Thank you! It's so simple and complicated at the same time! It's so difficult to put your pride aside and heed the advice, because sometimes good advice seems like angry criticism. But now I reconsider my point and I will try to take tips with ease.
Pride is often times what stands in the way of many people taking on advice that could actually be helpful to them. I'm guilty of this myself. But when I have opened myself up to feedback, I have generally found that I can many ideas can actually improve my situation.
I came to this video because I was wondering why giving unsolicited advise is a bad thing. I don’t usually give it, but when someone tells me they are struggling with something, I just share my own experience. Being a musician, I grew up with constructive criticism being part of my life. And I’m the type of person that loves new insights and growth. Very rarely do I get aggravated by advise. I hear people out, i see if it works for me or resonates with me. And then I decide if it works for me or not. If someone wants to expand in awareness and experiences, I think it is super interesting to get insights into someone else’s perspective. Thank you for this video!
Honestly, unsolicited advice never really bothered me. Unless it's something like "You should apply for this job" or "You should wear baggy clothes more often" (anything like that) I'm pretty cool with people sharing tips on how to fix a problem I have without me asking. I've pretty much wondered if I was alone in this.
Ba-nee, that's very mature and open of you to take on advice others share. If everyone could be as open-minded about it (me included!), I'm sure we would all develop ourselves more efficiently. In speaking with many clients over the years, and from my own experiences myself, I do find that people don't often take the advice of family members as readily as they would from objective, third parties.
Good unsolicited advice can be game changing, but there’s manipulative people out there who can use it as a method of controlling you. So how do you know the difference? I guess you just know it when you see it.
I've learned that unsolicited advice from westerner are very different from easterner (typically from Asian countries). Maybe the culture of individualism in western countries view unsolicited advice as a sign of weakness (which mean the ego of the person was hurt).
Francis, you're absolutely right. I suppose with any advice, the usefulness and relevance of that advice depends on the cultural, organisational, societal, family, etc, culture you're in yourself. As someone myself who's both Asian and American, I myself find the approaches to professional career planning and philosophy very different between the two.
Right! Let's not forget there's a competitive element in western individualism. I take into account the source of the unsolicited advice. For instance, I have an associate who plays the game of one-upping. The advice comes from a place of competition. Also, a relative regular gives advice based on her own personal fears and biases. Discernment and wisdom are key factors when encountering wanted and unsolicited advice. Joseph used wisdom in his encounter. That's what really made the difference.
Bullshit. If I wanted to someone's advice, the yes I'll gladly swallow my pride and ask. The problem is that's when people marginalized you as "being stuck in your ways and refusing to learn something new." Its pretty irritating how people villanize you for waiting until you actually ask. Consider this. If someone said to me "can I give you some advice," then yes It wouldn't be so bad to listen, but to just throw your 2 cents without offering first? Yeah no...
Thanks for this video Joe! Very helpful indeed. While unsolicited advice is not necessarily the most pleasant, part of this bad feeling is due to our own ego and defensiveness. If we can learn to humble ourselves and take whatever critique that is relevant to our development, we can go miles ahead where we are right now. I always tell myself that it is ok to feel horrible inside due to a criticism since it is human nature, as long as we can take whatever is useful for our development later on.
I completely agree that in this case, at least initially, my ego & defensiveness got in my way of hearing some feedback that was actually really helpful. I think its' a shame when people just block themselves to receiving any sort of input because it can really be so limiting. Great point about dealing with the initial hurt, then taking it on as an opportunity to develop. Thanks for your comments.
Glad to hear you found this useful. I haven't actually been swimming in nearly two years now (b/c of the pandemic), so I'm sure I'll also be a bit rusty when I return to it.
I don't really have too much of a problem with random advice unless you're a serial stalker. I mean seriously, how can anyone take random advice from anyone who watches you while you sleep? "Maybe you should try to wake up earlier." Excuse me? How do know exactly when I wake up in the morning ? I guess I'm the crazy one. I get treated in the most criminal ways and you want me take your advice? Absolutely not.
I guess if John thought you were hopeless would not have dared advising you. Perhaps he thought you were quite good, just needed to lower your head in the water. At times it's also a way to start a conversation. Nice video.
Yes, that's a good point. I suppose he saw that I had some potential, but that I needed to make a crucial tweak. My swimming has been so much better since!
Seems he saw you were headed to lifelong neck pain, if you swam the way you did. Or you may unfortunately give up swimming, but he thought maybe he could help you. Taking an extreme example, if you see someone walking towards an open manhole, it is obvious of warning them of the danger. Unfortunately, in real life, most situations where I can offer unsolicited advice are not that dangerous for the recipient. Of course, we must be wary of the motive of the advisor.
Thank you! It's so simple and complicated at the same time! It's so difficult to put your pride aside and heed the advice, because sometimes good advice seems like angry criticism. But now I reconsider my point and I will try to take tips with ease.
