I had to have a 6-hour conversation with my x on why weren't compatible and insisted we were and that I don't appreciate him. I was told that I was selfish and ungrateful they hate when you choose you.
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Additionally, Catching a cheating spouse can be difficult, and understanding local laws regarding what you can and cannot do may be even more challenging. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to handle the investigation for you. I genuinely appreciate your incredible work! Thank you for a job well done. You can reach me at Metaspyhub@gmail. com.
1. Guilt, blame and shame after you have said “No” to someone. 2. They are pushing for an answer. They want what they want and they want it now. 3. They will play the victim. They want you to feel bad for them. 4. They will begin to start negotiating with you. They will promise the world. 5. Bullying, threatening and name calling. You have upset a child. Don’t engage with them as it can be exhausting. Practice creating that bubble of self love, and understand what you need to do - you need to come first.
To me these are all obvious manipulation tactics on their face... the issue is recognizing it when it happens because it's usually more subtle. Especially the empty promises. My ex used to tell me that my other ex was "just plaicating me" (we had kids together). But I had no idea how to recognize that and I still have problems with that.
@@ultravioletpisces3666yeah the abuse and manipulation doesn’t happen in a vacuum so it can be hard to identify as it’s happening to you. The last abuser made this happen over a period of months, but since my mother was a narcissist, I was able to see it coming and took steps to document everything (it was in the workplace). This helped me tremendously once the bullying began. I already had things documented and reported. So I just kept writing it down. Eventually they were moved and fired once I presented my evidence. It’s easier to recognize when you’ve been through the pattern once (or in my case throughout my childhood and adulthood with my mother).
@@FaithfulandTrue949 I love all 3 of those and I'm gonna use one of them on my mother as soon as I get the chance, which will unfortunately be soon I'm sure.
This can be so difficult.. especially when they suddenly start acting very loving and caring to get what they want.. it's like, yeah, I wanted this person to be loving and caring all the time, and only now they are finally acting like it.. but is it only for today, if I stay firm now, I might not get another chance to be loved and cared for by this person??😭😭 I couldn't stay firm anymore as he whispered words of love and affection.. my heart just melted away.. but I just want to live my happy life again..
@@hopefull3387 social media is filled with jerks who don't even know how to express their opinion without belittling others.. being rude to strangers only tells us that your parents didn't teach you to be kind.. hope 'you learn' it by yourself.. bye karen
As a person who get teach that by teacher, you right. It just suck that i learn that mistake after mistaking helping a scammers. Having an angelic-like mindset turn you into naive people.
I love how she said emotional abusers are like our coaches so each time they do these tactics it’s an opportunity for us to stand up for ourselves. That’s a very good way to look at it!
I learned with Christ that sometimes the best way to stand up for ourselves is getting up and walking away. It might sound like a coward move or something, and that is what Christ did most of the time. And believe me, if you study the Bible and the Gospels you will se how courageous and fearless Christ was... He never stood up for himself setting a boundary or saying ‘’stop’’. He just left the abuser talking by themselves and left...
ergarza2008 How an interesting point of view, so if I didn't feel love and I manipulate my lover to buy me jewels, my insecurities go down and I feel loved again! How about a date?
It pisses me off when a person makes you think there giving or doing something for you out the kindness of there heart, but then want something in return for everything they did for you. Like the kept a mental receipt for everything they "looked out" with...I hate it.
Yep. I knew someone like this. When I backed off and went no contact they posted all over social media how I was a master manipulator because they did so much for me and then I disappeared. Yet, they never once spoke to me about their feelings of being taken advantage of and instead posted the accusations online and got others to trash me too. I never asked them for the help and thought it was out of kindness. My mistake I believed their words and I never would have accepted the help if I knew they wanted so much in return and it wasn't really a gift after all. They blamed me because THEY CHOSE to help me and because they apparently regretted it they tell everyone I manipulated them into it instead of taking self-responsibility for offering help but not really wanting to do it.
My mother. Unfortunately I'm financially dependent on her right now, and I'm 61 years old because of my disability. As a result, she feels that she can dictate every move i make, and belittle me. It sucks.
Yes I've learned to not date men who have this mentality of "what do you bring to the table since I always...." I'm naturally a generous person and will do anything for the man in my life who will do anything for me. Keeping score seems business like and not loving at all.
I can understand from your point of view BUT when a person gives and gives and gives and the other person takes and takes... there is a problem as only one person is investing into the relationship. If I am pouring myself and nothing is being poured into me then resentment and bitterness starts to come about. I am a giver by nature but it was take take take and NOTHING in return. I didn’t do what I didn’t do these things for something in return but when a person shows no effort it can drive a person crazy
YES!!! It was a good practice “session” for me!!! I was literally afraid to tell this person I’d made plans with another person. New to this area, I’m meeting lots of new people so I’m exploring new relationships. She’d wanted me to be HER friend. I felt I wanted lots of people. I have friendships 42 years, 27 years, 8 years. I don’t speak to those friends daily, so this new friendship was smothering me 😩😒. I had to pull away, and I did. I stood up for me & felt the weight lifted off my shoulders. She’s still trying to pull me back in, but I’ll stand my ground. Yep…good practice. She, was a good coach.
@Courtney N when emontionally manipulative parents target your weak points like i dont give you basic need like food,shelter and get out from this house,sending you to mental asylum etc.so this abuse may turn into pshycical if you dont agree with those vampires
The most serious emotional abuse is when you try to actually converse with the person about how they are treating you unfairly and they immediately become volatile and then from that day on all you do is try to keep them from becoming volatile which keeps the cycle going especially if you can't get away from them
I experience that too, she always tells me that's in your head, you always feeling like you are a victim. I separated my self from that person and they can't stand silence and bring left alone.
Terrisa Vibbert without prejudice you're on the ball there! Dealing with exactly the same crap from a horrible neighbour. At least I know I can move out but the problem with moving is it's too expensive. So yeah, neighbours and family are hardest to deal with.
Terrisa Vibbert without prejudice The other problem with manipulators is that they do really lovely things for you. So now I know this, I know to simply stay away from these types.
I know what you mean 😮 I've been struggling many years with being in control mental abusive relationship not physical anymore and just because I'm sick now😕😟😖😩
@@SilverAspen1 yes. I've been with him since the age of 13yo. I'm in my mid 20s now. I've only just now realised that my husband is a narcissist. It does hurt I won't lie.
run as fast as you can, make a plan if you have to, but it is going to be better with time when you will feel free to do what you love without fear. It helped me to focuse on bad things that he did constantly rather then be in euphory from good things @@jas9464
Thank you. When you mentioned changing your perception of them being your greatest teacher showing you what you need to learn in life...that took away all the anger and pain and replaced it with gratitude. You have no idea how grateful I am for that.
I had so much tension inside and began questioning if it was me. Those words are trully liberating these persons were there to teach me how to set bouderies, love myself and let go of the anger, bitterness and resentment. Thanks for sharing.
In understanding if we have been manipulated by someone, we need to let some time pass. Then consciousness starts to do its part and the false people are gradually discovered.
Katherine I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be overemphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted, they have this excessive interest or admiration of themselves and they’re very toxic!. My greatest disappointment was discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover my wife’s infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. You can contact him ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text/Call and WhatsApp him on +15713758467. Thank me later.
I did enjoy this video I have been treated this way exactly by my daughters now I'm far away from them I live alone and relationships with anyone is not easy I am an empath I have been so mistreated in these ways you left off vindictive my one daughter is a true narcissist it took me forever to realize how she could be this way she has no empathy for anyone since I have been following your videos I have learned so much I never knew how bad it really was until I needed help boy did I get the full barrel from her i still can't hardly believe the things she has done to me i didn't even think there were people out there like them keep the videos coming i don't even want people around me anymore my family my friends this is unreal 😱🤯😠👹
I find it hard ‘not’ to fight back but fighting back escalates things and the abuse gets worse . When I shut down I feel defeated but that’s the only way the abuse stops Leaving the house for a couple hrs feels good but then I have to face the deamon when I get home and depends what time of day it is. I won’t leave the house at night. I feel for all of us that unfortunately got hooked emotionally into these freaks
Subconciuosly i was looking for a man with that type, i need to make my traumatic earlier life (in my younger age) be healed so that i can love myself and feel confident as I am. What do you think about it?
This channel is one of the biggest services... I’m very grateful. You have literally helped me to spot 3 toxic relationships before entering them. Left right on time. That’s a miracle. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. If you recognize a sign of manipulation leave!
People that try to manipulate are not really your friends. Family that tried to manipulate that’s even worse but sometimes they are the hardest to set boundaries with.
eli soopu yes I cannot negotiate without a fight breaking out with my partner. It’s like walking on egg shells. He wants his way and if he feels threatened he starts yelling. I regret the day I was introduced to him. All the best
I was dealing with 3 emotional manipulators at the same time. A boss, a potential partner and my older sister. I knew I wasn't being treated well or fairly and had such a difficult time I lost my mind for a bit which I think was me suffering from narcissistic abuse. Went into business for myself, left the potential partner and stopped contact with my sister. Now I am like....now what? Is everyone emotionally manipulative? I hope not!
I am emotionally and physically exhausted from so many years of being in this type of relationship and not realising in time how much it has affected me.
Angie Kitson-Harris yes I can relate to your reply. I always wonder how I would be had I not been introduced to him. Twenty two years with countless breakups and always getting back together. I hope you find a way out. My only way out is to pack up and leave when he’s at work like so many women do and men do because these abusers are not stable enough or mature enough to have a discussion about separating without getting abusive. Thanks for your reply and all the best
I understand, it makes you feel like it won’t change. You’ve already moved in with them, married them, had kids with them. When does it stop? You’ve learned trust is a joke to him. All the pressure is on you and he’s breaking your family. But you love him so much and every time you try to leave he begs you to stay and puts on a mask of lies to convince you. Then when you stay, he does it again. You’re so confused, does he really love you? Everything is starting to make since and you now know he’s faking his real personality, and your so emotionally attached. He’s funny and handsome and the father of your kids, but he’s not as amazing and powerful as you think he is. He’s powerful, but you can be powerful too. You can MAKE HIM WEAK.
The tone of these manipulators is everything, and being able to recognise the tone in every person is the hardest part. These manipulators use similar tones, different words, different scenario's
Emotional manipulators might also gather allies against you once you set boundaries that are inconvenient for them. They might start a campaign against you behind your back to cause a pile on that they believe will force you to retract your boundaries. They’ll approach your family members, your friends, and say a lot of things that are untrue or twist things that make you look like the perpetrator, and those that believe the lies will come after you thinking they are defending this person, because they’ve painted themselves as a victim. I’m related to someone who trashed my reputation within my whole family because I set boundaries they didn’t like. I’m still coping with the aftermath. But this tactic has worked for them before, and because my family enables this person so much, they’ve never had any real consequences for their actions.
Exact same situation. My sister and her husband have abused our parents for many years. When I started calling out this abuse.....roll on the smear campaign! They have gotten away scot free with no repercussions. My mother has dementia.
