkeeping that situation.
Same stuff happens to some extent when (which isn’t often) I manage to get good sleep. As soon as I stop feeling like shit I tend to stay up later than I should (then I’m screwed for at least a weak)
But things don't always get better or get better in time.
Not always, but if you give up or don't try they never will.
I'm 21 and I'm so stuck on life, I don't feel ready I feel lost and im listening to your podcasts to hopefully understand myself better
I’m 22 ab to be 23 and feel the same way and idk how to put this into words but every night before bed writing out what I want to accomplish the next day and marking them off as I do them has helped IMMENSELY. We don’t rise to our expectations we fall to the levels of our habits. So start slow. I still put things like brush teeth, shower, eat, workout etc even though I know I’m going to do it regardless and sometimes I don’t feel like showering before bed but I see it on my notes and I kinda just do it. But creating the habits and actively thinking ab each next day has helped a lot. Ik this is a month old so I hope ur doin good g
Rejection is a very good way to describe it. Not just with work. But basically everything.
And whenever we're going through something difficult: We are set aside.
The only people who talk to us are the ones who don't like us. And they are always prioritized instead. Because they have "good vibes."
Very much this. I had a work friend that talked to me about her problems basically everyday. I listened and tried to do my best. When I got sad and reached out to her, she ghosted me. We never spoke again.
We finally have creators that are able to speak to us directly, clearly and intelligently and with lived experience. That UA-cam can’t find a way to at least promote or ideally support channels like HG is a shame. Congrats as always Doc 👏❤🙏
man life just feels impossible to exist, im just trying to get fucked up enough to not think about it anymore or just exit it as the best case, im scared of substances, i have an addictive personality, ive seen addiction upclose, ive seen overdoses, its bad enough that those things seem tamer compared to my existence, idk what im gonna do, where im gonna end up, i just hope this ends one way or the other, its too exhausting to live like this, im loaning energy to continue from my future and sinking into deeper debts of misery and death
@@muditjain4024 out of all of dr k's commentary section vents ive read so far, yours was the one that connected to me and the way im feeling exactly right now so deeply its almost supernatural :( stay safe my internet friend, you are not alone and i feel exactly this: going from high to high, trying to get fucked up just to escape but at the same time scared shitless bc i have a highly addictive person genetics (alcoholic father) and, well, experienced addiction before so yeah 100% im a potential addict for any drug out there
I know how you feel brother, ive been having similar feelings and thoughts, it's definitely harder to live a "normal" life now and enjoy the things that older generations were able to. I've lost hope many times in my own life in finding what career I should pursue, and dealing with severe health problems at only 21. The best thing I can say to you is find God, Jesus Christ is God, he is real and he loves you. I know this might sound cliche but the truth of the bible is undeniable. Just say a quick prayer to God like "God im not sure if your real but I pray you reveal yourself to me". If you genuinely mean that he will show himself in unexpected ways. I'm praying for you, God bless !
Psychedelics I've heard they help
@@Abxlthc.420 theyre illegal here, i dont know where or how to get them :(
I made an attempt a week and a half ago. I had fundamentally failed myself and my family. But they forgave me and now we're working to get my life back on track. My friends are some of the nicest people i know despite being restricted to online interaction. These people are the reason im still here. Otherwise I would have not been typing this. Because i have such a deep hatred of myself and the stupidity i indulged in when i was younger. I always appreciate the work you do Gg.
