The comment section bothers me a bit. Us women seem to only enjoy a discussion when black men are saying what we WANT to hear, rather then allowing them to speak their truth. I think it's great to hear these fellas POV about marriage. I may not agree ith what they have to say, but they are very much entitled to their own opinion. Secondly. These 5 men are just .000001% of the male population. They do not reflect every black man's mentality. Come on ladies.
+shinyjewelsz The comments aren't a reflection of being disappointed that "we aren't hearing what we want to hear." The comments are birth from the sad revelation, regardless of being .000001%, that our men think this way. Falling in love is the easy part. Choosing to love is will be the determining factor if the marriage will last. Listening to their answers confirms that they have no clue as to what the institution of marriage is about. Is about meeting the needs of your spouse and less of "what's in it for me" or "what am I losing?" Marriage is practicing holiness. Husbands are to love their wives like Jesus loved the church (unconditionally), giving himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. With this attitude, it makes it easier for wives to submit themselves to her own husbands as she does to the Lord. Therefore, marriage is not a social institution as society is making it out to be. Marriage is trending!! Ha!! I'm married and find this very disturbing. Especially for the black family!!!
Michelle Thomas It's not sad to me. These men are allowed to have their own perception of the world. Just like you are allowed to have your own religious-skewed standpoint. We are not a monolithic group. Someone people, regardless of race or gender, simply do not see the value of marriage and others do. That is how life is.
Just solidifying your initial point and showing how contradicting your second comment is. This comment section that's bothering you a bit are the opinions of the commenters, which they are entitled to have, just as you stating that these men are entitled to theirs. We just disagree and that's perfectly legal.
Michelle Thomas Some people in the comment section are calling for these men to be banished from the series because they don't share their views. That is what bothers me. Please explain how this is a contradiction or how this doesn't align with my advocacy for free speech? If anything, I am asking people to be more open-minded and accept different points of views.
I disagree that all women are "emotionally driven" to marriage. Most women I know are focused on getting their own lives in a good place and finding men that they are truly compatible with before delving into the emotion of it all.
Marriage is all the way important. Not even getting into the spiritual side there is so much dignity of being a husband and wife. The empowerment of the kids to know their parents are together for a higher purpose. Men don't want to be men no more. To many want to be given the title of being King or the lead but don't want to "pay" the dowry of being King. There should be no co-habitation if there is no immediate expectation of marriage. My wife and I were long distance and she did not move in until we were engaged and I was not afraid to discuss it. I'm glad the men I have surrounded myself are cut from a different cloth than men that think like this. I grew up in the hood but went to college too so I get it but growth has to happen or should happen. Got to keep yourself out of situations of temptation from jump. If you don't have self control don't get in a relationship.
MIKEY MELANIN KING your stat is actually wrong. Around 7% of Black man marry interracially while its 4% for Black women. Next time please have legitimate facts. You sound bitter, where you rejected by a queen? STANLEY B thank you for your comment. You hit the nail on the head with self control!
Well said. Marriage is not rainbows and butterflies every day of the week. Understanding this simple truth is what helps couples overcome adversity. Fault-finding is always easy, but growing and learning together is where the hard work of marriage begins. ua-cam.com/video/8mhMF14l8ds/v-deo.html
How you date is a preview of what your in for.....so these man say hey need to Soil their royal oats. Now if u cant control the flesh while dating I'm suppose to believe u can just cut it off cold turkey when u see a bad bitch! Stop ...idk where y'all found some of these mean but return back to sender!
I like Glen. I do view living together as a married thing. I'm not about to play wife and do all the things a wife does without actually being one. If you feel like whatever little pet peeves you may have of your gf that are so strong make you just stop loving her altogether then you were never meant for each other. You can have sleepovers and spend holidays together. It doesn't take two years of shaqing up to figure out the certain things that irritate you about your gf. I think an engaged couple could move in two months prior to the wedding but that's it. I just hear excuses in this panel.
+LaNia Palmer i totally agree ! marriage is really made for two people living together not during the engagement stage , & everyone has flaws and pet peeves . i agree . if you really love that person you would work through their pet peeves.
I agree 100% I would never live with a man for years playing wife if we aren't getting married. I don't want to live with my future husband until we are married or at least a few months before we do. I'm not cooking, cleaning, and having kids if we are not one under God. I'll make dinner at times but I'm not doing wifely duties before we are one.
"You have too many options" ....NO YOU DON'T! because everybody aint for you ! why not find someone who has your BEST interest at heart ? Someone who will do more for you than what 100 women can all at once ?
i agree. too bad it does not matter because thats not what they want...they want that thrill and conquest of variety and security of knowing it wont get serious...
Its true they do have too many options. What they mean is sex is too available and easy to get. Physically men at this point is just looking for quantity and not quality just more notches in their belt. Don't get upset about it if you are marriage minded the solution is to not give them sexual access and don't date men in their 20's.
@2:42 When the man in the glasses Kornelius Bascombe said "...we're always gonna want to NOT be married..." shows he DOESN'T have a marriage mindset but may not realize it. Any man who approaches marriage in that way or like it's a ball & chain, will not VALUE being married because the single life grass will always be greener on the other side.
Well first of all, I'm glad that Glen is back on the panel! Lol But I really don't know how to feel about this discussion. If this is a black man's perspective on marriage, they are entitled to their opinion but this is also a little sad. Lol seems like they just view marriage as "well I can't be with other women" as opposed to recognizing the benefits of having a woman that truly loves you by your side through thick and thin. *somebody call Steve Harvey or Devon Franklin!!! Lol also I find it interesting that men, well these men don't really feel like it's necessary to be faithful UNTIl marriage when they should have BEEN faithful WHEN they decided to be in a committed exclusive relationship with a woman!
+Dominique D I feel you ma, and this is coming from a black man. This thinking is what has our community messed up as it is. It's like "let me bang all of the women I can, and then after so much time maybe I'll think about getting married". And even then there's no guarantee they'll marry. Such a shame.
James Gibson I have definitely noticed this pattern too! But there are some of us that do understand the true meaning of marriage and the right way to do it. Keep hope alive! Lol
@Dominique D....This is not the views of all black men. This is the views of some black men...and some of what they said are the views of reformed bad black men. If a person cheated on you, then they never loved you. And what you said about not seeing the importance of being faithful until marriage comes up is a way to unmask a low quality person. In my opinion, if you can't be loyal before marriage that means that you're lacking some of the qualities that are the foundation of a lasting relationship. That also means that this individual is not a good or quality person. He or she is acting like one or pretending to be one or may even think they are one...but they're not. I don't think some of these men actually understand what love is.
The guy to the left thats married acts like he doesn't want to be married. He seems unhappy about being married! His wife needs to watch this! I see signs of a cheater
I see the same thing! I’m in the beginning of the video and I said I hope he doesn’t get married....I haven’t even heard he was married I hope not or I hope he reevaluates his motives
Just because you're unhappy about marriage does not mean that you are going to divorce. Man getting to marriage especially black men and find out that they come home from work and have more work to do. A lot of men feel like they are unappreciative given the fact that a lot of black women in America constantly say that men are useless Etc. Does not mean you have to cheat
You hear that ladies. When you hear a man say there are "too many options". What he really is saying is sex is too available and easy to get. I'm really not mad at these men for exploiting women's foolishness. Women have removed the incentives for marriage. Easy sexual access and playing the wifey role(cohabitation) without ever being a wife. Also many women are having children while cohabitating. So in some cases he was able to get everything without a commitment. These women are content on the placeholder/practice status. I find it interesting that one of the guys on here talks about being in a relationship for 3 years and believes the next step is cohabitation not a proposal. If I was this young lady's mama or grandmother I'd tell her if he isn't going to propose after 3 years to leave him. Don't let a man waste your most precious valuable years being a placeholder/practice for him. Then once he has used up your most precious time he leaves you for someone else. I've see this happen to too many women they play wifey for 4 to 6 years thinking he is going to get a proposal "any day now". Only for him to leave her and propose to someone else just 1 year later. These women don't get it.
