How loneliness is killing us, according to a Harvard professor | Robert Waldinger
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- Опубліковано 13 тра 2024
- 60% of people feel disconnected. Harvard professor Robert Waldinger addresses the science behind humanity’s loneliness epidemic and suggests ways to solve it.
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Loneliness is quietly spreading across our society. Robert Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, explores the roots of this growing epidemic.
He draws on research by experts like Julianne Holt-Lunstad, revealing the severe health impacts of loneliness, equating it to smoking half a pack of cigarettes daily. Stress, accelerated brain decline, and overall well-being suffer, but the remedy lies in our relationships-with friends, family, and even casual encounters.
Waldinger shares practical steps to combat loneliness, encouraging everyday connections with individuals like the person who delivers the mail or the cashier at the grocery store.
You belong. You matter. You're connected.
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/great-que...
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About Robert Waldinger:
Dr. Robert Waldinger is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, Director of the Center for Psychodynamic Therapy and Research at Massachusetts General Hospital, and Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. He is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, he teaches Harvard medical students and psychiatry residents, and he is on the faculty of the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute. He is also a Zen priest.
Dr. Waldinger earned his bachelor’s degree from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School.
![How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I19btmIBhx0/mqdefault.jpg)
![How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]](/img/tr.png)
I’m definitely lonely. I’m 35, single. All I do is work, come home, eat, play the game, shower, sleep, wake up & do it all over again. 🤷🏾♂️
At work you're not alone, maybe you 're with coworkers ?
Edit because people are so aggressive and condescending these days!
I know very well that you can be surrounded by people and alone thank you, I'm not stupid. My question was aimed at one person. This person is alone at home and I was wondering whether it would be possible for him to see people in her workplace and POSSIBLY be able to create a social link. When you're alone and isolated, the workplace can at least be an opportunity for human contact... it's a start and the smartasses who judge me try just to think about of the loneliness of sick people or the unemployed deprived of all the social contact that work at least sometimes provides ! You will see a terrible loneliness....People who are prevented from seeing other people another kind of terrible loneliness
Hire a photographer or have your friends/siblings take good photos of you for your online dating profiles. That's clutch for professionally busy people
@@lucasdefrance9153 you would think so, but some jobs are pretty isolating.
Break your habbit. Get a hobby you like and get together with the people you like to meet. Hard at first but you only live once and its your life, not others. Dont over think.
@@lucasdefrance9153Pfff hahaha
What’s killing me is HEARING ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME and not being able to do anything about it.
I wish you genuine peace of mind, patty.
It cannot be fought, it cannot be killed
We need THIRD PLACES. Places where people can hang out and socialize.
Well, you can. Find people that would enjoy your company (and you'd enjoy theirs too) and make a friendship contract.
I know it's ridiculous but setting in paper expectations and duties is needed when we are so anxious and adherent to obligations.
Suggested clauses:
- How often will we eat at each other's house?
- Are midnight calls allowed? For how bad of a crisis? (I'd prefer to kill myself over calling someone at 2a.m. but I accepted calls from crying friends)
- How pushy can each other be over pushing the other forward?
Talk about things like that and spread the idea. Social norms are born from actions and talks
Yes
Loneliness is the feeling that you're not important to anyone you know.
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats making men hooked on porn i stead of going out and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem now im better then ever 2 months no porn better Confidence everything
@@Kingmasculinity21 porn, smart phone, do not blame that. blame your self. i enjoy porn everyday and enjoy something i really like to fetish. sex is gift without sex relationships wont work. sex is huge part of our life.
I agree.
REAL 💯💯 and that cannot be fixed with advice like "just go out and meet people bro" "just pick up a hobby or go to church bro!"
@@iiCounted-op5jx Thanks. But I didn't say I'm alone, I said I don't feel like I matter to those that I know.
Loneliness can also mean having too many of the wrong people in your life, and not finding people you connect deeply with. I felt like this growing up and late into adulthood coming from a refugee background. I find most people only look for others that are like themselves and who have many similarities. Of course I have conversations with other human but it doesn’t fill the void of having people around who truly understand you.
Very true - I have deliberately cut many people out of my life off late - and i don't regret it - its energy sucking to please people - in my 40s I am just not up for it , what i do miss though is having meaningful conversations , meaningful connects - never thought this will be "too much" to ask from life . Anyway looks like this is here to stay - so be it .
ugh i feel the same as you. Never really connected with anyone in high school so i was always lonely. Now im used to the loneliness and its hard to force myself to spend time with people bc its the same story. I just want to find someone i can be myself with
It's an assimilation problem. I married a man from abroad. I didn't enjoy spending holidays with his wonderful tribe. People celebrate life in different ways. 😊
Rightttttttt
Well said
It feels like nobody my age wants to maintain friendships anymore, like it’s too much effort. I get that life is difficult and we’re all busy, but friendship is one of those things that makes life enjoyable. And it’s easier to get through those tough times when you have a close network of support through friends.
I feel you, You seem like you understand the purpose of friendship though and are a sincere person. For what little it is worth I think you could be proud of yourself for having the courage to acknowledge a longing for friendship and human connection.
I see a lot of people putting up a wall and trying to convince themselves that life is sooooo much better alone as a way to cope. In a world where that reaction is oh so common I see staying hopeful for meaningful human connection as a courageous act of defiance and it is much cooler in my eyes. I hope 2024 treats you well and you make some new connections :)
Exactly. Friendships take time and effort to develop. I’m 57 and live alone, but my friends and I contact each other regularly. I think it’s a generational thing.
"it's too much effort" really gets at the heart of something bigger than just loneliness. It's a sense of hopelessness. Like what's the point of any friendships, relationships anymore when my other basic and intrinsic needs aren't even being met?
Not to mention that meeting the opposite sex has been reduced to swiping on some app.
Your age?
The younger generation glorified cutting people off and not giving af. Every time you see a self help video from a kid now their advice is always to just not care and cut people loose which isn’t bad when it’s someone hurting you but normalizing that for no reason is doing long-term damage and they don’t realize it, but they think they’re helping
Social media has given people an unrealistic vision of what our lives should look like. We want perfect everything, perfect car, perfect partner, perfect house, perfect job, perfect friendship circle, and if we don't have it we feel unfulfilled. We need to get off our screens and start living
exactly this but it’s impossible now. the current generation has been manipulated beyond a return to normal values.
And so do sitcoms and movies. Life is not like you see on those silly Hollywood sitcoms.
The demise of the extended family by IBM jobs and the end of the farm,
Segregated a generation of people. I blame corporate moving, and the death of the extended family for loneliness. Divorce became a norm after all the moving for jobs! My life was full in my family. Now I am alone at 75. My children are far away. We have no families!
Not only do we feel unfulfilled but we feel unworthy. How any times have others reached out to you but the answer is “I can’t today” because you feel you don’t look your best today, didn’t perform well enough at work, aren’t wealthy enough… we feel like we can’t start getting out in the world and living unless we first meet our own expectations of perfect
❤❤
46. Very alone. No family no friends. Just my two cats. I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve been trying to for years now and I’m about to snap…. I don’t think I’ve ever craved human attention so much in my entire life…. Really a hug. I just need a hug…
Hang in there lalaslife. Life is a tough gig for sure. We are all winging it and we are all on the same sinking boat that inevitably ends in tragedy. In the end nothing matters. Tomorrow is not promised. Tomorrow does not exist. Now is all we have. I hope you have a week my friend. Things will get better for you. A genuine hug is something you really need. They do wonders
My friend, I might be much younger than you but the only thing that I can at least surely suggest you is to try out new hobbies and activities.. Keep the time you spend on social media as low as 30min/day, time you spend on tv 1 movie/2 days and time you spend watching news 30min/day. Try new hobbies and activities that include socializing and always keep in mind that tomorrow is made by you and the past does not mean anything if you don't want it to..