I definitely found that I've been in a years-long suicide attempt since I was about 23 (I'm 30 now). I realised I had no intention of living, but was too scared to actually follow through with it, so I just cut myself off from the world in the hopes that I'd die from lack of human contact. It was my intention that I'd get worse until I stopped being so scared of killing myself and actually did it. I embraced self-destructive tendencies and rejected any potential positive developments because otherwise I might develop hope and continue living, and I had no interest in doing that
I willingly let my mental health deteriorate until I came face-to-face with the approaching event horizon and realised that maybe I DON'T stop being scared, maybe I just do it anyway. It was in the mad scramble to backtrack on the extreme downward momentum I'd put myself on that I realised just how long ago I'd really made the decision to end my life
People think of suicide as happening in response to an event, but that's not the prime mover, it's just the catalyst. Suicide happens because one day you looked at your life and said "I'm not happy, and I don't think I ever will be", after which anything that introduces enough of an acute negative could be the spark in the powder keg, and the more time passes the lower the bar becomes
Embrace taking shortcuts, I really can't recommend this enough. It's easy to think that progress made while taking shortcuts doesn't count, and you should be able to do it without cheat codes or you might as well not do it at all, but don't, because having got the result literally does count for something, even if you circumvented the need to deal with a problem to get there, because if you can look at the space in your life that negativity used to occupy, you can give yourself a hit of "Here's how nice it is for that to have been done" and that will improve your motivation to see the task completed again in the near future
If you've got a bunch of clothes all over your floor, throw them in the laundry basket and just put it out of the room, then look at all the floorspace you can't normally see and think how nice it is. Now you have a direct reward mechanism before you've even done the task, and the task is already halfway completed. You don't have to do the rest of it today, you can just leave the laundry basket in the hallway. When you see it in the morning, you'll remember how nice it felt to get that task partly sorted, so maybe you'll pick it up and take it to the washing machine. Even if you don't end up doing it, you've gone from not doing it and feeling shit, to not doing it and feeling less shit, you're going to have more effort in you
These tiny incremental changes can work absolute wonders. I'm not going to say that it's a cure-all, I'm not even going to say I'm not still suicidal, but I am going to say that every single positive step I've made lately has been because I stopped saying "I should do that" and started saying "This would make it easier to do that later", because the former never delivered me any progress, only self-loathing for inaction, and the latter was me making progress, but without the strain of committing to actually doing the thing, and when it became a part of my "background noise" to make tiny bits of progress, they just started counting for more per unit of effort expended
“time is something to get through” - that describes my state for the pass few years.
Thank you so much
I have a spouse, a child, a job, a house, and I still would rather not wake up tomorrow...
_Same._
If you have a child you have an obligation.
@@alexxx4434 really? I had no idea
@@alexxx4434 no shit alex.
Are you okay? If you are comfortable with sharing, what are your problems?
One of, if not the most important videos you've made Dr. K!
Focus on peace, slow down, enjoy simple things. Treat your body and your room like a temple. Read Buddhist and Stoic texts. The answers to modern day problems are all found in the wisdom of the past.
excellent way to phrase it, we must go back to the roots of our humanity and give up modern hedonism/consumerism
Stoic texts, Buddhist texts and a lot of ideals from old Christian texts all have golden information for living a better life.
I read bible and it works so much for me
don't forget that ancient greek philosophers definition of happiness is purely intellectual one, and it was achievable only if you were privileged enough to be a philosopher, aka if you had slaves
@@glupik1234 Read Marcus Aurelius's Meditations. Complete opposite of what you're saying and quite reminiscent of Buddhist ideals.
This is important to me. My beloved brother quit life in 2018. I miss him. I really do relate , I think about it every day. I do the Suicide Prevention Walks , going next Saturday. It's helpful. ❤️☘️
Sorry for your loss. Stay strong!
There’s plenty of support groups:)
So sorry for what you had to go through. I'm glad you're engaging in the walks :)
You are doing amazing, there are millions who have or will give up in your position, and you choose to keep going, good job
@@kylevondoyleNOT a thoughtful reply
I fit the passive category. At 49, I’m disabled by military duty, no compensation, barely able to scrape together rent and no hope for the future. There are sources for help but barely out of reach due to system failures. There really is no point 🤷🏼♂️
❤️ You seem like a chill dude, thank you for your service - i am from Norway, but i still see your sacrifice for something you once or do believe in, and thank you for veing a person willing to make that sacrifice.
Hey man, if you're struggling to find something to hope for, I'd like to suggest something: There are apprenticeship programs that actively recruit former military personnel; they aren't easy, but you'll make a paycheck and learn some in-demand skills with high likelyhood of landing a job afterwards.
They're not difficult to find if you're able to use a browser (and you're currently using the internet to watch this, so I assume you have access to a browser), and I've currently applied to several. While I may not get them, it's done wonders for my mental health and made me feel like I'm actively doing *something.* If you don't mind having reasonable accomodations for your disability, another good option is retail w/ skillbuilding courses through retail employers.
Don't ever give up. Keep fighting for your life until you can not move your arms or legs. You may be disabled but you are still human just like me.
Who would have guessed that being treated like a disposable asset would drive a human being to not wanting to be here anymore? Dang. So sorry, sir. You deserved better. Hope you can find yourself and are able to regain the notion of your worth as a human
Become a socialist. Advocate for better social systems and worker's and veterans rights. There's still so much good you can do for the world
This video is exactly what I needed right now. I feel like I'm waking up out of a years-long trance, where I had no agency and nothing to hope for and I just wanted time to pass. I'm trying so fucking hard to get myself out of this hole, and it feels impossible. Everything seems pointless in the exact way you described with cost vs reward, and it also feels like every time I finally have a plan to fix things, life throws me a curve ball that makes all of my work irrelevant.