@Hard Truth Lol pretty much this. Marriage is about the ability to keep a man to support you and your children. However men are natrually polygamous. They want as many women as they can afford. It was originally a way to make sure a women has support for her kids and in return she would keep the house and children.
The people that I know who are going through a divorce and have been divorced, show that it can be extremely draining. When you make an attempt at "dating" someone through this process, the other person doesn't get the best of you. Try dating someone going through a divorce and you will see for yourself how divided their time, attention, money, emotions, etc will be.
Great point, its better that the person and their ex go through post divorce counseling prior to dating ESPECIALLY if they have to work through coparenting issues
In my twenties making a six-figure salary with no kids and have my own car and place to stay. I had to look at this divorce rate coupled with the fact that it's common to hear the women say that they don't need the men in that we are useless combined with the alimony and child support net loss rate and just realized that it's not worth it at this point. I don't think I need to sign a contract working over half of my stuff just to show my love for someone
What's a real shame is that most men think like this when it comes to marriage. There is no more commitment, no more value, no more WORK!! Marriage takes so many elements to be successful, and these element require work, time and commitment. For a man, he should not base a successful marriage on a woman's looks. There are TONS of gorgeous women in the world, but to find the prettiest woman to make a wife is not good, because looks tend to fade. Bottom line, most of these millennials DON'T want to be married, because they don't have what it takes.
I like the cheating example where the guy looses the girl. The problem is we expect marriage to cure our bad behavior. If you are a cheater before marriage vows aren't gonna make you behave. Dude may have lost the perfect wife because he didn't honor the relationship like a marriage. In committed relationships people need to have the same respect for that relationship...because it could lead to marriage. You cant become another person because you take some vows.
exactly everything you do before marriage is practice. you are showing your willingness and capability then. if you are not loyal reliable and honest for practice when game time rolls around it will be the same thing only worse because the investment puts up more to lose...major L...
Except if someone makes you wait too long or refuses to marry you but wants the benefits like sex, living with you, being in your fam, and having your babies, then they are rejecting and disrespecting you, thus you will fight and eventually give up on the person and not want to put the effort and energy in them before. I'd rather be alone then deal with these immature men children that are rampant these days.
Black men who have it together are marriage-minded... but can you blame the ones who are not, particularly when they more than likely came from single-parent homes and watched their mothers hop from man to man?
+Ina Wells black people in california are at an all time low!!! the the black population is decreasing in the united states. Interracial relationships, abortions, violence , and homosexuality is killing us! us black people felt below the replacement level.
***** and i like how you completely didn't acknowledge everything i said...instead you pick out IR relationships.....San Francisco have a decreasing black population
weak af. "if your not married you can entertain another girl, and maybe take her home and xyz" NO! if we are dating you are not entertaining xyz, we are in a relationship to work towards marriage. 2. if your friends dont respect your relationship you weak af for pretending yall still friends. cause you not goin home to lay up with your friends so who you really tryna impress? (this is in reference to wing man'n)
Just because your in a relationship thst does not mean your work towards marriage it just means your dating thats all it is dating when you had a boyfriend in middle school it wasn't working toward marriage when you had a boyfriend in highsm school it wasnt for working towards marriage you date someone because thats how you feel if it turns into marriage great if it doesnt great its just a relationship not the holy grail womens make this relationship stuff way to deep
What's the criteria when picking these men to interview? This is so discouraging for today's single lady. There are men out there who wants marriage and value marriage. Even hearing comments from the married man is disheartening. Marriage is a commitment and should not be "conditional". The reasons they were giving as to why a couple should cohabit gives a sneak preview as to whether or not their marriage will last. People in marriage will always be evolving. Even if you find that habits are tolerable after cohabiting, there are bumps in the road. Our black men need some serious mentoring from the older cats. #happilymarried #marriageisnotforthewimps
Yeah but do you understand that the divorce rate is around 50% and around 70% of women are committing them? It's much higher in the African American community. A lot of men May value marriage but that divorce ticket pays a high price for the average man and today's man has to either be willfully ignorant or ask himself does he want to risk half of his income in his kids to a woman that can just up and leave by saying the three words I am bored
Wow....a response after 3 years! I had listen to the video again. LOL! Anywho, the high divorce rate is a direct reflection of people not putting the work in. Happily ever after is not automatic. You have to invest in the relationship. Know each other's love language. Create marriage goals and execute a plan. Attend marriage conferences or find a successful mature couple to mentor you and hold you accountable. Compromise. Check in with each other regularly to see if there is room for improvement and work on those things. Seek counseling if need be. There are so many facets to marriage. If you go in with an unhealthy perspective, for the wrong reasons, or with unrealistic expectations, you are in for a rude awaking. Marriage is not for the faint at heart. #3yearslater #stillputtinginthework #stillhappilymarried
I Isaac, my sentiments exactly! Honestly, I did not enjoy this video because all of this gentlemen stuggled to genuinely articulate. Neither one of them sound believable and sincere. I don't believe they were not the best gentleman to select for the topic. They all came across as if the want to be single and play the field.
"Man, don't ever get married!" "I love my wife but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't get married." "I don't know why I ever got married." "I don't plan on ever walking away from my family but if I had a second chance, I definitely wouldn't get married." "I should've never got married!" --- Actual quotes from men I know (Black, White and Latino) who are married ---
Charla said it best “young players become old players “ and that’s not a good look homeboys. Same for females “young good looking hoe turns into a old sloppy hoe” If it doesn’t apply to you don’t be upset with the terms used. Good input from homeboy that is married good points .
Maybe some of these men was not raised by married parents. All these different types of women are out there yes but do not complain when one of these women become pregnant and take you to court. All I am hearing is, she bad she bad on looks only, for what a hookup once a guy have sex with a women a hookup can turn into a fatal attraction ijs.
SMH. These brothers need better counsel/examples. Of course there's no need to be serious about marriage if you are constantly giving of yourself to women you aren't married to. No need to be serious about marriage if you don't know its significance. Black men need to be retaught why it's important to hold off on sex and maintain self control. We gotta lift each up and be real especially those of us who already know what in store. Our black queens need us to get serious about restoring the family.
The guy in the plaid shirt is so right.....there's so many successful Black celebrities that are married and it's working. Whereas regular Black folk are hookin up, havin babies, and going broke...What gives?
These guys sound really shallow. They actually give social media credence, as if it matters. Social media isn't real. They're stepping right now high because they have money and they're healthy, but if they lose their money or get sick, they'll see what really matters. This was posted almost a year ago. Hopefully they've grown up emotionally and have gained some wisdom. They need to ask some old men who ran the streers looking for big booties and find out that in the long run, that doesn't mean ANYTHING. Find someone who is like-minded and commit. That makes life a lot richer. I hope to have that myself one day.
i appreciate these men and their answers. it was real raw and uncut. but i just wish yal woulda put some other men up on the panel and ask the same questions. and truthfully speakin tho this just goes to show mens way of thinking is super diff than generations before us.. if that makes any sense. i just wish i lived back then because belief in marriage was alot different and folks went harder about it.. versus these days ppl treat eachother like they're disposable.. we're not gonna see senior couples pretty soon and that just makes me sad..
I'm from the UK and the black men here think pretty much the same as these men. I don't know why black men feel this way about getting married, it's very disappointing
Wisdom In Red Honestly, marriage just isn't worth it. I could give 3 solid reasons why, but most people would dismiss them because the truth hurts. I would also agree that so-called Black men need to grow up in every aspect of life. Always having money for shoes, games, and bottles in the club, but not taking care of their children, that's not cool. I digress. But ultimately, things are different. Men are different, women are too. Traditional gender roles are changing. Sadly, outisde of sex, there isn't much that we have to offer one another.
Too afraid to build a functional family with one woman. There are far too many benefits in raising a family as a unit to dismiss it. I really wish women would stop showing these kinds of men any attention.