I realized this today. I did before, but now it is apparent: I am carrying a cross I was not built to carry. I am putting myself before others. I have been raised to always do things for others, but when it is my turn no one cares. I don't care if individuals want to carry feelings. I must be put first now.
This is the best video I’ve seen regarding this type of person. When dealing with a narcissistic person Self-preservation is not selfish..it’s liberating.
When you say no you get the silent treatment and that’s just a tactic they use against you because they know you love them and they know you’ll be hurt.. you ask yourself how can someone who loves me go on and on in a silent treatment but that’s because they don’t love you and they most likely have multiple sources of energy anyway.
Love has nothing to do with it. Take that out of the equation. Now, do you feel used? What to do what to do. Draw a line in the sand. How much crap do you want to put up With?
I have to cut off my mom in the future. But I am afraid she wont be able to love without me since she is already 57 and my dad is 65....they both emotionally manipulated and abused me throughout the years and now I feel empty and bad if I cut them off like that ......
Modernist society has brought on narcissism- Fr Ripperger( renowned exorcist) has a talk on this… it’s way more spiritual.. the title is”the 6th generation”
You're right, but that's an unnecessary correction, because i'm sure she meant "childish" and its also like being child-like, in a sense, but not 100% on everything a child does or feels.
Gabriela Martinyuk eh, think about that response to D’s comment. While childlike can have a positive connotation, I just think of it as “like a child”. It can refer to any qualities a kid has. I’m childlike by being trusting and kind in a way that makes me more likely to be a narcissist victim, for example.
@@DethronerX I knew a person that defined her whole relationship with another that was based on this one distinction. Words matter, and to this day I'm still a little put off by this as it was a put down (a subtle one) of this person that I cared about and she would never say it straight to her face either.
"It pisses me off so much how some people say they love you, they'll always be there for you, they'll never hurt you & yet there actions never matches there words. Manipulating you into believing there words are true when there intentions where to hurt you & not care about it . Yet when the shoes on the other foot, and its done to them, that when it isn't right."
fr, he made me leave all my friends just because he didnt like them, he was friend with them too and they were you know fine together they helped each other and it was just okay before all of this, but when i distanced myself from them when he started telling them everything what was happening between us and i felt awkward when they knew everything about how i kiss or how my room does look. So i was just with him and at that time he started manipulating me into leaving my one friend from my childhood AND THEY KNEW EACH OTHER TOO BTW, but nevermind, he started crying that i was with him on some family event he was asking all the time if he is talking and when im going home, then he didnt like my schoolmates, my one another friend and he was always hurt because they are not good for me and he doesnt like when i talk to them. i’ve lost the bond with all of them but i was still trying to fight for that one group with 2 boys ( i felt like in a dream when i started talking to them a was trying 2 YEARS TO TALK TO THEM JUST TO LET ONE MF RUIN EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE HE DIDNT LIKE THEM😭😭😭😭)that he knew too and he didnt like them because they were boys, he had “anxiety” ( i put in in bulb because he just wanted me to get rid of them and he had even addmited it)from them WHEN THEY WERE FRIENDS FOR LIKE 9 YEARS, and because one of them made fun of him when he was in hospital when they were like 10. So how the time went, he blamed me for his ßuißide attemp, sh, overdoßïng just to made me leave them even when we have broken up already, and i felt just bad so i always left them and came but i lost even the motivation to be friends with them because i was scared and i felt guilty. So i tried to fucus on myself and live again but i just couldnt let him go even when i had something like trauma, he didnt change at all but i dont know how to leave
and of course he was like he loves me and he expects me to leave them, that he would do it for me why couldnt i, that ill choose them or him and if ill choose them i wouldnt be the only one that will loose him and he was emotionally abusing me with this. and now it goes the same, he is trying to change my mind when i like something that he doesnt, he wants me to remove some friends that were friends with that 2 friends and i dont know man
and he doesnt even care that that group meant for me the most, because after a very long time i felt like i can talk without feeling anxious and i just had a friend group after a very long time man, i was happy
I’ve been going through a divorce since early December and my soon ex wife has used all of these tactics. I’ve learned (with the help from your videos and a book called “Out of the Fog”) the behavior to look for. It’s crazy how accurate you are on how she will respond. I’m at the point where I just ignore her tantrums, although it’s difficult because we share two children. At this point she is carpet bombing everyone around me with lies and unfortunately she’s very believable. She is relentless at trying to ruin my life. Thankfully, I have a fantastic support system a god that’s full of grace and videos like this to brush up on my study of the narcissist.
jeremy brock Remember , We wrestle not against Flesh and blood but against evil, wicked spirits in high places... it’s not her but the devil. So love your enemy... from a distance.
I’m new to educating my self to what is a narcissist . I put it all out to my narc and in his world because that’s what I believe he has his own world and big words and the definition to them he never has heard of them in his household when he was younger. At least thats what he says..or just denies it all he is a BIG narcissist, ignorant, manipulator and selfish man. And many more!!! I don’t have the support and he has manipulated me in to waiting off on the divorce to avoid child support. I can’t no longer I can’t stand this man and my mind is bursting of if I should just go on the divorce on my own. Sure we need a lawyer, but I really wish he hurry into getting us one so we can do it his way again trying to avoid child support here’s the thing I kind of just want to get over the divorce process i Don’t want child support we have made an agreement he will provide and help with some cash so I say okay, but the process is taking long. I have no support no job and I’m trying to get out ASAP and maybe just even see how I can get help on housing because each day I waste time with him is the hardest I’m slowly getting stronger, but I let this all happen 11 years and educated myself all late. Something funny is he know wants counseling but then also a lawyer I’m like no just the lawyer we don’t got money for both. Before I was the crazy one before the one needed help was just me. Know he wants counseling ja no we will save for one and that be the lawyer because all I want is myself back and my freedom.
makindreams cometrue - I said no and it became the ending took me through a door to a new beginning, a new life that has brought me much joy , growth, wisdom and fun.
@makindreams come true My "No" led up to my divorce currently in process. He tried to hurt me by having an affair and when I applied to Divorce him he came back pleading, making promises, but I could NEVER Connect Emotionally with his mind games. Once bitten twice shy. I'm so glad I continued and he's since Abandoned the home and family living with someone 21 years younger than him. Good luck to her, but I think they are good for each other both CO-DEPENDENTS. I look forward to my new life completely without him.
@@janemuller2066 no is a very powerful word....and just beginning to use it....its confusing....were so used to them...and afraid of the unknown...but i HAD to do something diffrent than be beat up all the time....
I have done that. The ones that teach you are the worst. Why do you think we have teachers in classroom that teach most things that are outside of your reality in the life to come when you are an adult.
@SCANDINAVIAN NARC SURVIVOUR NO If you contacted someone to request their services and they ignored you, in what way is that narcissistic behaviour? Strangers don't have an obligation to help you or take you as a client. Why would you email them 8 times when they clearly are not interested in contact? Unless you already gave them money, you are not entitled a reply or attention. If anyone is sending off red flags it's you.
“Look at every opportunity that you get with an abuser as a opportunity to love yourself” ima going to start implementing this!! Thank you!!! I’ve come a LONG way in self love and in being able to set healthy boundaries. I like this shift in prospective when dealing with a toxic person.
That’s so true: I broke up with my now ex last Saturday and that’s exactly what he did. He’s a narcissist and therefore, manipulative. He actually got me doubting my own decision (that I considered for about 9 months), but I stuck with what I want and that is a separation. Be strong and believe in you, not in what your partner’s view of you is! 💪
Mine said 'oh but your so special to me and I can't not have you in my life'. This was after he had broken up with me, 3 weeks later used the fact that i was in love with him to tell me he was falling for me (but not in love with me) then he agreed to take it slow but put in no effort so i left told him i had to accept that it was over ...i was grieving through all of this and when he said the above it just hit me in heart. Stupid really because he had flaked often, not been around, had excuses for everything but suddenly i am too special to lose? we did talk every day...even after he broke up he wanted to continue talking daily, he allowed me one week of space...urgh..the minute i started replying to him after a week of silence I felt myself not being able to stop writing to him so it became me doing all the work...again while he received and replied when he felt like it. urgh. he loved bombed me all that week when i had said i will accept it is over. we caught up that weekend and kissed all day. I didn't actually realise i was addicted til i left the second time - 2 weeks after the last - i've never hurt or cried so much in my life...i was literally howling. all the on and off, future faking, flaking, hugs n kisses while saying i was just being silly etc...at the time you dont' realise what it is doing to you emotionally but it breaks you. they don't have to say anything mean to break you. the worse part was after i left though..that's when he did get mean and bitter. I remember at the cafe the last time we caught up he said 'don't blame yourself....you are who you are' with an undertone. it stabbed me in the heart...the same place he'd get to with his sob pity stories he got to me with his undertone bullying. I didn't know who he was anymore...i left that cafe feeling more wrecked that when i went in. Never again. Discernment is my big key word now.
@@Goldgirl1978 Just read your comment...what a bastard! "Don't blame yourself, you are who you are" - wth?! He's the one who should take a good look at himself for treating his girlfriend the way he did. As you said, one day it's like you're worthless to him and the next he just can't lose you. Very similar story in my case, he only showed his feelings when he was about to lose me. Made promises that he would change, which he did for a few weeks or months. But the same pattern returned over and over again. After living with him for 4 years, I've had it and I left. He said that my reasons for breaking up with him are stupid and since I'm smart, I should be able to see that. It's so unbelievable what they say and how they say it, isn't it? They twist everything around so that you start doubting yourself and so they look like they're the victims and we're the bad guys. I hope you're doing okay. It'll take time to heal, maybe even a lot, but we'll get there eventually :)
@@blueriver1604 Yes very great advise I LUV PASTOR BLAKES💚 he has changed my entire outlook on my past relationship. Her story sounds all the same to mine. But advise given in this video is such great help building a firm no is a muscle and has to be exercised but only through time and help of God no doubt be able to break off such a horrible soul tie.