Omg you just described me/my life TO. A. T. 👌💯😬😂🫂❤️🫶🥰 YOURE NOT ALONE!! 💯 😭
Exactly how I feel..
Any time stuff gets better my brain throws in a « get fucked » card.
I relate a lot to your comment. Seeing how so many of us are struggling with similar issues at least we can conclude that we're not alone and this issues are in a lot of ways societal rather than personal.
@katec9893 exactly💛
im an hour and 55 minutes in and i can say that this has been the most influential stream i have seen so far of anyone... literally life changing stuff right here! i thank you, i appreciate you, you'll never understand how much you've helped people through this channel.
UA-cam did recommend this to me on the front page, but prompted me with a warning I had to click through before watching the video (not subscribed either).
Literally the best mental health video I’ve ever seen.. thank you Dr K 🤝
This is EXACTLY what I needed to watch. Thank you so much drk
Thank you for making this video despite the restriction, it was super insightful
Hey doc. Don't know if you'll ever read this but I have to say thank you for being your self. Thank you for being brutally honest and real with your crowd. I came across you the other day with your video explaining borderline personality disorder popped up on my feed and it's the first video I found explaining it in a way that actually resonates with me. I appreciate it. Then naturally, I started watching many other videos you've posted. I thank you for the safe space you created with a great community. If you weren't such a busy guy, I'd ask to have a one on one with ya. Been looking for a therapist that can handle me but haven't been so lucky. Also, your username really stuck out to me, with all your gaming analogies as well. Great stuff man. Keep being real and maybe the rest of the world will catch on and hop on this bandwagon. Seriously, appreciate you!
I remember back in 2020 when COVID was at it's peak a lot of people were posting things like "It all ends finally" or "take me sweet death". It was obviously made in a meme format but you know, it wasnt a joke.
The research covered here was exactly what I needed to hear about. Just this morning I was arguing with my therapist about how heavy and tired I feel under the weight of all my unfinished goals and how nothing brings me pleasure anymore. I see now I've been streched too thin and was wearing myself out psychologicaly.
Guess I'll try to take small steps focusing toward one goal at a time. Also, by the later point the second screen joke was funny because multitasking is something I have already stopped doing. I finished the video in my backyard laying on the grass and staring at the branches untill it got dark. feel much better because of it. I'll see in a week how well this videos advice helps me, but I'm hopeful about it.
Rooting for you.
I experience this. I now understand "Lying Flat" in China. Just realized it's the same thing.
Also this did just randomly pop up in my feed lol.
We love you Dr. K. I watch every single video whether the title applies to me or not because theres ALWAYS something that helps me thibk differently about myself and the people i love. You've truly found your calling.
I hope you do a part two stream with the rest of the material you had prepared because this part was excellent.🙏 Thank you so much for these amazing streams!
I can see it now, how many lives this guy has changed and saved in the future. Everytime i had the thoughts before 2020, i always hoped for a channel to help understand the brain, and then this show popped up eventually. Such a blessing
I always hoped tomorrow was gonna get better but 15 years (im 30 now) later it never got better. I just accepted the cards life dealt me.
@@randomcompilations201books aren't gonna help. What this man needs is a safe space to talk about mens issues with no women or trolls.
@@gomiggangi'm curious as to why you group women & trolls together here ?
@StygioGI because women have no idea how lonely men are? And most of them would just laugh at the men? There's a reason why more than 1/4th of males 18+ has never approached a woman outside of dating apps...you know how many men could benefit just from being able to feel some kinda comradery instead of constant toxic bs that trolls and women like the spew. When's the last time a random woman said something nice to you? When was the last time you were berated by a woman by just existing? If you can't find those answers, then you have literally no idea what I'm talking about and probably won't, and that's a good thing.
@@gomiggang In my experience I've had the best luck expressing my emotions w mostly women, can some women be horrible In those situations, of course. But you NEED to stop consuming so much media that just negatively portrays either sex, It's horrible for you and In result leads men to not wanna approach, and yes I've experienced this but quickly saw how it affected my interactions n thoughts on the other sex
@@gomiggang We're biologically different , women may not understand male loneliness but I will never understand women loneliness either and I've seen the effect on my sister, It's not an issue that stems from women and I acknowledge you didn't say that, just want to get the point across
having a life does not seem appealing to me.
