A person can be happy and alone Peter. A matter of degrees how much we allow others into our lives. With me it's my lack of good judgement picking friends or should I say they "pick" me! No more narcissists!! Careful I am who enters my solitary Autistic world for sure.
Having asperger's is not a reason to hide from the world forever. It's not something you can always blame when things go wrong. It only explains why you have had such a hard time. Then you start to add some blocks to the puzzle and start figuring out what you CAN do and what is difficult for you. Then you can find ways to make your life enjoyable and for other people too. Go outside your comfort zone sometimes, explore the world, people and yourself. Go back if it's overwhelming. Adjust things so they work for you and your loved ones and friends. 💕 I'm 35 and just found out I'm aspie. Life has been very difficult and now I know why. It's a relief really!! I don't have to be so hard on myself anymore. But also now I want to find out what I can do! There's a lot I can do. I don't have to be so mean to myself anymore if I feel stressed out or mess up a bit. It's ok! I don't need to compare myself to others anymore. That alone reduces stress so much. In case of a meltdown (I have already learned to control them quite well) I just say to myself it's okay, today was too much, take your time. Tomorrow is a new day.
I looked up this video because someone in a Facebook support group said to look for things by Sarah Hendrixx. I hope that now, 9 years after this video, more people are finding through social media that they are not alone and other people feel that way too.
My heart breaks for you. I can relate after just discovering I am autistic at 74 having had a lifetime of rejection. But, I know God made you as you are and you are perfect in his eyes. I will pray you meet some other aspies who will understand you and appreciate you and that you change your mind and don’t give up on life.
Know you are loved by people that understand you. Do not allow the tyranny of the masses to set the standard for you or influence how you see yourself.
Late diagnosis and now I understand why my ex partners read into my words and tried to read between the lines when I was communicating with my words, and I also understand why I'm not able to see when the relationship is going wonky. I can't read micro expressions, I give the benefit of the doubt, I take people at face value, I'm not reading anyone's minds.
Interesting how the dialogue has changed since this video was recorded, from referring to someone as “having autism” ( as if it’s like having a cold, or having chicken pox) to now recognising someone as being Autistic.
This really helps! I find myself to be very honest and i have noticed that other people is much more better at hiding things, but in My case i feel that people can use that aganist me , the honesty,
Three of my children are ASD and all I have ever wanted for them is happiness. This is a wonderful and inspiring commentary on a subject many think is a condition that needs to be 'cured' instead of accepted.
I’m a Mom of Three lovely kiddies who have Autism. Recently I was diagnosed with Autism, I remember going through school everyday was a struggle, it was my idea of hell. Being picked on and bullied both at school and home. Remembering this, I vowed my children will never feel the way I felt. They have a great school, where they are very valued and feel great. They’re accepted. Not treated as the oddball or weirdo. I’m super happy that the world has become more accepting.
My kids have been bullied relentlessly from the age of 3! Their primary school head mistress, used to justify the bullying, because they were "different and so they are going to be bullied". School has made being a parent (and I think I may be Autistic myself) unbearable!
My autistic family members don't want to be asked any questions about what they are doing because they often don't know why they do what they do or how they feel.
As an autistic person, one things I've noticed is that allistic people think that they're really good at body language, reading between the lines, inferring, etc. And yet, I see so much misunderstanding between and among so many people who think they're really good at something. (Research shows that allistic people are not much better than 50% if figuring out that the other person is lying for instance.) The fact that I'm absolutely rubbish at indirect communication feels less a failing on my part when I look out and see so much failure among allistics. Still, not being able to pick up indirect communication most of the time or when I do, not making sense of it, puts me at a disadvantage. Interpreting indirect communication (whether on target or not) is a real short cut when trying to decide whether to allow someone closer or to push them to the edge of your circle or outside entirely.
Sarah I am a 67 year old woman just diagnosed September. Am I the oldest. I just watched a video of you presenting a conference to teachers and I was going yes,yes,yes. Do you have conversations with the likes of me who need to talk about my future and maybe understand my past a bit better and in particular, I imagine the present. I saw a male psychologist who was a massive disappointment and I realized that it is not good enough to spent time with others who ask me if I need a second opinion. Not sure I am making any sense. Do you see people like me. Old Aspies? I live in Ireland but have no problem traveling to where you are.
