After 10 years of struggling with weight, I've just realized, after your questions, that being big and fat for me is a form of self-protection. When you're a big person, people always assume that you're not the one to mess with. I understood that I'm such a coward; I am scared of so much. Scared of people, scared of conflicts. I can't protect myself but being fat, because that way people avoid you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for putting words to what has been spinning around inside my mind for years. On and off binge eating for 6 years, I’ve always been a curvier girl. I’ve lost a decent amount of weight these past few months, but self sabotage is such a big issue for me..thank you. I haven’t thought about some of these things.
I was doing so well, weight was going off but when something bad happens to me I turn to food and can't stop eating. The struggle is real and I gained 10kg at college from stress-eating. My weight is holding me back from a lot of things but I remembered when I was thinner I still thought I was over-weight.
Thank you for your advice. I have been extreme binge eating a lot over the last 7 months and lost most of my recent weight loss, in 2018 I was 112kg and at the start of this year I was 84 kg and have now climbed back to 95kg. I have been in a bad emotionally abusive relationship and had an especially hard year because of it. I turned to baking at home as a voulenteer to help others which is where I began to seriously binge eat, every time I ate I could feel the relief from the abuse my relationship was causing me I knew it wasn't good for me but I couldn't stop. I left the relationship 3 times only to go back, I'm away permently now but the bad feelings guilt, sadness, confusion has driven me more and more to binge eat. I feel now that I am deliberately punishing myself, abusing myself and self sabotaging. I know I need to stop but have trouble controlling it I hope I can stop before my health really suffers.
I overcame anorexia a while ago, and now I’ve gained a lot of weight, my body no longer feels right, and all like you said it’s keeping me from doing a lot of things. Thank you so much for helping me!
I am a Level 4 Personal Trainer that used to be overweight. I suffered with binge eating disorder and my weight just exploded when I was 21. But until I was ready to do the work 4-5 years later - and here I mean the emotional work - nothing and no one could make me lose weight. When the last drop filled my cup, my energy shifted from trying whatever to stay in the comfort zone to trying anything to get out of it and create a better life. This video is sooooo good ✅✅✅ I wish I would have seen it then, it would have made my whole process easier.
It's beautiful that you were able to begin supporting and loving yourself into healthy change you desired vis-a-vis the emotional work! That's really the only way to do it...with love and kindness for your Self. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you. Addressing the emotional and psychological "root" issues is imperative for full and lasting recovery to occur. This is something NO diet can ever offer.
Thank you for this video. 61 yr old male. Growing up, dad never there, mom with alcohol problem, it was always " well youre the "Husky" kid. Lots of soda, chips, burgers and fries etc..... which automatically makes you feel like an outcast. Very difficult not to self sabatoge. In the last 2 years i fi ally lost 80 lbs from 350 down to 270. Trying to reach 220 but heres where the sabatoge kicks in... "You know you can't be the slim person right?" My brain says... Not giving up tho, Thank you again.
I know my life will be amazing if I lose weight and get rid of binge eating and there is nothing that frightens me but I have gained half of the weight I lost through consistent therapy for a year
I am an elderly widow. I live alone. I not only think, but know, most of my women friends treat me far less favorably, pointing out things i should do differently in every category, etc., when i am in a smaller body. 5 years ago i lost 70 lbs. it was almost by accident. just decided i could pig out on the really healthy stuff and feel better. i did, lost a lot of my appetite on the way, and felt enormously better. this past year was a very difficult one in many respects. i'm through the worst of the issues that year brought, but find i have regained 20 lbs and this time it is very hard to get off. i am eating the wrong things, i feel i should, actually need to eat all the time...I'm quite active and healthy, so far, i fully understand it's ridiculous. i find i'm full of anxiety and want to be a hermit. LOL. yes it is absurd. i'm ready to be better but keep messing myself up. it truly is ...well. wacky and then i feel bad about feeling like that...this video gives me hope. i need friends with my outdoor interests. i do not want to eat my way out of canoeing streams and it's nearly time. no my friends don't canoe with me.
