Hey man! Im relatively new to your channel. At first i didnt really know how to handle your kind of humor. But after watching several videos of yours somehow I got it. I wanna thank you for these Medcasts! And honestly all of your videos. Its like pure inspiration right here and most important: motivation! Maybe for you this is just another comment but i really mean it. And this comes from a guy, suffering from serious depression for the last two years. I finally have that motivation and confidence. And you are a very little but yet important part in that. Thank you. :)
+Ahmed Aldoori This doesn't have anything to do with the video, it's just a question I have. How do you usually go about doing smaller details during paintings? Like say a tattoo or engraving for example.
+Ahmed Aldoori So I loved to draw in highschool but then I was pressured to pursue engineering because I was good at math as well. After graduating last year I struggled with going to grad school and getting my masters and struggled with who I really want to be. I have some really good friends that I talked to and one of them got his bachelors in engineering but went to get is master's in level design in gaming because he believed that that was what would make him happy. And talking with him and my girlfriend helped me realize that what would make me wouldnt be being a high paid engineer but id be most happy being an artist. I have been making a portfolio for a masters program in art and have been struggling with my statement of purpose because I havnt had a formal training of art like some of the people may have. This video has helped me realize how I want to write my paper. So thank you for helping me think about my creativity and how to view writing my paper!
I don't know why but I just had an art epiphany. I realized that I don't like to draw things I imagine because I prefer to enjoy the process of making art and seeing what I can come up with than just spending hours trying to make what imagined and usually failing. Which kind of explains why I like to sketch more than make a full piece- I'm satisfied with just a sketch. I don't need the finished product, I just like to experience the process. I also somewhat realized why I draw. Unlike some people, I don't have to vent about anything in art form so I never really had hardcore inspiration that I needed to let out. I suck at drawing from inspiration for reasons explained before. The only way I can draw from inspiration is if I have a loose idea. Then, I can enjoy the process of just letting ideas flow and looking and the cool stuff I made. This might not seem like a big deal but it is for me. I always hated that I couldn't draw from my imagination like some people. But now, it makes sense. I just have a different creative process. Which, is completely fine. On a somewhat related note about inspiration, sometimes I can't draw things even when I feel inspired in the way that works for me. For example, I got Guilty Gear, and I knew right then and there that I just had to draw Ramlethal. But, it ended up being a bad experience. Because I got too attached to the character and somehow(I'm not sure why it happens) it muddled with my drawings. And it made them all look bad. I think it's because I try and get every detail right but, I can't do that since I have a different style than the artist who made her. But, when I draw someone like Chun-Li(are you sensing a pattern?) I draw pretty well. I use the process I succeed most with-having a loose idea, and running with it. It also helps that I know the personality of her so I can draw her in poses that fit her. I wonder if other people are like this. I don't know if you've seen my previous rant/rambles on my art struggles and epiphanies but I make them fairly often. If you got this far without being completely bored from hearing from hearing about art my perspective, kewl. You'll probably see another rant again sometime soon. Probably on like some really old value study video on another popular art UA-camr. Welp, bye bye
sorry for bad english. i feel the same. im not really an "artist", i just like to draw. whenever theres people who ask me to draw something, it tend to come out weird. i dont like it. but when i just doing sketch, without really any "goal"... i like how my drawing come out.
Ah I feel like this too!!!! I never vent with my art so it’s rly hard to let my creativity flow. Love to hear that this video helped, lemme finish watching it lol
Try the Art of Aaron Blaise, Jason Brubaker, the Portrait Art, Proko, REIQ, Butch Hartman, Andrew Tischler, Cheap Joe's Art Stuff, James Gurney, Animan1999, Shoo Rayner, Bobby Chiu, and there are some other good ones can't think of right now.
personally I really needed this. I've been looking for self-validation from other people and fanart, thinking it's a way for me to improve in digital art. But in the end both me and my art are suffering. It hurts. A lot. Thank you very much for this talk.
Part of this definitely made me think about my own art. I've been improving a lot over the past year, especially since I started doing some life drawing classes and studying animation and design. Anyway, I drew this really cool tiger climbing down a waterfall in a lineless style, a style I was experimenting with the time. And it ended up being really popular, like, way more likes/notes/favourites than anything else I'd done before. It was really exciting for me. I was really keen to ride that wave, so I did a couple more similar pictures - animals in colourful natural scenery in a bold lineless style. People found them.. okay. Nothing like the first one. But listening to this, I think I get why. The first tiger drawing, I made out of pure enjoyment. I just got the urge to draw the a tiger and some water and it ended up turning into a 10+ hour piece, but I was so excited that I did it in a 24 hour our period. It all seemed to come naturally even though it was work. The ones I've made in that style since then - while I was inspired to create those images, it was always a very conscious process, and despite being the same complexity they took me a lot longer to complete. They just didn't have the magic in them that the first one did, and this video makes me think that maybe it was my desire for them to be received positively that was holding me back. Food for thought, anyway! Thanks for the video.
Best podcast you've done in my opinion, very honest and a lot of what you said like ego just getting in your way and not letting you enjoy drawing is very true. Thanks ed
I am trying to be a professional concept artist for 9 years, but life happens, changing countries, getting a house, and having kids. For me to be able to say "I finally made it into the industry" is going to be a lifetime achievement. I want to be part of those projects that I love to see in the games or on the big screen. I had many jobs, jobs that pay more than good concept artists make, but it doesn't interest me. That's why I want to create stuff on paper (or screen) full-time. I notice that people who are already in the industry look weird when we put concept art on a pedestal, maybe because they are already in it? Sure I can draw stuff and create designs in the evenings, but then I have to go and do work that I'm not interested in for most of the day. I love your stuff Ahmed and would love to get your insight on this.
God, I REALLY needed to hear this. The past year of my life has been me trying to be perfect and "make it", but failing over and over again. I wanted to do only what I THOUGHT companies were looking for, rather than what I actually wanted to do, and it really made my work suffer and killed my self esteem. Thank you for making this video.
This video opened my eyes to the fact that I've been drawing for the wrong reasons my whole life. I started drawing as a kid and whenever I drew (pokemon/digimon ect. ) and I was really proud of the result, one of my close friends (who was into the same stuff I was) was always producing stuff one level better than me. I think this is where I started to become really competitive about everything in my life. This resulted in me drawing to try and be better than someone at a very young age and I think I forgot how to draw for myself. Normally at that age you get to experience drawing for fun but I felt like I was always being one-upped by my friend and I began trying to become better solely for the attention of our other classmates. This is something I'm going to need to think about a lot in order to make a serious effort to rediscover myself and my own interests. Thank you Ahmed for helping me become a little more introspective about my own experiences.
