No is a simple concept, yet they can’t take no for an answer so they ask you repeatedly until you feel guilty for not saying yes so you give in just to make them stop asking.
this feels like a tired girlfriend whose boyfriend has been guilt tripping her and venting to her, but hasn't been listening to her and how his treating her as a therapist/mother figure more than a girlfriend is affecting her. dunno, could just be me
I got into this type of relationship about 2 weeks ago and before it got serious I noped the fuk out 2 nights ago because tryna convince someone not to off themselves an hour after they ask for nudes and having the same convo the next night wasn't really something I could have dealt with. Now I just feel sad. ('﹏')
my friend sent me this song asking if this is how i felt and if they should stop talking to me about their problems but i dont think they understand if i say yes and they do something i'll feel like it's my fault
im like, the parent friend if i vent to my friend all she says is "oh" or "im sorry" and if she vents to me i give her giant paragraphs. seriously, sometimes i feel like a therapist to them and i don't wanna be, i feel forced into it.
You should just tell them you're really bad at comforting people and it makes you super uncomfortable. And when they start talking about their shit, you should just be like, "Um, I'm really sorry, but I'm really bad at comforting people so maybe you should tell this to someone else..."
. Now I feel bad because I have a friend who write huge paragraphs but I'm also bad a comforting people which is why wrote little-- but I still try to wrote huge paragraphs like my friend does
this is for all of the "mom" or "therapist" friends, people pleasers, people who consider others before themselves constantly, those who feel guilty when they take time for themselves, guilty when they aren't always doing something for someone else, those in toxic relationships, those who have been threatened to have someone else's blood on your hands, those that wake up and deal with manipulation and harassment.
Ah yes, being 13 and spending all night trying to convince a freind not to kill themself Edit: holy shit why is this such a common experience?? Thats really messed up
bruh when I was 12 and I was playing roblox this dude said he liked me and I said I didn’t and he said we was finna kill himself and for about an hour I told him not to, that was traumatizing 👁👁
Like I've had a friend say "I don't want to go to a therapist, I don't need one because I've got you." And like- this sums up so much about how I felt in that moment. "I'm not your therapist, I'm not trained for this, and I don't wanna be forced to listen" hits so hard
Bro same. One of my friends told me that he quit going to therapy because i helped him so much more. Long story short i cut ties because it was too much.
as much as this is about abusive relationships where one just threatens the other to suicide for sex. it also reminds me of how i or any other person can not fully heal others just by loving them or going through the same trauma or anything. we're not trained for this. loving and being there for them is great but please seek help
Hello, Tired mom friends, tired therapists, people who's coping mechanism is music, people who have some kind of untread mental illness or mental disorder, people who don't want to think abt how bad their own lives are,people who stay up till at least 1am every night, people who are overthinkers, people who possibly stan Mother Mother, people who are considered "sensitive", people who project onto fictional characters, people who live in the "venting" channel in discord servers.
This is what I feel my friend feels like everytime I confide in them. They say its fine, that I can talk to them about the shitty things in my life but I don't wanna burden them with my problems. I constantly ask them if maybe I shouldn't talk about things like that but they always say reassure me that its ok.
Alright, as a local therapist friend: Sometimes helping your friends is draining, but you still do it because you love them and want them to be happy. I also have a lot of anxiety moments where I think that no one wants to hear about my weird paranoid fears but I don't regret calling my dear friends who almost always are willing and able to talk gently to me while I explain I think I'm dying. You are not a burden, just also make sure to check in on your friends "who have it all together" sometimes.
hey hey, huge respect to any mom/therapist friends out there. i feel like i'm the "jokester" of the group (i'm terrible at comforting people and i use humor to mask what i'm feeling and to make it seem like whatever i'm going through isn't major when, in actuality, its fucking shit. my emotions are also all fucked up and i can't take my own emotions seriously sosnxjx) i have a ton of respect for you guys and i hope you all know that *your* issues matter and that you are appreciated and loved. i'm sorry that some of you guys have friends that aren't willing to listen to you and dump all of their trauma and problems onto you for you to deal with. i have two friends that are considered both the therapist friend & the mom friend, and if they ever say something that concerns me i'll be sure to ask them if they're okay and stuff like that but please know that you guys are valid and your problems matter. there are people out there that care about you and love you, and again, know that your issues are completely valid and important. ❤ (if you've read this far, feel free to vent about stuff [if you'd like to]. i'll try to comfort you the best i can [since, like i said, i'm terrible at comforting people but i try my best].)
Thank you. Sometimes we start to feel like we aren’t appreciated, or we aren’t doing ENOUGH, even though we’re probably really doing too much. So thank you. All of our emotions are fucked up- some people don’t think theirs are, some people shove it down and help other people with theirs instead, some people lash out, some cope with humor (gotta love those tbh) everyone deals differently and sometimes, it’s hard to deal- we get that, because we are ALSO dealing. Having gone through extensive self esteem issues for a good long while without telling a single living soul (I’ve got it covered now), I decided that nobody deserves to feel like that ever, so I do what I can to help those around me. Just... thank you for reminding us that our problems are valid too and that the thing that we’re giving way too much for is good. I’m doing enough to make myself worth the space, you know? That makes it better.
TWWWWWWWWWWWW SUICIDE being honest it can be a lot. theres a girl who vents to me about her abusive household, suicide threats, and then murder plans for her family. Especially her brother, he's not great but he's 10 years old. Only 10. she wont call cps so im in this loop of it. i feel like a terrible person when i dont wanna respond to it but i need a break. thanks for listening. TWWWWWWWWWWWWW SUICIDE
"I dumb myself down to be a therapist for everyone else because it's the only thing I'm good at so it's the only way I get validation from my friends but I feel too attention-seeking to talk about my own problems so I mask my own emotions so nobody gets tired of me" gang rise up
Goddamn its sad how accurate this is to me. I wasnt supposed to be multiple people's personal therapist at the age of 12-15.fuck, man. I wasnt supposed to be scared about not being able to save someone. I just want to be innocent again. I just want to have fun.
At very very least, every experience has made me stronger. Streangth in a way that kindof surprises people, I just wish i wasnt stomped on by so many people in the first place haha.
@@kubaduce so sorry you had to go thru that oh my god. Absolutely noone should go thru shit like that esp at such a young age. I hope you have a good Journey in your healing process :)♡ stay strong💪
God. You have no idea how much i relate to this comment. I was trying to help my 2 suicidal friends everyday at 13 and it was way too much for me to handle. My mental health is so bad because of it. It got to the point where I couldn't even check my phone without the overwhelming fear that one of them had committed and that it was my fault for not being there.
@@rosiesartsy oh my god i understand that completely. And whenever they text, or you see a notification you get that awful pit in your stomach? I know that feeling far too well, so now i do my best to avoid it
me after a friend calls me 'dad' despite me being the same age as them and female who isnt even a father type figure: "let me just remind you im not your fucking dad"
IT'S MY ANXIETY ATTACK, I GET TO CHOOSE THE SONG. AND I HAVE PARENT PROBLEMS SOMETIMES. MAYBE I WANNA LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE I MOTHER MY FRIENDS AND TEACH THEM HOW TO STICK UP FOR THEMSELVES.
EVERYBODY GANSTA TILL EVERYONE KEEPS DEPENEDING YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE A SAVIOR EVEN THO YOU’RE 14 AND HAVE EMOTIONAL TRAUAMA AND STRESSING OUT OVER PERSONAL AND FRIEND STRESS Edit: OUGH the amount of people actually struggle, stay strong m’dude, remember you’re important!
@@abbiezinn3352 no prob!! It’s nice a fellow person who’s suffering w/ this situation, it kinda sucks too, at least we can deal with this together in a way!! ^^
Gives me memories of when I was 12-14 staying up for nights and nights in end trying to convince my friends to not off themselves bc “that’s what friends are for” and if I didn’t take it all without complaining then I was a horrible person and their blood would be on my hands because I couldn’t save them. Shoutout to all the therapist friends who kept trying to get their friends to see an actual professional but they keep making excuses because it “makes them uncomfortable”. I get that it can be a scary experience, but it’s HELLA uncomfortable for me to think you are going to kill yourself if I don’t baby you. Always remember that friendship and support is a two way street. Anyways, love this song
friendly reminder: its okay to take a break from your friends every now and then. while its important you support them, you aren't reponsible for their emotions. its cool if you can respond to your friends vents, but if it starts to overwhelm you then you can take a few steps back. even if your friends arent asking for help in a toxic way/at all, putting too much responsibility in the emotions of your mutuals will make you exhausted, and you need energy to help people anyways. its not selfish to take some time for yourself or be unable to help. take this from self experience. i have an unhealthy relationship with trying to constantly solve peoples problems, but im trying to get better. say safe everyone!!
