Great points! 👍 Our environments have great influence on our lives. While black women are not monolithic as many assume, there are sone commonalities. Many come from fatherless homes and many have no husbands so the being strong message comes from a place of survival. Many of our environments have taken away the poise and etiquette we have been given. We must be true to self, our personal convictions, and not conform To the point we lose our own soul and self in the process of living. Mingle, be kind, compassionate, but never compromise who you please others. Pleasing everyone all the time is impossible!
High value men want a feminine woman who can create a home out of a house. Provide security, nurture, love and abundance. The lush feminine environment where everything worthwhile is birthed and grows.
I remember my neighbor use to always ask me to help carry my groceries up to my apartment on the second floor and I would always let him no matter if it was something as heavy as a case of water or as light as a pack of tissue. Men really just want to help and exercise their masculinity.
This is so eye opening!!! I don’t think we realise how much we are in our masculine energy on a day to day basis, especially when you’ve been raised to be a “strong independent woman” and not rely on a man
@@MB-xv7er Being attractive and confident vs pretty is what truly gets you somewhere. There's literally somebody for everybody I've witnessed it in real life and online.
@Diamond Talks Again read my comment perhaps slow this time so you understand. “There’s somebody for everybody” isn’t what we are talking about… not every woman came get a man who provides; pretty privilege does matter
@ kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Women in these comments are being obtuse on purpose lol. They’re acting as if beauty isn’t why they landed a well off man and it’s very irritating
I enjoyed this video. I'm a 50 year old woman and I know for sure everything that you shared in this video is true. I have a 21 year marriage and my husband and I base our marriage on gender roles. He loves my femininity and I appreciate his masculinity.
Yes, I'm only 21 but my partner and I like our relationship according to our gender roles as well. But in today's society, too many people try telling us it's just because we are brainwashed by society or oppressed as if there is shame in it and we are incapable of having our own ideas
Love this! I was very career focused for years and once I started to focus on my feminine, that’s when I attracted my husband and my priorities and my life has totally changed for the better. This all happened in one year, at 28. I’m still 28 lol.
Asian woman here who grew up in her masculine energy because i was told i was not pretty enough so I should be successful career woman my mom even entered me to grad school to meet men except they either feel so intimidated or i feel so intimidated by them this hits so much thank you and wishing everyone to finally embrace the soft life
I'm Nigerian but born in america. my father told me when I went to prom that I didn't have the body for my dress 😩 I didn't realize how bad that man poisoned my views of myself until recently at 30 years old
@@dreadlocdfairy my father used to abuse me verbally and these days i'm literally affirming to myself with PRAYER BEADS that i was not faulty or guilty i was okay :'D "poison" ... it is so true
Not sure how this came up in my recommended since I'm a man, but it was honestly super refreshing and reassuring to hear a woman discuss the importance of both masculinity and femininity. We NEED both and it's ok to rely on others (yes, even men lol) from time to time. It's so important to foster both strength and softness (plus, there is nothing more attractive to men than a feminine woman). You've got a new sub! :)
I like that you said this , thank you , I’ve had to be the “man of the house “ in my relationship because he has always been more of a child than a man , and that’s a horrible place to be put in ….for years I’ve never had the luxury of being able to rely on him….changes are on the horizon
Remember three teachers can teach the same thing but u only comprehend and connect with one ! Always put out your teachings boo someone needs it specifically from u
In the past I had an ex who would complain about helping out his mother and sister with simple things, and eventually he turned out to be unreliable and not helpful at all. So I guess it depends on the person. If the guy hates women, he is not going to appreciate femininity.
🚩 Absolutely. But if we as women raise our standards, men will have no choice but to keep up lol. But yes for now, leave the dusties. They’ll figure it out soon enough 😅
Hate to say this but that’s his mom and sisters fault. They probably did everything for him and he’s used to being in his feminine energy. My son does a lot for every woman he comes in contact with and he’s only 14
@@tinawalker5335 oh definitely. I remember complaining about doing all the cleaning and his sister said I’m supposed to do all the cleaning and cooking. But I’m helping with the rent and I also work… so how am I supposed to do everything then? Never doing that again. I’m so glad your son knows better!
This is a really great video. Im 26 starting a celibacy journey. Looking back I’ve portrayed a more masculine role bc i seen the women in my family be “strong & independent” which only intimidates men. They see it as a challenge that they need to “break down”. I don’t want to attract that type of man anymore, I’m ready to step into my femininity 🌸💕 Thank you for this
Hey, I hope you’re doing great today 💗. I hope you don’t mind me asking but what made you want to be celibate and how is it working out for you ? I don’t believe in having sex till you’re in a relationship but celibacy also sounds like a beautiful thing but very challenging .
@@ambin916 Hey thanks for asking! My dating experiences made me realize that I needed healing. I needed more self love and I didn’t even realize it… also if I’m not benefiting from sex as much as the other person then it’s pointless. Celibacy is hard at first but the more I focus on other things (hobbies, shadow work, career, family) I realize I’m growing in the process.
Let’s not blame our women figures! Let’s lift them up and recognize we want different things. Without their guidance, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to be softer
I learned how gentling it can be to nurture a creative hobby. I rediscovered watercolor painting and plants in recent months. My little studio room is developing into an oasis of greenery and art. So soothing to come home and relax in the company of my plant babies and my latest canvas.
As I was watching this my neighbor messaged me asking if he can get me anything from the store. My first response was no I don't want to inconvenience him or feel entitled, but then you said the point about them offering because they actually enjoy it and want to! So I said I'd love a takeaway coffee :) Felt strange but really lovely to receive the help!
i feel you! my boyfriend offered to buy me a £2.00 protein bar that i really wanted, but i felt so uncomfortable accepting his offer. i said yes anyways because i’m trying to train myself 🤣
Loved this! Thank you for sharing. I agree with you on how femininity is not just about getting a man, but rather being the best version of yourself. When I'm in my feminine evergy, I treat others well because I'm treating myself well. Especially how I treat other women and see them as allies rather than competition or a threat to what I want.