It's liberating hearing that many other, including professionals, struggle with the "I should rather do that because it will be more successful" kind of stress while creating. I 'm about to take a step back in my art carreer, to not take any other studio or freelance job and rather pursue a non art-related career (but one that I also like very much). It will let me space and time to explore my own ideas and hone my skills, knowing that even if I'm not successful immediatly with my stuff I won't starve haha ^^ I feel so free now, so thank you so much ! (OMG I love you)
Just wanna say that all your commentaries, especially the ones that involve the mental struggle when it comes to art, like insecurities and such have really helped me. Now I really feel that I'm not alone in the world (as cliche as that sounds lol). It's a REAL huge help, cause I'm in the phase of my artistic walk where I'm really insecure about what others think of my work and whether my work matches up to my peers' works, y'know about to graduate art college and all and all the pressure and stuff is starting to come out.
This is so fecking me I just care too much about what people think. The worry is so great sometimes I don't paint for weeks. The best thing I've found is you just need to draw. Everyday, every minute till your happy and that's the key till YOUR happy. Great video bro
Thank you Ahmed for your podcasts. What you say resonates with me (it creates a nice feeling of not being alone in thinking a certain way) and the world needs more hearts like yours. Cheers!
I loved this video! I have seriously been struggling with this for a long time. I always keep thinking what did I like to do when I was young? What did I like to draw? Whenever I think about those things it's like a light bulb goes off in my head and soon I just draw what I love and I don't care if it's not the "in thing". I agree that when you just draw what you like and for yourself and turn off the "what are other people going to think" switch, that is where some of your best work comes out. Great video once again! And awesome drawing!
I've been watching a few of your vids and honestly, all of them are just so... meaningful, your vids are so natural and insightful. You speak your mind so freely and it's just so inspiring listening to since the themes you are talking about, at least 90%. People think about it, but have a hard time expressing. I love when you just speak your mind and give advice both artwise and lifewise. There are more stuff but most importantly, I feel grateful that there is someone like you who can express their thoughts like this and inspire/help little lost lambs like us. Keep up the good work!
ho man, I love you so much! Your videos really helped me improve my drawing (its still average but im drawing everyday!). I reached a wall for a long time and did not know how to improve my drawing (and I was quite bumped because I wasnt satisfied at all with my works) until I started looking for artists advice. You and Brother Baston really revitalized me in getting better at drawing.
Really appreciate your honesty. You basically summed up my thoughts this month. And made me stop worrying about a project I'm working on. I've got to stop trying to do my work like other people because I like their stuff, and just draw! Great video once again.
Excellent Medcast - I'm stuck at a point where i'm too afraid to even put my pen to the paper to even start doodling because i'm terrified how aweful its going to look. I tell myself, "well yeah its going to suck at first until i get better and more confident", but i still can't get the ball rolling and get past though first few thousand hours of suck. So instead i just watch a lot of tutorials learning the theory behind it all, and the workflows that people use to achieve the different styles of art that i find appealing desperately wanting to be able to do produce something remotely similar but i'm trapped in this mental cage unable to even begin the journey. I've been a professional 3D animator for 15 years, that came really easy for me, i just had a knack for it. There's a lot of aspects of it that would make drawing much easier for me to being with like pose/silhouette, story telling etc, but even with all of that the mountain ahead seems so huge. I laugh at myself how i can be so paralyzed by my own brain sometimes.
I've always been struggling with the same issues. I've been slowly working on them over the years, and it's comforting in a way to see that other artists go through this as well. I never doubted this, but there's a comfort in confirming it. I'm not alone! I've been striving to be a concept artist, and it is difficult to have such stress of making something that the client wants and approves of. I suffer alot from anxiety in my art, and socially tbh so it's extra difficult when there's pressure put on me to draw a character right.
you just earned a subscriber, my friend. this is a lot of what ive been thinking recently and i feel like everytime i make something its not good enough cuz its gonna be judged on ig or something instead of creating for myself. also awesome work!!
You know, I've never really wanted to draw anything for other people. When someone asks me to draw something, I think to myself that I'm going to draw that, but it's not for them. They want to see my monstrous rendition? Fine, sure. In reality, it's much better than I make it sound. You did two things for me. One, perhaps the better of the two, reminding me I should draw anywhere but my desk- drawing with a mouse is getting too frustrating, but I needed just that one more thing to push me over the edge. Two, you reminded me I haven't posted art on my deviantart in ages.
Just wanted to say I love your channel and have for a long time and I never comment on any channels...I have been through the ringer emotionally through art over the years due to the pressure I have put on myself. There are so many great channels out there that I subscribe to...but yours is the only one that just instills positive attitudes. I love your channel because I love your attitude.
fully understand what you are saying.. we often are our own enemies. i have never seen anything you did that brought any negative thoughts.. and I can say that about almost every artist I've ever come across, but self-criticism held me back for 40 years and only now I started to ignore it and just go on and it is very satisfying. I am just sorry that I waited 40 years before I decided to believe in myself enough to pursue art.
thanks you so much for this, all of these "concept art" things and "my art better be good" "i'm doing this piece for my porforlio so it's better be good" been bringing my engery & passion for art down, i keep searching the way to improve my art sometime it help but i'm still not satisfy with it because i feel like i want people to like it. I feel my mind has open more after your videos now i can enjoy drawing/painting more
It's very refreshing to hear these comments, I personally always find myself comparing my stuff to other peoples and when I see something better (I personally think) I think to myself what is the point? some days I can draw and everything I put down on paper goes great, but I quite often have off days where I struggle and everything I draw is rubbish and I just cannot seem to get over this mental block. I suppose everyone has their own style and what might be appealing to you might not be appealing to others, is there anybody else out there who has this issue, I seem to prefer other peoples stuff to my own. Maybe the answer is not to be caught up with comparisons just get on and enjoy what you create, I don't know? My art style is children's book art(look at my avatar) with a love for concept work, there is my problem I think, I do one style but cannot quite reach the standard of the style I prefer? Very frustrating!!!!! Good video as usual though - love your style :(
This is really important for me. I'm a beginner artist but I'm a writer first. In my writing, I've pretty much been tormenting myself with thoughts on what people would like and what would sell for the longest time. I'm actually having a lot of trouble finding what I want to write, rather then what I should write...I've never really realized how much of a problem it was. And then I look at myself and see that I haven't been able to write in months because of that. Oops. I love your videos! I really enjoy playing them while I draw :'D
I just recently discovered your channel and I got to say, you instantly became my favorite person to go to for inspiration or for some great wisdom. Your voice is very relaxing, you offer great knowledge about the industry and just general tips and tricks. As a new artist I sometimes have trouble with creativity or some of the other problems you talked about in this video and your videos just help me out. So to some this up I just want to say thank you!
