0:26 Blowing up her phone. 3:00 Always worried about what she’s doing. 4:38 You’re rushing things. 5:28 Your life revolves around her. 6:58 Your mood depends on her.
Nice summary - Raghav7657! Great tips - by Courtney! If a girl is into you, she’ll drop everything for the opportunity to be with you - she’ll even cancel her plans. Having said that. If she’s not into you - watch out! She’ll find every excuse in the book - in order to avoid seeing you, or texting you back! So learn to become the type of guy, women can’t resist, and can’t wait to hear from! (I know, that’s easy for me to say…) Lol - but it’s possible! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
@@carlosverde-datingtips7001 i know where you coming from , looks are subjective in many cases and if she really finds you sexually attractive, you basically got her and just don’t screw it up and period
This is one of the craziest things I've learned about women. I understand not liking clingy. It smells of desperation, which is very unattractive in men. Totally get it. But then I heard about how person who cares the least in a relationship controls the relationship. And I learned the hard way that it's true. The nicer I treat my wife, the more distant she gets. Come home, give her a hug and kiss, tell her I love her, she withdraws overtime. I come home and act like she's not really there, she starts treating me nice again. And you wonder why us men give up.
Scarcity = value. If you're always nice, being nice has no value anymore. Don't be nice and give away your attention for free, reward her when she deserves it and treats you well. On the flip side, no more being nice and pull back your attention when she is treating you like crap.
@@dtho8542 I understand these principles. It's just frustrating to see these psychological games playing out with people you've been with for years. You would think at some point you could just be yourself, and be honest. Instead we still have to play psychological games with people to get them to treat us good and with respect. Again, makes you just want to walk away from all the bull crap.
For anyone exhibiting these signs, you should read into attachment theory, as these are acts that an anxious-preoccupied person would do. And anxious-preoccupied tend to attract avoidant partners - a very toxic relationship dynamic. Reading more into it and actually working on myself to become more secure really helped me act less clingy!
This is why self respect > self esteem. One relies on you looking at yourself and making decisions based of that. The other seeks outside approval and acceptance through consensus of your peers, all who just might be idiots.
Even at my age (57) I’ve learn so much from Courtney. Sadly, there wasn’t any advice like this when I grew up. I’m only now discovering all my past mistakes and I am looking forward to never repeating them... - Guys, hit that “Like” button, and help Courtney help us and others more; It only takes second.
I'm 51 and agree 100%. However, and maybe you might agree, since you were also dating in the 80s and 90s and early 2000s, I'm guessing, I think that people (including men, from what I hear from my older female friends) had better dating ethics and played less games decades ago. Personally, I am dating a lot more the past 15 years since my divorce, largely due to online dating, but most of it is very short lived, and I had much longer relationships prior to getting married in the early 2000s. I blame a lot of this on social media and the swipe right/swipe left smorgasbord of dating sites giving us a "bigger, better deal out there at the touch of a button" mentality
@@Lonstermash Good to see that I’m not the only older man enjoying Courtney’s help.
I do agree that Social Media and Dating Apps are responsible, and has destroyed more relationships then it has successfully created. I think Courtney and Teddy are sadly a rare success story.
I do think there were less games back in our younger years, but they still existed; just in a different forms. I think it helped that our life rolls were more defined back then and less short term and the instant gratification from today’s hook-ups culture…
The stuff she was mentioning in this video is what I used to do. I had a friend who was a female who told me what I was doing and it woke me up a little bit. This channel is about improving yourself. But you have to be honest with yourself as well. Another great video.
Shout out for this great woman. She is always delivering great advice and sound wisdom. Thank you Courtney for your great service to society. Rock on.🌟🙂
She really is. I heeded a lot of her advice about becoming more confident, taking better care of myself, and how to talk to women and now I have an amazing girlfriend. Courtney is a gift from God. 🙏🏼
I agree with what Courtney is saying. Love at first sight, or even first text or first meeting doesn't and shouldn't exist. If you can't wait to text someone or see them again and you can't concentrate on work, didn't those things used to be signs of love? Aren't those natural human emotions? I know, I get annoyed too when a girl texts me constantly and I sense she is desperate. But...when it goes both ways its a good sign. Maybe this is why dating apps don't work. Maybe we should stick to phone calls and meeting people through friends or at book stores and night clubs.
I was like this in my teens. I was the chaser. No one was interested. So I taught myself if they don't show anything back, make any effort or initiate anything, then they are not worth it and that I should move on. You can learn a great deal over the years as you mature. To this day I wait to meet someone different who will show me signals I've not received before.
The overthinking was a constant struggle in my past relationship. I was worried about "does she still love me", "does she still appreciate me?".... etc. In general I struggled to keep healthy distance from her and it was always a topic of arguments. Thank you Ms. Ryan for this helpful video on the "Anxious" Attachment.
I am guilty of most of these and the best way I found to help curb the need to constantly check my phone for an answer or a text, not just from girls but from everyone, is to put your phone away and don't look it at it for the whole day. This behavior may be tied to desperate/clingy behavior but at the same time, it can also be tied to phone addiction and loneliness. If you are secure in yourself and have self-worth, confidence, and show it by taking care of yourself daily and building healthy habits, this behavior should improve. Something I'm currently working on is making more friends so that I feel less lonely and that has also halted this behavior. Phone addiction is real and detrimental to your overall physical and mental health. Put the phone away and you will feel so much better once you check it in 8 hours and see people blowing it up, the same people you thought were ignoring you.
Definitely have been guilty of checking my phone constantly. I've only ever sent a few texts about why they haven't responded. It never goes well. It's good to live your own life and not worry about when she texts back. I think this gets to a point though. I don't want to have every reply be three days later or really late at night waking me up. There has to be a moment when you become more of a priority to them. If not, then I just lose interest in that person.
Thanks again for giving advice that most men are not taught growing up, but should be. As someone who is 35 and married, I still listen for ways to improve my relationship with my wife. I can’t help but think, “this is everything I wish I knew when I was younger (teens to early twenties).” I’m glad you are making a great difference for the men who have been fortunate to find your channel.
