Moderation may not be the answer
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- In our highly-connected digital world, many voices have come along to warn of the dangers of overindulgence in technology. While many encourage boundaries and moderation, Erin argues that opting out completely is a better way. Have you felt the pull to change your family’s relationship with technology? Before you think, “I could never do that,” give this episode a listen! Erin gently challenges us to craft the kind of family culture where technology cannot compare to the joy of real life.
In this episode, we cover:
- The decision-making process that led Erin to her current philosophy on screen usage
- Digging into some of the practicals of living a less connected life
- The surprising way your relationships may be impacted by leaving social media
- Taking an honest look at the moderation mindset around the online world
- Giving your family something to reach for, not just something to run away from
- Navigating a screen-free life with your kids
- How the cultural landscape is changing in regards to technology
- Will restricting your kids’ screen usage cause them to overindulge in the future?
- How parents’ desire to keep tabs on their kids may not be healthy
Thank you to our sponsors!
Toups and Co Organics uses nourishing, organic ingredients to create simple and safe skincare products. Toups and Co is offering my listeners 15% off any one purchase with the code FOB15. Visit toupsandco.com/ to order today.
ABOUT ERIN
Founder of global tech-free movement The Opt-Out Family, Erin Loechner is a former social media influencer who walked away from a million fans to live a low-tech lifestyle-and is now teaching others how to do the same. Her cutting-edge work has been praised in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal, and the Huffington Post, as well as on the Today Show. When she’s not scrawling on her trusty steno pad, Erin, her husband, and their three kids spend their days chasing alpenglow, reading Kipling, and biking to town for more tortillas.
RESOURCES
Video tutorial on how to turn your smart phone into a dumb phone: www.optoutfami...
The Opt-Out Family by Erin Loechner: www.optoutfami...
More free resources for the opt-out family: www.optoutfami...
CONNECT
Erin Loechner
Website: www.erinloechn...
Lisa Bass of Farmhouse on Boone
Blog: www.farmhouseo...
UA-cam: / farmhouseonboone
Instagram: / farmhouseonboone
TikTok: / farmhouseonboone
Facebook: / farmhouseonboone
Pinterest: / _created
Join us in the Simple Farmhouse Life Facebook community: / 748012922264552
GET MORE FROM THIS EPISODE
Listen to this podcast episode:
View full show notes on the blog: simplefarmhous...
Living without FB and IG hasn’t been too hard. It’s living without UA-cam that’s my biggest problem 😢
same. I feel like sometimes people will say they disconnect from all social media yet still do youtube and it is a form for sure.
Yes, need help too!!!
Exactly
I recently had my husband help me find out how to turn the history off of my YT account. The fear from the doomsday preppers (which I think came to me via algorithms from gardening/homemaking) was really starting to affect my mind & life in horrific ways (because, for once, I started to take them more seriously due to our fragile political system). It was affecting my ability to be a good wife & mother. I am much happier now, and I feel like the algorithms no longer control me. I'M the one to look up the people I want to hear. So now I move forward without as much worry, pray, & grab an extra bag of beans & rice when I go to the store. 😊
I once heard the phrase "What other people think about me is none of my business". Very freeing.😊
6 years clean from FB and IG. Just YT and Pinterest. I get left out of a lot because that is everyones way of communicating. But i have friends who can't not be on it while with them, my desire to take the phone and smash it is overwhelming.
Same here! We have the same issues with family and friends. Majority of our family members only come around when there is photo op for social media . It’s sad .
Oh my gosh! None of my friends are on their phones when I am with them! That is incredibly rude! I am so sorry your friends do that. :(
Sounds literally like me!❤ especially when I’m trying to visit with people
I am 33 and have never had any social media until just about a year ago and thats just UA-cam. It is very addictive though, even if I am watching and listening to good things you can still have to much of a good thing thats taking you away from your everyday life.
So true!! I think that is one of the most challenging things for me. I love to intake information, but it’s easy for me to watch or listen to the next thing, the next video, the next book and then the next podcast. I am trying to build in some more times for quiet so my brain can process. It’s worth it! But it is still a challenging choice for me daily.
