Yes for those who can’t , children, court after court, prayers 🙏🏻because it’s impossible to be silent in court, and can’t go no contact either , because court you have to be in the same room , mediators can’t even mediate with a narcissist, help , prayers yes 🙏🏻Thank you ❤️🙏🏻
I am a survivor, of a Narcissist! They care nothing about you, as they use you, for their own gain, or benefit! It is best to be silent, and simply walk away...
Carol Dudeck when this happens, try treating the narc as if they are a complete stranger and give either no response, or a simple, emotionless response.
@@CarolDudeck-bl7kz I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's never pleasant. I've known some people who've made a new FB page with a new but made up name, and invite only those they want to be friends with still. Would that work? Hugs!♥️
@@CarolDudeck-bl7kz why are you still connected with whomever this is? Either disconnect with him or if there's a way block his abiluty to send you messages. Disconnecting conpletely is the best and within your power to do. The sooner the better. I waited too long to learn this lesson, don't make the same mistake.
@@delorestaylor8114 some people are unfixable and reconciling with them by setting your true beliefs will only cause cognitive dissonance for narc victims. However, narcs do not care because they lack empathy in putting themselves in the shoes of their victims. They could care less about the emotional impact it has on them
lol at god . if god had it children would not be abused . a good god would not let that happen . just like a good parent would not let that happen . it claims god is all seeing and yet this so called god creator just lets defenceless people get abused .
The devil is real but God has defeated him and He knows his time is short to take as many people to hell with him..Dont be one of them! Eternity is a long time to wish you had a change of heart and accepted Jesus as Lord! Do it today!
here's a stupid question for you , do you need help ? you probably think you do not . do you drink alcohol or smoke , do you buy fancy items while we still have good poor people ???? if so then you need help . most people need some sort of help lol :))
@@carmichaelmoritz8662 Did Jesus help every person and speak to every person while He was here on earth? No...He knew their thoughts, their feelings, their future choices...Still today, the Holy Spirit tells us who to help and not help sometimes because G-d already knows that that person's choice will be. He still gives people the opportunity to repent, change and be healed. That is why we are instructed not to "Cast our pearls before swine" Not every person wants to repent, be healed and choose to follow after Jesus. They are going to manipulate and/or purosefully misunderstand what is being said. And by the way, there is nothing Biblically wrong with alchohol...or buying "fancy items" while there are poor people in this world.
I've been silent with toxic ex friends and family and I'm going staying silent, Thank you for your video and I wish everyone well who's going throw this with jealous bitter hatefull people God bless us Amen 🙏❤️
And get taunted by the narc sarcastically saying "Oooh poor little you! You just have it soooo bad. You're such a martyr!" Then one day it just "clicked" that yes, I was DONE being the long suffering wife.
The less you interact with them,the better. It really frustrates these people when you don't give them the fight they want. Best advice, is Turn the Other Cheek. I learned these tactics from a rather young age, growing up with a control freak Narcissist mother and the Golden Child narcissist sibling.
After 19 years of abuse...when I said "no more" to my husband and refused to forget his abuse anymore....it took 2 years of me hanging up on him, closing the door in his face, and enduring his financial manipulations....2 years! Before he finally believed that I was not going back to my old behaviors! That the only way for me was forward without him.
There is no limit here. Narcissists feel “others” as an extension of self, so they see “you” the same way you see your arm or leg. There is never any bad intent towards you, because that is literally impossible. You are either all good or all bad. Both provide dopamine to regulate the internal panic/nihilism they feel 24/7. If there is no drama (bad often gives more dopamine), they have to find more, then they forget about you completely. Until source dynamics shift. Then you could be approached again (10-15 years later). The issue is only dopamine and nothing more. Also, if a person has a higher differentiation (done their family or origin work, where they first learned how to attract narcissists) that means boundaries and potential exposure of the narcissist (to themselves, by others mirroring back that they no longer buy the false self). It’s so true what you say, that the only way forward was without him. That was true from day one. I have to study and listen to others experiences every single day, because it’s so hard to wrap ones head around how all this works. It is a blessing from God to have been made aware of the problem. The real truth.
@@WDBDWK They know exactly what they are doing and they are evil , ENVIOUS and malicious. "The wicked watches the righteous, And seeks to slay him." Psalm 37:32 "For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall." Proverbs 4:16 "Many a time they have persecuted me from my youth, but they have not prevailed against me. The plowmen (narcs) plowed over my back (slandered, betrayed, disrespected, abused), they made their furrows long (turned everyone against you before you knew what was going on) The LORD is righteous; He has cut me asunder from the cords of the wicked.…" Psalm 129:3-5 Psalm 124:6-8 "Blessed be the LORD, who has not given us as prey to their teeth. Our soul has escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowler; the net is torn, and we have slipped away. Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.…"
Was with a toxic woman loved her with every bone in my body. I Ended the relationship because I came to realization that she is who she is and I can’t change that. No longer allowing anyone to treat me negatively when I am actively showing love and appreciation life is too short and I don’t want to be 50 telling myself I wish I just jumped.
Excellent advice. I made the mistake of sharing how the narcissist's words and actions hurt me and the look of triumph crossing her face shocked me. Looking back, if I had just stepped around her and walked away, the ball would have been in my court. It was while spending time in prayer about the toxic family member's abuse that God spoke to me. He said simply," You are not to fight this battle.The battle belongs to Me " I went silent and no contact. The lies about me swirled, the love bombing amongst my other family members, and I held my tongue. One by one, they have seen her for who and what she is, and have broken contact with her. I did nothing to defend myself. What you are doing here is so very helpful, practical, and sensible. God speed.
Don't beat yourself up. Recovery is oftentimes a "two steps forward, one step back" mechanism. I disappeared in a poof of smoke myself. Maybe it's because I'm 49 and I've been through it before. But I just thought that one last time that I was NOT GONNA give them the satisfaction of trying to have with supposed to be a constructive argument with constructive criticisms only to have some idiot getting all into their feelings and their unfair biases. (People like this will not NOT give an inch on anything...I just WENT GHOST on them and caller blocked them too). PS-I tried having the constructive criticism conversation back at them and they denied anything they did even though I had proof and they left their name and taunted me with it. No contact for life, they can make up all the fiction they want about why didn't work behind my back. I'm talking about ex family too. I will never talk to my siblings again
@Wendy-dc7yc : I too experienced that. My oldest son, married to the sociopathic narc, has been so beainwashed by her that we gave not spoken for ten years..He knows the truth but has made his choice. My sisters have noticed that I have said or done nothing to defend myself and that has caused them to take a second look at the false accusations against me. God will expose the lies; He said this was His battle and I am letting Him fight for me. It may seem counterintuitive, but remaining silent and going no contact really is the only effective way to move forward. Move on, find joy in what delights you, and trust God. His love will sustain your life.
Fantastic video. I really needed this so much at the moment… “You can articulate your emotions in toxic relationships but you’re not going to get the response you hope to get.” *** “Your true emotions are your pearls. Don’t throw them out to toxic narcissistic swine because they will trample it under their feet and then turn and tear you to pieces.” Much love, Diana
The first time I ignored a narcissist, he exploded in rage at me, shouting "WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!" despite he had just insulted me. I simply looked at him, though abit in shock, because i realized, it worked.. The other people around us were silent too afterwards. It was surreal.
Good for you! I clammed up after my narc spousal unit had denigrated me and undermined my parental authority in front of the kids. He actually came home from work in the middle of the following day, burst through the door and demanded, “why aren’t you talking to me?!”
The best weapon is to stay away from them. Leave them. I really don't understand why people even want N's in your life... There is no winning with insane people... Why even engage at all. No need for staying silent if these people aren't in your life...
What are you supposed to do if it’s your mother in law and your husband is blind to her lies and masks and has inherited narcissistic trades from her by being around her for too long but is not an actual narcissist himself .. however he does enable her due to all the guilt and shame she has been wanting to feel towards her and always wanting to please her /having a trauma bond with her..
I've been on a healing journey since the start of 2021, when seasonal depression had hit the hardest during the first winter of the pandemic. Therapy, meds, resuming physical exercise, deep diving into psych- & neuro-topics. I'm discovering that I had been putting up with manipulation just to keep the peace, and my body was suffering physical manifestations of intense stress. I have empowered myself to rise above the abuse, and the manipulators are not liking it one bit. (When i stopped allowing it and they realized they had lost their grip of control over me, their emotionally harmful behaviors started getting really ugly!) I feel more in control of my own circumstances, and the physical stress symptoms are getting less frequent. This point in the video got my attention too! This is what I started letting myself do again - creativity that produces lasting, tangible results - sewing my own clothes and crochet are my outlets for creative expression. 🧶❤️🩹
Great video. This, combined with one you did more recently on how ["the one the silent treatment should hurt is you"], offers a great framework for understanding what the real value of going no-contact with toxic family really is. It's one thing to know how to do it, or just to do it. But it's another to understand that you're doing it for yourself, rather than to hurt or manipulate them. The only message that matters: We're either in a healthy relationship or we are in no relationship. Thanks for crystallizing this for me. I'm six months into no contact at the end of this month, and it's been hard. But it's getting better. I'm grateful to myself for resisting all of those times I thought up some "new" way to say the same old thing and to try again to appeal to the conscience of my narcissistic mother. Each time, I came to the conclusion that I already knew that nothing would get through to her, because nothing ever has. She won't let the relationship be healthy. She has that power. So I won't let the relationship be, anymore. That is where my power lies. And by doing it for myself, I break free. I stretch. I grow. I move on. Best thing I have ever done for me.
