Could you do a video on how to find happiness outside of food?? Any time I try to do anything outside of eating, I can only focus on eating and food and am so distracted that I can’t be present and be happy doing anything else. I think that may be a good topic!! You are amazing btw and have been instrumental in helping me start my recovery!!!
Happiness isn’t joy though happiness just happens for a moment while joy is everlasting So wouldn’t that mean you’d need to find joy in what goes away ?
I am a fat girl since I was born. Because of my father's job, we moved a lot around Turkey. I didn't realize the problem that it is so hard to express my feelings to others until I watch this video. I have never been a fit and healthy girl. Still whenever I feel emptiness inside or can't express my anger, fear, happiness I find myself in front of the refrigerator. My parents also didn't allow me to show my bad feelings. Whenever I try to express that I am angry, my father always says ''I am the only one in this house who can get angry.'' such a bullshit this sentence really effects my all relationships with my friends and boyfriend. People find me very easy going person and the reason behind this, I never show my real feelings not to lose them, not to make angry them. That's why I feel comfortable when I am eating because I feel more accepted. Thank you to raise my awareness and so happy that you overcame eating disorders. You are really helpful to people like me. I am sending you infinite thankfulness. And please excuse my English, I am not a native :')
Thank you so much for sharing your story, that is so insightful and helpful. I'm really pleased for you that you are starting to have these very important realisations for yourself. All of your emotions are valid and important! Loads of love ❤️
Thank you so much for your comment. It makes perfect sense to me and I believe not being allowed to express anger has also resulted in me looking for validation and comfort by eating! You expressed PERFECTLY what I have been struggling with for nearly all my life.
Questions to pond over what food means to us: do you have these fundamental needs? 1. fun/joy in life 2. Confident and ability to communicate and exprese our feelings and being assertive 3. feel heard and understood 4. get adequate rest 5. Sensual pleasure : bath massage sunset smell long shower 6. Acceptance and a sense of belonging 7. Intellectually and creatively stimulated 8. Emotional warmth 9. Feeling cared for and loved 10. Sense of self 11. Sense of achievement: goals drive a sense of purpose
As a 61 year old woman who struggled with disordered eating in the early 1980's, I can tell you there is hope to not think of food other than eating for hunger. I became pregnant at 25 and ate to nourish my baby. I did not think of my weight or how much I was eating. I got through the emotion impact of eating and just enjoyed food and being healthy. I was worried about after the baby was born, but I never went back to disordered eating. I was not craving foods because I ate intuitively. I had already been through years of therapy so I did have a great foundation. I found out I loved to exercise. Now, I never did worry about food again, but I did at times have poor body image. I never restricted foods as a result, but I did work on that aspect. I do have a healthy relationship with healthy foods because I am older and want to be healthy, but I will eat a good junk food also. It's also how my body feels after I eat. I want to feel good!! It can be done!!! I have a very full life and I pray this is what others can accomplish!
Over the past 12 years my eating disorder has never gotten better, it just got different. I thought "Well, at least I'm not weighing out my food anymore" when actually I was more restrictive than ever. "This has gotten better" - while a hundred other aspects had gotten worse. Your video is so precious and I will certainly get back to it. Thank you.
I honestly don’t think I can ever be a “normal eater”. I had several eating disorders over the years and I tried so many things to fix my relationship with food. I went to a psychologist and used medication for depression. Stopped obsessively weighing myself and counting calories. Gave my self time to regain my sense of hunger and fullness. I’ve found people who truly care about me and love me. I do have an idea of a future I want for myself. But my old thoughts keep coming back. The patterns happen all over again and I keep going back and forth. I don’t know what to do anymore.
a difficult realization i had was that i am always going to be thinking, in some way, differently about food than someone whose never had an eating disorder. i would consider myself fully recovered, yet sometimes i still have moments where i knowing the calorie count of what i eat makes me upset or i have to do absolutely anything to get any food in my body for fear of falling into bad habits. that being said, it helps to not think about “normal” eating as a concept, or mourn what ive missed, bc the reality is that i dont know if there’s anyone out there who could be considered a completely “normal” eater. even for people who’ve never had it affect their actual eating patterns, everyone in the whole world has had to confront societal & personal relationships with food & figure out how to navigate it. because mine got so bad, i had to work really hard to get to such a good place & i would consider my relationship with my body to be better than most people. many people never even have to evaluate the unhealthy attitudes they have toward eating or their body at all, and thus will be controlled by these things for years or their whole lives without even realizing it. we all have our own relationships & struggles with food and weight, and “normal eating” feels to me like a standard that doesnt really exist
Thx for this lovely vedio When i binge I dont care about the taste It doesn't bring me joy either I just want to stuff myself until I suffer Its like trashing myself Its so hard to find satisfaction working 16 hours a day With the stress of my family becoming homeless When I have no one to talk to Feeling so hopeless, I hope I can get through it on my own
im 15 and i have disordered eating. at the beginning of the quarantine i started eating out of boredom, later i started restricting because i was getting overweight, lost a lot of weight and now im binge eating because of stress, as a way to procrastinate and generally when i have strong emotions. we reaaaaaly arent talking about binge eating enough and it makes me feel like my disorder isn't valid.. i wish i could just quit :(
I like to say that eating disorders are a type of addiction, they behave quite similarly. Usually people looking from an outside perspective focus on the addiction or eating disorder only, without taking the backgroung in consideration while these are coping mechanims to survive difficult situations in life.
It's like the expression "when you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail". When you have limited things that you are confident will control your mood, you will overuse those methods to tackle difficult days.
I also feel environment plays a role, such as clutter, "organic" visuals like greenery, flowers, natural materials, sunlight (like your room in the background is very pleasing to the eye). You do not have to be wealthy to give you comfort in your environment. For me, it's hard to prepare healthy food in a messy kitchen. It's also easier to clean if I don't have so much stuff in the kitchen or everywhere. I'm not a minimalist, just trying to reduce to what I really need or enjoy seeing. Thank you for this video!