I’ve been off Instagram and Facebook since 2020. Best decision ever.
Same, 2020 opened up so many people's eyes. God is so redemptive.
Me too! I spend too much time on YT now though. 🤦🏻♀️
@@marebear09 same.... working on it though. Hard to not want more information on life when it's right there to get.
Same. I’m off of Facebook, Instagram, all that. But I’m on UA-cam way way too much
Same!
My husband and I deleted Facebook and Instagram in 2020 and we never had TikTok or twitter and we have no regrets. It was so isolating feeling at first and felt like I was missing so much but then I realized how much I was missing in real life! Then at the beginning of 2024 I deleted and banned every shopping app on my phone and that has been so liberating. I don’t want this tiny screen to control me. Great interview! Thanks for posting the best content Lisa!
Just a reminder that UA-cam is also considered as social media in a way. So even if you aren’t on Facebook or other platforms you are still on a platform if on here and even YT can become addicting.
True… BUT, I usually have some type of podcast or wholesome content playing in the background.. rather then sitting there watching and wasting time.
I also run a business without social media!! It’s very possible, I let go of my social media in 2020. I do pray more people figure out the freedom they are missing out on with social media. And the person you can become without it. Lisa, thank you for having these conversations!
I loved this conversation! My highschoolers have a Gabb phone that lets them talk, text, and take pictures, but no Internet. It's great, but I do get frustrated sometimes with teachers and coaches who expect everyone to be able to scan barcodes and check social media. Let's normalize not having a smart phone! Especially for kids, who need a play-based childhood, not a phone-based childhood.
Here's another tip: get a set of old-fashioned World Book encyclopedias. We homeschool up to eighth grade, and having something non-screen related that we can send the kids to when they have a question is very valuable.
@Karen,
Oh wow! I did not even know that type of a phone existed! That is amazing. Thank you for wanting to give your children a normal life!
I wish my niece and nephew had a phone like this! My little 11 year old niece, who is on her phone all the time, has told me she wishes she had grown up in the 80s like me, before Internet and social media! 😩
My high schooler has a Gabb phone too, we love it
@Karen...thank you for sharing about the Gabb phone and using encyclopedias. Growing up using encyclopedias was awesome!
@@Mylightfilledjourney
So true!! I had my mom’s encyclopedia set from when she was a kid, and we also had a Brittanica set my family bought when I was a kid. Although, these days, I look everything up online!
@@PeaceIsYeshua Encyclopedias and the Phone Book were our internet growing up. 🥰🥰
Social media has encouraged narcissism. It already existed before, but now its praised.
I have removed Facebook and all social media but what am now trying to do is be on UA-cam less. This feels hard because i love watching all of the homesteading videos. I am still working around that, maybe just get on UA-cam one a week or use it as a tool vs letting it take over my time.
Great topic. Great guest and great approach. I got off FB & IG at the beginning of 2021. Best decision ever. But I felt so isolated for a long time. Her point and tips are so great to combat that. And yes! You do realize how many “friends” were just there to “watch your show” but not really be involved in real life. My social life, although reduced to 20% of what “I thought it was”, has become more meaningful 10fold! ❤
Thanks for sharing!
Just saved her newest book to listen to. Been off IG since 2020, Facebook since 2006. And only UA-cam which I took that app off my phone. Life changing.
I have a Facebook, but I only get on once in a blue moon! It usually leaves me with a bit of an icky feeling, even though I’m not really subjected to anything bad - - it’s just the whole concept of people wanting to plaster all of their events for everyone to see. It just seems like such a high form of bragging to me, and I always thought it was odd!
Been off facebook and instagram since 2020. Better mental health, more inner peace , less worry and negativity.❤
Only UA-cam for me. I’ve never had any other social media. Enjoyed watching this Lisa. God bless
you! 😀❤️
Excellent topic and conversation! 60 Minutes recently covered the dangers on our children alone. Thanks for sharing!