"Didn't want to talk about femininity, because fear it would be riduculed." Sis, we feel you. 💌🙌🏽 I absolutely love that you brought up RBF, because realistically, sure, a person could say, "Oh, that's just my face," but if it does not serve you and keeps you from getting a job or opportunity something does need to change. When I lived in Morocco, I taught myself to simply relax my eyes and let them smile for me, so that (I still wasn't technically smiling with my mouth and bowing to the patriarchy, heaven forbid, lol) I appeared approachable to the good coming my way. I also love that example of one woman asking for help causing a chain reaction of other men volunteering to help and happy to do so. Obviously, there will be times we want to be seen as strong and independent, however, even a queen knows when to hold out her hand 👸🏽✨️💕
I appreciate this comment soo much I have rbf and I've been making a true effort to smile more I'm real friendly but I do see how my approach don't make me approachable I'm a work in progress 😌notice the profile pic lol
Love how this is aimed towards women. Many times we need another woman who looks like us and has been through it for us to be receptive to it. Many of these qualities that we are working on will make us a well rounded person in general. Knowing when and how to be soft will get us through life a lot easier
Being someone who has grown up to always be in their shell, I would hardly ever comment on any videos or posts. But after watching a few of your videos, it has helped me to gradually come out of that. This is just me appreciating this very brilliant info you just shared. ❤️🙏
The synergy is crazy! I love that you're discussing this. This is something I've been alluding to on my channel lately too with the focus on creative pursuits; relationships etc. Your content is refreshing ✨
I’ve been trying to not let myself get too caught up in attaching success to wealth and materialistic things. Granted yes I want to make money, but I truly want to just enjoy the people and experiences around me that will help me live a happy healthy life❤
Hobbies: I've been doing pole fitness as well for a little over a year and I've also gotten into figure skating! So much fun and challenging! I would add to allowing men to be in their masculine energy: voicing appreciation for it. For example, for a while I would always be the one to drive because of my husband's health issues. When he got healthier he started being the one to drive us more and I made a point to tell him how much I appreciated that and it seemed to really impact him that I noticed and was grateful.
Aww amazing!! Figure skating seems like a real challenging but rewarding hobby! And yes to voicing appreciation 👏🏾👏🏾 I completely agree, infact my partner & I mentioned the importance of this in a recent video we shared. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience. Men need words of affirmation too ❤️
@@queenroyalty6548 I have loved it. it has done a lot to strengthen my upper body and core and it makes me super proud every time i accomplish a pole trick. It can be painful on the body but I think thats typical of most sports.
Absolutely! Men need to feel appreciated just as women do. And a sweet smile and "thank you" makes them feel so good. As an added bonus, it will get you practically anything you want. LOL
Thank you so much for this. All my life people tell me I’m “prissy” or soft so I became more aggressive (masculine) which made me really sad. I’m now going back to my old self thank you!
If there is one thing I love, it's me being a woman. I just love that am a feminine woman you just get things done. Sometimes not only men wanna help but woman too because they enjoy your warmth. Am soo blessed
I agree with your points, although I don't think we are directly told to be strong and independent more so than we are forced to be. Historically many have had no choice but to. Balance is essential, and understanding when and who to be feminine with is critical.
Yes cuz the men leave!!! The men abandoned we gotta do both jobs, so this girl is young, tell me a different story when she is in her late 30’s or 40s when men sees us at old already
You always post when I need inspiration! I would love to hear more about how you plan your videos and decide which topics to cover. Thanks for all this rich and consistent content!!
Totally agree, been feeling down really lately. I literally don't look forward to anything. I hope this video is going to help me get out the Rutt that I'm in
I plan my content based on my key topic pillars. From there I will brainstorm subtopics and also use the feedback from previous videos/comments. Recently, my videos have been pretty intuitive as I’m being hit with endless inspiration lol! 🤩🙏🏾
Omg girl!! This was an amazing video!! All black women need to hear this because that is something we all we raised on and it’s time to make some POSITIVE changes about that. You hit a lot of key points and I appreciate this video so much!!!
First of all...as a nearly 50 year old woman (I am loving saying that) I have dated men who would not be considered "high value" who were gold. Second, a lot of this feminine self stuff comes with age. As we are younger, we are told that we need to get ours and everything else be damned. When you are in your 30s, a lot of what she is saying becomes kind of evident. You've gotten your footing, begun to realize who you think you are, understand what you need to *ALLOW* you to be able to feel vulnerable and let a man or another energy attract to you, and where you feel safe in being softer with another person on the whole. Watch this and take from it what you will. There is some generally good info for self development. Any man or partner involved in you will be attracted to you for what ever reasons attracted him to you initially, and it may not even be about your femininity. It might be your drive. Love is a crap shoot. 🤷🏾♀️
Found this video right on time. Love it. New follower! I'm starting my feminine journey. I have so much masculine energy and I always took pride in doing everything by myself. Buy I've realized I want to enjoy a softer life and when I start to date I want to attract high quality and evolved masculine men. Thanks for this content.
Your elegance is contagious. You have been inspirational to me in just this video and I will certainly be following you. Thank you for your time and influence. You're a jewel! Keep up the phenomenal work!❤
Wow thank you for this !!! I naturally lean towards my feminine energy but I see some ways were I don’t want to feel like a burden so I reject help . which is insane when you put it in perspective ! Working on myself ❤
You know your on the right track when this video pops up in your feed❤ For me you have to be balanced the inner masculine wants to take care of you and the feminine wants to be free you have a million dollar business and a group of girlfriends you have BOTH don’t limit yourself ❤
You’re absolutely right . A year ago my UA-cam feed was filled with the most meaningless things. Now it’s filled with UA-camrs that has helped me grow , I’m taking a break from social media and it has helped me being more truthful to myself. I’ll recommend taking break from social media to ANYONE. It is so peaceful and I honestly do not miss it ❤️.
I love this! Thank you. I’ve been pretty masculine most of my life and the father of my child always said it. But everything makes sense and let’s me know he was right about that atleast. I feel like I fear being feminine because I feel like it gives people power over me.. I was disappointed a lot throughout my childhood so putting things in another’s hands scares me because I’ve been disappointed as an adult as well. All of what you said makes sense and I have a baby girl now and want marriage so I’m willing to be open minded and improve.
Found your channel yesterday and I have been invested. Thanks for sharing, really needed this. As one who has always been told I am more in my masculine energy. Currently on a self love and awareness journey
I am a 41 year old woman who is married. I wish my generation was not taught the “Strong Blk Woman” trope. It wasn’t until a year ago that I truly started understanding the feminine woman. I have been on this journey of embracing the feminine and accepting my husbands masculine side without being offended by it.
