The Day My World Fell Apart: A Maker's Tale
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- Опубліковано 29 чер 2024
- This is not the video I intended to make. This video was about woodworking... batching out yoga mat hooks and helping my friend who owns a pilates studio save her a small fortune. That was until I was halfway through filming that project, and my whole world came crashing down. It has taken a while to decide to publish this, but if my story can help just one other person, it'll be worth it. I couldn't do it alone, so I reached out to some friends to help...
I am still in active recovery. You are not Alone. We just need to find our own pathways back.
🌟 Cameos & Shoutouts 🌟
I've been helped by so many people over the past few months, more than I could fit into one short video. But a massive thanks to these humans who helped me share this story:
@JesperMakes, @dainermade, @GumtreeHillWoodwork, @thefakemaker , @barberspaddockwoodworking , @briansbuildsandoutdoors4936 , @RobinLewisMakes , @SmallFryCreations , @woodfather , @SebMakesStuff @graduallywizardly
If you want to help start conversations about mental health in your workplace, grab yourself some workwear from @TradeMutt and support TIACS via your purchase: trademutt.com/
Thanks to Ash from @themondaymeetup-raw3425 for introducing me to them.
🤝 Get Support, Start a Conversation 🤝
Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia (PANDA): panda.org.au/get-support/supp...
TIACS (Blue Collar Mental Health): www.tiacs.org/
Gidget Foundation (PNDA Support): www.gidgetfoundation.org.au/s...
Black Dog Institute (General Depression and Anxiety): www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/...
💖 Channel Members 💖
Barber's Paddock, Makin' Sawdust, Built by Chris, Presto's Woodworks, Dainer Made, Brian's Builds & Outdoors, David Morgan, Jack Chappo, The Fake Maker -Jimmy Bav, 2 by Forge, Rebecca Inglis, Mario - The Woodfather, Glenn Gilbert, Lissy Crafts, Meg - Saw-IT, Kelikaku Coutin, Jack Likes MTB, EXHDS
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📚 Chapters & Stages 📚
00:00 Two Simple Pallet Wood Hooks?
01:17 The Real Fixit Fingers
02:55 Daddy Finger, Daddy Finger, Where are You?
03:48 36 Less Simple Non-Pallet Wood Hooks?!
05:10 The Black Dog
06:39 Hitting Rock Bottom & Standing Back Up
07:48 Post Natal Depression & Anxiety
09:44 It's OK to Not Be OK #dadlife
11:21 TradeMutt: Start a Conversation
12:19 Where the Sun Always Seems to Shine...
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Thanks for sharing your story and this important message James, I'm proud of you mate. Tragically, a friend and former workmate lost his battle with his demons on Monday night. So, if this video helps one person get help it will have been worth all your time, effort and tears. All the best and keep on keeping on.
That is not the first comment I wanted to read here Brian... but I am pinning it. These men are not statistics. *WE* are not statistics. We are fathers, husbands, partners, sons, and mates. We blokes are often far too stubborn for our own good. Not every story can be turned around, but if we can convince more fellas there is no shame in raising their hand and asking for help, I hope we can stem the tide. Thank you for your help and sorry for your loss.
Australia should be proud of the Mental Health First Aid courses that were pioneered down under. Anyone watching this would do well to Google it and find a local provider. Lots places do an online version too. Thanks James.
❤ the most important video yet! Thanks for being here mate
Better than "This is Not About the Stool" ;) Cheers Dainsy for all you support and assistance putting this togehter.
We're not bullet proof! This is the best and most important video of 2024. Thank you for letting me be a part of it James.
Thanks for lending me your voice when I was struggling to find my own mate. There is something soothing about Danish tones that meant there was no other choice to open and close this story 🙏
Well done to everyone that contributed to this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I am very thankful for the all the help I had making this video... we have a great community here. 😊
James, you are an inspiration. I have been off work for the last 4 months and seeing a psychologist for the last 3. I had a severe meltdown at work and couldn't bring myself to going in. I started having some really dark thoughts. I haven't been in my workshop for at least the last 6 months and I've lost all my motivation for anything.
However, seeing the psychologist has helped. I have started to make massive changes in my life and it is helping. There are days when I feel like I can take on the world, but, they are few and far between. I struggle to get out of bed most days. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. Like you said, a man has to be strong. I have to be there for my mum (she is going through dementia). Work was pounding on me something fierce.
I now look for the small things that make me happy. Looking back on my life, I was really happy when I was in the bush. To that end, I sold my beloved "General" and got myself a 4 wheel drive. I sold my van used the proceeds to fully mod the 4x4. I went out to bush a couple of times on my own, and took a really deep breath, and you have no idea how much that helped. As they say, baby steps. I'm also looking forward to the meetup. That always makes me happy.
Thanks for sharing your feelings mate. I cried right there along side with you, mate. If we can bounce off our family and friends, we have half a chance of getting through this. I wish you all the best, you truly are a great bloke and can't wait to see you in November. Sorry for waffling on, but writing all this is as cathartic as speaking to my psych. Hope you don't mind. 👍❤🍺
Mate this whole video was therapy for me so waffle away... it is litterally what I asked for 😊 I miss the bush. I used to head out for days, many times a year. Then is reduced to a few special trips. Then it stopped. Now, wifey and I try to do short walks around our leafy north shore, and I count down the months until daddy-daughter camping can begin. If there was one piece of advice I wish I'd added to this after seeking professional help, it would be to seek Nature Help. Bring on November... but maybe fly. If you think the General chewed gas coming up to Sydney a fully kitted 4bee with a few ton of gear will make it look like a hybrid. Proud of you mate, I hear you also pooped on a stick...looking after both ends! 😂
@@FixitFingers My flights are already booked. I'll be flying up with Rob. And when I get there, a hand shake just won't cut it, this time.
