Also perceiving voice levels is warped. Raise your voice slightly because you're upset - it is perceived as yelling. So many facets to this dysfunction.
True. I have massive trouble noticing even when I'm raising my voice. I generally talk louder than most people, but I think I perceive the opposite of what you said. Sometimes I think people are whispering when they're "talking normal".
My BF has an autism spectrum and I have ADHD. My psychiatrist is just not so sure if I have ASD as well. Before I realized his ASD we had a lot of conflicts and misunderstandings. I thought he’s a sociopath or a narcissist. After my own deductions, I realized he has ASD and it answered all the questions. I learned how difficult it is for him to admit their mistakes and apologize. After on and off of the relationship after numerous arguments, one day, he did apologize and it just made me tear. I could see he took time and put his effort. He would “analyze” the issue and find “solutions” as well. I can see his effort to balance things with me. Great thing about him is that he’s consistent, loyal and honest when he’s not masking. Most of all, he’s the man of action.
This sounds like me and partner. I've noticed things that don't seem normal and I've started to wonder if he may have high functioning ASD. He hates being touched when he's doing something (like gaming) and he doesn't often give affection but he shows care and affection in other ways (always asks when he thinks something is wrong, buys me little things, the other day I was struggling on a part of the game and when I came back from the kitchen he'd already gotten me past it). He's extremelyyy intelligent and smart. He knows almost everything about everything (even the most random topics). He hates loud noises and can get quickly agitated by sounds like chewing, tapping, the dog barking, etc and rocks all the time and hyper-fixates on specific topics too. He also doesn't talk about his feelings or emotions and is not the most attentive to others' and really has no filter. Mine is also loyal and honest, hides nothing, and always does what he says he's going to do. Overall, we've had some conflict but it's improved a lot over the year. I'm not diagnosed, but 99.9 percent sure I'm ADHD so it's been interesting finding a balance. I think if you know something is there it's easier to be compassionate instead of getting upset.
This video explains why my relationship with my partner with ASD is so very different than others'. I understand all of these things, I'm transparent, clear, compassionate, and kind. I get in return the most amazing man I have ever known. We are so blessed to have each other. 💜
It's not that emotions are unneeded, they're just overwhelming when met head-on. Tasks or special interests can be so important because they're the only things we're good at, and possibly our ONLY source of good self esteem. The mind blindness makes communication all the more important. I may not know what you're feeling if you never tell me.
Very valid point Josh there should be understanding, communication and accountability and honest and clear communication between the nt and autistic partner. If someone’s not clear about their intentions how is the other person supposed to know? It would be nice if your videos supported both the autistic and nt perspective to help people come together and solve their relationship issues together. Just future feedback for the rest of your videos. I feel that there needs to be more empathy for the autistic person since the nts side of things is very heavily explained and the autistics side not so much.
If I do tell him I am met with defensiveness anger wrath rage that "he cannot do anything right" then goes on about his day not wanting or doing it at all. I give up.
@@allaboardthegravytrain5987 Exactly it is layers.. the not being able to communicate with someone you love because of their hard-wiring is such a challenge. Invalidating a partner & pointing the finger will never work long-term in any relationship...MH is explaining a REAL challenge...the irony is how a person with low function & mind-blindness can be so harsh, condescending, thinking errors, etc toward someone they claim to be in love with.. #Madness
In my relationship with my partner with ASD I've learned (and LOVE) the need for absolute transparency, compassionate and kind, but transparent. As long as I am 100% clear, he tries his best and wants to help. It's actually really beautiful. I was attracted to your comment though because of your comment about special interests being the only source of good self esteem. I wonder if that's partly why my partner comes across as the most emotive and deep feeling person I have ever met, because he feels my whole entire acceptance for everything he is, which actually makes him feel really good about himself and is finding greater self-confidence?