This hit home like crazy... I struggled with binge eating for many years, then anorexia for a few years, and finally thought I had found relief from all of it last year. Then I moved to another country, where I don't speak the language, just as you did, and my binge eating has come back in full swing. I know that I have many needs that aren't being met, but this opened my eyes up to just how many I am missing. Thank you for this! It always feels great to know that this is a common response and I'm not alone in it.
My family was always going on about food, health, dieting, exercise, etc. I rebelled hard and put on about 50lbs after high school (maybe more since I wouldn't weigh myself at my heaviest). My journey has been trying to reconnect joy to being healthy because I was so miserable as a teen in that environment.
Girl you're literally SO RIGHT. In the end it's almost never about the food. No matter what, sooner or later you've got to get shit done with your therapist. Can't escape from that. And it takes years. Exited to get reassured that I'm totally cured tho (y'all can too!❤)
Wow. 10 succinct points that sobered me up completely. Low on so so many. Explains the last 35 years.. so much to think of here. This is probably the best and most concisely put (which I really appreciated) psychologically helpful videos that I’ve seen in a long long time. Thank you.
I usually hate youtube videos about eating disorders because I just don’t identify with them and don’t feel like they apply to me. But I took away some things from this video that actually helped me. #1, hearing that someone else, not just me, has bounced between multiple types of EDs was incredibly validating. Not just that but the fact you also got over them gives me hope. #2, I realized that my ED started very very young when my parents began to homeschool me. I lost any contact with other kids my age for years and my parents… well they didn’t show up for me. They were very “hands-off” and borderline neglectful. I was completely, utterly alone for years. That mixed with comments on body/food I would receive over the years just reinforced a very twisted way of thinking about food. I just thought I was “broken” and that I’m doomed to die early because of my horrible eating patterns. But this makes me more hopeful.
I am absolutely delighted you have found comfort and hope in this. If there is one thing I'm certain of its that with the right insights, it's that it's more than possible to gain a normal and healthy relationship with food. ❤️
This is my favourite video of yours. It is indeed the 'missing link' that for me helped humanise myself and see the origin my eating disorder when in the first 18 years of my life I had no issues with food (was an intuitive eater without guilt). It wasn't until the transition into university when I felt lost and lonely that I decided to control my food to gain a sense of control in the world (which spiralled into anorexia followed by binge eating disorder). Of course, I only recognise this in hindsight. After years of recovery from both, and being brave and continuing to live my life even whilst challenging my limiting beliefs about myself and healing from my painful, dysfunctional relationship with food, my appetite has normalised. I don't binge eat anymore but still wondered often how the hell I ever fell into this trap and this video just so kindly, humanely illuminated the missing link. Your content and thoughts in this video were so therapeutic. Thank you for creating and sharing this helpful video ❤️
I'm sure you will get there one day. I know it can be incredibly difficult and I don't know the battles you're struggling with, but I believe in you! You got this and you deserve happiness and recovery just like anyone else. ❤️ Sending hugs!
As a single mother to a baby and 4 year old, I have literally used food for the last year to do this. Thank you for helping me to finally make sense of it all. I feel as though I am restricted on everything, so food has been my only outlet for a dopamine hit. I still don't know how I'm going to make these changes as I'm physically/mentally restricted but at least I'm aware. Feel like crying tbh.
fanTASTIC video, you're so right. ive only had mildly disordered eating, never enough to be diagnosed or in rehab, but my inner relationship with food was BAD. this is what I've been thinking about lately: what am i avoiding when i binge? what am i trying to accomplish when i restrict? eating disorders are not logical!! its not measurement based its a mental ilness. and for anyone reading this going through it, remember: everything, i mean EVERYTHING, tastes better than having an ed. throughout it, i was never happy, even when i "achieved" any goal, because it always felt like i was on the edge of "failing" again. also, the people who will like you skinner are not the people you actually like.
The algorithm strikes again, but this was a gift to be recommended. Everything you said in this video explained so many feelings I've struggled to articulate.
I just kinda started recovering, idk if I could even call it that but I started eating more. Im underweight and constantly loosing more so my goal is to at least maintain it. I just really have no one to tell this because nobody knows about my ed and I don’t really have friends. Im just kinda proud of myself but also really scared, i hope I don’t fall back into my old habits. Thanks for the video btw it was really amazing ❤
You are incredibly insightful & have totally opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life-long problems. After over five decades of disordered eating, I can't thank you enough for your honesty, clarity & wisdom. Thank you!!
such a great video this is exactly what i am going through. i started having a messed up relationship w food after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend. i saw myself alone, no friends, isolated, so I started using the control of food as a coping mechanism... but it just made things worse, because the more I used food, the more isolation. so now I am trying to become a normal eater, but I've been one month of just pure binging as I thought eating would heal me, but the truth is that just eating without getting better at social relationships and be alone all day will not heal me.
I'm so sorry about what you have been through and are going through. It is really inspiring that you have come to this understanding on your own and are taking steps towards healing (in all that that means!) x
I’ve been diagnosed with a generalized ED in 2019. I think i might be boolimic (I know eds are censored) and I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was 10/11 y.o. and in general with body dysmorphia since I was a little girl. I don’t remember a single day of my life when I haven’t thought about plastic surgery, dieting, dying my hair blonde. My family is a mix of heavy Mediterranean features and Northern European features. I’ve been taught from an early age that my Mediterranean appearance was wrong and dirty, my brother was considered a sort of god cause he was more beautiful. I was just a pitiful person with no reasons for being loved. I’ve never felt like I was enough for being loved. I had to conform and adapt to my family’s absurd rules fin order to receive appreciation. Now I’m constantly burned out, I can’t properly take care of myself and I still struggle with food. I’m mainly attracted to very tiny people cause I’ve been taught that I was too heavy and spacious and that was disgusting. I can’t even believe my bf likes me. I isolate myself cause I fear judgment for my body and sometimes I cope through foods even if I restrict myself for the rest of the week. I wish I had my borther’s blue eyes, tiny bones and his intelligence, but I can’t. I’m the wrong genetic expression of my parents. The worst part is that I love them so much but I can’t love any of my features. Ps: a lot of my family members have EDs, even my parents
Oh my love, what helps me is that our God sees us as gorgeous and His babies. He delighted in the way he made you and me. With your story and perspective, you can help little girls and women like us see their true beauty ; I am right now with middle school girls and my younger friends. My family had very shallow traits and I always felt like I had to be gorgeous/ talent to be love. It’s a lie from the pit of Hell. I was also diagnosed with BDD and bulimia but now I see my beauty. And I forgive my family, because they are terribly human and I am even inspiring them to be kind to themselves. I’ll keep you on my prayer list.