Miss Radittsu thank you Miss. I just cried reading your validation of that. It’s been 5 months he has a girlfriend that he actually acknowledges their relationship on fb with and his friends and family have actually met her. I didn’t meet any of them. He used to shyly laugh and kiss me whenever I said I feel like I’m his psychologist (and I hated that). He to my guilt every time. Somehow I fell in love with him despite it all. When I left I didn’t expect to have a breakdown but I did. Memories came up like I was watching the whole thing from the start again. His ex had told me stuff about him and the most she called him was a coward for not protecting her and their kids from his other family members and yet he had stories about her every day for months. Called her crazy, vindictive, cunning, wicked witch of the west. This was someone he claimed he loved. His stories were crazy. He would say things in past tense. I once got annoyed at him over some way he was treating me and he text and said ‘all I wanted was your care and support...’ I was so bad, that’s ALL I had been doing for him! I’d even blocked her on fb because foolish me was believing his stories. When I left saw this person I didn’t know I had to question how much of anything he said was a lie or the truth? I had to accept our relationship that was all based on care and support for what he was going through was a fantasy and that I was being used because he didn’t want to be alone and to date his long term friend (who’s now his girlfriend) would be too soon until at least 6 months had past...because his actual psychologist had told him this...he used it as a reason to leave me at one point too. 3 months after I’d finally discarded him his gf wrote on her instagram that he’d given her a card in early September for a surprise date in December. He was hoovering me end of August til I left end of September and I was so mad. He was seeing us both at the same time and clearly had plans to discard me by December for her anyway, I just disrupted them by leaving earlier so he brought his plans forward. I’ve dated many arseholes but this was far the worst because of how deeply I felt and cared for him. I should mention also at that cafe I had said to him ‘you look uncomfortable, I’m sorry I hurt you’ and he replied and look at me in the eyes, lent in and coldly said ‘you didn’t hurt me’ and his eyes changed to stone cold too for that brief moment then went back to normal. That’s when I felt I didn’t know who he was anymore (that and the other comment I posted earlier) but I was also very scared at that point. He’d only ever looked at me lovingly and now these cold empty eyes were staring at me. Freaked me the fuck out.
My neighbour is giving me the silent treatment because I enforced a healthy boundary. She fails to realise how much happier and at peace I am with out her in my life 🥰 These videos are very helpful, subbed.
“It’s forcing you to work that emotional muscle,” 👏👏👏 brilliant way of looking at dealing with manipulative behaviours. Just this comment alone has taken away my fears of dealing with the backlash. I can see why the universe has given me the life experiences I’ve had. The universe wants me to stand up for myself and be stronger in who I am. ❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️
I had to listen to your video 3x because it was right on point. . I was in an abusive marriage and when I started listening to your videos last year, I realized I was married to an alcoholic narcissist. I left him in December 2018. I had no idea what or who I was involved with and your videos helped me and in a way saved my life. thank you so much.
How are things going now? My son and I just got discarded by my wife for some other person that’s not even near being successful. It sucks a lot because I want her to get help and want this family.. but I know I shouldn’t
I've recently discovered this the hard way! I was shocked that loving myself, setting boundaries and not always doing as I am told makes me a bad person. I am dealing with the least self aware person on the planet and its annoying that they only want an enabler and that's all you are. Easily replaced!
It's time for me to end my relationship because he is too angry, hostile, childish and unable to rationally communicate. But it feels impossible because he is always bringing up the things he's done for me and old things that has happened years in the past.
did you get the strength to leave the relationship? I just filed for divorce and it took everything I had because I have a trauma bond and I still love him. 😭😭😭
ME TOO. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s so hard to advocate for our needs and bring up things that are hurting us when they just come back with “but I’m great in all these ways, doesn’t that make up for it?” The answer is no. But I know it’s hard as hell to walk away, im currently trying to walk away from my relationship too. It’s toxic, there may be love there but there’s also a whole lot of manipulation and immaturity
I literally just came to the realization from my new therapist that I am codependent. I knew something was wrong far more than just having anxiety and decided to seek help. Having an answer is so empowering. I immediately started watching these UA-cam videos and they are a god send. I no longer feel so alone in it and knowing the signs and how to overcome is amazing. I have a love it road ahead but one I want to stay on, Thank you for these videos, you are truly helping people.
I tried to break up with my narc a year a ago, he made me feel so bad after. He would be so sad and talk about how good he was and trying to make everything better. I felt so so bad and I caved in and got back together with him. Now a year later he is still the same, they never change. Slowly but surely after they think that they’ve got you fooled they will turn real fast. Get out as fast as possible guys you don’t need a reason ! You need to run now !
I recently accepted that I was in a relationship with an emotional manipulator. I really had no idea but this is EXACTLY how the entire relationship was. I even used to tell him that he did these things but I didn’t know that it was a form of abuse until much later. Thanks for this because it really made it clear.
I think the biggest take for me is that if you’re my friend, I want to be that person you can trust to ask when you need something and if I can I will help you. But if not, you will accept it and keep the relationship intact. There will be times I will need of you and I hope you can help me, but if you can’t the relationship stays the same. There has to be give and take in life. This video does highlight that there’s unhealthy relationships where one person is manipulative and the other one is being taken advantage of. I think if it’s a boss or coworker , family member then this tactics will work. But if it’s a “friend “ or relationship then maybe just decide to cut it off.
Avoid manipulate man and live life without bullshit. Don't tolerate that in a man or anyone else. Say no means no. Lol he blame me for his problems lol what idiot he friends are. Avoid negative man say no to lust bully abuse childish behavior. Thank you for teaching me lesson that I dont need a needy code depends man. Lol Love myself is better. 😁🙂 Freedom from bs online. Say no no no no no no no avoid negative lust and bullying and abuses. Fuck off Paris Jackson no mean no back off me bitch. Dont be messing with me either way but ways of that's how to treat me that way grow up Paris Jackson and dont care of Paris shit friends either. Paris back off me you hear me. Respect is given not earn so troll get the fuck away from me.
The perspective of looking at this like a “coach,” was so insightful. You’re so right, it’s a practice in staying firm in “no.” It’s a practice is standing up for yourself. It’s a practice in becoming a better person.
looking at the abuser like a "coach", is a tactic I never thought of!! That takes the power from them and gives it back to me. I'm going to watch this again.. there is so much information I really need and the way you explain it is very easy to understand. Thank you!! (SINCERELY!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!)💜
Stephanie, your authenticity & genuineness is such a blessing. I'm grateful for your approach in helping people and truly caring for us. The way you address sensitive topics helps instill trust back in human kind. I've gone many many years not trusting ANYONE. Your sincere, honest truth is a life saver in more ways than one. I keep watching your videos over & over until the teaching / message can sink in. You're a life changer and I so appreciate you! Thank you.
You are absolutely amazing. For so many years it's been the same bullshit and I can't talk about my situation to anybody. I come here to watch your videos and I feel your understanding you're allowing me to grow outside of my insecure state. You're opening my mind and revealing the truth in the situation helping it make sense AND empowering strengths. Thank you so much Stephanie
Yes. They have a way of blaming you for what they are or aren't, how their life turned out, and basically blaming you for your not being a good enough parent. I remind my son that there are many successful, rich and famous people in this world who came.from poverty, broken homes, etc., because we are what we want to be.
@@willywanker5866 The four of them were raised by me up to the ages of between 3 and 9. Then their mother and I divorced. She and her husband did the raising, I had visitation rights but I wasn't the full time parent. Whether they're your offspring or not, a 40 yr old who still blames their parents for how their life turned out and tries to leverage that into getting special treatment has some serious personal issues to work out.
@@tonydelariva7163 when it’s your own offspring, I’d imagine that hurts in a special way. I would be hurt if I knew my offspring were hurting me and others.
This is the stuff that no one teaches you as you grow up. These videos have really helped me sort out my confusion about others behaviours and why I feel so frustrated by it. Such valuable knowledge. Thankyou.
One of the greatest things my manipulative grandmother ever said was, "I just don't know what to say to get you to do something!" after she relentlessly bullied and gaslighted me over really, really simple things that could have been handled with a MERE REQUEST!
Guilt blame and shame. I always thought this was a normal thing! Then i learned that my mom was manipulative. And i learned that she never learned boundaries so i never learned boundaries. She set me up for abusive and toxic relationships as my norm. I took on all the guilt and shame and blame and didnt even realize i was perpetuating everything that was thrown at me. This video was for me. You described me to the T. Thank you.
Life changes when you can recognize this. Also intimidation is another technique they use. I think it grows out of their recognition that their temper tantrums as a grown individual can be scary. Seeing at its core that their threat display is no bigger than a toddlers temper tantrum, well its life altering.
Make sure any male or female dealing with someone like this to make sure you have savings.. Seems alot of us people stay in the relationships because theyre drained helping the unrepentant narassist and their families and in many cases its not appreciated. Definitely protect yourself everyone. Blessings
This video really helped me today because I decided to go no contact and I’ve been getting calls from him blocked all morning and this really helped me stay strong and decline them all ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I did the same thing..He won't stop calling. I blocked his number but it still shows up on my phone. He loves to hear himself talk and it's aways his way and when I say no to something he accuses me of" cheating"
Re- blocking after he manipulated/ guilted me after a forced visit after he finally moved out. Key Words: “healthy “ vs the manipulator = I’m done being little miss nice gurl!!
the biggest way to get to know whether someone is a manipulator or not is to tell them no to what they want you to do,you will literally see the perfect villain infront your eyes
I got after our wedding, ‘you’re married now, you can’t do what you want’, when all I was doing was catching up with the same friends I had before the marriage for a drink. It took five years and his behaviour got worse, but I divorced that man and never looked back.
Sometimes you don't realize they're toxic until later, though. And sometimes it's a toxic parent or other family member at home, and you can't simply move out for a number of reasons.
@@tearoses9940 Exactly. In order to stay away from toxic people you would have to never get to know anyone. Toxic people suck you in and only later then turn into themselves. Very traumatic and exhausting.
This was very helpful for me. There are a couple of people in my life who are manipulating many,including myself. I need to know what is being done and how to handle myself with respect.
Hi, I am india and after listening to you I am pretty shocked to know that they are all so similar in their traits. My situation is that of a Asian wife where our culture does not support breaking of a marriage on terms of emotional scares that cannot be witnessed. In this time of utter darkness your video was immensely helpful. You are very clear on all fronts Good day☀
My thoughts & prayers are with you in your time of darkness and I hope you can find the strength and support to somehow leave your situation, or if not to survive & cope within it until you can leave. I agree that they are all the same no matter what culture race or religion. It's like they have their own culture & ways of speaking and behaving . It is a nightmare . Blessings hope and light to you x
Mrinalini :- I think the reason we watching this type videos coz we are victim of these type of ppl , most of my friends did this to me coz I was nice by heart and always willing to help Type person , Now m totally shattered coz my best friend did after 10 years of friendship :( It can happen even years after.
@@juliakite1780 thank you this makes me realise comforting one and another is such a universal feeling which crosses all barriers in any given time igniting hope and assurance
@@user-dp4bu8jy4b thank you I will definitely do that as excusing every time makes it worse for me so the best thing is to change myself rather than changing others
My ex literally stomps his feet, bashes his own head into the wall and cries hysterically in front of our children. It’s horrible and I’ve spent years trying to get away from him and live a separate life from his relentless crap.
Bless your heart! I’m praying for your strength I know it’s hard to leave and when you do to stay away but you have to if it’s not changing because sooner or later it’s going to take you out, health wise or mentally! Take the steps and find the ways to follow through. It’s going to be hard but you can do it! I had to and probably about to again from a different one, after this I mast become a nun lol but even if not I bet i won’t let it happen again! God bless 🙏🏽💜
For the sake of your children, if not you, you need to get away from him. This is emotionally and mentally dangerous for your kids. If you're afraid to do this immediately...plan, get family/friend support, but do it. You and your children can NOT continue to live like this.
