It was a matter of time before Melissa finding someone to be her nemesis, and Natalia probably would be her target even if she was not related to OP, but simply for existing in her workplace.
While Melissa's jealousy was reasonable at first, the line was crossed when she destroyed the photos from Op's album and kept the pictures. The fact that she kept them is seriously concerning and now with the possibility of her stalking Natalia after she and OP broke up, I doubt cutting Natalia out of his life would have eased Melissa's insecurities. She sounds well and truly obsessed with Natalia and with how quick she's spiraling, I have a feeling that she's only going to escalate until she succeeds in harming Natalia
No the problem was op rekindled an old relationship and started spending time with his ex. You don't introduce old flames to new or current s.o.. Op is as much to blame for trying to force a relationship between the old t*ts and ass to the current woman you are with.
no, the line was crossed when Melissa keep looking at Nat's picture for hours because of jealousy. seriously who does that shit? the only reason you would look at photo(s) that long is for nostalgia with friends and family
As an insecure girly... wtf? Melissa really needs help, if she's that insecure then maybe she needs to talk to someone about it or work on herself. Sure she should've been upfront about her insecurities, but it's also unfair to OP to constantly deal with it because no matter what he said she didn't believe him, and sure he could've talked to her and done some things differently, but it feels like she wouldn't have been happy either way. And to resort to stalking? She needs professional help and I'm saying that out of genuine concern for her. It's a shame how downhill this went
There's nothing OP could have done about what's going on with Melissa. If Natalia hadn't come back, it would have been something else. She's very unwell and needs help.
Reddit is so ass for saying he should have enabled his ex’s behavior by cutting off Natalia. It wouldn't help anything since the problem is Melissas jealousy and insecurity and not her bf’s friend.
at first, i understood a bit of melissa’s insecurities, since i was that insecure before. however, i never wanted to prevent an ex from seeing a past fling or try to destroy any memories with the past fling. that’s too far
Ugh the comments blaming op for this crazy chick effed up behavior are just so obnoxious. If you're so insecure please stay single instead of making someones life miserable
FR, like ''oh you should have cut contact!'' was this gonna be the answer for everything? what if melissa had become insecure about op's female cousins, his sister? his mother??
You don't "fix" someone if they're insecure. That person needs to want help or change. And I agree, you cut contact for one person they're insecure about it opens the door to cutting off everyone. The day my SO even hits at being insecure, it's first figuring why and if it's worth salvaging. I'm not gonna cut off friends a d family just to appeal to someone I've known less than the person they're insecure about
No one is. They’re understanding to how Melissa would feel about OP’s relationships in the past with Natalie. Just that Melissa took it too far and shouldn’t have gone crazy
Even if OP had stopped seeing Natalia sooner, what would have happened if he got a female colleague he had to work closely with, or a relative he was particularly fond of? It sounds like Melissa was always going to be jealous of other women in his life.
I dated a girl just like this a few years ago, I loved her with all my heart but she was extremely insecure and no matter how much I wanted to reassure her, how much I wanted to make her feel loved and appreciated, she was so focused on her insecurities and feeling bad all the time that eventually she drained me... I got extremely tired and inevitably I absorbed her sadness. Even though I loved her so much, I had to end things with her because it was hurting me too and making me extremely exhausted. So... I understand this situation pretty well, sometimes you want to be there for someone you love in their dark times but when it's only darkness, instead of pulling them to light, you end up buried in the hole too.
Melissa def needs help (and possible monitoring) because why tf did she cut those pictures? Melissa sounded ready to murk Natalia well before the second update 😭😭
As much as I understand Melissa's jealousy, she crossed the line the moment the photos from OP's album had been destroyed by her. Not only did she destroyed something that is sentimental to OP but she had permanently damaged OP in terms of cutting photos from his album, especially when those photos included his late old friend which he can never get the opportunity to take a photo with them again. If anything, this does not sound like jealousy other than pure obsession because I myself am insecure but I don't go through people's social media, talk about how I wish I could be that person almost every single day. I mean yea, I would occasionally go through their social media but that does not mean I could just snoop through my partner's album and cut the photos apart. That's borderline psychotic behaviour.