Rachel, I found your channel last night and I am amazed that it is finally like - OMG, I get it!!! Mine started with childhood neglect, loneliness, etc. I did not have the typical eating disorders, so I never realized it was mental, but it is!!!
Thank you for your videos Rachael, I found your videos after finally feeling defeated with my disordered eating. I’m going to give this a try, your story is so inspiring! Great work.
This video makes totally sense, thank you! I am a very unhealthy eater, I know this. My mum has also a unhealthy relationship to food and of course she taught me this (because she did her best and want to safe me) Honestly, if I could, I wouldnt eat anything. Its fullfilled with shame everytime. I have to force myself to eat breakfast, I am often with low energy and low sugar but I feel ashamed to eat something again. And no, I am not thin, I have obesity, like my mum. Many people asume that I eat too much but this isnt the case.
I just want to say THANK YOU! I have suffered with Bulimia for 25 years and i am just starting to go through recovery trying to develop a good healthy eating pattern. I have a long way to go and i still need a lot of help, but having found your videos they are just absolutely ME so much so its scary! I hope i can get as well as you are thats an inspiration. But having been ill for 25 years i know no other way and im scared ill never be 100% well. You give me hope. Xx
Omg this is sooo true , a while ago I started observing how I feel or what I really need when I have the urge to binge , and it's usually just sleep ! I found that I binge the most when I'm tired or stressed and just need a nap 😂
This hit me hard. I'm just now realizing how much of this has affected me. In the past, I had periods of time where I was so disgusted by food and barely ate, which led me to have health problems and eventually get hospitalized; during college, I didn't have any friends and started binge eating, eventually having restrictive and purging periods. I think I harmed myself so much that my body started having health issues and I genuinely couldn't binge anymore, so the "recovery" was because I had no other option. It wasn't because I was healing, on the contrary: I began obsessing over food in another way, keeping a food journal, counting every single item I ate and fearing some foods could make me feel bad, to the point I refused to go to social events and dating in general due to those thoughts. When the pandemic hit and I was home all day, I was able to repurpose all of that and cook a lot, which helped me so much, but it's all still there, lingering, following me everywhere I go.
I love this video, gaslighting is the heart of bulimia, lack of boundaries, having to be "nice", and having no sense of self, most fall under the category of emotional neglect which causes all this in the first place.
You are so amazing with this- I am listening- I will keep listening. I go to therapy also, butt what you are saying is really meaning everything to me right now.
Finding your channel is seriously a blessing to me. I struggled with anorexia for a few years, then, for another few years I ate, but my body still wasn't functioning properly, which mainly manifested as hormone imbalance. Some time ago, I realized I was eating too little and decided to try the 'all in' method. Thank you for sharing your journey to health. Listening to you really motivates. Bless you!
Wow. This is beautiful, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest. I actually got emotional and so many points you have mentioned that stroke a cord.. you made me realised a lot. I feel that I need to give myself more compassion and understanding rather than being harsh. Thank you
Thank you for all these videos Rachael 💛 i “listen” to all your videos every day like podcasts working from home. I hope that one day I can learn to be ease when it comes to food. Will be patient until i get there 😭
What a great video! It's not clear to me yet what needs to be improved, but I'll definitely meditate about this today. Really feels like the missing link!
Literally the only one of those I would rate highly is that I have a lot of fun outside of food 😂 I am a busy working mum who just feels like a maid a lot of the time, but there are so many things I love to do and find fun.
Thank you for this video, as a Slimming World consultant I have been trying to highlight this to my members and felt like I was falling flat. I like your questions that you asked especially finding joy outside of food. I will use this next week thank you.
Wow honestly wow this video's timing in so it. I am realizing lately that i have had pretty much my whole life an eating disorder. I mean it's my own diagnosis of things but my relationship with food has always been toxic and so is mine with my body. And it's only now that i'm realizing that i was using food to fill the voids in my life, leading to me being overweight. Have never been in a relationship, never dated, and generally have always been socially anxious and awkward, feeling soo much shame because of all of that... has led to me always overeating, and the episodes where i eat until it hurts are so common. I think what i have is hyperphagie boulimique (in french). Which means you're uncapable of controlling yourself around food even if eating more is clearly hurting you. It hurts to realize this at the age of 21. I know it's still young but it feels like i missed out on the whole experience of youth. I'm slowly changing and trying to find sthg to really attach me to life. Religion is my refuge and i'm trying to find a way to get out of my succession of failures.
I recovered from my ED years ago, I work so hard on my mental and physical health, and I feel like my score on the rating would have been so low years ago. I'm so happy adding it up in my head now surprised me because of how high it was!!
You might use food in order to meet your fundamental needs and food is become more for you than just food 0-not at all 10-very fulfilled 1. Do you have fun,joy in you life outside of use of food? 2. How confident and capable do you feel expressing your feelings ? 3. Do you feel heard and understood ? 4. Do you get adequate rest or you mostly stressed? 5. How many sensual pleasure do you have outside of food?(5 senses) 6. Do you feel accepted and a sense of belonging? 7. How intellectually,creatively stimulated you are? 8. Do you have comfort and warmth in your life? 9. Do you feel cared for and loved? 10. Do you have a sense of self,identity? 11. Do you have sense of achievement in life(a goals,purpose)?