@@travis6694 This person has to be on crack cocaine or Heroin them types of people act really weird then to be a Narcissist on top of it, that's Evil on top of Evil 🙄
This is a hard pill to swallow, I don't understand how people can do this to someone they supposedly love. I knew this but I didn't know it or I didn't want to believe it. I feel so stupid. 😟💔😔
Do not feel stupid, went through the same thing with the woman I have 2 kids with, you were there with the best of intentions and they were there for their bad intentions.
You replied to one of my comments when I was in a very dark place in the abuse and I deleted it out of fear.i remember you telling me I need to start forgiving and loving myself.i am now out of the relationship and now I see the sighs ahead of time and guard my ❤️ immediately thank you Stephanie I support you and what you do for others in physical/mental/emotional abuse 🙏
Even at 56 years, 30 years of marriage to a wonderful, supportive spouse, a graduate degree and a great career, I only just realized in the last 24 months that the only times I've ever been accused of being "hard to reach" and am consistently confused about what was said or what was agreed, is with my mother and older brother. Looking at the patterns closely, it's extremely clear how manipulative, indirect, unrealistic and immature these 2 are, especially when they're together. Wow! Getting free is hard, but, oh my goodness, so worth it! The funny thing is that their reactions are in direct proportion to their level of overt malignancy: my older brother is the classic, overt, arrogant, malignant narcissist. He is 60 and capable of juvenile name calling, taunting, trying to "expose" others who he imagines have done him wrong by not acknowledging his superiority, etc. His reaction to me simply establishing simple boundaries and not reacting to his mocking and ridicule was to pack up and move halfway across the country! Win! Mom is a classic covert manipulator who predictably cycled through love-bombing, snarky insults, ignoring me completely, followed by a faux-pology (sometimes) and then, back to lovebombing to get me to do something for her. Because she gets exactly the same cheerful, detached response from me no matter what she does, she has behaved, outwardly, like an off-balance, timid "victim" for the last 12 months or so. I'll take it. She was never the mother she holds herself out as, and she knows I'm no longer under that delusion, although we've never had any direct conversation about this. She's a covert, after all! But she occasionally says things like "we don't get to pick our parents" and "I did the best I could" when she's repeating a story about her past. I don't respond at all to these comments, but I've never heard her say things like this before, either. It feels like she's expecting me to reassure her that she's always been a devoted, selfless mother. Well, that's not true. By not commenting at all, I not only avoid yet another draining, disappointing, confusing conversation with her, but I also avoid providing what I now recognize is her narcissistic supply. She doesn't care at all whether she actually was a good mom, she just wants confirmation that she can guilt, shame or scare me into saying she was. Instead, she gets: "Hmmmmm, that's interesting. Ooh, Mom, I need to go before I'm late. Let me know what groceries you want me to bring you on Wednesday, o.k.?" No muss, no fuss, no fear, obligation or guilt. Just groceries, if she wants them, for her, and freedom for me.
There's a lot more to being manipulative. The points in the video are the stand out points. The really good ones plant seeds in your mind to make you think an idea is yours. That idea happens to benefits them. People manipulate because they lack self worth and control over themselves. Co dependent people are manipulators, it could be someone seeking attention to get control over you, using your feelings to validate them without giving anything back. They lead you on to make themselves feel powerful.
You are so smart. Im so glad you could put this into words. It gets over my head sometimes. Its hard to understand what they do and why they do it. I really thought he loved me. I gave him everything. We were married for 2 years. then hes gone and sends me papers. He never gave back or loved me. Only took, lied to me/about me, and broke my heart. He made me promise I'd never divorce him. I promised, because I loved him so much. Then he sent me divorce papers and wants me to pay for all of it.
Abbigayle Mathews I’m sorry 😔 I went through the same thing a few years ago and it hurt like hell. If I could go back and tell myself one thing! It would be that in the long run, the divorce was a gift. I’m still healing but I’m so much better off, and there is hope! You will have a beautiful life! Keeping you in my prayers
There’s a lot of pain there for manipulators. They’re not necessarily aware they’re being manipulative. It’s how we’ve had to operate to survive an unlivable childhood. Some are more aware and are trying to be better. I’m not saying don’t keep healthy boundaries, I’m saying we’ve been hurt badly and don’t know how to turn off survival mode. Most are not trying to be abusive, they just havnt healed from their own trauma. Again, not to say accept the abuse, but maybe feel a little compassion for what they’re going through.
I do hear you. While I accept this as a reality, there are a lot of other people that have also suffered childhood trauma that don't manipulate and abuse people for sport. Compassion and empathy for abusive manipulators is necessary for our own emotional boundaries, though. But our responsibilities are to our own health and well being, not to being a personal floatation device of someone else's trauma.
@@jmfs3497 Showing compassion doesn't mean to accept being a personal floatation device for anyone- it means to not take it so personally. And also take it as an opportunity to love yourself by setting healthy boundaries while also being able to show the offender empathy instead of disgust, contempt or pity.
The biggest insult to a narcissist is to put your own needs ahead of theirs, and to practice self love.
you are an angel ! thanks! ♥️
I had to have a 6-hour conversation with my x on why weren't compatible and insisted we were and that I don't appreciate him. I was told that I was selfish and ungrateful they hate when you choose you.
Yeah but why take pleasure in hurting another
@@rmjerome1182 I thought I wrote this comment. You are not alone,sadly. Stay strong 😊
How tho? Any time I do I’m called selfish and I feel selfish. My wife won’t even let me diet.
Consistent confusion in a relationship is usually a sign of manipulation.
I think you may be right...
Absolutely
Very true. Confusion and frustration.
Yeah...something I didn’t realize !!!
That's really heavy
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that.
Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects.
To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control.
Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was.
But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact.
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1. Guilt, blame and shame after you have said “No” to someone.
2. They are pushing for an answer. They want what they want and they want it now.
3. They will play the victim. They want you to feel bad for them.
4. They will begin to start negotiating with you. They will promise the world.
5. Bullying, threatening and name calling. You have upset a child. Don’t engage with them as it can be exhausting.
Practice creating that bubble of self love, and understand what you need to do - you need to come first.
To me these are all obvious manipulation tactics on their face... the issue is recognizing it when it happens because it's usually more subtle. Especially the empty promises. My ex used to tell me that my other ex was "just plaicating me" (we had kids together). But I had no idea how to recognize that and I still have problems with that.
Thank you for the summary 🙏🏼🌸
@@ultravioletpisces3666yeah the abuse and manipulation doesn’t happen in a vacuum so it can be hard to identify as it’s happening to you.
The last abuser made this happen over a period of months, but since my mother was a narcissist, I was able to see it coming and took steps to document everything (it was in the workplace). This helped me tremendously once the bullying began. I already had things documented and reported. So I just kept writing it down. Eventually they were moved and fired once I presented my evidence.
It’s easier to recognize when you’ve been through the pattern once (or in my case throughout my childhood and adulthood with my mother).
"No." Is a complete sentence
Follow up their abuse guilt & bully tactics with "you're entitled to your opinion" "that's not how I remember it" and "sorry you feel that way".
@@FaithfulandTrue949 I love all 3 of those and I'm gonna use one of them on my mother as soon as I get the chance, which will unfortunately be soon I'm sure.
Yes ma’am it is.
Lol!
Ily tanks
Don’t give explanations, don’t give excuses, just stand firm in your "no."
Kimberly Colley,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
This can be so difficult.. especially when they suddenly start acting very loving and caring to get what they want.. it's like, yeah, I wanted this person to be loving and caring all the time, and only now they are finally acting like it.. but is it only for today, if I stay firm now, I might not get another chance to be loved and cared for by this person??😭😭 I couldn't stay firm anymore as he whispered words of love and affection.. my heart just melted away.. but I just want to live my happy life again..
Exactly, like you can't defend yourself; defend yourself!
This is something I'm learning
Yes indeed.
I blame my parents.. they teach us to be kind and giving but never to set boundaries!!
@@hopefull3387 social media is filled with jerks who don't even know how to express their opinion without belittling others.. being rude to strangers only tells us that your parents didn't teach you to be kind.. hope 'you learn' it by yourself.. bye karen
As a person who get teach that by teacher, you right. It just suck that i learn that mistake after mistaking helping a scammers. Having an angelic-like mindset turn you into naive people.
Setting boundaries is super important
You have a point. This actually comes from upbringing. Parents need to teach children how to be kind and giving but also to set boundaries when needed
Blame
I love how she said emotional abusers are like our coaches so each time they do these tactics it’s an opportunity for us to stand up for ourselves. That’s a very good way to look at it!
I learned with Christ that sometimes the best way to stand up for ourselves is getting up and walking away. It might sound like a coward move or something, and that is what Christ did most of the time. And believe me, if you study the Bible and the Gospels you will se how courageous and fearless Christ was... He never stood up for himself setting a boundary or saying ‘’stop’’. He just left the abuser talking by themselves and left...
@@gabryauh Yes Lord!!!!
Trueeee ❤️
I agree. I definitely came out stronger after surviving my narcissistic ex
W
“Your enemy is your teacher.” - Dalai Lama
Dee Rasmussen,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Yup
People who Love Life and People are Teachers.
Manipulation = insecurities
Thanks for the great advice Stephanie
Well said! 😊
Yep
Yes
ergarza2008 How an interesting point of view, so if I didn't feel love and I manipulate my lover to buy me jewels, my insecurities go down and I feel loved again! How about a date?
It pisses me off when a person makes you think there giving or doing something for you out the kindness of there heart, but then want something in return for everything they did for you. Like the kept a mental receipt for everything they "looked out" with...I hate it.
Yep. I knew someone like this. When I backed off and went no contact they posted all over social media how I was a master manipulator because they did so much for me and then I disappeared. Yet, they never once spoke to me about their feelings of being taken advantage of and instead posted the accusations online and got others to trash me too. I never asked them for the help and thought it was out of kindness. My mistake I believed their words and I never would have accepted the help if I knew they wanted so much in return and it wasn't really a gift after all. They blamed me because THEY CHOSE to help me and because they apparently regretted it they tell everyone I manipulated them into it instead of taking self-responsibility for offering help but not really wanting to do it.
My mother. Unfortunately I'm financially dependent on her right now, and I'm 61 years old because of my disability. As a result, she feels that she can dictate every move i make, and belittle me. It sucks.
Yep just like my mother and big brother
Yes I've learned to not date men who have this mentality of "what do you bring to the table since I always...." I'm naturally a generous person and will do anything for the man in my life who will do anything for me. Keeping score seems business like and not loving at all.
I can understand from your point of view BUT when a person gives and gives and gives and the other person takes and takes... there is a problem as only one person is investing into the relationship. If I am pouring myself and nothing is being poured into me then resentment and bitterness starts to come about. I am a giver by nature but it was take take take and NOTHING in return. I didn’t do what I didn’t do these things for something in return but when a person shows no effort it can drive a person crazy
“Look at the abuser as a coach...” Love it!
