Relationships and Men's Mental Health 💔 My husband’s breakdown
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- Опубліковано 19 тра 2024
- This video is a little bit different... My husband has been struggling with his mental health and we both felt like there was so much to share here. Men's mental health is an issue that isn't being talked about - maybe because men haven't been taught how to speak about their issues - and I think this is highlighted in emotional and romantic relationships.
We're in the middle of this process of healing and understanding and wanted to share everything we've been doing so far that's been helping in the hope that hopefully, some of this may help anyone out there struggling.
Thank you so much for watching 🌺
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00:00 Backstory
00:56 Breaking up is okay
02:01 Separate beds
02:47 Emotional intelligence
03:37 How boys are raised
04:53 Asking for help
06:35 Therapy
07:30 Denying needing help
08:52 DBT
09:52 Alonetime
10:34 Self care
10:49 Intimacy without pressure
12:15 Taking breaks
13:20 Healthy distraction
14:33 Hope, grace and faith
14:52 Feeling release
15:33 Depression
16:57 Repressing emotions
17:11 Trauma and triggers
17:44 Blame
18:30 Childhood trauma
19:51 Boundaries
20:09 It’s not objective
21:40 Practical tips
22:00 Postponing conversations
22:39 Support
23:00 Boundaries
23:14 Validating emotions
23:45 Men’s mental health
26:35 Healing
27:08 Modern men
28:07 Bloopers
Thank you both. Making yourselves vulnerable in this way to help others is worthy of much praise. So rare on social media.
Thank you Simon!
An extraordinary, honest, and loving talk.
Thank you so so much!
You and you're husband are two very strong intelligent people i widh nothing but the best for both of you. You two are awesome individuals and an awesome you both deserve the best
Aw thank you so much Liam. That is very sweet 💕
Thank you so much for this discussion. So much of this can also apply to personal relationships. My three best friends could not deal with my mental health crisis, which was profound for about a year, and two broke off with me clean, no looking back. The other friend, my oldest one, started treating me really patronizingly, and setting me aside as one would in a long, old-fashioned marriage, or as one would a sibling, which has really put me off her. No one is disposable, and they are an important part of my history, but my mental health crisis has changed me as a person, and I no longer fit the bill for what my friends needed in a friend. Nor do their friendship match the person I have become. The only one who's in touch I treat with the same love as before, but there's an abyss between us now. It has been sad, but also liberating, and it has taught me both how to respect myself as a human being, giving myself my own time and space to care for me, as you have said, and by doing so, how to be more respectful of them as human beings, knowing that, the same way I no longer match them, they no longer match me, and that is OK.
Oh I am so sorry to hear that. I have had very similar experiences, and I just recently had a friend stop talking to me because we don't really have the same hobbies anymore since I stopped partying. It's surprisingly sad and hard, especially when you've had a very close past. You writing this also reminds me that it is okay. I miss my friends, but it is okay, and there are more people on our paths!
Thank you so much for sharing your solutions to problems so many people have, but so few talk about openly. This is going to help many people going through similar struggles.
💕💕💕
I think the break up is great despite it appearing possibly a pessimistic view. Knowing you aren't stuck gives freedom and strength to do what is best for yourself. It's nice to see a male able to tap into EI. Wish the planet would let men talk about their feelings and not be irritated by women who do and see it as indulgent or a weakness. Great video and honest as always.
Thank you! I agree, and putting ourselves first is important for mental health. I completely agree, so well put!
I’m impressed that you both so openly addressed this important subject. I’m also impressed with the measures you are both taking to deal with these difficult circumstances. However, as someone who has dealt with the serious mental illness of a close, male family member for more than 2 decades, I strongly disagree with your opening point, that “breaking up is ok”. In my experience & opinion, it’s crucial to your struggling loved one’s recovery to repeatedly & consistently emphasize that you fully intend to be there for them and not to even suggest that a break up is a possibility. I do not think that it is at all productive. Instead, I’d urge you to try to assure them that you ARE going to be there for them in sickness & in health. Obviously, an exception, to possibly warrant a break up, is being put in danger, but otherwise, I’d warn strongly against stating that a break up is ok.
Yes for me personally I need the stability of knowing someone will be there
I think this is an important conversation, and I'm sure a lot of people feel the way you do. We entered this relationship on a basis that we might not always want to be together, and that's okay. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where one person's mental health is harming the other, and I think that is quite common. And I don't want that for my partner either. It might be confusing, because it's not like when one of us is struggling we remind each other that we can break up haha! That doesn't sound so good :) I just always want to preface a video for many people with that view, since I see people staying with people that harm them, mentally or physically, and I think it's important that we care for ourselves first.