7 I enjoy nature, music, and books 8 I feel confident but I also feel the pain of rejection when it is not taken well by the other party 2 I rarely feel like people truly connect with me 5 I know my sleep schedule sucks and I'm more of a night person but I do sleep a good amount specially when I have breaks like these. I also stress about a lot of things. 4 when I have time 0 I feel like a total outsider and the world keeps proving it to me 8 I feel like I get a decent amount of intellectual stimulation 3 on creativity, I definitely feel some blockages there 7 I do feel warmth 7 yes I feel loved but I also have some missing pieces 9 I have a sense of self and frequently express love and admiration for it 7 I feel a sense of purpose and it can get extremely intense but I also face hurdles, challenges and doubts
This video made me feel so seen that I started to cry. I've been struggling with disordered eating since I was a child, and only recently did I begin to really address it. I've been putting together very abstract ideas of its causes, and you just put them all so perfectly into words. I've been neglecting myself for as long as I can remember, and haven't vocalized my situation to anyone. Controlling what I eat has been a way for me to soothe as well as harm myself for so long, and I feel like I will never be able to stop. Finally addressing the reality of what I'm doing, and why, has been the most important act of kindness I've done for myself in a very long time. I'm not going to just keep gaining back lost weight, cooking foods I like, or giving myself temporary distractions. I am going to actually communicate with myself and with others. I won't waste any more of my life hating myself for something that's within my control. Thank you so much for what you're doing. I know how hard it is to talk about eating disorders or any mental illness. But thank you for doing it, because you have helped me more than I can even say.
Great video really made me realise how much my life revolves around food and not much else really. I think i definitely need to have more fun! Do you have a video on how to build more self confidence and be more assertive? X
It's such a slippery slop in our modern culture to go from "I just wanna start eating healthy" to "I can't risk meeting my friends for brunch - too much bad food!" When we orbit our lives around a restrictive diet, we forget that he original goal was to have a happy life! not isolate away from it!
It dawned on me when I heard the associating going to the movies with also eating something. I had a mom who never did that, when we went to the movies we would rarely buy popcorn or other snacks and no soda. Maybe a water. Because to her the movie was the highlight and gave joy. My dad wanted popcorn if we went with him to the movies, because that was the only time he ate popcorn. This made me see why I don’t mind doing things without pairing it with food/snacks. I’ll eat too while doing something, but it’s not a must and I won’t do it just for the sake of doing it. Some of my friend find this weird, that I will go hours without food or talking about food, but if I’m not hungry it’s like my brain has zero interest in food. I guess habits from home also plays a huge part in one’s eating.
i can score every single question between 0-2 but i dont really have an eating disorder bc to me personally food never helped me or made me happy. the only time my eating isnt normal is when my depression hits hard but its less about wanting to restrict food and more about the fact that i do not have energy to make myself enough food during that time. but i can see why people who also struggle with mental health can get an eating disorder or get obsessed with food, if they feel like they have nothing else in their life to live for. people who struggle with mental health also can easily get addictions, may it be gambling or buying stuff you do not need just for the temporary happiness - i speak from experience.
Big part of my eating disorder, comes from growing up poor and not having money for food I wanted to try. So now I eat too much and everything because I still fear loosing that privilege to eat what I want in normal amounts.
Could you do a video on how to find happiness outside of food?? Any time I try to do anything outside of eating, I can only focus on eating and food and am so distracted that I can’t be present and be happy doing anything else. I think that may be a good topic!! You are amazing btw and have been instrumental in helping me start my recovery!!!
Yes! Absolutely!
Happiness isn’t joy though happiness just happens for a moment while joy is everlasting
So wouldn’t that mean you’d need to find joy in what goes away ?
And since the truth is unchanging wouldn’t it be great to be set free by it?
Idk... When I do something not boring I cannot think of food
However I do not find that much happiness from eating 😴😴
@@RachaelWrigley did you ever make this video?!
I am a fat girl since I was born. Because of my father's job, we moved a lot around Turkey. I didn't realize the problem that it is so hard to express my feelings to others until I watch this video. I have never been a fit and healthy girl. Still whenever I feel emptiness inside or can't express my anger, fear, happiness I find myself in front of the refrigerator. My parents also didn't allow me to show my bad feelings. Whenever I try to express that I am angry, my father always says ''I am the only one in this house who can get angry.'' such a bullshit this sentence really effects my all relationships with my friends and boyfriend. People find me very easy going person and the reason behind this, I never show my real feelings not to lose them, not to make angry them. That's why I feel comfortable when I am eating because I feel more accepted. Thank you to raise my awareness and so happy that you overcame eating disorders. You are really helpful to people like me. I am sending you infinite thankfulness. And please excuse my English, I am not a native :')
Thank you so much for sharing your story, that is so insightful and helpful. I'm really pleased for you that you are starting to have these very important realisations for yourself. All of your emotions are valid and important! Loads of love ❤️
Stay strong
Aşko , you got this!
Thank you so much for your comment. It makes perfect sense to me and I believe not being allowed to express anger has also resulted in me looking for validation and comfort by eating! You expressed PERFECTLY what I have been struggling with for nearly all my life.
But I thought women could express emotions and it was men who weren’t allowed 😂😂 meanwhile males gatekeep anger
Questions to pond over what food means to us: do you have these fundamental needs?
1. fun/joy in life
2. Confident and ability to communicate and exprese our feelings and being assertive
3. feel heard and understood
4. get adequate rest
5. Sensual pleasure : bath massage sunset smell long shower
6. Acceptance and a sense of belonging
7. Intellectually and creatively stimulated
8. Emotional warmth
9. Feeling cared for and loved
10. Sense of self
11. Sense of achievement: goals drive a sense of purpose
my answer to all question is no. Literally. I'm 25 and i'm a teacher. this job is killing me y'all.
