Thank you for watching! Do you agree/disagree? What else would add to the conversation? Why Hurt In The Church Is So Painful: 1:33 What Is Church Hurt? 3:58 The Impact Of Hurt In The Church: 5:29 3 Ways Church Hurt Takes A Toll On People: 5:56
An issue happened between I and a pastor. He was welcomed back into the fold and I was segregated. I began to wonder, why? Because I'm a lady? We both did wrong but why am I being treated like the devil? I began to hate church and that's why I came online looking for an explanation because it makes no sense to me.😢
I totally agree. Church hurt is devastating. On a human level, there is no separation between our relationship with God and our relationship with the church. This is why it hurts so bad, because when the church hurts us, it almost feels like God has hurt us. 💔..We know this is our flawed human perspective, but it still does not diminish the perception and emotional impact. You are correct it takes intense spiritual and emotional discipline to overcome this mindset.
I faithfully served a church for 25 years as youth pastor, administrator, and education minister. Youth was my calling and my passion. A young man in his first pastorate came in and convinced a committee to get rid of me. I was numb for 8 years before starting to feel the grief which took the form of burnout, anxiety, and depression. Oh I had a new job as a hospice chaplain within one day after being forced out and 6 months later helped start a new church where I have been serving as youth pastor for 9 years now. I am blessed but the hurt still stings and causes emotional pain at times after 10 years.
I've experienced this myself... quite severely. Ever since I dropped out of college freshman year, I had no choice but to start working from a young age due to financial difficulties. Day shifts became night shifts and I felt that I was living in a different world compared to some of my friends from church and school. I lost a lot of 'would-be' memories, experiences, and fun that most people my age at that time should've experienced. I still went to church. People at church started to notice me a little differently and they began to behave and spread rumors about my household's struggles. They distanced themselves from me, and reach out to me less than they had before, and I soon found myself depressed. When a school is no longer an option, and the church becomes your only place of safe haven, it hurts way more. I still came out to church but left right after sermons, and it's been like that for three years. I've since been able to go back to college, was able to make many friends, and have felt that my identity had been somewhat restored, but the same people who stood quiet for the past three years of my life, are the people who are trying to reach out to me again. This actually hurt me even more because we often think to ourselves that people in church would be outwardly different than people of the world, but it simply isn't true. I began to grow resentment, hatred, and disbelief in my faith and felt soul-less inside. I still feel this way too. Now I am jut wondering when I would learn to "Let-go" or "move-on" as they call it. It's hard.
Have you ever thought to literally tell God to do with everything what has happened as He wants? I can think of no other way than saying "file away," like into folders. I can tell you firstly, forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. I don't want to just regurgitate things, but not forgiving inhibits graces to let Jesus / the Holy Spirit flow through you. Secondly, people can change. There's a chance they feel actually bad and know what they did - you don't have to cave and you can be honest with how things felt or even ask what they thought - let them know their actions were read a certain way. Thirdly - the devil divides and conquers. I'm not saying that's what's happening nor wanting to disregard, but there is a chance that your own perceptions may /could have been swayed hence why having those discussions could really bring to light and give a chance to allow God into the scene - healing comes from God. God is in the healing. Just thought I'd pop this here. Prayed for you. We may have different lives and experiences, but as a Catholic, knowing people come and treat you with false assumptions of what they think things are, I know personally that behavior can really have bad after effects. Idk - really not trying to be all preachy. Just trying to help
@@holymason7 I almost don’t want to respond to keep my pride / ego levels down, but if I could leave here one other thing, Eph1:11. In Him we also have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things in accordance with the plan of His will, You’re going to find at some point opposition. We don’t have to heal everything and can’t heal everything in a single go. We could if by miracle, but not all miracles are loud to our eyes. God, omnipotent purest Spirit, knows tomorrow and the 5 years from now and true change is gradual. Free will does exist, but He, seeing the larger plan, sees how actions affect the tomorrow. He hasn’t lost control, but control is a two way street. If coaches are real who try and shape their students to their best performance and the effects are real until the person is too old in their bodies, how much more will God clean up a soul that is eternal? There is much more to the human than what meets the eyes. He knows what will speak to your heart and your particular purpose(s)/ things you have to get done in life, but if you ask Him to grow you Himself somehow, how much more ecstatic do you think He, the Father of your essence who. If a parent was told by their kid they trusted them and wanted their parent to raise them and place that type of trust in their parents’ hand, any idea how flattered they’d be? 😅 Energie can not be created nor destroyed. Your energy / soul / you came from somewhere. Nothing you’ve gone through hasn’t had a purpose. It’s up to you to stand up and when you stand up again and unite your story to God and let Him operate as the all-seeing long-term working Dad that He is? Even those others are subject to their own relationships with Him and not every person is a person with good intentions. The human psyche is a thing. I really don’t mean to just regurgitate stuff that sounds like a hallmark gift card or run my mouth, but as someone who has seen God blowing the wind, moving the creatures, the animals, clouds, sun, moon, the softness and density of different pillows and blankets, the grass growing in His Will, sounds. And still able to and wanting to take care of His children through and through. Mothers do it, how much more will a God be able to? What is a god? In Jesus, we find Him, but they’re still there. You’ll make it. If you try letting God file your folders and edit the papers, I promise. I won’t tell you how that should look - it’s a personal relationship, but we all grow up somehow. Not everyone is reached the same way. 🐛-> 🦋
I have been in Ministries and I to have been hurt by Pastor's and Leadership but remaining in touch with God through Jesus Christ helps. I now learn that I am to pray for those who hurt me and move on. The next Church I join I want take a role just because it's offered. Ask The Lord to help you and praying helps for those who hurt you. God Bless you and I am praying for all. Amen.