YES!!! It was a good practice “session” for me!!! I was literally afraid to tell this person I’d made plans with another person. New to this area, I’m meeting lots of new people so I’m exploring new relationships. She’d wanted me to be HER friend. I felt I wanted lots of people. I have friendships 42 years, 27 years, 8 years. I don’t speak to those friends daily, so this new friendship was smothering me 😩😒. I had to pull away, and I did. I stood up for me & felt the weight lifted off my shoulders. She’s still trying to pull me back in, but I’ll stand my ground. Yep…good practice. She, was a good coach.
Say no and then don't give a reason. If they ask why then say "Because I don't want to." Drives them bonkers.
This drives anyone bonkers who's requesting something
Totally.
This works though. Its simply fun to see an emotionally manipulative person lose their minds bc they failed trying to control you
@Courtney N when emontionally manipulative parents target your weak points like i dont give you basic need like food,shelter and get out from this house,sending you to mental asylum etc.so this abuse may turn into pshycical if you dont agree with those vampires
Or it's my choice
The most serious emotional abuse is when you try to actually converse with the person about how they are treating you unfairly and they immediately become volatile and then from that day on all you do is try to keep them from becoming volatile which keeps the cycle going especially if you can't get away from them
I experience that too, she always tells me that's in your head, you always feeling like you are a victim. I separated my self from that person and they can't stand silence and bring left alone.
Terrisa Vibbert without prejudice you're on the ball there! Dealing with exactly the same crap from a horrible neighbour. At least I know I can move out but the problem with moving is it's too expensive. So yeah, neighbours and family are hardest to deal with.
Terrisa Vibbert without prejudice The other problem with manipulators is that they do really lovely things for you. So now I know this, I know to simply stay away from these types.
Actions always speak louder than words
I know what you mean 😮 I've been struggling many years with being in control mental abusive relationship not physical anymore and just because I'm sick now😕😟😖😩
That's suffocating to know that someone is using you and you still can't confront them.
It's the most common type of social interaction today.
@@natureandphysics403 eeeeh no
Oh, felt that
to the contrary, you MUST confront them
I call that x husbands 4 me...😔
He told me I'm disrespectful because I say 'no' to him.
Are u surprised? ??:)
@@SilverAspen1 yes. I've been with him since the age of 13yo. I'm in my mid 20s now. I've only just now realised that my husband is a narcissist. It does hurt I won't lie.
I hope you're good now :) I come from very similar situation) hugs
@@Fruit_bee Actually I'm still in this marriage and terrified of leaving...
run as fast as you can, make a plan if you have to, but it is going to be better with time when you will feel free to do what you love without fear. It helped me to focuse on bad things that he did constantly rather then be in euphory from good things @@jas9464
Thank you. When you mentioned changing your perception of them being your greatest teacher showing you what you need to learn in life...that took away all the anger and pain and replaced it with gratitude. You have no idea how grateful I am for that.
I had so much tension inside and began questioning if it was me. Those words are trully liberating these persons were there to teach me how to set bouderies, love myself and let go of the anger, bitterness and resentment.
Thanks for sharing.
Same!!! It’s empowering.
In understanding if we have been manipulated by someone, we need to let some time pass. Then consciousness starts to do its part and the false people are gradually discovered.
Katherine I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be overemphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted, they have this excessive interest or admiration of themselves and they’re very toxic!. My greatest disappointment was discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover my wife’s infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. You can contact him ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text/Call and WhatsApp him on +15713758467. Thank me later.
Very correct
Yes ! They have to be Discovered ! My experiences !
Thankyou!! That helps!!!
I'm doing that right now
I feel like when someone tries to manipulate you, you don’t need to put up with it. You need to leave.
But what if you can’t!! Here we go again 😔
I did enjoy this video I have been treated this way exactly by my daughters now I'm far away from them I live alone and relationships with anyone is not easy I am an empath I have been so mistreated in these ways you left off vindictive my one daughter is a true narcissist it took me forever to realize how she could be this way she has no empathy for anyone since I have been following your videos I have learned so much I never knew how bad it really was until I needed help boy did I get the full barrel from her i still can't hardly believe the things she has done to me i didn't even think there were people out there like them keep the videos coming i don't even want people around me anymore my family my friends this is unreal 😱🤯😠👹
Exactly.
I did.
How can you leave when they live with you and you have no where else to go, how do you deal with that
Fantastic video. Naricissitic personalities HATE being told no.
Bug time! Tell them all the "No's" you got for them. Be tough and do it. Bring God along and they'll back up.
I have become co dependent and so non confrontational so I just shut down. Definitely needed to hear this.
Bobbie Condlin I too struggle with shutting down during confrontation we have to relearn communicating through these negative situations
Same
I find it hard ‘not’ to fight back but fighting back escalates things and the abuse gets worse . When I shut down I feel defeated but that’s the only way the abuse stops Leaving the house for a couple hrs feels good but then I have to face the deamon when I get home and depends what time of day it is. I won’t leave the house at night. I feel for all of us that unfortunately got hooked emotionally into these freaks
Same here. Need help
We fall for these things most times from our partners
This is exhausting. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy.
Great comment. Manipulation is witchcraft and demonic
I married to a man like that and i finally divorced him after 11 year marriage. It took me great effort to love myself.
Subconciuosly i was looking for a man with that type, i need to make my traumatic earlier life (in my younger age) be healed so that i can love myself and feel confident as I am. What do you think about it?
Patrice Y Simmons I believe I am a prisoner of evil
@@satyarinisatyarini118 I've worked on this most my life.... seems a continual/infinite process....
This channel is one of the biggest services... I’m very grateful. You have literally helped me to spot 3 toxic relationships before entering them. Left right on time. That’s a miracle. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. If you recognize a sign of manipulation leave!
Your so right indeed!
Needed to hear that! It’s so easy to give the benefit of the doubt and take on the blame yourself
People that try to manipulate are not really your friends. Family that tried to manipulate that’s even worse but sometimes they are the hardest to set boundaries with.
Yup been there done that
Melissa Misinco so so right my husband mother is doing this
Yes my mother and my husband .
And then they turn other family members against you.
Yes. This is why I’m here watching this video
remember guys, negotiation is their last tactic, but we dont negotiate with (psychological) terrorists.
Amen
Exactly girl...
eli soopu yes I cannot negotiate without a fight breaking out with my partner. It’s like walking on egg shells. He wants his way and if he feels threatened he starts yelling. I regret the day I was introduced to him. All the best
Amen
💣💣💣
I was dealing with 3 emotional manipulators at the same time. A boss, a potential partner and my older sister. I knew I wasn't being treated well or fairly and had such a difficult time I lost my mind for a bit which I think was me suffering from narcissistic abuse. Went into business for myself, left the potential partner and stopped contact with my sister. Now I am like....now what? Is everyone emotionally manipulative? I hope not!
Only if you change your attitude from a victim to a gainer, they d stop!! Always look confident and happy, they hate it when you re faker than them
I am emotionally and physically exhausted from so many years of being in this type of relationship and not realising in time how much it has affected me.
Angie Kitson-Harris yes I can relate to your reply. I always wonder how I would be had I not been introduced to him. Twenty two years with countless breakups and always getting back together. I hope you find a way out. My only way out is to pack up and leave when he’s at work like so many women do and men do because these abusers are not stable enough or mature enough to have a discussion about separating without getting abusive. Thanks for your reply and all the best
I’m currently in this pace, it’s really exhausting
@@komaweig89 is this really possible what about in the USA
@@komaweig89 really ? What if he hacks all the money ?? Yours and his ??
I understand, it makes you feel like it won’t change. You’ve already moved in with them, married them, had kids with them. When does it stop? You’ve learned trust is a joke to him. All the pressure is on you and he’s breaking your family. But you love him so much and every time you try to leave he begs you to stay and puts on a mask of lies to convince you. Then when you stay, he does it again. You’re so confused, does he really love you? Everything is starting to make since and you now know he’s faking his real personality, and your so emotionally attached. He’s funny and handsome and the father of your kids, but he’s not as amazing and powerful as you think he is. He’s powerful, but you can be powerful too. You can MAKE HIM WEAK.
These are essential tools that an empath NEEDS to have in their toolkit.
im an intellectual, still think its essential for me since every human has earth, water, air and fire in them, doesnt matter the majority
The Count _ empath ?
@@singingforyou3262 ?
True
Wouldn't an empath just feel this sort of thing?
The tone of these manipulators is everything, and being able to recognise the tone in every person is the hardest part. These manipulators use similar tones, different words, different scenario's
Emotional manipulators might also gather allies against you once you set boundaries that are inconvenient for them. They might start a campaign against you behind your back to cause a pile on that they believe will force you to retract your boundaries. They’ll approach your family members, your friends, and say a lot of things that are untrue or twist things that make you look like the perpetrator, and those that believe the lies will come after you thinking they are defending this person, because they’ve painted themselves as a victim.
I’m related to someone who trashed my reputation within my whole family because I set boundaries they didn’t like. I’m still coping with the aftermath. But this tactic has worked for them before, and because my family enables this person so much, they’ve never had any real consequences for their actions.
Mine to
Yep.
We are many in this🙄🤔
I’m going through this right now
Exact same situation. My sister and her husband have abused our parents for many years. When I started calling out this abuse.....roll on the smear campaign! They have gotten away scot free with no repercussions. My mother has dementia.
I don't deal with people like that. I learned from my past and will cut someone off quick at any signs of being unstable.
This is my 2020
I’m currently dealing with an unstable person right now and she can’t take a hint that I don’t wanna be bothered with her at all
True VideoGamer93 I dealt with that too
@@CamperBreaker93 We're you honest and open without judgement? A hint is saying your not sure and maybe like to play games to feed your ego.
@@CamperBreaker93 just ghost them bro. even in real life, don't talk even a bit. they will get it
💯 on point!! Setting boundaries causes them to have tantrums “why do you hate me when I’ve been so respectful to you”...
I realized this today. I did before, but now it is apparent: I am carrying a cross I was not built to carry. I am putting myself before others. I have been raised to always do things for others, but when it is my turn no one cares. I don't care if individuals want to carry feelings. I must be put first now.
This is the best video I’ve seen regarding this type of person. When dealing with a narcissistic person Self-preservation is not selfish..it’s liberating.
yes def same
Yes, frustration is a sign. Not knowing why you are so disturbed, not knowing what to do while you know you need to pull away
When you say no you get the silent treatment and that’s just a tactic they use against you because they know you love them and they know you’ll be hurt.. you ask yourself how can someone who loves me go on and on in a silent treatment but that’s because they don’t love you and they most likely have multiple sources of energy anyway.
this HIT
They only love themselves
So true. As long as they get what they want all is fine. But when u say no all hell is let loose.
Sad but true
Love has nothing to do with it. Take that out of the equation. Now, do you feel used? What to do what to do. Draw a line in the sand. How much crap do you want to put up With?
I have already CUT two off, Dad and Sister, no more! They don't deserve me, I have risen above.
I feel you.....😥🙏🏻
Yes I’m currently cutting my step dad off
Way to.go man. Must be a good feeling.
