Dumbest Military Duo - International Crime Spree
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- Опубліковано 10 лют 2025
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This story starts out with two best friends wandering the planet together, and then not so accidentally start getting involved in WoRcR!ME$! Uh ohh, better run away to Kenya, too bad they get stopped in Sudan and told to go back home, where they then rob bands and set up an old couple to be robbed. It only gets worse from there.
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The views expressed on this page or any derivative therefrom are those of myself and do not reflect the official policy or position of the Department of Defense or U.S. Government. ~ A.C.
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Correction. Russia took over Crimea in 2014 not 2017
HOW MUCH TO HAVE A BATTLE BUDDY😂
Turning into the chubby coptrition
how did they get the grenade hu? how did they get the grenade?
"Like Canada trying to take over Maine and Vermont"
Yeah, if they were full of people who considered themselves Canadians, spoke the separate Canadian language, had lived in what WAS Canada still in living memory, oh and, cannot stress this enough: WERE BEING MURDERED WHOLESALE BY THE US GOVERNMENT FOR THE PRIOR THREE THINGS!
Ah yes, Army of Two... Braincells
Exactly!
LOL
Last two braincells kicking each other in the balls.
Not everybody can be Lauri Törni.
Duh. That desperate. No just that stupid dumb clown show
I got rejected from the E-4 mafia for traitorous activities. Those activities include attending a promotion board, collecting promotion points, and worst of all getting a rank that is not E-4.
"Holy shit! That's Jason Stillborn!"
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
JFC lmao
Medusa at home
Jason Unborn
These guys are so allergic to making good decisions that the world's supply of epi-pens couldn't save them.
That just doesn't make sense.
@@That0Homeless0Guy Epinephrine helps get you through anaphylactic shock...which you get through allergic reactions usually.
It was a bad joke, but had logical consistency.
😂😂😂
Most senior NCO's believe that anything can be accomplished, given enough privates. That works under the assumption that there's leadership around to kindly and gently guide them. This is what happens when privates are left unsupervised. They still achieve unbelievable things. It's just stupid things. Like, the dumbest things.
And often, the gayest things. H/t Terminal Lance
Then you opt for First Sergeant’s punishment and they get to turn over all the ricks that were used as landscaping around the Company barracks so they don’t get a sunburn.
Worse yet is when you come bebopping past the First Sergeant’s office and he sends you out to supervise, because he knows you did something but can’t get the evidence to pin you down.
😂😂
When I got my stripes, a squad leader gave me some wise words. "Whether he knows it or not, every time Joe leaves his barracks room, he's on a mission to destroy your career."
More of a, "well if you roll the dice enough"
In fairness to the 10 yr E-2, I was held at E-4 for 5 years and not allowed to advance because I was on an MEB and they said "Well, you're getting out so it doesnt make sense to advance you..."... As they proceeded to drag my medical board process for over 2 years past my contract and for those 2 years had me re-up every 90 days... No NJPs, no reasons not to be advanced to E-5... Just a completely incompetent chain of command with a W-2 admin who made up her own policies with more frequency than a radio.
I now see the misfits of the US Military as the real heroes
Clearly someone didn’t like you
Tell me you got 100% at least!
Well…..I was in Chosen troop with Lang. dude lost his rank for refusing to salute the Lt.
@@mr.jenkinsawesomecoolteach7280 It's so shocking that the military has rules.
I feel like i could relate. I was E3 as a 92F (petroleum specialist) deployed to afghanistan, south korea and back stateside in fort bliss. 7 years. Never moved up. Never even got NJPed for demotion. I just felt like i wasnt getting anywhere as far as moving up rank. So i just didnt reup. The certs i got were pretty helpful though. Helped me get a job in the oil and gas industry.
I was NOT expecting to hear such a spot on Kermit the Frog impression 5 minutes into the video.
Me neither, I had to watch it like 3 times and even still I'm shocked!!
Wow! I did NOT catch that! Right at 5:01!
Kremit
Oh my gosh I thought the same thing!
I thought it was Jordan Peterson
I remember this,Lang tried to go back to Ukraine using his real passport after he couldn't get a fake one in 2019,as soon as he tried to cross the Ukrainian border from Moldova he was detained by Ukrainian Border Guards due to his name popping up as being wanted by the US. Was arrested,jailed for a bit,placed under house arrest with an ankle monitor when he tried to fight extradition but couldn't then was sent back to US Law Enforcement .