I also grew up a strong independent woman but I am caucasian as the men in the family passed away and women were left as widows to fend for themselves in an era when it wasn't so easy to break into traditional male roles. - so if you were going to get ahead, you had to do it your self. I am now 63 and learning just now to embrace femininity - thank you for your content
Thank you so much for this video! I was a young mom and was not able to rely on my children's father much , now that i'm older when i sit back and think , my life in some ways have been hard , i have developed this i'm all i have attitude because I literally feel like i am bothering people especially the way they respond when i ask for help so I try to do it all and it's tiring, i'm ready for the soft life 💞
I was also a young mother and had to work, go to school, run the entire household, and raise my children all on my own. It's definitely difficult to move away from that and allow yourself to trust a man once you're in that type of situation. Then it becomes even more difficult as you get older because you've been living with disappointment for so long and don't want others to reject your plea for help, so you learn to stop asking. My advice is to surround yourself with people you trust and start asking for tiny favors without offering anything in return. This will help you to gain confidence in seeing that people can be relied upon.
honestly needed this video, you made me realise feminity is beyond your looks! the simple thing april mason just opened my eyes 🤗💕 thank you for this video, keep them coming hun!!💜
Wow, I totally appreciate you sharing these important values. All key points resonates well within my soul. I'm transitioning from the strong black woman to the soft feminine black woman ♀️👠 . Loving my journey 🥰
I love that you’re talking about this ❤️ it’s something I’ve been working on and you’re right so many people are trying to monetise off of the work many of us need when it comes to femininity but with you I love your insight, transparency and authenticity. Thank you 🙏🏾❤️. Denise Francis also put it perfectly “if all black women started a self love journey we could heal generations”
I actually DO accept and always have accepted help from men, I realise I have actually always been a girly girl, but my family, which can be very harsh on me (I have a feeling they are letting their frustrations out on me by critizising me) started to call me out on this and telling me I was taking advantage of men and I should go and work formyself and stand on my on feet 😕 Edit: just saw on min 13:20 you experienced just the same like me!! So good to hear it from another woman who made the same experiences and having the same thoughts on this!💞
Thank you ❤ I’m a male looking for content like this for my young daughters: finally I find someone who talks about femininity without showing cleavage. A true classy woman, I will be glad to guide my daughters to your content.
So well expressed. Thank you for sharing your experience and what brought you to examining femininity. Thank you so much for this!! I resonate a lot with having been in masculinity before too, due to past trauma. I was a single mom for awhile and haven’t realized until recently how much of that energy I was still carrying with me. 💖💖💖
Really looking forward to watching this and seeing your perspective on the topic. Softness , femininity and the ability to rest our spirits and worries is definitely needed in our community. However, as you stated it is currently a buzzword and in some ways used as a ploy marketed towards black women. Become more feminine by buying my programming or coaching etc. However I know that you always have insightful and thoughtful takes so I’m watching with an open mind and open ears.
Anyone who is on their level up journey want to make a group chat? I've really be struggling to find like minded people and make friends who are committed to leveling up like I am. Love the video btw
Hello Oluoma, I can tell we're from the same tribe and perhaps residing in the same country now. I'd like to join this group chat you've talked about. At least it'll be quite relatable to befriend someone with similar circumstances.
Omg! that´s exactly what I´m talking about all the time! You can be a feminist with feminine energy… many girls are jealous of the men´s attention that I get. But then they are pushing them away by saing „ i gonna do it on my own I´m not that weak etc.” Love your work
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Thank you for this gem. I realize these things are very important. I got into a relationship with a very masculine man. And ended up moving to the Caribbean from the states. The States really drive you to this dangerous strong woman mentality. This was pushed in my head. That I was a big workaholic. It honestly made me give off more masculine energy.
Thank you for doing this. As you mentioned, our community needs this so. As you mentioned, our community needs this so bad because this is all we’ve known for so long. Thank you.🙏🏾
I can relate to this so much, my journey right now of feminine v masculine energy. The great thing about it is that I really want the transformation as I’m getting older. Thank you for sharing 🌸👌🏾
Good content. Thank you. I think I’ve learned to graciously accept help esp as a single mom and my man appreciates my gratitude but I also have a huge problem with nitpicking. My therapist says it’s projection lol so I need to learn to relinquish most of this judgment. I think it came from being criticized my whole life and then not trusting my own judgment or sense of self.
In the process of allowing myself to be more feminine, its hard for me to accept/ask for financial help from my partner because I've always been in survival mode lead by my masculine energy and it makes me feel embarrassed or as if I'm not enough for admitting that I'm struggling, I hate to feel like they have pity for me or that they see me as a dependent woman... its hard for me to open up to anyone even my family about that, I always say I'm ok, I'm doing just fine when in reality I could be stressing to no measure.. videos like yours are helping me to realize that being feminine doesn't mean you're not able to do it on your own, it means you know your worth and know that your king will take of you no matter how much you have while you in your feminine self will give him the appreciation, love, and respect in return that he deserves...
hello Montelle, I hope all's well! Your video just appeared on my screen & here I am. Just turned 50, had major surgery 3 months ago & was low key thinking of ways to reinvent myself but not knowing HOW or WHERE to start. So, thank you! I'm starting from now 🖤✨ ps your skin is beautiful!
I agree with all of these points! But, I do need to just add, being too adjustable you risk losing yourself as an individual and your partner may take advantage of that. Still have boundaries and ensure your partner can accept feedback as well. But consistent feedback can be negative and unhealthy and it no longer becomes feedback but it becomes criticism. Also, allowing them to do for you is great but if they stop don't hold resentment because you know your capable of doing it anyway. But...Love is help🙂
I’m so glad I found your channel!!! The appearance portion definitely resonated with me the most (the whole video is a gem). I recently let my friend braid my hair (after growing it out from a low cut from the past 3 years) and when I tell you my whole aura shifted!!!! I hadn’t seen myself this way in a little over 4 years (I had long locs I cut off after a break up). I’m a naturally comfy person and love my sweats and oversized shirts and workout leggings; but after she did my hair, I literally looked for a new wardrobe to bring out this new version of a beautiful me. I already started looking for my next hair style (a passion twist bob), and I’ve decided to continue treating myself to my nail time (I have naturally long nails and always wanted to try cute and crazy designs, this is my third month with a new one)! I definitely want to keep going this route. I love this video and your channel is such a gift to someone like me who has healed from a bad break up but single and have been stuck in the “I got me since no one else got me” mindset. Thank you for making this for woman like us!🌻💕
😮💨 I needed this, I just turned 30 recently gained my degree and gave birth in the same breath my fiancé is currently miles away and I feel sooo run down from taking care of everything.. I don’t have many friends and don’t really have support.. I’m looking to reinvent my looks and mindset.