Ok so I know you guys aren't my therapist lol but I was just chilling listening to Penelope's songs and I just got flashbacks to the Fourth of July in 2019. I spent the day with my now ex and we had a great day at first. We had a picnic while watching a band, walked around a park, then went to my house for a barbecue and he got to meet my family. We were chilling in my room watching Stranger Things, everything was great, and then he suddenly makes me stop it and asks "How do you choose to wake up everyday?" It caught me so off guard, especially after we had such a great day, and it just felt so.... violating. I felt like I was forced to talk about things I didn't like talking about so he could feel better while my mom was texting me that dinner was ready, but I couldn't respond because I was forced to deal with his crisis. After 30 minutes of trying to convince him life is worth living he goes "I feel so much better, thanks!" while I'm trying to hide my anxiety. Then he made out with me and we went down for dinner. I felt so, gross? Weird? I don't know, but I felt like my emotions were violated even if he didn't threaten anything and he was respectful of my body. It was just such a strange and somewhat traumatizing experience, and this song just perfectly describes my emotions towards that day and it's very cathartic. So yeah I hope I'm not forcing my trauma on you guys lmao, just wanted to vent
"I'm NOT your THERAPIST I'm NOT trained for THIS" And thats on being the therapist friend.. You're always listening to everything and everyone just expects you to be able to handle it and help them 🙂
It hurts. How accurate the lyrics are. I hate that the two of them put their own blood on my hands. I hated that I had to watch them both suffer while pushing it onto the people around them. I hated that I took as much as I could with nothing in return so the weight would be less on the people I cared about. And I hate that when I finally escaped from the two of them, I took everyone that they ever cared about with me. I hate that because of the two of them... I became bitter and angry and they hurt me and the people I cared for so badly that I struggle to keep the kindness I once had for them. I was the "therapist friend" until I fucking broke.
Im not gonna lie, i was in the EXACT same situation that ended in the exact same way, would you like to talk? Im sorry you had to go through that, but it feels kinda good to know im not the only one who was in this situation.
I had a boyfriend who would do this to me. He’d call at all hours of the night. I’d answer and hold his hand and try to talk him through it. I’d give advice he’d never actually take. And when I asked him why he said he just wanted to vent. During this time I was working a horrible job where a co-worker would verbally harass me every day. He said he didn’t want to hear about it because it made him depressed. Then I was assaulted by a customer and when I told him he said “What do you want me to do about it?” We broke up 3 weeks later. He begged me not to. He had another gf 2 weeks later. He just needed another mommy girlfwend.
This song reminds me so much of me. Im the mom friend in my discord group of friends, i always have to act happy for them! Which is okay, I get a lot of confessions even when i already have a partner. Its annoying, Because they make sexual jokes with me and they even ship me with real life people! Its gross! They’re not respecting my privacy, I have a partner! Im already in a relationship, don’t ship me with real people, it’s disrespectful and disgusting! I don’t get the fun in that.
Exact same thing here. I get a ton of love confessions that I'm not interested in at all due to being the therapist friend. It's not even the not wanting it that bothers me, it's that I know they don't know ANYTHING about me and literally my ONLY trait to them is how I respond to their issues. Which is ALSO fine but don't conflate that with a romantic relationship. One or the other dude.
That's understandable. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're being overwhelming to your friends, and as someone who has been in both places of the situation, I get it. While it's not good to loathe yourself for it., it's always good to keep your friend's boundaries in mind, and if you aren't crossing them, you're good :)
As long as you're not overwhelming them and you're listening to them when they have problems as well it's ok. The fact that you're concerned about doing this shows you're probably not one of those who does this
@@DeathWishDiva just saw this, fortunately I've gotten a therapist so im not alone, and i've cut this person off completely!!! i cut them off a little after this comment lol
Honestly just listening to this reminds me that I'm not to blame for leaving someone who makes me sad. It's a good way to ground me and let me feel ANGRY and UPSET because I deserve to be. PSA: it doesn't matter if they've "gone through stuff" You aren't obligated to be with someone because of their tragic backstory. EDIT: It’s been like… three months I think? A little longer? I feel so much better. I’m not even kidding. My life is better and my grades are actually better and I feel happier. Don’t be afraid to cut off toxic people.
I'm glad you're doing much better :) I've had similar happen, I got out a a toxic relationship and my grades n happiness improved, too. Glad you were able to see how although they had a lot of problems, they caused problems in your life, too. You got this
raise your hand if you're the therapist friend/people pleaser/mom/dad friend/jokester and everyone vents to you but you also have a lot of deep trauma but when people ask you just say "oh it's nothing" or [INSERT JOKE TO MAKE TRAUMA SEEM LIKE NOTHING] 🖐
Honestly this song reminds me of how some people only want you around to use and manipulate you. Or people who make you stay with them even tho you don't want to by threatening you or saying they'll hurt themself if you leave the situation. This song kinda illustrates how it feels to be around these people.
I feel like I'm the therapist but I never get credit for it in my friend group because I'm also known for making jokes, all I ask for is 'thanks for giving me this advice and helping me feel better on my bad days'
God I love this. So often in (heterosexual) relationships (obviously these problems happen in other relationships too but I see it a lot in straight relationships because ✧・ﾟGender Roles✧・ﾟ) So much emotional labour is dumped on women when really what is needed is a therapist. Guilt trips, trying to leverage pity sex, dumping everything on a partner while not listening to them the way they do for you, and men expecting women to be their sole source of emotional support is so annoyingly common. It's just- expected. I love Penelope Scott's music because it's raw and channels not only the anger of gen Z, but she has this specific style that just screams FEMALE RAGE and I am so in love with it
This has been my role for as long as I’ve had friends. Even to people years older than me, truthfully it has helped me to be more empathetic towards others BUT I didn’t ask for this. Lately I’ve learned to politely decline and say that I’m mentally not capable to help them. I hope every single one of you also figures it out
I'm going through a Penelope Scott binge and I haven't heard this one before so let me tell you the slap in the face I had when I heard the lyrics and remembered my abusive ex
Yeah, the EXACT same thing happened to me- I didn't even realize my ex was abusive until I listened to this song and went "oh shit, they did this to me"
this song is like screaming and eating scolding hot brownies, like dealing with fake panic attacks, like watching your abuser be comforted over you defending yourself and “hurting her” oh wait.
tw // csa, neglect, abuse this song makes me think about my sexually abusive and neglectful mother. she constantly turned to me for affection, acted more like a shitty friend than a mom. one time she had me take her to target and go to the plus size section, point at the models, and coach her through her insecurities. i was seven years old. i honestly hope she gets help for her own sake, she's literally a therapist so it's really disturbing that she's so fucked up
Note: suicide Reminds me of an old friend that used to threaten me with suicide all the time. I wanted to help to them, I really did, but it took a toll on me since I was afraid one wrong word would make them leave. They never took my advice anyway, I told them to get a therapist since I wasn't trained and it would help them more, I'd just be some support on the side. But they never saw one or even tried to. Learned that they did this to a lot of people and we no longer talk since we lost touch, probably moved on to another person. I still have friends vent to me but they're nothing like that old friend, they don't threaten me to off themselves and leave me worried and scared for hours just to come back fine and dandy when they want attention. I guess I could consider maybe they weren't only doing it for attention but it was still hurting me even though I tried helping them. I still hope they're better now though.
Ah yes, being 11 and having your mom tell you that no matter how miserable she makes you that if you leave her she'll die and it will be all your fault and that you have to take care of her for the rest of her life
you ever kin a song that's so oddly specific to your own life that it's scary? being the therapist friend is scary and tiring, and you do things you dont wanna do just to make people happy
And it always backfires. My situation got so bad I called the police about my two best friends because they were talking about suicide and ways they could do it almost everyday. Of course i didn't wanna call the police, but i felt as if i ran out of options to help. And now neither of them speak to me. I still feel guilty for that but i don't know what else i couldve done.
The handwashing fits this song so perfectly, all fellow therapist friends should envision it from time to time: Wash your hands of it, you're not guilty. And if you're strong enough to deal with THEIR dirt, don't let it stick to yourselves
I never got a chance to reply to this, But the reason I picked the gif was to show how people should wash their hands clean of people like this. Those who threaten to harm themselves because they’re being toxic and say that their blood is on someone else’s hands. Why? Because no one else is responsible for someone else’s life, And we need to wash off the fake responsibilities we place on ourselves and in our hands when we act like we do.
i relate to this song so much as someone who has been a "therapist/mom friend" ever since i was 10 years old for older people on the internet (im now 13). to any other people who are the mom friend of your friend group, you're not obligated to help your friends with ALL of their problems and its okay to take breaks and set healthy boundaries. im personally trying to do that for myself, and i know you guys can do it aswell hdhs
Omg... 13- I'm 13 same thing happening. 3 mental breakdowns 2 suicide scares and both the people I was trying to help called me selfish, that was the worst it's gotten and since that night I couldn't do it it broke me so much. It's been about 2 months. That night broke me so bad. Us 13 year olds shouldn't deal with this. I'm so sorry so sorry..