5 years off social media and it's glorious! I do miss out on a lot but that's ok 😊
That’s awesome! You’re only missing out on things you were never meant to know about in the first place! 😆 I like just mainly being in communication with the people who really matter in my life and occasionally reaching out to acquaintances - - acquaintances is what I mainly use Facebook for so I can get on occasionally and say hello, but I was never meant to know what these people are up to you all the time! Who has time to keep up with that many people and still have a life? Ha!
My kids are long grown but I love this! I totally believe that we should not be monitoring our kids but also not hand over the world of social media without counseling them first. Hopefully what we have taught them throughout their early years will stick in their teens.
Thank you. We are trying to cut back on tech in our home. ❤. It’s such a distraction from actually being connected to each other.
My question is for those trying to build a business. I see so many saying they are stepping away from social media, but that is what they used to build their business. How do you minimize using social media, but still start from zero to build?
Great question. Honestly, I think those that step away have a person who does IG for them. I have looked for the same answers but so far that’s all I have found..
This podcast reminded me how much I loved the book Digital Minimalism. He goes into a lot of science of why it’s so addicting and action steps!
I finally heard him on a podcast bc he doesn’t use his phone or email😂😂😂
I appreciate this conversation so much. Thanks, Lisa & Erin.
I took a year off of fb and Instagram (deactivated accounts). I got back on but only allow myself to get on on Sundays. So far it’s worked well. It’s nice seeing the major highlights. But I definitely respect the decision to leave social media! The one year break I took was freeing! I had so much more time.
thanks for sharing your experience!
I’m 34 and have been off social media for 10 years. I am so out of touch haha but I love it and love that my kids don’t see me scrolling
Thankyou for this chat! It's a debate that goes on in my mind constantly because I want to offline but running a business without it seems so impossible
What a fantastic episode! Really hit home for me as a stay at home mom and trying to figure out what I should be doing with my days. I loved Erin's approach! Thank you!
I have no fb or instagram as my was stolen. Don’t miss it as it’s only been 3 months. My go to for keeping up on crafts is UA-cam but love podcasts while I’m driving or crafting! I heard a good one. Face book, where everyone comes together to be alone. So fitting. Be blessed.
great conversation! thank you! I have been off from FB since 2018 and I feel great.
I completely agree with and appreciate all that was said. So wonderful going against the grain. That said, my husband and I track each other for safety purposes and it gives me a lot of peace to know that if I’m in a weird location for too long, he will come to my rescue. I love the tracking feature for myself personally and don’t feel like it interferes with my “freedom” or raises my stress level in any way.
Been free from Facebook for 5 to 6 years and I've not used Instagram. Facebook was a time waster for me so I sent it away! Best decision for me. I do have my favorite UA-cam's and there are some excellent sermons and Bible teachings from which I am greatly benefiting. Blessings.
Thanks for sharing!
Excellent, conversation ladies, thank you for sharing this topic. One of my favourite episodes Lisa. So timely! I’m on a winter break from social media (podcasts in the car!) thank you!!!!
Love this conversation! Been off social for over a year! It’s so freeing!
Great! I will send this to my kids!!
She has really cool insights! Make your everyday life more exciting than the algorithm ❤
This lady looks like a pixie fairy! So pretty! ❤
She has a pixie voice - sweet .
I love you Lisa, you're so real. You bring on the people that we all need to hear. Such good information.
This was so helpful and a great reminder. Going to order this book soon ❤
The only social media I have is Tumblr and UA-cam. And this week I decided that I only will be on them during the weekend. I blocked it (those two and my favourite online shops) during the week. It's actually hard to do but I've been able to do some thing around my house because some time is freed up because of not being on those sites and social media every night.
Great content today! I dont agree with you needing to get over yourselves! Every time we go into a restaurant we see parents on their phones and their children sitting there as if the parents aren't even present. Everyone needs moderation and sometimes they dont even see how they've become obsessed with the phone.
I haven’t listened to this entire thing- so maybe she shared, just wondering how old Erin’s kids are. As a mom of a 30 and 18 year old, unfortunately I have seen some seriously wicked things come through texts. From CHURCH kids. If I hadn’t been checking from time to time my child would have been very confused. We are extremely close and they were both raised with the love of God and His word at the center of our home. I would definitely stay in tune with their texts. Our job is to protect our kids. It’s not about trust, it’s about protecting.
