It gets really complicated when one partner was raised to be a very touch affectionate person and the other was raised in a very dysfunctional setting where touch is an uncomfortable sensation.
My family wasn't particularly touchy feely at all. However, I've gone the opposite way with my partner lol I can't stop hugging him and snuggling lol making up for lost time lol
my family was very "youre disgusting, youre a chore to the rest of us" and so, i just am very touch deprived on an actual loving being vs narcissistic "i only say i love you so that you sympathizewith me and i can be allowed to abuse it" type of stuff, so far no luck, every girl ive dated never treated it as 50/50 equal care to each other but im hopeful i guess.....
I once dated a person who refused to give me the physical touch I needed from them, and gaslit me when I finally had the courage to point it out. At the time, I felt like maybe I was overreacting, or in my head. Thank you for this video, it was very reassuring
I just broke up too with my girlfriend (she dumped me) over lack of physical intimacy. I think she meant sex, but we have just started to get to know each other and we were getting there. Then I realized I have never felt her love because she extremely rarely initiated touch, kiss, hug or anything, even she did not do this privately which was so awkward... I thought she is shy so my anxiety skyrocketed and went slow with things. Deep down, in my subconscious mind I felt unloved and soft-rejected, and I froze down a lot, made mistakes of not going forward enough. If she told me the truth that is, this is what happened, and it made her also not loved. It is strange that we both craved the physical intimacy so much yet neither of us were able to give it to the other person and this derailed everything.
You were. You were a narcissist expecting something of someone else while offering nothing in return but what you though was enough to cover your transactional requirements. Not love at all. You reap what you sow.
I craved physical intimacy even if it’s just a simple pat on the back because I grew up without physical affection. I can’t recall my parent hugging me or touching me affectionately.
@@StarDisc_MultiMedia Well not having any love in childhood is alot worse than getting love from parent that you disapprove. They are not even compareable.
Julie Baudelaire agreed, however, when you bend and bend for twenty years while begging your affection-less partner to try and meet you even just as smidge...the pain is constant and the suffering seems like it will never go away.
I was in an 8 year relationship like this. .. the first time I tired to hold his hand when we were first dating he slapped it away, so I knew what I was signing up for, but was stupid. I'll never settle for such a touch less, unaffectionate relationship again.
Yeah it was, but thankfully the guy I have been with the last two years is such a cuddler. Maybe I needed to experience its opposite to really appreciate the guy I have now, but I won't say it didn't leave scars cuz it did. Touch is definitely a human need.
I've never thought of myself as a "touchy" person, I'm mostly the awkward-contact one. But even so, I get the importance of physical contact, mostly when it comes to a romantic relationship. The lack of it can be so misleading and so demotivating. It truly affects the relationship; a simple gesture like holding hands has a lot of weight to it. And I didn't think of this too much, but watching this video just made me understand so many things about my former relationship... One gets tired of this "minor" rejection, of getting no response. I'm just getting the importance of this.
I grew up in a family that mocks or is disgusted at showing emotions. Saying “i love you” is a taboo. Being vulnerable is seen as pathetic. My boyfriend is the exact opposite. He’s been very understanding throughout the years. I just hope I’m not wearing him too thin.
I feel you. My family treats me as an outsider just because I am emotional. No physical touch, no verbal affection, nothing. My boyfriend has been understanding, but he really desires physical affection, which I am uncomfortable of. I fear that our relationship has worn thin, and we are so distant now.
I wasnt really raised to show my affection through touch or speaking. It was until recently i have dated a girl who saw this and helped me do exactly that! This has changed my life to show people how much i care for them through my actions and words :]
I can't wait for a partner to hold hands with, hug, dance, and what else (nonsexual) we can do to feel better. I really wish I had someone to hold me when things are bad. Not to fix it but to just be there like I would for them.
We’ve normalised a lack of physical connection.. actually all types of connection and intimacy, I honestly believe to heal this world we need to learn how to bring intimacy and connection back into our lives .. we need to prioritise connection, relationships and friendships in our lives ❤️
Why would we touch or love people who keep us hostage treat us like shit laugh at us as we're dying steal our credit and ignore us like we don't even matter. You people only give a fuck that you get touch, you don't give a fuck or give credit to anyone but yourselves
I have ADHD and sometimes get sensory overload, my ex often felt very insecure about this because sometimes I would just become very uncomfortable physically and he read it as me being disgusted by him or unattracted
And yet society has never been so disconnected and depressed in an age of instant communication. Why is this so? I have had several long relationships but have never and won't ever subscribe to 'social media'. IMHO, a virtual friend is virtually useless in a crisis. The time you most need a hug and kiss or a shoulder to cry on. Kind words and emoticons are a poor substitute for touch. I suffer crippling social anxiety but if I hadn't forced myself to socialise (joining clubs or walking the dog), I would really be alone and miserable. Good luck.
@@InnerRise Fair enough. That is your choice. Please just remember that we take a risk anytime we reveal our affections to another person. I have been cheated on before which broke my heart. I could have quite easily given up after that sort of pain. But after a period of alone time, I decided that I enjoyed companionship. I sincerely hope that you start to feel better about yourself and, only if you enjoy it, find a companion. I'm sure that you are quite a nice person. All the best.
Touching is an additional tool of the body to express something and is just as important as speaking and that is what humans need to communicate and express themselves!
Unfortunately it seems too late once the other person naturally doesn’t want to touch. Pointing it out is fine, but neither party wants to force touch / a forced touch that’s out of pity or coercion.
I'm living that exact same situation, and really i've already lost all hope that it will change with time, so I'm trying not to long for her touch anymore, in order to not bother her with my needs. It is, however, not emotionaly healthy at all, and we might fall apart over that at some point.
@@shubashuba3978 I already did, but I brought it up and was told I was clingy and wasn't giving her space for her to reach out to me. What a strange issue to break up over, I still don't believe it happened. People are indeed feeling too independent for real relationships nowadays.
@@robertkesler664 Sometimes it's just from the way you were brought up as a kid, I had parents who had anxious personalities, didn't show too much affection toward each other (they did toward me, and they were also overprotective), so in my relationships, I can feel a bit ''claustrophobic', suffocated by the love. That doesn't mean that I don't care about my partner (or that I'm thinking about somebody else), it simply feels unnatural and uncomfortable to be the way they want me too. PS: I'm not a social freak:))) I kiss, hug, etc, people, I just don't feel the need to do it as often as others.
