Memorable arousal moments: - The first time I tried on a dress - When I bought panties and tried them on the first time - The first time I wore a bra and used it for a whole weekend as I stayed home that weekend - The first time I shaved my legs - When I first tried makeup It was mostly the first time I ever tried something new. Sometimes the second time too but to a lesser degree. And I suspect it was mostly the excitement of doing something new and taking one more step. After that, each time I do any of that it just feels natural. It just feels like being me
Because women have spent more than 100 years fighting for that freedom. 100 years ago, a woman had to have VERY compelling reasons to be allowed to wear trousers in public (parachute jumping is an example I know of)
Society it is. We have to be more common so that if anyone says why we are doing it we can give them 10 more names rather feeling shame cause you have never seen anyone like you in IRL and feel lonely
as a trans woman i will never forget the first time i went out dressed up. i manadged to pull my boyfreind. we are both trans and huge fans and your content.
@@AshleyxAdamson bit sure where I fit. I'm not transgender but I'm atracted to trans women in the same way I'm atracted to other type of woman. But for different reasons.. transgender women in particular seem to highlight more feminine. traits. It could be an insecurity in my own masculinity that is validated by a person who asserts their feminity. What's your take on men who are like me . And conversely do some trans women seek overtly masculine men to feel More female
@@notsure1405 From what I've heard from other trans women (and as one myself) the main issue with "chasers" is that they fetishize the things that make them not cis (e.g. genitals). Most of us just want to be seen as women and treated as women. We don't want to be treated as freaks or as men. So I think it's okay for cis men to be attracted to trans women if they see them and treat them as a woman.
I can never get over how articulate you are. You have a rare ability to explain complex experiences in simple and understandable manner. Well done, Ashley. PS - you look beautiful :0) A+
This is very interesting and thought provoking! In my young childhood and early teens I was caught in my sister's closet trying on items. I was strongly and harshly discouraged from doing such things and made to feel it was something to be extremely shameful. I was pushed to be more masculine. As I didn't want to make any more waves, I fell into a masculine role and my attraction was to desiring girls and women. Fast forward over many years of wanting to explore my femininity but not allowed to and then finely to a point I could, I experienced the same thing. I would say shave my legs and paint my toes and just admire them and get turned on. Slip on a pair of heels and it would push me over the edge with excitement. As time went on and I started going out fully dressed and presenting female, that arousal faded. And over time my attraction changed to desiring men. There are still times when I am having sex with a man and I may look at my pretty toes and realizing that I am what I always desired and desired to be will push me over the edge again. So IDK what that says about me!
Same here..but me it was my mothers lingerie...it made me feel soft calm right..it was not about anything sexual but feeling right at that moment of who I was
@@sirennoir258 I am sorry you feel that way, but most of us are good people, we dont want anything bad to happen to you and just have good will towards you.This is how I was raised, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis alway thru school because of my medical issue, when I got to dating age I had parents beat the shit out of me because they did not want their daughters to catch what I had.
@@whitewolf8458 see and that is what I don't get. I don't think you should be beaten up. You deserve to live a normal, boring, everyday rat race life like anyone else and not be bothered. I think its disgusting to infringe in your right to be you. I think that hatred is a filthy disease of humanity to do this. Violence is never okay. However when I read things like people stating they wore their mothers underwear, or they want to transition children I get really defensive. Also I know a so called trans kid who, after HRT has now detransed and is a lesbian again. Do you understand what I'm getting at without sounding hateful?
I am a crossdresser. I do not get sexual arousal or gratification from it at all. It's about me being the person I want to be (rather than what society demands I be.) When I was about 10 or 12 years old, I convinced my Mother & sisters to dress me up as a girl for Halloween. I was in heaven! Back when I was young, women wore girdles all the time, and complained about it. I wondered, "Why would they wear something all the time that was uncomfortable?" One of the first garments I tried was one of my sister's panty girdles. (I almost got caught!) I was always fascinated by girdles. When I first started in business I regularly wore a panty girdle and stockings under my business suit. Back then I was pushing myself to be a dynamic young businessman. I read a book called "Dress for Success" by John T. Molloy. It taught me to wear a power shirt & power tie, with a three-piece power suit, powers socks, power shoes and to carry a power brief case! For me, I was "crossdressing" and pretending to be what the business world demanded I be. I was reasonably successful at it. But it drove me crazy! I had a lot of anxiety (although I didn't know that's what it was.) Somewhere, I have old pictures of me, crossdressed and sitting in a chair. I felt like I was radiating some kind of heat energy! Years later, I realized it was anxiety! My ex-wife hated my crossdressing. It blocked my real exploration of that aspect of myself. My ex-wife hated it & me until she hated me out of the marriage (27 years later.) I got pushed out of my industry, mostly for being over age 50. But also, someone saw me buying dresses and Macy's and outed me and my manager promptly fired me. (I was a computer jockey. I could have done the same job is a skirt suit or dress and been a lot happier doing it. But HR was convinced I would bring disgrace to my company's "fine" reputation! I struggled making a marginal income with my own small business. My ex-wife died when I was 62 and I got to live, as a surviving ex-spouse, off her social security. I retired at age 70 and got good benefits from my social security. Then we got COVID & Lockdowns and political turmoil. So here I am at age 73. I am a biological male. If I had a lover, I would prefer she was a biological female. But I have this deep, personal aspiration to be a lovely lady! That's nutty, but it's true. Go figure. (I haven't had a lover in over 20 years. I would like to change that. Working on it!)
I remember the first time I put on my new female clothes, It was about 3 months after I came out…. I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life I saw my authentic self, I cried for an hour in happiness , I felt total relief for the first time in my life, It has been 9 years and I never looked back.
Stories like yours make me say "okay. Being trans is a thing and good for her" but honestly when I read other trans people talking about wearing their mothers underwear it makes me recoil in horror. I wish their was more of a middle ground.
Heads up, novel incoming: First time for me I was 12 when I wore a girls hoodie I had asked my parents to buy for me every day, even at school. When I was home alone one day idk why I just kinda did it, and started doing it a lot. I would lock my door and wear it as basically like a minidress. Pull my arms up through like the neck part, tie the sleeves behind my back, zip it up, stuff socks in where the zipper stopped to simulate breasts. I had started to hate pictures around 5 or so I stopped smiling for them, but this first time and even all those other times I wore that hoodie as a dress I took SOOO many pictures of myself it was like a dang photo shoot. Then I'd just like play videogames, sometimes fall asleep wearing that wake up to my mom knocking on the door to wake me up for the bus. "Why was your door locked?" 🤭 But yea Ive been heavily repressed because of not only bullies growing up, but my dad once said something about a neighbor kid about my age that was cross dressing in his mom's clothes and walking past the house, my dad made some kind of negative comment and I knew it was bad that I wanted to do that (I was maybe 6 when this happened) So I always kept it a secret. But yea I never showed those pictures to anyone.. Since I didn't have any real safe methods to dress Infront of anyone to explore things more basically the only method I had to dress comfortably in front of people was by meeting guys and doing it behind closed doors. I figured out that, I could care less what I wear for smexy times. It's more about how I'm treated for that kind of excitement. But yea I thought it was just a kink cause of internalized shame for a bit, but I started to question that pretty much immediately given that it started non sexual for me when I was a lot younger. Then once a friend I was staying with kind of called me out about not being horny and wanting smexy time even when I dress up, it was like yea, just cause I dressed cute doesn't mean I wanna play. I just like wearing the clothes during my everyday life I feel more comfortable in my skin and I can't put it any other way. And honestly I don't like any clothes that doesn't hide my masculine traits, like I would not wear something that makes me look like a man crossdressing, I prefer big floofy skirts and dresses that round out my shape and make my body look more feminine. I'm not on hormones yet for context. If I had a more feminine body, then maybe I'd have the confidence to wear tighter and more revealing clothing. Maybe. I'd have to see how dysphoric the clothes make me. Like if I look in the mirror and see like a Marilyn Manson instead of my authentic self, it makes me wanna drag my file over the recycling bin and empty it, then run a magnet over the hard drive and toss it in and incinerator. Otherwise known as self delete. It's even worse in masculine clothing and if I let body hair and facial hair go.. I used to be toxically angry about the girls I dated wearing tight clothing and makeup, at the time I didn't realize it was because I was jealous of them.. Also I've never really approached a woman. Every one I've dated approached me from what I recall. I have however approached guys, and I often find myself attracted to straight guys. Not attracted to gay guys at all. No offense they can be great. I tried it out it wasn't for me. Bi guys are tons of fun tho. Anyways.. My best friend actually was a guy I approached that turned me down because hes straight. I can remember very clearly the thought of "if only I was a woman this man could've been mine" I've been talking with a professional and recently got diagnosed. I'm sure you can guess with what.. 😅 Anyways that's enough sharing publicly, for the month I think. Wishing you well and hoping everything is going good with your journey. 🩷
Thank you so much for making this video Ashley. This really helped me to realize why I was so turned on and sexualized dressing up as a woman when I first started cross dressing. I also no longer get turned on by cross dressing. It’s who I am now and I’ve processed it. Thank you again.
I have struggled with how I feel about this. I had that arousal as I'm sure many also had and I felt ashamed as did others. But, why did we get aroused? Blanchard ascribes it to his theory of autogynophelia but is it really? What caused us to be in that situation in the first place? For instance, in Ashley's case, what prompted her to go to her sisters room and try the pair of pants on? I bet it wasn't because of a sexual inclination but more one of gender envy. And as for being aroused because of it, I highly doubt this complex theory crossed her mind. Arousal is controlled by the brain at its lowest level. What if the brains automatic response is confused at that moment and releases the chemicals signaling a sexual situation? I know for me, over time, the sexual aspect faded away so wasn't that me just teaching my brain that this is not a sexual situation? I'm probably not explaining this well but hopefully you see what I mean. If we were autogynopheliacs wouldn't this sexualizing of cross dressing continue and not ebb away to nothing? Sorry, I don't buy his theory.
Gender envy really rang a bell for me. I so wanted to be a girl when I was a young boy. I "borrowed" female clothing whenever I could, and yes, I was envious of the girls.
@@qlnbd This is exactly what I think Blanchard gets wrong. He starts his theory at the moment of arousal and never mentions the inclinations that came before. I too was enticed by the envy not the eroticism.
@@RobisonRacing68 i started wearing girls clothing long before puberty. There was zero arousal. It was a need to be a girl. I dont even know if need is the right word. I KNEW I should have been a girl and wearing girls clothing was all I could do. Sure, in my early teens arousal played a part but that was a short lived phase - i was pretty flooded with hormones at the time. 😁
At the end of the day it sup to the person to figure it out some men and women simply get aroused wearing the other genders clothes and don’t fell that they are transgender and just see them selves and a man or a woman that likes wearing other genders clothes
I couldn't agree more. AGP explains the "spark" of discovering the trans identity for many trans women, but it fails to explain the fuel that feeds the fire of transition and keeps it going for a lifetime.
@@alemusicgirl I did read that paper. I think she's stretching Blanchard's definition too much. I think the term needs to be retired. Self-eroticisim is simply a common experience for many trans women, particularly in the beginning when gender expression is repressed. It doesn't need to be more than that.
My experience with this is that, when I was doing something that I guess was technically cross-dressing (I never went out in anything, but I'd try on bits of my mum's clothes when no one else was in the house, initially out of curiosity similar to how you described with your sister's jeans, and later as part of a more active process of questioning), the sort of arousal I felt was always deeply tied to it being sort of illicit. It was something I wasn't meant to be doing, not just by wearing women's clothes but by sneakily wearing my mother's; that was always a bit part of what created that physiological response (and it was purely physiological, I never felt particularly mentally turned on by it). Once I was starting to wear women's clothes more often, dipping into it while everyone else was thinking I was just being gender non-conforming, that started to stop, and by the time I was fully out and wearing women's clothes all the time, it had stopped entirely, because it wasn't something sneaky and secret anymore, it was just clothes.
A term you may wish to explore that may help to explain why the euphoria initially takes on a sexual component is “misattribution of arousal”. This is why some like to seek out high arousal activities, like roller coasters, skydiving, etc., when dating as it is not uncommon to misattribute the arousal one is feeling from the endorphins and dopamine hit from the activity with that of sexual arousal as they both are very similar physiological experienced - the high, the heart beating hard, deep breathing, sweating, flushing, even the feelings of anxiety, etc.
My God, you said my story. I used to dress as a woman for sexual pleasure. Now I'm a woman 90% of my time except for work. And I do too seek out men. Thank you.
Sorry I don't mean to offend you in any way but if you only could read what you've written .it's delusional . It's an illusion you're describing .90% woman? Dresses and make up don't make you a woman .
Why hadn't I stumbled on this video like 8 years ago? Oh. Posted last year. Anyways this resonates with me so much now that I've put the kink behind me. My egg cracked when I went out dressed as a woman but not as part of a sexual experience, and quickly realized that I am in fact a trans woman.
Thank you so much for this video and all your content!! I have always been hugely afraid that I might be confusing autogynaphilia with being a transwoman. As a child and teenager living in a highly transphobic and homophobic environment, my experiences of being a girl were almost always secretive and sexually charged. I only started going out regularly as a girl at university, and only then did being a woman start to take on a broader dimension that was not purely sexual. Looking back now, aged 49 and finally about to start on hormones (but socially already years in transition), I realise that the sexual arousal was, exactly as you say, my only door into my world. And the fact that it was very much a forbidden world only served to increase the sense of excitement and arousal. I also think that for many women - trans and cis alike, dressing up, varnishing our nails, applying makeup, and being 'pretty', are anyway more sensual and sexual experiences than dressing up for a man is. We make ourselves pretty, and want to feel pretty and desirable, in a way that does not seem to preoccupy men. And at least some of the time, we want to be desirable because we want to be desired, we want someone to notice us and give us [sexual] attention. I know I do. I do not feel aroused now each morning when I dress up and put makeup on. But if I'm thinking about, or going on a date, it all starts with my feeling desirable, pretty, feminine.
When a girl/woman wears jeans, a T- shirt and dark sunglasses, shes just not considered a crossdresser. But when these queer boys/men sport a blouse or leotards, and/or make-up, any attirement that is associated to the female, "he is" a crossdresser.