How messed up do you have to be when a country at war with its 10x larger neighbor *doesn't* want to send you to the meat grinder?
These two are a prime example of "How the fuck did they manage to survive to adulthood"?
by basically spending most of it in jail
Guessing its by the grace of a beloved DI...
With murder and theft. Were you not paying attention?
Mandatory Seatbelts and bike helmets.
How alex made it to adulthood is because his dad was a small town police chiefs son
' ...and Kenya goes, get the f out...'
I burst out laughing, brilliant delivery 😂😂😂
When I was just a 15 year old white boy I wrote "Columbian drug lord" on my career path paper and I think I probably had a better shot at that than they did at being Jason Bourne.
So, how did that career play out?
Well... hes still not Columbian. Sooo...Im guessing not successful?
@@rocksteady9826 What if it was a typo and he meant Columbian drag lord, seems achievable.
@@changlee1196 OH NO NO NO NO NO
@@changlee1196 Queens seem to be in style, so maybe. Don't know if Colombia goes for that type of shit though
E-4 mafia be "The secret to bypassing checkpoints...is a handy dandy Clipboard!" Lol
A clip board and official looking Inner Office memo envelopes. The yellow ones with the string and holes in it.
If stupid could fly, those two would fly faster than an SR-71 Blackbird.
If stupid could fly, they could keep Boeing in the air!
So xb70 then
I was in A troop 1-13CAV at the same time Lang was in C troop. I never remember meeting him until after we got back from Afghanistan and even then there were rumors going around about things he did down range that were “questionable” but got swept under the rug.
What type of questionable things
1-13 cav was the biggest piece of shit unit in the entire military there was no such thing as leadership there.
"so stupid its a war crime"
To anyone that doesn't understand the United States military it sounds like a normal work day
for the Russians is in their blood to commit war crimes.
@ContentEnjoyer-gm3ky eh, yours are the most notorious.
@ContentEnjoyer-gm3ky even funnier when you realize canada is the reason for most of the things that are listed as war crimes LOL
Homie, every modern battleship is technically a war crime
@@Louzahsolthere are no modern battleships
"It's gonna be chaos... so I'll allow it"
...is the most drill Sergeant thing I've ever heard😂
Being successfully charged with war crimes and comming war crimes are 2 very different things lol
War crimes are just written down because Canada lost their shit in ww1..seriously, we have caanda to thank for geneva conventions......we got a crazy af hat
Eddie Gallagher enters chat 👀
It's only a war crime if you lose the war
@@justjoe5373 you only face the consequences if you lose the war. It’s still a war crime, a fucking disgrace, and not something we should be lauding people for committing. It’s all shits and giggles joking about the “Geneva checklist”, but it’s kinda off-color to joke about actual war crimes
You mean convicted?
I became an E4 a little after being in 2yrs.. stayed an E4 for the next three years.. stop loss days.. no E5 slots.. high ass points for promotion.. etc etc.. BUT loved every minute of it.. everyone came to me to get shit done.. including our O4 commander.. E4 Mafia for Life!!!
Couldn’t make sgt in 6 years….even as an infantry mos….ah yeah he fucked up
And that is a crime in itself!
Couldnt even make an E-4...I mean, the ONLY prerequisite is to be there, lol.
Yep, stay out of trouble and promotion to Specialist is automatic
Honestly I'm with you there. I can see him not making it if it was one of those higher point 798 MOS's but the infantry is different.
@JamesGriffinSpiteHouse Holy hell 2 tours and he was still a PFC? I never deployed due to a bad training accident and got medboarded out as an E-3. I almost made E-4 during the process!
My MEDO, LT Frank, did it right. Went AWOL and joined the French foreign legion. Turned himself in after his legion tour was over. Great Rolling Stones article out there too.
The thing that blows me away with that story is his line about needing to be "cold, wet, and miserable." I'm like bro, you left the 10th MTN... that's all they do!
If I went awol and joined the legion I would never be turning myself in. What a kick in the balls.