Growing up lot of things have happened to me. I was always alone , teachers and other kids including my cousins they all used to bully me. So whenever I find a friend I just clings on to that person and scare that person away. This video is very useful even if you are a girl
As someone who’s struggled with anxious attachment for years, it was easy to think that I was the only one and that there was something wrong with me. Spot on about not having a passion or purpose. Once I got a job (I work in healthcare) and started working out I found something to look forward to everyday and invest in. Now I have a healthy relationship with dating and have no issues going on platonic coffee dates and I know I’ll be ok if things just don’t pan out how I thought they would in my head. You aren’t alone fellas, work on you.
I'm guilty of the last one although it's not something I'm dating but a crush at work. The days I don't get to talk to her I'm all sad and bummed out. The days where I have her full attention and can make her laugh is the highlight of my day
I've thought about what you said in this video and summed it up into an easier thing. Being Desperate and clingy is stressful and implies a lot of effort. If a man is like this, it means he is not ready for a relationship and he should work a little bit with himself. Only when you know that a relationship is not going to cause stress and too much effort when you start it, then you know you're ready to start it. You're a mind opener and I appreciate it.
Everything you talked about I’ve had experienced with a significant other. Not being able to do things with friends besides hanging with her has taking a toll. Helllllllp Meee
I'll be honest, I wasn't too much of a fan of your videos in the past, but I have to say that your advice on this one really opened my eyes. Thank you for that, there's so many thing I wish I could've learned before.
On the whole not messaging you back or taking multiple days to message you back, I've just gotten in the habit of ignoring them at this point. I get if you're busy etc, but if it's been multiple days the interest isn't there, or you're not her first choice. If they were interested they would take the time/effort to message back. Don't put in more effort than you're getting back.
Good one..its happening to me right now ..takes days and I just think it's important to match the same effort 👌 buy I will never ignore a text just pull back and do your own thing :)
Believe me... she is messaging back the guy she likes. Women give dating advice based on fantasy. The reality is do you think she goes days and never speaks to anyone? You know better. She has no interest or respect for you
think i went through a crash course in modern dating for the past 1 year since divorce. Low self-esteem, desperate and clingy (went through every single point in this vid), constant rejection, etc. really a painful process of growing in this area in my mid 30s and finally learn to let it go and not putting a girl on a pedestal (most of the time).
You guys need the 'attitude'. "The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays. No matter what happens your toes are still tapping. When you've got that you've got the 'attitude'." Demone, Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
You're right but I think a lot of her advice will lead to a point where. If a woman's rude you can easily walk away from her. A man of high value shows it through his actions and a woman that wants him will feel like she can't afford to act up.
You just can’t handle it that’s all. Learn how to handle it. Women can be emotional af like a tidal wave but you need to be a strong rock and stand on business.
If a female be rude to you but showing signs of she like you she is testing you because she trying to get a reaction out of you and it's your job to not give her a reaction but if she being rude just because and not showing no signs move on because she doesn't like you
Very well said, Courtney. Yes, I've done all of these things. What was the result?? She usually bolted or dumped me in rapid succession. Stating things like "You're being too needy or clingy" or "you're suffocating me...". Totally not worth it. Or assuming she's not interested bc she cannot talk or is putting me off, then being a jerk and rejecting her. Then I'm totally out of the game! I guess we can get better, right? Hope so. But I don't seriously date anymore.
I admit I did some of the things you've mentioned but now I am aware and know what to do next time. Action + wisdom/knowledge is the key. Thank you Ms. Courtney.
The overthinking advice is very good! I use to overthink a lot in why she doesn't reply even if she's online (hence saw the text for sure), but I simply cannot control it, so why care so much?! If it doesn't work out, it's okay. I can just move on the another. No matter how high quality she is, if she doesn't want me it's better stay away anyways...
Excellent tips. I am currently in communication with a girl right now who I met at a bar and am stressing about it and realize that I just need to take a step back and slow down. I feel like lots of us are always on autopilot and we don't really think before we act. I have not had great success with women to this point; however, I think caring less and being confident in who I am independent of someone else will pay off huge dividends in the long-term. Good luck out there guys and gals :)
I never text anyone with twenty messages…if she isn’t replying after the first or second one I stop. Then I might wait a few days and then see whats up. If its the same…NEXT!
Again... that makes no sense. If she wants you she won't wait 2 days. I guarantee you she doesn't make the tall hot guy wait. She is literally showing you how lil you matter to her
Dude's writing back-to-back texts and blowing up a girl's phone without getting a reply are impulsive and are unable to delay gratification. They expect the girl to have an eye on the conversation 24/7 with no other priorities going on in life. Speaks volumes about the guy having nothing going for them to be able to devote that type of time on a stranger especially, if they're just at the communication stage.
Yep, Courtney has it right. If we don't have a life outside needing a woman, we're then dependent on a woman. That's insecurity brought on by domestication lacking in love and acceptance, among other things. When you have your own life, you can take or leave her; she'll see that and then do what it takes to keep your attention. That's true at any age. I do this all the time; I follow Courtney's recommendations of staying in shape, working out, eating all my own food, not eating out, absolutely no adult beverages, and not giving a *****crap**** about what a woman thinks about me. However, when you are one of the best in shape men, anywhere you go, you command attention without saying anything. They will find ways of getting near. As they do, I ease my way a little further away from them; you talk about getting her stirred up, and she'll rub her breasts against you nonchalantly as she eases by. I love that as I act as though she never touched me. They go home wondering why they didn't get my attention and start looking at their self thinking about what's wrong with what they look like. That builds their insecurity tenfold. Regards
She's right about over texting, been guilty of this, but one way to address this is to reassure the other party, respond in a timely manner and let them know your busy doing x, y and z and that you will call them later, a specific time/day helps, then follow through, let's be real, ignoring someone is just plain rude regardless of how long you've known them, basic communicate and social skills are required of you. Let's do away with this you don't owe anyone anything mindset, cause you do owe them common courtesy, not that you have to respond in the first 5 seconds or every other minute, it's just basic decency!