@@wickedloonuh89 The point is, you obviously are allowed to it a lot less often if it bothers you. But, I apoligize for making my case an example, she and I haven't even kissed in seven moths. Not like I haven't tried back then; I just got rejected every single time. That kind of thing, is hell. Is a problem that many people has to cope with every day, for such a long time, and sometimes it is never really fixed... The only reason I'm staying, and probably the reason the others whom have been living through the same thing are staying, is because I still love her. But I am not happy with her.
My ex treated me this way and when I tried to talk to him about it he said basically that I as too needy.......that is one of the reasons he is my ex. Thanks for much for putting up these videos it gives me a window into how to have excess successful relationship in the future.
Love has many expressions and faces. The expression of love is not confined exclusively to touch, it's one of several ways of expressing the same emotion. As the saying goes: "one truth, many paths" and for some people, the dominant way of expression is touch, for others it's words, quality time or being of service in some way. Not everyone adores being touched, whereas others do, it's okay either way as we all have a different language but we're both on the same road, emotionally and spiritually.
This happened in my relationship. I was always touchy-feely, no matter what. But when it stopped being reciprocated and I didn't understand why. We'd even go away together and she felt so distant, even right next to me. It was soul-destroying.
This video illustrates what I couldn’t put into words at the end of my marriage. I recently heard the term “neglectful narcissist,” referring to someone who dismisses another person’s emotional needs. Or, they may go so far as to deny that the emotions you are experiencing are real. Or, that you have no justification for feeling a particular emotion or, at the least, you shouldn’t be feeling it as strongly as you do. This was detrimental to my understanding of myself and my ability to understand and accept my own needs for connection. Over 15 years later, this video reminds me that those who disregard our human need to touch and feel loved are either being abusive or have severe deficits themselves. We must not accept a “touch-free” life for ourselves. We have a right to ask for the touch our bodies and minds truly need for us to be at our best.
Yet another very good reason as to why I broke up with my fiancée; the man never touched me. Never. And I don't even mean sexually. I mean that, when we were all over at my sister's place to hear whether she was having a baby boy or girl, and we found out he was a boy--her first boy--and I learned in to kiss my fiancée because I was so happy and excited, he pulled away from me. It really wasn't until then that I finally put two and two together about him being physically repulsed by me. I'm not saying we should have been making out constantly, obviously, but to find your significant other so repugnant is kind of a problem, no?
@@chasbodaniels1744 nothing new, some boys don't wash hands in US I am boy myself, it grosses me out when they just come out of stall and walk out of restroom. After seeing that in high school made me anti social person after finishing high school
Crazy things is.. I don’t like being touched UNTIL I am comfortable. It sounds so selfish but the anxiety I feel on the inside is worse. Oddly enough I love & craze intimacy, closeness..💗
Having my hand held lovingly makes me happy and warm. I need more hugs, too. (Sigh) Being lovable and worthwhile makes a difference. I made a difference. Where's my Love!? (Tears) #neverme
This was always my number one compliment from men. That I had an amazing touch. It has magical powers. Then one day a man ignored me and gave me the silent treatment and in return I relinquished my touch and watched him die from the inside out. It is natural to give and receive all forms of affectionate.
Im a man, and ive been getting the same compliment from my friends :) They say they feel that i mean it, when i touch them. They feel the intention of giving them love, that its not accidentaly or smth from autopilot. Definetly one of the best compliments ive got so far :) Im a painter and like knitting and sculpting, i guess ive got smth in my hands that radiates. 🌼
Embrace your shadow and explore it. Hold space for your own uncomfortable feelings and then you'll find the solution to any problems you may have, including whether or not this video has touched upon a sore spot 💪
My loneliness isn’t a sore spot to me. More a testament to the nature of who I am. I’ll naturally have only a few I’m close to, because I can’t imagine investing more of myself into anyone else. There will be times of solitude, And maybe sometimes it will be more often than not, but I can’t change who I am.
But what if the other person doesn’t want to be touched? Or maybe they don’t want to be touched as frequently as their partner? The same in friendships too. What if they don’t want to be hugged as often as the other person? It can be very uncomfortable to force yourself to hug someone back when you really want your own arms and body to yourself. And it makes you feel guilty that it feels forced and also makes you feel more guilty if you reject. I think having conversations about touch/physical affection can be just as difficult if not more difficult to convey to someone from this angle since you don’t want to hurt the person. Love can be showed in more ways than one.
hailz bailz I understand that physical affection is important in a relationship and I don’t mean a total discomfort or absence of physical affection. I mean varying affection needs - differences in desired frequency of shows of physical affection. Is this really seen as a reason to not continue a relationship?
Lately and in general, I found that I was the friend who wanted to pat a shoulder or embrace , while my friend “subtly recoiled” as described in this video. It is hard for me to gauge which friends will be open to (obviously platonic) touch. I guess asking if it’s ok for them could be the first step. But it doesn’t mean they will ever say yes, and they shouldn’t be pressured to, as you described. On a side note, I had a teacher in 3rd grade who yelled at me and said that I touch the other students too much- I was high fiving my friends in the hall! I try not to resent her for that shame, and now wonder if she just also didn’t like physical touch in general.
I agree. I think that you don't need to have the touch and the hugs and the hand-holding if one person does not want it. I think what is important is that you discuss it and you help them understand that a lack of desire to hold their hand is not a lack of love for them, and you find other ways to express your love, or you help them to see the ways you already do. And yes, if it is really that important to one person, then you compromise or you split up. But it is not inherently bad to not like or want as much touch as other people do.
I feel the exact same thing you said. My partner wants to have physical affection (more than holding hands, kissing, hugging) but I'm not comfortable with it. We've talked with each other and always get into fight. I ended up agreeing with him because I can't bear watching him feel bad. What should I do? Please give me some advice.
This is on point, I definitely agree with this. Communication is very essential in every relationship. And I think touching your partner is another way of communication.
My entire family was always very affectionate and I’ve never had any sort of trauma, so that fact that I hate all forms of affection, especially physical, is so strange. And I still haven’t been able to figure out why I am this way.