Ashley, This is the first of your videos that I have seen. I subscribed immediately. I know that it has been said that we are all so different. I do have some similarities to you. I was 53 (almost 2 years ago) before I gave into my fem side. I now go back and forth freely. Jason has the job that he has had for 10 years. But at 4pm almost everyday, I transform into Jan and sell women's shoes at a department store part time. My favorite thing about being en femme is the interaction with people. Even the ones who are negative. I can leave them with a smile and in a small way let them see that I am just a person. By the way there are very few negative people. I am also in recovery. I have been sober for 15 years. In the beginning, I feared that giving into these trans feelings could possibly lead me into more activities (sexual) which would lead to all kinds of guilt and shame and eventually back to the drink. It has been quite the opposite. The freedom of finally being the real me has brought peace and removed the self loathing I had felt for over 45 years. By the way, you are gorgeous. I am happy with who and where I am. But can't help but wish that I could have seen a 25 year old Jan. I think she'd have be a real cutie! :) When I respond on my computer, it is as Jason. I'm sure you will hear from Jan soon when I respond on my phone. Thanks,
When I first started crossdressing in my teens, yea it was unbelievably arousing. I was deeply ashamed of that physical response and that was the main reason (besides religious conservative family) that I repressed for so many years. Once I started HRT and presenting as female in public, it went away. Like you said, normalization, taking it out of the bedroom eliminated that. Since then I've had a few years to ponder what it all means for me. Especially because at some point I fell down a 4chan rabbit hole and was concerned that I had transitioned just for a fetish. At least for myself, I believe the taboo aspect of it all is what I found to be the most arousing as a teenager, not the actual clothing itself. Me cross-dressing was as far from what was acceptable in my community as possible. But I felt a kind of euphoria and sense of well-being also that I could not at the time articulate. And I think being under the influence of testosterone, a ridiculously powerful sex hormone, made it such that sexual arousal was the only way I could express it. The transition from boyhood to manhood requires a lot of emotional suppression. Once it left the bedroom, and especially the influence of estrogen, how much more of my heart and mind was able to feel it express who I was. It's like the difference between looking through a small port hole on a ship versus going up on deck and seeing the whole ocean. Anymore, sure I get aroused sometimes if I'm dressed to the nines and I look in the mirror. But it's because I'm thinking about getting absolutely ravished by a man later in the evening ;)
Wow that has opened up some memories! Shame and the feeling of doing something wrong, they were present for a long time. This is an excellent video, and it's reassuring to hear your thoughts xx
As someone who has been questioning my identity this past year, I came across this word yesterday night and just seeing people who talked about it on Twitter, I was confused and just stressed and ashamed of myself more than I ever did when I would cross dress or fantasize the idea of switching bodies or transforming into a woman I learned more about how flawed the autogynephillia study is and watched a few videos but hearing your experience being nearly word for word what I’ve experienced throughout my life brings me so much comfort you don’t understand Thank you for this video
sweetheart please realize that AGP and such is a normal part of a complex process. You are not gross or weird for having a sexually gratifying experience through your sexual exploration of femininity and how it applies to yourself. It makes you happy to be a girl. i think it makes sense to derive pleasure that way, no? Because you're a girl, it only makes sense you would feel good, happy and excited.
I was aroused sexually by wearing my mum's makeup as a young teen, acting under a compulsion I didn't understand. Caught and shamed, I've repressed my compulsion until recently, when it's been so liberating to do this, like finally coming home, and I realise it's related to a deeper impulse than just sexual arousal, more to do with fundamental identity, or a buried part of me which needs expression. Could say a lot more about this.
Thank you for this video. I started from a very simular place and am on hrt now. It certainly left me feeling confused being aroused by cross dressing at the time, but has become so much more than that now im transitioning. It makes me feel so much more at ease seeing you having a simular experience.
I think the AGP discussion merits a longer podcast. There are so many people who when they read the description of that really resonated with it. Valid or discredited, it’s spoke to people for their feelings. I think you are partially correct. My understanding of AGP was feelings of arousal and self identity at seeing oneself appearing as a woman, or feelings triggered by the thoughts of sensation or feelings of being a woman. I have talked to many sisters who felt they read that description and said, Yes, that’s me. And they proceeded accordingly. Personally, I don’t think Blanchard was totally off base, I think he was looking for a theory or a concept that would explain what his patient interviews were suggesting.
Oh girl this video touched so many topics that I don't even know where to start. I dressed like a woman for the first time in my junior high school. I was like 15 something like that. It was for a show because we didn't have any girl in our class. Wearing my grandma's clothes felt a little odd. But the worst part was getting into intimate relationship with other guy. I was sooooo stressed back then. But c'mon at least I made it to the show xD When my gender identity problems started wearing a skirt became some kind of talking with my inner self. I haven't worn a skirt for a longer time because I live with my grandma who doesn't know I'm trans but on the other hand I don't need it that much. I remember when my friend made me a neat make up for the first time. It was soooo good. It was for a college costume party but for me it was a discreet coming out. Damn I wrote so many and doesn't even know if it makes sense. However sending you a warm hug and keep doing a great job
I think Autogynephilia is an oversimplification of a very complex situation. I think the excitement is seeing your self closer to how you feel you should look. Each step towrds presenting in a way that makes me like who I see in the mirror and making that the norm, can be exciting. Once I grew my hair out and started wearing makeup every day, it was no longer exciting but made me like myself better.
When you say “exciting”, you mean “sexually exciting”, right? You realise no actual woman would ever get physically aroused by wearing a pair of jeans, right?
I’m a cis woman and I’ve experienced a similar thing where dressing a certain way feels sexual when I do it in private but then it goes away after I dress like that in public
This is a very important part of the conversation, and one of the major critiques of Blanchard. If trans women are just having experiences analogous to the experiences cis women, there's really no need to pathologize that.
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos it's not similar at all ... Sexy clothes make u feel sexy... That's not like putting on yo mama dress and getting sexually aroused
Your videos are really mature and intelligent. I appreciated this video because I was in the same situation and wondering if that was the reason, or if there was something more to it, and I agree with you.
Hello, I enjoyed your honesty about a sensitive subject. I transitioned in 2011. I blame AGP for delaying my transition for more than a decade. I think the worst thing about AGP, from my own personal psychological perspective, is that it took what should have been one really, really strong indicator of transness, reinterpreted it through a cis het male perspective and used it to discredit all the other indicators I had. Despite knowing all the steps of transition from my mid-teens onwards (yes, you could find the required information even in the late 90s), reading and understanding AGP infected me with an imposter syndrome about my transness that still lingers today.
For me, it was that I finally felt like I was myself in my own body. The sexual part was that someone might find me attractive. Even in boy mode, what has always got me going was the thought that someone is being turned on by me or what I'm doing
This 100% makes sense girl! I tried on my first article of women's clothing at around 11 or 12.. It was a pair of tights. Unlike you, I decided to wear undergarments when I could, but only for a short period, but also like you it was for the arousal it provided. I would go through 4-5 year gaps of not dressing at all, and then buying 100's of dollars of clothing, just to purge them all months later, rinse repeat. I did this until I started my transition at 41 years old. The transition came after my wife at the time was very supportive and encouraging of my crossdressing. so much, that when I was able to do it more often than not, without fear of losing anything, it eventually became my safe space. I started to wear women's androgynous slacks, tops, and shoes along with pantyhose, panties, bras, control garments/etc under my work clothing for about a year. 6 months of that time before transition, I was even wearing my breast forms to work. It got to the point that I didn't feel like myself without my forms in, panties and bra on, with cute shoes/etc. I lost the sexual aspect of dressing a few years before I transitioned. Since transitioning, I have never been happier being my true authentic self. I only wish I would have realized this decades before 😅
Incredibly healthy perspective on autogynephilia. Not denying that it exists while still recognizing that it is only one piece of the puzzle. I wish more "AGPs" were this open. Nice work.
Wow I think you're right on the money on your view on autogynephilia. I had been education myself on it and I ALSO had an issue with the sexual aspect of it - Yea it's there but it's not center stage....nowhere near it. I'm 37 and currently crossdressing (lol I said that like an AA meeting) so it's really nice to hear someone dive deep (no pun intended) on these topics. 😊 I thank you for your views and maturity 🙏
it makes a LOT of sense to me now: I experienced exactly that same feeling of samen when I got turned on age 13, wearing my mom's clothes. Thanks for talked about this so openly!!
Your mother's clothing? May I ask a question because I'm trying here. You wore your mom's underwear. That is not normal. I hope your experience isn't the normal trans experience.
@@sirennoir258 it's not the "normal" trans experience, but it isn't exactly wrong either. Most of the transwomen I know have said they either used their sibling's clothes or bought their own but about about with 13 year olds.
@sirennoir258 I honestly don't think it has anything to do with the person they are borrowing the clothes from. At those young ages people just grab what is available to them. I wouldn't imagine that those same people continue borrowing their mother's items once they can afford to buy their own.
Thank you coach! You hit everything on the nose! I would have never known you were trans, because you are so beautiful outside & inside, intelligent! Thanks again!
Beautifully articulated thank you. Before I came out, kinky fetish clothing worn by my partner was a huge turn on. When I wore the same clothing after coming out it was a massive turn off which was as you say “confusing”. Your discussion has helped me enormously, I am indebted.
You are spot on about AGP. It's so complicated. There can be a sexual element-like looking down, thinking you look attractive, and finding it nice-but it's much more complex than that. Besides, I can never reconcile the fact that I did this when I was five years old. That is definitely *not* a sexual thing.
Every time I watch your videos I realize how similar we are, but in different stages. My girlfriend is also very open to me presenting more femme but something that I’ve realized is that nobody is going to do the work for you and you have to make the decision yourself. I also have been thinking a lot about “wanting” and “desire” lately and wondering… is enough to desire to be trans to be trans? Many desires in our life are things that we are accustomed to through media consumption or things that are not possible and I’m wondering if my desire to be feminine is useful or healthy for me.
Wow Quinn, that is exactly my one main worry, already for years! Does my seeing myself as a (trans)woman and my wanting to be a woman mean that I am, in fact, a transwoman? And is my being a transwoman enough that I should transition? I am due to start on hormones next month, at the rather late age of 49!! But socially I have been in transition for many years. In the end, I've found it impossible to be the man that others and I expected me to be. But this realisation took many many years to come to, in part because of my internalised transphobia, my fear of being autogynaphilic, and my fear of the impact that coming out and transitioning would have on my life. This realisation was the result of thousands of small steps and experimentation, increasingly taking on the role of the woman that I felt I was, over years and decades. Until it became blatantly obvious and undeniable that I am a transwoman, to the point that I could no longer argue otherwise to me or my wife (now ex, sadly). I think that it is important that, if you have doubts, you take small steps and experiment, just like a child and teenager would in their journey to discover themselves! It is really no different. Unfortunately, for many of us (trans or otherwise experiencing questions about our gender identity and sexual preferences), we simply don't feel safe enough to experiment and to discover ourselves. I know I didn't when I was younger, and I lost my marriage when I couldn't keep it hidden away any more...
The sexual realm is where our subconscious is the least guarded, and after repressing something so central to who you are it has to express itself somewhere. It's no wonder it often "starts" with crossdressing and "kink"
Also personally I believe that sexualising ourselves crossdressing is a form of escapism, or a way to actually percieve gender euphoria when all other options are seemingly closed. It starts with sexualisation because that is the only way you are able to adequately live out your desires before you are capable of understanding what's going on and coming out. So a form of coping, I guess and outlet, in a private sphere, where you can feel like a woman, since our culture already sexualises the crap out of women.
Agree with both of you. The other factor is that natal males have a naturally high libido, so it's no wonder they experience these things in a sexual way.
@@bperez8656 For trans people who don't have any other option of expressing their identity yeah, but like you can still not be trans and just crossdress because you enjoy it. But if you are trans, crossdressing is a way to experience gender euphoria when other options are closed off.
It does 100% make sense to me. Im 25, been questioning my gender since I was 15. I met my boyfriend 3 months ago and I told him right away about my gender identity confusion. he is just the best partner and supporter, we started experimenting sexually where he would use male language (im Italian so EVERYTHING s gendered ), I would use packers, chest tape.. It felt so good, but I wondered if it was only a kink or fetish. Untill we started going out and presenting to others as a gay couple, me presenting with my chosen name, and everything made sense. well almost, cause im still pretty confused and scared to transition and thats why I watch your videos, tho im ftm they resonate so much and they help me out a lot. So thank you for all that you do Ashley 💕
As usual, really nicely said ☺️ Ashley. I always felt my sexuality, which was directed towards women back in the not-so-good-old days, was just slightly out of phase, like the harmonic sign waves just didn’t quite line up.. Some of them I absolutely adored, and I always wondered why the sex just wasn’t fantastic… Like it was for supposed to be, right? Sex was a mystery to me until I was properly gendered, then everything changed. To say I just got turned on by myself and that’s what I was after is lunacy on its face. Or his face 😝 Sitting on his face!! 💋 eve
It’s a logical conclusion when you’re so stupid you have to look for single points to separate trans women into different categories. Like of course I didn’t like pretending to be a man in sexual situations. I was basically crossdressing as a man and dating women. But I didn’t know how to be the man lol.
Yes to the first two questions. First time cross dressing was 16. Then not again til early 20’s. But realized 2 years ago my past can suggest I was transgender. I’m married with wife not supporting me. Did do hrt for 5 months. Then stopped. If opportunity were to cross my path I can honestly say I have no trouble becoming a woman. Willing to have multiple transitioning surgeries.
When I was young, my mom had a LOT of cast-offs, and I didn't quite understand the compulsion. The was no sexual aspect to it at first; I was late to the party in that respect, but once that settled in, I mean, in retrospect, you feel more sexy when you're... yourself? Didn't have that as a concept at the time. But... had the same sort of additional non-sexual side of it. Hallowe'en going dancing. An LGBTQ+ pub/café (in the 90s!). A social club with drag queens, crossdressers, and trans people (I got along better with the latter though I thought I was nothing [much] like them :) ) But also some attempts to just run around in public. Grew out my hair. Went... shopping (the one saleslady who called me out gently by telling me I could try them on broke my "it's for my girlfriend" excuse". Voice trained (it was easier when it wasn't necessary??) And just... hanging around in it for comfort. I knew it was "more than crossdressing" but there didn't seem to be a good term for it so I went with "TG" (in the days of two-letter abbreviations) Didn't encounter Blanchard and his weird Freudian shite (I recognized it as Freudian from history units of psychology) even through Anne Lawrence (gag) until 15 years after I'd 'desisted' (I still dressed up/gender expressed and got my face lasered but kept out of trans online spaces "out of respect") Almost nobody in the 90s knew these weirdos. It's so stupid. Basically just sexual inversion "trying to fool men into sex" "too gay to be guys" HSTS and everyone else is um um um self-focused perverts! Honestly, the closer I got to transitioning, the less sexual anything about it was, and I swear you look in "AGP spaces and they're all like "oh no, don't transition, it will mess with your fantasy and you'll regret it" just... it FAILS as a hypothesis around transition, just, completely.