Female, Irish decent, born in 1939 in USA, university degree in psychology in 1962, mostly trying to self-diagnose. Friend has autism in her niece and put me on to Temple Grandin and the recognition overwhelmed me! Yes, that is my story. Now I have offspring diagnosed to be on the spectrum. If medicare paid for a diagnosis we would all be surprised😎
Yes. There are women around your age late diagnosed or self-diagnosed. Sarah is one of them, she describes herself as "feral" autistic - grew up not knowing, doing what you can, like a feral cat, scarred, beaten up, missing bits but alive. Look up her videos on SWAN and NAS.
Hey Kathleen. I am Linda and I live in South Florida and I have a lot of Irish in me. I am 73. I have been trying to figure myself out since forever. Did you find any help? Are you still alive? I clicked your name and saw that you had no subscribers. I subscribed. Don't know to what. Are you alive? Really. You are the first woman who is old. By now older. Do you want to talk? I do not know an "aspie community". It is anathema to me to consider that, really. I am a loner, but lonely. I stopped taking antidepressants six months now. Trying to see who I am. Are you on any meds? Sincerely, Linda and I have no "site", so I will just write my email address here/ lindaclairesartori with the ending of gmail followed by a dot com. Get it? Good.
Hello. I had an ASD diagnosis last month from Sarah - she works remotely via Zoom. I'm 57. I hope you've managed to find someone who can help you make sense of your diagnosis.
I am an autistic schizophrenic, I live in my own place, I take my meds for the latter condition, and life is spent in isolation, and not just because of COVID 19. I choose not to seek a romantic relationship as I don't understand how they start and I'm sick to death of hoping it will somehow work out, it never does. Nothing against women at all, I think they are great, but whatever knack I need to attract them I obviously don't have, so I will live alone without craving someone to love and understand me. If you can find someone then good luck to you, personally I'm better off on my own.
God can’t possibly want this lonely hopeless hell for His children. I’m at 48 not formally diagnosed but there is so much trauma around all the opportunities in life I’m not able to participate in without driving self and others nuts, the alienation in spite of all the invites… just this war w yourself that happens when you have an ADD, AsP, BP2 , and then add biculturalism and a spiritual war on top of it and it’s just too much. It’s to the point where I don’t want to believe because when I believe nothing happens and that makes it worse being rejected by a Father. I can’t always perceive I’m losing it and these last three years have been such hell I honestly think ayahuasca or death, either one may be the answer.
"mine doesn't matter about ketchup, but yours does" LOL! I have had many moments like this between me and my husband, both ways and mostly in a condescending patronising way.
Autism IS to blame for the majority of bad things happening to me in my life including, sadness, anxiety, mood disorders, lost relationships, bullying, lost job opportunities, bad executive functions and the list is endless. I HATE this condition to such an extent that I wish I had not been born at all. Autism destroys lives! It's hard to be happy in a world designed for everybody else. People drag me down. NT's are specialists in making each other miserable as well being judgemental and hateful. Also I am like tired of life overall being in my mid-30s having had success with education, work, friendships, even had two girlfriends but life is just too tiresome. There is a huge mismatch between my intelligence/cognitive skills and my everyday functioning. Also you hardly ever get empathy for the condition. People think I am just making things up. I have to wait for 16 months for the possibility of a medically assisted suicide or will leave earlier. They should have euthanised me as a child instead of letting me go through this torment and constant crucifixion.
@@daisychainmilk Thanks for asking, if by okay you mean coping with alienation, a lifetime of everyday struggles, traumas, extreme anxiety, camouflaging, knowing that romantic relationships are not sustainable, constant disappointment, having to live in a world built for everybody else and the many other unpleasant things that go along with the condition for just another day, then yeah, I am okay. But as I meantioned I am happy to leave soon. There is no reason continuing a fight I can simply not win and enduring the mental torture any longer.
@@davegunner49 I'm in a similar situation, I am not NT myself and also suffer from PTSD due to severe trauma. However, I have started to semi improve my mental health and situation. I dont have any friends but I kind of realized that it's not necessary to have a happy life. Also, it's not impossible to have a romantic partner! I thought the same way and I thought I would always have to wear a mask to appease NT boyfriends but I recently found an aspie and we are together and very happy. Have you seen a professional therapist? I feel it would help.
@@davegunner49 Have you also maybe thought of meeting with other aspies? There are all sorts of meet ups for aspies and people on the autism spectrum nowadays!
