I quilt and crochet and things like that. People seem to like the things I make but I don't give them specifically for gifts because with all the time and energy I put into them I know I would feel badly if someone didn't really want it or got rid of it. And it is hard to judge others taste. So for my compromise I always have a stack of blankets in my guest room and any friends or family visiting I tell them if they see one they like they are welcome to take one. In 2020 I made 8 sweaters and put 6 of them in there. There is only one left now. One friend stayed for a weekend and carried a blanket around with her and took it home. She sent me a lovely letter and to be honest I would never have thought she would like that style. Best to let people choose. One of my daughters lives in a cold climate and has a whole cabinet full of my blankets, she pretty much takes one home every time she stays. One day she asked me if I minded if she gave one to her friend who seems to love a certain one. Give it to her I said!!!! All unclaimed blankets go to my local homeless shelter.
Another unintended consequence of displaying the gift you don’t want to keep is that someone else may see it, decide by it’s placement that it is something you value, and give you a “companion.” Then, you may find that everyone you know starts giving you elephants because you so obviously collect them. 😂 Ask me how I know.
Oh my! This is my mother and grandmother in law with pigs and frogs, they both have vast collections. Then their children complain they have so many, yet they were the ones who gifted them in the first place. I never thought about it like this and will remember the "companion" rule.
Can we talk about being the giver? When we give, give it freely, knowing that you just gave up all rights to its final destiny. Be a giver who actually gives, free and clear.
I agree with a big BUT....give with a lot of thought not just “good intentions” . The “thought” doesn’t count if there was no thought. I don’t want to give gifts that are easily going to be a burden. I ask questions and tell the person I want feedback because I don’t want to waste my money and burden them. Nor do I really want to spend $20 or $30 just to have them give it away or donate it soon after because I didn’t get it right. If they really don’t like it....give it back to me. I might love it and gave it away as a sacrifice or know someone else who will like it. money is too valuable to be cavalier with it.
Hi Rachel! I just found your channel and this is so helpful! I am a natural minimalist, as I grew up that way and feel comfortable in a minimalized space. For me, that may mean tables with too many chachkies, walls covered in photos/art, toys and stuff on the floor, it makes me nervous and anxious. I look at staged homes for sale, and that's kinda the way I like a room. Simple, calming, pretty, clever color matching. Lots of textures are fine, in fact the variety has a positive impact. I have a husband who collects primarily sports memorabilia but even he admits it is too much. Thank goodness the town house we rented had a nice room on the bottom floor that became his mancave. He displays as much as he can there. The tv is there. He always wants me to watch a movie with him. I want to, but after a few minutes in that room, I am starting to have a panic attack and I must leave. I am trying to learn why. That college boy type clutter in there spills over into the dining room, as mail, empty boxes and alls sorts of stuff end up there. I bought bins for the mail, and laughed when I heard bins end up being clutter themselves, lol. That's true! I hope to learn more as I watch your journey. Thank you, you are very helpful.
@@bananaanna1373 You can't expect someone to give something back to you. They may not want you to know that they don't like it, & don't want to hurt your feelings. And more importantly, once you give something to someone, it's not yours anymore. I'm not trying to be ugly, but you don't have a right to dictate what should be done with it. If they want to set it on fire & dance around it, that's their right. It's their personal property; not yours. Period. Some people will not tell you what they would really like because they think it's too expensive & they don't want to be rude & greedy. Or it may be something that they think you wouldn't approve of, or something difficult to find....so they just name something they think they might like. Then they like it for a little while, then they don't. Or maybe they really like it a lot! Then their taste changes, & they don't like it anymore. If you're that concerned that they continue to like the item & enjoy it (and it's understandable! It was a lot of effort!), you're bound to get disappointed & upset. You put a lot of thought into picking out gifts for those you love, but it comes with a burden of worry for you, & a risk of disappointment. You would be great at gifts of time! You could give a meal at their favorite restaurant. A ticket to a movie, concert, or sports event that they would enjoy. A card/voucher for babysitting, help cleaning their garage....whatever they'd enjoy the most. You could come up with way better ideas than I can, and it would be a good way for you to give your loved ones gifts that they would truly cherish & have the memories (memories never get donated lol), without any of the stress, worry, guilt, or clutter! Sorry for the book. Just something to consider.
@@bananaanna1373 Thank you for this comment. Several times I have "sacrificed" something and gave it as a gift because I wanted to be gracious. I only found out much later that something I was really attached to had been donated or thrown away. It has taught me to be up front about things and say when I would be willing to give something up to a person I care for, but really need them to be honest, about receiving it. The trouble is, there is a lot of second-guessing that goes on and people will lie because they think it is what you want to hear. It isn't always easy to be honest, especially if behavioral issues are also a factor in the present and from the past...
You really helped me get rid of "Landfill Guilt" when you said in another video something like, "Whether it's in the landfill or taking up space in your home, it's still on the planet." I really appreciate having found your channel! You & Dawn take away the cold, stark, empty feeling I used to associate with the concept of minimalism! :-)
I kept for years clothes that belonged to my aunt. They were in a box. I did nothing with them. I finally realized the most important things I had from her was a picture to remember her by and a card with her handwriting.
Yessss! It's my home so I have a say what stays and goes. I love that 😍 I had a cabinet that was my great great grandfather's that I inherited after my mom passed. It was in my home for a few years (didn't honestly use it) and then told my sister's I wanted to sell it. They were both quick to say I needed to hold onto it as it's an heirloom, but neither wanted to take it themselves. I told them if they felt so strongly about keeping it in the family then it needed to go in one of their homes, not mine and it did!