(non-binary femme here) 0:28 Yes, I am autosexual. I often will, after dressing, feel aroused by my own appearance. Of course, my attractions are to the feminine, so seeing myself as such makes it an almost infinitely stacking effect. Autosexuality is actually very common. Most are not nearly as likely to be as highly aroused, but still, it's not uncommon. 1:56 Hmmm...probably my first 'forbidden experience', was that of something completely unrelated (since it involves nearly blowing up a kitchen due to overboiling a highly reactive substance), but yeah, it definitely made me want to explore that more, which I would. 4:04 Autogynephilia? I don't know who Blanchard is (I am really bad at remembering names anyway), but I did explain what autosexuality is already. It's just one of those things that's difficult to analyze, but easy to figure out. Psychology is not my field of expertise, but I know enough about myself to share what I know to be true. 6:08 I have a set of leather armor. Of course, it is form-fitting, and not exactly masculine, but not many of us femmes are donning armor, even back home. I also have a full-length hooded mantle that is very capable of hiding my curvature, but again, not really masculine. Of course, one might take a look at me, and see that my form is broader in places that most people consider masculine, when I'm really just built to handle the terrain (going anywhere on my homeland will require scaling cliff faces unless one traverses the flood-zone valleys). ... Autosexuality. Autogynephilia. From your explanation, they are very different, but share a few similarities. Again, my own experience is not something I can easily explain, but it has nothing to do with affirming my self-identity. It might be that I don't dress highly feminine that often (I don't always feel it's necessary), but that cannot be everything. It might also be pheromonal. Not really sure. ... In all due honesty, you've been far more elaborate on this than I've ever considered myself. I just accepted it as is. Yeah; if you visit my hometown ya might see me in my leather armor as I soar overhead (I train in aerial acrobatics).
Wow you are the first person I've ever seen in a comment section explain clearly what I think most of us "AGPs" are experiencing. We are becoming what we love. I love myself. I see myself (and the template of myself, as the perfect partner). I love femininity, extremely, like it's deeply embedded in me; so by that effect, not only am I compulsively forced, in my application of my own perfection, would see me as a girl, that would be the ultimate partner. seeing myself with beautiful breasts, and in my case, I actually prefer a penis. so essentially me as embodying the feminine entirely. I think it has a lot to do with being Autistic. I also have a meta sexuality. I'm also autosexual and with the merit of the metahypersexuality (which my theory is that i was instilled with this from my Autism, my male gender + the presence of testosterone, which gave me this complex sexuality.) combine these effects and like you said it's infinite. I would find myself reaching orgasm almost immediately and felt like a stacking effect in certain situations of sexual feminine exploration that's meta self directed
Thank you so much for sharing your deep thinking and experiences. This was so helpful in many ways. For me, my expression of being a woman is an expression of my soul. Its all that really matters to me now. The soul, or that which is beyond the conscious or subconscious knows all that i truly am. My presentation and, or, living in the feminine is a physical portal to that which is within. Love you girl ♥
I am a man that started getting more into crossdressing about two years ago when i was single, nothing crazy just bought a crop top to wear when im alone. About a year ago i starting dating a girl, I initially told her i was just bi in shame of my crossdressing, she was completely okay with it. Eventually i came out to her about wearing women’s clothes a few months in and she was very supportive, even offered to dress me up. I was super embarrassed by it but i reconsidered and let her do it since she wanted to so badly, i really enjoyed it but a part of me felt like i shouldn’t, but her being supportive helped me be more comfortable about it. One day me and her go out to a thrift store just for fun, she offers to dress me up in the changing room and i said sure. She picked out a cute red dress (i had never worn a dress before) and helped me put it on, seeing how good i looked in it really stuck with me and for the rest of that date i couldnt stop thinking about it. I continued to think about it that entire week and still think about it now. I dont know why it resonated so much with me and stuck with me so much, Ive thought about if I am trans or not for a few years now and I came to the conclusion i’m probably not, when i came out about it she asked that exact question and i flatly said no, but wearing that dress just felt so right and i don’t know why.
Don't get into a relationship with someone special for sex.. Sex is great but intamicy and passion is better.. Special woman aren't sexual objects, they have a heart ❤️❤️
God, I remember autogynophilia as being something that made me doubt being trans for a very long time. In fact, when I proposed to my ex-spouse I confided to her that I might be, the word I used at the time, "transexual" but that it might even be a fetish. Promising that I had no intention of leaving as long as she was okay with it. As you can see, the concept of autogynophilia was enough to cause me to hedge my bets rather than face my gender identity crisisbhead on. But yes, the release of all that pent up sexual energy when you first start dressing appropriately to your actual real gender identity is such a real thing. I could never convince my ex to let me wear the sexy lingerie whenever we were intimate though.... 😂
I remember wearing my mother's or sister's clothes & was sexuality aroused when I was around 10 years old. But it turned out to me that I was transgendered. I never had a girlfriend who understood what I was going through. None of my relationships with women have lasted more than 6 months. Every time I have had sex with a girlfriend, I had always wished I was the female because the physical pleasure is secondary to my emotional pleasure state with having sex.
My best friend is trans, your videos are really helping me understand her better, we have a language barrier so communicating is hard. You opened my eyes , and I understand now why she trusts me so much. Thanks for the info.
Personally, I don't think autogynephilia makes any sense as an explanation of my own experience because I don't actually want to have sex with women. The awkward bit in terms of conceptualizing what's going on, for me, is that I am sexually aroused by women. I just don't want to have sex with women. Even my internal fantasies are never of me performing a traditional male sexual role-I can't even visualize it from a first-person perspective.
Ashley, I wanted to say that that's how it started with me. I was 11 and I was just entering puberty, I found that it was exciting and naughty. I started with every so often, The more I wore my mothers or sisters things, it felt less sexual and more natural. I dreamed of switching places with my sister, to be a girl and being able to go out wearing dresses. Having no fear of what people might say. But for me back then, it was just a dream and nothing more. Back then I never heard of transgenderism, I just thought something was wrong with me, that I wasn't normal. Boys shouldn't want to wear girls cloths or play with dolls and want to learn how to apply makeup. All that time I continued dressing because it started to feel like I was finally feeling right. I never did it in front of people because I was afraid of what people would think of me. So I kept it hidden. I'm 53, I finally came out publicly at 51. I realized that I realize that I'm not sick or perverted, that nature made me wrong. I should have always been a girl. I'm just sad that it took me all this time to finally be who I was always meant to be. And I'm sad that I was robbed of happiness for 50 years. I'm so sure that this is who I'm supposed to be that I've been on HRT and am pursuing everything I can have done just to feel complete. And that includes my GRS. I'm much happier now, I was 420lbs and I'm now 310lbs, I'm working on losing more so that I can get my surgery as soon as I can.. Thank you Ashley Adamson, and thank you for doing these types of videos. You are a guiding light for those that came after you.. Thank you so much.
(Courtney Osmond). As a teen wearing borrowed clothes oh yes very turned on. In my twenties and after when I got to buy my own clothes there wasn’t this automatic turn on just a nice feeling of contentment. Being on HRT deepens that feeling and I seldom get aroused. I think it’s a matter of doing something forbidden and risky where the arousal comes from. I haven’t thought about it in a long time.
Exactly. Same here. Borrowing someone else’s clothes seemed like such a greater turn on as if you were, putting them on. (Sounds like I’m borrowing from a movie we know) but buying your own clothes it becomes more real. These are after all now your clothes. This is just what you wear. You feel more genuine.
I love how honest watching this made me feel. I identify as male and I’m into kink and these ideas come up in my play often, I feel a connection to feminine objects and I’m very straight and into women, cross dressing a few times and I had that euphoria effect and it was amazing, never did anything outside the bedroom or with a partner. It’s a dirty secret but I have a perspective now and I’m more aware of why I like it.
At almost 40, I'm sort of coming to terms that my crossdressing in private, from my adolescence through adulthood, may be something more than a kink. I've just allowed myself to go down that path this year, to see what revelations await...
This was my EXACT experience! At 5 I would constantly get in trouble for crossdressing but I loved it. than as I got older it greatly aroused me until I found a girlfriend who loved to dress me up before and during sex and made it more common and than we started going out that way and the separation started to make me realize that I was just projecting that I was female all along and was just experiencing dysphoria.
None of that makes you actually female. Speaking as someone who is, and who's for female sex based rights? I wish you would just stay in your lane, and not pretend like any of this stuff makes you actually FEMALE. Because I mean, why do you have to?? You can enjoy your kinks in private, with or without a consenting partner(s). You can wear whatever you like. You can grow out your hair and put on makeup. You can call yourself by whatever name you want. You can perform femininity to the Nth degree. You can enjoy traditionally feminine hobbies, and have a traditionally feminine personality, if indeed you do. And yet..? Absolutely none of this makes you FEMALE! Why can't you instead fight to expand the category of "male", and what that can look like? Because by definition, that's what you are. MALE. Even if you have dysphoria..? You're still male, regardless! Doesn't make you magically female, and I wish you would stop pretending! Because you guys pretending as if it does..? Is EXTREMELY harmful to actual women, to confused minors that are getting sucked into this ideology, and just generally to society! And people are reaching their breaking point, and peaking, all over the place! Whereas if you instead HONESTLY said: "I am a male who's got dysphoria, and experiences such and such"? Or even: "I'm a male who's got a fetish"? I think you would find, you would get a LOT more sympathy from people like me, who no longer buy this.
@@InterstellarDreams you say "all over the place" but you have no idea just how tiny the trans population is. This doesn't affect you. Please educate yourself.
I feel the same way and have the same experience...for me the first time I accepted being trans was when I actually said it out loud. For me being dressed as a women calms the savage beast down and souths my anxiety and makes me feel right with the world. As a man I never felt right..I played hockey..football not for me but because I was expected to as a boy.
moving my energy focus from the root, sex, and power chakras (first, second and third chakras) to the heart, verbal, and intuition chakras (fourth, fifth, and sixth chakras) is one of my goals in my transition to my femme self. This feels like a natural evolution, which has taken decades and is ongoing. But testosterone levels vs. estrogen levels are very important in this evolution. I've done both supplemental testosterone and supplemental estrogen on and off for decades. There are things I have liked about both. As I get older, 70 years now, my natural testosterone level has dropped, so I can easily regulate one vs the other, in a matter of months, by supplementation, without spironolactone, to see what I feel on either one. When my testosterone levels are high, my sex drive is high, and I am "autogynophiliac", which I have been since I first felt the activation of my second chakra in my early teens. But when I am on just estrogen and the testosterone fades, the sex drive is greatly decreased, and there is a more subtle, whole body, heart-centered feeling. My heart energy increases on estrogen, and I really like that feeling. I have done testosterone because it gives drive, focus, physical energy, and endurance. Testosterone is also a natural upper which gives confidence and bravery in the face of difficulty. I like those things about testosterone, but I don't like the other "side effects" of testosterone, such as, the jerk factor (low emotional intelligence and self-centeredness) and especially, difficulty in consciously and deeply connecting to my emotions and subconscious. So it has been a roller coaster of trying to figure myself out and what works best for me. At this late stage in my life, I am really liking the heart-centered feeling of estrogen. The testosterone feeling is fun, and even ego-boosting in a way, but it also feels like a lower chakra vibration, and I want to fully experience where the estrogen is inviting me to go - the higher, more subtle chakras, where I feel myself and others in a deep way which I did not feel before. - Thea
I dated a special woman for 3 years and I never seen Her as any different than what she is.. She was a Trans woman for 14 years.. The best relationship I've ever had in my life..
When I first crossdress, out of curiosity, I felt absolutely nothing neither sexually nor in anyway but several months latter when crossdressed again I felt, though not sexually, some kind of pleasure in it which made me somewhat happy.
I can't speak for anyone else but I can say where I'm at with it. I used to have all these theories and try to understand it. I blamed this and that. I came to a place where that got in the way of life, and I didn't like how that felt. I chose, I made a choice, to believe that some questions don't need answers. I put my ego out of my way and focused on the facts. I don't want to not crossdress. I don't want to transition but she needs time to exist, and he has his place and necessity as well. I'm clearly feminine, and masculine. When I can't take time to express myself I get very depressed and angry. A person is not one thing, all I am is pieces of me. I would just rather enjoy life and simply being than to waste it trying to figure it out. I do know that when I crossdress I feel very centered and in the moment. As someone who by necessity has a busy mind, I appreciate being able to atleast for a moment just focus on being one thing. There is a kind of self awareness to it. I can become very focused on how the clothing feels. Mainly how natural and rite it feels and not at all out of place. I just really like it. Relationships are complicated, it's lonely. I've never dated a guy, but I wouldn't not if I liked someone. I like girls also but it's really more that I like feminine people. It's like I just don't even want to have to explain all my girl clothes. My life is mostly enjoyable but it is a crazy and insane level of a balancing act. I just don't want to mess it up because things are pretty cool rite now.
i started with female underwear but once i started wearing them outside it didnt arouse me anymore and ive started wearing more feminine clothing and that still arouses me cause when i put it on i feel like a sexy woman but i look at the mirror and i see a neanderthal looking male
This was a good way to break in this topic. You’ve done an excellent job. I really would like to share my experience with you in a better way than a UA-cam comment. Best wishes
Wow, this makes so much sense to me. Totally describes my situation, and I've never heard this explanation before. I started out with just the sexual rush, and i felt ashamed of something so wrong, feeling so right when dressed and seeing myself in a mirror. I wondered if the rush was just a fetish, and i may not be trans at all. but after going out to bars and clubs many times for years while dressed fem, i now realize that although being dressed up feels great, its more because im comfortable looking good next to other women and being accepted as one of them, vs it just being a sexual thing.
Be yourself, but know that others won't always see you as you see yourself. And that's ok as long as noone discriminates or becomes abusive towards another. Live your life peacefully.
I can't remember when it started but I would try on things pre teen. Then after I was married. When my wife was gone I would try on hers. Back then just thought I was screwed up in the head. And I was never brave enough to attempt to figure myself out until covid. Although I always wanted to wear womans clothing. But did not understand transgender till years later. I'm happy I finale got help and started transitioning. But I am as lonely and as much of an outcast as I ever was.