I agree with you. If you agree that's its ok to breakup if your not happy. Your relationship can be very liberating.
Nice to see you both in front of the camera and I think it's great that you talk so openly about the topic and share your point of view
I find the practical tips particularly helpful. For me, even as a child, it was normal for my parents to have separate bedrooms. But it was very strange for my friends when they visited our house and for my partners in relationships when I expressed the desire to have my own room as well. I see many advantages to this, for example with different sleeping patterns, working hours, snoring, mental health problems...
Thank you so much!
That is so interesting! I agree. It's something I think is more common but we don't speak about it. That was actually the main reason I wanted to make this video, because I also thought seperate beds meant breakup. But it has sort of proved the opposite for us!
Relationships can be kind of scary. I agree that it is important to give each other space and to be honest . You addressed some important issues and gave great advice. Thanks.
Thank you so much!
Tack sumi keat Saga. Do make more this type video on relationship life living
Thank you both for sharing this, and being so open and honest!
Thank you!
@@SagaJohanna 🤩😍🥰
Thank you
Thank you to you sweet Saga, and to your dear husband! Your reaching out in loving kindness to others to help them will most likely bless many lives, and I hope your own. Your mantra is so true, we must have a core of inner hope, faith, and grace to carry us throughout life! I was glad to hear you both speak about "newness" as my belief is that God can make all things new! Each new day, each new way that we strive to make our lives better, all of this comes from that L💖VE!! Sending prayers and love to you both!!
🙏😇💕
Thank you so much! That is so sweet of you 💕
Thank you for making this. How powerful and beautiful, helpful and encouraging. 🧡 Ending with the 3 of you in the shot was the perfect lighthearted way to conclude the video! 😊
Thank you so much! 💕 Haha, Salty the cat was so funny! :)
This is the most open and focused and caring video I've ever seen on negotiating a relationship and mental health. So beautiful and helpful
Wow, thank you so much!
Thank you for this. Saga, you are truly an admirable and inspiring human being. I love how open you are with each other about breaking up especially, this is so so important and not nearly spoken about enough in western society. You both inspire me to be a better human being and be better in my own relationships❤
Aw thank you so much! That makes me so so happy 💕
Thank you so much for this insightful video. I think it it probably the best video I have ever watched. Namaste.
Wow, thank you!
Thank you both for such an open discussion and I hope talking about mental health and helping others also helped you through the journey where I feel sure there is light at the end. You need the right people to talk to and from our experience that is not always family. Talking to us can be better than face to face.🙂 Love to you both from the UK. Look forward to further videos.
Thank you Adrian 💕 I sure hope so!
Beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing, there is still such a lack of discussion about Men's mental health, we treat them like physical objects with only physical issues. I don't think that modern feminism is to blame at all but I have heard from (good) Men that there seems to be even more pressure to 'prove' that they are good men now and dealing with anger issues etc is becoming even harder because it is so unacceptable to have 'toxic masculinity' I am not right wing so please no one take me saying that as such, I just think it's an extra weird time for good Men right now in some ways. Part of working through triggers is allowing anger in the right way, and most people including the men themselves are afraid of it. But they need healthy outlets for it. Sending care you way! Also I'm sooo here for the kitty content!!
Thanks for your compassionate and thoughtful comment. I think, especially in the US, these conversations are polarizing right now and I think it's wonderful to see how you're talking about this and trying to be mindful of that. I so agree with you.
Such an important conversation. Thank you to you and your husband for openly bringing forth your points of view. I'm a little bit younger than you, and your channel has helped me to become more conscious in many ways. Wishing you both the best.
Thank you! That is the best thing I could possibly hear!
I just discovered your channel. It is very interesting. Freelance photographer for the last 40 years I know the challenge we can face working from home. One thing for sure, working from home is not for everybody. Thanks again for the great topic.
Thank you so much! Oh I'd love if there was a community for freelancers, I love working by myself but miss the community the most
Thanks for beeing sooooo honest, ( to your husband)
and you can let him speak longer
He says thanks :)
ua-cam.com/users/sonamhoani
His eyes are so sweet and sad when you mentioned breaking up.
It’s a shame men have been thought to not express their feelings and it being seen as not being masculine. Although I’m a girl I’ve struggled with the same as I was told to repress my emotions, not cry and be upset a lot of the time when I was little, instead of my parents taking their time to talk to me about why I was feeling a certain way. Being open and vulnerable about your feelings, instead of repressing them, is the most masculine and brave thing in my opinion, and it really shows emotional maturity.