Excellent about being ‘the landfill’. I’m sure people do struggle with this landfill idea. I do not. If someone gives me a gift I can’t use or don’t like, it goes in my hall closet shelf marked ‘gifts’ and I give it to someone else. I’m recycling and only have to buy a gift bag to put it in. Or a mailing box. If it’s soap or fragrance item that’s awful, it gets tossed. If it’s another item, it’s tossed. My sister smokes and sends me scarves for holiday gifts. I’ve tried to wash them. Nope. It gets tossed in the garbage. They smell awful! Once a gift item is ‘yours’ you can do with it what you wish! You don’t need ‘permission’ to throw things out. No guilt. Having time to sort through so much ‘stuff’ has to be planned time events. What’s the goal? Empty rooms, empty closets?? What goal after a lifetime in this American culture of buying ‘stuff’.?? So I keep what I want, donate some, toss some. It’s moving forward so others won’t have to go through my ‘stuff’ later after I’ve passed away. Pat in Colorado, age 73, retired
Landfill, whether it goes in today and makes your life better, or it goes in years from now after you suffered with it, it STILL goes to the landfill. So put it in the landfill NOW, if there is no use for it.
I really like this statement. The most important thing is to think about what you buy and how long you will use it. This really changed my spending habits.
Changed my purchasing power over to my savings account! I’d rather have cash vs ‘stuff’ at this point. Give me cash every time now as a gift or gift card for grocery store. Pat in Colorado
That was probably the best, most thoughtful way to explain that it's okay to "let things go". I need to quit phrasing it as "getting rid of". I have been decluttering some gifts that were not actually displayed, but still have things on display that I would not have chosen for myself. I think that's going to change.
Just because it was super special to someone else, does not mean its special to me. I've struggled with this over the years. I learned to let those things go over time.
Also I had a complete bedroom set after my grandparents passed. The thing was, I already had my own set. Well, I was friends with a young financially struggling couple. They had nothing. I knew in my heart that my grandparents would be happy if I gave it to them do I did. The rest of the family found out and weren't too happy ( yet they didn't want to house it) but I reminded them that the grandparents struggled too when they were young and they would like that idea. I asked the couple that I gave the furniture to pray for them and they do.
That was a wonderful thing to do! When all my kids were at home we never had enough beds and dressers. I knew there are so many of them being stored and not used. I bet that couple will always appreciate what you did.
What you said about the landfill is so true to me. Whether something is in our garage not being used, donated to Goodwill for someone else who might want it or in the landfill, it is still on the planet 🌎.
This was SO helpful. I struggle so much with guilt of getting rid of things someone gave me or that I spent good money on. This has helped a lot. Thank you!
It struck a cord with me when you said it's not healthy if your relationship blows up because you gave that person's gift away. The gifts or things we get from some family members have strings attached and setting boundaries is something I'm always working on.
Thank you for sharing.💕...What I tend to do with items that that have been passed down ,but I don't want to clutter my home I put them in the garden I have a chair with beautiful flowers hanging down A friend gave me a mirror Out in the garden Ivory falling over it Honestly looks so beautiful. My dads sewing machine looks Amazing with Flowers around it Makes me so happy to look at it .. If I want to put something else in the garden I remove an item pass it on My Home stays clutter free .. A selection of items, what are visual pleasing to look at ,but didn't have a place in the home. Blessings 🌿
This is the BEST information I have ever heard about sentimental items, items others have given you, guilt, etc. Excellent! Only the people who live in the house get to have a say - that was great advice! 😊
I like the example of the elephant. I think we can have it out for a while but not a super prominent place because we don’t want to lead mom to thinking we love the elephant by putting it in a place of decorative prestige (i.e. putting on the mantle). Then we can put it elsewhere for a while then we can part with it. If we are doing a big clean, rearranging or outright purge then it could be offered back to mom depending on how she might react or if she has one of her own already. Rachel you have so much insight of what is going on in minds and hearts, a real grasp of emotions and motivations.
Thank you for your wisdom about how to process my sense of obligation and then let go of family heirlooms. In my 60s now I am finding it hard to release items given to me for family posterity, but that neither I, nor any following generations, really want to own. The last thing I want to do is make it my children's problem to deal with all the things when we are gone. You've given me a path forward. Many thanks!
Sometimes we can take an item even if we do not want it ourselves because it is very hard for our mothers/fathers, grandparents, etc. to let the item go. That does not mean that we have to keep it, we can just be the person to do this hard thing for someone else that we love..to be the intermediary between them-their memories-and moving it on.
Yes! My husband and I have agreed to take home any box offered by our parents (all in their late 80's) just to help items leave their house so we don't have to deal with them later. What we do with them after we get them home doesn't need to be know by anyone but us.
This video is therapy for me; very timely. I'm the caregiver for my sick mother, and I am preparing myself mentally for when she joins the ancestors. I don't know when that will be, but I feel tremendous guilt about wanting to declutter her possessions, like wanting to toss a slightly worn pair of pumps that she hasn't worn in 30 years, and will certainly never wear again. Thank you, for giving me some peace of mind.
I turned 70 in September 2023 and have been struggling for years with the combination of 3 households.. 2 of my own and the remains of my mothers. I tried approaching it from various methods including the very appropriate sweedish death one, but none hit home as deeply as yours. Thank you for striking every chord playing in my mind, to create a harmony I can sing as I walk this path.
I got rid of a gift a friend gave me yesterday. If I'm asked about it I will simply say that another friend really liked it so I wanted to share the love.
You are such a sweetie. I'm learning to trust my gut when it comes to giving or throwing things away. One thing I do is keep something because I wish I was the kind of person to use it. I mean like that cake carrier - it's big and bulky, and would work very well to cart a cake to someplace like the Church social, or to a birthday etc. The big BUT is that nowadays almost no one I know is even eating cake. Most people prefer squares, or little bite-sized treats. But that cake carrier is sort of a "martha-steward" visual for me and I just don't want to give it up - I see that huge coconut cake, tall, frosted and decorated with snowy coconut - beautiful! But who's going to eat it...so out it goes. Thanks for your inspiration.