So OP spent weekends with Natalia, slept with her for TWO YEARS but thinks that’s nothing because they didn’t call it “dating”? And that his gf should be okay with that 😂 This is enough to have serious conversation with OP Melissa needs therapy. probably she couldn’t recover from that first rejection (professional one)
I am also a STEM girlie who has been feeling insecure about my academic life lately, and I keep talking about it with my bf. I have been kinda down lately because of it. This story makes me realise just how much I have to step up and work on my insecurities. I have to do it firstly for myself but secondly for people around me
No cuz same, I was just talking about how dumb I feel compared to a guy in my biology class. I think this was recommended to me for a reason lol. STEM girls unite, we got this!
i don’t think she is right to be so insecure but i’m so confused how he thought it was a good idea to start having lunches with the person his girlfriend has been upset over (she was comparing herself to natalia before she even knew that her and OP had history).
Some guys are genuinely clueless when it comes to relationships with women, if Melissa had just been upfront with her insecurities (i.e: "hey, I understand it was in the past but your relationship with Natalia makes me really uncomfortable and sad- can you keep contact to a minimum for my sake?") OP probably would've gotten the hint, it's a shame that it took such a nose dive. I hope Dan's mom liked the photos, and may he rest in peace
Listen, if the story started with Melissa starting to spiral and proverbial smoke coming out of her head, OP dumped turpentine on her and is somehow very confused as to why there's this gigantic fire now. Like... he's not responsible for Melissa's insecurity issues, but he definitely made them worse lmao
I don't care what people say, this is why people should take therapy before getting into a relationship because of this shiet right here! Melissa needs the psyche ward. I'm also clocking OP's azz bc he was being so clueless & obtuse w/ Melissa like dude, Melissa is visibly upset in some parts. COMMUNICATE W/ HER! 🙄 Now we got a stalker case.
She is a grown woman and should have communicated her feelings herself. She's not visibly upset, considering this is a story being read to us. She wasn't upset if you ask me, just toxic from the start.
Finally, someone who picked on that! As someone with mixed heritage, this is always a red flag and Melissa turning out to be toxic and unhinged doesn't surprise me at all. I feel like Natalia just brought out Melissa's true colors.
Melissa need serious help but how can OP be so stupid to keep hanging out with natalia so much when obvious it upsets Melissa? 'were going together to a standup comedy show' like bro
@@inferiorinferno8859 when your girlfriend has repeatedly said she isn’t comfortable with you hanging out with your “friend” who you were intimate with you should stop
This situation sucks all around. Tbh in the beginning, it would've been fair to OP's gf if he just didn't interact with Natalia. Like, at the end of the day, if your gf and your relationship meant that much to you, a casual 2hr a week friendship is not a hill to die on imo. It's good that he ended up doing so (even if some people's opinions are that he shouldn't have had to do that). HOWEVER, he is right that Melissa's jealousy and insecurity went way out of hand, and her actions after the fact prove it. At this point, she needs professional help to manage her anxiety and insecurities. It's one thing to feel those things (no one can help it), it's another to let it control your actions and life. I feel bad for her tbh but she has no one to blame in the end but herself. Your mental health does not excuse your bad actions.
Its really unfortunate. Melissa's insecurities began to guide her decisions and then her insecurities began to take over her mind. She's thinking entirely on emotions and not reason. I am really sorry for her and hope she gets help someday. I have a feeling her extreme responses towards Natalia are from sort of trama she had growing up. Op made some mistakes here and there but i doubt the relationship would've continued, i feel like it would've ended much worse.
I honestly don't understand anyone taking Melissa's side, but then again, I saw the red flags from the minute she opened her mouth about Natalia. I'm pretty and my great-grandfather was mixed and I happen to take a lot after him genetically. Everyone I know who used phrases like exotic and underlines my mixed appearance when talking about me, is toxic like this unhinged incel I used to go to school with that low-key racially fetishized me. Melissa showed red flag after another once Natalia showed up and I honestly doubt Op's involvement with her in the past was actually that big of a factor considering she continues to stalk Natalia and not Op as well. She clearly cares less for the relationship then she cares for ruining Natalia's life. I don't blame Op in the slightest and he should never have stopped being friends with Natalia. If a person is that insecure that they want you to cut out 'exes' turnt friends, all the whilst using weird fetishizing language about them, then it should be clear this person is toxic and the relationship is going to take a deepdive.