Man waking up to an Angry Cops vid, this is already a great day
That’s where the money’s at.
hell yeah
You didn't make a floating link to the Venezuela video though. That's where the money's at.
@@Cutecompton its there now, and at the end
@@AngryCopsmore profitable than selling vapes at AIT
This is what would happen if Beavis and Butthead had enlisted, and by some mishap of a divine intervention, survived long enough to be discharged.
How dare you insult Beavis and Butthead to these two lol.
I've always wanted to ask, and this might be my best chance at getting an answer... what happened to your pinky finger, captain?
He knife handed too hard
Freedom happened
Unfortunately freedom isn't free
(Also he broke it duh)
he missed the stink....
It's forever at half, leaning rest for our sins.
Show some respect! It is clearly an injury from the war. The Great War, The War of Attrition. The meme War.
A secret tunnel reference in the middle of an ad. You’re an absolute, legend. Sir, you are easily one of the funniest men in the entire country.
Lang could of saved himself a whole shit load of headaches if he had just enlisted in the french foreign legion.... 😅😅😅
Notoriously difficult to get into if your a POS
Probably was too much of a bitch for that.
Rather difficult to join the Legion...
But it might've been worth a try...
doubt buddy is willin to study Francois
Pretty sure even with their sketchy history (Nazis, criminals, etc) they might have said - Non, merci! (No thank you)
The funniest part is that some of the legion guys they came in contact with, believe their fake story of innocence. It’s wild
remember, if you need to get your killing fix on, work for the corporate sector, like Boeing or c.i.a., America won't charge you for war crimes if the person paying you is a government entity 😅😂
True Dat 😉😎
I feel like these guys probably did try to join a PMC and was turned down. They just feel like reject material
Is Blackwat…ah, academ…no, Constellis still hiring?
@@jrip4789mostly lower end contracts. They do have some State dept contracts that are kinda cool, but you need to already have been one of the cool guys while you were in.
There are some other entities that will pay you well for questionable shit, though. I turned down a contract for "protecting mineral shipments in West Africa." If you have no problem with killing child soldiers to protect the product of child slave labor, there are jobs out there for you. There's a spot in hell for you, too, which is why I'm not making the big bucks doing that. By the way, if it's not clear, this isn't some shit you can just look up on Indeed or Shooter Jobs.
Lol. Facts.
I would have thought they'd had at least learned how to sham being a private for six years.
Goddamnit, I hope some of these guys former team members are in here and can share stories of these idiots. Having 2 deployments in 6 years and STILL being a PFC? You played some fuck-fuck games, didn't ya!?
I don't have to feel bad about thinking this, because you said it first! Thanks a bunch.
Probably again
The thought that went through my head was "couldn't make, or more accurately, couldn't keep?"
He got busted down for trying to kill his wife. It's easy to look up.
Fun fact for you AC, using Vermont as an example is hilarious because Vermont’s founder *Ethan Allen* invaded Canada during the revolutionary war.
He was also fighting the British years before the war started. Namely the British in New York and New Hampshire.
He failed his invasion because Benedict Arnold told Allen that he couldn’t use his own men, only Canadians. This was largely because Benedict Arnold and Ethan Allen hated each other and Allen treated him like a well used prison pocket.
no shit? I missed *that lesson* in U.S history class!
@@KayPrescesky Yea bud. He’s my sixth great grandfather so I had a large interest in him growin up. He wrote a book called “reason: the only oracle of man”. You can read it for free and it is an outstanding look into one of our forefathers who was very much against the church as well as slavery.
But to the rest? Look him up, I left out a lot. His whole life story is absolutely interesting. And as you said, you didn’t get that lesson in history class. Largely forgot by most *because* of his views on the church .
Raytheon over here like "Write that down! Write that down!"
So... probably no CIA involvement.
Bruh, CIA holds their folks to an immensely high standard. They'll literally send law enforcement after you.
Correctly. Probably. No cia: involvement
They got involved in the systematic genocide of ethnic Russians in east Ukraine and you say "no CIA?"