@@BuiltByChris I'll be in the brace position... 😅😅
Honoured to be have been asked to contribute to this most important of PSAs. It's the message that everyone needs to hear.
I hoped it would be up there with Phil's advice to poop on a stick... both topics we don't like to talk about, that should be everyday kinda chat. Thanks so much for helping mate!
Oh man, what a great video. Thanks to everyone who was part of it
Thanks for taking the time to watch and comment Sam. It's the audience who make a video... and this one is proven amazing 😊
And this, folks, is what real courage looks like! Thank you, James, for your courage.
When our bodies get sick, we seek medical help. When our heads get sick… we stick that head in the sand. Time to stop that.
Reach out. Start a conversation.
Exactly Julian. I am extremely lucky to get free support from my employer... few people are. Without it my therapy would have cost my family thousands of dollars... at a time we could least afford it. I now dream of a day you walk into a doctors practice and they say "Flu shots, tummy bugs, and infections to the left. Depression, stress, and anxiety to the right." Head care should work like body care.
Well, that made this old fella tear up. Thank you for sharing.
Hopefully for the right reasons Pricey. Cheers for watching.
Mate I’m just so honoured. This is the most important video I’ve been involved in.
Thanks for taking the time to join in Jimmy. I wanted as many maker dads as I could squeeze in and your name was top of my list. What you do for Scott is inspirational. 🤗
Great message mate. Had a crash myself 10 years ago. When you get help you become way more aware of the warning signs and through that you are much stronger and become a better human for all of the people you didn’t want to disappoint in the first place. Keep crushing it mate.
You sure do... so what I hope to achieve here is letting blokes know to be aware of those signs _before_ you hit the wall. All it takes is applying the brakes for a while to reasses the course you are on. Cheers Thom :)
Thanks mate ❤👌👍👍
Thanks for stopping in mate. Appreciate every comment 👍
We all needed this. Thanks for opening up, James.
Honestly if you had asked me yesterday what percentage of your male friends had struggled with mental health, either PND or otherwise, I think my response would have been maybe 30% at the high end, with 70% being fine. After the response today, I'd be happy to flip that statistic. Needing a hand at times is so normal... I can't see why we don't have head doctors in walkup clinics like we have body doctors. Treatment should be that accessible.
Thank you for sharing. We need more people like you in this world. ❤
I feel there are more and more makers sharing this type of content recently... and that is awesome. I was inspired by Gumtree Hill's recent video on his impossible mallet, and many others besides. It seems so common to have stuggles, yet only a small percentage of folks mention it. The more stories out there, the more people will hopefully feel it is OK to get help for these very normal feelings :)
Fortunately attitudes to this subject are much improved today, even compared to 20 years ago, which makes it all the more important that people realise it's ok and to ask for help BEFORE things get really bad, people are often kinder and more understanding than you'd think !
When you ask someone if they're OK and they say "Yeh, I'm fine" think about whether this rings true and ask again, let them know you're there for them, you could be saving a life !
Working in my job for the past decade I have seen improvement even over that time. Short of the military, you don't get much more macho than in a police force. We now have compusary head checks 3 times a year, and extra services should we need them... I am very grateful even a traditionally slow to move organisation has come so far, an encourages everyone to be on top of their mental health.
Well done fella. Well done to everyone who contributed. It's been 14 years since my diagnosis and there's been fantastic ups and right bastard downs since then. You're a credit to the world sir.
Wishing you a smooth year then mate. I am ready to level the roller coaster for a while 😊
Thank you for sharing James, and know you have a lot of maker love around you❤
I sure do Annie, the response has been overwhelming, in a good way. Many sad tales seeing the light of day... but then that was the point of this video. To help people to know it is Ok to talk about these things.
That need to feel needed, required, valued can lead to task overload; never turning down the opportunity to help is sometimes a curse. Understanding why we do it is part of the way to stopping doing it.
Thank you for making the video, let's hope it helps someone, I'm sure it will. You're a good man and we value you.
Learning to say no, and realising it is not the end of the world, has been one of the most important steps I've taken recently. I've given up the building management, and have (so far) not accepted any more commissions. I will again in time... when I have time. I still mow the lawns, because that can be as therapeutic as a counciling session I find :)
Thank you thank you so much
You are very welcome mate. I had hoped this would reach a few hundred folks, and honestly, mostly my community so they could understand why things have been a bit quiet around here lately... the response has been amazing and I am so glad it has spread further afield. Take care.
First woodworking video i actualt cried 😊😊
It started as a woodworking video about mass production of hooks... it ended as a video on mass normalisation of Dad Life realities... I think this is the better version :)
@@FixitFingers yeah well. Happend to me also. :) happens on the big jobs
100% the best video I've watched in some time.... As someone who has struggled with sh1t in the past I know how hard it is to acknowledge there is a problem and then ask for some help, we just try and "get through it" but that seldom works and when it doesn't, we'll, you know what happens.
Thanks for sharing your story, your troubles and your road to recovery, again, not an easy thing to do.
You sir are an utter star and clearly have a great support network in place, good luck and take your time, we'll be patient.
Oh and by the way... Great little family there bud, you must be very very proud of them as they are clearly proud of you.
Only the second time wifey has let me put her on film... no stunts there, it was what it was, a joyful unexpected interuption to an otherwise heavily scripted and edited undertaking . I had to convince her it was the best part of the film... because it contains everything that gave me something to strive for :) Thank you for the kind words.
