If you’d like more ‘autism mom’ nonsense (for some reason!), you might like these two: Are Autism Moms REALLY That Bad?: ua-cam.com/video/rKNEwlQCi7c/v-deo.html Autism Moms are making a MOCKERY of Autism.: ua-cam.com/video/-tbhcpXXQ2Q/v-deo.html If you want something lighter, you have seen my autism meme reactions? ua-cam.com/play/PLEHi2YmjD7gEssdqTn0247t_niQMt2b22.html Would you prefer it if autism was no longer considered a spectrum? Personally, I think there’s room for all of us! See you on Sunday 💛
kind've a side note but i didn't know about a Autisum list until i saw this video, i was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when i was younger and because of the term i wasn't sure if i was ever qualified as autistic in someway, and well, now i know c:
I love your videos but I do have to say this I am someone who requires a lot less support needs than I got. When I was diagnosed my parents freaked out and sent me to all manner of different kinds of therapeutic schools sacrificing my education like my actual academic education that could have gotten me a job. All of my job skills training and everything else that I would have needed for survival. I'm now picking the pieces up because of the help that I received. We do need to realize that if you do not receive help within the first seven years of life there's no point having that help because your neuroplasticity in the area that makes you autistic the social region and communicative region solidifies to a point where you can't make the The crucial connections in The crucial areas. So my question is not what the autism mom saying is true or not is whether or not it makes sense diagnosing also whether we should just keep masking. I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for thisif you can't change it and the alternative is going to a home where they're going to abuse you and that is the other alternative then I'm sorry to say this you don't have a choice you just have to keep masking. Masking suck but at least it gets you the job you want. I'm asking is a horrible option but it's a necessary horrible option. Coming from somebody who has been to some of those homes been to some of those schools for autism they're not the happy thing you see on TV. They are they take away your ability to have any kind of education any kind of freedom sometimes there are restraints put on you even if you're not being dangerous just being autistic they just jump on you and beat the s*** out of you for no reason. Especially in the South there are also eugenics sterilizations that some of those schools it didn't happen to me but it just happened to a friend of mine. They teach you about how you're a stain on the earth and a genetic issue and they and they hail Dr hands Asperger's a lot of those places because he gasped people to death. Reality is the neurotypicals have made it clear we're not welcome we can either become more like them or die is there ultimatum quite frankly I don't want to die. Actually went to a doctor and was diagnosed recently as ADHD with autistic like symptoms and the doctor didn't want to give me autism because in my area is becoming more and more fascist to the point where it is not safe to wear the autism label anymore.
Also I forgot to mention in those places they will pump you erroneously full of medications to the point where your heart palpitates and sometimes people die. I know this because I was on the operating table when my heart was palpitating because they gave me so many antipsychotics and antidepressants that I did not need that my heart almost exploded in my chest. If you think they're going through regular school as a low support needs autistic person or a no supports needs autistic person you can be autistic and not need supports. If you think that that was a horrible thing well then try the alternative. My question is not whether or not what you went through is horrible and bad and I don't recommend it to anybody under any other circumstances. If there was an alternative Rochester people could thrive without masking I would I would definitely not recommend this but I am recommending asking all the way. Because I am I want one of those those low support need autistics that was diagnosed at the age of 14 late diagnosed but not so late that I was an adult when that happened diagnostic criteria and how they were enforced back then has ruined my life. You do not want an autism diagnosis. Do not need an autism diagnosis. You can mask effectively just keep masking you want to end up in a group home turn it up an insane asylum first of all if you mask you will not end up in an insane asylum you'll end up in the same asylum the second you you start coming out as an autistic especially where I live. In all the states I live it's very hectic so I live in Maine now Maine is one of the worst states in the union for autistic people before that I lived in South Carolina before that Virginia you're the worst states in the Union four autistic people how big is a lack supports but because the supports are Draconian and hurt people. Please stop suggesting to people that they need to stop masking you are putting people in danger. Please stop suggesting autism schools they look good at on on paper and they look good on television for the reality is behind the scenes is a very insidious thing I know that autism School for girls because there's a boys one like it almost went to it as a kidare your father was at least smart enough to not send me their as they practice eugenics sterilizations there or at least they did when I was a kid and they also practice restraints that can even involve kneeling on the neck of the autistic person. Just face it there's no hope in this world for an autistic person who does not mask. If you mask it might cause psychological harm if you're not aware of what the alternative but but stop thinking you're going to get the supports you need cuz they're never going to give it to you and if they do they're going to make it as Draconian as possible until you decide to leave the supports no one wants to give you support that cost society money the the the the economy can't support everyone who has an autistic diagnosis as that is growing. What's the weather going to stop giving some people supports. If your lower support needs or what I like to call no support needs cuz you don't really need supports because again those people who need supports especially as adults get tortured what's the United StatesI really hope that you would cover this other side of the spectrum of group home abuse and and other stuff that's happening in the United States and maybe it's different in the UK but in the United States we still we still neuter and in some parts of the United States and Canada we still not only sterilize but also euthanize autistic people is also happening all across Canada and northern Maine
Every time she says that I'm so confused. There are people more autistic than Abby too. By her logic only the most autistic person gets to be labeled autistic, and her daughter doesn't meet that criteria.
Imagine applying this logic to any other disability, “oh you’re not depressed, you’re still ALIVE, my kid died from it” “you’re not an alcoholic, you can hold down a job” “you’re not legally blind, you’re just visually different, you can see light, my kid can’t”
Also why is Abby’s particular profile the bar. Kind or arbitrary. After all there are people who never are able to speak even with speech therapy, Christine.
“Why are there more people diagnosed with depression than back in 298 BCE?” “Why do we wash our hands now when we didn’t used to?” Ummmmm… information.
Whenever I here someone describe something in mental health as an "epidemic", it makes me want to shake them by the shoulders. It's information and awareness gods dammit!
I really wish people knew that saying those things about mental health are pretty much saying "why do we wash our hands when we didn't need to before?" Because we did need to, but didn't know, and now we do.
So she admits my life was horrible, but I can't call myself autistic because I was able to mask enough so my mom's life wasn't horrible as well. Got it! My autism is about my mom. Great.
I have a trauma disorder and I’m high masking. Part of that is because my disorder makes me dissociate from serious issues and minimize them but there is always some degree of chaos under the surface. I also know if I have certain symptoms and don’t hide them will make me lose my job and k don’t exactly have support behind my husband, and it would be unfair for him to have to handle everything in our household. When my pain and chaos is not as buried as other times it fucking sucks, even if I’m calm through the work meeting and making the company good money. It also affects my health because I have an autoimmune disease. People like this are a big reason why I don’t share my diagnosis. They say o don’t have it, I’m lying, I’m faking it, and ‘nobody who went through something bad enough to cause that would be working in management.’ I hate it. I can’t show what goes on my head and I can’t hide it. It’s also extremely rude to make diagnoses and severity about how people around the patient are affected. Like my suffering doesn’t matter. Like my backstory, which made a therapist who specializes in prolonged trauma cry, isn’t as bad because I can say it with a neutral face… which is literally part of my diagnosis for me.
Mom here needs to put down the cross, we need the wood. I suspect for certain heavily online parents, being a parent of an autistic child is a big part of their “brand.”
Yeah, as a child mine was more obvious, as an adult, most ppl don't know until I tell them coz I hide it so well, but then when I do tell them they connect a lot of dots and are like "ooohh that makes so much sense now"
Hearing a non-autistic person say “I’m going to gatekeep autism” is so infuriating to me. 😭 Like how are you going to declare yourself an authority over actual autistic people AND medical professionals because of your personal experiences
Seriously, who made you the arbiter of the autistic neurotype? who died and made you queen? genuinely why do you think you can make these broad sweeping statements about a community of millions and millions of people.
Fr I'm autistic and I don't speak for all autistic people. The nerve of a woman with neither expertise nor autism herself trying to act like she knows what's what is wild. Dunning-Kruger effect high-key in action. Knows so little that she thinks she knows it all.
The problem with Abbys mom is that she looks at autistic people through the lens of how easy it is for a neurotypical person to deal with them. She centers the neurotypical experience. She doesn't actually pit herself in the shoes of an autistic person and think about how painful and challenging all the various difficulties can be. It's not just about whether or not neurotypicals can "tell" that we're different. It's not just about how easy it is for us to communicate with them. It's not about them. It's about us and the ways that WE FEEL our difficulties and the lasting effects that has throughout our lives.
Very succinctly put! And the worst part is that there are NTs that notice and instead of sympathising, actually vehemently hate us for no apparent reason.
Yeah she literally says 'this made your life horrible', what she's saying is that we can't call ourselves autistic when we were able to pick ourselves up on our bootstraps enough to not make our parents' lives horrible too. I masked so hard I was the easiest child in existence so my struggle didn't impact my parents at all. So therefore I don't get to call myself autistic now that I'm an adult realizing how damn hard being in my brain has been compared to NT people.
@Broken_robot1986 Just because someone looks like they can walk fine, doesn't mean it's true. There are invisible disabilities that cause walking issues on and off or chronic pain issues. For a lot of physically disabled people there are good days and bad days. If they have a disability placard, they need it.
the neurodifferent word bothers me, like: does she mean neurodivergent? is she altering the language of the neurodiversity paradigm to fit into the pathology paradigm?? what's happening??
I know the term neurospicy exidts, but its not to say neurodivergent but just more fun sounding when not wanting to go into a dualogue, not saying thst itsnot neurodivergent.
This isn't even about her daughter, this is about her. "How do you claim to be autistic, don't you know how much I've suffered raising my daughter?" Gods save us from people who gate keep something they don't have themselves.
Imagine having a mom that calls you a 'deficit' every five minutes and won't shut up about how much she perceives you as 'less'. This is disgusting, I hope Abbey finds a place where she is seen as a whole human being with flaws and qualities instead of a 'neurodeficit'.
She basically just created a slur for autistic people, It pisses me off how she's sitting here putting autism in a box when that doesn't benefit anyone at alk
As an autistic person, nothing has been worse for me, or to me, than the autism moms. I'd rather listen to an xbox 360 COD lobby, at least some of those insults would be creative
If the Internet has taught me anything, it's that my mom is the largest object in the known universe, and that everyone has had s3x with her, presumably at the same time because she's so big. 😅
That just makes me feel sad. It's worse because you can normalize this to yourself. You can learn that this is okay, and so you learn to cope in whatever way you adopt. I'm afraid this might also not be deliberately harmful. It's sort of easier to grapple with for others at least, when it is.
Having a "spikey cognitive profile" as some people put it - where you function really well in some areas and really struggle in others - is tough. People see you doing something that falls in one of your easy areas and assume you never struggle, then they see you doing something that falls in one of your difficult areas and assume you're being lazy. "But you're smart! I've seen you do hard things! How can you possibly be struggling with this?" But it's just not that simple. Then you have people who haven't had the opportunity to see you doing things you're actually good at and just think you're a total dork.
I think this is why there are so many socially anxious actors. You have a script you have already learned, and no one's going to take it personally if you look anxious before a performance (whereas they might get upset if you look anxious for something they consider "easy").
Yes! Having this spiky profile is so hard. People just don’t understand how is it possible that I am an expert in music and art yet can’t count to two sometimes and struggle with basic tasks
THIS, this is probably my biggest struggle throughout my adult life as a low support needs ND (I have an ADHD diagnosis, but am pretty sure I'm AuDHD), especially when it comes down to keeping jobs. People see what I do well, which tends to be really complex problem solving, things that often they CANT do. Then they are mystified when I struggle with things they perceive to be easy, so yeah to them I'm being lazy or even worse purposely difficult. And can't understand where I might need some accommodations.
WOW ok I'm not diagnosed as neurodivergent (although I suspect I'm ADHD) and this hit so hard 😂😂😂 the number of times I've been called lazy and believed it... Oy vey
This is so relatable 🥺 I delt with this all through school and now I struggle in my own head. I can't even validate my own struggle, I always worry if I'm just being lazy.
"You've survived without supports this long? So you don't need them" That's exactly the point. We've been surviving, but not living or thriving. Sure It's possible survive in a toxic/ unhealthy environment but you won't be thriving.
Yknow that’s some interesting logic, does that mean therapy for autism *causes* autism? Autism speaks could cure so many children with that information! /s
By her own logic if she couldn't afford all of Abbey's therapies that she received when she was growing up then she must not have needed them because she didn't get them. Abbey mustn't have been "neuro-deficient" enough or "autistic enough". Abbey was just "neuro-different". This kind of logic is so twisted it's done a 180 degree turn and is now working against her.
@@notNajimiThank you for giving us, Autism Speaks, a new way to cure all autism from people! By lowering the awareness of it, we will stomp it out of existence, and then everyone will be neurotypical like us! /s
For a lot of this I'm hearing "you weren't as rich as me with the expensive support options I had access to, and the fact you pushed through without those means you dont count”
So true, especially the fact that she brings up the therapies and not just Abby struggled with this. it's really giving if you can't afford support, you don't need it.
Exactly! Christine doesn’t think about the internal, social, and learning experiences for people, things she can’t personally expierence. Christine also doesn’t seem to understand that not everyone has the money like she does or parents who aren’t willing to try and get an autism diagnosis because the stigma around. Christine I think, needs to go back to school and get a degree on psychology focused on things like Autism and ADHD to entirely understand how our brains work.
Nothing screams "I'm supportive and helpful of my struggling child" like "I want to gatekeep this label because functioning adults who fall into the group make me feel less special as and centered in the discourse as a parent". Well, maybe discussion about their child's "aura" colour screams just as loud...
I mean, sadly it makes sense, that way atention would be focused on her child instead of being shared. Obviously it is something horrible and would leave others in the dust but it wouldn't be contradictory
@@Dario-uj6qoThis is to be expected from women who use their autistic kids as “content” for social media. This is also why they’re always complaining about high functioning autism. They spend all freaking day on Tik Tok and they start getting annoyed that they have to share the autism algorithm with “more normal” autistics. Whenever these autism moms complain about self diagnosis or high functioning autism, they ALWAYS use examples of things they saw on Tik Tok. …and Tik Tok is not at all representative of real life. 😂 It’s also the most toxic platform on earth, so I’m not sure why they’re so shocked when they come across toxicity. So much of their frustration would be solved by just deleting the Tik Tok app. …but of course they won’t because they’ve built a huge following on the back of their autistic child. All of this is just classic social media BS and narcissism. It’s so transparent.
It's just straight up internalized ableism, especially given how they want to create a hierarchy of validity. The irony is, as Meg points out, that children who were diagnosed as autistic in the past were very likely to have ID and this has created massive stigma towards the autism label such as weaponizing the R word and made being called autistic a slur to imply the same. It's also what fed the idea of Aspie Supremacy. You can tell this bias in how she talks how she thinks people who have Aspberger's have many talents or are special in a way her child is not or cannot be due to being autistic.
I had no support in school. Not because I didn't need it but because when I said I needed help I was told to stop lying. They told me I was too intelligent and that my issue was I was lazy. I became too embarrassed to admit when I couldn't understand something and just wouldn't do the assignment.
Good god, crying trying to answer the phone 😬 I always hated it because it felt so incredibly difficult to communicate without seeing the person on the other side.
@@thegracklepeck Same! It makes the worry 'what do they think about me' so much worse. Nowadays I always make calls with the speaker on, looking at the phone gives me something to look at while talking. Somehow that helps. I'm not diagnosed autistic but I have adhd and some of the aut traits. I'm unsure about this social awkwardness part whether it's like in autism. I worry about what people think, that makes it harder to look them in the eyes or talk to them. I'm not sure if it's because of trauma.
My grandmother would shut down my mother's gatekeeping. She was trained in helping disabled kids and kids with learning disabilities, and any time my mother tried to take a narrow road due to my hearing loss, my gran would say, "Hon, I know you love your daughter, but harming others isn't genuine protection for your kid." My mother - "But they are wrong!" My gran - "No, they have similar but different needs. It is a different reality and requirements. Why do you think I have a room full of files and teaching tools?"
Wish my grandma is like yours, cherish her. I have to mask around mine, she's very old fashioned and will never understand me no matter how much I try to explain.
People keep trying to make excuses to hate us for no reason. That's why they're constantly denying abuse/discrimination against us while also trying to fit us into the "them" catagory of us vs them.
@@IJustAnimateThatsTheJist preach. literally all these people are saying is "well yeah, you're still clearly a weirdo, but NOT WEIRD ENOUGH TO FORCE ME TO BE NICE TO YOU"
@@millie-mayprice891oh my god this is so accurate. there's like this weird etiquette of people feeling like they're essentially forced to be nice to the heavily disabled/ppl who need more support or "weird" as many may say, but they will fully bully or critique or shame or ostracize you for traits of your autism. you're just not "weird" enough for them to feel like they're really punching down or that you're low hanging fruit as they perceive those people to be.
My autism disables me every freaking day. And I was originally diagnosed with "Aspergers". Sensory issues. Problem with change. Meltdowns, Shutdowns. Dyspraxia. Dysgraphia. Being unable to read faces. Being unable to walk properly. Being bullied for years. Being bullies into depression. Being called the r-slur. I know that there are autistic people who may have higher support needs than me, but why do we have to make a competition out of this? Everyone who needs help, should get the help they need. I'm not less autistic because someone else might have more problems. I'm not less deserving of a diagnosis. I'm not just a bit weird, I'm disabled. When I move out of my parents home, I plan to get myself a service dog. Because I dont know if I can function alone. But I am verbal, I have good academic grades if the exam is written. I finally accept myself because of my diagnosis and it made so much things so much easier. And I seem to be autistic enough to be infantalised and not taken seriously, I seem to be autistic enough to be called a weirdo, autistic enough to be called ableist slurs, than why am I not autistic enough to call myself autistic. I don't know if I'm level 1 or level 2, probably something in between. My support needs became higher after my, what I think now is an, autistic burnout. I can't mask anymore and it is stressful but I have the luck of having a supportive family. I'm not taking any recourses away from anyone because I have an autism diagnosis. What support? I had to fight that I'm even allowed noise cancelling headphones in class. I fight for more accommodations but it isn't that easy because most of my teachers already knew me before my burnout, before I changed from a high masking to a non masking individual. But I'm finished with school soon, than I can do what I want to do. I can study psychology to be able to understand people better. I'm so relieved when I'm done with the torture of school but after that I don't know if I can master my everyday life alone. I'm working on it though. And I wouldnt be able to do that without my diagnosis. Why do we have to compare struggles? Your struggle doesn't make my struggle invalid. My struggle doesn't make your struggle invalid.