Where is your country
@@steelearmstrong9616 you got cats not really lonely only for humans.
Hey buddy hang in there
Man, when I was a cashier at a grocery store I would always try to engage into conversation with customers, some wouldn’t talk back, most would engage, some were on a first name basis, some offered me jobs, or wanted to hang out. Little did I know I might have been the closest to a friend or even conversation they had that week or month, or year 😢
I was doing it just to better my people skills but looking back on it, I’m so glad I might have helped someone too.
Always stay positive make conversations and enjoy life
@juliosandoval8244 good advice thank you
People come into the charity shop I work in just for a chat and most days I love chatting to them, if I'm having one of them days ill work out back, whom ever is out front will always engage in conversation helps both and builds a community, has when not in work if we see customers we all say hello and ask how thier day is, I've found it very fulfilling. Looking back over the last year, so I completely get you on the reflecting back.
that's awesome, it really helps people having a consistent person to talk with, smile with and laugh with. keep it up@@Noname-oo9gn
@@TheEncouragementKidafter my chick left me i isolated myself. Loneliness is good sometimes. Humans are bad to each other you aint missing alot. Enjoy your time with yourself.
Feeling like people don't want to be with me is the most accurate way of saying it.
agreed
it is your thinking that you think you feel like people don't want but that could be further from the truth.
If you feeling this way, maybe, find better friends or change your attitude towards them and it make you feel differently
The finding better friends is the hardest part@@donnie9001
Unfortunately I can relate...
Yes
*Kinda comforting to know there are a lot of people like me*
So true
Same
Lies again? Fight Pass Fake Professor
Hello!!
We can all come together for each other's sake.
Sending love to everyone who is lonely!
The world is a very lonely place now. I feel like everyone just wants to be left alone. It’s almost considered rude to call someone up and say, hay, what’s up, and how’s it going? I feel bad that my kids have to grow up in a wold like this and hope it changes at some point
GO TO CHURCH AND VOLUNTEER SOMEWHERE. TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH YOU. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PLACES THAT NEEDS VOLUNTEERS. VOLUNTEERING OPENS THE DOORS TO FRIENDS.
It's selfish to have kids knowing how bad the world is getting. You're just setting up more suffering in this world. You know your kids can't change shit even if they want to, that's an excuse. Seriously, why would you?
@@adsads196 It's great that you'll never have children.
Lonely person *opens up about their loneliness*
Lonely person *reaches out to other people*
Society *mocks, ridicules, ignores, laughs at, judges, blames, rejects and criticizes the lonely person*
Also society *"why are people so lonely"*
@@1legend517 this is so, SO true.
I feel perfect when I'm alone in my home, but when I leave to go out and see others with other people is when I feel lonely.
I literally don’t know how they do it lol. Went to watch an NFL playoff game at the brewery the other night. I invited the whole running club group chat (the group that meets at that very same brewery to run). I told them well in advance because I don’t have a tv so figured why not and everyone’s always talking about plans and never following through. Of course no one responds or joins so I watch alone. Maybe one other older dude there alone too, but it’s like what am I doing so wrong? There’s a group of 4 other people my age right there at the table next over having a great time. Like I’m not going to ask to hang with strangers even though I want to. And I didn’t just join this running group. I’ve attended every week for a year and know everyone by name.
That's very common. The complete opposite can also be true. The position you are in is the preferable one because that feeling of loneliness in crowds CAN be mitigated, life circumstances can change very quickly to blow away that feeling. If you're uncomfortable on your own however, that's likely not going anywhere and life can throw things at you where that situation becomes unavoidable. So being comfortable on your own is a good thing while that horrible empty feeling around other people is something you can do something about. and is not inherently permanent. Best wishes to you.
Yes
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
Would you STFU and stop typing this asinine comment!!🤡@@Kingmasculinity21
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone" -- Robin Williams
I just left a toxic relationship. This is what I needed to hear. Great quote!
What sucks is that even when you leave toxic people, those past traumas stay in your mind and body, and that makes it very hard to be alone with yourself. Being with good people helps to heal that.
My mom once told me that feeling alone is not the worst case scenario. It’s feeling alone when you actually have someone in your life.
Yes indeed
@@Montezuma0yes indeed
the older we get, the fewer friends we have.
In your mid fourties’ is generally when you see how fake and sad relationships and friendships really are. People only use you and this is every single person in every friendship and relationship. The whole world is corrupt and fake
That is a known fact, about age, death and fewer friends, but having younger friends in this climate of technology and disconnection doesn't promote hope either.
There’s people I try to connect with but all they talk about is themselves. They never ask how are you or anything about my life. If I bring something up about myself it’s like a 2 second conversation and it’s right back to them. It gets exhausting so sometimes I just give up and go hang out with myself.
Yes, this is a big problem for me. I meet someone and all they want to do is talk about is themselves. Like that is all that matters in their world.
I hear you. I feel the same,people love to tell you what they’re doing or what they’ve done but would never ask me how was your weekend and what did you do. I find that so annoying.
Yes. That’s been my experience as well. Most people are self-absorbed. I get tired of being their audience.
You know what does bug me: I moved to a new town after a relationship breakup. I would love to make new friends closer to my home. But I do try to interact with people, smile, say hi etc... And people are unresponsive most of the time. It is like everybody is lonely, but... kind of unwilling to change at the same time.
I do feel a lot of this has changed since Covid. It made people less connected and social I think.
Maybe 'loneliness' is merely the inevitable reality of human existence? And as we evolve as a species over time (better educated, more intelligent, more aware etc) we simply move ever closer toward that inherent existential truth? [Which would seem to fit with your experience.]
This is a very interesting argument@@mikefoster5277 . I did my research paper around social mobility, and when you have lower social/cultural/financial capital, there is a greater interdependency - which adds up to your idea. Plus the evolution element makes sense too. Maybe it is just a consequence of these changes...
Technology and industrialization destroyed the community
I totally relate. You try to smile and say hello to people and they just look at you weird. 😕
@@mikefoster5277 I think in a capitalist society everyone is out for themselves and competing with others, not being united
34 year old financial analyst in Dallas and I most definitely fall into the category of lonely.
I'm a extroverted - introverted but I truly feel isolated and disconnected from most of civilization.
I truly go to work, go to the gym, cook, watch UA-cam and go to bed. Repeat.
You should try to figure out why this is. I have been lonely all my life, not being able to connect with people at a deep level. I want to fix this but don't know yet how.
join a lg evangelical church! they have plenty of groups and are very welcoming.
Do you have a pet?
Ye, dont listen to the guy below. Do not get a pet. Your a FA, you do not have time for anything. Our life is for the excel sheets, we are not meant to have feelings.
Are you me? Smart people find it harder to connect with average people, but that is because most (other) people luck the skills. Wish you find the way 🤞
In a world of insanity, loneliness is inevitable. This problem will get much worse.
Could be loneliness is causing the insanity
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
@Leonidas21 good for you - the is some serious self discipline. Plus I agree w you
A Big reason why there is so much Loneliness nowadays is Smartphones and Social Media. Everybody is glued to there damn phones. There is no more face to face human interaction anymore, very sad.
no it is our economy and having to spend most of out time at work and trying to survive
It’s because we can’t handle being around people who don’t know the difference between there and their. 😂
@@michaelyolch79 of course you’re a jerk throwing insults hiding behind a pseudonym. I know a word I can spell COWARD
Yess😔
Social Media needs to shut down
In an ironic way all of these comments make me feel slightly less lonely. It may not change much but it does feel a little better that I’m not “alone” in feeling this way. We’re all connected through this video and the time we took to express ourselves and read it collectively and for that I am grateful.