It is really hard for me to touch and hug my friends, my parents and in general people I just met, but when I'm dating and I know that its a serious relationship (or even if it's just for fun) I dont feel awkward or unease anymore.
Most of us in middle age. What's more lonely? Married without any intimacy or touch or single? Nothing worse than to reach out and be shrugged off .Can't even talk about it.
My relationship of 30 years stopped 2 1/2 years ago. Strangely enough, I don't miss his touch at all. Nor the hugs or the sex. For the first time in a long long time I feel free. I can breathe. I open up. The point I am trying to make is that there is not 1 meaning of touch or the absence of touch.
I believe in the power of physical contact to make people get closer to each other, to make someone comfortable and happy. It's the power that we can learn from someone and use for someone in a right way.
I am still struck by how elegantly meaningful and beautifully animated these videos are. Never stop, School of Life. You are creating wonderful and deep messages for all of us.
My partner is forever touching me. Sometimes she bites my arm or leg-leaving bruises! She tells me how much it means to her when I hold her hand in public. And complains when I don't initiate intimacy often enough. Touch is so important in a relationship IMO.
Huge reason I left a long term relationship. After years of pulling their hand away and me doing a The work I knew they couldn’t give me what I needed. My current partner makes effort even if it’s not their thing and weren’t raised with loving touch and relationships who pulled love away from them.
Brings to mind this poem by Keats, 'Touch has a memory.' 'What can I do to drive away Remembrance from my eyes? for they have seen, Aye, an hour ago, my brilliant Queen! Touch has a memory. O say, love, say, What can I do to kill it and be free In my old liberty?'
Hello there! You may also want to watch this and read the comments. ua-cam.com/video/e-WCz951EBc/v-deo.html You will definitely feel less alone. Have a nice evening :- )
So appropriate to watch this video after a breakup due to lack of touch/intimacy. I'm afraid I was asking too much to my supposed ex-girlfriend. I wanted to touch, hug, kiss, you know... basically connect emotionally. She just turned the other way and "only" wanted to be f****d hard. Make no mistake, I love it like any guy. During the brief time we were together (around 3 months) she introduced me to her family, friends and asked me to spend NYE with her. Still trying to get my head around it for such behavior 🙄
This can be extremely difficult if you have ever been the victim of sexual abuse. I know the rules then have to be different, offcourse, but how difficult it can be to explain completely to a partner why I can't always touch them. It's not that I never did but sometimes after a while my body just says no and every touch after that feels like a violation. I've been in psychotherapy for five years - this will never go away. I guess very good communication is the key.
I had the same thing happen to me the solution is you suck it up blink and fix your brain he is not the one who did this to you so forget it as a man its easyer I assume but you have to take those feeling and destroy them you have to cure your brain I did it though exercise boxing give it six months and it will never bother you again
I told him for years this is what I wanted, he was willing to lose me over it...I guess I didn't mean as much as I thought to him...I still love him but I am figuring out how to move on.
This is the only place I ever go where I'm embarassed to post my thoughts because I probably sound so immature being only 21 It won't stop me because talking and having a sounding board is how I learn But damn am I hyperaware that I'm practically a child in the grand scheme of things It really makes you realize how small you are How little you really do know when you go your entire life to date being told time and time again how emotionally mature and self aware you are Many of my friends are older than me and that can really set you up for feeling more grown than you are
My ex, who I just found out after has NPD, would take away physical touches like this to poison drip me. Leave anyone who withholds touch as a form of punishment.
I truly, truly despise that I want and need such an unholy and egregious amount of physical touch. Especially in the more intimate or romantic context. I stay drawn within because I never wanna hear about “personal space” ever again, or fear that there’s just something I won’t do right concerning those matters. I want the luxury of being cold, unfeeling and content with being completely alone. Never needing the physical embrace or intimacy of another human being.
I crave touch - feels like a physical pain at times to not have any (widowed 4yrs ago). But also touch makes me flinch. and I find it uncomfortable. I hate it when people touch my arm or back unexpectedly in conversation. I feel like I’m about to be rejected if people get to close - like they’ll see how disgusting I am. Hangover of growing up in a physically abusive family.
If you have to make repeated requests to be touched, cherished, and protected, it gets old fast; then you just give up because it makes you feel like a demanding harpy. It’s too much work, and it makes you feel like a needy beggar. Such is the life of a touchless relationship. 😢
The worst part of this is when you bring it to your partner, you get the run around about it. I've been in a relationship for almost 20 years and for the last 10+ we have had little to no physical relationship some of it due to me stepping out emotionally and seeking another relationship with a woman, which is what it's always blamed on regardless of the fact that it started about 5 years prior to that incident. We've been trying to work through things with very little healing or forgiveness. It's very very hard now. I really don't know what to do, I don't want to leave because we have 4 children some of which are young. Not having any physical relationship is a death sentence for a marriage as far as I'm concerned, but my wife seems to think that it's no problem, but I honestly think she won't ever forget and is subconsciously seeking out someone else.
@@gabriellec7813 Sure. I wasn't responding to you, but the commenter above you. However, if one partner feels that they need more touching in the relationship, the emotionally mature thing to do is to bring it up in conversation. Staying quiet because it is a "small" issue, doesn't benefit anyone
Exactly. I think when minds touch each other then touching body parts is not as important. Most people can't achieve this so they rely on touching body parts and getting close. This is what's responsible for so many divorces and separations.
My partner got the message after 18 yrs that i did not want to.hold hands at all since he could not or not would not make any adjustments while i made all the adjustments. The final blow to me was one day he made so.many adjustments fir his new gf. He basically told me i dont want to do the same thing to her that i did to you.This is after all my relatives devalued me because i was tired of being patient with him
Touch not accepted is the one which could not be properly rejected....thus it does no longer communicate intimacy, but it brings up a memory of its disruption.
I’m fine with holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. but I just have a strong limit lol. I can’t stand feeling as if someone is constantly hanging off me or attached to my hip.. In my family, we’re not very open with affection and emotions, so when it comes to romantic relationships, even what would be considered a normal amount of physical touch would feel like too much for me at times. Touch is much more intimate and powerful to me when it’s genuine. So I can’t do it “just cuz” either. We can have our cuddle times together, but when I need space, I NEED my space.