It doesn’t matter how direct I was with my ASD ex, she would still continue the bad behaviors that she knew hurt me. She refused to go back to therapy, refused to undergo neurodivergence testing. She had no problem building a new routine with her cover up boyfriend, yet she refuses to build a new routine with me. Whenever she wants to talk about something pertaining to us she doesn’t let me take a break, she chases after me & we talk about it. But if I want to talk about something pertaining to us, she gives me the silent treatment, minimizes her behavior & runs away. She is very aware of how her behavior hurts me yet she continues to do it. Then whenever I told her that I’m ending the relationship she’d beg me to stay & promise she’d be better. She never improved anything. She’s also a closeted gay woman and had a boyfriend she used as a cover up so she could hide from her family.
Hence the high divorce rate. So painful to hear this x1000 but a relief to be affirmed. I think the idea of trying to understand another person's perspective isn't even on their radar. From receiver end, it feels like they have an extremely high level of arrogance because they know it all . Cassandra syndrome-all your fault. NT is blamed for all. Like gaslighting. This is a helpful explanation of how they likely process interactions. Hard to find counsellors who understand. Many HFA people in IT and Engineering. Thank you.
I understand that we can come across as arrogant. But I disagree that "the idea of trying to understand another person's perspective isn't even on their radar". I am mind-visually impaired (not mind blind though), but I also have a great range of both cognitive and emotional empathy. The first because of my experience with people combined with my very developed logical thinking. The latter because I've been through a great deal of shit in my own life too, and can often link another person's emotional experience to one of my own. If another person doesn't just tell their perspective, but also explains why they see it that way, I almost always understand where the person's coming from. There may be aspies out there where what you say does hold. But there's also lots of aspies who try very hard to empathize with their partner or others.
@@voiceofstem 100% agree. I didn't know I was autistic until now, at 28, because I thought I was too emotional, cared too much. Its common for autistic people to require a proper "explanation" but when you can logically justify those feelings, they will be empathetic. I'm like maxed out in empathy, it feels like being John Coffey from The Green Mile. Lol so yeah, it's definitely a common misconception.
This is the most accurate description of relationship challenges that I’ve ever come across. I’m an autistic women and I have experienced all of this. I’m completely crippling, confusing and exhausting.
My brother told me that his ex would do and say things to upset him, because he did things that upset her. He said that he didn't know he did things that upset her, but she is worse because she did mean things in purpose to even the score. He didn't know he had Asperger's at the time.
Sounds like maybe she didn’t know or how to communicate. My bf is autistic and it took me awhile to figure out how to communicate and to not break his list/habits or ect.
Often us women feel that another woman in the future will have a working relationship with the aspie guy. Because most cute, charming men will not end up single in their last years. There always seems to be a nice woman who will make it with them in the end. So we don't give up. We are afraid that we are wrong, and another woman in the future will make it.
And so goes the vicious circle...its alot of bending for the other person so there is some sort of balance...its very frustrating...but it's my choice to be in a relationship with someone like this...the good quality's are there ...just not so obvious:)
People on the spectrum can learn though. They may struggle to see a certain perspective but it doesn't mean they cant and doesn't they won't eventually they will. Sometimes they need to be pointed in the right direction, but they can once to learn to see other perspectives, they've learned it permanently.
@@electron2601That sounds a bit manipulating, I get where you are coming from and I agree but as an Aspie we have to be very cautious to not get abused and/or taken advantage of. It's hard for NT's to begin with to spot a manipulator, imagine how hard it is for a person with ASD. Cruel world.
Amazing, this reminds me so much of when I tried communicating with my sister. The lack of interest in even trying to understand what I was getting at, the invalidation and dismissal. (Actually those are the more flattering observations I could make, but I have wondered if she has Aspergers, and this reinforces to me that strong possibility.)
I have autism and adhd, i completely understand what you are saying, i think this is happening because we see things in patterns and we categories everything so life isn't like that so we can't be emotional and open to new things wich is understanding other's perspective, because our mind the way it work is it categories everything, i am so sad to hear this i wish i can be a normal person i always wanted to have a family and be good person😔 but unfortunately I can't change my mind, i don't want to be this toxic person to others wich is always the case, i wish i can understand the wisdom to be born like this because it just bad.