I'm currently reading that same book. It's a true eye opener. Can recommend it to anyone trying to get a better understanding of their own and others' behaviour in the first few weeks of getting to know each other.
This was a great video! I just gave a guy my number on yesterday and he acts like some of the things on your list! Thank you! I was on the fence about him. But I think it is over and I don't feel too bad about it. My interest in him was low and his behavior made it lower!
Courtney I remember at college when dating a girl every girl wanted to date me .When i did not have a girlfriend i could not get a date for the life of me The moral here is you give of a atmosphere that everyone wants success confidence They want what you got ! Cheers Courtney i think you should do this video subject every month to remind guys about clingy your doing all guys a great service girl cheers
The differwnce between needy and desperate is how physically attractive the person is. A hot guy can be in a girls inbox hitting on her and pursuing her and she will consider it confidence and persistence. But if an ugly guy is ina girls inbox the same way, the girl will take his confidence and persistence as desperation and neediness. Everything comes down to looks
I agree that women don't owe you an explanation if they don't reply back. However, they could have the courtesy of just unmatching you so you aren't thinking they will.
Really good advice here. When I've had something going on, e.g, a course, a passion project I've had much more romantic interest. When I'm sitting around being uninspired, boring, and suck even more than normal, every girl can see that lol and I get nothing.
Thank you for this video and your body of work, Courtney! Applied its principles with a woman whose number I got. She disappeared while setting up the first date on text. It's been 8 days. I haven't texted her! And I've moved on. There is hope, men!
Never ignore a text even if the person takes days to reply..we are all just really confused, should I text first etc and then both sides don't communicate and yes its difficult but just match the same energy and don't ignore text..we are all just figuring out life.
I'm reminded of a couple things that add to making these conversations so difficult... 1, we all have our different experiences informing what we mean when we talk about things like "texting too much" or "rushing things." When I was single, I met women who felt they were being ghosted if they didn't hear back after a day - and other women who felt like I was rushing them or overwhelming them if I sent two texts in the same week. 2, sometimes we throw around labels like "needy" or "you're rushing me" at somebody else, as a way of avoiding situations where maybe they're acting totally normal but we're just not interested in them - and other times we resist these labels when they're perfectly appropriate. Both are cases where we may lack emotional courage or honesty with ourselves.
Chatting on WhatsApp I have notifications off for everyone except family. I'll get to the messages when I'm on my phone but I won't be waiting anxiously staring at it. Great advice as usual, Courtney!
Went on 2 dates with a girl I had tons of chemistry with and had a lot in common but I think trying to set up a date every week kinda turned her off and she slowly ghosted. Hurt a lot because I don't think I'm gonna find someone like her again
You’ll definitely find another one trust me. IMO the girl should try and setup dates (or at least give ideas) if she’s actually interested so if you were setting everything up, good riddance. Make room for the next.
I am also a man that would be desperate from the ground up and I would get into fits if she don’t text me or text me quickly. It’s not that I’m crazy or anything, it’s just that I have (maybe) flooded my dopamine receptors and the of feeling happiness overflowing even if the conversation is lame. What really helps me is reassurance and understanding. If she was busy, a text saying “hey could you hold on while blah blah I get back with you” will do much help me like a dog sitting patiently for his treat. If there are like 20 messages, she could at least say “hey this is too much to read, one at a time please” or “I understand but please chill out”. The problem is women just don’t want to take time to understand how it works and just to take a cold approach. Yes, that’s life but being mean is still a mean person and that’s not good.
But y is it considered desperate or clingy and not having/showin genuine interest? What if we have great conversations and I just enjoy talkin 2 her? And if she's busy/goin 2 be busy, y not just say that? I'll admit, I've done sum of these things wit an ex. What annoyed/frustrated me was that she was always hot & cold, inconsistent, distant, here 2day gone for 2 weeks or recently, 9 months. But Ive never looked at it as desperate or clingy. All I've ever asked 4 was a heads up or let me know sumthin, but I guess that's too much 2 ask 4 or too difficult 2 do 4 sum1 that claims 2 love and care bout u nowadays 🤷♂️
@Black Boy King TV how is that sad, I mind my business and don't bother anyone. I keep to myself because most people are looking to take advantage of you.
I’m generally a determinist and not a behaviorist but neediness is a big turn off for both genders. Unfortunately to make any relationship work you need space as well as proximity. It’s just annoying when someone makes too many demands on your time even if you really like them. I’ve experienced this with pretty girls where their enthusiasm made me uncomfortable.
One interesting thing is that at times the conversation is flowing well in the dating app and then I often suggest texting outside of it as a next step because I know she is getting bombarded and it is easy to eventually get lost in the queue, which is fine, I don't care. However, they [almost always] immediately cease communicating once that is suggested, which leads me to believe they may just be in the app for validation and to pass the time. I usually wait a day or two and send a follow up, after that, I just leave it alone because the "genuine" interest is clearly not there and I have my dignity haha.
Your 100% right. I wish I had found your Channel a day before I screwed it up with the girl I was seeing. Oh well now I know what to work on. Appreciate your videos and insight.
wish i had realized all of this sooner:/ totally messed it up man!! they were so good to me, wish i could go back in time and make it all right, ik there are so many other people out there, but still if only i had realized i was being such a stupid freak..
If you have time to waste blowing up somebody's phone or text, you have time to lift weights or read a good book. Reminds me of epic desperate part in "Dumb and Dumber": Lloyd Christmas: "What are my chances?" Mary Swanson: "Not good" Lloyd: "You mean not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: " I'd say more like one out a million" Lloyd: "So you're telling me there's a chance. Yeah!!!!!!!!!"
In theory it's straightforward, but in practice when you meet a girl who seems to perfectly suit you as a personality and shows tonnes of interest in the beginning (sending you dozens of engaging messages at a time) only to suddenly pull away later for no apparent reason, it literally breaks your heart.