@@theefirstneo Im so sorry :(, I hope you get a job that doesn’t make you feel that way
@@user-tll3n well im kinda giving up on that, but thank you
I have no 2 and no 4 .😢
Thank you I just sat down to write these out and thought if someone else hasn't I will - but here we go. Appreciate 🙏
As a 61 year old woman who struggled with disordered eating in the early 1980's, I can tell you there is hope to not think of food other than eating for hunger. I became pregnant at 25 and ate to nourish my baby. I did not think of my weight or how much I was eating. I got through the emotion impact of eating and just enjoyed food and being healthy. I was worried about after the baby was born, but I never went back to disordered eating. I was not craving foods because I ate intuitively. I had already been through years of therapy so I did have a great foundation. I found out I loved to exercise. Now, I never did worry about food again, but I did at times have poor body image. I never restricted foods as a result, but I did work on that aspect. I do have a healthy relationship with healthy foods because I am older and want to be healthy, but I will eat a good junk food also. It's also how my body feels after I eat. I want to feel good!! It can be done!!! I have a very full life and I pray this is what others can accomplish!
Appreciate this perspective so much. Thank you.
As a refugee, I have the same experience. I moved all the time and food was the constant in my life, what brought me happiness.
Over the past 12 years my eating disorder has never gotten better, it just got different.
I thought "Well, at least I'm not weighing out my food anymore" when actually I was more restrictive than ever.
"This has gotten better" - while a hundred other aspects had gotten worse.
Your video is so precious and I will certainly get back to it. Thank you.
I honestly don’t think I can ever be a “normal eater”. I had several eating disorders over the years and I tried so many things to fix my relationship with food. I went to a psychologist and used medication for depression. Stopped obsessively weighing myself and counting calories. Gave my self time to regain my sense of hunger and fullness. I’ve found people who truly care about me and love me. I do have an idea of a future I want for myself. But my old thoughts keep coming back. The patterns happen all over again and I keep going back and forth. I don’t know what to do anymore.
a difficult realization i had was that i am always going to be thinking, in some way, differently about food than someone whose never had an eating disorder. i would consider myself fully recovered, yet sometimes i still have moments where i knowing the calorie count of what i eat makes me upset or i have to do absolutely anything to get any food in my body for fear of falling into bad habits.
that being said, it helps to not think about “normal” eating as a concept, or mourn what ive missed, bc the reality is that i dont know if there’s anyone out there who could be considered a completely “normal” eater. even for people who’ve never had it affect their actual eating patterns, everyone in the whole world has had to confront societal & personal relationships with food & figure out how to navigate it. because mine got so bad, i had to work really hard to get to such a good place & i would consider my relationship with my body to be better than most people. many people never even have to evaluate the unhealthy attitudes they have toward eating or their body at all, and thus will be controlled by these things for years or their whole lives without even realizing it. we all have our own relationships & struggles with food and weight, and “normal eating” feels to me like a standard that doesnt really exist
Never say never. There's no way to know it can't happen. Everyone is different and there's always hope ❤
Thx for this lovely vedio
When i binge
I dont care about the taste
It doesn't bring me joy either
I just want to stuff myself until I suffer
Its like trashing myself
Its so hard to find satisfaction working 16 hours a day
With the stress of my family becoming homeless
When I have no one to talk to
Feeling so hopeless, I hope I can get through it on my own
im 15 and i have disordered eating. at the beginning of the quarantine i started eating out of boredom, later i started restricting because i was getting overweight, lost a lot of weight and now im binge eating because of stress, as a way to procrastinate and generally when i have strong emotions. we reaaaaaly arent talking about binge eating enough and it makes me feel like my disorder isn't valid.. i wish i could just quit :(
You can do it!
You are aware of the problem and addressed it well
So I got faith in you
It is tough but we are stronger then we think
lol the world doesn’t revolve around you
I feel your pain so so much
Bro brilliant. This is the same idea with any addiction. You change by putting more meaning into your life and finding purpose.
Yes! We keep SCREAMING this out loud - food addiction is REAL.
I like to say that eating disorders are a type of addiction, they behave quite similarly. Usually people looking from an outside perspective focus on the addiction or eating disorder only, without taking the backgroung in consideration while these are coping mechanims to survive difficult situations in life.
It's like the expression "when you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail". When you have limited things that you are confident will control your mood, you will overuse those methods to tackle difficult days.
I also feel environment plays a role, such as clutter, "organic" visuals like greenery, flowers, natural materials, sunlight (like your room in the background is very pleasing to the eye). You do not have to be wealthy to give you comfort in your environment. For me, it's hard to prepare healthy food in a messy kitchen. It's also easier to clean if I don't have so much stuff in the kitchen or everywhere. I'm not a minimalist, just trying to reduce to what I really need or enjoy seeing. Thank you for this video!
This hit home like crazy... I struggled with binge eating for many years, then anorexia for a few years, and finally thought I had found relief from all of it last year. Then I moved to another country, where I don't speak the language, just as you did, and my binge eating has come back in full swing. I know that I have many needs that aren't being met, but this opened my eyes up to just how many I am missing. Thank you for this! It always feels great to know that this is a common response and I'm not alone in it.
Had this when I was in a different city last year, ate so much fast food. You're not alone.
My family was always going on about food, health, dieting, exercise, etc.
I rebelled hard and put on about 50lbs after high school (maybe more since I wouldn't weigh myself at my heaviest). My journey has been trying to reconnect joy to being healthy because I was so miserable as a teen in that environment.
Girl you're literally SO RIGHT. In the end it's almost never about the food. No matter what, sooner or later you've got to get shit done with your therapist. Can't escape from that. And it takes years.
Exited to get reassured that I'm totally cured tho
(y'all can too!❤)
Wow. 10 succinct points that sobered me up completely. Low on so so many. Explains the last 35 years.. so much to think of here. This is probably the best and most concisely put (which I really appreciated) psychologically helpful videos that I’ve seen in a long long time. Thank you.
I'm so happy to hear this helped! I appreciate you taking the time to comment, it means a lot ❤️
I usually hate youtube videos about eating disorders because I just don’t identify with them and don’t feel like they apply to me. But I took away some things from this video that actually helped me. #1, hearing that someone else, not just me, has bounced between multiple types of EDs was incredibly validating. Not just that but the fact you also got over them gives me hope. #2, I realized that my ED started very very young when my parents began to homeschool me. I lost any contact with other kids my age for years and my parents… well they didn’t show up for me. They were very “hands-off” and borderline neglectful. I was completely, utterly alone for years. That mixed with comments on body/food I would receive over the years just reinforced a very twisted way of thinking about food. I just thought I was “broken” and that I’m doomed to die early because of my horrible eating patterns. But this makes me more hopeful.