Completing tasks is very difficult for people with autism, so we HAVE to turn down our emotions to get anything done. I have plenty of feelings, but am rather self-centered because I am trying to achieve a minimum level of competency in doing what I absolutely have to get done.
I didn't realized my BF has AS spectrum until the last few years I've been with him, we are no longer together after 9 years, I always think he is so different than other guys I've been with, I asked if there is something wrong with him, he never admitted it, we had numerous arguments and made made tear a few time, it appeared that he has no clue why I was upset, he also doesn't like to be at parties unless he knows the people, although he has a good hear but neverthless, it was very very difficult to be in this type of relationship, I was sad to be apart but I had to, now he is dating someone new, God Bless him.
Damnnit it's so spot it. I thank myself for not quitting video when I realized how bad the sound quality is. Made myself listen to the very end. You had my jaw dropping a few times as it's spot on for my ex. It sounded like they are not dateable Caz it's too painful to be their partner
DATED A HIGH FUNCTIONING AUSTISTIC BOY THAT HAD THIS DIAGNOSIS AS A YOUNG KID AND I CAN TELL YOU I WAS SOOO BROKENHEARTED BY HIM BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SEEMED SCARED ABOUT SEX AND INTIMACY. I NEVER HAD A GUY ACT LIKE THAT BEFORE BECAUSE ITS NOT HARD FOR ME TO GET DATES. THEY NEED YOU TO BE SLOW WITH THE PHYSICAL STUFF. THIS I COULDNT DO. I BACAME FRUSTERATED AND GAVE UP. OH HE ALSO HAD ANGER ISSUES AND THREATENED ME ONCE. PRETTY SCARY. IT WAS TOO MUCH.
I am so very thankful when my Aspie husband is away from home a long time due to work conference. Only then do I feel free of anxiety, and stress. Wish I knew how to feel free all the time.
Do you have insights you could share please to help understand more about all the best new info for women being diagnosed after a breakdown in their 40s and 50s because they have learned to hide it and assimilate by learning to copy cat other girls behaviors since early childhood? Thank you so much.
For my entire life I solidly couldn't understand why I needed to feel emotions. They don't seem beneficial. Now that I'm an adult, I think I have anhedonia. I dont feel true pleasure in anything and I feel like I'm an alien. I dont think I express emotions right so then people don't understand me. They just think I'm strange.
I get in trouble and get afraid to talk to people for too long because the truth comes out in me and for them and they get offended and then it can turn scary or they can try to hurt me or something when all I’m doing is just being blunt and straightforward with truths I forget I was too real and need to control it is what I’m told. I think their delusional they can’t get past some illusions and get offended with my harsh truth and then say I’m rude I told the harsh truth. I’m so damn tired of dealing with this shit
Thank you for this explanation. I had a very confusing breakup with someone who never allowed closure. She would always meet me but I never felt able to get close emotionally. I tried for years to come to an understanding. On the surface we got on well so it didn’t make sense. In her late thirties she was diagnosed neurodivergent. Part of me wonders if this is why we couldn’t come to an understanding. It was tough because I really wanted us to work things out.
It is interesting, to me, that ASD people have difficulty in perceiving an interpersonal situation from the other party's view point. I've read Ron Davies' 'The Gift of Dyslexia' and his idea that dyslexics can easily imagine how a room would look like if they were standing at the other side of the room. This ability works great until learning to read: a chair is a chair no matter which way it is facing or how it is imagined from the other side of the room; but a lower case 'h' can only be written with the stick to the left and the curve to the right. So I am thinking, if someone sat an ASD person down and put a blue cube to his left and a red cube to his right, then asked him how the cubes would appear to someone sitting opposite, would he easily be able to do this (assuming he was not colour blind)? I'm asking if not being able to perceive from another person's view point relates only to emotions or to both emotions and objects in three dimensional space. Does anyone have any ideas on this?
@@moyerl100 Apparently, since those on the spectrum have high anxiety, they also have a tendency to assume the worst possible outcome in future situations and turn it into a "catastrophe" in their head. Also often times literally making it be a catastrophe by cancelling events, ending relationships...etc.