Maybe it’s the type of men that I meet, but from your number one “accepting help from men” I have literally never had any man that I’ve delt with ask to help me with anything. So it got to a point where I don’t expect it. Doing it myself just came natural. Money isn’t important? In this economy, how could valuing a high paying job be considered not feminine.? Every guy I’ve dated I made more money than them. In an ideal world yea a high value man wouldn’t care about that but majority of men aren’t high value. Idk I’m trying so hard to tap into my feminine energy but so many of these points are just something I’ve never experienced. I can’t see myself giving up my job and expecting a man to pay for everything bc working and being independent isn’t feminine. I’ve seen woman try that and be called a gold digger or that they only want a man for his money. But she’s being dependent on a man right? So is that the point? Idk Putting that much dependence on a man scares the living crap outta me and I’d prob end up homeless lol
i have a female friend who is quite masculine with her energy. She loves to lead and tell others what to do. She has moved in just for three weeks and arranged things without asking me and cleans, does the laundry but then 'lets me know' when laundry is ready to be folded. It's my place and I created space for her but she has overstepped her boundaries, but maybe because she's masculine, in some ways, it could lessons for me to be lead...idk.
I’ve really been forced into a more masculine role for the past couple of years and it has made me absolutely depressed. My relationship has an imbalance right now of the masculine and feminine since the roles are basically switched between me and my husband. It feels like I’m in a state of limbo: the desire for femininity and a more soft life but being stifled by the fact that I have to embody masculine energy to even get to the point of affording a soft life
I would like to but I'm afraid that they would then expect things from me. I don't want any expectation for me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable especially if they may think something sexual could come from it. I don't want any guy getting angry with me thinking I'm leading them on.
Sis , totally enjoyed your previous video on shadow work . Quick question, how am I supposed to work on after identifying my triggers ? A video or a segment in your following video would be really helpful.
There are a few things I want to improve on myself physically, like get an esthetician and dermatologist; Invisalign for my teeth but also would love to take dance classes. How can a lady afford all that if she’s single and living paycheck to paycheck and doing doordash on the side; but still can’t afford all that.
@@MontelleBee nothing at the moment unfortunately. I don’t have any monthly memberships (except for my gym membership). I use a Friend’s Netflix, I don’t have cable. My student loans private so they aren’t something I can postpone any longer.
Hi there can you please speak more on how to be a feminine woman when you're having to be a provider for yourself like you mentioned in the beginning of your video. Or how to transition from doing it all yourself and shifting into a feminine lifestyle.
Thank you! Wish we had the opportunity to talk one on one. I have been on a femine journey. But I am alone, so I do have to do everything myself. There is no man to do anything for me. So, that area is a bit of a challenge, but iban trying.
Great points! 👍 Our environments have great influence on our lives. While black women are not monolithic as many assume, there are sone commonalities. Many come from fatherless homes and many have no husbands so the being strong message comes from a place of survival. Many of our environments have taken away the poise and etiquette we have been given. We must be true to self, our personal convictions, and not conform
To the point we lose our own soul and self in the process of living. Mingle, be kind, compassionate, but never compromise who you please others. Pleasing everyone all the time is impossible!
I couldn’t agree more and really appreciate your comment 🙏🏾❤️ thank you!
yes accept
Well said
High value men DO NOT CARE how much you earn. I’ve been preaching this forever. I pray that we truly understand and internalize this one day.
Exactly! 💯🙏🏾🙏🏾
High value men want a feminine woman who can create a home out of a house. Provide security, nurture, love and abundance. The lush feminine environment where everything worthwhile is birthed and grows.
Absolutely 💯
@@11nica5 Provide security? Who the woman or the man
@@sagittariusbeauty both Just in different ways!
God woke me up at 1:30am with thoughts of reinventing myself and stepping into my femininity. I was led to your channel. Please keep creating 💞
Same!!!!
I was lead as well in the middle of the night.4AM.
Ladies about her UA-camr to watch is Dr. Michelle Daf💫💫
Me too I love it.🤍
Have you started this journey if so let me know some tips that helped you !!
I remember my neighbor use to always ask me to help carry my groceries up to my apartment on the second floor and I would always let him no matter if it was something as heavy as a case of water or as light as a pack of tissue. Men really just want to help and exercise their masculinity.
This is so eye opening!!! I don’t think we realise how much we are in our masculine energy on a day to day basis, especially when you’ve been raised to be a “strong independent woman” and not rely on a man
Exactly!!
That is so true. It almost becomes part of our DNA, and then we have to make a conscious effort to get back to who we were meant to be.
@@MB-xv7er Being attractive and confident vs pretty is what truly gets you somewhere. There's literally somebody for everybody I've witnessed it in real life and online.
@Diamond Talks
Again read my comment perhaps slow this time so you understand. “There’s somebody for everybody” isn’t what we are talking about… not every woman came get a man who provides; pretty privilege does matter
@ kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Women in these comments are being obtuse on purpose lol. They’re acting as if beauty isn’t why they landed a well off man and it’s very irritating
I enjoyed this video. I'm a 50 year old woman and I know for sure everything that you shared in this video is true. I have a 21 year marriage and my husband and I base our marriage on gender roles. He loves my femininity and I appreciate his masculinity.
🙏🏾❤️
Yes, I'm only 21 but my partner and I like our relationship according to our gender roles as well. But in today's society, too many people try telling us it's just because we are brainwashed by society or oppressed as if there is shame in it and we are incapable of having our own ideas
Love this! I was very career focused for years and once I started to focus on my feminine, that’s when I attracted my husband and my priorities and my life has totally changed for the better. This all happened in one year, at 28. I’m still 28 lol.