Pride is often times what stands in the way of many people taking on advice that could actually be helpful to them. I'm guilty of this myself. But when I have opened myself up to feedback, I have generally found that I can many ideas can actually improve my situation.
In this situation, John the advice giver had good intentions. Some people don't have your back.
I came to this video because I was wondering why giving unsolicited advise is a bad thing. I don’t usually give it, but when someone tells me they are struggling with something, I just share my own experience. Being a musician, I grew up with constructive criticism being part of my life. And I’m the type of person that loves new insights and growth. Very rarely do I get aggravated by advise. I hear people out, i see if it works for me or resonates with me. And then I decide if it works for me or not. If someone wants to expand in awareness and experiences, I think it is super interesting to get insights into someone else’s perspective. Thank you for this video!
Honestly, unsolicited advice never really bothered me. Unless it's something like "You should apply for this job" or "You should wear baggy clothes more often" (anything like that) I'm pretty cool with people sharing tips on how to fix a problem I have without me asking. I've pretty much wondered if I was alone in this.
Ba-nee, that's very mature and open of you to take on advice others share. If everyone could be as open-minded about it (me included!), I'm sure we would all develop ourselves more efficiently. In speaking with many clients over the years, and from my own experiences myself, I do find that people don't often take the advice of family members as readily as they would from objective, third parties.
I'd prefer mundane small talk over unsolicited advice
Good unsolicited advice can be game changing, but there’s manipulative people out there who can use it as a method of controlling you. So how do you know the difference?
I guess you just know it when you see it.
I've learned that unsolicited advice from westerner are very different from easterner (typically from Asian countries). Maybe the culture of individualism in western countries view unsolicited advice as a sign of weakness (which mean the ego of the person was hurt).
Francis, you're absolutely right. I suppose with any advice, the usefulness and relevance of that advice depends on the cultural, organisational, societal, family, etc, culture you're in yourself. As someone myself who's both Asian and American, I myself find the approaches to professional career planning and philosophy very different between the two.
Right! Let's not forget there's a competitive element in western individualism. I take into account the source of the unsolicited advice. For instance, I have an associate who plays the game of one-upping. The advice comes from a place of competition. Also, a relative regular gives advice based on her own personal fears and biases. Discernment and wisdom are key factors when encountering wanted and unsolicited advice. Joseph used wisdom in his encounter. That's what really made the difference.
Bullshit. If I wanted to someone's advice, the yes I'll gladly swallow my pride and ask. The problem is that's when people marginalized you as "being stuck in your ways and refusing to learn something new." Its pretty irritating how people villanize you for waiting until you actually ask.
Consider this. If someone said to me "can I give you some advice," then yes It wouldn't be so bad to listen, but to just throw your 2 cents without offering first? Yeah no...
Thanks for this video Joe! Very helpful indeed. While unsolicited advice is not necessarily the most pleasant, part of this bad feeling is due to our own ego and defensiveness. If we can learn to humble ourselves and take whatever critique that is relevant to our development, we can go miles ahead where we are right now.
I always tell myself that it is ok to feel horrible inside due to a criticism since it is human nature, as long as we can take whatever is useful for our development later on.
I completely agree that in this case, at least initially, my ego & defensiveness got in my way of hearing some feedback that was actually really helpful. I think its' a shame when people just block themselves to receiving any sort of input because it can really be so limiting. Great point about dealing with the initial hurt, then taking it on as an opportunity to develop. Thanks for your comments.
super insightful!! (plus im also trying to improve my swimming/breathing technique!)
Glad to hear you found this useful. I haven't actually been swimming in nearly two years now (b/c of the pandemic), so I'm sure I'll also be a bit rusty when I return to it.
If someone is willing to give you unsolicited advice, it is usually because they care imho.
I don't really have too much of a problem with random advice unless you're a serial stalker. I mean seriously, how can anyone take random advice from anyone who watches you while you sleep? "Maybe you should try to wake up earlier." Excuse me? How do know exactly when I wake up in the morning ?
I guess I'm the crazy one. I get treated in the most criminal ways and you want me take your advice? Absolutely not.
I guess if John thought you were hopeless would not have dared advising you. Perhaps he thought you were quite good, just needed to lower your head in the water. At times it's also a way to start a conversation. Nice video.
Yes, that's a good point. I suppose he saw that I had some potential, but that I needed to make a crucial tweak. My swimming has been so much better since!
Seems he saw you were headed to lifelong neck pain, if you swam the way you did. Or you may unfortunately give up swimming, but he thought maybe he could help you.
Taking an extreme example, if you see someone walking towards an open manhole, it is obvious of warning them of the danger.
Unfortunately, in real life, most situations where I can offer unsolicited advice are not that dangerous for the recipient.
Of course, we must be wary of the motive of the advisor.
Not everybody have you back 😉it depends who is giving me advice