The Problem of Disconnection: The Still Face Experiment
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- I have watched this video at least 100 times. Told my friends about it. Lectured about it. It changed my life, by showing me what is connection and disconnection. Perhaps it is why I am so fascinated by connection. When you see it, and really soak it in, think about all its implications, it changes everything!
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I came from tiktok lmao... but the part that messed me up the most was when the baby bit himself
hnlJosh glad you came over :) and that part was mind 🤯🤯🤯🤯
The baby very briefly did not trust her when she re-engaged then over celebrated, like borderlines do. Always thought still face was ignored it demonstrates all the early trauma from just absense or neglect, let alone direct abuse. All the same, some suggest worse.
This really should go viral! No one should be allowed to give birth or even get pregnant until they understand the vital importance of their connection with their baby and the influence that their emotions and responses have on their child.
MusicaAngela I completely agree that everyone should understand the still face Experiment!!
MusicaAngela it did go viral this week- on TikTok:)
"No one should be allowed to give birth" watch out for your wording. Your phrasing could be understood as calls for forced sterilization/abortion/adoption. Very dangerous in terms of basic human rights and fascism
came from tiktok as well. i've watched this video so many times, things are starting to make sense to me in my own personal life. thank you for sharing this.
This is tripping me up, cause my father has purposely mastered keeping a straight face and not mirroring behavior my whole life. When I asked him why he said it was because he wanted me to grow up quickly and to show a good example for me as someone who was strong enough not to react to certain things and confident enough not to mirror others for things like sympathy. Which explains my extreme depression in a very sad way... when I was younger he would play with me at times but made a point himself that once I got older he stopped playing with me as much because he wanted me to focus on other things, I know hes not to blame for my depression but seeing this I now see the unintentional back lash his actions had...
I relate to your experience growing with a still face Dad, or even a ‘resting ass hole face’ Dad. It hurts, I’m sorry you have that kind of Dad, it is more then a disappointment… it’s damaging. Stay strong!
Oh he's definitely at least partly to blame for your depression. Don't let him off the hook that easily.
Did you ever discuss with your father how this very behaviour had a long term depressive negative effect on you? Did he ever come to see this as disfunctional? and did he very apologize? And did this behaviour of his make you into a confident individual?
@rosiemackenzie5976 It wasn't until recently that he started to understand that kids need parents to play with them. He thought that rather than showing interest in my things, I would eventually show interest in his more mature things. Now that I'm an extremely reserved adult who doesn't understand making friends or bonding even with family members, he's starting to understand. He sees it, and he knows he had something to do with it. But apologizing is something we both heavily struggle with. So technically apologized, but he mostly apologized for not knowing how to raise a child. Not in a malicious way, my grandfather raised him in a very similar way. And just like that, he still believes talking about things like that only tends to make it worse. We have a good relationship. It's just not a very emotional one.
@@Naja14pdf Thankyou for replying. My parents generation were not good at showing emotion, although I knew they cared. I was fortuante enough to have parents that cared and explained things to me, they where consistant and emotionally stable,I wouldn't say they exactly played with m but I had good reliable parents..
From TikTok, very interesting video
Hi Dr. Puder, this is a fantastic video!! I wanted to point out one detail that I think wasn't mentioned while you were summarizing the still face experiment and what use we gain from it. These negative reactionary patterns exhibited by the infant are also reflected in the self-destructive behaviors of teenagers. I think these behaviors are often misunderstood, and reacted to incorrectly. For instance, when a teen cuts themselves while in the home and the mother walks in on them, it's a scenario where the mother is hurt and feels she has failed, and so distances herself.
Although the mother and father have at this point missed many opportunities to do so, the proper reaction here is to understand and engage with them in a similar way to when this mother stops her still face. Instead, I think, what is most often done is the parent puts a distance between them and their child. "Clearly I have hurt you, your care is better suited elsewhere, such as at an inpatient facility." As I write this, I suddenly realize this same dynamic was in effect when I was spending all my time outside of my bio-dad's house that summer they let me take refuge there, I rode my bike around constantly looking for friendship and attention and hoping dad would talk to me more while I was there, and when I ultimately got kicked out I felt like this infant child may have felt if the mother, instead of beginning to the mirror the baby once again, had instead just stood up and walked away.
when i was 3 i think my parents played with me. i remember at 5 trying to play with my mom and she just ignored me, this happened for years and now i barely trust my mom or dad because growing up i only trusted my brother because he actually had a relationship with me:/.