It's amazing how fatherhood changes the landscape of your life. Be kind to yourself! You are a hero for sharing your story! Thanks
In so many more ways than I could have imagined Damien... it has been tough, stressful, and overwhelming... but I'd never give her back. She is my little star light.🌟
James, takes a brave person to admit there struggles, let alone publish them on the internet. I lost a very good friend and work mate in 2015 to mental health, i would have never of guessed he was struggling, he hid it far to well. I Applaud you for your honesty and sharing your story. Keep strong, and keep speaking up, you WILL beat this. ❤️
I see the end results at work everyday James... and usually get a fair idea of their story and how it came to what it did. Most often I think, there were so many other ways out if only they had looked. Anything we can do as a community to support our own, is a small personal price to pay.
Watched again. Got me again ❤️😊
I think up to 10 times, I made it, and it still gets me. Makes me want to hug myself... And wifey 🤗
Power and strength to you, mate.
Big man hugs Geoff. Much appreciated.
@FixifFingers Jimmy, i'm sending your little family a hug.
I knew you were struggling, but no clue how much.
@JesperMakes I love your storytelling ways.
this takes Steve Ramsey's podcast interviews which are terrific,
& adding a video, along hearing about their life, we get to feel
like we are there, in the workshop with you.
I was smiling & crying right through the entire film.
I was surprised to find so many more wonderful makers
you introduced us to, I subscribed to each YT channel,
Who needs Netflix, I'm set for content to watch for quite awhile.
Plus, I hope you don't mind me sharing this with my
autistic discord chat group. We experience our own
special burnouts.
I love this community. Each one of you & your families.
hUgz from Ohio, Lee
Honoured for you to share Lee... and yes, I've been taking classes at the Jesper Makes school of YT story telling :) I really like Steve's podcasts, they are very raw and honest. I am also very thankful for my friends who helped out... couldn't have told it without them.
@@FixitFingers Don't ya just love people? I'm so happy to see you with your sweet little family. Here's a little extra hUg coming from Ohio.
My woodworking helps my mental health a lot. I am self employed for my day job working from home so do my woodworking when I can find the time to fit it in. Life is hard but your kids need you. My daughter has to come first and I have battled for years to get help for her with a broken system with me working till midnight most days as that is when I have to work around her. It is great to see you were able to get the help you so deserved so you can keep looking after your little family. I finally have got somewhere this last few months as she has recently been diagnosed with Autism which I have suspected her having for a few years. She also loves woodworking and comes out in the workshop with me hitting nails into timber. I still have a lot to learn but love watching all the makers videos along the way and have learnt so much and want to teach her the next generation to be a strong young woman. Keep on fighting you are doing great.
You are awesome Cathy. I apologise this video is very male-centric, but I can barely understand how my own wife copes with the changes let alone comment on motherhood in general... or single-parenthood... twins... advanced needs bubs.. the list goes on. (Honestly, my brain shuts down when I try to even imagine what it would be like as a single mum or dad! Just... wow.) Every day I remind myself how blessed I am I have a loving wife, usually healthy daughter (we have our first real sniffle today😥) and amazing support services around me here in Sydney. (We just spent 5 days at a specialist sleep training centre which was amazing, and cost zero dollars.) I can't wait until Nova is big enough to come to the workshop with daddy and bash bits of wood against each other. We need more girls and women in the hobby 🥰
@@FixitFingers The video should reach out to men and women who are struggling and need help. Just start a conversation is the point you are trying to make and normally men don't do that. I think it is so great that a hobby I love so much means I get to connect with so many talented people from across the world. We are currently getting over the lovely COVID this week to add to all our other issues. I do hope to make it to the meet up this year in November if I am able to get care for my daughter as I feel I know everyone so well from all their videos and would love to meet them and chat to them in person. 😀😀
@@CathyEbs do it! It's a great night out meeting everyone 😊
Thank you for making this video. The more guys that talk about mental health the better, to help normalise the difficulties us men have. I wish you well in your recovery.
Thanks Jeff, the response has been fantastic, so many sharing their stories in the comment and lifting each other up. It's been a great day watching them roll in and trying to reply to them all.
A wonderful video James. You and your friends convey a very important message.
Cheers Tony. My father may not be an overly emotional man outwardly, but he raised me to be the dad I have become, and he always put his family first. I just needed to learn sometimes, that means putting yourself first.
@@FixitFingers I have no doubt he is a great dad.
I am kraing😢. Great job!! Take care
I think I have unintentionally caused many tears today... and shed many of my own with all the beautiful messages of support I've received. I hope they cause self reflection and encourage those who need it most to reach out. Thanks for the support :)
Gidday James, yes, we are very proud of you mate! It’s not weak to speak. A good lesson for all and sundry mate. Look forward to seeing your smiling face again. ❤
Oh and you had some big hitter in that video which was fantastic to watch mate, friends supporting friends. Great to see! ❤
I have been on the up Dave, and smiling more. A slight relapse a few weeks ago but this time, with the help I've gotten, recovery back was much faster. It's an ongoing journey, but we are headed in the right direction :)
Thank you for sharing your story. The reality of self care is more than the basics. You hit this out of the park. Thank you!!! ❤
The cliched but true analogy I hear each time I see a different health care professional and talk about my PNDA is this: There is a reason aeroplane safety drills tell you to fit your own oxygen mask first. You are of no use to anyone if you don't take the time to look after yourself. While I wish it hadn't taken a mental breakdown to learn this, I am glad I now have. 🤗
Video with a strong message James. It's good to have such a supportive group behind you as well, can make all the difference. Thank you to all who contributed to the making of this video. Big hug to you mate, we all need one now and then.
Thanks Glenn. Are you going to be able to make it down to the maker meetup in November in Sydney?
Yeah, I'm not crying, you are! This was amazing! Thanks for sharing your story.