Got severely bullied throughout school because I have restrictive and narrow interests and couldn't stop yapping about them. I couldn't do water fights because being wet in clothes was too much for me to handle, I couldn't understand the greater social system after like 10 years old. I thought I was just broken. An autism diagnosis saved my life, and I'm glad I wasn't overlooked just because I don't fit a stereotype.
I find it tragic that so many late autistics do have histories like that. I myself relate to your struggles and let me tell you, you're no less autistic because a close minded and self important autism mom said so
Why do these people think the DSM should reflect their personal experience with the labels they want? Ma'am, this is an international diagnostic tool that has only seen five major revisions in 70 years of existence, I don't think they introduced the concept of autism spectrum just because Billy came into the office one day thinking "let's make everyone autistic" would be a fun April's Fools prank
“Lower Needs” and “Higher Needs” are genuinely such great terms for different people on the autism spectrum, so much better than “High Functioning” and “Low Functioning.” Its pains me that people assumed autistic people with higher needs cannot function…its really degrading
24:37 ok I still have to do laps when I’m listening to music ummmm uhhh can’t wait to get assessed at 18!!! Yayyy (Note: I also relate to a lot of other symptoms of autism like stimming, eye contact, brutal honestly, meltdowns as a kid ect)
It’s true, though. They can’t function without a ton of help and accommodation. Support needs/functioning level are synonymous in use and largely in concept too.
I learned how to read at 4 years old and had teachers telling my parents to stop me from reading the books I wanted because I was far ahead the other kids my age, had top of the class grades for most of my school trajectory, I got recognitions and scholarships and was personally selected for various extra projects by my teachers, adults always praised me to my parents for my excellent and mature behaviour. I also catastrophically bombed certain subjects I couldn't wrap my head around (never got on well with p.e), had some teachers and classmates who hated my guts and made my life a living hell, was a chronic procrastinator and insomniac, could never keep friendships, had complete meltdowns and panic attacks when I got home where I would then isolate myself from every stimuli from the outside world, I wanted to cease my existing since I was 12 years old. I finished top 3 of all the groups in my last year of highschool, knew what I wanted to study and was planning on moving out far away from home like everyone else, because that is what was expected. I spent the following three years starting and dropping out of education and jobs, not understanding why and agonizing over it, completely exhausted and with no control over my own self. I am now back on the education system and studying what I like but on an online program that allows me to have only one class one day of the week and work at my own pace and alone the rest of it. I still need my parents' support and help for most adult stuff I was supposed to be ready to handle on my own, and I dread every “going out of the house” situation as I realized I'm quite bad at masking and it causes me great distress. I'm pretty sure Abby's mom would not classify my personal life as autistic enough because of my achievements and what I am capable of on a good day, the same way those who never saw my failings deny my diagnosis and tell me I should just stop pitying myself and push through it like everyone else.
I used to think I had no support needs. But that was largely because I am capable of doing and completing housekeeping and laundry and hygienic tasks on my own, and though I wasn’t very good at keeping up with all of it, I thought that was just because I was a young adult and I would learn how to manage them more consistently with more practice. Well, I’m 30 now. And I shower once a month (occasionally 2!), there are always week old dishes in the sink, I’ve had a mountain of laundry for 3 years that I’ve never been able to get to the bottom of, and I haven’t had the energy to clean my bathroom top to bottom a single time in the 3 years I’ve lived in this apartment (just the tub when it needs it OR the sink OR the toilet). I don’t possess the energy to maintain things on my own, and I am so relieved and fortune to finally be in a financial place to be able to afford a cleaner every other week. Maybe now I’ll get to shower more. 😢
It's always so weird to me how these kinds of gatekeepers often only recognize the kind of autism expression that makes you struggle in childhood. Personal anecdote time: I grew up adjacent to a family friend's child who was diagosed early as autistic. He got therapy, school aid, and general support. He was also very loud and disruptive. I was very quiet, kept up decently in school, and did not get any diagnosis or special support as a child. Today, he is gainfully employed in a good job and can function as an adult with minimal ongoing support. On the other hand, the moment school (and the clearly structured, controlled environment it presented) ended for me, I stopped being able to function. I'm still unemployed, unable to deal with complex adult bureaucracy, and suffering burnout from trying my best for ten years and still constantly failing. Both of us are autistic. Only one of us was diagnosed, and given support, in childhood. In denying someone who doesn't outwardly 'seem' autistic diagnosis and support, those gatekeepers are doing real harm. It saddens me so much to see, especially when the ones doing it should be our allies. - edit: support needs can change depending on your stage in life, too.
This is what happened to me, I am so done with this. I know they want to protect their autistic loved ones but is it worth kicking us to the curb, resulting in HOMELESSNESS if not careful. I'm undiagnosed Autistic with ADHD and Bipolar, who can't tell a meltdown from a Panic Attack. I know I get shutdowns ALOT. I've been told Meltdowns look different for many autistics, there is the classic "stereotype meltdown" and then there are others where they can be internal. I may have that, along with shutdowns...but I am barely getting help to even ....find out
I can relate a lot as someone who wasn't diagnosed as a child. I was a quiet kid at school (at home I was a nightmare though) and did well in exams. Managed to make a couple of friends despite being bullied heavily. Went on to study a degree and got a Masters. After that my life kinda fell apart. I struggled to hold down a full-time job and had major burnout. Been unemployed for over 6 months and am struggling to do basic things like cooking. Have been homeless twice since finishing my university studies, too. Maybe if I got support as a child I'd be in a better place now. I seemed "normal" growing up but now I'm struggling a lot
It irritates me that she noted “intelligence” with Aspburgers Syndrome as if her own daughter isn’t intelligent. Abbey clearly has her own opinions about all of this but her mother won’t even entertain having this conversation with her.
Yes, that's really baffling to me. I thought Abby was like 5 years old, because it's her mom speaking. I didn't know them before, never followed, so it was a surprise that Abby is an adult.
@elainelouve u mentioned intelligence, my daughter has a severe learning disability. She is developmental delayed. She doesn't have high intelligence that's not a rude or mean comment that's a fact.
I have level 2 autism. I need a lot of support from my partner and family to function. I’m also a third year in college and applying to PhD programs. This idea that we have to be disabled enough by some arbitrary standard to be valid is absolutely ridiculous
The levels of autism have nothing to do with what comorbidities an autistic person has. There are level 2 and 3 autistics without apraxia of speech and intellectual disability. A moderate to high support needs autistic without intellectual impairment may have a college degree and be able to use the restroom and shower on their own but have never worked a day in their lives because they cannot mask well enough to pass job interviews.
Same ! I was diagnosed level 2, powered through my school years having meltdowns every day and being on the verge of unaliving myself since the age of 4. I need my partner and my roommate to function everyday, because I have severe social phobia. I can’t work a job, while I’m studying to be a professional musician. I would like to know what people like those women would think of my young self : learnt how to read at 2,5yo but wore diapers until 5, loved m going outside but would have a meltdown if we went to the park the “wrong” day without planning, could answer questions normally at the doctors office but would go non verbal for days after going back home and bang my head against the walls… So much ignorance and lack of empathy is painful to watch.
“Support” isn’t a finite resource that can be taken away from others. Support can come from friends and family, employers, teachers, counselors, therapists. It’s like saying love is a finite resource and if many people love you, you’re taking away love from someone else
I was a "gifted kid" with absolutely no support. I hit 12 and my straight A's turned into B's, C's, and D's basically overnight. That's also when I hit the wall of mental illness and started thinking about taking the sewer slide. I was forced to struggle through school for 5 more years before dropping out due to an attempt. Even after finally getting mental health care, it feels like my trauma overshadowed any potential for getting a proper diagnosis. Now I'm almost 27 and have spent the past 3 years living off the generosity of my friends and family, desperately trying to get a disability claim approved cause I burnt myself out so hard pushing myself to be "normal" working in customer service, that I can't even brush my teeth more than twice a week. The cruel joke is: I still can't get diagnosed, and my existing diagnoses don't cover the reasons I'm no longer able to work.
I'll say this until the sun stops shining, but as a level 2 autistic who was very visibly disabled growing up, Christine is kicking people like myself out of the community too. This isn't just a level 1 vs level 3 war. To some autism moms, level 3 is the only valid form of autism. I have medium support needs. I only just learned how to brush my teeth correctly at 25 years old. I was minimally verbal until my early 20s and still struggle with my words being misinterpreted. I grew up with chronic pain from sensory overwhelm. When I was in school and I entered a classroom with a new teacher for the first time, there was a good 30% chance that my teacher would call down to the office to ask if they were missing an IEP for any of their students. I once even had a teacher who was convinced I was meant to be assigned to the special education class next door, not the advanced placement math class, and spent roughly half the class trying to find out if I was in the wrong classroom. That's how VISIBLY autistic I was growing up. I had the privilege of being able to learn how to mask effectively, which helped reduce the amount of systemic violence I face. What I did NOT have the privilege of was having a pediatrician who recognized signs of autism in young girls. I did not have the privilege of having parents who believed girls could HAVE autism. I had parents who believed it was a much easier reality to accept that my behaviors were forms of attention seeking than that they gave birth to a "broken" child and that they didn't know what was wrong. Because of this, I did not learn I was autistic until I was 23. Because of this, I was forced to cut corners and sacrifice some basic needs because living at home with my parents and recieving care and aid was not an option for me. I dont think I am diminishing the struggles and needs of people like Abby and Christine in any way to say that the lack of accessibility for autistics like myself puts us at a much higher risk of homelessness, addiction, heart failure, and death. I may not know what its like to be an adult who doesn't know how to cook their own meals, but I do know what its like to sleep outside and be denied every housing application I submit because nobody wants an autistic roommate/tenant. I'm sick and tired of being told I can't be autistic because I learned how to mask. If I didnt learn how to mask, I would not be alive today. That I am certain of. I dont think the simple fact im alive should be used as proof i dont need care. At the end of the day, i don't want to fight with level 3 autistics or their caretakers. I just want accomodations. Because as things stand now, my basic needs are not being met because I do not have the means to do it all on my own.
@thesincitymama i would honestly love to make a video one day talking about the suffering ive faced all my life as a level 2 that does not receive care or accomodations, but I'd have to get a little more comfortable with the idea of showing my unmasked self on camera first. I'd love to show the world how jarring the difference is between my masked and unmasked self so people can see just how extensive masking can be.
@@LilChuunosuke This is one of very few posts that I would like to save and possibly show others who don't get it. I've done this on a few other topics. May I have your permission to do so? BTW, it works better on UA-cam if you press Enter twice between paragraphs. I actually didn't realize there were paragraphs at first, because of how UA-cam works.
My thought about all of this is: Why don't we just give support to everyone who needs it? Like.. whether you're autistic or disabled or just having a bad day, no one should have to feel like they have to prove they are worthy of getting some assistance when they need it. I realize now I had a lot of unofficial support in school when I needed it; my mom loves to talk about how the teachers were always too lenient with me not completing homework or going to the guidance counselor in grade school when I was feeling overwhelmed. She always blamed them for letting me 'be lazy' to explain why I have been struggling so much as an adult.
That would be a much better system than the one we have now in which disabled people need to show our papers to prove we need an accommodation. We’re simultaneously treated as burdens and fakers and often denied the ability to even get a formal diagnosis.
Support AND understanding! (Also lol I got the same thing. I spent A LOT of time in the nurse's office and my parents and teachers were like "I mean her grades are fine so whatever.")
People don't donate enough to charities for them to support people unconditionally. That's why they put these checks in place: to ensure the people receiving support really need it. Plus, sometimes, accomodations only work as a result of not everyone having them. For example, some stores permit disabled people to park in parking spaces closer to the store for no extra charge (whereas normally, closer parking spaces would cost more). If everyone had it, the spaces next to the store would fill up with people who don't really need it so there's none left for the people who really need it.
@@me-myself-i787There is a difference between support that requires clear resource management, and support that just requires treating people a bit better.
That segment at 25 minutes where you are remembering being a little kid on the playground, walking around in circles and observing the other kids, wondering... that is my earliest and most prolific memory from childhood starting at age 3, standing back and watching all the other kids play, never really having the thought occur to me that I should be part of it at all, but just observing as an outsider looking in and wondering...
My autism is different from that of someone who has high support needs. That's why I fall under the low support needs category. That's why we have those categories.
I mean... It's not. The "categories" aren't real or useful. If you have an IEP it doesn't say any of that. It says "1 hour of speech per week, 20 min of ot twice a week, follow bathrooming plan"
These moms are the type of people who infantalized me as shy and not good with girls and all that nonsense. He'll grow out of his stutter and lamguage problems. I twisted myself into a "normal" person so hard as a child and masked myself into so many different personalities just to fit in that I lost myself and did harmful things. These people need to seriously think about the actual weight that their words carry. I understand me having to go through that in rural America in the 80's/90's, but to see this continue breaks my heart for the kids with ASD that worry if they are "enough" and the harm that this thinking perpetuates.
Sadly I think its even being weaponized, looks whats happening to young people who are having issues with their identity these days. They are being told they are broken and are manipulated into making major life-changing decisions regarding their bodies, instead of being told their fine and perfect the way they are. And left to develop in their own time.
What people like Christine do not realize is that when people twist themselves to fit in and be "normal" our risks for unaliving ourselves goes up exponentially. It is high masking so called high functioning autistics that are most at risk for this. Autism kills.
@@karenholmes6565In addition to that, there's also all of the less obvious but still very important negative effects like anxiety and depression which have all kinds of consequences including accelerated aging, increased rates of a lot of physical health problems, worsened social function (which is already a problem by definition) etc
Yeah it sounds like you only have problem with happiness but it isnt true. You get so sad that it supress everyother emotions including happiness along with your bodily functions. Being depressed basically your body trying to protect you by putting into fridge. Once you cool down you will get out of it. But you need to get your body out of the fridge to make it happen or you will continue on cooling.
@@exosproudmamabear558 For me, the first sign of being clinically depressed was in fact happiness going all numb. Eventually, all feelings just felt numb. Only thing that actually helped was actually antidepressants.
@@Elora445 It is just sadness supressing all other emotions after awhile you cant even feel the sadness especially if you go into depression slowly you may interpret it as going numb to all emotions not being sad but if you get into it quickly you realise it makes you sad a lot, numbness follow afterward you get use to that feeling. I have bipolar disorder I both got into depression really fast and really slow before multiple times difference between feelings are apperant once you experience both. I also have autoimmune ensefalite so I had some apathic(cant feel emotions,emotional bluntness) episodes too due to that. It was just bizzarre feeling forgetting what emotions felt like how do you get sad again,what was happiness like or was this memory good or bad. How did I feel back then? It was bizzarre moment for me,like I completely forgot how emotions worked instead of not feeling them like in depression. At least in depression your body remembers the feeling and wants to feel that again in emotional bluntless you dont remember it so why would you need it again?
As someone with baaad sensory issues who just went to New York City, I have come to realize I do not, in fact, have low support needs. I had multiple breakdowns even with noise canceling headphones. The not getting support, surviving anyway, and concluding you’re low support needs is EXACTLY how I was. Surviving isn’t living.
I've never had support specific to autism. But I can definitely look back and see times when I needed support to thrive. Especially at school, higher education, in some of my jobs, and in virtually every purely social situation ever. The result was I just had to leave and abandon many situations, because my struggle became too great. THAT'S the reality for low-support-needs autistic people who don't receive support. They look for those limited situations they CAN cope with, and stick to them. Extra support could vastly widen their horizons though.
I'm one of the folks who couldn't talk until I was 5, couldn't read until 16, was in special ed until senior year of high school...speech therapy, the whole package. And then went on to graduate with highest honors from university, am bilingual (working on my 3rd), have been an event manager and now work as a full-time author...I was very high support needs, but now my needs are lower.
I was bilingual at the age of 4. I spoke my native language (italian) and my mom's language (russian) as my granddad (her father) was coming to live with us and he didn't speak a word in italian. I was the best in English class for a while. Everyone always complimented me. One day I overheard my native English teacher say to my other English teacher (I studied foreign languages in higschool) that I was fluent. My words come out so easily in English now compared to italian I don't even remember some words as they come naturally in English. I am low support needs. I'm not doing so great in university currently. I am also smart and dumb at the same time. I love writing and have almost been successful at doing most of my hobbies (crochet, kntting, sewing, baking, jewellery making). But I'm still autistic in my core. Both of our experiences are valid. Both of us require different levels of support. Both of us are talented in our own ways. There was a period in my life when I was around 11-12 where I read a huge amount of age appropriate books. I don't as much anymore. But that doesn't make me better or worse. Nor does it make my autism less or more. I'm still equally as autistic as other people are regardless of our expericnes.
I am impressed, that´s awsome. That´s something I can´t empathize. I guess it was the ADHD made me chat so too much my father once offered me money to shut up for half an hour... But not beeing diagnozed with AuDHD I totally failed school as a teenager and still have no degeree although I was tested "high intelligent" before and was always one of the best in class as a child. Wanted to die and was always frightened to be forced to go out in breaks to "play with the other kids" who constantly bullied me, yes, but intellectual eycellent....
Grats, dude! People often equate having difficulties with reaching the limit of our abilities, but in reality we can realize our true potential with the right environment and accommodations. You have a lot to be proud of ❤
Making comparisons with other disabilities really highlights their absurdity. No one's going to harass someone who wears reading glasses and tell them, "How dare you have glasses when your eyesight score is over 5/10? You're taking support from those who need it!"
I feel awful for Abbey, to have your mother use your personal experiences as an example for millions of people feels like a massive privacy violation. If my mom did that I would go low contact and make sure she knows as little about me as possible because I couldn't trust her to not share it on the internet for the whole world to see. I hope she's doing well.
Walking in circles trying to join a conversation, I’m 40 and I still feel like that at social gatherings, hovering about, being awkward. But also, Autism mum, thanks to people like her, I had to wait till I was 40 to get a diagnosis, because I didn’t present in the same way as my Brother, who was diagnosed as a child. And also did not have major issues intellectually at school. Stop gate keeping.
But we still need support. We are not just popping out of nowhere. We are just being diagnosed. We are being acknowledged. We were already here. We were always already here.
Abby's mom going on about the diagnostic criteria without showing evidence against the DSM 5 diagnostic criteria and her anecdotal experience is basically her talking out of her ass. She seems to be arguing against a strawman, or based on random tiktoks. Also, Asperger's has been called "high-functioning autism" before the DSM 5, so even if it wasn't "official", there was recognition of it being like autism.