But then again, masturbating, weed, tobacco and alcohol have me wanting to quit on life.
i work every day only to be bored and addicted.
I have no life, but i cannot imagine me enjoying having a life.
ADHD on top of addiction.
I fucked myself and I dont think I will do better. I have no power and am very afraid to seek help.
get another job. get two jobs. get so many jobs that the addictions can wait.
@@sievert2008 i hate working and I have nothing to spend money on to make me happy.
other than drugs.
This stream on "slowicide" (as I call it) and the last on "I'm Screwed - Now What?" are helpful as someone struggling with depression and hopelessness about my own future. Learning that taking small action steps towards my goal (one goal at a time, not trying to do them all at the same time and becoming overwhelmed), aka Behavioral Activation, is one of the ways to start lifting depression along with disarming the "why bother, I'm just going fail again" thoughts that prevent me taking action. There's also layers of trauma/ childhood trauma which adds hopelessness. It's difficult to overcome but not impossible.
Good game plan.
Best re framing I’ve heard in a while “anticipate the internal reward of accomplishing an action” Thanks doc i needed this today
I am happy to report I found this organically on my for you on YT. So hopefully this is reaching out to the people who need to hear this!
passive ideation, yes I've known I've had that for a long time. no purpose, no desires, no goals, no real community, no family, going through the motions, and the idea of drifting off to nothing sounds way better. its not like anything you feel will matter because you wouldn't exist anymore. I've embraced some of the philosophies of Dostoevsky and Nietzsche, understanding life is suffering, and happiness is an emotion that comes and goes. its pulling feelings from the suffering like happiness and joy has helped with depression kind of. In my nihilism I've pulled sarcastic joy in seeing all the messed up things happening in society. But regardless if im motivated, or in good spirits, or whatever else optimistic people think. i dont think will shake my resolve that society will not recover. unless a seismic shift in governance, global pollution, and greed it will be a decent into colapse.
Does it help at all to realize that life and death are two sides of the same coin, that death is an inevitable part of life and acts to recycle materials and nutrients to new life? In other words that the demise of mankind and earth are both certain and just part of the lifecyle of the cosmos. So does it really matter when? I hope these questions help relieve some of the weight of worrying about the world. That doesn't mean nothing matters. It still does, but less absolutely.
well the whole idea is once you are gone its nothing, its the same consciousness you had before you were born. being recycled back into new life again dead doesn't matter. When i talk collapse its Fukushima still leaking radiation in the ocean to this day, its the pursuit of progress and to the point where no clean drinking water will be available because flammable fracking liquid will be in it then nestle will sell you bottles at a way marked up price. its a singularity of ideals clashing and meeting with technology to inflate and irreparably harm egos at the same time to where dating almost ruined because of illusion of choice, well more then it is anyway. they are already in the process of making being homeless illegal. if regulations don't happen soon people will be evicted because they cant afford housing and then homelessness being illegal ship them to for profit prisons. make them work for free, get back times when America was great or something foolish like that. i don't doubt soon a wave of frustrated testosterone riddled mommy issues are gonna start trying things just for the hell of it. i am not looking forward to the future but id be lying if I said I'm not morbidly curious to see how things unfold. ive seen things and accepted my decisions and realities of this world. I can also say if i were to die tomorrow i wouldn't care and i doubt many people would more then a passing oh thats sad. dude was odd.
Stop dwelling on society as a whole. Stop taking in all the awful things going on. There’s very little you can do to change any of it. Focus on yourself and your family, your friends, pets, work, school etc. as those are things you can positively affect in your day to day life.
Empathy and sensitivity can be a burden. Try not to let the suffering of others cause you to suffer. The world is not on your shoulders, although it may feel like it.
@@squanchysquanch1840 Ugh, I needed to hear this, but at the same time, I feel guilty when I'm not focusing on it. Like I'm part of the problem if I don't keep myself informed on every terrible thing going on in the world. But realistically, I know there's nothing much I can do to help those situations. There is so much evil that I feel helpless. Like I'm turning my back on everyone in need. Although at the same time I feel I've heard enough to have the awareness that I need to potentially help if it's ever within my sphere. So what good does it do to continue to ruin my days focusing on the stuff.... idk
@@veganmagick7251 you shouldn’t feel guilty. You aren’t causing these things to happen. It’s good to observe and be aware of what’s going on, to an extent. But if it’s affecting your mental health then I’d definitely advise checking out for a bit. Some people are more capable of dealing with these things. You are probably quite young I assume? Things will settle down as you age. Everything seems more potent (maybe that’s not the right word, powerful, impactful?) when you are young. Maybe I’ve just gotten more jaded as I’ve gotten older lol but you should probably get yourself sorted out before you worry about helping others. Like I said, put your energy into things you can positively affect in your life. If everyone adopts this same mindset, the world will eventually be a better place.