This hits different when all your friends constantly vent to you and use you as a therapist but they never ask how YOU feel so you just hide away your feelings
Guys, if you're constantly being a therapist for your friend, Get out. That's what I did and my mental state has improved so much. You can't and shouldn't have to try to fix everyone's problems
this hits home. my friend was in a really bad place and i knew he liked me, and i didnt want to make things worse so i kinda forced myself to reciprocate his feelings, and now i cant leave because every day i have to convince him to not die. IM 13!!! IM NOT READY TO HAVE TO BE THE ONLY PERSON TO BE ABLE TO TRY AND SAVE HIM!
Yo bro, been there. It ain’t your fault whatever happens, your just a teen man. Listen to me, if you can get him help then get him fucking help. You are 13, you’re not supposed to be dealing with this bullshit. Don’t matter if your a friend or not, you matter too.
This is why I make sure that if I talk to someone who is not a trained professional about my problems I make sure they don't feel this way. I'm not about to let my mental state harm others
This song really hits you after your closest friend who bullied, teased, and outright sexualized you just doesn't care for your mental health declining despite caring for theirs.
"I am NOT your DAD, i am not your daddy i cant support you, i cant work through all your childhood trauma for you." That right there. That right fucking there.
Ah to be the therapist friend but everytime you try to talk about your own very valid feelings they tell you to stop talking like that and don't wanna understand then get mad at you for not ever telling them what's wrong with you 😔
"i would be so much less offended if you just told me to get back into the kitchen" I think about this lyric constantly.. New age misogyny is so much worse.
( Long rant/vent below ) I relate to this song a bit too much sometimes. I've been the therapist friend since middle school, and I'm still known by a few people as their "Mom friend". I've listened to everything they tell me and try to give the advice they beg me for even when I'm uncomfy and don't know what to tell them. I've never been able to vent to anyone accept for two people, my best friend and my girlfriend. I've had so many times where I've just been tired and don't want to hear about it but I can't ignore them because I feel responsible. I feel guilt for them but I can't fix any of their problems. I had a friend who used me and forced me to stay in a friendship because of their trauma and depression, only to show their true toxic self over some relationship drama created by a misunderstanding. They're still doing it to others. And recently I've had a similar experience with a romantic partner a few months ago (I'm a poly lesbian). I knew they had mental health issues and I would try to help them with it all. They never took the advice, they would invalidate me when I shared my own mental health issues, treated my diagnosed anxiety like I was a toddler and spoke down to me, etc. They did this all while I would stay up nearly all night (on a school night) because they spam texted me until I called them so they could vent because they were triggered into a mental episode. They would start arguments over little stupid things that shouldn't matter and I would have to take the blame each time just so they wouldn't beat themselves up with shit like "I know, I'm horrible. I don't deserve love. Everyone hates me. You're upset with me. I'm a terrible person" and more. They left me at an all time low in my own mental health. They took up all my time to the point I didn't have time for anyone else, not even my girlfriend. If I took time for others, I suddenly "didn't love them anymore", as they put it. I was scared of them and what I cod do to their mental health, meanwhile my anxiety increased and I lost motivation and energy for everything. I thought I was selfish for wanting to ignore them or anyone else. When they left me it was a weight thrown off my shoulders and I improved my mental health a bit. I'm still having problems with setting boundaries with others, but I have my best friend and girlfriend helping me. I'm tired but I have hope that I'll get my mental health and anxiety under control. I hope that whoever else reads this and relates to it in any way can get through everything too and can find some sort of comfort knowing they're not alone and someone else knows how you feel. Things can still turn out okay and the tiredness might end someday
haha small vent i think ive jsut dug myself into a hole where im the therapist friend but im terrible at comforting people and only know how to make people feel better with jokes and im afraid everyones just gonna leave me eventually lol
the amount of people i have saved makes its hard to open up i cant be anything besides happy or bored or they don't know how to respond to my feelings and tend to make me feel worse and like i have a plan to sing this to them in a few days since NO ONE needs to be forced to be in a situation where if you make one mistake another person dies its one thing reaching out for help that is 100% ok that's great im proud do you for doing that but if your forcing someone to stay friends with you by saying your gonna kill yourself then bad child
yea this is the song that i relate to and love the most from this album. my friends will trama dump me and i will help them with advice. but then i talk about one of my problems and they just say " oh same" or "we dont care lol" kinda hurts but its fine ig
i am the low empath therapist friend, who has spent hours trying to convince others to use fucking common sense, and give advice and plan for their issues. Ive wasted hours to get them to either sleep or take their meds, only to find out they lied to me or didnt take the advice they use me for, even though they litterally see a therapist, and it isnt even intentional most times. when i vent they do care and want to help but itll either be "im sorry" or "your so lucky" being the therapist friend is and will never be fun, but you just dont want them to die, and if or when you fail and they do or try your left wondering what you did wrong. the one i did it the most for in recent times hasnt spoken much too me for a long while and it would be a lie to say it isnt a relief to the many therapist friends, take a break for yourself, cause fuck do we need it
Stay strong therapist friends, what you had to go through is too much. Young or old, huge respect for helping others. Remember to care for yourself, man.
im just screaming this song at the mirror. im angry at him and im angry at myself. him for venting without asking and me for thinking that was normal and doing the same.
Lol this song is such a mood. 90% of the friends I ever make use me more as a therapist than a friend. And I can't deal with emotions but I have to try because I'm scared that if anything happened its my fault
It's not your fault, and it's okay to say "I can't handle this". I know it isn't that easy but sometimes hearing it can help, so I just wanted ta let you know
This hits different when you spent most of your time being the mom friend of your friend group, only for most them to not talk to you anymore. It feels like being used and wasting your breath.
tw for an emotionally abusive relationship, mentions of s/icide and s/h. also I'm not in this relationship anymore I haven't talked to this person since 2020 My one ex would constantly talk about their suicidal ideation and say stuff like "Haha I just spent the last hour banging my head into wall I think I have brain damage :)" and I remember they got angry when I said we didn't have to talk 24/7 and it's okay to let the conversation die down if you have nothing to say, but you don't HAVE to just let it end if you do and that's fine And they'd tell me about they problems and I'd be like "I'm really sorry" and try to give them advice and they'd just keep saying things like "I want to die :)", "I want to kill someone :)" (always with the smiley faces), "I'm going to hurt myself," "I'm going to bang my head into the wall," "I'm going to die" they would constantly put the responsibility of their life in my hands and would never take my advice or encouragement :/ I was 13 when I was with them and I was constantly dreading talking to them I fear they might explode or say they'd hurt themselves and I couldn't stop them or that my advice wouldn't be enough I am the mom friend who always tells people to confide in me and I have conversations where friends vent to me about their family, suicidal ideation, etc and I'm fine with it. But the way this particular person did it put their life in my hands and I had no idea what to do. They'd talk about it nonstop and bring it up casually and bring up the same things over and over again and I just got so confused and in so much distress, feeling like I had to talk to them non-stop And I was so scared all the time and I would be literally shaking when they called me (we live very far away from each other) I don't know...it...It was scary and I don't know hello! I've come back to say: IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP OTHER PEOPLE SAFE OR HAPPY. It's okay to set boundaries. Unless you're their guardian or therapist, you should never have to feel like someone's life is in your hands. No matter how sad they are, it's not your responsibility. You're not a therapist. Whenever friends start talking about s/icidal id/ation, I tell them to stop and talk to someone else because it's extremely triggering to me due to past events. This may sound selfish, but sometimes you really do have to say to yourself "It's not my problem." It's good to help whenever you can, and be gentle to the people you help...but it's not your job. It doesn't matter if you're "the mom friend" or "the therapist friend." Consent is so, so important, not just in regards to sex. You're allowed to withdraw consent from hearing someone vent about topics you can't handle. you're allowed to say "hey, this is too much for me." It's okay Nobody's life is in your hands except your own Nobody's blood is on your hands It's okay to say no Hello! next edit: To people who are on the opposite side of the situation: I've been there too. And let me just say that venting doesn't make you inherently a bad person, and if someone says you're not a burden, it's most likely true. As long as you're not using your mental health as a bargaining chip to manipulate them and respecting their boundaries....it's okay. I had another person who did similar things, except she wasn't manipulative-- and I told her I was ok with it. She was never a burden and I loved trying to help her. If you're wondering if you're being manipulative, I reccomend taking a step back and asking others you know about it and coming to your own conclusion. Respect your friends boundaries and don't manipulate them-- and if you do those things, then I'd say you're in the clear. You're not annoying nor are you a burden.