Let it all out Mike, it's good for you :) While there have been a lot of tears the past few months I promised myself they were not for this video... then wifey brought bub bub into the workshop and my carefully scripted story got a much needed real time upgrade.
Love the scale of this video, both the story and the imagery. Great job man!
Thanks for helping Robin. I am glad you got to skip this part of fatherhood, I do not recommend it. But on the other side it has helped me appreciate my wife and daughter even more if that is possible. I hope being self employed has given you more daddy love moments with the kids.
On my computer are the words “you are a long time dead”, a reminder of a time I made the correct decision to leave a toxic workplace. My brother’s words but my motto. Take the time to recover and lean on your mates when needed. You have got this mate 😊😊
Cheers Rob... and wise words. My workplace is very odd. I see the worst and sadest parts of humanity daily, yet the type of person who can survive there tends towards the optimistic and positve personality types. We are well supported, with compulsary head checks 3 times a year, and fantastic crisis care for both work and personal issues. Yes, our rates of PTSD and burnout are scary... and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. (well, except at home with my girls exceptionally wealthy... but that ain't happening on a public service salary anytime soon 😅)
Don't really know what to say here, but thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes we as males worry that we are the glue that holds the family together and if we don't provide for the family, it starves . It is us who put the weight on our shoulders. We forget that we have right to do what we love as hobbies and to make time for ourselves to do these things. I have the same problem and my kids are 20 and 17. We also need to learn that this time is ours and not to feel we are being selfish by doing the things that we love. We also some time get caught up in making a living that we forget to make a life for ourselves.. Thanks again James. All the best.
Wait... this doesnt stop for another 17-20 years?! 😅 Just kidding... the challenge remains, just shifts as they grow... well, that's what I am expection 8 months into this fatherhood game. All my professional help has drummed in how important it is to be selfish sometimes, and take time for yourself. Baby learns security by mummy and daddy each taking time away, then returning full of love and cuddles. The important part is to remember that time away can (and shoul) be for fun sometimes... not just chores and work.
First of all James, congratulations to you both on the birth of your baby. I am so happy for you.
I feel for you for what I have seen in this heartfelt film. I have had a breakdown in circumstances not too dissimilar from yours and I did not have the same avenues of support available. I got through somehow. In my 70's I found what I needed and all I needed but how I wish I had known nearly half a century ago all I have learned since and most importantly how to see myself critically from an exterior perspective. I am therefore so lucky to have grown up sons who love and respect me and a wonderful relationship after 25 years of widowerhood. It all took a long time coming but it came eventually. I am so glad you do not have to wait. I have so much respect for you as a craftsman and a human being and I also know that your wife is a very wonderful person.
Take care and progress onwards and upwards. Eryk :-)
We all get there in the end hopefully Eryk, but yes, I am glad I have been lucky to have the tools I needed for recovery ready at hand. In a way, I have work to thank. Due to the tramatic nature of our job, we have compulsary head checks 3 times a year. If I hadn't got to see over the past decade the benefit of therapy, I may have been more reluctant to seek it out as a solution in my hour of need. Thank you for your kind words, and shared experience.
I feel your pain. I found out there even more people around to help when you need it than I ever thought. Strong is feeling good inside. Not what it looks like on the outside. We are all here to help each other. We are with you.
The number of private and public messages I have had in the last 24 hours from folks currently dear to me, and from as far back as my childhood, as well as internet friends and complete strangers, has been overwhelming in the most positive way possible. Humans are much better than we often give them credit for...
Thank you for sharing your story James 🤘🏼
A bit of self therapy, that seems to be going a long way. All the best for you and your dad in the workshop mate.
James such a great video and a story that needs to be heard! Well done!!! So honoured to be a part of the story telling. So lovely edited and well put together!
Thank YOU for being a part of it Ains. Minute for Minute it was the longest and toughest edit I've ever done... but the process was very cathartic. Still a ways for me to go, hoping to be as back to my old self as possible by November 🤗
Take it easy, my friend 👍😊. Glad to hear things are getting better. All the best to you and your lovely family 👍
We are on the improve Suj, cheers. Not sure how long the road will be, but we are moving forwards each day.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for listening to it Angie. It is one of hope, and I hope it helps some people who needed to hear it.
Good shit fellas (and another mate).
It was like hearding goats getting all these makers organised and edited... but I couldn't have done it without them and love them all 🤗
Blimey. That’s brought tears.
I had a breakdown last December and it’s a long process to recovery. This video has helped me and will help many others.
Good on you.
That is all I hoped mate, thanks for sharing. I made good progress for a few months after my breakdown... then out of the blue relapsed 2 weeks ago. Now, editing this video has helped me climb out again, and trying not look back.🤗
@@FixitFingers. Relapses happen. I look at how long it takes me to get back on my feet. Hopefully getting quicker each time. But not beating myself up if it’s not.
In my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your story, glad to hear you're on the road to recovery and helping to share the message with others too. You have an amazing support network. Your relationship with your wife and daughter is gorgeous x
They are special girls, my star and moon. I am very lucky to have the support around me, and I am sure most folks do, even if they don't realise it. The number of friends old and new who have reached out today has been amazing. I'd hope most people if they made the call could muster some similar support.
@FixitFingers I hope you realise that says something about you too. You're a good guy, so it's understandable that you have good friends
Takes real courage to be vulnerable in such a public arena. The danger of life and its many many demands overwhelming us is always very close. I was you about 10 years ago when my children were young and I tried to smash myself and do everything. Professional guidance helped me too.
Healing is a long process, and I hope you heal to find happiness again.
Stepping back and making time really is the hardest thing... until it isnt. I am glad of the progress I have made in a few short months, but a little relapse last week reminded me recovery is an ongoing care routine. I am hoping it is not ten years... but I am prepared to work at it as long as it takes. The process of making this video has been therapeutic, and I am glad I decided to release it. Cheers Anthony.