Yeah, me too. Kind regards from Germany. Take care 😊
came down to the comments to say the same, mostly all 2.5k Likes are a group of lonely people
Big hug brother, from France
Sending love from USA!
we're coming together as humans and tribes again < 3
The problem is it's better to have no friends than bad friends.
💯%
False friends are actually more dangerous than enemies. At least with enemies, you know where you stand.
Im happy to be alone. People are more crazy and fake these days then ever. Social media and the pandemic really put the final nail in the coffin for me. I'm totally okay not being near others. People cause problems
Yes, I feel fortunate that I don't get lonely or bored. Social interactions have just gotten harder over the years to the point where you wonder if it's worth the risks.
@@SMHman666 i agree
In my case, being lonely has become a better option. People around me aren't really interested in others except themselves . When I spend time with them, most of the time they talk about themselves, or even when they talk about me, the way they talk is just to make them look good. Guess it is because of social media, so people just want to get attention all the time, even offline. Since I have had it enough, I cut down on social activities and start a new hobby - listening to classical music and attend concert. It makes me feel much better than being with others who are always " me".
We got lonelier when TV was adopted. Started watching it instead of playing cards with the neighbors. Then that got 10x worse with smartphones. Less screens, more people.
I was bullied during teenager, my parents are also mostly manipulative and not supportive. At the office I met many backstabbers, and honestly those situations make me think that it's better to be alone than spending time with people who ruin your mood and suck your positive energy.
I hope you find some good people ❤️
Backstabbers at office = i was not competent and/ or able to make good relationships
@@S62rthe fact that you felt the need to answer that to a person who is already hurting a lot says more about you than theirs will ever ever say about them
@@S62r 1. How the fuck does one thing relate to the other
2. In a world where that made sense, why did you feel the need to comment it here?
@@S62r you couldn't possibly know that.
My social circle disbanded for various reasons and felt very lonely afterwards. I entered several social events but all of them short lived and never had another social circle from them. Through all my life I was invested in sports so my final solution was entering a running group, thinking at least I would stay fit no matter what. At first I felt lonely there too, not knowing anybody, but didn't quit and stick to it. Now I have lots of new friends from that group, meeting and planning together to join activities. So solution to overcome loneliness is never give up, be depressed and withdraw into your shell. Get out of your comfort zone, find social activities you could enjoy and join them. Continue attending, let people be familiarize to you and eventually you'll find yourself in conversations with them.
To be fair, you had a proven record of being able to be integrated into society and even achieve a social circle of friends. Your go-getter strategy worked because none of those fundamentals that worked for you earlier in life had changed--it was a mere transient experience as you moved in between things. As for the rest of people, those who are never integrated, automatically excluded, and most certainly invisible to most others, in the past, presently and possibly future, simply "sticking to it" is unlikely to change a broken, non-existent void of a presence.
@@__-fu5se People like that could probably still find people like themselves to be friends with, but they might not want to be friends with them. Loneliness is also the result of our own desires and preferred behaviours.
These so called "meet up" groups are a temporary bandaid. You'll never have the same connection as you did with your own personal group that you shared your life experiences with.
It's hard to do any of those things when you're physically disabled...
Third places are gone
I'm an introvert, but I still need human connection. It's getting harder & harder to make friends, whether it be lack of interaction or my anxiety telling me someone doesn't actually like my company.
I am a retired lady. I am 75, living in a famous landmark building in New Orleans with my husband. We just had one of the staff come in and do some repair work for us. He is a competent, likeble, gracious guy. We run into him often around the building and near Jackson Square. And his fellow staffers....I make it a point to not only speak to him and say hi, but to chat a bit. And also thank him for his work today, and let his supervisors know how deeply we appreciate him walking up four flights to our apartment to do a major faucet repair job. Reaching out, acting with kindness, letting people (even 'workers') know they are valued, saying thank you. Loneliness is what you make it. So is social connection. You can choose..
Ooo shut up fart if you look around you how many ppl suffer and if you help but you don't you easy to judge you have no clue
I feel sad when someone compliments me. I feel like I burdened them or something. There's plenty of times I think about how much better the lives of people I know would have been if I never existed. Unfortunately, it's rather difficult for me to do that.
Hope you give him a big tip, and then you will be loved 🤣
I am tired of being told to act kind; I am about your age too; but I don’t mind minor social interaction!
@@tedoneilclark4710 exactly
I feel lonely a lot of the time, I’m 35 years old, single. I work as a freelance stage technician and in my industry people are sometimes too afraid to be inclusive with me. I get up, exercise, go to work, come home, eat and then go to bed and repeat.
As a neurodiverse person I have a social communication difficulty but I do make an effort & try my best to engage with people.
I do feel if all social media disappears completely off the planet, I can guarantee people will spend more time with REAL friends & family.
I hope you didnt selfdiagnose...
Me too, bro. 31 with gym-job-home grind. I'm pretty communicative but I'm "socially divergent" (I don't drink, I don't eat shit and I prefer to talk about science than who Nancy from HR is fckin) so yeah I gave up on finding friendship, which also means I gave up on finding a partner.
Building solitude is hard but depends only in yourself, unfortunately we can't rely on others to be able to build a friendship (takes two to tango).
I Solo travel the world, I met many interesting international travelers during my journey, it's great way to meet people.
There are plenty of communities out there to discuss science, both seriously and casually. Your comment about preferring that over work gossip doesn’t make you seem cool or smart, it makes you sound like a snob. Just something to keep in mind. The people gossiping are probably lonely too and just want something to talk about.
@@magesalmanac6424 I'm snob, specially from atop my moral high horse (Phaedra, both "bright" and colossus). I find connecting with inferior gossiping pigs and weaklings that hide from reality behind gods, drugs or lies a chore. Such chore was being done to try to fight back against loneliness, I hope I can get myself to be more flexible and less judging of people until then it's all about the despair of loneliness forcing me to do this disgusting chore
Loneliness is not a choice. Loneliness happens because of circumstances in life. Like family disruptions due to death in the family, familiy dysfunction, negative experiences at school, family life, worklife, loss of job, illness, ageing, appearance, alcoholism, divorce, mental illness, feeling of inferiority, worthlessness, etc, etc. It is something that is pushed on someone. None of us chooses it.
But you have the choice to connect again. You are not a powerless leaf that gets carried by the wind, i.e. life
@@Andy_JJ You are assuming that people can connect to others like you connect something to a power outlet. Life is not that simple.
@@artyfhartie2269I used to feel like that and then realised the reason I wasn’t connecting with people was that I was horrendously self-involved.
I’m not trying to attack you, seriously, it’s just that when your response to a video like this is “my family, my childhood, bullying” it suggests that you’re waiting for somebody to make an effort to connect with you based around your issues, but not making any effort yourself to connect with others on their level.
Nah. This is fear talking, connecting whit people isnt that hard
I think you are confusing loneliness with being alone. It's all in the mind, how one person responds to these circumstances is different to someone else.
Everybody is lonely, but try to get them together. It feels like we're all consumed by our jobs, keeping our homes clean, getting errands done. I have "friends" that I literally haven't seen in *years!* Co-workers are not a solution, as they are often distant for other reasons. I think our culture places too much emphasis on being "self-sufficient" and not being a "burden". People will *claim* that they want connection, but then tell you they don't have time.