Amen 100% I still haven't pulled myself to go to any church since my last comment. But i have forgiven those who did hurt me. Still waiting to see if my heart will open up more.@@sisterjanetbarnes8734
Broken trust that summed up what happened. For 2 years I struggled and mourned the loss of my beloved church. A fellow sister in Christ knew my story and so one day we spoke and broke down this hurt. After praying I was able to verbalize that perhaps I had put our church elders and leadership on such a high pedestal that I may have placed them (humans) before Jesus. My trust was broken in those humans not Jesus and that is where I will always focus my trust now.
My husband worked with faithfulness & joy for 16 years in our parish in liturgy & catechesis. A new priest came (appeared very reverent) and targeted him with lies and slander. After much drama, he quit, and got another job in another parish in another state, with an order of priests who are “for the family.” After 9 years there, he was suddenly fired by a new priest who “wanted someone else, because I’m the pastor.” This was one month before our youngest sons vows with that order. 😢
Same here. Sadly, this is almost starting to become the norm within the church. The whole church-as-a-business-model system needs to go, and all of us need to get back to the 1st century church as our example where the Body functions in its full capacity, and not as a mouth (pastor) with many ears (congregation).
Seems I am not good enough for church folk though I am loving/ giving/ considerate. Thanks for being real about this. Very disorienting 😢 I hurt so badly. If someone knows of a healing place in Denver please let me know. Thanks
I agree. Maybe we are to go alone so we see things in our own perspective without the influence of others take on things that are so hard to find understanding. Eventually I'd believe we find ourselves and from there we continue growing but in a more social way and build on others perspectives. Thinking out loud here and not claiming to be right..idk if there is a right in this place perhaps just is..again I'm simply thinking outloud
I was confronted by an Elder telling me not to talk to a woman that just started coming. This woman and I were talking and enjoying each other. I got a call one Friday by this elder telling me not to talk to her any more. He said she complained I was coming on to her and she did not like it. I could believe this at all. So I stopped attending this place. If she had a problem with me she needed to talk to me first. This Elder was wrong in all this.
I have to say that before I could even imagine a light at the end of the tunnel we have to get rid of the statement that a church is "God's House". Our physical bodies are God's house and that is it. I think that a reason that we equate much to the concept of church hurt is that the auditorium church in many ways grieves the Holy Spirit. When a pastor gets up in front of his congregation and references the church as "his church" this grieves to the Holy Spirit. when a pastor thinks that he owns this role and somehow ascribes ownership of the People in the room that holds to membership this grieves the Holy Spirit. There is much going on in the church in spite of its theology that is grieving to God and in a church when you feel church hurt in your spirit many times it it is because the Spirit is Greaved. It's a flat-out problem with the culture and you should ask yourself if Christ left waiting out in the foyer for the schedule to let him come in and minister to his lambs then ask why Church Hurt Cuts as deeply as it certainly does...
Hi Paul, thanks for sharing this... I certainly appreciate this statement, "we have to get rid of the statement that a church is "God's House". Our physical bodies are God's house and that is it." Christ-followers are collectively a body and one that is being restored to Him. What other expressions of His body that may look different that the current church model could help you further imagine a light at the end of the tunnel?
Sir, I fee guilty that am unable to heal from church hurt, i left the church but feel bad for leaving because it also impacted me positively but am still hurt, u try blending but its difficult, so in left but am being judged for being ungrateful, how do i overcome, i have not left God but i want him to be the one to direct me to a new place of worship. Help with some words please.