@@daisychainmilk I am sorry to hear you are suffering as well. Life is unfair. There are shallow people who do not even know what suffering is and those who are just happy to barely survive another day. I have been in therapy for a long time. Traumas, broken relationships, PTSD, shitty parents, a migration background, ADHD you can all work around and improve upon this handicaps but you can simply not rewire a brain as in case of Autism. Will leave soon by using helium or in a year through medically assisted suicide. Michael Jackson's song Stranger in Moscow gives me great solace. My favorite childhood song and I did not know back then that I am Autistic and MJ likewise. Love how he sweeps away NT society and its robots by means of the healing rain at the end of the song. It's melancholic song with a sudden turn. Simply beautiful. While singing "I am living lonely". It's sad when one has just one life and has a social disability leading to ending up as an alien.
my other problem other than ignoring my feelings is forgetting 2 see myself as a social emotional cognitive construct --forgetting that ppl and me and every thing at a given time is a mental construct compound contain schema's and a story me and others that is the real meaning of context blindness i don't see myself as the real thing i am but rather an idealized version the others do see every thing my delima is the battle of my context vs them 4 all the times i don't see the why of others reactions towards my behaviour
I'm scared of being too happy...it seems to be a vulnerable time when your guard is down and people are waiting to pounce.
peter nicholson Do you have a diagnosis, Peter?
A person can be happy and alone Peter. A matter of degrees how much we allow others into our lives. With me it's my lack of good judgement picking friends or should I say they "pick" me! No more narcissists!! Careful I am who enters my solitary Autistic world for sure.
@@kathleenfitzsimons3388 Self diagnosed.
Yes I agree, I feel if I do people will find something to criticise me on.
@@kathleenfitzsimons3388 is it of your concern?
The ending is the cherry on top 🍒 thank you so much.
Having asperger's is not a reason to hide from the world forever. It's not something you can always blame when things go wrong. It only explains why you have had such a hard time.
Then you start to add some blocks to the puzzle and start figuring out what you CAN do and what is difficult for you. Then you can find ways to make your life enjoyable and for other people too.
Go outside your comfort zone sometimes, explore the world, people and yourself. Go back if it's overwhelming. Adjust things so they work for you and your loved ones and friends. 💕 I'm 35 and just found out I'm aspie. Life has been very difficult and now I know why. It's a relief really!! I don't have to be so hard on myself anymore. But also now I want to find out what I can do! There's a lot I can do.
I don't have to be so mean to myself anymore if I feel stressed out or mess up a bit. It's ok! I don't need to compare myself to others anymore. That alone reduces stress so much.
In case of a meltdown (I have already learned to control them quite well) I just say to myself it's okay, today was too much, take your time. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thank you for those words.
True. Being able to know yourself and then work around it really helps
My only question is why were you being mean to yourself in the first of place?
A brilliant comment. So well said, thank you.
Very honest.
I looked up this video because someone in a Facebook support group said to look for things by Sarah Hendrixx. I hope that now, 9 years after this video, more people are finding through social media that they are not alone and other people feel that way too.
My heart breaks for you. I can relate after just discovering I am autistic at 74 having had a lifetime of rejection. But, I know God made you as you are and you are perfect in his eyes. I will pray you meet some other aspies who will understand you and appreciate you and that you change your mind and don’t give up on life.
Know you are loved by people that understand you. Do not allow the tyranny of the masses to set the standard for you or influence how you see yourself.
Late diagnosis and now I understand why my ex partners read into my words and tried to read between the lines when I was communicating with my words, and I also understand why I'm not able to see when the relationship is going wonky. I can't read micro expressions, I give the benefit of the doubt, I take people at face value, I'm not reading anyone's minds.
Interesting how the dialogue has changed since this video was recorded, from referring to someone as “having autism” ( as if it’s like having a cold, or having chicken pox) to now recognising someone as being Autistic.
This really helps! I find myself to be very honest and i have noticed that other people is much more better at hiding things, but in My case i feel that people can use that aganist me , the honesty,
And even When they do that i continued to be abused
Three of my children are ASD and all I have ever wanted for them is happiness. This is a wonderful and inspiring commentary on a subject many think is a condition that needs to be 'cured' instead of accepted.
I agree people talk about curing it but it's part of who you are and why would you want to lose that part of you to fit in with everyone else
I think most people who want a cure have children who seem to be suffering a lot.
