Why You Don't Reply To Your Friends
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- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
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It's not you, the way we communicate today, with hundreds of messages and notifications each day can only lead to being overwhelmed. modern communication and chat apps are broken. But as it turns out, there is a specific reason why and this also mean that ..we can fix it!
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🖖 Hey! I'm Enrico and on this channel I go behind the scenes of the design, psychology and stories behind tech and making stuff on the internet. I'm a tech Product Manager, builder of things made of pixels.
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The visuals or audio herein may not be utilised to train a machine learning algorithm of any kind without express permission of the Copyright holder (Enrico Tartarotti)
Edited by / itsselijah__ and Enrico Tartarotti
p.s. If you made it all the way here, you are in the cool people gang 🖖🏻 let me know by typing "I'm cool" in the comments - Наука та технологія
Easy solution:
Disable notifications from unnecessary platforms and stop your social media addiction.
exactly.
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
That's what I did 8 months ago.
I've been doing this since I was in highschool, I didn't get addicted on any social media, mostly using them for studying exploring new things new tools, I mute everybody including my family group, fast forward now I have my mind Cristal clear at all times and working as a software engineer in a foreign country all by myself.
WhatsApp/Outlook/Teams only here for me.
having all comms go through the same app won't change that you are receiving too much stuff.
He's proposing an AI powered personal assistant tthat takes your phone calls for you, and only tells you about the things you care about, much like an important business person or celebrity might have.
@@Lilliathi And I'm saying that if you random non-celebrity person have so much inbox spam that you need a PA, that's a you problem not a technology problem. Learn to tell the few dozens of people in your life "no", and that problem will go away.
Stop cosplaying as a celebrity, you need your spaces and times and nobody has any stake on your time and attention.
This dude is literally asking for an AI to say "no" to people on his behalf. Man up ffs
@@Lilliathi And yes, if you have an actual job and you need more manpower to process the communication with the clients then by all means hire a PA or a secretary or get an AI system that can do this for you. That's justified.
What I disagree with is when people come at me with "oh but I get so many notifications" from who? Why are you signed in 30 different non-work apps on your work phone? Why do you need to have so many fake "friendships" that only clog your inbox with nonsense and you will see them in person 4 times in your entire life.
@@marcogenovesi8570
It's not just people, it's mainly all kind of apps and social platforms nagging for your attention. You need the apps for certain things, but you don't need their spam.
You're posturing while you don't even understand the problem he's talking about.
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
I already can imagine the new trade in tech: NEO, aka Notification Engine Optimization, the art of getting your app's notification into the "Important" section or at least as high as possible.
This is why people take days to reply? Damn for me it's just social anxiety
That makes anxiety way worse. I used to ignore emails and texts and it made things snowball
It's not social anxiety, it's social exhaustion
@@them0leisbackMakes sense
spitting fax
AI-assisted notifications are never going to give you up and let you down.
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
Never gonna run around and desert you!
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye :)
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
rick rolled lol
12 year olds in the comments :/
The 12 year olds are wondering wth is going on here 😂@@IsaacFoster..
I hate having the expectation of being online and ready to access 24/7. I get called a bad texter in relationships because I prefer to save long conversations for in person, over dinner. Instead, it is standard to watch UA-cam or TikTok at dinner and be available to talk the entire rest of the day.
I understand (and agree) with you. But maybe some people prefer not to talk while eating?
This. People haven't changed, the expectation has. Wasn't that long ago that the only immediate long-distance communication was your home landline phone, and barring that, you just didn't speak until you met up in person again. It's genuinely pretty absurd to expect someone to respond text ASAP if it's not urgent or you're in an LDR or some shit
@@Celphirio it’s like we’ve allowed ourselves to be cornered into this hive-like codependency. And yet most people still think this is normal.
Enrico's videos are going right into my ❗important❗box
It's very easy: either I'm not interested, either in you or the thing you want to discuss or I'm busy or I wanted to reply but I forgot.
Well I'm convinced, a personal AI assistant purely to manage notifications and alerts, rather than... asking for the weather forecast or whatever Google wants me to use theirs for!