I show my love to my family, friends and partners touching them, touching their hands, their head, hair, arms, holding them.. and that's how I feel loved, not when someone says : "I love you", it's when someone hugs me, kiss me or hold me. So I know how important it's this.
An inert hand or lack of touch is truly a serious problem, as we feel it is. The request to be held and physically acknowledged, is a subject of deep gravity rooted in our capacity to tolerate and like ourselves. We should not compound the misery by a sense, that we are not allowed to feel or share it. Then, when we can manage it, we should pick up the partner's hand with a newfound confidence and say that the little flinch or inertness we feel when we do so is huge problem for us, they may be blithely dismiss as 'this touching business' is part of why we're in a relationship in the first place.
I'll never understand why touch avoidants get into relationships in the first place. If you want to be touchless you can always talk to your colleagues, friends, neighbors, etc., but a partner means love, touch and affection.
they need love like everyone else and they also need touch but are unable to be comfortable with it specially when the relationship get closer ,cause of their traumas
A partner means wrecking feelings, fucking around and dumping the victim youre saying is Called a partner. Thats what "love" is All about. To Hurt people. Nothing more, nothing less.
Growing up with hyperhydrosis I’ve always been scared to touch peoples hands because mine would always sweat, and now that I’ve gotten over that that fear still lingers and it’s my instinct to always pull away even when I don’t want to 😢
Touch, I remember touch Pictures came with touch A painter in my mind Tell me what you see A tourist in a dream A visitor it seems A half-forgotten song Where do I belong? Tell me what you see I need something more.
It gets really complicated when one partner was raised to be a very touch affectionate person and the other was raised in a very dysfunctional setting where touch is an uncomfortable sensation.
That's why I'm here.
My family wasn't particularly touchy feely at all. However, I've gone the opposite way with my partner lol I can't stop hugging him and snuggling lol making up for lost time lol
my family was very "youre disgusting, youre a chore to the rest of us" and so, i just am very touch deprived on an actual loving being vs narcissistic "i only say i love you so that you sympathizewith me and i can be allowed to abuse it" type of stuff, so far no luck, every girl ive dated never treated it as 50/50 equal care to each other but im hopeful i guess.....
Gradually make it comfortable, because affectionate/compassionate touch is the most profound manner to be intimate, I think.
I am the latter :(
A simple touch can mean a lot, physically, emotionally, between partners.
I agree so much.
Patrick: Touch.
Officer: Don't touch.
Very very tru
and rejection from that touch can be truly painful
@@elessar60 true😢😢😢
it’s crazy how withdrawn and lonely we are and don’t even realize it... need a HUG?
Moses Emmet a hug sounds great, here’s one in return 🤗
Yes, but a hug from the "right" person, the one I want to receive it from.
Helgali too real
THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT!
Very much so..Yes 😔🤗
This is the most meaningful channel in whole of UA-cam.
One of the most meaningful channels...
@@bouchtaab8281 yes
you might like jay shetty and trent Shelton too :)
I once dated a person who refused to give me the physical touch I needed from them, and gaslit me when I finally had the courage to point it out. At the time, I felt like maybe I was overreacting, or in my head. Thank you for this video, it was very reassuring
currently being gas light when I bring the subject up my partner has a way of making me feel bad for wanting and needing affection
I just broke up with my girlfriend over this.. for months I thought I was overeacting but now.. I know
@@richies_muse life's to short for no affection
I just broke up too with my girlfriend (she dumped me) over lack of physical intimacy. I think she meant sex, but we have just started to get to know each other and we were getting there. Then I realized I have never felt her love because she extremely rarely initiated touch, kiss, hug or anything, even she did not do this privately which was so awkward... I thought she is shy so my anxiety skyrocketed and went slow with things. Deep down, in my subconscious mind I felt unloved and soft-rejected, and I froze down a lot, made mistakes of not going forward enough. If she told me the truth that is, this is what happened, and it made her also not loved. It is strange that we both craved the physical intimacy so much yet neither of us were able to give it to the other person and this derailed everything.
You were. You were a narcissist expecting something of someone else while offering nothing in return but what you though was enough to cover your transactional requirements. Not love at all. You reap what you sow.
I touch myself , that means i love myself.
Y2Kvids hahhaha okay
Same here :3
But I hate myself instead :(
I love myself but I'm not IN love with myself.
Haha
This comment caught me by surprise haha well played 😂
I craved physical intimacy even if it’s just a simple pat on the back because I grew up without physical affection. I can’t recall my parent hugging me or touching me affectionately.
I feel your pain. I went thru the same thing growing up in my childhood.
physical affection also depends on whos giving it to you
you wont feel the same if you hate and/or the person isnt special to you
@@StarDisc_MultiMedia Well not having any love in childhood is alot worse than getting love from parent that you disapprove.
They are not even compareable.
Sadly that was and is me😔
Lol same here. But you get used to it after a decade or so, without touch. You Will at some point completely forget what touch even is
Many people only feel loved when they are physically touched. 🔥
Very true
True
Absolutely! A relationship with a cold partner is hell. It is better to be alone than being in a touch deprived relationship.
@@bolivar1789 you can always teach yourself how to see love in other its manifestations
Julie Baudelaire agreed, however, when you bend and bend for twenty years while begging your affection-less partner to try and meet you even just as smidge...the pain is constant and the suffering seems like it will never go away.
Our body has a MEMORY of its own just like the mind. It associates the touch of our lover as a feeling of love and intimacy!
I would add : our soul has a memory
@@Tedzee8 Indeed !
My body has amnesia
Well, that explains why I avoid being touched by anyone - my brain associates touch from any person as painful.
Touch shows intimacy
The Life Formula Intimacy shows
trust and concern for another
Touch is intimate. Of the highest level.
Can we talk about this amazing motion design ?
Mind blowing
Touch is absolutely vital to most humans. In a loving relationship I would say just holding hands routinely is even more important than sex .
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
lol yeah...it is important, you realize that the most when you're in a long distance relationship
I would say you realize it the most when you dont get it in a relationship (been in both situations) =)
Additionally, especially when you get out of a relationship.
hang in there! im assuming ure in one?
@@Julie-jl2kk yes
Yeah, it is so hard and this video made me cry because I want to touch him and I know he wants to touch me and we can't.