All you Relationships Videos go to Hetoro Sexuals but not to the other Sexuality. Would be interesting for me and others that may be out there if oyu make a Video about Gay Relationships.
Just understand that just because a person with ASD may struggle a little bit more with seeing other perspectives, doesn't mean they can't. They still can. Many people with ASD I know are in relationships and they are very happy. I'm involved in many Aspie groups and a large proportion of them are actually married and have been happily married for many many years.
The other side is there are many in relationships where it isn't working out or the NT/ND is settling by staying... to each their own. A lot of people out here are struggling is why MH is educating us all on the developmental disorder...2 sides to every pancake 💯📣🤕👀
Speaking for ASD men since I am one, I would say that in MOST cases, invalidating the NT's opinion is based on strong logic and the truth. Most of them can't handle or accept that, and would rather spend their energies on wasteful emotions, denial, arguments....in order to eventually (days, months, years) come to terms with the truth.
So not true but ok if the black & white thinking works for you.. MH just said it's a thinking error that makes ASD people judge people as wrong all the time...you didn't get the point of the video at all... it wasn't an attack...merely an explanation of an issue around the disorder. Nobody in relationship should ever be invalidated...📣💯📢👀The question came from an NT looking for resolution...
Horses for courses. NT’s are right sometimes, ND’s are right sometimes. I’m continually telling people things and then get shot down for being off the wall, or a poor delivery. 6 months later they’re telling their friends the same thing. I got shot down at Christmas for telling a family member that in a few years there would be a rocket ship that would get to Australia in 1hr making difficult travelling times easier. Anyone going to tell me I’m wrong there?
@@alanking4980 Delivery & lack of empathy... MH says do we want to be right or build relationships... not rocket science...mind-blindness definitely plays a role in the black & white thinking & overloading people with hard facts when the room is light-hearted & playful #Timing
@@markhutten I suspect you are dealing with far more ASD men than women. For women with ASD, the so called special interest can be romantic / sexual involvement with men. "Promiscuity is frequently observed in the behaviour of women with Asperger’s Syndrome” from the book “Asperger’s Syndrome and Sexuality” by Isabelle Henault, PhD, Psychologist.
@markhutten At least, that's what they are saying. Dishonesty is high in many of them, and if they are attractive and they have plenty of opportunities, look out.
Also perceiving voice levels is warped. Raise your voice slightly because you're upset - it is perceived as yelling. So many facets to this dysfunction.
Nancy Wiebe I have two autistic boys and my husband. Tone is so very important.
Agreed!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾📢
Bruh
yes!
True. I have massive trouble noticing even when I'm raising my voice. I generally talk louder than most people, but I think I perceive the opposite of what you said. Sometimes I think people are whispering when they're "talking normal".
My BF has an autism spectrum and I have ADHD. My psychiatrist is just not so sure if I have ASD as well. Before I realized his ASD we had a lot of conflicts and misunderstandings. I thought he’s a sociopath or a narcissist. After my own deductions, I realized he has ASD and it answered all the questions. I learned how difficult it is for him to admit their mistakes and apologize. After on and off of the relationship after numerous arguments, one day, he did apologize and it just made me tear. I could see he took time and put his effort. He would “analyze” the issue and find “solutions” as well. I can see his effort to balance things with me. Great thing about him is that he’s consistent, loyal and honest when he’s not masking. Most of all, he’s the man of action.
This sounds like me and partner. I've noticed things that don't seem normal and I've started to wonder if he may have high functioning ASD. He hates being touched when he's doing something (like gaming) and he doesn't often give affection but he shows care and affection in other ways (always asks when he thinks something is wrong, buys me little things, the other day I was struggling on a part of the game and when I came back from the kitchen he'd already gotten me past it). He's extremelyyy intelligent and smart. He knows almost everything about everything (even the most random topics). He hates loud noises and can get quickly agitated by sounds like chewing, tapping, the dog barking, etc and rocks all the time and hyper-fixates on specific topics too. He also doesn't talk about his feelings or emotions and is not the most attentive to others' and really has no filter. Mine is also loyal and honest, hides nothing, and always does what he says he's going to do. Overall, we've had some conflict but it's improved a lot over the year. I'm not diagnosed, but 99.9 percent sure I'm ADHD so it's been interesting finding a balance. I think if you know something is there it's easier to be compassionate instead of getting upset.