"Play" is really not the best way to describe this. Engagement is. Attachment occurs all the time - and truthfully, the most profound connection comes in our moments of difficult emotion. Who shows up and accepts/loves us even when we're "misbehaving"? Who sees past our difficult emotions to our pain, and holds that pain for us? Who is willing to sit with us without fixing? Attachment is all about the balance between autonomy and connection. The more connected we feel, the more autonomous we can be. The more autonomous we are, the more we value our connection. Secure attachment is about "following" a person's needs in a way that's connected, but does not intrude on their autonomy. It's also about repairing disconnection, because it's impossible/unnatural to be 100% attuned all the time. We all need autonomy. We all need connection. Who will support us, no matter what, in success and failure. Because knowing that I can succeed or fail, and still be loved, at my best and my worst - is what allows us to survive, and thrive.
Beautifully written.
What a functional balanced way of thinking. I wish more people thought like this. I have written your "quote" down. Thankyou for sharing.
this is really insightful ... kind of shocking how heavily connected this is to daily life
that baby was so cute wow
Yeah it is quite odd this is not talked about more, quite revealing. I'm in treatment for borderline and struck me as a fundamental proof that this is what occurs in early life and we are not to blame where problems start, but in DBT am learning to connect. Thank you had quite the same reaction I even have brought it up to my therapists. A child of BPD alcoholic mom and grandma. Social animals we are, and dissociation will occur during trauma. Cool video thanks again!!
"What would an alcoholic father look like with their child?" Try COMPLETELY disengaged/disconnected and occasionally physically abusive while being verbally and emotionally abusive with his wife. "Got to make my 6 p.m. cocktails b/c that's the most important thing in the world!!"
BTW this is a side account and I won't mention my name. I came from.... What u say my entire life. It will make u emotionless from the out side and u don't talk to anybody about anything emotion related and fear getting near it but in the inside u are screaming all the time and have no concentration as ur head... I don't know its just like that and i have trouble learning. I spend 10 times the average amount of study with less results and that sucks because my studies is everything to me and I want to be a physicist. Like discover something new and no matter how much I try I only see myself further from it. So automatically I have some like my faith is important to me and I don't share it so there is something for me to my end and that is the only thing between me and a cliff that I really want to jump from.. I am 19 and there is more to my past but this is the biggest portion of it and I hope psychology improves more in this subject because I wanna learn more about my self... I have read the book named running on empty by webb..... And it talks about this thing (CEN)
I relate to this fucking baby so much
my husband is Autistic - I live this experiment daily. It is torture and I have become this baby.
Well said! As a child who endured CEN, I hope people start to take real notice of this!
Thank you for this. I learned something new and very important, and a bit scary.
Is there a way to heal if this disconnection happened a lot as a small kid? I already do a body based attachment trauma therapy (NARM) due to my dissociation from myself. It helped in resolving emotions Bit I have the feeling I have never developt a own personality. Any tips?
That video is profound impact for feeling. Thanks so much for sharing.
Old video yet ALL of your videos are so relevant. Another unpopular observation is the direct correlation in unhealthy attachments that develop in most of our childhoods/childrens lives bc of emotional disconnection that has followed us into adulthood. So many adults have maladapted to preserve themselves i.e. self harm, infidelity, sexual promiscuity, violence, selfishness, overly criticizing, etc but mask their pain/anxiety calling it self control, autonomy, exercising their rights, freedom, etc. like its something good but it is in fact hurtful since it is stemming from a place of unacknowledged/unidentified inner hurt/trauma. Extreme cognitive distortion to call something bad good and good bad. Our lives are of more value than many sparrows I pray every soul would turn away from relying on their ego bc its only a cover up it can not conquer anything pride goes before destruction and an arrogant spirit before a fall. Believe and you will be saved if you want to be saved. I cried watching this it resonates 100%. The cause of baby's discomfort/pain is my pain. Self reflection/self awareness saves those who want to be saved. Shalom.