I was in an 8 year relationship like this. .. the first time I tired to hold his hand when we were first dating he slapped it away, so I knew what I was signing up for, but was stupid. I'll never settle for such a touch less, unaffectionate relationship again.
Amanda Forrester that’s horrid.. good for you
Yeah it was, but thankfully the guy I have been with the last two years is such a cuddler. Maybe I needed to experience its opposite to really appreciate the guy I have now, but I won't say it didn't leave scars cuz it did. Touch is definitely a human need.
Well you deserved it
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
I've never thought of myself as a "touchy" person, I'm mostly the awkward-contact one. But even so, I get the importance of physical contact, mostly when it comes to a romantic relationship. The lack of it can be so misleading and so demotivating. It truly affects the relationship; a simple gesture like holding hands has a lot of weight to it. And I didn't think of this too much, but watching this video just made me understand so many things about my former relationship... One gets tired of this "minor" rejection, of getting no response. I'm just getting the importance of this.
I grew up in a family that mocks or is disgusted at showing emotions. Saying “i love you” is a taboo. Being vulnerable is seen as pathetic. My boyfriend is the exact opposite. He’s been very understanding throughout the years. I just hope I’m not wearing him too thin.
I feel you. My family treats me as an outsider just because I am emotional. No physical touch, no verbal affection, nothing. My boyfriend has been understanding, but he really desires physical affection, which I am uncomfortable of. I fear that our relationship has worn thin, and we are so distant now.
I wasnt really raised to show my affection through touch or speaking. It was until recently i have dated a girl who saw this and helped me do exactly that! This has changed my life to show people how much i care for them through my actions and words :]
Aww thats cute. When did she dump you?
@@anderstermansen130 when your mom asked me out
??
@@anderstermansen130 you are taking your pain out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Direct it at the one who does.
I can't wait for a partner to hold hands with, hug, dance, and what else (nonsexual) we can do to feel better. I really wish I had someone to hold me when things are bad. Not to fix it but to just be there like I would for them.
Same man
Same here
I hope you found em. If not, our time will come.
@@PursuedByAMemory I've given up :) But If you want to, I'm sure you'll find yours!
@@lochpearled That's heartbreaking, I'm sure you will find yours too!
As a massage therapist, I would add it also matters a lot in life in general. Humans need positive touch in their lives
We’ve normalised a lack of physical connection.. actually all types of connection and intimacy, I honestly believe to heal this world we need to learn how to bring intimacy and connection back into our lives .. we need to prioritise connection, relationships and friendships in our lives ❤️
Why would we touch or love people who keep us hostage treat us like shit laugh at us as we're dying steal our credit and ignore us like we don't even matter. You people only give a fuck that you get touch, you don't give a fuck or give credit to anyone but yourselves
Ask why they don't feel comfortable with intimacy don't just get uppity and demand it there could be a bigger underlying issue
I have ADHD and sometimes get sensory overload, my ex often felt very insecure about this because sometimes I would just become very uncomfortable physically and he read it as me being disgusted by him or unattracted
We are creatures of connection
True as fuck!!
Brian Tobias yesir u got it right in the point
And yet society has never been so disconnected and depressed in an age of instant communication.
Why is this so?
I have had several long relationships but have never and won't ever subscribe to 'social media'. IMHO, a virtual friend is virtually useless in a crisis. The time you most need a hug and kiss or a shoulder to cry on.
Kind words and emoticons are a poor substitute for touch. I suffer crippling social anxiety but if I hadn't forced myself to socialise (joining clubs or walking the dog), I would really be alone and miserable. Good luck.
@@timsmith854 people suck. You take a risk not always worth taking when you put yourself out there.
I'm staying inside for the time being
@@InnerRise Fair enough. That is your choice. Please just remember that we take a risk anytime we reveal our affections to another person. I have been cheated on before which broke my heart. I could have quite easily given up after that sort of pain. But after a period of alone time, I decided that I enjoyed companionship.
I sincerely hope that you start to feel better about yourself and, only if you enjoy it, find a companion. I'm sure that you are quite a nice person. All the best.
Touching is an additional tool of the body to express something and is just as important as speaking and that is what humans need to communicate and express themselves!
Unfortunately it seems too late once the other person naturally doesn’t want to touch. Pointing it out is fine, but neither party wants to force touch / a forced touch that’s out of pity or coercion.
I'm living that exact same situation, and really i've already lost all hope that it will change with time, so I'm trying not to long for her touch anymore, in order to not bother her with my needs. It is, however, not emotionaly healthy at all, and we might fall apart over that at some point.
@@shubashuba3978 I already did, but I brought it up and was told I was clingy and wasn't giving her space for her to reach out to me. What a strange issue to break up over, I still don't believe it happened. People are indeed feeling too independent for real relationships nowadays.
@@robertkesler664 Sometimes it's just from the way you were brought up as a kid, I had parents who had anxious personalities, didn't show too much affection toward each other (they did toward me, and they were also overprotective), so in my relationships, I can feel a bit ''claustrophobic', suffocated by the love. That doesn't mean that I don't care about my partner (or that I'm thinking about somebody else), it simply feels unnatural and uncomfortable to be the way they want me too. PS: I'm not a social freak:))) I kiss, hug, etc, people, I just don't feel the need to do it as often as others.
@@wickedloonuh89 The point is, you obviously are allowed to it a lot less often if it bothers you. But, I apoligize for making my case an example, she and I haven't even kissed in seven moths. Not like I haven't tried back then; I just got rejected every single time. That kind of thing, is hell. Is a problem that many people has to cope with every day, for such a long time, and sometimes it is never really fixed... The only reason I'm staying, and probably the reason the others whom have been living through the same thing are staying, is because I still love her. But I am not happy with her.
Sunny Ky I'm sorry but if I can't touch my partner whenever I need to (within reasonable limits) it ends there.
My ex treated me this way and when I tried to talk to him about it he said basically that I as too needy.......that is one of the reasons he is my ex. Thanks for much for putting up these videos it gives me a window into how to have excess successful relationship in the future.
Love has many expressions and faces. The expression of love is not confined exclusively to touch, it's one of several ways of expressing the same emotion. As the saying goes: "one truth, many paths" and for some people, the dominant way of expression is touch, for others it's words, quality time or being of service in some way. Not everyone adores being touched, whereas others do, it's okay either way as we all have a different language but we're both on the same road, emotionally and spiritually.