Asperger's was ALWAYS considered autism. They just gave it a different name, because AT THE TIME, autism was thought to be associated with low IQ by default, so they thought that was a big enough difference to seperate it. As the years have gone on, it's become clear that IQ is not a defining autism feature, so it makes no sense to seperate it out - what other disability or disorder (other than the obvious, intellectual disability) is given two different diagnoses depending on whether the person has an intellectual disability or not? It makes no sense
All of these autism moms are just arguing against Tik Tok. Every time I listen to one of them, they’re mostly complaining about stuff they see on Tik Tok. Oh, you mean you’re seeing toxic stuff on the most toxic platform there is? Wow! Shocking! 😂 Stop going on Tik Tok and the problem is solved for you. The REAL problem here is that these moms are on Tik Tok all day because they’re using their autistic kid for “content” on Tik Tok.
Yes. I can pretty much make a video saying "well Abby can talk really well just like me and I'm not even native English. So I don't think she has communication deficits. Also she has friends and is friends with you. So I don't think she has deficits in forming relationships. So yes. The dsm-v is faulty because they misdiagnosed your daughter just as much as me.. As the criteria is faulty for everyone. But apparently it's faulty for people like me but not for your daughter's gain." it's such a stupid silly argument. Expecially if she goes on to defend her daughter's diagnosis when people tell her she's been lied to and she's faking all of this. They always come back with the argument of "you haven't known her long enough to tell" or "you can't judge from the Internet" while at the same time doing the exact same. I wish I wasn't as camera shy as I am and to be able to open up my tripod, set my mic and talk about it face to face to prove a point. But I can guarantee these people will always cut you or have something to say. "But...!"
@@666Tomato666 If anything, anxiety, depression, and other co-issues are worse for low support need folks. It flies under the radar just like everything else.
Stop trying to make “neurodeficit” and “neurodifferent” happen, Abby’s mom. They’re not going to happen. BTW, never feel bad for calling out these martyr parents. They have zero respect for us; we should always respond in kind.
Yep. They carry with them the stigma against mental disorders. She believes she can gatekeep it because she thinks of it as less than a ""real"' disorder that can be seen in am xray or mri.
There’s more respect and pity for *murderers* of autistic people than level 3 autistics. Especially when you hear about a woman killing her autistic child I see comments like “I feel so bad for her” “she must’ve been at her breaking point” but when an autistic person screams your ears off it’s the same pity party for those around them. Before anyone calls me inconsiderate yes we’re fully aware that we’re tough to care for and yes we know we many of us can be violent after drilling this into our heads, but if you’re gonna pity the parents at the very least pity the autistic person as well saying “I can’t imagine being behind everyone else as an adult” “it must be a pain needing to be cared for 24/7”, instead of assuming autistic people are too stupid to understand when we feel abandoned by our families and would go as far as to blame us if Heaven forbid we talk about how we’re treated negatively. Autism is a moral failing to them, not a disability that needs proper care. They’re likely the same to preach about depression/anxiety sufferers then not extend beyond those mental illnesses as long as it’s themselves at the very least. No I’m not saying all Neurotypicals are like this before anyone whines about how I’m assuming they all are, I’m saying those specific kind of Neurotypicals (especially parents) need to do better for autistics especially those who suffer from this disability far worse than I am right now.
Vaguely related, something else that annoys me: It is not "neurodiverse", unless you are talking about a group of people with different neurotypes. A single person that is not neurotypical is _neurodivergent._ Because we diverge from the norm.
I think we should have patience for them. Some of them have been through a lot. I’d rather suffer myself than watch my child suffer. And sometimes their anger is a result of lack of patience on the part of autistic advocates. They are against us because they think we are against them. As long as they love their child then I think it’s worth it to educate them with patience.
I think disability in general is kind of something gate kept by abled people for some reason. There is something to be said about leaving limited resources intended for disabled people to people who need them like parking spaces or bathrooms, but a label and more abundant resources are guarded with a sort of…Territorial hoarding, almost? It reminds me of when we first rescued our dog and she would get into fights with our other dog over his food after eating her own food way too fast, almost. Additionally I required help in other places that weren’t speech. I have a stutter, yes, but I needed much more help with things like my fine motor skills and social interaction. I had to work really hard just to learn math and reading but most people would still say I’m not really disabled.
People who feel entitled to plenty get really hostile when they think someone is trying to cut into their share. You getting what you need to thrive might end up costing them a few cents in taxes this year, or just make them feel bad about not getting a wee bit of attention.
I had to have language therapy when I was younger, but I guarantee you that Abbie’s mum would label me as “neuro-different” because she thinks she can tell the difference between someone who’s had speech and language therapy and someone who hasn’t.
Disability really is gatekept and I think it's a way of punishing disabled people, whether overtly or just as part of internalized ableism. Living in the US, a huge proportion of the population is disabled, whether they call themselves disabled or not, but accommodations and support are very sparse, despite us as a nation being perfectly capable of paying for such things And the lack of grace and understanding in everyday life astounds me. Even friends of mine who are otherwise progressive or even leftist consistently prop up ableism unless they themselves explicitly identify as disabled And it just makes me so mad, because people are helping to maintain the very structures that keep them struggling
As a mom of two kids on the spectrum, and being on the spectrum myself, this idea is so bothersome. My oldest has “high support needs,” did all the therapies (but not music therapy 😮). My youngest needed “less support” around his ASD (still did some therapies). I am of the age where ASD diagnosis/therapies really weren’t available. We have a spectrum in our household itself. ASD IS NOT A DANG PIE! No one gets less ASD because there is progress in research and therefore more humans diagnosed.
I was actually an early talker, speech, language, and verbal communication are one of my super skills. But I couldn’t read or write till I was 12 years old. Not everyone gets delayed the in the way.
Another thing about the increase of diagnosis is that prior to 2013 there were 5 separate conditions of which ASD was one. Now that the other 4 are rolled into the one, this is also going to add to the appearance that the remaining ASD diagnosis is suddenly increasing. For example, if each one is 20 percent of 100 adding the 4 to the one gives that one the appearance of an increase of 80 percent.
I love the martyr parents who compare 1970s diagnostic figures to today. The DSM-II was in force in the 1970s and didn’t even have a specific “autism” label. The few Autistic people who managed to get diagnosed back then were labeled schizophrenic.
Yup, this. Asperger’s Syndrome was always part of the autism spectrum, and that was my diagnosis in 2005, but with the DSM change my diagnosis got merged with autism. Abbie’s mum is confused because she doesn’t realise Asperger’s Syndrome was always part of the autism spectrum and people with Asperger’s Syndrome could 100% have language difficulties like I did. My diagnosis came while I was receiving speech and language therapy at 6 years old.
I don't understand the point of gatekeeping autism. One person receiving a diagnosis or support does not affect in _any_ even minuscule way another person's diagnosis or support. How does me receiving accommodations at my job have any impact whatsoever on Abby or her mother? It literally doesn't. I really think people like that just need a reason to feel special or something. Autism is not a zero-sum game.
@@GhostIntoTheFogThe historic schizophrenic misdiagnosis really makes me wonder about my great aunt, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia back in the 50s or 60s. Especially since some of her siblings, including my grandmother, have some really distinctive traits of autism, and from what I remember of my aunt's behavior, she had autistic ways of interacting, as well
People who are not autistic need to stop weighing in on the needs of autistics. Period. People who are not clinicians highly experienced in diagnosing autistics also do not need to weigh in on who should have the diagnosis and who shouldn't. Period. I am one of the "lower support needs" autistics who didn't even know I was autistic until I related with an autistic comedian (Hannah Gadsby) at age 32. I got my diagnosis at 32 and I had zero help and support growing up. I struggled IMMENSELY in ways I couldn't voice to others and I was afraid to do so, quite frankly. Has the struggle stopped? No. I pay for my own therapy. I pay for my own medical appointments in general. I don't have an ounce of support or help from my family. I've been burnt out for years. I'm lacking relationships and connections I've always wanted. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD, among other things. LIFE. IS. NOT. EASY. FOR. ANY. AUTISTIC. INDIVIDUAL. Oh... And for those who think people are being "over-diagnosed" as autistic when they're not, have you thought about the fact that we have more access to other autistics than ever before through social media? This is how we figure it out. We have access to learning about autism and we have access to learn from and interact with autistic people in more ways than we ever have before. We're becoming more educated about it and talking about it more. And THAT is why the diagnoses are going up. Because more people are coming forward and finding out they're autistic. You don't know what you don't know. You can never be diagnosed or know you're autistic if you know nothing about autism. But just because more people are being diagnosed and are self-identifying now, it doesn't mean we have "more" autistic people. What we have are less undiagnosed and less unaware autistics. Wish I could send this message to Christine's ignorant self.
I don’t think it’s fair to say non-autistic people should have no voice. Caretakers need to have a seat at the table for the people they care for, or those people have NO voice. And they absolutely need a voice. But those people need to understand their place at the table. They are surrogates. They don’t get to have their own opinion. They get to talk about the needs of the people they are caring for. That’s it. They have no responsibility for the table. Research, non-profits, and other groups like that need direct autistic leadership. The days of the NTs “saving” autistics need to be gone.
"And for those who think people are being "over-diagnosed" as autistic when they're not, have you thought about the fact that we have more access to other autistics than ever before through social media?" You said a very important thing. We've been listening to each other and we've had epiphanies that were previously dependent on talking to experts or having people around us that noticed or cared enough to take us to those experts in the first place. The absence of help is not the absence of need.
@@batintheattic7293 Everything I know about myself has been through friends online who have this condition as well as stuff I researched on my own despite me being diagnosed with this when I was in my late teens. I've been told many times since then to seek help but it never worked out or was not worth it. I've been traumatized by the system for over half my life and I have since stopped seeking such help as it simply doesn't exist for a man like me in his soon to be mid 30's and i've also no stopped associating in communities involving such matters as recent events finally motivated me to get out of them.
^ This! Also 32 and going through diagnosis, and good god life has been hard up to this point! When you think autism is just for high support needs and you don't know that its possible to be low support needs and what that feels like, how are you supposed to know the reason you find life so hard has a name and its not because you're just not as good as everyone else! Absolutely the reason more lower support needs people are being diagnosed is beacause we are becoming more aware of what that is and that we can go ask for help, we don't have to suffer through it alone anymore.
I'm an autistic teen with dyslaxia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia. I got all of my diagnosis last year which means I got through Elementary and Middle school with no support whatsoever and, just because I did pull through, it doesnt mean I did it easily. I struggled in Elementary school with basic maths, writing and reading, in Middle school I had to start therapy because I was struggling so much. I got my diagnosis before starting High School and I'm now taking a year off so my mom can be sure I have all of the accommodations I need put in place for next year, such as a support teacher, using an Ipad for books and communication if needed, being allowed headphones, ect.... It feels so SO invalidating to my struggles when I hear these "autism moms" say that I'm not autistic just because I don't need to be supervised 24/7.
I’m proud of you for getting through those years without support. You shouldn’t have had to be that strong, but I hope you recognize your accomplishment. ❤ I say that as someone who got accommodations in high school. It’s extremely helpful. I hope your experience will be much better in the future!
Rooting for you! My dyslexic/ASD kid was homeschooled for eight months (partially due to covid lockdown) and it was life changing. We were able to completely turn around her educational experience. She went from unable to spell three letter words to functioning at an average level when she re-entered school. She is now one of the top students at a highly academic senior school. More importantly, she is happy. X
just because i graduated high school doesn't mean i didn't slowly break down completely over the course of 3 years and dropped out midway through the last year but my teachers pitied me and gave me passing grades so i could graduate because they saw how much i was suffering.
I'm 61. I got an informal diagnosis from a Psychiatrist who had worked with Autistic people when I was about 45 and I finally got a formal diagnosis when I was 51, so I've only had 10 years of getting to know about Autism and how it affects me! I'm intelligent, but I've spent most of my adult life unemployed, I'm now on P.I.P. I know that High-level functioning is a problematic label but I like to describe myself as High-Level Malfunctioning. 😁😁😁
@@AnnoyingNewslettersexactly the reason why I call myself a certified idiot. Because I had an informal diagnosis too that didn't get certified that proves I'm a silly dumb idiot at times. I'm not stupid. I'm just dumb at times. It is what it is I guess. Also I call myself that but there aren't hard feeling. Inner me likes that term. Because it makes light of my difficulties without taking them too seriously.
I did really well in school and poorly in just about every other aspect of my life when I was growing up. I liked school because it had a set routine. I was the kid who got distressed when school was cancelled because wtf I had planned to go and now my schedule is thrown off. I knew what was going on every day at school and that allowed me to thrive (except during recess when I there was no set "way" to interact with others and I ended up just walking around the perimeter on my own). I loved teacher-directed classes and hated group work or "free study" times. The only times I had meltdowns were when something unexpected happened (like an unannounced fire drill). I usually would be so distressed that I would be sent home after something like that. If Christine saw my grades she'd probably think I'm not even neuro-different or whatever. But yeah, I'm good at school stuff, but ask me to pour something or mix something complicated like in a recipe and I struggle immensely. Not all autistic people are gonna have the same type of support needs.
Great video. Thanks for sharing. Autism is in my family and has been for generations. It's very interesting how things have changed over time and Abbey's mum is very old fashioned. My mum is the same, to the point of denial of her own difficulties. She has an "I was fine so you will be" attitude. I've had to pull away from them so my son can get support. Times are changing and the stigma of disability is changing for the better. The younger people get it.
Using her own vocabulary here, I always saw Abbey as “high functioning” since the show. She was privileged to have access to support and different services as a child, but a lot of other autistic people that also had that and are now her age can’t speak like she can, can’t have conversations and explain how they think like she does so well, can’t date, be on a documentary about finding romance and so other things she does. I bet many parents of those other autistics would look at Abbey and not consider her autistic enough. And Abbey’s mom would not like that, because that would be invalidating to her daughter’s journey and struggles, which is what she is doing to people she doesn’t consider autistic enough. I’m diagnosed level 2, need a carer to help me do daily stuff, I don’t go out by myself, I’m a part time AAC user, and I graduated with honors in university, I’m working in my first job working from home, whenever there’s a work trip, my mom needs to go with me (and the company pays for it. They are very inclusive) and I am capable of so many things while also having higher support needs. I’m confused about what that lady would think of me. Would she just go into error 404 brain not working?
It just wouldn’t compute in their brain. Also your story is really encouraging omg, makes me have hope I can be successful in life while still using accommodations.
Yeah, for real. I grew up Level 1, and now work in a special ed program with mainly Level 2 autistic children. It's really not cut-and-dry. Today, our third-grader with a lot of difficulty speaking proved to be best in the class at identifying fractions!
I don't even know what support needs category I would be in, because I don't think I feel comfortable being honest about just how much support I really need, given how I was treated growing up, and how I'm currently treated. I constantly struggle, but again, I've internalized a lot of the negative judgements people applied to me, and don't know how to separate out things I am capable of, but too overwhelmed to do from things where I truly need the assistance of others
@@imautisticnowwhat I can relate like crazy! Story of my life. I just can't bring myself to be honest with others, and in many ways, myself. It's sad. I keep telling myself that I can't fall apart. I have kids, a mortgage and bills...I don't have time to take care of me to that extent.
Instead of always playing on my own as a kid, I would hang around the adults. Would often get shooed away to go "play with the kids my age" but it never interested me, and when I tried, I would always be treated different. Always felt way more comfortable around the adults instead of my peers.
Me too, I was never interested or able to play with other kids who were my age. I didn’t want to, it wasn’t fun. I thought they were outright mean, chaotic or just unpleasant to be around.
This! I had a very limited friend-group near my age. It is easier now, but as a child, I could never predict the actions of my peers and it caused anxiety and avoidance. I preferred the company of the adults whose emotions I could predict and who tended towards calm rationality and intelligent conversation (elementary school was so easy... and that bit me later) or I would prefer the company of the younger kids, who I would take on a nurturing 'motherly' role to. Notably in 5th grade, I was friends with a couple of Kindergarteners and 1st graders. My peers were chaotic and mean, alliances and friendships changed by the day, whereas if I call someone a friend, I will be loyal to that friendship no matter what. Also, I was poor and didn't have access to the same shows they watched or the same brands of clothing... so I stood out, I also had little interest in the things most of the other kids enjoyed. I was bullied... mostly by kids 1 to 2 grades Below me.
There are meny Christine's in the world. They like to tell us we are not Autistic, while at the same time telling us to stop acting Autistic? (This can causes meltdowns)
In my early high school years i started considering if i was autistic because i was taking a psychology class and i related to a lot of the symptoms described, and i voiced my thoughts to my closest friends and one of them has a very high needs autistic sister and I remember she blew up at me saying that there's actual people struggling out there like her sister and that I was being a bad person. I remember it made me hate myself for even considering that i may be autistic so i dropped that thought and forgot about it. Cut back to years later, falling down the autistic rabbit hole for a whole different reason, doing months of research, trying to get a diagnosis, and now knowing that I am. I could really have used the support back then, or at least knowing that I was autistic could have helped me cope with it better. Ever since I accepted that I am autistic for sure, it made it so much easier to be me. I think people like Abby's mom, although they mean well, are causing more harm to autistic people than any good they think they are doing.
I never needed speech therapy. I never had music therapy. I am a moderate support needs autistic. I am one of those people who "doesn't look autistic." I am 50 years old. I masked all my life. I suffered greatly in school. I hate this idea that some people aren't autistic enough. It's utter crap!
I am a self diagnosed low support needs autistic person…I did great in school- was in the gifted program, got straight A’s, went on to college and am now in grad school for clinical mental health counseling. But the intersection of trauma and autism that I experienced going up, where my needs were often failed to be acknowledged and met, led to a looooooot of people pleasing behaviors. And guess what? Those same people pleasing behaviors made me so vulnerable to toxic and exploitative people and unsafe experiences including child grooming and sexual assault. Because I do well in school and outwardly can socialize well, was it right for my support needs to be ignored and dismissed? Judging by the consequences of that (and what I mentioned is just part of them), I’d say no.
Twice exceptional people struggle with special problems. I see you. I am you. I was a scholar, considered brilliant, etc. I also can't drive, operate power tools, tell my right from my left, nor follow pictorial directions. It is really hard to be gifted and and intellectually disabled at the same time. People expect more from you and when you can't do what they expect they think you're lazy, trying to get away with stuff, dishonest, etc etc.