Unfortunately I’ve been guilty of some these things on the list in the past and I honestly didn’t even realize it was a problem until it happened to me ironically enough. Haha. It was just like a no duh moment that hit me like a truck. After some self-reflection and introspection I realized why I acted the way I did. Which was eye opening for me. If it was possible for me to apologize to the 2 past love interests from yrs past, for my behavior I would. Also I really wished someone sat me down slapped me crossed the face, yelled what’s wrong with you man! And showed me this video yrs ago. But at least now I fully understand and know how stupid/ counterintuitive being desperate and clingy can be and will never again. Haha.
Reminds me of the guy that went to Europe and was out of touch the whole time but his girlfriend forgot. He showed a video of his txts and his gf was blowing up his phone. first couple of days to ask what did she do wrong, next couple of days to say she hated him, next to say she has been cheating on him all along, finally to say she's taking back all the stuff he gave her. Apparently while at his place his mom reminded the gf that he was in Europe the next messages were please don't read anything just delete. lol!
For me it's hard to find the middle ground, if I don't care I'm not interested. If I'm interested I do care. This does not only apply to partners about most things in my life.
Definitely needed to hear this, my circumstances are a little different but I find myself waiting on my wife's reply and depending on the outcome of that conversation sets the mood for the day so to speak. Me and her have about 5 years together last 2 been married, we have two kids but only just recently she moved back to her mom's so our relationship has plummeted. She doesn't wish to get a divorce because she doesn't believe in it but she's connecting with other people it's put a lot of pressure on me my self-esteem to provide for my kids from afar, I'm being completely blocked out. Sorry to ramble but was hoping to get feedback insight of some sort. As to what I should do. Thanks in advance! Love the content ☺️
Robert I understand your situation most men want to please or make their wives happy but i had to learn you don't own your wife she should have a life for her self After my second wife passed away from cancer she did teach me that her life before me was a controlling man he wanted her to text him every place she went and had to be home at a certain time etc So give the women space to miss you and believe that if she loves you she will always be in her heart and don't worry if she meets over guys she had children with you that will never leave her .just put your self in her shoes for a moment and get your confidence back she notice that .hope that helps cheers
Nobody should be exhibiting this type of behavior and that goes for girls too. But the thing is, it's too easy to read a title like this and think "that's not me". Another thing is pointing out some "symptoms" or issues and saying "just work on it" is not exactly a detailed action plan. Same for those who say "I'm working on myself", the question is how. It's too easy to acknowledge a problem but then not know how to fix it. If one already knew what to do and how to solve it, then why is it still a problem? For certain things sometimes people don't know what to do. Life is a journey. Don't just do what you need to fix the problem, we should all aim to keep growing.
A person is only as needy as their unmet needs. If you're feeling needy in a relationship, it means your needs aren't being met and you should find someone else. This is the basis of attachment theory.
What she conveniently forgets to mention is that a female can't be reasoned with using logic. Yes she will get angry if she feels slighted or ignored. And the actual reality is women will get angry either way. The important point she has no clue about is to already know this will happen. But your reaction can't be logic or anger... let her weather out the storm of irrational emotion she is having. And actually after she will make it up to you. This is advice a woman can't give you... cuz they haven't dated women as a male. They give advice on what they truly have no experience about
my bf told me that he feels i like him a bit too much. and he wanted some personal space. i found out i exhibit all of these signs after watching this video... we spoke about breaking up today... 😭
Literally going thru this now! 2 months in…i have been telling her for the last 3 weeks to chill on the texting and love bombing. 3rd date she already said i am her person. Sigh…i like her but man…
First one, sometimes they don't answer at all. Yes I know , apparently from being really on, and boom ghosted. So yep, sure after some time, you wonder if she is dead
"The person you're with should complement your life, not be your life".... well said, and very wise words indeed Courtney!
Amen to that!
Facts. 🙌🏻
How about: "Pursue excellence, not women. An excellent woman will appear."
That's not how humans work though. It isn't that simple. That's what we call an "empty platitude".
0:26 Blowing up her phone.
3:00 Always worried about what she’s doing.
4:38 You’re rushing things.
5:28 Your life revolves around her.
6:58 Your mood depends on her.
Nice summary - Raghav7657!
Great tips - by Courtney! If a girl is into you, she’ll drop everything for the opportunity to be with you - she’ll even cancel her plans.
Having said that. If she’s not into you - watch out! She’ll find every excuse in the book - in order to avoid seeing you, or texting you back!
So learn to become the type of guy, women can’t resist, and can’t wait to hear from! (I know, that’s easy for me to say…) Lol - but it’s possible!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Well done. Thank you!
This seems like a checklist of everything I did wrong
@@carlosverde-datingtips7001 i know where you coming from , looks are subjective in many cases and if she really finds you sexually attractive, you basically got her and just don’t screw it up and period
@@theworldisimmense I hear ya! Lol
This is one of the craziest things I've learned about women. I understand not liking clingy. It smells of desperation, which is very unattractive in men. Totally get it.
But then I heard about how person who cares the least in a relationship controls the relationship. And I learned the hard way that it's true. The nicer I treat my wife, the more distant she gets. Come home, give her a hug and kiss, tell her I love her, she withdraws overtime. I come home and act like she's not really there, she starts treating me nice again. And you wonder why us men give up.
Very good point
Scarcity = value. If you're always nice, being nice has no value anymore. Don't be nice and give away your attention for free, reward her when she deserves it and treats you well. On the flip side, no more being nice and pull back your attention when she is treating you like crap.
@@dtho8542 I understand these principles. It's just frustrating to see these psychological games playing out with people you've been with for years. You would think at some point you could just be yourself, and be honest. Instead we still have to play psychological games with people to get them to treat us good and with respect. Again, makes you just want to walk away from all the bull crap.
@@Meatheus72 Completely agree. I definitely have a lot less energy to try and find someone to settle down with than I used to.
Cool summary
For anyone exhibiting these signs, you should read into attachment theory, as these are acts that an anxious-preoccupied person would do. And anxious-preoccupied tend to attract avoidant partners - a very toxic relationship dynamic. Reading more into it and actually working on myself to become more secure really helped me act less clingy!