5 love languages by dr Gary Chapman. All are important while some dominate - depends on a person.
PsycheandButterfly I was looking for someone to say it. Very nice wording
My primary 2 love languages are touch and quality time.
A simple reassuring demonstration of affection is never too much to ask. We are not lifeless abstract machines.
This happened in my relationship. I was always touchy-feely, no matter what. But when it stopped being reciprocated and I didn't understand why. We'd even go away together and she felt so distant, even right next to me. It was soul-destroying.
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
This video illustrates what I couldn’t put into words at the end of my marriage. I recently heard the term “neglectful narcissist,” referring to someone who dismisses another person’s emotional needs. Or, they may go so far as to deny that the emotions you are experiencing are real. Or, that you have no justification for feeling a particular emotion or, at the least, you shouldn’t be feeling it as strongly as you do.
This was detrimental to my understanding of myself and my ability to understand and accept my own needs for connection.
Over 15 years later, this video reminds me that those who disregard our human need to touch and feel loved are either being abusive or have severe deficits themselves. We must not accept a “touch-free” life for ourselves. We have a right to ask for the touch our bodies and minds truly need for us to be at our best.
I got cuddled for the first time
Best part of my life & its what i want out of life
Someone to love & cuddle
This is devastating too when your parent(s) don’t feel comfy giving you affection...
Yet another very good reason as to why I broke up with my fiancée; the man never touched me. Never. And I don't even mean sexually. I mean that, when we were all over at my sister's place to hear whether she was having a baby boy or girl, and we found out he was a boy--her first boy--and I learned in to kiss my fiancée because I was so happy and excited, he pulled away from me. It really wasn't until then that I finally put two and two together about him being physically repulsed by me. I'm not saying we should have been making out constantly, obviously, but to find your significant other so repugnant is kind of a problem, no?
The art is so beautiful that I forget to focus on what’s being said
Touch is amazing, just make sure your hygiene is on point.
I fell hard for a wonderful woman, but later found out that she rarely washed her hands!! *That* was a deal killer right there. Gross.
@@chasbodaniels1744 nothing new, some boys don't wash hands in US I am boy myself, it grosses me out when they just come out of stall and walk out of restroom. After seeing that in high school made me anti social person after finishing high school
The power of touch is more powerful than words. ✨
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
Crazy things is.. I don’t like being touched UNTIL I am comfortable. It sounds so selfish but the anxiety I feel on the inside is worse. Oddly enough I love & craze intimacy, closeness..💗
Having my hand held lovingly makes me happy and warm. I need more hugs, too. (Sigh) Being lovable and worthwhile makes a difference. I made a difference. Where's my Love!?
(Tears)
#neverme
But can we just talk for a second about how amazingly is drawn this video? I live for it 🙌
This was always my number one compliment from men. That I had an amazing touch. It has magical powers.
Then one day a man ignored me and gave me the silent treatment and in return I relinquished my touch and watched him die from the inside out.
It is natural to give and receive all forms of affectionate.
Im a man, and ive been getting the same compliment from my friends :)
They say they feel that i mean it, when i touch them. They feel the intention of giving them love, that its not accidentaly or smth from autopilot.
Definetly one of the best compliments ive got so far :)
Im a painter and like knitting and sculpting, i guess ive got smth in my hands that radiates. 🌼
As always, after watching another School of Life video I feel more lonely. Can't be the only one, right? :)
Embrace your shadow and explore it. Hold space for your own uncomfortable feelings and then you'll find the solution to any problems you may have, including whether or not this video has touched upon a sore spot 💪
My loneliness isn’t a sore spot to me. More a testament to the nature of who I am. I’ll naturally have only a few I’m close to, because I can’t imagine investing more of myself into anyone else. There will be times of solitude, And maybe sometimes it will be more often than not, but I can’t change who I am.
Haha nope! You're right. Somehow they make me feel awkward
Touch is one of the most powerful ways to communicate. A simple touch can mean so much, emotionally and physically to your love once.
But what if the other person doesn’t want to be touched? Or maybe they don’t want to be touched as frequently as their partner?
The same in friendships too. What if they don’t want to be hugged as often as the other person? It can be very uncomfortable to force yourself to hug someone back when you really want your own arms and body to yourself. And it makes you feel guilty that it feels forced and also makes you feel more guilty if you reject.
I think having conversations about touch/physical affection can be just as difficult if not more difficult to convey to someone from this angle since you don’t want to hurt the person. Love can be showed in more ways than one.
hailz bailz I understand that physical affection is important in a relationship and I don’t mean a total discomfort or absence of physical affection. I mean varying affection needs - differences in desired frequency of shows of physical affection. Is this really seen as a reason to not continue a relationship?
Lately and in general, I found that I was the friend who wanted to pat a shoulder or embrace , while my friend “subtly recoiled” as described in this video. It is hard for me to gauge which friends will be open to (obviously platonic) touch. I guess asking if it’s ok for them could be the first step. But it doesn’t mean they will ever say yes, and they shouldn’t be pressured to, as you described. On a side note, I had a teacher in 3rd grade who yelled at me and said that I touch the other students too much- I was high fiving my friends in the hall! I try not to resent her for that shame, and now wonder if she just also didn’t like physical touch in general.
I agree. I think that you don't need to have the touch and the hugs and the hand-holding if one person does not want it. I think what is important is that you discuss it and you help them understand that a lack of desire to hold their hand is not a lack of love for them, and you find other ways to express your love, or you help them to see the ways you already do.
And yes, if it is really that important to one person, then you compromise or you split up. But it is not inherently bad to not like or want as much touch as other people do.
I feel the exact same thing you said. My partner wants to have physical affection (more than holding hands, kissing, hugging) but I'm not comfortable with it. We've talked with each other and always get into fight. I ended up agreeing with him because I can't bear watching him feel bad. What should I do? Please give me some advice.
Incompatibility
This is on point, I definitely agree with this. Communication is very essential in every relationship. And I think touching your partner is another way of communication.
Another example of how the little things really are the most important. Thank you for another great video.