A matter close to my heart.
Wishing you all the best James.
Thanks all for being there. It makes me feel warm... on the inside❤
I see what you did there 🤗 He is a big inspiration. Cheers mate.
That brought tears to my eyes. A very brave video and glad your lovely wife and baby, your mates and workplace were understanding. Sounds like you have found a but more balance in your life and stopped trying to be perfect - a lesson we all need to try to take on board. 👍Thank you.
Learning to say No to the right things has been a massive takeway for me. You can't add something like a child to your schedule and then refuse to give up previous commitments. The hard part is coming to peace with this and realising you are not losing your identity... you are gaining one 🥰
James I want you to know you have been heard loud and clear. I have been through similar along side Compkex PTSD. Some times you can take on the days or weeks without a hassle sometimes it has to be by the hour but we can continue moving forward. My battle has been 7 years now and my daughter is 8. Every day is a blessing and I am grateful for friends that were there for me. Thank you for being open and vulnerable to every person here.
Thank you for sharing Paul. I am hoping my own struggles don't last that long, but in my line of work, which I've been at over 10 years now, PTSD is almost a given. It's the price we pay for the service we provide... I just hope the steps I take now, limit the damage as I get older. A silver lining of my PND is if I ever start to have symptoms of other mental issues, I will be better equipped to notice them early and intervene before they settle in.
Love it! ❤❤❤
Cheers Trent, it's been very helpful to me making this video, glad you enjoyed it.
@@FixitFingers uve nailed it mate.
I love you, man. Thanks for including me.
I love you too Phil in the most manly of ways... PS Check the chapter titles for a little giggle 😅
@@FixitFingershaha nice.
This must have been so tough to make. Well done James for sharing. Our lives changed a few weeks back when my wife injured her leg and hasn’t been able to walk unassisted since, changed our lives overnight and things that had been important went on hold. But the pressure for some things to get done remain and this is the challenge. The quickest path to failure is trying to please everyone. Get well soon mate.
Sorry to hear that Derek, I wish her a speedy recovery. I am sure when she presented at the doctor and returned home, everyone accepted her injury and she never once questioned herself if seeking medical help was the right thing to do. If we can convince more folks the same philosophy applies to mental health, the world will be a happier place. All the best mate.
Well done you guys this video is so very very important THANK YOU💙🙌🏼🇺🇸
I'm saying 'You're welcome" but it feels a bit odd when I made this for myself as a kind of therapy 😅 I am just glad it has touched so many people. Thanks Sunny.
James that was an amazing video! Thank you for bringing this most important topic to all of us in this community. We all struggle and unfortunately a large number of us do not have a “conversation” about it and continue to suffer or worse. I’m glad you were able to get the help you needed. Take care my friend!
That's what this is all about, normalising the conversation. So many wonderful comments here, it has been a joyful mission working through them all. Cheers mate.
Thanks for sharing. Being so far down a deep hole that you can’t spend time with your kids is the worst experience in the world, but you do need to look after yourself. Take care mate. ❤
Before becoming a dad I never realised your child could trigger emotions so strong they can lift you up higher than you thought possible. But if the rest of your life is out of balace, that same trigger can send you spiralling... at least, that's the best way I can describe the roller coaster I've been on. She is my little starlight, and I am learning how not to be burnt :)
Thank you James! It's hard to speak up, even more on an UA-cam channel! Wish you the best recovery, directly from Brasil! 🙏🏻
Obrigado Mauricio... I felt like I had the platform, so it was best to use it to try to do some good. Thanks for the world-spanning love. 🙏
Thanks for sharing. Very inspiring
Thanks for watching Charlie, I've been sitting here for hours catching up on the comments... so many mini stories shared here today. It's lovely stuff.
Thankyou for having the courage to not only ask for help, but put your story out there in such a raw and vulnerable way. I wish I had seen this 2 years ago and realised I didn't need to battle it alone. Even if it helps just one person its worth it, but with how you have put it together it will help many more people than you know. great work mate. Be proud of who you are.
Thanks Dave, my PND, like my daughter came at the right time. As a 42 year old first time dad, I think my place in life and years has helped in a situation a younger version of me would have struggled even more with. I am glad you got through it too, and fortunately, many more folks than I expected have now seen it... and I am proud of that, and the people who helped me make it.
This needs to be watched by all men and then talked about.
It’s OK not to be OK ❤
At least all the men I can reach in my tiny corner of UA-cam. So far... the response has blown me away. Thanks for being part of it :)
I don’t normally, but this is getting shared on all my socials. Thank you for posting this.
Legend Martin, thanks. The response has been amazing, and it is getting to the eyeballs of many folk, a huge number of whom are now sharing their stories here in the comments. It's taking time, but I intend to get to all of them. Projects like this succeed best when shared, and the feedback has been heartwarming :)
I so wish I could give you a hug right now, if I'm allowed. Praise the Lord you are doing well! We are all just human. Don't be superman, being human is the best we can be, flaws and all. Life is a shitload of stress, but you must not allow your cup to runneth over. You are loved by so many and you have so much to give. One day at a time, James. Be thankful and be calm, always doing the best you can, as only one human can. Prioritize and most importantly, take care of James. I send you an internet hug!
Big internet hugs are always valid Jules, thank you. We are doing well. Just finished a 5 day sleep training boot camp wiht bub and she did amazingly well. Making this video has been part of my therapy and I couldn't be happier with the response. 🥰
You're a good man 👊, thanks for sharing.