I can relate to this as an autistic astrophysicist. Yeah I can do well in school and my job. I am even good speaker at scientific conferences. But that doesn't take away the issue that I clear speech difficulties and difficulties in transitions to say a few things.
As we say in the chronic pain community - it's not a competition. Someone always has it worse, but that doesn't mean your suffering doesn't matter. People in my group have terminal diagnoses, even teens, have untreated excruciating pain, and are bedridden, yet still find compassion for others. The fact that she can't and needs to make autism all about her is embarrassing. Then again, it's almost always the abled who try to gatekeep in my experience
For my learning disability, it was labeled “working memory defecit” I like it - it’s like it works, but can only be stretched so far. But defecit for my entire identity? Absolutely not.
This makes me so upset. My fiance is lower support needs autistic and didn't get diagnosed until 30 years old. The struggles he has gone through are astronomical, because no one thought he was autistic due to his masking and "functioning". But I see, as someone who is not autistic. I see the overwhelm, I see the self esteem issues, I see the depression, I see the struggle. And if society accepted that lower support needs autistic people exist, maybe he would stop beating himself up and actually believe he is autistic. He is trying so hard to stop gas lighting himself and getting the support he needs. I hope for the Future!
I wonder how much of this boils down to I want me and my child to be special so the less people who have this label the better for me and whatever I'm trying to sell.
"you went to a typical school, and you had no support, and you were neuro different" is actually such a messed up way to look at it dfhsfg like???? nobody supported them regardless of how much they may have been suffering so clearly they weren't suffering *enough* to get the help they needed??????
Congrats🪅🎉🎊! I am still waiting for my official diagnose (was diagnosed only with ADHD about 30 years old, but since then thinking I am autistic, too and now that it is allowed to diagnose both finally ...) I plan to celebrate it for myself if I will get the diagnose, copy it to hand out to people that don´t believe me, put it in a frame and hang it on my wall, add my diagnose-day to my birtday in the calendar,... If noone else validates us, we have to validate ourselves!
I had an online, via 'Teams', evaluation for ADHD last week (have to go through that first, apparently, but the psychologist left me with her intention to pass my case on to an associate as she wasn't in a position to diagnose autism but I definitely didn't key out as ADHD). She did a very interesting thing, though, that chatGPT is adamant is tantamount to bad practice but I think may have been a diagnostic trick. She had her webcam positioned so that the bottom half of her face was off screen. At first I thought she was bound to realise and adjust it. I said nothing. Then the questions started to get more derailing. I still said nothing as I, at that point, thought it didn't really matter. By the end I was like one of those cats that is desperate to see where the rest of the cat, behind the mirror, is. I was ducking and dipping my head trying to see where the mouth that made the words was. It's ridiculous, I know, but I really suspect it was deliberate and possibly ingenious.
I remember being commonly accused of trying to get special treatment when begging for help from the adults around me because nobody else needed help with the things I did. I don't understand why every single "Autism Mom" influencer has to condescend to us. Makes me want to scream. I've adapted to having very little support...by constantly over performing and people pleasing. Had my parents understood how to help, had the school officials not labelled me a troublemaker on sight and acted accordingly, I might not have to be deconstructing that shell today.
The funny (not really) thing is, as someone who was on the "higher functioning" side of the spectrum, I didn't get support as a kid. I learned to read on my own two years before starting school, and I was verbal. I was also withdrawn, socially awkward, but quiet enough to be a distraction in school - so no-one was concerned. Had I been diagnosed back then, and given the support in the areas I quietly struggled with, my adult life might be much better. No-one pushed me to be social, so I'm now an isolated person, who can't work, I've never had a partner, I have no friends to speak of, and the main focus of my occupational therapy is currently on how I could let someone in my home so I could receive the support I clearly need. I kinda envy Abby, who has succeeded in so many areas of her life, unlike me. She seems to be doing better than me. I'm not trying to say I'm more autistic, but I am saying my autism is just as valid, and pretty disabling, too.
The not so funny is i was non verbal but because i was a little girl, everyone think it’s normal. Normal for a girl not talking to anyone but her mom and dad. 😂 cause they are so scared of the name autistic 😂
@@ferchii13 The kindergarten teacher literally had to eavesdrop on my younger brother talking with his one little friend to be able to determine if he can talk, and if yes, how well, does he need speech therapy. He was never evaluated for autism. Neither was I, his older sister. I'm 35. Guess why I'm watching this channel now lol.
The school stuff is personally super upsetting. It's so beyond common for undiagnosed autistic people to drop out of school. I dropped out of school, despite it being one of the very few things in this world that gives me a sense of purpose. My entire life the past couple years has been based around school (I am now upgrading to try and go to university), in order for me to get an education, that has to be my entire focus, I don't get to have a life, friends, hobbies, just school because I am trying to find success in a system that is not built for me. I have to ruin myself and my mental health to "function" and because I have done that in the past, now it is what's always expected of me. I can't live alone. I can't cook for myself. I can't drive and get myself around. I can't do anything without support. I am not just neuro different, I am disabled.
Is it school, that gives you a sense of purpose, or is it learning? It may be the regimen that you need. On the other hand - you might be thriving when you're allowed to tackle questions and uncover answers. There may be an overlap, between school and learning, but they're not the same thing. My secondary school was little better than a hotbed of corruption, ego politics and chaos - it wasn't such a catastrophe when it was finally in the rear view mirror!
yeah i finally dropped out of college after trying and failing for years. i’ve accepted that i’ll never graduate or be able to have a career. it annoys me when people around me say “you’re just holding yourself back, you need to tell yourself you can do it!”. like don’t you think i’ve tried? after going to college and dropping out over the course of 8 years i’ve realized its not for me. i’ve also tried working multiple times but end up crashing and burning for various reasons. i’ve accepted that i’m disabled and will never be able to have a “normal” life according to NT standards. i just wish the people around me would stop shaming me for it and would let me do what’s best for me even if it doesn’t make sense to them.
In her reckoning it's not about how much the autistic person suffered it's how much Mom suffered. She needs to accept that she, Mom, wants support because she suffered. Mom wants super props. I'm 63 and female. I didn't get any kind of help just constantly berated to straighten up and fly right. Mom needs therapy.
Thanks for this. Her definition mirrors that used for differentiation between those sent to Am Spiegelgrund and those later labeled after the Austrian doctor who managed to fly under radar far longer than he should have. I have trouble posting about this topic without it getting censored by YT, and until more people become aware of what happened, we're going to have a hard time explaining the slippery slope to the moms. :(
About 4mins in really hit me -- I didn't get diagnosed until my 30s, because, quote, "you're too smart to be autistic". Still makes me frustrated to have been taken less seriously because smart people can't have any problems. And like you stated, I had severe mental health issues because I just did not understand the world and people around me (a lot of times I still don't, but I've learned to treat it as a separate sort of logic I have gotten better at guessing the rules of)
These arguments frustrate me so much, that people with lower support needs aren't really autistic. By some measures, I'm "successful." I got a PhD, I have a teaching job (which I find incredibly stressful), and I made it to my 50s without anyone realizing I'm autistic. But compared to my neurotypical peers, I have struggled a lot. I took 10 years off between my MA and my PhD, during which I worked at a bunch of different jobs, felt like there was something "wrong" with me but never figured it out. My life would have been so different if I'd just known I was autistic! I'm so close to crashing and burning right now it's scary, and I might not have reached this point if I'd been able to get supports somewhere along the way. Completely invalidating our experience and struggles like this woman is doing is not helpful.
If you feel like you're currently really close to collapse - now you know about what might be at the root of it I hope you will (at least) ease off the gas and possibly seek some support, too. Some modulation may be called for. You've managed to climb so high - don't get knocked off the rock face. There's a time for building (expansion) and a time for maintenance - this may be a time for the essential ongoing repairs.
I was gifted and yet did very poorly in my academic field in University. I ended up underemployed most of my life, it was a great source of shame for me. I had breakthroughs that lasted a while and then I would crash and burn. Again a source of shame. I struggled with suicidal ideation whenever I failed at something. Meanwhile flying under the radar all the while. I was finally diagnosed and it has been such a revelation and a relief. I want to tell all of those “Autism Moms” who think that only a “visibly” Autistic person like their own child deserves to be called Autistic that the mental struggle to be normal can be just as devastating. Suicide is a real risk for Autistic people. Who knows how many undiagnosed Autistic people have died from self harm or suicide and were never counted? The DSM5 exists because the research and knowledge is improving and because rigid thinking about Autism is being challenged. Expanding the spectrum is a good thing for all of the people like me who flew under the radar. I am 70 years old and I suspect that my life would have been easier if I had had educational and workplace accommodations. So bravo to the current definitions of what it means to be Autistic. Knowledge is power.
im incredibly lucky about how chill my mother is about everything, she's always thought i was autistic but. she acts nothing like a stereotypical 'autism mom'
You mean she has her own identity without having to live through her children's conditions or their sporting events? Autism moms are just feral soccer ⚽ moms. 🤷♂️
I always love how you explain things clearly and logically. Even when addressing people who are making ignorant claims - you always manage to address the claims and rebut them, while avoiding personal attacks or meanness. Even watching uncomfortable content is easier because of the way you parse it out and address it fairly and logically. Thank you so much 😊
22:19 EXACTLY! ... I had not gone to the doctor in YEARS... like 10 years! Well, I had an issue that forced me to go recently to a clinic. They asked if I wanted a family doctor and they got an appointment for me to see one. Well my appointment was 2 days ago. Here's how it went... I almost had a literal panic attack on the way to the appointment because of how scared I was of the whole situation. I am SO uncomfortable in medical environments. I went in and felt awkward the whole time. I told the doctor about many different issues I have been experiencing. I had to go to the restroom and I literally got lost on the way back to find the doctors room again... I could not even force myself to make eye contact with her... my face was so red and I was having trouble thinking of what I needed to say... Well I ended up finally bringing up mental health concerns and she asked me about that. I told her I have a lot of executive functioning struggles and told her about some other things. Then I mentioned I think I may have autism but wasn't sure who I needed to talk to about that ... she literally looked at me and said ... "Well if you did, you are EXTREMELY high functioning so..." and I replied "yea it may seem that way because I am having to put on a mask. But you don't see me at home when I am struggling." Then my husband mentioned to her how hard it was for me to even get to this appointment and everything. And she just didn't care about any of that ... 😢 I felt (and still feel) so belittled and invalidated... so it went exactly how I was afraid it would. And the only thing she did the whole time was try to push medicine on me when I had barely even got to explain any of my concerns to her. She even put the words in my mouth for me that I have depression. I didn't even tell her that and she put it on my medical online thingy as a condition I have ... when I told her I was not even feeling depressed at that moment ........ that was all she cared about. And she wanted to medicate me for it after I clearly told her my goal was to make sure of what I have with tests and screenings before taking any action like medicine (I am likely not going to take any because I am not trying to fix anything, just to understand it)
People will say stuff like "you're taking away recourses from people who really need it!" but will then vote against welfare for such individuals without even realizing it
i can see why she'd want to defend abby's individual struggles, as anyone would want to be understood and accommodated and seen for our individual challenges i genuinely don't understand why she acknowledges the torment and pain of not being able to socialize but then say "but it's not a deficit" because there are other unique strengths some of us have. why shouldn't all pains be acknowledged?
I couldn''t get any help for my Autistic children as we had a low income. I taught myself the therapies and did them myself. I don't like how that womans ignorant assessment. ALL people on the spectrum need help as early as possible'.
as someone who has a family member who is autistic and is on the lower end of the spectrum it would be terrible if he hadnt gotten help for it... he needed things very specific or he wouldnt like it and would have temper tantrums a lot older than most children. he also hated it when new people would enter the house with a passion. we got some people to help him feel a bit better in that way and tought him how to act- he still somewhat struggles with it but it was so much better once he got help. please always offer help to all of the spectrum if they feel they need it.
The thing that gets me is that her daughter appears to be what she would describe as neuro different in videos but bc she knows what Abby's history was, she sees her as more autistic than other people she's seeing on tik tok. She has no idea what people's struggles are or were growing up based on their ability to show up on camera. It's gatekeeping at it's finest and very disappointing.
I knew, as soon as I saw Christine on the show , that she was one of those mom's that made their child's autism her whole identity.. I'm glad I wasn't wrong.
This is so infuriating to watch. How dare this woman speak over us. She's not even a bloody doctor (not that that would allow her to try and refuse us our diagnosis). Hoping you'll do another meme video soon, the last videos were all quite heavy
@@BlueGangsta1958 Dankeschön :-) Warum wirst Du mir denn in der Benachrichtigung jetzt als "Pumuckel" angezeigt, aber hier erscheint "BlueHangsta1958"? Ich bin verwirrt😂
The entire point of updating the autism definitions in the DSM V was to capture people who previously wouldn't have been diagnosed who have the same types of support requirements (even if they need different amounts of support). The whole pushback against this really sounds like "I want the support for *my* child but I want to exclude a whole load of other children that I personally think don't need as much support as my child", particularly since there's no scientific basis to the distinction.
Parents who speak about their autistic children like this, to me, reek of resentment. They don't want other people to have that label because they, as parents, want to be recognized for the struggle THEY went through having an autistic child. Ultimately, they view their children as burdens and they want to be recognized for how much support they gave their child and be praised for it. It reminds me of when I was in high school and I would argue with my friends about who has the worst childhood, but someone winning never gained anyone anything. The real win was understanding the nuances of each individual's experience and how that impacted them, and using that to help move ourselves and each other forward and lift each other up. Thanks for the thorough video! I always love watching 💛
6:00 Flashback to elementary school, which I barely remember a second of, realizing, wait I was pulled out of classes a lot for therapy sessions (I thought everyone was getting those)
I was given a bag of candy in elemementary school by a school counselor and told not to tell any kids. I still have no idea why. It wasn't due to being poor because my brother never received it.
In secondary school me and two others were sent on a weekend trip for being ‘gifted and talented’, where I remember learning skills like how to stay calm and how to pretend you’re making eye contact.
If you’d like more ‘autism mom’ nonsense (for some reason!), you might like these two:
Are Autism Moms REALLY That Bad?: ua-cam.com/video/rKNEwlQCi7c/v-deo.html
Autism Moms are making a MOCKERY of Autism.: ua-cam.com/video/-tbhcpXXQ2Q/v-deo.html
If you want something lighter, you have seen my autism meme reactions? ua-cam.com/play/PLEHi2YmjD7gEssdqTn0247t_niQMt2b22.html
Would you prefer it if autism was no longer considered a spectrum?
Personally, I think there’s room for all of us!
See you on Sunday 💛
kind've a side note but i didn't know about a Autisum list until i saw this video, i was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when i was younger and because of the term i wasn't sure if i was ever qualified as autistic in someway, and well, now i know c:
She needs to read my book 'Living with Autism Undiagnosed '
Autism moms seem as toxic as boy moms.
I love your videos but I do have to say this I am someone who requires a lot less support needs than I got. When I was diagnosed my parents freaked out and sent me to all manner of different kinds of therapeutic schools sacrificing my education like my actual academic education that could have gotten me a job. All of my job skills training and everything else that I would have needed for survival. I'm now picking the pieces up because of the help that I received. We do need to realize that if you do not receive help within the first seven years of life there's no point having that help because your neuroplasticity in the area that makes you autistic the social region and communicative region solidifies to a point where you can't make the The crucial connections in The crucial areas. So my question is not what the autism mom saying is true or not is whether or not it makes sense diagnosing also whether we should just keep masking. I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for thisif you can't change it and the alternative is going to a home where they're going to abuse you and that is the other alternative then I'm sorry to say this you don't have a choice you just have to keep masking. Masking suck but at least it gets you the job you want. I'm asking is a horrible option but it's a necessary horrible option. Coming from somebody who has been to some of those homes been to some of those schools for autism they're not the happy thing you see on TV. They are they take away your ability to have any kind of education any kind of freedom sometimes there are restraints put on you even if you're not being dangerous just being autistic they just jump on you and beat the s*** out of you for no reason. Especially in the South there are also eugenics sterilizations that some of those schools it didn't happen to me but it just happened to a friend of mine. They teach you about how you're a stain on the earth and a genetic issue and they and they hail Dr hands Asperger's a lot of those places because he gasped people to death. Reality is the neurotypicals have made it clear we're not welcome we can either become more like them or die is there ultimatum quite frankly I don't want to die. Actually went to a doctor and was diagnosed recently as ADHD with autistic like symptoms and the doctor didn't want to give me autism because in my area is becoming more and more fascist to the point where it is not safe to wear the autism label anymore.
Also I forgot to mention in those places they will pump you erroneously full of medications to the point where your heart palpitates and sometimes people die. I know this because I was on the operating table when my heart was palpitating because they gave me so many antipsychotics and antidepressants that I did not need that my heart almost exploded in my chest. If you think they're going through regular school as a low support needs autistic person or a no supports needs autistic person you can be autistic and not need supports. If you think that that was a horrible thing well then try the alternative. My question is not whether or not what you went through is horrible and bad and I don't recommend it to anybody under any other circumstances. If there was an alternative Rochester people could thrive without masking I would I would definitely not recommend this but I am recommending asking all the way. Because I am I want one of those those low support need autistics that was diagnosed at the age of 14 late diagnosed but not so late that I was an adult when that happened diagnostic criteria and how they were enforced back then has ruined my life. You do not want an autism diagnosis. Do not need an autism diagnosis. You can mask effectively just keep masking you want to end up in a group home turn it up an insane asylum first of all if you mask you will not end up in an insane asylum you'll end up in the same asylum the second you you start coming out as an autistic especially where I live. In all the states I live it's very hectic so I live in Maine now Maine is one of the worst states in the union for autistic people before that I lived in South Carolina before that Virginia you're the worst states in the Union four autistic people how big is a lack supports but because the supports are Draconian and hurt people. Please stop suggesting to people that they need to stop masking you are putting people in danger. Please stop suggesting autism schools they look good at on on paper and they look good on television for the reality is behind the scenes is a very insidious thing I know that autism School for girls because there's a boys one like it almost went to it as a kidare your father was at least smart enough to not send me their as they practice eugenics sterilizations there or at least they did when I was a kid and they also practice restraints that can even involve kneeling on the neck of the autistic person. Just face it there's no hope in this world for an autistic person who does not mask. If you mask it might cause psychological harm if you're not aware of what the alternative but but stop thinking you're going to get the supports you need cuz they're never going to give it to you and if they do they're going to make it as Draconian as possible until you decide to leave the supports no one wants to give you support that cost society money the the the the economy can't support everyone who has an autistic diagnosis as that is growing. What's the weather going to stop giving some people supports. If your lower support needs or what I like to call no support needs cuz you don't really need supports because again those people who need supports especially as adults get tortured what's the United StatesI really hope that you would cover this other side of the spectrum of group home abuse and and other stuff that's happening in the United States and maybe it's different in the UK but in the United States we still we still neuter and in some parts of the United States and Canada we still not only sterilize but also euthanize autistic people is also happening all across Canada and northern Maine
"My daughter is more autistic than you!" Ma'am, it's not a competition.