I have gone no contact with my husband waiting for the divorce to become final...very slow process because he doesn't want the divorce...pulling out all the stops by saying.... I will go to therapy, I didn't mean to say those things, and here's my favorite one...I won't survive without you...he's trying very hard hoping I will change my mind...NEWS FLASH...WON'T HAPPEN!!!
Sounds like your the Narc. Enjoy the power trip? Maybe you should show some compassion. Maybe he finally realized How important you are to him? This could be the best thing that would make your relationship better then ever!! If he’s going to therapy encourage it.
Took years to identify my mothers behavior. Having no one in my corner it took time to recognize her behavior as toxic narcissism. Coupled with alcohol and prescription drug abuse among others. It took her spitting on me and telling me she wish she had aborted me for me to finally connect all the dots. I have made the decision to stop talking to her for good.
I’m so glad you have stopped contact. Now live a healthy life and be happy. I have a narcissistic mother, I know the pain. I’m currently not talking to her.
We don't choose the family we're born into. I have been radio-silent from my family of origin for most of my adult life (I'm 65) . Walking away from a one-way relationship isn't as hard as you might think. Admitting your family is not a family is hard, but when I learned my father had died and I felt absolutely nothing, I realized there had never been a real family to let go of.
I have a narcissistic family member who tries to "help" others she thinks need her "help" and it never turns out to really help any of them. She just does it to look like a good samaritan.
Right, I have one of those, too. They usually do it if there is something to gain from it and only if there is something like money, stuff, control. Sick!
I worked with a narcissist for six months. I knew the first day, there was going to be trouble. At first I kept my mouth shut. Finally though I go sick of the double standard and abuse and it was war. Neither one of us were going to take hostages. When it was all over, she quit, and I transferred. It was one of the worst periods of my life. It took a year or two to get over it. I felt like I needed therapy afterwards. I am sure it was hard on her too as she had to deal with being a narcissist, and I mean textbook, and me. She is back at my organization, but another campus. If I ever work near her again, it will be silence. Battling a narcissist isn't worth it. Very very taxing, and they will always escalate, sometimes even in dangerous ways. Not worth it. "Interesting game. The best move is not to play."
Was never allowed or encouraged to express or share my emotions with my narcissist. He would throw a tantrum. 10 years wasted on a selfish man who just got his needs met. I was a fool.
This is brilliant (I’ve spent years getting out of a living hell). I will be back to listen again. Empathic people can waste years fighting for love from someone who is incapable. Thank you for this information. If you’re suffering in quiet desperation, get help. The irony is empaths are drawn to malignant narcissists like a magnet.
I've been in this for years and didn't even realize it was an abusive relationship. Except for the times he physically abused me. But now I realize it's always been emotionally and mentally too.
@@marshabenjamin-hawaaboo5778 No, honest, good hearted people are attracted to a predatory wolf love bombing them while posing as a sheep. And the predator is attracted to it's prey....
Thanks for this video Yesterday was the hardest day in my life putting on an restricting warrent to my father due to continoues verbal vilolence from him and harresment that sucked all life from me. When we were kids he used to beat me and my sisters very hard daily and lock us for whole days and nights without water and food, he turned to verbal viloence in the past years and today I put a stop for this madness. A glouerious yet super hard day... Better days are ahead!
Please take care of yourself...stay safe...learn more about these people Learn how and when to use RESTING *ITCH FACE...SAY NOTHING.GIVE THEM NOTHING PLAN A LIFE FOR YOURSELF. LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. REMEDY, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO BE AWARE OF YOUR INNER SELF...NEVER LIE TO YOURSELF... YOU BECOME THEM...
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! SO SORRY you have SUCH A DEMONIC, ABUSIVE DAD! ANATHEMA! GOD ALMIGHTY FORBID! An ABSOLUTE DEMON! Call him out! Return to Sender! And have NOTHING to DO with that BEAST en route to HELL for mistreating you so heinously! God Bless YOU & Heal YOU! . .. Love & Best! + + + +Q-S/
I am sorry for your experience but I am proud of your action and decision because you have healed your entire bloodline/ancestors and your soul by choosing love and healthy bonds not abusive people no matter what title they have in life.
i went total gray rock against my narcissistic “mom” a few years ago. i went completely silent and stopped allowing her to control my life and my emotions
The only tool left in the toolbox is grey rocking the narcissist. It’s time to withdrawal from them, remain silent and begin the process of healing . Narcissist thrive on drama. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Thanks Kevin for your insights , words of wisdom and help . Many years ago we spoke over phone and was there for me. I’ll never forget your kindness and truly believe you are one of Gods Angels on this cold corrupt Earth.
But don’t you think this makes total sense? To survive attachment trauma they invented a false self, and don’t have any way out of that. If they acknowledge ANY other human being at all this means certain death. That’s how their psyche adapted to trauma. All that can be done is to get as far away from them as is humanly possible and work on why one would not have the boundaries that are necessary to keep narcissists and borderlines out. The problem is boundaries, never the narcissist. The narcissist demonstrates that fact very clearly. ua-cam.com/video/IWVu64lZMn8/v-deo.html
You are worth so much more. Leave the narc, move on, heal, and expect better. Stay no contact...no matter what they do. Get away from them so they can’t find you if possible. I learned from experience that they will do anything and everything to get to you and punish you if you reject them.
@@Bunny11344 when it was a coworker for me, I let management know that this person was harassing me and they told me exactly what to say to her if she reached out to me again. I did that and reported to them that she reached out to me again. She finally left me alone. I didn’t have to work directly much with her so it helped my case.
Paula Boynton they are usually always wrong. For your best interest. Scary hah? Truth is questionable, from them. You ask God to guide you. Only HE can save us in Jesus Christ. Only reason I still get up each day. I’m struggling to stay in this world. Destruction on me, isn’t the way. God bless you. 🙏🏼💜
The same thing Paula! I know what you mean, but please, please forgive yourself! Look at the truth Kevin points out and at all the resounding “amens” we all feel about the truths! Don’t waste another tear, but instead realize the pit they (narsacists) dwell in - where they belong, without your heart torn in two by them~ god bless!
The long term narc abuse causes horrible short time PTSD but the life lessons teach so well, once you recover somewhat and can think straight again. No contact is vital for healing. And lots of self pampering. 🌹🌹🎶
I was in a love triangle on and off for 6 years with a narc, then I was hoovered back by him after 10 years of not seing him, only to be discarded after 5 months into the relationship. My head went on an obsessive loop trying to understand. I started to see the pattern and looked for info, now I know he is a narcissists. I'm in no contact from now and forever. No contact is the only thing that will help you out of the trauma bond addictive pattern, the only thing that will help you gain back your dignity, sanity and self worth. Set up a plan for yourself, create your future without this person, find your own happiness. Focus on you. 🙌🏻🌺♥️🦋
Thank you Kevin. I silently left the relationship I had with a narcissist. I stopped responding with "complete silence".! The silent treatment that I had been experiencing from them, at the time.. was met with my "permanent silence". Anyone who associated with the narcissist.. was also met with my "permanent silence" as well.! I silently culled many people from my life.. over night.! As I look back, I realize that my non response to the smear campaign.. my non response to hoovering attempts.. and cutting the chords to these people with "silence"..was "empowering".! You don't have to explain yourself. Your "silence" speaks volumes.! It says to them.. "I am wise to you" .. "I have too much self respect, thanks". Those who don't make the effort to hear your side of the story, or who invalidate your experience.. aren't worth it.! Give them ALL the permanent "good riddance" with silence.
I've recently had to go no-contact with my extended family on both sides of the family. Both sides had very bizarre political and religious views in addition tried to indoctrinate me in supporting things I don't support (i.e. - sports/sports teams, political candidates, religious views). Over the weekend I lost an uncle to a car accident and the people on my dad's side of the family finally showed their true colors. It's sad to let go of family but as another channel I watch said that sometimes "water is thicker than blood". It's so true.
I'm NO CONTACT with my siblings for a few years now and no longer do I have to have that cognitive dissonance of speaking with them anymore. Life is better on the other side
👍 Listen to me... This solves everything... "Let the DEAD bury their OWN".... Leave them alone & never look back. "PAST TENSE people can NOT be a part of your FUTURE." Simply.... Theyre gone. And I dont believe JESUS Christ of Nazareth even wanted to ever be there, ever, in the FIRST PLACE. 👀👀👀👀. Facts. 👼🔯
Grayrock is everything! Don't open that door! It's just a compromise of your own integrity! A message to your subconscious mind that you are somehow required to ever have to unnecessarily explain yourself!
I just realised I an subconsciously using grey rock method with people in general. In the past I have allowed individuals to over spend my time. Not now. I have deleted some social media apps from my phone, especially the major one WhatsApp. If individuals genuinely want to contact me, they have three options: direct call, SMS, or email.
I been trying this on my dad for weeks and he finally called today (SINCE FATHERS DAY)to say: why didnt you call me on fathers day, I paused and said nothing, then he said why dont you call me.. I said it would be nice for you to ask how I was or say hello first, he said I see how you are going to be and I will never call you again...
@T. Nasha girl he called a few more times asking why I’ didn’t call him for Father’s Day. Again... smh then got jealous when I was doing stuff for my now 96 year old grandma and bedbound fiancé.. they are so selfish and self righteous and thanks alot
I have a family like this. A sister and brother that always talk about everyone in the family. They cause chaos in the family all the time. I just try to stay away from them as much as possible.
Thank you for the insightful advice, Kevin. There is a song titled "Silence is golden" which is a reminder to us all that a long talk without being heard is truly tiring and mentally draining. God bless you.
