This was what I needed to hear. Thank you for your encouragement, sensitivity, and just the empathy that comes through your voice. Unfortunately, we just found out yesterday that my sister's murderer is going to have her sentencing hearing TOMORROW. So much for not leaving things til the last minute! We weren't even given a choice! So, I'm a little nervous, but thanks to your video, I'm just going to dive in and do the best I can. Thanks again for putting this out there.
It helps so much to hear that what I am experiencing, you have too, others have to. I have been avoiding it for months but I have to turn it in soon for it to be in the court record for sure. It's so important because any court, corrections officer, ect that opens the file will continue to hear me.
I have tried to write mine for months. Thank you for validating me. It gave me gumption. Now I know the real benefits and the end result is what is important. I just couldn’t see because of the trauma. Bless you. ❤
I am going to court tomorrow, in my five year old daughters child molestation case. she was four at the time. I am scared but, he's not a stranger, he was my dads highschool friend, he was uncle so and so. I appreciate this video. I will share my experience tomorrow. thank you and God Bless.
I hope it all went okay for you and that you have lots of emotional support for the whole family while you're recovering from the ordeal! I actually faced a somewhat similar situation in that I was molested from ages 6 to 10 by my cousins father (i.e. uncle so and so). Though it did get as far as the pretrial, there was an unfortunate misshapen during the actual trial which caused a mistrial and thus, he was let go. I had actually made this video with regard to my experience writing my impact statement for my second instance of abuse, where I was raped and beaten for 6 years by my adoptive father. And though there are a lot of nuanced reasons around why I got into that second situation, one of the biggest ones I feel is that I wasnt given proper therapy after my first case of sexual abuse. With that, I would highly advise trying to get your daughter into any kind of program available for trauma and/or sexual abuse, as it will definitely benefit her self image and overall perception of abuse in future times of her life!
i'm impressed with your composure sharing such a powerful vlog Becca, as it takes a lot of courage to tell us about your experiences and actually going to court. You may want to check if you are allowed to talk about the court stuff while it's an ongoing process, so you don't get in trouble if you're not permitted. I never heard of victime impact statements in these terms but have assumed that some kind existed and that it'd be really tough to write, emotionally speaking - since trauma victims are often triggered just talking or writing things down. I know that if I had to do that, I'd have a lot of blockages and it's probably one reason why court dates aren't immediate in most cases. It allows the flow come naturally along with the resolve to break free from the trauma and lay it out in the open. It's good that you could send revisions, but I agree with all that you said : over editing or not allowing one's emotions out in court wouldn't necessarily help, since the judge and jury need to see how far this impact truly is on you. If you omit too much, no one can know the full effects and if you talk with no emotions, it may be misunderstood and alter somewhat the end results, so I think it's important to be composed and yet emotional in right proportions, as I'm sure you shal do because you are a strong person and have faced so much adversity already. I'm sending you positive vibes for you today in and out of court, and if you need an ear to talk you can send me a message - I know all too well what trauma is, so I offer you my friendly ear
14 days before due date is ideal, avoid profanity as much as possible, but be as direct as possible. First draft as raw as possible and if profanity is required then alright it can get edited out. I had a plea, it was withdrawn and now awaiting trial
I’ve submitted a written impact statement but I also have the opportunity to speak at the sentencing if I wish. I’m not sure if I’m going to speak or not. I know what I want to say but i don’t know if I’ll be able to say it without being too nervous or crying. Nothing wrong with crying I just tend to not cry in public. And I don’t want to cry in front of my abuser.
I have been struggling with writing mine. My main struggle is do you write it like you are talking to the judge or like you are talking to your attacker?
I mostly did mine speaking to the judge but many of the things I said were questions directed at him - they were just worded somewhat rhetorically, but ultimately I believe its supposed to be telling the judge how everything has impacted you so directed it towards them made sense to me.
Its totally understandable to be scared and in that sense sometimes it can be helpful to make many different drafts. Just know that by speaking up and sharing your truth with the judge you will be helping contribute to the judges ability to ensure that the sentence best matches the full spectrum of the harms the perpetrator caused
I'm not a good storyteller (writer). I'm hating the fact that I have to write a statement for MST (Military Sexual Trauma). How do I start writing? Please help
That's a bit of a hard one to answer as different people find different things helpful for starting. I saw your message through Instagram, though, so I shared a few suggestions there on possible things to try. Please feel free to continue reaching out if you have any other questions that you think I may be able to help with 🙂
the judges NJSP lie and are awful, I feel just like she did, I shake thinking my own ill child did this to me. THE ACCUSER HAS MORE RIGHTS THAN VICTIMS IN NJ
This was what I needed to hear. Thank you for your encouragement, sensitivity, and just the empathy that comes through your voice. Unfortunately, we just found out yesterday that my sister's murderer is going to have her sentencing hearing TOMORROW. So much for not leaving things til the last minute! We weren't even given a choice! So, I'm a little nervous, but thanks to your video, I'm just going to dive in and do the best I can. Thanks again for putting this out there.
So sorry for your loss, I agree that she has made excellent points....
Sigh 😢 sending love to everyone dealing with this. Thank you for this video.
Your words are exactly the thing I need at this moment in time. Thank you for understanding and compassion.
It helps so much to hear that what I am experiencing, you have too, others have to. I have been avoiding it for months but I have to turn it in soon for it to be in the court record for sure. It's so important because any court, corrections officer, ect that opens the file will continue to hear me.
