Talking to Strangers | David Mitchell's Soapbox
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- Опубліковано 15 сер 2012
- David Mitchell highlights why talking to strangers is not a good thing.
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David Mitchell, star of UK TV favourites Peep Show and That Mitchell and Webb Look, brings us his unique perspective on the issues facing men of the world today. - Комедії
my sister spent a term of university in America. when she came back at Christmas she would walk down the road saying merry Christmas to people she didn't know. I had to have a strong word with her about being British
As an American, I can assure you we don't all do that. We have introverts too. I pride myself on my introversion, and I'm perfectly happy to not initiate pointless conversation in a public setting. Unfortunately, it's hard to get a support group going for introverts (for surely obvious reasons)... :)
@@madnessbydesign1415 yeah, but an extrovert British person would never do such a thing as the OC's sister would do. That's the key difference.
Not having that at all, all Mancunians say happy Christmas to everyone they see on Christmas Day , I suspect you may be a southerner
You sound like a southerner.
@@madnessbydesign1415 Why would you be proud of your introversion? Seems like a disadvantage in life. I get being okay with it but pride is a bit much right?
I love that this is the exact way David met his wife. Lmao
This sounds similar to Norway:
You know what it means if 50% of the seats on the buss are taken?
That means all the seats are taken.
We Norwegians are quite similar to brits.
@@Epicaq Better looking though
@@tipperary1082 Sorry we Brits ain't all pure breeds, we're a multicultural country.
@@vidiveniviciDCLXVI Are you saying that ethnic diversity makes cultures ugly? I hope you're not because that's moronic.
@@tipperary1082 beauty lies in the eye of the beholder my friend. To you it might seem moronic to him it might seem obviously true. So who cares?
Of course the problem with the last idea is that if someone said "Do you just want to bin out on this and get books out?" I would be delighted and want to get to know them better.
A vicious circle, certainly. I suppose you could just quietly enjoy each other's company whilst both reading. Silences are never awkward when both parties have a book.
Has anyone every thrown a "bring a friend and a book" dinner party? Seems like a good idea, if only because it would expand conversational possibilities.
I know how David feels, I met one guy at a party who happens to get on the same train as me, it was dreadful, don't get me wrong, we had a nice chat but the obligation to speak to him *EVERYDAY* was exhausting when you have to get up at 5am every morning.
+Brandon Technically couldn't you just have told him? I bet he was also tired and could empathize.
sunfire65ph Are you mad? That's unspeakably rude.
Beard and thick timmed glasses?
That sounds more like a personal problem tbh.
Getting to know local shop keepers is also a problem, if they push things a little too far and establish an ersatz friendship. Then every time you see them you have to seem to be cheered by the sight of them, plus make small talk even though you have no interests that coincide beyond you wanting to buy something, and them wanting to sell it to you. (Less of a problem with doctors and pharmacists, as there's always your health to talk about.)
Does this mean that the British aren't expected to make small talk on airplanes? How I envy them! I can't count how many times I've been on a plane where some silly person gets miffed that you want to listen to music or get some work done instead of chatting with them about their kids or ex for four hours.
One more reason never to board a plane.
+Sarah If you're sat next to me you'll never get a conversation out of me. If you try to start one the best you'll get is a smile and maybe a nod to show I care enough not to hurt your feelings by implying you're boring me, but not enough to ask follow up question on whatever you're talking about.
+Sarah I was quite recently on a 'plane with some young guy who'd immediately pulled out his notebook and earphones and spent the entire journey playing games music on the thing. As soon as the usual request to turn off all electrical appliances was announced when preparing to land, he couldn't stop talking! What an opportunity missed. I've met many interesting people whilst flying about the planet. Not any more it seems.
+tamsinthai Hey, we just wanna survive the journey and move on. I'm an introvert, I'm not that bothered about other people.
If you're an extrovert and are all about learning peoples' stories and finding new people, then more power to you! Whatever makes you happy.
What makes *me* happy is shutting the world out for a few hours before we get to where I actually wanna be =P
+tamsinthai Civil conversation seems to be beyond you, whereas hypocrisy seems to come quite naturally.
Public spaces like transit, parks, and cafes should be divided into sections: Extrovert and Introvert. That way, the people who gain energy from chatting with strangers or who are actually out to meet people will be collected together in some kind of socialization pen, while the rest of us are free to uninterruptedly mind our own business.
dutch train service has silent and not silent coupé's.
both are quiet except friends talking to each other.