Michelle Knowlden It's not worth the risk in 2016. Women are basically just like men, there seems to be an insatiable desire for attention outside of the relationship that they claim is so important to them. I see it going both ways. There is no faithfulness or loyalty anymore. The best thing to do is build our careers and use resources acquired to assist those who want to progress. Marriage is not an option.
G,RED 2020 TV this can certainly be a valid reason but it's not the only. Plus I don't really remember them saying this as their own reason. But I hear where you're coming from too.
Marriage is not a state of mind, it is a God-given institution. Everyone is free to do what they want... But this institution is to be respected " A man leaves his father and his mother and sticks to his wife, [teammate]. What God has yoked together let no man, or woman put a part...
2:30-2:50 "We're always gonna wanna not be married." Nope. If you wan't to be unmarried every time you see a beautiful woman (not "female"), you have no business being married. Some men take the "I wish I wasn't married because I could talk to that lady like a single man" way too far. They're usually the types who really aren't happy being married at all. This attitude is a major red flag. I have a man who can respectfully appreciate a woman's beauty and still want to be in a relationship because he respects, craves, and loves me- trust me, I didn't believe this kind of man existed either but it does ladies. I'm not feeling the overall vibe of this panel, and it isn't due to having a problem with unfiltered honesty or truths about women's faults. Those are the only way many issues in the black community are going to be solved; I want our people healthy and whole again.These men just seem immature and selfish, some of them unpleasant.
I am from NY and they talk too slow for me lmaoo They keep pausing and then talking. Why are they saying marriage is "trending" lol ridiculous smh marriage isnt a trend
Interesting they all seemed to agree that there's a difference about the level of respect given to a woman they're married or not married to. The respect should be the same. How can they expect to respect a woman one way then suddenly change just because they get married. They're practicing and setting themselves up for the fall when they're married.
Women don't have the luxury of procrastinating on marriage due to our fertility years being limited. The sad part is many black women want marriage earlier than our men do. The loves of our life are usually men our own age, but they're never ready. So some women have children out of wedlock with men they don't want so they can have a family before its too late. Knowing what I know now I would NEVER have wasted so much time dating men my own age that wanted to play around and spread their seed everywhere. Young black women if you're listening marry either your highschool sweetheart or find an older man. You dont have time to waste
@Sharina Griffin: Give the side eye to these types of men, not to all black men in America. Bad men or low quality men are present in every racial and ethnic group on the planet.
I think these topics are thought provoking, again it would have been interesting to balance the panel with people who have marriages(long term) that are happy, fulfilling, faithful and functional. Most marriages that fit that bill are surrounded with relationships that support that union which would have provided insights for the other panelists
+love di choreo I agree! It's one thing to be in a young marriage, but to have panelists who have been married for 10+ years would have brought more in-depth insight. All men, young or old, don't see marriage the same, so hopefully, the next series will mix it up a bit.
i agree as well. they need to diversify the men in terms of where they are in life, age, what they want etc. so there will be more insight across the board instead of the tunnel vision answers.
Too many options is not an excuse to end the marriage! Take seriously your Vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS... that takes care of the options! Cherish what you have and Know that you never want to lose it. Be happy and content with what you have.
I can't believe black women actually listen to this. Men are about action. Not talk. White men and Asian men and Latino men are out there doing. Building. Creating. Studying. Not TALKING. Geez.
+Leilani Rose You're an idiot... all action begins with talking... planning involves talking... germinating new ideas involves talking... and then you put those ideas into action... and you're wrong if you think black men aren't building or haven't built anything.
Agreed.... however marriage does not =paperwork and standing in a church... Marriage exists before that, that's just a ceremony.... If you don't understand that, then like most, you don't quite get it.
Sadly, black people really don't care about those things. Neither black women or black men. I look at actions not words. There's nothing that black women or black men do that shows they want strong families in the black community.
1. Too many men talk like if they marry they'll be missing out on all other women options. 2. If you've never gone without cheating when you were single, how on earth do you think you won't cheat when you get married. 3. And they wonder why the divorce rate is so high when they're busy practicing whoredom before marriage? 4. Too many emotionally lazy - no self control - whorish, and whiny men with messed up priorities about love and relationships nowadays. 5. Wants a woman to prove herself perfect in every way over all other women options but has he even proved that he's husband material who can handle marriage and won't take Mrs. Perfect for granted after marriage? 6. With these emotionally weak men today, what will become of families?
We need forums that promote family, marriage, morals, values, etc. We're already familiar with societal trends that this unenlightened discussion promotes. This man taking about the temptations of viewing woman on social media, Really? Temptations have and will always be around. The purpose of marriage is to cultivate families. God naturally designed a man to be a protector and provider for a family and a woman to be the nurturer to the family and helpmate to her husband. Regardless of what's trending today, that will never change. Real men understand and appreciate the value of marriage. Real men understand that manhood has never been defined by how many woman you can have, but how you can love, honor and protect that one woman that God blesses you with and she in turn will make you a better man. This discussion was whacked.
lojack11208mk4 -I respect your comment, but disagree with Manhood being defined by a A Woman.Adam existed before eve, with a purpose, and for Gods reasoning.Real Men do understand and appreciate the value of marriage, but sadly in today’s society, our Women Dont.(as evidence by divorce filing stats).Also, your purpose & value on this earth goes beyond being a “Provider & Protecter” to a Woman.She was created for “You” not you for Her”.When you limit your purpose to those 2 words, you make yourself none but a utility to her and therefore easily disposable to her, for the next utility to be “USED”.Men are naturally builders, creators, inventors,innovators,conquerors & competitors.Your Manhood is with fulfillment of your purpose, & things that are pleasing to God.Fulfilling your role as a husband is pleasing to God.what makes you a better Man is your relationship with the Almighty God...not a Woman.Food for thought.
Interesting points especially about living together. The funny thing is, you'll never get enough *****. No matter how long you live and how many women you lay with. IJS Thanks for sharing brothers. Keep them coming .
Here we go again with this immaturity. I will say that the gentleman in the green Adidas jacket seems like the most mature guy on the panel. He seems to be interested in posing questions, reflective thinking, intellect, and smart decision-making. I appreciate that. Got to have a well-balanced panel. Or, perhaps a panel with all black, single, successful, mature, gentleman?? Just an idea... ( ;
I have mixed feelings on this panel. Some points were fine but others were not so much. They seemed immature minded, very worldly and lacked depth with their emotions when it came to how they view having a wife, their girlfriends, etc. It seems like it's mostly all about them and how they feel. All this test driving mess before marriage, and sleeping with everything that moves first...really?? Not leaving most black women with hope if that's the mindset of most men. I don't think it is, that's just a certain subset. Next time it should be a mix of more spiritually minded men and then the more worldly minded ones for contrast.
@Lisa Brown: I agree. However it's not the mindset of most men, it's the mindset of these types of men. Some are reformed cheaters or some are hiding their bad qualities beneath a mask of goodness. Some of these men think that way because they have a lack of respect for women. Or they don't really look at the women they chose as special or as a best friend. That's why it's so easy for them to jump from one person to another without feeling a thing. A person who is loyal would never even dream of stepping out on the woman they love. Not only is that disrespectful to her, it's also disrespectful to their relationship. It's also a sign that this person can't be trusted.
Yes!! Love your points. I totally agree. I do believe it's really an individual case by case basis as far as the man's background and personality. That's why it is so important for a woman to get to know a guy first, preferably before her feelings get mingled in. Men have to do the same with women as well.
I do agree that people should live together as boyfriend/girlfriend to really get to know one another before marriage. Elders look down on this and call it "playing house" but in this day and age, with the divorce rate so high, people should get to know if they can live with those pet peeves their spouse may have. My husband and I are coming up on our 4th year wedding anniversary and lived together for 5 years before marrying.