lolol I relate to this. i can't stand it when people say the same thing over and over like a mantra about how they want to or will die. it's so fucking annoying.
holy fuck this hit home for me i went through something incredibly similar to what you decsribed back in 2018. basically almost everything you described was what I went through. god i hope it's not the same person. but i needed to read this. i really needed to read this today. thank you
I'm in pretty much the exact same situation as you except it's not an s/o, it's a friend. It's scarily similar - I'm 13, I moved away from my best friend so we can only call and we live 7 hours away, and she will always send me texts about how she wants to kill herself or self-harm with smiley faces n things. She's also described to me how she plans to kill herself in very gory and graphic descriptions, and talks about how badly she wants to hurt herself. I try to convince myself that just listening and even attempting to talk her out of it is enough, but I deeply fear that one day she'll actually kill herself and I could've stopped it.
me, an unwilling therapist friend who was traumatized into having so much anxiety i can't leave anyone alone with any negative thoughts bc I'm scared they'll off themselves, listening to this song on repeat to cope 👊😔
I feel awful, this song literally describes how I am always there for my friends while when I vent they just tell me stuff like "uh" "sorry Idk what to say" "we are not your therapists". I told them how I felt and they all made me feel like I was the bad person in the whole argument, and told me that they never asked for my help in the first place so I shouldn't be asking for help. They always find a way of getting away wth the shit they cause to me and never apologise. I am so tired, I've come to the point where I think that if I killed myself they wouldn't care.
Hey ! If you're aware that you could make someone feel like this, you're more likely to be hyper aware of it and stop yourself whether you want to or not. You're most likely fine. And if you aren't? That's okay. There's time to learn, grow, and create a better way.
first time listening to this song... i’m about to cry. i failed at talking one of my friends out of suicide when i was 11. the only reason she is still alive is because i told a teacher. she didn’t talk to me much after that. i have been the therapist friend my whole life and it puts so much stress on me.
My best friend was in a relationship with a guy like this. (He used to be a friend of mine, but we fell out when he revealed some really private shit to a random person online without asking me first.) He'd threaten suicide if they argued or my friend didn't want to do certain things or wanted to break up, and was generally psychologically abusive. It was shitty for everyone involved. It's okay to not be okay, just don't drag other people down with you. Get a real therapist, then when you're stable enough, be in a romantic relationship that isn't toxic/codependent
God I hope my therapist friend realizes how much I try not to dump my shit on him, and how guilty I feel when I do, please don't be mad at me man. I promise your helping and I promise im trying to stay alive.
This reminds me of the time a guy became my friend to use me as a therapist and tell me day after day and night after night that he would kill himself if i stop talking to him but also that he is going to do it even if i continued talking to him (he still goes to my school and i cant even bare looking him in the eyes anymore because it makes me want to punch him in his face for all the mental trauma he intentionally put me though)
(TW: a lot of shit) I’ve been at this gig since grade 6. Suicidal people, people going through EDS, people going through abuse, people with violent tendencies, people who self harm, people younger and older than me, adults in my life... It’s almost like I was made to be the one everyone screams their opinions to. And honestly, I have grown numb to all of the shit. It’s lead to me gaining an interest in psychiatry. This might be my fucking job and I can’t tell if this will be a mistake or not. I care about people, I really do. But I am *not* a medical professional. I am a fucking highschooler who, in focusing so much on other people’s problems, have forgotten to deal with mine a mere few years before I’m thrown out into the world and faced with the brunt force of society. If it wasn’t for the fact I am used to this and that this sort of life seems cut out for me now, I’d stop. But I can’t. Not now.
Hey, Please, I’m asking you as someone who has walked in shoes similar to yours to focus on yourself. (TW: Minor Mentions of Suicidal Tendencies) There is no shame in refusing to be the therapist to others. Alright? Often times doing that will harm you. It got me to a super low point in my life, to the point where I almost didn’t have a life. So please. Step away and focus on your life and developing into an adult with healthy tendencies and habits.
Ironically, by you replying to this, you seemed to have stepped into that role once more. While I didn’t expect a reply, it really was appreciated, so thank you. However, I also ask that you take care of yourself as well, and that may we both reach a point where this sort of bullshit no longer haunts us on the daily.
penelope scott is legally allowed to murder me.
girlie its allowed 😭🖐️
@@kifferan6272 please im on a third grade spelling level and im almost 14 😭🤚
@@kifferan6272 I didn’t even notice
@@sabinethebean8731 its okay i made the same mistake in my Instagram post once and someone called me out so I've been traumatized ever since
@@kifferan6272 ty for making me feel better about it
I am loving the vibe of this song so much- it's like an angry waterfall and a flower field set on fire.
I love your description! Like, it sounds accurate.
dude this was the most poetic thing i’ve heard all day ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
Lavafall
Pretty accurate ngl
@@yourchaoticadhdfriend3523 A passive aggressive lavafall
No is a simple concept, yet they can’t take no for an answer so they ask you repeatedly until you feel guilty for not saying yes so you give in just to make them stop asking.
I hate how this applies to so many people, And it’s infuriating.
or they imply/directly threaten to do something drastic to themselves to guilt you into saying yes
@@anti_fragile I hate those people! It's so trapping and scary when they threaten to do stuff like that.
and then they tell you off because you said no and remind you every day until you hate yourself even more than when you were depressed 👍
and they tell ppl to just say "no", like that always works with hard-headed bastards. 😐
this feels like a tired girlfriend whose boyfriend has been guilt tripping her and venting to her, but hasn't been listening to her and how his treating her as a therapist/mother figure more than a girlfriend is affecting her. dunno, could just be me
this except my girlfriend i’m-
this
@vampirekitty. That's not a healthy relationship. Good luck to you. Remember you're important too.
I got into this type of relationship about 2 weeks ago and before it got serious I noped the fuk out 2 nights ago because tryna convince someone not to off themselves an hour after they ask for nudes and having the same convo the next night wasn't really something I could have dealt with. Now I just feel sad.
('﹏')
Honestly yeah, I’ve been through something pretty close but I was never dating them, the dudes liked me but I wanted to be friends
"under the threat of your blood on my hands" is it possible to kin a song
Absolutely.
Mhm
my friend sent me this song asking if this is how i felt and if they should stop talking to me about their problems but i dont think they understand if i say yes and they do something i'll feel like it's my fault
Ye
This song hits different when you’re going through the exact thing
It honestly does.
exactly, like holy shit i needed this weeks ago
i couldve used this when i was 13 lol
Exactly
It seriously does
This song hits hard when u r the therapist mom friend
As someone who is that friend. I second this.
Agreed
indeed
same, dude
Especially when they ghost you after lol
im like, the parent friend if i vent to my friend all she says is "oh" or "im sorry" and if she vents to me i give her giant paragraphs. seriously, sometimes i feel like a therapist to them and i don't wanna be, i feel forced into it.
You should just tell them you're really bad at comforting people and it makes you super uncomfortable. And when they start talking about their shit, you should just be like, "Um, I'm really sorry, but I'm really bad at comforting people so maybe you should tell this to someone else..."
@@acrazycooki3046 I do this to people who want me to listen but never want to return the favor.
I say “I’m sorry” after people vent because I’m nd and don’t know how to reply, especially because a lot of the time it’s juts a massive trauma dump.
.
Now I feel bad because I have a friend who write huge paragraphs but I'm also bad a comforting people which is why wrote little-- but I still try to wrote huge paragraphs like my friend does
Oh wow...we have the same friends
this is for all of the "mom" or "therapist" friends, people pleasers, people who consider others before themselves constantly, those who feel guilty when they take time for themselves, guilty when they aren't always doing something for someone else, those in toxic relationships, those who have been threatened to have someone else's blood on your hands, those that wake up and deal with manipulation and harassment.
we know but HEYY
Hi there.
"I am NOT your MOM"
*Me who has an entire Discord server where I mother depressed children*
I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
@@DeathWishDiva Same!! ^-^
👁👁👍
Do you have an invite? 👁👄👁 uh its for a friend 👀
@@punkgutz8043 The server has gone dead, but yes I can send the link if you like, or you can add me
Ah yes, being 13 and spending all night trying to convince a freind not to kill themself
Edit: holy shit why is this such a common experience?? Thats really messed up
Are we.. the same person?
ah yes, relating so much to a comment that i think that suddently we are the same person
My friend did that for me once-
Same, only i was 11 or 12 when it first happened (15 now(
bruh when I was 12 and I was playing roblox this dude said he liked me and I said I didn’t and he said we was finna kill himself and for about an hour I told him not to, that was traumatizing 👁👁
Like I've had a friend say "I don't want to go to a therapist, I don't need one because I've got you." And like- this sums up so much about how I felt in that moment. "I'm not your therapist, I'm not trained for this, and I don't wanna be forced to listen" hits so hard
Bro same. One of my friends told me that he quit going to therapy because i helped him so much more. Long story short i cut ties because it was too much.