Just do what you always do. Sit by yourself, pull your head in against your shoulders and don't make any kind of eye contact with anyone. Trust me, no one will want to talk to you.
Unnecessary. I am generally an extrovert, and have no patience for people who talk on public transportation.
Evan Friend
Then sit in the introvert section. No one will talk to you to call you on the lie anyway.
Or get headphones. They don’t even need to be playing sound. If anyone speaks to you, point at an ear.
Your ear, obviously.
I'm pretty fucking awkward, but given I grew up in small town Canada, I have this apparently outlandish thing I do where I just smile and say hello to passers-by. Not everyone, but those that wouldn't appear to be utterly repulsed by me merely acknowledging their existence in a friendly manner.
Its a thing done in the north of England and Scotland too, a little nod and "hiya" to some people on the street. Thats about it though
Yes! Bin it and get books out! This is why I have reading parties: come over, read your books, read my books, feel no obligation to carry on a conversation.
David's knowledge of English is just remarkable. I love listening to him.
Well, he has been speaking it for some time.
You should hear his Swahili.
I can’t watch too many of these because it makes me feel totally lame and predictable that I basically agree with everything David ever says haha
When I was in Japan, no one spoke on public transport.
It was bliss
I also envy the Japanese for not having to shake hands all the time. When Covid-19 came in I was hoping that bowing as a standard greeting would take off, but sadly it hasn't.
"If only we could expand this enlightened attitude to social occasions." HEAR, HEAR!
Been to several weddings and hated all of them. You're encouraged to mingle when really I just want to hang around with people I know.
Why bother mingling? So I can meet a bunch of people who I will likely NEVER have anything to do with ever again? They all live bloody miles away. It's such a waste of time.
But then that's the point, right? The wedding itself lasts an hour or so; dinner won't be here for another 5 hours, so now we have to waste time having meaningless banter with meaningless people until we can move on to the next activity.
I agree with Mitchell on this. Thankfully we don't like to sit or talk to strangers on busses etc in Denmark either :)
Talk to people all the time on the bus up here, usually after the pubs have kicked out and everyone is going home. Never ends in "friends" but you have a good chuckle any way.
talking to strangers is great love it
I just envisioned David's wedding reception, and all the tables are separated by office cubicle partitions...
David Mitchell is my spirit animal
I think it's quite nice recognising people now and again due to you talking to them on the bus. It gives a nice sense of community which no longer exists in the 21st centaury.
Even having in reality the absolutely opposite opinion, I'm still laughing. This guy is a reeeally great comedian!
I like it when he seems angry.
Yeah, I'm from London, but now live in Japan, and that's what I like about both places; The mutual desire not to be disturbed during commutes.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Love you David!
I love that you said it's a wonderful thing, I had a feeling I was going to agree with the video entirely anyway :) Also, when you said that your friends are able to 'tolerate' your company :) I feel that way too, my friends are great but I don't see them everyday because I annoy myself and it's nice enough of them to spend time with me anyway :)
That conversation sounds AWESOME. Awkward, but awesome.
Such a great show this.
"Hold down the fort"
David Mitchell: "NO!"
"Hold down a job"
David Mitchell: "Of course"
A job is an ephemeral thing that could blow away like the wind. A fort is not.
@@jessicalee333 I'm pretty sure there are examples of wind erosion upon ancient forts.
@@kcapkcans And holding it down would prevent that?
@@countertopconfessions9975 depends on your holding method
Those bouncy castles definitely need some watching.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS! Oh god, I hate talking to strangers
As someone with Asperger's syndrome, i unconditionally agree with Mr.Mitchell on this point. Convocation with random strangers is not only a dull and rather pointless exerciser, but needlessly forced upon us by the expectations of society. I personally find it entirely uncomfortable to talk to anyone i haven't invested time in getting to know, and only then is it through situations when i'm forced to get to know them like at work or family. What's wrong with good old fashioned silence.
Touché!
I have felt this pain many a time.
Oh David. You speak my mind.
And we all can thank smartphone for making it easier than ever for us not to talk to each other o public transport.
The thing is before I just accepted that British folk are just like that, I was at peace with it. Then BAM everyones got their face stuck into a phone & now I think rude bastards, even though it is essentially the same as before!
Why do you need strangers to talk to you? Why does that outweigh their need to be left alone?