It seems like these men are not ready for commitment. They may have to sit down for a while and work things out for themselves. I dont think some of them ever will except for that one on the end. I saw him in a low budget movie before. He seems more settled. Its sad that men are like that these days.
Hard to watch past four minutes. Been married 20+ years and sad to see that men are ‘always looking,’ and ‘want options.’ I would be high-tailing it to MS, LA, AL where I know men still desire a beautiful monogamous relationship for life. All these guys need a power talk from Eric Thomas.
Do they really care more about going half on the rent? Are these men familiar at all with the tax laws for married folk/families? I mean if it's that serious. Cohabitation is serious, at least in my opinion. After rushing into it years ago I'm much wiser now as far as that is concerned. Also, peer pressure... as a grown ass man *blank stare* Are men REALLY getting all these women whenever they want? Seems like a best case scenario to me.
I think people have lost faith in the union of marriage because of the infidelity that is trending in celebrity marriages. Even gospel singers have come out over the last 10 years and exposed infidelity in their marriages. It seems like it never ends and it causes people to question if marriage is really respected as it once was. These concerns make it scarier to get married because you don't kown if you're getting a cheater, womanizer, set addict or what.
My logic is that living together helps you get to know each other for real. When you live together you find all that stuff out that being separated hides
He said yes, marriage is now trending but so is divorce, its cooler to be a divorcee rather than a husband or wife (in a healthy, happy fulfilling, functional, long term marriage)
Sounds like the struggle is more with monogamy than it is marriage.... and if that's the case I suppose you can always find somebody who's down to have an open marriage 😁 but then they might find themselves feeling extremely hypocritical 😂
bigjayking24 I'm sorry, do I know you? Please don't assume to know what "all" women think and do. Personally, I do not want a man to simply "tell me what I want to hear". It's all well and good that men speak from experience and while I appreciate all the men for truly being themselves and speaking their truths; I definitely prefer specific videos which I believe MadameNoire asked me about. I respect and appreciate MadameNoire for putting together these panels. I thoroughly enjoy these videos and hope they continue in other cities. Peace and Love. ❤
Hey_Maya: Right. A lack of insight suggests a lack of maturity. It can also show a lack of morals / values that would make these people quality partners. Great point.
I don't know why I continue to upset myself by watching these videos...the viewpoints shared are sooo disappointing each and every time. If I weren't married I would quite possible swear of men after watching these...couldn't be arsed for the disappointment.....kmt cha.
guys always wanna live together first, as a trial run. why live together before being engaged at least? that allows an opportunity to get too comfortable- put a ring on it if you really want her to live with you. if you can't handle your rent alone get a cheaper place, stop using women as a relief for bills when you are unsure that you wanna put a ring on it for a serious commitment.
I honestly think it depends on a man’s background and culture. I know some West African men who’ve settled down more quickly compared to African American men. It’s seen as a sign of status and accomplishment in their cultures to be married. I wouldn’t say I’m in rush to get married either. I’ve see a lot as a single black women. I definitely want to take my time, travel, work on myself and if the right person comes along, then ok.
We think we sound intelligent when we talk about the various subjects, but in reality, we don’t know what we are taking about or what we want. We are like kids that want what we want and when we’re finished with it, put it to the side. You will NOT know a person until you marry them and even then that person can and will change.
Marriage is important and it is lacking in the black community. That's why it's terrible in many inner cities. It's like 70+% of the kids are born out of wedlock. The black community needs change.
I think this was a realistic panel. I was highly uncomfortable with a lot of what these men had to say but that's just the reality. Most women don't want to hear these comments. I've heard similar ones just from talking to guys around me. (east coast, 20s). Maybe it's different for guys in their 30s? Idk... but we should definitely not disregard their comments and act like we don't have a high number of single, "marriage material" black women roaming the streets....
I get it. Iiving together saves money. More specifically, in this day and time, however, I would never advocate for it because it simply bad news. You work through stuff if you find out pet peeves or other stuff you dislike about each other. You never throw away the entire cow because he mow a lil different than the others. Adults make it happen because that’s what marriage is about. I think the reason why this is no longer the case is because it’s like you seen it all before marriage than working it out becomes optional because it’s like neh been there, done that. Besides, I doubt everyone is 100% happy all the time in his or her marriage. Get over it. Put on your big gal/boy draws and make it healthy
I think living together before marriage is not a good idea. Making adjustments will be nothing new once married, really, that is part of the work in a marriage. Becoming One.
Yes, We are marriage minded we just need to be with the right person that fits with our own mindset. We don't need anyone trying to aka build us because have our own goals. We don't need no one to aggressively to push us because a person with a strong desire will do it without external help. Our wife is our support and what makes us complete.
It's not about GETTING married but it's about STAYING MARRIED💍💍
#Truth
Be nice......lol
ONi ONI best comment
Very much so! Staying married indeed is a real deal!
The comment section bothers me a bit. Us women seem to only enjoy a discussion when black men are saying what we WANT to hear, rather then allowing them to speak their truth. I think it's great to hear these fellas POV about marriage. I may not agree ith what they have to say, but they are very much entitled to their own opinion.
Secondly. These 5 men are just .000001% of the male population. They do not reflect every black man's mentality. Come on ladies.
+shinyjewelsz The comments aren't a reflection of being disappointed that "we aren't hearing what we want to hear." The comments are birth from the sad revelation, regardless of being .000001%, that our men think this way. Falling in love is the easy part. Choosing to love is will be the determining factor if the marriage will last. Listening to their answers confirms that they have no clue as to what the institution of marriage is about. Is about meeting the needs of your spouse and less of "what's in it for me" or "what am I losing?" Marriage is practicing holiness. Husbands are to love their wives like Jesus loved the church (unconditionally), giving himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. With this attitude, it makes it easier for wives to submit themselves to her own husbands as she does to the Lord. Therefore, marriage is not a social institution as society is making it out to be. Marriage is trending!! Ha!! I'm married and find this very disturbing. Especially for the black family!!!
Michelle Thomas It's not sad to me. These men are allowed to have their own perception of the world. Just like you are allowed to have your own religious-skewed standpoint. We are not a monolithic group. Someone people, regardless of race or gender, simply do not see the value of marriage and others do. That is how life is.
Just solidifying your initial point and showing how contradicting your second comment is. This comment section that's bothering you a bit are the opinions of the commenters, which they are entitled to have, just as you stating that these men are entitled to theirs. We just disagree and that's perfectly legal.
Michelle Thomas Some people in the comment section are calling for these men to be banished from the series because they don't share their views. That is what bothers me. Please explain how this is a contradiction or how this doesn't align with my advocacy for free speech? If anything, I am asking people to be more open-minded and accept different points of views.
The "come on ladies" implies that our comments can't also be a respected POV.
I disagree that all women are "emotionally driven" to marriage. Most women I know are focused on getting their own lives in a good place and finding men that they are truly compatible with before delving into the emotion of it all.
Marriage is all the way important. Not even getting into the spiritual side there is so much dignity of being a husband and wife. The empowerment of the kids to know their parents are together for a higher purpose. Men don't want to be men no more. To many want to be given the title of being King or the lead but don't want to "pay" the dowry of being King. There should be no co-habitation if there is no immediate expectation of marriage. My wife and I were long distance and she did not move in until we were engaged and I was not afraid to discuss it. I'm glad the men I have surrounded myself are cut from a different cloth than men that think like this. I grew up in the hood but went to college too so I get it but growth has to happen or should happen. Got to keep yourself out of situations of temptation from jump. If you don't have self control don't get in a relationship.
We need more like you brother! Thanks for sharing!!!
I was going to go in on how small minded and flat out biased your statement is but why bother smh
MIKEY MELANIN KING actually the majority of Black men who do marry choose to marry black women.
MIKEY MELANIN KING your stat is actually wrong. Around 7% of Black man marry interracially while its 4% for Black women. Next time please have legitimate facts. You sound bitter, where you rejected by a queen? STANLEY B thank you for your comment. You hit the nail on the head with self control!