Not victim blaming but seeing how getting back in touch with OP has given her a stalker. I’d cut him off completely. They already stopped talking before that. Melissa is crazy as hell and I’d want to get rid of any connection to her asap
All you can do with someone like that is get them the hell out of your life because they are clearly a ship on fire and will burn all the way down to the waterline before they stop and they will take you with them if they can. It's just a shame that she turned on Natalia as that gives her a way, however indirect, to get back into your life. You have to forget the Melissa you knew entirely and go totally cold with her on this subject. Like she was a stranger. And plan accordingly.
My ex was like this too. Only difference is that my friend and I never dated/ were only platonic. We dated for four years and the jealousy didn’t stop until we broke up.
Anyone wouldn’t wanna be reminding their partner of someone they’ve done stuff with in the past ahah but here she is, doesn’t make sense why she’d wanna make OP keep thinking about his old FWB when it’s not needed. Guarantee she’d have had these insecurities and gotten to the point of being paranoid when you smile or look at another female.. people like her can get so bad that you’ll breathe near another female and she’ll be questioning you or bringing it up for months/years
10 months later update is psycho. He had a sexual relationship, and he literally told us that he liked Nathalia while writing this. As his new girlfriend, I would feel disrespected if he went on dates to comedy shows and lunch with someone he used to sleep with. She might have lost it, but he helped.
He didn't. The comedy show thing wasn't a date and aren't people allowed to lunch with their friends? She racially fetishized Natalia about being mixed from pretty much the get-go. In my personal experience, these people are always toxic and often unhinged. Melissa just showed her true colors.
Wtf is wrong with people? He got criticized in the first post? Why? For having a friend? You should never let a significant other control your friendships, specially when he was doing all that work to make sure Melissa felt included and that he loved her. She may have been going to some stuff, but Melissa is being very abusive to OP. I haven’t finished listening yet, but I hope he breaks up with her and that she gets some therapy because she’s not ok and she’s becoming toxic.
OP is so emotionally intelligent it's sad Melissa couldn't grow with him. There's really not much you can do once someone's insecurities become deeply rooted. Recently had to break off a 10 year friendship with my best friend because they had similar behavior and it hurt so bad to tell them the honest truth that I cared and loved them only to find out none of it stuck. Like talking to a wall, or a sponge, that really really wants your affection and validation but it's never enough. Melissa definitely needs therapy to realize her behavior is self damaging and at the end highly criminal. I don't think OP was wrong to have contact with Natalia, Melissa already had deep rooted issues that she needs to dig up and fix.
Reddit playbook 1. Fix blame first (the guy) 2. Cherry pick instances to support (1). Add mental gymanastics to support conclusion 3. Have op defend themselves from the accusations for the rest of their updates
they should have just communicated.. no friendship is worth your significant other feeling insecure. I do think melissa went overboard but she sounded like she had BPD, not that its justifiable but she was clealy struggling. no matter how healthy your relationship is, there is always the possibility of "the perfect man" cheating. you never know a man 100%, and him keeping natalia close even though they slept together in the past could hint to him using her as a backup to someone who is secure as melissa. especially with him admitting natalia is more attractive physically. he should have just never talked to natalia.. woman you have slept with before should NEVER be your friend
7:34 : yes! i was just thinking that, bro your gf is almost having a mental breakdown! why are u going to lunch with Natalia! so often. And obviously, shes the one with the massive problem but OP could have made it worse if she found out about those meetings
He clearly explained that they stopped having sex because of Melissa’s insecurities. He never mentioned it was an issue on its own, but that it was one of the ways Melissa put herself down. Sexual intimacy is a part of most relationships, so when it becomes affected by your partner’s insecurities it’s reasonable to be worried about your partner
oh please, being insecure is fine, we all have some insecurities but letting them dictate how you live? Op should put her into therapy and consider putting some distance
@@DracofireNexusI dunno.... it takes two to communicate or fail. OP isn't responsible for Melissa's insecurities. If Melissa had a problem, they should've trusted their partner and communicated.