The big round veggie tray, with sections, a lid, and a separate bowl with lid that fits in the middle..... I wanted that thing so bad. I've had it three years; I've used it once. What I really wanted was to be the kind of person who has veggie trays.
Those goblets were amazing. Hope someone got them who appreciated them. My mom gave me a vase that belonged to my grandmother. It was broken and couldn't be repaired because a big chunk was missing. I realized she couldn't bear to throw it out so I just took it and tossed it at my place. Sometimes it's okay to be sensitive to someone else's loss and help them out.
I LOVE gifting people on my Buy Nothing FB group. It is a fantastic way to give away sentimental items because I know who gets them. I also know those things will be cherished the way they were intended instead of being in a box in my house.
I don't want people bringing me things back from their trips. It's their trip, their experience. I have my own. So I tell them ahead of time, not to being me back anything. Oh yes.... people will ask what you did with "that" item, and where is it. Gentle honesty is the best policy. When my parents passed, I made it very clear the few items I did want. And I am very happy with my choices. 99.9% of their things went to an estate place for them to deal with. Just the way they would have wanted it. Take a picture of the items if you want to, but I bet you will never look at those pics again :) tfs 🥰💐🌷🌵🌼🌞🏜️🏜️💗🥰💐🌷🌵🌼🌞🏜️🏜️💗
i have never had that guilt, i thought has always been, i have the memory thats all i need. yes there are some things i have kept. the hair brush she gave me for christmas when i was 12. i still use it. and i have my nephews receiving blanket that he didnt use. i use it to protect my christmas bulbs.
This is without a doubt, the BEST video I have seen about gifts. I am a sentimental person and this issue has weighed me down for so long. All your insights and perspectives are a miracle for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I woke up today with the need to hear your voice about decluttering! I know that goes against the fast for social media, but I really needed to hear this. Thank you for the motivation to keep going. I feel a lot better having gotten rid of gifts and things that I didn’t want. They don’t talk to me anymore!
This struck a cord with me. I have a few items that I have been gifted to me that I have negative feelings towards it. It's easier said than done. My family and I love the idea of minimalism but my mom isn't on board at all.
Profound. We keep the things because we don't want to feel the feelings. I do, however , believe in keeping things in labeled boxes in the garage. Out of the way, but still here. I've given away so many nice things and I regret it.
Thank you for giving me new insights about family sentimental items. I have tried several times to let go of some of my mother’s and her mother’s things and found it just too difficult. I plan to rewatch this one several times and then make another attempt. 💖
I make it very clear to my family and friends please don't give me stuff, instead I love experiences. They are so trained now as I am taken out to dinner, a day trip or the movies etc. Win win. We often take a photo on our phones of the experience which reminds us of a happy memories.🥰
Our mental health is MORE IMPORTANT than the item or the opinions of other. Amen! If others think that the item is more important than OUR mental state, then, hmmm, time to rethink that relationship.
Rachel, truly appreciate this episode! It speaks to my heart and supports me in dealing with my stuff. Thank you for making your experience available this way!
So good! Love the idea of facing the sadness. Thank you 🙏🏻 Also an ‘Aha-Moment’: whether it’s sitting in the landfill or in my basement is not such a big difference and if it’s better for my mental health it should go ....
How funny you specifically mentioned grandmas sewing machine...I just sold my great grandmas sewing machine on FB marketplace after my mom gave it to me years ago. It was from the 60’s and I had absolutely no idea how to use it anyway! Lol
Hi there! This is the first video I’ve watched of yours. I found you through the clutter-free January series. This really spoke to me and you have such a great way of articulating the process and feelings in regards to sentimental family items. Can’t wait to watch more.
When I am decluttering some of those gift items I realize that people buy you things that they like. After an appropriate amount of time… I will simply tell them that I am embracing minimalism and decluttering and I came across they gave me and ask them if they would like to have it back to display in their home if not I’m going to pass it on. I have found that they normally want it
We could word it as "downsizing " instead of "decluttering", since people probably don't want to think of their gift as clutter, and downsizing has a more positive connotation. But it's true that I'll often offer it back to them if I think it's special to them for whatever reason.
Thank you for being considerate in this way - I would have been very grateful if some of my people would have realized that I "sacrificed" an item to give to them which I would very much have liked to keep, unfortunately a lot of people think that the gifts we give have no meaning for us and we are just giving them without thought.
@@annw1395 Thank you for being considerate in this way - I would have been very grateful if some of my people would have realized that I "sacrificed" an item to give to them which I would very much have liked to keep, unfortunately a lot of people think that the gifts we give have no meaning for us and we are just giving them without thought.
Thank you for taking the time to make a horrible mess of your kitchen to give us such a visual of the difference in a decluttered kitchen and a messy one. I still have somethings to get rid of those darn 9/13 pans
I’m so glad I discovered you through this month long decluttering process! I get excited when your videos come up. Do you have some good tips for sentimental cluttery. Thank you ever so much
Me too! 😁 Here are several blog posts I wrote that may help: nourishingminimalism.com/sentmental-items-last/ nourishingminimalism.com/grieving-through-the-past-as-you-declutter-sentimental-items/ nourishingminimalism.com/decluttering-sentimental-items-2/
I love this video you explain this so well we do feel guilty we do feel sad 😢 you have help me so much because I think how can we give this up like all the collectibles we received as gifts 🎁 a went out and collected
Wow! I love your perspectives and how you explained all of this. The comment about mom and Grandma's sewing machine stood out to me. In my case it's my dad and he is dealing with many items that were his mom's (she had many items that where HER mom's/family's stuff.) Dad keeps trying to get me to take various items because he wants them to stay in the family... But I don't want/need them!! Trying to get him to understand this is so hard because I don't want to hurt him. So I accept a thing here or there and put it in a box. My brother and 4 cousins are also not interested in most of this stuff, but I think we are all taking a similar approach accepting an item here and there while CONSISTENTLY encouraging him to donate items. My cousin even suggested a theater department for many of the older items to be used as props. Yet my dad keeps offering stuff. So hard to navigate.