Stanley B i believe marriage isn't important anymore. Marriage is on lofe support an I want to pull thr plug!!!
Years ago, shacking up was frowned up especially in the black community.
Marriage should never be "trending" it should be genuine
Excellent comment
He’s the youngest, so his verbiage is reflective.
Well said. Marriage is not rainbows and butterflies every day of the week. Understanding this simple truth is what helps couples overcome adversity. Fault-finding is always easy, but growing and learning together is where the hard work of marriage begins. ua-cam.com/video/8mhMF14l8ds/v-deo.html
Marriage is TRENDING wtf!!!!! He says this! Divorce is TRENDING too be careful with your words!
I agree Kyree. People need to understand what is involved in marriage. Married life is very hard.
How you date is a preview of what your in for.....so these man say hey need to Soil their royal oats. Now if u cant control the flesh while dating I'm suppose to believe u can just cut it off cold turkey when u see a bad bitch! Stop ...idk where y'all found some of these mean but return back to sender!
I like Glen. I do view living together as a married thing. I'm not about to play wife and do all the things a wife does without actually being one. If you feel like whatever little pet peeves you may have of your gf that are so strong make you just stop loving her altogether then you were never meant for each other. You can have sleepovers and spend holidays together. It doesn't take two years of shaqing up to figure out the certain things that irritate you about your gf. I think an engaged couple could move in two months prior to the wedding but that's it. I just hear excuses in this panel.
💯
+LaNia Palmer i totally agree ! marriage is really made for two people living together not during the engagement stage , & everyone has flaws and pet peeves . i agree . if you really love that person you would work through their pet peeves.
I agree 100% I would never live with a man for years playing wife if we aren't getting married. I don't want to live with my future husband until we are married or at least a few months before we do. I'm not cooking, cleaning, and having kids if we are not one under God. I'll make dinner at times but I'm not doing wifely duties before we are one.
Just a question? Are you ladies sleeping with these men before marriage?
Same. I heard absolutely nothing about compromise , all I ever hear from the men they chose is Ego.
"You have too many options" ....NO YOU DON'T! because everybody aint for you ! why not find someone who has your BEST interest at heart ? Someone who will do more for you than what 100 women can all at once ?
i agree. too bad it does not matter because thats not what they want...they want that thrill and conquest of variety and security of knowing it wont get serious...
Its true they do have too many options. What they mean is sex is too available and easy to get. Physically men at this point is just looking for quantity and not quality just more notches in their belt. Don't get upset about it if you are marriage minded the solution is to not give them sexual access and don't date men in their 20's.
When you are a successful man, while every option aint for you, you will have enough options that make sense
This not true there is no woman that can do what 100 women can do why would you even want to that to yourself lol
Men who say so many options also end up
Having so many baby mamas
@2:42 When the man in the glasses Kornelius Bascombe said "...we're always gonna want to NOT be married..." shows he DOESN'T have a marriage mindset but may not realize it. Any man who approaches marriage in that way or like it's a ball & chain, will not VALUE being married because the single life grass will always be greener on the other side.
Man child
Exactly
yeh I like the single life better.
Well first of all, I'm glad that Glen is back on the panel! Lol But I really don't know how to feel about this discussion. If this is a black man's perspective on marriage, they are entitled to their opinion but this is also a little sad. Lol seems like they just view marriage as "well I can't be with other women" as opposed to recognizing the benefits of having a woman that truly loves you by your side through thick and thin. *somebody call Steve Harvey or Devon Franklin!!! Lol also I find it interesting that men, well these men don't really feel like it's necessary to be faithful UNTIl marriage when they should have BEEN faithful WHEN they decided to be in a committed exclusive relationship with a woman!
+Dominique D they did and said that the divorce rate was sooo high especially in AA women. It's just fear that she will leave.
+Dominique D I feel you ma, and this is coming from a black man. This thinking is what has our community messed up as it is. It's like "let me bang all of the women I can, and then after so much time maybe I'll think about getting married". And even then there's no guarantee they'll marry. Such a shame.
James Gibson I have definitely noticed this pattern too! But there are some of us that do understand the true meaning of marriage and the right way to do it. Keep hope alive! Lol
I agree!!! It is sad that men feel as though their losing something by getting married...when you have someone there everyday day in day out!!!
@Dominique D....This is not the views of all black men. This is the views of some black men...and some of what they said are the views of reformed bad black men. If a person cheated on you, then they never loved you. And what you said about not seeing the importance of being faithful until marriage comes up is a way to unmask a low quality person. In my opinion, if you can't be loyal before marriage that means that you're lacking some of the qualities that are the foundation of a lasting relationship. That also means that this individual is not a good or quality person. He or she is acting like one or pretending to be one or may even think they are one...but they're not. I don't think some of these men actually understand what love is.
The guy to the left thats married acts like he doesn't want to be married. He seems unhappy about being married! His wife needs to watch this! I see signs of a cheater
What signs?
I see the same thing! I’m in the beginning of the video and I said I hope he doesn’t get married....I haven’t even heard he was married I hope not or I hope he reevaluates his motives
He is just doesn’t seem successful marriage material
Just because you're unhappy about marriage does not mean that you are going to divorce. Man getting to marriage especially black men and find out that they come home from work and have more work to do. A lot of men feel like they are unappreciative given the fact that a lot of black women in America constantly say that men are useless Etc. Does not mean you have to cheat
@@jslack8973 stop stressing men out! Then u won't get cheated on period!
You hear that ladies. When you hear a man say there are "too many options". What he really is saying is sex is too available and easy to get. I'm really not mad at these men for exploiting women's foolishness. Women have removed the incentives for marriage. Easy sexual access and playing the wifey role(cohabitation) without ever being a wife. Also many women are having children while cohabitating. So in some cases he was able to get everything without a commitment. These women are content on the placeholder/practice status.
I find it interesting that one of the guys on here talks about being in a relationship for 3 years and believes the next step is cohabitation not a proposal. If I was this young lady's mama or grandmother I'd tell her if he isn't going to propose after 3 years to leave him. Don't let a man waste your most precious valuable years being a placeholder/practice for him. Then once he has used up your most precious time he leaves you for someone else. I've see this happen to too many women they play wifey for 4 to 6 years thinking he is going to get a proposal "any day now". Only for him to leave her and propose to someone else just 1 year later. These women don't get it.
These guys are way to old to still be talking about going to the club
They to young to marry. Be happy black men.
Why? They can do what they want.
genuineengineer they r grown AF stop having Peter Pan syndrome
@@morningsunshine0216 peter pan syndrome for going to a bar or club?! Lmfao you can't relax and have a drink?
This can't be life. Some of their ideals & view about marriage is archaic and immature. Intersting to say the least
I was thinking the same thing...blind leading the blind
@Hard Truth Lol pretty much this. Marriage is about the ability to keep a man to support you and your children. However men are natrually polygamous. They want as many women as they can afford. It was originally a way to make sure a women has support for her kids and in return she would keep the house and children.
The people that I know who are going through a divorce and have been divorced, show that it can be extremely draining. When you make an attempt at "dating" someone through this process, the other person doesn't get the best of you. Try dating someone going through a divorce and you will see for yourself how divided their time, attention, money, emotions, etc will be.
Great point, its better that the person and their ex go through post divorce counseling prior to dating ESPECIALLY if they have to work through coparenting issues
Glen is really the one i give my props too for a young dude at the age of 23 he has the most maturity out of all these grown men honestly
Marriage and Divorce laws are why marriage is in decline.
Most Black men are NOT marriage minded. Even after they get married. Point blank. However these videos are interesting.
Does anyone else just love Glen? He always has great responses!
None of these men are marriage minded.
In my twenties making a six-figure salary with no kids and have my own car and place to stay. I had to look at this divorce rate coupled with the fact that it's common to hear the women say that they don't need the men in that we are useless combined with the alimony and child support net loss rate and just realized that it's not worth it at this point. I don't think I need to sign a contract working over half of my stuff just to show my love for someone
well said
not all women are playing off their emotions, when it comes to marriage. I avoid emotions when it comes to the big decisions.