Yes, love this. Always keep that happy childish inspiration going. :D I find that when I work the hardest is when I just don't give a f*ck and do art for me. Then it doesn't really matter what people think about it, because my creations makes me happy either way!
Hi Ahmed, As to the downthoughts on 'are people going to like this' I joined a weekly painting class. It's great to paint with others around. You see other styles, same difficulties, different approaches etc... so there is less 'selfconsciousness' and a lot of encouragement from others as well as constructive criticism and immediate feedback. And you can continue along your path and inspiration taking no notice of some remarks and immediately you are stronger in your art and how you feel. It's very healthy. maybe this is missing in 'digital painting' (artist and tablet only). Also being an artist with only art as a means for a living can indeed be distortive as selling is important. I feel lucky that this is not my case. I live in the south of France where people paint the mount Ste Victoire (Cézanne like) and lavender fields and I paint wild animals :-))) Thanks for all that you share: art and thoughts.
money and competition waste all good stuff we have. That's why i love art, because there's no competition(or at least there shouldnt be) and as long as u are satisfied with the stuff you're doing then it's fine. I think this is how art should be and people feedback should come in a second time to bring even more satisfaction maybe.
Really good to hear those thoughts about that conceptart community. I think it all became very industrial lately, so more and more talks or podcasts are about technique more than art. Nowadays I'd rather listen to an artist speaking about what he cares about (his life outside of work, his ideals...) because that's the stuff that gets me motivated to do my own stuff.
I think you really boiled it down here. Being happy has more to do with your mindset rather than letting others control your life. Enjoy creativity and the process. Thanks for the wise words , this was super inspirational!
I get pretty severe art block frequently for long periods of time, where i can’t even draw proper boxes. I have always been looking for a solution and I thought that it might be school work or stress, but it didn’t seem quite right. Watching this video, I realized that this is exactly my problem. I’m always worried about what others might think, but i never thought that it was such a problem! I’ll try to find ways to make me forget about it or get over it!
I just wanted to say that this was definitely one of the most positive, most reinforcing and most inspirational message I've heard in a long time. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insight- I'm sure it's helped myself and many others feel more passionate and motivated to start delving in for ourselves and not be so fixated on the expectations on others! Keep up the sensational work, Ahmed! ^^
I found you and I feel amazing. For me, I have taken a resolution to get better at drawing, a skill that I lack as a graphic designer and animator. Right now it's a chilly evening here in Kolkata and I've been listening to this podcast while drawing figures. Thank you!
All the things you said in this video are inspiration for me and all of people who do art,making new stuff and doing with passion. Art for me is every thing in the world and i love making it through oc ideas or concept of some monster etc. Really i loved what you said about creativity and that kind of struggle making art in the way people love or making in the way we feel it. I do some times fan art but rarely (mostly i like making posters of some movie that i watched),i am more in oc desinge and monsters desinge in the way i felt or see stuff... I like to see other people artworks (profesionals or amateurs) and be inspired by them or just listenig tips from them. So..yeah,thnx for making such video and great art! :)
A few days ago I saw you on Sycra's stream, and was interested in seeing more of your vids. Watched most of them over the past few days, and glad I did. They kept me coming back, so it's time to make it official, Subbed. Really enjoyable videos so far. Even when you're not doing a straight up tutorial, your insights (like these) during random drawings are so worth it, and very relatable. I'm also glad that you show your personality a lot, it feels like I'm hearing the advice and tips from a friend in that way.
I just wanted to say that your videos are incredibly inspiring and encouraging. I'm currently going through a serious case of art block (or art hibernation), and it's great to have these conversations playing while trying to push through. Thank you!
Let me start by saying that your so inspirational, I'm 13 years old and I've been having trouble with that. I feel like I have to make something worth sharing with others that I forget why I'm really an artist and why I express myself through drawing. But I know that feeling you were talking about that's just pure me having a moment of doing something I truly love to do. Anyways this video was amazing to watch and I love you and your work!!!! Keep on making videos and sharing your thoughts with us :)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is very encouraging to hear that even the pros are facing their own inner thoughts sometimes. Thanks man, and keep being awesome.
Thanks for posting this. You've pretty much nailed why I don't visit conceptart.org anymore. The elitist and disdainful attitude among the concept art community in general borders between hostile and poisonous. If a piece of art is not thematically dark, over-rendered and took less than 30 hours to complete, it is not worth considering. People who have trouble drawing their way out of a paper bag will jump on a forum to critique a professional, published piece with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, just to try and show how serious they are about art. God forbid anyone draw or paint for the sake of self-expression and self-improvement.
The dude looks like "I have to tell you something... I ate your last cookie.. are you mad now? :(" :D jokes aside, your podcasts are so amazing. So inspirational and relaxing to listen to! I will certainly try to let my creativity flow more naturally :)
Joana Hahn that is an interesting point about enjoying the process and so you’re fine with sketches over final pieces! I’m glad you figured it out! I feel like I may need to remember what it is I Like to do sometimes. Cause there are certainly things I WANT to do and don’t have ability to yet...
i recently discovered your vidoes because of artofpan. i was really digging it, but then i found this video and just. this is what i was needing. for people who enjoyed this video and really got something out of it, I highly recommend 2 things that massively changed my outlook on art. the movie beautiful losers and an interview with Chris evans (yeah, i know, laugh it up). 3 years ago i fell in love with margaret kilgallen because of her quote "In my own work I do everything by hand… my hand will always be imperfect, because it’s human… If I spend a lot of time going over the line and over the line trying to make it straight, I will never be able to make it straight. You can always see the line waiver, and I think that’s where the beauty is.” because I'm an incredibly anxious person and was always detrimentally meticulous with my art. i watched the movie beautiful losers, full of art that objectively i did not like but emotionally i loved in a very profound way. the story of these artists, who were really just loser nobodies, making a space for themselves just blew my fucking mind. around that same time i watched an interview with Chris evans--had absolutely no idea who he was at the time--called Becoming Chris Evans. in it, he's asked what advice he would give to a young chris. his advice was "shhh." that that inner anxiety about making a good impression and being the best just...doesn't matter. it's not who you are, and it's important to learn to be in the moment and just. do. i ended up getting a tattoo of one margaret's paintings of a tree with "shh" carved into the trunk as a reminder.
was looking for tutorials to kind of jump start my trip back into learning digital art, and god damn, was not expecting to hear something that resonated so deeply with me. This was a really nice to listen to. Mostly stuff I feel like I already knew on some level, but it still is nice to hear, really centered me as an artist. Thanks for this.