I have a lot of family heirlooms: most that I treasure, and many that I don't. But I feel like I'm the caretaker of those items, and responsible to keep them or find them a good home. These are quality antiques: furniture, artwork, china, crystal, old books, etc. I'm trying to downsize, and it's just so hard. Absolutely check with extended family first if you're not keeping a family heirloom!
My Mom died two years ago and now I have trouble releasing any of her gifts. Even the clothes I bought on shopping trips with her. I guess I feel that I am throwing her memory away. Anyway it's hard.
I’m sorry for your loss. It is really hard to get rid of items that feel as if that’s all we have left of that loved one that passed. I can relate- my little brother passed away 20 years ago and finally this year I was able to let go of a few junky clothes items of his without feeling horrible. It finally felt ok to do it. I think it’s ok to give yourself grace and wait until you’re ready to part with those items if it’s too hard.
Take photos of her belongings and make a photo album. Keep something you can touch that makes you feel close to her. Donate to a women's shelter or to ladies in a seniors lodge
I released two handmade dolls. Everytime I saw the the made me upset because the giver gave me such anxiety and sadness. Perhaps someone be will buy them from the thrift store and make a good memory with them.
My husband was an only child and when his parents passed he had to pay for their funeral and manage everything on his own AND everything was left to him in the will and extended family were still upset that he got rid of some things.
Don't consume, use up , donate, then dump...I think that if one is focused , you may find very little needs to end up in landfill. I know one way to get rid of items in my town is to put items out on the curb with a free sign...everything gets picked up with in 24 hours.( if something is broke , I put a sign on - there are people who pick up and fix and resell these items including vacuums and appliances) Craiglist free pick up is a god send. One thing I need to do as I get older and am constantly downsizing - tell people no gifts of things. Post Pandemic coffee is enough. Gift cards promote consumerism. I am going to have a real conversation with family and friends that I have enough.
I struggle mostly with the monetary “value” of what I’m throwing out. We have no charity shops here and now it’s covid lockdown and we are basically under house arrest it means that the “dumpster divers” are not permitted. Giving things away on fb marketplace isn’t possible either now we are in this strict lockdown as you cannot leave home for non essential reasons. So my only option is landfill which physically hurts me to think about. I feel terrible, literally throwing money away.
Yes, it's been very difficult because of that this year! With being stuck at home, everyone has grown tired of all the clutter and decided to remove it, but removing it hasn't been easy.
The key is not just getting rid of items, but stopping the endless flow of stuff coming in. Stop padding the pockets of the rich and falling for the marketing. There's always going to be more - you can't buy or own it alll! Keep the money in your pocket and sleep better at night knowing you are not in debt.
I have no problem letting things go, but my husband likes to hold on to things. I also live downstairs from my in-laws, and they will often go thrifting and buy toys or decorative pieces for us, which I do not always love. I have a hard time getting rid of those items because they will ask about them and can see them being gone
That's so hard! I started with talking to my parents/in-laws about my desire to live minimally. It was an ongoing convo- I tried to keep them up-to-date on what I was reading, watching, inspired by. It was a long process (years), and my in-laws still don't understand, but they don't expect me to take all their extra stuff anymore. It can help to learn about setting boundaries in relationships. ❤️
Want to join me decluttering? Check out the Clutter-Free Army: nourishingminimalism.com/clutter-free-army/
I quilt and crochet and things like that. People seem to like the things I make but I don't give them specifically for gifts because with all the time and energy I put into them I know I would feel badly if someone didn't really want it or got rid of it. And it is hard to judge others taste. So for my compromise I always have a stack of blankets in my guest room and any friends or family visiting I tell them if they see one they like they are welcome to take one. In 2020 I made 8 sweaters and put 6 of them in there. There is only one left now. One friend stayed for a weekend and carried a blanket around with her and took it home. She sent me a lovely letter and to be honest I would never have thought she would like that style. Best to let people choose. One of my daughters lives in a cold climate and has a whole cabinet full of my blankets, she pretty much takes one home every time she stays. One day she asked me if I minded if she gave one to her friend who seems to love a certain one. Give it to her I said!!!! All unclaimed blankets go to my local homeless shelter.
That's really wonderful
That is a great idea!!!!
This is wonderful! Thanks for sharing!
Such a great idea!!! Loved it!
That is the most beautiful way to give a gift!!
Another unintended consequence of displaying the gift you don’t want to keep is that someone else may see it, decide by it’s placement that it is something you value, and give you a “companion.” Then, you may find that everyone you know starts giving you elephants because you so obviously collect them. 😂 Ask me how I know.
Oh no, so true! Sorry you found that out! 😂
@@Nourishingminimalism It’s one way to learn the lesson well!
Just visited a lady who had multiple shelves of frogs. Cos she said once she liked frogs.
So... how DO you know(since no one's asked??)
Oh my! This is my mother and grandmother in law with pigs and frogs, they both have vast collections. Then their children complain they have so many, yet they were the ones who gifted them in the first place. I never thought about it like this and will remember the "companion" rule.
Can we talk about being the giver? When we give, give it freely, knowing that you just gave up all rights to its final destiny. Be a giver who actually gives, free and clear.
Yes- you're so right!
I agree with a big BUT....give with a lot of thought not just “good intentions” . The “thought” doesn’t count if there was no thought. I don’t want to give gifts that are easily going to be a burden. I ask questions and tell the person I want feedback because I don’t want to waste my money and burden them. Nor do I really want to spend $20 or $30 just to have them give it away or donate it soon after because I didn’t get it right. If they really don’t like it....give it back to me. I might love it and gave it away as a sacrifice or know someone else who will like it. money is too valuable to be cavalier with it.