Thank you so much for this Dr. K! I've always struggled to understand myself since a young age, and been living in a "passive suicide" state since 15. It's been getting worse every year and has been haunting me for a long time. To the point where I most likely won't be around to learn more from Dr. K next year.
I cried so many times during the stream when you mentioned how to move on and fix it, because I felt like I've couldn't apply it my life because I'm too far gone. What I really wanted to say was thank you so much for what you do! This information would have helped me so much during my younger years and I'm hoping it now will help someone out there who is struggling with this issue. Hopefully they find some guidance early and manages to overcome this struggle.
Thank you so so much for the important work you do, and thanks to everyone in the community for sharing their struggles.
Take care and be safe everyone ❤❤
I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. Hopefully something from this video will be like a seed that takes root in you and grows into hope and acceptance. Like a surrender to what is without being a surrender of life itself.
It's the mind made identity that doesn't want to go on. The body itself does want to go on. This is proven by the fact that your heart beats, your lungs breathe, your gut digests food, and your immune system repairs wounds and fights off infections.
You feel hopeless internally because your brain has confused itself in the ways Dr K talks about - from the outside and objectively, there is hope. please keep trying, and please reach out for help.
I hope someone can truly check on this guy... this sounds ominous
"If I dont get high today, whats gonna happen; Im not gonna turn my life around today" I felt that in my soul
This makes a lot of sense. I have had a lot of tough times but I’ve never felt truly depressed. I have a room that looks like a hoard but is ADHD mess and so much gross laundry. Yesterday I did one single solitary load of laundry after not doing laundry for months due to low energy (I’d been buying new clothes instead) and I was so freaking proud of myself. Even when I looked at the pile of stuff in my room, I kept thinking about how awesome it was that I’d done one load. I feel super motivated to keep going.
This is super helpful because there are people with passive suicidality in my life and I think this will help me help them. The focusing on just a few goals, helping them look at things as bittersweet, and making sure they acknowledge their successes more. I always praise hard work because I got praised for being smart and that messed me up but maybe that also puts some sort of pressure on them to always work hard and complete goals. I will make sure I also acknowledge their progress when they are having an off day. :)
This video was legit so helpful to me. Like I'm really glad I was able to catch this stream before youtube censored it.
Oh what got censored? I thought this was the full recording of the live stream?
@@richystyles for a while the video was unplayable but he said ahead of time that Google and UA-cam algorithms hide anything with mention of suicide by default
@@PsychoKuno Ahh that's unfortunate. Considering this is such a relevant and important topic I don't get what UA-cam hopes to achieve by hiding it :( I'm assuming now that the video is playable again that it contains the entire livestream or do you know if some parts were censored/removed?
@@richystyles I'm not entirely sure. It might be the whole thing but I'd have to rewatch it to know.
@@PsychoKuno That's okay. Thank you for letting me know 😄
All societies collapse. Just sucks i have to be alive to witness it.
Doomer boy 3000
Most days I wake up sad I did not die in my sleep … yes I have had therapy and take medication … it’s just something about this uncaring hyper capitalist world we live in that seems to be a living nightmare that I do not want to stick around for!
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, but I understand completely. This sick dystopian society is truly a nightmare. And the fact that so many people seem to be walking around oblivious makes it even harder.
I feel the same a lot of the time. The world nowadays is a cold and cruel place. But we have the power to change it even if only a little bit. Maybe you could do something to fix it, at your level. Be kind to the people around you, adopt an animal from the shelter, buy a homeless person a coffee, talk to them, help a friend or family member in need... These small things matter and contribute to make the world a better place. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Do one kind thing a day, even if it's just a small thing like smiling at the cashier or holding the door for your neighbor. It is something you can do and it will make you feel better... and you will begin to notice the kind things other people do for you...
Dr. K, everyone else, the community and the people, being brave enough, hard working and compassionate to show and share their experience with the world, I am truly grateful to you all. I could drew motivitaion and understandig to finally start changing my broken life.
Thank you for being. Much love to you all, from Hungary.