This is why self respect > self esteem. One relies on you looking at yourself and making decisions based of that. The other seeks outside approval and acceptance through consensus of your peers, all who just might be idiots.
What's a good book on attachment theory do you recommend?
@@avici0182 "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is the best one out there
Even at my age (57) I’ve learn so much from Courtney. Sadly, there wasn’t any advice like this when I grew up. I’m only now discovering all my past mistakes and I am looking forward to never repeating them... - Guys, hit that “Like” button, and help Courtney help us and others more; It only takes second.
I absolutely agree - I wish I access to this kind of info in my younger days as well. The pain I could have avoided!
I knew it when I was younger but I still did it, LMAO.
This is beautiful
I'm 51 and agree 100%. However, and maybe you might agree, since you were also dating in the 80s and 90s and early 2000s, I'm guessing, I think that people (including men, from what I hear from my older female friends) had better dating ethics and played less games decades ago. Personally, I am dating a lot more the past 15 years since my divorce, largely due to online dating, but most of it is very short lived, and I had much longer relationships prior to getting married in the early 2000s. I blame a lot of this on social media and the swipe right/swipe left smorgasbord of dating sites giving us a "bigger, better deal out there at the touch of a button" mentality
@@Lonstermash Good to see that I’m not the only older man enjoying Courtney’s help.
I do agree that Social Media and Dating Apps are responsible, and has destroyed more relationships then it has successfully created. I think Courtney and Teddy are sadly a rare success story.
I do think there were less games back in our younger years, but they still existed; just in a different forms. I think it helped that our life rolls were more defined back then and less short term and the instant gratification from today’s hook-ups culture…
The stuff she was mentioning in this video is what I used to do. I had a friend who was a female who told me what I was doing and it woke me up a little bit. This channel is about improving yourself. But you have to be honest with yourself as well. Another great video.
Shout out for this great woman. She is always delivering great advice and sound wisdom. Thank you Courtney for your great service to society. Rock on.🌟🙂
She really is. I heeded a lot of her advice about becoming more confident, taking better care of myself, and how to talk to women and now I have an amazing girlfriend. Courtney is a gift from God. 🙏🏼
Overthinking is definitely one I’ve struggled with and most definitely something I’m working on overcoming.
I agree with what Courtney is saying. Love at first sight, or even first text or first meeting doesn't and shouldn't exist. If you can't wait to text someone or see them again and you can't concentrate on work, didn't those things used to be signs of love? Aren't those natural human emotions? I know, I get annoyed too when a girl texts me constantly and I sense she is desperate. But...when it goes both ways its a good sign. Maybe this is why dating apps don't work. Maybe we should stick to phone calls and meeting people through friends or at book stores and night clubs.
I was like this in my teens. I was the chaser. No one was interested. So I taught myself if they don't show anything back, make any effort or initiate anything, then they are not worth it and that I should move on. You can learn a great deal over the years as you mature. To this day I wait to meet someone different who will show me signals I've not received before.
The overthinking was a constant struggle in my past relationship. I was worried about "does she still love me", "does she still appreciate me?".... etc. In general I struggled to keep healthy distance from her and it was always a topic of arguments. Thank you Ms. Ryan for this helpful video on the "Anxious" Attachment.
I am guilty of most of these and the best way I found to help curb the need to constantly check my phone for an answer or a text, not just from girls but from everyone, is to put your phone away and don't look it at it for the whole day. This behavior may be tied to desperate/clingy behavior but at the same time, it can also be tied to phone addiction and loneliness. If you are secure in yourself and have self-worth, confidence, and show it by taking care of yourself daily and building healthy habits, this behavior should improve. Something I'm currently working on is making more friends so that I feel less lonely and that has also halted this behavior. Phone addiction is real and detrimental to your overall physical and mental health. Put the phone away and you will feel so much better once you check it in 8 hours and see people blowing it up, the same people you thought were ignoring you.
Very solid advice. My phone addiction is real and I’m trying hard to curb this.
This is very true ❤
Definitely have been guilty of checking my phone constantly. I've only ever sent a few texts about why they haven't responded. It never goes well. It's good to live your own life and not worry about when she texts back. I think this gets to a point though. I don't want to have every reply be three days later or really late at night waking me up. There has to be a moment when you become more of a priority to them. If not, then I just lose interest in that person.
As you should. Never make someone a priority that uses you as an option. Excellent point about losing interest, more men should be like that.
Thanks again for giving advice that most men are not taught growing up, but should be. As someone who is 35 and married, I still listen for ways to improve my relationship with my wife. I can’t help but think, “this is everything I wish I knew when I was younger (teens to early twenties).” I’m glad you are making a great difference for the men who have been fortunate to find your channel.
Guilty of these things. And every word echoed.
Currently in the middle of redesigning myself to rebuild and reclaim my original goals.
Growing up lot of things have happened to me. I was always alone , teachers and other kids including my cousins they all used to bully me. So whenever I find a friend I just clings on to that person and scare that person away. This video is very useful even if you are a girl
As someone who’s struggled with anxious attachment for years, it was easy to think that I was the only one and that there was something wrong with me.
Spot on about not having a passion or purpose. Once I got a job (I work in healthcare) and started working out I found something to look forward to everyday and invest in.
Now I have a healthy relationship with dating and have no issues going on platonic coffee dates and I know I’ll be ok if things just don’t pan out how I thought they would in my head. You aren’t alone fellas, work on you.
I'm guilty of the last one although it's not something I'm dating but a crush at work. The days I don't get to talk to her I'm all sad and bummed out. The days where I have her full attention and can make her laugh is the highlight of my day
I've thought about what you said in this video and summed it up into an easier thing. Being Desperate and clingy is stressful and implies a lot of effort. If a man is like this, it means he is not ready for a relationship and he should work a little bit with himself. Only when you know that a relationship is not going to cause stress and too much effort when you start it, then you know you're ready to start it. You're a mind opener and I appreciate it.