Hi Rachel! I just found your channel and this is so helpful! I am a natural minimalist, as I grew up that way and feel comfortable in a minimalized space. For me, that may mean tables with too many chachkies, walls covered in photos/art, toys and stuff on the floor, it makes me nervous and anxious. I look at staged homes for sale, and that's kinda the way I like a room. Simple, calming, pretty, clever color matching. Lots of textures are fine, in fact the variety has a positive impact. I have a husband who collects primarily sports memorabilia but even he admits it is too much. Thank goodness the town house we rented had a nice room on the bottom floor that became his mancave. He displays as much as he can there. The tv is there. He always wants me to watch a movie with him. I want to, but after a few minutes in that room, I am starting to have a panic attack and I must leave. I am trying to learn why. That college boy type clutter in there spills over into the dining room, as mail, empty boxes and alls sorts of stuff end up there. I bought bins for the mail, and laughed when I heard bins end up being clutter themselves, lol. That's true! I hope to learn more as I watch your journey. Thank you, you are very helpful.
@@bananaanna1373 You can't expect someone to give something back to you. They may not want you to know that they don't like it, & don't want to hurt your feelings.
And more importantly, once you give something to someone, it's not yours anymore. I'm not trying to be ugly, but you don't have a right to dictate what should be done with it. If they want to set it on fire & dance around it, that's their right. It's their personal property; not yours. Period.
Some people will not tell you what they would really like because they think it's too expensive & they don't want to be rude & greedy.
Or it may be something that they think you wouldn't approve of, or something difficult to find....so they just name something they think they might like.
Then they like it for a little while, then they don't. Or maybe they really like it a lot! Then their taste changes, & they don't like it anymore.
If you're that concerned that they continue to like the item & enjoy it (and it's understandable! It was a lot of effort!), you're bound to get disappointed & upset.
You put a lot of thought into picking out gifts for those you love, but it comes with a burden of worry for you, & a risk of disappointment.
You would be great at gifts of time!
You could give a meal at their favorite restaurant. A ticket to a movie, concert, or sports event that they would enjoy.
A card/voucher for babysitting, help cleaning their garage....whatever they'd enjoy the most.
You could come up with way better ideas than I can, and it would be a good way for you to give your loved ones gifts that they would truly cherish & have the memories (memories never get donated lol), without any of the stress, worry, guilt, or clutter!
Sorry for the book. Just something to consider.
@@bananaanna1373 Thank you for this comment. Several times I have "sacrificed" something and gave it as a gift because I wanted to be gracious. I only found out much later that something I was really attached to had been donated or thrown away. It has taught me to be up front about things and say when I would be willing to give something up to a person I care for, but really need them to be honest, about receiving it. The trouble is, there is a lot of second-guessing that goes on and people will lie because they think it is what you want to hear. It isn't always easy to be honest, especially if behavioral issues are also a factor in the present and from the past...
You really helped me get rid of "Landfill Guilt" when you said in another video something like, "Whether it's in the landfill or taking up space in your home, it's still on the planet." I really appreciate having found your channel! You & Dawn take away the cold, stark, empty feeling I used to associate with the concept of minimalism! :-)
I kept for years clothes that belonged to my aunt. They were in a box. I did nothing with them. I finally realized the most important things I had from her was a picture to remember her by and a card with her handwriting.
Yesterday I donated 500+ pieces of stationary and the two drawer filing cabinet they were in. Also, gave away a few kitchen items and office supplies.
That is awesome! 🙌
Yessss! It's my home so I have a say what stays and goes. I love that 😍 I had a cabinet that was my great great grandfather's that I inherited after my mom passed. It was in my home for a few years (didn't honestly use it) and then told my sister's I wanted to sell it. They were both quick to say I needed to hold onto it as it's an heirloom, but neither wanted to take it themselves. I told them if they felt so strongly about keeping it in the family then it needed to go in one of their homes, not mine and it did!
I say if it gives you negative feelings get rid of it. Also you can put something in the landfill or be the landfill!
So true. Put it in the landfill or live in a landfill
OMG....put it in the landfill or BE THE LANDFILL!!! That is great! I’m taking it as my own.
Excellent about being ‘the landfill’. I’m sure people do struggle with this landfill idea. I do not.
If someone gives me a gift I can’t use or don’t like, it goes in my hall closet shelf marked ‘gifts’ and I give it to someone else. I’m recycling and only have to buy a gift bag to put it in. Or a mailing box.
If it’s soap or fragrance item that’s awful, it gets tossed. If it’s another item, it’s tossed.
My sister smokes and sends me scarves for holiday gifts. I’ve tried to wash them. Nope. It gets tossed in the garbage. They smell awful!
Once a gift item is ‘yours’ you can do with it what you wish! You don’t need ‘permission’ to throw things out. No guilt.
Having time to sort through so much ‘stuff’ has to be planned time events. What’s the goal? Empty rooms, empty closets?? What goal after a lifetime in this American culture of buying ‘stuff’.??
So I keep what I want, donate some, toss some. It’s moving forward so others won’t have to go through my ‘stuff’ later after I’ve passed away.
Pat in Colorado, age 73, retired
Landfill, whether it goes in today and makes your life better, or it goes in years from now after you suffered with it, it STILL goes to the landfill. So put it in the landfill NOW, if there is no use for it.
I really like this statement. The most important thing is to think about what you buy and how long you will use it. This really changed my spending habits.
Changed my purchasing power over to my savings account! I’d rather have cash vs ‘stuff’ at this point. Give me cash every time now as a gift or gift card for grocery store.
Pat in Colorado
Wise words. Only those in your household get to decide.