Perfectly summarized!
❤ (heart)
It's like her entire ego is based on Abby's disability. Narcissist much?
She thinks it's a competition! Utterly abhorrent!!!
It’s gross
Every time she says that I'm so confused. There are people more autistic than Abby too. By her logic only the most autistic person gets to be labeled autistic, and her daughter doesn't meet that criteria.
Imagine applying this logic to any other disability, “oh you’re not depressed, you’re still ALIVE, my kid died from it” “you’re not an alcoholic, you can hold down a job” “you’re not legally blind, you’re just visually different, you can see light, my kid can’t”
Exactly! So unproductive.
Good examples
I was going to make the same comment regarding depression/suicide. But yeah, this logic can apply to literally everything.
People DO say that to people, which is so messed up.
Also why is Abby’s particular profile the bar. Kind or arbitrary. After all there are people who never are able to speak even with speech therapy, Christine.
“Why are there more people diagnosed with depression than back in 298 BCE?” “Why do we wash our hands now when we didn’t used to?” Ummmmm… information.
This made snort out my coffee, thanks for the chuckle
Whenever I here someone describe something in mental health as an "epidemic", it makes me want to shake them by the shoulders. It's information and awareness gods dammit!
I really wish people knew that saying those things about mental health are pretty much saying "why do we wash our hands when we didn't need to before?" Because we did need to, but didn't know, and now we do.
"Why are there so many more left handed people than in the 1700s?? They're not left handed they're just ambidifferent"
this, so much. as if one mom's opinion means more than decades of scientific research.
So she admits my life was horrible, but I can't call myself autistic because I was able to mask enough so my mom's life wasn't horrible as well. Got it! My autism is about my mom. Great.
This is why we need students (and families) to thrive, not just survive.
I have a trauma disorder and I’m high masking. Part of that is because my disorder makes me dissociate from serious issues and minimize them but there is always some degree of chaos under the surface. I also know if I have certain symptoms and don’t hide them will make me lose my job and k don’t exactly have support behind my husband, and it would be unfair for him to have to handle everything in our household. When my pain and chaos is not as buried as other times it fucking sucks, even if I’m calm through the work meeting and making the company good money. It also affects my health because I have an autoimmune disease. People like this are a big reason why I don’t share my diagnosis. They say o don’t have it, I’m lying, I’m faking it, and ‘nobody who went through something bad enough to cause that would be working in management.’ I hate it. I can’t show what goes on my head and I can’t hide it.
It’s also extremely rude to make diagnoses and severity about how people around the patient are affected. Like my suffering doesn’t matter. Like my backstory, which made a therapist who specializes in prolonged trauma cry, isn’t as bad because I can say it with a neutral face… which is literally part of my diagnosis for me.
Mom here needs to put down the cross, we need the wood. I suspect for certain heavily online parents, being a parent of an autistic child is a big part of their “brand.”
Yeah, as a child mine was more obvious, as an adult, most ppl don't know until I tell them coz I hide it so well, but then when I do tell them they connect a lot of dots and are like "ooohh that makes so much sense now"
Hearing a non-autistic person say “I’m going to gatekeep autism” is so infuriating to me. 😭 Like how are you going to declare yourself an authority over actual autistic people AND medical professionals because of your personal experiences
Another example of neurotypical people deeming themselves more than autistic people.
Seriously, who made you the arbiter of the autistic neurotype? who died and made you queen? genuinely why do you think you can make these broad sweeping statements about a community of millions and millions of people.
Yeah I agree. If you're gonna gatekeep autism. At least have a Diagnosis.
Fr I'm autistic and I don't speak for all autistic people. The nerve of a woman with neither expertise nor autism herself trying to act like she knows what's what is wild. Dunning-Kruger effect high-key in action. Knows so little that she thinks she knows it all.
The problem with Abbys mom is that she looks at autistic people through the lens of how easy it is for a neurotypical person to deal with them. She centers the neurotypical experience. She doesn't actually pit herself in the shoes of an autistic person and think about how painful and challenging all the various difficulties can be. It's not just about whether or not neurotypicals can "tell" that we're different. It's not just about how easy it is for us to communicate with them. It's not about them. It's about us and the ways that WE FEEL our difficulties and the lasting effects that has throughout our lives.
This is a very important point you’re making
Yeah
YESSSS THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. Totally unacceptable as a human let alone a parent!!
Well said!
Very succinctly put! And the worst part is that there are NTs that notice and instead of sympathising, actually vehemently hate us for no apparent reason.
"Putting all of them in the autism category is for me not helpful". Well, all of this is NOT for YOU. It is for US.
Here here!
fr like it’s not about her, the world does not revolve around her and abbey holy shit
Yeah she literally says 'this made your life horrible', what she's saying is that we can't call ourselves autistic when we were able to pick ourselves up on our bootstraps enough to not make our parents' lives horrible too. I masked so hard I was the easiest child in existence so my struggle didn't impact my parents at all. So therefore I don't get to call myself autistic now that I'm an adult realizing how damn hard being in my brain has been compared to NT people.
Yes!
Ma’am, you pushing everyone else except your kid out of the “autism category” isn’t helpful for anyone.
Christine is the type of person who would harass someone using a handicap parking space because “they can walk just fine.”
Or yell at someone for being an ambulatory wheelchair user
Well can they walk just fine? Better be pregnant or something.
@Broken_robot1986 Just because someone looks like they can walk fine, doesn't mean it's true. There are invisible disabilities that cause walking issues on and off or chronic pain issues. For a lot of physically disabled people there are good days and bad days. If they have a disability placard, they need it.
@@Broken_robot1986 some people *can* walk just fine.. for short distances. Hence the parking spaces being so close to the door
Spot on
the neurodifferent word bothers me, like: does she mean neurodivergent?
is she altering the language of the neurodiversity paradigm to fit into the pathology paradigm?? what's happening??
I know the term neurospicy exidts, but its not to say neurodivergent but just more fun sounding when not wanting to go into a dualogue, not saying thst itsnot neurodivergent.
This isn't even about her daughter, this is about her. "How do you claim to be autistic, don't you know how much I've suffered raising my daughter?" Gods save us from people who gate keep something they don't have themselves.
Imagine having a mom that calls you a 'deficit' every five minutes and won't shut up about how much she perceives you as 'less'. This is disgusting, I hope Abbey finds a place where she is seen as a whole human being with flaws and qualities instead of a 'neurodeficit'.
The mother is just basically reinventing the forbidden r word
She basically just created a slur for autistic people, It pisses me off how she's sitting here putting autism in a box when that doesn't benefit anyone at alk
Fr.. I'd rather someone call me a slur instead of saying "neurodeficit" 😭😭😭
@@Zerakielyeah, at least the people calling me slurs are upfront :/
Imagine transforming the word neurodivergent into a slur... I'm not sure I can make it through this whole video honestly...
As an autistic person, nothing has been worse for me, or to me, than the autism moms. I'd rather listen to an xbox 360 COD lobby, at least some of those insults would be creative
😂
Funny but sad
I hate how real this is.. Lmao
If the Internet has taught me anything, it's that my mom is the largest object in the known universe, and that everyone has had s3x with her, presumably at the same time because she's so big. 😅
Which is ironic since many of the insults in a CoD lobby would involve both mothers and autism.
I wonder how Abbey feels when her mom calls her neuro deficient and then turns around and says people with Aspergers are so intelligent and gifted.
Ouch 😳
Yes, it does upset me. One of the other Jubilee participants had to step in and defend her - he asked her about her strengths 💛
yeah fr, as someone who this mom would consider “neuro deficient” if she saw me when i was a toddler.
That just makes me feel sad. It's worse because you can normalize this to yourself. You can learn that this is okay, and so you learn to cope in whatever way you adopt.
I'm afraid this might also not be deliberately harmful. It's sort of easier to grapple with for others at least, when it is.
@@imautisticnowwhat Ah, good to know.
Having a "spikey cognitive profile" as some people put it - where you function really well in some areas and really struggle in others - is tough. People see you doing something that falls in one of your easy areas and assume you never struggle, then they see you doing something that falls in one of your difficult areas and assume you're being lazy. "But you're smart! I've seen you do hard things! How can you possibly be struggling with this?" But it's just not that simple. Then you have people who haven't had the opportunity to see you doing things you're actually good at and just think you're a total dork.
I think this is why there are so many socially anxious actors. You have a script you have already learned, and no one's going to take it personally if you look anxious before a performance (whereas they might get upset if you look anxious for something they consider "easy").
Yes! Having this spiky profile is so hard. People just don’t understand how is it possible that I am an expert in music and art yet can’t count to two sometimes and struggle with basic tasks
THIS, this is probably my biggest struggle throughout my adult life as a low support needs ND (I have an ADHD diagnosis, but am pretty sure I'm AuDHD), especially when it comes down to keeping jobs.
People see what I do well, which tends to be really complex problem solving, things that often they CANT do. Then they are mystified when I struggle with things they perceive to be easy, so yeah to them I'm being lazy or even worse purposely difficult. And can't understand where I might need some accommodations.
WOW ok I'm not diagnosed as neurodivergent (although I suspect I'm ADHD) and this hit so hard 😂😂😂 the number of times I've been called lazy and believed it... Oy vey
This is so relatable 🥺 I delt with this all through school and now I struggle in my own head. I can't even validate my own struggle, I always worry if I'm just being lazy.
"You've survived without supports this long? So you don't need them"
That's exactly the point. We've been surviving, but not living or thriving.
Sure It's possible survive in a toxic/ unhealthy environment but you won't be thriving.
The way she said that if you didn't receive certain therapies you can't be Autistic, really shows her privilege.
Man that sure is putting the cart before the horse
She might actually be autistic herself. I mean, many autistic people inherit it from a parent . You only have two parents
Yknow that’s some interesting logic, does that mean therapy for autism *causes* autism? Autism speaks could cure so many children with that information! /s
By her own logic if she couldn't afford all of Abbey's therapies that she received when she was growing up then she must not have needed them because she didn't get them. Abbey mustn't have been "neuro-deficient" enough or "autistic enough". Abbey was just "neuro-different". This kind of logic is so twisted it's done a 180 degree turn and is now working against her.
@@notNajimiThank you for giving us, Autism Speaks, a new way to cure all autism from people! By lowering the awareness of it, we will stomp it out of existence, and then everyone will be neurotypical like us! /s
For a lot of this I'm hearing "you weren't as rich as me with the expensive support options I had access to, and the fact you pushed through without those means you dont count”
So true, especially the fact that she brings up the therapies and not just Abby struggled with this. it's really giving
if you can't afford support, you don't need it.
RIGHT
oh, there's a term for that. I cannot remember it exactly. It's a way of saying 'see i was right for not supporting after all'.
@@niamhfox9559she has a one track mind and isnt self aware
Exactly! Christine doesn’t think about the internal, social, and learning experiences for people, things she can’t personally expierence. Christine also doesn’t seem to understand that not everyone has the money like she does or parents who aren’t willing to try and get an autism diagnosis because the stigma around. Christine I think, needs to go back to school and get a degree on psychology focused on things like Autism and ADHD to entirely understand how our brains work.
Nothing screams "I'm supportive and helpful of my struggling child" like "I want to gatekeep this label because functioning adults who fall into the group make me feel less special as and centered in the discourse as a parent". Well, maybe discussion about their child's "aura" colour screams just as loud...
I mean, sadly it makes sense, that way atention would be focused on her child instead of being shared. Obviously it is something horrible and would leave others in the dust but it wouldn't be contradictory
Nailed it!
It's not contradictory, yes, but it does speak to what they ACTUALLY mean rather than what they tell people, and that's the point. @@Dario-uj6qo
@@Dario-uj6qoThis is to be expected from women who use their autistic kids as “content” for social media. This is also why they’re always complaining about high functioning autism. They spend all freaking day on Tik Tok and they start getting annoyed that they have to share the autism algorithm with “more normal” autistics.
Whenever these autism moms complain about self diagnosis or high functioning autism, they ALWAYS use examples of things they saw on Tik Tok. …and Tik Tok is not at all representative of real life. 😂
It’s also the most toxic platform on earth, so I’m not sure why they’re so shocked when they come across toxicity. So much of their frustration would be solved by just deleting the Tik Tok app.
…but of course they won’t because they’ve built a huge following on the back of their autistic child. All of this is just classic social media BS and narcissism. It’s so transparent.
It's just straight up internalized ableism, especially given how they want to create a hierarchy of validity. The irony is, as Meg points out, that children who were diagnosed as autistic in the past were very likely to have ID and this has created massive stigma towards the autism label such as weaponizing the R word and made being called autistic a slur to imply the same. It's also what fed the idea of Aspie Supremacy. You can tell this bias in how she talks how she thinks people who have Aspberger's have many talents or are special in a way her child is not or cannot be due to being autistic.
I had no support in school. Not because I didn't need it but because when I said I needed help I was told to stop lying. They told me I was too intelligent and that my issue was I was lazy. I became too embarrassed to admit when I couldn't understand something and just wouldn't do the assignment.
“You’re not diabetic, you’re just sugary different.”
As a type 1 diabetic, this made me smile so much.
"You're just glucose different!"
'You're not left handed. You're just dextrous different" 🤦♀️
You're not autistic, you're just a little bit silly! And you cryyy when you have to answer the phone, but that's ✨unrelated ✨ /ref
😂
love that tiktok sound ^^ lol
The sparkles 😂 You typed it out perfectly
Good god, crying trying to answer the phone 😬 I always hated it because it felt so incredibly difficult to communicate without seeing the person on the other side.
@@thegracklepeck Same! It makes the worry 'what do they think about me' so much worse. Nowadays I always make calls with the speaker on, looking at the phone gives me something to look at while talking. Somehow that helps. I'm not diagnosed autistic but I have adhd and some of the aut traits. I'm unsure about this social awkwardness part whether it's like in autism. I worry about what people think, that makes it harder to look them in the eyes or talk to them. I'm not sure if it's because of trauma.
My grandmother would shut down my mother's gatekeeping. She was trained in helping disabled kids and kids with learning disabilities, and any time my mother tried to take a narrow road due to my hearing loss, my gran would say, "Hon, I know you love your daughter, but harming others isn't genuine protection for your kid." My mother - "But they are wrong!" My gran - "No, they have similar but different needs. It is a different reality and requirements. Why do you think I have a room full of files and teaching tools?"
Thanks for sharing this.
Your grandma sounds like an incredible person. I wish I’d had someone protective and educated like that in my life growing up.
Great to know not all older people are total imbeciles in regards to empathy.
Wish my grandma is like yours, cherish her.
I have to mask around mine, she's very old fashioned and will never understand me no matter how much I try to explain.
"you're not weird enough to be autistic" is such a wild take to have in 2024
People keep trying to make excuses to hate us for no reason. That's why they're constantly denying abuse/discrimination against us while also trying to fit us into the "them" catagory of us vs them.
@@IJustAnimateThatsTheJist preach. literally all these people are saying is "well yeah, you're still clearly a weirdo, but NOT WEIRD ENOUGH TO FORCE ME TO BE NICE TO YOU"
@@millie-mayprice891Ha! Joke's on you, I'm too weird to be autistic! Lmao.
@@salemcorriea5157 you have ascended! Beyond the realms of neuroreality itself to places no neurotypical mind can even comprehend...
@@millie-mayprice891oh my god this is so accurate. there's like this weird etiquette of people feeling like they're essentially forced to be nice to the heavily disabled/ppl who need more support or "weird" as many may say, but they will fully bully or critique or shame or ostracize you for traits of your autism. you're just not "weird" enough for them to feel like they're really punching down or that you're low hanging fruit as they perceive those people to be.
My autism disables me every freaking day. And I was originally diagnosed with "Aspergers". Sensory issues. Problem with change. Meltdowns, Shutdowns. Dyspraxia. Dysgraphia. Being unable to read faces. Being unable to walk properly. Being bullied for years. Being bullies into depression. Being called the r-slur. I know that there are autistic people who may have higher support needs than me, but why do we have to make a competition out of this? Everyone who needs help, should get the help they need. I'm not less autistic because someone else might have more problems. I'm not less deserving of a diagnosis. I'm not just a bit weird, I'm disabled.
When I move out of my parents home, I plan to get myself a service dog. Because I dont know if I can function alone.
But I am verbal, I have good academic grades if the exam is written.
I finally accept myself because of my diagnosis and it made so much things so much easier.
And I seem to be autistic enough to be infantalised and not taken seriously, I seem to be autistic enough to be called a weirdo, autistic enough to be called ableist slurs, than why am I not autistic enough to call myself autistic.
I don't know if I'm level 1 or level 2, probably something in between. My support needs became higher after my, what I think now is an, autistic burnout.
I can't mask anymore and it is stressful but I have the luck of having a supportive family.
I'm not taking any recourses away from anyone because I have an autism diagnosis. What support? I had to fight that I'm even allowed noise cancelling headphones in class. I fight for more accommodations but it isn't that easy because most of my teachers already knew me before my burnout, before I changed from a high masking to a non masking individual.
But I'm finished with school soon, than I can do what I want to do. I can study psychology to be able to understand people better. I'm so relieved when I'm done with the torture of school but after that I don't know if I can master my everyday life alone. I'm working on it though. And I wouldnt be able to do that without my diagnosis.
Why do we have to compare struggles? Your struggle doesn't make my struggle invalid. My struggle doesn't make your struggle invalid.
Got severely bullied throughout school because I have restrictive and narrow interests and couldn't stop yapping about them. I couldn't do water fights because being wet in clothes was too much for me to handle, I couldn't understand the greater social system after like 10 years old. I thought I was just broken. An autism diagnosis saved my life, and I'm glad I wasn't overlooked just because I don't fit a stereotype.
I find it tragic that so many late autistics do have histories like that. I myself relate to your struggles and let me tell you, you're no less autistic because a close minded and self important autism mom said so
"You don't have cancer, you're just health-different."