I’ve listened to Dr.K a lot. I’m a younger guy in my 20s, and I’ve had some crummy luck with romantic relationships. I haven’t had a serious one since high school. I’be had some bad days but things have somewhat started to get better. Having goals has definitely helped me, I’ve been doing martial arts for a few years and have made some good progress. I’m doing martial arts I’ve gotten to meet a lot of cool people and compete outside of the US. I’ve failed many many times in my life, but never giving up is what has helped me. The people I’ve met in my dojo have pushed me as well to be better. Martial arts helped me find a passion in my life that was truly my interest and not something I did because I saw someone in my family so it. I’m working on other things in my life slowly but surely.
thanks for making this video i had the luck of finding this in my recommended section
Same here, and just leaving a comment so hopefully the algorithm will pick it up
We have come to a point where stupidity is compensated and real and fulfilling things are punished.
Doing everything "right" gets you nowhere in a world were a meme becomes instantly successful. Is not envy, but you simply give up because there is no point. Not even with a roadmap.
I love this analogy: Go to a burger restaurant and ask for a cheeseburger, you are told that it will cost $4. So you pay and eat it. The person behind you asks for the same thing but gets it for free... because it has internet fame. You go back to the cashier to demand a refund since the last person didn't pay for an arbitrary reason. The cashier tells you to suck it up because that's life and gives you no money back.
I will no longer have a motivation to go and eat in that restaurant because I have to pay and others don't. The problem is that every restaurant is like that. So what motivation do I have to eat a burger?
That's how life is nowadays. People are seeing how the World works and obviously they don't want to be part of it. Is not that is has to be nice but it shouldn't be bad either.
Why am I working 40+hours a week to barely survive while some people exist and they have a better time? I see no motivation to do anything. College, is a joke. You go there so you can end up working for some guy that doesn't do anything, yet has a mansion, food on the table and the biggest issue of his day is choosing what car to drive for the day.
Dating is in the same boat. Specially for men. You can do everything right and will still have no one to choose from because you are not a top earner.
Everything that made humans motivated to build something is utterly fkd because of greed. Society needs to find a way to motivate me and others to live. Because there is none. No cumbaya bs, there is none.
Convince me that life is worth it.
good take,
but unfortunately for your world-view, robo waifus are on the horizon,
everything will work out when you have a supportive AI in your ear 24/7 😊
I'm just so fed up with trying, man. Daily, I bounce between so depressed I get physically nausious at work, and angry until my head hurts. Waking up 'excited' about anything is rare. I have 1 or 2 small moments a week where I can smile. Is that normal? Is that healthy? I can rephrase and re-focus all I want, my CBT therapists sure tried their best, but that does NOT change anything! my mind, my body, my whole entire existence itself was made aware of the reality of my situation. What can you do when the moment you rememeber you exist, most of your very limited "ambition pool" is dried up for the day??
And now I'm suppose to suffer MORE? For no reward. I sometimes feel proud of my weight loss, but i have work to do. Doesn’t matter what comes after that thought, the truth is there. Ignorance would be bliss, perhaps. But I woke up, and I cannot go back to sleep... but, JUST because I haven't found the nerve to "game over" myself, I try so damn hard anyway despite the insurmountable amount of work that simply can't be ignored, as suggested. Simply lifting weights is impossible to enjoy. I walk to burn calories, not "listen to nature in silence," I need music to get through work because monotonous warehouse work is [by design] unfulfilling. Yet I have to pay bills and debt off don't I? And I have it easier than many! Ni student loans and loving parents... god my poor parents. They fucking deserved SO MUCH BETTER. They deserved a son who wasn't such an immature, mentally unwell fucking manchild. They deserved a son who didn't need so much assistance about basic things.
Fuck I miss weed. I wanna drink again. And yet my panic disorder won't let me even become addicted to anything but food, WHICH MY FAT ASS CAN'T HAVE CAUSE I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AND TONE UP!!! UGH. I want to eat a box of donuts and smile again 😭 it's all i have!! And that's pathetic!! PA-MOTHERFUCKING-THETIC!!
God, then I keep hearing how I need to "try harder," because clearly I'm not because I guess being fucking mad that life sucks and then you die, but then the same people tell me "if I can do it, so can you!" Well, I'm sorry but no... clearly not, remember? Fucking people... no, they're just trying to help. I've seen suicidality and panic attacks from the outside perspective years before I ever had them, and by god I'd trade all this "experience" for a sack of boiled peanuts in a heartbeat. 😢
God, I'm so fucked. If anyone relates, then you listen to me goddamn it: DON'T GIVE UP. You'll end up like me, and you'll be fully aware of how you're sabotaging your friendships, love life, job and finances... with no ability to stop it.