This video explains why my relationship with my partner with ASD is so very different than others'. I understand all of these things, I'm transparent, clear, compassionate, and kind. I get in return the most amazing man I have ever known. We are so blessed to have each other. 💜
I'm so happy for you. What does he do which makes him amazing?
It's not that emotions are unneeded, they're just overwhelming when met head-on.
Tasks or special interests can be so important because they're the only things we're good at, and possibly our ONLY source of good self esteem.
The mind blindness makes communication all the more important. I may not know what you're feeling if you never tell me.
Very valid point Josh there should be understanding, communication and accountability and honest and clear communication between the nt and autistic partner.
If someone’s not clear about their intentions how is the other person supposed to know? It would be nice if your videos supported both the autistic and nt perspective to help people come together and solve their relationship issues together.
Just future feedback for the rest of your videos. I feel that there needs to be more empathy for the autistic person since the nts side of things is very heavily explained and the autistics side not so much.
If I do tell him I am met with defensiveness anger wrath rage that "he cannot do anything right" then goes on about his day not wanting or doing it at all. I give up.
@@allaboardthegravytrain5987 Exactly it is layers.. the not being able to communicate with someone you love because of their hard-wiring is such a challenge. Invalidating a partner & pointing the finger will never work long-term in any relationship...MH is explaining a REAL challenge...the irony is how a person with low function & mind-blindness can be so harsh, condescending, thinking errors, etc toward someone they claim to be in love with.. #Madness
In my relationship with my partner with ASD I've learned (and LOVE) the need for absolute transparency, compassionate and kind, but transparent. As long as I am 100% clear, he tries his best and wants to help. It's actually really beautiful.
I was attracted to your comment though because of your comment about special interests being the only source of good self esteem. I wonder if that's partly why my partner comes across as the most emotive and deep feeling person I have ever met, because he feels my whole entire acceptance for everything he is, which actually makes him feel really good about himself and is finding greater self-confidence?
It doesn’t matter how direct I was with my ASD ex, she would still continue the bad behaviors that she knew hurt me. She refused to go back to therapy, refused to undergo neurodivergence testing. She had no problem building a new routine with her cover up boyfriend, yet she refuses to build a new routine with me. Whenever she wants to talk about something pertaining to us she doesn’t let me take a break, she chases after me & we talk about it. But if I want to talk about something pertaining to us, she gives me the silent treatment, minimizes her behavior & runs away. She is very aware of how her behavior hurts me yet she continues to do it. Then whenever I told her that I’m ending the relationship she’d beg me to stay & promise she’d be better. She never improved anything. She’s also a closeted gay woman and had a boyfriend she used as a cover up so she could hide from her family.
Omg same
Oh this is soooo my husband. I feel so much better. Thank You very much 👍🏻
Happy to help
Hence the high divorce rate. So painful to hear this x1000 but a relief to be affirmed. I think the idea of trying to understand another person's perspective isn't even on their radar. From receiver end, it feels like they have an extremely high level of arrogance because they know it all . Cassandra syndrome-all your fault. NT is blamed for all. Like gaslighting. This is a helpful explanation of how they likely process interactions. Hard to find counsellors who understand. Many HFA people in IT and Engineering. Thank you.
I understand that we can come across as arrogant. But I disagree that "the idea of trying to understand another person's perspective isn't even on their radar". I am mind-visually impaired (not mind blind though), but I also have a great range of both cognitive and emotional empathy. The first because of my experience with people combined with my very developed logical thinking. The latter because I've been through a great deal of shit in my own life too, and can often link another person's emotional experience to one of my own. If another person doesn't just tell their perspective, but also explains why they see it that way, I almost always understand where the person's coming from.