OMG, yes😂
THIS ❤
"Oh, you're stage two? My cousin's stage three. Stop acting like you have real cancer"
"Your legs not broken, the bones are just in the wrong place"
"You're not an amputee, you're just differently limbed."
Why do these people think the DSM should reflect their personal experience with the labels they want? Ma'am, this is an international diagnostic tool that has only seen five major revisions in 70 years of existence, I don't think they introduced the concept of autism spectrum just because Billy came into the office one day thinking "let's make everyone autistic" would be a fun April's Fools prank
That sounds like a Far Side premise
“Lower Needs” and “Higher Needs” are genuinely such great terms for different people on the autism spectrum, so much better than “High Functioning” and “Low Functioning.” Its pains me that people assumed autistic people with higher needs cannot function…its really degrading
24:37 ok I still have to do laps when I’m listening to music ummmm uhhh can’t wait to get assessed at 18!!! Yayyy
(Note: I also relate to a lot of other symptoms of autism like stimming, eye contact, brutal honestly, meltdowns as a kid ect)
Hi Polygawn!!
@@itsdripnovababy hello!!!
It’s true, though. They can’t function without a ton of help and accommodation. Support needs/functioning level are synonymous in use and largely in concept too.
@@RockPile_ Haha. No.
I learned how to read at 4 years old and had teachers telling my parents to stop me from reading the books I wanted because I was far ahead the other kids my age, had top of the class grades for most of my school trajectory, I got recognitions and scholarships and was personally selected for various extra projects by my teachers, adults always praised me to my parents for my excellent and mature behaviour.
I also catastrophically bombed certain subjects I couldn't wrap my head around (never got on well with p.e), had some teachers and classmates who hated my guts and made my life a living hell, was a chronic procrastinator and insomniac, could never keep friendships, had complete meltdowns and panic attacks when I got home where I would then isolate myself from every stimuli from the outside world, I wanted to cease my existing since I was 12 years old.
I finished top 3 of all the groups in my last year of highschool, knew what I wanted to study and was planning on moving out far away from home like everyone else, because that is what was expected. I spent the following three years starting and dropping out of education and jobs, not understanding why and agonizing over it, completely exhausted and with no control over my own self. I am now back on the education system and studying what I like but on an online program that allows me to have only one class one day of the week and work at my own pace and alone the rest of it. I still need my parents' support and help for most adult stuff I was supposed to be ready to handle on my own, and I dread every “going out of the house” situation as I realized I'm quite bad at masking and it causes me great distress.
I'm pretty sure Abby's mom would not classify my personal life as autistic enough because of my achievements and what I am capable of on a good day, the same way those who never saw my failings deny my diagnosis and tell me I should just stop pitying myself and push through it like everyone else.
I used to think I had no support needs. But that was largely because I am capable of doing and completing housekeeping and laundry and hygienic tasks on my own, and though I wasn’t very good at keeping up with all of it, I thought that was just because I was a young adult and I would learn how to manage them more consistently with more practice. Well, I’m 30 now. And I shower once a month (occasionally 2!), there are always week old dishes in the sink, I’ve had a mountain of laundry for 3 years that I’ve never been able to get to the bottom of, and I haven’t had the energy to clean my bathroom top to bottom a single time in the 3 years I’ve lived in this apartment (just the tub when it needs it OR the sink OR the toilet). I don’t possess the energy to maintain things on my own, and I am so relieved and fortune to finally be in a financial place to be able to afford a cleaner every other week. Maybe now I’ll get to shower more. 😢
It's always so weird to me how these kinds of gatekeepers often only recognize the kind of autism expression that makes you struggle in childhood. Personal anecdote time: I grew up adjacent to a family friend's child who was diagosed early as autistic. He got therapy, school aid, and general support. He was also very loud and disruptive. I was very quiet, kept up decently in school, and did not get any diagnosis or special support as a child. Today, he is gainfully employed in a good job and can function as an adult with minimal ongoing support. On the other hand, the moment school (and the clearly structured, controlled environment it presented) ended for me, I stopped being able to function. I'm still unemployed, unable to deal with complex adult bureaucracy, and suffering burnout from trying my best for ten years and still constantly failing. Both of us are autistic. Only one of us was diagnosed, and given support, in childhood.
In denying someone who doesn't outwardly 'seem' autistic diagnosis and support, those gatekeepers are doing real harm. It saddens me so much to see, especially when the ones doing it should be our allies.
- edit: support needs can change depending on your stage in life, too.
ugh, same... Thank You for describing it so on point.
This is what happened to me, I am so done with this. I know they want to protect their autistic loved ones but is it worth kicking us to the curb, resulting in HOMELESSNESS if not careful.
I'm undiagnosed Autistic with ADHD and Bipolar, who can't tell a meltdown from a Panic Attack. I know I get shutdowns ALOT.
I've been told Meltdowns look different for many autistics, there is the classic "stereotype meltdown" and then there are others where they can be internal. I may have that, along with shutdowns...but I am barely getting help to even ....find out
Actually literally me. This makes me feel less alone. Thank you.
I can relate a lot as someone who wasn't diagnosed as a child. I was a quiet kid at school (at home I was a nightmare though) and did well in exams. Managed to make a couple of friends despite being bullied heavily. Went on to study a degree and got a Masters. After that my life kinda fell apart. I struggled to hold down a full-time job and had major burnout. Been unemployed for over 6 months and am struggling to do basic things like cooking. Have been homeless twice since finishing my university studies, too. Maybe if I got support as a child I'd be in a better place now. I seemed "normal" growing up but now I'm struggling a lot
This is all very relatable
It irritates me that she noted “intelligence” with Aspburgers Syndrome as if her own daughter isn’t intelligent. Abbey clearly has her own opinions about all of this but her mother won’t even entertain having this conversation with her.
Yes, that's really baffling to me. I thought Abby was like 5 years old, because it's her mom speaking. I didn't know them before, never followed, so it was a surprise that Abby is an adult.
Abby very clearly has a developmental delay of sorts I think it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise
@elainelouve u can still be an adult and have a learning disability of obvious various degrees!
@@hippychicken82 people with developmental delays are still adults and have their own views and opinions.
@elainelouve u mentioned intelligence, my daughter has a severe learning disability. She is developmental delayed. She doesn't have high intelligence that's not a rude or mean comment that's a fact.
I have level 2 autism. I need a lot of support from my partner and family to function. I’m also a third year in college and applying to PhD programs. This idea that we have to be disabled enough by some arbitrary standard to be valid is absolutely ridiculous
How did you find out what level you are? Did someone tell you or did you find out on your own?
Congrats that's awesome and good luck on your PhD journey! and if by chance you're going into the field of autism research, we need more like ya x
The levels of autism have nothing to do with what comorbidities an autistic person has. There are level 2 and 3 autistics without apraxia of speech and intellectual disability. A moderate to high support needs autistic without intellectual impairment may have a college degree and be able to use the restroom and shower on their own but have never worked a day in their lives because they cannot mask well enough to pass job interviews.
Same ! I was diagnosed level 2, powered through my school years having meltdowns every day and being on the verge of unaliving myself since the age of 4. I need my partner and my roommate to function everyday, because I have severe social phobia. I can’t work a job, while I’m studying to be a professional musician.
I would like to know what people like those women would think of my young self : learnt how to read at 2,5yo but wore diapers until 5, loved m going outside but would have a meltdown if we went to the park the “wrong” day without planning, could answer questions normally at the doctors office but would go non verbal for days after going back home and bang my head against the walls…
So much ignorance and lack of empathy is painful to watch.
“Support” isn’t a finite resource that can be taken away from others. Support can come from friends and family, employers, teachers, counselors, therapists. It’s like saying love is a finite resource and if many people love you, you’re taking away love from someone else
“You don’t need glasses. My kids blind. Your just visual-different”
"you don't need chemo. My kid has c@ncer. You're just mitosis-different" 💀
I was a "gifted kid" with absolutely no support. I hit 12 and my straight A's turned into B's, C's, and D's basically overnight. That's also when I hit the wall of mental illness and started thinking about taking the sewer slide. I was forced to struggle through school for 5 more years before dropping out due to an attempt. Even after finally getting mental health care, it feels like my trauma overshadowed any potential for getting a proper diagnosis. Now I'm almost 27 and have spent the past 3 years living off the generosity of my friends and family, desperately trying to get a disability claim approved cause I burnt myself out so hard pushing myself to be "normal" working in customer service, that I can't even brush my teeth more than twice a week. The cruel joke is: I still can't get diagnosed, and my existing diagnoses don't cover the reasons I'm no longer able to work.
Your story is very relatable to me, I hope u r feeling better now
I hope you get the support you need, I'm reminded of myself in your post ❤
I'll say this until the sun stops shining, but as a level 2 autistic who was very visibly disabled growing up, Christine is kicking people like myself out of the community too. This isn't just a level 1 vs level 3 war. To some autism moms, level 3 is the only valid form of autism.
I have medium support needs. I only just learned how to brush my teeth correctly at 25 years old. I was minimally verbal until my early 20s and still struggle with my words being misinterpreted. I grew up with chronic pain from sensory overwhelm. When I was in school and I entered a classroom with a new teacher for the first time, there was a good 30% chance that my teacher would call down to the office to ask if they were missing an IEP for any of their students. I once even had a teacher who was convinced I was meant to be assigned to the special education class next door, not the advanced placement math class, and spent roughly half the class trying to find out if I was in the wrong classroom. That's how VISIBLY autistic I was growing up.
I had the privilege of being able to learn how to mask effectively, which helped reduce the amount of systemic violence I face. What I did NOT have the privilege of was having a pediatrician who recognized signs of autism in young girls. I did not have the privilege of having parents who believed girls could HAVE autism. I had parents who believed it was a much easier reality to accept that my behaviors were forms of attention seeking than that they gave birth to a "broken" child and that they didn't know what was wrong. Because of this, I did not learn I was autistic until I was 23. Because of this, I was forced to cut corners and sacrifice some basic needs because living at home with my parents and recieving care and aid was not an option for me.
I dont think I am diminishing the struggles and needs of people like Abby and Christine in any way to say that the lack of accessibility for autistics like myself puts us at a much higher risk of homelessness, addiction, heart failure, and death. I may not know what its like to be an adult who doesn't know how to cook their own meals, but I do know what its like to sleep outside and be denied every housing application I submit because nobody wants an autistic roommate/tenant. I'm sick and tired of being told I can't be autistic because I learned how to mask. If I didnt learn how to mask, I would not be alive today. That I am certain of. I dont think the simple fact im alive should be used as proof i dont need care.
At the end of the day, i don't want to fight with level 3 autistics or their caretakers. I just want accomodations. Because as things stand now, my basic needs are not being met because I do not have the means to do it all on my own.
That sounds brutal. Best wishes to You to get the help You deserve🤗
This comment should have its own video. Everything you said here is SO valid. Thank you
@thesincitymama i would honestly love to make a video one day talking about the suffering ive faced all my life as a level 2 that does not receive care or accomodations, but I'd have to get a little more comfortable with the idea of showing my unmasked self on camera first. I'd love to show the world how jarring the difference is between my masked and unmasked self so people can see just how extensive masking can be.
@@LilChuunosuke This is one of very few posts that I would like to save and possibly show others who don't get it. I've done this on a few other topics. May I have your permission to do so?
BTW, it works better on UA-cam if you press Enter twice between paragraphs. I actually didn't realize there were paragraphs at first, because of how UA-cam works.
Very well said.
My thought about all of this is: Why don't we just give support to everyone who needs it? Like.. whether you're autistic or disabled or just having a bad day, no one should have to feel like they have to prove they are worthy of getting some assistance when they need it. I realize now I had a lot of unofficial support in school when I needed it; my mom loves to talk about how the teachers were always too lenient with me not completing homework or going to the guidance counselor in grade school when I was feeling overwhelmed. She always blamed them for letting me 'be lazy' to explain why I have been struggling so much as an adult.
That would be a much better system than the one we have now in which disabled people need to show our papers to prove we need an accommodation. We’re simultaneously treated as burdens and fakers and often denied the ability to even get a formal diagnosis.
This!
Support AND understanding! (Also lol I got the same thing. I spent A LOT of time in the nurse's office and my parents and teachers were like "I mean her grades are fine so whatever.")
People don't donate enough to charities for them to support people unconditionally. That's why they put these checks in place: to ensure the people receiving support really need it.
Plus, sometimes, accomodations only work as a result of not everyone having them. For example, some stores permit disabled people to park in parking spaces closer to the store for no extra charge (whereas normally, closer parking spaces would cost more). If everyone had it, the spaces next to the store would fill up with people who don't really need it so there's none left for the people who really need it.
@@me-myself-i787There is a difference between support that requires clear resource management, and support that just requires treating people a bit better.
That segment at 25 minutes where you are remembering being a little kid on the playground, walking around in circles and observing the other kids, wondering... that is my earliest and most prolific memory from childhood starting at age 3, standing back and watching all the other kids play, never really having the thought occur to me that I should be part of it at all, but just observing as an outsider looking in and wondering...
My autism is different from that of someone who has high support needs. That's why I fall under the low support needs category. That's why we have those categories.
Precisely 🙂
I mean... It's not. The "categories" aren't real or useful. If you have an IEP it doesn't say any of that. It says "1 hour of speech per week, 20 min of ot twice a week, follow bathrooming plan"
These moms are the type of people who infantalized me as shy and not good with girls and all that nonsense. He'll grow out of his stutter and lamguage problems. I twisted myself into a "normal" person so hard as a child and masked myself into so many different personalities just to fit in that I lost myself and did harmful things. These people need to seriously think about the actual weight that their words carry. I understand me having to go through that in rural America in the 80's/90's, but to see this continue breaks my heart for the kids with ASD that worry if they are "enough" and the harm that this thinking perpetuates.
Sadly I think its even being weaponized, looks whats happening to young people who are having issues with their identity these days. They are being told they are broken and are manipulated into making major life-changing decisions regarding their bodies, instead of being told their fine and perfect the way they are. And left to develop in their own time.
What people like Christine do not realize is that when people twist themselves to fit in and be "normal" our risks for unaliving ourselves goes up exponentially. It is high masking so called high functioning autistics that are most at risk for this. Autism kills.
@@karenholmes6565
Autism doesn't kill.
Having to deal with allists kills.
@@karenholmes6565In addition to that, there's also all of the less obvious but still very important negative effects like anxiety and depression which have all kinds of consequences including accelerated aging, increased rates of a lot of physical health problems, worsened social function (which is already a problem by definition) etc
Rural and autistic is such a mixed bag of "shut up and be normal" alongside "no one cares" that I have become a social yo-yo just to cope.
Imagine saying to someone who has depression, "Your not depressed, your just Happiness-Challenged." Like dude, that's not even accurate
Happiness-challenged xD
Yeah it sounds like you only have problem with happiness but it isnt true. You get so sad that it supress everyother emotions including happiness along with your bodily functions. Being depressed basically your body trying to protect you by putting into fridge. Once you cool down you will get out of it. But you need to get your body out of the fridge to make it happen or you will continue on cooling.
@@exosproudmamabear558
For me, the first sign of being clinically depressed was in fact happiness going all numb. Eventually, all feelings just felt numb. Only thing that actually helped was actually antidepressants.
@@Elora445 It is just sadness supressing all other emotions after awhile you cant even feel the sadness especially if you go into depression slowly you may interpret it as going numb to all emotions not being sad but if you get into it quickly you realise it makes you sad a lot, numbness follow afterward you get use to that feeling. I have bipolar disorder I both got into depression really fast and really slow before multiple times difference between feelings are apperant once you experience both. I also have autoimmune ensefalite so I had some apathic(cant feel emotions,emotional bluntness) episodes too due to that. It was just bizzarre feeling forgetting what emotions felt like how do you get sad again,what was happiness like or was this memory good or bad. How did I feel back then? It was bizzarre moment for me,like I completely forgot how emotions worked instead of not feeling them like in depression. At least in depression your body remembers the feeling and wants to feel that again in emotional bluntless you dont remember it so why would you need it again?
Nah, it's "oh just cheer up, things could be worse".
As someone with baaad sensory issues who just went to New York City, I have come to realize I do not, in fact, have low support needs. I had multiple breakdowns even with noise canceling headphones.
The not getting support, surviving anyway, and concluding you’re low support needs is EXACTLY how I was. Surviving isn’t living.
I've never had support specific to autism. But I can definitely look back and see times when I needed support to thrive. Especially at school, higher education, in some of my jobs, and in virtually every purely social situation ever.
The result was I just had to leave and abandon many situations, because my struggle became too great.
THAT'S the reality for low-support-needs autistic people who don't receive support. They look for those limited situations they CAN cope with, and stick to them. Extra support could vastly widen their horizons though.
I'm one of the folks who couldn't talk until I was 5, couldn't read until 16, was in special ed until senior year of high school...speech therapy, the whole package. And then went on to graduate with highest honors from university, am bilingual (working on my 3rd), have been an event manager and now work as a full-time author...I was very high support needs, but now my needs are lower.
I was bilingual at the age of 4. I spoke my native language (italian) and my mom's language (russian) as my granddad (her father) was coming to live with us and he didn't speak a word in italian. I was the best in English class for a while. Everyone always complimented me. One day I overheard my native English teacher say to my other English teacher (I studied foreign languages in higschool) that I was fluent. My words come out so easily in English now compared to italian I don't even remember some words as they come naturally in English. I am low support needs. I'm not doing so great in university currently. I am also smart and dumb at the same time. I love writing and have almost been successful at doing most of my hobbies (crochet, kntting, sewing, baking, jewellery making). But I'm still autistic in my core. Both of our experiences are valid. Both of us require different levels of support. Both of us are talented in our own ways. There was a period in my life when I was around 11-12 where I read a huge amount of age appropriate books. I don't as much anymore. But that doesn't make me better or worse. Nor does it make my autism less or more. I'm still equally as autistic as other people are regardless of our expericnes.
@@nikitatavernitilitvynova absolutely! The autistic experience is so different for each of us!
I am impressed, that´s awsome. That´s something I can´t empathize. I guess it was the ADHD made me chat so too much my father once offered me money to shut up for half an hour... But not beeing diagnozed with AuDHD I totally failed school as a teenager and still have no degeree although I was tested "high intelligent" before and was always one of the best in class as a child. Wanted to die and was always frightened to be forced to go out in breaks to "play with the other kids" who constantly bullied me, yes, but intellectual eycellent....
That’s awesome!