Yes I really liked that too
That was probably the best, most thoughtful way to explain that it's okay to "let things go". I need to quit phrasing it as "getting rid of". I have been decluttering some gifts that were not actually displayed, but still have things on display that I would not have chosen for myself. I think that's going to change.
Just because it was super special to someone else, does not mean its special to me.
I've struggled with this over the years. I learned to let those things go over time.
Also I had a complete bedroom set after my grandparents passed. The thing was, I already had my own set. Well, I was friends with a young financially struggling couple. They had nothing. I knew in my heart that my grandparents would be happy if I gave it to them do I did. The rest of the family found out and weren't too happy ( yet they didn't want to house it) but I reminded them that the grandparents struggled too when they were young and they would like that idea. I asked the couple that I gave the furniture to pray for them and they do.
That was a wonderful thing to do! When all my kids were at home we never had enough beds and dressers. I knew there are so many of them being stored and not used. I bet that couple will always appreciate what you did.
@@delnayr4601 never thought of that, that there are people out there that have furniture in storage that could be out to use.
That was a blessing to that young couple. Thoughtful.
What you said about the landfill is so true to me. Whether something is in our garage not being used, donated to Goodwill for someone else who might want it or in the landfill, it is still on the planet 🌎.
This was SO helpful. I struggle so much with guilt of getting rid of things someone gave me or that I spent good money on. This has helped a lot. Thank you!
It struck a cord with me when you said it's not healthy if your relationship blows up because you gave that person's gift away. The gifts or things we get from some family members have strings attached and setting boundaries is something I'm always working on.
I'm sorry- it's so difficult to have relationships like that. ❤️
I needed this... I often let others tell me what I can and can't have in my house. Thank you for giving me the permission to not let them anymore!
Thank you for sharing.💕...What I tend to do with items that that have been passed down ,but I don't want to clutter my home I put them in the garden I have a chair with beautiful flowers hanging down A friend gave me a mirror Out in the garden Ivory falling over it Honestly looks so beautiful. My dads sewing machine looks Amazing with Flowers around it Makes me so happy to look at it .. If I want to put something else in the garden I remove an item pass it on My Home stays clutter free .. A selection of items, what are visual pleasing to look at ,but didn't have a place in the home.
Blessings 🌿
This is the BEST information I have ever heard about sentimental items, items others have given you, guilt, etc. Excellent! Only the people who live in the house get to have a say - that was great advice! 😊
So glad! 😊
I like the example of the elephant. I think we can have it out for a while but not a super prominent place because we don’t want to lead mom to thinking we love the elephant by putting it in a place of decorative prestige (i.e. putting on the mantle). Then we can put it elsewhere for a while then we can part with it. If we are doing a big clean, rearranging or outright purge then it could be offered back to mom depending on how she might react or if she has one of her own already. Rachel you have so much insight of what is going on in minds and hearts, a real grasp of emotions and motivations.
Thank you for your wisdom about how to process my sense of obligation and then let go of family heirlooms. In my 60s now I am finding it hard to release items given to me for family posterity, but that neither I, nor any following generations, really want to own. The last thing I want to do is make it my children's problem to deal with all the things when we are gone. You've given me a path forward. Many thanks!
Sometimes we can take an item even if we do not want it ourselves because it is very hard for our mothers/fathers, grandparents, etc. to let the item go. That does not mean that we have to keep it, we can just be the person to do this hard thing for someone else that we love..to be the intermediary between them-their memories-and moving it on.
Yes, that's a good point Diane. ❤️
What a great thought, very wise!
Yes! My husband and I have agreed to take home any box offered by our parents (all in their late 80's) just to help items leave their house so we don't have to deal with them later.
What we do with them after we get them home doesn't need to be know by anyone but us.
@@patburnam434 Thank you.
You can take a picture of these items to keep the memory. Decluttering is important mentally, emotionally and physically.
This video is therapy for me; very timely. I'm the caregiver for my sick mother, and I am preparing myself mentally for when she joins the ancestors. I don't know when that will be, but I feel tremendous guilt about wanting to declutter her possessions, like wanting to toss a slightly worn pair of pumps that she hasn't worn in 30 years, and will certainly never wear again. Thank you, for giving me some peace of mind.
I'm so thankful for your videos. You give me the courage to tackle things that paralyze me at home.
One step at a time, you can get through this! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I turned 70 in September 2023 and have been struggling for years with the combination of 3 households.. 2 of my own and the remains of my mothers. I tried approaching it from various methods including the very appropriate sweedish death one, but none hit home as deeply as yours. Thank you for striking every chord playing in my mind, to create a harmony I can sing as I walk this path.
when my aunt died i kept one item and that was something that brought back many many memories. just one item was enough.
This was a kind way to discuss all of this.
Thank you 😊 I recently donated a lot of sentimental items. Everything you shared resonated with me today. I appreciate your video.
I got rid of a gift a friend gave me yesterday. If I'm asked about it I will simply say that another friend really liked it so I wanted to share the love.
Confession....Asked about the gift I said my cat knocked the statue off the table🤫
Guilt...guilt...guilt your so right. Thank you for your advice ❤ 🇬🇧
You are such a sweetie. I'm learning to trust my gut when it comes to giving or throwing things away. One thing I do is keep something because I wish I was the kind of person to use it. I mean like that cake carrier - it's big and bulky, and would work very well to cart a cake to someplace like the Church social, or to a birthday etc. The big BUT is that nowadays almost no one I know is even eating cake. Most people prefer squares, or little bite-sized treats. But that cake carrier is sort of a "martha-steward" visual for me and I just don't want to give it up - I see that huge coconut cake, tall, frosted and decorated with snowy coconut - beautiful! But who's going to eat it...so out it goes. Thanks for your inspiration.
Thanks Barbara! You are so right! I relate to the Martha Stewart fantasy self! ❤️
The big round veggie tray, with sections, a lid, and a separate bowl with lid that fits in the middle..... I wanted that thing so bad. I've had it three years; I've used it once. What I really wanted was to be the kind of person who has veggie trays.