I appreciate it mate, cheers. I am struggling in a great way over the huge outpouring of love the comments are generating to keep up 🥰
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have to admit to a tear when your wife and Bub appeared in the shop and you went off script. A very touching moment and glad you left it in. All the best in your recovery and know that you have lots of friends, even if you have never met them.
It certainly feels that way today mate with hundreds of comments and messages across many platforms rolling my way. I am glad I got permission to leave that bit in, wifey is usually very camera shy, but she realised it was important to me :) Cheers.
Gotta admit, this hit me a bit harder than expected. I too have been in a slump the last 6 months or so. Work's been insane with the OT to go with it. Operating on 4 hours of sleep a night for 6 months was definitely taking a toll on everything. Luckily it looks like things are on the upswing now, and I should be getting back to a normal work/life balance again, and hopefully get back to making some sawdust here soon.
Thank you for being so open about everything, and I'm glad that you are on the upswing as well.
Sounds like you are practicing for parenthood John, if 4 hours of sleep doesn't suit you, have the conversation of sleep deprevation if you and your lovely lady ever chat about having kids 😅Jokes aside, glad you are also pushing through it. There is always light, we just need to find the right walls to knock over, and doors to open.
@@FixitFingers For sure. Just gotta channel your inner Kool-Aid man!
Definitely seems like there’s a lot of people going though similar things right now. I’m sure 3 years of global general ugliness hasn’t helped matters. Like you said though, there’s always light.
SUCH A POWERFUL VIDEO JAMES!! 💪😭 You have (you are 😉) a gorgeous little family & you have taken the most important & biggest steps since creating your family. Every single milestone you share & joy you experience together from here, is entirely due to you going through what you have & discovering that we get stronger when we stop pretending to be so strong. A pain shared is a pain lessened.
Pound for pound, this actual video, regardless of topic, was an absolute masterpiece too mate. Crushed it well done ! Cheers for letting little old me contribute.
So glad to have you on board Sam. The response has been amazing. I am hoping when she is old enough to understand, Nova can learn from it too, and know how much her daddy loves her. 🥰
@FixitFingers I honestly had this thought after watching it too. Definitely going to be one to withhold from Nova until she hits peak emotional maturity, because I don't even think a lot of ADULTS were ready to watch that ! 😭😆😭
This is just so lovely and honest and important. Thanks so much for sharing it. Also it’s just wonderfully crafted - such good story telling and demonstrating that wonderfully supportive family and community you have around you. Blessings on your family and the rest of your journey.
Thanks for the lovely feedback Silas. When I decided to tell this story, I also decided to put a lot more effort into its telling than I usually do. My maker friends have made it possible, and have been a massive support. 🙏
I honestly don't know how anyone could work 12 hour days and have a child. I technically don't work those hours, but i do spend 12 hours each day, from getting up for work, and driving home at the end. I dont have kids, but even still, it feels like I have practically no free time.
If I had that kind of job, seeing those things....man I don't even want to think where my head would be.
You're a strong guy James, seriously.
It helps I do (on average) a 36 hour week... so while I am away for long blocks, the shifts mean I also have long blocks of 4 or 5 days off in the row between rotations. This is how I had the time to start woodworking, UA-cam, and manage the building. My mistake was trying to keep that all up... and be a dad. So, the UA-cam is now no longer on any schedule, videos will come when they come. I've dropped the building management role, and am at peace that some days... are just for family. 😊
Thanks for sharing this James. It’s so important to talk about this stuff.
Cheers Vic. I am trying to add to the support services list for those overseas, as all the ones I have put down are Australian focused. Do you know of any free US or Canadian services similar to our ones I can link?
Not off the top of my head no. 😢
@@VicTesolinWoodworks I suspected it may be a challenge over there for such things. In many ways, we are The Lucky Country.
Bloody hell mate!….. think I’ve got some sawdust in my eyes… they appear to be tearing up. Great video lads and l hope you’re ok and getting back on track mate 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
So good I get two comments... this one with extra thumbs! 🥰 It's been really well received, hope it keeps getting shared around to dads and makers who need to see it. Already has more comments (and much more meaningful comments) than anything I've ever made... and I now know and appreciate even more the effort you go to to reply to all yours! 😊 Folks are taking the time to share their stories, I will take the time to listen and respond.
@@FixitFingers 😂… the 1st comment was from my “dummy” channel that l didn’t realise l was logged into 😂 Seriously though, great to see you come out the other side mate 👍
I’m so glad you did make this video James and I’m really happy you’re on the mend.
Well after filming for the hooks kinda got abruptly cut off for some reason halfway through the project... I needed another story to tell 😅 Thanks Steve, I think this version is a lot more helpful than "How to screw two pieces of wood on an angle" :)
Well said fellas ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Cheers Daz, I was very grateful for the assistance with this film
@@FixitFingers im a welder that started making things out of wood instead at home due to illness fair to say i was in a bad place before i built my own space in the shed and started using my skills and my head instead if thinking how terribke my life ended up being. I just wish I could sell what I made for some picket money yo keep me going
@@dazzalloydy I've not tried to sell too many things, and when I did the return on time wasn't great. Even these simple hooks (which granted was at mates rates) for my friends yoga studio were more favour than finance. I think it is about choosing your products, and being happy with a certain level of finish. Dainer Made has some great videos on rough but fast to build furniture that sells at a decent margin like hall tables. Just be careful in chasing a little pocket money doesn't take the fun out of the workshop :)
What a terrible turn of event! I really glad you’re on your way to get better! It takes courage to display yourself like that and you should be damn proud of yourself for sharing your story! Hope you will fully recover James!!👍
Cheers Peter, not as much courage as it took to ask my wife to let me keep the little impromptu visit in... she is normally very camera shy 🥰 I am glad she did, best part of the film. I am doing better, and getting there every day. Thanks for watching.