Grats, dude! People often equate having difficulties with reaching the limit of our abilities, but in reality we can realize our true potential with the right environment and accommodations. You have a lot to be proud of ❤
Making comparisons with other disabilities really highlights their absurdity. No one's going to harass someone who wears reading glasses and tell them, "How dare you have glasses when your eyesight score is over 5/10? You're taking support from those who need it!"
I feel awful for Abbey, to have your mother use your personal experiences as an example for millions of people feels like a massive privacy violation. If my mom did that I would go low contact and make sure she knows as little about me as possible because I couldn't trust her to not share it on the internet for the whole world to see. I hope she's doing well.
Walking in circles trying to join a conversation, I’m 40 and I still feel like that at social gatherings, hovering about, being awkward. But also, Autism mum, thanks to people like her, I had to wait till I was 40 to get a diagnosis, because I didn’t present in the same way as my Brother, who was diagnosed as a child. And also did not have major issues intellectually at school. Stop gate keeping.
But we still need support. We are not just popping out of nowhere. We are just being diagnosed. We are being acknowledged. We were already here. We were always already here.
Abby's mom going on about the diagnostic criteria without showing evidence against the DSM 5 diagnostic criteria and her anecdotal experience is basically her talking out of her ass. She seems to be arguing against a strawman, or based on random tiktoks.
Also, Asperger's has been called "high-functioning autism" before the DSM 5, so even if it wasn't "official", there was recognition of it being like autism.
Asperger's was ALWAYS considered autism. They just gave it a different name, because AT THE TIME, autism was thought to be associated with low IQ by default, so they thought that was a big enough difference to seperate it. As the years have gone on, it's become clear that IQ is not a defining autism feature, so it makes no sense to seperate it out - what other disability or disorder (other than the obvious, intellectual disability) is given two different diagnoses depending on whether the person has an intellectual disability or not? It makes no sense
All of these autism moms are just arguing against Tik Tok. Every time I listen to one of them, they’re mostly complaining about stuff they see on Tik Tok.
Oh, you mean you’re seeing toxic stuff on the most toxic platform there is? Wow! Shocking! 😂
Stop going on Tik Tok and the problem is solved for you. The REAL problem here is that these moms are on Tik Tok all day because they’re using their autistic kid for “content” on Tik Tok.
Yes. I can pretty much make a video saying "well Abby can talk really well just like me and I'm not even native English. So I don't think she has communication deficits. Also she has friends and is friends with you. So I don't think she has deficits in forming relationships. So yes. The dsm-v is faulty because they misdiagnosed your daughter just as much as me.. As the criteria is faulty for everyone. But apparently it's faulty for people like me but not for your daughter's gain." it's such a stupid silly argument. Expecially if she goes on to defend her daughter's diagnosis when people tell her she's been lied to and she's faking all of this. They always come back with the argument of "you haven't known her long enough to tell" or "you can't judge from the Internet" while at the same time doing the exact same. I wish I wasn't as camera shy as I am and to be able to open up my tripod, set my mic and talk about it face to face to prove a point. But I can guarantee these people will always cut you or have something to say. "But...!"
and just because someone is high-functioning doesn't mean that they aren't at a much higher risk for depression and other co-morbidities
@@666Tomato666
If anything, anxiety, depression, and other co-issues are worse for low support need folks. It flies under the radar just like everything else.
Stop trying to make “neurodeficit” and “neurodifferent” happen, Abby’s mom. They’re not going to happen.
BTW, never feel bad for calling out these martyr parents. They have zero respect for us; we should always respond in kind.
😂😂😂
Yep. They carry with them the stigma against mental disorders. She believes she can gatekeep it because she thinks of it as less than a ""real"' disorder that can be seen in am xray or mri.
There’s more respect and pity for *murderers* of autistic people than level 3 autistics. Especially when you hear about a woman killing her autistic child I see comments like “I feel so bad for her” “she must’ve been at her breaking point” but when an autistic person screams your ears off it’s the same pity party for those around them. Before anyone calls me inconsiderate yes we’re fully aware that we’re tough to care for and yes we know we many of us can be violent after drilling this into our heads, but if you’re gonna pity the parents at the very least pity the autistic person as well saying “I can’t imagine being behind everyone else as an adult” “it must be a pain needing to be cared for 24/7”, instead of assuming autistic people are too stupid to understand when we feel abandoned by our families and would go as far as to blame us if Heaven forbid we talk about how we’re treated negatively. Autism is a moral failing to them, not a disability that needs proper care. They’re likely the same to preach about depression/anxiety sufferers then not extend beyond those mental illnesses as long as it’s themselves at the very least. No I’m not saying all Neurotypicals are like this before anyone whines about how I’m assuming they all are, I’m saying those specific kind of Neurotypicals (especially parents) need to do better for autistics especially those who suffer from this disability far worse than I am right now.
Vaguely related, something else that annoys me:
It is not "neurodiverse", unless you are talking about a group of people with different neurotypes. A single person that is not neurotypical is _neurodivergent._ Because we diverge from the norm.
I think we should have patience for them. Some of them have been through a lot. I’d rather suffer myself than watch my child suffer. And sometimes their anger is a result of lack of patience on the part of autistic advocates. They are against us because they think we are against them. As long as they love their child then I think it’s worth it to educate them with patience.
I think disability in general is kind of something gate kept by abled people for some reason. There is something to be said about leaving limited resources intended for disabled people to people who need them like parking spaces or bathrooms, but a label and more abundant resources are guarded with a sort of…Territorial hoarding, almost?
It reminds me of when we first rescued our dog and she would get into fights with our other dog over his food after eating her own food way too fast, almost.
Additionally I required help in other places that weren’t speech. I have a stutter, yes, but I needed much more help with things like my fine motor skills and social interaction. I had to work really hard just to learn math and reading but most people would still say I’m not really disabled.
People who feel entitled to plenty get really hostile when they think someone is trying to cut into their share. You getting what you need to thrive might end up costing them a few cents in taxes this year, or just make them feel bad about not getting a wee bit of attention.
I had to have language therapy when I was younger, but I guarantee you that Abbie’s mum would label me as “neuro-different” because she thinks she can tell the difference between someone who’s had speech and language therapy and someone who hasn’t.
Disability really is gatekept and I think it's a way of punishing disabled people, whether overtly or just as part of internalized ableism. Living in the US, a huge proportion of the population is disabled, whether they call themselves disabled or not, but accommodations and support are very sparse, despite us as a nation being perfectly capable of paying for such things
And the lack of grace and understanding in everyday life astounds me. Even friends of mine who are otherwise progressive or even leftist consistently prop up ableism unless they themselves explicitly identify as disabled
And it just makes me so mad, because people are helping to maintain the very structures that keep them struggling
I've had a similar experience.
And many who are managing now might have needed OT or SLT and never received it. And just went through a lot of unnecessary struggle.
As a mom of two kids on the spectrum, and being on the spectrum myself, this idea is so bothersome. My oldest has “high support needs,” did all the therapies (but not music therapy 😮). My youngest needed “less support” around his ASD (still did some therapies). I am of the age where ASD diagnosis/therapies really weren’t available.
We have a spectrum in our household itself.
ASD IS NOT A DANG PIE! No one gets less ASD because there is progress in research and therefore more humans diagnosed.
I was actually an early talker, speech, language, and verbal communication are one of my super skills. But I couldn’t read or write till I was 12 years old. Not everyone gets delayed the in the way.
Another thing about the increase of diagnosis is that prior to 2013 there were 5 separate conditions of which ASD was one. Now that the other 4 are rolled into the one, this is also going to add to the appearance that the remaining ASD diagnosis is suddenly increasing. For example, if each one is 20 percent of 100 adding the 4 to the one gives that one the appearance of an increase of 80 percent.
I love the martyr parents who compare 1970s diagnostic figures to today. The DSM-II was in force in the 1970s and didn’t even have a specific “autism” label. The few Autistic people who managed to get diagnosed back then were labeled schizophrenic.
Yup, this. Asperger’s Syndrome was always part of the autism spectrum, and that was my diagnosis in 2005, but with the DSM change my diagnosis got merged with autism. Abbie’s mum is confused because she doesn’t realise Asperger’s Syndrome was always part of the autism spectrum and people with Asperger’s Syndrome could 100% have language difficulties like I did. My diagnosis came while I was receiving speech and language therapy at 6 years old.
I don't understand the point of gatekeeping autism. One person receiving a diagnosis or support does not affect in _any_ even minuscule way another person's diagnosis or support. How does me receiving accommodations at my job have any impact whatsoever on Abby or her mother? It literally doesn't. I really think people like that just need a reason to feel special or something. Autism is not a zero-sum game.
What were all five? I know Asperger's and autism, but that's it.
@@GhostIntoTheFogThe historic schizophrenic misdiagnosis really makes me wonder about my great aunt, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia back in the 50s or 60s. Especially since some of her siblings, including my grandmother, have some really distinctive traits of autism, and from what I remember of my aunt's behavior, she had autistic ways of interacting, as well
People who are not autistic need to stop weighing in on the needs of autistics. Period. People who are not clinicians highly experienced in diagnosing autistics also do not need to weigh in on who should have the diagnosis and who shouldn't. Period.
I am one of the "lower support needs" autistics who didn't even know I was autistic until I related with an autistic comedian (Hannah Gadsby) at age 32. I got my diagnosis at 32 and I had zero help and support growing up. I struggled IMMENSELY in ways I couldn't voice to others and I was afraid to do so, quite frankly. Has the struggle stopped? No. I pay for my own therapy. I pay for my own medical appointments in general. I don't have an ounce of support or help from my family. I've been burnt out for years. I'm lacking relationships and connections I've always wanted. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD, among other things. LIFE. IS. NOT. EASY. FOR. ANY. AUTISTIC. INDIVIDUAL.
Oh... And for those who think people are being "over-diagnosed" as autistic when they're not, have you thought about the fact that we have more access to other autistics than ever before through social media? This is how we figure it out. We have access to learning about autism and we have access to learn from and interact with autistic people in more ways than we ever have before. We're becoming more educated about it and talking about it more. And THAT is why the diagnoses are going up. Because more people are coming forward and finding out they're autistic. You don't know what you don't know. You can never be diagnosed or know you're autistic if you know nothing about autism. But just because more people are being diagnosed and are self-identifying now, it doesn't mean we have "more" autistic people. What we have are less undiagnosed and less unaware autistics. Wish I could send this message to Christine's ignorant self.
I don’t think it’s fair to say non-autistic people should have no voice. Caretakers need to have a seat at the table for the people they care for, or those people have NO voice. And they absolutely need a voice.
But those people need to understand their place at the table. They are surrogates. They don’t get to have their own opinion. They get to talk about the needs of the people they are caring for. That’s it. They have no responsibility for the table.
Research, non-profits, and other groups like that need direct autistic leadership. The days of the NTs “saving” autistics need to be gone.
"And for those who think people are being "over-diagnosed" as autistic when they're not, have you thought about the fact that we have more access to other autistics than ever before through social media?"
You said a very important thing. We've been listening to each other and we've had epiphanies that were previously dependent on talking to experts or having people around us that noticed or cared enough to take us to those experts in the first place. The absence of help is not the absence of need.
Say it so much louder for the people in the back!!!
@@batintheattic7293 Everything I know about myself has been through friends online who have this condition as well as stuff I researched on my own despite me being diagnosed with this when I was in my late teens. I've been told many times since then to seek help but it never worked out or was not worth it. I've been traumatized by the system for over half my life and I have since stopped seeking such help as it simply doesn't exist for a man like me in his soon to be mid 30's and i've also no stopped associating in communities involving such matters as recent events finally motivated me to get out of them.
^ This! Also 32 and going through diagnosis, and good god life has been hard up to this point! When you think autism is just for high support needs and you don't know that its possible to be low support needs and what that feels like, how are you supposed to know the reason you find life so hard has a name and its not because you're just not as good as everyone else! Absolutely the reason more lower support needs people are being diagnosed is beacause we are becoming more aware of what that is and that we can go ask for help, we don't have to suffer through it alone anymore.
I'm an autistic teen with dyslaxia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia. I got all of my diagnosis last year which means I got through Elementary and Middle school with no support whatsoever and, just because I did pull through, it doesnt mean I did it easily. I struggled in Elementary school with basic maths, writing and reading, in Middle school I had to start therapy because I was struggling so much. I got my diagnosis before starting High School and I'm now taking a year off so my mom can be sure I have all of the accommodations I need put in place for next year, such as a support teacher, using an Ipad for books and communication if needed, being allowed headphones, ect.... It feels so SO invalidating to my struggles when I hear these "autism moms" say that I'm not autistic just because I don't need to be supervised 24/7.
My fingers are crossed that Your High School Years will be a better experience, honey😊 (AuDHD-Mum, 48)
@@katzenbekloppt_mf Thank you for the encouragment, I appreciate it🤍
I’m proud of you for getting through those years without support. You shouldn’t have had to be that strong, but I hope you recognize your accomplishment. ❤
I say that as someone who got accommodations in high school. It’s extremely helpful. I hope your experience will be much better in the future!
Rooting for you! My dyslexic/ASD kid was homeschooled for eight months (partially due to covid lockdown) and it was life changing. We were able to completely turn around her educational experience. She went from unable to spell three letter words to functioning at an average level when she re-entered school. She is now one of the top students at a highly academic senior school. More importantly, she is happy. X
just because i graduated high school doesn't mean i didn't slowly break down completely over the course of 3 years and dropped out midway through the last year but my teachers pitied me and gave me passing grades so i could graduate because they saw how much i was suffering.
"Just because you managed to get through something without help because you had no other choice, doesn't mean that the help wasn't necessary."
This.
I'm 61. I got an informal diagnosis from a Psychiatrist who had worked with Autistic people when I was about 45 and I finally got a formal diagnosis when I was 51, so I've only had 10 years of getting to know about Autism and how it affects me!
I'm intelligent, but I've spent most of my adult life unemployed, I'm now on P.I.P.
I know that High-level functioning is a problematic label but I like to describe myself as High-Level Malfunctioning.
😁😁😁
Essentially 🤷♂️
Can we do things well? Absolutely 💯
Can we do them consistently? I'll get back to you... 😅
@@AnnoyingNewslettersexactly the reason why I call myself a certified idiot. Because I had an informal diagnosis too that didn't get certified that proves I'm a silly dumb idiot at times. I'm not stupid. I'm just dumb at times. It is what it is I guess. Also I call myself that but there aren't hard feeling. Inner me likes that term. Because it makes light of my difficulties without taking them too seriously.
Yes, Thank You, that is a very good wording! I will "steal" it😉
This mom sounds like she wants autism to be redefined to designate the needs that pose more of a challenge to her, not to the autistic people
I did really well in school and poorly in just about every other aspect of my life when I was growing up. I liked school because it had a set routine. I was the kid who got distressed when school was cancelled because wtf I had planned to go and now my schedule is thrown off. I knew what was going on every day at school and that allowed me to thrive (except during recess when I there was no set "way" to interact with others and I ended up just walking around the perimeter on my own). I loved teacher-directed classes and hated group work or "free study" times. The only times I had meltdowns were when something unexpected happened (like an unannounced fire drill). I usually would be so distressed that I would be sent home after something like that. If Christine saw my grades she'd probably think I'm not even neuro-different or whatever. But yeah, I'm good at school stuff, but ask me to pour something or mix something complicated like in a recipe and I struggle immensely. Not all autistic people are gonna have the same type of support needs.
Great video. Thanks for sharing. Autism is in my family and has been for generations. It's very interesting how things have changed over time and Abbey's mum is very old fashioned. My mum is the same, to the point of denial of her own difficulties. She has an "I was fine so you will be" attitude. I've had to pull away from them so my son can get support. Times are changing and the stigma of disability is changing for the better. The younger people get it.
Using her own vocabulary here, I always saw Abbey as “high functioning” since the show. She was privileged to have access to support and different services as a child, but a lot of other autistic people that also had that and are now her age can’t speak like she can, can’t have conversations and explain how they think like she does so well, can’t date, be on a documentary about finding romance and so other things she does. I bet many parents of those other autistics would look at Abbey and not consider her autistic enough. And Abbey’s mom would not like that, because that would be invalidating to her daughter’s journey and struggles, which is what she is doing to people she doesn’t consider autistic enough. I’m diagnosed level 2, need a carer to help me do daily stuff, I don’t go out by myself, I’m a part time AAC user, and I graduated with honors in university, I’m working in my first job working from home, whenever there’s a work trip, my mom needs to go with me (and the company pays for it. They are very inclusive) and I am capable of so many things while also having higher support needs. I’m confused about what that lady would think of me. Would she just go into error 404 brain not working?
She would probably just become the human version of the surprised Pikachu GIF
It just wouldn’t compute in their brain. Also your story is really encouraging omg, makes me have hope I can be successful in life while still using accommodations.
Yeah, for real. I grew up Level 1, and now work in a special ed program with mainly Level 2 autistic children. It's really not cut-and-dry. Today, our third-grader with a lot of difficulty speaking proved to be best in the class at identifying fractions!
I don't even know what support needs category I would be in, because I don't think I feel comfortable being honest about just how much support I really need, given how I was treated growing up, and how I'm currently treated. I constantly struggle, but again, I've internalized a lot of the negative judgements people applied to me, and don't know how to separate out things I am capable of, but too overwhelmed to do from things where I truly need the assistance of others
Yes, I completely get this!
@@imautisticnowwhat I can relate like crazy! Story of my life. I just can't bring myself to be honest with others, and in many ways, myself. It's sad. I keep telling myself that I can't fall apart. I have kids, a mortgage and bills...I don't have time to take care of me to that extent.
Instead of always playing on my own as a kid, I would hang around the adults. Would often get shooed away to go "play with the kids my age" but it never interested me, and when I tried, I would always be treated different. Always felt way more comfortable around the adults instead of my peers.
Me too, I was never interested or able to play with other kids who were my age. I didn’t want to, it wasn’t fun. I thought they were outright mean, chaotic or just unpleasant to be around.
This! I had a very limited friend-group near my age. It is easier now, but as a child, I could never predict the actions of my peers and it caused anxiety and avoidance.
I preferred the company of the adults whose emotions I could predict and who tended towards calm rationality and intelligent conversation (elementary school was so easy... and that bit me later) or I would prefer the company of the younger kids, who I would take on a nurturing 'motherly' role to. Notably in 5th grade, I was friends with a couple of Kindergarteners and 1st graders.