I’m a Mom of Three lovely kiddies who have Autism. Recently I was diagnosed with Autism, I remember going through school everyday was a struggle, it was my idea of hell. Being picked on and bullied both at school and home. Remembering this, I vowed my children will never feel the way I felt. They have a great school, where they are very valued and feel great. They’re accepted. Not treated as the oddball or weirdo. I’m super happy that the world has become more accepting.
My kids have been bullied relentlessly from the age of 3! Their primary school head mistress, used to justify the bullying, because they were "different and so they are going to be bullied". School has made being a parent (and I think I may be Autistic myself) unbearable!
@@alisonlekarev2183 bullism must stop now
@@alisonlekarev2183 Being different is a reason some people are bullied but it should never be an excuse.
waiting for Diagnosis: just been referred.... this is a GOOD START! *Sarah Hendrickx ROCKS*
How did you find someone to help with dia
gnosis
I love this. She is amazing. Great video,thanks
Makes you want to meet Sarah Hendrickx now! Brilliant interview!!!!! :-)
What a wonderful person.
My autistic family members don't want to be asked any questions about what they are doing because they often don't know why they do what they do or how they feel.
It can be hard to articulate why. Yes. But mostly we do things to stim and make us self happy😊
As an autistic person, one things I've noticed is that allistic people think that they're really good at body language, reading between the lines, inferring, etc. And yet, I see so much misunderstanding between and among so many people who think they're really good at something. (Research shows that allistic people are not much better than 50% if figuring out that the other person is lying for instance.) The fact that I'm absolutely rubbish at indirect communication feels less a failing on my part when I look out and see so much failure among allistics. Still, not being able to pick up indirect communication most of the time or when I do, not making sense of it, puts me at a disadvantage. Interpreting indirect communication (whether on target or not) is a real short cut when trying to decide whether to allow someone closer or to push them to the edge of your circle or outside entirely.
Thank you for all your knowledge and lectures :)
Sarah I am a 67 year old woman just diagnosed September. Am I the oldest. I just watched a video of you presenting a conference to teachers and I was going yes,yes,yes. Do you have conversations with the likes of me who need to talk about my future and maybe understand my past a bit better and in particular, I imagine the present. I saw a male psychologist who was a massive disappointment and I realized that it is not good enough to spent time with others who ask me if I need a second opinion. Not sure I am making any sense. Do you see people like me. Old Aspies? I live in Ireland but have no problem traveling to where you are.
Female, Irish decent, born in 1939 in USA, university degree in psychology in 1962, mostly trying to self-diagnose. Friend has autism in her niece and put me on to Temple Grandin and the recognition overwhelmed me! Yes, that is my story. Now I have offspring diagnosed to be on the spectrum. If medicare paid for a diagnosis we would all be surprised😎
Yes. There are women around your age late diagnosed or self-diagnosed. Sarah is one of them, she describes herself as "feral" autistic - grew up not knowing, doing what you can, like a feral cat, scarred, beaten up, missing bits but alive. Look up her videos on SWAN and NAS.
Kathleen, there are so many of us. It is very moving, hearing Sarah's stories.
Hey Kathleen.
I am Linda and I live in South Florida and I have a lot of Irish in me.
I am 73. I have been trying to figure myself out since forever.
Did you find any help?
Are you still alive?
I clicked your name and saw that you had no subscribers.
I subscribed.
Don't know to what.
Are you alive? Really. You are the first woman who is old.
By now older.
Do you want to talk?
I do not know an "aspie community". It is anathema to me to consider that, really.
I am a loner, but lonely.
I stopped taking antidepressants six months now. Trying to see who I am.
Are you on any meds?
Sincerely,
Linda and I have no "site", so I will just write my email address here/ lindaclairesartori
with the ending of gmail
followed by a dot com.
Get it?
Good.
Hello. I had an ASD diagnosis last month from Sarah - she works remotely via Zoom. I'm 57. I hope you've managed to find someone who can help you make sense of your diagnosis.
I am an autistic schizophrenic, I live in my own place, I take my meds for the latter condition, and life is spent in isolation, and not just because of COVID 19.
I choose not to seek a romantic relationship as I don't understand how they start and I'm sick to death of hoping it will somehow work out, it never does.
Nothing against women at all, I think they are great, but whatever knack I need to attract them I obviously don't have, so I will live alone without craving someone to love and understand me.
If you can find someone then good luck to you, personally I'm better off on my own.