Bullshit! No time? They all spend 3/4 hours a day looking at their phone or computer.
@@isitrachelorj3953 - Certainly true. Back before we had apps, you used to actually have to go out to places like bars and clubs to see people. Now people sit at home and swipe.
Or they won't make any effort to make that connection.
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
Yeah, it’s a catch-22, it’s sadly easier to ignore than be heard these days, I’ve stopped trying all together
Greeting people genuinely and asking how they are feeling goes a long way. I try to do that as much as possible. A customer even told me: "you are the first person in this whole airport who asked me that". Another one told me he wasn't good because his younger brother had cancer and was in his last days. All I could do was give him a hug and pat on the shoulder. You could change someone else's day just by caring.
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
Oh look a person that loves to brag about themselves!!! 🙄 This is another reason people are lonely they don't want to deal with narcissist!!! 🤡
I am a grocery cashier and I benefit as much from the social interaction as do my customers. Often when I ask a person "How are you?" they will answer and then say "Thank you for asking". It's so sad that what used to be the normal way of greeting someone has now become 'above and beyond".......
As an introvert I deliberately isolated myself and was fine for a long time. Then I got to a certain age and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I try to break free but do I really want too? It's a struggle with my nature vs. what I always wanted out of life. Mix in some low energy and the path of least resistance becomes the norm. I push back in my mind but it's so strong so I fall back to my old habits. A spiral downward that is probably easily fixable and not as bad as I like to make it out to be... maybe.
I'm the same. sometimes I wish I had family or friends, parties to go to etc. but then I think do I really want to deal with all that on the daily?
Same
I’m a natural introvert. What you can do is be selective and find groups to join of like minded people with similar interests. Then you at least can eliminate random toxic people.
This is me word for word.. it's uncanny. Even down to the low energy/fatigue.
Best comment by far. 100%
Better analysis capacity than the common commentator.
I was just talking about this! When people say “Oh you’ll find your person one day.” I’m just like “HAVE YOU SEEN THE WORLD TODAY!?!? We all are so selfish and doing all we can for the sake of self preservation that we are just a mess. No one is saying hello in public for the sake of even being polite. It’s so sad and I don’t want us to die leaving this culture behind.
Hey but beer commercials told me steady relationships are too hard and i can just drink and be a cool single. You mean ill have to struggle so much harder not splitting the lifes bill with someone else? Shocking
Dude, 90% of humans are going to be ☠️ They’re depopulating right now. You don’t have to worry about leaving this world behind in these conditions, because the Elites have a different plan for their future moving forward.
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
@@Kingmasculinity21Is that why I never see any men outside under the age of 40? I thought it was just my town
@@Acr6gAttt-mq2hr no its all western places now west is failing day by day we have one night stands instead of relationships thats why american and uks population is declining and we are being taken over by muslims and africans
36 year old welder. I’ve already had to come to terms with I’ll never find love in my life. Mainly because loneliness hurts the most when I try to fix it. Everything goes catastrophically wrong and my depression becomes worse. So as a survival mechanism I’ve had to give up in order to just keep my mind off of the agony I face every single time I wake up.
Hey I hear you. I was in relationships and thought all was good until I found I was being cheated on. No one ever commits today. It's all about the moment. I am 62 and decided I would rather stay alone then being ripped apart again.
Bros I hear you. I totally get it. I'm a 38 year old single myself. I'm a Christian & I couldn't even know just how much that has helped me. I encourage you guys to become active members of your local church. Serve in a department. You'll make good friendships & could even find love. God is my hope & help. He loves us & doesn't want us to be lonely.
God does definitely help. At least I know in the end I will be able to be near someone who really cares for me.
Oh no dont give up. At least dont expect it when you want it.
One of my friends found their loved one until 40 years old! They even had a baby.
Love will come to you when you least expect it. Dont force it, trust the process. You'll see. Just stay gold
Relationships are two insecure individuals that use and tolerate each other for their own selfish needs and wants wants all for the fear of being alone. They are all toxic on some level and narcissistically controlled by one. They are full of lies, deceit and manipulative manipulation due to hate which comes from fear. Everything we do is out of fear. If everyone truly knew what everyone was thinking then no one would have any friends
I love being alone, it gives me peace
But it can kill you at any given moment
@@NemechekFan87being alone is fine but being lonely and isolated isnt
Right!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wouldn't want it another other way!!!
@@NemechekFan87no it can't!!! 🙄🤡 You people listen to these dumbasses way too much!! People live THEIR lives the way THEY want!!! 🤡
Loneliness is not being alone - that is solitude. Loneliness is being among other people, particularly groups of people, you have no connection to. We weren't designed for this - we used to live in small groups where everyone knew everyone else. Now we are surrounded by people we know nothing about, and they know nothing about us.
I’m super lonely. And it’s very depressing. Abject loneliness is very dark. I’m starting to question is life even worth living. I feel so inadequate.
You gotta try something new or different I am learning life is about evolving!!
@@blackhawk6695 What are you trying?
@@zendavis3501 working out helps a lot plus take walk downtown early in the morning! Go to a aquarium.. Its hard but you have to switch life up..
I hit the gym and do hobbies. 40k and asoiaf. But im an introvert and work usually exhausts me socially. So im happy to focus on hobbies an personal development.
Volunteer. Boys need good role models, with all the absent fathers.
I think loneliness is not as bad as being alone and forced to be surrounded by toxic people.
This is the comment that I came to this thread for. 👏
As Jean Paul Sartre said, “hell is other people”
@@stephenpowstinger733
Yep!
Amen, I cherish my alone time.
I am always.I did not notice
I cut ties with people who ignore me when I need them, not reply to my messages, and make no effort to reach me first. There is no point in keeping someone who makes your loneliness worse.
I don't want trouble and just want to bring some good into this world. I just don't know how to blend in.
Then don’t blend in. Pretty simple mate.
@@buggus0034I am a good man n i want whole world to unite no debt no nothingn why we just need to live the money of other poeple if I stole your money I am rich that's what brits did n usa is now doing for them there country is cheaper for other's like in africa they re not doing suicide they're struggling just think them of one's when you think of yourself
People only want to be friends if you have something to offer. Status, money, attention, youth, looks, etc. Also, most people only talk and communicate when they want somthing from you. People force others to be by themselves because of their selfish needs and wants.
YES
Truth!!!!!!!!
Sometimes what people want from you is just company. There will be others like yourself.
Those people aren’t real friends.
Not a lot. And they tend to avoid people because of disappointments, so hard to find.@@heliotropezzz333
At 55, im learning not to take the ups and downs too seriously. I know i might feel lonely for a while and that it will eventually change, depending on my mood. Im learning to accept that life will never be perfect…no matter how many psychologists propose solutions for the big masses.
Couldn’t agree more!
@ytkel8880 how long have been on your own ?? Did you have a significant other in your? If so , how long?? Do you have hobbies?
that is like the stoicism mentality, letting go both the good and bad situations in life, accepting they are normal, and taking the more logical side that these things are only temporary
@@jgsource552 nothing wrong with that
I’m 54 and love the view from here. Getting older is so much better than I expected.
There are times where I am totally ok and fine with being alone but there are other times where my depression creeps in and thats when I hate my loneliness so much, I would rather have company and talking to someone.
I know I battled loneliness most of my life, it bothered me the most in my younger years when I had low self esteem and did not have the social skills, to turn things around, the worst part was watching other people who were outgoing and having fun, eventually when I reached my mid thirties, I landed a job, where I was pretty much forced to have interactions with people, which is when I finally figured out that, in my childhood, I was put into a bad environment, there was nothing wrong with me, what was wrong was, some of the people who were around me and had their own issues. I just wished that it didn't take that long of a period of time, before I figured those things out.I know that, If it wasn't for the pets that I had, and my dad, who was the best dad anyone could of asked for.. I would of wound up being some bitter violent criminal or the town drunk.