I like how you stop and ask questions at some points, so the audience can think for a sec and get involved if they wish. As far as my own experience, I also had a couple formative, innocent crossdressing experiences, and then some more sexually charged ones. I had a rather accepting friend group though, so at the same time I would casually crossdress around them simply out of a sense of comfort. At a certain point I realized I had a presentation I was super comfy with and that wasn't really associated with any particular situation, sexual or otherwise; but which I was still compartmentalizing away from other parts of my life out of fear of rejection. So one day I just stopped compartmentalizing. My very last experience of crossdressing, before it simply became dressing, was attending uni on a completely normal day. As far as attraction, mine is not tied to gender. I am attracted to both men and women for different reasons. I really don't feel sexual desire towards my feminized self was a driver of my decision to come out. At the same time, I do find myself quite attractive, more so than before. I'd be lying if I denied that seeing myself in nice lingerie didn't tickle a sexual note in me. But, that's not what motivates me to go out wearing frumpy boyshorts under an androgynous, neutral work outfit during my day to day. So I suppose from me it's a big old 🤷🏼♀️ However, my stance on the theory of autogynepelia as a whole is pretty negative and incredulous. To me, it's an asymmetrical examination of the transgender individual as a misguided other. I don't believe any cisgender person who finds themselves sexually attractive, or even gets off to their own self, gets dragged in this way. I feel this theory is just a symptom of society seeing transgenderism as a thing that needs to be understood and explained in order to justify its existence. Some things, some people will never understand, and that's ok. Understanding should not be a prerequisite to compassion for our fellow human beings. C
Your soo helpful. After years of repressing myself I finally embraced the CDing and very quickly learned there was much more going on… anyway it’s nice to hear from others as for me the arousal did quiet down a lot however while dressed in always very easy to turn on… also since I started estrogen I’ve wanted guys in ways I never used to but it turns out my true self/female self really likes giving head… we are unique beautiful and at least in my case sexually adaptive not many get to see life from the trans side of the tracks and we all have different stories to ourselves but when I can manage a little self love I can honestly say at least my sex life has been very full broad and surprising in ways I’d never have guessed
AGP refers to viewing yourself as a female object of desire, but what we look for instead is the experience. If you have a female ideal, and are also sexually attracted to women, things get mixed up. There's also the struggle with forming a male identity.
I think you have to look at it from the perspective of...if you can manage your daily life and keep the crossdressing fetish in check, then you're fine. But what if your crossdressing fetish becomes such an obsession that you can't go about your daily life? Then transitioning to be a woman will eliminate the obsession and unfortunately the rush and arousal along with it, but you will be able to go about your daily life.
There is an aspect of "Autogynephilia" for me. I had two much older sisters and there is an aspect where I loved them and admired them and wanted to grow up to be just like them. One psychologist observed that I had an absentee Father and my Mother & sisters were my "ruling class." And there is a tendency to want to join the "ruling class." This rings true for me. Christine Jorgenson got her sex change when I was very young. I remember thinking, "Wow! I didn't know you could do that!" The cost of SRS was extremely expensive back then, so it wasn't plausible for me. In my late teens I got group psychotherapy. They taught me that being a male was reality and I should accept reality and get on with my life. They also taught me to learn to enjoy being male. Which I did. That worked for a long time. Sort of. When I was young, my family (and all of society) taught me that being a homosexual was REALLY REALLY BAD! So I just never allowed that to be an option. Besides, my whole life is about loving & admiring women: like Jackie Kennedy. (All the rage when I was young!) If I were a young person today, (late teens, early 20s) I might really be attracted to taking hormones and getting SRS. I don't think it's a reasonable option now. (Among other things, I am opposed to surgery ON ME! No thank you! Besides, at my age there are four or five surviving women for every surviving man. There's an old surfing song about going to Surf City where there are "two girls for every boy!" In my case there are maybe five girls for every boy! It seems like a silly idea to "change teams."
My first sexual experience of my life was wearing my mom's clothes when I was somewhere between 8-10? I can't remember exact age and I don't know why I gravitated toward my mom's clothes but I did. I grew out of that stage at some point then around 30 it all came back. Now I'm confused bc since then I have indulged heavily into AGP type behavior but I'm wondering what caused this? That maybe this is some coping mechanism cycle I'm in now or maybe it's kink.. I don't know. I do know it's effected all my relationships now dating wise and I'm pretty much always alone. I distract myself with hobbies, work, exercise so I'm never overly lonely and I crossdress regularly. I don't think I'll ever be fully happy tho either way - it's a dicey topic for sure. Good video and I wish the trans community discussed it more openly. I feel like you say AGP and instantly it's deemed negative vs opening up to real conversation in this community which I think maybe hurts people like me
Some people want to create a total separation between AGP and sex and gender dysphoria. In my own case, I started to dress in my sisters clothes at the age of six before I had a sexuality. It became AGP later when my sexuality developed alongside the dressing but it also came with occasionally strong feelings of dysphoria. For me the whole thing was on a cycle so wasn't persistent enough for me to drive me to transition but when the feelings came back around they were intense. Only in my forties did I give it the fullest expression and I became very open about it, sexually experimental and crossdressed in many situations. After 40 years of AGP and cyclical dysphoria, the compulsion to do it suddenly disappeared and now hasn't been a part of my life for over 10 years. I totally agree that it is a much more complex thing than many would argue and I agree with the woman below that AGP can also be experienced by women. I have come across that too. I am one of those people that is on a cycle anyway and am interested if anyone else has experience of how that interacts with AGP and dysphoria.
I grew up in Los Angeles and was in Hollywood, at 15, went to a trans club. I was amazed on well they dressed, and how talented they were as females. I loved them cause they treated me nice, and I enjoyed being around them. I never did go back to a location of tran women. I have enjoyed some Tran shows on TV, and felt excited watching them. Thank you for you information.
Talented as females? Now being female is considered a talent? That's extremely insensitive and misogynistic thing to say. Being a woman is not an occupation or a role. It's a biological reality and one which is not easy considering that misogynistic people exist.
I fit into so many of these things. The problem i fall into is i feel almost split between a man and a woman. I almost try to not put any title on it. I just wear what i want and it no longer turns me on. They just are my clothes
My brother took me to get my first pair of skinny jeans when i was 13 because it was coming into fashion. And we picked me some out of the womens section at Goodwill. I liked it SO much that i never wore baggy jeans again. I couldnt admit i was so deeply excited by having feminine clothed on. Now i know it was a key indicator of my true gender that i had been ignoring.
Thank you for diving into this topic and sharing your experience! You hit the nail on the head on how so many of us feel. Keep up the awesome thought provoking content 🙏❤️🙌 You are the 💩 lol p.s.: This is the first comment I have ever left on ANY video! That’s how much it resonated with me 😊 You popped my comment 🍒 lol
As a lifelong crossdresser at age 75 and very married for 54 years, I find your take on this very interesting. I will stay tuned for more and further videos.
Absolutely correct - nylons and pantyhose - an aphrodisiac - that turned into an addiction more powerful than cocaine ! The compulsion never left me , and of course contributed to becoming Shirley...
I remember relating sexual arousal and female clothing at a very early age. That could have been due to the fact that my father always had porn playing and I would relate sexual pleasure to the outfits the actresses were wearing. But being transgender, I related to the woman in those videos. As I grew up, I came to realize that my arousal was only due to the freedom I would experience when I would allow myself to experience feelings of being sexy as a woman; that it wasn't the clothing turning me on, but the feeling of congruity when I would allow myself to be authentic. As an adult, I don't feel sexy anymore when I wear lingerie. I think that's only because I experience life as a woman all of the time now. But I do enjoy the way it excites my wife when I wear it. It gives me a reason to put it all on every now and then.
im not sure if my past thoughts area hint but i did visualize myself as the other side once in a while. got a new wardrobe this january and did get a bit of a rush from wearing that clothing. the reaction to that clothing did die down fairly fast and it feels like normal clothing that feels appropriate or atleast natural on me. wore short jean skirt out fairly often now when doing shopping. lingerie and some breast forms feel right on me to the point i can go with skirt and A-B forms/bra in public wearing a light coat/wind breaker to hide the forms shape for the most part (in public but not around family). none of this is really for the point of excitement anymore but can be if i want it to. feels weird not to wear lingerie or skirts when at home. if im lazy. ill keep the shorts on and leave the skirt for another day. i dont feel attracted to men or myself, this form of expression through clothing feels normal in some way to me. looking at the false figure just seems good and seems right. accepting my face and hair dont match is easily overcome and put at peace. i dont really have the chance or want to try it through an sexual experience with someone, just wearing the clothing is sufficient to feel at ease. visualization at times does help alot for those times but otherwise i can separate that from the act of wearing different clothing and the appearance it gives me. sorry for long bit of text but i was able to relate to almost everything you discussed. i have recently and occasionally in the past looked up topics like this so this topic isnt just a 1 off event. its still very unclear what that makes me
I was playing in Mommy's laundry piles at 3 or 4. First wore my sister's skirt at 5. Beginning at about 6, aunts and friends starting giving my sister (and me) their old dresses and things. That ended when Mom caught me at 18. When puberty came and I wanted to feel sexy, I put on lingerie and imitated the girls in the ads. That's when I starting doing it a lot. I had my first big O at 14, and I said "What was that ?!! " From 18 - 30 opportunities were just a few times/ year, so it remained a big turn-on. At 30, I got my own place all alone. I started crossdressing every evening after work, and the excitement went away. That was a long time ago. Now I just feel comfortable. This is me. The main reason I have never transitioned is that I am not pretty. If what I felt was ever AGP, it could only have been before I was a zit faced teenager. For a few years now, I've been going out in public, even though I don't pass. I was just staying in places where I felt comfortable. Lately though, I've been more daring because the country needs to know that we exist.
Your last sentence is especially important but if you want the world to know you exist and to respect you you have to respect your inner authentic self and not allow this insecurity to rule over you. Saying that you don’t try to pass because you’re ugly is not the right way to go about it. Lots of supposedly ugly people master the art of make up and master the art of being beautiful and fashionable so you can’t make up the excuse that you are ugly to not go out into the world presenting the best authentic version of yourself if what you crave is Visibility for our community and respect be a leader in that
@@bperez8656 I'm not that kind of girl. Thanks for the advice but lots of make up isn't me. After all, what I want is to go out into the world presenting the best AUTHENTIC version of myself. I'm not hideous. I just have a big jaw, thick neck, low eyebrows and rough skin (and thankfully, a light, thin beard). Sure, I could spend a lot of time and money to look a lot more feminine, but the jaw would still give me away. I still wouldn't look CIS. So I'm happy to be myself. Pretty or not, authenticity is what I present, and I have made friends as such. I think it's precisely my being open and honest bout who and what I am that piques their curiosity and interest.
This is a very deep conversation and I know you are only scratching the surface. It’s very interesting that we can analyze our emotions and feelings regarding this issue more so than a born cis person. As a trans girl you bring up some very good points that are spot on. As an older trans in her early 50’s I feel the same way sometimes when I dress up and get somewhat aroused but then shortly after feeling it’s wrong or embarrassed that I felt that way. Anyways that’s just just my little two cents worth. Love your channel and look forward to more content. ❤️
I don’t understand what the big deal is…I’ve known quite a few people who love the feeling they get when cross dressing.Why is such a gentle fetish so stigmatized?
I felt it was less to do with clothes and more to do with wanting to have sex as a she not a he, and the clothes helping make that internal feeling external. The clothes are just physical symbols of that gender sense. I wanted to live as a woman, eat as a woman, pay my taxes as a woman, so of course i fantasised about having sex as a woman... Whereas when i was pretending to be a man i felt cut off from myself and my sexuality. It was like bring right-handed but trying to write or draw with my left hand whereas living as a woman felt like using my right hand .. it was reflective of some very real pattern in my internal nervous system we call being a 'she' not a 'he' and a mostly heterosexual she at that: i prefer women in everything except as sex partners!
Ashley, you are so pertinant! I have learned so much from your dialog. I am doing a lot of thinking right now. I still, of course, love being a woman, and I am an older person, and I still want to be a Lady! Yes, I even want a man in my life, as a husband. What an interesting development from my younger days of simply getting sexually aroused by crossdressing. Now it is not "dressing like a woman", but "wanting to be a woman". Your Roxanne
An amazing expressive snd eloquent video. I def don't feel aroused with being en femme. Its become normalised down as Ionger I've been in HRT. I also feel like I want to date men. Your honesty us a breath if fresh air.x
I usually get aroused when I cross-dress. But in my case cross-dressing is related to a fetish (or a paraphilia). I cross-dress (MtF) to do self-bondage sessions. One time I spent several hours CD'd without doing self-bondage, and then the arousal subsided, but some after-effect remained. Also, for me CD has to be in a certain style only (no pants, for example).
I am a male but, sometimes feel like feminine and use to crossdress in women clothes and sometimes male also, like bisexual kind of thing, want to wear female clothes only, but society hates that, so doing it secretly at home, but getting depression because of it? Is it normal? How to overcome it from depression that I am unable to crossdress publicaly? Please help.😭😭
Memorable arousal moments:
- The first time I tried on a dress
- When I bought panties and tried them on the first time
- The first time I wore a bra and used it for a whole weekend as I stayed home that weekend
- The first time I shaved my legs
- When I first tried makeup
It was mostly the first time I ever tried something new. Sometimes the second time too but to a lesser degree. And I suspect it was mostly the excitement of doing something new and taking one more step. After that, each time I do any of that it just feels natural. It just feels like being me
Why is it a female can dress anyway they want, but if a male tries on a dress, they feel such shame, even if they like the way they look?
Because women have spent more than 100 years fighting for that freedom. 100 years ago, a woman had to have VERY compelling reasons to be allowed to wear trousers in public (parachute jumping is an example I know of)
@@thiloreichelt4199 Feminazi fool, stop playing the victim, it is men who were/are used as disposable objects (War etc).
@@thiloreichelt4199 Indeed.
Society it is. We have to be more common so that if anyone says why we are doing it we can give them 10 more names rather feeling shame cause you have never seen anyone like you in IRL and feel lonely
@@thiloreichelt4199 u lost me, on parachute jumping. Plz explain?
as a trans woman i will never forget the first time i went out dressed up. i manadged to pull my boyfreind. we are both trans and huge fans and your content.
Omg thats so cute
Hot!!!! So glad for you and love to hear you're both fans!!!!
@@AshleyxAdamson now i am finally on hormenes i am looking foward to growing my tits.
@@AshleyxAdamson bit sure where I fit.
I'm not transgender but I'm atracted to trans women in the same way I'm atracted to other type of woman.
But for different reasons.. transgender women in particular seem to highlight more feminine. traits. It could be an insecurity in my own masculinity that is validated by a person who asserts their feminity.
What's your take on men who are like me .