I am sorry that it is so difficult for you right now. Sometimes you may need to step out or away from one place into someplace new. Also, have you checked out this video? I am by no means suggesting that it can completely help you, but you may find some helpful next steps: ua-cam.com/video/na4s3BPwtCQ/v-deo.html
Sometimes healing and forgiveness can be more like farming where there are seasons of work, waiting, and harvesting. Be patient with yourself. God is closer than you think!
Is there a fundamental difference between the type of hurt experienced in the church hurt and the broken trust one party experiences in a marriage. I’m struggle a bit with this title. It creates a space for those looking to categorize an experience that is similar my daughter being teased in public school.
Hi Antonne, not necessarily - I can see how hurt is hurt is hurt (regardless of context) and the reasons why relational hurt is painful can be similiar... Concerning the title/subject, people have specific questions regarding hurt that occurs specifically within church environments, therefore the reason for the "category" as opposed to a broad general subject i.e. Why Relational Hurt Cuts So Deeply
Thanks Evan. I appreciate the drill-down. I look forward to reading and hearing more your content. Especially looking forward to watching the Toxic Culture piece.
@@TheNew2thisstuff sure thing. You may want be interested in Parts 2 & 3 from the Hurt In Church series: ua-cam.com/play/PLoA0G6pSa0-M0F-kDyLdjfkdHEUs3RP0k.html
Thank you for watching! Do you agree/disagree? What else would add to the conversation?
Why Hurt In The Church Is So Painful: 1:33
What Is Church Hurt? 3:58
The Impact Of Hurt In The Church: 5:29
3 Ways Church Hurt Takes A Toll On People: 5:56
An issue happened between I and a pastor. He was welcomed back into the fold and I was segregated. I began to wonder, why? Because I'm a lady? We both did wrong but why am I being treated like the devil? I began to hate church and that's why I came online looking for an explanation because it makes no sense to me.😢
Being hurt in church made me aware. Aware to forgive but not to ever reconnect. I had to leave to preserve my sanity
My exact feelings
Same here
Totally get it.@@nungnung
I totally agree. Church hurt is devastating. On a human level, there is no separation between our relationship with God and our relationship with the church. This is why it hurts so bad, because when the church hurts us, it almost feels like God has hurt us. 💔..We know this is our flawed human perspective, but it still does not diminish the perception and emotional impact. You are correct it takes intense spiritual and emotional discipline to overcome this mindset.
I faithfully served a church for 25 years as youth pastor, administrator, and education minister. Youth was my calling and my passion. A young man in his first pastorate came in and convinced a committee to get rid of me. I was numb for 8 years before starting to feel the grief which took the form of burnout, anxiety, and depression. Oh I had a new job as a hospice chaplain within one day after being forced out and 6 months later helped start a new church where I have been serving as youth pastor for 9 years now. I am blessed but the hurt still stings and causes emotional pain at times after 10 years.
I've experienced this myself... quite severely. Ever since I dropped out of college freshman year, I had no choice but to start working from a young age due to financial difficulties. Day shifts became night shifts and I felt that I was living in a different world compared to some of my friends from church and school. I lost a lot of 'would-be' memories, experiences, and fun that most people my age at that time should've experienced. I still went to church. People at church started to notice me a little differently and they began to behave and spread rumors about my household's struggles. They distanced themselves from me, and reach out to me less than they had before, and I soon found myself depressed. When a school is no longer an option, and the church becomes your only place of safe haven, it hurts way more. I still came out to church but left right after sermons, and it's been like that for three years. I've since been able to go back to college, was able to make many friends, and have felt that my identity had been somewhat restored, but the same people who stood quiet for the past three years of my life, are the people who are trying to reach out to me again. This actually hurt me even more because we often think to ourselves that people in church would be outwardly different than people of the world, but it simply isn't true. I began to grow resentment, hatred, and disbelief in my faith and felt soul-less inside. I still feel this way too. Now I am jut wondering when I would learn to "Let-go" or "move-on" as they call it. It's hard.