Ahmed changed my mindset quite a bit... i was in a position where i had to constantly deal with doubts and incompetences in my work. That led to me hating the only thing i love the most ART! That is silly when u think about it. The process should make u feel good and awesome not cry urself to death and u keep beating urself up because u can't get anything right. No matter what u have to love it to make it look beautiful. So yeah I'll be watching these videos whenever i need someone to slap some sense into me :3
holy crap, this video is absolutely amazing. i am so glad i finally found something like this, i have been wanting to draw for so long, but i have always been held back by thinking i´m never gonna be as good as other people. you really broke this mindset of mine!
Thanks Ahmed! I really understand what you are saying! listening to this while doing alot of homework has helped me to keep developing m thoughts about this sort of thing. I feel like I have to have a certain kind of habit in art, but in reality My art habit should be what is comfortable for me. Thanks Ahmed( staying tuned)
This was a really inspiring video, I relate so much to what you are saying about wanting to draw art for yourself and not for others approval! it's an ongoing battle.
wow... Thank you so much for the talk. It's exactly what I need to hear and get it clear in my head. It's amazing, I started recently listening about life lessons about businesses and being an entrepreneur and I'm so surprised that whenever I come up across people who are smarter then me, they all say the same stuff.
What destroys my creativity and flow are the thoughts of "I already learned how to draw heads,hands,bodies, etc. why can't I draw them correctly?", "I should know how it works, but why don't I?" Since I cought myself doing that I try to change my mindset to the one I had when I just started out with drawing. My art was so bad, but I had fun. I didn't care that it was bad and I was interested into trying new stuff. I had the patience to watch 3+ hour long videos explaining something. Now I can barely get through 10 minutes of a tutorial. It's time to be a child again, am I right?
Thank you so much ahmed this is exactly what I needed to start my day, I am tired of being stuck in the trap of caring what people think of me or my art , I too am drawing cute/ sexy girls and fan art for cheap likes on insta and artstation and I feel i have more to offer than that superficial stuff gotta stop holding myself back, thanks so much man and good luck. cant wait to see some real ahmed aldoori artwork from you soon this piece in this video is incredible! keep doing you.
Loving your honesty Ahmed! Especially about all the fuss made around concept art.. (especially now with all the photobashing etc.) Thanks for all the good advice, I kinda listen to this video while painting anytime I feel like my creativity is going down. It's a tough battle though.. regaining what was once so natural to us, when we were kids! Freedom of creativity, freedom to do mistakes. Screw education for all the barriers it puts in our awesome imagination once we enter school right.. xD
I understand what you mean. I have let fear take over for to long but I am struggling to break free from it. My 3D is good but not to where it needs to be. I am working at it bit by bit. I have let my drawing slide. I am in a rut at the moment and trying to break free from it. Thanks for your vids. You always show your unique view of things. Thanks!
Just wanted to say... I freaking love these medcasts, ever since I found out about these videos, I watch them all the time while sketching. :3 that's all
*talks about how he sketches while listening to audiobooks or other things* ".. Well this is ironic... I'm sketching while listening to you like an audiobook..." Great vid btw love your art!
omg this whole commentary resonated with me and it was a really good reminder to slow down and take time on myself and what I really want to draw. sounds silly but it's so easy to be carried away with wanting to impress. thank you so much Ahmed!
Thank you all for your kind comments, I'm happy to help and share insights, but you should know that you're all helping me too so thank you
Hey man! Im relatively new to your channel. At first i didnt really know how to handle your kind of humor. But after watching several videos of yours somehow I got it.
I wanna thank you for these Medcasts! And honestly all of your videos. Its like pure inspiration right here and most important: motivation!
Maybe for you this is just another comment but i really mean it. And this comes from a guy, suffering from serious depression for the last two years. I finally have that motivation and confidence.
And you are a very little but yet important part in that.
Thank you. :)
+Ahmed Aldoori
hi. i'm korean. your art videos is very much beautiful. thank you. really. i learning you'r teaching. you good man. god bless you~~.
감사합니다!!!
+Ahmed Aldoori This doesn't have anything to do with the video, it's just a question I have. How do you usually go about doing smaller details during paintings? Like say a tattoo or engraving for example.
+Ahmed Aldoori So I loved to draw in highschool but then I was pressured to pursue engineering because I was good at math as well. After graduating last year I struggled with going to grad school and getting my masters and struggled with who I really want to be.
I have some really good friends that I talked to and one of them got his bachelors in engineering but went to get is master's in level design in gaming because he believed that that was what would make him happy. And talking with him and my girlfriend helped me realize that what would make me wouldnt be being a high paid engineer but id be most happy being an artist.
I have been making a portfolio for a masters program in art and have been struggling with my statement of purpose because I havnt had a formal training of art like some of the people may have.
This video has helped me realize how I want to write my paper. So thank you for helping me think about my creativity and how to view writing my paper!
I don't know why but I just had an art epiphany. I realized that I don't like to draw things I imagine because I prefer to enjoy the process of making art and seeing what I can come up with than just spending hours trying to make what imagined and usually failing. Which kind of explains why I like to sketch more than make a full piece- I'm satisfied with just a sketch. I don't need the finished product, I just like to experience the process.
I also somewhat realized why I draw. Unlike some people, I don't have to vent about anything in art form so I never really had hardcore inspiration that I needed to let out. I suck at drawing from inspiration for reasons explained before. The only way I can draw from inspiration is if I have a loose idea. Then, I can enjoy the process of just letting ideas flow and looking and the cool stuff I made.