My entire family was always very affectionate and I’ve never had any sort of trauma, so that fact that I hate all forms of affection, especially physical, is so strange. And I still haven’t been able to figure out why I am this way.
What’s your mbti?
Are you Ace? What’s your MBTI?
It is really hard for me to touch and hug my friends, my parents and in general people I just met, but when I'm dating and I know that its a serious relationship (or even if it's just for fun) I dont feel awkward or unease anymore.
Most of us in middle age. What's more lonely? Married without any intimacy or touch or single? Nothing worse than to reach out and be shrugged off .Can't even talk about it.
this speaks straight to the heart!
I make sure to always touch my husband around. Wether it’s a love tap, hold hands when driving or walking. Or a long hug. It’s the best…Married 14yrs
Out of the “Five Love Languages”, touch is last on my priorities. But, it’s the one I remember and treasure the most for some reason.
My relationship of 30 years stopped 2 1/2 years ago. Strangely enough, I don't miss his touch at all. Nor the hugs or the sex. For the first time in a long long time I feel free. I can breathe. I open up. The point I am trying to make is that there is not 1 meaning of touch or the absence of touch.
I believe in the power of physical contact to make people get closer to each other, to make someone comfortable and happy. It's the power that we can learn from someone and use for someone in a right way.
*Aging is not 'lost youth,' but a new stage of opportunity and strength.*
Euphemism
Or less opportunity and weakness.
Or sagginess and depression
I am still struck by how elegantly meaningful and beautifully animated these videos are. Never stop, School of Life. You are creating wonderful and deep messages for all of us.
What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.
Sam Gafford 😂😂
Sam Gafford now that’s stuck in my head...Night at the Roxbury style.
Wooooooooaaaaaaaaah x3
@@benharrison8604 I was about to write it in myself!!! Hahahahaha!!!
Lack of touch is very painful even more so in a marriage.
My partner is forever touching me. Sometimes she bites my arm or leg-leaving bruises! She tells me how much it means to her when I hold her hand in public. And complains when I don't initiate intimacy often enough. Touch is so important in a relationship IMO.
Huge reason I left a long term relationship. After years of pulling their hand away and me doing a The work I knew they couldn’t give me what I needed. My current partner makes effort even if it’s not their thing and weren’t raised with loving touch and relationships who pulled love away from them.
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
the animator for all the vids on this channel should win some kind of industry award. really terrific.
Agree.
Brings to mind this poem by Keats, 'Touch has a memory.'
'What can I do to drive away
Remembrance from my eyes? for they have seen,
Aye, an hour ago, my brilliant Queen!
Touch has a memory. O say, love, say,
What can I do to kill it and be free
In my old liberty?'
Brilliant. Sometimes I stumble upon comments like yours, and it makes my day. Thanks for sharing culture around!
This is the best poem in English...
@@pcpmendonca You're so kind, it's comments like yours that encourage and help me feel less alone..
What a powerful poem... Thanks a lot for sharing. My question would be how to be free without killing that memory.
Lack out touch ended my long term relationship. I always thought it was lack of sex but it was lack of touch.
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
That's why this pandemic has been so hard on relationships. This is very hard.
Only touch i know is my keyboard.
Can we get a moment of silence for all of our virgin brothers.
Danielmeir and sisters 😂
Hello there! You may also want to watch this and read the comments. ua-cam.com/video/e-WCz951EBc/v-deo.html You will definitely feel less alone. Have a nice evening :- )
RIP to all the touchless virgins. I’m counted amount them _for sure_
(I don’t mean this sarcastically)
Well, at least we know our own touch after a night of streaming erotic whatever we're into. *Ahem…
Well... Maybe you need to keep some distance with your keyboard in order to find human connection
So appropriate to watch this video after a breakup due to lack of touch/intimacy.
I'm afraid I was asking too much to my supposed ex-girlfriend. I wanted to touch, hug, kiss, you know... basically connect emotionally. She just turned the other way and "only" wanted to be f****d hard. Make no mistake, I love it like any guy.
During the brief time we were together (around 3 months) she introduced me to her family, friends and asked me to spend NYE with her.
Still trying to get my head around it for such behavior 🙄
This is exactly situation I face with my man
When your Love Language is Touch 🙌🏾
This can be extremely difficult if you have ever been the victim of sexual abuse. I know the rules then have to be different, offcourse, but how difficult it can be to explain completely to a partner why I can't always touch them. It's not that I never did but sometimes after a while my body just says no and every touch after that feels like a violation. I've been in psychotherapy for five years - this will never go away. I guess very good communication is the key.
I had the same thing happen to me the solution is you suck it up blink and fix your brain he is not the one who did this to you so forget it as a man its easyer I assume but you have to take those feeling and destroy them you have to cure your brain I did it though exercise boxing give it six months and it will never bother you again
I told him for years this is what I wanted, he was willing to lose me over it...I guess I didn't mean as much as I thought to him...I still love him but I am figuring out how to move on.
good idea!
I'm sorry that happened to you. Hope you'll get over him soon.
As if its easy for us to show intimacy. We can not just change ourselves.
This is the only place I ever go where I'm embarassed to post my thoughts because I probably sound so immature being only 21
It won't stop me because talking and having a sounding board is how I learn
But damn am I hyperaware that I'm practically a child in the grand scheme of things
It really makes you realize how small you are
How little you really do know when you go your entire life to date being told time and time again how emotionally mature and self aware you are
Many of my friends are older than me and that can really set you up for feeling more grown than you are
Never be embarrassed for how you learn. And never stop learning. And maturity is overrated sometimes, don't forget you can be silly occasionally.
My husband of 24 years loves his phone and his games. I've lost hope for any thing more.
My ex, who I just found out after has NPD, would take away physical touches like this to poison drip me. Leave anyone who withholds touch as a form of punishment.
Thank you for articulating so clearly what is almost impossible to express when you find yourself in this exact situation.
I truly, truly despise that I want and need such an unholy and egregious amount of physical touch. Especially in the more intimate or romantic context. I stay drawn within because I never wanna hear about “personal space” ever again, or fear that there’s just something I won’t do right concerning those matters. I want the luxury of being cold, unfeeling and content with being completely alone. Never needing the physical embrace or intimacy of another human being.
I thought I was the only one who felt this way!!
If you ever figure out how to have that luxury, pleeeease let me know!