The whole genocide and color "revolution" was because of the CIA, Killary and crazy lady still in the intelligence community whose name escaprs me at the time
Victoria Nuland
Mexico probably took one look at his passport and said, not today CIA
Still waiting for you to cover the story about *Marcelo Hernandez* who finished Marine basic training and went home to Houston Texas before prodecing to whatever his next school was and decided to go on a crime spree. He was arrested with *three handguns, $11,000 in cash, and $500,000 worth of jewelry including diamonds and other precious stones* that he had stolen. That's not the E-4 mafia, that's like the E-1 mafia right there. And we thought vapes was where the money at. 🤣
wtf is a "prodecing"? also this comment looks like it was shat out from an ai that you voiced to text mispronounced "proceed to"
Bro... thats nothing. AC should cover the dudes who went to basic. Deployed. Came back. And took they training to train guys for drug cartels.
Shits bananas.
I want you to know I paused and watched the other video before coming back to your edit of the video pausing and resuming and you welcoming us back and I felt like you put a lot of work into that and you should know it was appreciated lol love the content man keep it up!
Angry cops with a secret tunnel reference wasn’t on my bingo card
This reads like a War Criminal "Catch me if you can" scenario, only with more Bad Company shenanigans.
"There's gold in them there hills!" - Haggard
It’s a shame their moms didn’t steal some Plan B from the local Walmart. Happy Father’s Day!!
We lost Soldier of Fortune magazine from the late 70’s … now we have Angry cops bringing us the fun .
I literally automatically got specialist in 2, definitely got popped down probably twice
Same, though it was...shit, it was twice. Dammit!
@@tetedur377 yeah, honestly probably more bc 6 years as an infantry and you haven't been e4 hahaha that's crazy, I have seen people who had multiple councilings, article 15s and they still made it to e4 by the time they got out. This was also the second surge of Afghanistan in 2011ish we were being handed out paper boards for e5 bc everyone was getting fd up
"Lang's got 'em! Of course, he does."
LMAO
Dumb and Dumber in real life. And of course they go to Chavezland and try, what!?
You can't make this stuff up!
11Bs meet "Harry and Lloyd".
“…a discount Jason Bourne” 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
PRIVATE ACCESS REPORTING AS ORDERED SIR! Did... did you just sing the secret tunnel song?
I legit went and watched the other whole video and then came back to his welcome back. That was awesome.
He really wanted to be CIA, didn't he?
Probably had a handler who said they were CIA but worked for another country.
Or he is just highly regarded 😂
That guy: "I murdered American civilians to fund a coup in a foreign country."
CIA: "Say no more. You're hired."
@@59964 If there were drugs involved, that's like an auto GS-13 right there.
Nah you have to be intelligent to be able to get into the CIA.
@@asabovesobelow591 clearly fucking not look to the bay of pigs
“Kenya not?!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I almost spit out my beer
Im buying an E4 Mafia shirt, i literally retired as a Corporal. This shirt was made for me.
I was med-boarded as a Specialist.
E4 Corporal's will never be E4 Mafia. Go hangout with your E5 buddies....lol.
@@JulezWinnfield the Marine Corps has Corporals too. Its ok that you didnt know, I guess.
@@UboofWeinerscorporals are NCOs regardless of branch, in case you didn't know
@@UboofWeiners
I'm well aware of that. Marine Corporals are considered junior NCO's, just like Army Corporal's. The Army E4 Mafia is E4 Specialist specific since we aren't held to the leadership requirements as NCO's.
“Fiddle fuckin around in Florida”…I did that 35 years ago and I’m still here…lol🤣🤣
Immediately see one with an 82nd patch. “Nothing following me clicking this vid will surprise me.”
Yeah, 82nd out there with all the hot-dimes and war crimes.
I mean.. it's only crime if you get caught.
It's not a war crime the first time...
Oh my god, as soon as you said dude was a private alarm bells started going off 😂 I have not thought about military ranks in 8 years, but my first thought was that private was the lowest in the Army branch right? Googled that, and I was right. AIn't no way boy, 6+ years AND is still a private?!?!? Someone got UCMJed. . .
Considering you can join as a E-3 with the buddy program I’m gonna have to say that’s a fail
You can lose rank via njp... its very common amongst the infantry, used to be, gettin busted down was a right of passage... i served with a guy who shouldve been an e6 but got busted down to e2 twice... great soldier down range, terrible in the rear.
This sounds like a plan a 6yr pvt would exicute.