This might not seem like a big deal but it is for me. I always hated that I couldn't draw from my imagination like some people. But now, it makes sense. I just have a different creative process. Which, is completely fine.
On a somewhat related note about inspiration, sometimes I can't draw things even when I feel inspired in the way that works for me. For example, I got Guilty Gear, and I knew right then and there that I just had to draw Ramlethal. But, it ended up being a bad experience. Because I got too attached to the character and somehow(I'm not sure why it happens) it muddled with my drawings. And it made them all look bad. I think it's because I try and get every detail right but, I can't do that since I have a different style than the artist who made her. But, when I draw someone like Chun-Li(are you sensing a pattern?) I draw pretty well. I use the process I succeed most with-having a loose idea, and running with it. It also helps that I know the personality of her so I can draw her in poses that fit her.
I wonder if other people are like this. I don't know if you've seen my previous rant/rambles on my art struggles and epiphanies but I make them fairly often. If you got this far without being completely bored from hearing from hearing about art my perspective, kewl. You'll probably see another rant again sometime soon. Probably on like some really old value study video on another popular art UA-camr. Welp, bye bye
sorry for bad english.
i feel the same. im not really an "artist", i just like to draw. whenever theres people who ask me to draw something, it tend to come out weird. i dont like it.
but when i just doing sketch, without really any "goal"... i like how my drawing come out.
Ah I feel like this too!!!! I never vent with my art so it’s rly hard to let my creativity flow. Love to hear that this video helped, lemme finish watching it lol
Very relatable
you're not only giving great art advice but also awesome life advice
You and Sycra make the best art videos
+Andrada Savu Don't forget about Mr. Jake Parker! :D
Thanks! ^^ Checking out his channel right now
Try the Art of Aaron Blaise, Jason Brubaker, the Portrait Art, Proko, REIQ, Butch Hartman, Andrew Tischler, Cheap Joe's Art Stuff, James Gurney, Animan1999, Shoo Rayner, Bobby Chiu, and there are some other good ones can't think of right now.
I love you people! Thanks
Andrada Savu Don't forget Sara Tepes she is an artists who mostly draw girls and I find her coloring tutorials useful.
Hands down one of the most useful videos I've ever experienced. Thank you so much for sharing.
Just came here from Sycra ! ;) You've got some very good videos !! :D
personally I really needed this. I've been looking for self-validation from other people and fanart, thinking it's a way for me to improve in digital art.
But in the end both me and my art are suffering. It hurts. A lot. Thank you very much for this talk.
Part of this definitely made me think about my own art. I've been improving a lot over the past year, especially since I started doing some life drawing classes and studying animation and design. Anyway, I drew this really cool tiger climbing down a waterfall in a lineless style, a style I was experimenting with the time. And it ended up being really popular, like, way more likes/notes/favourites than anything else I'd done before. It was really exciting for me.
I was really keen to ride that wave, so I did a couple more similar pictures - animals in colourful natural scenery in a bold lineless style. People found them.. okay. Nothing like the first one. But listening to this, I think I get why. The first tiger drawing, I made out of pure enjoyment. I just got the urge to draw the a tiger and some water and it ended up turning into a 10+ hour piece, but I was so excited that I did it in a 24 hour our period. It all seemed to come naturally even though it was work.
The ones I've made in that style since then - while I was inspired to create those images, it was always a very conscious process, and despite being the same complexity they took me a lot longer to complete. They just didn't have the magic in them that the first one did, and this video makes me think that maybe it was my desire for them to be received positively that was holding me back.
Food for thought, anyway! Thanks for the video.
Best podcast you've done in my opinion, very honest and a lot of what you said like ego just getting in your way and not letting you enjoy drawing is very true.
Thanks ed
I am trying to be a professional concept artist for 9 years, but life happens, changing countries, getting a house, and having kids. For me to be able to say "I finally made it into the industry" is going to be a lifetime achievement. I want to be part of those projects that I love to see in the games or on the big screen. I had many jobs, jobs that pay more than good concept artists make, but it doesn't interest me. That's why I want to create stuff on paper (or screen) full-time.
I notice that people who are already in the industry look weird when we put concept art on a pedestal, maybe because they are already in it?
Sure I can draw stuff and create designs in the evenings, but then I have to go and do work that I'm not interested in for most of the day.
I love your stuff Ahmed and would love to get your insight on this.
God, I REALLY needed to hear this. The past year of my life has been me trying to be perfect and "make it", but failing over and over again. I wanted to do only what I THOUGHT companies were looking for, rather than what I actually wanted to do, and it really made my work suffer and killed my self esteem. Thank you for making this video.
i love me some medcast
This video opened my eyes to the fact that I've been drawing for the wrong reasons my whole life. I started drawing as a kid and whenever I drew (pokemon/digimon ect. ) and I was really proud of the result, one of my close friends (who was into the same stuff I was) was always producing stuff one level better than me. I think this is where I started to become really competitive about everything in my life. This resulted in me drawing to try and be better than someone at a very young age and I think I forgot how to draw for myself. Normally at that age you get to experience drawing for fun but I felt like I was always being one-upped by my friend and I began trying to become better solely for the attention of our other classmates. This is something I'm going to need to think about a lot in order to make a serious effort to rediscover myself and my own interests. Thank you Ahmed for helping me become a little more introspective about my own experiences.
It's liberating hearing that many other, including professionals, struggle with the "I should rather do that because it will be more successful" kind of stress while creating. I 'm about to take a step back in my art carreer, to not take any other studio or freelance job and rather pursue a non art-related career (but one that I also like very much). It will let me space and time to explore my own ideas and hone my skills, knowing that even if I'm not successful immediatly with my stuff I won't starve haha ^^
I feel so free now, so thank you so much !
(OMG I love you)
Just wanna say that all your commentaries, especially the ones that involve the mental struggle when it comes to art, like insecurities and such have really helped me. Now I really feel that I'm not alone in the world (as cliche as that sounds lol). It's a REAL huge help, cause I'm in the phase of my artistic walk where I'm really insecure about what others think of my work and whether my work matches up to my peers' works, y'know about to graduate art college and all and all the pressure and stuff is starting to come out.