@@gaelstrarai In the hopes of a sudden and painless death that isn’t my fault, I find that comfort.
@@gaelstrarai that’s another thing about this tailored agony. It always finds a way to render you thinking you’re completely alone.
I crave touch - feels like a physical pain at times to not have any (widowed 4yrs ago). But also touch makes me flinch. and I find it uncomfortable. I hate it when people touch my arm or back unexpectedly in conversation. I feel like I’m about to be rejected if people get to close - like they’ll see how disgusting I am. Hangover of growing up in a physically abusive family.
Holding hands is the innocent and pure way of physical intimacy
How is it that this channel always uploads the right video at the right time for me
If you have to make repeated requests to be touched, cherished, and protected, it gets old fast; then you just give up because it makes you feel like a demanding harpy. It’s too much work, and it makes you feel like a needy beggar. Such is the life of a touchless relationship. 😢
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
The worst part of this is when you bring it to your partner, you get the run around about it. I've been in a relationship for almost 20 years and for the last 10+ we have had little to no physical relationship some of it due to me stepping out emotionally and seeking another relationship with a woman, which is what it's always blamed on regardless of the fact that it started about 5 years prior to that incident. We've been trying to work through things with very little healing or forgiveness. It's very very hard now. I really don't know what to do, I don't want to leave because we have 4 children some of which are young. Not having any physical relationship is a death sentence for a marriage as far as I'm concerned, but my wife seems to think that it's no problem, but I honestly think she won't ever forget and is subconsciously seeking out someone else.
Thanks for making this video. So many people aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to understand this and your videos help people.
Or some people just don't like physical touch and still are in healthy relationships
Yes, some people aren't emotionally mature enough to address these type of "small" issues that crop up in relationships
Everyone has their own way of expressing love and some people just don't need a lot of physical touch
@@gabriellec7813 Sure. I wasn't responding to you, but the commenter above you. However, if one partner feels that they need more touching in the relationship, the emotionally mature thing to do is to bring it up in conversation. Staying quiet because it is a "small" issue, doesn't benefit anyone
@@nobodygh of course. But the one who loves touch must not force the other to touch him more
Without the mind touching each other there is no value in touching bodyparts.
I love how you phrased it :)
Exactly. I think when minds touch each other then touching body parts is not as important. Most people can't achieve this so they rely on touching body parts and getting close. This is what's responsible for so many divorces and separations.
Exactly, thanks for your insight. Much love!
Thank you so much. I love your positive vibes. LOVE!
Your Favorite Lifecoach yesir
My partner got the message after 18 yrs that i did not want to.hold hands at all since he could not or not would not make any adjustments while i made all the adjustments. The final blow to me was one day he made so.many adjustments fir his new gf. He basically told me i dont want to do the same thing to her that i did to you.This is after all my relatives devalued me because i was tired of being patient with him
As a 20 something y/o female I get no touch or emotional support and it hurts.
I hate feeling like I’m just tolerated when I am with someone I love
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
This time I would like to commend the animation. It is truly well made.
school of life always has the most beautiful videos
That infinite shaped hug in the end was everything!
This is so relatable to me right now I started crying watching it.
I'm so sorry.
I hope things got better.
Usually women complain that I'm too touchy and lovey dovey... Sigh
Touch not accepted is the one which could not be properly rejected....thus it does no longer communicate intimacy, but it brings up a memory of its disruption.
My partner shouldn't have had those affairs, I was very affectionate... Till I found out he was cheating.....
I’m fine with holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. but I just have a strong limit lol. I can’t stand feeling as if someone is constantly hanging off me or attached to my hip.. In my family, we’re not very open with affection and emotions, so when it comes to romantic relationships, even what would be considered a normal amount of physical touch would feel like too much for me at times. Touch is much more intimate and powerful to me when it’s genuine. So I can’t do it “just cuz” either. We can have our cuddle times together, but when I need space, I NEED my space.
I show my love to my family, friends and partners touching them, touching their hands, their head, hair, arms, holding them.. and that's how I feel loved, not when someone says : "I love you", it's when someone hugs me, kiss me or hold me. So I know how important it's this.
An inert hand or lack of touch is truly a serious problem, as we feel it is. The request to be held and physically acknowledged, is a subject of deep gravity rooted in our capacity to tolerate and like ourselves. We should not compound the misery by a sense, that we are not allowed to feel or share it. Then, when we can manage it, we should pick up the partner's hand with a newfound confidence and say that the little flinch or inertness we feel when we do so is huge problem for us, they may be blithely dismiss as 'this touching business' is part of why we're in a relationship in the first place.
I'll never understand why touch avoidants get into relationships in the first place. If you want to be touchless you can always talk to your colleagues, friends, neighbors, etc., but a partner means love, touch and affection.
they need love like everyone else and they also need touch but are unable to be comfortable with it specially when the relationship get closer ,cause of their traumas
A partner means wrecking feelings, fucking around and dumping the victim youre saying is Called a partner. Thats what "love" is All about. To Hurt people. Nothing more, nothing less.
You don’t seem okay dude, wanna talk about it?
EXACTLY
Maybe because they’re still human, and still have a desire to build a deep emotional and romantic connection with someone else..?
Growing up with hyperhydrosis I’ve always been scared to touch peoples hands because mine would always sweat, and now that I’ve gotten over that that fear still lingers and it’s my instinct to always pull away even when I don’t want to 😢
Look into an iontophoresis machine. Help my Palmer hyperhydrosis a lot
The animation of this is a masterpiece
Even in platonic relationships right? Touch boosts your self confidence, it's just simply validating
Patrick: **touch**
*DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!*
It’s even worse when you’ve never had been touched by anyone like EVER
Uh, it must be dificult.
And how do u behave, do u touch others? Petting ur friends on the shoulder etc?
@@auk8174 um idk lol I over exaggerated a bit. But I don’t make physical contact as much- especially during a pandemic
people don't even hug their friends a lot of the time unfortunately. it sucks
And that's why online dating isn't as good as physically being there.
Touch, I remember touch
Pictures came with touch
A painter in my mind
Tell me what you see
A tourist in a dream
A visitor it seems
A half-forgotten song
Where do I belong?
Tell me what you see
I need something more.
Beautiful :)