You sound like one of them😂
Oh my. I hope English is your third or 4th language. Lol
@@stillcantbesilencedevennowwhat language do you thank your father for blowing his hot seed directly into your hungry belly in?
What about those Army Rangers and a Canadian soldier who robbed a bank in Seattle?
It’s Seattle, that’s the least headline worthy thing that happened that week.
They got caught.
Crime, not War crime.
Lmao
@@evanjennings4823 Depends on whether the crime was committed on Antifa territory or not.
Crazy stuff man, presented clearly and amusingly, rock on
The E4 mafia does not claim these two...
If it existed...
O it did. Late 90s early 80s.
"Hey buddy. I'm bored. Lets do something"
"Wanna do some war crimes?"
"Ok"
This is so below the level of crayon eater, that I feel like I can join a military branch.
😂💀
The standards have gotten so low these guys still seam special forces ter
@@crazychase98the standards were lower during GWOT dude
@jiminysnicket86 they're even worse now. It's sick tbh
@@stillcantbesilencedevennow The shitbaggery is still the same before and now. Hint. Your 1Sgt is an asshole for a reason. 😂
Ok, I have to say this, AC, you need to be the new Kermit Frog.
The lesson here? Don't go out and indiscriminately "forever sleep" people.
Because,.........
.
the government HATES competition.
EDIT: posted this comment after watching the vid opening. Saw you asked for these sort of comments at the vid ending and 😂.
4 rules to being a successful mercenary, as I recall hearing about 8 beers into a really weird night from a guy who legit lived it and now runs a contracting firm.
1. Payment in full on time every time; you're paid to work and there for pay, if money's wrong, leave, it only ever gets worse if the basics aren't handled.
2. Never bring your own guns; if the client really wants you armed, they'll make sure you get armed; guns will get you in trouble quick and easy in 99% of the world.
3. Only take one risk at a time. If you're moving contraband, don't have a gun. If you're prepping a direct action, don't be obvious. If you're enforcing for someone, don't take anything. If you're dishing bribes, don't have any warrants.
4. Never become politically inconvenient to your home country. You need the safe haven, don't make the place you count on living want you in jail or dead.
This story needs to be a full length comedy movie.
5:02 Kermit the frog talking about war crimes 😂😂
I was thinking the dude from Superstore. Lol
What in the Discount Dale Gribble/ Soldier of Fortune is going on here lol
They were headed to Venezuela to meet their contact known only as "Octavio".
Best thing all day angry cops releasing a new vid
Dunno man, these guys sound more like a certain 3 letter agency than military 🤣
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
worth the pause! That 'didnt speak spanish' part got me
Dumbest? There's some stiff competition for the top spot. This should be fun!
(Edit - Wow. Horrible and forehead slappingly dumb all at the same time. It's like a Coen Brothers version of Dumb and Dumber.)
My nomination goes to Marine *Marcelo Hernandez* who got out of basic training and apparently didn't want that slow money selling vapes, nope, he decided to rob a couple jewelry stores instead. He was arrested with three handguns, $11,000 in cash, and $500,000 worth of jewelry including diamonds and other precious stones.
They get kicked out of Kenya, and they return to the US and go to.... Florida. Because OF COURSE they go to Florida!!!
Yep. Certified “Florida Man” moment.
Reminds me of all the stories of former special forces guys joing drug cartels.
Apparently the money’s really good
@@TheUnclaimedOne cause that's where the money at
@@rubric-eo5yj and the free fbi/cia sponsored murder since they are supporting the cartels
Difference is they know to not out themselves, make the money good and quick, and skeddaddle instead of drawing attention and rolling the dice til the inevitable happens.
I hear Kenya and immediately think of the Power Thirst videos….😂😂
Internet deep dive lore right there.
I guess it is a war crime the first time 🤔🤨😏😂😂😂😂
that was the first thing that popped into my head
I learn so much history between you and TFE.....if history and current events were this fun to learn I might not have been a cop 😂
Your Ukrainian, "Not so fast!" Sounded more like an Italian.😂
Bone jor know lol
That's okay, his Towlie accent sounds German.
AC's physical comedy is 100% on point today!!!