And conversely do some trans women seek overtly masculine men to feel More female
@@notsure1405 From what I've heard from other trans women (and as one myself) the main issue with "chasers" is that they fetishize the things that make them not cis (e.g. genitals). Most of us just want to be seen as women and treated as women. We don't want to be treated as freaks or as men. So I think it's okay for cis men to be attracted to trans women if they see them and treat them as a woman.
I can never get over how articulate you are. You have a rare ability to explain complex experiences in simple and understandable manner.
Well done, Ashley. PS - you look beautiful :0) A+
This is very interesting and thought provoking! In my young childhood and early teens I was caught in my sister's closet trying on items. I was strongly and harshly discouraged from doing such things and made to feel it was something to be extremely shameful. I was pushed to be more masculine. As I didn't want to make any more waves, I fell into a masculine role and my attraction was to desiring girls and women. Fast forward over many years of wanting to explore my femininity but not allowed to and then finely to a point I could, I experienced the same thing. I would say shave my legs and paint my toes and just admire them and get turned on. Slip on a pair of heels and it would push me over the edge with excitement. As time went on and I started going out fully dressed and presenting female, that arousal faded. And over time my attraction changed to desiring men. There are still times when I am having sex with a man and I may look at my pretty toes and realizing that I am what I always desired and desired to be will push me over the edge again. So IDK what that says about me!
Same here..but me it was my mothers lingerie...it made me feel soft calm right..it was not about anything sexual but feeling right at that moment of who I was
Yr parents effed you up
@@dannyd7211 people like you make it hard for people like me to take your community seriously. Seriously...
@@sirennoir258 I am sorry you feel that way, but most of us are good people, we dont want anything bad to happen to you and just have good will towards you.This is how I was raised, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis alway thru school because of my medical issue, when I got to dating age I had parents beat the shit out of me because they did not want their daughters to catch what I had.
@@whitewolf8458 see and that is what I don't get. I don't think you should be beaten up. You deserve to live a normal, boring, everyday rat race life like anyone else and not be bothered. I think its disgusting to infringe in your right to be you. I think that hatred is a filthy disease of humanity to do this. Violence is never okay.
However when I read things like people stating they wore their mothers underwear, or they want to transition children I get really defensive. Also I know a so called trans kid who, after HRT has now detransed and is a lesbian again.
Do you understand what I'm getting at without sounding hateful?
I am a crossdresser. I do not get sexual arousal or gratification from it at all. It's about me being the person I want to be (rather than what society demands I be.) When I was about 10 or 12 years old, I convinced my Mother & sisters to dress me up as a girl for Halloween. I was in heaven! Back when I was young, women wore girdles all the time, and complained about it. I wondered, "Why would they wear something all the time that was uncomfortable?" One of the first garments I tried was one of my sister's panty girdles. (I almost got caught!)
I was always fascinated by girdles. When I first started in business I regularly wore a panty girdle and stockings under my business suit.
Back then I was pushing myself to be a dynamic young businessman. I read a book called "Dress for Success" by John T. Molloy. It taught me to wear a power shirt & power tie, with a three-piece power suit, powers socks, power shoes and to carry a power brief case! For me, I was "crossdressing" and pretending to be what the business world demanded I be.
I was reasonably successful at it. But it drove me crazy! I had a lot of anxiety (although I didn't know that's what it was.) Somewhere, I have old pictures of me, crossdressed and sitting in a chair. I felt like I was radiating some kind of heat energy! Years later, I realized it was anxiety!
My ex-wife hated my crossdressing. It blocked my real exploration of that aspect of myself. My ex-wife hated it & me until she hated me out of the marriage (27 years later.)
I got pushed out of my industry, mostly for being over age 50. But also, someone saw me buying dresses and Macy's and outed me and my manager promptly fired me. (I was a computer jockey. I could have done the same job is a skirt suit or dress and been a lot happier doing it. But HR was convinced I would bring disgrace to my company's "fine" reputation!
I struggled making a marginal income with my own small business. My ex-wife died when I was 62 and I got to live, as a surviving ex-spouse, off her social security. I retired at age 70 and got good benefits from my social security. Then we got COVID & Lockdowns and political turmoil.
So here I am at age 73. I am a biological male. If I had a lover, I would prefer she was a biological female. But I have this deep, personal aspiration to be a lovely lady! That's nutty, but it's true. Go figure. (I haven't had a lover in over 20 years. I would like to change that. Working on it!)
But your clothes don't make you who you are .
@@kimmmwest4641they help us feel like what we are!
I remember the first time I put on my new female clothes, It was about 3 months after I came out…. I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life I saw my authentic self, I cried for an hour in happiness , I felt total relief for the first time in my life, It has been 9 years and I never looked back.
Stories like yours make me say "okay. Being trans is a thing and good for her" but honestly when I read other trans people talking about wearing their mothers underwear it makes me recoil in horror. I wish their was more of a middle ground.
I can relate. When I looked in the mirror I stood and stared for a while.
Heads up, novel incoming:
First time for me I was 12 when I wore a girls hoodie I had asked my parents to buy for me every day, even at school. When I was home alone one day idk why I just kinda did it, and started doing it a lot. I would lock my door and wear it as basically like a minidress. Pull my arms up through like the neck part, tie the sleeves behind my back, zip it up, stuff socks in where the zipper stopped to simulate breasts. I had started to hate pictures around 5 or so I stopped smiling for them, but this first time and even all those other times I wore that hoodie as a dress I took SOOO many pictures of myself it was like a dang photo shoot. Then I'd just like play videogames, sometimes fall asleep wearing that wake up to my mom knocking on the door to wake me up for the bus. "Why was your door locked?" 🤭
But yea Ive been heavily repressed because of not only bullies growing up, but my dad once said something about a neighbor kid about my age that was cross dressing in his mom's clothes and walking past the house, my dad made some kind of negative comment and I knew it was bad that I wanted to do that (I was maybe 6 when this happened) So I always kept it a secret. But yea I never showed those pictures to anyone..
Since I didn't have any real safe methods to dress Infront of anyone to explore things more basically the only method I had to dress comfortably in front of people was by meeting guys and doing it behind closed doors.
I figured out that, I could care less what I wear for smexy times. It's more about how I'm treated for that kind of excitement. But yea I thought it was just a kink cause of internalized shame for a bit, but I started to question that pretty much immediately given that it started non sexual for me when I was a lot younger. Then once a friend I was staying with kind of called me out about not being horny and wanting smexy time even when I dress up, it was like yea, just cause I dressed cute doesn't mean I wanna play. I just like wearing the clothes during my everyday life I feel more comfortable in my skin and I can't put it any other way.
And honestly I don't like any clothes that doesn't hide my masculine traits, like I would not wear something that makes me look like a man crossdressing, I prefer big floofy skirts and dresses that round out my shape and make my body look more feminine. I'm not on hormones yet for context.
If I had a more feminine body, then maybe I'd have the confidence to wear tighter and more revealing clothing. Maybe. I'd have to see how dysphoric the clothes make me.
Like if I look in the mirror and see like a Marilyn Manson instead of my authentic self, it makes me wanna drag my file over the recycling bin and empty it, then run a magnet over the hard drive and toss it in and incinerator. Otherwise known as self delete. It's even worse in masculine clothing and if I let body hair and facial hair go..
I used to be toxically angry about the girls I dated wearing tight clothing and makeup, at the time I didn't realize it was because I was jealous of them..
Also I've never really approached a woman. Every one I've dated approached me from what I recall. I have however approached guys, and I often find myself attracted to straight guys. Not attracted to gay guys at all. No offense they can be great. I tried it out it wasn't for me. Bi guys are tons of fun tho. Anyways..
My best friend actually was a guy I approached that turned me down because hes straight. I can remember very clearly the thought of "if only I was a woman this man could've been mine"
I've been talking with a professional and recently got diagnosed. I'm sure you can guess with what.. 😅
Anyways that's enough sharing publicly, for the month I think.
Wishing you well and hoping everything is going good with your journey. 🩷
😭😭 wearing your own clothes, and not someone elses, is just so liberating
I have lived 24/7 as a woman for the past 12 years and I still get a rush out of getting "all dolled up"
How much of men’s lives are spent ruminating about their sexuality, whether they are gay or not? TOO MUCH!
@@carlabroderick5508 what are you yapping on about?
Thank you so much for making this video Ashley. This really helped me to realize why I was so turned on and sexualized dressing up as a woman when I first started cross dressing. I also no longer get turned on by cross dressing. It’s who I am now and I’ve processed it. Thank you again.
I have struggled with how I feel about this. I had that arousal as I'm sure many also had and I felt ashamed as did others. But, why did we get aroused? Blanchard ascribes it to his theory of autogynophelia but is it really? What caused us to be in that situation in the first place? For instance, in Ashley's case, what prompted her to go to her sisters room and try the pair of pants on? I bet it wasn't because of a sexual inclination but more one of gender envy. And as for being aroused because of it, I highly doubt this complex theory crossed her mind. Arousal is controlled by the brain at its lowest level. What if the brains automatic response is confused at that moment and releases the chemicals signaling a sexual situation? I know for me, over time, the sexual aspect faded away so wasn't that me just teaching my brain that this is not a sexual situation? I'm probably not explaining this well but hopefully you see what I mean. If we were autogynopheliacs wouldn't this sexualizing of cross dressing continue and not ebb away to nothing? Sorry, I don't buy his theory.
Gender envy really rang a bell for me. I so wanted to be a girl when I was a young boy. I "borrowed" female clothing whenever I could, and yes, I was envious of the girls.
@@qlnbd This is exactly what I think Blanchard gets wrong. He starts his theory at the moment of arousal and never mentions the inclinations that came before. I too was enticed by the envy not the eroticism.
@@RobisonRacing68 i started wearing girls clothing long before puberty. There was zero arousal. It was a need to be a girl. I dont even know if need is the right word. I KNEW I should have been a girl and wearing girls clothing was all I could do. Sure, in my early teens arousal played a part but that was a short lived phase - i was pretty flooded with hormones at the time. 😁
@@qlnbd Exactly!!
At the end of the day it sup to the person to figure it out some men and women simply get aroused wearing the other genders clothes and don’t fell that they are transgender and just see them selves and a man or a woman that likes wearing other genders clothes
I couldn't agree more. AGP explains the "spark" of discovering the trans identity for many trans women, but it fails to explain the fuel that feeds the fire of transition and keeps it going for a lifetime.
openSUSES5,
You worded that so well.
it doesnt fails at all if u read anne lawrence definition of agp, becoming what we love
@@alemusicgirl I did read that paper. I think she's stretching Blanchard's definition too much. I think the term needs to be retired. Self-eroticisim is simply a common experience for many trans women, particularly in the beginning when gender expression is repressed. It doesn't need to be more than that.
@@openSUSE5 self-eroticism is also experienced by cis women
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicoshow?
My experience with this is that, when I was doing something that I guess was technically cross-dressing (I never went out in anything, but I'd try on bits of my mum's clothes when no one else was in the house, initially out of curiosity similar to how you described with your sister's jeans, and later as part of a more active process of questioning), the sort of arousal I felt was always deeply tied to it being sort of illicit. It was something I wasn't meant to be doing, not just by wearing women's clothes but by sneakily wearing my mother's; that was always a bit part of what created that physiological response (and it was purely physiological, I never felt particularly mentally turned on by it). Once I was starting to wear women's clothes more often, dipping into it while everyone else was thinking I was just being gender non-conforming, that started to stop, and by the time I was fully out and wearing women's clothes all the time, it had stopped entirely, because it wasn't something sneaky and secret anymore, it was just clothes.
A term you may wish to explore that may help to explain why the euphoria initially takes on a sexual component is “misattribution of arousal”. This is why some like to seek out high arousal activities, like roller coasters, skydiving, etc., when dating as it is not uncommon to misattribute the arousal one is feeling from the endorphins and dopamine hit from the activity with that of sexual arousal as they both are very similar physiological experienced - the high, the heart beating hard, deep breathing, sweating, flushing, even the feelings of anxiety, etc.
It's a difference between stimulation and sexual arousal.. people don't ride roller coasters because it turns them on sexually.
My God, you said my story. I used to dress as a woman for sexual pleasure. Now I'm a woman 90% of my time except for work.
And I do too seek out men. Thank you.
Sorry I don't mean to offend you in any way but if you only could read what you've written .it's delusional . It's an illusion you're describing .90% woman? Dresses and make up don't make you a woman .
Why hadn't I stumbled on this video like 8 years ago? Oh. Posted last year. Anyways this resonates with me so much now that I've put the kink behind me. My egg cracked when I went out dressed as a woman but not as part of a sexual experience, and quickly realized that I am in fact a trans woman.
LOVE LOVE LOVE TO SEE THIS
Thank you so much for this video and all your content!!
I have always been hugely afraid that I might be confusing autogynaphilia with being a transwoman. As a child and teenager living in a highly transphobic and homophobic environment, my experiences of being a girl were almost always secretive and sexually charged. I only started going out regularly as a girl at university, and only then did being a woman start to take on a broader dimension that was not purely sexual. Looking back now, aged 49 and finally about to start on hormones (but socially already years in transition), I realise that the sexual arousal was, exactly as you say, my only door into my world. And the fact that it was very much a forbidden world only served to increase the sense of excitement and arousal.
I also think that for many women - trans and cis alike, dressing up, varnishing our nails, applying makeup, and being 'pretty', are anyway more sensual and sexual experiences than dressing up for a man is. We make ourselves pretty, and want to feel pretty and desirable, in a way that does not seem to preoccupy men. And at least some of the time, we want to be desirable because we want to be desired, we want someone to notice us and give us [sexual] attention. I know I do. I do not feel aroused now each morning when I dress up and put makeup on. But if I'm thinking about, or going on a date, it all starts with my feeling desirable, pretty, feminine.
When a girl/woman wears jeans, a T- shirt and dark sunglasses, shes just not considered a crossdresser.
But when these queer boys/men sport a blouse or leotards, and/or make-up, any attirement that is associated to the female, "he is" a crossdresser.
It’s different and that ok.. it does not have to be the same.
Ashley,
This is the first of your videos that I have seen. I subscribed immediately.
I know that it has been said that we are all so different. I do have some similarities to you. I was 53 (almost 2 years ago) before I gave into my fem side. I now go back and forth freely. Jason has the job that he has had for 10 years. But at 4pm almost everyday, I transform into Jan and sell women's shoes at a department store part time. My favorite thing about being en femme is the interaction with people. Even the ones who are negative. I can leave them with a smile and in a small way let them see that I am just a person. By the way there are very few negative people. I am also in recovery. I have been sober for 15 years. In the beginning, I feared that giving into these trans feelings could possibly lead me into more activities (sexual) which would lead to all kinds of guilt and shame and eventually back to the drink. It has been quite the opposite. The freedom of finally being the real me has brought peace and removed the self loathing I had felt for over 45 years.