I cant stress enough how much every point you talked about resembles how I am right now. Thank you, it was really an eye opener. I owe you one 🙏🏻
Everything you talked about I’ve had experienced with a significant other. Not being able to do things with friends besides hanging with her has taking a toll. Helllllllp Meee
I'll be honest, I wasn't too much of a fan of your videos in the past, but I have to say that your advice on this one really opened my eyes. Thank you for that, there's so many thing I wish I could've learned before.
On the whole not messaging you back or taking multiple days to message you back, I've just gotten in the habit of ignoring them at this point. I get if you're busy etc, but if it's been multiple days the interest isn't there, or you're not her first choice. If they were interested they would take the time/effort to message back.
Don't put in more effort than you're getting back.
Good one..its happening to me right now ..takes days and I just think it's important to match the same effort 👌 buy I will never ignore a text just pull back and do your own thing :)
Believe me... she is messaging back the guy she likes. Women give dating advice based on fantasy. The reality is do you think she goes days and never speaks to anyone? You know better. She has no interest or respect for you
think i went through a crash course in modern dating for the past 1 year since divorce. Low self-esteem, desperate and clingy (went through every single point in this vid), constant rejection, etc.
really a painful process of growing in this area in my mid 30s and finally learn to let it go and not putting a girl on a pedestal (most of the time).
You guys need the 'attitude'. "The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays. No matter what happens your toes are still tapping. When you've got that you've got the 'attitude'." Demone, Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
This is so me right now, and this couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for helping me realize the areas I need work on
Yes we do owe it to people to show common courtesy. Ghosting is for socially inept children, real women don't ghost.
Courtney, you're the best.... God bless you ☺️.. stay happy, stay healthy, and keep growing and shining 🌟
Thank you my friend! ❤️
An attachment problem video would really help a lot of us :)... looking forward to it, thanks Courtney!
Women also need to stop being rude. Don't remove them from the equation.
You're right but I think a lot of her advice will lead to a point where. If a woman's rude you can easily walk away from her.
A man of high value shows it through his actions and a woman that wants him will feel like she can't afford to act up.
Women are so rude and quick to judge
You just can’t handle it that’s all. Learn how to handle it. Women can be emotional af like a tidal wave but you need to be a strong rock and stand on business.
Man too 😂
If a female be rude to you but showing signs of she like you she is testing you because she trying to get a reaction out of you and it's your job to not give her a reaction but if she being rude just because and not showing no signs move on because she doesn't like you
Very well said, Courtney. Yes, I've done all of these things. What was the result?? She usually bolted or dumped me in rapid succession. Stating things like "You're being too needy or clingy" or "you're suffocating me...". Totally not worth it. Or assuming she's not interested bc she cannot talk or is putting me off, then being a jerk and rejecting her. Then I'm totally out of the game! I guess we can get better, right? Hope so. But I don't seriously date anymore.
It's a lot a pressure to put on someone to make them your whole life and depend on them for how you feel.
Absolutely. Not good!
This came in handy. Ughhh why didn’t I learn this sooner. Gotta look at the positives now and the changes I’m currently making. ❤
I admit I did some of the things you've mentioned but now I am aware and know what to do next time. Action + wisdom/knowledge is the key. Thank you Ms. Courtney.
The overthinking advice is very good! I use to overthink a lot in why she doesn't reply even if she's online (hence saw the text for sure), but I simply cannot control it, so why care so much?! If it doesn't work out, it's okay. I can just move on the another. No matter how high quality she is, if she doesn't want me it's better stay away anyways...
You're really breath of a fresh air. Thank you Cortney. Hail from Eastern Europe
Excellent tips. I am currently in communication with a girl right now who I met at a bar and am stressing about it and realize that I just need to take a step back and slow down. I feel like lots of us are always on autopilot and we don't really think before we act. I have not had great success with women to this point; however, I think caring less and being confident in who I am independent of someone else will pay off huge dividends in the long-term. Good luck out there guys and gals :)
I never text anyone with twenty messages…if she isn’t replying after the first or second one I stop. Then I might wait a few days and then see whats up. If its the same…NEXT!
🙌🏼 amen
Again... that makes no sense. If she wants you she won't wait 2 days. I guarantee you she doesn't make the tall hot guy wait. She is literally showing you how lil you matter to her
The few days is a woman playing manipulative games... and stop falling for them
I always text saying "who is this and why are you wearing my pyjamas " i got a reply real quick 'because i can "!!
@@CourtneyRyan my girlfriend is too clingy she get upset when i leave for work and hug me all days and nights what i do ??.
Dude's writing back-to-back texts and blowing up a girl's phone without getting a reply are impulsive and are unable to delay gratification. They expect the girl to have an eye on the conversation 24/7 with no other priorities going on in life. Speaks volumes about the guy having nothing going for them to be able to devote that type of time on a stranger especially, if they're just at the communication stage.
Yep, Courtney has it right. If we don't have a life outside needing a woman, we're then dependent on a woman. That's insecurity brought on by domestication lacking in love and acceptance, among other things. When you have your own life, you can take or leave her; she'll see that and then do what it takes to keep your attention. That's true at any age. I do this all the time; I follow Courtney's recommendations of staying in shape, working out, eating all my own food, not eating out, absolutely no adult beverages, and not giving a *****crap**** about what a woman thinks about me. However, when you are one of the best in shape men, anywhere you go, you command attention without saying anything. They will find ways of getting near. As they do, I ease my way a little further away from them; you talk about getting her stirred up, and she'll rub her breasts against you nonchalantly as she eases by. I love that as I act as though she never touched me. They go home wondering why they didn't get my attention and start looking at their self thinking about what's wrong with what they look like. That builds their insecurity tenfold.
Regards
I'm guilty of being too aloof and not engaged, too chill (this is not always a great thing)...I need to work on that.
My motto is "prioritise hobbies and interests" and "enjoy your own company"
She's right about over texting, been guilty of this, but one way to address this is to reassure the other party, respond in a timely manner and let them know your busy doing x, y and z and that you will call them later, a specific time/day helps, then follow through, let's be real, ignoring someone is just plain rude regardless of how long you've known them, basic communicate and social skills are required of you. Let's do away with this you don't owe anyone anything mindset, cause you do owe them common courtesy, not that you have to respond in the first 5 seconds or every other minute, it's just basic decency!