+RavinJ Yes that is best because it can help you avoid decisions that you will regret!!
Yes me too which is probably why I'm still single!
What's a real shame is that most men think like this when it comes to marriage. There is no more commitment, no more value, no more WORK!! Marriage takes so many elements to be successful, and these element require work, time and commitment. For a man, he should not base a successful marriage on a woman's looks. There are TONS of gorgeous women in the world, but to find the prettiest woman to make a wife is not good, because looks tend to fade. Bottom line, most of these millennials DON'T want to be married, because they don't have what it takes.
+James Gibson A woman should not base a successful marriage on a man's bank account.
+Kory Green Hey brother, no truer words spoken. The balance that's needed for a successful marriage is what's lost on so many.
I like the cheating example where the guy looses the girl. The problem is we expect marriage to cure our bad behavior. If you are a cheater before marriage vows aren't gonna make you behave. Dude may have lost the perfect wife because he didn't honor the relationship like a marriage. In committed relationships people need to have the same respect for that relationship...because it could lead to marriage. You cant become another person because you take some vows.
exactly everything you do before marriage is practice. you are showing your willingness and capability then. if you are not loyal reliable and honest for practice when game time rolls around it will be the same thing only worse because the investment puts up more to lose...major L...
Not true but ok your opinion
Except if someone makes you wait too long or refuses to marry you but wants the benefits like sex, living with you, being in your fam, and having your babies, then they are rejecting and disrespecting you, thus you will fight and eventually give up on the person and not want to put the effort and energy in them before. I'd rather be alone then deal with these immature men children that are rampant these days.
Silver bat 👍🏽👍🏽
Black men who have it together are marriage-minded... but can you blame the ones who are not, particularly when they more than likely came from single-parent homes and watched their mothers hop from man to man?
Glen seems the most logical. Kornelius, seems very soft and a bit too talkative. For the record, those who are easily enticed, should be single.
I'm not feeling these LA dudes.
Ok!
+Ina Wells black people in california are at an all time low!!! the the black population is decreasing in the united states. Interracial relationships, abortions, violence , and homosexuality is killing us! us black people felt below the replacement level.
+Ina Wells We're not feeling your ugly ass either! West! West!
***** YES it is....the one drop rule is hurting us...I know what time it is.
***** and i like how you completely didn't acknowledge everything i said...instead you pick out IR relationships.....San Francisco have a decreasing black population
weak af.
"if your not married you can entertain another girl, and maybe take her home and xyz" NO! if we are dating you are not entertaining xyz, we are in a relationship to work towards marriage. 2. if your friends dont respect your relationship you weak af for pretending yall still friends. cause you not goin home to lay up with your friends so who you really tryna impress? (this is in reference to wing man'n)
naw
Just because your in a relationship thst does not mean your work towards marriage it just means your dating thats all it is dating when you had a boyfriend in middle school it wasn't working toward marriage when you had a boyfriend in highsm school it wasnt for working towards marriage you date someone because thats how you feel if it turns into marriage great if it doesnt great its just a relationship not the holy grail womens make this relationship stuff way to deep
What's the criteria when picking these men to interview? This is so discouraging for today's single lady. There are men out there who wants marriage and value marriage. Even hearing comments from the married man is disheartening. Marriage is a commitment and should not be "conditional". The reasons they were giving as to why a couple should cohabit gives a sneak preview as to whether or not their marriage will last. People in marriage will always be evolving. Even if you find that habits are tolerable after cohabiting, there are bumps in the road. Our black men need some serious mentoring from the older cats. #happilymarried #marriageisnotforthewimps
Yeah but do you understand that the divorce rate is around 50% and around 70% of women are committing them? It's much higher in the African American community.
A lot of men May value marriage but that divorce ticket pays a high price for the average man and today's man has to either be willfully ignorant or ask himself does he want to risk half of his income in his kids to a woman that can just up and leave by saying the three words I am bored
Wow....a response after 3 years! I had listen to the video again. LOL! Anywho, the high divorce rate is a direct reflection of people not putting the work in. Happily ever after is not automatic. You have to invest in the relationship. Know each other's love language. Create marriage goals and execute a plan. Attend marriage conferences or find a successful mature couple to mentor you and hold you accountable. Compromise. Check in with each other regularly to see if there is room for improvement and work on those things. Seek counseling if need be. There are so many facets to marriage. If you go in with an unhealthy perspective, for the wrong reasons, or with unrealistic expectations, you are in for a rude awaking. Marriage is not for the faint at heart. #3yearslater #stillputtinginthework #stillhappilymarried
These dudes struggled to articulate a cohesive, thought-provoking discussion on marriage & family. Single women best stay far away from LA lol.
I Isaac lol I’m sure there are way more single women than men in LA 😂😂😂😂😂
I Isaac, my sentiments exactly! Honestly, I did not enjoy this video because all of this gentlemen stuggled to genuinely articulate. Neither one of them sound believable and sincere. I don't believe they were not the best gentleman to select for the topic. They all came across as if the want to be single and play the field.
"Man, don't ever get married!"
"I love my wife but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't get married."
"I don't know why I ever got married."
"I don't plan on ever walking away from my family but if I had a second chance, I definitely wouldn't get married."
"I should've never got married!"
--- Actual quotes from men I know (Black, White and Latino) who are married ---
Damn
Y do u feel that way my brother. Thanks for input.
Yup
@@aliciadickson4564 it makes women safe and happy. I been married before. Now divorced never again. P.S. I will tell my son to never get married.
Never Again will I ever!!
Charla said it best “young players become old players “ and that’s not a good look homeboys.
Same for females “young good looking hoe turns into a old sloppy hoe”
If it doesn’t apply to you don’t be upset with the terms used. Good input from homeboy that is married good points .
Maybe some of these men was not raised by married parents. All these different types of women are out there yes but do not complain when one of these women become pregnant and take you to court. All I am hearing is, she bad she bad on looks only, for what a hookup once a guy have sex with a women a hookup can turn into a fatal attraction ijs.
SMH. These brothers need better counsel/examples. Of course there's no need to be serious about marriage if you are constantly giving of yourself to women you aren't married to. No need to be serious about marriage if you don't know its significance. Black men need to be retaught why it's important to hold off on sex and maintain self control. We gotta lift each up and be real especially those of us who already know what in store. Our black queens need us to get serious about restoring the family.
The guy in the plaid shirt is so right.....there's so many successful Black celebrities that are married and it's working. Whereas regular Black folk are hookin up, havin babies, and going broke...What gives?
These guys sound really shallow. They actually give social media credence, as if it matters. Social media isn't real. They're stepping right now high because they have money and they're healthy, but if they lose their money or get sick, they'll see what really matters. This was posted almost a year ago. Hopefully they've grown up emotionally and have gained some wisdom. They need to ask some old men who ran the streers looking for big booties and find out that in the long run, that doesn't mean ANYTHING. Find someone who is like-minded and commit. That makes life a lot richer. I hope to have that myself one day.
i appreciate these men and their answers. it was real raw and uncut. but i just wish yal woulda put some other men up on the panel and ask the same questions. and truthfully speakin tho this just goes to show mens way of thinking is super diff than generations before us.. if that makes any sense. i just wish i lived back then because belief in marriage was alot different and folks went harder about it.. versus these days ppl treat eachother like they're disposable.. we're not gonna see senior couples pretty soon and that just makes me sad..
I'm from the UK and the black men here think pretty much the same as these men. I don't know why black men feel this way about getting married, it's very disappointing
BYE to the guy talking about test drive. smh
Child....😩 what's so hard about settling down, building together...why men so afraid of commitment and faithfulness?
their comments flat out sound like they fear commitment. plain and simple.