By the way, you are gorgeous. I am happy with who and where I am. But can't help but wish that I could have seen a 25 year old Jan. I think she'd have be a real cutie! :) When I respond on my computer, it is as Jason. I'm sure you will hear from Jan soon when I respond on my phone.
Thanks,
When I first started crossdressing in my teens, yea it was unbelievably arousing. I was deeply ashamed of that physical response and that was the main reason (besides religious conservative family) that I repressed for so many years. Once I started HRT and presenting as female in public, it went away. Like you said, normalization, taking it out of the bedroom eliminated that. Since then I've had a few years to ponder what it all means for me. Especially because at some point I fell down a 4chan rabbit hole and was concerned that I had transitioned just for a fetish.
At least for myself, I believe the taboo aspect of it all is what I found to be the most arousing as a teenager, not the actual clothing itself. Me cross-dressing was as far from what was acceptable in my community as possible. But I felt a kind of euphoria and sense of well-being also that I could not at the time articulate. And I think being under the influence of testosterone, a ridiculously powerful sex hormone, made it such that sexual arousal was the only way I could express it. The transition from boyhood to manhood requires a lot of emotional suppression. Once it left the bedroom, and especially the influence of estrogen, how much more of my heart and mind was able to feel it express who I was. It's like the difference between looking through a small port hole on a ship versus going up on deck and seeing the whole ocean.
Anymore, sure I get aroused sometimes if I'm dressed to the nines and I look in the mirror. But it's because I'm thinking about getting absolutely ravished by a man later in the evening ;)
Wow that has opened up some memories! Shame and the feeling of doing something wrong, they were present for a long time. This is an excellent video, and it's reassuring to hear your thoughts xx
As someone who has been questioning my identity this past year, I came across this word yesterday night and just seeing people who talked about it on Twitter, I was confused and just stressed and ashamed of myself more than I ever did when I would cross dress or fantasize the idea of switching bodies or transforming into a woman
I learned more about how flawed the autogynephillia study is and watched a few videos but hearing your experience being nearly word for word what I’ve experienced throughout my life brings me so much comfort you don’t understand
Thank you for this video
What's the study? Can you share a link?
sweetheart please realize that AGP and such is a normal part of a complex process. You are not gross or weird for having a sexually gratifying experience through your sexual exploration of femininity and how it applies to yourself. It makes you happy to be a girl. i think it makes sense to derive pleasure that way, no? Because you're a girl, it only makes sense you would feel good, happy and excited.
I was aroused sexually by wearing my mum's makeup as a young teen, acting under a compulsion I didn't understand.
Caught and shamed, I've repressed my compulsion until recently, when it's been so liberating to do this, like finally coming home, and I realise it's related to a deeper impulse than just sexual arousal, more to do with fundamental identity, or a buried part of me which needs expression.
Could say a lot more about this.
Thank you for this video. I started from a very simular place and am on hrt now. It certainly left me feeling confused being aroused by cross dressing at the time, but has become so much more than that now im transitioning. It makes me feel so much more at ease seeing you having a simular experience.
This makes perfect sense to me. I am in the process of exploring the "autogynephelia" concept. I am hoping I come to the same conclusion.
I think the AGP discussion merits a longer podcast. There are so many people who when they read the description of that really resonated with it. Valid or discredited, it’s spoke to people for their feelings. I think you are partially correct. My understanding of AGP was feelings of arousal and self identity at seeing oneself appearing as a woman, or feelings triggered by the thoughts of sensation or feelings of being a woman. I have talked to many sisters who felt they read that description and said, Yes, that’s me. And they proceeded accordingly. Personally, I don’t think Blanchard was totally off base, I think he was looking for a theory or a concept that would explain what his patient interviews were suggesting.
Oh girl this video touched so many topics that I don't even know where to start. I dressed like a woman for the first time in my junior high school. I was like 15 something like that. It was for a show because we didn't have any girl in our class. Wearing my grandma's clothes felt a little odd. But the worst part was getting into intimate relationship with other guy. I was sooooo stressed back then. But c'mon at least I made it to the show xD When my gender identity problems started wearing a skirt became some kind of talking with my inner self. I haven't worn a skirt for a longer time because I live with my grandma who doesn't know I'm trans but on the other hand I don't need it that much. I remember when my friend made me a neat make up for the first time. It was soooo good. It was for a college costume party but for me it was a discreet coming out. Damn I wrote so many and doesn't even know if it makes sense. However sending you a warm hug and keep doing a great job
I think Autogynephilia is an oversimplification of a very complex situation. I think the excitement is seeing your self closer to how you feel you should look. Each step towrds presenting in a way that makes me like who I see in the mirror and making that the norm, can be exciting. Once I grew my hair out and started wearing makeup every day, it was no longer exciting but made me like myself better.
When you say “exciting”, you mean “sexually exciting”, right? You realise no actual woman would ever get physically aroused by wearing a pair of jeans, right?
I’m a cis woman and I’ve experienced a similar thing where dressing a certain way feels sexual when I do it in private but then it goes away after I dress like that in public
This is a very important part of the conversation, and one of the major critiques of Blanchard. If trans women are just having experiences analogous to the experiences cis women, there's really no need to pathologize that.
Because someone clothes are sexy that doesn't mean u get sexually aroused by wearing yo daddy underwear
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos it's not similar at all ... Sexy clothes make u feel sexy... That's not like putting on yo mama dress and getting sexually aroused
@@kimmmwest4641 The literature disagrees with you 🤷🏻♀️
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos the Bible disagree with me too what's your point ?
Your videos are really mature and intelligent. I appreciated this video because I was in the same situation and wondering if that was the reason, or if there was something more to it, and I agree with you.
Hello, I enjoyed your honesty about a sensitive subject. I transitioned in 2011. I blame AGP for delaying my transition for more than a decade. I think the worst thing about AGP, from my own personal psychological perspective, is that it took what should have been one really, really strong indicator of transness, reinterpreted it through a cis het male perspective and used it to discredit all the other indicators I had. Despite knowing all the steps of transition from my mid-teens onwards (yes, you could find the required information even in the late 90s), reading and understanding AGP infected me with an imposter syndrome about my transness that still lingers today.
For me, it was that I finally felt like I was myself in my own body. The sexual part was that someone might find me attractive. Even in boy mode, what has always got me going was the thought that someone is being turned on by me or what I'm doing
This 100% makes sense girl! I tried on my first article of women's clothing at around 11 or 12.. It was a pair of tights. Unlike you, I decided to wear undergarments when I could, but only for a short period, but also like you it was for the arousal it provided. I would go through 4-5 year gaps of not dressing at all, and then buying 100's of dollars of clothing, just to purge them all months later, rinse repeat. I did this until I started my transition at 41 years old. The transition came after my wife at the time was very supportive and encouraging of my crossdressing. so much, that when I was able to do it more often than not, without fear of losing anything, it eventually became my safe space. I started to wear women's androgynous slacks, tops, and shoes along with pantyhose, panties, bras, control garments/etc under my work clothing for about a year. 6 months of that time before transition, I was even wearing my breast forms to work. It got to the point that I didn't feel like myself without my forms in, panties and bra on, with cute shoes/etc. I lost the sexual aspect of dressing a few years before I transitioned. Since transitioning, I have never been happier being my true authentic self. I only wish I would have realized this decades before 😅
@@bepitan not an autogynephile and never have been. AGP =/= transgender. Is this something you have a personal experience with?
Incredibly healthy perspective on autogynephilia. Not denying that it exists while still recognizing that it is only one piece of the puzzle. I wish more "AGPs" were this open. Nice work.
Wow I think you're right on the money on your view on autogynephilia.
I had been education myself on it and I ALSO had an issue with the sexual aspect of it - Yea it's there but it's not center stage....nowhere near it.
I'm 37 and currently crossdressing (lol I said that like an AA meeting) so it's really nice to hear someone dive deep (no pun intended) on these topics. 😊
I thank you for your views and maturity 🙏
it makes a LOT of sense to me now: I experienced exactly that same feeling of samen when I got turned on age 13, wearing my mom's clothes. Thanks for talked about this so openly!!
Your mother's clothing? May I ask a question because I'm trying here. You wore your mom's underwear. That is not normal. I hope your experience isn't the normal trans experience.
@@sirennoir258 it's not the "normal" trans experience, but it isn't exactly wrong either. Most of the transwomen I know have said they either used their sibling's clothes or bought their own but about about with 13 year olds.
@@mycelia_ow You guys are indeed degenerates.
@sirennoir258 I honestly don't think it has anything to do with the person they are borrowing the clothes from. At those young ages people just grab what is available to them. I wouldn't imagine that those same people continue borrowing their mother's items once they can afford to buy their own.
Thank you coach! You hit everything on the nose! I would have never known you were trans, because you are so beautiful outside & inside, intelligent! Thanks again!
Beautifully articulated thank you. Before I came out, kinky fetish clothing worn by my partner was a huge turn on. When I wore the same clothing after coming out it was a massive turn off which was as you say “confusing”. Your discussion has helped me enormously, I am indebted.
You are spot on about AGP. It's so complicated. There can be a sexual element-like looking down, thinking you look attractive, and finding it nice-but it's much more complex than that. Besides, I can never reconcile the fact that I did this when I was five years old. That is definitely *not* a sexual thing.
Actually, everything you talked through totally made sense to me. Especially looking at this issue through a spiritual lens.
Every time I watch your videos I realize how similar we are, but in different stages. My girlfriend is also very open to me presenting more femme but something that I’ve realized is that nobody is going to do the work for you and you have to make the decision yourself.
I also have been thinking a lot about “wanting” and “desire” lately and wondering… is enough to desire to be trans to be trans? Many desires in our life are things that we are accustomed to through media consumption or things that are not possible and I’m wondering if my desire to be feminine is useful or healthy for me.
Wow Quinn, that is exactly my one main worry, already for years! Does my seeing myself as a (trans)woman and my wanting to be a woman mean that I am, in fact, a transwoman? And is my being a transwoman enough that I should transition?
I am due to start on hormones next month, at the rather late age of 49!! But socially I have been in transition for many years. In the end, I've found it impossible to be the man that others and I expected me to be. But this realisation took many many years to come to, in part because of my internalised transphobia, my fear of being autogynaphilic, and my fear of the impact that coming out and transitioning would have on my life. This realisation was the result of thousands of small steps and experimentation, increasingly taking on the role of the woman that I felt I was, over years and decades. Until it became blatantly obvious and undeniable that I am a transwoman, to the point that I could no longer argue otherwise to me or my wife (now ex, sadly).
I think that it is important that, if you have doubts, you take small steps and experiment, just like a child and teenager would in their journey to discover themselves! It is really no different. Unfortunately, for many of us (trans or otherwise experiencing questions about our gender identity and sexual preferences), we simply don't feel safe enough to experiment and to discover ourselves. I know I didn't when I was younger, and I lost my marriage when I couldn't keep it hidden away any more...
The sexual realm is where our subconscious is the least guarded, and after repressing something so central to who you are it has to express itself somewhere. It's no wonder it often "starts" with crossdressing and "kink"
Also personally I believe that sexualising ourselves crossdressing is a form of escapism, or a way to actually percieve gender euphoria when all other options are seemingly closed. It starts with sexualisation because that is the only way you are able to adequately live out your desires before you are capable of understanding what's going on and coming out. So a form of coping, I guess and outlet, in a private sphere, where you can feel like a woman, since our culture already sexualises the crap out of women.
Agree with both of you. The other factor is that natal males have a naturally high libido, so it's no wonder they experience these things in a sexual way.
So you are saying that you think all cross dressing is escapism for people who are trans and in denial?
@@bperez8656 Where was that implied?
@@bperez8656 For trans people who don't have any other option of expressing their identity yeah, but like you can still not be trans and just crossdress because you enjoy it. But if you are trans, crossdressing is a way to experience gender euphoria when other options are closed off.
It does 100% make sense to me. Im 25, been questioning my gender since I was 15. I met my boyfriend 3 months ago and I told him right away about my gender identity confusion. he is just the best partner and supporter, we started experimenting sexually where he would use male language (im Italian so EVERYTHING s gendered ), I would use packers, chest tape.. It felt so good, but I wondered if it was only a kink or fetish. Untill we started going out and presenting to others as a gay couple, me presenting with my chosen name, and everything made sense. well almost, cause im still pretty confused and scared to transition and thats why I watch your videos, tho im ftm they resonate so much and they help me out a lot. So thank you for all that you do Ashley 💕
As usual, really nicely said ☺️ Ashley. I always felt my sexuality, which was directed towards women back in the not-so-good-old days, was just slightly out of phase, like the harmonic sign waves just didn’t quite line up.. Some of them I absolutely adored, and I always wondered why the sex just wasn’t fantastic… Like it was for supposed to be, right? Sex was a mystery to me until I was properly gendered, then everything changed. To say I just got turned on by myself and that’s what I was after is lunacy on its face. Or his face 😝 Sitting on his face!!
💋 eve
It’s a logical conclusion when you’re so stupid you have to look for single points to separate trans women into different categories.
Like of course I didn’t like pretending to be a man in sexual situations. I was basically crossdressing as a man and dating women. But I didn’t know how to be the man lol.
Yes to the first two questions. First time cross dressing was 16. Then not again til early 20’s. But realized 2 years ago my past can suggest I was transgender. I’m married with wife not supporting me. Did do hrt for 5 months. Then stopped. If opportunity were to cross my path I can honestly say I have no trouble becoming a woman. Willing to have multiple transitioning surgeries.
When I was young, my mom had a LOT of cast-offs, and I didn't quite understand the compulsion. The was no sexual aspect to it at first; I was late to the party in that respect, but once that settled in, I mean, in retrospect, you feel more sexy when you're... yourself? Didn't have that as a concept at the time.
But... had the same sort of additional non-sexual side of it. Hallowe'en going dancing. An LGBTQ+ pub/café (in the 90s!). A social club with drag queens, crossdressers, and trans people (I got along better with the latter though I thought I was nothing [much] like them :) ) But also some attempts to just run around in public. Grew out my hair. Went... shopping (the one saleslady who called me out gently by telling me I could try them on broke my "it's for my girlfriend" excuse".
Voice trained (it was easier when it wasn't necessary??) And just... hanging around in it for comfort. I knew it was "more than crossdressing" but there didn't seem to be a good term for it so I went with "TG" (in the days of two-letter abbreviations)
Didn't encounter Blanchard and his weird Freudian shite (I recognized it as Freudian from history units of psychology) even through Anne Lawrence (gag) until 15 years after I'd 'desisted' (I still dressed up/gender expressed and got my face lasered but kept out of trans online spaces "out of respect") Almost nobody in the 90s knew these weirdos.