I had one of those big cake carriers too!! Felt so good to see it go out the door to Goodwill!
Yep, got rid of my spring form pan because 1) hadn't made a cheesecake in decades & 2) they're so easy to buy!
Me! I’ll eat it!
Those goblets were amazing. Hope someone got them who appreciated them. My mom gave me a vase that belonged to my grandmother. It was broken and couldn't be repaired because a big chunk was missing. I realized she couldn't bear to throw it out so I just took it and tossed it at my place. Sometimes it's okay to be sensitive to someone else's loss and help them out.
I LOVE gifting people on my Buy Nothing FB group. It is a fantastic way to give away sentimental items because I know who gets them. I also know those things will be cherished the way they were intended instead of being in a box in my house.
I don't want people bringing me things back from their trips. It's their trip, their experience. I have my own. So I tell them ahead of time, not to being me back anything. Oh yes.... people will ask what you did with "that" item, and where is it. Gentle honesty is the best policy. When my parents passed, I made it very clear the few items I did want. And I am very happy with my choices. 99.9% of their things went to an estate place for them to deal with. Just the way they would have wanted it. Take a picture of the items if you want to, but I bet you will never look at those pics again :) tfs 🥰💐🌷🌵🌼🌞🏜️🏜️💗🥰💐🌷🌵🌼🌞🏜️🏜️💗
i have never had that guilt, i thought has always been, i have the memory thats all i need. yes there are some things i have kept. the hair brush she gave me for christmas when i was 12. i still use it. and i have my nephews receiving blanket that he didnt use. i use it to protect my christmas bulbs.
This is without a doubt, the BEST video I have seen about gifts. I am a sentimental person and this issue has weighed me down for so long. All your insights and perspectives are a miracle for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful! ❤️❤️
Thanks for addressing landfill guilt!
I woke up today with the need to hear your voice about decluttering! I know that goes against the fast for social media, but I really needed to hear this.
Thank you for the motivation to keep going. I feel a lot better having gotten rid of gifts and things that I didn’t want. They don’t talk to me anymore!
I come back to this video. Very helpful. Thank you.
This struck a cord with me. I have a few items that I have been gifted to me that I have negative feelings towards it. It's easier said than done. My family and I love the idea of minimalism but my mom isn't on board at all.
Profound. We keep the things because we don't want to feel the feelings. I do, however , believe in keeping things in labeled boxes in the garage. Out of the way, but still here. I've given away so many nice things and I regret it.
Thank you for giving me new insights about family sentimental items. I have tried several times to let go of some of my mother’s and her mother’s things and found it just too difficult. I plan to rewatch this one several times and then make another attempt. 💖
I make it very clear to my family and friends please don't give me stuff, instead I love experiences. They are so trained now as I am taken out to dinner, a day trip or the movies etc. Win win. We often take a photo on our phones of the experience which reminds us of a happy memories.🥰
Our mental health is MORE IMPORTANT than the item or the opinions of other. Amen! If others think that the item is more important than OUR mental state, then, hmmm, time to rethink that relationship.
Rachel, truly appreciate this episode! It speaks to my heart and supports me in dealing with my stuff. Thank you for making your experience available this way!
So good! Love the idea of facing the sadness. Thank you 🙏🏻 Also an ‘Aha-Moment’: whether it’s sitting in the landfill or in my basement is not such a big difference and if it’s better for my mental health it should go ....
Thanks for talking about how this brings up difficult relationships
How funny you specifically mentioned grandmas sewing machine...I just sold my great grandmas sewing machine on FB marketplace after my mom gave it to me years ago. It was from the 60’s and I had absolutely no idea how to use it anyway! Lol
I'm a year late. But thank you for this video ❤️
Hi there! This is the first video I’ve watched of yours. I found you through the clutter-free January series. This really spoke to me and you have such a great way of articulating the process and feelings in regards to sentimental family items. Can’t wait to watch more.
Awesome! Thank you!
Wow, that was really well said. I was really helped by your perspective!
I love your videos. Such sensible advice. Thank you.
Great tips! It is hard to not feel guilt sometimes 💛
This is so on point! Love your videos.
Better late than never but I could have used this decades ago. Great insight!!
I needed this, Rachel. Thanks for addressing the guilt.
This video is EXCELLENT! Thank you!
Great video! Thank you for talking about the feelings associated with items, and how to deal with them!
You are really helping me.
Fantastic job on this subject, Rachel. Concise and yet covered so much. Thanks.
Brilliant
When I am decluttering some of those gift items I realize that people buy you things that they like. After an appropriate amount of time… I will simply tell them that I am embracing minimalism and decluttering and I came across they gave me and ask them if they would like to have it back to display in their home if not I’m going to pass it on. I have found that they normally want it
We could word it as "downsizing " instead of "decluttering", since people probably don't want to think of their gift as clutter, and downsizing has a more positive connotation. But it's true that I'll often offer it back to them if I think it's special to them for whatever reason.
Thank you for being considerate in this way - I would have been very grateful if some of my people would have realized that I "sacrificed" an item to give to them which I would very much have liked to keep, unfortunately a lot of people think that the gifts we give have no meaning for us and we are just giving them without thought.
@@annw1395 Thank you for being considerate in this way - I would have been very grateful if some of my people would have realized that I "sacrificed" an item to give to them which I would very much have liked to keep, unfortunately a lot of people think that the gifts we give have no meaning for us and we are just giving them without thought.
Thank you for taking the time to make a horrible mess of your kitchen to give us such a visual of the difference in a decluttered kitchen and a messy one. I still have somethings to get rid of those darn 9/13 pans
Love. This!!!
Ministered to me on so many levels!!