Ive literally had to say to my ex that exact line before and they didn’t even listen, the next night they did it all again.
My friend literally has a theripist but she said she can't talk abt it to any1 yet comes to me whenever smth happens
@@kiryuwu3884bro?? Explain??
WE'RE LIVING THE SAME LIFE HELP
But I'm sorry about that :(
as much as this is about abusive relationships where one just threatens the other to suicide for sex. it also reminds me of how i or any other person can not fully heal others just by loving them or going through the same trauma or anything. we're not trained for this. loving and being there for them is great but please seek help
Hello, Tired mom friends, tired therapists, people who's coping mechanism is music, people who have some kind of untread mental illness or mental disorder, people who don't want to think abt how bad their own lives are,people who stay up till at least 1am every night, people who are overthinkers, people who possibly stan Mother Mother, people who are considered "sensitive", people who project onto fictional characters, people who live in the "venting" channel in discord servers.
I- Did you really call out anyone who's ever watched this video???
@@DeathWishDiva Yes, yes I did.
i live in vent channels but only to give advice so like 😃
are u stalking me this called me out so hard
@@ahomefordreams maybe, maybe not. I'LL NEVER TELL
This is what I feel my friend feels like everytime I confide in them. They say its fine, that I can talk to them about the shitty things in my life but I don't wanna burden them with my problems. I constantly ask them if maybe I shouldn't talk about things like that but they always say reassure me that its ok.
Same my friend says I can vent to them but I feel like I ruin their day by doing it :(
Same
I feel the same way
Alright, as a local therapist friend: Sometimes helping your friends is draining, but you still do it because you love them and want them to be happy. I also have a lot of anxiety moments where I think that no one wants to hear about my weird paranoid fears but I don't regret calling my dear friends who almost always are willing and able to talk gently to me while I explain I think I'm dying. You are not a burden, just also make sure to check in on your friends "who have it all together" sometimes.
@@Realisticallyliteral I’m the all together friend:(
🌻 🌼 💛 manic pixie dream girl, but take out pixie dream girl 💛 🌼 🌻
Mood 💀
KKFKSKCKS YEAH
are you ok????
@semi oh ok lol. thanks for the clarification
I like the part where she’s washing her hands 🙌
and for over 20 seconds too, she’s staying safe from rona for sure
Ur capping, I like the part where shes washing her hands! Thats so much better!
Nah bro the part where the water hits hdr palms ✨😫
can you give me a time stamp, I couldn’t find that part 😔
Waiting for the inevitable “ewww gacha” reply
hey hey, huge respect to any mom/therapist friends out there. i feel like i'm the "jokester" of the group (i'm terrible at comforting people and i use humor to mask what i'm feeling and to make it seem like whatever i'm going through isn't major when, in actuality, its fucking shit. my emotions are also all fucked up and i can't take my own emotions seriously sosnxjx)
i have a ton of respect for you guys and i hope you all know that *your* issues matter and that you are appreciated and loved. i'm sorry that some of you guys have friends that aren't willing to listen to you and dump all of their trauma and problems onto you for you to deal with. i have two friends that are considered both the therapist friend & the mom friend, and if they ever say something that concerns me i'll be sure to ask them if they're okay and stuff like that
but please know that you guys are valid and your problems matter. there are people out there that care about you and love you, and again, know that your issues are completely valid and important. ❤
(if you've read this far, feel free to vent about stuff [if you'd like to]. i'll try to comfort you the best i can [since, like i said, i'm terrible at comforting people but i try my best].)
Thank you. Sometimes we start to feel like we aren’t appreciated, or we aren’t doing ENOUGH, even though we’re probably really doing too much. So thank you. All of our emotions are fucked up- some people don’t think theirs are, some people shove it down and help other people with theirs instead, some people lash out, some cope with humor (gotta love those tbh) everyone deals differently and sometimes, it’s hard to deal- we get that, because we are ALSO dealing. Having gone through extensive self esteem issues for a good long while without telling a single living soul (I’ve got it covered now), I decided that nobody deserves to feel like that ever, so I do what I can to help those around me.
Just... thank you for reminding us that our problems are valid too and that the thing that we’re giving way too much for is good. I’m doing enough to make myself worth the space, you know? That makes it better.
TWWWWWWWWWWWW SUICIDE
being honest it can be a lot. theres a girl who vents to me about her abusive household, suicide threats, and then murder plans for her family. Especially her brother, he's not great but he's 10 years old. Only 10. she wont call cps so im in this loop of it. i feel like a terrible person when i dont wanna respond to it but i need a break. thanks for listening.
TWWWWWWWWWWWWW SUICIDE
couldnt relate
....NO IM TOTALLY NOT LYING-
Therapists need therapists sometimes
*Me the Jokester and therapist friend* well this is interesting-
"I dumb myself down to be a therapist for everyone else because it's the only thing I'm good at so it's the only way I get validation from my friends but I feel too attention-seeking to talk about my own problems so I mask my own emotions so nobody gets tired of me" gang rise up
Im rising
oddly specific but i'm here
Let’s go!
Im flying
Rising above the sun
Goddamn its sad how accurate this is to me. I wasnt supposed to be multiple people's personal therapist at the age of 12-15.fuck, man. I wasnt supposed to be scared about not being able to save someone. I just want to be innocent again. I just want to have fun.
Update i guess
At very very least, every experience has made me stronger. Streangth in a way that kindof surprises people, I just wish i wasnt stomped on by so many people in the first place haha.
@@kubaduce so sorry you had to go thru that oh my god. Absolutely noone should go thru shit like that esp at such a young age. I hope you have a good Journey in your healing process :)♡ stay strong💪
God. You have no idea how much i relate to this comment. I was trying to help my 2 suicidal friends everyday at 13 and it was way too much for me to handle. My mental health is so bad because of it. It got to the point where I couldn't even check my phone without the overwhelming fear that one of them had committed and that it was my fault for not being there.
@@rosiesartsy oh my god i understand that completely. And whenever they text, or you see a notification you get that awful pit in your stomach? I know that feeling far too well, so now i do my best to avoid it
this hit diff when ur the therapist friend that doesnt get help in return
*the mom friends are revolting*
the revolt has begun
*laughs in therapist/jokester Friend*
I am officially revolting, but aggressively
Well my trauma finally got ahold of me so I didnt really have a choice-
Wow hi uecchi
Dad friends are also this 👌 damn close to losing our minds here too. Mind if we join and assist in your revolt?
me after a friend calls me 'dad' despite me being the same age as them and female who isnt even a father type figure:
"let me just remind you im not your fucking dad"
I swear I'm living her same life- I mean, between this, Dead Girls, Rat, etc. I feel a genuine connection between us. Anyone else?
Yes. Absolutely.
IT'S MY ANXIETY ATTACK, I GET TO CHOOSE THE SONG. AND I HAVE PARENT PROBLEMS SOMETIMES. MAYBE I WANNA LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE I MOTHER MY FRIENDS AND TEACH THEM HOW TO STICK UP FOR THEMSELVES.
EVERYBODY GANSTA TILL EVERYONE KEEPS DEPENEDING YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE A SAVIOR EVEN THO YOU’RE 14 AND HAVE EMOTIONAL TRAUAMA AND STRESSING OUT OVER PERSONAL AND FRIEND STRESS
Edit: OUGH the amount of people actually struggle, stay strong m’dude, remember you’re important!
THIS DESCRIBES MY ENTIRE SITUATION SO SO COMPLETELY
@@abbiezinn3352 man,, that sucks,, I’m sorry for that :(
@@lukeyflicker thank you so much for the quick reply wow, it feels nice :) you’re not alone and i’m sorry you’re going through that too
@@abbiezinn3352 no prob!! It’s nice a fellow person who’s suffering w/ this situation, it kinda sucks too, at least we can deal with this together in a way!! ^^
@@lukeyflicker thank you :’)
Gives me memories of when I was 12-14 staying up for nights and nights in end trying to convince my friends to not off themselves bc “that’s what friends are for” and if I didn’t take it all without complaining then I was a horrible person and their blood would be on my hands because I couldn’t save them.
Shoutout to all the therapist friends who kept trying to get their friends to see an actual professional but they keep making excuses because it “makes them uncomfortable”. I get that it can be a scary experience, but it’s HELLA uncomfortable for me to think you are going to kill yourself if I don’t baby you.