There may be aspies out there where what you say does hold. But there's also lots of aspies who try very hard to empathize with their partner or others.
@@voiceofstem 100% agree. I didn't know I was autistic until now, at 28, because I thought I was too emotional, cared too much. Its common for autistic people to require a proper "explanation" but when you can logically justify those feelings, they will be empathetic. I'm like maxed out in empathy, it feels like being John Coffey from The Green Mile. Lol so yeah, it's definitely a common misconception.
This behavior is completely narcissistic, they need help
My god are you ever an idiot. You need help.
This is the most accurate description of relationship challenges that I’ve ever come across. I’m an autistic women and I have experienced all of this. I’m completely crippling, confusing and exhausting.
My brother told me that his ex would do and say things to upset him, because he did things that upset her. He said that he didn't know he did things that upset her, but she is worse because she did mean things in purpose to even the score. He didn't know he had Asperger's at the time.
Glad she's his ex.
Sounds like maybe she didn’t know or how to communicate. My bf is autistic and it took me awhile to figure out how to communicate and to not break his list/habits or ect.
Often us women feel that another woman in the future will have a working relationship with the aspie guy. Because most cute, charming men will not end up single in their last years. There always seems to be a nice woman who will make it with them in the end.
So we don't give up. We are afraid that we are wrong, and another woman in the future will make it.
And so goes the vicious circle...its alot of bending for the other person so there is some sort of balance...its very frustrating...but it's my choice to be in a relationship with someone like this...the good quality's are there ...just not so obvious:)
People on the spectrum can learn though. They may struggle to see a certain perspective but it doesn't mean they cant and doesn't they won't eventually they will. Sometimes they need to be pointed in the right direction, but they can once to learn to see other perspectives, they've learned it permanently.
@@electron2601 Very true. It takes them seeing value in the relationship which would motivate some effort for behavior changes.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This was such an excellent video Mark, Ty! In honesty I do get tired of making so many accommodations but I never suspected ASD might be involved.
@@electron2601That sounds a bit manipulating, I get where you are coming from and I agree but as an Aspie we have to be very cautious to not get abused and/or taken advantage of. It's hard for NT's to begin with to spot a manipulator, imagine how hard it is for a person with ASD. Cruel world.
This is a game changer. Thank you for sharing this with us.
You bet!
Amazing, this reminds me so much of when I tried communicating with my sister. The lack of interest in even trying to understand what I was getting at, the invalidation and dismissal. (Actually those are the more flattering observations I could make, but I have wondered if she has Aspergers, and this reinforces to me that strong possibility.)
I have autism and adhd, i completely understand what you are saying, i think this is happening because we see things in patterns and we categories everything so life isn't like that so we can't be emotional and open to new things wich is understanding other's perspective, because our mind the way it work is it categories everything, i am so sad to hear this i wish i can be a normal person i always wanted to have a family and be good person😔 but unfortunately I can't change my mind, i don't want to be this toxic person to others wich is always the case, i wish i can understand the wisdom to be born like this because it just bad.
This is so True, i am glad i found this video
Completing tasks is very difficult for people with autism, so we HAVE to turn down our emotions to get anything done. I have plenty of feelings, but am rather self-centered because I am trying to achieve a minimum level of competency in doing what I absolutely have to get done.
I didn't realized my BF has AS spectrum until the last few years I've been with him, we are no longer together after 9 years, I always think he is so different than other guys I've been with, I asked if there is something wrong with him, he never admitted it, we had numerous arguments and made made tear a few time, it appeared that he has no clue why I was upset, he also doesn't like to be at parties unless he knows the people, although he has a good hear but neverthless, it was very very difficult to be in this type of relationship, I was sad to be apart but I had to, now he is dating someone new, God Bless him.
Damnnit it's so spot it. I thank myself for not quitting video when I realized how bad the sound quality is. Made myself listen to the very end. You had my jaw dropping a few times as it's spot on for my ex.