This one made me cry. The hardest thing I did was go silent and no contact, and everything you said would happen, did. I was tired of riding the hamster wheel of disfunction and see myself in a constant state of chaos and reaction. But it was the best thing I ever did. For my mental health, for living out who God created me to be, for taking care of my family. I still feel there’s so much healing and growth to go. Nearly 8 yrs later, I still react, and struggle to assess and respond. By God’s grace and His mercy, I live and thrive like I never have before. Thank you for sharing with truth and clarity.
Happened to run into my ex narcissist. Hadn't spoken to eachother in nine months. They sheepishly said Hi followed by my name. I didn't even look at, acknowledge or speak to that individual and continued to stay silent. Never again will I give that person the time of day after experiencing such a deep heartbreaking betrayal from them. Being to cheated on and lied to is never okay. And silence really is your best weapon against someone with such a terrible personality disorder.
We've had a lopsided doctrine of walking in love with no discernment and basically no knowledge of how evil actually operates in destroying a person's soul. So in that sense we were perishing for lack of knowledge. Once this knowledge is gained, man the devil didnt want us to learn this, then we can be led by our spirit better. We have become a two-edged sword rather than a one edged sword.
funny thing is many people think their addictions are not the problem . i've dated many many many many women and every single one has a major issue that caused problems . its so very hard for many people to understand we all have issues and most of us cannot deal with the other persons issues . i have many disabilities and together they make me unique to the dating world . i could have many friends if only i could accept their issues . and yet why should i stay friends that only use me and do not respect me . example : i have tinnitus and sensitive to loud sounds and yet most women i dated did not seem to care that them being so loud actually caused me pain . that being said most people do not care . thats why i'm poor .
@@carmichaelmoritz8662 hey man i have full clogged ears, that cracks, eustachian tube dysfunction, tinnitus, and hyperacusis, i lost the ability to focus and sleep. It's all thanks to years of listening to loud music through headphones and earphones. It's so painful and devastating man
This video is so refreshing to see. There’s not enough these videos for born again Christians. This might sound crazy to some but having spoken to the God through the Bible, when He had revealed that my relatives were narcissistic I wanted to help them and reveal what God had spoken to me however he gave me the exact scripture. Matthew 7:6. There were times Christ also remained silent. Please keep up the fantastic work.
I believed we are in a "time" of purging these people who lack soul and a conscious. An accident forced me back to my family after no contact for 5 straight years. My mom is so good that when she cares for you it makes you feel so good then out of no where she will create a situation to challenge my peace. I have been living with them for the past year and in that time she has provoked me twice after living together in 6 months of peace. 2nd time I shut down completely. Getting ready to move back into my life and they don't even know I'm leaving. I'm good and done this time. I'm too old for this. I knew her behaviors were wrong when I was a child and I couldn't leave and support myself but now I can. Not even mad. Just over it.
Tina - I'm right there with you! Sort of! My parents asked my husband & I to come care for them 10 years ago & I knew better, but the Bible says honor the mother & the father so we did... turns out my narc mother decided my daughter was her slave, I was her verbal & physical punching bag, my 18 month old son (at the time) she keeps, to this day, threatening to call DHR on me for, & my husband who was working 65 hrs a week, at that time & had a 1 hr commute each way, should get a second job. I have severe lupus & haven't been able to work since 2008. And The Good Lord knows I'd give anything to work again! But lupus & associated diseases plus chemo... I just can't. And dont think she ever let me forget how big a failure I was as a wife, mother, daughter, and person. I do have another sister, & two brothers, but none of them would come care for them... in the last 10 years I think each of my brothers has been here a grand total of one time each! My sister has started to fill in as the "golden child" & I'll gladly pass that title on to her! Sorry for the long comment, but you're not alone!
@Elle D IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR PARENTS WHO ABUSE YOU. LEAVE THAT HOUSE, TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND HUSBAND AND RENT YOUR OWN SPACE AWAY FROM TOXIC FAMILY MEMBERS. PROTECT YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF 1ST.
This is extreme validation and I just feel like God made sure I heard this today. After a terrible gaslighting incident with extreme invalidation yesterday I so needed this and the reminder that my body will work all this reactive ness out and I’llbe ok. As an abuse survivor it can be really hard encountering a narcissist and sends me into my triggers. Thank you for this and that scripture 🙏
The Royal We Would you mind doing a video about Narcissism vs Empaths? Sometimes there is a fine line of knowing if I am just a scapegoat or if behaviors are mirroring narcissism. Some well meaning UA-cam coaches don’t seem to acknowledge that there is a difference. I come away from the coaching, feeling like I have narcissistic personality. It really is frustrating.
@@jacquelynallen488 One of the things that helped me is understanding that both narcissism and codependency come from attachment trauma. This video can help a LOT in answering your question. I had the same confusion. ua-cam.com/video/Mmac6AV8bjg/v-deo.html
I found with people with difficult personalities and narcissists, that if I share something that I’m excited about, or doing, they will immediately have to negate it and tell me what I should be doing instead and give me a long lecture instead of just saying, “oh that sounds exciting, tell me about it” or “I’m happy that you’re enjoying something.” It’s always a rant, a lecture, their point of view, which is usually opposite to mine. And it is so exhausting that I don’t even want to share anymore. I find this with the men in my life, it has never happened with any of my girlfriends.
No Contact almost 5 months now and have never felt better! Had a hoover at month 4 but just shook my head and deleted the message. He is blocked on all other social media and yes agree with giving away that power with one simply reply.. you're done. You have to maintain no contact to heal. Thank you Kevin!!
This is EXACTLY what’s going on right now in my life. I’m just beginning the No Contact with the two narcissists in my family. One thing I’ve discovered over the years, is to not play games, expecting certain results. It has to come from a place of strength and authenticity. Expect nothing from them, because you’re doing it for your own peace of mind. They’re better at game playing anyway and you’ll always lose. There’s a sadness and sense of loss, because these are a couple of my closest family members. But I’m done with the crazy making, gaslighting, confusion and second guessing myself most of the time.
I hate being eaten up by those feelings. I went minimal contact but today I got a good dose of devaluing and hate. It’s devastating and I feel like I went back a hundred paces in not letting my siblings hateful words and sense of entitlement get the better of me. I hate that feeling inside. That helpless feeling of knowing that she really doesn’t care and I still do. I still love her but she is horribly toxic. It’s devastating and I feel like a fool.
I’m trying not be emotional about it but it’s hard today to not let her cruelty get the better of me. I try to be good like Jesus, you know, turning the other cheek but each encounter I have with her now gets worse.
It takes time and practice but it will eventually become second nature to you. The main thing is awareness, keep working on it until you get it just right.
I'm going through that right now. I accidentally exposed a covert narcissist. I didn't fully rip his mask off and humiliate him, but he's trying to get me to leave. I'm not saying anything, but just the fact I know what he is, makes him hate me.
Excellent video! Just rest easy, take care of yourself, eat better, clear your home, take up an activity that you discarded. Gradually, you take back yourself and what a delightful self it is.
Unless you can really go no contact and not worry about "articulating your emotions" to your abuser, it doesn't work. They won't let you be silent. They will goad and prod you and accuse you of ignoring them until you spill everything, usually badly, then they'll attack and tell you what a horrible person you are "after all I've done for you." blah, blah, blah. Going no contact means that. If you have to articulate your emotions find a safe, uninvolved source.
I recently had to leave and divorce my 27 year marriage husband. It got impossible to stay at home. This is one of the best descriptions i have heard. Bravo!!!!
Reacting is my failure but I went no contact so it's improving. I am nobody's emotional slave anymore. Narcissists do not take you serious including the no contact request. If we persevering they can not take out their frustrations on us and at some point they will know we were and we are serious. Free will and personal adult choices. They judge as if I am the one without a heart because I cut off my family. Yet bullying and making covert mean remarks is allowed according to to them. I flew away.
@@CharMinsky Thank you. I wanted to live with and for God from a young age but I forgot about myself that I may be happy. I ended up in evangelical manipulation churches and someone in church told me God was giving me the emotions from my environment. Friends etc. Maybe it's true that I am sensitive to unspoken thoughts and feelings but it was also mis-leading my young life into a direction away from my study. I read my bible for three years in the night feeling close to God but my friends and church people gossiped about me. I left them all behind to be with Holy Spirit alone and free but then dangerous men crossed my path.its kind of bizarre, I felt like it was satan himself in the flesh. I'm fine though. I'm about to move to another town to start a new day and be who I am called to be. Edit and I alleviate your words and prayer thank you. I was raised Christian but it was not about the heart. When I had personal encounter with God's love my family started to feel different. Or.. I became aware. Honestly, lately I even started to doubt Christian concept trinity. What if that too is an illusion created by narcissists to control people. Condemnation etc. At the other hand... God and the Holy Spirit were my best friends... Are. I woke up to the prey and predatory in this world so that's a start to avoid harmful connections in future. Bless you too and thank you for praying😊 🌻
Even Jesus kept his silence when truth would not be heard (before the Sanhedrin, Pilot, and Herod). Thank you for nailing it in such a way that I (and we) get encouragement to hold our silence.
10 years later.. i have finally gotten enough courage and strength to put myself 1st. This is not an easy journey, but i know through God's strength.. I'll will heal and get through this!!!😥
Thank you! What an excellent video! I have studied this topic in depth due to my life-long history with narcissistic abuse, which began with my parents. It has taken me more than 40 years to discover the answers I found in this subject. I very much appreciate you using the term "narcissistic abuse" rather than "narcissists", as there are plenty of people who narcissisticly abuse but aren't necessarily narcissists. I am still learning to accept the cons of disengaging. I am fortunate to have had the experience of articulating my feelings to people who truly care and receive this with grace. And now I know the difference and choose that for myself. But if you ask me, the REAL pandemic we are facing is NARCISSISTIC ABUSE!