Have you ever thought to literally tell God to do with everything what has happened as He wants? I can think of no other way than saying "file away," like into folders. I can tell you firstly, forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. I don't want to just regurgitate things, but not forgiving inhibits graces to let Jesus / the Holy Spirit flow through you. Secondly, people can change. There's a chance they feel actually bad and know what they did - you don't have to cave and you can be honest with how things felt or even ask what they thought - let them know their actions were read a certain way. Thirdly - the devil divides and conquers. I'm not saying that's what's happening nor wanting to disregard, but there is a chance that your own perceptions may /could have been swayed hence why having those discussions could really bring to light and give a chance to allow God into the scene - healing comes from God. God is in the healing. Just thought I'd pop this here. Prayed for you. We may have different lives and experiences, but as a Catholic, knowing people come and treat you with false assumptions of what they think things are, I know personally that behavior can really have bad after effects. Idk - really not trying to be all preachy. Just trying to help
@@Ian-dn6ld Thanks Ian , you really hit me with this one. I needed it alot. Thanks for praying for me, really mean it.
@@holymason7 I almost don’t want to respond to keep my pride / ego levels down, but if I could leave here one other thing,
Eph1:11. In Him we also have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things in accordance with the plan of His will,
You’re going to find at some point opposition. We don’t have to heal everything and can’t heal everything in a single go. We could if by miracle, but not all miracles are loud to our eyes. God, omnipotent purest Spirit, knows tomorrow and the 5 years from now and true change is gradual. Free will does exist, but He, seeing the larger plan, sees how actions affect the tomorrow. He hasn’t lost control, but control is a two way street.
If coaches are real who try and shape their students to their best performance and the effects are real until the person is too old in their bodies, how much more will God clean up a soul that is eternal? There is much more to the human than what meets the eyes. He knows what will speak to your heart and your particular purpose(s)/ things you have to get done in life, but if you ask Him to grow you Himself somehow, how much more ecstatic do you think He, the Father of your essence who. If a parent was told by their kid they trusted them and wanted their parent to raise them and place that type of trust in their parents’ hand, any idea how flattered they’d be? 😅
Energie can not be created nor destroyed. Your energy / soul / you came from somewhere. Nothing you’ve gone through hasn’t had a purpose. It’s up to you to stand up and when you stand up again and unite your story to God and let Him operate as the all-seeing long-term working Dad that He is? Even those others are subject to their own relationships with Him and not every person is a person with good intentions. The human psyche is a thing.
I really don’t mean to just regurgitate stuff that sounds like a hallmark gift card or run my mouth, but as someone who has seen God blowing the wind, moving the creatures, the animals, clouds, sun, moon, the softness and density of different pillows and blankets, the grass growing in His Will, sounds. And still able to and wanting to take care of His children through and through. Mothers do it, how much more will a God be able to? What is a god? In Jesus, we find Him, but they’re still there. You’ll make it. If you try letting God file your folders and edit the papers, I promise. I won’t tell you how that should look - it’s a personal relationship, but we all grow up somehow. Not everyone is reached the same way. 🐛-> 🦋
I have been in Ministries and I to have been hurt by Pastor's and Leadership but remaining in touch with God through Jesus Christ helps. I now learn that I am to pray for those who hurt me and move on. The next Church I join I want take a role just because it's offered. Ask The Lord to help you and praying helps for those who hurt you. God Bless you and I am praying for all. Amen.
Amen 100% I still haven't pulled myself to go to any church since my last comment. But i have forgiven those who did hurt me. Still waiting to see if my heart will open up more.@@sisterjanetbarnes8734
Broken trust that summed up what happened. For 2 years I struggled and mourned the loss of my beloved church. A fellow sister in Christ knew my story and so one day we spoke and broke down this hurt. After praying I was able to verbalize that perhaps I had put our church elders and leadership on such a high pedestal that I may have placed them (humans) before Jesus. My trust was broken in those humans not Jesus and that is where I will always focus my trust now.
Going through church hurt now I feel horrible. But I trying to overcome.
You may want be interested in Parts 2 & 3 from the Hurt In Church series: ua-cam.com/play/PLoA0G6pSa0-M0F-kDyLdjfkdHEUs3RP0k.html
I don't remember if this was what I was searching for. But it's right on time as God is. 💖
My husband worked with faithfulness & joy for 16 years in our parish in liturgy & catechesis. A new priest came (appeared very reverent) and targeted him with lies and slander. After much drama, he quit, and got another job in another parish in another state, with an order of priests who are “for the family.” After 9 years there, he was suddenly fired by a new priest who “wanted someone else, because I’m the pastor.” This was one month before our youngest sons vows with that order. 😢
I’ve been hurt by church too want to continue giving it a chance. My 30 years of life has mostly been hard because of terrible “Christians”
Same here
Same here. Sadly, this is almost starting to become the norm within the church.