My peers were chaotic and mean, alliances and friendships changed by the day, whereas if I call someone a friend, I will be loyal to that friendship no matter what. Also, I was poor and didn't have access to the same shows they watched or the same brands of clothing... so I stood out, I also had little interest in the things most of the other kids enjoyed. I was bullied... mostly by kids 1 to 2 grades Below me.
SAME LMAO i was always hanging out with the old ladies
There are meny Christine's in the world.
They like to tell us we are not Autistic, while at the same time telling us to stop acting Autistic?
(This can causes meltdowns)
In my early high school years i started considering if i was autistic because i was taking a psychology class and i related to a lot of the symptoms described, and i voiced my thoughts to my closest friends and one of them has a very high needs autistic sister and I remember she blew up at me saying that there's actual people struggling out there like her sister and that I was being a bad person. I remember it made me hate myself for even considering that i may be autistic so i dropped that thought and forgot about it. Cut back to years later, falling down the autistic rabbit hole for a whole different reason, doing months of research, trying to get a diagnosis, and now knowing that I am. I could really have used the support back then, or at least knowing that I was autistic could have helped me cope with it better. Ever since I accepted that I am autistic for sure, it made it so much easier to be me. I think people like Abby's mom, although they mean well, are causing more harm to autistic people than any good they think they are doing.
I never needed speech therapy. I never had music therapy. I am a moderate support needs autistic. I am one of those people who "doesn't look autistic." I am 50 years old. I masked all my life. I suffered greatly in school. I hate this idea that some people aren't autistic enough. It's utter crap!
I am a self diagnosed low support needs autistic person…I did great in school- was in the gifted program, got straight A’s, went on to college and am now in grad school for clinical mental health counseling. But the intersection of trauma and autism that I experienced going up, where my needs were often failed to be acknowledged and met, led to a looooooot of people pleasing behaviors. And guess what? Those same people pleasing behaviors made me so vulnerable to toxic and exploitative people and unsafe experiences including child grooming and sexual assault. Because I do well in school and outwardly can socialize well, was it right for my support needs to be ignored and dismissed? Judging by the consequences of that (and what I mentioned is just part of them), I’d say no.
OMG! So much this! I have multiple higher degrees yet I'm now 40 and unable to work due to PTSD and AuDHD
the people pleasing will ruin your life...... I've heard....
Twice exceptional people struggle with special problems. I see you. I am you. I was a scholar, considered brilliant, etc. I also can't drive, operate power tools, tell my right from my left, nor follow pictorial directions. It is really hard to be gifted and and intellectually disabled at the same time. People expect more from you and when you can't do what they expect they think you're lazy, trying to get away with stuff, dishonest, etc etc.
I can relate to this as an autistic astrophysicist. Yeah I can do well in school and my job. I am even good speaker at scientific conferences. But that doesn't take away the issue that I clear speech difficulties and difficulties in transitions to say a few things.
I can relate to every word of this and appreciate your taking the time to write it all out
It feel like she sees autism as a badge of suffering, it has to be bad and extremely difficult or their struggles don't matter.
it needs to be difficult /for the parents/
if its difficult for the autistic she doesnt care
As we say in the chronic pain community - it's not a competition. Someone always has it worse, but that doesn't mean your suffering doesn't matter.
People in my group have terminal diagnoses, even teens, have untreated excruciating pain, and are bedridden, yet still find compassion for others. The fact that she can't and needs to make autism all about her is embarrassing.
Then again, it's almost always the abled who try to gatekeep in my experience
She sounds like she's trying to be a martyr for being the mom of an autistic person.
For my learning disability, it was labeled “working memory defecit” I like it - it’s like it works, but can only be stretched so far. But defecit for my entire identity? Absolutely not.
This makes me so upset. My fiance is lower support needs autistic and didn't get diagnosed until 30 years old. The struggles he has gone through are astronomical, because no one thought he was autistic due to his masking and "functioning". But I see, as someone who is not autistic. I see the overwhelm, I see the self esteem issues, I see the depression, I see the struggle. And if society accepted that lower support needs autistic people exist, maybe he would stop beating himself up and actually believe he is autistic. He is trying so hard to stop gas lighting himself and getting the support he needs. I hope for the Future!
I wonder how much of this boils down to I want me and my child to be special so the less people who have this label the better for me and whatever I'm trying to sell.
Bingo!
All of it. Maybe that's why fewer disabled people gatekeep. We're tired of being special.
"you went to a typical school, and you had no support, and you were neuro different" is actually such a messed up way to look at it dfhsfg
like???? nobody supported them regardless of how much they may have been suffering so clearly they weren't suffering *enough* to get the help they needed??????
Yesterday I got diagnosed with autism!! Yippee!! Feels validating to find out I was RIGHT the whole time!
(Btw self diagnosis is VALID!! /genuine)
Congrattts!!!
Congrats🪅🎉🎊! I am still waiting for my official diagnose (was diagnosed only with ADHD about 30 years old, but since then thinking I am autistic, too and now that it is allowed to diagnose both finally ...)
I plan to celebrate it for myself if I will get the diagnose, copy it to hand out to people that don´t believe me, put it in a frame and hang it on my wall, add my diagnose-day to my birtday in the calendar,...
If noone else validates us, we have to validate ourselves!
@@katzenbekloppt_mf oh I like that idea! I could keep a few copies in my backpack
I had an online, via 'Teams', evaluation for ADHD last week (have to go through that first, apparently, but the psychologist left me with her intention to pass my case on to an associate as she wasn't in a position to diagnose autism but I definitely didn't key out as ADHD). She did a very interesting thing, though, that chatGPT is adamant is tantamount to bad practice but I think may have been a diagnostic trick. She had her webcam positioned so that the bottom half of her face was off screen. At first I thought she was bound to realise and adjust it. I said nothing. Then the questions started to get more derailing. I still said nothing as I, at that point, thought it didn't really matter. By the end I was like one of those cats that is desperate to see where the rest of the cat, behind the mirror, is. I was ducking and dipping my head trying to see where the mouth that made the words was. It's ridiculous, I know, but I really suspect it was deliberate and possibly ingenious.
I remember being commonly accused of trying to get special treatment when begging for help from the adults around me because nobody else needed help with the things I did. I don't understand why every single "Autism Mom" influencer has to condescend to us. Makes me want to scream.
I've adapted to having very little support...by constantly over performing and people pleasing. Had my parents understood how to help, had the school officials not labelled me a troublemaker on sight and acted accordingly, I might not have to be deconstructing that shell today.
The funny (not really) thing is, as someone who was on the "higher functioning" side of the spectrum, I didn't get support as a kid. I learned to read on my own two years before starting school, and I was verbal. I was also withdrawn, socially awkward, but quiet enough to be a distraction in school - so no-one was concerned. Had I been diagnosed back then, and given the support in the areas I quietly struggled with, my adult life might be much better. No-one pushed me to be social, so I'm now an isolated person, who can't work, I've never had a partner, I have no friends to speak of, and the main focus of my occupational therapy is currently on how I could let someone in my home so I could receive the support I clearly need. I kinda envy Abby, who has succeeded in so many areas of her life, unlike me. She seems to be doing better than me. I'm not trying to say I'm more autistic, but I am saying my autism is just as valid, and pretty disabling, too.
The not so funny is i was non verbal but because i was a little girl, everyone think it’s normal. Normal for a girl not talking to anyone but her mom and dad. 😂 cause they are so scared of the name autistic 😂
@@ferchii13 The kindergarten teacher literally had to eavesdrop on my younger brother talking with his one little friend to be able to determine if he can talk, and if yes, how well, does he need speech therapy. He was never evaluated for autism. Neither was I, his older sister. I'm 35. Guess why I'm watching this channel now lol.
The school stuff is personally super upsetting. It's so beyond common for undiagnosed autistic people to drop out of school. I dropped out of school, despite it being one of the very few things in this world that gives me a sense of purpose. My entire life the past couple years has been based around school (I am now upgrading to try and go to university), in order for me to get an education, that has to be my entire focus, I don't get to have a life, friends, hobbies, just school because I am trying to find success in a system that is not built for me. I have to ruin myself and my mental health to "function" and because I have done that in the past, now it is what's always expected of me. I can't live alone. I can't cook for myself. I can't drive and get myself around. I can't do anything without support. I am not just neuro different, I am disabled.
thank you for sharing
Is it school, that gives you a sense of purpose, or is it learning? It may be the regimen that you need. On the other hand - you might be thriving when you're allowed to tackle questions and uncover answers. There may be an overlap, between school and learning, but they're not the same thing.
My secondary school was little better than a hotbed of corruption, ego politics and chaos - it wasn't such a catastrophe when it was finally in the rear view mirror!
yeah i finally dropped out of college after trying and failing for years. i’ve accepted that i’ll never graduate or be able to have a career. it annoys me when people around me say “you’re just holding yourself back, you need to tell yourself you can do it!”. like don’t you think i’ve tried? after going to college and dropping out over the course of 8 years i’ve realized its not for me. i’ve also tried working multiple times but end up crashing and burning for various reasons. i’ve accepted that i’m disabled and will never be able to have a “normal” life according to NT standards. i just wish the people around me would stop shaming me for it and would let me do what’s best for me even if it doesn’t make sense to them.
In her reckoning it's not about how much the autistic person suffered it's how much Mom suffered. She needs to accept that she, Mom, wants support because she suffered. Mom wants super props. I'm 63 and female. I didn't get any kind of help just constantly berated to straighten up and fly right. Mom needs therapy.
A true autism diagnosis is determined through how hard it was for the poor mother, we all know this.
Thanks for this. Her definition mirrors that used for differentiation between those sent to Am Spiegelgrund and those later labeled after the Austrian doctor who managed to fly under radar far longer than he should have. I have trouble posting about this topic without it getting censored by YT, and until more people become aware of what happened, we're going to have a hard time explaining the slippery slope to the moms. :(
Got "gemüt?" Not sure one should want too much of that! See researcher Edith Sheffer's work.
Unbelievably selfish for anyone labeling to insist on labeling with the name of an Austrian eugenist.
I could only agree on anything like the quote at 20:35 until the science gets better!
About 4mins in really hit me -- I didn't get diagnosed until my 30s, because, quote, "you're too smart to be autistic". Still makes me frustrated to have been taken less seriously because smart people can't have any problems. And like you stated, I had severe mental health issues because I just did not understand the world and people around me (a lot of times I still don't, but I've learned to treat it as a separate sort of logic I have gotten better at guessing the rules of)
Well, that was basically as painful as expected. Always wonderful being told that I'm wrong about what I know.
These arguments frustrate me so much, that people with lower support needs aren't really autistic. By some measures, I'm "successful." I got a PhD, I have a teaching job (which I find incredibly stressful), and I made it to my 50s without anyone realizing I'm autistic. But compared to my neurotypical peers, I have struggled a lot. I took 10 years off between my MA and my PhD, during which I worked at a bunch of different jobs, felt like there was something "wrong" with me but never figured it out. My life would have been so different if I'd just known I was autistic! I'm so close to crashing and burning right now it's scary, and I might not have reached this point if I'd been able to get supports somewhere along the way. Completely invalidating our experience and struggles like this woman is doing is not helpful.
If you feel like you're currently really close to collapse - now you know about what might be at the root of it I hope you will (at least) ease off the gas and possibly seek some support, too. Some modulation may be called for. You've managed to climb so high - don't get knocked off the rock face. There's a time for building (expansion) and a time for maintenance - this may be a time for the essential ongoing repairs.
I'm also scary close to crashing and burning right now... my psychiatrist said audhd diagnosis will help, but I don't know how long I can wait
I was gifted and yet did very poorly in my academic field in University. I ended up underemployed most of my life, it was a great source of shame for me. I had breakthroughs that lasted a while and then I would crash and burn. Again a source of shame. I struggled with suicidal ideation whenever I failed at something. Meanwhile flying under the radar all the while. I was finally diagnosed and it has been such a revelation and a relief. I want to tell all of those “Autism Moms” who think that only a “visibly” Autistic person like their own child deserves to be called Autistic that the mental struggle to be normal can be just as devastating. Suicide is a real risk for Autistic people. Who knows how many undiagnosed Autistic people have died from self harm or suicide and were never counted? The DSM5 exists because the research and knowledge is improving and because rigid thinking about Autism is being challenged. Expanding the spectrum is a good thing for all of the people like me who flew under the radar. I am 70 years old and I suspect that my life would have been easier if I had had educational and workplace accommodations. So bravo to the current definitions of what it means to be Autistic. Knowledge is power.
im incredibly lucky about how chill my mother is about everything, she's always thought i was autistic but. she acts nothing like a stereotypical 'autism mom'
You mean she has her own identity without having to live through her children's conditions or their sporting events?
Autism moms are just feral soccer ⚽ moms. 🤷♂️
It always makes me happy to hear about great parents and how they support their kids
Yeah I don’t have an autism mom either
I always love how you explain things clearly and logically. Even when addressing people who are making ignorant claims - you always manage to address the claims and rebut them, while avoiding personal attacks or meanness.
Even watching uncomfortable content is easier because of the way you parse it out and address it fairly and logically.
Thank you so much 😊
22:19 EXACTLY! ... I had not gone to the doctor in YEARS... like 10 years! Well, I had an issue that forced me to go recently to a clinic. They asked if I wanted a family doctor and they got an appointment for me to see one. Well my appointment was 2 days ago. Here's how it went...
I almost had a literal panic attack on the way to the appointment because of how scared I was of the whole situation. I am SO uncomfortable in medical environments. I went in and felt awkward the whole time. I told the doctor about many different issues I have been experiencing. I had to go to the restroom and I literally got lost on the way back to find the doctors room again... I could not even force myself to make eye contact with her... my face was so red and I was having trouble thinking of what I needed to say...
Well I ended up finally bringing up mental health concerns and she asked me about that. I told her I have a lot of executive functioning struggles and told her about some other things. Then I mentioned I think I may have autism but wasn't sure who I needed to talk to about that ... she literally looked at me and said ... "Well if you did, you are EXTREMELY high functioning so..." and I replied "yea it may seem that way because I am having to put on a mask. But you don't see me at home when I am struggling." Then my husband mentioned to her how hard it was for me to even get to this appointment and everything. And she just didn't care about any of that ... 😢 I felt (and still feel) so belittled and invalidated... so it went exactly how I was afraid it would. And the only thing she did the whole time was try to push medicine on me when I had barely even got to explain any of my concerns to her. She even put the words in my mouth for me that I have depression. I didn't even tell her that and she put it on my medical online thingy as a condition I have ... when I told her I was not even feeling depressed at that moment ........ that was all she cared about. And she wanted to medicate me for it after I clearly told her my goal was to make sure of what I have with tests and screenings before taking any action like medicine (I am likely not going to take any because I am not trying to fix anything, just to understand it)
People will say stuff like "you're taking away recourses from people who really need it!"
but will then vote against welfare for such individuals without even realizing it
i can see why she'd want to defend abby's individual struggles, as anyone would want to be understood and accommodated and seen for our individual challenges
i genuinely don't understand why she acknowledges the torment and pain of not being able to socialize but then say "but it's not a deficit" because there are other unique strengths some of us have.
why shouldn't all pains be acknowledged?
I couldn''t get any help for my Autistic children as we had a low income. I taught myself the therapies and did them myself. I don't like how that womans ignorant assessment. ALL people on the spectrum need help as early as possible'.
Yeah, it's a VERY privileged view... A lot of us aren't even diagnosed let alone able to access therapies.
as someone who has a family member who is autistic and is on the lower end of the spectrum it would be terrible if he hadnt gotten help for it... he needed things very specific or he wouldnt like it and would have temper tantrums a lot older than most children. he also hated it when new people would enter the house with a passion. we got some people to help him feel a bit better in that way and tought him how to act- he still somewhat struggles with it but it was so much better once he got help. please always offer help to all of the spectrum if they feel they need it.
The thing that gets me is that her daughter appears to be what she would describe as neuro different in videos but bc she knows what Abby's history was, she sees her as more autistic than other people she's seeing on tik tok. She has no idea what people's struggles are or were growing up based on their ability to show up on camera. It's gatekeeping at it's finest and very disappointing.
I knew, as soon as I saw Christine on the show , that she was one of those mom's that made their child's autism her whole identity.. I'm glad I wasn't wrong.
This is so infuriating to watch. How dare this woman speak over us. She's not even a bloody doctor (not that that would allow her to try and refuse us our diagnosis).
Hoping you'll do another meme video soon, the last videos were all quite heavy
I think I'll post another on the 11th, the day before my birthday 🥰 But some lighter stuff before then too!
@@imautisticnowwhatYay, looking forward to it!
@@BlueGangsta1958 me too. Just curious, are You german, too? Because of the Pumuckel-picture?
@@katzenbekloppt_mfYup! Good username you got haha
@@BlueGangsta1958 Dankeschön :-) Warum wirst Du mir denn in der Benachrichtigung jetzt als "Pumuckel" angezeigt, aber hier erscheint "BlueHangsta1958"? Ich bin verwirrt😂
The entire point of updating the autism definitions in the DSM V was to capture people who previously wouldn't have been diagnosed who have the same types of support requirements (even if they need different amounts of support). The whole pushback against this really sounds like "I want the support for *my* child but I want to exclude a whole load of other children that I personally think don't need as much support as my child", particularly since there's no scientific basis to the distinction.
Parents who speak about their autistic children like this, to me, reek of resentment. They don't want other people to have that label because they, as parents, want to be recognized for the struggle THEY went through having an autistic child. Ultimately, they view their children as burdens and they want to be recognized for how much support they gave their child and be praised for it.
It reminds me of when I was in high school and I would argue with my friends about who has the worst childhood, but someone winning never gained anyone anything. The real win was understanding the nuances of each individual's experience and how that impacted them, and using that to help move ourselves and each other forward and lift each other up.
Thanks for the thorough video! I always love watching 💛
Hmm yeah, I think and behave in a different way. If only there were some word for that
6:00 Flashback to elementary school, which I barely remember a second of, realizing, wait I was pulled out of classes a lot for therapy sessions (I thought everyone was getting those)
I was put into a social skills thing and was quite confused about it! My mum was never told either for some reason 😅
Same. I still don’t entirely know how I ended up in those therapy sessions. I mean I can imagine but still, not sure.
I was given a bag of candy in elemementary school by a school counselor and told not to tell any kids. I still have no idea why.
It wasn't due to being poor because my brother never received it.
@@tatiana4050 Some people are just our favorites lol
In secondary school me and two others were sent on a weekend trip for being ‘gifted and talented’, where I remember learning skills like how to stay calm and how to pretend you’re making eye contact.