No, I'm sorry but I think I won't elaborate anymore. I've realized, SOMETHING I've learned has crippled me for this long, and if I share it here in my fit of exaustion, god forbid... someone else might read it and have their own brain broken in half :( sure, I already started with a deficit, but.when I became aware of the truth, the walls slowly started closing in. And I want you to heal.
You're better then me, okay? You, reading this, right now. You are! So PLZ, JUST IGNORE this comment and follow Dr. K's advice... stop reading and PLEASE go get help. Take a walk, call someone or snuggle your pets! The sooner you do anything to fight the thoughrs, the sooner you won't have to become... this.
Nah. I'll pass on ignoring this. Good job on the weight loss journey thus far. I'm rooting for ya!
I don't know how much this can help. The only thing that helped me through it, was finding something I want to do and trying to make that my living. Look, it's super hard to lose weight, I'm proud of you, it takes discipline, energy and tons of effort to do so. Find something you can enjoy and put those same attributes towards it. I don't know what that is for you, it could just be something small. You like food right? Maybe try finding healthier but still tasty alternatives. Turn that in to a recipe to give others as well. I don't know, I don't know your hobbies or wants, but whatever it is, start small and build towards it. Just like you did with your weight loss.
First off: I appreciate the kind words and advice. You're kind for even bothering, and I hope you're well. ❤️ I really do.
I however, unfortunately don't know how to implent whatever finally got me to "diet," since I lost 30lb from uh... kinda starvation? I ate 900 calories a day for 2-ish months. Now I try to skip days eating and eat light others to maintain, till my metabolism fixes itself. It's been working cause if I don't or I gain too much back from a cheat meal, I get a panic attack. Which is good, haha about time my stupid body got with the program 😄 now if only my brain/heart could find me a purpose that didn't feel empty and temporary.
I am trying to learn music, but I would never wanna do it for a living, least not traditionally. Labels OR independent, both seem like a nightmare of red tape and handling my personal finances [no 401k/pay stubs] UA-cam kinda failed cause of my mental health and inability to stick to a schedule as erratic as that. Now I'm just... kinda stuck. Like usual but with this sense of Dread that usually comes before or after, now all at once.
Oh, I've tried the healthier alternatives. I really have. I'm a "junk" foodie, so calorically dense and healthy never seems to work. Cause I know it's not as much and that makes my cravings kick in. It's just something I have to deal with... not much to do, at this point. I'd rather be skinny than fat.
It doesn't seem to ever get "better, " sadly.
But again, your words mean a lot and I thought a lot about them before responding. I hope you continue on your path toward a better future. Send me a postcard, friend.
Most sane furry
Ha! Okay, that gave me a chuckle 😊
Thank you dr K, great advice at this one. I really needed that. I've never heard anything similar to this before. I've heard about being positive, being kind to yourself etc. but it never clicked like this. This actually makes sense.
Thank you so much Dr.K, been trying by myself to do this mental work so I can feel content again. Your videos expound so profoundly with ideas ive only fiddled with. I’m so appreciative for this translation/communication of how to feel better
For me, i feel passively suicidal when i think about how much effort im going to have to out in to life.
For the past 15 years or so (im 22 now so most of my life) ive been getting away with doing the absolute bare minimum. And when i say bare minimum i mean only getting out of bed to eat or to go to school (which i barely passed in high school because im good under exam conditions, amd i failed college/ sixth form 3 times because that was the first time my grade wasnt calculated from only exams) ive been a NEET for 2 years now and when im asked why i say its because nobody will hire me and finding a job is difficult, but the truth is that im too scared to even look for a job because i fear rejection.
So im basically on a path to finding out how long i can live by playing video games and eating way more than i need to all day without leaving my room until ive truly screwed myself over and end up homeless. The closer i get to that day the more anxious i get.
The problem is that i like living like this. I like having absolutely no responsibilities and not having to abide by any schedule amd just being able to do what i want when i want, but i want to change, i look at people who have their shit together and get really jealous and sad at myself, i physically feel like shit every day (which i then end up using as an excuse for why i dont do anything) because i dont exercise or even maintain good personal hygiene.
I want to change. But i like my life right now, and i hate my life right now
Bro you are fr
I can relate..
Eating is a chore to me but other than that drinking most days having no schedule, prn and games are sufficient. Kinda neutral, it’s a bit bland after a while but it’s comfy.