Always remember that friendship and support is a two way street. Anyways, love this song
friendly reminder: its okay to take a break from your friends every now and then. while its important you support them, you aren't reponsible for their emotions.
its cool if you can respond to your friends vents, but if it starts to overwhelm you then you can take a few steps back.
even if your friends arent asking for help in a toxic way/at all, putting too much responsibility in the emotions of your mutuals will make you exhausted, and you need energy to help people anyways. its not selfish to take some time for yourself or be unable to help.
take this from self experience. i have an unhealthy relationship with trying to constantly solve peoples problems, but im trying to get better. say safe everyone!!
Ok so I know you guys aren't my therapist lol but I was just chilling listening to Penelope's songs and I just got flashbacks to the Fourth of July in 2019. I spent the day with my now ex and we had a great day at first. We had a picnic while watching a band, walked around a park, then went to my house for a barbecue and he got to meet my family. We were chilling in my room watching Stranger Things, everything was great, and then he suddenly makes me stop it and asks "How do you choose to wake up everyday?" It caught me so off guard, especially after we had such a great day, and it just felt so.... violating. I felt like I was forced to talk about things I didn't like talking about so he could feel better while my mom was texting me that dinner was ready, but I couldn't respond because I was forced to deal with his crisis. After 30 minutes of trying to convince him life is worth living he goes "I feel so much better, thanks!" while I'm trying to hide my anxiety. Then he made out with me and we went down for dinner. I felt so, gross? Weird? I don't know, but I felt like my emotions were violated even if he didn't threaten anything and he was respectful of my body. It was just such a strange and somewhat traumatizing experience, and this song just perfectly describes my emotions towards that day and it's very cathartic. So yeah I hope I'm not forcing my trauma on you guys lmao, just wanted to vent
oh my gosh dude I’m so sorry. also you’re allowed to vent dw
I didnt want this to hit so close to home
Me neither, 😔
This song reminds me of my abusive ex and my anger and deep hatred for him
this song reminds me of all my friends
...
Same lol
"I'm NOT your THERAPIST
I'm NOT trained for THIS"
And thats on being the therapist friend.. You're always listening to everything and everyone just expects you to be able to handle it and help them 🙂
It hurts. How accurate the lyrics are. I hate that the two of them put their own blood on my hands. I hated that I had to watch them both suffer while pushing it onto the people around them. I hated that I took as much as I could with nothing in return so the weight would be less on the people I cared about. And I hate that when I finally escaped from the two of them, I took everyone that they ever cared about with me. I hate that because of the two of them... I became bitter and angry and they hurt me and the people I cared for so badly that I struggle to keep the kindness I once had for them. I was the "therapist friend" until I fucking broke.
Im not gonna lie, i was in the EXACT same situation that ended in the exact same way, would you like to talk? Im sorry you had to go through that, but it feels kinda good to know im not the only one who was in this situation.
I had a boyfriend who would do this to me. He’d call at all hours of the night. I’d answer and hold his hand and try to talk him through it. I’d give advice he’d never actually take. And when I asked him why he said he just wanted to vent. During this time I was working a horrible job where a co-worker would verbally harass me every day. He said he didn’t want to hear about it because it made him depressed. Then I was assaulted by a customer and when I told him he said “What do you want me to do about it?” We broke up 3 weeks later. He begged me not to. He had another gf 2 weeks later. He just needed another mommy girlfwend.
This song reminds me so much of me. Im the mom friend in my discord group of friends, i always have to act happy for them! Which is okay, I get a lot of confessions even when i already have a partner.
Its annoying, Because they make sexual jokes with me and they even ship me with real life people! Its gross! They’re not respecting my privacy, I have a partner! Im already in a relationship, don’t ship me with real people, it’s disrespectful and disgusting! I don’t get the fun in that.
Exact same thing here. I get a ton of love confessions that I'm not interested in at all due to being the therapist friend. It's not even the not wanting it that bothers me, it's that I know they don't know ANYTHING about me and literally my ONLY trait to them is how I respond to their issues. Which is ALSO fine but don't conflate that with a romantic relationship. One or the other dude.
I'm sorry you experience that
My little sister sent me this because I was in the same situation and just ended it yesterday...
I fucking love her.
Thank you, Aubrey.
,,this isn’t feminism, it’s straight up normal fucking etiquette’’ i love this line more than i can express
REAL.
The worst part about being the therapist friend is that you know that it’s the only reason they keep you around.
Same here, same here.
paranoid that you're accidentally doing what the singer describes in the song to your friends and being toxic as a result gang
That's understandable. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're being overwhelming to your friends, and as someone who has been in both places of the situation, I get it. While it's not good to loathe yourself for it., it's always good to keep your friend's boundaries in mind, and if you aren't crossing them, you're good :)
As long as you're not overwhelming them and you're listening to them when they have problems as well it's ok. The fact that you're concerned about doing this shows you're probably not one of those who does this
This is off topic but i like you pfp yuri
i'm feel so lucky now that u aren't my friend
@@iii9591 lmao that's ..kinda rude ngl
I swear I was looking a lyric video like 2 hours ago, thank you so much lol
when the song starts talking about the same thing that you're going through 👁👄👁
Dang, Do you need help? Are you still stuck in that situation? If so please tell a close family member or someone who cares.
@@DeathWishDiva just saw this, fortunately I've gotten a therapist so im not alone, and i've cut this person off completely!!! i cut them off a little after this comment lol
@@artemisiavladu509 nice to hear! I hope things keep getting better!
Honestly just listening to this reminds me that I'm not to blame for leaving someone who makes me sad. It's a good way to ground me and let me feel ANGRY and UPSET because I deserve to be.
PSA: it doesn't matter if they've "gone through stuff" You aren't obligated to be with someone because of their tragic backstory.
EDIT: It’s been like… three months I think? A little longer? I feel so much better. I’m not even kidding. My life is better and my grades are actually better and I feel happier. Don’t be afraid to cut off toxic people.
I'm glad you're doing much better :)
I've had similar happen, I got out a a toxic relationship and my grades n happiness improved, too. Glad you were able to see how although they had a lot of problems, they caused problems in your life, too. You got this
@@ririinu_ thank you! I’m glad you were able to cut them out as well
raise your hand if you're the therapist friend/people pleaser/mom/dad friend/jokester and everyone vents to you but you also have a lot of deep trauma but when people ask you just say "oh it's nothing" or [INSERT JOKE TO MAKE TRAUMA SEEM LIKE NOTHING] 🖐
Oh fuck no need to call me out...
Honestly this song reminds me of how some people only want you around to use and manipulate you. Or people who make you stay with them even tho you don't want to by threatening you or saying they'll hurt themself if you leave the situation. This song kinda illustrates how it feels to be around these people.
I feel like I'm the therapist but I never get credit for it in my friend group because I'm also known for making jokes, all I ask for is 'thanks for giving me this advice and helping me feel better on my bad days'
Dude this song is finally a way for me to get a bit of my anger out for being in this situation a while ago
God I love this. So often in (heterosexual) relationships (obviously these problems happen in other relationships too but I see it a lot in straight relationships because ✧・ﾟGender Roles✧・ﾟ) So much emotional labour is dumped on women when really what is needed is a therapist. Guilt trips, trying to leverage pity sex, dumping everything on a partner while not listening to them the way they do for you, and men expecting women to be their sole source of emotional support is so annoyingly common. It's just- expected. I love Penelope Scott's music because it's raw and channels not only the anger of gen Z, but she has this specific style that just screams FEMALE RAGE and I am so in love with it
This has been my role for as long as I’ve had friends. Even to people years older than me, truthfully it has helped me to be more empathetic towards others BUT I didn’t ask for this. Lately I’ve learned to politely decline and say that I’m mentally not capable to help them.
I hope every single one of you also figures it out
I'm going through a Penelope Scott binge and I haven't heard this one before so let me tell you the slap in the face I had when I heard the lyrics and remembered my abusive ex
Yeah, the EXACT same thing happened to me- I didn't even realize my ex was abusive until I listened to this song and went "oh shit, they did this to me"
This song just WREAKS the color red
i like how the gif is basically her washing her hands of his potential blood and letting him go.