I am absolutely delighted you have found comfort and hope in this. If there is one thing I'm certain of its that with the right insights, it's that it's more than possible to gain a normal and healthy relationship with food. ❤️
This is my favourite video of yours. It is indeed the 'missing link' that for me helped humanise myself and see the origin my eating disorder when in the first 18 years of my life I had no issues with food (was an intuitive eater without guilt). It wasn't until the transition into university when I felt lost and lonely that I decided to control my food to gain a sense of control in the world (which spiralled into anorexia followed by binge eating disorder). Of course, I only recognise this in hindsight. After years of recovery from both, and being brave and continuing to live my life even whilst challenging my limiting beliefs about myself and healing from my painful, dysfunctional relationship with food, my appetite has normalised. I don't binge eat anymore but still wondered often how the hell I ever fell into this trap and this video just so kindly, humanely illuminated the missing link. Your content and thoughts in this video were so therapeutic. Thank you for creating and sharing this helpful video ❤️
Thank you for your words and your story. They mean a lot ❤️ I'm so happy for you for getting to where you are today.
I would love to achieve this but my depression and medication screws it up. I’m so happy for you. This is genuine recovery.
I'm sure you will get there one day. I know it can be incredibly difficult and I don't know the battles you're struggling with, but I believe in you! You got this and you deserve happiness and recovery just like anyone else. ❤️ Sending hugs!
As a single mother to a baby and 4 year old, I have literally used food for the last year to do this. Thank you for helping me to finally make sense of it all. I feel as though I am restricted on everything, so food has been my only outlet for a dopamine hit. I still don't know how I'm going to make these changes as I'm physically/mentally restricted but at least I'm aware. Feel like crying tbh.
Can’t keep a man…😂
For the first time in my entire life I feel seen and heard in my struggles with food. God bless you my friend
You are speaking to my soul. I put on a lot of weight working 911. I would eat and think about my bad calls or bad shift.
fanTASTIC video, you're so right. ive only had mildly disordered eating, never enough to be diagnosed or in rehab, but my inner relationship with food was BAD. this is what I've been thinking about lately: what am i avoiding when i binge? what am i trying to accomplish when i restrict? eating disorders are not logical!! its not measurement based its a mental ilness. and for anyone reading this going through it, remember: everything, i mean EVERYTHING, tastes better than having an ed. throughout it, i was never happy, even when i "achieved" any goal, because it always felt like i was on the edge of "failing" again. also, the people who will like you skinner are not the people you actually like.
The algorithm strikes again, but this was a gift to be recommended. Everything you said in this video explained so many feelings I've struggled to articulate.
I just kinda started recovering, idk if I could even call it that but I started eating more. Im underweight and constantly loosing more so my goal is to at least maintain it. I just really have no one to tell this because nobody knows about my ed and I don’t really have friends. Im just kinda proud of myself but also really scared, i hope I don’t fall back into my old habits. Thanks for the video btw it was really amazing ❤
Oh boy, shouldn't have listened to this while trying to do some work! I'll definitely have to come back to it when I have more time to sit with it.
You have no idea how helpful this was. Trying not to choke on tears.
I'm so glad it helped you ❤️❤️
You are incredibly insightful & have totally opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life-long problems. After over five decades of disordered eating, I can't thank you enough for your honesty, clarity & wisdom. Thank you!!
This is extremely kind of you to say. I'm really glad this this helped ❤️
Comfort is a big one for me. I am chronically stressed out and I use food as a coping mechanism.
BEST VIDEO EVER!! (from another lonely child who moved around constantly) hugs for us both!
❤️🙋♀️ Thank you x
such a great video this is exactly what i am going through. i started having a messed up relationship w food after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend. i saw myself alone, no friends, isolated, so I started using the control of food as a coping mechanism... but it just made things worse, because the more I used food, the more isolation. so now I am trying to become a normal eater, but I've been one month of just pure binging as I thought eating would heal me, but the truth is that just eating without getting better at social relationships and be alone all day will not heal me.
I'm so sorry about what you have been through and are going through. It is really inspiring that you have come to this understanding on your own and are taking steps towards healing (in all that that means!) x
I really love and appreciate how you keep posting regardless of the low views compared to the effort you give in.
As a survivor of an eating disorder, everything that you said is absolutely correct.
This video has single-handedly saved me. I cannot thank you enough.
Youare such an amazing person, coach!! These videos will save/help 1000 of ppl
Thankyou, Evelina! x
I’ve been diagnosed with a generalized ED in 2019. I think i might be boolimic (I know eds are censored) and I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was 10/11 y.o. and in general with body dysmorphia since I was a little girl. I don’t remember a single day of my life when I haven’t thought about plastic surgery, dieting, dying my hair blonde. My family is a mix of heavy Mediterranean features and Northern European features. I’ve been taught from an early age that my Mediterranean appearance was wrong and dirty, my brother was considered a sort of god cause he was more beautiful. I was just a pitiful person with no reasons for being loved. I’ve never felt like I was enough for being loved. I had to conform and adapt to my family’s absurd rules fin order to receive appreciation. Now I’m constantly burned out, I can’t properly take care of myself and I still struggle with food. I’m mainly attracted to very tiny people cause I’ve been taught that I was too heavy and spacious and that was disgusting. I can’t even believe my bf likes me. I isolate myself cause I fear judgment for my body and sometimes I cope through foods even if I restrict myself for the rest of the week.
I wish I had my borther’s blue eyes, tiny bones and his intelligence, but I can’t. I’m the wrong genetic expression of my parents. The worst part is that I love them so much but I can’t love any of my features.