All this is so true. I also believed I could handle the situation and make everything okay. They simply aren't interested. Additionally, they want to hurt you and they will - even if you are their mom.
This makes great sense, I think the hardest part is reconciling what you’ve also lost whether actual or perceived. You set boundaries with silence so the fighting has ended but a lot has been lost around that. Doing the mourning is important too.
Yes so true it’s like playing tennis with them as soon as that ball comes at you , put it in your pocket and walk away . Just look at their faces looking all around them . Wtf 🤣🤣
This is exactly what we have experienced. We thought we could help. We thought we could make things better. We let our compassion override our common sense. There's a reason we are told to be wise as serpents and harmless of doves. We need balance and I didn't have that. And it probably was Christian arrogance. But we've found out that the inner voice that guides most of us just isn't there in the narcissist. They don't have anything inside that corrects them. They have no regrets. They've done nothing wrong and if they had to do it all over again, they would do the same thing. There is nothing we can do to put that inside of them no matter how much we desire to do that for them. We are learning to stop beating our heads against a brick wall...it's not going to move....
@Emily Wheeler Thank you. Yes, I agree with everything you have said. We didn't realize this when we invited this person to live with us. We have learned the hard way the things that he has brought into our home and that are constantly attacking us. If this wasn't such an open to the public UA-cam comment section, there's a lot more that we could share. Experience is a hard way to learn but we are going through the fire now but God is in control even of this trial. One thing Kevin said that I'm trying to wrap my mind around is that when we experience these things, we are learning how God feels. I'm learning to look at people differently now. I always had the attitude that I could somehow help but now I know that that's not possible. There are higher entities involved....from Gen 6.....and Deut 32:8....that are enemies of God and of mankind made in the image of God.
Ah yes, the still small voice. I made excuses and tried to explain away the signals that my gut was sending me. Thank Jesus he forgave my stupid blindness.
Preach bro, this was good. We have to grieve the loss of the idea of a relationship (idea because it was a relationship to us but it was one-sided, it was not real). Sometimes these are people in our families, people we are conditioned to maintain bonds with. We have to grieve that we don't have that picture perfect scenario and may have to go no contact! Ultimately, we are whole in Christ and for anyone struggling with this loss, remember your faith family in God's Kingdom!!
I wish I could do that but the Narc is my children's father and so I can't impose distance nor avoid attempting establish communications because the courts give him reason as father to be around the children, so he continues butting into my life and making mayhem all around it. He is in control using child support as weapon because honestly, he wants to destroy me. He cares less about his kids-it's all about his mad obsession of me as he claims abandonment.
Knowing I'd be blocking her and going NC gave one last heart felt message to her expressing my love right before it. Got a response stating I need therapy and what is wrong with me sending that thus you nailed con point one! Four days now NC. Pain is getting less than when we talked a couple days ago. Feeling I can do this now. Thanks for your support.
After so long trying to defend myself from the smear campaign and emotional abuse, the forgiving constantly, trying to be kind and communicate effectively was his biggest weapon against me. Once I got frustrated from the lack of empathy I lost control and fought...He twisted all my actions of service, into slavery and then lied and told others I never did anything but take from him...At the end, in his need for attention he decided to flirt w my friend in front of me when I invited her to our place, and completely invalidate me in her presence. I decided enough was enough then... I went silent, because the hurt was so much, I needed to retreat and love myself. I meant complete stonewall silence... I didnt even realized it had been a week of not speaking to him or being around at all (I live w the narc btw), since I was so distracted painting again, going out w friends and taking myself out to places, that enraged him. I woke up to him yelling to himself in his room, calling me selfish and petty, saying I was too much of a coward to argue like a grown woman etc... Mind you its 6am in the morning and he is angry venting to himself. I broke the silence to ask If hes ok ( mistake) but my concern turned into an open door for him to try to drag me into a devaluing verbal wrestling matchre.. I relized then that yes, these people are evil and they just want you miserable. The moment you take the steps to heal and love yourself and leave them behind in their own darkness, they lose their minds..
Thanks Kevin, I'm going through some of those issues now. Understanding this process and knowing it's normal makes me feel better. I'm on my way to a better life. ❤
My breath is taken away as he speaks describing my life exactly, identical, that I’ve lived with my ex-husband. He’d say I’m crazy etc, I’m just learning the level of abuse he served me daily.
Silence is power, saving your energy, saving your time, your emotions, your life, your boundaries and your soul.
Silence is the lords language! Bless god
💯
I remind myself while being mute that they too one day will meet their maker.
Yes!
@@emmagoldman6616 thank God
Silence and zero validation kills them emotionally and slowly. That’s how to deal with these devils in disguise.
They are devils for real.
Then they disown you.
Yep🎉
I've been remaining silent with my narcissistic family. I do not have time to waste talking with them unnecessarily.
Me, too!! You are not alone.
Yes, Our time is limited on this earth and I,m determined to use it for those that can receive and benefit.
Yes. This is further confirmation that I need to pull away from my mom as well. Ugh.
No contact rule is really working for me. I am glad that I am no longer in their web
Certainly not alone. Get financially sound so I can move out and start healing.
Must be a sad existence trying to trigger ppl all the time. I have no clue how these beings go about life.
Yes, totally empty and vile creatures.
Dan Blizerian 🤷🏻♀️
Narc Free totally!!
It’s not about trigger more like distort your peace and take your positive energy
KnowledgePlusAction: -Power so much easier when they become irrelevant
No contact is absolutely the best way to heal faster. Prayers to those who can not due to children or jobs. God will get us through.
Yes for those who can’t , children, court after court, prayers 🙏🏻because it’s impossible to be silent in court, and can’t go no contact either , because court you have to be in the same room , mediators can’t even mediate with a narcissist, help , prayers yes 🙏🏻Thank you ❤️🙏🏻
I am a survivor, of a Narcissist! They care nothing about you, as they use you, for their own gain, or benefit! It is best to be silent, and simply walk away...
You'll never win with a narcissist. Best to say quiet. And run!!!
Even when it hurts like a …
100% agree on this title. Silence shuts them up so quickly. Shame covers them as they don't get to steal your power.
It hasn’t stopped for me he spies on my FB and Instagram and constantly sends me messages that must be deleted
Carol Dudeck when this happens, try treating the narc as if they are a complete stranger and give either no response, or a simple, emotionless response.
@@CarolDudeck-bl7kz I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's never pleasant. I've known some people who've made a new FB page with a new but made up name, and invite only those they want to be friends with still. Would that work? Hugs!♥️
@@CarolDudeck-bl7kz why are you still connected with whomever this is? Either disconnect with him or if there's a way block his abiluty to send you messages. Disconnecting conpletely is the best and within your power to do. The sooner the better. I waited too long to learn this lesson, don't make the same mistake.
AriseN Shine because this man is using parental alienation with my two teens and it’s a major problem in Canada!🇨🇦
No Contact is for YOUR MENTAL,PHYSICAL & SPIRITUAL HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.🥰THEY DO NOT CHANGE, YOU CANT FIX IT AT ALL.
SAd but true, so sad to realize this will always be my life with him, but I have bigger fish to fry, Thank the Lord!
Absolute truth no contact
If the are broken when you get them, you will waste your life trying to fix the narcissist.
Exactly, it's mind boggling that flying monkeys want to keep narc victims in danger for the sake of a narc's influence
@@delorestaylor8114 some people are unfixable and reconciling with them by setting your true beliefs will only cause cognitive dissonance for narc victims. However, narcs do not care because they lack empathy in putting themselves in the shoes of their victims. They could care less about the emotional impact it has on them
Blocking the toxic people in my life has brought me nothing but good! So glad I did it! Recommend it to everyone.
EVIL WILL NOT STOP UNTIL TAKEN DOWN..NO PLAN NEEDED...WAIT AND WATCH...GOD HAS IT...
👑💯
lol at god . if god had it children would not be abused . a good god would not let that happen . just like a good parent would not let that happen . it claims god is all seeing and yet this so called god creator just lets defenceless people get abused .
AMEN
@@carmichaelmoritz8662 you lack understanding.
The devil is real but God has defeated him and He knows his time is short to take as many people to hell with him..Dont be one of them! Eternity is a long time to wish you had a change of heart and accepted Jesus as Lord! Do it today!
We definitely can not help everyone...we have to protect ourselves and only help those worthy of our time and energy.
👑💯❤️
here's a stupid question for you , do you need help ? you probably think you do not . do you drink alcohol or smoke , do you buy fancy items while we still have good poor people ???? if so then you need help . most people need some sort of help lol :))
@@carmichaelmoritz8662 Did Jesus help every person and speak to every person while He was here on earth? No...He knew their thoughts, their feelings, their future choices...Still today, the Holy Spirit tells us who to help and not help sometimes because G-d already knows that that person's choice will be. He still gives people the opportunity to repent, change and be healed. That is why we are instructed not to "Cast our pearls before swine" Not every person wants to repent, be healed and choose to follow after Jesus. They are going to manipulate and/or purosefully misunderstand what is being said.
And by the way, there is nothing Biblically wrong with alchohol...or buying "fancy items" while there are poor people in this world.
I've been silent with toxic ex friends and family and I'm going staying silent, Thank you for your video and I wish everyone well who's going throw this with jealous bitter hatefull people God bless us Amen 🙏❤️
SWEET
It was the hardest thing to remain silent. To not engage. But, it works!
Avoid the trap of becoming a professional victim.
thats what I was for 38 years.