Oh my goodness! That was so helpful! I think I need to watch this before every decluttering session! 🙏🏼💗
Amen. YOU decide!!! 👍👍👍
I’m so glad I discovered you through this month long decluttering process! I get excited when your videos come up. Do you have some good tips for sentimental cluttery.
Thank you ever so much
Me too! 😁 Here are several blog posts I wrote that may help:
nourishingminimalism.com/sentmental-items-last/
nourishingminimalism.com/grieving-through-the-past-as-you-declutter-sentimental-items/
nourishingminimalism.com/decluttering-sentimental-items-2/
Your videos help me so much. Thanks
I love this video you explain this so well we do feel guilty we do feel sad 😢 you have help me so much because I think how can we give this up like all the collectibles we received as gifts 🎁 a went out and collected
Wow! I love your perspectives and how you explained all of this. The comment about mom and Grandma's sewing machine stood out to me. In my case it's my dad and he is dealing with many items that were his mom's (she had many items that where HER mom's/family's stuff.) Dad keeps trying to get me to take various items because he wants them to stay in the family... But I don't want/need them!! Trying to get him to understand this is so hard because I don't want to hurt him. So I accept a thing here or there and put it in a box. My brother and 4 cousins are also not interested in most of this stuff, but I think we are all taking a similar approach accepting an item here and there while CONSISTENTLY encouraging him to donate items. My cousin even suggested a theater department for many of the older items to be used as props. Yet my dad keeps offering stuff. So hard to navigate.
That is hard! ❤️
Everything you said is the truth!
Thank you for this video! Love it!
Thank you!
thank you so much because me and my family are moving away and I have this one doll that I have had for 3 years and I can't keep it thank you
Thank you, ❤️ Thank you !
You nailed it; just what I needed....
Love this, thank you 😊
Great job with this one Mama!!!
Very helpful. Thank you
A Clutter-Free January Collab Playlist (Storage & Sentimental items): bit.ly/2Ych8qL
This was awesome! Really well said!! :)
Thanks so much!
Thank you for this encouraging video 😊
I have a lot of family heirlooms: most that I treasure, and many that I don't. But I feel like I'm the caretaker of those items, and responsible to keep them or find them a good home. These are quality antiques: furniture, artwork, china, crystal, old books, etc. I'm trying to downsize, and it's just so hard.
Absolutely check with extended family first if you're not keeping a family heirloom!
💜
Very helpful. TY
My Mom died two years ago and now I have trouble releasing any of her gifts. Even the clothes I bought on shopping trips with her. I guess I feel that I am throwing her memory away. Anyway it's hard.
That would be really difficult. I'm so sorry. ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss. It is really hard to get rid of items that feel as if that’s all we have left of that loved one that passed. I can relate- my little brother passed away 20 years ago and finally this year I was able to let go of a few junky clothes items of his without feeling horrible. It finally felt ok to do it. I think it’s ok to give yourself grace and wait until you’re ready to part with those items if it’s too hard.
Take photos of her belongings and make a photo album. Keep something you can touch that makes you feel close to her. Donate to a women's shelter or to ladies in a seniors lodge
I released two handmade dolls. Everytime I saw the the made me upset because the giver gave me such anxiety and sadness. Perhaps someone be will buy them from the thrift store and make a good memory with them.
Very helpful video! Thank you!!
I love your logic!
I saw on your windowsill what I think is a little Scandinavian wood horse, am I right?
You are right! 😁
I don't attach my self to things, I think if I lose that thing I will continue to live. People are important not to things
Great video- so helpful. Hysterical about the elephant: I hate that elephant!!
I agree! That elephant gave me anxiety 🤣
My husband was an only child and when his parents passed he had to pay for their funeral and manage everything on his own AND everything was left to him in the will and extended family were still upset that he got rid of some things.
One of your best videos ever!
🥰 Thank you!
Don't consume, use up , donate, then dump...I think that if one is focused , you may find very little needs to end up in landfill. I know one way to get rid of items in my town is to put items out on the curb with a free sign...everything gets picked up with in 24 hours.( if something is broke , I put a sign on - there are people who pick up and fix and resell these items including vacuums and appliances) Craiglist free pick up is a god send.
One thing I need to do as I get older and am constantly downsizing - tell people no gifts of things. Post Pandemic coffee is enough. Gift cards promote consumerism. I am going to have a real conversation with family and friends that I have enough.
I struggle mostly with the monetary “value” of what I’m throwing out. We have no charity shops here and now it’s covid lockdown and we are basically under house arrest it means that the “dumpster divers” are not permitted. Giving things away on fb marketplace isn’t possible either now we are in this strict lockdown as you cannot leave home for non essential reasons. So my only option is landfill which physically hurts me to think about. I feel terrible, literally throwing money away.
Yes, it's been very difficult because of that this year! With being stuck at home, everyone has grown tired of all the clutter and decided to remove it, but removing it hasn't been easy.
Can you set it on the curb as free items? At least someone has a chance of using it. Or wait till lockdown is over.
Good video
give non material gifts, activities, time spent, let your desire be made known
The key is not just getting rid of items, but stopping the endless flow of stuff coming in. Stop padding the pockets of the rich and falling for the marketing. There's always going to be more - you can't buy or own it alll! Keep the money in your pocket and sleep better at night knowing you are not in debt.
I volunteer to keep "grandma's sewing machine" lol. 😂
I have no problem letting things go, but my husband likes to hold on to things. I also live downstairs from my in-laws, and they will often go thrifting and buy toys or decorative pieces for us, which I do not always love. I have a hard time getting rid of those items because they will ask about them and can see them being gone
That's so hard! I started with talking to my parents/in-laws about my desire to live minimally. It was an ongoing convo- I tried to keep them up-to-date on what I was reading, watching, inspired by. It was a long process (years), and my in-laws still don't understand, but they don't expect me to take all their extra stuff anymore. It can help to learn about setting boundaries in relationships. ❤️