I have to cut off my mom in the future. But I am afraid she wont be able to love without me since she is already 57 and my dad is 65....they both emotionally manipulated and abused me throughout the years and now I feel empty and bad if I cut them off like that
......
Really wanna cut connection with mom and brother. It's so hard. 😭 How did you do that?
Not always about a narcissist- sometimes it’s just about implementing change with someone who has been used to me being a certain way
Modernist society has brought on narcissism- Fr Ripperger( renowned exorcist) has a talk on this… it’s way more spiritual.. the title is”the 6th generation”
I wouldn’t say “child-like” but childish . Child like is positive. Childish is not ...
You're right, but that's an unnecessary correction, because i'm sure she meant "childish" and its also like being child-like, in a sense, but not 100% on everything a child does or feels.
This not necessary negative comment sounds like you may be a narcissist........🤔
Gabriela Martinyuk eh, think about that response to D’s comment. While childlike can have a positive connotation, I just think of it as “like a child”. It can refer to any qualities a kid has. I’m childlike by being trusting and kind in a way that makes me more likely to be a narcissist victim, for example.
@@DethronerX I knew a person that defined her whole relationship with another that was based on this one distinction. Words matter, and to this day I'm still a little put off by this as it was a put down (a subtle one) of this person that I cared about and she would never say it straight to her face either.
@Gabriela Martinyuk I'm mad? I don't remember being angry, while typing that lol. I may be a narcissist, sure and sorry, but I wasn't trying to attack
Manipulative people do so out of a fear of lacking control in their lives 🔥🔥🔥🔥
I agree totally.
@Linda Villani your 78 yrs old and on you tube? maybe, but i doubt it.
I often thought this so of my Ex husband
Most certainly i agree.
Definitely
"It pisses me off so much how some people say they love you, they'll always be there for you, they'll never hurt you & yet there actions never matches there words. Manipulating you into believing there words are true when there intentions where to hurt you & not care about it . Yet when the shoes on the other foot, and its done to them, that when it isn't right."
Just take and take and take. They only tell you what you want to hear in order to get their selfish needs met.
fr, he made me leave all my friends just because he didnt like them, he was friend with them too and they were you know fine together they helped each other and it was just okay before all of this, but when i distanced myself from them when he started telling them everything what was happening between us and i felt awkward when they knew everything about how i kiss or how my room does look. So i was just with him and at that time he started manipulating me into leaving my one friend from my childhood AND THEY KNEW EACH OTHER TOO BTW, but nevermind, he started crying that i was with him on some family event he was asking all the time if he is talking and when im going home, then he didnt like my schoolmates, my one another friend and he was always hurt because they are not good for me and he doesnt like when i talk to them. i’ve lost the bond with all of them but i was still trying to fight for that one group with 2 boys ( i felt like in a dream when i started talking to them a was trying 2 YEARS TO TALK TO THEM JUST TO LET ONE MF RUIN EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE HE DIDNT LIKE THEM😭😭😭😭)that he knew too and he didnt like them because they were boys, he had “anxiety” ( i put in in bulb because he just wanted me to get rid of them and he had even addmited it)from them WHEN THEY WERE FRIENDS FOR LIKE 9 YEARS, and because one of them made fun of him when he was in hospital when they were like 10. So how the time went, he blamed me for his ßuißide attemp, sh, overdoßïng just to made me leave them even when we have broken up already, and i felt just bad so i always left them and came but i lost even the motivation to be friends with them because i was scared and i felt guilty. So i tried to fucus on myself and live again but i just couldnt let him go even when i had something like trauma, he didnt change at all but i dont know how to leave
and of course he was like he loves me and he expects me to leave them, that he would do it for me why couldnt i, that ill choose them or him and if ill choose them i wouldnt be the only one that will loose him and he was emotionally abusing me with this. and now it goes the same, he is trying to change my mind when i like something that he doesnt, he wants me to remove some friends that were friends with that 2 friends and i dont know man
and he doesnt even care that that group meant for me the most, because after a very long time i felt like i can talk without feeling anxious and i just had a friend group after a very long time man, i was happy
and when i say no the real abuse starts
I’ve been going through a divorce since early December and my soon ex wife has used all of these tactics. I’ve learned (with the help from your videos and a book called “Out of the Fog”) the behavior to look for. It’s crazy how accurate you are on how she will respond. I’m at the point where I just ignore her tantrums, although it’s difficult because we share two children. At this point she is carpet bombing everyone around me with lies and unfortunately she’s very believable. She is relentless at trying to ruin my life. Thankfully, I have a fantastic support system a god that’s full of grace and videos like this to brush up on my study of the narcissist.
Same boat no paddles
I am living with a chronic alcoholic now I get it guilt blame and shame. I am getting counseling
jeremy brock Remember , We wrestle not against Flesh and blood but against evil, wicked spirits in high places... it’s not her but the devil. So love your enemy... from a distance.
I’m new to educating my self to what is a narcissist . I put it all out to my narc and in his world because that’s what I believe he has his own world and big words and the definition to them he never has heard of them in his household when he was younger. At least thats what he says..or just denies it all he is a BIG narcissist, ignorant, manipulator and selfish man. And many more!!! I don’t have the support and he has manipulated me in to waiting off on the divorce to avoid child support. I can’t no longer I can’t stand this man and my mind is bursting of if I should just go on the divorce on my own. Sure we need a lawyer, but I really wish he hurry into getting us one so we can do it his way again trying to avoid child support here’s the thing I kind of just want to get over the divorce process i Don’t want child support we have made an agreement he will provide and help with some cash so I say okay, but the process is taking long. I have no support no job and I’m trying to get out ASAP and maybe just even see how I can get help on housing because each day I waste time with him is the hardest I’m slowly getting stronger, but I let this all happen 11 years and educated myself all late. Something funny is he know wants counseling but then also a lawyer I’m like no just the lawyer we don’t got money for both. Before I was the crazy one before the one needed help was just me. Know he wants counseling ja no we will save for one and that be the lawyer because all I want is myself back and my freedom.
@jeremy brock i pray the Lord will bless you on your journey!
I started to say "NO" that was the beginning of the end.....i got real good at saying no!!
makindreams cometrue - I said no and it became the ending took me through a door to a new beginning, a new life that has brought me much joy , growth, wisdom and fun.
@makindreams come true My "No" led up to my divorce currently in process. He tried to hurt me by having an affair and when I applied to Divorce him he came back pleading, making promises, but I could NEVER Connect Emotionally with his mind games. Once bitten twice shy. I'm so glad I continued and he's since Abandoned the home and family living with someone 21 years younger than him. Good luck to her, but I think they are good for each other both CO-DEPENDENTS. I look forward to my new life completely without him.
@@janemuller2066 no is a very powerful word....and just beginning to use it....its confusing....were so used to them...and afraid of the unknown...but i HAD to do something diffrent than be beat up all the time....
makindreams cometrue Good for you coming to your senses and paying attention to it. I salute you
Some of them dont know what no means
My cat is the expert emotional manipulator in my life.
Laura Holeman and cats are like most women ☺️
Good solution!
Ha ha ha
Love this. You are very lucky to
@@inpersonaDK yes they are like women to be honest
My abuser was my coach he taught me how to love me unconditionally 🙌🏾 he taught me all the red flags. He was a master manipulator a.k.a. Narcissist
I have done that. The ones that teach you are the worst. Why do you think we have teachers in classroom that teach most things that are outside of your reality in the life to come when you are an adult.
@SCANDINAVIAN NARC SURVIVOUR NO If you contacted someone to request their services and they ignored you, in what way is that narcissistic behaviour? Strangers don't have an obligation to help you or take you as a client. Why would you email them 8 times when they clearly are not interested in contact? Unless you already gave them money, you are not entitled a reply or attention. If anyone is sending off red flags it's you.
SKYDARIPPA Upside Down was ✍️n 3 months ago during a discard / garage phase Narcs bring out the best in you 😎
“Look at every opportunity that you get with an abuser as a opportunity to love yourself” ima going to start implementing this!! Thank you!!! I’ve come a LONG way in self love and in being able to set healthy boundaries. I like this shift in prospective when dealing with a toxic person.
“Family Members” is exhausting!!
Pamela Morgan Mitchell yes they always think they are entitled to something
Is it bad to keep in touch with the soon to be ex’s family. They keep reaching out and have supported me through my marriage but now?
Very difficult to cut off familymembers who do that. They once where there for you even when toxic most of times and now you cant get away from them.
Not like mine, I can bet
That’s so true: I broke up with my now ex last Saturday and that’s exactly what he did. He’s a narcissist and therefore, manipulative. He actually got me doubting my own decision (that I considered for about 9 months), but I stuck with what I want and that is a separation. Be strong and believe in you, not in what your partner’s view of you is! 💪
Mine said 'oh but your so special to me and I can't not have you in my life'. This was after he had broken up with me, 3 weeks later used the fact that i was in love with him to tell me he was falling for me (but not in love with me) then he agreed to take it slow but put in no effort so i left told him i had to accept that it was over ...i was grieving through all of this and when he said the above it just hit me in heart. Stupid really because he had flaked often, not been around, had excuses for everything but suddenly i am too special to lose? we did talk every day...even after he broke up he wanted to continue talking daily, he allowed me one week of space...urgh..the minute i started replying to him after a week of silence I felt myself not being able to stop writing to him so it became me doing all the work...again while he received and replied when he felt like it. urgh. he loved bombed me all that week when i had said i will accept it is over. we caught up that weekend and kissed all day. I didn't actually realise i was addicted til i left the second time - 2 weeks after the last - i've never hurt or cried so much in my life...i was literally howling. all the on and off, future faking, flaking, hugs n kisses while saying i was just being silly etc...at the time you dont' realise what it is doing to you emotionally but it breaks you. they don't have to say anything mean to break you. the worse part was after i left though..that's when he did get mean and bitter. I remember at the cafe the last time we caught up he said 'don't blame yourself....you are who you are' with an undertone. it stabbed me in the heart...the same place he'd get to with his sob pity stories he got to me with his undertone bullying. I didn't know who he was anymore...i left that cafe feeling more wrecked that when i went in. Never again. Discernment is my big key word now.
@@Goldgirl1978 Just read your comment...what a bastard! "Don't blame yourself, you are who you are" - wth?! He's the one who should take a good look at himself for treating his girlfriend the way he did. As you said, one day it's like you're worthless to him and the next he just can't lose you. Very similar story in my case, he only showed his feelings when he was about to lose me. Made promises that he would change, which he did for a few weeks or months. But the same pattern returned over and over again. After living with him for 4 years, I've had it and I left. He said that my reasons for breaking up with him are stupid and since I'm smart, I should be able to see that. It's so unbelievable what they say and how they say it, isn't it? They twist everything around so that you start doubting yourself and so they look like they're the victims and we're the bad guys. I hope you're doing okay. It'll take time to heal, maybe even a lot, but we'll get there eventually :)
@@blueriver1604 Yes very great advise I LUV PASTOR BLAKES💚 he has changed my entire outlook on my past relationship. Her story sounds all the same to mine. But advise given in this video is such great help building a firm no is a muscle and has to be exercised but only through time and help of God no doubt be able to break off such a horrible soul tie.