I can relate to this very well. Blessings to you man.
@@cSTEPHEN855 Thanks for the kind words.
As someone who is autistic, I feel I am naturally at peace by myself. Solitude itself is not enough to make me feel lonely. If anything, being around others makes me lonely as it reminds me of how I am different.
Despite this, the longer I go without social contact, the more I lose touch with reality. I become delusional, neurotic, and unstable after a while. This was especially problematic when I was a broke, unemployed student. I can see how this would create incels, mass shooters, and home-grown terrorists in those who share my psychologicalvulnerabilities. Thankfully I now see my family regularly enough to keep me sane.
Same
Same.
Very well put! I'm also on the spectrum and have spend a lot of time by myself. I have been in the rabbit hole of being disconnected from reality. After the pandemic, it took some time relearning basic social skills after not being around people for a while. I'm still trying my best to find my crowd, but it seems more difficult now, compared to the past. People are a lot more cold nowadays.
maybe drop this belief that you're so different. see you suffer from loneliness the same way non autistic people do. you are more alike than different. just have to get over your fear
I am not autistic but I completely get it. I have experienced feeling lonely in a crowd because I was/am different from most people as I was growing up. But we are social animals, there's no avoiding it.
It sucks but we don't make the decision. We just find ways to learn to live with whatever "different" mental or physical attributes we are born with. avoiding irl social interactions is NOT the answer to this.
edit: y'know I am basically a hikikomori rn and a few months back I started "living" most of my life online but I had regressed 3 years back. a lot of regrets with that. I went back home for a week, met my best friend from school days and spent most of my time with him. It's 100 times more fulfilling and I hated the idea of coming home and spending my time on social meida. I think we should find the right people in life and learn to appreciate real life interactions. I am currently working hard to learn stuff to get a job/internship. Hope I get it and get back to the real world. I am kinda scared ngl because of my age but I think it will be liberating despite that. No, I am sure it will be. I felt it back home with my friends, family and even some new strangers I met.
edit: sorry for dumping all this here lol.
I moved to Canada in my 40s in 2018 and started from scratch. Work priorities have taken precedence, contributing to my loneliness. The higher cost of living has exacerbated the situation, leading me to explore a side hustle to supplement income. Finding friends or a relationship has been challenging due to time constraints, and I'm unhappy with the overall situation.
You need to leave Canada it’s not the same anymore it’s expensive and they want to control everything
For me the worst type of loneliness is beeing around people who make you feel lonely.
like ?
then you are hanging around the wrong people, or maybe your attitude is what needs to change. Reflect why you must be feeling this way. It literally could be all in your head.
Yes
I feel that deeply. Around a year and a half ago I started distancing myself from people who were self serving and started valuing myself more. For a while it was a bit isolating but with more authenticity I started gaining the type of friends who really reciprocated ❤ sending you some love through the cosmos tonight! Hoping you find your tribe.
@@Eclipse1369 I think there is a great quality in beeing able to have good quality time by yourself. It made me worthship depth and quality of relationships (over quantity) more and also gave me better and deeper relationship to myself.
Thank you - luckily i have some amazing friends i deeply enjoy spending time with and exchange. :)
(Also i didn't mean that all people make you feel lonely.)
Friendly greetings and best wishes to you unkown internet fella
I was desperately lonely about a year ago, and it affected any friendships that I wanted to have because they could see I was desperate to have friends. What I did was, I worked on me, I spent time (that I had heaps of), deciding what path I want to take. I decided to get back into shape and fit like I was, ten years ago. So I joined a gym, I worked out most days, I started seeing a change. I then used energy that I found I had more of due to gym, to look for work, and an application sent on a saturday had the phone ringing on the next monday - that was four months ago now. I work all day, earn good money that I don't use half of it, saving to buy my own property. I think I'm climbing out from that hole I was in, so much happier for it, and I hope my story inspires you. Thanks for reading
Thanks for your comment. It resonates with me. Since I began to feel lonlely (8/9 years ago) I have been taking to little care of my body. I recently joined the gym and gained more confident. Also joined workshops and different language lectures. Still I need to get back on the labor market. Wish you the best ❤
That’s awesome bro.
I think you hit the nail on the head. When people are lonely or have time, many resort to activities that don’t help them change their situation. After all, each of us has the freedom to make our own decisions and change the direction of our lives. I would strongly advise people who are feeling lonely to spend that time on self improvement, self knowledge, healing, reflection, deciding what you want out of life and once you decide you’ve improved yourself THEN put a plan together to meet new people. It works! First we have to make sure we are people other people want to be around. If our lives are chaotic, if we have deep wounds that we haven’t healed, if we’re standoffish, if we’re judgmental….all of these attitudes are clear signs you have to work on YOU and are not yet ready to truly have a mutually beneficial relationship with another person.
But that will not change your loneliness and the best solution is to have faith , you can loose it all tomorrow, so you have to feel bad again ? Faith in god why he put u on this earth and faith in you
Notice that they set this has been getting worse for decades. That's when feminism really kicked in. Self-improvement going to the gym...... Someone told me mostly homosexual men who like perfect bodies to look at, go 2 Jim. The reason why I lost faith. I took a hard look at the question of the...... Dinosaur fossils found all across the world 🌎. Meaning the Earth is 5 billion years old. Not 6000 like the Bible has to fall into. And there's no mention of the great beasts in the Bible, not even of Noah saving them on the boat 🚢.
Wow. This completely opened my eyes to others’ struggles. 💔
If this sort of thing isn't being taught in schools around the world then it NEEDS to start NOW or else it's going to become much more of a serious issue. I was once in this bracket of lonely people for years, sometimes I kinda still am when I go a few weeks without seeing my girlfriend or best friend because they have work. When I was at the worst of my loneliness the amount of people that I would try and connect with only for them to ghost me for whatever reason was shocking. If people get properly taught about this issue in school then hopefully it'll help people take social interaction more seriously. If I'm in contact with pretty much anyone over any messaging app and they send me a message, I always try my best to respond as quickly as possible and I sometimes apologise if I don't respond quickly because I don't want that person to feel they're being ignored.
I found my peace recently from years of overthinking, lonliness, depression, misconceptions and trauma.
Because of things like social media phones/screens, abundance of resources and a society that promotes weird behaviour. We have for a long time fed our egos while simultaneously forgetting or never even learning how to interact and compromise with others.
For example when children used to play outside, if you fight with others you won't be able to play with them. Now you can always watch something to keep yourself entertained for the short term. This is dangerous because you didn't learn how to apologise, how to negotiate how to argue how to laugh how to form bonds.
Or you think all thats too much work. Its always too much work. Lazy egomaniacal sociopaths. Welcome to coroorate society of manilulated fools
I just feel that this world is much more cold hearted and hostile. Nobody seems to give a damn about one another and they have that horrible I got mine now go get yours attitude. The narcissism in modern society is getting worse. Everyone seems to be completely disconnected from one another. We have become too materialistic and too dependent on social media.
Great points
I am slowly getting cold hearted too 😞
I am afraid of the world, many have hurt and disrespected me.
i always feel appreciate and comfortable whenever I’ve watch his video. Thanks for every word that you’ve given to us so thay we can understand deeply the loneliness people that we are able to help them.