Wisdom In Red Honestly, marriage just isn't worth it. I could give 3 solid reasons why, but most people would dismiss them because the truth hurts. I would also agree that so-called Black men need to grow up in every aspect of life. Always having money for shoes, games, and bottles in the club, but not taking care of their children, that's not cool. I digress. But ultimately, things are different. Men are different, women are too. Traditional gender roles are changing. Sadly, outisde of sex, there isn't much that we have to offer one another.
Too afraid to build a functional family with one woman. There are far too many benefits in raising a family as a unit to dismiss it. I really wish women would stop showing these kinds of men any attention.
Michelle Knowlden It's not worth the risk in 2016. Women are basically just like men, there seems to be an insatiable desire for attention outside of the relationship that they claim is so important to them. I see it going both ways. There is no faithfulness or loyalty anymore. The best thing to do is build our careers and use resources acquired to assist those who want to progress. Marriage is not an option.
G,RED 2020 TV this can certainly be a valid reason but it's not the only. Plus I don't really remember them saying this as their own reason. But I hear where you're coming from too.
Wisdom In Red typically the court system will help women to pimp men, that is why men are saying the hell with marriage
You can't test drive marriage because people continually change. You just have to find someone willing to adapt and grow with you.
Marriage is not a state of mind, it is a God-given institution. Everyone is free to do what they want... But this institution is to be respected " A man leaves his father and his mother and sticks to his wife, [teammate]. What God has yoked together let no man, or woman put a part...
2:30-2:50 "We're always gonna wanna not be married." Nope.
If you wan't to be unmarried every time you see a beautiful woman (not "female"), you have no business being married. Some men take the "I wish I wasn't married because I could talk to that lady like a single man" way too far. They're usually the types who really aren't happy being married at all. This attitude is a major red flag.
I have a man who can respectfully appreciate a woman's beauty and still want to be in a relationship because he respects, craves, and loves me- trust me, I didn't believe this kind of man existed either but it does ladies. I'm not feeling the overall vibe of this panel, and it isn't due to having a problem with unfiltered honesty or truths about women's faults. Those are the only way many issues in the black community are going to be solved; I want our people healthy and whole again.These men just seem immature and selfish, some of them unpleasant.
Time out.. he said some men are gonna wanna NOT be married when they see another woman -_- do what ?
I am from NY and they talk too slow for me lmaoo They keep pausing and then talking. Why are they saying marriage is "trending" lol ridiculous smh marriage isnt a trend
Interesting they all seemed to agree that there's a difference about the level of respect given to a woman they're married or not married to. The respect should be the same. How can they expect to respect a woman one way then suddenly change just because they get married. They're practicing and setting themselves up for the fall when they're married.
Despite what they say data doesn’t lie. They are the least married men period
Women don't have the luxury of procrastinating on marriage due to our fertility years being limited. The sad part is many black women want marriage earlier than our men do. The loves of our life are usually men our own age, but they're never ready. So some women have children out of wedlock with men they don't want so they can have a family before its too late. Knowing what I know now I would NEVER have wasted so much time dating men my own age that wanted to play around and spread their seed everywhere. Young black women if you're listening marry either your highschool sweetheart or find an older man. You dont have time to waste
Older men are set in their ways and can be controlling
African american men side eye.
@Sharina Griffin: Give the side eye to these types of men, not to all black men in America. Bad men or low quality men are present in every racial and ethnic group on the planet.
Marraige is good just make sure the person is good for you and visa versa
I think these topics are thought provoking, again it would have been interesting to balance the panel with people who have marriages(long term) that are happy, fulfilling, faithful and functional. Most marriages that fit that bill are surrounded with relationships that support that union which would have provided insights for the other panelists
+love di choreo I agree! It's one thing to be in a young marriage, but to have panelists who have been married for 10+ years would have brought more in-depth insight. All men, young or old, don't see marriage the same, so hopefully, the next series will mix it up a bit.
i agree as well. they need to diversify the men in terms of where they are in life, age, what they want etc. so there will be more insight across the board instead of the tunnel vision answers.
Too many options is not an excuse to end the marriage! Take seriously your Vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS... that takes care of the options! Cherish what you have and Know that you never want to lose it. Be happy and content with what you have.
I can't believe black women actually listen to this. Men are about action. Not talk. White men and Asian men and Latino men are out there doing. Building. Creating. Studying. Not TALKING. Geez.
💯
+Leilani Rose You're an idiot... all action begins with talking... planning involves talking... germinating new ideas involves talking... and then you put those ideas into action... and you're wrong if you think black men aren't building or haven't built anything.
Kory Green Uh huh.
"Men are about action." How would a woman know?
Gootothesecond
Why would a woman not know?
Marriage =strong black family =strong black children = winners and leaders = strong community = wealth & abundance for generations
Agreed.... however marriage does not =paperwork and standing in a church... Marriage exists before that, that's just a ceremony.... If you don't understand that, then like most, you don't quite get it.
Sadly, black people really don't care about those things. Neither black women or black men. I look at actions not words. There's nothing that black women or black men do that shows they want strong families in the black community.
So why be in a relationship if you're not sure if you wanna be faithful let alone get married???
They have no understanding of marriage, its sad that only our men don't get it and our community suffers
1. Too many men talk like if they marry they'll be missing out on all other women options. 2. If you've never gone without cheating when you were single, how on earth do you think you won't cheat when you get married. 3. And they wonder why the divorce rate is so high when they're busy practicing whoredom before marriage? 4. Too many emotionally lazy - no self control - whorish, and whiny men with messed up priorities about love and relationships nowadays. 5. Wants a woman to prove herself perfect in every way over all other women options but has he even proved that he's husband material who can handle marriage and won't take Mrs. Perfect for granted after marriage? 6. With these emotionally weak men today, what will become of families?
We need forums that promote family, marriage, morals, values, etc. We're already familiar with societal trends that this unenlightened discussion promotes. This man taking about the temptations of viewing woman on social media, Really? Temptations have and will always be around. The purpose of marriage is to cultivate families. God naturally designed a man to be a protector and provider for a family and a woman to be the nurturer to the family and helpmate to her husband. Regardless of what's trending today, that will never change. Real men understand and appreciate the value of marriage. Real men understand that manhood has never been defined by how many woman you can have, but how you can love, honor and protect that one woman that God blesses you with and she in turn will make you a better man. This discussion was whacked.
lojack11208mk4 -I respect your comment, but disagree with Manhood being defined by a A Woman.Adam existed before eve, with a purpose, and for Gods reasoning.Real Men do understand and appreciate the value of marriage, but sadly in today’s society, our Women Dont.(as evidence by divorce filing stats).Also, your purpose & value on this earth goes beyond being a “Provider & Protecter” to a Woman.She was created for “You” not you for Her”.When you limit your purpose to those 2 words, you make yourself none but a utility to her and therefore easily disposable to her, for the next utility to be “USED”.Men are naturally builders, creators, inventors,innovators,conquerors & competitors.Your Manhood is with fulfillment of your purpose, & things that are pleasing to God.Fulfilling your role as a husband is pleasing to God.what makes you a better Man is your relationship with the Almighty God...not a Woman.Food for thought.
Interesting points especially about living together. The funny thing is, you'll never get enough *****. No matter how long you live and how many women you lay with. IJS Thanks for sharing brothers. Keep them coming .
Here we go again with this immaturity. I will say that the gentleman in the green Adidas jacket seems like the most mature guy on the panel. He seems to be interested in posing questions, reflective thinking, intellect, and smart decision-making. I appreciate that. Got to have a well-balanced panel. Or, perhaps a panel with all black, single, successful, mature, gentleman?? Just an idea... ( ;
I would have never guessed that one on the left was married, by his comments.
Because women ain't who they say they are......get married and man realize they married the wrong one period!!!! Duuuuuuhhhh!