Congratulations 🎊🍾🎈!! Now you will really Now his true colors now that you say NO .. I wish you Good luck and maybe a vacation to find yourself 🌻✌️🌈🌻
Miss Radittsu thank you Miss. I just cried reading your validation of that. It’s been 5 months he has a girlfriend that he actually acknowledges their relationship on fb with and his friends and family have actually met her. I didn’t meet any of them. He used to shyly laugh and kiss me whenever I said I feel like I’m his psychologist (and I hated that). He to my guilt every time. Somehow I fell in love with him despite it all. When I left I didn’t expect to have a breakdown but I did. Memories came up like I was watching the whole thing from the start again. His ex had told me stuff about him and the most she called him was a coward for not protecting her and their kids from his other family members and yet he had stories about her every day for months. Called her crazy, vindictive, cunning, wicked witch of the west. This was someone he claimed he loved. His stories were crazy. He would say things in past tense. I once got annoyed at him over some way he was treating me and he text and said ‘all I wanted was your care and support...’ I was so bad, that’s ALL I had been doing for him! I’d even blocked her on fb because foolish me was believing his stories. When I left saw this person I didn’t know I had to question how much of anything he said was a lie or the truth? I had to accept our relationship that was all based on care and support for what he was going through was a fantasy and that I was being used because he didn’t want to be alone and to date his long term friend (who’s now his girlfriend) would be too soon until at least 6 months had past...because his actual psychologist had told him this...he used it as a reason to leave me at one point too. 3 months after I’d finally discarded him his gf wrote on her instagram that he’d given her a card in early September for a surprise date in December. He was hoovering me end of August til I left end of September and I was so mad. He was seeing us both at the same time and clearly had plans to discard me by December for her anyway, I just disrupted them by leaving earlier so he brought his plans forward. I’ve dated many arseholes but this was far the worst because of how deeply I felt and cared for him. I should mention also at that cafe I had said to him ‘you look uncomfortable, I’m sorry I hurt you’ and he replied and look at me in the eyes, lent in and coldly said ‘you didn’t hurt me’ and his eyes changed to stone cold too for that brief moment then went back to normal. That’s when I felt I didn’t know who he was anymore (that and the other comment I posted earlier) but I was also very scared at that point. He’d only ever looked at me lovingly and now these cold empty eyes were staring at me. Freaked me the fuck out.
My neighbour is giving me the silent treatment because I enforced a healthy boundary. She fails to realise how much happier and at peace I am with out her in my life 🥰 These videos are very helpful, subbed.
“It’s forcing you to work that emotional muscle,” 👏👏👏 brilliant way of looking at dealing with manipulative behaviours. Just this comment alone has taken away my fears of dealing with the backlash. I can see why the universe has given me the life experiences I’ve had. The universe wants me to stand up for myself and be stronger in who I am. ❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️
I had to listen to your video 3x because it was right on point. . I was in an abusive marriage and when I started listening to your videos last year, I realized I was married to an alcoholic narcissist. I left him in December 2018. I had no idea what or who I was involved with and your videos helped me and in a way saved my life. thank you so much.
💕
How are things going now? My son and I just got discarded by my wife for some other person that’s not even near being successful. It sucks a lot because I want her to get help and want this family.. but I know I shouldn’t
Pls.. wassup me.
My name is Eric from GHANA.
0550371598
When you tell a Toxic person no ,that is when the games begin you have to set boundaries or they will continue....
If they don't respect you when you say no, you'll know right away they're not someone to hang out with. Emotionally immature!
@@iys6890 Yeah,I know
I've recently discovered this the hard way! I was shocked that loving myself, setting boundaries and not always doing as I am told makes me a bad person. I am dealing with the least self aware person on the planet and its annoying that they only want an enabler and that's all you are. Easily replaced!
Yeah so weird that they call us a bad person, when they are the one asking us to do what they want with no regard for our own wellbeing or wants.
It's time for me to end my relationship because he is too angry, hostile, childish and unable to rationally communicate. But it feels impossible because he is always bringing up the things he's done for me and old things that has happened years in the past.
did you get the strength to leave the relationship? I just filed for divorce and it took everything I had because I have a trauma bond and I still love him. 😭😭😭
ME TOO. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s so hard to advocate for our needs and bring up things that are hurting us when they just come back with “but I’m great in all these ways, doesn’t that make up for it?” The answer is no. But I know it’s hard as hell to walk away, im currently trying to walk away from my relationship too. It’s toxic, there may be love there but there’s also a whole lot of manipulation and immaturity
@@Angelas.Eye_ I will be Sending you strength vibes. 😇
Best wishes to all who are moving on abusers! You all deserve much better.
How did it go?
When you said a narcissist is co-dependent. Something clicked, I have never heard it said that way but it's absolutely true.
I literally just came to the realization from my new therapist that I am codependent. I knew something was wrong far more than just having anxiety and decided to seek help. Having an answer is so empowering. I immediately started watching these UA-cam videos and they are a god send. I no longer feel so alone in it and knowing the signs and how to overcome is amazing. I have a love it road ahead but one I want to stay on, Thank you for these videos, you are truly helping people.
I tried to break up with my narc a year a ago, he made me feel so bad after. He would be so sad and talk about how good he was and trying to make everything better. I felt so so bad and I caved in and got back together with him. Now a year later he is still the same, they never change. Slowly but surely after they think that they’ve got you fooled they will turn real fast. Get out as fast as possible guys you don’t need a reason ! You need to run now !
I recently accepted that I was in a relationship with an emotional manipulator. I really had no idea but this is EXACTLY how the entire relationship was. I even used to tell him that he did these things but I didn’t know that it was a form of abuse until much later. Thanks for this because it really made it clear.
I think the biggest take for me is that if you’re my friend, I want to be that person you can trust to ask when you need something and if I can I will help you. But if not, you will accept it and keep the relationship intact. There will be times I will need of you and I hope you can help me, but if you can’t the relationship stays the same.
There has to be give and take in life. This video does highlight that there’s unhealthy relationships where one person is manipulative and the other one is being taken advantage of. I think if it’s a boss or coworker , family member then this tactics will work. But if it’s a “friend “ or relationship then maybe just decide to cut it off.
Manipulative people do what they do because it works.
Avoid manipulate man and live life without bullshit. Don't tolerate that in a man or anyone else. Say no means no. Lol he blame me for his problems lol what idiot he friends are. Avoid negative man say no to lust bully abuse childish behavior.
Thank you for teaching me lesson that I dont need a needy code depends man. Lol
Love myself is better. 😁🙂
Freedom from bs online.
Say no no no no no no no avoid negative lust and bullying and abuses. Fuck off Paris Jackson no mean no back off me bitch. Dont be messing with me either way but ways of that's how to treat me that way grow up Paris Jackson and dont care of Paris shit friends either. Paris back off me you hear me. Respect is given not earn so troll get the fuck away from me.
Until it doesn’t!!
@@natalieohlsson7777 Then they just find another willing participant.
@@natalieohlsson7777 ignore them live life is bette they want attention from and there childish and act immature guy. This men need to grow up.
And coz they are lazy
The perspective of looking at this like a “coach,” was so insightful.
You’re so right, it’s a practice in staying firm in “no.” It’s a practice is standing up for yourself. It’s a practice in becoming a better person.
I was praying for the universe to guide me, way forward. Tonight I ran into your channel. Thanks for the insights
Absolutely stupendous, Peace, love to you, Thank you universe 🌌🥰😃😀💞😍⚘️✨️
I love that perspective of taking on an abuser as a coach to teach you how to say no, put boundaries, and learn how to love yourself.
Yes! the abuser is my COACH! Wow. I get so much free time to practice being healthy.
Mental toughness SELF-RESPECT & SELF-CONTROL SELF- LOVE
LOVE IS CONDITIONAL. 👍💡👍
looking at the abuser like a "coach", is a tactic I never thought of!! That takes the power from them and gives it back to me. I'm going to watch this again.. there is so much information I really need and the way you explain it is very easy to understand. Thank you!! (SINCERELY!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!)💜
Couldn't agree more on this one.
Stephanie, your authenticity & genuineness is such a blessing. I'm grateful for your approach in helping people and truly caring for us. The way you address sensitive topics helps instill trust back in human kind. I've gone many many years not trusting ANYONE. Your sincere, honest truth is a life saver in more ways than one.
I keep watching your videos over & over until the teaching / message can sink in. You're a life changer and I so appreciate you!
Thank you.
You are absolutely amazing. For so many years it's been the same bullshit and I can't talk about my situation to anybody. I come here to watch your videos and I feel your understanding you're allowing me to grow outside of my insecure state. You're opening my mind and revealing the truth in the situation helping it make sense AND empowering strengths. Thank you so much Stephanie
The two most master manipulators I know, are adult children.
The fits they will throw are worst than a 2 year old child that didn't get their way. It's the most unattractive sight to see.
Yes. They have a way of blaming you for what they are or aren't, how their life turned out, and basically blaming you for your not being a good enough parent. I remind my son that there are many successful, rich and famous people in this world who came.from poverty, broken homes, etc., because we are what we want to be.
Claiming that your kids are the narcs is suspicious. How’d they become that way? Didn’t you raise them?
@@willywanker5866 The four of them were raised by me up to the ages of between 3 and 9. Then their mother and I divorced. She and her husband did the raising, I had visitation rights but I wasn't the full time parent. Whether they're your offspring or not, a 40 yr old who still blames their parents for how their life turned out and tries to leverage that into getting special treatment has some serious personal issues to work out.
@@tonydelariva7163 when it’s your own offspring, I’d imagine that hurts in a special way. I would be hurt if I knew my offspring were hurting me and others.
This is the stuff that no one teaches you as you grow up. These videos have really helped me sort out my confusion about others behaviours and why I feel so frustrated by it. Such valuable knowledge. Thankyou.
Jessica trash,You look gorgeous 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
One of the greatest things my manipulative grandmother ever said was, "I just don't know what to say to get you to do something!" after she relentlessly bullied and gaslighted me over really, really simple things that could have been handled with a MERE REQUEST!
I'm a victim..this is really difficult when the people you love most are controlling.
Dittos. Blessings to you, Frank.
Here with you brother I understand
Giving so much effort and truth just to get treated like a enemy and isolated
Sameeeeee
My mom does it to my brother and everyone else in the Family!
and most of the time when you say no... the narcissist goes on silent treatment
They belittle then go silent
Yes I'm getting it now
@@carolsampson5511 proves you were right and all they know is abuse and manipulation
Do you think they unintentionally do it?
@@jordanwilson3279 no
Every conversation had or to be had w ours is an emotional rollercoaster. Its so exhausting.
This is incredibly comforting to hear that other people have experienced the same thing I have. Whew! Thank you for making this video!