There's a fine line between loneliness and boredom. I am single and have been for 20 years and I don't feel lonely at all. I learned how to do things that keep me occupied and interested and if I want to be around people, I can either go to my family or hang out in highly populated areas and people watch. But as Long as I keep myself interested in things and busy, loneliness is never there.
people watching is not a relationship.
L@@SuttonARTwho said it was? His comment was about keeping busy and if he wanted to be around people he'll "people watch".
Agreed. Many people do it to themselves & dont realise they have more within their power to at the least feel *less* lonely .. some I dare say relish in feeling lonely because its familiar and so they dont even take the initial steps towards connecting with others. As said above, it can begin with something as simple as being in a high pop. area like cafes, libraries, parks etc. just being around other humans who share this experience called life without having to even interact (yet, at least until confidence is built overtime being after around strangers, otherwise its sometimes enough for strangers to keep eachother company)
It’s there because you acknowledge it.
@@joey6058 loneliness is not being connected to people as much as you’d like, connection being the operative word. Live to eat might as well said he watches tv if he wants to be around people.
I think a big part of our loneliness is the standards we set for the people that are on the peripheral of our lives is often too high. I know I feel lonely often, even though I have made the conscious decision to remove myself from a lot of peoples lives because of one thing or another that I tell myself I shouldn't have to put up with. I find it hard to find people that share similar values that I do, and therefore find myself alone often.
Exactly.
i feel a similar way but i don’t think there’s anything wrong with having standards and wanted people to have similar interests as you. I have tried jn the past just hanging with those people and trying to be friends with them in the past and i just end up being lonely in groups instead
Good point! A lot of people are looking for perfection. No one can be all things to everyone. Unless a person is doing something really egregious, we should give people the space to be themselves.
in trying to find the perfect group/people there's 100% chance of failure. Find good enough people instead. Just like us, we're just good enough too
Exactly! The subjects of these videos never talk about that. Most people don't know how to be a good friend
I have a weird connection with my neighbours. We are all lonely, but find it so hard to talk to one another. Our individual life worlds do not allow us to connect enough with each other.
I have been on my own mostly now for 4 years. I’ve been in therapy this whole time since the pandemic started. I have found peace and lost my fear of loneliness and found myself and I go visit a cow every day at a local farm. I’ll re-enter society now healed from bipolar 2 and ADHD and also healed from asthma and fybromyalgia.
33, only one friend left (we talk once a week), no gf, no messages for days... Born and raised in Paris and the city crowd makes me feel even more lonely. Stay strong, our time to be happy will come sooner than we think. Love
"the city crowd makes me feel even more lonely"👍
Meh same here, 33 living my parents' in a duplex, and I still feel lonely... I have passed through a hard friendship that makes me think 1000 times before talking to someone, because I'm afraid to be rejected and pass through the same experience as before, I prefer living without phones and social Media
same, 33 here, feeling alone, no gfsb, working from home, living with my mom alone, no siblings, can't find sense of belongingness, afraid of approaching strangers, can't maintain a friendship. what's wrong with me.
@@justinstraw3832 same here my man, I'm 34. Cant find meaning and purpose in life and I'm always alone and lonely. Sometimes I think to kill myself so the pain will stop. But I'm still here. God bless. Where are u guys from? I'm from a small town in Italy and it suuuucks
Yeah I'm 36. 1 friend left. Two best friends died.
Loneliness has followed me my whole life
There is no escape.
lol
Same
as dramatic as this comment is, i unfortunately can relate 💀
i love socialization but i like deeper connection not just romantically but in any relationship. we don't need company we need connection
I'm right there, profound loneliness, alone at home recovering from stroke, no one calls or stops by, I call and no one has time, tried for years to maintain relationships, people generally don't get it, maybe if they understood my experience they would care, I just keep trying to enjoy myself as much as possible. Love to all you lonely people, guess we are lonely together.
there is no end in sight to this epidemic. Its crazy how so many people feel the same way but we are powerless to attempt to build connections with people due to this indescribable separation that has been building over the last decade
its crazy realy
Huh? You gotta seek others out. Seek out like minded people and talk to them, whether it be online or irl, keep them close.
Evangelion is real lmao
The AP barrier or whatnot
this. It seems like most people feel the same way, yet women have higher standards than ever before in history. I don't get what is up with them. Dating used to be much easier 10-15 years ago.
Yeah, there's no easy answer or solution
"My solitude doesn’t depend on the presence or absence of people; on the contrary, I hate who steals my solitude without, in exchange, offering me true company". - Frederick Nietzsche
*_._._*
@@urzsulaz2604 (⌐■-■)
Very well said , company which just takes out of you - leaves you lonely even in a relationship
I work in customer service and I always try to articulate to coworkers in my age range (16-25) the importance of being friendly to people, not just because your "on the clock". Your interaction with them might be the only time they speak to someone else all day. Social disconnection is just too easy nowadays. It is unfortunately especially visible amongst some of the youngest workers we have (16/17), many of whom only went to high-school in-person for 1 or 2 years because of covid. All in all pleasantries are a whole lot more important than people realize.
You're*
People out there are not friendly anymore, everyone is about their business which is understandable but also sad!
The bigger the city the worse it is with social isolation
Not lonely, but I still find it pathetic that with cell phones as powerful as they are, folks don’t text or call as much as they could. But then again, cell phones seem to be all about getting online, posting what one had for breakfast, shopping, bragging about where one is on vacation, or constantly displaying the problems in their lives.
Yes
We need to work on our social and physical connections to people more
True
pass
The bank tells you to go online the supermarket tells you to go online you buy everything online you pay bills online
Not that long ago all these ' inconveniences' were all done by interacting with other people often strangers
More and more people prefer gaming to participating in real sport or clubs
Now we sit at home all day on technology by ourselves losing essential interaction skills and getting fat and useless and wonder why we are lonely
I miss my friends from high school and when I try and play some of the old games we used to play with new friends it fills me with
Despair
I went to a concert tonight in Australia, I’ve come here on a visa and I don’t really know anyone. I’m from the US.
A few years ago I felt I could talk to anyone and befriend anyone. Now, it seems impossible. Whenever I try to talk to people I feel unwelcome and out of place. I’m so lonely.
I know how you feel.
I feel exactly the same way and lived in Perth, Australia my whole life.
Well you have money for concenrt. Its worst when you dont have money. With money maybe is easier find conversation and someone want meet you 😢 its sad but true. Of course, I undestand what you say too. Even with money sometimes its hard have everything but dont share with around you. For me, I think if Its meet boring or racist people, I prefer keep alone, go to places alone and enjoy myself. No patience for stupid conversation. Sorry my english.
@@bilare13 don’t apologize for your english - props to you for learning something new (I can’t even speak any other language).
I fully understand you. And you’re right, its best to look at the positives. I’m trying to be more grateful for things in my life, thank you for the reply 🙏
I think your childhood experiences shapes your personality. I was surrounded with miserable jealous mean girls my entire school life and my personality changed from extroverted happy little girl to quiet introverted girl. The worst feeling is being in a room full of people but still feeling alone. Now, I don't allow a lot of people to come in my life. I am really close to my family now and genuinely don't feel lonely. A lot of people do not have good in their heart, just by avoiding them you're single-handedly avoiding a lot bitter people. I enjoy my own company. Sometimes you're not lonely you're just choosing to be alone 🤷
I hated childhood. My parents didn't give me a lot of attention. Often times, if there was an extracurricular activity, I would have to wait 1-2 hours for my parents to pick me up. I felt like I was a lower priority to them. Middle school, high school and even college was full of bullying. A lot of people took advantage of me because I was "nice". As an adult, I'm trying to learn to love myself again and to trust others.