And get taunted by the narc sarcastically saying "Oooh poor little you! You just have it soooo bad. You're such a martyr!" Then one day it just "clicked" that yes, I was DONE being the long suffering wife.
He is the professional victim
@@1010QUEEN7 Thank you! Most people here watching these videos are not professional victim types from what I can tell. Agreed!
If anyone is a "professional victim" it is a narcissist. Narcissist are the biggest victim, that's one way they justify their abuse.
The less you interact with them,the better. It really frustrates these people when you don't give them the fight they want. Best advice, is Turn the Other Cheek. I learned these tactics from a rather young age, growing up with a control freak Narcissist mother and the Golden Child narcissist sibling.
After 19 years of abuse...when I said "no more" to my husband and refused to forget his abuse anymore....it took 2 years of me hanging up on him, closing the door in his face, and enduring his financial manipulations....2 years! Before he finally believed that I was not going back to my old behaviors!
That the only way for me was forward without him.
There is no limit here. Narcissists feel “others” as an extension of self, so they see “you” the same way you see your arm or leg. There is never any bad intent towards you, because that is literally impossible. You are either all good or all bad. Both provide dopamine to regulate the internal panic/nihilism they feel 24/7.
If there is no drama (bad often gives more dopamine), they have to find more, then they forget about you completely. Until source dynamics shift. Then you could be approached again (10-15 years later). The issue is only dopamine and nothing more.
Also, if a person has a higher differentiation (done their family or origin work, where they first learned how to attract narcissists) that means boundaries and potential exposure of the narcissist (to themselves, by others mirroring back that they no longer buy the false self).
It’s so true what you say, that the only way forward was without him. That was true from day one.
I have to study and listen to others experiences every single day, because it’s so hard to wrap ones head around how all this works. It is a blessing from God to have been made aware of the problem. The real truth.
@@WDBDWK They know exactly what they are doing and they are evil , ENVIOUS and malicious. "The wicked watches the righteous, And seeks to slay him." Psalm 37:32
"For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall." Proverbs 4:16
"Many a time they have persecuted me from my youth, but they have not prevailed against me. The plowmen (narcs) plowed over my back (slandered, betrayed, disrespected, abused), they made their furrows long (turned everyone against you before you knew what was going on) The LORD is righteous; He has cut me asunder from the cords of the wicked.…" Psalm 129:3-5
Psalm 124:6-8 "Blessed be the LORD, who has not given us as prey to their teeth. Our soul has escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowler; the net is torn, and we have slipped away. Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.…"
@@reesedaniel5835 THIS !! ❤️
Was with a toxic woman loved her with every bone in my body. I Ended the relationship because I came to realization that she is who she is and I can’t change that. No longer allowing anyone to treat me negatively when I am actively showing love and appreciation life is too short and I don’t want to be 50 telling myself I wish I just jumped.
Glad for you ❤❤❤ stay strong 😊
Excellent advice. I made the mistake of sharing how the narcissist's words and actions hurt me and the look of triumph crossing her face shocked me. Looking back, if I had just stepped around her and walked away, the ball would have been in my court. It was while spending time in prayer about the toxic family member's abuse that God spoke to me. He said simply," You are not to fight this battle.The battle belongs to Me " I went silent and no contact. The lies about me swirled, the love bombing amongst my other family members, and I held my tongue. One by one, they have seen her for who and what she is, and have broken contact with her. I did nothing to defend myself. What you are doing here is so very helpful, practical, and sensible. God speed.
Don't beat yourself up. Recovery is oftentimes a "two steps forward, one step back" mechanism. I disappeared in a poof of smoke myself. Maybe it's because I'm 49 and I've been through it before. But I just thought that one last time that I was NOT GONNA give them the satisfaction of trying to have with supposed to be a constructive argument with constructive criticisms only to have some idiot getting all into their feelings and their unfair biases. (People like this will not NOT give an inch on anything...I just WENT GHOST on them and caller blocked them too).
PS-I tried having the constructive criticism conversation back at them and they denied anything they did even though I had proof and they left their name and taunted me with it. No contact for life, they can make up all the fiction they want about why didn't work behind my back. I'm talking about ex family too. I will never talk to my siblings again
I have gone no contact so now they have gone after influencing my adult children against me. It's painful which is what they want.
@Wendy-dc7yc : I too experienced that. My oldest son, married to the sociopathic narc, has been so beainwashed by her that we gave not spoken for ten years..He knows the truth but has made his choice. My sisters have noticed that I have said or done nothing to defend myself and that has caused them to take a second look at the false accusations against me. God will expose the lies; He said this was His battle and I am letting Him fight for me. It may seem counterintuitive, but remaining silent and going no contact really is the only effective way to move forward. Move on, find joy in what delights you, and trust God. His love will sustain your life.
Fantastic video. I really needed this so much at the moment…
“You can articulate your emotions in toxic relationships but you’re not going to get the response you hope to get.”
***
“Your true emotions are your pearls. Don’t throw them out to toxic narcissistic swine because they will trample it under their feet and then turn and tear you to pieces.”
Much love,
Diana
The Narcissists never have anything good to say to their loved ones - it's so sad!!
..unless they need something from you..then it’s all love bombing while you wait for the reason to be made clear.
The first time I ignored a narcissist, he exploded in rage at me, shouting "WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!" despite he had just insulted me. I simply looked at him, though abit in shock, because i realized, it worked.. The other people around us were silent too afterwards. It was surreal.
👑💯
That’s great to hear. Show him how it is gonna be from now on and forever more 🤐😃
Your comment really hit home.
Definitely proof narcs don’t care about people
Good for you! I clammed up after my narc spousal unit had denigrated me and undermined my parental authority in front of the kids. He actually came home from work in the middle of the following day, burst through the door and demanded, “why aren’t you talking to me?!”
The best weapon is to stay away from them. Leave them. I really don't understand why people even want N's in your life... There is no winning with insane people... Why even engage at all. No need for staying silent if these people aren't in your life...
What are you supposed to do if it’s your mother in law and your husband is blind to her lies and masks and has inherited narcissistic trades from her by being around her for too long but is not an actual narcissist himself .. however he does enable her due to all the guilt and shame she has been wanting to feel towards her and always wanting to please her /having a trauma bond with her..
9:02 ... You're going to be able to focus on your art, focus on your gifts, focus on your talents, focus on your desires, focus on who you are.
I've been on a healing journey since the start of 2021, when seasonal depression had hit the hardest during the first winter of the pandemic. Therapy, meds, resuming physical exercise, deep diving into psych- & neuro-topics. I'm discovering that I had been putting up with manipulation just to keep the peace, and my body was suffering physical manifestations of intense stress. I have empowered myself to rise above the abuse, and the manipulators are not liking it one bit. (When i stopped allowing it and they realized they had lost their grip of control over me, their emotionally harmful behaviors started getting really ugly!) I feel more in control of my own circumstances, and the physical stress symptoms are getting less frequent.
This point in the video got my attention too! This is what I started letting myself do again - creativity that produces lasting, tangible results - sewing my own clothes and crochet are my outlets for creative expression. 🧶❤️🩹
"I mean it. We're either in a relationship that's healthy or there is no relationship. Period." (6:54)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Great video. This, combined with one you did more recently on how ["the one the silent treatment should hurt is you"], offers a great framework for understanding what the real value of going no-contact with toxic family really is. It's one thing to know how to do it, or just to do it. But it's another to understand that you're doing it for yourself, rather than to hurt or manipulate them.
The only message that matters: We're either in a healthy relationship or we are in no relationship.
Thanks for crystallizing this for me. I'm six months into no contact at the end of this month, and it's been hard. But it's getting better. I'm grateful to myself for resisting all of those times I thought up some "new" way to say the same old thing and to try again to appeal to the conscience of my narcissistic mother. Each time, I came to the conclusion that I already knew that nothing would get through to her, because nothing ever has. She won't let the relationship be healthy. She has that power. So I won't let the relationship be, anymore. That is where my power lies. And by doing it for myself, I break free. I stretch. I grow. I move on. Best thing I have ever done for me.
I have gone no contact with my husband waiting for the divorce to become final...very slow process because he doesn't want the divorce...pulling out all the stops by saying.... I will go to therapy, I didn't mean to say those things, and here's my favorite one...I won't survive without you...he's trying very hard hoping I will change my mind...NEWS FLASH...WON'T HAPPEN!!!
Well done.
Sounds like your the Narc. Enjoy the power trip? Maybe you should show some compassion. Maybe he finally realized How important you are to him? This could be the best thing that would make your relationship better then ever!! If he’s going to therapy encourage it.
@@alvertomartinez1455
Please do not down play someone's feelings,I'm sure she knows this loser better then you
Hang tough!
Alverto Martinez : You apparently know very little about dealing with Narcs. Compassion and kindness towards oneself comes 1st. Can’t fix them.
Silence is Golden....
Took years to identify my mothers behavior. Having no one in my corner it took time to recognize her behavior as toxic narcissism. Coupled with alcohol and prescription drug abuse among others. It took her spitting on me and telling me she wish she had aborted me for me to finally connect all the dots. I have made the decision to stop talking to her for good.
Wow 😯
Its an adult lesson
I’m so glad you have stopped contact. Now live a healthy life and be happy. I have a narcissistic mother, I know the pain. I’m currently not talking to her.
We don't choose the family we're born into. I have been radio-silent from my family of origin for most of my adult life (I'm 65) . Walking away from a one-way relationship isn't as hard as you might think. Admitting your family is not a family is hard, but when I learned my father had died and I felt absolutely nothing, I realized there had never been a real family to let go of.