Thank you for your thoughts! Wishing you the best today.
No one gonna talk about how he changed the baby's gender multiple times
Elijah Nelson wow never knew that ...
I remember seeing this baby and mother video a few years ago and feeling quiet distressed for the baby, as you can easily see it shows the immense effect of mother on baby. An interesting experiment to try is to smile lots at a baby and see how quickly it responds in a positive smileing way back. Some respond very quickly and some don't, which I find interesting. If the baby looks at you blankly or with distrust I think it tells you alot. It is truely amazing how babies and little people so very quickly pick up on cues . I think they are literally "psycholgical sponges" to what is around them.
Consider for a moment how your face is when looking at your phone. Most people, in my observation, are still-faced and blank. (With occasional exceptions for really silly or cute videos.)
Children grow up now seeing blank, still, disconnected adult faces EVERYWHERE, both in and out of the home, constantly. And we wonder why the rate of child and teen suicide, depression, and self-harm is higher than it has ever been?
Good observation.
Prudent observation.
Excellent Analysis.
Amazing . Thank you for your knowledge and. Ideas. Found you on TikTok, now here.
It seems strange to me that so many on here acknowledge how horrible it is for a child to be deprived of connection but there is no discussion, as far as I can see, about the ethics of doing this horrible thing as part of ana experiment. I grant it is only brief and the child re-engages, which is great. But, for the sake of argument, let's say we exposed this child to an brief but distressing electric shock with no lasting consequence or risk of same. I think we would be treating this experiment very differently. That said, thanks for sharing, this is, ethical issues aside, very interesting
Great point!
Excellent outstanding presentation.
That's how emotionally unavailable caregiver psychologically damage infant's brain!🥺😢
Thanks for sharing.💙💫✨
This helps explain what went so wrong in my childhood. My father was still faced and non playful as far back as I can remember. When I showed him this video he didn’t even understand the point and made a comment about how much he doesn’t like parent-infant babytalk.
Oh Dr David lol ... you are my reason for existing in this field 🤣🤣.... thank you as always for the videos :)
I've been told that I am 'stuck' in this place. I didn't recognize it until it was revealed. What can I do? It influences everything!
I know it is an old video, but I think you really clarified it 💪😊
I heard of this experiment from listening to the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parent. What an eye opener.
Glad to hear it has been helpful and opened your eyes
i have a bad relationship with my sister for a lot of reasons, i know i should engage with her and take time to deal with her but i cant because it makes me severely uncomfortable for personal reasons
Adam savas cebeciye benzıyor
Would you say wearing masks have a similar effect on children?
This really makes you think about all these shows for very young kids, like blues clues. How are they supposed to learn mirroring when the people on TV act as if they talk to them, but don't react to anything they actually say or do?
I still have questions bro. As an adult how can this still got me the baby crying got me a little
Btw the baby is a girl.
Bell's palsy is half face still. Temporary.
See Tronick, The Neurobehavioral and Social Emotional Development of Infants and Chilren.
I remember My Neighbour Charles. The couple of French + Korean; the father do not like his daughter to watch TV at a very early age.
I agree, it is a great video that I have watched many times. It's good to hear some analysis over it also.
A perfect example of the detrimental effects of face masks on the psychological development of small children.
better than dead parents. you want a world of batmans?
Thank you, great to be reminded of dorsal state. Great explanation!
Ty! Very interesting and good!
The baby is a girl
Oh my God
My biggest quandary with this video , despite the obvious worth it has, is how much damage was inflicted on the it (infant subject) used in the experiment just for the sake of conducting the experiment. Do the benefits for the rest of us outweigh the harm inflicted on the subject it (presumably its)?