The unfortuante reality is that we need to socialize to mentally survive. Not finding a like-minded mate or not being in the right environment would always push to isolate ourselves and overtime that is killing. I am a social person by nature, but all fake trivial people that surround me insist in changing this reality and transform me to a social anxious person who doesn't stand people indiscriminately.
When we think a lot of people do not have good in their heart, and we do not want to know them. Unfortunately, they also think the same, that is how the world is now. Perhaps, we ought to find out about them before making any decision because the hidden story might not be as bad as the book cover.
@@iclaudius9954 It doesn't matter whether they are bad or good. They are making the commenter feel worse, so it's better to ignore them.
@@admiralrohan If they are making the commenter feel worse whether they are good or bad, then it is all about the commenter and Not about other people. It's time to look inwards. We are talking about loneliness here which is about interaction with other people. Should you spend your life ignoring everyone regardless?
I have tried to make friends my whole life, and I’ve not been successful. I was homeschooled and heavily isolated, 27 now and I still don’t understand why people don’t want to be my friend
Being alone is SUPER FREEDOM, SUPER PEACEFUL.
Some of us truly are very happy without too many people around us ♡♡♡
Definitely. :)
It started happening in the 1950s, the exact same time people started moving to soulless suburbs, the era when redlining was enacted, entire neighborhoods were demolished for highways, and dumb zoning laws made everything spread out and unwalkable. Now we are confined to either work, home, or the occasional outing that we have to drive to on the weekends. We've built our cities to keep us lonely. It wasn't deliberate, but we know this, and now it's time to make the changes.
Cities themselves kill the soul...you feel like you're being handled everywhere you go like a toddler.
Wasn't it deliberate? I wonder?
The 50s were such trash. What a pathetic era. And brainwashed idiots say it was the golden age, fuck off.
I'm actually at a point right now where I tried REALLY hard to maintain way too many friendships with people I worked with simply because I had a fear of missing out and wanting to be liked. I wasted most of my twenties on FOMO and people pleasing. And I realized the friendships were unhealthy. All we did was smack talk and act codependent. I'm almost 30 and spent this past year letting go of a LOT of friendships and making a deeper connection with my sibling and cousins my age. I was afraid of not having any friends at all so I just kept saying yes and surrounding myself with people I liked but constantly lived in fear of not being included. Because I didn't wanna be alone with myself. That was the loneliest time of my life.
I'm working on myself and it sucks and it's hard but for the first time in a long time I'm not lonely. And I'm learning to like myself more and be more aware so I can build healthier relationships. My heart goes out to the people who feel lonely because they don't have connections with others. I hope everyone finds peace with themselves.
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats stoping men from going out Getting in shape and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem i was hooked all life. Now im better then ever 2 months no porn way better Confidence my mind feels great
Beautiful
I think workplaces have mostly become toxic. I got a new job and liked to go in a bit early (it was a store) just to catch the vibe of the day and maybe interact (not work, just hang) A shift supervisor came up to me and told me she didn't 'want to see my face' until the start of my shift and if I was there early, I had to stay out of sight in the lunchroom. So much for that place.......
This is a great video. He is so spot on about loneliness. I am in my late 60s and make a determined effort to go to a community class once a week to try and maintain some positive interactions otherwise I drift quickly to a loneliness mindset.
Glad this issue is getting more attention on various channels and podcasts. What I find baffling is how, despite its prevalence, so few people make efforts to seek out new connections and when they do, they don't invest much time or energy. Vulnerability is the key to connection, yet people are low on trust and always seem to put relationships as their lowest priority.
“Vulnerability is the key to connection”
What does that mean?
right? I feel like I see and hear this way too often but nobody is putting in the work? its so weird.
I think I have the opposite problem. I'm pretty on the spectrum for aspergers apparently AND I have ADHD... which means I'm super open, I'll share my entire life history basically with anyone if they want to hear it or I feel it's relevant to bring up lol.. I have never had trouble with people liking me, I've always been a "favorite" at work.. but have ALWAYS severely struggled with making new actual friends. I haven't made an actual new friend outside of party buddies since highschool and I'm 33 now. I've also seperated from my highschool friends as they just weren't good people.
I finally realize I'm lonely and have felt loney without knowing it for a long, long time.
@@d4rkh4l34 Why do you randomly capitalize some word’s first letter?
I'm extroverted, but the thing is.. I am overworked. I am exhausted 24/7. I am constantly dealing with ... life. Bills, financial stress, chores, nonstop. It never ends. It's hard to make friends because at the end of the day (literally) I barely have the energy to talk. Where all I want to do is be left alone because being bothered at work 24/7 and the chaos of the office and the florescent lighting and loud noises and... yeah. So when I get home? I'm not focused on making and keeping friends. Going out. Or anything, really. I don't have the energy to focus on anything at all at the end of the day. And that's a reflection of the society we live in.
I've just had so many people I love make up horrible lies and do awful things to me that it's hard to even put in effort anymore without thinking right away "what awful thing is this person going to eventually do to me?"
This Literally brought tears into my eyes 😢
I didn't think we'd hit this point any time this decade, but it's happened. Humanity has officially, undoubtedly, hit what is known as, rock bottom. There is no coming back. Everything is downhill from here. I don't know how we got here, what we could've done to prevent, or even delay this, but that doesn't matter. Nothing matters, because we are officially at our lowest point. The only way we can possibly atone for our existence would be to eradicate said existence.
Sounds pretty harsh
It will get worse...when there is complete anarchy and social disruption and all the social structure we currently have is torn down along with all the social safety nets.
I think the real problem is actually misanthropy. When you hate everybody, you're going to see them as threats and you're going to isolate yourself emotionally and intellectually, it not physically.
i think this is a great point and i do agree, and i think loneliness plays a big role in the progression of misanthropy. this is something worth talking about a little more honestly
@@riley-qb1xx I think it's mostly coming from our becoming less tolerant of discomfort. Technology of the last 100 years has made us physically more comfortable than ever, but now with the Internet, we've become mentally more comfortable with our little algorithmic rabbit holes that we go into on these platforms.
@@mgregory22 another great point, you've given me things to think about 👍🏻
All good points above. I've also noticed and unwillingness to compromise, a lack of flexibility in people. My way or the highway. We're such a varied and flawed species so it's very helpful to have a more forgiving, tolerant nature.
misanthropes aren't necessarily lonely and isolated, quite the opposite, in my experience.
The fact that the feeling of loneliness is based off of perception is interesting because it shows how much power and control our minds gives us towards ourselves.
This is such powerful message thank you ❤🎉
Go out spend time with people take risks to get closer to people and be yourself. It's literally all you can do. Loneliness is killing our bodies
Porn is a big problem its the thing thats making men hooked on porn i stead of going out and working hard and get a women we need to stop Satisfying ourselves on internet and start being human again and healing our minds from media im 21 and porn was a big problem now im better then ever 2 months no porn better Confidence everything
I’ve always struggled with this, especially during my twenties. Then the pandemic hit and it only got worse. Now that covid is pretty much over, I’ve found myself more disconnected than ever before. Now, I’m also not going to say I don’t go out at all. I go out by myself, hang out with the 1 or 2 friends I have left, and I work. However, my job is very isolating, my friends also now seem to also be going through it, and I observe people would rather be glued on their phones than wanting anything meaningful. I’ve given up on society as a whole and now I’m seeking to be happy doing things by myself. Im still working on it, but it’s taking a lot of effort on my part unfortunately
Jobs are isolating
Ever considered to join online communities like e.g.Toastmasters?