This is so fecking me I just care too much about what people think. The worry is so great sometimes I don't paint for weeks. The best thing I've found is you just need to draw. Everyday, every minute till your happy and that's the key till YOUR happy. Great video bro
Be Nobody is a great way to describe the way to approach a painting without being intimidated
Thank you Ahmed for your podcasts. What you say resonates with me (it creates a nice feeling of not being alone in thinking a certain way) and the world needs more hearts like yours. Cheers!
I loved this video! I have seriously been struggling with this for a long time. I always keep thinking what did I like to do when I was young? What did I like to draw? Whenever I think about those things it's like a light bulb goes off in my head and soon I just draw what I love and I don't care if it's not the "in thing". I agree that when you just draw what you like and for yourself and turn off the "what are other people going to think" switch, that is where some of your best work comes out. Great video once again! And awesome drawing!
I've been watching a few of your vids and honestly, all of them are just so... meaningful, your vids are so natural and insightful. You speak your mind so freely and it's just so inspiring listening to since the themes you are talking about, at least 90%. People think about it, but have a hard time expressing. I love when you just speak your mind and give advice both artwise and lifewise.
There are more stuff but most importantly, I feel grateful that there is someone like you who can express their thoughts like this and inspire/help little lost lambs like us.
Keep up the good work!
ho man, I love you so much! Your videos really helped me improve my drawing (its still average but im drawing everyday!). I reached a wall for a long time and did not know how to improve my drawing (and I was quite bumped because I wasnt satisfied at all with my works) until I started looking for artists advice. You and Brother Baston really revitalized me in getting better at drawing.
Really appreciate your honesty. You basically summed up my thoughts this month. And made me stop worrying about a project I'm working on. I've got to stop trying to do my work like other people because I like their stuff, and just draw! Great video once again.
Excellent Medcast - I'm stuck at a point where i'm too afraid to even put my pen to the paper to even start doodling because i'm terrified how aweful its going to look. I tell myself, "well yeah its going to suck at first until i get better and more confident", but i still can't get the ball rolling and get past though first few thousand hours of suck. So instead i just watch a lot of tutorials learning the theory behind it all, and the workflows that people use to achieve the different styles of art that i find appealing desperately wanting to be able to do produce something remotely similar but i'm trapped in this mental cage unable to even begin the journey. I've been a professional 3D animator for 15 years, that came really easy for me, i just had a knack for it. There's a lot of aspects of it that would make drawing much easier for me to being with like pose/silhouette, story telling etc, but even with all of that the mountain ahead seems so huge. I laugh at myself how i can be so paralyzed by my own brain sometimes.
I've always been struggling with the same issues. I've been slowly working on them over the years, and it's comforting in a way to see that other artists go through this as well. I never doubted this, but there's a comfort in confirming it. I'm not alone! I've been striving to be a concept artist, and it is difficult to have such stress of making something that the client wants and approves of.
I suffer alot from anxiety in my art, and socially tbh so it's extra difficult when there's pressure put on me to draw a character right.
you just earned a subscriber, my friend. this is a lot of what ive been thinking recently and i feel like everytime i make something its not good enough cuz its gonna be judged on ig or something instead of creating for myself. also awesome work!!
:D
You know, I've never really wanted to draw anything for other people.
When someone asks me to draw something, I think to myself that I'm going to draw that, but it's not for them.
They want to see my monstrous rendition? Fine, sure.
In reality, it's much better than I make it sound.
You did two things for me.
One, perhaps the better of the two, reminding me I should draw anywhere but my desk- drawing with a mouse is getting too frustrating, but I needed just that one more thing to push me over the edge.
Two, you reminded me I haven't posted art on my deviantart in ages.
Just wanted to say I love your channel and have for a long time and I never comment on any channels...I have been through the ringer emotionally through art over the years due to the pressure I have put on myself. There are so many great channels out there that I subscribe to...but yours is the only one that just instills positive attitudes. I love your channel because I love your attitude.
+Kris Cagle hey Kris! Wow man thanks for saying, it certainly is nice to hear and makes me want to keep going. I appreciate it!!
who could dislike this? it's so humbling and I'm glad I have watched it
fully understand what you are saying.. we often are our own enemies. i have never seen anything you did that brought any negative thoughts.. and I can say that about almost every artist I've ever come across, but self-criticism held me back for 40 years and only now I started to ignore it and just go on and it is very satisfying. I am just sorry that I waited 40 years before I decided to believe in myself enough to pursue art.
This is what every artist should hear! So inspiring and insightful!
Ahmed, you're super inspirational. Thanks a lot for all you do. Seriously.
thanks you so much for this, all of these "concept art" things and "my art better be good" "i'm doing this piece for my porforlio so it's better be good" been bringing my engery & passion for art down, i keep searching the way to improve my art sometime it help but i'm still not satisfy with it because i feel like i want people to like it. I feel my mind has open more after your videos now i can enjoy drawing/painting more
i just want to say I enjoy when artists talk about just life its great, All relevant stuff I think everyone struggles with
Thanx Man for being who you are and for the insights.
It's very refreshing to hear these comments, I personally always find myself comparing my stuff to other peoples and when I see something better (I personally think) I think to myself what is the point? some days I can draw and everything I put down on paper goes great, but I quite often have off days where I struggle and everything I draw is rubbish and I just cannot seem to get over this mental block.
I suppose everyone has their own style and what might be appealing to you might not be appealing to others, is there anybody else out there who has this issue, I seem to prefer other peoples stuff to my own.
Maybe the answer is not to be caught up with comparisons just get on and enjoy what you create, I don't know?
My art style is children's book art(look at my avatar) with a love for concept work, there is my problem I think, I do one style but cannot quite reach the standard of the style I prefer?
Very frustrating!!!!!
Good video as usual though - love your style :(
This is really important for me. I'm a beginner artist but I'm a writer first. In my writing, I've pretty much been tormenting myself with thoughts on what people would like and what would sell for the longest time. I'm actually having a lot of trouble finding what I want to write, rather then what I should write...I've never really realized how much of a problem it was. And then I look at myself and see that I haven't been able to write in months because of that. Oops.
I love your videos! I really enjoy playing them while I draw :'D
I just recently discovered your channel and I got to say, you instantly became my favorite person to go to for inspiration or for some great wisdom. Your voice is very relaxing, you offer great knowledge about the industry and just general tips and tricks. As a new artist I sometimes have trouble with creativity or some of the other problems you talked about in this video and your videos just help me out. So to some this up I just want to say thank you!