It's so stupid. Basically just sexual inversion "trying to fool men into sex" "too gay to be guys" HSTS and everyone else is um um um self-focused perverts!
Honestly, the closer I got to transitioning, the less sexual anything about it was, and I swear you look in "AGP spaces and they're all like "oh no, don't transition, it will mess with your fantasy and you'll regret it" just... it FAILS as a hypothesis around transition, just, completely.
(non-binary femme here)
0:28 Yes, I am autosexual. I often will, after dressing, feel aroused by my own appearance. Of course, my attractions are to the feminine, so seeing myself as such makes it an almost infinitely stacking effect. Autosexuality is actually very common. Most are not nearly as likely to be as highly aroused, but still, it's not uncommon.
1:56 Hmmm...probably my first 'forbidden experience', was that of something completely unrelated (since it involves nearly blowing up a kitchen due to overboiling a highly reactive substance), but yeah, it definitely made me want to explore that more, which I would.
4:04 Autogynephilia? I don't know who Blanchard is (I am really bad at remembering names anyway), but I did explain what autosexuality is already. It's just one of those things that's difficult to analyze, but easy to figure out. Psychology is not my field of expertise, but I know enough about myself to share what I know to be true.
6:08 I have a set of leather armor. Of course, it is form-fitting, and not exactly masculine, but not many of us femmes are donning armor, even back home. I also have a full-length hooded mantle that is very capable of hiding my curvature, but again, not really masculine. Of course, one might take a look at me, and see that my form is broader in places that most people consider masculine, when I'm really just built to handle the terrain (going anywhere on my homeland will require scaling cliff faces unless one traverses the flood-zone valleys).
...
Autosexuality. Autogynephilia. From your explanation, they are very different, but share a few similarities. Again, my own experience is not something I can easily explain, but it has nothing to do with affirming my self-identity. It might be that I don't dress highly feminine that often (I don't always feel it's necessary), but that cannot be everything. It might also be pheromonal. Not really sure.
...
In all due honesty, you've been far more elaborate on this than I've ever considered myself. I just accepted it as is. Yeah; if you visit my hometown ya might see me in my leather armor as I soar overhead (I train in aerial acrobatics).
Wow you are the first person I've ever seen in a comment section explain clearly what I think most of us "AGPs" are experiencing. We are becoming what we love. I love myself. I see myself (and the template of myself, as the perfect partner). I love femininity, extremely, like it's deeply embedded in me; so by that effect, not only am I compulsively forced, in my application of my own perfection, would see me as a girl, that would be the ultimate partner. seeing myself with beautiful breasts, and in my case, I actually prefer a penis. so essentially me as embodying the feminine entirely.
I think it has a lot to do with being Autistic. I also have a meta sexuality. I'm also autosexual and with the merit of the metahypersexuality (which my theory is that i was instilled with this from my Autism, my male gender + the presence of testosterone, which gave me this complex sexuality.) combine these effects and like you said it's infinite. I would find myself reaching orgasm almost immediately and felt like a stacking effect in certain situations of sexual feminine exploration that's meta self directed
Thank you so much for sharing your deep thinking and experiences. This was so helpful in many ways. For me, my expression of being a woman is an expression of my soul. Its all that really matters to me now. The soul, or that which is beyond the conscious or subconscious knows all that i truly am. My presentation and, or, living in the feminine is a physical portal to that which is within. Love you girl ♥
Omg! You described my feelings about this subject in a way that no-one has before although I have seen tons of videos.
I am a man that started getting more into crossdressing about two years ago when i was single, nothing crazy just bought a crop top to wear when im alone. About a year ago i starting dating a girl, I initially told her i was just bi in shame of my crossdressing, she was completely okay with it. Eventually i came out to her about wearing women’s clothes a few months in and she was very supportive, even offered to dress me up. I was super embarrassed by it but i reconsidered and let her do it since she wanted to so badly, i really enjoyed it but a part of me felt like i shouldn’t, but her being supportive helped me be more comfortable about it. One day me and her go out to a thrift store just for fun, she offers to dress me up in the changing room and i said sure. She picked out a cute red dress (i had never worn a dress before) and helped me put it on, seeing how good i looked in it really stuck with me and for the rest of that date i couldnt stop thinking about it.
I continued to think about it that entire week and still think about it now. I dont know why it resonated so much with me and stuck with me so much, Ive thought about if I am trans or not for a few years now and I came to the conclusion i’m probably not, when i came out about it she asked that exact question and i flatly said no, but wearing that dress just felt so right and i don’t know why.
Don't get into a relationship with someone special for sex.. Sex is great but intamicy and passion is better.. Special woman aren't sexual objects, they have a heart ❤️❤️
Agreed!
I think this way to, I like a cuddle and a kiss way better than the sex. Sex to me is a relief but making love is pleasure.
God, I remember autogynophilia as being something that made me doubt being trans for a very long time. In fact, when I proposed to my ex-spouse I confided to her that I might be, the word I used at the time, "transexual" but that it might even be a fetish. Promising that I had no intention of leaving as long as she was okay with it. As you can see, the concept of autogynophilia was enough to cause me to hedge my bets rather than face my gender identity crisisbhead on. But yes, the release of all that pent up sexual energy when you first start dressing appropriately to your actual real gender identity is such a real thing.
I could never convince my ex to let me wear the sexy lingerie whenever we were intimate though.... 😂
Wow. You just finally gave words to one of my biggest unexplained aspects of my gender journey. Thank you.😍😍😍
I remember wearing my mother's or sister's clothes & was sexuality aroused when I was around 10 years old. But it turned out to me that I was transgendered. I never had a girlfriend who understood what I was going through. None of my relationships with women have lasted more than 6 months. Every time I have had sex with a girlfriend, I had always wished I was the female because the physical pleasure is secondary to my emotional pleasure state with having sex.
My best friend is trans, your videos are really helping me understand her better, we have a language barrier so communicating is hard. You opened my eyes , and I understand now why she trusts me so much. Thanks for the info.
Personally, I don't think autogynephilia makes any sense as an explanation of my own experience because I don't actually want to have sex with women. The awkward bit in terms of conceptualizing what's going on, for me, is that I am sexually aroused by women. I just don't want to have sex with women. Even my internal fantasies are never of me performing a traditional male sexual role-I can't even visualize it from a first-person perspective.
Ashley, I wanted to say that that's how it started with me. I was 11 and I was just entering puberty, I found that it was exciting and naughty. I started with every so often, The more I wore my mothers or sisters things, it felt less sexual and more natural. I dreamed of switching places with my sister, to be a girl and being able to go out wearing dresses. Having no fear of what people might say. But for me back then, it was just a dream and nothing more. Back then I never heard of transgenderism, I just thought something was wrong with me, that I wasn't normal. Boys shouldn't want to wear girls cloths or play with dolls and want to learn how to apply makeup. All that time I continued dressing because it started to feel like I was finally feeling right. I never did it in front of people because I was afraid of what people would think of me. So I kept it hidden. I'm 53, I finally came out publicly at 51. I realized that I realize that I'm not sick or perverted, that nature made me wrong. I should have always been a girl. I'm just sad that it took me all this time to finally be who I was always meant to be. And I'm sad that I was robbed of happiness for 50 years. I'm so sure that this is who I'm supposed to be that I've been on HRT and am pursuing everything I can have done just to feel complete. And that includes my GRS. I'm much happier now, I was 420lbs and I'm now 310lbs, I'm working on losing more so that I can get my surgery as soon as I can.. Thank you Ashley Adamson, and thank you for doing these types of videos. You are a guiding light for those that came after you.. Thank you so much.
What surgery are you looking to get ?
@@bperez8656 my GRS surgery.
(Courtney Osmond). As a teen wearing borrowed clothes oh yes very turned on. In my twenties and after when I got to buy my own clothes there wasn’t this automatic turn on just a nice feeling of contentment. Being on HRT deepens that feeling and I seldom get aroused. I think it’s a matter of doing something forbidden and risky where the arousal comes from. I haven’t thought about it in a long time.
Exactly. Same here. Borrowing someone else’s clothes seemed like such a greater turn on as if you were, putting them on. (Sounds like I’m borrowing from a movie we know) but buying your own clothes it becomes more real. These are after all now your clothes. This is just what you wear. You feel more genuine.
I love how honest watching this made me feel. I identify as male and I’m into kink and these ideas come up in my play often, I feel a connection to feminine objects and I’m very straight and into women, cross dressing a few times and I had that euphoria effect and it was amazing, never did anything outside the bedroom or with a partner. It’s a dirty secret but I have a perspective now and I’m more aware of why I like it.
At almost 40, I'm sort of coming to terms that my crossdressing in private, from my adolescence through adulthood, may be something more than a kink. I've just allowed myself to go down that path this year, to see what revelations await...
This was my EXACT experience!
At 5 I would constantly get in trouble for crossdressing but I loved it. than as I got older it greatly aroused me until I found a girlfriend who loved to dress me up before and during sex and made it more common and than we started going out that way and the separation started to make me realize that I was just projecting that I was female all along and was just experiencing dysphoria.
None of that makes you actually female. Speaking as someone who is, and who's for female sex based rights? I wish you would just stay in your lane, and not pretend like any of this stuff makes you actually FEMALE. Because I mean, why do you have to?? You can enjoy your kinks in private, with or without a consenting partner(s). You can wear whatever you like. You can grow out your hair and put on makeup. You can call yourself by whatever name you want. You can perform femininity to the Nth degree. You can enjoy traditionally feminine hobbies, and have a traditionally feminine personality, if indeed you do. And yet..? Absolutely none of this makes you FEMALE! Why can't you instead fight to expand the category of "male", and what that can look like? Because by definition, that's what you are. MALE. Even if you have dysphoria..? You're still male, regardless! Doesn't make you magically female, and I wish you would stop pretending! Because you guys pretending as if it does..? Is EXTREMELY harmful to actual women, to confused minors that are getting sucked into this ideology, and just generally to society! And people are reaching their breaking point, and peaking, all over the place! Whereas if you instead HONESTLY said: "I am a male who's got dysphoria, and experiences such and such"? Or even: "I'm a male who's got a fetish"? I think you would find, you would get a LOT more sympathy from people like me, who no longer buy this.
@@InterstellarDreams you say "all over the place" but you have no idea just how tiny the trans population is. This doesn't affect you. Please educate yourself.
I feel the same way and have the same experience...for me the first time I accepted being trans was when I actually said it out loud. For me being dressed as a women calms the savage beast down and souths my anxiety and makes me feel right with the world. As a man I never felt right..I played hockey..football not for me but because I was expected to as a boy.
And the part about saying it out loud was 2 days ago...I am 63
moving my energy focus from the root, sex, and power chakras (first, second and third chakras) to the heart, verbal, and intuition chakras (fourth, fifth, and sixth chakras) is one of my goals in my transition to my femme self. This feels like a natural evolution, which has taken decades and is ongoing. But testosterone levels vs. estrogen levels are very important in this evolution. I've done both supplemental testosterone and supplemental estrogen on and off for decades. There are things I have liked about both. As I get older, 70 years now, my natural testosterone level has dropped, so I can easily regulate one vs the other, in a matter of months, by supplementation, without spironolactone, to see what I feel on either one. When my testosterone levels are high, my sex drive is high, and I am "autogynophiliac", which I have been since I first felt the activation of my second chakra in my early teens. But when I am on just estrogen and the testosterone fades, the sex drive is greatly decreased, and there is a more subtle, whole body, heart-centered feeling. My heart energy increases on estrogen, and I really like that feeling. I have done testosterone because it gives drive, focus, physical energy, and endurance. Testosterone is also a natural upper which gives confidence and bravery in the face of difficulty. I like those things about testosterone, but I don't like the other "side effects" of testosterone, such as, the jerk factor (low emotional intelligence and self-centeredness) and especially, difficulty in consciously and deeply connecting to my emotions and subconscious. So it has been a roller coaster of trying to figure myself out and what works best for me. At this late stage in my life, I am really liking the heart-centered feeling of estrogen. The testosterone feeling is fun, and even ego-boosting in a way, but it also feels like a lower chakra vibration, and I want to fully experience where the estrogen is inviting me to go - the higher, more subtle chakras, where I feel myself and others in a deep way which I did not feel before. - Thea
This was SUPER helpful! Really connected with the way you phrase things, thank you for sharing!
I dated a special woman for 3 years and I never seen Her as any different than what she is.. She was a Trans woman for 14 years.. The best relationship I've ever had in my life..
When I first crossdress, out of curiosity, I felt absolutely nothing neither sexually nor in anyway but several months latter when crossdressed again I felt, though not sexually, some kind of pleasure in it which made me somewhat happy.
Me Too.
there is nothing wrong with feeling aroused while cross-dressing or including subjects and objects of femininity in your sexual exploration
I can't speak for anyone else but I can say where I'm at with it. I used to have all these theories and try to understand it. I blamed this and that. I came to a place where that got in the way of life, and I didn't like how that felt. I chose, I made a choice, to believe that some questions don't need answers. I put my ego out of my way and focused on the facts. I don't want to not crossdress. I don't want to transition but she needs time to exist, and he has his place and necessity as well. I'm clearly feminine, and masculine. When I can't take time to express myself I get very depressed and angry. A person is not one thing, all I am is pieces of me. I would just rather enjoy life and simply being than to waste it trying to figure it out. I do know that when I crossdress I feel very centered and in the moment. As someone who by necessity has a busy mind, I appreciate being able to atleast for a moment just focus on being one thing. There is a kind of self awareness to it. I can become very focused on how the clothing feels. Mainly how natural and rite it feels and not at all out of place. I just really like it. Relationships are complicated, it's lonely. I've never dated a guy, but I wouldn't not if I liked someone. I like girls also but it's really more that I like feminine people. It's like I just don't even want to have to explain all my girl clothes. My life is mostly enjoyable but it is a crazy and insane level of a balancing act. I just don't want to mess it up because things are pretty cool rite now.
i started with female underwear but once i started wearing them outside it didnt arouse me anymore and ive started wearing more feminine clothing and that still arouses me cause when i put it on i feel like a sexy woman but i look at the mirror and i see a neanderthal looking male
This was a good way to break in this topic. You’ve done an excellent job. I really would like to share my experience with you in a better way than a UA-cam comment. Best wishes
Wow, this makes so much sense to me. Totally describes my situation, and I've never heard this explanation before. I started out with just the sexual rush, and i felt ashamed of something so wrong, feeling so right when dressed and seeing myself in a mirror.