Have had a lot of thoughts for a while. Don’t have much left for a social circle so now my excuse is not wanting to cause distress to my family. They ve put in alot of effort and it’s not their fault I feel the way I do.
Might very well be just an excuse I came up with as I genuinely don’t want to die. But living.. it’s a chore and I don’t get much out of it.
And for peak irony, anytime things get better for me they seem to crash soon after. Partly because of bad luck but mostly because of me.. I need to improve but I just don’t feel like stepping up, everything is so overwhelming even just starting with being awake and following etiquette when interacting with people.
Sometimes I feel like I want to get back into a relationship, I liked mine while it lasted, but I just don’t feel like putting up with the hassle, the most enjoyable things are the little things, not the rest of life or solving conflicts.
Weird thing is I can do stuff to help people, just not to help myself.
If I get better I hope one day I’ll be able to help people in the same situations i just struggle to sincerely believe anything will be worthwile.
I'm in the same spot as you are. I've also done the bare minimum until finishing high school. Now here I am, 21 and a college dropout and a neet. I have zero hope for the future. I haven't been in a single relationship, never worked a job, and just stay inside playing videogames and using other vices. Even though I've never attempted, I have written notes, just in case one day I decide to do it.
I did get lucky and recently found a good vice, that being emo music. It lets me have a reason to go out (like going to concerts or emo nights), as well as having a vice that isn't bad for me, which has been VERY helpful for keeping the thoughts away, but I still don't have any hope in the future. I feel like I'm behind everyone in every way and I don't ever see myself being able to catch up.
Even though I want to and know I need to get out of this, I can't find any sort of motivation to, since I just always think to myself "what's the point?" Not to mention literally every single thing about actually being an adult sounds awful to me, and I prefer not having responsibilities, even if it means not having a life worth living.
I relate to everyone in this comment thread, I'm 24 and have been a NEET for over a year, but a shut-in for 15. No friends, no connections, no hope for the future. Just milking what little enjoyment I can get without trying too hard. Maybe I'll get my shit together when my parents are dead
Yall need to get your shit together. There are aspects of life you cant control but many things depend entirely on you. Work hard, get a job, start working out and youll immediately feel much better.
A phrase that floats in my mind a lot is "we cannot afford aspirations". Because we can't, and at this rate we never will. The past 3 generations have been born into a world we have virtually no control over, and yet we're forced to sit and watch as the consequences of past generations drown us. The older folks in charge get to be evil and then die, and we can't do anything about it because the world as we know it is simply too far gone. Nobody wants to agree with anyone anymore so nothing ever gets done, we stew in all of our ancestry's bad choices and hope that our miniscule efforts will help, but they never do. There's no reason to be excited about life when my past, present and future is only pain.
Thank you for this.
It’s so important that we TALK about this. Trying to hide it away because it makes other people uncomfortable is not helping - it only makes it worse. We need to drag this darkness into the light and transform it ❤
Doing things for yourself doesn’t feel rewarding when you’re used to taking care of others your entire life. I think this is the hardest part, because doing things for myself inherently doesn’t feel “worth it” even after I’ve done it. I only get that buzz serving others, cuz I had to take care of my parents growing up.
I’m sure a lot of us identify with the quote “the child is grown, the dream is gone.”
The other day, I told my brother that I think the song "Comfortably Numb" best describes me, and he just gave me a sad look.
It took me a second to realize why he reacted the way he did. I had just internalized that mindset so much that I had normalized it.
On a lighter note, it's always nice running into another pink floyd fan.
@@slimekingmc8057 that’s me. I heard them at the perfect time to have a major impact on me. I was on all the non needle drugs and my last couple brain cells fired back up and eventually got me out of there
45:35 reason to get up
53:06 events around you determine your happiness
1:11:15 trying to fix everything
1:39:23 once you understand how your 🧠 works
1:53:10 investing in everything but yourself
2:00:30 success is achieved through experience at iteration
God Bless you DR.K, extremely well done sir, helping people is one of the truest forms of service and purpose.Hopefully many are able to use this information to help improve their lives, Again God Bless
i wish you were my therapist! You always speak to the point. Explain emotions I've felt for a long time to easily. You r so brilliant!
14:27 literally how I’ve felt for years
I’ve been saved many times by healthcare professionals, but I can only imagine my chronic pain getting worse and having more and more days were I can’t afford to eat
I can't afford therapy but Dr.K is literally nurturing future generations.
THANK YOU
I am actually mentally in a great place but I always think these deep dive streams are valuable to learn from.