@@kari_haruna9109 is like to suggest that there’s not really “fault” so much as poor expectation management, lack of relational experience, and probably some psychological issues that needs dealing with. No one’s at fault, everyone’s young and stupid, hopefully everyone will learn and grow.
Op did nothing wrong in my opinion and I feel like the people giving him a hard time for still hanging out with Natalia or not being super rational. He did everything he could to reassure Melissa and I don't necessarily think that because you're in a relationship you shouldn't be friends with certain people. There's obviously nuanced to that but that just seems really controlling to me. But he talked to her for maybe 2 hours a week and did everything he could to reassure Melissa suggested therapy and she never took him up on that. She needs serious help and if she is stuck in Natalia(which I believe she is) the commentator is correct in saying that her and her roommate need to just keep documenting everything. They should definitely tell their professor. I'm sure such a highly prestigious university has cameras around. I feel like they should have checked those cameras when the incident happened. I don't know if that footage would still be there but I think it was done on purpose. I hope that Natalia will be okay and I hope that her and OP can still remain friends through all this craziness.
Wow, OP was leaving holes in the story. How does she treat Melissa in Natalia’s presence? When did he tell Melissa about Natalia? Melissa was being tortured. If a girl is insecure, she’s probably been told she’s not enough tens of thousands of times in her teens and childhood, to think you can say “stop being insecure” as if that could change anything is, for lack of a better word, narcissistic. Melissa is having a mental breakdown but I don’t blame her.
I hope you give the time to watch the entire thing before you jump onto the bandwagon of op is somehow some asshole boyfriend? He stated that he had minimal contact with Natalia and always treated Melissa with love but that she had no effort in improving herself. AND refused therapy.
@ I knew guys quite well who would say that, but actually put their wives down all the time and be super affectionate to other woman. When anyone says “treat someone with love” without examples I get very suspicious.
@@amypattie7004 I understand that, however, if you had watched the entire video, which I hope you did, Melissa’s obsession didn’t start because of op or even after op mentioned the relationship. It started when she was passed over by Natalia and everyone liking her n Natalia being perfect to her. Him mentioning that they had a fib prior is what solidified it to her n she went off the deep end fast. Regardless of how insecure you may be, refusing to acknowledge it, get therapy, destroying property, stalking and harassing are not justifiable.
Melissa needed to open up and sort this out properly with genuine communication. This sounds like very very VERY young new-age kids who don't understand how to even speak to one another. Honestly, I would have left Mel if she wouldn't talk to me or a therapist about her insecurities. She can't make up fake situations in her head, that's dangerous for everyone involved. What's worse is that even if you cut the person out, that girl will LITERALLY keep going. Commenter has the SMARTEST idea here. Advise Nat to get like a Ring Cam and put it in her car or something, really set up some security to catch and see who the fuck is messing with her.
Even if OP stopped hanging with Natalia, Melissa was already going nuts....
FRR, even if op publically told Natalia that he hates her and finds her ugly, Melissa would think op set it up
It was a matter of time before Melissa finding someone to be her nemesis, and Natalia probably would be her target even if she was not related to OP, but simply for existing in her workplace.
While Melissa's jealousy was reasonable at first, the line was crossed when she destroyed the photos from Op's album and kept the pictures. The fact that she kept them is seriously concerning and now with the possibility of her stalking Natalia after she and OP broke up, I doubt cutting Natalia out of his life would have eased Melissa's insecurities. She sounds well and truly obsessed with Natalia and with how quick she's spiraling, I have a feeling that she's only going to escalate until she succeeds in harming Natalia
No the problem was op rekindled an old relationship and started spending time with his ex. You don't introduce old flames to new or current s.o..