This song explains exactly how im feeling rn and its so comforting
this song is like screaming and eating scolding hot brownies, like dealing with fake panic attacks, like watching your abuser be comforted over you defending yourself and “hurting her”
oh wait.
tw // csa, neglect, abuse
this song makes me think about my sexually abusive and neglectful mother. she constantly turned to me for affection, acted more like a shitty friend than a mom. one time she had me take her to target and go to the plus size section, point at the models, and coach her through her insecurities. i was seven years old.
i honestly hope she gets help for her own sake, she's literally a therapist so it's really disturbing that she's so fucked up
Note: suicide
Reminds me of an old friend that used to threaten me with suicide all the time. I wanted to help to them, I really did, but it took a toll on me since I was afraid one wrong word would make them leave. They never took my advice anyway, I told them to get a therapist since I wasn't trained and it would help them more, I'd just be some support on the side. But they never saw one or even tried to. Learned that they did this to a lot of people and we no longer talk since we lost touch, probably moved on to another person. I still have friends vent to me but they're nothing like that old friend, they don't threaten me to off themselves and leave me worried and scared for hours just to come back fine and dandy when they want attention. I guess I could consider maybe they weren't only doing it for attention but it was still hurting me even though I tried helping them. I still hope they're better now though.
I'm really happy you're out of that situation. Nobody deserves to be treated like a punching bag to throw their mental and emotional problems at.
please don't make me regret my curiosity
update: i don't regret it
i relate to this song so much. it made me realize that im not the only person that has to deal with everyone’s problems even if i don’t want to.
Ah yes, being 11 and having your mom tell you that no matter how miserable she makes you that if you leave her she'll die and it will be all your fault and that you have to take care of her for the rest of her life
you ever kin a song that's so oddly specific to your own life that it's scary? being the therapist friend is scary and tiring, and you do things you dont wanna do just to make people happy
And it always backfires. My situation got so bad I called the police about my two best friends because they were talking about suicide and ways they could do it almost everyday. Of course i didn't wanna call the police, but i felt as if i ran out of options to help. And now neither of them speak to me. I still feel guilty for that but i don't know what else i couldve done.
The handwashing fits this song so perfectly, all fellow therapist friends should envision it from time to time: Wash your hands of it, you're not guilty. And if you're strong enough to deal with THEIR dirt, don't let it stick to yourselves
Wait is she washing the blood off of her hands
I never got a chance to reply to this, But the reason I picked the gif was to show how people should wash their hands clean of people like this. Those who threaten to harm themselves because they’re being toxic and say that their blood is on someone else’s hands. Why? Because no one else is responsible for someone else’s life, And we need to wash off the fake responsibilities we place on ourselves and in our hands when we act like we do.
@@DeathWishDiva wow, well said
i relate to this song so much as someone who has been a "therapist/mom friend" ever since i was 10 years old for older people on the internet (im now 13). to any other people who are the mom friend of your friend group, you're not obligated to help your friends with ALL of their problems and its okay to take breaks and set healthy boundaries. im personally trying to do that for myself, and i know you guys can do it aswell hdhs
Omg... 13- I'm 13 same thing happening. 3 mental breakdowns 2 suicide scares and both the people I was trying to help called me selfish, that was the worst it's gotten and since that night I couldn't do it it broke me so much. It's been about 2 months. That night broke me so bad. Us 13 year olds shouldn't deal with this. I'm so sorry so sorry..
This hits different when all your friends constantly vent to you and use you as a therapist but they never ask how YOU feel so you just hide away your feelings
Guys, if you're constantly being a therapist for your friend,
Get out. That's what I did and my mental state has improved so much. You can't and shouldn't have to try to fix everyone's problems
this hits home. my friend was in a really bad place and i knew he liked me, and i didnt want to make things worse so i kinda forced myself to reciprocate his feelings, and now i cant leave because every day i have to convince him to not die. IM 13!!! IM NOT READY TO HAVE TO BE THE ONLY PERSON TO BE ABLE TO TRY AND SAVE HIM!
Yo bro, been there. It ain’t your fault whatever happens, your just a teen man. Listen to me, if you can get him help then get him fucking help. You are 13, you’re not supposed to be dealing with this bullshit. Don’t matter if your a friend or not, you matter too.
friendship ended with The Fray “How to Save a Life”, my new friend is Penelope Scott “Mommy Fwiend”
This is why I make sure that if I talk to someone who is not a trained professional about my problems I make sure they don't feel this way. I'm not about to let my mental state harm others
Oh and I've been on the other end of this where my m o t h e r treats me like her mom and therapist
This song really hits you after your closest friend who bullied, teased, and outright sexualized you just doesn't care for your mental health declining despite caring for theirs.
"I am NOT your DAD, i am not your daddy i cant support you, i cant work through all your childhood trauma for you."
That right there. That right fucking there.
Ah to be the therapist friend but everytime you try to talk about your own very valid feelings they tell you to stop talking like that and don't wanna understand then get mad at you for not ever telling them what's wrong with you 😔
sooo accurate
"i would be so much less offended if you just told me to get back into the kitchen" I think about this lyric constantly.. New age misogyny is so much worse.
( Long rant/vent below )
I relate to this song a bit too much sometimes. I've been the therapist friend since middle school, and I'm still known by a few people as their "Mom friend". I've listened to everything they tell me and try to give the advice they beg me for even when I'm uncomfy and don't know what to tell them. I've never been able to vent to anyone accept for two people, my best friend and my girlfriend. I've had so many times where I've just been tired and don't want to hear about it but I can't ignore them because I feel responsible. I feel guilt for them but I can't fix any of their problems. I had a friend who used me and forced me to stay in a friendship because of their trauma and depression, only to show their true toxic self over some relationship drama created by a misunderstanding. They're still doing it to others. And recently I've had a similar experience with a romantic partner a few months ago (I'm a poly lesbian). I knew they had mental health issues and I would try to help them with it all. They never took the advice, they would invalidate me when I shared my own mental health issues, treated my diagnosed anxiety like I was a toddler and spoke down to me, etc. They did this all while I would stay up nearly all night (on a school night) because they spam texted me until I called them so they could vent because they were triggered into a mental episode. They would start arguments over little stupid things that shouldn't matter and I would have to take the blame each time just so they wouldn't beat themselves up with shit like "I know, I'm horrible. I don't deserve love. Everyone hates me. You're upset with me. I'm a terrible person" and more. They left me at an all time low in my own mental health. They took up all my time to the point I didn't have time for anyone else, not even my girlfriend. If I took time for others, I suddenly "didn't love them anymore", as they put it. I was scared of them and what I cod do to their mental health, meanwhile my anxiety increased and I lost motivation and energy for everything. I thought I was selfish for wanting to ignore them or anyone else. When they left me it was a weight thrown off my shoulders and I improved my mental health a bit. I'm still having problems with setting boundaries with others, but I have my best friend and girlfriend helping me. I'm tired but I have hope that I'll get my mental health and anxiety under control. I hope that whoever else reads this and relates to it in any way can get through everything too and can find some sort of comfort knowing they're not alone and someone else knows how you feel. Things can still turn out okay and the tiredness might end someday
haha small vent
i think ive jsut dug myself into a hole where im the therapist friend but im terrible at comforting people and only know how to make people feel better with jokes and im afraid everyones just gonna leave me eventually lol
I love how everyone in the comments listening to this song are basically like the same people and can relate and feel the same :)
I'll be you're fucking therapist when you need one but when I need one you need to be there for me too.
the amount of people i have saved makes its hard to open up i cant be anything besides happy or bored or they don't know how to respond to my feelings and tend to make me feel worse and like i have a plan to sing this to them in a few days since NO ONE needs to be forced to be in a situation where if you make one mistake another person dies its one thing reaching out for help that is 100% ok that's great im proud do you for doing that but if your forcing someone to stay friends with you by saying your gonna kill yourself then bad child
god i love this song so much. i could write an essay about how much I relate to each verse.
yea this is the song that i relate to and love the most from this album.
my friends will trama dump me and i will help them with advice.
but then i talk about one of my problems and they just say " oh same" or "we dont care lol"
kinda hurts but its fine ig
i am the low empath therapist friend, who has spent hours trying to convince others to use fucking common sense, and give advice and plan for their issues. Ive wasted hours to get them to either sleep or take their meds, only to find out they lied to me or didnt take the advice they use me for, even though they litterally see a therapist, and it isnt even intentional most times. when i vent they do care and want to help but itll either be "im sorry" or "your so lucky"
being the therapist friend is and will never be fun, but you just dont want them to die, and if or when you fail and they do or try your left wondering what you did wrong.
the one i did it the most for in recent times hasnt spoken much too me for a long while and it would be a lie to say it isnt a relief
to the many therapist friends, take a break for yourself, cause fuck do we need it
Stay strong therapist friends, what you had to go through is too much. Young or old, huge respect for helping others. Remember to care for yourself, man.
im just screaming this song at the mirror. im angry at him and im angry at myself. him for venting without asking and me for thinking that was normal and doing the same.
it's going to take me so long to unlearn what he taught me.