Well done mate, a great vid, and very recognizable! I've in hospital, had medication, talk to a psychologist every few weeks because I tried to keep too many balls up in the air.
Admitting to that is still a difficult thing, yes is still easier than no, but I'll get there eventually. And so will you!
Thanks for a great video upon a very heavy topic!
I've avoided the meds... for now. If I keep making progress I will continue to do so. I am a functional human most days, and there are now just pockets of concern throughout any given week. The road ahead looks clear, and I hope to walking it. Cheers mate.
Great video Jimmy, I'm glad things are on the up, and thanks for letting me be a small part of it. Also, I think you accidentally married Han Solo?
James: "I love you"
Wifey: "OK"
😆
Thanks for the advice to wait a while mate. This is a much better video for the delay to let me clear my head more and be in a better place to tell the story. Wait, does that make me Chewy... or Leia? 🤔
Hello James. You know my English is not good at all, but I'm still trying. I was very impressed by your video and your honest way of talking so openly about your illness and moved me to tears. And I am also always enthusiastic about how well your community in Downunder sticks together. I admire you all. Greetings from Old Germany 👋🏻
Danke Ed. I like to think we always have each other's backs. We have challenges, and lulls, but overall the Aussie Maker scene is a tight knit group whom I am proud to call friends... even our honourary Dane ;)
@@FixitFingers My, by Australian standards, neighbour Jesper is certainly also an Australian in his heart 😊
Thank you for not only a brilliant video, but even more for helping breaking the stigma around mental health and normalising talking about it! And a special thanks to the wifes that helps spotting the signs ❤ Take care mate!
Cheers Haavard. My poor wife has been amazing, never once complaining when I was too down to help her with the baby, and doing everything she could to both raise our daughter and support me. Mums are superhuman, and we have to make sure we support them, by looking after ourselves.
Great video to share an important message. I wish you and your family all the best.
Our shed's are our happy place, but they can be isolating too. Recognising the difference between the two can be hard, but is important. Cheers Luke.
Retired from EMS and ending as a manager i can confirm that having ‘the conversation ‘ is vital to mental health , oh and a wood shop is the best, wood accepts a lot of tears and hurt
The wood has never complained to me or told me it's all in my head :) I made the mistake of turning my happy place into a stress machine... now it is time to take it back. I haven't cut a piece of timber in months, but I finally am excited to get back in there now this project has let me drop a weight off my shoulders :)
@@FixitFingers i put my distress into the wood and create, well sometimes make stuff out of junk but it’s my happy place where my heart stills and my life pauses long enough to breath. Never hold on to negative or worrying thoughts let them out whilst you are making stuff, it’s good for the spirit and soul
@@annetteolivier721 amen!
That took courage, not every bloke can be that open to a vast audience.
I bet your daughter, wife mum & dad are extremely proud of you. Well done mate.
Wifey is proud... daughter loves her daddy and is blissfully sleeping like a baby (waking up screaming once an hour :P) But that's Ok... just another opportunity for me to snuggle her to sleep. One day I will share this story with her, and hope she forgives me for putting her poor mum through this. I am much loved.
Great video and so important, mate. It's not easy to always be awesome . I'm glad you had the guts to make it and publish it. That was also a great collection of people around you. I've had a number a mates who have made tragic life decisions because of an inability or fear to talk. Onwards and upwards, brother.
We have such a top community here Dale, I wanted you and others in the video too, but there were only so many I could fit into a 14 minute window. I deal with the end result of bad decisions... or the inabilty to make a decision, every day at work. Anything we can do to lower the toll is worth in. Cheers Mate.
@@FixitFingers Hahaha, you didn't need my ugly mug infiltrating your video. I'm more simply pleased that you got the video out there. It is a thing that affects lots of guys, particularly if they have feelings of change in identity, role, and place after becoming a Dad. Again, great work, mate, as it is so important to have real conversations.
Awesome vid, congratulations to all involved.
Like the song says, we all need somebody to lean on.
That was the first song I learned to play on the piano... and is still the only song I can play on piano 😅 It was a joy to get so many makers on board to help with this :)
Good on you mate.
I appreciate you taking time out to watch Bruce, cheers.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and speaking about mens mental health issues. And all the best for you and your family.
Thanks Tim, we are doing better recently and bub is coming along healthy and well. I can ask for no more :)
Having been through my own episode some years back now, this was a very raw video to watch. Thank you for having the courage to be so vulnerable…
I needed a hand... and time. I wanted to do this sooner, but a friend advised not to until I had reached a better place in my recovery. Those were wise words. Just 2 weeks ago after some great progress, I had a relapse. Luckily, my councilling had taught me to catch the warning signs, and now I am already back on track. This video has been months in the making, and a big part of my self therapy. Thanks for watching.
My low point was over 5 years ago and it’s been a matter of self awareness (and the wife being patient, observant and communicative) in order to identify when the signs reoccur. Keep fighting the fight good sir.
@@damo3748 my wife is my hero 🥰🥰
Well done collaborating on this one folks & cheers for sharing James, important message and also a really good video. Sending love & support from up north ❤️
Much appreciated mate. It took a lot of trust from my friends when I sent them a script and said... read this to camera. They smashed it out of the park.
You have always been so genuine, and to me personally. 10:03 made me cry, you have such a beautiful family. Like everyone else, I wish you all the best in success and happiness and it sounds like you have found that balance. Meg
You want bravery look in the mirror Meg. It's been a big year of changes for many of us, each in out own ways. While the video is about PND, I hope it also reaches anyone tackling their own challenges. ❤️
yep been there done that myself, but what a wonderful set of friends to support you just lean into their positive support and breath the air of renewal your gonna make it and better than you think
The maker community has been awesome. There are many who didn't even know, but their videos coming out gave each tough day a little bit of a kick when I found a few moments to myself. I am very lucky, cheers Les
Nice one FF! Have lost 2 of my friends this year and i too battle with anxiety issues myself. Well done raising awareness.