Cheers brother! I'm glad I can help. :) Stay tuned for more of course! Thanks for watching, fellow artist
Yes, love this. Always keep that happy childish inspiration going. :D I find that when I work the hardest is when I just don't give a f*ck and do art for me. Then it doesn't really matter what people think about it, because my creations makes me happy either way!
It's been 6 years and I still come here,I really want to draw like you one day and thanks for your talks they really really help a lot
Holy crap. This is honestly some of the best advice I've heard in a while.My life is forever changed. Forever.
Hi Ahmed, As to the downthoughts on 'are people going to like this' I joined a weekly painting class. It's great to paint with others around. You see other styles, same difficulties, different approaches etc... so there is less 'selfconsciousness' and a lot of encouragement from others as well as constructive criticism and immediate feedback. And you can continue along your path and inspiration taking no notice of some remarks and immediately you are stronger in your art and how you feel.
It's very healthy. maybe this is missing in 'digital painting' (artist and tablet only).
Also being an artist with only art as a means for a living can indeed be distortive as selling is important. I feel lucky that this is not my case. I live in the south of France where people paint the mount Ste Victoire (Cézanne like) and lavender fields and I paint wild animals :-)))
Thanks for all that you share: art and thoughts.
money and competition waste all good stuff we have. That's why i love art, because there's no competition(or at least there shouldnt be) and as long as u are satisfied with the stuff you're doing then it's fine. I think this is how art should be and people feedback should come in a second time to bring even more satisfaction maybe.
Great advice, thank you! Just what I needed to hear this morning. Postive vibes
Really good to hear those thoughts about that conceptart community. I think it all became very industrial lately, so more and more talks or podcasts are about technique more than art. Nowadays I'd rather listen to an artist speaking about what he cares about (his life outside of work, his ideals...) because that's the stuff that gets me motivated to do my own stuff.
Great video Ahmed. I'm currently "fighting" to make it into the industry and it is good to be reminded of the reason we all do this.
In the midst of Inktober and posting my art online, this Medcast has been very helpful.
I think you really boiled it down here. Being happy has more to do with your mindset rather than letting others control your life. Enjoy creativity and the process. Thanks for the wise words , this was super inspirational!
I get pretty severe art block frequently for long periods of time, where i can’t even draw proper boxes. I have always been looking for a solution and I thought that it might be school work or stress, but it didn’t seem quite right. Watching this video, I realized that this is exactly my problem. I’m always worried about what others might think, but i never thought that it was such a problem! I’ll try to find ways to make me forget about it or get over it!
I think you're my new favorite art UA-camr, just how you explain and talk. It's helping me get back into digital art, thank you!
I just wanted to say that this was definitely one of the most positive, most reinforcing and most inspirational message I've heard in a long time.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insight- I'm sure it's helped myself and many others feel more passionate and motivated to start delving in for ourselves and not be so fixated on the expectations on others!
Keep up the sensational work, Ahmed! ^^
you are so helpful in my life right now. I've been in crisis for months as an artist and your stuff helps me so much. Thank you
I found you and I feel amazing. For me, I have taken a resolution to get better at drawing, a skill that I lack as a graphic designer and animator. Right now it's a chilly evening here in Kolkata and I've been listening to this podcast while drawing figures. Thank you!
"If you allow someone to control your life than it's not your life" -Ahmed A. That was powerful.
All the things you said in this video are inspiration for me and all of people who do art,making new stuff and doing with passion. Art for me is every thing in the world and i love making it through oc ideas or concept of some monster etc. Really i loved what you said about creativity and that kind of struggle making art in the way people love or making in the way we feel it. I do some times fan art but rarely (mostly i like making posters of some movie that i watched),i am more in oc desinge and monsters desinge in the way i felt or see stuff... I like to see other people artworks (profesionals or amateurs) and be inspired by them or just listenig tips from them. So..yeah,thnx for making such video and great art! :)
A few days ago I saw you on Sycra's stream, and was interested in seeing more of your vids. Watched most of them over the past few days, and glad I did. They kept me coming back, so it's time to make it official, Subbed.
Really enjoyable videos so far. Even when you're not doing a straight up tutorial, your insights (like these) during random drawings are so worth it, and very relatable. I'm also glad that you show your personality a lot, it feels like I'm hearing the advice and tips from a friend in that way.
I just wanted to say that your videos are incredibly inspiring and encouraging. I'm currently going through a serious case of art block (or art hibernation), and it's great to have these conversations playing while trying to push through. Thank you!
Let me start by saying that your so inspirational, I'm 13 years old and I've been having trouble with that. I feel like I have to make something worth sharing with others that I forget why I'm really an artist and why I express myself through drawing. But I know that feeling you were talking about that's just pure me having a moment of doing something I truly love to do. Anyways this video was amazing to watch and I love you and your work!!!! Keep on making videos and sharing your thoughts with us :)
Thank you for this video!! You put in words things I was still trying to understand.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is very encouraging to hear that even the pros are facing their own inner thoughts sometimes.
Thanks man, and keep being awesome.
This is great! This information is wonderful and also the drawing is great!
Thanks for posting this. You've pretty much nailed why I don't visit conceptart.org anymore. The elitist and disdainful attitude among the concept art community in general borders between hostile and poisonous. If a piece of art is not thematically dark, over-rendered and took less than 30 hours to complete, it is not worth considering. People who have trouble drawing their way out of a paper bag will jump on a forum to critique a professional, published piece with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, just to try and show how serious they are about art. God forbid anyone draw or paint for the sake of self-expression and self-improvement.
I needed to hear everything that was said in this video thank you so much
The dude looks like "I have to tell you something... I ate your last cookie.. are you mad now? :(" :D
jokes aside, your podcasts are so amazing. So inspirational and relaxing to listen to! I will certainly try to let my creativity flow more naturally :)
Joana Hahn that is an interesting point about enjoying the process and so you’re fine with sketches over final pieces! I’m glad you figured it out! I feel like I may need to remember what it is I Like to do sometimes. Cause there are certainly things I WANT to do and don’t have ability to yet...
Joana Hahn oops ignore that comment. Was meant for T R Λ D Ξ S
this video is basically my thoughts in a past month. good vid, helped
so much inspiration , you just save my day
Hi Ahmed. All that stuff you talking about, is so right! And I want to thank you for what you doing. Hope you'l never stop! :)
Great talk! Gonna have to check a few more out from you.
i recently discovered your vidoes because of artofpan. i was really digging it, but then i found this video and just. this is what i was needing.
for people who enjoyed this video and really got something out of it, I highly recommend 2 things that massively changed my outlook on art. the movie beautiful losers and an interview with Chris evans (yeah, i know, laugh it up).