I have mixed feelings on this panel. Some points were fine but others were not so much. They seemed immature minded, very worldly and lacked depth with their emotions when it came to how they view having a wife, their girlfriends, etc. It seems like it's mostly all about them and how they feel. All this test driving mess before marriage, and sleeping with everything that moves first...really?? Not leaving most black women with hope if that's the mindset of most men. I don't think it is, that's just a certain subset. Next time it should be a mix of more spiritually minded men and then the more worldly minded ones for contrast.
@Lisa Brown: I agree. However it's not the mindset of most men, it's the mindset of these types of men. Some are reformed cheaters or some are hiding their bad qualities beneath a mask of goodness. Some of these men think that way because they have a lack of respect for women. Or they don't really look at the women they chose as special or as a best friend. That's why it's so easy for them to jump from one person to another without feeling a thing. A person who is loyal would never even dream of stepping out on the woman they love. Not only is that disrespectful to her, it's also disrespectful to their relationship. It's also a sign that this person can't be trusted.
Yes!! Love your points. I totally agree. I do believe it's really an individual case by case basis as far as the man's background and personality. That's why it is so important for a woman to get to know a guy first, preferably before her feelings get mingled in. Men have to do the same with women as well.
03:44 *_"She wants her own place it doesn't mean that she doesn't love me"_* Nigga.. She Don't Trust You. You don't fit her rational self-interest.
Very deep conversations! You guys are great!
I do agree that people should live together as boyfriend/girlfriend to really get to know one another before marriage. Elders look down on this and call it "playing house" but in this day and age, with the divorce rate so high, people should get to know if they can live with those pet peeves their spouse may have. My husband and I are coming up on our 4th year wedding anniversary and lived together for 5 years before marrying.
Statistics show there is no difference in stability between marrieds who lived together and marrieds who didn't.
Cakez253
Agreed....
It seems like these men are not ready for commitment. They may have to sit down for a while and work things out for themselves. I dont think some of them ever will except for that one on the end. I saw him in a low budget movie before. He seems more settled. Its sad that men are like that these days.
See ladies! Leaving really makes a man better . If he changes or not it’s not your problem but trust I believe it helps
@9:31 was funny as the guy repeats sarcastically, “a friend of yours” lol, like yea, you mean yourself not your friend.
I loved being Married! .
I never cheated on my wife!.
I don't know how any woman would want to get married after watching this.
Hard to watch past four minutes. Been married 20+ years and sad to see that men are ‘always looking,’ and ‘want options.’ I would be high-tailing it to MS, LA, AL where I know men still desire a beautiful monogamous relationship for life. All these guys need a power talk from Eric Thomas.
Do they really care more about going half on the rent? Are these men familiar at all with the tax laws for married folk/families? I mean if it's that serious. Cohabitation is serious, at least in my opinion. After rushing into it years ago I'm much wiser now as far as that is concerned. Also, peer pressure... as a grown ass man *blank stare* Are men REALLY getting all these women whenever they want? Seems like a best case scenario to me.
Great panel!! They make this topic fun and educational!!
I think people have lost faith in the union of marriage because of the infidelity that is trending in celebrity marriages. Even gospel singers have come out over the last 10 years and exposed infidelity in their marriages. It seems like it never ends and it causes people to question if marriage is really respected as it once was. These concerns make it scarier to get married because you don't kown if you're getting a cheater, womanizer, set addict or what.
My logic is that living together helps you get to know each other for real. When you live together you find all that stuff out that being separated hides
He said yes, marriage is now trending but so is divorce, its cooler to be a divorcee rather than a husband or wife (in a healthy, happy fulfilling, functional, long term marriage)
Sounds like the struggle is more with monogamy than it is marriage.... and if that's the case I suppose you can always find somebody who's down to have an open marriage 😁 but then they might find themselves feeling extremely hypocritical 😂
I'll take a pass on these L.A guys except for the few in the series who actually gave mature, thought-provoking insight.
+MadameNoire I really liked the "How to Connect Emotionally" and "Can a Black Man Be Celibate" panels.
bigjayking24 I'm sorry, do I know you? Please don't assume to know what "all" women think and do. Personally, I do not want a man to simply "tell me what I want to hear". It's all well and good that men speak from experience and while I appreciate all the men for truly being themselves and speaking their truths; I definitely prefer specific videos which I believe MadameNoire asked me about. I respect and appreciate MadameNoire for putting together these panels. I thoroughly enjoy these videos and hope they continue in other cities. Peace and Love. ❤
Hey_Maya: Right. A lack of insight suggests a lack of maturity. It can also show a lack of morals / values that would make these people quality partners. Great point.
+MadameNoire Glen gives though provoking answers. can you possible do a version of southern guys?
+MadameNoire The panel on Celibacy was good. All of them have been insightful though.
Glen seemed to be the best one on the panel
I don't know why I continue to upset myself by watching these videos...the viewpoints shared are sooo disappointing each and every time. If I weren't married I would quite possible swear of men after watching these...couldn't be arsed for the disappointment.....kmt cha.
Ima answer that question right now . HELL NO . Stay well ladies ♥️🧘🏾♀️. There’s a reason they have the highest divorce rates . These are FACTS
If you like to sleep around why get married!.
Correct
guys always wanna live together first, as a trial run. why live together before being engaged at least? that allows an opportunity to get too comfortable- put a ring on it if you really want her to live with you. if you can't handle your rent alone get a cheaper place, stop using women as a relief for bills when you are unsure that you wanna put a ring on it for a serious commitment.
I honestly think it depends on a man’s background and culture. I know some West African men who’ve settled down more quickly compared to African American men. It’s seen as a sign of status and accomplishment in their cultures to be married. I wouldn’t say I’m in rush to get married either. I’ve see a lot as a single black women. I definitely want to take my time, travel, work on myself and if the right person comes along, then ok.
African American men.....where da fuck dat comes from!!!!!! Who gives us the titles!
Women don't have a lot of time to decide. As they age, the decline in market value to bargain for marriage.
Awesome gentlemen 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I don’t even have to watch this to know the answer is NO. Lmao. When have black men ever been marriage minded. Lol lol lol lol lol
Just have to have a standard like the Holy Bible, and not just go on “I think...”
Great interview!
This is the short answer for everyone: When they transition from Grown Boys to Grown Man. Some never do. You're welcome!
We think we sound intelligent when we talk about the various subjects, but in reality, we don’t know what we are taking about or what we want. We are like kids that want what we want and when we’re finished with it, put it to the side. You will NOT know a person until you marry them and even then that person can and will change.
The one gentleman said he is with a girl for 3 years then she moved and made it official how confusing is that?
Marriage is important and it is lacking in the black community. That's why it's terrible in many inner cities. It's like 70+% of the kids are born out of wedlock. The black community needs change.
I think this was a realistic panel. I was highly uncomfortable with a lot of what these men had to say but that's just the reality. Most women don't want to hear these comments. I've heard similar ones just from talking to guys around me. (east coast, 20s). Maybe it's different for guys in their 30s? Idk... but we should definitely not disregard their comments and act like we don't have a high number of single, "marriage material" black women roaming the streets....
Where do they get these guys from omg wow
RPC I don’t know 🤷♀️
I get it. Iiving together saves money. More specifically, in this day and time, however, I would never advocate for it because it simply bad news. You work through stuff if you find out pet peeves or other stuff you dislike about each other. You never throw away the entire cow because he mow a lil different than the others. Adults make it happen because that’s what marriage is about. I think the reason why this is no longer the case is because it’s like you seen it all before marriage than working it out becomes optional because it’s like neh been there, done that. Besides, I doubt everyone is 100% happy all the time in his or her marriage. Get over it. Put on your big gal/boy draws and make it healthy
I think living together before marriage is not a good idea. Making adjustments will be nothing new once married, really, that is part of the work in a marriage. Becoming One.
No...The fuck would I want to share my life with someone else for.
Yes, We are marriage minded we just need to be with the right person that fits with our own mindset. We don't need anyone trying to aka build us because have our own goals. We don't need no one to aggressively to push us because a person with a strong desire will do it without external help. Our wife is our support and what makes us complete.