Agreed. Very awesome video
Guilt blame and shame. I always thought this was a normal thing! Then i learned that my mom was manipulative. And i learned that she never learned boundaries so i never learned boundaries. She set me up for abusive and toxic relationships as my norm. I took on all the guilt and shame and blame and didnt even realize i was perpetuating everything that was thrown at me. This video was for me. You described me to the T. Thank you.
Life changes when you can recognize this. Also intimidation is another technique they use. I think it grows out of their recognition that their temper tantrums as a grown individual can be scary. Seeing at its core that their threat display is no bigger than a toddlers temper tantrum, well its life altering.
Make sure any male or female dealing with someone like this to make sure you have savings.. Seems alot of us people stay in the relationships because theyre drained helping the unrepentant narassist and their families and in many cases its not appreciated. Definitely protect yourself everyone. Blessings
Yes definitely they use temper tantrums as adults to scare people into doing what they want if name calling didn't work.
Blame, shame, guilt -- fear, obligation and guilt/"FOG"
I've been manipulated for 20 years by my 'best' friend, its only now at 33 I'm distancing myself from this person and their true colours are showing.
Everybody is merely a means to an end. Instant gratification.
This video really helped me today because I decided to go no contact and I’ve been getting calls from him blocked all morning and this really helped me stay strong and decline them all ❤️❤️❤️❤️
John Clayton thank you!
I did the same thing..He won't stop calling. I blocked his number but it still shows up on my phone. He loves to hear himself talk and it's aways his way and when I say no to something he accuses me of" cheating"
Stay strong 💪
Re- blocking after he manipulated/ guilted me after a forced visit after he finally moved out. Key Words: “healthy “ vs the manipulator = I’m done being little miss nice gurl!!
Good luck ,stay strong
the biggest way to get to know whether someone is a manipulator or not is to tell them no to what they want you to do,you will literally see the perfect villain infront your eyes
“It’s your duty as my girlfriend” was one I have received
Same here girl.... I can feel you
Duty, wtf?
I got after our wedding, ‘you’re married now, you can’t do what you want’, when all I was doing was catching up with the same friends I had before the marriage for a drink. It took five years and his behaviour got worse, but I divorced that man and never looked back.
@@viewmodeimages350 How did you not see any signs long before the altar.
@IAm Moana Thanks, I agree, but having seen it at its fundamentals and close up, for most of my life, I can say abuse is built into our society.
Best tactic is to stay away from toxic people.
What can on do if the person ur family
Sometimes you don't realize they're toxic until later, though. And sometimes it's a toxic parent or other family member at home, and you can't simply move out for a number of reasons.
@@tearoses9940 Exactly. In order to stay away from toxic people you would have to never get to know anyone. Toxic people suck you in and only later then turn into themselves. Very traumatic and exhausting.
This was very helpful for me. There are a couple of people in my life who are manipulating many,including myself. I need to know what is being done and how to handle myself with respect.
Thank you Stephanie! Very helpful. I am creating a "new me." Boundaries, loving myself, standing firm!
Vicki Frucci I’m doing the same thing, I feel like I’ve lost my positive and loving self. This is very empowering. 💪
Vicki Frucci Same here... well said!
Exactly,stay strong and firm don't let these kind of person manipulate and control you.
I decided yesterday to take back my life and have asked my husband of 8 years to leave.
I am so glad I found your channel. I feel like I am finally set free from all the emotional abuse I encountered.
Hi, I am india and after listening to you I am pretty shocked to know that they are all so similar in their traits. My situation is that of a Asian wife where our culture does not support breaking of a marriage on terms of emotional scares that cannot be witnessed. In this time of utter darkness your video was immensely helpful. You are very clear on all fronts
Good day☀
My thoughts & prayers are with you in your time of darkness and I hope you can find the strength and support to somehow leave your situation, or if not to survive & cope within it until you can leave. I agree that they are all the same no matter what culture race or religion. It's like they have their own culture & ways of speaking and behaving . It is a nightmare . Blessings hope and light to you x
Mrinalini :- I think the reason we watching this type videos coz we are victim of these type of ppl , most of my friends did this to me coz I was nice by heart and always willing to help Type person ,
Now m totally shattered coz my best friend did after 10 years of friendship :(
It can happen even years after.
Break loose! Demand respect. Dont ruin your future by allow ing abuse!
@@juliakite1780 thank you this makes me realise comforting one and another is such a universal feeling which crosses all barriers in any given time igniting hope and assurance
@@user-dp4bu8jy4b thank you I will definitely do that as excusing every time makes it worse for me so the best thing is to change myself rather than changing others
This is my current fiance.. I need to get away from him.
No marriage for you!! Save yourself now
are you ok?
Did you get out? I am trying to divorce my husband right now.
I hope you got out of it. You deserve better
Gooo.. Go away from himmmm
You described me. I have a hard time with confrontation and keeping my "No's".
My ex literally stomps his feet, bashes his own head into the wall and cries hysterically in front of our children. It’s horrible and I’ve spent years trying to get away from him and live a separate life from his relentless crap.
What stops you then! That's humiliating
Bless your heart! I’m praying for your strength I know it’s hard to leave and when you do to stay away but you have to if it’s not changing because sooner or later it’s going to take you out, health wise or mentally! Take the steps and find the ways to follow through. It’s going to be hard but you can do it! I had to and probably about to again from a different one, after this I mast become a nun lol but even if not I bet i won’t let it happen again! God bless 🙏🏽💜
For the sake of your children, if not you, you need to get away from him. This is emotionally and mentally dangerous for your kids. If you're afraid to do this immediately...plan, get family/friend support, but do it. You and your children can NOT continue to live like this.
Why does he cry hysterically?! Wtf
@@travis6694 This person has to be on crack cocaine or Heroin them types of people act really weird then to be a Narcissist on top of it, that's Evil on top of Evil 🙄
Also I love to give them no reaction or justification when they try to shame or guilt me.
That’s what I’m trying to get to. My sibling’s guilt tactics and shame tactics just keep seething into my mind
This is a hard pill to swallow, I don't understand how people can do this to someone they supposedly love. I knew this but I didn't know it or I didn't want to believe it. I feel so stupid. 😟💔😔
Do not feel stupid, went through the same thing with the woman I have 2 kids with, you were there with the best of intentions and they were there for their bad intentions.
@@mpho87 your words are a source of comfort. 😇
@@carolrosales1896 you are welcome, stay strong!
Some people’s pre-frontal cortex doesn’t function as well to be able to feel empathy and love. It’s sad.
You replied to one of my comments when I was in a very dark place in the abuse and I deleted it out of fear.i remember you telling me I need to start forgiving and loving myself.i am now out of the relationship and now I see the sighs ahead of time and guard my ❤️ immediately thank you Stephanie I support you and what you do for others in physical/mental/emotional abuse 🙏
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Even at 56 years, 30 years of marriage to a wonderful, supportive spouse, a graduate degree and a great career, I only just realized in the last 24 months that the only times I've ever been accused of being "hard to reach" and am consistently confused about what was said or what was agreed, is with my mother and older brother.
Looking at the patterns closely, it's extremely clear how manipulative, indirect, unrealistic and immature these 2 are, especially when they're together.
Wow! Getting free is hard, but, oh my goodness, so worth it! The funny thing is that their reactions are in direct proportion to their level of overt malignancy: my older brother is the classic, overt, arrogant, malignant narcissist. He is 60 and capable of juvenile name calling, taunting, trying to "expose" others who he imagines have done him wrong by not acknowledging his superiority, etc. His reaction to me simply establishing simple boundaries and not reacting to his mocking and ridicule was to pack up and move halfway across the country! Win!
Mom is a classic covert manipulator who predictably cycled through love-bombing, snarky insults, ignoring me completely, followed by a faux-pology (sometimes) and then, back to lovebombing to get me to do something for her. Because she gets exactly the same cheerful, detached response from me no matter what she does, she has behaved, outwardly, like an off-balance, timid "victim" for the last 12 months or so. I'll take it. She was never the mother she holds herself out as, and she knows I'm no longer under that delusion, although we've never had any direct conversation about this. She's a covert, after all! But she occasionally says things like "we don't get to pick our parents" and "I did the best I could" when she's repeating a story about her past. I don't respond at all to these comments, but I've never heard her say things like this before, either. It feels like she's expecting me to reassure her that she's always been a devoted, selfless mother. Well, that's not true. By not commenting at all, I not only avoid yet another draining, disappointing, confusing conversation with her, but I also avoid providing what I now recognize is her narcissistic supply. She doesn't care at all whether she actually was a good mom, she just wants confirmation that she can guilt, shame or scare me into saying she was.
Instead, she gets: "Hmmmmm, that's interesting. Ooh, Mom, I need to go before I'm late. Let me know what groceries you want me to bring you on Wednesday, o.k.?" No muss, no fuss, no fear, obligation or guilt. Just groceries, if she wants them, for her, and freedom for me.
There's a lot more to being manipulative. The points in the video are the stand out points. The really good ones plant seeds in your mind to make you think an idea is yours. That idea happens to benefits them. People manipulate because they lack self worth and control over themselves. Co dependent people are manipulators, it could be someone seeking attention to get control over you, using your feelings to validate them without giving anything back. They lead you on to make themselves feel powerful.
You are so smart. Im so glad you could put this into words. It gets over my head sometimes. Its hard to understand what they do and why they do it. I really thought he loved me. I gave him everything. We were married for 2 years. then hes gone and sends me papers. He never gave back or loved me. Only took, lied to me/about me, and broke my heart. He made me promise I'd never divorce him. I promised, because I loved him so much. Then he sent me divorce papers and wants me to pay for all of it.
Abbigayle Mathews I’m sorry 😔 I went through the same thing a few years ago and it hurt like hell. If I could go back and tell myself one thing! It would be that in the long run, the divorce was a gift. I’m still healing but I’m so much better off, and there is hope! You will have a beautiful life! Keeping you in my prayers
There’s a lot of pain there for manipulators. They’re not necessarily aware they’re being manipulative. It’s how we’ve had to operate to survive an unlivable childhood. Some are more aware and are trying to be better. I’m not saying don’t keep healthy boundaries, I’m saying we’ve been hurt badly and don’t know how to turn off survival mode. Most are not trying to be abusive, they just havnt healed from their own trauma. Again, not to say accept the abuse, but maybe feel a little compassion for what they’re going through.
I do hear you. While I accept this as a reality, there are a lot of other people that have also suffered childhood trauma that don't manipulate and abuse people for sport. Compassion and empathy for abusive manipulators is necessary for our own emotional boundaries, though. But our responsibilities are to our own health and well being, not to being a personal floatation device of someone else's trauma.
@@jmfs3497 Showing compassion doesn't mean to accept being a personal floatation device for anyone- it means to not take it so personally. And also take it as an opportunity to love yourself by setting healthy boundaries while also being able to show the offender empathy instead of disgust, contempt or pity.
You're bad-ass. Thank you. Legit. Clear. Concise. Straight to the point. Keep it up.
bcp319,You got a lovely smile 😊
If finally get it and this is exactly what happened when I started exercising my freedom and boundaries. Never again.