Op is as much to blame for trying to force a relationship between the old t*ts and ass to the current woman you are with.
no, the line was crossed when Melissa keep looking at Nat's picture for hours because of jealousy. seriously who does that shit? the only reason you would look at photo(s) that long is for nostalgia with friends and family
As an insecure girly... wtf? Melissa really needs help, if she's that insecure then maybe she needs to talk to someone about it or work on herself. Sure she should've been upfront about her insecurities, but it's also unfair to OP to constantly deal with it because no matter what he said she didn't believe him, and sure he could've talked to her and done some things differently, but it feels like she wouldn't have been happy either way. And to resort to stalking? She needs professional help and I'm saying that out of genuine concern for her. It's a shame how downhill this went
There's nothing OP could have done about what's going on with Melissa. If Natalia hadn't come back, it would have been something else. She's very unwell and needs help.
true that, but i believe with how comically the ''prettier *ex*'' thing came to be was a major trigger for her, i just hope she gets caught
Reddit is so ass for saying he should have enabled his ex’s behavior by cutting off Natalia. It wouldn't help anything since the problem is Melissas jealousy and insecurity and not her bf’s friend.
at first, i understood a bit of melissa’s insecurities, since i was that insecure before. however, i never wanted to prevent an ex from seeing a past fling or try to destroy any memories with the past fling. that’s too far
Ugh the comments blaming op for this crazy chick effed up behavior are just so obnoxious. If you're so insecure please stay single instead of making someones life miserable
FR, like ''oh you should have cut contact!'' was this gonna be the answer for everything? what if melissa had become insecure about op's female cousins, his sister? his mother??
You don't "fix" someone if they're insecure. That person needs to want help or change. And I agree, you cut contact for one person they're insecure about it opens the door to cutting off everyone. The day my SO even hits at being insecure, it's first figuring why and if it's worth salvaging. I'm not gonna cut off friends a d family just to appeal to someone I've known less than the person they're insecure about
People blaming op for Melissa's insecurities are insane.
No one is. They’re understanding to how Melissa would feel about OP’s relationships in the past with Natalie. Just that Melissa took it too far and shouldn’t have gone crazy
anyone on Melissa's side is delusional 🤣
Or just as unhinged
The comments over on Tiktok were YIKES! Came over here to see if there were better vibes lol
Even if OP had stopped seeing Natalia sooner, what would have happened if he got a female colleague he had to work closely with, or a relative he was particularly fond of? It sounds like Melissa was always going to be jealous of other women in his life.
I dated a girl just like this a few years ago, I loved her with all my heart but she was extremely insecure and no matter how much I wanted to reassure her, how much I wanted to make her feel loved and appreciated, she was so focused on her insecurities and feeling bad all the time that eventually she drained me... I got extremely tired and inevitably I absorbed her sadness. Even though I loved her so much, I had to end things with her because it was hurting me too and making me extremely exhausted. So... I understand this situation pretty well, sometimes you want to be there for someone you love in their dark times but when it's only darkness, instead of pulling them to light, you end up buried in the hole too.
Melissa def needs help (and possible monitoring) because why tf did she cut those pictures? Melissa sounded ready to murk Natalia well before the second update 😭😭
Like actually pls take this serious, Melissa is going to escalate and she would've escalated even if they stayed together
yea Melissa is legit spiraling
As much as I understand Melissa's jealousy, she crossed the line the moment the photos from OP's album had been destroyed by her. Not only did she destroyed something that is sentimental to OP but she had permanently damaged OP in terms of cutting photos from his album, especially when those photos included his late old friend which he can never get the opportunity to take a photo with them again.
If anything, this does not sound like jealousy other than pure obsession because I myself am insecure but I don't go through people's social media, talk about how I wish I could be that person almost every single day. I mean yea, I would occasionally go through their social media but that does not mean I could just snoop through my partner's album and cut the photos apart. That's borderline psychotic behaviour.
It's giving closeted lesbion/Bi sexual, and not the normal kind.
So OP spent weekends with Natalia, slept with her for TWO YEARS but thinks that’s nothing because they didn’t call it “dating”? And that his gf should be okay with that 😂
This is enough to have serious conversation with OP
Melissa needs therapy. probably she couldn’t recover from that first rejection (professional one)
I am also a STEM girlie who has been feeling insecure about my academic life lately, and I keep talking about it with my bf. I have been kinda down lately because of it. This story makes me realise just how much I have to step up and work on my insecurities. I have to do it firstly for myself but secondly for people around me
No cuz same, I was just talking about how dumb I feel compared to a guy in my biology class. I think this was recommended to me for a reason lol. STEM girls unite, we got this!
i don’t think she is right to be so insecure but i’m so confused how he thought it was a good idea to start having lunches with the person his girlfriend has been upset over (she was comparing herself to natalia before she even knew that her and OP had history).