Asian woman here who grew up in her masculine energy because i was told i was not pretty enough so I should be successful career woman my mom even entered me to grad school to meet men except they either feel so intimidated or i feel so intimidated by them this hits so much thank you and wishing everyone to finally embrace the soft life
hi may i ask what you took up in university and grad school?
also arr u saying u havent dated anyone while im school?
You my dear are amazing, keep it up❤
I'm Nigerian but born in america. my father told me when I went to prom that I didn't have the body for my dress 😩 I didn't realize how bad that man poisoned my views of myself until recently at 30 years old
@@dreadlocdfairy my father used to abuse me verbally and these days i'm literally affirming to myself with PRAYER BEADS that i was not faulty or guilty i was okay :'D "poison" ... it is so true
If a man truly wants u he won't be intimidated
Not sure how this came up in my recommended since I'm a man, but it was honestly super refreshing and reassuring to hear a woman discuss the importance of both masculinity and femininity. We NEED both and it's ok to rely on others (yes, even men lol) from time to time. It's so important to foster both strength and softness (plus, there is nothing more attractive to men than a feminine woman). You've got a new sub! :)
I like that you said this , thank you , I’ve had to be the “man of the house “ in my relationship because he has always been more of a child than a man , and that’s a horrible place to be put in ….for years I’ve never had the luxury of being able to rely on him….changes are on the horizon
Remember three teachers can teach the same thing but u only comprehend and connect with one ! Always put out your teachings boo someone needs it specifically from u
Preach!!! 👏🏾👏🏾
In the past I had an ex who would complain about helping out his mother and sister with simple things, and eventually he turned out to be unreliable and not helpful at all. So I guess it depends on the person. If the guy hates women, he is not going to appreciate femininity.
🚩 Absolutely. But if we as women raise our standards, men will have no choice but to keep up lol. But yes for now, leave the dusties. They’ll figure it out soon enough 😅
This
Hate to say this but that’s his mom and sisters fault. They probably did everything for him and he’s used to being in his feminine energy. My son does a lot for every woman he comes in contact with and he’s only 14
@@tinawalker5335 oh definitely. I remember complaining about doing all the cleaning and his sister said I’m supposed to do all the cleaning and cooking. But I’m helping with the rent and I also work… so how am I supposed to do everything then? Never doing that again. I’m so glad your son knows better!
Or if a guy is in his feminine energy
This is a really great video. Im 26 starting a celibacy journey. Looking back I’ve portrayed a more masculine role bc i seen the women in my family be “strong & independent” which only intimidates men. They see it as a challenge that they need to “break down”. I don’t want to attract that type of man anymore, I’m ready to step into my femininity 🌸💕 Thank you for this
Hey, I hope you’re doing great today 💗. I hope you don’t mind me asking but what made you want to be celibate and how is it working out for you ? I don’t believe in having sex till you’re in a relationship but celibacy also sounds like a beautiful thing but very challenging .
@@ambin916 Hey thanks for asking! My dating experiences made me realize that I needed healing. I needed more self love and I didn’t even realize it… also if I’m not benefiting from sex as much as the other person then it’s pointless. Celibacy is hard at first but the more I focus on other things (hobbies, shadow work, career, family) I realize I’m growing in the process.
@@MissLeoSun I love this answer ! Thank you so much for sharing , it really helped ❤️!
Let’s not blame our women figures! Let’s lift them up and recognize we want different things. Without their guidance, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to be softer
I learned how gentling it can be to nurture a creative hobby. I rediscovered watercolor painting and plants in recent months. My little studio room is developing into an oasis of greenery and art. So soothing to come home and relax in the company of my plant babies and my latest canvas.
Ah I love this for you 🤩🥰
This sounds divine 😍
As I was watching this my neighbor messaged me asking if he can get me anything from the store. My first response was no I don't want to inconvenience him or feel entitled, but then you said the point about them offering because they actually enjoy it and want to! So I said I'd love a takeaway coffee :) Felt strange but really lovely to receive the help!
Idk why but the no thank you is normally an knee jerk response.
i feel you! my boyfriend offered to buy me a £2.00 protein bar that i really wanted, but i felt so uncomfortable accepting his offer. i said yes anyways because i’m trying to train myself 🤣
Loved this! Thank you for sharing. I agree with you on how femininity is not just about getting a man, but rather being the best version of yourself. When I'm in my feminine evergy, I treat others well because I'm treating myself well. Especially how I treat other women and see them as allies rather than competition or a threat to what I want.
"Didn't want to talk about femininity, because fear it would be riduculed."
Sis, we feel you. 💌🙌🏽
I absolutely love that you brought up RBF, because realistically, sure, a person could say, "Oh, that's just my face," but if it does not serve you and keeps you from getting a job or opportunity something does need to change. When I lived in Morocco, I taught myself to simply relax my eyes and let them smile for me, so that (I still wasn't technically smiling with my mouth and bowing to the patriarchy, heaven forbid, lol) I appeared approachable to the good coming my way.
I also love that example of one woman asking for help causing a chain reaction of other men volunteering to help and happy to do so. Obviously, there will be times we want to be seen as strong and independent, however, even a queen knows when to hold out her hand 👸🏽✨️💕
Ahh I love this comment!! 👏🏾 thank you for sharing your personal experience. And I’m glad you enjoyed the video 🙏🏾❤️
@Imane C I lived in Casablanca and had a blast 🙌🏽 😄
Love this
I appreciate this comment soo much I have rbf and I've been making a true effort to smile more I'm real friendly but I do see how my approach don't make me approachable I'm a work in progress 😌notice the profile pic lol
Love how this is aimed towards women. Many times we need another woman who looks like us and has been through it for us to be receptive to it. Many of these qualities that we are working on will make us a well rounded person in general. Knowing when and how to be soft will get us through life a lot easier
Being someone who has grown up to always be in their shell, I would hardly ever comment on any videos or posts. But after watching a few of your videos, it has helped me to gradually come out of that. This is just me appreciating this very brilliant info you just shared. ❤️🙏
The synergy is crazy! I love that you're discussing this. This is something I've been alluding to on my channel lately too with the focus on creative pursuits; relationships etc. Your content is refreshing ✨
Thank you love!! And I agree, I love that we have similar messages with unique approaches 🙏🏾✨
I’ve been trying to not let myself get too caught up in attaching success to wealth and materialistic things. Granted yes I want to make money, but I truly want to just enjoy the people and experiences around me that will help me live a happy healthy life❤
Hobbies: I've been doing pole fitness as well for a little over a year and I've also gotten into figure skating! So much fun and challenging!