12, 8 and 4 is what I remember her saying
I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Thanks for this vid!
I was in highschool when facebook came out. never got one. signed up for instagram and i never used it. kicked off twitter 4 years ago for having an opinion, everything else just seems like a waste of time besides youtube sine I actually learn so much on YT. I like being social in person but social media seems really prideful and icky, not to mention breeding grounds for comparison and envy. no thanks.
I removed all social media off my phone 4 years ago (except for UA-cam?? If that’s considered social media). Love, love, love having done this. Rarely go to my laptop to check the socials 😀
My husband and I do not have a cell phone. It seems everyone ask for a cell phone number and when we say we do not have one it is like they do not believe us. I have a desktop computer and we have a landline.
Left FB in 2021 and haven't considered going back. I just feel better. Sure, I miss some of the relationships I made with other people, but not enough to drag me back to that distraction, I mean platform.
I left most social media but here I am watching this on my phone internet. I agree that social media should be limited, but I am a believer of teaching children to limit and discipline themselves rather than keeping them from it. They will come face to face with technology later no matter what you do now. Give them tools and knowledge.
Out of my family of five--me, my husband, and our three grown up children I use technology the least and I like not being so connected to the digital world because there are way more important things in the real world to be done. Back in the day I was growing up I had none of this and life was about people connecting with each other in person and speaking on a telephone and with very little distractions boy how I wish those times were back!
If you get off social media, how do you patrol/monitor friends and family respecting boundaries? Some parents don't want photos of kids on social media but have to ensure people aren't posting it. I guess you'd just have to trust that they aren't posting or ask other people who are friends with your family on Facebook to ensure pictures of your kids aren't being shared.
I took a break in 2020 and honestly it is something i never wanted to go back to. The idea of sharing anything feels repulsive to me. It is wierd the defensiveness and how critical people have been about me pulling back
We need to hear from Paige Sanders on this topic
Loved this conversation!
I bought an old school flip phone and this drastically reduced my screen time :)
Yup! I bought Sunbeam wireless's flip phone so i could still group text. Its been amazing!!
@@momoflittleladies thank you! I should check that out!
You have a heart of gold. Thank you for this mess
The irony here, is that many people, including this channel and podcast, use SM is their go-to for the purpose of creating wealth; whatever that looks like to them
I'm currently taking your blog course and learning so much! I want to start a blog, but can it be done without Instagram and Facebook? I've never had an Instagram account, and I only get on Facebook once every few months. I just feel more at peace without it. But now that I want to start a blog, I'm wondering if it's enough to just use Pinterest to promote it? As a busy mom of 6, I don't want the distractions and time investment of social media, so would my blog be doomed to fail?
@Karen, our social media is the same. No IG for me, FB only a few times a year, and I too feel more at peace without it! ❤ I AM glad I have it though, as it’s a convenient way to say hello to people I care about but that aren’t a big part of my life. 😊
Yes, this is definitely possible.
It says a lot that an Apple developer has led the family in being social media free. They obviously understand that tech and social media are harmful.
YES!!! As a drug dealer says "dont dip into our own supply" ... they know what they are creating is addictive and stay away from it!
Decided to take a 2 week from fb in 2015. Only went back to delete my account. I didn't realize how much time and mental energy it was taking up.
I did a year of light phone too! Just wasn't convenient.
I want to delete Instagram off my phone, but it keeps saying I will lose all data. Anyone know about that?
Thank you ❤
I cant imagine tracking my kid's phone from lack of trust in them. If I had it to do it, I would have it incase my child was taken, they'll be tracked if possible. 😊❤
Most children aren’t taken. They take themselves away.
To the later about tracking children, I think some parents are forgetting what their role actually is suppose to be, which is raising future independent adults. While children with severe cognitive impairments are getting more education and encouraged to be more independent, parents of children with normal level of cognition are treating their children like society treated people with down syndrome one hundred years ago before there was even social training centres of the severely cognitively impaired. Today too many High School graduates need a year or two in those social training centres to learn soft skills, as by social design they are severely delayed.