Ps: a lot of my family members have EDs, even my parents
Oh my love, what helps me is that our God sees us as gorgeous and His babies. He delighted in the way he made you and me. With your story and perspective, you can help little girls and women like us see their true beauty ; I am right now with middle school girls and my younger friends. My family had very shallow traits and I always felt like I had to be gorgeous/ talent to be love. It’s a lie from the pit of Hell. I was also diagnosed with BDD and bulimia but now I see my beauty. And I forgive my family, because they are terribly human and I am even inspiring them to be kind to themselves. I’ll keep you on my prayer list.
I've never had an ED or particularly bad body issues but i do have autism n adhd and i eat for stimulation all the time
Rachel, I found your channel last night and I am amazed that it is finally like - OMG, I get it!!! Mine started with childhood neglect, loneliness, etc. I did not have the typical eating disorders, so I never realized it was mental, but it is!!!
you have no idea how helpful this is with my trauma therapy right now thank you so much
Thank you for your videos Rachael, I found your videos after finally feeling defeated with my disordered eating. I’m going to give this a try, your story is so inspiring! Great work.
You are so welcome! You've got this x
This video makes totally sense, thank you! I am a very unhealthy eater, I know this. My mum has also a unhealthy relationship to food and of course she taught me this (because she did her best and want to safe me) Honestly, if I could, I wouldnt eat anything. Its fullfilled with shame everytime. I have to force myself to eat breakfast, I am often with low energy and low sugar but I feel ashamed to eat something again. And no, I am not thin, I have obesity, like my mum. Many people asume that I eat too much but this isnt the case.
I just want to say THANK YOU! I have suffered with Bulimia for 25 years and i am just starting to go through recovery trying to develop a good healthy eating pattern. I have a long way to go and i still need a lot of help, but having found your videos they are just absolutely ME so much so its scary! I hope i can get as well as you are thats an inspiration. But having been ill for 25 years i know no other way and im scared ill never be 100% well. You give me hope. Xx
Omg this is sooo true , a while ago I started observing how I feel or what I really need when I have the urge to binge , and it's usually just sleep ! I found that I binge the most when I'm tired or stressed and just need a nap 😂
This hit me hard. I'm just now realizing how much of this has affected me.
In the past, I had periods of time where I was so disgusted by food and barely ate, which led me to have health problems and eventually get hospitalized; during college, I didn't have any friends and started binge eating, eventually having restrictive and purging periods. I think I harmed myself so much that my body started having health issues and I genuinely couldn't binge anymore, so the "recovery" was because I had no other option. It wasn't because I was healing, on the contrary: I began obsessing over food in another way, keeping a food journal, counting every single item I ate and fearing some foods could make me feel bad, to the point I refused to go to social events and dating in general due to those thoughts. When the pandemic hit and I was home all day, I was able to repurpose all of that and cook a lot, which helped me so much, but it's all still there, lingering, following me everywhere I go.
I love this video, gaslighting is the heart of bulimia, lack of boundaries, having to be "nice", and having no sense of self, most fall under the category of emotional neglect which causes all this in the first place.
You are so amazing with this- I am listening-
I will keep listening. I go to therapy also, butt what you are saying is really meaning everything to me right now.
I wanted to cry after every single question
I absolutely just got a book today so I can work on self love and this ticks a lot of the same marks
Fun for me = tennis , yoga, walking , trampoline, golf , worship at church , meditation , playing music ( I’m a musician) teaching martial arts .
Beautiful. Do you have a plan to weave these into your daily life? to bake in pleasure and restoration?
this is brilliant, thank you so much
Finding your channel is seriously a blessing to me. I struggled with anorexia for a few years, then, for another few years I ate, but my body still wasn't functioning properly, which mainly manifested as hormone imbalance. Some time ago, I realized I was eating too little and decided to try the 'all in' method. Thank you for sharing your journey to health. Listening to you really motivates. Bless you!
Congratulations on your journey to full recovery. I know the strength that this takes. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot x
Wow. This is beautiful, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest. I actually got emotional and so many points you have mentioned that stroke a cord.. you made me realised a lot. I feel that I need to give myself more compassion and understanding rather than being harsh. Thank you
Thank you for all these videos Rachael 💛 i “listen” to all your videos every day like podcasts working from home. I hope that one day I can learn to be ease when it comes to food. Will be patient until i get there 😭
I am sure that you will! There is a 'click' one day for all of us x
I want a bestie like you 🥺
You're so sweet!
What a great video! It's not clear to me yet what needs to be improved, but I'll definitely meditate about this today. Really feels like the missing link!
This video was really helpful!Thank you, Rachael!
This video was fantastic but also gave me a wake up call to myself after scoring nothing on all of it 😅
This was really helpful to change how I think about why I eat/restrict the way I do.
I've been a binge eater since I can remember. Even 6 yrs old. 😵💫
Me too! I was 7. Don't worry, you can still have a great relationship with food x
8 for me❤
Thank you for your vulnerability. I've been binge eating again for the first time in years and I couldn't figure out why until I watched this video.
Literally the only one of those I would rate highly is that I have a lot of fun outside of food 😂 I am a busy working mum who just feels like a maid a lot of the time, but there are so many things I love to do and find fun.
Oh yes. This opened my eyes. Thank you
Thank you for this video, as a Slimming World consultant I have been trying to highlight this to my members and felt like I was falling flat. I like your questions that you asked especially finding joy outside of food. I will use this next week thank you.
Wow honestly wow this video's timing in so it. I am realizing lately that i have had pretty much my whole life an eating disorder. I mean it's my own diagnosis of things but my relationship with food has always been toxic and so is mine with my body. And it's only now that i'm realizing that i was using food to fill the voids in my life, leading to me being overweight. Have never been in a relationship, never dated, and generally have always been socially anxious and awkward, feeling soo much shame because of all of that... has led to me always overeating, and the episodes where i eat until it hurts are so common. I think what i have is hyperphagie boulimique (in french). Which means you're uncapable of controlling yourself around food even if eating more is clearly hurting you. It hurts to realize this at the age of 21. I know it's still young but it feels like i missed out on the whole experience of youth. I'm slowly changing and trying to find sthg to really attach me to life. Religion is my refuge and i'm trying to find a way to get out of my succession of failures.