I’m to scared to write mine. I’ve been putting it off for months. I just can’t seem to start it.
Me too! I've written so many different messy drafts but can't make them come together
Same it’s exhausting 😔
I have to give mine today and haven’t written it.
I left mine to last minute because I was scared and nervous. It’s Thursday and I read mine in court on Tuesday. 🥺🖤
I have tried to write mine for months. Thank you for validating me. It gave me gumption. Now I know the real benefits and the end result is what is important. I just couldn’t see because of the trauma. Bless you. ❤
I am going to court tomorrow, in my five year old daughters child molestation case. she was four at the time. I am scared but, he's not a stranger, he was my dads highschool friend, he was uncle so and so. I appreciate this video. I will share my experience tomorrow. thank you and God Bless.
I hope it all went okay for you and that you have lots of emotional support for the whole family while you're recovering from the ordeal!
I actually faced a somewhat similar situation in that I was molested from ages 6 to 10 by my cousins father (i.e. uncle so and so). Though it did get as far as the pretrial, there was an unfortunate misshapen during the actual trial which caused a mistrial and thus, he was let go. I had actually made this video with regard to my experience writing my impact statement for my second instance of abuse, where I was raped and beaten for 6 years by my adoptive father. And though there are a lot of nuanced reasons around why I got into that second situation, one of the biggest ones I feel is that I wasnt given proper therapy after my first case of sexual abuse. With that, I would highly advise trying to get your daughter into any kind of program available for trauma and/or sexual abuse, as it will definitely benefit her self image and overall perception of abuse in future times of her life!
I have to go next week also for a child's rape case, it was my daughter, I don't want to go, I don't want to write it but she does wants to 😭😭
Watching your video made me feel a little understood. Oh my god I can so relate to everything you said!
i'm impressed with your composure sharing such a powerful vlog Becca, as it takes a lot of courage to tell us about your experiences and actually going to court. You may want to check if you are allowed to talk about the court stuff while it's an ongoing process, so you don't get in trouble if you're not permitted.
I never heard of victime impact statements in these terms but have assumed that some kind existed and that it'd be really tough to write, emotionally speaking - since trauma victims are often triggered just talking or writing things down.
I know that if I had to do that, I'd have a lot of blockages and it's probably one reason why court dates aren't immediate in most cases. It allows the flow come naturally along with the resolve to break free from the trauma and lay it out in the open.
It's good that you could send revisions, but I agree with all that you said : over editing or not allowing one's emotions out in court wouldn't necessarily help, since the judge and jury need to see how far this impact truly is on you.
If you omit too much, no one can know the full effects and if you talk with no emotions, it may be misunderstood and alter somewhat the end results, so I think it's important to be composed and yet emotional in right proportions, as I'm sure you shal do because you are a strong person and have faced so much adversity already.
I'm sending you positive vibes for you today in and out of court, and if you need an ear to talk you can send me a message - I know all too well what trauma is, so I offer you my friendly ear
14 days before due date is ideal, avoid profanity as much as possible, but be as direct as possible. First draft as raw as possible and if profanity is required then alright it can get edited out. I had a plea, it was withdrawn and now awaiting trial
Girl. Thank you ❤
I’ve submitted a written impact statement but I also have the opportunity to speak at the sentencing if I wish. I’m not sure if I’m going to speak or not. I know what I want to say but i don’t know if I’ll be able to say it without being too nervous or crying. Nothing wrong with crying I just tend to not cry in public. And I don’t want to cry in front of my abuser.
I cant find the words its due very soon 💔
This is a good video.
I haven't wrote mine but need to do it asap x
I have been working on mine.....it's hard to get the right words.....to find the things that sound coherent.....
I gotta write 7 of them 😬
I have been struggling with writing mine. My main struggle is do you write it like you are talking to the judge or like you are talking to your attacker?
I mostly did mine speaking to the judge but many of the things I said were questions directed at him - they were just worded somewhat rhetorically, but ultimately I believe its supposed to be telling the judge how everything has impacted you so directed it towards them made sense to me.
I’m scared to write mine but I have to let someone hear me. Hear my voice.
Its totally understandable to be scared and in that sense sometimes it can be helpful to make many different drafts. Just know that by speaking up and sharing your truth with the judge you will be helping contribute to the judges ability to ensure that the sentence best matches the full spectrum of the harms the perpetrator caused
Can you help with my impact statement?
I'd be happy to offer you feedback! Just email me or pm me on FB. All contact info can be found on my about page ☺
Could I contact you? I am not on Facebook. I do have Instagram
I'm not a good storyteller (writer). I'm hating the fact that I have to write a statement for MST (Military Sexual Trauma).
How do I start writing?
Please help
That's a bit of a hard one to answer as different people find different things helpful for starting. I saw your message through Instagram, though, so I shared a few suggestions there on possible things to try.
Please feel free to continue reaching out if you have any other questions that you think I may be able to help with 🙂
what was the defendant charged with and what was your relation to them?
Sexual Exploitation of a Child, Assault and Assualt with a weapon. He was an adoptive parent who took me in basically off the street
oh, well gotta savour the good stuff.@@ALifeLearned
the judges NJSP lie and are awful, I feel just like she did, I shake thinking my own ill child did this to me. THE ACCUSER HAS MORE RIGHTS THAN VICTIMS IN NJ
Yr a dick never change
thank you so much for making this video and keeping it up, i dont think i wouldve been able to write it without you and your advice.