I'm only 8 minutes in and I look at UA-cam and i have Facebook (only for marketplace) and ive never had nor do i want any other social media. I guess i dont get this.
“What would happen if” what great verbiage!
It saddens me that amazing people like you guys are on social media and feel like they have to justify your choices, opinions, etc. People can be so mean and opinionated online!
Very little social media. Got rid of Instagram, Facebook. If people really care they'll send you pics.
Wow now I’m thinking 😳😃
I'm an Uninstaller of fb and instagram. Don't miss it and I'm at peace. Bought a hammock and read more!
Erin looks like she should be Emily (Really Very Crunchy)'s sister or relative.
When we moderate, we tend to over moderate.
All the ads during this video was about the new apps with Apple, lol
good grief!
Great conversation. In pioneer days, getting a letter from family could take a month to receive and it was a big deal. We are so addicted to knowing and sharing things on a moment-by-moment basis every day. We don't need to know or share so many details about so many people. It's gotten overwhelming. When one of our neighbor's wife died, we did not find out until days later because it was posted on Facebook and we are not on that platform. Oh well, when we found out we paid our respects. It's all gotten out of control, like most things now a days. When we get the realization that we are on information overload, we can choose to make the changes.
Some of us are successful modifiers, some of us need abstinence for sobriety. I am one who needs abstinence. Good conversation here! Her insight and information about the intentions behind the tech was really helpful!
My father in law is always saying "moderation in everything" like that's the definition of maturity. I've told him if that works for him, great. But I can't moderate and it's not a character defect to know that about myself and choose to abstain instead.
I hear that from people sometimes and I think about how much energy it takes to monitor and willpower. I don't want to spend my energy that way. I want to let it go and think about something else.
If you had abstinence, then you wouldn't be staying tuned in to channels such as this. I get that it's addictive
@@cinders302 what an absurd sense of logic…
Have been off socials for a few years now and it was the best decision!
Literally deleted IG off my phone and hopped over to UA-cam for something to listen to while I cook. What confirmation 🙏 thank you
Same!!
I've been off IG & FB for 6 months. It was meant to be temporary, but I love this so much, I didn't go back. I do have TT, but for some reason, that one doesn't suck me in the way the other 2 did.
Maybe it is less visual?
Excellent, Excellent well adjusted beautiful guest! Blessings to her and her family.
Thank you so much!
She is describing my dream! I would love to live like this. Deleted Instagram 3 years ago and never coming back. I have two close friends living far away and we chat online, I work online and try to build my UA-cam channel for income..and yet I still would love to have the life we had before smartphones
You make your life. So make it without smartphones.
My husband recently passed away, I ask my daughter in law to put me on her Life 360 because if something happen while I’m traveling a distance, she would know how to find me.
I dont even have a tv, because its addictive for me😂
No social media for me ever. Yt is more than enough for me.
Yep. I never want to have a tv. Phones are bad enough, and I look forward to getting rid of mine someday. The biggest reason I keep it is that I live alone, and it’s my “computer” to take care of finances.
I don’t see the difference between you tube - which we’re all on or wouldn’t have seen this - and instagram and facebook. I hardly ever post anything , I don’t need you to know what I ate or where I vacationed. But as a grandmother ( when the kids aren’t around ) I enjoy watching the instagrams of children’s crafts, reading, cooking, diets , bible, politics, etc. I use to have the TV on all the time as background to whatever I was doing, but I got disgusted with the news and what passes as entertainment that now I watch some of the very talented people on instagram or you tube. During the day I often listen to podcasts or books on audible. It’s just how I live and I’m ok with that.
I participated in a guided detox in January and there was no going back for me. I haven’t felt the same about SM ever since. In fact I feel an aversion to it. I have already begun shifting my creativity in another direction which means I am back out in the community and getting REAL interaction with real humans.
thanks for sharing!
Pretty sure UA-cam is considered social media.
Yes but it's not the same as FB and Instagram.