@@helphelpimbeingrepressed9347 You need to learn to be happy with yourself.
@@ThreadBomb Thank you, you're right. I just want...I just WANT TO BE LOVED!!! WILL YOU LOVE ME THREAD BOMB...OH GOD SAY YES PLEASE!!!!
@1:03 "I've invested time and energy into finding people whose company I enjoy". Yes, and it's a process that involves talking to strangers.
so true, I can't imagine how many times I've KNOWN that a conversation is going nowhere and neither of us are interested in anything the other person has to say, but we're forced to forge on despite the fact because abandoning the conversation before the 5 minute mark is 'rude'.
I agree with the point about dinner parties, I want to sit next to people I know I like, however I disagree about the not talking with strangers. I wish we did that more as some of the most rewarding moments I’ve experienced have come from chatting with someone I had never met before
You brighten up my day. :)
Again you say exactly what I feel like Mr. Mitchell.
Makes me feel better.
Meanwhile in Australia, everyone talks to everyone! As much as I hate obligatory conversational situations, I don't entirely regret some of the stories I've heard. The lovely fellow who was fined in Holland for cartwheeling into and subsequently breaking a shop window was among the funniest I've spoken to.
Why am I being bombarded with the Harribo advert on every UA-cam video I go on today? Fucking Google! (shakes fist in anger)
They call it "adblock". You're welcome.
Because Harribo is so fucking good!
God Bless you David Mitchell
Well, I can say that I'm one of those people that talks randomly to people on public transport, and I don't regret it at all. The conversations are well ranging and entertaining.
Still doing that?
Essentially, yeah. I got a string of Jobs where they ability to have easy connections and free flowing conversations are critical.
Amen to that David
THANK YOU!
David Mitchell gets me like nobody else does.
I like that idea!
Bravo David bravo.
The problem is quite clearly not the occasional obligation to talk to strangers but the repercussion from politely excusing yourself.
I took the crosstown bus to my job in Manhattan for a couple of years and rarely made the trip without engaging in conversation. It was never forced, and I met many interesting people.
This. So much this!
Well said!!
Yeah, I get that. And it seems wonderful.
We do that in Cornwall too and I love it
It's the same here in Sweden. I love it.
One purpose of splitting up people during dinners might be to prevent cliques from forming, which would defeat the purpose of a dinner to begin with.
Your understanding of social system is inspiring xD
Awesome! I had no idea he had a channel! I love Peep Show :D
i love talking to strangers.
That seals it, I'm learning Finnish and emigrating.
I knew from the second I read the title that I was going to sympathise and entirely agree with this one!
In my experience, the strangers that always want to talk to me on public transportation tend to be a bit off. The last stranger I talked to claimed that a habitable planet was discovered by astronomers, which orbited a star that was in a constellation that looked like a cross. He was also very curious about my opinion on the possibility of alien life, and if I thought that Jesus might have visited other star systems.
Suffice it to say, the conversation was awkward.
At least it wasn't politics.
I concur !
It's great, met some very interesting people.
Every time I see that it's written by David Mitchell and John Finnemore I always immediately imagine Mitchell's character shouting "FINNEMOOOOORE!"
When he started to say why can't we extend this to other social occasions I thought he was going to say why do we have to talk at all at parties.
Never have I been more glad to get off a bus than when someone I didn't know who sat down next to me, due to lack of other available seats, decided to talk to me for the entire journey. I'm not an unsociable person, I just had no desire at that point to talk to a stranger, and no way of ending the conversation politely without leaving the bus.
Totally agree!
Your post just made me cry with laughter, that's more than I can say for this video, I think I may have met someone similar myself once. The purpose of the media seems to be to transform the annoying and dislikeable into the attractive and likeable and the public will still fall for it, like our 'National Treasure' Stephen Fry where did that phrase suddenly spring from I missed the survey on that one
I love icecream.
This feels só relatable! 😂😍
David. I come from a different country. Its called the North. A smile elicits a returning smile or sometimes a 'nice day'. Occasionally it involves stopping for a few minutes to chat to someone
You may be the only person to smile or chat or listen to them all day. Especially if they are old.
This is why I love my local hairdresser. I can have my hair done in complete and the most British of silence with no one bothering me and allowing my mind to wander elsewhere. In any other place I'm goaded into unnecessary conversation with the person there. I'm here for a service, and nothing more. Wanna talk? Leave it for the pub because it's no use anywhere else, and it's always not appropriate to the situation.