Nahhh Melissa needs therapy, a psychiatrist and needs to legit stay away from people's lives bc of her damn insecurities 💀
dude i absolutely agree. Melissa might have undignosed bpd or something thats messing with her thought processes
Some guys are genuinely clueless when it comes to relationships with women, if Melissa had just been upfront with her insecurities (i.e: "hey, I understand it was in the past but your relationship with Natalia makes me really uncomfortable and sad- can you keep contact to a minimum for my sake?") OP probably would've gotten the hint, it's a shame that it took such a nose dive. I hope Dan's mom liked the photos, and may he rest in peace
Actual communication could have solved everything SMH.
Seeing what Melissa did and allegedly done to Natalia, I don't think OP could've done anything to avoid it
Guys? Op is perfectly reasonable, Melissa is the mentally ill one with an obsession
He went on a date to a comedy show with a woman he used to sleep with. He helped push her over the edge but she was already leaning over lol
@@DiamondLove06he didn’t go on the date, he asked if it was okay if he did and was told no
Listen, if the story started with Melissa starting to spiral and proverbial smoke coming out of her head, OP dumped turpentine on her and is somehow very confused as to why there's this gigantic fire now. Like... he's not responsible for Melissa's insecurity issues, but he definitely made them worse lmao
I don't care what people say, this is why people should take therapy before getting into a relationship because of this shiet right here! Melissa needs the psyche ward.
I'm also clocking OP's azz bc he was being so clueless & obtuse w/ Melissa like dude, Melissa is visibly upset in some parts. COMMUNICATE W/ HER! 🙄 Now we got a stalker case.
She is a grown woman and should have communicated her feelings herself. She's not visibly upset, considering this is a story being read to us. She wasn't upset if you ask me, just toxic from the start.
"shes so exotic looking" ...ew...?? i hate it when people describe other races as "exotic" or "exciting" its fucking weird..?
Finally, someone who picked on that! As someone with mixed heritage, this is always a red flag and Melissa turning out to be toxic and unhinged doesn't surprise me at all. I feel like Natalia just brought out Melissa's true colors.
Melissa need serious help but how can OP be so stupid to keep hanging out with natalia so much when obvious it upsets Melissa? 'were going together to a standup comedy show' like bro
THAT part!
Literally
What's wrong with going to hang out with a friend?
@@inferiorinferno8859 when your girlfriend has repeatedly said she isn’t comfortable with you hanging out with your “friend” who you were intimate with you should stop
This situation sucks all around. Tbh in the beginning, it would've been fair to OP's gf if he just didn't interact with Natalia. Like, at the end of the day, if your gf and your relationship meant that much to you, a casual 2hr a week friendship is not a hill to die on imo. It's good that he ended up doing so (even if some people's opinions are that he shouldn't have had to do that).
HOWEVER, he is right that Melissa's jealousy and insecurity went way out of hand, and her actions after the fact prove it. At this point, she needs professional help to manage her anxiety and insecurities. It's one thing to feel those things (no one can help it), it's another to let it control your actions and life. I feel bad for her tbh but she has no one to blame in the end but herself. Your mental health does not excuse your bad actions.
Its really unfortunate. Melissa's insecurities began to guide her decisions and then her insecurities began to take over her mind. She's thinking entirely on emotions and not reason. I am really sorry for her and hope she gets help someday. I have a feeling her extreme responses towards Natalia are from sort of trama she had growing up.
Op made some mistakes here and there but i doubt the relationship would've continued, i feel like it would've ended much worse.
I honestly don't understand anyone taking Melissa's side, but then again, I saw the red flags from the minute she opened her mouth about Natalia. I'm pretty and my great-grandfather was mixed and I happen to take a lot after him genetically. Everyone I know who used phrases like exotic and underlines my mixed appearance when talking about me, is toxic like this unhinged incel I used to go to school with that low-key racially fetishized me. Melissa showed red flag after another once Natalia showed up and I honestly doubt Op's involvement with her in the past was actually that big of a factor considering she continues to stalk Natalia and not Op as well. She clearly cares less for the relationship then she cares for ruining Natalia's life. I don't blame Op in the slightest and he should never have stopped being friends with Natalia. If a person is that insecure that they want you to cut out 'exes' turnt friends, all the whilst using weird fetishizing language about them, then it should be clear this person is toxic and the relationship is going to take a deepdive.