This made so much sense ... thank you for putting up this video ... i've struggled with eating disorder due to many childhood situations that i couldn't deal with or didn't know how to deal with. I'm trying my best to understand those and deal with them since they've done more damage to me in my adult years on so many more aspects other than just weight gain. I've often wondered why I don't want to lose weight, where am i lacking in the motivation, why don't i don't want to look better, be more energetic .. but have never really associated it with blockages or fears .. but your video made me aware .. i've not been really answering my own questions. I do tend to sabotage any effort or progress i've made from time to time, when i've tried to work on getting fit. But the awareness is coming now, on all those occasions, 'something' happened, a word, a statement, a repressed emotion, and it all fell on the ground ... i'm not even fully aware of my 'triggers' and i realised that's what i really need to think upon and bring them up from wherever they are hiding because without that acceptance, nothing is going to work to improve. It's just that it's so so difficult to really identify what that 'trigger' is sometimes ... the damage is done and i'm falling back again. Thank you ... I'll try and work on this understanding .. it's true .. i've stored a bunch of fears that restrict me from living a more fuller life, and i've always kept the weight as a 'safe excuse' for myself ... time to unlearn the old and learn the new ...
I am SO glad you found this video so helpful. Understanding the not-so-obvious reasons behind WHY your psyche NEEDS food for emotional and psychological comfort is so very important in the recovery process. Keep up the great work! ~Dr. Ashley
What are you afraid of in a smaller or lower weight body ? Me - being rejected , yelled at , judged for the weightloss , have people call me disgusting and anorexic like they did when i was healthy 4 years ago . Im afraid people will comment and ill get the same reaction from people i did last time i recovered from binge eating. Before my relapse .
I have been told I can’t try to lose weight that’s what’s holding me back from losing weight. Since I have dieted a lot in the past and had an eating disorder.
What do you think would happen if you were in a smaller weight? I've spent all my life trying to get smaller. That's the only thing that I had control over in my childhood and now, in the midst of everything, that's the only things I still control. When I lose weight, I have nothing else to fix, I have nothing to control. Losing weight forces me to focus on other things and I dunno who I'd be if I stopped trying to control my weight. I'm always between 70kg and 67kg. I feel happy there but I'm constantly trying to get to 60-62kg. Physically, I'm not happy with being 70kg but it feels somewhat good because it gives me something to fuss about. When I get to less than 67kg, I start feeling a bit out of control and stressed that I won't be able to maintain that so I quickly sabotage it then fall back into self dislike. I wonder what would happen if I stopped fussing about my body image.
I'm having trouble understanding your question, "What are you afraid would happen if you were in a smaller or lower weight body?" Could you please rephrase, explain or give an example of an answer? I would really appreciate it, thank you. This video is great!!
I know you asked this 5 months ago haha but if you or someone else still need an example here’s mine: I’m applying to medical school in the fall. Right now, if I don’t get into a school I can blame that lack of success on stigma against my weight. If I were in a smaller body, I think I’m afraid that I would have to confront that medical schools found other grounds to reject me (such as my test scores or personal essays)
Thank you so much; it makes me so happy to hear that! We have a lot more like these in our video series "The Deeper Work," which is an exclusive perk for members of our virtual community for people struggling with emotional and binge eating. You may want to check it out; we'd love to welcome you in :) For more info, go to: thehealthyweighoutcircleofhope.mn.co 💜
I feel torn because I keep hearing if you have a binge eating disorder you can’t focus at all on weight loss. I am prediabetic and can’t move as well as I want to etc. I agree my weight is holding me back somewhat. I don’t care to be thin but I want to be lighter and healthier I keep hearing about Health at every size but I don’t feel healthy at this size at all.
This is silly but one of the most upfront fears I have about weight loss is all the attention it brings on. I've lost weight a few times in my life and the attention (negative or otherwise) always makes me feel super self conscious and like I'm "bragging" I've always had a heart Time with being perceived as "better then" even though I love yo wear makeup and explore fashion options. I guess in my mind I don't want to somehow bring negative attention towards me just because I've bettered myself..?? Ugh does this make sense
It's not silly at all. This is actually a VERY common underlying and subconscious fear that many people have about losing weight. This is something we discuss quite a bit in our online recovery community, Circle of HOPE. We teach people how to do "The Deeper Work" within themselves - things like identifying these types of blocking beliefs - so that they can get to the psychological root of WHY they've been relying on food for emotional comfort and support. Check it out if you think this kind of education would be helpful to you on your personal journey :) www.thehealthyweighout.com
Great video! My binge eating happens during my menstrual cycle bc of hormonal imbalance + PMDD. Does this and therapy help at all with this? or no bc of my hormones
Mariam Eldessouki Hi! Thanks for reaching out. What a bittersweet feeling that we can relate to each other. For sure, my email is najkayaxo@gmail.com or instagram: @naj.iye :)
Okay imma throw some math at you. Tldr 6.5 mil sustain weight loss a year. For the US, 78% are over 18 and about 50% are actively losing weight. So 0.78×333,287,557 (us pop)= 259,964,295 (18+) Half is 129,982,148. If only 5% kept the weight off, that's still 6.5 million people A YEAR!