I recovered from my ED years ago, I work so hard on my mental and physical health, and I feel like my score on the rating would have been so low years ago. I'm so happy adding it up in my head now surprised me because of how high it was!!
This is SO brilliant to hear ❤️❤️
@@RachaelWrigley thank you🥹❤️
I almost cried when it came to the rating part.. not a single one went over 5.
Literally EXACTLY where I am in my journey--everything I needed to hear tonight. THANK YOU.
I feel like I just went to the chiropractor and something I didn't even KNOW was bothering me is now healing!
I'm so glad!!!
You might use food in order to meet your fundamental needs and food is become more for you than just food
0-not at all 10-very fulfilled
1. Do you have fun,joy in you life outside of use of food?
2. How confident and capable do you feel expressing your feelings ?
3. Do you feel heard and understood ?
4. Do you get adequate rest or you mostly stressed?
5. How many sensual pleasure do you have outside of food?(5 senses)
6. Do you feel accepted and a sense of belonging?
7. How intellectually,creatively stimulated you are?
8. Do you have comfort and warmth in your life?
9. Do you feel cared for and loved?
10. Do you have a sense of self,identity?
11. Do you have sense of achievement in life(a goals,purpose)?
This is so important! Thank you so much for posting it! ❤
This is VERY powerful and not often talked about. Thanks for the video!
This has been incredibly, incredibly helpful! Thank you so much. I literally just took notes on what you said to refer to it later. Thank you!
7 I enjoy nature, music, and books
8 I feel confident but I also feel the pain of rejection when it is not taken well by the other party
2 I rarely feel like people truly connect with me
5 I know my sleep schedule sucks and I'm more of a night person but I do sleep a good amount specially when I have breaks like these. I also stress about a lot of things.
4 when I have time
0 I feel like a total outsider and the world keeps proving it to me
8 I feel like I get a decent amount of intellectual stimulation 3 on creativity, I definitely feel some blockages there
7 I do feel warmth
7 yes I feel loved but I also have some missing pieces
9 I have a sense of self and frequently express love and admiration for it
7 I feel a sense of purpose and it can get extremely intense but I also face hurdles, challenges and doubts
This video made me feel so seen that I started to cry. I've been struggling with disordered eating since I was a child, and only recently did I begin to really address it. I've been putting together very abstract ideas of its causes, and you just put them all so perfectly into words. I've been neglecting myself for as long as I can remember, and haven't vocalized my situation to anyone. Controlling what I eat has been a way for me to soothe as well as harm myself for so long, and I feel like I will never be able to stop. Finally addressing the reality of what I'm doing, and why, has been the most important act of kindness I've done for myself in a very long time. I'm not going to just keep gaining back lost weight, cooking foods I like, or giving myself temporary distractions. I am going to actually communicate with myself and with others. I won't waste any more of my life hating myself for something that's within my control. Thank you so much for what you're doing. I know how hard it is to talk about eating disorders or any mental illness. But thank you for doing it, because you have helped me more than I can even say.
Thank you so much for this and for sharing ❤️ It means a lot. I wish you all the support and love on this new journey for yourself. Xx
Great video really made me realise how much my life revolves around food and not much else really. I think i definitely need to have more fun! Do you have a video on how to build more self confidence and be more assertive? X
It's such a slippery slop in our modern culture to go from "I just wanna start eating healthy" to "I can't risk meeting my friends for brunch - too much bad food!" When we orbit our lives around a restrictive diet, we forget that he original goal was to have a happy life! not isolate away from it!
It dawned on me when I heard the associating going to the movies with also eating something. I had a mom who never did that, when we went to the movies we would rarely buy popcorn or other snacks and no soda. Maybe a water. Because to her the movie was the highlight and gave joy. My dad wanted popcorn if we went with him to the movies, because that was the only time he ate popcorn. This made me see why I don’t mind doing things without pairing it with food/snacks. I’ll eat too while doing something, but it’s not a must and I won’t do it just for the sake of doing it. Some of my friend find this weird, that I will go hours without food or talking about food, but if I’m not hungry it’s like my brain has zero interest in food. I guess habits from home also plays a huge part in one’s eating.
I’m so happy that I found you today ❤
That was such an excellent video! Super helpful! Thank you ❤
I scored zero on most of these and it opened my eyes.
This is the first time I hear this take. It is brilliant.
i can score every single question between 0-2 but i dont really have an eating disorder bc to me personally food never helped me or made me happy. the only time my eating isnt normal is when my depression hits hard but its less about wanting to restrict food and more about the fact that i do not have energy to make myself enough food during that time. but i can see why people who also struggle with mental health can get an eating disorder or get obsessed with food, if they feel like they have nothing else in their life to live for. people who struggle with mental health also can easily get addictions, may it be gambling or buying stuff you do not need just for the temporary happiness - i speak from experience.
Thanks for these questions, they really make clear for me all the things that are missing that ed swoops in and attempts to fill
This was EXCELLENT!!! Thank you for the insight!!!!
Very insightful. Thank you.
Wow I just connected my issues around food with a very bad period of time in my childhood. I had never conectes these until today.
This video is great thank you ❤
The questions were very useful, thank you.
im obsessed with you actually
My relationship changed exactly for the same reason. I moved to a country as well
This video is so helpful I took notes as if I was in class!
thank you so much for this, like it really helped and it was something I needed to hear.
This video just explained the last decade of my life
What a smart sweet video! Thank you 🙏
Big part of my eating disorder, comes from growing up poor and not having money for food I wanted to try. So now I eat too much and everything because I still fear loosing that privilege to eat what I want in normal amounts.
Such a wonderful Video!
Wow great video. I was too dumb to understand it but you were definitely cookin.
Incredibly helpful thank you so much!
This is an amazing video. Looks like I’ve got to do some deep self searching.
I'm really glad it was helpful x
Very insightful, thank you.
Thank you so much!!!
You are such a great help for me ❤❤❤
Thank you!
Amazing video, thank you so much !
i really needed this, thank you
I'm so glad!