3 years ago i fell in love with margaret kilgallen because of her quote "In my own work I do everything by hand… my hand will always be imperfect, because it’s human… If I spend a lot of time going over the line and over the line trying to make it straight, I will never be able to make it straight. You can always see the line waiver, and I think that’s where the beauty is.” because I'm an incredibly anxious person and was always detrimentally meticulous with my art. i watched the movie beautiful losers, full of art that objectively i did not like but emotionally i loved in a very profound way. the story of these artists, who were really just loser nobodies, making a space for themselves just blew my fucking mind.
around that same time i watched an interview with Chris evans--had absolutely no idea who he was at the time--called Becoming Chris Evans. in it, he's asked what advice he would give to a young chris. his advice was "shhh." that that inner anxiety about making a good impression and being the best just...doesn't matter. it's not who you are, and it's important to learn to be in the moment and just. do. i ended up getting a tattoo of one margaret's paintings of a tree with "shh" carved into the trunk as a reminder.
I do miss those simpler times. I tend to have a lot of anxiety trying to come up with more artistic ideas.This has been really helpful. Thank you :)
I was pulled in by your art thumbnail to watch you drew and I like what you said there.
This was awesome. An honest & thoughtful art-talk that challenges pre-conceived conceptions. I would love to hear more!
was looking for tutorials to kind of jump start my trip back into learning digital art, and god damn, was not expecting to hear something that resonated so deeply with me. This was a really nice to listen to. Mostly stuff I feel like I already knew on some level, but it still is nice to hear, really centered me as an artist.
Thanks for this.
Ahmed changed my mindset quite a bit... i was in a position where i had to constantly deal with doubts and incompetences in my work. That led to me hating the only thing i love the most ART! That is silly when u think about it. The process should make u feel good and awesome not cry urself to death and u keep beating urself up because u can't get anything right. No matter what u have to love it to make it look beautiful. So yeah I'll be watching these videos whenever i need someone to slap some sense into me :3
+Shahariar Dipto glad to hear it :)
holy crap, this video is absolutely amazing. i am so glad i finally found something like this, i have been wanting to draw for so long, but i have always been held back by thinking i´m never gonna be as good as other people. you really broke this mindset of mine!
The way you speak is real funny lol. I can totally relate man I'm really encouraged. Thanks
Thanks Ahmed! I really understand what you are saying! listening to this while doing alot of homework has helped me to keep developing m thoughts about this sort of thing. I feel like I have to have a certain kind of habit in art, but in reality My art habit should be what is comfortable for me. Thanks Ahmed( staying tuned)
This was a really inspiring video, I relate so much to what you are saying about wanting to draw art for yourself and not for others approval! it's an ongoing battle.
Awesome video- it helps a lot. Can't wait for the next one.
Ah, Ahmed. I've just started listening to your videos. Thank you so much they're wonderful!!!
Can't stop watching your videos mannn! I've learnt alot! I'm so glad I came across your channel! 💙
+hellowordoo I'm glad!!
wow... Thank you so much for the talk. It's exactly what I need to hear and get it clear in my head.
It's amazing, I started recently listening about life lessons about businesses and being an entrepreneur and I'm so surprised that whenever I come up across people who are smarter then me, they all say the same stuff.
this is my 16 time listing to this podcast hop he makes more of these !
What destroys my creativity and flow are the thoughts of "I already learned how to draw heads,hands,bodies, etc. why can't I draw them correctly?", "I should know how it works, but why don't I?"
Since I cought myself doing that I try to change my mindset to the one I had when I just started out with drawing.
My art was so bad, but I had fun. I didn't care that it was bad and I was interested into trying new stuff. I had the patience to watch 3+ hour long videos explaining something.
Now I can barely get through 10 minutes of a tutorial.
It's time to be a child again, am I right?
This video literally solve an huge art block that i was having :D thank you very much
This was the best thing I've listen too. Super motivational and mind blowing in the simplest way. Keep up the good work!!
Thank you so much ahmed this is exactly what I needed to start my day, I am tired of being stuck in the trap of caring what people think of me or my art , I too am drawing cute/ sexy girls and fan art for cheap likes on insta and artstation and I feel i have more to offer than that superficial stuff gotta stop holding myself back, thanks so much man and good luck. cant wait to see some real ahmed aldoori artwork from you soon this piece in this video is incredible! keep doing you.
Your videos are amazing! Thank you!
Loving your honesty Ahmed! Especially about all the fuss made around concept art.. (especially now with all the photobashing etc.) Thanks for all the good advice, I kinda listen to this video while painting anytime I feel like my creativity is going down.
It's a tough battle though.. regaining what was once so natural to us, when we were kids! Freedom of creativity, freedom to do mistakes. Screw education for all the barriers it puts in our awesome imagination once we enter school right.. xD
I understand what you mean. I have let fear take over for to long but I am struggling to break free from it. My 3D is good but not to where it needs to be. I am working at it bit by bit. I have let my drawing slide. I am in a rut at the moment and trying to break free from it. Thanks for your vids. You always show your unique view of things. Thanks!
Nice video!!! Solid message and cool sketch!!!
Just wanted to say... I freaking love these medcasts, ever since I found out about these videos, I watch them all the time while sketching. :3 that's all
I love to watch u paint and talk more than I love Netflix, trust me not many can say this😊😊
*talks about how he sketches while listening to audiobooks or other things* ".. Well this is ironic... I'm sketching while listening to you like an audiobook..." Great vid btw love your art!
I love videos like this, thank you Ahmed! All these life tips were great and definitely appreciated.
This is such an inspiration... Thank you! REALLY helps me with art block and frustration.
thank you so much for the inspiration!!!! what you said really makes fits to the time Im in right now. thank you! :)
thanks for this video Ahmed. very helpful. you are a big inspiration to me.
omg this whole commentary resonated with me and it was a really good reminder to slow down and take time on myself and what I really want to draw. sounds silly but it's so easy to be carried away with wanting to impress. thank you so much Ahmed!
Life lesson with Ahmed strikes again! Love these episodes, always makes me feel better about myself as an artist ❤️
So this explains why my drawings come out better in my personal journal than my sketchbook.