I would add to allowing men to be in their masculine energy: voicing appreciation for it. For example, for a while I would always be the one to drive because of my husband's health issues. When he got healthier he started being the one to drive us more and I made a point to tell him how much I appreciated that and it seemed to really impact him that I noticed and was grateful.
Aww amazing!! Figure skating seems like a real challenging but rewarding hobby! And yes to voicing appreciation 👏🏾👏🏾 I completely agree, infact my partner & I mentioned the importance of this in a recent video we shared. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience. Men need words of affirmation too ❤️
how is pole fitness for you? i’ve been wanting to try it
@@queenroyalty6548 I have loved it. it has done a lot to strengthen my upper body and core and it makes me super proud every time i accomplish a pole trick. It can be painful on the body but I think thats typical of most sports.
Absolutely! Men need to feel appreciated just as women do. And a sweet smile and "thank you" makes them feel so good. As an added bonus, it will get you practically anything you want. LOL
Thank you so much for this. All my life people tell me I’m “prissy” or soft so I became more aggressive (masculine) which made me really sad. I’m now going back to my old self thank you!
If there is one thing I love, it's me being a woman. I just love that am a feminine woman you just get things done. Sometimes not only men wanna help but woman too because they enjoy your warmth. Am soo blessed
I agree with your points, although I don't think we are directly told to be strong and independent more so than we are forced to be. Historically many have had no choice but to. Balance is essential, and understanding when and who to be feminine with is critical.
Facts
Yes cuz the men leave!!! The men abandoned we gotta do both jobs, so this girl is young, tell me a different story when she is in her late 30’s or 40s when men sees us at old already
@@NN-ws7cqthat’s why you date older men 😉
I’m so happy I found this. You explained what’s on my head for the last three years
You always post when I need inspiration! I would love to hear more about how you plan your videos and decide which topics to cover. Thanks for all this rich and consistent content!!
Totally agree, been feeling down really lately. I literally don't look forward to anything. I hope this video is going to help me get out the Rutt that I'm in
🙏🏾❤️
I plan my content based on my key topic pillars. From there I will brainstorm subtopics and also use the feedback from previous videos/comments. Recently, my videos have been pretty intuitive as I’m being hit with endless inspiration lol! 🤩🙏🏾
Omg girl!! This was an amazing video!! All black women need to hear this because that is something we all we raised on and it’s time to make some POSITIVE changes about that. You hit a lot of key points and I appreciate this video so much!!!
First of all...as a nearly 50 year old woman (I am loving saying that) I have dated men who would not be considered "high value" who were gold. Second, a lot of this feminine self stuff comes with age. As we are younger, we are told that we need to get ours and everything else be damned. When you are in your 30s, a lot of what she is saying becomes kind of evident. You've gotten your footing, begun to realize who you think you are, understand what you need to *ALLOW* you to be able to feel vulnerable and let a man or another energy attract to you, and where you feel safe in being softer with another person on the whole.
Watch this and take from it what you will. There is some generally good info for self development. Any man or partner involved in you will be attracted to you for what ever reasons attracted him to you initially, and it may not even be about your femininity. It might be your drive. Love is a crap shoot. 🤷🏾♀️
Found this video right on time. Love it. New follower! I'm starting my feminine journey. I have so much masculine energy and I always took pride in doing everything by myself. Buy I've realized I want to enjoy a softer life and when I start to date I want to attract high quality and evolved masculine men. Thanks for this content.
Your elegance is contagious. You have been inspirational to me in just this video and I will certainly be following you. Thank you for your time and influence. You're a jewel! Keep up the phenomenal work!❤
Wow thank you for this !!! I naturally lean towards my feminine energy but I see some ways were I don’t want to feel like a burden so I reject help . which is insane when you put it in perspective ! Working on myself ❤
You know your on the right track when this video pops up in your feed❤
For me you have to be balanced the inner masculine wants to take care of you and the feminine wants to be free you have a million dollar business and a group of girlfriends you have BOTH don’t limit yourself ❤
You’re absolutely right . A year ago my UA-cam feed was filled with the most meaningless things. Now it’s filled with UA-camrs that has helped me grow , I’m taking a break from social media and it has helped me being more truthful to myself. I’ll recommend taking break from social media to ANYONE. It is so peaceful and I honestly do not miss it ❤️.
Over here rooting for you! You WILL manifest your 100k subbies in short order. 12 weeks let’s go!!!
Thank you love! Let’s go!! 🔥🔥
I love this! Thank you. I’ve been pretty masculine most of my life and the father of my child always said it. But everything makes sense and let’s me know he was right about that atleast. I feel like I fear being feminine because I feel like it gives people power over me.. I was disappointed a lot throughout my childhood so putting things in another’s hands scares me because I’ve been disappointed as an adult as well. All of what you said makes sense and I have a baby girl now and want marriage so I’m willing to be open minded and improve.
Amazing video.... Perfect start for my "Reinventing" journey ❤️
Found your channel yesterday and I have been invested. Thanks for sharing, really needed this. As one who has always been told I am more in my masculine energy. Currently on a self love and awareness journey
I’m so glad you’ve discovered my channel at the right time! And welcome ❤️
I am a 41 year old woman who is married. I wish my generation was not taught the “Strong Blk Woman” trope. It wasn’t until a year ago that I truly started understanding the feminine woman. I have been on this journey of embracing the feminine and accepting my husbands masculine side without being offended by it.