All about compromise and respect for who people are and their right to be so
This is the best video. Her words really resonated with me!! Three of my favorite subjects. Autism, happiness, and self reflection/growth 😍
yes love and accept yourself.
People constantly criticize any creativity that emerges. You are shamed for being different
Such good common sense.
God can’t possibly want this lonely hopeless hell for His children. I’m at 48 not formally diagnosed but there is so much trauma around all the opportunities in life I’m not able to participate in without driving self and others nuts, the alienation in spite of all the invites… just this war w yourself that happens when you have an ADD, AsP, BP2 , and then add biculturalism and a spiritual war on top of it and it’s just too much. It’s to the point where I don’t want to believe because when I believe nothing happens and that makes it worse being rejected by a Father. I can’t always perceive
I’m losing it and these last three years have been such hell I honestly think ayahuasca or death, either one may be the answer.
"mine doesn't matter about ketchup, but yours does" LOL! I have had many moments like this between me and my husband, both ways and mostly in a condescending patronising way.
Autism IS to blame for the majority of bad things happening to me in my life including, sadness, anxiety, mood disorders, lost relationships, bullying, lost job opportunities, bad executive functions and the list is endless. I HATE this condition to such an extent that I wish I had not been born at all. Autism destroys lives! It's hard to be happy in a world designed for everybody else. People drag me down. NT's are specialists in making each other miserable as well being judgemental and hateful. Also I am like tired of life overall being in my mid-30s having had success with education, work, friendships, even had two girlfriends but life is just too tiresome. There is a huge mismatch between my intelligence/cognitive skills and my everyday functioning. Also you hardly ever get empathy for the condition. People think I am just making things up. I have to wait for 16 months for the possibility of a medically assisted suicide or will leave earlier. They should have euthanised me as a child instead of letting me go through this torment and constant crucifixion.
Hey, I noticed you mentioned suicide. Are you okay?
@@daisychainmilk Thanks for asking, if by okay you mean coping with alienation, a lifetime of everyday struggles, traumas, extreme anxiety, camouflaging, knowing that romantic relationships are not sustainable, constant disappointment, having to live in a world built for everybody else and the many other unpleasant things that go along with the condition for just another day, then yeah, I am okay. But as I meantioned I am happy to leave soon. There is no reason continuing a fight I can simply not win and enduring the mental torture any longer.
@@davegunner49 I'm in a similar situation, I am not NT myself and also suffer from PTSD due to severe trauma. However, I have started to semi improve my mental health and situation. I dont have any friends but I kind of realized that it's not necessary to have a happy life. Also, it's not impossible to have a romantic partner! I thought the same way and I thought I would always have to wear a mask to appease NT boyfriends but I recently found an aspie and we are together and very happy. Have you seen a professional therapist? I feel it would help.
@@davegunner49 Have you also maybe thought of meeting with other aspies? There are all sorts of meet ups for aspies and people on the autism spectrum nowadays!
@@daisychainmilk I am sorry to hear you are suffering as well. Life is unfair. There are shallow people who do not even know what suffering is and those who are just happy to barely survive another day. I have been in therapy for a long time. Traumas, broken relationships, PTSD, shitty parents, a migration background, ADHD you can all work around and improve upon this handicaps but you can simply not rewire a brain as in case of Autism. Will leave soon by using helium or in a year through medically assisted suicide. Michael Jackson's song Stranger in Moscow gives me great solace. My favorite childhood song and I did not know back then that I am Autistic and MJ likewise. Love how he sweeps away NT society and its robots by means of the healing rain at the end of the song. It's melancholic song with a sudden turn. Simply beautiful. While singing "I am living lonely". It's sad when one has just one life and has a social disability leading to ending up as an alien.
my other problem other than ignoring my feelings is forgetting 2 see myself as a social emotional cognitive construct --forgetting that ppl and me and every thing at a given time is a mental construct compound contain schema's and a story me and others that is the real meaning of context blindness i don't see myself as the real thing i am but rather an idealized version the others do see every thing my delima is the battle of my context vs them 4 all the times i don't see the why of others reactions towards my behaviour
very informative but way too fast for me and too much info, Got to slow it down, take pauses
❤️💯
Wooo
Nobody is normal nowadays thank goodness.
Some people think they are normal. Not me but I don't want to be "normal" anyway.
😊
Take a breath....let us absorb the last sentence.
Blah, blah, Radiohead.