Crimea voted to leave Ukraine. They are 90% Russian speaking and never considered themselves Ukrainians. I'm Russian and family from and currently lives in Crimea. Ukraine put no money and neglected it now it's been revitalized
I served with Lang in C Trp 1/13 cav 3rd brigade 1AD AT FT. Bliss. We were deployed together in Afghanistan to. He was cool until his wife cheated on him. It’s crazy man.
Those aren't grenades those are party pineapples
@@Boot-Knot I always liked 'safety rocks'
This is. The story just gets wilder and wilder
Getting kicked out of south sudan is a fucking achievement. WOW.
I watched the old video once…had to watch it a second time to refresh my memory
Didn't know Dr. J Peterson had a cameo in this episode. That was neat.
kek
@angrycops glad Admin passed the email along to you. Thanks for doing the video.
Holy Shit! I met Craig when I was volunteering in Kyiv in 2022. He was at an English language school helping people practice their English! He even told me about traveling to Venezuela in that failed coup and also how he fought in the ZSU. He said he got kicked out after a while and that he joined up early. Apparently he also told me he had kids in the US and was married to a Ukrainian woman with kids. WTF!
Craigslist grenades? I'm listening. Lmao
I made E-4 and people literally forgot to promote me.
Lang and Alex are the real life version of Spies Like Us movie.
Kenya THRU Somalia ? 😳 Nairobi might have been a better choice. But the khat comes from a bit closer to the Somali border. Mogadishu is lovely in the winter 🙄
Sudan lol
@@mondaysinsanity8193 lol. So many merc choices, so little airfare
That's probably the quietest any Drill Sargeant has ever spoken.
Obviously Maine and Vermont would be much happier as Canadian Provinces, and Vermont would fit right in with our extremely liberal government. They should start a 'grassroots' movement to secede.
Maine stays we need the lobsters. Vermont can go, lol.
@@BouncingZeushell no. We can’t give Canada a monopoly on maple syrup.
we did that ... in 1782ish. not even joking. although at the time it was Vermont trying to start a grassroots movement to convince Quebec to secede and join our Republic. we even promised to speak French.
@Aredel we still have NH maple syrup... which is far better than Vermont and Canadian
@@Aredelcan we get Canada to take New Jersey?
See, this is what happens when they dont round up all those old "soldier of fortune" magazines😂
I made e4 in a 14 months and i am an idiot
I was rejected for E6 4 times. I have a great record. Army boards suck. I decided to say f*** the board and get the degrees instead. My last duty station realized that I got screwed over and awarded me E6. I retired medically after 14 years with 80% . Glad I'm out
@@silkysmooth-vk2uxno board for e4 lol
@@GuildelinE6. Never mentioned E4
@@Guildelin I100% understood the E4 comment. I'm referring to the board process just to get my E6. I literally had the capability of going officer at that point from being blown off by the Army. I was injured right after going to the board while training with the Infantry guys.
@@Guildelin I was actually promoted for my E4 before everybody else in my old unit because I scored higher in other areas and had great things on my record.
Aside from our Squad Leaders and PLs, there was an E2 who was "the highest rank" in our company. He was Scrolled, former E6 who decked his captain 😆
Why wouldn't they just go to the French foreign legion.... 😅
Because they beat up schmucks like these two. They don't tolerate nonsense. It's like going to the Night's Watch.
You being both a military member and a cop, id like to see your insights on the police shooting of airman Roger Fortson by the Okaloosa County Sheriffs officer (same dept as acorn cop) on may 3rd 2024. Thats twice that department has placed lives in unnecessary danger and now an active service member has died from it.
"We're gonna call them Lang and Alex, to keep things easy"
Ahhh yes, the classic time honoured American tradition of renaming foreign names so that it's easier to say. Some things never change.
Can you pronounce "ask?" or "ambulance?" Just wondering...
Can you pronounce Nacodoches or Anuktuvuk or Phitsanulok?
Bet you can't properly pronounce "Tchoutacabouffaa."
You’re welcome
Or Tchopatoulas 🤣🤣🤣
To hear AC say"Watch my other video that's mindnumbi gly dumb"is beyond hilarious
Need me a war criminal baddie
As a Venezuelan 😂 this was a trip to watch
YAY!!!🇺🇸👍🇺🇸🤘🇺🇸