I'm currently reading that same book. It's a true eye opener. Can recommend it to anyone trying to get a better understanding of their own and others' behaviour in the first few weeks of getting to know each other.
This video was incredibly helpful. Thank you!
This was a great video! I just gave a guy my number on yesterday and he acts like some of the things on your list! Thank you! I was on the fence about him. But I think it is over and I don't feel too bad about it. My interest in him was low and his behavior made it lower!
Courtney I remember at college when dating a girl every girl wanted to date me .When i did not have a girlfriend i could not get a date for the life of me The moral here is you give of a atmosphere that everyone wants success confidence They want what you got ! Cheers
Courtney i think you should do this video subject every month to remind guys about clingy
your doing all guys a great service girl cheers
it's called pre-selection. Girls want guys that other girls want. Women are communitarian in their thinking. Group think even,
The differwnce between needy and desperate is how physically attractive the person is. A hot guy can be in a girls inbox hitting on her and pursuing her and she will consider it confidence and persistence. But if an ugly guy is ina girls inbox the same way, the girl will take his confidence and persistence as desperation and neediness. Everything comes down to looks
yup every unattractive man ALWAYS has an agenda right ladies??
Nah man clingyness isn't good
I mean whose problem is that?
I agree that women don't owe you an explanation if they don't reply back. However, they could have the courtesy of just unmatching you so you aren't thinking they will.
Really good advice here. When I've had something going on, e.g, a course, a passion project I've had much more romantic interest. When I'm sitting around being uninspired, boring, and suck even more than normal, every girl can see that lol and I get nothing.
Thank you for this video and your body of work, Courtney! Applied its principles with a woman whose number I got. She disappeared while setting up the first date on text. It's been 8 days. I haven't texted her! And I've moved on. There is hope, men!
Never ignore a text even if the person takes days to reply..we are all just really confused, should I text first etc and then both sides don't communicate and yes its difficult but just match the same energy and don't ignore text..we are all just figuring out life.
I'm reminded of a couple things that add to making these conversations so difficult...
1, we all have our different experiences informing what we mean when we talk about things like "texting too much" or "rushing things." When I was single, I met women who felt they were being ghosted if they didn't hear back after a day - and other women who felt like I was rushing them or overwhelming them if I sent two texts in the same week.
2, sometimes we throw around labels like "needy" or "you're rushing me" at somebody else, as a way of avoiding situations where maybe they're acting totally normal but we're just not interested in them - and other times we resist these labels when they're perfectly appropriate. Both are cases where we may lack emotional courage or honesty with ourselves.
Chatting on WhatsApp I have notifications off for everyone except family. I'll get to the messages when I'm on my phone but I won't be waiting anxiously staring at it.
Great advice as usual, Courtney!
🙌🏼❤️
Went on 2 dates with a girl I had tons of chemistry with and had a lot in common but I think trying to set up a date every week kinda turned her off and she slowly ghosted. Hurt a lot because I don't think I'm gonna find someone like her again
You’ll definitely find another one trust me. IMO the girl should try and setup dates (or at least give ideas) if she’s actually interested so if you were setting everything up, good riddance. Make room for the next.
Same.
Note to self: Put away the dynamite and don't actually blow up a girl's phone
😂🙌🏼
I'm single but my life revolves around my faith and my art. I'm in 3 projects.
I am also a man that would be desperate from the ground up and I would get into fits if she don’t text me or text me quickly. It’s not that I’m crazy or anything, it’s just that I have (maybe) flooded my dopamine receptors and the of feeling happiness overflowing even if the conversation is lame. What really helps me is reassurance and understanding. If she was busy, a text saying “hey could you hold on while blah blah I get back with you” will do much help me like a dog sitting patiently for his treat. If there are like 20 messages, she could at least say “hey this is too much to read, one at a time please” or “I understand but please chill out”. The problem is women just don’t want to take time to understand how it works and just to take a cold approach. Yes, that’s life but being mean is still a mean person and that’s not good.
But y is it considered desperate or clingy and not having/showin genuine interest? What if we have great conversations and I just enjoy talkin 2 her? And if she's busy/goin 2 be busy, y not just say that? I'll admit, I've done sum of these things wit an ex. What annoyed/frustrated me was that she was always hot & cold, inconsistent, distant, here 2day gone for 2 weeks or recently, 9 months. But Ive never looked at it as desperate or clingy. All I've ever asked 4 was a heads up or let me know sumthin, but I guess that's too much 2 ask 4 or too difficult 2 do 4 sum1 that claims 2 love and care bout u nowadays 🤷♂️
Thank you for the great advice, my BIG SISTER Courtney!🙂👍
No matter how good she looks, someone somewhere is tired of her shit 🎉
We need more women like you. Respect
Very good video, this can relate to friends and family members who wants so much of your time!
Being Desperate & Clingy Will Make You Lose Your Mind & That Is Flip Flopping.
I've been Happy to Come cross your Channel.
Your contents are insightful.
I choose to hide from women. I work and just go home. I avoid people at all costs; that way, I don't embarrass myself by being myself.
@Black Boy King TV how is that sad, I mind my business and don't bother anyone. I keep to myself because most people are looking to take advantage of you.
I’m generally a determinist and not a behaviorist but neediness is a big turn off for both genders. Unfortunately to make any relationship work you need space as well as proximity. It’s just annoying when someone makes too many demands on your time even if you really like them. I’ve experienced this with pretty girls where their enthusiasm made me uncomfortable.
Wow thanks a lot! I tbink your video made my mind finally click that if I have time worrying...i could of used that time worrying about myself.
One interesting thing is that at times the conversation is flowing well in the dating app and then I often suggest texting outside of it as a next step because I know she is getting bombarded and it is easy to eventually get lost in the queue, which is fine, I don't care. However, they [almost always] immediately cease communicating once that is suggested, which leads me to believe they may just be in the app for validation and to pass the time. I usually wait a day or two and send a follow up, after that, I just leave it alone because the "genuine" interest is clearly not there and I have my dignity haha.