I find this video a bit problematic to be honest. To assume that being unable to lose weight is always down to self-sabotage/protection ignores the possible biological challenges around weight loss. Binge eating can be caused/exacerbated by restriction (even if taking a so called healthy approach to weight loss). Weight loss does require consuming less energy than you use and to assume every former binge eater can do this without triggering the binge eating again is a damaging statement to put out there. It implies that if bingeing returns it’s self-sabotage and it also implies that if you sort out your emotional relationship with food you will be able to release weight and people are then relapsing if they can’t.
Thank you for your comment. This video simply explores one possible reason why some people struggle with weight loss. It is not intended to speak on THE reason, or exclude other possibilities, such as the ones you mentioned.
@@eatingdisorderrecovery I appreciate your response and I’m sure your intentions are in the right place. I do think the fact this is one possibility needs to be explicit in the video because people will be looking to you as an authority. Your language is very absolute and doesn’t acknowledge that it may not apply to everyone. Stating that this might be going on and inviting people to ask questions and explore if this applies to them would aid people in figuring this out. I just feel like some people could be misled by the way this information has been presented.
After 10 years of struggling with weight, I've just realized, after your questions, that being big and fat for me is a form of self-protection. When you're a big person, people always assume that you're not the one to mess with.
I understood that I'm such a coward; I am scared of so much. Scared of people, scared of conflicts. I can't protect myself but being fat, because that way people avoid you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for putting words to what has been spinning around inside my mind for years. On and off binge eating for 6 years, I’ve always been a curvier girl. I’ve lost a decent amount of weight these past few months, but self sabotage is such a big issue for me..thank you. I haven’t thought about some of these things.
You're very welcome.
Thank you so much 😢 I am afraid i will not be good enough, I will not be pretty enough, no one will want me still 😔
I was doing so well, weight was going off but when something bad happens to me I turn to food and can't stop eating. The struggle is real and I gained 10kg at college from stress-eating. My weight is holding me back from a lot of things but I remembered when I was thinner I still thought I was over-weight.
Thank you for your advice. I have been extreme binge eating a lot over the last 7 months and lost most of my recent weight loss, in 2018 I was 112kg and at the start of this year I was 84 kg and have now climbed back to 95kg. I have been in a bad emotionally abusive relationship and had an especially hard year because of it. I turned to baking at home as a voulenteer to help others which is where I began to seriously binge eat, every time I ate I could feel the relief from the abuse my relationship was causing me I knew it wasn't good for me but I couldn't stop. I left the relationship 3 times only to go back, I'm away permently now but the bad feelings guilt, sadness, confusion has driven me more and more to binge eat. I feel now that I am deliberately punishing myself, abusing myself and self sabotaging. I know I need to stop but have trouble controlling it I hope I can stop before my health really suffers.
I overcame anorexia a while ago, and now I’ve gained a lot of weight, my body no longer feels right, and all like you said it’s keeping me from doing a lot of things. Thank you so much for helping me!
You're very welcome. 💖 Dr. A
I am a Level 4 Personal Trainer that used to be overweight. I suffered with binge eating disorder and my weight just exploded when I was 21.
But until I was ready to do the work 4-5 years later - and here I mean the emotional work - nothing and no one could make me lose weight. When the last drop filled my cup, my energy shifted from trying whatever to stay in the comfort zone to trying anything to get out of it and create a better life.
This video is sooooo good ✅✅✅ I wish I would have seen it then, it would have made my whole process easier.
It's beautiful that you were able to begin supporting and loving yourself into healthy change you desired vis-a-vis the emotional work! That's really the only way to do it...with love and kindness for your Self. Thank you for sharing!
I love that you address the core reasons and the secondary gain of what reasons we have to hold on to our weight.