This is so good❤️ thank you for being vulnerable by sharing this! May God bless and protect you 🙏🏾
I also grew up a strong independent woman but I am caucasian as the men in the family passed away and women were left as widows to fend for themselves in an era when it wasn't so easy to break into traditional male roles. - so if you were going to get ahead, you had to do it your self. I am now 63 and learning just now to embrace femininity - thank you for your content
I’ve been struggling a lot with being feminine and this video was exactly what I needed to hear today.thank you
Thank you so much for this video! I was a young mom and was not able to rely on my children's father much , now that i'm older when i sit back and think , my life in some ways have been hard , i have developed this i'm all i have attitude because I literally feel like i am bothering people especially the way they respond when i ask for help so I try to do it all and it's tiring, i'm ready for the soft life 💞
You’re so welcome love!!! And yes it’s time to unlock your soft life 🙏🏾 you deserve it and the right people will know that 💕
I was also a young mother and had to work, go to school, run the entire household, and raise my children all on my own. It's definitely difficult to move away from that and allow yourself to trust a man once you're in that type of situation. Then it becomes even more difficult as you get older because you've been living with disappointment for so long and don't want others to reject your plea for help, so you learn to stop asking. My advice is to surround yourself with people you trust and start asking for tiny favors without offering anything in return. This will help you to gain confidence in seeing that people can be relied upon.
Thanks so much for this Sis!! I love how the focus is not on using these skills to get a man, but using them to be a more balanced woman ❤🤲🏾
I love how you explained this without shaming women who are looking to be feminine. Thank you for this video.
honestly needed this video, you made me realise feminity is beyond your looks! the simple thing april mason just opened my eyes 🤗💕 thank you for this video, keep them coming hun!!💜
Wow, I totally appreciate you sharing these important values. All key points resonates well within my soul. I'm transitioning from the strong black woman to the soft feminine black woman ♀️👠 . Loving my journey 🥰
I love that you’re talking about this ❤️ it’s something I’ve been working on and you’re right so many people are trying to monetise off of the work many of us need when it comes to femininity but with you I love your insight, transparency and authenticity. Thank you 🙏🏾❤️. Denise Francis also put it perfectly “if all black women started a self love journey we could heal generations”
Yes I agree!! And I love that quote 🙏🏾 so powerful and true!! ❤️
I'm blessed with having All ways been naturally feminine💞 since I was a little girl. But thank you for the reminder 💞💞💞
I actually DO accept and always have accepted help from men, I realise I have actually always been a girly girl, but my family, which can be very harsh on me (I have a feeling they are letting their frustrations out on me by critizising me) started to call me out on this and telling me I was taking advantage of men and I should go and work formyself and stand on my on feet 😕 Edit: just saw on min 13:20 you experienced just the same like me!! So good to hear it from another woman who made the same experiences and having the same thoughts on this!💞
Thank you ❤ I’m a male looking for content like this for my young daughters: finally I find someone who talks about femininity without showing cleavage. A true classy woman, I will be glad to guide my daughters to your content.
So well expressed. Thank you for sharing your experience and what brought you to examining femininity. Thank you so much for this!! I resonate a lot with having been in masculinity before too, due to past trauma. I was a single mom for awhile and haven’t realized until recently how much of that energy I was still carrying with me. 💖💖💖
Really looking forward to watching this and seeing your perspective on the topic. Softness , femininity and the ability to rest our spirits and worries is definitely needed in our community. However, as you stated it is currently a buzzword and in some ways used as a ploy marketed towards black women. Become more feminine by buying my programming or coaching etc. However I know that you always have insightful and thoughtful takes so I’m watching with an open mind and open ears.
Thank you for this comment!! I do hope you enjoy the video and I welcome any feedback/insight you have 🤗
Anyone who is on their level up journey want to make a group chat? I've really be struggling to find like minded people and make friends who are committed to leveling up like I am. Love the video btw
Hey girlie. That is a great idea and I’m in the same boat . I would love to join.
Hi friends if we are still doing this. I would love to join!
Oh yes! Would love to join
Same!! I’d love to be added! 💕
Hello Oluoma, I can tell we're from the same tribe and perhaps residing in the same country now.
I'd like to join this group chat you've talked about. At least it'll be quite relatable to befriend someone with similar circumstances.
Omg! that´s exactly what I´m talking about all the time! You can be a feminist with feminine energy… many girls are jealous of the men´s attention that I get. But then they are pushing them away by saing „ i gonna do it on my own I´m not that weak etc.” Love your work
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This video is so good.
i love this. i didnt think i would watch till the end but girl you just gained another audience. Thank you this was great
Her videos always draw you to the end. You should continue watching her
Beautiful value added in a space that’s over saturated with superficial tips! AND you elude what you’re speaking of and bonus points for mentioning someone who is an expert in the space! Miss April Mason is the GOAT!!!
Thank you for this gem. I realize these things are very important. I got into a relationship with a very masculine man. And ended up moving to the Caribbean from the states. The States really drive you to this dangerous strong woman mentality. This was pushed in my head. That I was a big workaholic. It honestly made me give off more masculine energy.
Thank you for doing this. As you mentioned, our community needs this so. As you mentioned, our community needs this so bad because this is all we’ve known for so long.
Thank you.🙏🏾
I agree 🙏🏾❤️
I can relate to this so much, my journey right now of feminine v masculine energy. The great thing about it is that I really want the transformation as I’m getting older. Thank you for sharing 🌸👌🏾
Good content. Thank you. I think I’ve learned to graciously accept help esp as a single mom and my man appreciates my gratitude but I also have a huge problem with nitpicking. My therapist says it’s projection lol so I need to learn to relinquish most of this judgment. I think it came from being criticized my whole life and then not trusting my own judgment or sense of self.
Honestly thank you so much for this! Really connected with it ❤
One of the best videos I’ve seen in a while. Thank you for this!
Thank you love! 🙏🏾
In the process of allowing myself to be more feminine, its hard for me to accept/ask for financial help from my partner because I've always been in survival mode lead by my masculine energy and it makes me feel embarrassed or as if I'm not enough for admitting that I'm struggling, I hate to feel like they have pity for me or that they see me as a dependent woman... its hard for me to open up to anyone even my family about that, I always say I'm ok, I'm doing just fine when in reality I could be stressing to no measure.. videos like yours are helping me to realize that being feminine doesn't mean you're not able to do it on your own, it means you know your worth and know that your king will take of you no matter how much you have while you in your feminine self will give him the appreciation, love, and respect in return that he deserves...
