Song 14 Courage

A close friend had a baby today and I got the news while listening to Gabor Mate's 'Scattered Minds'.
For someone seeking to understand ADHD, this book(/audio book) has been the best resource I've come across so far in understanding where it comes from and how to manage my life better. I mention my friend's baby because it made me think of myself as a father. Secondly, Scattered Minds offers a strong case for ADHD being the result of genes of particularly sensitive children being activated by the environment (particularly in the first years of their lives).
Gabor posits that stress in children, caused by their environment (and the emotional climate created by their prime caregivers), results in producing the symptoms of ADHD as a means of coping with that environment to fulfil its needs.
I found this fascinating to discover because I've always seen my childhood as utterly idyllic. In many ways I still do.
But when I look closer at the dynamics of a family of 5 children, that underwent two transcontinental relocations before I was 5 years old, I can only imagine the stress that was present for my parents. Wow.
And apparently I was the sensitive one of the bunch. My mother used to call me her Sensitive New Age Guy.
Guess I had not only the genes, the sensitivity AND the environment to shape my own brand of ADHD.
I want to make it clear that I'm not blaming my parents for having ADHD. Every parent does their best with the circumstances they're faced with and I love them for all that's come with being their son. As my Dad has said a couple of times - 'You didn't come with a manual'. There were no courses when I was kid that could effectively explain attachment theory or epigenetics.
This song comes from knowing that no matter what, when I become a parent I'll get things wrong no matter how much love I shower upon my children. However, think it takes a huge amount of self-awareness, kindness and courage (the name of the song) to question how we can do better with what we know. Thanks to a book like Scattered Minds, I do know more.
I think all our kids, present and future, deserve that level of courage.
#attachmenttheory #adhd #scatteredminds #gabormate #parenting #singersongwriter #songadaychallenge #100days100songs #songwritingsession #independentmusic
LYRICS
When I look into the future
And think of myself as a father
I know I’ll try to do right, but how things often go wrong
Is there anything to be done?
And I wonder if love’s enough to carry us along
When I think about my parents, Well now
Who am I to complain?
And yet I still find splinters from the best of intentions
And I know that I’ll leave the same
We need more than just love to carry us along x3
Will she be as sensitive as I was and feel way too much
For her little system to take
And will my devils get the best of me and steal our show
Make a mockery of the love that we create
I need more than just love to carry us along
They say it’s all in the energy, the fabric of a family
And we feel their way into the world
How can we know realities before they’ve ever come to be
And will the pressure bring out all my worst
I need more than just love to carry us along
We need more than just love to carry us alongx3
I guess courage is to look at the mirror saying I love you matter know matter what you do
Courage is to pause in the moment and ask yourself what are you trying to prove
Courage, courage, there is more at stake than you believe
Courage, courage, courage to stay when you’d normally leave
When I look into the future
And think of myself as a father
I’ll thank who I am now for questioning how
I can love when it really counts
Cos we need more than just love to carry us along

[@jennifergrierson-c3m]

You have so much courage my boy ❤