The whole church-as-a-business-model system needs to go, and all of us need to get back to the 1st century church as our example where the Body functions in its full capacity, and not as a mouth (pastor) with many ears (congregation).
I don't go to church. I focus on my relationship with Him instead. But I do still pray to find the right church for me.
hey, how do you find a first century type church setting? This is exactly what it is , how do you find a home church @@wk1810
@@wk1810amen God bless you ❤
Great video Evan! I’ve had some church hurt in the past but thankfully Gods grace is sufficient even in those times!
Thank you, Jon. And, you're right. God's grace is powerful!
Seems I am not good enough for church folk though I am loving/ giving/ considerate. Thanks for being real about this.
Very disorienting 😢
I hurt so badly. If someone knows of a healing place in Denver please let me know. Thanks
Its devestating 😢
The grief I've experienced is equivalent to or perhaps worse than a death of a loved one, I'm still sorting thru this alone 😢
I agree. Maybe we are to go alone so we see things in our own perspective without the influence of others take on things that are so hard to find understanding. Eventually I'd believe we find ourselves and from there we continue growing but in a more social way and build on others perspectives. Thinking out loud here and not claiming to be right..idk if there is a right in this place perhaps just is..again I'm simply thinking outloud
It seems that some church people are worried about people that they judge as misfits getting into Heaven. Just my dumb opinion.
I was confronted by an Elder telling me not to talk to a woman that just started coming. This woman and I were talking and enjoying each other. I got a call one Friday by this elder telling me not to talk to her any more.
He said she complained I was coming on to her and she did not like it.
I could believe this at all. So I stopped attending this place. If she had a problem with me she needed to talk to me first.
This Elder was wrong in all this.
Great conversation though however it’s hurt that happens in their place of worship.
I have to say that before I could even imagine a light at the end of the tunnel we have to get rid of the statement that a church is "God's House". Our physical bodies are God's house and that is it. I think that a reason that we equate much to the concept of church hurt is that the auditorium church in many ways grieves the Holy Spirit. When a pastor gets up in front of his congregation and references the church as "his church" this grieves to the Holy Spirit. when a pastor thinks that he owns this role and somehow ascribes ownership of the People in the room that holds to membership this grieves the Holy Spirit. There is much going on in the church in spite of its theology that is grieving to God and in a church when you feel church hurt in your spirit many times it it is because the Spirit is Greaved. It's a flat-out problem with the culture and you should ask yourself if Christ left waiting out in the foyer for the schedule to let him come in and minister to his lambs then ask why Church Hurt Cuts as deeply as it certainly does...
Hi Paul, thanks for sharing this... I certainly appreciate this statement, "we have to get rid of the statement that a church is "God's House". Our physical bodies are God's house and that is it." Christ-followers are collectively a body and one that is being restored to Him. What other expressions of His body that may look different that the current church model could help you further imagine a light at the end of the tunnel?
All I am going to say is some people who claim to be a pastor, may have some skill at preaching, but has much to learn about how to be a pastor.
Sir, I fee guilty that am unable to heal from church hurt, i left the church but feel bad for leaving because it also impacted me positively but am still hurt, u try blending but its difficult, so in left but am being judged for being ungrateful, how do i overcome, i have not left God but i want him to be the one to direct me to a new place of worship. Help with some words please.
I am sorry that it is so difficult for you right now. Sometimes you may need to step out or away from one place into someplace new. Also, have you checked out this video? I am by no means suggesting that it can completely help you, but you may find some helpful next steps: ua-cam.com/video/na4s3BPwtCQ/v-deo.html
Sometimes healing and forgiveness can be more like farming where there are seasons of work, waiting, and harvesting. Be patient with yourself. God is closer than you think!
Is there a fundamental difference between the type of hurt experienced in the church hurt and the broken trust one party experiences in a marriage. I’m struggle a bit with this title. It creates a space for those looking to categorize an experience that is similar my daughter being teased in public school.
Hi Antonne, not necessarily - I can see how hurt is hurt is hurt (regardless of context) and the reasons why relational hurt is painful can be similiar... Concerning the title/subject, people have specific questions regarding hurt that occurs specifically within church environments, therefore the reason for the "category" as opposed to a broad general subject i.e. Why Relational Hurt Cuts So Deeply
Thanks Evan. I appreciate the drill-down. I look forward to reading and hearing more your content. Especially looking forward to watching the Toxic Culture piece.
@@TheNew2thisstuff sure thing. You may want be interested in Parts 2 & 3 from the Hurt In Church series: ua-cam.com/play/PLoA0G6pSa0-M0F-kDyLdjfkdHEUs3RP0k.html