Not victim blaming but seeing how getting back in touch with OP has given her a stalker. I’d cut him off completely. They already stopped talking before that. Melissa is crazy as hell and I’d want to get rid of any connection to her asap
Everyone is terrible
Ok this is giving Single White Female movie vibes
All you can do with someone like that is get them the hell out of your life because they are clearly a ship on fire and will burn all the way down to the waterline before they stop and they will take you with them if they can. It's just a shame that she turned on Natalia as that gives her a way, however indirect, to get back into your life. You have to forget the Melissa you knew entirely and go totally cold with her on this subject. Like she was a stranger. And plan accordingly.
My ex was like this too. Only difference is that my friend and I never dated/ were only platonic. We dated for four years and the jealousy didn’t stop until we broke up.
Anyone wouldn’t wanna be reminding their partner of someone they’ve done stuff with in the past ahah but here she is, doesn’t make sense why she’d wanna make OP keep thinking about his old FWB when it’s not needed.
Guarantee she’d have had these insecurities and gotten to the point of being paranoid when you smile or look at another female.. people like her can get so bad that you’ll breathe near another female and she’ll be questioning you or bringing it up for months/years
But I do think that Natalia has some feelings for OP
10 months later update is psycho. He had a sexual relationship, and he literally told us that he liked Nathalia while writing this. As his new girlfriend, I would feel disrespected if he went on dates to comedy shows and lunch with someone he used to sleep with. She might have lost it, but he helped.
He didn't. The comedy show thing wasn't a date and aren't people allowed to lunch with their friends? She racially fetishized Natalia about being mixed from pretty much the get-go. In my personal experience, these people are always toxic and often unhinged. Melissa just showed her true colors.
oh op never updated his page since 6 years ago, seems melissa actually won
Wtf is wrong with people? He got criticized in the first post? Why? For having a friend? You should never let a significant other control your friendships, specially when he was doing all that work to make sure Melissa felt included and that he loved her. She may have been going to some stuff, but Melissa is being very abusive to OP. I haven’t finished listening yet, but I hope he breaks up with her and that she gets some therapy because she’s not ok and she’s becoming toxic.
The PhD years are the most stressful in your school/work life. Regardless of whar else's going on.
OP is so emotionally intelligent it's sad Melissa couldn't grow with him. There's really not much you can do once someone's insecurities become deeply rooted. Recently had to break off a 10 year friendship with my best friend because they had similar behavior and it hurt so bad to tell them the honest truth that I cared and loved them only to find out none of it stuck. Like talking to a wall, or a sponge, that really really wants your affection and validation but it's never enough. Melissa definitely needs therapy to realize her behavior is self damaging and at the end highly criminal. I don't think OP was wrong to have contact with Natalia, Melissa already had deep rooted issues that she needs to dig up and fix.
Reddit playbook
1. Fix blame first (the guy)
2. Cherry pick instances to support (1). Add mental gymanastics to support conclusion
3. Have op defend themselves from the accusations for the rest of their updates
they should have just communicated.. no friendship is worth your significant other feeling insecure. I do think melissa went overboard but she sounded like she had BPD, not that its justifiable but she was clealy struggling.
no matter how healthy your relationship is, there is always the possibility of "the perfect man" cheating. you never know a man 100%, and him keeping natalia close even though they slept together in the past could hint to him using her as a backup to someone who is secure as melissa. especially with him admitting natalia is more attractive physically. he should have just never talked to natalia.. woman you have slept with before should NEVER be your friend
She hated her and was jealous of her long before she knew they used to be together. Melissa is a lunatic.
Why is OP getting so much heat lol
Another case of people not understanding how to communicate properly XD
7:34 : yes! i was just thinking that, bro your gf is almost having a mental breakdown! why are u going to lunch with Natalia! so often.
And obviously, shes the one with the massive problem but OP could have made it worse if she found out about those meetings
What in the lifetime movie network??