Thank you for sharing this; I clicked on this video out of curiosity and it was something I didn’t even know I needed to hear. Thank you
hello Montelle, I hope all's well! Your video just appeared on my screen & here I am. Just turned 50, had major surgery 3 months ago & was low key thinking of ways to reinvent myself but not knowing HOW or WHERE to start. So, thank you! I'm starting from now 🖤✨ ps your skin is beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom & personal experience. I’m so glad I found you! ☺️💖
I am into gardening, I growing my own veggies, fruits, herbs and flowers...
aligned with this more than ever thank you
You’re so welcome ❤️
Loveee your set up lady !! Great topic and love your accent ! 😀
I agree with all of these points! But, I do need to just add, being too adjustable you risk losing yourself as an individual and your partner may take advantage of that. Still have boundaries and ensure your partner can accept feedback as well. But consistent feedback can be negative and unhealthy and it no longer becomes feedback but it becomes criticism. Also, allowing them to do for you is great but if they stop don't hold resentment because you know your capable of doing it anyway. But...Love is help🙂
From the minute u open your mouth and started talking I kn april Mason was a mentor.. n then boom 💥 u mentioned her name.. we love april❤️
I’m so glad I found your channel!!! The appearance portion definitely resonated with me the most (the whole video is a gem). I recently let my friend braid my hair (after growing it out from a low cut from the past 3 years) and when I tell you my whole aura shifted!!!! I hadn’t seen myself this way in a little over 4 years (I had long locs I cut off after a break up). I’m a naturally comfy person and love my sweats and oversized shirts and workout leggings; but after she did my hair, I literally looked for a new wardrobe to bring out this new version of a beautiful me. I already started looking for my next hair style (a passion twist bob), and I’ve decided to continue treating myself to my nail time (I have naturally long nails and always wanted to try cute and crazy designs, this is my third month with a new one)! I definitely want to keep going this route. I love this video and your channel is such a gift to someone like me who has healed from a bad break up but single and have been stuck in the “I got me since no one else got me” mindset. Thank you for making this for woman like us!🌻💕
What about a video on how to develop these soft skills & how we can enhance/ improve them
Needed this! Thank youuuu! 🎉
My cat sat and watched you the entire time I was watching… he hates TV 😂
Your voice 🗣️ is everything💖
😮💨 I needed this, I just turned 30 recently gained my degree and gave birth in the same breath my fiancé is currently miles away and I feel sooo run down from taking care of everything.. I don’t have many friends and don’t really have support.. I’m looking to reinvent my looks and mindset.
Prayer & Action
I just want to say thank you for sharing this information ❤
I so enjoyed this video. I wish I could like it a million times. Great info!
Maybe it’s the type of men that I meet, but from your number one “accepting help from men” I have literally never had any man that I’ve delt with ask to help me with anything. So it got to a point where I don’t expect it. Doing it myself just came natural. Money isn’t important? In this economy, how could valuing a high paying job be considered not feminine.? Every guy I’ve dated I made more money than them. In an ideal world yea a high value man wouldn’t care about that but majority of men aren’t high value. Idk I’m trying so hard to tap into my feminine energy but so many of these points are just something I’ve never experienced. I can’t see myself giving up my job and expecting a man to pay for everything bc working and being independent isn’t feminine. I’ve seen woman try that and be called a gold digger or that they only want a man for his money. But she’s being dependent on a man right? So is that the point? Idk Putting that much dependence on a man scares the living crap outta me and I’d prob end up homeless lol
It’s the consistency for meeee 🙌🏽🤎
🙏🏾❤️
I really loved this. The better comment is I felt touched by this as a man. I feel you.
I just came across this video, I watched the whole thing and I absolutely loved it!! I have to subscribe because I have so much learning to do 🤗
Thank you so much love!! And welcome 🤗❤️
i have a female friend who is quite masculine with her energy. She loves to lead and tell others what to do. She has moved in just for three weeks and arranged things without asking me and cleans, does the laundry but then 'lets me know' when laundry is ready to be folded. It's my place and I created space for her but she has overstepped her boundaries, but maybe because she's masculine, in some ways, it could lessons for me to be lead...idk.
I started gardening 😊
I’ve really been forced into a more masculine role for the past couple of years and it has made me absolutely depressed. My relationship has an imbalance right now of the masculine and feminine since the roles are basically switched between me and my husband. It feels like I’m in a state of limbo: the desire for femininity and a more soft life but being stifled by the fact that I have to embody masculine energy to even get to the point of affording a soft life
I would like to but I'm afraid that they would then expect things from me. I don't want any expectation for me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable especially if they may think something sexual could come from it. I don't want any guy getting angry with me thinking I'm leading them on.
Amazing video!
This video is definitely different from other videos I have watched about this topic.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Sis , totally enjoyed your previous video on shadow work . Quick question, how am I supposed to work on after identifying my triggers ? A video or a segment in your following video would be really helpful.
I’m filming a video about shadow work as we speak!! Stay tuned 🤞🏾x
@@MontelleBee 🤭🤗
I was thinking the same thing. Thanks for asking, Shirley!
There are a few things I want to improve on myself physically, like get an esthetician and dermatologist; Invisalign for my teeth but also would love to take dance classes. How can a lady afford all that if she’s single and living paycheck to paycheck and doing doordash on the side; but still can’t afford all that.
Prioritise!! What are some expenses you can reduce/cut down on for a period of time?
@@MontelleBee nothing at the moment unfortunately. I don’t have any monthly memberships (except for my gym membership). I use a Friend’s Netflix, I don’t have cable. My student loans private so they aren’t something I can postpone any longer.
I understand what you're saying because I'm single and I do everything for myself sometimes I forgot that I'm a woman
u made me to subscribe your channel, our thinking is so much alike. your enlightenment is something real I can feel for the first time.
Thank you for this insightful session. Oh my goodness, I absolutely love your voice and accent. Listening to you is such a pleasure!
Thank you queen for this… love it, I recently started painting and I love taking photos
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience. You look beautiful ❤️✨
I wish could like this a thousand times because you are speaking facts, I'm gonna take everything you said in to account.
You watch April Mason too! I love her! ❤
Hi there can you please speak more on how to be a feminine woman when you're having to be a provider for yourself like you mentioned in the beginning of your video. Or how to transition from doing it all yourself and shifting into a feminine lifestyle.
Thank you! Wish we had the opportunity to talk one on one. I have been on a femine journey. But I am alone, so I do have to do everything myself. There is no man to do anything for me. So, that area is a bit of a challenge, but iban trying.