That is tragic news mate, and would test any man. I hope you are being well supported by those around you, and are able to give what support you can to your friends loved ones. It can become a vicious cycle, remember, self care first, then help others :)
Good on you mate for the speaking out on such a huge platform about mental health.
To many times people let it build and build I myself used to. And thought that keeping myself busy will help keep that black dog away. Fortunately I seemed some help and spoke to others in my circle also.
Keep it up brother.
Thanks again for sharing your story and speaking out.
I wish I had this video 4 months ago and could send it to new dad me and tell him to slow the smeg down. I am fortunate my 'rock bottom' was still well within view of the light, and I had my wife and network to pick me up. Many lads dont. I've had the Black Dog lead friends away forever, so if I can play a small part it helping others pat him goodbye and continue on their own path, I wanted to take that opportunity. Thanks Chris.
Great video . I hear you brother I’ve been there and living my best life now all because I started a conversation and asked for help . Stay strong and always reach out . Well done to all the other makers who stood with you .
That is awesome to hear Darren. I feel like I am on the way up, but it's still a way to go. We need to hear people's success stories like yours, not just the ones that end in tragedy. Hope is a stronger motivator than fear.
@@FixitFingers your welcome . Stay strong . Reach out anytime
Touching. My wife suffered serious PND so i understand as i looked after our kids for 6-9 months after birth....
Sorry to hear this. Ask for help guys!!
That is being a real man Damian, well done. From 3 to 6 months of my bubba's life, my wife had to carry her, and me, daily. She is amazing and has borne the brunt of this process in the most loving and supportive way. As she returns to work soon I can't wait to do the same for her 🥰
Amazing Vid
Well done, an important lesson for all
It’s ok to be down and it’s important that we talk
Thanks Brett. We spend ages learning about how to use our tools... but ignore the warning lights that come on in our most important one. It's important to talk, and after that, seek the best help you can. :)
This is the greatest video EVER to be put on this platform. Well done on making it, so glad that you had the support you needed.
I think Mr Beast and Baby Shark might have something to say about that Mike... but I will take the compliment with thanks. Without hyperbole, it is the best video I have ever made after 200+ uploads and and 5 years on the platform. Thanks for making my morning, what a wonderful comment to wake to while feeding bubba her porriage 🥰
This is a subject we always push at our gym. I practice mixed martial arts and train with some amazing humans. Starting conversations on mental health is something we talk about on a weekly basis. It’s so good to see this community rally around a friend and let him know that it’s ok to ask for help. We could all benefit from humans like you all in our life. Thank you for spreading this message, James. Thank you 🙏🏼 👊🏼
This next question goes out to everyone reading. Are you ok?
That is awesome to hear mate. I think particularly in classically macho settings, like workshops and martial arts, getting 'tough' blokes to be vulnerable is super important. This is why I like TradeMutt and TIACS... I think the Tradie culture of the '70s and 80s was down right toxic towards mental health, and now folks like them are turning that notion upsidedown. Keep up the good fight.
Bloody hell mate…think I’ve got some sawdust in my eyes… they seem to be tearing up. Very good video lads and l hope you’re OK mate 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
We are moving in the right direction Shane, cheers mate. I hope your physical recovery is also proceeding well!
Great stuff mate. You took a huge step, the hardest step. Admitting as a male that help was needed. I have a trademutt advocate for many years and it is a cause i am extremely passionate about. What many people dont know is that i have also been a client of Tiacs. We are not bullet proof as many have pointed out. And there are often circumstances that dictate some.changes we dont have control over. But having conversations is something we can all do. I am extremely proud of you, for having the courage to seek help. Much love my friend
I am glad I have support through work and that I didn't need to tax TIACS limited resources... but I am also glad to help support them and the work they do. Collars don't come much bluer than mine, even if it is not exactly what people think when talking about 'blue collar' workers. Much love Ash, and thanks for the all the support for me personally and the Aussie Maker community. How long it has taken me to get to this reply is an indication of the number of interactions I've had in the last 24 hours... wonderful, sad, and inspirational. We have good people around us.
I have enjoyed your content for many years James.
To see this post was a shock. I had to watch it twice. The first time was confusing as you are very grounded and no nonsense. Refreshing in your honesty and your sense of humility.
I see you are surrounded by a beautiful family and very loyal friends. I hope all works out for you and your loved ones.
I rarely script anything, so when I do I always feel it comes across a bit formal and unnatural. For a project like this, with so many voices to include, it had to be tightly written. Most of my monologes look a little odd, as I am reading to camera to stop the emotions from taking over... but there are a few bits where I'd finished my 'read'... and left the camera running. I didn't know if I'd include those bits, but I am glad I did. Then when wifey and bubba walked in unexpectedly I nearly lost it, but it was the best thing that happened to this video🤗
Best video to date mate. This is so important yet little is spoken about it.
I still struggle with my Demons on a daily basis, it’s so important to see the signs before it’s too late or too much.
Take care buddy.
Thank you again.
I like your therapy too mate. I wish I could get out more. Found my first box in a very long while this week... and Nova's first ever cache! I can't wait until she is older and we can treasure hunt together and call it 'parenting' 🥰 Take care of yourself out there, and if you know of any US based services like Beyond Blue and Black Dog Institute I can link to, please let me know.
Brave stuff mate. Great work. Big hearts.
Breaking the comment silence, I am honoured. Cheers mate.