Op sounds fishy af, i dont condone what the girl did but it gave me the ick sm how he was centered that her gf stopped giving him sex
He clearly explained that they stopped having sex because of Melissa’s insecurities. He never mentioned it was an issue on its own, but that it was one of the ways Melissa put herself down. Sexual intimacy is a part of most relationships, so when it becomes affected by your partner’s insecurities it’s reasonable to be worried about your partner
oh please, being insecure is fine, we all have some insecurities but letting them dictate how you live? Op should put her into therapy and consider putting some distance
OP is really clueless.
Ya and it's his fault
@@DracofireNexusI dunno.... it takes two to communicate or fail.
OP isn't responsible for Melissa's insecurities.
If Melissa had a problem, they should've trusted their partner and communicated.
@@DracofireNexusdefinitely not his fault, it’s Melissa’s for the lack of communication or even an attempt on getting better
@@kari_haruna9109 is like to suggest that there’s not really “fault” so much as poor expectation management, lack of relational experience, and probably some psychological issues that needs dealing with. No one’s at fault, everyone’s young and stupid, hopefully everyone will learn and grow.
Op did nothing wrong in my opinion and I feel like the people giving him a hard time for still hanging out with Natalia or not being super rational. He did everything he could to reassure Melissa and I don't necessarily think that because you're in a relationship you shouldn't be friends with certain people. There's obviously nuanced to that but that just seems really controlling to me. But he talked to her for maybe 2 hours a week and did everything he could to reassure Melissa suggested therapy and she never took him up on that. She needs serious help and if she is stuck in Natalia(which I believe she is) the commentator is correct in saying that her and her roommate need to just keep documenting everything. They should definitely tell their professor. I'm sure such a highly prestigious university has cameras around. I feel like they should have checked those cameras when the incident happened. I don't know if that footage would still be there but I think it was done on purpose. I hope that Natalia will be okay and I hope that her and OP can still remain friends through all this craziness.
Wow, OP was leaving holes in the story. How does she treat Melissa in Natalia’s presence? When did he tell Melissa about Natalia? Melissa was being tortured. If a girl is insecure, she’s probably been told she’s not enough tens of thousands of times in her teens and childhood, to think you can say “stop being insecure” as if that could change anything is, for lack of a better word, narcissistic.
Melissa is having a mental breakdown but I don’t blame her.
I hope you give the time to watch the entire thing before you jump onto the bandwagon of op is somehow some asshole boyfriend? He stated that he had minimal contact with Natalia and always treated Melissa with love but that she had no effort in improving herself. AND refused therapy.
Did you watch the video?
@@TylerGreeneTrueMaoyuu u talking to me or the original commenter?
@ I knew guys quite well who would say that, but actually put their wives down all the time and be super affectionate to other woman. When anyone says “treat someone with love” without examples I get very suspicious.
@@amypattie7004 I understand that, however, if you had watched the entire video, which I hope you did, Melissa’s obsession didn’t start because of op or even after op mentioned the relationship.
It started when she was passed over by Natalia and everyone liking her n Natalia being perfect to her. Him mentioning that they had a fib prior is what solidified it to her n she went off the deep end fast.
Regardless of how insecure you may be, refusing to acknowledge it, get therapy, destroying property, stalking and harassing are not justifiable.
Why you got in FWB? Then why didn't you run from Natalia when Malissa is your life.
Lied and emotional cheating.
@@F4AltplusF4wtf talking to someone in a public setting that used to be a fwb isn’t emotional cheating
OP mentioned the FWB thing happened nearly 5 years before he got with Melissa. Do you not pay attention?
I'm early
Melissa needed to open up and sort this out properly with genuine communication.
This sounds like very very VERY young new-age kids who don't understand how to even speak to one another. Honestly, I would have left Mel if she wouldn't talk to me or a therapist about her insecurities. She can't make up fake situations in her head, that's dangerous for everyone involved.
What's worse is that even if you cut the person out, that girl will LITERALLY keep going.
Commenter has the SMARTEST idea here. Advise Nat to get like a Ring Cam and put it in her car or something, really set up some security to catch and see who the fuck is messing with her.