Unbound: Narcissists Who Have No Good Reason To Be Narcissistic
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
- When you examine the history of some narcissistic people, no solid rationale can explain whey they are the way they are. This episode features questions from those who have made solid efforts to be a positive influence in others' lives, yet they are met with narcissistic tendencies that defy logic. Dr. C addresses this phenomenon.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 130 million views.
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They are ALL legends in their own minds.
If we all have the capacity to be narcissist, then do we all have the capacity for kindness. Being a jerk is a choice
They are emotionally stunned, they don't know how to behave. This has worked all their life and most have no intention of changing.
Yes, babies are the most selfish people in the room and have to be taught to be loving and kind by the example of the parents. Even bad parents turn out good adult children because the children see how others act and make their choice who they want to emulate.
Could it be that some narcissists were NoT neglected or abused as children but took on the qualities of narcissistic people around them… Politicians, celebrities, social media “influencers” etc.
Yes, that can be the case.
i overheard 2 HR ladies talk at an ex workplace - without them realizing i was within earshot... it chilled me to the bone what they were saying -They went to a seminar explaining how to get the employees to do what they wanted. Basically, it was sheer manipulation:
Not explaining to (prospective/ existing) employees what their rights were, setting the situation up so that they were being led to believe that the ungainly suggestion was the only (and normal way) (gaslighting), subtle threats in atmosphere (all in spoken word/ set ups, nothing in writing), then claiming that the employee voluntarily agreed to do this. (intimidation) + Getting people to sign docs on the spot (they should have had time to read & consider) ('Steamrolling') + Promising things in advance as a carrot, all the while knowing fully that this was never going to happen afterwards, but afterwards the employee was already stuck and would do what they wanted ('future faking'). In their eyes it was simply a win as an efficient way of *taking care of business*. In reality it was a seminar in human manipulation, undermining others rights. *So conclusion: seminars exist to teach narcy manipulation tactics agains payment*
Some brains are just constructed that way.
I see this now.
@PantaRhei-wz5zn 😮 been there. No one will ever believe you. You see, you misunderstood what they were talking about, that's what happens when you ease drop. 😊 I'm getting it.
It is a lifestyle to them
Entire families and entire cultures can be narcissistic because of the influences of others who are in charge.
Okay let us see what our good Dr.C will make of that, looking forward to it😊!
Me too ✋️
This is one of my favorite videos you’ve made ! Excellent explanation! 👏🌿
Serenity speaks volumes.
We like calm and regulated people and environments.
We dislike dysregulated and chaotic situations.
We want to be seen, heard and understood which cannot happen in chaos.
When I was finally free from THEIR dysfunction I was able to restart a Healthy life.
Not having to anticipate the next catastrophic event or outburst is another reason to...
Stay Healthy!!
Reason being the root word of reasonableness, narcissists utilize intimidation as a tactic for gaining control instead of engaging in discourse based upon reasonableness.
It’s simply toddler behavior tempered by lifelong deception that began with mother & their lack of separation at the appropriate age
This one is going to ripple out for a long time.
Waiting for this teaching. I believe it's another crucial one.
A very hard topic to understand.
I guess, one of the cases, could be the case of the "golden children" ( in a narcissistic family system, dominated by a severe narcissistic parent or both parents). We usually tend to think that golden children are "lucky" children. I don't think so.
Their psychological and emotional prison is one of the worst ever, because they have "evidence" that they are "the loved ones" in the family, yet they don't really receive any love, so they can't feel safe, they are in confusion (like the scapegoat) but they do not cry out for help and do not extend their hand to anyone... they can't even imagine what love is...
Maybe this is the final extreme frontier of narcissistic gaslighting.
So, it's probable these children will fall in depression (or other problems) without even knowing why.
Instead, if this dr C video-title means that , for example, that true loving parents gave a child true love in the right way (within an acceptable range of normalcy) yet the child becomes a narcissist... Well, this is very hard to understand why. two explanations could be
1. brain development damage (ref. dr Salerno?)
2. a very hidden serious trauma + abandonment perceived by the child, even if it was not the reality. Anyway... I can hardly believe that just one misperception (if it is surrounded by many years of good upbringing) could cause such a damage 🤔
Yes I think there may be some internalized shame and guilt when they know the sibling scapegoat could just as well have been them (they know they are not that different). It’s a fragile footing, even if it seems better at first.
Happy weekend 🥰 Gus ♥️ , Happy weekend 🥰 Doctor Carter and Mrs Carter ♥️♥️
In my experience narcissists are making a choice because dominating is an addiction for them. They have been told by others but refuse to listen. I was the scapegoat and had deep trauma from it but I was not the one acting like the narcissists. They hated that I was not like them and continually attempted to goad me into anger. They even gossiped to others that I was the rebellious one, when it was they who were mean and rude consistently.
Luke 17:3 "3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”…Notice God said "if he says "I repent.""
2:22 What appears to be a put together family may not always be cohesiveness. A parent who pretends to be perfect in the community may not be the best spouse or parent at home. The family dynamics of "play like it is always a fantasy of disneyland" don't work when a parent cycles from angel to demon in front of a child. Even the secret of adultery is felt as neglect to the other parent, then the kids pick up on it. They know the inside of the family. They know the reality in many cases. Or...it could just be sociopathic selfishness. But some people channel their darker behaviors into fighting for a cause. It depends on how far each family wants to be real with each other to heal the family. Some never want to examine that mental space with one in one's own family. I call it what the Magicians book series called it. The room in purgatory called: " Secrets taken to the grave." And when the kids went in to find out family secrets...they all came out crying. Now that was in purgatory as a lesson to the immortal wise people...and it made them cry too. Nobody gets past this. No one gets a pass on confronting these life issues. It makes us all on edge. "The sins of the father set their children's teeth on edge."...rings true on this. FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. We need to continue to seek wisdom and strengthen our families against family curses. Just a weird thought.