It sounded like they are not dateable
Caz it's too painful to be their partner
Thank you, Mark, for the insight & info! 😊👍
Y'all please pray for me as I'm dealing with such in my own marriage.
Thank you! God bless you! 🙏😔❤️
What if your boyfriend doesn't know he's on the spectrum but he's almost everything you just said? Should I bring it up to him?
I have the same question.. about someone I started dating a few months ago
Probably not, because of mind blindness.😂
I really feel sorry for everyone who married ,I was engaged absolute mistake I regret every moment of being with them.
I appreciate your information. Thanks for sharing!!!
Glad it was helpful!
DATED A HIGH FUNCTIONING AUSTISTIC BOY THAT HAD THIS DIAGNOSIS AS A YOUNG KID AND I CAN TELL YOU I WAS SOOO BROKENHEARTED BY HIM BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SEEMED SCARED ABOUT SEX AND INTIMACY. I NEVER HAD A GUY ACT LIKE THAT BEFORE BECAUSE ITS NOT HARD FOR ME TO GET DATES. THEY NEED YOU TO BE SLOW WITH THE PHYSICAL STUFF. THIS I COULDNT DO. I BACAME FRUSTERATED AND GAVE UP. OH HE ALSO HAD ANGER ISSUES AND THREATENED ME ONCE. PRETTY SCARY. IT WAS TOO MUCH.
I am so very thankful when my Aspie husband is away from home a long time due to work conference. Only then do I feel free of anxiety, and stress. Wish I knew how to feel free all the time.
Do you have insights you could share please to help understand more about all the best new info for women being diagnosed after a breakdown in their 40s and 50s because they have learned to hide it and assimilate by learning to copy cat other girls behaviors since early childhood? Thank you so much.
For my entire life I solidly couldn't understand why I needed to feel emotions. They don't seem beneficial. Now that I'm an adult, I think I have anhedonia. I dont feel true pleasure in anything and I feel like I'm an alien. I dont think I express emotions right so then people don't understand me. They just think I'm strange.
I get in trouble and get afraid to talk to people for too long because the truth comes out in me and for them and they get offended and then it can turn scary or they can try to hurt me or something when all I’m doing is just being blunt and straightforward with truths I forget I was too real and need to control it is what I’m told. I think their delusional they can’t get past some illusions and get offended with my harsh truth and then say I’m rude I told the harsh truth. I’m so damn tired of dealing with this shit
You must described a loved one so well!
Thank you very very much,you just cleared up 2 failed marriages for me.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You’re welcome 😊
@@markhutten 🫡👊🏽👊🏽❤️❤️☯️
I cannot relate to the mindblindess component of ASD. I understand your generalization of the process though.
Thank you for this explanation. I had a very confusing breakup with someone who never allowed closure. She would always meet me but I never felt able to get close emotionally. I tried for years to come to an understanding. On the surface we got on well so it didn’t make sense. In her late thirties she was diagnosed neurodivergent. Part of me wonders if this is why we couldn’t come to an understanding. It was tough because I really wanted us to work things out.
It is interesting, to me, that ASD people have difficulty in perceiving an interpersonal situation from the other party's view point.
I've read Ron Davies' 'The Gift of Dyslexia' and his idea that dyslexics can easily imagine how a room would look like if they were standing at the other side of the room. This ability works great until learning to read: a chair is a chair no matter which way it is facing or how it is imagined from the other side of the room; but a lower case 'h' can only be written with the stick to the left and the curve to the right.
So I am thinking, if someone sat an ASD person down and put a blue cube to his left and a red cube to his right, then asked him how the cubes would appear to someone sitting opposite, would he easily be able to do this (assuming he was not colour blind)?
I'm asking if not being able to perceive from another person's view point relates only to emotions or to both emotions and objects in three dimensional space. Does anyone have any ideas on this?
I am highly emotional and HSP full of traumas and vulnerable and my "boyfriend" is HA :-(((((((((((((((
Brake up with him!