Wow, what a horrible woman to say that to you. Some people are so cruel. Glad you walked away.
I finally gave myself permission to stop answering my narcmothers calls. Thank you for this encouragement! just love this silence, breathing again
👑💯
Silence is golden
I Truly needed this.
Thank you
I hit that web with hairspray and a lighter@!!! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
You go! I am doing the same thing with my narc mother as well. They are do damn damaging to the soul.
I have a narcissistic family member who tries to "help" others she thinks need her "help" and it never turns out to really help any of them. She just does it to look like a good samaritan.
Are we related 🤔😄
Got someone in my family like that too 💯💯💯
Me too! She was my spiteful and neglactant narcissistic 'mother'...
That's my mom
That's my mother. ...she is exctaly like that
Right, I have one of those, too. They usually do it if there is something to gain from it and only if there is something like money, stuff, control. Sick!
I worked with a narcissist for six months. I knew the first day, there was going to be trouble. At first I kept my mouth shut. Finally though I go sick of the double standard and abuse and it was war. Neither one of us were going to take hostages.
When it was all over, she quit, and I transferred. It was one of the worst periods of my life. It took a year or two to get over it. I felt like I needed therapy afterwards. I am sure it was hard on her too as she had to deal with being a narcissist, and I mean textbook, and me.
She is back at my organization, but another campus. If I ever work near her again, it will be silence. Battling a narcissist isn't worth it. Very very taxing, and they will always escalate, sometimes even in dangerous ways. Not worth it.
"Interesting game. The best move is not to play."
Was never allowed or encouraged to express or share my emotions with my narcissist. He would throw a tantrum. 10 years wasted on a selfish man who just got his needs met. I was a fool.
Mairi Millar you picked a fool. Big difference! Praying for you, peace and clarity.
❤️
I've been a fool too for 18 years. 😢💜
No, not a Fool. You were HUMAN - something they're not. They're demons.
You are a human with feelings. Lots of love to you.
This is brilliant (I’ve spent years getting out of a living hell). I will be back to listen again. Empathic people can waste years fighting for love from someone who is incapable. Thank you for this information.
If you’re suffering in quiet desperation, get help. The irony is empaths are drawn to malignant narcissists like a magnet.
Exacyly
I've been in this for years and didn't even realize it was an abusive relationship. Except for the times he physically abused me. But now I realize it's always been emotionally and mentally too.
Opposites attract Sweetie 🙂
They the Narc. CANNOT give that which they DoNot posse
@@marshabenjamin-hawaaboo5778 No, honest, good hearted people are attracted to a predatory wolf love bombing them while posing as a sheep. And the predator is attracted to it's prey....
Thanks for this video
Yesterday was the hardest day in my life putting on an restricting warrent to my father due to continoues verbal vilolence from him and harresment that sucked all life from me.
When we were kids he used to beat me and my sisters very hard daily and lock us for whole days and nights without water and food, he turned to verbal viloence in the past years and today I put a stop for this madness.
A glouerious yet super hard day...
Better days are ahead!
My love in Christ, my prayers for you. May you be free. Take care. You know what to do. 💯🙏🏼💜
Please take care of yourself...stay safe...learn more about these people
Learn how and when to use RESTING *ITCH FACE...SAY NOTHING.GIVE THEM NOTHING
PLAN A LIFE FOR YOURSELF.
LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
REMEDY, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO BE AWARE OF YOUR INNER SELF...NEVER LIE TO YOURSELF...
YOU BECOME THEM...
Its hard when you read, but when you go trou this,i cant imagin...i wish you all the best. Be strong and smart on your wey.
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!
SO SORRY you have SUCH A DEMONIC, ABUSIVE DAD!
ANATHEMA!
GOD ALMIGHTY FORBID!
An ABSOLUTE DEMON!
Call him out!
Return to Sender!
And have NOTHING to DO with that BEAST en route to HELL for mistreating you so heinously!
God Bless YOU & Heal YOU! . ..
Love & Best!
+ + +
+Q-S/
I am sorry for your experience but I am proud of your action and decision because you have healed your entire bloodline/ancestors and your soul by choosing love and healthy bonds not abusive people no matter what title they have in life.
i went total gray rock against my narcissistic “mom” a few years ago. i went completely silent and stopped allowing her to control my life and my emotions
The only tool left in the toolbox is grey rocking the narcissist. It’s time to withdrawal from them, remain silent and begin the process of healing . Narcissist thrive on drama. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Thanks Kevin for your insights , words of wisdom and help . Many years ago we spoke over phone and was there for me. I’ll never forget your kindness and truly believe you are one of Gods Angels on this cold corrupt Earth.
👑💯
Yes they do thrive on drama. Nearly sucked in but thankfully walked away before it was too late.
No, unfortunately they could care less what you say.
True 👑💯
But don’t you think this makes total sense? To survive attachment trauma they invented a false self, and don’t have any way out of that. If they acknowledge ANY other human being at all this means certain death. That’s how their psyche adapted to trauma.
All that can be done is to get as far away from them as is humanly possible and work on why one would not have the boundaries that are necessary to keep narcissists and borderlines out. The problem is boundaries, never the narcissist. The narcissist demonstrates that fact very clearly.
ua-cam.com/video/IWVu64lZMn8/v-deo.html
*couldn't care less
You are worth so much more. Leave the narc, move on, heal, and expect better. Stay no contact...no matter what they do. Get away from them so they can’t find you if possible. I learned from experience that they will do anything and everything to get to you and punish you if you reject them.
What do I do if they’re my coworker
@@Bunny11344 when it was a coworker for me, I let management know that this person was harassing me and they told me exactly what to say to her if she reached out to me again. I did that and reported to them that she reached out to me again. She finally left me alone. I didn’t have to work directly much with her so it helped my case.
When you have to have the last word, all it does is set up a "who breaks first" game.
He broke my heart. He broke me. I feel sick. Over and over. I let him back in. He hurt me again.
Paula Boynton they are usually always wrong. For your best interest. Scary hah? Truth is questionable, from them. You ask God to guide you. Only HE can save us in Jesus Christ. Only reason I still get up each day. I’m struggling to stay in this world. Destruction on me, isn’t the way. God bless you. 🙏🏼💜
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The same thing Paula! I know what you mean, but please, please forgive yourself! Look at the truth Kevin points out and at all the resounding “amens” we all feel about the truths! Don’t waste another tear, but instead realize the pit they (narsacists) dwell in - where they belong, without your heart torn in two by them~ god bless!
The long term narc abuse causes horrible short time PTSD but the life lessons teach so well, once you recover somewhat and can think straight again. No contact is vital for healing. And lots of self pampering. 🌹🌹🎶
I was in a love triangle on and off for 6 years with a narc, then I was hoovered back by him after 10 years of not seing him, only to be discarded after 5 months into the relationship. My head went on an obsessive loop trying to understand. I started to see the pattern and looked for info, now I know he is a narcissists. I'm in no contact from now and forever. No contact is the only thing that will help you out of the trauma bond addictive pattern, the only thing that will help you gain back your dignity, sanity and self worth. Set up a plan for yourself, create your future without this person, find your own happiness. Focus on you. 🙌🏻🌺♥️🦋
Thank you Kevin.
I silently left the relationship I had with a narcissist. I stopped responding with "complete silence".!
The silent treatment that I had been experiencing from them, at the time.. was met with my "permanent silence".
Anyone who associated with the narcissist.. was also met with my "permanent silence" as well.!
I silently culled many people from my life.. over night.!
As I look back, I realize that my non response to the smear campaign.. my non response to hoovering attempts.. and cutting the chords to these people with "silence"..was "empowering".! You don't have to explain yourself.
Your "silence" speaks volumes.! It says to them.. "I am wise to you" .. "I have too much self respect, thanks".
Those who don't make the effort to hear your side of the story, or who invalidate your experience.. aren't worth it.!
Give them ALL the permanent "good riddance" with silence.
👑💯❤️ very well said
Spot on I am doing the same ❤
I love Stonewalling toxic people. In a perfect world I wouldn't have to use it.
I've recently had to go no-contact with my extended family on both sides of the family. Both sides had very bizarre political and religious views in addition tried to indoctrinate me in supporting things I don't support (i.e. - sports/sports teams, political candidates, religious views). Over the weekend I lost an uncle to a car accident and the people on my dad's side of the family finally showed their true colors. It's sad to let go of family but as another channel I watch said that sometimes "water is thicker than blood". It's so true.
I'm NO CONTACT with my siblings for a few years now and no longer do I have to have that cognitive dissonance of speaking with them anymore. Life is better on the other side
Reminds me of when Jesus sent out his disciples and told them to shake the dust off their feet to towns that wouldn’t receive them.
👍 Listen to me... This solves everything... "Let the DEAD bury their OWN".... Leave them alone & never look back. "PAST TENSE people can NOT be a part of your FUTURE." Simply.... Theyre gone. And I dont believe JESUS Christ of Nazareth even wanted to ever be there, ever, in the FIRST PLACE. 👀👀👀👀. Facts. 👼🔯
EXACTLY. I told you so... So follow instruction.... and stay separate from them. 🚫👿👽💀❎. Some pay attention... Some don't. The PROPHECY is REAL. 👑🔯
Right.
Grayrock is everything! Don't open that door! It's just a compromise of your own integrity! A message to your subconscious mind that you are somehow required to ever have to unnecessarily explain yourself!
Amen Sister! Gray Rock will give you some peace!
Hallelujah 🙏🙏
@@salonsavy6476 😊💖💖🌌🌌💕💕
I just realised I an subconsciously using grey rock method with people in general. In the past I have allowed individuals to over spend my time. Not now. I have deleted some social media apps from my phone, especially the major one WhatsApp. If individuals genuinely want to contact me, they have three options: direct call, SMS, or email.