Thank you for the support. I truly appreciate the common sense.
It's annoying how friendly the people are.
agree!
David Mitchell for Prime Minister, Arch Bishop of Canterbury or Chief Wizard or something like that.
I love reading on the train. Best place to get it done. Especially when nobody bothers you.
So true..
Fair enough...just meant that we should all try harder to communicate with each other, because it's an important ability to have. We shouldn't constantly avoid talking to people we don't know, it just leads to a divided society.
I’m from NYC where we thankfully don’t talk to strangers but now I live in Chicago where that obnoxious Midwestern politeness has seeped in, so I constantly have to deal with people on the bus telling me all about how much Chicago has changed
Yes, I am an introvert. I have only so much social energy at the start of a day and I like to save that for getting along with colleagues, friends and family. You may find that conversations with strangers don't drain you, and good for you, but until my shrink finds a pill for that I'm not doing it your way.
Hermits unite! From a comfortable distance, of course.
god it's so true..
you should never socialize in a place where you're TRAPPED. only places you chose to go, and can leave if you're not enjoying yourself.
Agree nearly 95% of the time but had 2 incidents in the last week that keep me from completely agreeing. Incident 1: a somewhat nervous checker in a grocery store noticed the snack food I was buying and commented that she liked something similar. We got into a short but pleasant chat about our favorite snacks. Incident 2: a lady walking a dog suddenly put tension on the lead and her dog started to get aggressive. I figured it might be a good idea to help her socialize the dog to strangers. I knelt down and extended my hand, and the dog (and lady) became quite friendly. We chatted a bit about our Irish ancestry (something she revealed in an off-hand remark).
I am not all that socially adept, but I make it a point to size up the situation before I engage with strangers, but more importantly, I don't continue a conversation when it has strayed into the inconsequential. Many people don't know when to just shut up.
if I ever run into David Mitchell, I'll definitely have to chat him up
This is pretty much why I like living in Japan and didn't really like my visit to Seoul the other month - in Korea I actually got talked to by strangers (mostly asking me to do surveys or come to some event) on more than one occasion, while in Japan (well, Tokyo anyway) people are happy to ignore you (although they also actively avoid you, which irks some people). I've been living in this bubble of being completely ignored by all strangers that I didn't know how to react.
"Hold down a job"? Mr Mitchell, would our jobs simply float away if we were not to go to them?
I point you toward your own video in which you speak of the inaccuracies of "Holding down the fort"
Thank you for your consideration
Except that 'holding down a job' is an accepted and commonly used phrase, as opposed to 'holding down the fort', which is not.
But 'holding down the fort' is an accepted phrase on the U.S. side of the pond.
thats cuz us mericns r retarded
+RustyNuts speak for your self there sir. you as a human being may be slow. but please do not impose your disability upon all those I'm this country
+Austyn Howard Poe's law in action.
As an italian who has lived in England for some years, I have to concur. I enjoyed the privacy I could get in London.
"Bin on this and get books out"
Have you heard of this nifty thing called the mobile phone? XD
I agree if you were "hating every second" then that's fair enough to act on it, but I think for most people, they just enjoy the solitude a commute can provide. When someone breaks that solitude it's not agonising, but a little frustrating, however not enough to tell them you'd rather sit in silence. Some people would rather politely reply then directly reject someone.
Here, here.
This is why I like my kindle. If I'm reading an ordinary book then someone may see the cover, and having read it themselves think it's perfectly ok to talk to me about it. Technology can bring us together or keep someone at arms length :)
I honestly have had many good conversations on Public Transport. I find that we british require a spark to get a conversation going, which I've always found perfectly normal. We don't not talk on public transport, we just don't babble.
Not realizing they are trying to get away or end the conversation as fast as possible. I see it all the time.
Easy, don't go to parties or dinners and the whole problem never arises.
Public Transport occasionally forces you to.
But it's fun to go to parties with your friends.
Seeing people you know and don't particularly like on buses is always bad as well. A busy bus is okay because you can pretend not to see them but a virtually empty one is far more difficult to negotiate.
Very true! :D
There are times when I don't actually talk to anyone I don't know, as there social queues from the people around me, the very air of the place at the time, or just being in London, at any point in time. I do live out in the middle of no-where, where we all know each other, which might explain the ease of which I can talk to random people.