"We're very good as humans at picking up the sticks that somebody else used to beat us with and beating ourselves." Wow, that really struck a chord. I'm glad you have addressed the abusive self-talk as this has been an issue I've had within myself. My inner critic has my mother's voice and not only does it repeat the horrific things she said to me, it also parrots the barbs others have said to my child self that unwittingly reaffirmed my mother's statements. If the things my inner critic says were said to another person it would be considered abuse. I wouldn't say these things to a stranger, let alone a friend. I've struggled to quiet that voice, and I want to thank you for the reminder to be kinder to myself. I like the idea of practicing self-forgiveness as I've also beat myself up for not making changes sooner when I didn't know then what I know now. I can't change the past, but I can change the present for a better future. 💗
I'm glad that this may have helped you in someway. They're horrible, those voices that don't belong to us yet always seem to be present. I've never been particularly happy with the term 'inner critic' because, to me it sounds like something that comes from me when, actually, it doesn't really. I came to visualise all the things that had happened to me as this sort of bloated cloud which hovered above me as I wanted a way to separate them from me. This 'thing', for want of a better word, had lots of strings that attached to me, each one representing a specific hurt and when I was triggered about, say, abandonment, the 'thing' would pull the abandonment string which caused pain in me. When I started to look at these wounds it helped me to think about it that way because, when I worked on healing a specific wound I was able to visualise cutting that particular string and, each time I did so the 'thing' got smaller. It was like a parasitic entity that fed off my pain and slowly died when it's food source was cut off. I'd forgotten about it until I read your comment, for some reason that reminded me. It was only about a year ago that I was done with that particular visualisation but it seems like decades ago now.
@@onedayatatime...5047 I get what you're saying about the term 'inner critic' and how the things don't come from you. I guess that's why I hear my mother's voice instead of mine when those critical thoughts pop up. It presents as a recording playing on shuffle similar to pulling the string on a talking doll. I think I'll have to sit with that some more. I also find your visualization of the strings compelling, especially since a psychologist I follow here on YT recently posted about the use of the word "triggered" being an inaccurate descriptor when it comes to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Her reasoning is that when a trigger is pulled the result is a sudden action then it's over. That doesn't fit with the rumination that happens afterward. She proposed the word "plucked" (as a guitar string) since the feelings/memories that come after a reminder of the abuse tend to 'vibrate' for a time before gradually diminishing, similar to the way rumination diminishes over time. (The musical term is "sustain" although she didn't use it.) I think it makes sense. I can see where it would fit into your visualization as the vibration causing the pain. Once the string is cut, it can't vibrate any more as it requires a tension that is no longer there.
From my perspective I think that the word 'triggered' is completely accurate for what happens, but that maybe just because of the way that we use the word in Britain and Ireland. I don't know what version of English the psychologist you're talking about uses. Here we might say 'the king's assassination triggered civil unrest' or ' the wasp sting triggered an allergic reaction '. Over here a trigger is understood to be a single event which sets of other events, the catalyst for a chain reaction if you like, and is defined as such in the dictionary. For me I think it's a perfect description. Personally, I would find a word like 'plucked' not nearly powerful enough for what occurs. It's a word used, as you say, with regards to a stringed instrument or we would refer to 'plucking someone's sleeve to get their attention'. It's generally (perhaps with the exception of plucking eyebrows!) a word that is used for something reasonably gentle. Though I do get the idea of resonance I still think it's too benign a word. Just my opinion, for what it's worth.!
@@onedayatatime...5047 That's the traditional meaning of the word, but unfortunately here in the US it has been weaponized into a slur (particularly by one political faction, which ironically also idolizes weaponry) to silence critics who disagree with their ideology. It doesn't help that there is already a bias against those struggling with mental health issues here. It winds up being very ableist when used as such.
Thank you so much. The crescent moon that I wear on the left is made from mother of pearl and was bought in a market somewhere when I was about 20. I think that they are the only thing that has stayed with me all that time that I still wear, though they were shut in a box for quite a long time before I fished them out again recently.
I often hear my dad’s voice telling me what a stupid, fat, ugly b____ I am whenever I do anything dumb, like spill the milk. He hit me too, even after I was married but not in front of my husband. I’m a grandmother now and still working on these things and I have never treated my children or grandchildren like that. It hurts too much and the words hurt more than the hits.
Thank you for this reminder. 🙏❤️🙏
You're welcome 🙏
Again I want to say thank you I am a work in progress . Have a wonderful day ❤.
Me too Jeffery, still a way to go yet. Thank you for being here 🙏
"We're very good as humans at picking up the sticks that somebody else used to beat us with and beating ourselves." Wow, that really struck a chord. I'm glad you have addressed the abusive self-talk as this has been an issue I've had within myself. My inner critic has my mother's voice and not only does it repeat the horrific things she said to me, it also parrots the barbs others have said to my child self that unwittingly reaffirmed my mother's statements. If the things my inner critic says were said to another person it would be considered abuse. I wouldn't say these things to a stranger, let alone a friend. I've struggled to quiet that voice, and I want to thank you for the reminder to be kinder to myself. I like the idea of practicing self-forgiveness as I've also beat myself up for not making changes sooner when I didn't know then what I know now. I can't change the past, but I can change the present for a better future. 💗
I'm glad that this may have helped you in someway. They're horrible, those voices that don't belong to us yet always seem to be present. I've never been particularly happy with the term 'inner critic' because, to me it sounds like something that comes from me when, actually, it doesn't really. I came to visualise all the things that had happened to me as this sort of bloated cloud which hovered above me as I wanted a way to separate them from me. This 'thing', for want of a better word, had lots of strings that attached to me, each one representing a specific hurt and when I was triggered about, say, abandonment, the 'thing' would pull the abandonment string which caused pain in me. When I started to look at these wounds it helped me to think about it that way because, when I worked on healing a specific wound I was able to visualise cutting that particular string and, each time I did so the 'thing' got smaller. It was like a parasitic entity that fed off my pain and slowly died when it's food source was cut off. I'd forgotten about it until I read your comment, for some reason that reminded me. It was only about a year ago that I was done with that particular visualisation but it seems like decades ago now.
@@onedayatatime...5047 I get what you're saying about the term 'inner critic' and how the things don't come from you. I guess that's why I hear my mother's voice instead of mine when those critical thoughts pop up. It presents as a recording playing on shuffle similar to pulling the string on a talking doll. I think I'll have to sit with that some more.
I also find your visualization of the strings compelling, especially since a psychologist I follow here on YT recently posted about the use of the word "triggered" being an inaccurate descriptor when it comes to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Her reasoning is that when a trigger is pulled the result is a sudden action then it's over. That doesn't fit with the rumination that happens afterward. She proposed the word "plucked" (as a guitar string) since the feelings/memories that come after a reminder of the abuse tend to 'vibrate' for a time before gradually diminishing, similar to the way rumination diminishes over time. (The musical term is "sustain" although she didn't use it.) I think it makes sense. I can see where it would fit into your visualization as the vibration causing the pain. Once the string is cut, it can't vibrate any more as it requires a tension that is no longer there.
From my perspective I think that the word 'triggered' is completely accurate for what happens, but that maybe just because of the way that we use the word in Britain and Ireland. I don't know what version of English the psychologist you're talking about uses. Here we might say 'the king's assassination triggered civil unrest' or ' the wasp sting triggered an allergic reaction '. Over here a trigger is understood to be a single event which sets of other events, the catalyst for a chain reaction if you like, and is defined as such in the dictionary. For me I think it's a perfect description. Personally, I would find a word like 'plucked' not nearly powerful enough for what occurs. It's a word used, as you say, with regards to a stringed instrument or we would refer to 'plucking someone's sleeve to get their attention'. It's generally (perhaps with the exception of plucking eyebrows!) a word that is used for something reasonably gentle. Though I do get the idea of resonance I still think it's too benign a word.
Just my opinion, for what it's worth.!
@@onedayatatime...5047 That's the traditional meaning of the word, but unfortunately here in the US it has been weaponized into a slur (particularly by one political faction, which ironically also idolizes weaponry) to silence critics who disagree with their ideology. It doesn't help that there is already a bias against those struggling with mental health issues here. It winds up being very ableist when used as such.
Love your earrings, you look beautiful 😍
Thank you so much. The crescent moon that I wear on the left is made from mother of pearl and was bought in a market somewhere when I was about 20. I think that they are the only thing that has stayed with me all that time that I still wear, though they were shut in a box for quite a long time before I fished them out again recently.
I think you are awesome. Matt In NZ
Thank you Matt
I often hear my dad’s voice telling me what a stupid, fat, ugly b____ I am whenever I do anything dumb, like spill the milk. He hit me too, even after I was married but not in front of my husband. I’m a grandmother now and still working on these things and I have never treated my children or grandchildren like that. It hurts too much and the words hurt more than the hits.
I salute you 🙏 one of the ones who didn't pass the hurt on to the next generation