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
Been using this Solution for almost a year. My motto "Fight for No FOMO Future" 😂❤
Love your videos dude im a big fan of your video ideas and the niche
Bro... your videos are art. If I ever decide to make a channel, I'm using you as one of my main guiding principles.
This is my friend.. he takes 1 to 5 days to get back to me. It’s irritating.😢
Shipping estimate
Im doing same, you should start too. Just give it one month trial and see that contrary to video title it is "people problem". They try to respond to unnecessary requests and demand live responses to their unnecessary requests.
If something takes 10 minutes of effort to find out but you respond in 5 then every time there is a problem instead of doing their work and learning something in the process people will spam you instead.
Building a special app that helps with reacting to all that spam is absurd, you should stop wasting your time on it in first place.
Less spam = no need for apps to manage spam.
I just take forever to respond because it helps set boundaries haha, also I disabled most of my notifications. Only thing that always comes through are texts and calls from specific people. Other things are either disabled or set to show in my notification summary (set for 0800 and 2200). My philosophy has become: if it’s truly important, they’ll send me a text, if it’s urgent, they’ll call
Good stuff, Enrico. We're in the same field. I appreciate your thoughts and analysis...I think they're dead-on accurate. Keep it up!
have been doing your trick for probably a year now. it's amazing not getting notified
I like how you are using your rational mind. To many makers are forgetting some basic human interactions and the rules we have worked out to be accommodating to the masses.
Very cool video Enrico! keep it going!
Best tech essays on the tube :)
Another amazing video❤🎉
I'm sure we'll see some implementation of this at some point in the future. Great video
The answer is at 5:37
lifesaver
Thank you so much, I really needed this!
You are the opposite of the problem. This video was published 14 minutes ago and the video is 14 minutes long. You left this comment 12 minutes ago, meaning you could not possibly have watched the video yet.
@@compromisedssh UA-cam has timestamps all over the place and has so for a long time. Some producers even get their content sent out hours ahead of time.
@@compromisedssh thank you for sharing your constructive criticism. Very helpful.
I started to watch the video which literally popped up on my feed as it came out and the title resonated.
I clicked on it and watched it for 2 minutes and already felt it resonating as this is something I am struggling with and the video brought it back to my attention.
I often times forget to comment or like videos after watching it (similar to the unanswered messages), so I am making it a habit to react/ comment early on to engage more instead of binge-watching multiple videos without reflection.
Was it necessary to comment this or were you genuinely curious?
another banger!
One can never go back. Thx. You’re exactly right
communication isn't broken, what's broken is people's way of managing their own thoughts. i always respond to those i care about in a reasonable timeframe because that's what i have a phone for, i'm not addicted to social media nor do i keep useless stuff unmuted so i pretty much only get notifications from useful apps and the people i talk to.
people who take hours to respond are busy, people who take days to respond are just lazy, being overwhelmed is a choice when it's your phone and your notifications, it's not something you should blame when you can avoid it. plus, a good chunk of us don't even have enough virtual conversations to warrant being overwhelmed, i believe that's only common for those who multitask a lot or work from their phones.
Dope shit dude
Is it a coincidence that there is an artefact glitch right when you talk about the future of tech 😌
Nice video, keep up the nice content 😁
I have a 3 business day response policy. I don't want people thinking I'm there to chat, when they are hiding behind a text box instead of actually spending time with me face to face or in a call.
I miss my Windows phone that didn't have pop ups. It only put my appointments from my calendar on the lock screen. Loved it. Miss it.
Last uni I worked at horribly misused the cc and high importance function on emails. My inbox would get 70, 80, 90 emails a day. I would dread the sound of a new email, so turned the alert and, eventually, the icon off.
Why don't I reply till days later? Different devices, and too busy. I check my email on my phone, open email and see that it needs dealing with, and decide to do it later on laptop at more appropriate time. I open laptop email client and that email's status is "read", I assume it is dealt with, but the 10 above it are "unread".