Your 100% right. I wish I had found your Channel a day before I screwed it up with the girl I was seeing. Oh well now I know what to work on. Appreciate your videos and insight.
wish i had realized all of this sooner:/ totally messed it up man!! they were so good to me, wish i could go back in time and make it all right, ik there are so many other people out there, but still if only i had realized i was being such a stupid freak..
That's what scammers do blowing people's emails... they are even more clingy and desperate.
If you have time to waste blowing up somebody's phone or text, you have time to lift weights or read a good book. Reminds me of epic desperate part in "Dumb and Dumber":
Lloyd Christmas: "What are my chances?"
Mary Swanson: "Not good"
Lloyd: "You mean not good like one out of a hundred?"
Mary: " I'd say more like one out a million"
Lloyd: "So you're telling me there's a chance. Yeah!!!!!!!!!"
In theory it's straightforward, but in practice when you meet a girl who seems to perfectly suit you as a personality and shows tonnes of interest in the beginning (sending you dozens of engaging messages at a time) only to suddenly pull away later for no apparent reason, it literally breaks your heart.
Unfortunately I’ve been guilty of some these things on the list in the past and I honestly didn’t even realize it was a problem until it happened to me ironically enough. Haha. It was just like a no duh moment that hit me like a truck. After some self-reflection and introspection I realized why I acted the way I did. Which was eye opening for me. If it was possible for me to apologize to the 2 past love interests from yrs past, for my behavior I would. Also I really wished someone sat me down slapped me crossed the face, yelled what’s wrong with you man! And showed me this video yrs ago. But at least now I fully understand and know how stupid/ counterintuitive being desperate and clingy can be and will never again. Haha.
8:00 - mind you, not just anxious attachment.
Everything you said is spot on. Great stuff.
Been there with this and it really did lead to some mental health issues. So yes, great advice, Courtney, thank you
You dropped this Queen! 👑
🥰🥰🥰🥰
Number 4 & 5. Thank you. I do appreciate.
I am so guilty of this. And it’s so frustrating.
Anxious and Avoidant attachment styles come from our childhood. It’s not so easy to just “turn it off”
Reminds me of the guy that went to Europe and was out of touch the whole time but his girlfriend forgot. He showed a video of his txts and his gf was blowing up his phone. first couple of days to ask what did she do wrong, next couple of days to say she hated him, next to say she has been cheating on him all along, finally to say she's taking back all the stuff he gave her.
Apparently while at his place his mom reminded the gf that he was in Europe the next messages were please don't read anything just delete. lol!
For me it's hard to find the middle ground, if I don't care I'm not interested. If I'm interested I do care. This does not only apply to partners about most things in my life.
Great advice Courtney. Thank you much ❤
Definitely needed to hear this, my circumstances are a little different but I find myself waiting on my wife's reply and depending on the outcome of that conversation sets the mood for the day so to speak. Me and her have about 5 years together last 2 been married, we have two kids but only just recently she moved back to her mom's so our relationship has plummeted. She doesn't wish to get a divorce because she doesn't believe in it but she's connecting with other people it's put a lot of pressure on me my self-esteem to provide for my kids from afar, I'm being completely blocked out.
Sorry to ramble but was hoping to get feedback insight of some sort. As to what I should do. Thanks in advance! Love the content ☺️
Robert I understand your situation most men want to please or make their wives happy but i had to learn you don't own your wife she should have a life for her self After my second wife passed away from cancer she did teach me that her life before me was a controlling man he wanted her to text him every place she went and had to be home at a certain time etc So give the women space to miss you and believe that if she loves you she will always be in her heart and don't worry if she meets over guys she had children with you that will never leave her .just put your self in her shoes for a moment and get your confidence back she notice that .hope that helps cheers
"Connecting with other people"? As in banging other dudes? It's over. Talk to a lawyer. File for Divorce.
Watching this after he left me on read for an 3 days crying
Nobody should be exhibiting this type of behavior and that goes for girls too. But the thing is, it's too easy to read a title like this and think "that's not me". Another thing is pointing out some "symptoms" or issues and saying "just work on it" is not exactly a detailed action plan. Same for those who say "I'm working on myself", the question is how. It's too easy to acknowledge a problem but then not know how to fix it. If one already knew what to do and how to solve it, then why is it still a problem? For certain things sometimes people don't know what to do. Life is a journey. Don't just do what you need to fix the problem, we should all aim to keep growing.
When my future children start dating I’m showing them these videos!
A person is only as needy as their unmet needs. If you're feeling needy in a relationship, it means your needs aren't being met and you should find someone else. This is the basis of attachment theory.
I'm in my thirties and I'm only learning these. I have social anxiety disorder.
What she conveniently forgets to mention is that a female can't be reasoned with using logic. Yes she will get angry if she feels slighted or ignored. And the actual reality is women will get angry either way. The important point she has no clue about is to already know this will happen. But your reaction can't be logic or anger... let her weather out the storm of irrational emotion she is having. And actually after she will make it up to you. This is advice a woman can't give you... cuz they haven't dated women as a male. They give advice on what they truly have no experience about
The faces you sometimes make on the cover grabs of your vids cracks me up. 🤣
my bf told me that he feels i like him a bit too much. and he wanted some personal space. i found out i exhibit all of these signs after watching this video... we spoke about breaking up today... 😭
Literally going thru this now! 2 months in…i have been telling her for the last 3 weeks to chill on the texting and love bombing. 3rd date she already said i am her person. Sigh…i like her but man…
I love desperate guys.❤
Idk. If she is having problems responding to your texts in a timely manner it's usually an indicator that shes probably not all that into you.
Bingo
First one, sometimes they don't answer at all. Yes I know , apparently from being really on, and boom ghosted. So yep, sure after some time, you wonder if she is dead
this video was nice little wake up call :D thanks for the great video!
in short , you are your biggest priority and have self-respect