My late husband was NPD, now my son is. He has lately told me I have problems with cognition. I believe he's just trying to make me feel like something is wrong with me. He lives with me and daily gaslights, demeans, baits, etc. I feel like I have to just use radical acceptance with him, but it is very hard sometimes. He lives here to "take care of me, " as my late father asked him to do. How can I respond to this without have a big fight? I have already gone through 45 years with my husband and don't think I should have to continue, but I don't want my son to feel rejected by me either.
You have to admit your truth and be willing to move on or ask him to.
I empathize with your situation and hope you're able to devise a satisfactory resolution. If your son is truely narcissistic, it's unlikely "discussion alone" will resolve the situation. What are your other options? What are your true needs? Could another friend or relative move in with you and, thus, relieve him of his "responsibilities"? He may feel a little rejection at first, but he'll survive; and, it could be the best move for him also. (I have to wonder why he doesn't have a family of his own.) It was nice of your father to have concerns for you, even if slightly misguided. We all will eventually need some outside assistance.
If your son is an adult then he needs to be told to leave and live on his own. Your son needs to feel rejected for acting badly, it might make him think and desire to change, however, if he doesn't then you have no responsibility to him. Continually allowing him to abuse you will not change him because you allowed it.
Your situation sounds like one that could go south real quick. You seem coherent to me. For your peace of mind you may need to part company with your son. It's not always easy to do, but it sounds like he's bullying and verbally abusing you to some extent, and enduring that daily is not easy to do either.
The ones that aren't inept are frightening.
The inept ones are frightening as well: Would you like an inept dentist that just received a narcissistic wound to operate on your mouth ?
Even if he wanted to get it right, he is unable... The inept ones are just as bad (if not more so, in certain situations) as the capable ones
@PantaRhei-wz5zn I'm speaking of the more disturbed character. There is a difference.
@PantaRhei-wz5zn The title had nothing to do with whether the damage inflicted the victim was greater.
@@well_weathered Okay, now you requalify your initial statement to something more exact + different, pertaing to degree of narcissistic disturbance only. This is different from the broad initial statement. My reply is directed at the original statement
When you're underaccomplished and actually rather mean-spirited, yet you act as if everybody should be graced with your presence. Thank you for this video, Dr. Carter. Nurture (upbringing) is critically important, but sometimes, I think genetics are also very important. It partially explains narcissists who were never really mistreated that badly. Maybe some people are just wired for more aggression?
Sometimes there's nothing/nobody to blame, things just happen.......I said this to a narcissistic relative and I got silence 😮😮😊
Okay, after listening I get what you're saying. I've wondered this about my nex. His early life was not traumatic. He had two parents, stability, discipline, etc. Yet he's a monster IMO. You wonder if they're born that way because nothing was there to cause them to become so off balance.
This title makes little sense to me because there is never a good rational reason to be narcissistic. Two people of the same origins can develop completely different. Why one of them chooses narcissism remains a mystery.
I agree with you, Roxy 👍❤️
I hope you are well 🙏🕯
@amandaliverpool3374 it's not a conscious choice but rather who a person becomes due to unconscious wounds they don't go within to look at. They don't ask themselves if they are a narcissist. They are unaware and don't care because in their eyes, everyone else is at fault. This is my personal experience with systemic family narcissism. 30 years of counseling, it's difficult. I walked away.
It could be genetic, and some people groom their children to think they are better than others
Great title....but is there ever a good reason?
Early exposure to a highly abusive family. If you have endured a highly narcissistic spouse or family member as an adult, you know the emotional and psychological pressures the relationship puts you under. Now imagine being faced with those situations from birth, where you have nothing else to draw upon.
6:00 Amen
I am my narcissist brother's scapegoat. I stood up to him, and said I would not tolerate his abuse anymore. Do you have any suggestions on how to get my narcissistic family system to just leave me alone. Their phones are all blocked so they can't call me. I've blocked them all on Facebook. They continue to send me mail, but I throw it away. They've shipped crap to my house, but I send it back. Recently, they showed up to my house uninvited and unexpectedly - it was highly traumatizing. (They live 1200 miles away) I have made it clear I want no contact. Do I have to enter the witness protection program??? I just want them to leave me alone! I am happier than I have ever been since I cut them off. My kids are thrilled.
My goddaughter was was highly reactive to ANY perceived threat, even to people around her. Thereby controlling the behavior of everyone around her. From the time she could walk. No input allowed, unless she agreed. Now teaching high school, controlling many hormonal teens simultaneously. Effortlessly. 😂
Her sisters are normal and reasonable.
Go figure.
Selfishness, entitlement, jealously, codependency, blaming, victimhood and seeking control and perfection is becoming commonplace.
There have being many flying monkeys that have being fooled.
I forgot projection. The art of making someone else responsible for unwanted emotions and insecurities.
it's a choice
❤
Expecting a lot of political accusations with this one. Jaded me, sigh.
It's more about people who had a decent upbringing or a good spouse yet they went into a dark place despite goodness being in their life.
Hi, Aaron. I hope you're doing well.
@ I’m doing quite well. Hoping same for you.
Good Morning