Lol this song is such a mood. 90% of the friends I ever make use me more as a therapist than a friend. And I can't deal with emotions but I have to try because I'm scared that if anything happened its my fault
It's not your fault, and it's okay to say "I can't handle this". I know it isn't that easy but sometimes hearing it can help, so I just wanted ta let you know
Y'know I love being their mom but God I need a break sometimes and I need them too put in work too
That moment when the lyrics begrudgingly apply to you.
“I’m *NOT* your *THERAPIST* “
“I’m *NOT* trained for *THIS* !“
there’s 68 comments and i just wanted to make it 69.
that’s all.
continue scrolling.
Why did this make my day lmao
ALSO UR A LOVEJOY FAN? YESSSS
i was listening to this song and being sad but then I saw this comment and snorted like a fucking child so thanks
This hits different when you spent most of your time being the mom friend of your friend group, only for most them to not talk to you anymore. It feels like being used and wasting your breath.
tw for an emotionally abusive relationship, mentions of s/icide and s/h. also I'm not in this relationship anymore I haven't talked to this person since 2020
My one ex would constantly talk about their suicidal ideation and say stuff like "Haha I just spent the last hour banging my head into wall I think I have brain damage :)" and I remember they got angry when I said we didn't have to talk 24/7 and it's okay to let the conversation die down if you have nothing to say, but you don't HAVE to just let it end if you do and that's fine
And they'd tell me about they problems and I'd be like "I'm really sorry" and try to give them advice and they'd just keep saying things like "I want to die :)", "I want to kill someone :)" (always with the smiley faces), "I'm going to hurt myself," "I'm going to bang my head into the wall," "I'm going to die"
they would constantly put the responsibility of their life in my hands and would never take my advice or encouragement :/ I was 13 when I was with them and I was constantly dreading talking to them I fear they might explode or say they'd hurt themselves and I couldn't stop them or that my advice wouldn't be enough
I am the mom friend who always tells people to confide in me and I have conversations where friends vent to me about their family, suicidal ideation, etc and I'm fine with it. But the way this particular person did it put their life in my hands and I had no idea what to do. They'd talk about it nonstop and bring it up casually and bring up the same things over and over again and I just got so confused and in so much distress, feeling like I had to talk to them non-stop
And I was so scared all the time and I would be literally shaking when they called me (we live very far away from each other)
I don't know...it...It was scary and I don't know
hello! I've come back to say:
IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP OTHER PEOPLE SAFE OR HAPPY. It's okay to set boundaries. Unless you're their guardian or therapist, you should never have to feel like someone's life is in your hands. No matter how sad they are, it's not your responsibility. You're not a therapist. Whenever friends start talking about s/icidal id/ation, I tell them to stop and talk to someone else because it's extremely triggering to me due to past events. This may sound selfish, but sometimes you really do have to say to yourself "It's not my problem." It's good to help whenever you can, and be gentle to the people you help...but it's not your job. It doesn't matter if you're "the mom friend" or "the therapist friend." Consent is so, so important, not just in regards to sex. You're allowed to withdraw consent from hearing someone vent about topics you can't handle. you're allowed to say "hey, this is too much for me."
It's okay
Nobody's life is in your hands except your own
Nobody's blood is on your hands
It's okay to say no
Hello! next edit:
To people who are on the opposite side of the situation: I've been there too. And let me just say that venting doesn't make you inherently a bad person, and if someone says you're not a burden, it's most likely true. As long as you're not using your mental health as a bargaining chip to manipulate them and respecting their boundaries....it's okay. I had another person who did similar things, except she wasn't manipulative-- and I told her I was ok with it. She was never a burden and I loved trying to help her.
If you're wondering if you're being manipulative, I reccomend taking a step back and asking others you know about it and coming to your own conclusion. Respect your friends boundaries and don't manipulate them-- and if you do those things, then I'd say you're in the clear. You're not annoying nor are you a burden.
lolol I relate to this. i can't stand it when people say the same thing over and over like a mantra about how they want to or will die. it's so fucking annoying.
me: You're not responsible for helping other people!!! :D
Also me: proceeds to look through the entire comment section so I can give ppl advice
holy fuck this hit home for me
i went through something incredibly similar to what you decsribed back in 2018.
basically almost everything you described was what I went through. god i hope it's not the same person.
but i needed to read this. i really needed to read this today. thank you
@@wondermittens1844 man, that sucks that you had to go through that. I'm glad you got out of that and glad you appreciated my comment
I'm in pretty much the exact same situation as you except it's not an s/o, it's a friend. It's scarily similar - I'm 13, I moved away from my best friend so we can only call and we live 7 hours away, and she will always send me texts about how she wants to kill herself or self-harm with smiley faces n things. She's also described to me how she plans to kill herself in very gory and graphic descriptions, and talks about how badly she wants to hurt herself. I try to convince myself that just listening and even attempting to talk her out of it is enough, but I deeply fear that one day she'll actually kill herself and I could've stopped it.
me, an unwilling therapist friend who was traumatized into having so much anxiety i can't leave anyone alone with any negative thoughts bc I'm scared they'll off themselves, listening to this song on repeat to cope 👊😔
Why do her songs hit sm harder now that Im a niccotine addicted 8th grader even tho i liked her the most when I was like 11
I feel awful, this song literally describes how I am always there for my friends while when I vent they just tell me stuff like "uh" "sorry Idk what to say" "we are not your therapists".
I told them how I felt and they all made me feel like I was the bad person in the whole argument, and told me that they never asked for my help in the first place so I shouldn't be asking for help.
They always find a way of getting away wth the shit they cause to me and never apologise.
I am so tired, I've come to the point where I think that if I killed myself they wouldn't care.
The video in the background is beautiful because it's like she's washing off her connection to the person who manipulated her
“scared of making other people feel like this if i talk about my problems” gang where are y’all
Hey !
If you're aware that you could make someone feel like this, you're more likely to be hyper aware of it and stop yourself whether you want to or not. You're most likely fine. And if you aren't? That's okay. There's time to learn, grow, and create a better way.
first time listening to this song... i’m about to cry. i failed at talking one of my friends out of suicide when i was 11. the only reason she is still alive is because i told a teacher. she didn’t talk to me much after that. i have been the therapist friend my whole life and it puts so much stress on me.
My best friend was in a relationship with a guy like this. (He used to be a friend of mine, but we fell out when he revealed some really private shit to a random person online without asking me first.) He'd threaten suicide if they argued or my friend didn't want to do certain things or wanted to break up, and was generally psychologically abusive. It was shitty for everyone involved.
It's okay to not be okay, just don't drag other people down with you. Get a real therapist, then when you're stable enough, be in a romantic relationship that isn't toxic/codependent
Everyone who had an abuser that threatened suicide every time you did something they didn’t like say aye
✋🏾😔 aye
ayeeeeeeee
Aye. 💔
God I hope my therapist friend realizes how much I try not to dump my shit on him, and how guilty I feel when I do, please don't be mad at me man. I promise your helping and I promise im trying to stay alive.
This reminds me of the time a guy became my friend to use me as a therapist and tell me day after day and night after night that he would kill himself if i stop talking to him but also that he is going to do it even if i continued talking to him (he still goes to my school and i cant even bare looking him in the eyes anymore because it makes me want to punch him in his face for all the mental trauma he intentionally put me though)
(TW: a lot of shit)
I’ve been at this gig since grade 6. Suicidal people, people going through EDS, people going through abuse, people with violent tendencies, people who self harm, people younger and older than me, adults in my life... It’s almost like I was made to be the one everyone screams their opinions to. And honestly, I have grown numb to all of the shit. It’s lead to me gaining an interest in psychiatry. This might be my fucking job and I can’t tell if this will be a mistake or not. I care about people, I really do. But I am *not* a medical professional. I am a fucking highschooler who, in focusing so much on other people’s problems, have forgotten to deal with mine a mere few years before I’m thrown out into the world and faced with the brunt force of society.
If it wasn’t for the fact I am used to this and that this sort of life seems cut out for me now, I’d stop. But I can’t. Not now.
Hey, Please, I’m asking you as someone who has walked in shoes similar to yours to focus on yourself.
(TW: Minor Mentions of Suicidal Tendencies)
There is no shame in refusing to be the therapist to others. Alright? Often times doing that will harm you. It got me to a super low point in my life, to the point where I almost didn’t have a life. So please. Step away and focus on your life and developing into an adult with healthy tendencies and habits.
Ironically, by you replying to this, you seemed to have stepped into that role once more. While I didn’t expect a reply, it really was appreciated, so thank you. However, I also ask that you take care of yourself as well, and that may we both reach a point where this sort of bullshit no longer haunts us on the daily.
When your friend types “qwq” and you overthink it too much, and force yourself to hate them, although they did nothing wrong: