Welcome to the first Abbreviated Movie Review! And while it is the first, it may not be the last because just like Zach Snyder, sometimes I do things no one asked for and keep doing them even after people tell me to stop.
Wish I'd watched this before putting the movie on yesterday. You nailed it. Like as if reading my thoughts while watching. Great review and hilarious as always. That over the top ringing the bell action while everyone else is just already standing around is hilarious.
I would love to see more movie commentaries by you! This was great. I had been thinking of watching Rebel Moon, but this was enough to deter me, so thanks for not making me waste my time.
You mentioned Star Wars, but the whole time I'm thinking "Isn't this Seven Samurai?" Y'know, hiring some mercenaries to protect a village from bandits. It's even specifically a farming village this time! Anyway, I'm looking forward to more Abbreviated Movie Reviews.
Protecting from bandits would make more sense. Protecting from an orbital battleship makes zero sense. Maybe Snyder is going to have robot allies swoop in the last minute and save them. Who knows. I don't care, it was a terrible film any way you slice it.
Everyone's been copying Kurosawa films over the years. Especially George Lucas. Most people just have the common courtesy to not just remake scenes shot for shot...
'agent smith impression' is such a spot on observation and way to describe it. the guy was enunciating like a theater actor. see? yours is so much better.
Jesus Christ... the guy I thought was the guy from Game of Thrones is in the movie and the guy that replaced the guy I thought was that guy from Game of Thrones is also in the movie. I wish I would have realized that because it's fucking hilarious
Indeed at least this is better than Disney’s terrible sequel trilogy. But that’s not saying much. I expected better from Zack. I can give him credit for “trying” to create a new IP even though this lacked in story and characters. However, at least it kept me interested unlike Disney Star Wars which I’ve completely abandoned. At the same time, IDK if I’ll be invested in a mediocre new franchise that couldn’t have it’s first “movie” (which is more a pilot episode than anything) have substance.
I think the first mistake in making a new IP is trying to make it a franchise. It's like if George Lucas had Star Wars end right after they rescue Leia. There's no investment or impact... on top of all of the other garbage.
It's like this series was confused what it wants to be. Funny, serious, sarcastic, ironic? Nope, id be all of those but in the way that its confusing and pointless. Oh and also, the slow motion scenes were all taken by me with my phone, where i always seem to be off on the slow motion sequence and the clips slow down much later than intended. Like when my child burst a soap bubble but my slow motion is of the bubble already burst and her face still didn't catch up to the change.
@@AbbreviatedReviews maybe, i wouldn't mind it if the slow motion scenes were at least good, most of the time they were slowing down pointless movements that don't really tell anything. It's like bullet time in matrix receipt imagine it were just Neo's jacket flapping in slow motion while riding his bike on the highway while being chased by agents. It's still an action scene but the snow motion would have very different effect when compared to the bullet scene.
It really bugged me that everything was out of focus. Zack is usually a good cinematographer so I don’t understand why so many scenes look like they were shot on my old iPhone
This movie was written exactly like someone told Chat GPT to create a movie in the styles of Star Wars IV and Dune with hints of Kung Fu while meeting Kathleen Kennedys girl boss qouta. I had to stop the movie about 40 minutes in and search the internet to see if I wasn't alone in these thoughts. Thanks for the review, it was spot on.
Ahahahah such a nice wording describing this nonsense 👍 sadly i anticipated the level of cliches and bullshit.. still - probably will watch it after the final part releases..
That should be the tag line: It's better that Star Wars episode 8 and 2012 I found the graphics interesting.. there are a few good designs but a lot of them are worse than anything in Xena. How is that possible with this budget?
Your takes about why certain movies suck are better than Cinemasins. Don't be afraid to do a more spoilerish version that covers the whole flick. But you will need to work on the delivery. Bit flat. Gotta read faster.
I think it's worse for me because I wanted Rise of Skywalker to be better. I didn't even know Rebel Moon existed until a few days before it came out, so my expectations were pretty low.
Yep, it's the big 👍 for you buddy.. Glad this wasn't a video game cuz it looks boring.. The sniffing of dirt though that is a viable farming technique I use frequently 😋🪐
Welcome to the first Abbreviated Movie Review! And while it is the first, it may not be the last because just like Zach Snyder, sometimes I do things no one asked for and keep doing them even after people tell me to stop.
They need to stop Zack Snyder from cooking.
Wish I'd watched this before putting the movie on yesterday. You nailed it. Like as if reading my thoughts while watching. Great review and hilarious as always. That over the top ringing the bell action while everyone else is just already standing around is hilarious.
Sofia Bou-tellin' everyone what they already know.
I would love to see more movie commentaries by you! This was great.
I had been thinking of watching Rebel Moon, but this was enough to deter me, so thanks for not making me waste my time.
You mentioned Star Wars, but the whole time I'm thinking "Isn't this Seven Samurai?" Y'know, hiring some mercenaries to protect a village from bandits. It's even specifically a farming village this time!
Anyway, I'm looking forward to more Abbreviated Movie Reviews.
Protecting from bandits would make more sense. Protecting from an orbital battleship makes zero sense. Maybe Snyder is going to have robot allies swoop in the last minute and save them. Who knows. I don't care, it was a terrible film any way you slice it.
Everyone's been copying Kurosawa films over the years. Especially George Lucas. Most people just have the common courtesy to not just remake scenes shot for shot...
'agent smith impression' is such a spot on observation and way to describe it. the guy was enunciating like a theater actor. see? yours is so much better.
It might have been interesting if there was a group of people that spoke that way, but he was the only one doing it and it was jarring.
The Beetlejuice chairs! Glad someone else thought the same.
The Space Nazi big bad was actually that guy from GoT. And was replaced by useless guy on GoT when he got cast as the main role in Transporter 4.
Jesus Christ... the guy I thought was the guy from Game of Thrones is in the movie and the guy that replaced the guy I thought was that guy from Game of Thrones is also in the movie. I wish I would have realized that because it's fucking hilarious
Indeed at least this is better than Disney’s terrible sequel trilogy. But that’s not saying much. I expected better from Zack. I can give him credit for “trying” to create a new IP even though this lacked in story and characters. However, at least it kept me interested unlike Disney Star Wars which I’ve completely abandoned. At the same time, IDK if I’ll be invested in a mediocre new franchise that couldn’t have it’s first “movie” (which is more a pilot episode than anything) have substance.
I think the first mistake in making a new IP is trying to make it a franchise. It's like if George Lucas had Star Wars end right after they rescue Leia. There's no investment or impact... on top of all of the other garbage.
@@AbbreviatedReviews yes exactly
It's like this series was confused what it wants to be. Funny, serious, sarcastic, ironic? Nope, id be all of those but in the way that its confusing and pointless.
Oh and also, the slow motion scenes were all taken by me with my phone, where i always seem to be off on the slow motion sequence and the clips slow down much later than intended. Like when my child burst a soap bubble but my slow motion is of the bubble already burst and her face still didn't catch up to the change.
I honestly think he was just padding the run time with all of the slow motion. Had to break two hours to justify the two-part movie.
@@AbbreviatedReviews maybe, i wouldn't mind it if the slow motion scenes were at least good, most of the time they were slowing down pointless movements that don't really tell anything. It's like bullet time in matrix receipt imagine it were just Neo's jacket flapping in slow motion while riding his bike on the highway while being chased by agents. It's still an action scene but the snow motion would have very different effect when compared to the bullet scene.
waaa I like this!!! Your format fits so well for moviesss
It really bugged me that everything was out of focus. Zack is usually a good cinematographer so I don’t understand why so many scenes look like they were shot on my old iPhone
At first I thought it was some secret like "spying drone" effect until I saw it multiple times. I have no idea what the purpose was.
Oh god hes the cinematographer too? Just when i thought well at least i cant blame him for all the slow mo. I was wrong
This movie was written exactly like someone told Chat GPT to create a movie in the styles of Star Wars IV and Dune with hints of Kung Fu while meeting Kathleen Kennedys girl boss qouta. I had to stop the movie about 40 minutes in and search the internet to see if I wasn't alone in these thoughts. Thanks for the review, it was spot on.
If I was Zack Snyder, I'd just say that's how it happened.
Ahaha that is the sculpture from Beetlejuice🤣🤣
I do agree this is better than Star Wars Rise of Skywalker
As shit as it was, Rise of Skywalker still was better. It was competently made bad movie. This was a horrendously incompetently bad movie.
I'd love more movie reviews like this.
Didn't even know this existed.
Had me laughing quite a bit through this review, your lines and delivery are too good. Hope you do more movie reviews!
Ahahahah such a nice wording describing this nonsense 👍 sadly i anticipated the level of cliches and bullshit.. still - probably will watch it after the final part releases..
Watch 1980's _Battle Beyond the Stars_ for a... well, it's not exactly good, but it sounds like a better film than this.
That looks like one of those movies I watched as a kid but repressed from my memory.
That should be the tag line: It's better that Star Wars episode 8 and 2012
I found the graphics interesting.. there are a few good designs but a lot of them are worse than anything in Xena. How is that possible with this budget?
Well I'm sure Snyder got his cut... of the cash...
The amount of slow mo, at some point someone should have been like hey zach do we need every fight scene to have slow mo.
If it was limited to every fight scene, I think they might have gotten away with it.
Very accurate about the flaws and troubles this movie had for me too. Another fantastic review, straying from games even!
I just finished watching this movie and thought I really loved it but now im not sure was ever supposed to 😂😂😂
No reason to be ashamed of liking things other people don't like. I am still a fan of The Last Jedi and some people thing I'm a crazy person.
@@AbbreviatedReviews You just earned a follow sir. VIII is the only one I enjoy revisiting from the final trilogy.
Your takes about why certain movies suck are better than Cinemasins. Don't be afraid to do a more spoilerish version that covers the whole flick. But you will need to work on the delivery. Bit flat. Gotta read faster.
Thank you for the feedback.
I will never watch Rise of Skywalker again, but there is no way its worse than Rebel Moon. Haha. Everything else is true tho.
I think it's worse for me because I wanted Rise of Skywalker to be better. I didn't even know Rebel Moon existed until a few days before it came out, so my expectations were pretty low.
I think Rise of Skywalker was better than this, personally.
Long and slow crap movie 😂😂😂😂
Yep, it's the big 👍 for you buddy.. Glad this wasn't a video game cuz it looks boring.. The sniffing of dirt though that is a viable farming technique I use frequently 😋🪐