Back then (before 2020) I only had work and personal email, and text messaging on phone. But did have multiple devices I could check on. And an evil boss 😮
Why don't I reply at all? Maybe an email or text doesn't need a reply. Maybe I'm seeing you f2f in 2hrs. Maybe the email seriously seriously seriously doesn't need a reply and that doesn't mean anything other than the email doesn't need a reply
Is there any way to turn off pop-ups on your current phone?
is a thing called reacting vs responding. Also, i get over 1k-3k emails a day, u think i read them?
ah, and if u want to know why im getting 3k emails a day, its because i just joined websites i only trusted and gave my email to only people i knew a little, not randoms. but with time i started to get daily emails and then too many daily emails, lol
Great Video. That's it, thank you :)
I know that already so many different companies and apps are tracking and skimming god knows what, but I really don't like the idea of someone else giving permission for my messages to them to be read by an AI that also knows my name and all of my handles. That's creepy AF and a security nightmare
I had the exact same thought. Privacy is a losing battle, but I still want to fight it.
Man, not gonna lie, I've had all of my notifications set to off and my phone switched to Silent for the past ten years and it still feels bad.
Good one, Enrico! BTW, Spike Jonze already solved this problem in 2013 masterpiece, "Her".
My idea is less involved and imo even more human-centric: No popups for notifications. Group them by situations in which you want to see them. Show them when I request depending on the situation:
-When I wait at the doctor's and am bored, then is the right time for all those almost-funny messages in various groups.
- When it is work-time and I consider what to take care of next, it is the time for messages from my boss or coworkers.
- After dinner, when thinking of what I am going to do wtih the eveneng, then is the time for messages from my friends asking what's up.
im late at communicating cause i dont use my phone often but instead am at my pc (with discord turned off, and if i do use phone for games i play without internet)
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
Having an app thay can manage notifications on timers so that you get the notifications on your time. Just like when you are visiting private places. Also Having a priority feature that logs notifications for a limited time so you can get back to them on your time would help. Also Having an AI Assistant would also help. It is tiring that all professional and work related things are always on at the same time only to gosts you but then demand your time if they want you. I dont have notifications for anything, not school, work, or personal. No social media.
Thanks! Your videos is brilliant. You're make such a good content that some russian channels copying you xD
I hate that when I upgraded to a new phone almost all app notification options are now almost completely controlled by the phone settings... And they're all without fail objectively worse.
It's impossible, for example, for me to have group WhatsApp messages have silent notifications. I can either turn them off completely or be forced to choose a sound for them - but I cannot choose silent (which could be either vibration or light)
Thankfully there was a sound I could choose from the default library that's basically so quiet you can't hear it if there's any noise at all but still that's not what I wanted and not acceptable.
But you can mute groups individually. And you can also make the app just give notifications when you're @mentioned AFAIK
I turned off all notifications about 3 or 4 years ago and never looked back. I totally understand that feeling of freedom.
i didnt got notifications in first place
That’s a great job proposal for Apple 😎 I like the concept of the solution.
Asynchronously overwhelmed - too many communication channels
Thank you for the video! I have to say I felt a bit out of place, listening to this explanation as to why we use all these apps. I talk/write exactly the same on all the platforms. I mean, the tone and language can differ but it doesn't differ by the platform but by the person I am talking to. If it's job related, I don't care if it's on Whats app, I will use a different tone/language than talking with a friend.
My main issue with the instant messaging is that I am so "available". I want to take my time, I want it to be normal to find the right time to answer. I don't want to be on the "on call" duty.
I understand that it's just my personality so I am not saying there is something wrong with using all sorts of apps but it's just not my experience. I have the Signal and although I have whats app and messenger, I use them only for very rare encounters. Like texting a friend after a long time no see.
In summary, to have even more apps is to be more readily reachable and I don't want that. So, my solution is 3 main apps, plus email and phone calls.
I also want to add that I feel artificially induced guilt from me answering late. I don't like that, even if it's just in my head. I am not saying that we shall stick only with pen and paper but I want to feel ok with answering in my own time, when I can switch to paying the full attention to the person I want to communicate with. I am mostly there :o)
I don’t have enough people for this to be a problem for me lol
Amen!
if i were u, i wouldn't make a reddit comment the thumbnail, it looks like a reddit stories video
I'm cool, ma questo video di più. Illuminante, spero venga implementato al più presto un sistema del genere.