@@ShiaGirl18 honestly independence is a great thing! Let me people in on your terms and when/if you're ready! 💖💖🌌🌌🥰😊😊
I been trying this on my dad for weeks and he finally called today (SINCE FATHERS DAY)to say: why didnt you call me on fathers day, I paused and said nothing, then he said why dont you call me.. I said it would be nice for you to ask how I was or say hello first, he said I see how you are going to be and I will never call you again...
Wow...so sorry. That must have hurt
Lucky you lol. It still hurts though. I don't care what anyone says
@T. Nasha girl he called a few more times asking why I’ didn’t call him for Father’s Day. Again... smh then got jealous when I was doing stuff for my now 96 year old grandma and bedbound fiancé.. they are so selfish and self righteous and thanks alot
Soooo sad.
You should not have answered anything. Just hung up quietly and leave him to figure out stuff
They choose to work with the devil. Sneaky individuals.What you say is exactly what I m doing now. Just silence. Thank you men for this video.
In the beginning of being silent I hoped he’d want to talk about things. Now I don’t care
I have a family like this. A sister and brother that always talk about everyone in the family. They cause chaos in the family all the time. I just try to stay away from them as much as possible.
Wise 👑💯 family is often the worst when it comes to intentionally bullying and fighting for some sense of positioning in the narcissistic hierarchy
Wow...going through this right now. It sucks!!
HANG IN THERE. YOU WILL SURVIVE. TOOK ME A LOMG TIME BUT I AM NARC FREE.
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Thank you for the insightful advice, Kevin. There is a song titled "Silence is golden" which is a reminder to us all that a long talk without being heard is truly tiring and mentally draining. God bless you.
Omg, excellent point
This one made me cry. The hardest thing I did was go silent and no contact, and everything you said would happen, did. I was tired of riding the hamster wheel of disfunction and see myself in a constant state of chaos and reaction. But it was the best thing I ever did. For my mental health, for living out who God created me to be, for taking care of my family. I still feel there’s so much healing and growth to go. Nearly 8 yrs later, I still react, and struggle to assess and respond. By God’s grace and His mercy, I live and thrive like I never have before. Thank you for sharing with truth and clarity.
Happened to run into my ex narcissist. Hadn't spoken to eachother in nine months. They sheepishly said Hi followed by my name. I didn't even look at, acknowledge or speak to that individual and continued to stay silent. Never again will I give that person the time of day after experiencing such a deep heartbreaking betrayal from them. Being to cheated on and lied to is never okay. And silence really is your best weapon against someone with such a terrible personality disorder.
We've had a lopsided doctrine of walking in love with no discernment and basically no knowledge of how evil actually operates in destroying a person's soul. So in that sense we were perishing for lack of knowledge. Once this knowledge is gained, man the devil didnt want us to learn this, then we can be led by our spirit better. We have become a two-edged sword rather than a one edged sword.
Well said 👑💯🙌❤️
Cindy Robertson yes!!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻man what you said!!!! 🙌🏻
funny thing is many people think their addictions are not the problem . i've dated many many many many women and every single one has a major issue that caused problems . its so very hard for many people to understand we all have issues and most of us cannot deal with the other persons issues . i have many disabilities and together they make me unique to the dating world . i could have many friends if only i could accept their issues . and yet why should i stay friends that only use me and do not respect me . example : i have tinnitus and sensitive to loud sounds and yet most women i dated did not seem to care that them being so loud actually caused me pain . that being said most people do not care . thats why i'm poor .
@@carmichaelmoritz8662 hey man i have full clogged ears, that cracks, eustachian tube dysfunction, tinnitus, and hyperacusis, i lost the ability to focus and sleep. It's all thanks to years of listening to loud music through headphones and earphones. It's so painful and devastating man
@@brahimlh2909 i understand . that being said most healthy people dont know how good they have it .
This video is so refreshing to see. There’s not enough these videos for born again Christians. This might sound crazy to some but having spoken to the God through the Bible, when He had revealed that my relatives were narcissistic I wanted to help them and reveal what God had spoken to me however he gave me the exact scripture. Matthew 7:6. There were times Christ also remained silent.
Please keep up the fantastic work.
I believed we are in a "time" of purging these people who lack soul and a conscious. An accident forced me back to my family after no contact for 5 straight years. My mom is so good that when she cares for you it makes you feel so good then out of no where she will create a situation to challenge my peace. I have been living with them for the past year and in that time she has provoked me twice after living together in 6 months of peace. 2nd time I shut down completely. Getting ready to move back into my life and they don't even know I'm leaving. I'm good and done this time. I'm too old for this. I knew her behaviors were wrong when I was a child and I couldn't leave and support myself but now I can. Not even mad. Just over it.
I feel your pain. Please know you are making the right decision. New beginnings for you from here on. Praying for your new sound happiness🙏☺👍
Tina - I'm right there with you! Sort of! My parents asked my husband & I to come care for them 10 years ago & I knew better, but the Bible says honor the mother & the father so we did... turns out my narc mother decided my daughter was her slave, I was her verbal & physical punching bag, my 18 month old son (at the time) she keeps, to this day, threatening to call DHR on me for, & my husband who was working 65 hrs a week, at that time & had a 1 hr commute each way, should get a second job. I have severe lupus & haven't been able to work since 2008. And The Good Lord knows I'd give anything to work again! But lupus & associated diseases plus chemo... I just can't. And dont think she ever let me forget how big a failure I was as a wife, mother, daughter, and person. I do have another sister, & two brothers, but none of them would come care for them... in the last 10 years I think each of my brothers has been here a grand total of one time each! My sister has started to fill in as the "golden child" & I'll gladly pass that title on to her! Sorry for the long comment, but you're not alone!
@@MrsABC7997 Remember to take care of yourself first. Their battle is within, not with us. Protect your heart.
@@mamamia4147 Thanks 🙏
@Elle D IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR PARENTS WHO ABUSE YOU. LEAVE THAT HOUSE, TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND HUSBAND AND RENT YOUR OWN SPACE AWAY FROM TOXIC FAMILY MEMBERS. PROTECT YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF 1ST.
HEALING and FOCUS on my TALENTS and DESIRES!! NOW! She is out o my Life!!
This is extreme validation and I just feel like God made sure I heard this today. After a terrible gaslighting incident with extreme invalidation yesterday I so needed this and the reminder that my body will work all this reactive ness out and I’llbe ok. As an abuse survivor it can be really hard encountering a narcissist and sends me into my triggers. Thank you for this and that scripture 🙏
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Allie Belle, Looking at You I'm gonna say you will come out of the other side. And with a Beautiful Smile on your Face. Just Saying.
It’s a evil form of censorship.
Silence makes them come after you also as not trying or caring or being a Godly wife. It’s hard to even go silent.
Have had all this thrown at me. Heartbreaking 😡😥
Yes I've been falsely accused many times Kevin from these toxic malignant narcissist .
Thanks Kevin for being positive. It’s really appreciated
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The Royal We Would you mind doing a video about Narcissism vs Empaths? Sometimes there is a fine line of knowing if I am just a scapegoat or if behaviors are mirroring narcissism. Some well meaning UA-cam coaches don’t seem to acknowledge that there is a difference. I come away from the coaching, feeling like I have narcissistic personality. It really is frustrating.
@@jacquelynallen488 One of the things that helped me is understanding that both narcissism and codependency come from attachment trauma. This video can help a LOT in answering your question. I had the same confusion.
ua-cam.com/video/Mmac6AV8bjg/v-deo.html
I found with people with difficult personalities and narcissists, that if I share something that I’m excited about, or doing, they will immediately have to negate it and tell me what I should be doing instead and give me a long lecture instead of just saying, “oh that sounds exciting, tell me about it” or “I’m happy that you’re enjoying something.”
It’s always a rant, a lecture, their point of view, which is usually opposite to mine. And it is so exhausting that I don’t even want to share anymore.
I find this with the men in my life, it has never happened with any of my girlfriends.
No Contact almost 5 months now and have never felt better! Had a hoover at month 4 but just shook my head and deleted the message. He is blocked on all other social media and yes agree with giving away that power with one simply reply.. you're done. You have to maintain no contact to heal. Thank you Kevin!!
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I’m having to keep away from my adult daughter it’s so hard but I’m keeping away
@@suzannewebb7913 I know this feeling. My adult daughter is a viscous narcissist
This is EXACTLY what’s going on right now in my life. I’m just beginning the No Contact with the two narcissists in my family. One thing I’ve discovered over the years, is to not play games, expecting certain results. It has to come from a place of strength and authenticity. Expect nothing from them, because you’re doing it for your own peace of mind. They’re better at game playing anyway and you’ll always lose. There’s a sadness and sense of loss, because these are a couple of my closest family members. But I’m done with the crazy making, gaslighting, confusion and second guessing myself most of the time.
GOOD FOR YOU.
I hate being eaten up by those feelings. I went minimal contact but today I got a good dose of devaluing and hate. It’s devastating and I feel like I went back a hundred paces in not letting my siblings hateful words and sense of entitlement get the better of me. I hate that feeling inside. That helpless feeling of knowing that she really doesn’t care and I still do. I still love her but she is horribly toxic. It’s devastating and I feel like a fool.
I’m trying not be emotional about it but it’s hard today to not let her cruelty get the better of me. I try to be good like Jesus, you know, turning the other cheek but each encounter I have with her now gets worse.
It takes time and practice but it will eventually become second nature to you. The main thing is awareness, keep working on it until you get it just right.