Good video. I was wondering if by any chance you could make a video covering the "catastrophizing" phenomenon?
Great suggestion!
@@moyerl100 Apparently, since those on the spectrum have high anxiety, they also have a tendency to assume the worst possible outcome in future situations and turn it into a "catastrophe" in their head. Also often times literally making it be a catastrophe by cancelling events, ending relationships...etc.
Very well said.
What about womwn on the specteum?I think we are not the same.I think we are more sentimental...
I totally agree with this. My fiancé has asd level 1 and I believe I do too but I’m so much more emotional and sentimental.
I'm autistic and get obsessed with people lol.
You described me down to a teeeee ❤
This is 100% my spouse. He argues snd becomes defensive when I give me view eg talking about someone who was rude to me
Yes I have the same I’m poss autism and my new bf does . He can be quiet blunt at times .
Hey do you give asd diagnoses test for adults
Yes definitely they feel attacked
I'am overly emotional and AuDHD
Just don’t marry or have any close relationships! Sheesh!
Well every single relationship I’ve ever had actually 😳🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️❤️🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
All you Relationships Videos go to Hetoro Sexuals but not to the other Sexuality. Would be interesting for me and others that may be out there if oyu make a Video about Gay Relationships.
Wow this sounds like a lot of men today.
Sorry didn’t mean to swear 😳😬
5:40
OK, so now what?
Just understand that just because a person with ASD may struggle a little bit more with seeing other perspectives, doesn't mean they can't. They still can. Many people with ASD I know are in relationships and they are very happy. I'm involved in many Aspie groups and a large proportion of them are actually married and have been happily married for many many years.
The other side is there are many in relationships where it isn't working out or the NT/ND is settling by staying... to each their own. A lot of people out here are struggling is why MH is educating us all on the developmental disorder...2 sides to every pancake 💯📣🤕👀
Speaking for ASD men since I am one, I would say that in MOST cases, invalidating the NT's opinion is based on strong logic and the truth. Most of them can't handle or accept that, and would rather spend their energies on wasteful emotions, denial, arguments....in order to eventually (days, months, years) come to terms with the truth.
Also ASD man, I agree yet still as emotions are important to NT it's a must to play around them and adjust ourselves, with how unfortunate that is.
@@Aviv201 Yeah man that's quite hard sometimes but we must do what we hafta do I guess.
So not true but ok if the black & white thinking works for you.. MH just said it's a thinking error that makes ASD people judge people as wrong all the time...you didn't get the point of the video at all... it wasn't an attack...merely an explanation of an issue around the disorder. Nobody in relationship should ever be invalidated...📣💯📢👀The question came from an NT looking for resolution...
Horses for courses. NT’s are right sometimes, ND’s are right sometimes.
I’m continually telling people things and then get shot down for being off the wall, or a poor delivery.
6 months later they’re telling their friends the same thing.
I got shot down at Christmas for telling a family member that in a few years there would be a rocket ship that would get to Australia in 1hr making difficult travelling times easier.
Anyone going to tell me I’m wrong there?
@@alanking4980 Delivery & lack of empathy... MH says do we want to be right or build relationships... not rocket science...mind-blindness definitely plays a role in the black & white thinking & overloading people with hard facts when the room is light-hearted & playful #Timing
Pity you didn't mention that women with Aspergers are usually promiscuous. Huge issue in marriages between NTs and ASDs
That's not been my experience.
@@markhutten I suspect you are dealing with far more ASD men than women. For women with ASD, the so called special interest can be romantic / sexual involvement with men. "Promiscuity is frequently observed in the behaviour of women with Asperger’s Syndrome” from the book “Asperger’s Syndrome and Sexuality” by Isabelle Henault, PhD, Psychologist.
@@sun-man I'm saying that the ASD women I have worked with are very devoted to their spouse.
@markhutten At least, that's what they are saying. Dishonesty is high in many of them, and if they are attractive and they have plenty of opportunities, look out.
@sun-man not true. Im painfully loyal to any man i ever been with. My morals in fact are taken beyond serious.