Inoltre ho capito perché mi sei stato simpatico a pelle da subito... siamo praticamente vicini di casa! (trasferimenti a parte) 😁🙌
How cool would it be if there was an app where you had speech bubble things (just an idea) where each one represents a current conversation. Each time you want to talk to someone, a new bubble is made. Then once you are finished with that chat (literally the topic you spoke about and that’s the chat) the bubble disappears. And then instead of being able to open a chat up like in WhatsApp and what not, your chats are categorised and sorted by an AI. You can then ask the AI something about a chat and it can give you answers in summarised form and refer you to that chat. You can still obviously save images and files from chats to your device, but the chats disappear after a day or so and are intelligently archived. You can also make shared conversations/chats like group chats that each focus on a topic. Rather than it being a group chat that gets cluttered, it’s like a channel where you add people and each conversation is separate and can be joined in on and then they are archived when they are finished. Then a feature like replying to a message can be made but for archived conversations where you start to mention the conversation and the AI suggests the previous chat or something mentioned in that chat.
It is a good idea, but I don't like to have a language model, built by Google or Microsoft or whoever big corporate aole to be the gatekeeper of my communication. This gives it too much power over me. What you are essentially proposing is a total Ai spam filter. Spam filters is the first thing I disable in email, since their false positives have caused me much grief over the years.
I believe the existing focus mode in Android does everything that I want. You just leave one or two channels open for critical urgent communication and leave the rest to open and answer when you feel like it
I also have the habbit of removing notifications that happen too often, be it by disabling the app notification category or by muting the community. I simply don't reply to people that are not that important. If they don't get the "message", I block them
broooo i need this
And the bad things for me. You type a message and waiting for what is their opinion about and they just send emoji reaction for everything. If yoy scrool up you see as your nessages are alone.
If i ralk to the speech impediment person they response far well than a normal person
Here's a crazy idea: Disable all social media notifications. You're probably going to look at the apps daily anyways.
They allow apps to use notifications for ads (like Uber/Deliveroo and others...)
Hard to think they would let such amount of money down :(
all i use is whatsapp and telegram...damn.
Well ... duh? Thanks for the story, well told, and I am glad you made some progress on the matter personally.
The proposed solution, while understandable, isn't really something that will happen. The two big players haven't shown much interest in this. As for AI, yeah maybe but given what I experienced I don't think it will be good at this kind of job.
Personally, I have been looking for a way to rate limit notifications and even this simple feature is not possible to execute reliably due to the way notifications are built on these platforms.
It has to be third parties. Don't just let them read the notifications, let them intercept them, manage them ... an open-source phone OS should do it. Privacy enough isn't good enough to switch.
that's weird, because my friends and me reply instantly lol
12:30 i feel like this is the direction google is going for on their Pixel devices with "enhanced notifications". Its not quite there yet, but in combination with flip to shh its pretty good.
12 years ago or so I thought I would try Facebook and signed in. 1st day just bumbling around. 2nd day a few - You might now these people, about 12. 3rd day and 78 people you might know. Few seconds later - I'm outa here and shut it down. 🤣Never again with any social media. 🤣🤣🤣Still remember this like it was yesterday. 🤣🤣🤣In near tears now
My farts are better than Enrico’s farts 💨
yt is social media too
I usually reply within 2-4 weeks, sometimes it takes up to 3-4 months and I’m only on Discord lmao.
as someone who uses discord, you made me thing i got pinged, thanks
new alert: uwu girl joined ur server
Firstly, consensus among all parties involved is essential to authorize a Language Model (LLM) to access and analyze messages due to privacy and legal reasons. However, if the LLM operates solely on the device, it could potentially exclude asking for permission? ( i am no Lawyer) Nonetheless, it raises questions about the feasibility on less powerful devices like Samsungs A range of Devices. Furthermore, there's potential for chat vendors to integrate group chat summarization using a local LLM with no external Help from Operating System makers.
I want your notification system!