Thank you. Addressing the emotional and psychological "root" issues is imperative for full and lasting recovery to occur. This is something NO diet can ever offer.
Thank you for this video. 61 yr old male. Growing up, dad never there, mom with alcohol problem, it was always " well youre the "Husky" kid. Lots of soda, chips, burgers and fries etc..... which automatically makes you feel like an outcast. Very difficult not to self sabatoge. In the last 2 years i fi ally lost 80 lbs from 350 down to 270. Trying to reach 220 but heres where the sabatoge kicks in... "You know you can't be the slim person right?" My brain says... Not giving up tho, Thank you again.
I know my life will be amazing if I lose weight and get rid of binge eating and there is nothing that frightens me but I have gained half of the weight I lost through consistent therapy for a year
I am an elderly widow. I live alone. I not only think, but know, most of my women friends treat me far less favorably, pointing out things i should do differently in every category, etc., when i am in a smaller body. 5 years ago i lost 70 lbs. it was almost by accident. just decided i could pig out on the really healthy stuff and feel better. i did, lost a lot of my appetite on the way, and felt enormously better. this past year was a very difficult one in many respects. i'm through the worst of the issues that year brought, but find i have regained 20 lbs and this time it is very hard to get off. i am eating the wrong things, i feel i should, actually need to eat all the time...I'm quite active and healthy, so far, i fully understand it's ridiculous. i find i'm full of anxiety and want to be a hermit. LOL. yes it is absurd. i'm ready to be better but keep messing myself up. it truly is ...well. wacky and then i feel bad about feeling like that...this video gives me hope. i need friends with my outdoor interests. i do not want to eat my way out of canoeing streams and it's nearly time. no my friends don't canoe with me.
I love this so much. I’m afraid I’ll get too much attention good or bad, if I’m a lower weight. I’m an extreme introvert. ☹️😣
Thank you for watching; I'm glad this information is helpful to you.
This made so much sense ... thank you for putting up this video ... i've struggled with eating disorder due to many childhood situations that i couldn't deal with or didn't know how to deal with. I'm trying my best to understand those and deal with them since they've done more damage to me in my adult years on so many more aspects other than just weight gain. I've often wondered why I don't want to lose weight, where am i lacking in the motivation, why don't i don't want to look better, be more energetic .. but have never really associated it with blockages or fears .. but your video made me aware .. i've not been really answering my own questions. I do tend to sabotage any effort or progress i've made from time to time, when i've tried to work on getting fit. But the awareness is coming now, on all those occasions, 'something' happened, a word, a statement, a repressed emotion, and it all fell on the ground ... i'm not even fully aware of my 'triggers' and i realised that's what i really need to think upon and bring them up from wherever they are hiding because without that acceptance, nothing is going to work to improve. It's just that it's so so difficult to really identify what that 'trigger' is sometimes ... the damage is done and i'm falling back again. Thank you ... I'll try and work on this understanding .. it's true .. i've stored a bunch of fears that restrict me from living a more fuller life, and i've always kept the weight as a 'safe excuse' for myself ... time to unlearn the old and learn the new ...
I am SO glad you found this video so helpful. Understanding the not-so-obvious reasons behind WHY your psyche NEEDS food for emotional and psychological comfort is so very important in the recovery process. Keep up the great work! ~Dr. Ashley
What are you afraid of in a smaller or lower weight body ?
Me - being rejected , yelled at , judged for the weightloss , have people call me disgusting and anorexic like they did when i was healthy 4 years ago . Im afraid people will comment and ill get the same reaction from people i did last time i recovered from binge eating. Before my relapse .
I have been told I can’t try to lose weight that’s what’s holding me back from losing weight. Since I have dieted a lot in the past and had an eating disorder.
Thank you very much for making this video, the way you described it was clear and respectful and so just what i needed
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really glad this information resonated with you. 💖 Dr. A
What do you think would happen if you were in a smaller weight?
I've spent all my life trying to get smaller. That's the only thing that I had control over in my childhood and now, in the midst of everything, that's the only things I still control. When I lose weight, I have nothing else to fix, I have nothing to control. Losing weight forces me to focus on other things and I dunno who I'd be if I stopped trying to control my weight. I'm always between 70kg and 67kg. I feel happy there but I'm constantly trying to get to 60-62kg. Physically, I'm not happy with being 70kg but it feels somewhat good because it gives me something to fuss about. When I get to less than 67kg, I start feeling a bit out of control and stressed that I won't be able to maintain that so I quickly sabotage it then fall back into self dislike.