I wish my job was isolating 😅 I work with people on the phone and in person it’s very draining so I look forward to being alone. I typically enjoy keeping to myself only engaging in conservations with a few coworkers I like. My bf and the gym help keep me grounded. I wish I had a job where there was little to no human interaction
This is likely most people existence in the modern world.
The young people are depending to much on social media. Join some groups. Try meetup.
I enjoy my solitude. I moved to South Dakota to get away and I love the open plains it’s calming to see the vastness of nothing. I made peace with being alone because from my experience everyone close to me burned me so after rebuilding and becoming successful again I enjoy the spoils to myself. As the trope goes it’s better to be alone and lonely then be entangled in miserable relationships. I’m healthy, fit, financially independent and happy. You can be miserable in or out of relationships.
One thing I have found very helpful is getting a "gratitude buddy" - making connection with someone else in a meaningful and positive way, while wiring your attention to the good that is already in your life...
As an introvert, this it's particularly troublesome, because being alone for a long time makes it so that the process of getting close to people demand more energy, which in turn we have less of.
This is where our culture of ever increasing hyper individualism inevitably ends up... a world full of lonely empty souls, solitaires.
And the group of people who promoted individualism are extremely Nepotistic, sold a lie indeed.
We need healthy communities to create strong, connected societies.. difficult for that to happen when people aren't connected as they should be.
I'm very lonely. All I do is work and go to university. I have friends but their off living their lives with other people in their lives that live with them. I'm tired of being lonely but I have a broken and unstable family who reminds me that they can't afford to visit me which is fair. I wish I could go to thanksgiving dinners, or holiday parties or even just have someone to give a hug to when I come home from a long day or someone to go out and do groceries. I cook and eat my meals alone, I say good morning and good night to myself. Being this alone until the day I die can't be worth it. This can't just be it can it? Is this the new way of life?
Hi beautiful. I feel the same. Let’s solve each others problem with loneliness
@@vernonshank5220😂😂
just because you have been doing something for so long, you can instantly change that, like now.
Go pickup a hobby that involves people..the more you go, the more chance, you will make a friend and eventually, that friend will invite you places or you can invite them.
Again, being by yourself is not a bad thing. Learn to deal with that first. I never say goodnight to myself, that to me is self-pity...just keep living and put yourself out there.
You can also, adopt a dog. A dog will force you to go outside and go to dog parks, which will eventually meet people.
While growing up , Television had the biggest impact on my Family . I remember watching other family members just staring hypnotically and ignoring everyone else . I knew there was something basic missing , a loss of interaction and respect . If you tried to talk it was immediately shut down by "shutup" . It took its toll on our Family/Society. We've forgotten how to Be , how to listen/play/respect and care for one another.
People are so damn shallow and selfish these days. I got tired of one-sided friendships where I was the only one trying to stay in touch and keep things going. In the end I just was always put last (in comparison to other people) and eventually dropped.
People leave when things in your life go wrong and you need them the most. Single people do it and married people ONLY want to be around their husbands and not have friends it's just ridiculous.
I've never been lonely because someone was paying attention to their screen and not me. I've been lonely because people don't give a F about you unless they can get something from you.
Hate to admit it, but isolation is just better than always being tossed aside.
Yes, similar feelings here. The more shit you go through, the more cautious you are.
I used to be really really sad and upset about not having anyone close to me and being alone. Until I used this loneliness to my advantage. I now thrive by simply being alone. And I feel so upset for having wasted so many years being sad, mainly because I was constantly being told that I should be sad by videos like this. One major positive of loneliness is that it means complete freedom. Use it.
+1000
+100000
I am happy af and alone. noe one can take that away from me. my inner world is bigger then my outer
Sorry guys, but no man is an island. We all need ppl in our lives. When illness or getting older happens, you will regret not having someone by your side. There are times that you just can't be alone. Forget about doing your own think & being independent, that's all bullshit! It only works for a short time & while you're young. Do I have to be me? I'm me already! Always have been and so are you. I love to be married as single life equals despair and loneliness.❤❤
@johanna your preaching is no good. I also enjoy solitude and always have, even if I become ill I’d rather be on my own. I’m a happy little island!
My children and their mother have passed away and my grandchildren moved away 😢 been very lonely for years
Relevant and well articulated topic.
Loneliness is a silent killer.
Oddly, I have discovered that since the Pandemic and Quarantine that I am 100% more alone, solitary and isolated; yet I honestly Do Not Feel lonely anymore! I am in my 50s now. But for most of my Life, I felt depressed because I was never included/welcomed/befriended. When I was younger and as a young adult, I felt So Much pressure to be in a club, group, family unit and relationships.
But now that worldwide society encourages self isolation and has made people deathly afraid of basic casual social interactions, I no longer feel like a freak who doesn't belong or is not worthy. It's weird, but it feels like everybody just walks around/goes through Life in their own private bubbles with only very few others invited into their personal bubble.
There doesn't seem to be any real, nurturing environments or true communities anymore. So I feel safe and sane now as I happily live as a modern day hermit. No more stressful pressure or judgements, I am officially invisible so I do as I please without worry of backlash or drama scolding me for not trying to fit in. No more constantly trying to join something or eternally seeking someone`s validation/attention/approval.
Of course, this means I am not on Social Media which is super to me because I find the Internet being the nail in the coffin for quality Human interactions.
If we spend the bulk of our time looking at screens- phone, TV/streaming, computer/tablet - and it's MANDATORY for most JOBS and EDUCATION, of course people will lose the skills to have genuine exchanges of emotion and intimacy.
It's a paradox that despite how connected we are, how disconnected and lonely we might feel. With time though, the feeling passes and one becomes content, stoic yet playful, resilient, self-reliant and move on to discovering and learning things. Especially when figuring out there might be millions of people with the same issue as you have. Sort of been there, felt that.
Socializing helps, working with people too. It's the groups without social interaction that suffer the most.
Getting a pet might alleviate and cheer up.
And we come into this world alone and leave it alone as well.
Doing greater good, creating and leaving something beyond yourself gives purpose.
I'm 44 years old and slowly but steadily I've lost most of my friends that I ever had in my life. I'm now more alone and lonlier than ever. I do have friends but they're spread out in different cities and even countries. I live in my own hometown and don't even have one friend that I can visit here, except one of my neighbours, which I'm friendly with but not "friends". My closest friend is 50 minutes drive by car away, and the next one 1 hour and 20 minutes or so, and that is my cousin. At around age 30 I had studied at university for a few years and lived in a larger town, and at that time I did have quite a satisfactory circle or network of friends. But then I started a business and slowly, unnoticeably, my friends started to fade away and were replaced by "customer contacts". My customers became my new "friends" because I worked long days and had a lot of customer contact, and needless to say I had very little time for friends. I also moved my business away from that larger town to my own hometown which is small, and thereby I lost most of the friends I had in the larger town, and they weren't replaced when I moved "home". After 10 years in the business I discontinued my business and then found myself almost totally alone - I neither had my old friends nor my business friends and contacts. So I found myself in a shitty situtation indeed and still am in it. I had a problematic relation with a woman and her family/kids became kind of a substitute for a family of my own, but now that relation has ended too. So I'm basically at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to social life. I'm not totally alone but very. So it cant get much worse from here. I'll soon move abroad and start over again in Italy as a matter of fact and I do have quite good hopes for building a new and better social life there. As said, I do have friends, but they are very geographically spread out in Europe. The basic reason why I have ended up so alone is that I have next to zero tolerance for peoples stupid dramas, fake friends, losers, people who want to take advantage of me, and the ususal suspects. I preferred to be alone than in bad company and I stand by that.