I wondered if the rush was just a fetish, and i may not be trans at all. but after going out to bars and clubs many times for years while dressed fem, i now realize that although being dressed up feels great, its more because im comfortable looking good next to other women and being accepted as one of them, vs it just being a sexual thing.
So much more behind the door. 💕 spicy video. Thank you Ashley! 🦋
I never got sexual arousal, it was just the clothes I felt I should be in.
What does feeling like you SHOULD wear something feel like ? Like when it's cold and u feel u should wear a coat?
Be yourself, but know that others won't always see you as you see yourself. And that's ok as long as noone discriminates or becomes abusive towards another. Live your life peacefully.
I am a lifelong crossdresser and fully understand this. I get hot seeing myself become feminine.
I can't remember when it started but I would try on things pre teen. Then after I was married. When my wife was gone I would try on hers. Back then just thought I was screwed up in the head. And I was never brave enough to attempt to figure myself out until covid. Although I always wanted to wear womans clothing. But did not understand transgender till years later. I'm happy I finale got help and started transitioning. But I am as lonely and as much of an outcast as I ever was.
I like how you stop and ask questions at some points, so the audience can think for a sec and get involved if they wish.
As far as my own experience, I also had a couple formative, innocent crossdressing experiences, and then some more sexually charged ones. I had a rather accepting friend group though, so at the same time I would casually crossdress around them simply out of a sense of comfort. At a certain point I realized I had a presentation I was super comfy with and that wasn't really associated with any particular situation, sexual or otherwise; but which I was still compartmentalizing away from other parts of my life out of fear of rejection. So one day I just stopped compartmentalizing. My very last experience of crossdressing, before it simply became dressing, was attending uni on a completely normal day.
As far as attraction, mine is not tied to gender. I am attracted to both men and women for different reasons. I really don't feel sexual desire towards my feminized self was a driver of my decision to come out. At the same time, I do find myself quite attractive, more so than before. I'd be lying if I denied that seeing myself in nice lingerie didn't tickle a sexual note in me. But, that's not what motivates me to go out wearing frumpy boyshorts under an androgynous, neutral work outfit during my day to day. So I suppose from me it's a big old 🤷🏼♀️
However, my stance on the theory of autogynepelia as a whole is pretty negative and incredulous. To me, it's an asymmetrical examination of the transgender individual as a misguided other. I don't believe any cisgender person who finds themselves sexually attractive, or even gets off to their own self, gets dragged in this way. I feel this theory is just a symptom of society seeing transgenderism as a thing that needs to be understood and explained in order to justify its existence. Some things, some people will never understand, and that's ok. Understanding should not be a prerequisite to compassion for our fellow human beings.
C
Your soo helpful. After years of repressing myself I finally embraced the CDing and very quickly learned there was much more going on… anyway it’s nice to hear from others as for me the arousal did quiet down a lot however while dressed in always very easy to turn on… also since I started estrogen I’ve wanted guys in ways I never used to but it turns out my true self/female self really likes giving head… we are unique beautiful and at least in my case sexually adaptive not many get to see life from the trans side of the tracks and we all have different stories to ourselves but when I can manage a little self love I can honestly say at least my sex life has been very full broad and surprising in ways I’d never have guessed
AGP refers to viewing yourself as a female object of desire, but what we look for instead is the experience. If you have a female ideal, and are also sexually attracted to women, things get mixed up. There's also the struggle with forming a male identity.
I think you have to look at it from the perspective of...if you can manage your daily life and keep the crossdressing fetish in check, then you're fine. But what if your crossdressing fetish becomes such an obsession that you can't go about your daily life? Then transitioning to be a woman will eliminate the obsession and unfortunately the rush and arousal along with it, but you will be able to go about your daily life.
There is an aspect of "Autogynephilia" for me. I had two much older sisters and there is an aspect where I loved them and admired them and wanted to grow up to be just like them. One psychologist observed that I had an absentee Father and my Mother & sisters were my "ruling class." And there is a tendency to want to join the "ruling class." This rings true for me.
Christine Jorgenson got her sex change when I was very young. I remember thinking, "Wow! I didn't know you could do that!" The cost of SRS was extremely expensive back then, so it wasn't plausible for me.
In my late teens I got group psychotherapy. They taught me that being a male was reality and I should accept reality and get on with my life. They also taught me to learn to enjoy being male. Which I did. That worked for a long time. Sort of.
When I was young, my family (and all of society) taught me that being a homosexual was REALLY REALLY BAD! So I just never allowed that to be an option. Besides, my whole life is about loving & admiring women: like Jackie Kennedy. (All the rage when I was young!)
If I were a young person today, (late teens, early 20s) I might really be attracted to taking hormones and getting SRS. I don't think it's a reasonable option now. (Among other things, I am opposed to surgery ON ME! No thank you! Besides, at my age there are four or five surviving women for every surviving man. There's an old surfing song about going to Surf City where there are "two girls for every boy!" In my case there are maybe five girls for every boy! It seems like a silly idea to "change teams."
My first sexual experience of my life was wearing my mom's clothes when I was somewhere between 8-10? I can't remember exact age and I don't know why I gravitated toward my mom's clothes but I did. I grew out of that stage at some point then around 30 it all came back. Now I'm confused bc since then I have indulged heavily into AGP type behavior but I'm wondering what caused this? That maybe this is some coping mechanism cycle I'm in now or maybe it's kink.. I don't know. I do know it's effected all my relationships now dating wise and I'm pretty much always alone. I distract myself with hobbies, work, exercise so I'm never overly lonely and I crossdress regularly. I don't think I'll ever be fully happy tho either way - it's a dicey topic for sure. Good video and I wish the trans community discussed it more openly. I feel like you say AGP and instantly it's deemed negative vs opening up to real conversation in this community which I think maybe hurts people like me
Some people want to create a total separation between AGP and sex and gender dysphoria. In my own case, I started to dress in my sisters clothes at the age of six before I had a sexuality. It became AGP later when my sexuality developed alongside the dressing but it also came with occasionally strong feelings of dysphoria. For me the whole thing was on a cycle so wasn't persistent enough for me to drive me to transition but when the feelings came back around they were intense. Only in my forties did I give it the fullest expression and I became very open about it, sexually experimental and crossdressed in many situations. After 40 years of AGP and cyclical dysphoria, the compulsion to do it suddenly disappeared and now hasn't been a part of my life for over 10 years. I totally agree that it is a much more complex thing than many would argue and I agree with the woman below that AGP can also be experienced by women. I have come across that too. I am one of those people that is on a cycle anyway and am interested if anyone else has experience of how that interacts with AGP and dysphoria.
I grew up in Los Angeles and was in Hollywood, at 15, went to a trans club. I was amazed on well they dressed, and how talented they were as females. I loved them cause they treated me nice, and I enjoyed being around them. I never did go back to a location of tran women. I have enjoyed some Tran shows on TV, and felt excited watching them. Thank you for you information.
Talented as females? Now being female is considered a talent? That's extremely insensitive and misogynistic thing to say. Being a woman is not an occupation or a role. It's a biological reality and one which is not easy considering that misogynistic people exist.
I think that happens. Yea it is an indicator but there is so much that goes into crossdressing.
I fit into so many of these things. The problem i fall into is i feel almost split between a man and a woman.
I almost try to not put any title on it. I just wear what i want and it no longer turns me on. They just are my clothes
Gosh.... you're beyond wise and so beautiful on the inside and out. I totally understand exactly what you're saying.
My brother took me to get my first pair of skinny jeans when i was 13 because it was coming into fashion. And we picked me some out of the womens section at Goodwill. I liked it SO much that i never wore baggy jeans again. I couldnt admit i was so deeply excited by having feminine clothed on. Now i know it was a key indicator of my true gender that i had been ignoring.
Thank you for diving into this topic and sharing your experience! You hit the nail on the head on how so many of us feel. Keep up the awesome thought provoking content 🙏❤️🙌 You are the 💩 lol
p.s.: This is the first comment I have ever left on ANY video! That’s how much it resonated with me 😊
You popped my comment 🍒 lol
As a lifelong crossdresser at age 75 and very married for 54 years, I find your take on this very interesting. I will stay tuned for more and further videos.
Absolutely correct - nylons and pantyhose - an aphrodisiac - that turned into an addiction more powerful than cocaine !
The compulsion never left me , and of course contributed to becoming Shirley...
A love of Femininity and Females ❤ it’s conscience ❤ it’s an awareness of One’s Femininity ❤ Petra
I remember relating sexual arousal and female clothing at a very early age. That could have been due to the fact that my father always had porn playing and I would relate sexual pleasure to the outfits the actresses were wearing. But being transgender, I related to the woman in those videos. As I grew up, I came to realize that my arousal was only due to the freedom I would experience when I would allow myself to experience feelings of being sexy as a woman; that it wasn't the clothing turning me on, but the feeling of congruity when I would allow myself to be authentic. As an adult, I don't feel sexy anymore when I wear lingerie. I think that's only because I experience life as a woman all of the time now. But I do enjoy the way it excites my wife when I wear it. It gives me a reason to put it all on every now and then.
im not sure if my past thoughts area hint but i did visualize myself as the other side once in a while. got a new wardrobe this january and did get a bit of a rush from wearing that clothing. the reaction to that clothing did die down fairly fast and it feels like normal clothing that feels appropriate or atleast natural on me. wore short jean skirt out fairly often now when doing shopping. lingerie and some breast forms feel right on me to the point i can go with skirt and A-B forms/bra in public wearing a light coat/wind breaker to hide the forms shape for the most part (in public but not around family). none of this is really for the point of excitement anymore but can be if i want it to. feels weird not to wear lingerie or skirts when at home. if im lazy. ill keep the shorts on and leave the skirt for another day. i dont feel attracted to men or myself, this form of expression through clothing feels normal in some way to me. looking at the false figure just seems good and seems right. accepting my face and hair dont match is easily overcome and put at peace. i dont really have the chance or want to try it through an sexual experience with someone, just wearing the clothing is sufficient to feel at ease. visualization at times does help alot for those times but otherwise i can separate that from the act of wearing different clothing and the appearance it gives me.
sorry for long bit of text but i was able to relate to almost everything you discussed. i have recently and occasionally in the past looked up topics like this so this topic isnt just a 1 off event. its still very unclear what that makes me
I was playing in Mommy's laundry piles at 3 or 4. First wore my sister's skirt at 5. Beginning at about 6, aunts and friends starting giving my sister (and me) their old dresses and things. That ended when Mom caught me at 18. When puberty came and I wanted to feel sexy, I put on lingerie and imitated the girls in the ads. That's when I starting doing it a lot. I had my first big O at 14, and I said "What was that ?!! " From 18 - 30 opportunities were just a few times/ year, so it remained a big turn-on. At 30, I got my own place all alone. I started crossdressing every evening after work, and the excitement went away. That was a long time ago. Now I just feel comfortable. This is me. The main reason I have never transitioned is that I am not pretty. If what I felt was ever AGP, it could only have been before I was a zit faced teenager. For a few years now, I've been going out in public, even though I don't pass. I was just staying in places where I felt comfortable. Lately though, I've been more daring because the country needs to know that we exist.
Your last sentence is especially important but if you want the world to know you exist and to respect you you have to respect your inner authentic self and not allow this insecurity to rule over you. Saying that you don’t try to pass because you’re ugly is not the right way to go about it. Lots of supposedly ugly people master the art of make up and master the art of being beautiful and fashionable so you can’t make up the excuse that you are ugly to not go out into the world presenting the best authentic version of yourself if what you crave is Visibility for our community and respect be a leader in that
You don’t want to live with that regret of, oh I was too ugly to even try. Be bold!
@@bperez8656 I'm not that kind of girl. Thanks for the advice but lots of make up isn't me. After all, what I want is to go out into the world presenting the best AUTHENTIC version of myself. I'm not hideous. I just have a big jaw, thick neck, low eyebrows and rough skin (and thankfully, a light, thin beard). Sure, I could spend a lot of time and money to look a lot more feminine, but the jaw would still give me away. I still wouldn't look CIS. So I'm happy to be myself. Pretty or not, authenticity is what I present, and I have made friends as such. I think it's precisely my being open and honest bout who and what I am that piques their curiosity and interest.
This is a very deep conversation and I know you are only scratching the surface. It’s very interesting that we can analyze our emotions and feelings regarding this issue more so than a born cis person. As a trans girl you bring up some very good points that are spot on. As an older trans in her early 50’s I feel the same way sometimes when I dress up and get somewhat aroused but then shortly after feeling it’s wrong or embarrassed that I felt that way. Anyways that’s just just my little two cents worth. Love your channel and look forward to more content. ❤️
I don’t understand what the big deal is…I’ve known quite a few people who love the feeling they get when cross dressing.Why is such a gentle fetish so stigmatized?
I felt it was less to do with clothes and more to do with wanting to have sex as a she not a he, and the clothes helping make that internal feeling external. The clothes are just physical symbols of that gender sense. I wanted to live as a woman, eat as a woman, pay my taxes as a woman, so of course i fantasised about having sex as a woman... Whereas when i was pretending to be a man i felt cut off from myself and my sexuality. It was like bring right-handed but trying to write or draw with my left hand whereas living as a woman felt like using my right hand .. it was reflective of some very real pattern in my internal nervous system we call being a 'she' not a 'he' and a mostly heterosexual she at that: i prefer women in everything except as sex partners!
Ashley, you are so pertinant! I have learned so much from your dialog. I am doing a lot of thinking right now. I still, of course, love being a woman, and I am an older person, and I still want to be a Lady! Yes, I even want a man in my life, as a husband. What an interesting development from my younger days of simply getting sexually aroused by crossdressing. Now it is not "dressing like a woman", but "wanting to be a woman". Your Roxanne
An amazing expressive snd eloquent video. I def don't feel aroused with being en femme. Its become normalised down as Ionger I've been in HRT. I also feel like I want to date men. Your honesty us a breath if fresh air.x
I usually get aroused when I cross-dress. But in my case cross-dressing is related to a fetish (or a paraphilia). I cross-dress (MtF) to do self-bondage sessions. One time I spent several hours CD'd without doing self-bondage, and then the arousal subsided, but some after-effect remained. Also, for me CD has to be in a certain style only (no pants, for example).
I am a male but, sometimes feel like feminine and use to crossdress in women clothes and sometimes male also, like bisexual kind of thing, want to wear female clothes only, but society hates that, so doing it secretly at home, but getting depression because of it? Is it normal? How to overcome it from depression that I am unable to crossdress publicaly? Please help.😭😭