I wonder what would happen if I stopped fussing about my body image.
I never thought about it that way. Im afraid of being noticed
I'm having trouble understanding your question, "What are you afraid would happen if you were in a smaller or lower weight body?" Could you please rephrase, explain or give an example of an answer? I would really appreciate it, thank you. This video is great!!
I know you asked this 5 months ago haha but if you or someone else still need an example here’s mine: I’m applying to medical school in the fall. Right now, if I don’t get into a school I can blame that lack of success on stigma against my weight. If I were in a smaller body, I think I’m afraid that I would have to confront that medical schools found other grounds to reject me (such as my test scores or personal essays)
What if I can’t find any answers to that question?
All your videos are so helpful, thank you so much!
Thank you so much; it makes me so happy to hear that! We have a lot more like these in our video series "The Deeper Work," which is an exclusive perk for members of our virtual community for people struggling with emotional and binge eating. You may want to check it out; we'd love to welcome you in :) For more info, go to: thehealthyweighoutcircleofhope.mn.co 💜
I feel torn because I keep hearing if you have a binge eating disorder you can’t focus at all on weight loss. I am prediabetic and can’t move as well as I want to etc. I agree my weight is holding me back somewhat. I don’t care to be thin but I want to be lighter and healthier I keep hearing about Health at every size but I don’t feel healthy at this size at all.
Thank you so much for this video!!
Thank you for watching. I'm glad they're helpful for you 💖
This is silly but one of the most upfront fears I have about weight loss is all the attention it brings on. I've lost weight a few times in my life and the attention (negative or otherwise) always makes me feel super self conscious and like I'm "bragging" I've always had a heart Time with being perceived as "better then" even though I love yo wear makeup and explore fashion options. I guess in my mind I don't want to somehow bring negative attention towards me just because I've bettered myself..?? Ugh does this make sense
It's not silly at all. This is actually a VERY common underlying and subconscious fear that many people have about losing weight. This is something we discuss quite a bit in our online recovery community, Circle of HOPE. We teach people how to do "The Deeper Work" within themselves - things like identifying these types of blocking beliefs - so that they can get to the psychological root of WHY they've been relying on food for emotional comfort and support. Check it out if you think this kind of education would be helpful to you on your personal journey :) www.thehealthyweighout.com
When I think about trying new things or the things I like , , my mind only says Ii dont know
Great video! My binge eating happens during my menstrual cycle bc of hormonal imbalance + PMDD. Does this and therapy help at all with this? or no bc of my hormones
Mariam Eldessouki Hi! Thanks for reaching out. What a bittersweet feeling that we can relate to each other. For sure, my email is najkayaxo@gmail.com or instagram: @naj.iye :)
Also what about how they say only 5 percent will keep the weight off?
Okay imma throw some math at you. Tldr 6.5 mil sustain weight loss a year.
For the US, 78% are over 18 and about 50% are actively losing weight.
So 0.78×333,287,557 (us pop)= 259,964,295 (18+)
Half is 129,982,148.
If only 5% kept the weight off, that's still 6.5 million people A YEAR!
I find this video a bit problematic to be honest. To assume that being unable to lose weight is always down to self-sabotage/protection ignores the possible biological challenges around weight loss. Binge eating can be caused/exacerbated by restriction (even if taking a so called healthy approach to weight loss).
Weight loss does require consuming less energy than you use and to assume every former binge eater can do this without triggering the binge eating again is a damaging statement to put out there. It implies that if bingeing returns it’s self-sabotage and it also implies that if you sort out your emotional relationship with food you will be able to release weight and people are then relapsing if they can’t.
Thank you for your comment. This video simply explores one possible reason why some people struggle with weight loss. It is not intended to speak on THE reason, or exclude other possibilities, such as the ones you mentioned.
@@eatingdisorderrecovery I appreciate your response and I’m sure your intentions are in the right place. I do think the fact this is one possibility needs to be explicit in the video because people will be looking to you as an authority. Your language is very absolute and doesn’t acknowledge that it may not apply to everyone. Stating that this might be going on and inviting people to ask questions and explore if this applies to them would aid people in figuring this out. I just feel like some people could be misled by the way this information has been presented.