I'm going through that right now. I accidentally exposed a covert narcissist. I didn't fully rip his mask off and humiliate him, but he's trying to get me to leave. I'm not saying anything, but just the fact I know what he is, makes him hate me.
Excellent video! Just rest easy, take care of yourself, eat better, clear your home, take up an activity that you discarded. Gradually, you take back yourself and what a delightful self it is.
After 30 years, he pulled his gun out, beware of narssissism
Unless you can really go no contact and not worry about "articulating your emotions" to your abuser, it doesn't work. They won't let you be silent. They will goad and prod you and accuse you of ignoring them until you spill everything, usually badly, then they'll attack and tell you what a horrible person you are "after all I've done for you." blah, blah, blah. Going no contact means that. If you have to articulate your emotions find a safe, uninvolved source.
You don't have to articulate anything. Just stay silent.
I recently had to leave and divorce my 27 year marriage husband. It got impossible to stay at home. This is one of the best descriptions i have heard. Bravo!!!!
Reacting is my failure but I went no contact so it's improving.
I am nobody's emotional slave anymore.
Narcissists do not take you serious including the no contact request. If we persevering they can not take out their frustrations on us and at some point they will know we were and we are serious.
Free will and personal adult choices.
They judge as if I am the one without a heart because I cut off my family.
Yet bullying and making covert mean remarks is allowed according to to them.
I flew away.
Peace of mind of peace give your heart to Jesus. God sees you, I’m praying for you. Strength, peace and preservation. 🙏🏼
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@@CharMinsky Thank you. I wanted to live with and for God from a young age but I forgot about myself that I may be happy. I ended up in evangelical manipulation churches and someone in church told me God was giving me the emotions from my environment. Friends etc.
Maybe it's true that I am sensitive to unspoken thoughts and feelings but it was also mis-leading my young life into a direction away from my study.
I read my bible for three years in the night feeling close to God but my friends and church people gossiped about me.
I left them all behind to be with Holy Spirit alone and free but then dangerous men crossed my path.its kind of bizarre, I felt like it was satan himself in the flesh.
I'm fine though.
I'm about to move to another town to start a new day and be who I am called to be.
Edit and I alleviate your words and prayer thank you. I was raised Christian but it was not about the heart.
When I had personal encounter with God's love my family started to feel different.
Or.. I became aware.
Honestly, lately I even started to doubt Christian concept trinity. What if that too is an illusion created by narcissists to control people. Condemnation etc.
At the other hand... God and the Holy Spirit were my best friends... Are. I woke up to the prey and predatory in this world so that's a start to avoid harmful connections in future.
Bless you too and thank you for praying😊 🌻
Even Jesus kept his silence when truth would not be heard (before the Sanhedrin, Pilot, and Herod). Thank you for nailing it in such a way that I (and we) get encouragement to hold our silence.
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Yes and Jesus even showed anger throwing the tables over outside the temple but didn’t sin
True silence is the best weapon against narcissist thank you
I go completely outta my way to ignore 5 narcissists....no responses ever. Peace is most important.
...Yes, I do the same. 👏
10 years later.. i have finally gotten enough courage and strength to put myself 1st. This is not an easy journey, but i know through God's strength.. I'll will heal and get through this!!!😥
Thank you! What an excellent video! I have studied this topic in depth due to my life-long history with narcissistic abuse, which began with my parents. It has taken me more than 40 years to discover the answers I found in this subject. I very much appreciate you using the term "narcissistic abuse" rather than "narcissists", as there are plenty of people who narcissisticly abuse but aren't necessarily narcissists. I am still learning to accept the cons of disengaging. I am fortunate to have had the experience of articulating my feelings to people who truly care and receive this with grace. And now I know the difference and choose that for myself. But if you ask me, the REAL pandemic we are facing is NARCISSISTIC ABUSE!
👑💯❤️ agreed
True
All this is so true. I also believed I could handle the situation and make everything okay. They simply aren't interested. Additionally, they want to hurt you and they will - even if you are their mom.
Is not easy to do with those who are raising children that you are worried about
Yeah I agree. Especially when they are using the system agaisnt you. You cant be silent when you have to co parent with young children
In the same boat...
I was in the same boat! The very good news is that the children will grow up! Now I am free from him!
This is facts don’t engage with them in no way! Block bock block block even if he attacks your appearance still spam it and block
U are a life saver ,May God always and constantly feed you with this amazing wisdom.
For some people it's just about images looking good in front of others
This makes great sense, I think the hardest part is reconciling what you’ve also lost whether actual or perceived. You set boundaries with silence so the fighting has ended but a lot has been lost around that. Doing the mourning is important too.
Just about everyone knew how bad the narc was treating me. If the narc smear, they know it's a lie.
Time to heal ❤
Thank God there are more people like me, I am not alone going through this.
Hey Kevin! Thank you for being there for us!
So true you will not win to argue with them
Yes so true it’s like playing tennis with them as soon as that ball comes at you , put it in your pocket and walk away . Just look at their faces looking all around them . Wtf 🤣🤣
Antoinette Gorman this is a cool analogy. Thank you
Yes! Just blocked them and their minions. Cant be bothered. Luckily the connection hadnt got very far. You hit the bail on the head with this video.
This is exactly what we have experienced. We thought we could help. We thought we could make things better. We let our compassion override our common sense. There's a reason we are told to be wise as serpents and harmless of doves. We need balance and I didn't have that. And it probably was Christian arrogance. But we've found out that the inner voice that guides most of us just isn't there in the narcissist. They don't have anything inside that corrects them. They have no regrets. They've done nothing wrong and if they had to do it all over again, they would do the same thing. There is nothing we can do to put that inside of them no matter how much we desire to do that for them. We are learning to stop beating our heads against a brick wall...it's not going to move....
Rose Marie Baumann .....agree....Their moral compass has been lobotomized...
@Emily Wheeler Thank you. Yes, I agree with everything you have said. We didn't realize this when we invited this person to live with us. We have learned the hard way the things that he has brought into our home and that are constantly attacking us. If this wasn't such an open to the public UA-cam comment section, there's a lot more that we could share. Experience is a hard way to learn but we are going through the fire now but God is in control even of this trial. One thing Kevin said that I'm trying to wrap my mind around is that when we experience these things, we are learning how God feels. I'm learning to look at people differently now. I always had the attitude that I could somehow help but now I know that that's not possible. There are higher entities involved....from Gen 6.....and Deut 32:8....that are enemies of God and of mankind made in the image of God.
Ah yes, the still small voice. I made excuses and tried to explain away the signals that my gut was sending me. Thank Jesus he forgave my stupid blindness.
Well said
This is true….as long as you are engaging with them, they are fed…starve them…say nothing!
Preach bro, this was good. We have to grieve the loss of the idea of a relationship (idea because it was a relationship to us but it was one-sided, it was not real). Sometimes these are people in our families, people we are conditioned to maintain bonds with. We have to grieve that we don't have that picture perfect scenario and may have to go no contact! Ultimately, we are whole in Christ and for anyone struggling with this loss, remember your faith family in God's Kingdom!!
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I wish I could do that but the Narc is my children's father and so I can't impose distance nor avoid attempting establish communications because the courts give him reason as father to be around the children, so he continues butting into my life and making mayhem all around it. He is in control using child support as weapon because honestly, he wants to destroy me. He cares less about his kids-it's all about his mad obsession of me as he claims abandonment.
Knowing I'd be blocking her and going NC gave one last heart felt message to her expressing my love right before it. Got a response stating I need therapy and what is wrong with me sending that thus you nailed con point one! Four days now NC. Pain is getting less than when we talked a couple days ago. Feeling I can do this now. Thanks for your support.
After so long trying to defend myself from the smear campaign and emotional abuse, the forgiving constantly, trying to be kind and communicate effectively was his biggest weapon against me. Once I got frustrated from the lack of empathy I lost control and fought...He twisted all my actions of service, into slavery and then lied and told others I never did anything but take from him...At the end, in his need for attention he decided to flirt w my friend in front of me when I invited her to our place, and completely invalidate me in her presence. I decided enough was enough then... I went silent, because the hurt was so much, I needed to retreat and love myself. I meant complete stonewall silence... I didnt even realized it had been a week of not speaking to him or being around at all (I live w the narc btw), since I was so distracted painting again, going out w friends and taking myself out to places, that enraged him. I woke up to him yelling to himself in his room, calling me selfish and petty, saying I was too much of a coward to argue like a grown woman etc... Mind you its 6am in the morning and he is angry venting to himself. I broke the silence to ask If hes ok ( mistake) but my concern turned into an open door for him to try to drag me into a devaluing verbal wrestling matchre.. I relized then that yes, these people are evil and they just want you miserable. The moment you take the steps to heal and love yourself and leave them behind in their own darkness, they lose their minds..
It has worked 100%...
They get bored and move on quickly to der next victim
This - still - sounds so very familiar... Me, over 60, still struggeling in life...
I’m so sorry. You’re not alone!
@@c.j1234 that's very sweet.
50s still struggling too it's a life thing for real people like us
@@nancywilliams5137 I'm sorry you too have to deal with this.
63 And still dealing with one ... I cannot leave ...😰
Thanks Kevin, I'm going through some of those issues now. Understanding this process and knowing it's normal makes me feel better. I'm on my way to a better life. ❤
I go no contact & grey rock the flunkies .
My breath is taken away as he speaks describing my life exactly, identical, that I’ve lived with my ex-husband. He’d say I’m crazy etc, I’m just learning the level of abuse he served me daily.
I’m finally done with reacting because I finally see that’s their goal