When my parents take my kids for a whole day, they’re under 9 years old… I ask my parents to send pics throughout the day, call and check in once in awhile to let me know what they’re doing and where they are 😬 I also track my sons location on a cellphone I let them take when they leave our house….. I’ve gotten a little paranoid.
I have been wanting the light phone for years!! But with the purpose of switching back and forth when needed, I purposely bought an android phone so I would have the option to move my sim card back and forth between my flip phone and smart phone, because trying to set parental controls and deleting apps etc. Just didn't work, but also not being able to text on the flip phone was extremely hard hard. I actually did a 72 hour digital detox from all social media and switched to a flip phone, it was a great experience, but not sustainable. I have definitely started using a planner not my phone, and stopped using my phone notes and bought an alarm clock, I don't keep my phone in my room, great episode I'm only a few minutes in 😂 ❤
"Chronically online" yes!! That's the difference between instangran and youtube also, usually, instagrammers are constantly posting all day, and Youtubbers post once or twice a week, usually.. much less time and better content.
Have you looked into Sunbeam Wireless? I just bought their phone last month and love it. Its a flip phone but has a touch screen, voice to text is great and it allows group texting which was my biggest reason not to leave my smartphone. I didnt go with the light phone because i read it glitches too much but have been happy with sunbeam allowing me to have group text, notes app, waze navigation and weather without internet or apps!!
This conversation has really got me thinking about things in my own life...thanks so much! I really love your channels...farmhouse on Boone is my very very favorite! Thanks you so much for sharing a part of your life
You are so welcome!
My husband and I both got off FB 4 years ago... and then we moved to a rural area. The only way to find out about churches, businesses, and events is on FB. Most places don't have websites, and Google maps is wrong about where all these places are and what their hours are. I've had to get back on FB to find places to eat and shop, but it's really frustrating and sucks me back in to all the things that pop up after I check on the Farm Stand.
This is the situation I am in. I live in a rural area and everything is announced on FB.
We had a 'no social media until 18' rule but when my son started his first job he was required to get Facebook Messenger as that is how the supervisors and coworkers all communicated. It's so hard to avoid it in today's world.
YES! My oldest child's school required a FB group for scholarships and it was required for a class. Homework demands connectivity and my kids go to a small charter school with a zero phone in school policy. Jobs require it. It feels impossible to live in this world without it. I do hope the trend is shifting and if more push back it will help in the future.
I was bed bound majority of a decade so online was my only option for friends. People get really offended by each little misstep and sheesh. 🙄
The downside to removing the apps really hits harder for people with kids in public school. The elementary teacher uses this an app, to post class pics and schedules, each sport uses an app, the school app for grades, the school district/sport conference uses an app. All needed to get communication, admittance into sporting events. I know the concession stand is run by the music boosters and they have 2 apps. One for communication and 1 for payment at the concession stands. I know practice is cancelled for recreational sports because it’s posted on instagram. Lest we forget church, youth group.
Homeschooling would help out a lot with that.
You can trust them for sure. If a parent becomes aware of deceit, then looking through the phone is helpful. Speaking from experience of our teen NOT being able to be completely honest and not wanting them to go down a slippery slope of lying...
Great topic !I have not had Instagram for years an just recently got Facebook back for marketplace. I would love not to have internet, except I’m the only one from my family that lives 1,000 miles away from my family and even most of our children an grandchildren. I would be cut off if I didn’t have WhatsApp. 😢also I shop on Amazon since we live way out in the country. So moderation is a must for me , I’m a sixty year stay at home grandmother and try to read or crochet etc .
My kids are screen free except for an occasional show or movie. I envy their freedom. But also, they are witnessing me and my husbands addiction to our phones. I will be really surprised if they end up wanting screens when they are older because they are watching what it's doing to everyone
I'm from pre computer days and I've noticed my adult children rely way more on therfore phones than I do. However I do leave my phone and miss calls.
Such a great conversation! Going to delete apps right now!
Great timing, I'm a week and a half off both!
I would have them put a phone in their pocket when driving. You can't always reach the glove compartment 😢
I got off FB a few years ago amd lost my password. I never miss it.
They're still good tools for small business