The best solution I've seen to this, the people who have so far begun to deliver the best version of what you present here is the Humane AI Pin with "catch me up" - ironically given the content of your humane pin video. It's literally the best incarnation of this idea so far. :) Maybe reevaluate your stance on the Pin ;)
i Startewd doing that because lazynesss. JUST THAT. And having too much text to yourself is annoying as feck
I thought about similar solutions, but the problem when you use ML models for stuff like this is that if you miss an important notification because of your secretary or these systems managing the notifications, you are going to get angry and put attention on this much more than if it was your own mistake.
It's like autonomous driving. Even if it is better than humans for many things, most people don't trust it, because they put attention to each mistake it does.
The real reason why we have type C for all devices is the EU forcing Apple to adapt to standards. I hope they do more of these things in the future, but I just don't see them pushing for this kind of standard you are talking about. It's a very complicated problem that requires a much more complex solution than just forcing everyone to change the shape of their charger.
Depends, some messages require a lot of effort to reply, for example: Hey man can you help me setup this development environment, I am stuck.
I have to book a meeting, takes at least 1 hour to meet with the person, and potentially need to reply to a series of followup questions.
So I reply 2 days later because I purposefully ignore it..... in the hope that they found someone else....
I would like the people that send me messages decided if it needs a notification or not. So I can let my close circle decided if an interruption is necessary, they know me
dope
It seems like Android's combination of priority notification, conversation mode and AI.
The only notifications I get on my phone are the alarms I put on it, so I have the opposite problem, I am underwhelmed.
i dont read notifications, notif read me
Lol, never ever respond immediately, thats like 101 of being an adult.
Other people will drown you with their problems otherwise. This applies both to personal and at work communication.
150 simultaneous relationships maximum !! I don't have any
Want to be friends? 😁
me too
You're missing the problem of bad actors in the app space that want to send notifications that don't mattersto the user. Every goddamn app and page wants your attention and the two platforms profit from letting them in, so there's a conflict of interests :/
12:29 will large language ai model drain battery fast?
I take 2 days to replay to pretend I have a life
Did you notice? Enrico is on Bumble, girls 👀
This is a problem I can't relate to
im very close to deleting everything
It's a very interesting solution. But I guess, we managing app notifications (by muting groups that don't need immediate attention and so on and so forth) is the only proven way. Android and iOS don't have any need or money incentive to built this. Giving LLMs access to notifications can hurt privacy.
I'm cool, but I just funnelled everyone to the same place to meet me. I'm the same regardless of app or situation. Works for me, not sure about everyone else that tries to contact me though.
@apple implement it! Urgent!
🙃
If you really want to have a heart to heart with a friend...Stop using messages ! Period.
Ask them if they have 15-30mins to talk and then call them. If you don't like like talking to people.. get used to it. It is a great skill to have, even if you are anxious.
Just make excuses for people😂😂😂
Yeah ok. If the excuse is good enough then ignoring/ghosting people is Perfectly Acceptable🥴
BlackBerry Hub+ ?
Semaphores
I started ignoring after the groups I was in never stopped talking with themselsves and never with me, and after getting chats ignored I just stopped it altogether. Now I just dont want to know who or where I replied or what I commented. It gives me agony to review this. (PLEASE REPLY so I can prove wrong)
I let that go to 20k messages unseen
PLEASE WATER THE PLANT BEHIND YOU!!! It's a life
No way you're from trentino dude we're province buddies
Personally it is because instant replies will have a much higher chance of the message being written by a jerk instead of a normal human being.
Just turn off notifications 4Head
Dating apps???
I don’t agree, people in the west don’t like centralization,people already can disable notifications, emails already are sent to spam by “a.i” by mistake ,people that don’t answer right away can be for various reasons, I doubt regular people are getting thousands of messages is just that not everyone is chronic online, reading is faster than responding especially if you are doing something at the moment ect
u dont have to reply to everything, but u can also reply with reactions or just by sending a emoji
good video but be careful about using Dunbar's number as a premis because I do not believe it is scientifically validated
sorry, can't relate.
This will give more and more ore private data to one ai company, i am for 5:40
It's "Three" not "Free"
0:09 i always reply when i read, else i forget to reply.
u people care too much of what u're saying
What's your dating app username?
Also, I know your secret.
I'm cool btw