I really appreciate both of you speaking so openly on this topic. Conversations like these and more emotional vulnerability will change mental health for the better. Thanks for being so brave and such great role models. This conversation was very helpful and inspiring 🫶🏼
I agree completely! And I think it could heal our society
I sometimes feel that people think so much they forget to live, turn off your mind relax and float downstream.
My partner and I have been together for almost 9 years. We've gone through some incredibly rough challenges, and occasionally speak about breaking. Not in a sense that either of us want to, but it helps us desensitize it, so to speak. Most relationships that I know of think that it's taboo to speak about but honestly, speaking about it prepares us a bit more for if it does happen, and won't catch us by surprise. We'll be more prepared if it's brought up occasionally here and there. We are also pretty opposite of eachother and that tends to show quite a bit in the relationship, so sometimes things can get a bit bad and we sometimes have to talk about if this is the best thing for us. We're still a work in progress, but I'm glad to know that i'm not the only one who thinks this way
I agree! And so happy to hear someone else does the same thing. It does, it makes it less sticky for us too. Less scary! We know we could survive separately and somehow that makes us feel safer in our relationships!
We're also pretty opposite! :)
❤
"When you are in your own crisis it is hard to have room for other peoples crisis. However, letting people know you yourself are in crisis and therefore unable to give whilst they are in theirs is actually a really kind thing to do [for yourself and for them], even if it does not feel that way in the moment. That is setting a boundary whilst also saying, 'Hey, I really want to show up as the best person I can be for you, when you aren't doing great, so I can put all my energy into you. However I am unable to do that right now and that is not fair on you. I can hold your hand [aka name what you can do, even if its literally holding their hand and that's it] but that's all. It's not because we don't care about them, but actually because we do care."
Because we can't pour from an empty cup.
I learnt that from a friend when I was in a crisis and learnt it again later when another friend was in crisis.
Such a good thing to learn. I've recently learnt that I'm struggling a bit with being a "codependent empath". I used to think co-dependant was only for when people struggled with addiction, but for sure learning here!
Consider SSRI, it seems obvious that this sweet guy has a Depression Episode. Remember: these things very often have a biological root (not psychological), hence the need for meds.
Is he part Maori? His skin tone looks somewhat "swarthy," so to speak. Just wondering. Does he know how to do the Maori war chant?
Hi 😄 I am part Maori and I do know a Haka.
@@SonamHoani Cool!
Brava & brazo!!! This is an extremely challenging topic of discussion. I disagree strongly that it is OK to say breaking up is an option. My marriage is a vow to work at trying to stay together. I agree that alone time is important. My husband and I used to work together, literally in the same shop. We would drive to and from work in the same vehicle, eat lunch together, and our mornings were spent together, eating breakfast, then playing or reading or praying together. So when we would get home at evening, we would separate to do our own things. Since retirement we have been together even more. But it is extremely important to find a way to have alone time. My husband is a nighttime person. It can take him up to two hours at night to look at his collections, putz around or to wind down. I sleep in a chair because of my health and have difficulty falling asleep. So we sleep in separate rooms. We find intimacy at other times. I wake up early while my husband sleeps in. We have different habits because we are different people. We are both old school when it comes to talking about feelings, mostly we don't. It has been difficult this past year as we have two homes that I can no longer visit, because of health. So my husband is gone in the summer. Communication is tough then as our intimacy is non-existent. We don't always communicate well, so there is a struggle with the distance. Neither of us has ever had professional mental health help, but know that we are doing OK now that we take time apart and together. We have strong faith in God and that helps.
I hope that I have myself as clear as mud! I love that you both are doing better. This is a hard topic and I commend you both for your honesty and openness. Love you. 🇺🇸🧑🦳❤️
Hi Valorie! Thank you so much! I love that your vow is unbreakable. That is admirable in it's own way 💕
I think it's nice to be able to keep your habits, and from your experience, since you've been married for much longer than us, it sounds like it's a great thing. 💕💕💕
Jesus loves you more than you can imagine ~ Reach out to Him, the King of kings and the LORD of lords ~ He is the best! Many blessings to you both 🙏
Thank you
I think all your recent life changes may impact on your mental health and when you get used to it things will improve for you. Moving countries as young as yourselves is not irreversible but ads so much to life experience. We have probably been in the same place for toooooo long. 🤍🤍 Sorry for further comment but have been thinking of you both.
I agree! Thank you! I've never stayed in the same place for thiiiiiis long so I'm so excited to leave!
❤