If the infant is well taken care of and engaged with in healthy ways outside of this 5 min clip then it should be fine. Maybe that's why the baby became upset so quickly. It's used to its parents being very engaged so when it is exposed to no engagement it got upset very quickly. And I'm sure they are not using the same baby over and over. Taht would be unethical and harmful.
Face coverings are more harmful than still-face.
SAVE THE CHILDREN!
Wearing masks during covid did far more damage than any good that they might have done, it is truely questionable whether the masks did any good at all!
I am not someone who has difficulty meeting ppl. However, I am having real strife in even basic emotive discussion, with the main friend in my life who considers himself my partner when he knows deep down we are not. This is NOT the point. He lives day to day with a still face. We both have each a large dog. Sensitive from horrible beginnings. We met at the dog park. I went to assist him having difficulties & mainly we plan outings as much as possible. His still face is the problem with his dogs nerves and aggression. Yet I receive the "still face" and silence or obvious 'what he thinks I wish to hear' follies. Is there something more wrong here? Yes he has done this his whole life. Its not been discussed before. I never knew such a term. His son sadly committed suicide at 27. No outside problems except an anxious stomach. I'm a 37yr old female, I don't have any family left, I thought this person was fitting a father figure role with plenty smiles initially but apart from that it's completely a still face. I called it automaton to myself and say that to our confused dogs. He has marked passive aggressiveness. What do you think? Please. He is now 72 but acts immaturely. Clearly its uncommon but what is this still face phenomenon to help me understand. He says he feels fine. This is 100% true. What is happening behind the mask. What does the mask mean?? Dingwall 🏴✌🏻❤️
Sounds like your friend is so practiced at being shut down, he doesn't even see it as a problem and probably doesn't even realise he is missing out on life. Sad. Interesting to hear how you say this shows up in the dogs, and in aggression. Invest, and make a determined effort to suround yourself with at least 2 or 3 people who can support you and who are emotionally connected, for a better quality of lift for yourself. Life is too short to try and change somebody who doesn't see their still face as a problem, the likeyhood of him changes is slim..
Child should learn to find happiness internally rather than externally as we can't always expect others to be supportive with us.
Child needs a stable base to make sense of themself and the world and can only learn good coping mechanisms by connecting with and mirroring stable caregivers, my dude. Please research before having children.
@@KumaraDosha You can't expect a supportive parents or society always. This is not a perfect world. Think of war affected regions. Can you expect such a great environment there?
@@prince2132 Ah yes, so let us as parents be the equivalent of these traumatic circumstances to ensure our children will grow up with a lot of baggage! Great idea! Try thinking next time you form a thought.
@@KumaraDosha Do you know anything called military training? Why the soldiers given extreme training, routines etc? To face living in tough conditions. If not did they will fail miserably when faced with challenges. So if you keep children happy all the time, buy everything they ask etc etc then when faced with challenges they fill find it difficult to face it as children need to face the world which include both supportive and unsupportive people, good and bad environment. Parents are not their only circle as parents can die anytime.
@@prince2132 I never said you give a kid everything it demands. I said parents need to be a solid, supportive foundation. You said the world contains good and bad people, supportive and unsupportive people? So the kid needs to learn about both, to learn who to trust and not trust. So the parents should be the example of safety and trust. The rest of the world literally still exists to teach them the other side of the coin, idiot. Just because parents could die doesn't mean they need to act like they're dead or make their kids wish they were. You just recommended giving children military training; please seek help.
Dude, how ironic the title of this video is “The problem of Disconnection”!!! You begin by calling the baby a boy. She’s a girl - the mother says “what a good GIRL” in the original video (which you said you looked at many times!!!). Then you refer to the child as an “it”.... AN “IT”!!!! A child is NEVER an “it”!!! A car is an “it” , a toaster is an “it”, a child is a gendered being. Good God, take your own advise and get connected!!! 🤯🤦🏻♀️
Wow I did not know I made these mistakes :). Good job with your close analysis.
Psychiatry & Psychotherapy I am sorry if I came across kinda harsh... Just been one of those days. But my points were correct - you may want to redo... Best wishes.
Michal A. Kessler isn’t it a “they” nowadays?